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writingwithciara · 10 months ago

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18 ~Matt Sturniolo~

summary: y/n’s family wants her home for the holidays and this year, they’re expecting her to bring a guest. she struggles to find someone who her parents will love so she settles on someone who doesn’t fit the image her parents have for her, or so she thinks

word count: 7.9k (she’s a long one)

pairing: matt sturniolo x reader

notes: loosely based off the song ‘18�� by anarbor (that was the goal but it changed halfway through) also was supposed to post this around christmas but i never got around to it. also might post a part 2 for valentine’s day but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

part 2 !

“Yes, dad. I’ll be there Saturday morning.”

“With a special friend I hope.”

“Yeah. A special friend indeed.” y/n began chewing on her fingernails. She knew her dad really wanted her to find someone and she had been trying a lot recently. But nobody she went out with fit her dads perfect image. He wanted her to find someone who was not only a gentleman but someone she could easily get along with. There was only 1 person she could think of who fit that but he’s gay so she knew that wouldn’t fool her dad.

“Okay sweetie. We’ll see you Saturday morning.” Her dad chuckled and hung up the phone. y/n dropped her phone and laid on her bed, slowly losing faith.

After a few moments, she dialed Nick’s number and waited for him to pick up the FaceTime request.

“Hey. What’s up?” he smiled at her and noticed her expression. “Everything okay?”

“Not really. I’m having a crisis that I don’t know how to handle.” She sighed and noticed his background. “Are you filming right now?”

“No. I’m just in the car waiting for Chris and Matt.” He looked out the window. “What’s your crisis?”

“I told dad this year would be the year I came home to visit and right before he hung up just now, I promised to bring a ‘special friend’ this time. The problem is, I don’t have a special friend to bring home and I don’t want to break my father’s heart. What am I going to do?”

“I can help if you want.”

“That’s lovely, Nicolas but you’re gay and even though you do fit my dad’s perfect image-“

“Aww, thank you.”

“I just can’t bring you home with me. Sorry.”

“I was suggesting that I help find someone for you.” he looked back out the window. “Oh, Matt could work.”

“No, I don’t think so. Matt is the complete opposite of what my dad wants for my future.” y/n sighed. “What about Chris?”

“Honesy, if Matt is the complete opposite of what your dad wants for you, then Chris ain’t what you’re looking for.”

“You’re right. Maybe I’ll just have to disappoint him this year.”

“How long do you have to find someone?”

“I told my dad I’d be there Saturday morning so the flight leaves Friday.”

“That gives us 3 days to find the perfect guy for you.” Nick set his phone down. “The boys are coming back and we’re going to be filming so I’m gonna have to let you go.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later then.” y/n went to hang up but Nick stopped her.

“Come by the house later and we can discuss this some more. I’m sure we’ll find someone.”

“Alright. See you later.” y/n hung up and looked up at her ceiling. Maybe she had to rethink her options.

Later that night, y/n found herself in the same position but this time she was on Nick’s bed. He was laying next to her as they went through a list of possible guys.

“How about Jordan?” Nick shot up and looked at his best friend.

“No way in hell. I never want to see that jerk again.”

“Okay. Um, maybe we can get Nate to do it.”

“I love Nate but he’s not exactly ideal for the occasion.” y/n picked up her phone. “We’ve gone through all the possibilities. There’s nobody good enough to bring home to my dad.”

“Maybe we need to think outside the box.”

“And what do you mean exactly?”

“Maybe you need to bring home the opposite of what your dad wants for you.”

“Then we would have to narrow that down to who’d be most willing to go and someone who I can actually stand being around for 3 days.” y/n looked through the list and none of the names stuck out. “This is hopeless.”

“Wait, hold on.” Nick put his finger to his lips for a second and then smiled. “You said earlier that Matt was the complete opposite, right?”

“Yeah.” y/n matched his smile. “And I actually enjoy spending time with him. I should ask him.”

“The worst he could say is no.” Nick opened his bedroom door and the duo ventured into the living room together. Matt looked up from his phone and smiled.

“Hey, Matt. Can I ask you for a favor?”

“That depends. Is it dangerous and/ or disgusting?”

“No, of course not.” y/n sat in the open seat next to him and took a deep breath. “I promised my dad I’d be bringing someone home for the holidays and I don’t want to disappoint him so I was wondering-“

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to be the one who disappoints your dad. I hate disappointing people. I’m sorry.”

“It’s totally fine.” y/n stood up and grabbed her phone. “Well, Nick. Thanks for trying to help me. This has been fun but I think I’m going to head home and start packing.”

Matt went to walk back to his bedroom but Nick stopped him and silently pleaded with is younger brother. Matt just rolled his eyes and headed back to the living room. “Wait. I’ll go with you.”

“You will?”

“On one condition.”

“What is that?”

“If your dad finds out we’re not actually dating, you have to take all the blame.”

Thursday night rolled around and y/n found herself back in Nick’s bedroom, doing a final check to make sure she had everything she would need.

“I can’t believe you got Matt to agree to come with me.”

“It wasn’t difficult, really. All I did was give him a look.”

“And he just gave in? That’s odd.”

“Maybe he likes you.”

“No. Don’t even think about that. Gross. Not my type at all.” y/n protested.

“You don’t have to like him that way. I’m just saying it is a possibility.” Nick shrugged his shoulders and looked down at y/n. “Anyway, do you have everything?”

“Yes. And even if I didn’t, I could always grab stuff when I get there.” y/n smiled and looked at Nick’s computer. “I think I should probably get some sleep soon. I know the flight is tomorrow night but I don’t want to wake up too late.”

“Can you manage to stay up for a movie?” Nick pleaded and y/n knew she couldn’t say no to him.

“Fine. Just one.”

The one movie turned into 3 and they ended up staying up all night. By the next afternoon, Matt was fully rested while y/n was moving around slowly.

“This is why you’re supposed to go to bed at a decent hour, y/n.” Matt chuckled as he handed her a cup of her favorite coffee. “I know the flight doesn’t leave until later tonight but I was thinking we go early & beat the traffic. And maybe we can rehearse our story on the plane.”

“Yeah. I guess that’s a plan that can work.” y/n took a sip of the coffee. “But how early are we talking?”

“I’m planning on leaving in about an hour.” Matt looked at his phone. “It’ll be about 2:30 then and it takes an hour to get to the airport. Flight leaves at 6. It’s about a 5 hour flight so we’d be getting there pretty late so I booked us a hotel room for the night. Of course, if that’s alright with you.”

“Oh my goodness. That thought was running through my head after I got off the phone with my dad but I completely forgot to do that. Thanks, Matthew.”

“No problem. I figured you’d be dealing with other stuff so I figured I could take care of this one little thing.” Matt smiled and began heading to his room. “Oh. The room has 2 beds, because I figured it would be weird for you.”

When he disappeared behind his door, Nick looked at y/n with a knowing smirk. “He’s been thinking about you. How sweet.”

“Shut up, Nicolas.” y/n turned to Chris. “I know you two like to fight a lot so please don’t kill my best friend while I’m gone.”

“I can’t guarantee anything.” Chris chuckled and threw his hands up. “But I will try my absolute best while you’re gone.”

“That’s all I ask, Christopher.” y/n smiled and went to grab her bag from Nick’s room. When she returned, Matt was packing some food into a bag. She gave him a look and he shrugged.

“Snacks for the trip because, like Nick, you like to snack a lot. Thought it’d be best to be prepared.” He set the bag down on the counter and looked at her. “This was supposed to be a surprise. Thought I would have it all done by the time you got out of the room.”

“Sorry for spoiling the wonderful surprise.”

“I’m just doing what a good boyfriend would do.” He chuckled, mostly to himself and grabbed the bag. “I’ll meet you out in the car.”

“Guess I’ll see you guys in a few days.” y/n hugged each boy quickly and headed out to the car.

The car ride was faster than they thought it would be and they arrived at the airport almost 3 hours early. When they boarded the flight, Matt did some more time calculations and estimated that they would be arriving in Miami around midnight.

So, when they landed in Miami and 11:57, Matt couldn’t help but be proud of his estimation. He smirked and y/n laughed at his excitement.

“Okay wise guy. Let’s head to the hotel so we can finish going over the story. My dad wants to meet for breakfast in the morning and he’s gonna have a lot of questions.”

Matt lead her to the rental car and held the door for her. When she got in, he took a brief moment to think about details for the story that would be believable before he got in the car and headed to the hotel.

At the hotel, y/n was relieved to actually see 2 beds and not have a cliché mix up where they’d have to share a bed. It felt weird sharing a room with Matt, though she supposed she would have to get used to it, seeing as she’d be doing it for 3 days.

“Okay, so I was thinking about the length of this ‘relationship’ and I think it’d be believable if we say it’s been 10 months.”

“Coincidentally, I was thinking the same thing. Maybe we say I asked you out for Valentine’s Day and it blossomed from there.” Matt smiled and sat on the empty bed. “How romantic should we say the date was?”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say a 7. Not too romantic for a first date but just romantic enough to be believable.”

“Got it.” Matt pulled his notebook out and jotted some notes down. “Okay, what else do we need to discuss?”

“Hmm.” y/n pondered the question for a moment. “Who should we say fell in love first? That’ll definitely get my dad hooked onto the story.”

“Well in that case, we should say I fell first. We can say that when Nick introduced us over a year ago, it was instant for me but you took a while longer to warm up to the idea. Maybe we could also say that I finally won you over when you saw how much I really cared about my brothers.”

“Sounds cheesy, but I actually like it.” y/n leaned against her headboard. “So far, the story is that when we met, you were instantly in love with me. But I didn’t care much for you at first. Then, I saw how caring you could be and when you asked me out on Valentine’s Day, I said yes. And we’ve been together ever since.”

“Yeah. That sounds good.”

“What if my dad asks about your future?”

“Then I’ll say that I want to marry you, but only when the time is right. And that I want at least 2 kids so they’ll always have a lifelong best friend. Siblings are the best thing you could ever have in life.”

“Perfect answer. I’m an only child but my dad has 3 brothers and they’re super close so he’ll love that answer. He’ll probably tell you how much he feels bad about not giving me a sibling.”

“And I can just say that my brothers already treat you like family, so you get to experience all of the sibling stuff in LA. Albeit, a little late in life, but that they would do anything for you if you asked them to and that you guys also fight like real siblings sometimes.”

“Who are you and what have you done with the real Matthew?” y/n looked over at him and saw the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. “Are you real?” she reached across the gap to poke at him but he swatted her hand away and finished writing the notes down.

“I’m 100% real, baby.” He smirked playfully and set the notebook down on the table. “Are we all set for the story?”

“Yes. I believe so.” y/n got under the covers and looked at him one last time before turning off the lamp. “Goodnight, Matt.”

The next morning, Matt woke up first and almost forgot where he was. But then he looked at the bed next to him and saw y/n sleeping peacefully and he remembered they were in Miami. He glanced back at y/n after checking the time and noticed her stirring. When her eyes opened, she smiled.

“Good morning, Matthew.”

“Good morning, sleepy head.” He chuckled and climbed out of bed. “We have to meet your dad in an hour.”

“Dad and his girlfriend.” y/n stretched and went to her bag to grab an outfit.

“You want first shower?” Matt asked her, causing y/n to nearly drop her phone in shock.

“Yes.” she grabbed her stuff and ran to the bathroom. Matt chuckled and went on his phone. There was a missed call from Nick and a few hundred texts from both of his brothers. He clicked on Nick’s contact and waited for the answer.

“Oh thank god you’re not dead!” was the first thing that came out of Nick’s mouth. “You need to answer your phone more often, asshole. We were worried.”

“Yeah. Really worried, jackass.” Matt heard Chris’ voice in the background. “How’s Miami?”

“It’s actually going really well. We got so many details for our ‘relationship’ story that her dad is going to love.”

“That’s awesome. Can I talk to y/n?”

“She’s in the shower but when she comes out, I’ll tell her to call you while i take my turn.”

“You let her have first shower? Who are you?” Nick joked. “Okay. Just tell her to call me when she’s done. I have something important to tell her.”

“And not me?”

“It’s about you, actually.” Matt could hear Chris laughing in the background, no doubt because he said something he wasn’t supposed to. He just chuckled and said a quick goodbye before hanging up on his brother. Y/n walked out of the bathroom a few moments later and smiled. “Hey. Nick wants you to call him while I’m in the shower.”

“Okay.” She immediately clicked on his name while Matt disappeared. When Nick’s face flashed on her screen, she smiled.

“Glad to see you’re not dead. Do you ever answer your phone?”

“I was in the shower.” She giggled and looked at the bathroom door. “What’s up?”

“I have something super important to talk to you about. It involves Matthew.”

“What is it?” she looked at the 2 boys on her screen and when they kept exchanging looks, it started worrying her. “If you guys don’t say anything, I’m going to freak out.”

“Apparently some girl has been going around LA saying she’s dating Matt. Thought I’d let you know, just in case it comes up at some point while you guys are away.”

“Oh. That’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like it’s a real relationship between us. If he is dating her, that’s alright.”

“Just don’t let your dad hear about it. I’m sure he wouldn’t be too happy that his daughter is getting ‘cheated’ on.”

“I’ll do my best to keep him of the internet.” y/n smiled and looked back at the bathroom. “I’ll talk to you guys later tonight.” She ended the call just as Matt emerged from the bathroom. “How was your shower?”

“Refreshing.” He chuckled and picked up his phone. “So what did Nick have to talk to you about?”

“Apparently some girl has been going around LA saying that you guys are dating. He just told me to keep the news away from my dad.”

“Oh, must be Jessica.”

“Who the hell is Jessica?” y/n raised an eyebrow and suddenly realized how jealous that sounded so she dialed it back a bit. “I mean, who’s Jessica?”

“I went on one date with her 6 months ago and she’s been stalking me ever since. Nothing to be worried about. I only have eyes for you.” he playfully winked at her and grabbed the car keys. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. Let’s do this.” y/n followed him out to the car. As they parked at the restaurant they’d be meeting her dad at, y/n looked at Matt. “How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, a little nervous. I never met a girls dad before. What if he hates me?”

“Matthew Bernard,” y/n paused her sentence and squeezed his hand. “he will not hate you. I promise. You have nothing to be nervous about. I’m going to be with you the entire time.”

“Thanks.” He looked out the window. “Should we head in now?”

“Yeah. Let’s do it!” y/n got out of the car and grabbed Matt’s hand again when he approached her. They walked in and Matt followed y/n to a table where another couple sat. He stayed a little behind her as she greeted the man and woman with hugs.

“It’s good to see you sweetheart. It’s been too long.” The woman beamed brightly.

“I know. I’ve just been really busy out in LA these last few months.” y/n looked back at Matt. “Speaking of busy, I would like you guys to meet my boyfriend. Dad, Crystal, this is Matt. Matt, this is my dad and his girlfriend.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard nothing but wonderful things about you two.”

“I wish I could say the same but y/n has failed to tell me anything about you.”

“I’m sorry about that, Dad. But I didn’t want to oversell him and have him not meet your expectations.”

“Well, is he treating you good?”

“Absolutely. The most perfect gentleman.”

“Then my expectations are met.” y/n’s dad smiled at Matt and they sat back at the table. As they ate, Matt found himself warming up to y/n’s dad and his girlfriend. She was right. He really had nothing to worry about.

“So since you two have been dating for quite some time, I would assume you know a lot about my daughter.”

“Well, dad, Matt doesn’t-“

“I know lots about her.” Matt looked at y/n and smiled. “What questions do you have for me, sir?”

“What is her favorite color?”

“Her favorite color is green. That was an easy one.”

“Okay. Um, what is her favorite meal?”

“Okay, that’s a little tougher. But I know it really depends on her mood. If she’s sad, she prefers chili with shredded cheese. If she’s happy, her favorite meal is a nice juicy cheeseburger with a side of french fries. If she’s angry, the best food to give her is a crunchy taco so she can take out her frustration by breaking the shell.” Matt glanced over at y/n and smiled. “And her comfort food is vanilla ice cream topped with hundreds of sprinkles and drizzled with warm, not hot, caramel sauce.”

“I think it would’ve been best if you just told us everything you know about her instead of me asking, huh?”

“Dad, stop.” y/n giggled and hid her face in Matt’s arm. “You’re lucky I love you guys.”

“We love you too, honey.” y/n’s dad smiled as he reached for the bill. Matt was faster and already had his wallet out.

“Please, allow me.” Matt placed the money on the table, along with a generous tip for the waitress, before y/n’s dad could fight against him. Her dad just smiled and watched as Matt’s arm found its way around y/n’s waist. He was pleased knowing that his daughter had found someone so caring and attentive.

“Well, sweetheart, we’re going head off. Are you gonna be staying at the house tonight?”

“That’s what I was originally planning. If Matt is okay with it.”

“Of course. That sounds like fun.” Matt stood up from the booth and took y/n’s hand.

“We’ll meet you guys there in a bit. There’s something I wanna show Matt.”

“Okay. See you lovebirds later.” Crystal hugged y/n and waved to Matt before heading out to the car. Y/n turned to Matt and smiled.

“I had no idea you knew that much about me.”

“Well, most of it is from being very attentive but I had to get a few bits of information from Nick and Chris.”

“Still. You remembered it and I think my dad likes you.”

“Good. Then our plan is working.” He continued to hold her hand even as they got in the car. “So where did you want me to go? What did you want to show me?”

“When I was 9, my cousins and I found this really cool tree but that’s that not the cool part. The best part about it is that it leads to this really cool spot and I only bring the best people there. So you better feel lucky.”

“Oh, I do.” He smiled and listened to her directions. Within minutes, he was pulling up to an odd looking tree. “Is this it?”

“Yes.” y/n happily jumped out of the car and ran to the tree. Matt followed slowly behind her and chuckled to himself as she danced around the field. She never cared what anyone thought of her and that was why Matt admired her so much. He would never admit it, but he just found her incredibly attractive and fascinating. “Come on, Matthew. We haven’t even made it to the best part.”

“Right behind you.” he chuckled and followed her further. When they finally stopped, Matt was staring at one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen. It was a hidden waterfall that pooled out into the most mesmerizingly blue body of water. Y/n stood at the edge of the water and looked around.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

“Mesmerizingly so.” He took a step towards her and when she looked up at him, he knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Wanna take a dip in the water?”

“We’re not exactly dressed for the occasion.” Matt chuckled. “Besides, we promised to meet your dad back at his house.”

“Okay fine. But we should come back tonight. It’s even more magical at night.” She wiggled her eyebrows and headed back towards the car before Matt could give her an answer.

For the rest of the day, Matt got a tour from y/n and a big speech from her dad about their future. When everyone had gone to bed for the night, y/n convinced Matt to sneak out of the house and head back to the waterfall. She was right when she said it was magical at night.

However, Matt couldn’t bring himself to look at the water. He was instead focused on the way y/n had stripped down to almost nothing and was encouraging him to do the same. Not knowing what came over him, Matt quickly rid himself of all his clothes, leaving him in only his boxers. Y/n smiled and held his hand.

“Ready do go for a swim?” she winked and pulled him into the water with her before he could say yes. Her impulsiveness was another thing he admired about her. As she swam around, she felt Matt’s gaze on her. “What are you thinking about, Matthew?”

“Just thinking about how cool this place is and how lucky I am that you chose to show it to me. Never have I felt so lucky in my life.”

“Well after today, I feel like you deserve to have a little fun. Hope my dad didn’t scare you too much.”

“It was actually really nice getting to know him. He’s a really good guy and he raised a really great daughter.”

“He’s not around. You don’t have to suck up to him, Matt.” y/n rolled her eyes playfully and splashed a little water at him. “But I do appreciate the compliment.”

Matt splashed her back and his smile only grew when she began to laugh. “You know, I thought I was going to hate this trip but it’s only the first night and I am already enjoying it. Makes me excited for what’s to come.”

“You’re going to absolutely love meeting my cousins. They watch your videos like 24/7 and they’re 12 so when they see you, they’re going to be so excited.”

“Oh, wow. I can’t wait.” Matt smiled and swam cover to where y/n was. “The moon is bright tonight. Really brings out the green in your eyes.”

“Really? I think it makes my eyes look dull.” She tried looking away from him but he grabbed her chin and made her look directly into his eyes.

“Your eyes are so beautiful and I’m trying really hard not to kiss you right now.”

“Same.” y/n’s eyes widened as she spoke. She was not expecting to hear that come out of her mouth ever.

“Well, maybe we should’ve added it to the list of details for the story. Make something up, or something.”

“Or we could get the pesky ‘first kiss’ story out of the way and have something true about our history.”

Just as their lips were about to connect, Matt backed away. “I think we should head back to the house before someone realizes we snuck out.”

“Oh. Okay.” y/n tried to not let her disappointment show in her tone as she swam towards the edge of the water. Matt followed and got dressed silently. The car ride back was slow and silent, not to mention incredibly awkward. Whatever moment they were having at the waterfall was clearly over and didn’t seem like it would happen again anytime soon.

As they slowly climbed back into y/n’s bedroom, there was a heavy tension between them. Matt looked at her and felt so stupid for not kissing her when he had the opportunity.

“I’m sorry about that.” He looked down at his feet.

“It’s okay.” She turned her back to him and sighed. Matt noticed it as an anxiety breath. He wanted to go over and comfort her but he didn’t want to cross any boundaries. “We should get some sleep.”

“Yeah we should.” Matt took a step towards the bed but stopped. “Should I sleep on the floor so it’s not uncomfortable sharing a bed?”

“No. You can sleep up here with me.” y/n turned to look at him and for a second, Matt had hope he hadn’t fucked everything up. “I have enough pillows to put between us. It’ll be fine.” She began to build a small wall down the middle of the bed. Matt watched her carefully. He could tell she didn’t want to do it but they both knew they needed something to keep them from getting too close.

“I know you said it’s okay but I truly am sorry.” Matt slowly climbed onto one side of the bed while y/n got in the other side. “Good night, y/n.”

“Good night, Matthew.”

When Matt woke up the next morning, the pillow wall was completely demolished and y/n was wrapped up in his arms. He smiled and pretended to be asleep when he felt her stir.

Y/n opened one eye and noticed how close she had gotten to Matt overnight. A small smile spread across her face and she couldn’t help but get closer. He was so warm. He subconsciously pulled her closer and when he opened his eyes again, he caught her looking at him.

“Morning.” He smiled. Even though they were both awake and there was no need to be cuddled together, neither of them wanted to let go. It was as if the almost-kiss last night didn’t happen and everything was alright between them.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” y/n smiled and finally rolled out of his grasp. She checked her phone and noticed they had slept later than either of them had wanted. “Crap. We slept in. My family is gonna be here any minute.”

“You’re right.” He slowly turned away as y/n got out of bed and began to change in front of him without thinking. When she was done, she turned towards him and giggled.

“You didn’t have to look away, Matt. It’s not like you haven’t seen me like this before.”

“All those times were accidents. And besides, it’s not polite to watch a lady change.”

“You’ve been acting differently since we started this trip. Are you feeling alright?” y/n approached him and placed her hand on his forehead. Suddenly aware of the close proximity, Matt held his breath. “Well, you’re a little warm but that’s nothing to be concerned about.” y/n dropped her hand to his shoulder. “You should get dressed now.”

“Right.” He stood up awkwardly and grabbed some clothes. Y/n noticed his internal struggle and she went to the door.

“You can get changed in here. I’ll be downstairs.”

“Wait. You can stay. It’ll just take a second.” Matt slowly slipped his sweatpants on and quickly replaced his shirt. As he did so, y/n noticed the way his arms flexed as he raised them above his head. She tried to look away before he noticed but when he smirked, she knew she had been caught. “Like what you see?” he teased.

“Shut up.” y/n rolled her eyes and walked out of the room with Matt following closely behind. They made their way to the kitchen where Crystal was busy preparing stuff for lunch.

“Well, good morning lovebirds.” She smiled. “I was going to wake you earlier but you guys looked so cute all cuddled up in bed. Figured I would let you sleep a little longer.”

“Thanks, Crystal.” y/n smiled and sat on the stool at the island. Matt took the seat next to her and smiled. “What’s for lunch?”

“We’re just going to do a basic barbecue since your cousins are coming over soon. We know how picky they are.”

“And you can never go wrong with a good old fashioned barbecue.” Matt looked up and smiled.

“Yes, exactly.” Crystal grabbed a few things from the fridge and put them on a tray. “Your father is outside working on getting the grill started.”

“I think I’m gonna go talk to him.” Matt stood up and headed outside. Crystal turned to y/n with a wide smile.

“He’s so cute and such a gentleman.”

“Yeah, I suppose he is.” y/n watched the door as if Matt would reappear any second.

“You should’ve heard all the nice things he was saying to your dad last night. That boy is head over heels for you, y/n.”

“It’s not real.” y/n blurted out, quickly turning to Crystal with wide eyes. Crystal herself was just as shocked.

“What are you talking about?”

“The relationship. It’s not real. Not even close.” She sighed. Why was she suddenly so upset?

“I’m still not following, dear.” Crystal had a little bit of a clue as to what was being said but she wasn’t believing any of it.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you guys this year so when dad called and asked if I was bringing someone home for Christmas, I panicked and said yes. Then I was struggling to find someone to agree to come here with me so I got my best friend’s brother to do it.”

“Honey, you could never disappoint us. And honestly, from what I saw, it doesn’t seem so fake to me.”

“Huh?”

“When that boy talks about you, he gets a sparkle in his eye that lights up every feature of his face. I’ve known you for quite some time and I know some of the boys you actually dated and none of them ever looked that way when talking about you. Hell, they never really talked that much about you or knew anything about you. But Matt does. He truly cares for you, sweetheart. And whether it’s actual love or plain admiration, it’s there and it’s real.”

“No. He doesn’t.” y/n sighed. “Please don’t tell dad or anyone else that I told you. Not yet anyway.”

“You got it, honey. My lips are sealed.” Crystal winked just as Matt walked back inside. He slid his arm around y/n’s waist with a smile.

“How are you lovely ladies doing?”

“We’re doing just fine.” Crystal picked up the tray and headed for the door. “Talk to you two later.”

Matt looked down at y/n when Crystal left and noticed she was tense. “hey. You alright, pretty girl?”

“What?” she shook her head and looked down at where his arm was still sitting then looked back up at him. “Yeah. I’m fine. I was just thinking.”

“What about? What’s going on in that pretty little mind, huh?”

“I told Crystal this relationship is fake.” y/n ignored the compliment and focused on something different.

“Oh.” Matt dropped his arm and took a step back. “What did she say about it?”

“She didn’t understand what I was saying at first and then I told her that I only did it to not disappoint her and my dad. She told me that I could never disappoint them. And then she said something I never really thought about until now.”

“What was that?”

“She said that whenever you were talking about me last night, your eyes sparkled and lit up every feature of your face. She then told me that, even though the relationship is fake, there’s some real feelings going on.” y/n took a second to glance up at Matt, catching how he was already staring at her. “So, I need to know. Is she telling the truth? Do you have any feelings for me?”

“Um…about that. I, uh-“

Matt was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. As y/n went to answer it, he let out a sigh of relief. Seconds later, he was face to face with y/n and some of her cousins. The younger girls began to squeal as they approached him.

“I can’t believe that our y/n is dating a Sturniolo triplet. This is absolutely insane.” The little blonde girl hugged him and he smiled, instantly hugging her back. The boy looked at him and smirked.

“Don’t mind her. She’s been watching your videos for years.”

“It’s perfectly fine. I love meeting fans.” He looked at y/n and smiled.

“Brooke, you can let him go now.” the young boy chuckled and tried to pry his sister off of Matt to no avail.

“But Jackson, I have so much to ask him.”

“Why don’t we let him breathe for a minute before you attack with the questions?” Jackson finally pulled his little sister off and smiled.

“You alright, Matt?” y/n offered him a small smile, which he gladly returned.

“Yeah.” He chuckled and looked at Brooke. “What questions do you have for me?”

“Oh, so many.” Brooke grabbed Matt’s hand and dragged him into the living room. Y/n was about to follow but Jackson stopped her.

“I don’t think you’re going to get very much time with Matt while we’re here.” He chuckled and y/n glanced at the doorway.

“That’s okay. I get plenty of time with him any other day. Plus, he’s really good with kids so this is actually really heartwarming to watch.” y/n walked into the living room and took a seat next to Matt. He was quick to put his arm around her as he listened intently to Brooke’s questions and answered what he could.

They were like that for another hour before the rest of the family arrived. Matt was introduced to everyone while Brooke and a few more cousins stuck to his side. By the time they were all called outside to eat, Matt looked almost exhausted from answering all the questions but he smiled through it all.

While the kids all hurried out to the backyard, Matt and y/n hung back in the kitchen.

“I told you that you were going to be bombarded with questions.”

“That’s alright. I really don’t mind. Your family is amazing.”

“I know they are.” y/n smiled and looked at him. Her smile started fading when she remembered their conversation from before everyone arrived. “Can we talk later?”

“Yeah, of course.” Matt instinctively placed a kiss on the top of her head and went outside, leaving y/n to wonder what just happened.

Later that night, y/n and Matt were back in their hotel room, away from the chaos that was her family. Matt was on his bed while y/n was searching through her suitcase for something.

“What did you want to talk about?” Matt asked, remembering the conversation. He knew what she wanted to talk about but he needed her to ask the question again.

“Honestly, I don’t remember. Maybe I’ll think of it again and ask you in the morning. Oh, that reminds me. Christmas dinner is taking place at my dad’s house around 2 but I told him and Crystal that we’d be there around 10, if that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah that works.” Matt pulled the covers over him and looked at her. He knew she didn’t really forget the question but he didn’t want to bring it up again, in fear of making things more awkward than they already were. Instead, he plugged his phone in and smiled. “Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight.” She headed to the bathroom and Matt slowly fell asleep.

The next morning while they were at her dad’s house, Crystal pulled Matt aside for a ‘talk’ that wasn’t really a talk.

“Look, I know the relationship is fake and everything and y/n may never admit this but there’s clearly something real between you two. I know it and maybe you know it too so if you truly do love her, you need to tell her before she slips away from you and ends up with someone else. And believe me when I say this, none of the other boys she has dated have ever made her smile the way you do, or even talked about her like you do. So please, for the sake of everyone’s sanity, just tell her how you feel.”

Matt went to respond but she was gone before he could blink. He found y/n talking with Brooke and Jackson so he decided to join them. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah sure.” She followed him into the kitchen and watched him lean against the counter. “What’s up, Matty bear?”

“I just, uh, had a talk with Crystal. Well it was more like she talked to me then disappeared.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.

“What exactly did she say?” y/n raised her eyebrow and subconsciously leaned closer to hear what he was about to say.

“She said that-“

“Everyone, can you please come into the living room?” y/n’s dad called out to everyone in the house. Everyone gathered in the living room and y/n watched her dad pull out a ring and propose to Crystal. Matt didn’t pay attention to the whole speech. His focus was on y/n’s reaction. When Crystal said yes, y/n’s eyes welled up with tears and she hugged her dad and Crystal tightly. She noticed Matt watching her and pulled him into the hug as well. Soon enough, everyone was joining in. It was a joyous celebration.

At the dinner table an hour later, y/n’s leg bounced a little more than normal. Matt noticed and he held her hand underneath the table, hoping to calm her down. It worked and she thanked him by squeezing his hand tightly. They were both silent about what they each knew and neither one of them wanted to cross the friendship line, in fear of screwing up possibly the best relationship either of them ever had.

By the time everyone was leaving, y/n found herself talking with Brooke and Jackson again while Matt watched silently.

“You guys are so cute together.” Brooke gushed. “Matt is so cute. OH my goodness. I forgot to ask you how it feels to be dating THE Matthew Sturniolo.”

“It feels different. Better than anything I’ve experienced before. He’s a great guy.” y/n smiled down at Brooke.

“So, do you love him?” Jackson questioned, cocking an eyebrow in anticipation.

“Yeah. Of course. He’s my best friend.” y/n smiled in Matt’s direction. “He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, honestly. And he treats me so good.”

“Good. Because you’re my favorite cousin and I would hate to find out he hasn’t been treating you well.” Jackson hugged her and followed the rest of his family out the door. Y/n turned to Matt and smiled. As she approached him, he had a big smile on his face.

“What’s up, Mr. Sturniolo? What’s got you so smiley tonight?”

“Your family is absolutely amazing.”

“I agree.” She leaned against the opposite wall in the doorway. “What did you think of my dad proposing to Crystal?”

“I didn’t really hear the speech. Honestly, I was completely zoned out and staring at you the entire time, just watching your reaction.”

“Why?” she was interested to know. It could be the answer she had been looking for since yesterday afternoon.

“It was a beautiful moment. Just had to see your reaction.” He shrugged. “Besides, in a crowded room, my eyes always find you.”

“Oh.” y/n smiled.

“I didn’t get to give you my present!” he exclaimed suddenly, grabbing her hand and dragging her up to her bedroom. He pulled out a box and handed it to her. “M-merry Christmas.”

Y/n opened the box and nearly sobbed at the beautiful necklace before her. She had been wanting this specific necklace for the last 6 months but whenever she went to buy it herself, they happened to be sold out. She never told anyone so how did Matt know and how did he suddenly end up with one?

Matt took the necklace out of the box and moved her hair to the side so he could place it around her neck. As she turned back towards him, her hand went up to play with the charm.

“How did you know?” she looked up into his eyes.

“I saw the way you looked at it that one time we passed it at the store. While you went to go with Chris to that one store, I went back to buy it for you. I figured you would want something that was as beautiful as you.” he moved a piece of hair out of her face and she subconsciously leaned into his touch before she knew what she was doing. But just as fast as that happened, she pulled away just as fast.

“Matt, don’t do this. Please?”

“Do what? Listen to Crystal?”

“What did she tell you to do?” y/n took a step back but Matt walked closer.

“She told me to tell you how I felt or risk losing you to someone else.” He sighed “Look, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what, Matt?” y/n looked down at her feet.

“I should’ve just fucking kissed you at the damn waterfall. It’s been eating me up inside that I skipped over possibly one of the greatest opportunities of my life because I didn’t want to fuck up our friendship.” Matt stepped back and ran his hands through his hair anxiously. “Crystal was right, y/n. I do have feelings for you. I have for so damn long and that was why I didn’t initially want to come on this trip with you. I was afraid. Afraid I was going to fuck something up and turns out, it’s exactly what I’m doing. I could tell how upset you were when we left the waterfall that night. And that seriously fucking crushed me. Like, how could I be so damn stupid?” he looked at her. and sighed. “Please tell me I didn’t mess our friendship up by completely backing out of that kiss.”

“Matt, take a breath. Just relax.” y/n rubbed his arm up and down before squeezing his hand. “You didn’t mess anything up. I am right here and I am always going to be right here. You could yell at me and call me every possible name you could think of and I would still love you. Because you’re my best friend and that love stretches beyond any human comprehension. You stand out from every single person I know and that makes me love you so much more. And every single detail we came up with for our ‘relationship’ suddenly seems incredibly true. Yeah, maybe you fell in love with me first but I can guarantee that this love right here,” she gestured between them and stepped impossibly closer. “this love is real. As real as you and me, Matt. So no. You didn’t screw up by backing out of the kiss. You just delayed the most perfect moment between us because now, it won’t be a kiss that was just random. It’s going to mean something.”

“What kiss?” Matt questioned, his eyes flicking down to her lips before going back up. Before he had time to register what was going on, she grabbed his face gently and placed her lips on his. Her hands wrapped around the back of his neck while his gripped her waist tightly, as if at any moment, she would slip away like Crystal said. But he knew it wasn’t going to happen. Not anytime soon.

Y/n was the first to break the kiss but her arms stayed around his neck while her fingers danced delicately on the little hairs that were there.

“I know we’re all the way in Florida right now but a part of me keeps thinking that one of your brothers is gonna come bursting through that door to ruin our moment.”

And as if on cue, Matt’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and showed the screen to y/n. She laughed when she saw Chris’ face pop up.

“Merry Christmas, bitches. How was your day?” he smirked, somehow knowing that he interrupted an intimate moment. “How’s Miami?”

“It’s great here. Don’t have to put up with you idiots in person.” Matt chuckled and held y/n close.

“I was just calling to wish you both a Merry Christmas but I’m sensing that I interrupted a moment so I’m gonna go before the Mattitude kicks in. Buh-bye.” He abruptly ended the call and Matt shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“Now where were we?” he smirked and kissed y/n again.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinasamattgirl

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader

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shieldofiron · 8 months ago

Text

Pretty Boy Live in Santa Fe, 1977

Part 1/3 Also on Ao3 here

For @harringrove-relay-race. Very happy with how part 1 turned out, and there will be more to come. Thanks to @foxxtastic for the intro and next up will be something stunning from our fearless Relay Race leader @half-oz-eddie

Rated M / 5k words / Part 1/3

Part 1: Into Hades

Rolling Stone Magazine - May 2002

Billy Hargrove arrived after I did, in his lovingly maintained blue Camaro, the subject of his song, “Lady Blue.” “Lady Blue” was recently named #93 on Rolling Stone’s Top Love Songs of the Century.

“I wrote, ‘She’s the wind in my hair, the rumble in my soul.’ I thought it was so obvious,” He laughed, his blue eyes still boyish. “My niece made it her wedding song, I said ‘Really? It’s about a fuckin’ car!’”

He showed me several pictures of his niece, the supermodel Tyler Sinclair. It seems good looks run in the family. He suggested the diner and he ordered waffles, winking when I mentioned that we’ll be here a long time.

The decades have been kind to him, maybe a few more lines. It’s not hard to imagine him stepping right back onto the stage, as if no time has passed at all.

“A little extra glitter on the eyes,” He said with a smile, “to hide my crows feet. That’s all I need.”

I ask what he’s going to wear to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony for Kaleidoscope's induction and his smile dims only for a moment.

“I think I should pull out some old costumes. You know, the butterfly still fits.”

He was referring, of course, to the sheer butterfly cape costume that nearly had him thrown off the stage in Houston Texas in December 1976. He caved to putting on a pair of silvery shorts rather than the nude underwear it was designed with. He later wore it with the nude underwear on the inside cover of Kaleidoscope, the album that will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in just a few short weeks. Kaleidoscope was his last album with the iconic Glam Rock band Pretty Boy, which famously broke up at the height of their career while touring for the album, onstage.

It’s not often that a band is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and there’s a question if all of them will even show up.

“I’ll be there,” Hargrove said, fiddling with the silver band on his middle finger. “I have no problem with seeing him.”

The him is, of course, the lead guitarist and other lead singer of Pretty Boy, Steve Harrington.

Steve Harrington invites me to his oceanfront house in Malibu later that afternoon.

“I haven’t decided if I’m going to go,” He said thoughtfully, his brown eyes darting around the room.

When I mention that Billy is going to go, he seems surprised.

“He didn’t say he was going to punch me, did he?” Harrington smiled, but it doesn’t seem like much of a joke.

For one of the most famous rock stars of the 70s, Harrington is shockingly low key. He wears a t-shirt and slouchy linen pants, and he jokes that he ought to have shaved when I take out my camera. The house is stunning but empty, with miles of blank white walls and overstuffed white furniture.

“I’m looking for a little peace,” He shrugs, “I used to have all these pictures up, all this furniture… It was too much.”

It was hard not to see him as an artist without a muse. He drifted listlessly, picking things up and putting them down as we talked. So it was a surprise to me to hear that he’s been recording.

“I may never release it but… Yeah,” He laughed, “Music. After all this time. Bet you didn’t know.”

He picks up a rare photo from the piano. It’s from the early days of Pretty Boy, before Billy Hargrove. Harrington has his arm around his bandmate, Eddie Munson. Their drummer Chrissy Cunningham is balanced precariously across their shoulders, laughing and cringing at the same time. Bassist Robin Buckley smirks from the corner of the frame, messy bangs in her eyes.

“Who knew, right?” He asked no one, shaking the frame a little.

There are no pictures of Billy Hargrove.

“That’s a… a long story,” He said, when I asked.

But I have time. I tell him Rolling Stone will pay for it. At least that makes him laugh.

It was just by chance that Pretty Boy’s last concert was filmed.

“We were meant to just film in Vegas,” The director, Argyle Molina-Zapata, sat down with me after a private screening of Pretty Boy Live in Santa Fe, 1977, “But there was a freak rainstorm, and I couldn’t get my camera’s out of the back. The crowd was digging it, refused to leave. I remember when Billy hit the high note for ‘Mother Make Me,’ there was this lightning crack… brilliant.”

Molina-Zapata shook his head, “But the footage, what I got of it, was awful. Awful! So I begged Murray to let me come with them to Santa Fe.”

Murray was Murray Bauman, famed tour manager, who handled the Boys, later Pretty Boy from their first album Starfire, all the way to Kaleidoscope.

“And I was lucky,” Argyle nodded, “They had that extra tour bus.”

The tour busses are featured in the first few minutes of the film. They roll around the corner, one reading Billy Blue (Billy’s original stage name was Billy Blue before he dropped the Blue), and the other, Steve’s Six (Named after Steve’s best friends from his hometown.)

“They were nightmares,” Murray Bauman’s voice crackled over the phone, “Nightmares on tour. Separate buses. Separate hotels. Fuck me, I swear to god at one point they wanted separate stages. And the label caved on almost all of it. Fucking nightmare.”

It’s almost impossible to imagine it when you see them on stage together. There’s something electric that passed between Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington, something that drove crowds wild. They gravitate towards each other on the stage, orbiting like planets until they can share the same mic. They can’t seem to stay apart.

It’s hard to see exactly what happened that night.

“I’ve watched it a million times,” Argyle laughed, “But the only two people who can really say what happened are Billy and Steve.”

What you can see is this: Steve tearing into “Pride & Prejudice”, the lead off Kaleidoscope and the last song of the night.

Billy was trembling, visibly shaking as he sang and Steve harmonized along.

What can I say, if you ask me to walk away?

Baby, there’s no words for you.

Baby. I don’t know what to do.

Billy danced closer, joining Steve, his handheld mic loose at his side.

Can you ever put away your pride?

Is it worth it to not have me at your side?

I guess it must be, because I’m yours,

Regretfully,

Baby.

Billy leans in, sharing Steve’s mic for the bridge.

Is it really a mystery?

What I mean to you, and you mean to me?

Is it really, baby?

Billy shook his head, curls bouncing. He looked into Steve's eyes. He smiled. Steve looks at Billy, and Billy looks at him. It almost looks like Billy mouths something, but bootleg footage also has appeared where it looks like Billy just nodded. Steve goes a little shell shocked, hand freezing on his guitar, falling out of sync.

And then Steve turned away and left the stage, handing his guitar to a stagehand. Billy turned to the crowd, his expression strangely triumphant. He was always magnetic on stage, but this moment transcends that. It somehow feels like he’s getting everything he wants.

So I guess I’m losing you,

You promised me you would and it’s true.

Baby, there’s no words for you.

Baby. I don’t know what to do.

Steve Harrington hasn’t performed in public since 1977.

“None of us knew what was going to happen that night,” Chrissy Cunningham curled up next to her husband, Eddie Munson, on the large white couch of their Seattle home.

They’re a handsome couple still, draped in rock and roll finery. He toyed with the edge of her scarf, and she curled his long hair around her long fingers.

“We had some of our own shit going on at the time so…” Munson shrugged, “Maybe we were distracted.”

Their living room was crowded and verdant, every spare flat surface covered in plants. Their partner, former record executive Jason Carver, puttered in the kitchen in an apron that read Plant Papa.

“Yeah,” Chrissy smiled, “We had some stuff going on at the same time. But still… It seemed like they were getting better. Didn’t it seem like they were getting better?”

Munson shrugged, “The thing about Billy and Steve… they were soulmates. You don’t write music like that and not… it was like they had a second language, just for them. They were soulmates, I really believe that. Everything they did, everything that happened… they could only hurt each other that badly if… yeah.”

When I ask what they did to each other, Eddie and Chrissy just scooted closer together, like teenagers in a slasher, hiding from the killer. She laid a hand over his leg, her two stone diamond ring catching the sunlight.

“Steve never wanted Billy to be in the band,” Eddie shook his head, “but Jim had a soft spot for Billy. And Steve had… I mean Jim was…”

“Jim was like a father. To all of us.” Chrissy’s knee jiggled.

“We were this little tiny band from Nowhere, Indiana,” Eddie nodded, “And Jim believed in us.”

“I was just a junior exec at the time. I was put on the Kaleidoscope tour in case of catastrophic failure, which by the way it was,” Jason Carver is making risotto while we speak, the steam curling the lock of hair that falls over his face. “But it wasn’t my fault although I was high as hell on coke half the time. I guess I deserved to get fired. But Jim was the real deal. Gold records out the ass, best wife in the world, and his daughter, I mean… she was something else.”

They’re referring, of course, to Jim Hopper, producer on Kaleidoscope as well as Billy Blue and The Boys’ records, and the father of pop superstar Eleven aka Jane Hopper.

“Jim was…” Steve Harrington’s eyes always got a little misty talking about Jim, staring out over the ocean. “Yeah, I guess he was a little like my dad. My own parents were always gone. Which is like… I grew up so privileged so like I’m not saying… I just mean I grew up mostly by myself. And we were just so lucky he even agreed to listen to us when we got to LA.”

“I remember that night,” Joyce Hopper’s voice was raspy, cigarette-y in the way only old movie stars are. She’s a gorgeous woman in jeans and a gardening hat, speaking to me while she tends to her garden at her home in Castellammare. “He came home and said, ‘I have the next ones, the next big ones. Fuck, Joyce, they’re brilliant. Unpolished, but brilliant.’”

When I ask about when Jim discovered Billy Hargrove she just laughed.

“If Steve and the rest of The Boys were unpolished, Billy Hargrove was a fucking ten carat diamond,” She said. “But Steve’s band was Jim’s, and he could polish them up how he wanted. And then when he thought they were just right for it… he set the diamond.”

Jim Hopper was a big man, larger than life both in appearance and in personality. His fingerprints are all over some of the best hits of the decade.

Watching him on old interviews, there’s an immediacy to his presence that leaps off the screen.

“My daughter is the one who really found him. She snuck out with her sister and wandered God knows where. And she just… found him. Called me the next morning, saying ‘Dad, you have to hear this guy.’ He was playing in this… terrible club,” Jim said, tapping his cigar on the table of Merv Griffin’s set. “Absolute shithole, pardon my french. And he’s got a great voice, you’ve heard his voice, right?”

“I have,” Merv said.

“I had to get him out of there. He was a star.”

Billy Hargrove was a teenage runaway from San Diego when he came to LA in 1971.

“I had a girl’s backpack from my stepsister, eight dollars, and an extra pair of underwear. By the end of the next week? I had two more dollars,” Billy laughed. “But I got lucky. I met Heather.”

Heather Holloway was a showgirl at Wildwoods, a nightly revue. She found Billy at the backdoor, and took him to her apartment.

“She saved me,” He frowned. “Whenever I needed her most.”

Heather Holloway, Billy Hargrove’s first and only wife, died in 1979.

“I got a job singing at Sugar, this great gay club downtown. It was in the late afternoons, so I had a crowd of about… two. But those two brought two more,” Billy smiled, “Heather would talk me up to all the promoters. He’s a singer, he’s great, you’ll love him, he’s so cute.”

“He was an instant hit,” Sugar’s manager, Bob Newby, tells me by phone as well. “I did have to keep a couple of creeps off him, when he just started he was only nineteen. But even if you closed your eyes… he was a hit.”

“Guys used to think that because I was a part of the entertainment, I was fair game. And let me tell you, the novelty of that wears off mighty quick,” Billy shakes his head.

He shares a diary entry from his late wife of a night in April 1972. He came to her home with blood all over his face.

“Some guy thought because I was a fag…” Billy’s mouth twisted, but he went on, cradling the little marble notebook in his hand. “He could do whatever he wanted to me. When I fought back… he cracked a bottle over my head.”

He’s not just a piece of meat. He’s a person. I don’t understand these people. I just don’t understand, Heather Holloway wrote. I cleaned him up and he’s sleeping now.

The next diary entry is from a day later. April 12. Billy and I drove to Vegas and got married. When we spoke in the morning he said he was afraid for me too, even though I’m careful with the girls. He’s afraid of the cops trying to bust up the Wildwoods and picking me up. At least this way, he says. He and I can come home to each other. Look out for each other. Always. The groom wore band aids and his great velvet pants. The bride wore lavender. It was perfect.

“And lucky too. Because within a month… I met Jim,” Billy smiled. “And my whole life changed.”

Upside Down Records signed Billy Blue, unagented, in1972 and he spent the next year working on his debut album with Jim Hopper.

“I didn’t even realize, when it happened,” Billy shook his head. “A couple of girls came by after a show, wanting to talk to me, wanting to meet me. That wasn’t that unusual. But they were young, far too young to get into the club. And the little one, she was asking all these weird questions. Did I have an agent? Did I know if I had enough songs for an album? Weird fuckin’ questions. And then she said I have to meet someone. To be honest, I thought she was coked out of her mind when she said, ‘You have to meet my dad.’”

“I was not,” Eleven promised me, “coked out of my mind. But that’s just Billy.”

Eleven aka Jane Hopper, meets me backstage at one of her shows. She’s dressed in slouchy leather pants, to match her sister and drummer Kali Hopper.

“I knew he was something special. My dad was always talking about the IT factor. That thing that made a person something special. But I didn’t get it until I saw Billy Blue singing on that tiny stage,” She smiled. “He didn’t just have the IT factor. He was IT.”

It’s odd then, that Billy Blue’s first album had a surprisingly tepid response. His first single, in 1973, “Let Alone,” came in at only 26th for the month of April on the pop charts.

“People liked it,” Billy shrugs, “But I don’t think they knew what to do with it. You have my songs, these like… little pop love songs and ballads. I wasn’t that strong of a writer at the time. It was like half my songs, half covers. And so they’d book me, expecting fucking… Peter Frampton. And here comes this big queer with glitter on his nipples.”

But the lyrics of “Let Alone” would hint at his later songs, a hallmark simplicity that shone off his raw voice and poetry that hinted at a troubled past.

And if you were meant to care for me

You would, and that’s how it has to be

You said I couldn’t go on without you

Ha, look at me, looking brand new

At the same time, The Boys’ song “Paper Girl,” penned by Harrington, was number one.

She’s my paper girl

Wakes me up every morning, right on time

She got me smiling, got my head in a whirl

Picture perfect, paper girl

“Billy didn’t have much commercial appeal. Sex appeal, yes,” Jason laughed, toying with Chrissy’s hair. “But for sales? That’s where The Boys came in.”

“I hated that name,” Eddie said, “To start with we were half girls.”

The Boys had already had a somewhat successful tour under their belt by the time Jim suggested a collaboration with Billy Hargrove.

“It was a nice, short tour,” Steve Harrington glances away when I ask about the first tour.

“It was a nightmare. Balls to the wall nightmare,” Robin Buckley’s voice is a warm crackle over the phone. “Steve went on like thirty overlapping benders at once.”

Her partner, soap actress Vickie Carmichael cackles behind her, at their home in Salt Lake City.

“The thing about Steve is… well… he’s never found a good way of coping with himself,” Robin huffs. “Music was about as close as he ever got. But in those early days, he just kept looking for more and more.”

“You don’t think it was about-” Vickie asked, just barely into the phone.

“No.”

“It was about Nancy,” Eddie said confidently when I mentioned their first tour. “Nancy, Nancy, Nancy.”

The Boys got their start in the late sixties, beginning with Eddie and Steve. Eddie gave Steve guitar lessons, which turned into some talent show performances. They used to practice at Eddie’s Uncle’s trailer.

“That’s where we got the name,” Eddie nodded, “My uncle used to just call us that, and it stuck.”

“I don’t even remember,” Chrissy said.

“That’s not how we got the name,” Steve shook his head, when I mention Eddie. “It was our first gig, after we got Chrissy and Robin. Robin put it down after the headliner kept asking when ‘you boys’ would go on, and kept addressing it to Chrissy’s chest. She blew him out of the fucking water.”

Nancy Wheeler was there that night, writing about local bands for a tiny column in the school paper.

“She was beautiful. Smart. So smart. Could hear her talk forever,” Steve said, eyes falling.

Steve Harrington and Nancy Wheeler were married in 1972 after they graduated high school.

“Steve made his own choices,” Chrissy shook her head.

That summer, the Boys plus one drove to LA and Nancy Wheeler took a job at Women’s Day Magazine and later, Rolling Stone. Steve Harrington and The Boys got a “steady gig” at La Bonita Rosa on the strip, playing for drunks every night from seven to eight.

“I really liked playing at La Bonita,” Steve said. “The audience, right there. You could smell the sweat. You could see on their faces if you were bombing. And we used to bomb. A lot. But it was a great place to try things. Experiment. We played there for about a year but… it felt too short.”

Within the year they had met Jim Hopper, who got them into the recording studio and sold their demo nearly on the spot to Upside Down Records.

“They had a great sound. They had got this way of playing. Smooth like a polished stone. Everything sounds good sitting in a frame like that,” Jim said in an interview with Rolling Stone in 1981. “Their songs were… catchy, but basic. But they had the sound.”

Upside Down records set the Boys on a US tour after “Paper Girl,” and “Joy to Love You,” both charted.

“It was like… overnight. One day we’re in a studio, messing around. Kid stuff. I was nineteen,” Steve Harrington shookhis head. “But…”

“That tour,” Chrissy trails off, playing with her ring again.

“I…” Steve Harrington scratched his nose. “I was losing it. Majorly losing it. It felt like we had just moved to LA and we were already neck deep. I mean, I had a number one fucking song. And for some reason I got it in my head to call my mom. She told the maid she wasn’t home. And I could hear her over the phone. My mom. So yeah. I lost it. Lost about half my damn mind on that tour. And people will say it was because of Nancy, because we got married just out of high school, and she wasn’t supportive… but that wasn’t true. Nancy saved me.”

“Nancy never wanted him to be in the band. But… she also didn’t seem to care that much either,” Eddie shook his head, “It’s… complicated. Love is supposed to be. Simple. Like the chords of a song. 1-3-5.”

Jason Carver rolled his eyes at that, “Then what are we?”

Eddie grinned, “We’re a band.”

Nancy Wheeler met me on a Thursday in New York City, slim sunglasses dominating her small porcelain face. We get lunch at her favorite deli shop, and she perches at the counter, loafers dangling. She’s an editor at The New Yorker now, but she still has a soft spot for rock and roll, as evidenced by the Grateful Dead t-shirt under her blazer.

“That tour. I didn’t even know anything was wrong. He just came home with a funny look on his face, saying, ‘We’re headlining.’ So I said, ‘That’s great, Steve.’ He just kept… saying it. It was starting to piss me off, if I’m being honest,” She shook her head. “I should have known something was wrong.”

“I wish she had stopped me. But how could you know right? Hindsight is always 2020,” Steve Harrington said. “I mean, she was my wife. How could she not want me home? But that’s just… sorry. That’s not fair to put on her. I chose to go.”

“I flew out to meet them when they were in Indianapolis, visited my family, and I came a day early to see him,” She smiled warmly, and then it fell. “He was… Well, first, Eddie Munson tried to intercept me at the hotel, so I wouldn’t see him. I told him, ‘I’m here to see my fucking husband.’”

Steve Harrington didn’t add any more details about the tour, just shrugged when I asked.

“He was coked up like you wouldn’t believe,” Robin scoffed. “She walked in on him with two girls and coke all over his… well.”

“I just asked him. Do you want to come home? Do you want to get help? Or not?” She purses her lips. “And so he came home and we found a rehab place near Hawkins.”

“The tour kind of… fell apart. Obviously. We had lost our lead singer and guitarist to fucking… Hawkins, Indiana,”

Everything stopped for the Boys. Upside Down offered to let them out of their two album contract, but Steve couldn’t afford to pay it down.

“Rehab,” He shrugged. “Is expensive.”

Right as it seemed that everything would be over for the Boys, things were looking up for Billy Blue.

“Jim was always saying, ‘the record is selling alright, the songs are getting there but he needs a… push,’” Joyce said. “‘He’s so close. So close. He’s a star.’”

“He always believed in me,” Billy smiled, toying with his ring again. “Always. Even when I threw a jug of milk at his head.”

Joyce laughed when I asked about that moment, “He came home saying, ‘He milked me, Joyce. But he’ll fix the song tonight.’”

“And I did,” Billy said. “And the album was going alright. I did a little tour, socal and the southwest. And then one night, Jim brings me this song. He said, ‘I want you to tell me what’s missing from this.’”

The song was, of course, the Boys’ biggest hit, “Hades.” Steve Harrington’s first version was called, “To Orpheus” and the chorus goes:

Don’t turn back don’t look behind you baby

I’m close, I’m right behind

The future's so bright, and I want you to take me

Wanna be holding your hand when I make it across the line.

“It was fine, but just kind of… nothing. It was supposed to be about Eurydice, but it was so… nothing. She just loved Orpheus and that was it. There were no insides to her. She was going to follow him to her doom,” Billy shook his head. “That’s not right.”

This was not the version that made it to the recording booth, of course. The Boys’ single, “Hades featuring Billy Blue,” came out in 1975. The actual chorus goes:

Turn back on me and I won’t forgive you baby

Don’t want you to see me like this

Up ahead is bright, and I want you to take me

If you’re strong enough to cross that finish line

“‘Hades,’ was a real step forward for the Boys. Gone were the teenybopper tunes,” Steve Harrington’s biographer and personal friend Dustin Henderson wrote in his book The Pretty Boy. “Their first album got the kids dancing. But the second proved that they actually had something to say.”

“Still hate it,” Steve Harrington said. “I wrote that song in rehab. It was deeply, deeply personal to me.”

“He came out, all ready. He wanted to start recording right away,” Robin sighed. “Like I mean the next day. All these songs, just pouring out of him. But the label had lost faith in us. And they certainly weren’t going to let us start recording with a guy who had only just earned his thirty day sober chip.”

“The song wasn’t ready,” Billy shook his head. “But I guess he was. Jim said he needed this. So Jim asked if I would come and like… pitch some stuff as a personal favor. Songwriting credit, that’s all it was supposed to be. Get the songs moving, get them going.”

Steve Harrington takes a long time to continue speaking about it.

“I felt it, writing for that album. I felt proud of those songs. They didn’t belong to anyone else but me,” He toyed with some piano keys while we talked, and then finally sat down and began to play something tuneless and half formed.

“That album was all about Nancy,” Chrissy said. “I mean. I know it. You know it. Nancy knew it. And she kind of hated it. But-”

“You can’t leave your husband right as he gets out of rehab,” Nancy said to me, toying with her wedding ring. “When he writes all these songs about how you’re the only thing… Steve was always like that. Heart wide open. That’s why when he met Billy. I almost thought… it would all be okay. That sounds fucked up but. I thought they could save each other. That the music could save him.”

“It was just a songwriting credit,” Billy raised his hands. “Jim swore up and down. I was just gonna come in there and sit down with this guy Steve. But when I walk into the studio, there’s two mics set up.”

“I was the Boys’ only singer,” Steve Harrington shook his head. “And to be absolutely honest, I was kind of a jackass about it. So to have some guy come in and say he’s gonna sing me my song… well…”

“Steve was the only one who would ever argue with Jim, And he let him have it that day,” Eddie laughed. “He called him the most low down, dirty, rat bitten bastard in California, and that he would die rather than give up his band to someone else.”

“I did not want his band. I did not know his band. And I did not care. And his song sucked. And I told him so. And then I sang it. Better.” Billy smiled.

“Billy was…” Chrissy shook her head. “Incredible.”

I ask Steve what Billy was like that first day in the studio.

“He was,” Something passed over his face. “Alright. He has a great voice, alright.”

“I was good. Better. Best.” Billy smiled.

“But he didn’t understand the song. He wanted Eurydice to… doubt. To think she wasn’t going to get out,” Steve slammed his hands on the keys. “It’s been… almost twenty years. I still don’t understand it.”

I asked why he let Billy stay. But Steve doesn’t have an answer.

“They were like oil and water, right away,” Chrissy said.

“Yeah, but oil on the water can catch fire,” Eddie shrugged.

“Jim asked me to stay,” Billy looked away from me, down at his waffles. “It was a favor to the label.”

“If Billy said louder, Steve said mute,” Robin snickered. “It was kind of great, actually. Finally someone called King Steve on his shit. One day I came in and they were arguing over how close the microphone should be to your throat. Almost got in a physical fight over a fucking microphone. I mean, I love Steve. But he always thinks he’s like… the babysitter. It’s his job to do everything for everybody.”

“Like who was this guy? Really? He came into my studio with no shirt on, most of the time still half smashed from the night before, and he thinks he can make all these changes. But Jim keeps telling me it’s just business, the label thinks it’s good business.” Steve frowned, and then smiled, and then frowned again.

“Yeah, I never wore shirts back then. Or underwear,” Billy said with a grin. “I was a rockstar!”

“Steve fought for every song on that album,” Nancy Wheeler patted her lips primly with a napkin. “He only lost on one.”

“Billy Hargove has songwriting credit and lead vocals on “Hades.” Dustin Henderson wrote.

“Billy was all over that album. He’d make some minor suggestion, maybe this chord instead of that, this word is better. And Steve would flip out, yell at him, yell at Jim, threaten to storm out… and then two days later quietly tell me to change the chord, he’d start singing the new words. Billy was there with us about every single day,” Eddie said.

“Of course, it was our biggest hit,” Chrissy laughed. “Everything but that song, Steve did what he wanted. Oh we had Billy in the studio, making suggestions. But Steve did what he wanted except for ‘Hades.’ Jim said that song is the album, and he wouldn’t cut it.”

“Jim was always right,” Steve closed the piano. “The bastard.”

Hades exploded onto the radio in late 1975. They didn’t have the same distribution as their first record, but the Boys had another hit.

“Billy had this way of singing it. Still does. He broke four mics when we recorded it. Singing so loud I had to keep an eye on the cymbals to stop them from shaking. You can feel him, right in your chest.” Chrissy giggled. “Like he was trying to wake all the dead from Hades. If anyone could, he could.”

“It’s a really, really great song,” Robin said.

This song belongs to Billy Blue, Rolling Stone wrote in 1976. The only question now is, what will The Boys do next?

“I remember that article. Fucking… Harrington said that he basically wrote the whole song. But he said, ‘the label thought bringing Billy in was a good idea,’” Billy gets tense for the first time. “I’m not saying I was like… I just mean. It would have been nice. To treat me like an equal. I’m more than just a singer. I’m not just… a piece of meat.”

“Billy was really pissed about that article. I remember, the day after the article came out, we were getting breakfast at this tiny place off La Cienega. Steve had this car back then, a big maroon BMW, and Eddie had got him a vanity plate when he bought it. Stupid thing it said, ‘BIGBOY.’ Anyway, We’re having breakfast, and we hear this screech outside, like an accident,” Robin Buckley gets uncharacteristically quiet as she goes on through this story. “Billy’s car is parked halfway out of the parking lot, and he comes in like a bull in a charge. Billy… he wasn’t some wimpy guy. He was small, but he was strong as hell… He came right over and grabbed Steve by his collar and lifted him right off the counter. And he said, I’ll never forget it because Steve used to recite it from memory, yell it at me, ‘Tell me I’m not dreaming. Is that Steve fucking Harrington? The lead singer of the Boys. Hey man, I love your song ‘Hades.’ How’d you get your voice to sound halfway decent for once?’”

“I don’t remember that,” Steve Harrington said flatly when I asked.

“And Steve used to be a fucking dick in high school. So he starts getting real bitchy, shoving Billy off him, asking what his problem is, why he’s such a dick all the fucking time, when it’s not even his band. And Billy said something like, ‘No one wants your shit band. Not with you in it,’” Robin paused for a moment. “And they just. Stare at each other. Like… daring each other to do something.”

Billy just shrugs when I ask, “I was pissed. I gave this guy a number one hit, and he still wanted to treat me like some… airhead singer the label brought in as a stunt. I’m not just a singer. I’m not a piece of meat. I’m a person.”

When I ask Steve about that day he’s pretty quiet, deflated at his piano. He only wants to talk about the song. The music. Can’t seem to talk about Billy any other way.

“He sang it like he not only knows Orpheus can’t save him, but that he won’t. It was supposed to be hopeful. A happy ending.” Steve said.

“So you still hate the song?” I asked.

“No, I don’t. It’s brilliant. And that’s the whole problem.”

To be continued...

Next up is Half-Oz-Eddie's piece at 7:00 pm. GET HYPE!

#harringrove relay race #harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove fic #steve x billy #harringrovefic #harringrovefanfic #harringrove fanfiction #harringrove fanfic #stranger things #my writing #DJATS au #Daisy jones and the six au #tw drugs

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sukiipjs · 9 months ago

Text

✮ BLONDIE : PT 1

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 2239

↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.

↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]

↳ song - blondie by current joys

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.

of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.

the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…

okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.

but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.

i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

nick 🫶

| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd

| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good

| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?

| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here ��

i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.

i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.

fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?

all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.

…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.

if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…

i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.

i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.

soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.

every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.

the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.

as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.

“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.

he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.

“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.

“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.

“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.

“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.

i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.

i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.

i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.

i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.

i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.

i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.

₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊

after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.

nick 🫶

| are you ignoring me?

| like did i do something or what?

| are you okay?

| can we just talk or hang out please?

| y/n?

| okay sorry actually, never mind

my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.

i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.

i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.

they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.

my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo smut #nicolas sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆#sukiipjs #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆

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visionsofmagic · 1 year ago

Note

Hello

Could I get a song lyric story with Billy Butcher with either song lyrics #1 or #13

Fluffy or sexy your choice.

⎯ better than him. [billy butcher – 1/2]

྾ summary: being denied by your crush, you find yourself at the door of butcher, only to get better since his your only company but it ends different than you thought. ྾ lyrics: #1, A little bit older. A black leather jacket. A bad reputation. Insatiable habits. He was onto me, one look and I couldn't breathe. Yeah, I said, “If you kiss me, I might let it happen.” ▸my oh my, camila cabello; #13, I could be a better boyfriend than him. I could do the shit that he never did. Up all night, I won't quit. Thinking I'm gonna steal you from him. I could be such a gentleman. Plus all my clothes would fit▸boyfriend, dove cameron

wc: 1.4k ྾ notes/tags: fluff, mentions of nsfw content (a little) – part 2 will be the nsfw one, reader discovers inner facts, kind of mean butcher, kissing, biting, confessing, nicknames, cursing. ^^ ALSO, lots of thanks to @butchers-girl for the request! 💌 I know I made you wait for a while but I hope this one will make you happy. enjoy! *lots of kisses and hugs* [masterlist]

“You look like shit.” He says, rolling his eyes at your mess yet he leaves his door open behind him to let you in after he understands you are waiting in front of his door for a while now from the way you sit on the ground, no tears but sadness washing over your face.

“Yeah, got it from you.” You tease even though he can make you leave his house anytime soon. A voice tells you that he will let you because contrary to his common cold manner, he’s soft – for you. This was the reason, maybe not the main one, you came to him after feeling so down due to having a crush, ex-crush now, who said how he could never imagine liking someone like you. Well, it shouldn’t hurt but it did and you had only Butcher to make you feel good since he was your only close friend.

“Stop being a brat,” Not using the word ‘cunt’ with you, no, you were so delicate to hear that, Huggie wasn’t though. “I let you in, yeah, be grateful.”

Following him into the couch, you put no mind to the mess of his house. You know he nearly comes to his house and today was your lucky day that he finally came. You watched him as he took off his black leather jacket, only leaving with a black sweater, making him look more mature and older – he’s indeed a little bit older than you, enough to make you watch him for a while before he remarks with a smirk on his attractive and cocky face, “Liked what you see the princess?”

Rolling your eyes, you look at the closed TV in front of you and hide your face from him – probably already understood how he made the heat rush to your face. You knew you were like an open book for him – he knew you maybe more than you know yourself, and that was another reason you came here – not the main one still.

“Just open the TV.” You say after seeing your own reflection on the black screen of huge TV; you have a messy posture while he’s looking so good as always. His wide open legs make you focus on there for a moment before catching his eyes on the reflection, seeing how he smirks and puts his left arm on the couch’s edge, right above your shoulders, caging you with his body like your small body, comparing to his bigger one, means nothing.

Without saying anything, he opens the TV, some ads playing while he drinks a bottle of beer which you didn’t see until that moment. How he got that even? “Want some?” He asks, pointing to the bottle.

Shaking your head positively, wanting nothing but forgetting about everything, you take the bottle from his hands, fingers brushing into each other. Feeling hotter each second beside him, you take a few gulps of cold beer and put your head on the edge of the couch, making his arm behind you a pillow for you to sleep on. Closing your eyes, you say after a moment of peaceful silence – something you like about Butcher; he always knows when to talk or let you go while being in silence. “He said he would never be with someone like me.” You leave a sad chuckle, feeling insecure even if you want to deny it.

It takes a few seconds for Butcher to say after you feel his piercing gaze on your face. How you wish to open your eyes and watch his beautiful eyes, attractive face, and sharp gazes but you can’t – not yet. “I said that he was a bastard, didn’t I?”

Opening your eyes, you look at his face, rolling your eyes at his cocky attitude inside your brain. “At least say something – uplifting you cocky bastard.”

Your swear makes him smirk, shrugging, he points to the door, “You can leave if you need a fucking therapist, ya know. I ain’t one.” Knowing he will not let you leave, you chuckle, drinking the remaining part of the beer as he watches your face, not even taking any permission to do it – he doesn’t need it anyway.

“Rude.”

“I speak the facts darlin’, the cunt is a bastard, so, let it go. Not worth it.” – Not worth crying, not worth thinking about his words but it’s nearly impossible when his words flow in your system like venom and you want Butcher to make you find your own medicine for it – you know your worth but still, being a broken one now, you need him.

“Butcher,” you say, taking his full attention on you because your voice comes so low, revealing how bad you are feeling right now. “What’s the meaning of ‘someone like me’? Am I that bad? I am, right?” You leave another weak – sad chuckle, making Butcher swear to the guy before looking at you deeply, with sympathy and affection on his expression.

“Fuck the guy,” He says, his arm behind you now holding you by the shoulder, pushing you closer to him, his hot breaths hit your face. “Fuck them all, y/n, you don’t need them to see your worth.” Surprised by how he talks – so openly, you become breathless because of both his words and the proximity between you.

Putting your right hand on his bearded cheek, you say, “Being soft now, are we?” Teasing him makes you giggle.

“Only for you, darlin’.” He confesses, leaving you surprised at his words. Looking at him, you gain great confidence by the way he looks back at you, and your hand moves on its own, caressing his beard as one of his hands find your back, pushing you closer to him, earning a low, “Butcher –“ utter from you.

“Yes, love?” He asks; a cocky smirk on his attractive face. Rolling your eyes, you leave a chuckle, playing the game he’s up to.

“Will you show me my own worth? In your eyes –“ You say, trying to understand his motives; just to take away your sadness or express something he wants aloud. You know that if this moment, he kisses you, you will let it all go, and like he hears your own thoughts, he smirks, holding your cheek with his free hand, pulling you closer until your lips touch his – fireworks blow in your stomach at the sudden but waited, for a long time, action.

First, you stay without moving, then, when he bites your lower lip to get your blank mind working again, you let a soft moan out, closing your eyes, and you kiss him back – as passionately as he does. Lips trying to eat the other’s lips, hot tongues enter each other’s mouth. As you and Butcher kiss each other as your lives depend on it, the world under your feet seems to be disappeared, only leaving Butcher and his presence knowledgable to your mind – reality. He’s neither fast nor slow with his actions. He acts as if he knows every nerve of you, which to push, which to pull, which to touch.

He slowly, and gently – contrary to his common attitude, rises, making your back touch onto the surface of the couch. Pushing your legs apart with his knee, he finds his place between your thighs, hands positioned on the left and right sides of your head. You can’t help but feel small against his big body, not that you complain, not when he breaks the kiss – both of you need air, a necklace which you gave him swing, you pay attention to it for a moment before looking at his eyes, seem to have more sparkles now. “At the end of the night,” He begins, sounding both confident and assuring, “You will know your own fucking worth, doll,” He kisses your lips again, rough this time, leaving red marks on them due to biting. He’s so possessive, you can see that. “The most precious girl – my girl is the most precious girl. So fucking precious. That cunt – oh, that cunt will kick his own ass after he finds out what he missed, I’m telling ya – ”

“Butcher,” You say before holding his necklace and pulling him into you powerfully. You need him now – more than anything, and you know you have needed him for a long time now. “Just forget about him and kiss me. I only need – you.” He smiles, genuinely, then, the smile turns into a devilish smirk, leaving you breathless.

“Damn sure you need me. Will make sure the only man you can think of will be me at the end of the night, my girl.”

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scarletwinterxx · 1 year ago

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bigger than the whole sky - haechan imagine

helloooo, i think a few months ago i wrote a haechan dad scenario. but after watching The Lost Boys, it made more emotional🥺 our hyuck would surely be the best dad in the future💛

here's a sequel to that scenario😊

pt. 1 - Lee and Lily

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

and if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2023 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

There are many things you admire about your husband, from his cheekiness to his voice to his assuring words. But one thing you love the most about him now, something you only found out after your daughter was born, is how great of a father he is.

Haechan is very busy with work but he is a family man above all. You and Nari comes first. Which is why he decided to take the duty of driving and picking Nari up from school.

"You sure you want to do it?" you ask him the first day he did it

"Yea, gives us more daddy-daughter time. Take the morning for yourself" he tells you, kissing you on the forehead

"You know she loves you right? I know you, the wheel are turning in there" you tell him, weaving your fingers around his neck and playing with the ends of his hair

The moment Haechan found out you were pregnant, he vowed to always be there for your child. He always dreamt of being a father, a father who will always be there for their kid. And he has, but there are still times he feels like he missed too much because he's too busy with his career.

"Times flies by so fast, she used to fit right in my arm. Now she's running around, and she talks more than me. Would you believe that"

You chuckle at his words. She does have the talent to talk your ear off, she's now at that age where everything ends with a "why?" question.

"Daddy, why is the sky blue?" "Mommy, why do the fishy float?" "Daddy, why is this sweet and that one yucky?" referring to salt and sugar

Just some of the daily questions of Lee Nari.

But really that girl can ask you why water is wet every breakfast and you still wouldn't have it any other way.

And so the tradition started. Haechan is now on school duty while you stay at home.

"She does this cute thing when I drop her off, she goes bye bye daddy I love you" he tells you one day.

"How many times have you cried in the car after she said that?" you tease him

"Like 2 maybe 3, the first time was the worst. After she said it, she just walked away and left me"

"Stop being dramatic, she was just going to pre-school" you laugh

"The other day she asked me why was the sun chasing us when we were driving to school"

"What did you say?"

"Can't remember, something along the lines of 'the sun likes nice people'. I'm running out of answers" he tells you dramatically, making you chuckle once again.

It's been months since that routine started. the two Lee's enjoying the quick drive from and to school. Haechan would play his favorite songs while Nari sings along, his heart swelling with pride as he listens to his daughters singing.

One particular morning, it unexpectedly got hectic. You left earlier than the two due to do some errand and get a quick checkup. While on their way to school, Haechan got an urgent call from work.

"I just got here at Nari's school, why?" he waited until he was infront of the school and the car on stop before answering the call. He spots the teacher who welcomes the student every morning and fetch them outside, waving over to them and opening the backseat door.

Haechan was still busy on the phone while Nari waits, her teacher ushers her inside as Haechan smiles and wave as his daughter walks away.

Just as he was about to pull up on the driveway to get his stuff ready for work, he received another call this time from you.

"Yes?" he answered

"Did you drive Nari today?"

Confused, he answered your question "Yes, I just dropped her off. Why did something happen at school?". He didn't even wait for your answer, already starting the engine once again to drive back to her school

"Her teacher just called me, she was bawling her eyes out apparently. Had a mini melt down when you didn't say goodbye to her"

Just then Haechan remembered their little tradition. Feeling his blood run cold, he didn't say i love you to Nari and now she's sad.

"Oh my Nari, I'm driving back there"

"No need, I'm like 5 minutes away from the school. I'll handle it. You have a meeting today too" you tell him

"But-" he tries to protest

"It'll be fine, we'll see you later okay"

How can he focus on work when all he can think about is how he made his little girl upset. When you got home from Nari's school, it wasn't a surprise to see your husband sitting on the living room couch. Nothing but silence inside the house.

"Hey, she's fine now" you say, catching his attention

"I really didn't mean to forget, I was on the phone. I waved goodbye to her, I guess it flew my mind" he tells you, you can tell he's just as upset as Nari was.

You shot him a small smile before walking towards him. Immediately he opens his arms, hugging you around the waist while you pat his head lovingly.

"If it makes you feel any better, I forgot her favorite blanket the other day and she said she felt upset with me" you hear him chuckle from below you

"But then she hugged me and said it was okay. Our little girl doesn't have a single bone of hate in her body so don't worry too much okay? You're her favorite person ever" you added

"What if all she'll ever remember is me forgetting to say I love you to her?" he asks, looking up at you.

Sighing, you pull away to sit beside him but Haechan pulls you over to make you sit on his lap. Like he just needed your comfort right now.

"What she'll remember is how good of a father you are, how you practically hung the stars in the sky. You've always been the best dad, don't go doubting it now" you tell him, cradling his face in your hands.

Your words are always enough to wash away any doubt he has. It's a magic you posses. With that, he feels a lot better.

"She'll be home in a few hours, why don't we go and pick her up? Meanwhile, go do some work" you tell him, giving him a quick kiss before standing up.

A few hours later, the two of you drove to pick up Nari. You go to the front office to get her while Haechan waits outside, holding a bouquet of flowers for his little girl.

You and Nari walk outside hand in hand. Haechan thought she was going to be mad at him but the moment Nari sees her dad, she made a dash towards him. Immediately Haechan kneels down to catch her in a tight hug. Picking her up and hugging her close to him.

"Hi baby, dad's so so so sorry about this morning. Sorry I forgot to say I love you" he mumbles, the little Lee just hugs him for a while. You got to where the two were standing, taking the flowers from Haechan so he could carry Nari more comfortably.

Nari pulls back to look at her dad, the two of you waiting for what she has to say

"I got sad because I didn't get to say I love you to dad" she pouts

"You got sad because you didn't say I love you to me?" Haechan asks back, Nari nodding at her father's question

"Oh lovebug, you don't have to be sad about dad. I know you love me very very much" he tells her

"But I always say it to you"

You smile at your husband and your little girl. Loving hearing their argument of who loves more.

"Even when you don't tell daddy, I already know. But okay, I promise to not leave you until you say it to me. How does that sound?"

"Okay, I love you daddy" she says then hugs Haechan again.

"I love you, more than anything in this world, my Nari" he looks over at you, mouthing the same words to you.

You sent him a smile. Guiding the two over to the car,

"Okay now that's done, what do you want for dinner?" you ask the two

"Kimchi fried rice!" you hear the tiny voice say from the backseat.

"You heard the girl" you chuckle

"I'll cook you the best kimchi fried rice, it will be the best ever" Haechan says, starting the car and driving away. The conversation continues, with Nari's endless stories and wonders while the two of you answer.

He looks over at you, taking your hand and giving it a quick kiss. Just then you hear Nari's voice again,

"Mom, is the moon sleeping during the day?"

#story tags #fic #nct #nct fic #nct au #nct reads #nct imagine #nct oneshot #nct fluff #nct kids #nct haechan #haechan #haechan imagine #haechan dad #haechan scenario #haechan au #haechan fluff

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littlethingsinlife · 2 years ago

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i'm sorry (happier part 2)

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of positive feedback for the first part and I was even more surprised to see people asking for a part 2! It was originally created to be a one-shot but a part 2 really fit well with how the first one ended. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you again for all of the love and support! I hope you all enjoy. I also want to thank my friend, @tummymoth, they really helped me flush out and refine my rusty ass writing (also let me word vomit at them till midnight sometimes).

Pairing(s): Past Lo’ak x Omatikayan!Reader, Ao’nung x Omatikayan!Reader, Slight mentions of Lo’ak x Tsireya

Warnings: Lo'ak's POV, Swearing, Ao'nung saying something sus ONE time

More Info: My vision for this part 2 was to create a reply in Lo'ak's pov. So we'll have a look at what he experienced and thought process (not too sure if any of that made sense) but I was inspired by Joshua Bassett's song "i'm sorry" and it played constantly as I wrote this. Hopefully I was able to do right by my idea haha.

Summary: 7,547

Part 1: Happier

Key:

(Y/N) = Your Name

Lyrics = Bolded Italics

Flashbacks = Italics

Na'vi Words:

Yuey - beautiful (refers to a person)

Skxawng - idiot/moron

Marui - Pods where the Na’vi live

Ilu - sea creature similar to dolphins

Ikran - dragon-like creature

Tulkun - sentient creatures similar to whales

Olo’eyktan - clan leader/ chief

I thought about what I would say

But I’m two years too late

I can’t imagine how you’re doing these days, hmm

Sure, it wasn’t perfect back then

I’ll be first to admit

But it was better than being strangers again, oh

It had been a couple of months since my interactions with (Y/N) dwindled to terse smiles and barely audible greetings. If you asked me to point out the moment our friendship started to change, I couldn’t tell you. When did our bond start to break? When did it even start to crack? We used to talk every day about all the things we did and planned what pranks to pull on everyone, but now? Now, she barely looked in my direction. Now, she wouldn’t even give me the time of day.

I couldn’t remember when it started, but I knew that it was somehow my fault I grew distant once we arrived in Awa'atlu. I guess I was just so fascinated by the new environment and people, I didn’t even realize a rift started to form between us in the first place, much less that it started to grow.

The night before we left to find a new home, I held (Y/N) as she let out sobs filled with fear and anxiety. It broke my heart, but all I could do was hold her and let her cry until she was calm enough to tell me what was on her mind.

“I-I am afraid, what if the sky people come to find us again? I cannot lose any of you; it would break me into a million pieces,” she sobbed.

“If they find us then we will fight and we will win,” I reassured her, gently rocking her back and forth.

“You are an idiot, I was so close to losing you, to losing Kiri, Tuk, how do you think it would make me feel to lose the most important people in my life?” she sniffled. My chest ached at how broken she sounded, but the only thing I could do was assure her and offer her more words of comfort as I held her in my arms.

“I promise that I will be with you throughout the journey as will my family. We love you, and even if you do not believe it, you are a Sully. And you know what my dad always says.”

“Sullys stick together,” we chorused.

That night, I cradled her in my arms until she fell asleep.

Fuck, I completely broke my promise to her, how could I forget? Shaking my head, I tried to reason to myself, “Maybe she just needs time alone. I’m sure she’ll come running back soon once she realizes that it's no fun without me, her best friend.” I felt a small, unfamiliar feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Right?”

I’m drunk too late talking to the moon

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

“Bah! Stop lying, I know you (Y/N). You would have fought alongside me and defended Kiri. You are not the same girl I knew in the forest back home,” I muttered, rolling my eyes and getting up to leave. Honestly, who did she think she was fooling? The skxawng had the balls to insult Kiri, and all she did was sit back and watch. She didn’t even make a move to help until it was to help him by pulling me off. “Talk to me when you’ve come back to your senses,” I called over my shoulder, refusing to look back.

“Lo’ak! Bro—” a hand roughly grabbed my shoulder, jolting me out of my daze, “why’re you just staring off like that?” I whipped my head to see who the hell it was that was bothering me, only to be met with Neteyam.

“Did you have to grab me that hard?” I hissed before my initial anger gave way to a heavy feeling. “It's nothing, just—just lost in thought” I sighed, shrugging his hand off my shoulder.

“Right, sure, nothing.” he crouched down beside me. “Don’t think you can lie to me lil bro, you’ve been spacing out more than you usually do. I didn’t even think it was possible to be more empty-headed than you already are,” he stated.

“Wha—no I haven’t,” I tried to argue, but of course, he wasn’t convinced.

“Can you stop arguing with me for once and just tell me what’s going on with you, you skxawng?”

I scrunched my nose in distaste and inhaled sharply, “(Y/N) and I have been… distant,” I admitted, turning to look at him. “She won’t even look at me. She either only answers me with one word or doesn’t answer at all.”

He nodded, motioning for me to continue.

“I—the last time we talked, I said things I didn’t mean. Things that just came out because I was so frustrated and… and angry. It was the heat of the moment and I—”

“What did you say skxawng, did you hurt her?” Neteyam interrupted, face twisting to show the beginnings of distaste.

“No, no—” I sputtered and raised my hands to calm him before he could go on an hour-long lecture that I absolutely was not in the mood to hear. “At least I don’t think I did… I just wanted to ask her why the hell she was helping fish lips, that’s all—”

“You didn’t answer me Lo’ak, what did you say to (Y/N)? I don’t care why you did it, I want to know what you said to elicit such a reaction from her.” By Eywa, if he would just give me a chance to get to the point—

“I—I told her that she was not the same girl that I knew back in the forest..." my ears lowered as the weight of what I said slowly sunk in. “And that she could talk to me once she came back to her senses,” I whispered, internally cringing at my harsh words..

“You fucking skxawng—”

“Can you stop calling me that? I already know, you don’t need to keep repeating it…” I scoffed, looking out into the ocean. I’m good enough at beating myself up over the hundreds of times I’ve messed up in this lifetime, I didn’t need another disappointed set of eyes on me.

My ears twitched at the deep sigh he let out. “Look, I’m sorry that I keep calling you skxawng but that is exactly what you are for saying something so hurtful to your best friend of all people. The two of you were inseparable the moment you were born. Even if you don’t want to, suck up your dumbass pride,” my ears flattened again. It wasn’t pride, I’m not prideful. It—it was me needing (Y/N) on my side. We used to always be on the same page, and when she said I was wrong for wanting to defend Kiri against those assholes, it felt like she was siding with them instead of me, and—

Okay, so maybe it was pride.

“Admit that you were wrong, and go talk to (Y/N),” Neteyam insisted as he put a reassuring arm around my shoulders, jostling me around to prove a point. “Your friendship is so much stronger and Eywa knows that a heat-of-the-moment argument isn’t going to break that. You should have more faith in her.” His gaze sharpened before he schooled his expression into something calmer. “Just talk to her, yeah?”

“...Yeah,” I mumbled, swallowing down whatever argument was trying to bubble up from my throat and prying his arm off me. “You’re right. I’ll just clear things up with her and apologize. Everything will go back to normal after that, thanks bro—for listening,” I agreed.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say They haunt me, oh

And I know that I’m to blame

So, go ahead and

Blame it on me, oh

Our lessons on the ways of the Metkayina were finished, so it was rare for the entire group to be in the same place. But every once in a while, we all finished our chores at the same time and found ourselves near the shore where we first learned to ride the ilu, and sat around a fire hours before eclipse, laughing and exchanging stories.

The rarity of these moments made me cherish them that much more, but two people continued to miss our not-so-scheduled gatherings the past two moon cycles. How was it possible that they were the only two to keep missing our hangouts? Were they together? Fish lips had better not be doing anything to (Y/N) or so hel—

“(Y/N)! Ao’nung! You guys made it!” Rotxo laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, quit shouting will you?” Ao’nung shot back as he sat down next to Rotxo, (Y/N) smiling softly as she followed.

“So, what’ve you guys been up to? We haven’t seen you in what feels like ten moon cycles.” Neteyam questioned.

“Teyam, you saw me earlier today, you literally helped me feed our ikran,” (Y/N) joked. ‘Teyam? When did she start calling him by anything other than his given name?

Ao’nung swatted her side with his stupidly wide tail and swung an arm around her shoulder with a remarkably punchable smile on his face “More like he was trying to make sure you didn’t accidentally give them your fingers for breakfast. They would’ve gotten indigestion.”

“Haha very funny Ao’nung,” she drawled, “I would’ve fed you to Tekay instead, but she would’ve gagged the moment she caught a whiff of you,” she scoffed as she quickly pushed him away by the chest.

“Wait… Do they even have a gag reflex?” Fish lips didn’t budge, he just had a dumb look of confusion on his face.

“No, but they would defy the laws of biology to gag just for you,” she quipped, sticking out her tongue and moving to push him away again, but the skxawng had the nerve to pull her into a headlock.

“Oh, yuey, the ikran won’t be the only ones gagging on me tonight,” he argued with a smirk.

Did I want to punch that smirk off his face? Did I want to gag? Both? Before I could make a decision, (Y/N) grimaced, pushing him away again and smacking him upside the head.

“That’s actually repulsive. You’re disgusting.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants, her family is right there,” Rotxo laughed, doubled over as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Yeah, we’re right here,” I interjected with a smile—wanting to join in on the jokes that were being thrown around—but it was hard to keep my face from falling when I saw (Y/N)’s bright expression falter.

“Anyway, what were you guys talking about before Ao’nung and I arrived?” she asked in a too-bright tone of voice she only used when she desperately wanted to change the subject. As if everyone came to an unspoken agreement to forget about the conversation before, one by one they all started talking about who they thought would win in a fight—Toruk Makto, or our Olo’eyktan, Tonowari.

The sound of laughter and excited chatter faded as I replayed the previous conversation in my head. When did they start joking around like that? Why the hell did fish lips call her yuey like it was the most natural thing in the world? How come she smiled so easily with him but faltered when she sees me? She was probably smiling with him right now—

I looked over at her, a pit in my stomach already forming at the idea of her smiling at him, but she looked so distant, so withdrawn from everything around her. Before I could even blink, she put a delicate hand on Ao’nung’s arm to grab his attention and mumbled something in a hushed tone. After a few beats of silent conversation, Ao’nung nodded and gave her a look of understanding.

Why did he look at her like that? How much time did they spend together to be able to understand each other with just a look? How much time have I wasted breaking my promise to her while she grew closer to someone else?

Standing up, I made up my mind that I would talk to her and clear up any miscommunication. There was no way in hell I was about to let fish lips ruin our childhood friendship. Before I could even get close, Neteyam pulled me aside.

“Bro, why’re you glaring at everyone?” he asked with concern written all over his face.

“Glaring?” I tilted my head in confusion. “I’m not glaring, this is just my face.”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “I’m your brother, I know your face. Whatever look you’ve been throwing at Ao’nung and (Y/N)? You may as well have been throwing knives at them.”

Behind Neteyam, I could see (Y/N) get up to bid everyone good night and slowly walk in our direction. This was my chance, I just needed this overbearing idiot to leave me alone.

“Whatever look you think I’m giving to them, you’re wrong,” I denied. “Can you not act like this right now?” My tail flicked side to side impatiently, an obvious twinge of annoyance clear in my tone. I licked my lips nervously as I could hear footsteps coming closer. Leaning slightly to the side, I looked behind Neteyam to see (Y/N) and—

Ao’nung? What? Why is he there?

“Good night,” (Y/N) muttered, not sparing us a glance as she walked past. I followed her every move and—as if everything slowed down—my eyes narrowed as they found Ao’nung’s hand placed on her lower back, leading her gently in the direction of the marui.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

Though it's far too late

“I did it! Did you see that Reya?” I shouted—out of breath—as I showed off the shell Tsireya threw.

“Yes, yes you did it!” She exclaimed, excitedly wrapping her hand around mine. For someone who spent so much time underwater, her hand radiated so much warmth. So easy to hold. My heart swelled with pride as she continued to compliment me. “You’ve improved so much!”

“Yeah? Well, I had a great teacher,” I joked, nudging her softly with my shoulder. It wasn’t just her hands that were warm either, she just seemed to radiate it.

“Oh stop, you flatter me too much,” she denied, fidgeting with her hair. Was that a blush on her face? “C’mon, why don’t we catch up with the others? Private lessons are officially done for the day,” she announced as she led me to shore. Oh Eywa, she looked so pretty like this, with her hair flowing down her back and the way her eyes cast down when she became flustered. And her smile, it was a smile that could knock the air out of my lungs.

While we walked onto shore, we joked around and laughed with each other, talking about anything and everything. The ease of each reply and joke came as smoothly as gliding through the water on an ilu—as easy as breathing. Laughing at another one of Tsireya’s jokes, my eyes scanned the village as we approached it. Families were winding down for the day as they cooked dinner, although I didn’t see mine anywhere nearby aside from Kiri.

My smile slowly dropped when I was able to make out Kiri looking frantically around as if she was searching for someone. Tsireya and I made our way to her, worry filling the pit in my stomach. As we got closer, I could see Ao’nung climb down one of the roots of the Mangrove trees and make a beeline toward her. My eyes stayed on both of them, making sure that fish lips didn’t do anything to Kiri.

Ears twitching I was able to make out the words, “(Y/N)? Did you find her? ” from Kiri as they were carried on the wind toward us.

“Yeah I did, I was able to get her to eat, but she’s not looking too good,” Ao’nung replied with concern lacing his voice.

Brows furrowing, I pulled Ao’nung by the shoulder. “What do you mean she’s not looking good? Where is she? What did you do?”

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit, freak.” I rolled my eyes at the insult. He couldn’t use that thick head of his to think of anything else to call me? From the pained look on his face, I could tell that my grip on his shoulder had too much pressure. Good. Served him right.

Before Ao’nung and I could continue our argument Kiri groaned, “Will the both of you skxawng shut up! I’ll go talk to her.” My eyes followed her retreating form as she went to talk to (Y/N)—tail lashing back and forth in agitation all the while—before turning back to Ao’nung.

Who the hell did he think he was? I’d beat his skxawng ass if he hurt (Y/N) in any way. He had no right to look so damn worried. They weren’t even close. What even happened? How long had she been missing for Kiri to go to fish lips of all people for help? Should I follow Kiri? Why didn’t (Y/N) come to me? She always came to me, and if she came to me now, I absolutely would have listened. Why—

“Lo’ak? Hey, are you okay? Lo’ak?” a hand softly placed itself on my arm. Closing my eyes in frustration, I sighed.

“Yeah, perfectly fine.”

Damn it, was that when it started? How idiotic and blind have I been that I didn’t even notice that her trust in me started to slip and die when it was right in front of me? Why didn’t I go to her and make sure she was okay? I should’ve punched that idiot’s lights out—

“Ao’nung! Stop pulling me you skxawng, you’re walking too fast, slow down!” a hushed voice chastised.

“C’mon yuey, we only have about an hour before eclipse, we have to hurry!” His voice grated against my ears as he responded.

“That’s plenty of time!” (Y/N) insisted. I could hear the laughter bubbling up in her voice as she chased after him. “Please Ao’nung slow down, I can’t keep up.”

“It can’t be helped, you’re so short—” a whack could be heard. “Ow!”

“I’m as tall as Tsireya, you giant!”

“Both you and my sister are short—Ow! Alright, just because you did that, you leave me no choice,” Ao’nung said, throwing (Y/N) over his shoulder with a laugh.

The bickering voices got closer, and my eyes narrowed at the way he held her. My breath hitched as he whispered something in her ear that made her ears perk up and her eyes widen. What the hell was he saying to her? Before I could spring up from my spot, Ao’nung tossed (Y/N) in the water, her yelp quickly interrupted by the sound of her body hitting the water.

I stayed in my spot as shock zipped through my body. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, her head popped out of the water, a playful glare on her face.

“I told you, you left me no choice,” he stated, guffawing at her expression.

“Oh yeah?” she groused, spitting out seawater as she wrung out her hair. “Well fuck you too. Help me out of here?”

“Only if you say the magic word,” he taunted, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Otherwise, I’m afraid my hands are tied.”

“Please, oh great son of our Olo’eyktan, help me out of the ocean,” she beckoned dramatically, sarcasm dripping from every word while she rolled her eyes. “It’s about time you recognized my proud lineage, forest dweller,” he said as his chest puffed out with a hand reaching towards (Y/N). And there was that stupid smile on his face.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, a mischievous smile spreading across her face as she reached for his hand, making sure to tug with enough force to unceremoniously yank him into the water.

“So much for the son of a great warrior! Your instincts are shit!”

“My instincts are dull you say?” he questioned as his head popped up next to her. “We’ll see about that!”

“Wha—AHHH—'' she wheezed. “No, please Ao’nung stop! That tickles!” Her arms flailed wildly in an attempt to free herself from his grasp.

What the fuck.

My ears flattened at an angle as I tried to process the scene unfolding before me. When did she start laughing with him? That should’ve been me she was laughing with. Not him, not the skxawng who had been nothing but rude to us since we arrived. What… what was I even saying—Fuck I didn’t know anymore. Why did I feel like this every time I saw them together… laughing and making jokes like we used to?

And it was me, it wasn’t you

It’s cliche, but it’s true

I wasn’t thinking how I usually do, oh

And is your momma doing well?

Or does she still hate me?

But it was hard to watch me put you through hell

I’m drunk, too late, talking to the moon, ooh

Writing songs I can’t sing to you, ‘cause

Two weeks had passed since I started noticing the changes in (Y/N)’s relationship—friendship?—with Ao’nung. It was like every time I blinked, I could see her laughing loudly as Ao’nung tickled her with a triumphant smile on his stupid face. Since that day, I had been trying to find a way to talk to (Y/N), but she was never alone. She was always with him and when she wasn’t, she disappeared and I couldn’t find her no matter how hard I looked.

Now here I was, wandering around trying to look for her as I rehearsed what I wanted to tell her.

Where could she be? Dinner was in an hour and she wasn’t anywhere near our marui. I had to find her soon so there would be enough time for us to talk. I had to tell her that I miss her, that I was sorry for being so dumb, that I shouldn’t have let my pride blind me, and that I didn’t mean any of the things I said.

There was only one place I hadn’t looked yet… hopefully she was there.

As I was getting closer to the root Kiri stalked to, I could see two silhouettes beside each other. An all-too-familiar feeling bloomed in my chest once I registered that she was there with him.

Her melodic laughter made my steps falter. I clenched my fists tightly, contemplating if I should go over there and pull her away, force her to talk to me, to listen. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she looked so content, so happy.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say

They haunt me, oh

I know that I’m to blame

So, go ahead and

Blame it on me, oh

“Lo’ak? You said you were going to look for (Y/N) and never came back. She’s already in the marui helping mom cook,” Kiri stated, a twinge of annoyance lacing her voice. “Hey, are you listening?” She shook my arm slightly, making me jump out of my stupor.

“Yeah, sorry, you said dinner was ready?” I asked as I stared off.

The sand beside me crunched softly as Kiri made a move to sit beside me. “No, I said that (Y/N) is with mom helping her cook. Where is your head at?” she asked as she tilted her head to try and meet my gaze. “Are you alright?” The annoyance in her voice shifted to concern.

“I’m fine, yep—just… fine,” I brushed her off, hoisting myself up to head towards Mom and Dad for dinner before Kiri yanked me back down.

“Lo’ak, don’t pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Tell me what’s going on,” she urged. “Maybe I can help you with whatever it is that’s occupied your mind lately.”

I inhaled sharply, debating if I should tell her what had been muddying my mind, the reason why I had been so spaced out, why I had been glaring daggers at fish lips each time I saw his stupid face next to (Y/N)—how confused I was.

“Stop with the thinking skxawng, you might hurt yourself,” she admonished. “Just tell me. It’s not like I can’t handle it.”

Huffing, I rolled my eyes and turned away from her to look at the sea. I hadn't even said anything yet and Kiri was already making me feel idiotic. How was I supposed to tell her what's been going on like this? Maybe if I kept quiet for long enough, she would get tired of waiting for me to start talking and go on to eat dinner without me.

A couple of minutes of silence passed.

I could still feel her staring at me.

“I’ve—I’ve been conflicted,” I started, tongue feeling heavy in my mouth as I continued to stare at the shoreline. “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

“What do you mean?” Kiri nudged my shoulder with hers. “Elaborate a little more, I can’t help if you don’t tell me the reason why you’re feeling confused.”

“...Whenever I see (Y/N) with Ao’nung, it’s as if I can feel my heart aching,” I said, motioning toward my chest to prove my point. “There’s always a… a surge of anger that rushes through me. All I want to do is pull her away from him so then everything can go back to the way things used to be—for us to be okay.”

“Lo’ak…” If I was looking at her, I’d probably see Kiri tilt her head with sympathy. But sympathy isn’t what I needed right now.

“I want her to look at me and smile, to laugh with me, hug me—but now, whenever I get close to her, she’s next to him, laughing with him, cracking the jokes we would make to each other… I just—” I rubbed at my face in frustration. It wasn’t as if the words were hard to come by—I had spent so much time bottling them up that it was hard to stop talking. No, I just hated the fact that I felt this way in the first place. “I don’t understand why seeing them makes me feel like my heart is about to explode—why it makes me want to scream. It hurts.”

“Lo’ak” she put a hand on my shoulder. “Are you—are you in love with (Y/N)?”

Love?

I sputtered in surprise and whipped my head toward Kiri to see if she was joking or not. What kind of a sick question was that? I wasn’t in the mood for any games.

“What? No, she’s like my… sister?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you’re not, then why does seeing her with Ao’nung hurt you so much? Why do you care as much as you do?”

“I shouldn’t!” I wrenched my shoulder away from her hand and stood up. The need to move around and do something—anything—was too much. There was too much energy thrumming right beneath my skin to sit still anymore.

“That’s the problem! After everything I said to her, done to her? I don’t have the right to say I’m in love with her. She’s my childhood friend, Kiri. That’s all our relationship has ever been… I just—” I paused in thought and tried to calm down. “I didn’t realize seeing her have so much fun with someone else would make me feel so, so hollow—”

“Let me ask you something, you have to promise to be completely honest with me, okay?”

I nodded, not even looking in her direction.

“When (Y/N) tried to pull you off from Ao’nung that one fight months ago, what did you feel? Angry? Betrayed? Jealous?”

Jealous? Did she really think I was sulking for months because of such a petty feeling? I’m not a jealous person. I never have been.

“Seeing her jump in to get me off him made me feel like she was siding with him and telling me that I was wrong. Her actions were clear as day to me, Kiri.” I started to pace around. “She was protecting him—caring for him when she should’ve been next to me, helping and supporting me. When she did that—I felt like the only person that’s ever been on my side—” I croaked and turned my head to look at Kiri as tears stung my eyes “The only person who didn’t see everything I did as some sort of disappointment or failure, abandoned me and chose someone else.”

“...”

“I know that I could’ve approached her a different way but how could I when I felt so broken?” I inhaled sharply, eyebrows furrowed. “ It’s all fish lips’ fault. If he wasn’t such an asshole, none of this would have happened, and (Y/N) and I would still be the same, she would still be by my side—supporting me, loving me.”

“Why do you keep blaming it on Ao’nung?”

“Because it is his fault that things have turned out the way it has.” I threw my hands up, exasperated. What wasn’t Kiri getting? “He’s getting in between my relationship—er—friendship with (Y/N)! If he wasn’t there I would be able to talk to her and tell her I’m sorry, but she’s always with him—”

“Stop! Are you hearing yourself?” She nudged at my foot to interrupt and scoffed. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? (Y/N) told me what you said to her, how ‘she wasn’t the same girl’ you knew back in the forest. Do you know what happened when you told her that? Do you know how much pain she was in?”

Pain? I snorted, turning towards Kiri. “Now I know what you’re saying is bullshit. You know how (Y/N) is—if she really was pissed at me she would’ve come to me instead of running to someone else.”

“She wasn’t pissed. She cried because of you, Lo’ak. Because of what you said.” I stopped dead in my tracks to look at her. Kiri's eyes didn’t waver. Another heavy feeling settled on my chest and clawed its way up my throat. If you had asked me what it was, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you. Was I sad? Guilty? Angry? Was I jealous like she said?

I settled on anger.

“If you’re saying what I think you’re saying—”

“The person that found her that night, the one who comforted her? That was Ao’nung. He held her in his arms as she sobbed when I found them.” She stood up too, forcing me to stop pacing.

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is him, Kiri. What the fuck—”

“Did you ever think about why she’s so comfortable with him now? Why they’re so close? While you ignored her for weeks, he made sure she was okay—made sure she ate every day. He didn’t leave her side until she finished,” Kiri pointed out, and before I could even think to open my mouth to remind her how shitty he was to her especially, she cut me off. “Yes, he was an asshole at the beginning, and yes he has a screwed-up way to show he cares, but he stepped up when you fucked up.” She poked my chest with a glare before she continued.

“Oh, so I’m a fuck-up now?” I asked wryly.

“You can’t put all the blame on someone that took care of your best friend. Stop being so blinded by your pride and hatred and see that you’re the real reason why your relationship with (Y/N) isn’t the same as it used to be.”

My heart sank a little more as I scrambled for something to say. “How could you say that—”

“No, you do not get to interrupt me right now, Lo’ak.” Her eyes flashed with something closer to anger than annoyance. When was the last time I saw her angry? “Listen and listen well. When we couldn’t find (Y/N) and we were looking for her everywhere—he was the one that found her spot, the one she isolated herself to so she could cry alone, and no one would see how much pain she was in. And what were you doing in the meantime?”

My ears flattened at her rising tone, and I was finally beginning to understand the weight stuck in my throat and chest. Not anger, not even jealousy.

“You were out there with Tsireya, stuck in your own little world.”

It was my fault.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy that you found her but you can’t have both of them. You can’t be that selfish. From (Y/N)’s perspective, you’ve already chosen the one you want.”

“It’s not like I’ve actually chosen anyone yet,” I tried to interject, but all the fight had left my voice as Kiri’s words dug into my skin and sunk in.

“Don’t you dare play with either of their feelings. (Y/N) held so much love for you in her heart, she allowed herself to break to the point of no repair because she didn’t want to show you how much it hurt her to see you at your happiest with Tsireya.” She paused before continuing, her voice losing its edge. “Let her move on, brother. And if it’s Ao’nung that makes her light up the way she used to, then you suck it up and let him. He was there when your pride wouldn’t even let you apologize or even look in her direction. Actually think about how she feels for once.”

I hated the fact that there wasn’t anything I could say to prove her wrong.

“It’s all I’ve been thinking about nowadays,” I muttered.

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

I’m sorry, hmm

I’m sorry

Though it’s far too late

“I thought I was already doing that,” a faint voice huffed in annoyance. Turning the corner, I saw Ao’nung and (Y/N) standing on the beach together— far too close for my liking.

“You were, but you got sloppy. Here, you have to move your hips like this,” he said as he corrected her posture. My ears flattened against my head as he put a hand on her hip and gently directed her movement.

Why did he look so gentle with her?

“Ao’nung,” (Y/N)’s voice rang out, clear as crystal despite her uncertain tone. “Are you sure you should be teaching me this? This is a traditional Metkayina dance, right? I’m…” she hesitated, her voice becoming smaller. “I’m not Metkayina—”

“Yet.” He interrupted, holding her face in his hands. “You are not Metkayina yet. Once you become one of us, you will have to learn the dance to celebrate the return of our spirit brothers and sisters, so why not learn that now?” I hated how reassuring his voice was. The thought of how either of their eyes looked as they held contact made my stomach turn.

“Yeah… you’re right,” she mumbled with an unsure look on her face.

“Woah, hey pretty girl, look at me,” he insisted, laying his hands on her shoulders and bending his neck so they were at eye level. “I’m serious when I say you will become Metkayina one day, so don’t worry yourself over it right now. Okay?” Ao’nung tilted his head to the side, an unbelievably soft expression on his face. “You have me here to help you.”

“Alright…” (Y/N) mumbled, not convinced.

“If you don’t get rid of that look on your face I’ll throw you into the water,” he said as his face shifted from sincerity to something mischievous. “Or worse… I’ll tickle you,” he threatened.

“You better not Ao’nung, or I swear to the Great Mother herself I will hu—AHH—get away, you skxawng!'' She laughed as she tried to run away, but Ao’nung grabbed hold of her waist and pulled her into his arms. And despite her words of protest, it was clear as day that she was leaning into him while they scuffled on the sand.

“No!” she shrieked with glee. “You can’t make me go in there again!”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that, forest dweller!”

A thought occurred. Should I go up to them? We never got the chance to talk, after all. I took a few steps in their direction before freezing. When was the last time I heard her laugh like that? She had the biggest smile on her face, and the one who made that happen wasn’t me—it was him.

And if you ever hear this

I hope you know that

I’m not proud of who I’ve been, ooh

And if I see you again

I hope you know that

I wish you nothing but the best

And my biggest regret

The afternoon was quiet, relative silence only interrupted by the crashing of waves. Without much to do, I just sat in our marui and lazed around with Tuk until a horn blew.

“The tulkun have returned! Everybody—our brothers and sisters have returned!” Tsireya’s voice rang out, and when I poked my head out to see what the fuss was about, I saw the megawatt smile on her face, as she swam by on her ilu.

The village came to life as everyone mounted either ilu or canoe to make their way to the tulkun. From here, I could see little more than a large group of dark shapes making their way through the water. Payakan himself was dauntingly huge, but to see a whole pod of them show up like this? It was spectacular. I watched the commotion unfold from one of the walkways, lost in thought before I felt water splashing at my feet.

“Come on Lo’ak! Don’t just stand there, let’s go see the tulkun together!” Tsireya urged, still smiling. Shaken out of my stupor, I grinned widely—diving into the water and clambering onto her ilu. lu may be lithe animals, but I could still feel sinuous muscle under velvety skin as it made adjustments in the water to keep balance.

“I’ll come, but only if you’re offering a ride,” I joked, gently holding her waist and playfully leaning onto her. The cool water around us made her skin feel that much warmer. It was nice.

Before I could see her reaction—I would’ve bet anything at that moment that her cheeks had become flushed—we began to quickly make our way toward the rest of the clan and the giant tulkun.

The air around me vibrated with the excitement and happiness of loved ones returning, and Tsireya was no exception—the speed of the ilu gave away her eagerness to be with her spirit sister. As we leaped into and out of the water, Tsireya’s laughter was carried by the wind and reached my ears. That, and the answering whoops and bellows of Metkayina and tulkun alike, was almost contagious enough to get carried away by the energy surrounding us.

“My spirit sister is down there,” she said as she dismounted, sliding off her ilu and into the water. “Wait here, yeah?” she smiled at me before diving down.

I was more than happy to watch the Na’vi around me. Looking around, I was in awe of the sheer amount of tulkun gathered in one area, and how each Metkayina was able to identify their spirit sisters or brothers so easily. Looking down into the shifting waters, I saw Tsireya catching up with her spirit sister, waving her hands around and swimming through the water alongside her.

All around, I could hear people telling stories and the deep, booming calls of the tulkun as they responded with tales of their own. New parents were showing their babies and calves, and as my eyes scanned the horizon, I could see small children holding onto the tulkun’s fins as they were lifted to the glittering ocean surface.

Not too far away, I heard the sound of a body hitting the water and the sound of grating, but familiar laughter along with an indignant (Y/N) sputtering.

“Ao’nung, what the fu—”

“Hey, hey, relax! It’s just some water. There are children here, yuey,” Ao’nung chided with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“The parents of those children are going to have to explain what it means to return to Eywa once I’m through with you,” she retorted, treading water and becoming even more unamused when he raised his hands in mock surrender.

“Woah there pretty girl, you’re talking to the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora—”

“That’s funny, I don’t see Neteyam here,” she interjected, pretending to search the waters around them before turning back to Ao’nung and tilting her head, “do you?”

“Just because you said that you can have fun finding your own way back to shore,” he said as he turned his ilu around.

“Oh, c’mon Ao’nung, don’t be like that,” she rolled her eyes and reached a hand towards him. “You’d really leave me here to fend for myself?”

He turned and wagged a disapproving finger at her, “I’ll consider forgiving you if you say word-for-word that I’m the son of the mightiest warrior in all of Pandora. I can’t have you slandering my father’s name, yuey.” She groaned and leaned back into the water.

“You couldn’t pay me enough to say that load of bull—”

“Nope!” he didn’t give her a chance to defile the ears of any nearby children and crossed his arms. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“...”

“I’m still waiting.”

With a sardonic smile, she finally caved. “Why don’t I do you one better? You’re the mightiest warrior to exist since the time of the First Songs,” she declared, sarcasm dripping from every word as she slapped at the water for emphasis.

“That’s what I thought, was that so hard?” Even if I wasn’t able to see them, I still would have been able to hear the stupidly wide smile that made its way across his face.

“Don’t be such a big baby and let me meet your spirit brother!”

“Just because he’s here to visit today, I’ll let that one slide for now.” Ao’nung rolled his eyes, dismounting his ilu to join (Y/N). “Now hold on tight and hold your breath like how we practiced.”

We? Who the fuck was we? Why was he allowing her to meet his spirit brother? Why were they looking at each other like that?

I watched both of their silhouettes submerge and breathed deeply, forcing my thundering heart to calm as I slowly sank my head into the water. At first, all I could see were blobs floating around in the water, but once my eyes adjusted, I could see the fluid movement of Ao’nung talking to his spirit brother. Eyebrows furrowing, I swam a little closer and hoped that I would be able to see what was being signed. With each movement made, it was clear that Ao’nung was translating the clicks and bellows of the tulkun to (Y/N), and whatever was being said made her smile widen by the second.

I couldn’t watch anymore as my chest burned from the lack of air and I resurfaced to catch my breath. For once, I was thankful for the lack of lung capacity I had. I climbed back onto Tsireya’s ilu. Seeing as she wasn’t back yet, I sat back and leaned on its neck to face the sky.

Did she always glow like that when she smiled? Whenever she was with him—she always looked so happy, so vibrant. Would she have looked like that with me by her side if I didn’t push her away? If I was there for her like I had promised? I wanted to tell her sorry—that I was sorry for taking our friendship for granted, for making her go through it alone. I wish that it didn’t take seeing her smile and laugh with someone else to make me realize how I felt.

I willed my tears to go away.

Is this how she felt? Seeing me with Tsireya? Great Mother… I was truly horrible, wasn’t I? I wished things turned out differently. Maybe in another universe, I did talk to her—realized sooner, made her happier—but now? Right now, my heart was torn in two, watching as someone else picked up the pieces of the heart I crushed. No amount of words could fix what we used to have, and even though I wanted to whisk her away, tell her I love her—that I see her—that seeing her with him made my skin crawl, I knew I couldn’t. I was no longer worthy to be part of her life, because of me and my actions alone.

I had become nothing but a stranger.

Ever since that day

The things I didn’t say

They haunt me

I know that I’m to blame

So go ahead and

Blame it on me, ooh

I know that I’m too late

But I’ll say it anyway

I’m sorry

Hmm, I’m sorry

Oh-oh-oh-oh, I’m sorry

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circeyoru · 8 months ago

Note

have you listened to the song "Partner in Crime" by Madilyn Mei? If not, I strongly recommend it because it makes me think of Unwanted Souls!Alastor. Specifically early days of when the reader tries to push him away

This is for {Unwanted Soul} , check MASTERLIST for the work

The one I listened to is Partners in Crime by Set it Off. But I gave this a listen and omg the lyrics are quite in sync with the story!!

Let me go on a song tangant. Stay if you wanna read.

**Heavy spoiler if you haven't caught up with this series!!!!!

You're right; this matches well in the beginning when Reader/you are trying to push Alastor away so you can go back to your little world of self-indulgence. But what happened afterwards is Alastor staying and showing you care and devotion you never had.

Now, if you keep up with everything I posted about {Unwanted Soul}, you'll know that I never planned for this oneshot to end up as a series with this much background and connections for you. So, in Part 1, it was entirely matched with the request and that long to avoid a continuation. But then you saw the results, hahahahaha~

Anyways. Part 1 never mentioned anything of a dilemma of you pushing Alastor away yet wanting him near you, the later parts did. If you piece back everything, you'll see what I mean with this song.

When you're gone I feel alone again The voices cannot hold my hand They keep me company at very best Distract me from my loneliness

Here, this is a reference to when you had that breakdown when Alastor was more than late for that grocery shopping. You hoped it work, but when it did, you just feel so lonely. Everywhere you see in the apartment, especially the living room since that's where Alastor always was. So you retreated into your room, where he barely had permission to enter. With low self-esteem and self-harming thoughts, you conjured a knife and just stabbed yourself to distract yourself from the mental pain.

Maybe I'm just an anomaly Even my demons have their families Truly something must be wrong with me To need you as much as I do

Naturally, this is a reference to your living years. You felt alienated in your life and among the people that surrounds you. Yes, you're stable and successful to the point that you don't have to worry about getting hungry or not having a house to return to. But you felt so empty with what you're doing. You wanted companionship that you can lean on. Then Alastor comes along and you tell yourself it's too good to be true and pushed him away to protect yourself from a heartache.

I was never meant to win I was never meant to win I was never meant to win Shut up!

Sidetracking, this is referring to you quitting your job as an informant for Lucifer. It's some time after you mastered the two powers you had but never used. You think it's too powerful and you're not worthy of it, so you hide it away. Then it went to thinking you're not fit to work for Lucifer, the King of Hell. Worse when you come to see him as a friend instead of your employer and superior being. It was easy to put a stop to it since Lucifer wasn't as persistent with keeping you by his side than Alastor. (haha this explained why I never put Lucifer as a love interest or show competition between him and Alastor)

Here's the reigns Take ahold of me Please don't let me go You do the talking Sew up my mouth if I can't keep it closed

This is where you basically accepted that Alastor was a yandere for you and let it progress. You know how it is with this type of character. You were just too damaged and desperate for something you longed for that you didn't care anymore. It was a good thing that Alastor saw how damaged you are by that self-harm you inflicted on yourself, better now than later when you were more firm with your feelings for him.

There's a dog barking right around the block And a big ol' whistle blow Run for it I'll keep em occupied for you Cause I love you, I love you so Left me hangin at the station But you'll be back for me soon

I'll switch the narrative here. This matches more for Alastor. This talks about the time when you sent him to the hotel to work (and leave you alone). A little interest that shouldn't be explored for or for you to personally be involved with. So Alastor does his best to keep the hotel matters at the hotel, never needing you to leave your home to investigate anything. Alastor knows you moved him out because you were caring too much and you're trying to stop it. He doesn't care, he wants you. But he'll be patient and give you time, he knows you'll be back for him. And boy was the wait worth it when he saw you fight for him.

Something tells me you aren't coming Guess that I'm truly doomed

When Alastor was nearly brought down by Adam and realized that his power wasn't enough (since it was limited by you). That moment, he was fully prepared to just teleport back to your apartment and stay there.

I'm 'bout to die Yet the only thing I find I'm worried about is you I'm 'bout to die Yet the thing on my mind seems to nearly be nothing but you

This is when, moments before your slumber, you told Alastor that you missed him and removed the rule that blocks his connection with you. You know you're not dying, maybe, but there was that slim chance. You also know that wouldn't be what Alastor thinks, and in a way, you reassure him.

I'm just a pawn in your game Not your partner in crime

You used to think that Alastor was using you for something. In fact, you looked for evidence to prove your theory. But the battles he started for you, the demons he killed for you, and the words that made up deovtion and promise to you, it all pointed against that. Isn't it all so weird?

You're slowly killing me And yet I don't mind (You were never meant to win) You're slowly killing me But please take your time

This is where you accepted that you're not gonna be able to push away Alastor anymore. So you take a back seat and let it happen. You were never meant to win against Alastor's love for you, you were never meant to push him out of your life. What Alastor's killing is the doubts and reason you have to push him away, it takes time to heal and for Alsator to find out about your past. So... You want him to take his time.

"Hey, Alastor." You smiled as you waved your hand at him to beckon him over.

"Yes, My Love?" Alastor skipped over, throwing away a demon's limb behind him comically which earned him a burst of carefree laughter from you.

In a swoft move, you pulled him to your level and gave him a butterfly kiss on the lips then stared into his eyes, "I love you, so dearly. Never leave me."

Alastor felt himself melting from your words and the plead he saw as his order to keep you forever. What ever were you thinking to suddenly say this? He won't question since you ended up demanding his attention and presence. So he smiled and nodded, "Of course. I'll never dream of leaving you. I love you too much for that to ever happen, My Beloved."

#Circe's Nighty Writings #alastor imagine #alastor x reader #alastor x y/n #alastor x you #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor headcanons #hazbin hotel fanfiction #alastor #hazbin hotel oneshots #yandere alastor #yandere alastor x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #alastor fanfiction #hazbin hotel imagines #Unwanted Soul

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leavemyelevator-alone · 11 months ago

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Okay, I know I’m a few days late, but I want to talk about Nicholas the Punisher. This theme shows up in either episode 6 or 7, during Wolfwood’s fight against Livio on the Sand Steamer, and it starts playing when Wolfwood declares that he’s gonna be pissed if he has to hurt Livio. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Wolfwood fight (far from it), but with such high stakes on the outcome on this fight, both concerning Livio’s safety and Vash’s survival, and the fact that this is the theme that is supposed to reflect Wolfwood as the Punisher, we would expect something fast-paced and tense, maybe, if it wanted to lean into the looming outcome if Vash and Wolfwood lose.

But no. Wolfwood’s theme (as the Punisher) is so slow, and seems to carry a melancholic, tragic theme to it. It feels so weary, like Wolfwood is exhausted of having to play this part, and is sick of hurting people he once knew (and even loved, in Livio’s case). It carries an undertone of determinedness, but it’s so overwhelmingly melancholic it makes me pause. Does it mean that under all of his blunder, Wolfwood had already given up on Livio, from the start of the fight? This theme plays before he spits out who he really is to Vash, so does that mean that this is how Wolfwood views himself? Does he see himself as this tragic, unforgivable monster? Does he think that he doomed Livio, albeit unknowingly from the start by letting his little brother follow him around? I think so, but the cool thing about music is that everyone has their own interpretation of it.

Knives’ theme is strong gorgeous and victorious, Vash’s is chaotic and clearly feels like someone on the run, but Wolfwood’s stays tragic. It is mean to show who he is with the Eye of Michael — what they’ve made him into. Not this strong, unbreakable inhuman fighter, but a scared, broken man who feels like not only his brother but his humanity was ripped away from him. Let’s compare it to Undertaker, his introductory theme: as @/fatalwhims mentioned, this piece is overall kinda unsettling. It’s slower as well, but is more confident. It’s relaxed, and arguably a little mischievous, as opposed to Nicholas the Punisher’s despondency. This is absolutely the musical personification of Wolfwood’s persona he shares with the gang. This is the relaxed, knows what he’s doing, “big-brother Nico” vibes he attempts to use to get Vash to trust him. But Nicholas the Punisher is so far from that.

Okay, we got the melancholy, “woe-is me” music out of the way; now it’s time for the action-packed, Vashwood-fighting-back-to-back fight music, right? Wrong. Whom to Kill, Whom to Let Live is the track that plays next, and it is just as (arguably) hopeless. The piano creates a bit more of a determined feel, as well as the bass (I think? Correct me if I’m wrong, cause I probably am) that comes in at 1:07 and the addition of another instrument at 1:37, but if you listen closely, the determination that it invokes fits more that of a grim one than that of a triumphant, I-can-beat-him! feel that most series like to do. That aforementioned piano piece? It’s lifted directly from the track Orphanage. Whom to Kill is just as sad of a song as Nicholas the Punisher, and I feel like this is the perfect score for this fight scene. This is not an epic showdown like it was against the Nebraskas at the beginning of the series, or even against Knives at the end of it. This is what I would call the “Last Agni Kai” fight: Wolfwood doesn’t want to fight Livio. He understands that he seems to have no choice, but that doesn’t mean he wants to fight his baby brother. That is why the Orphanage piano piece comes back and haunts this track. That is why it is grim determination. He will either have to let Livio kill his ward (which will get him killed by Knives), or he will have to kill Livio himself (which will break him worse than death). The entirety of the Livio-Vash-Wolfwood fight is tragic, somber, almost desperate music; not what you would expect to hear from an epic fight scene. None of this might make any sense, but I had to get it out of my system. Thanks for indulging my rambling!

@tristampparty

#TristampParty #trigun #i don't know why i did this #but it Would Not Release Me until i did #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun stampede #analysis

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mot-hesbian · 7 months ago

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I'm back on my Lily bs, especially with my headcanons

Ttpd is so Lily, Blair, and Jenny coded (some Serena but I feel like she's Evernights in a way I can't explain)

Here is my list from The Anthology

Fortnight- it's Dair, I have literally nothing else to say

The Tortured Poets Department- this is either post breakup derena or maybe dair

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys: controversial take: this isn't 🪑. The vibes are wrong, it's Lily and William during their marriage (if you've read my fics you know what I mean by that. I have many feelings about them.)

Down Bad: Rufly??? Dair??? Serenate vibes??? 🪑???? Jagnes??? Who knows? It fits them all so well

So Long, London: it's 🪑. That's it. She tried so hard to hold on but he kept drifting away.

"You say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding onto your quiet resentment. And my friends say it isn't right to be scared, everyday of a live affair, every breath feels like rarest air, and you're not sure if he wants to be there"

"You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days"

"you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the alter waiting for the proof"

But Daddy I Love Him: Rufly, pure and simple.

"I'm running with my dress unbuttoned, screaming but Daddy I love him"

"I'll tell you something right now, I'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to I've more second of all this bitching and moaning"

"I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace"

"there's a lot of people in town that I bestow upon my fastest smile, scandal does funny things to pride but brings Lovers closer"

"now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun... I'm his lady, and oh my God you should see your faces. Time, doesn't it give some perspective? And no, you can't come to the wedding."

Fresh Out The Slammer: the 🪑 and Louis to Dair pipeline. She knows who her first call will be to. And so do we.

Florida: I saw someone say this song is Ivy and Lola, and yeah, that's them if they had a decent storyline. Also, Jagnes. Jenny and Lily. Serena. Blair would never go near Florida outside of spring break.

Guilty As Sin?: I saw an edit of Rufly to this song and now all I can think of when I listen to it is them is season 1 (pre hook up) and season 2 (pre relationship). Lily and Serena's talk in season 1, the Thanksgiving episodes, the winter dance episode, the whole PI bs, everything with Allison tbh

"what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh, only in my mind"

"without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?"

Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?: It's Jenny.

"I am what I am cuz you trained me"

"you caged me then called me crazy" "I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?"

"I was tame, I was gentle til the circus life made me mean, don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth"

"I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street, crash your party like a record scratch as I shriek "who's afraid of little old me?" You should be"

"At all costs keep your good name" "Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke"

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): 🪑

"the smoke cloud billowed out his mouth like a freight train through a small town. The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud."

"Your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger, I can fix him. No, really, I can. And only I can."

Loml: Season 1 and 2 Derena

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart: Lily, Jenny, Blair, and a hint of Serena.

"All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting "more". I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks, cuz I can do it with a broken heart."

"Cuz I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit. They said "babe, you gotta fake it til you make" and I did."

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: Lily and William. I'm obsessed with them and the psychological ramifications his existence alone has on her, your honor. Like, I hate him, I hate them, but I'm fascinated by how horrible their relationship is. Also, Eric and William to a degree. Serena never seems to reach this point.

"Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed in your Jehovah's Witness suit. Who the fuck was that guy?"

"And I don't even want you back, I just want to know, if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

"you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins. In public, showed me off"

"you didn't measure up, in any measure of a man"

"And you'll confess why you did it, and I'll say "good riddance," cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. I would've died for your sins, instead I just died inside. And you deserve prison but you won't get time"

"You kicked out the stage lights but your still performing"

"and in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. And I'll forget you but I'll never forgive"

The Alchemy: Lily and Blair in gen tbh, but specifically with Rufus and Dan.

"cuz the sign on your heart says it still belongs to me"

"he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an 'e'"

"what if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map. I haven't come around in so long, but I'm coming back so strong/to where I belong"

"so when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team. Ditch the clowns, take the crown, cause I'm the one to beat."

Clara Bow: it's the Cece (Clara) to Lily (Stevie) to Blair (Taylor) to Jenny (the new gen) pipeline for me. I can't explain how Cece fits, but she does. (Serena being told all the fresh air bs her entire life can be applied here as well)

"This town is fake, but you're the real thing. Breath of fresh air through the smoke rings. Take the glory, give everything. Promise to be dazzling"

"You look like Clara Bow in this light, remarkable. All your life did you know? You'd be picked like a rose."

"You look like Stevie Nicks in '75, the hair and lips. The crowd goes wild at her fingertips, half moonshine, a full eclipse."

"You look like Taylor Swift in this light, we're loving it. You've got edge she never did, the future's bright. Dazzling"

"the crown is stained, but you're the real queen, flesh and blood amongst war machines. You're the new god we're worshipping. Promise to be... Dazzling"

"Beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours demanding "more." Only when your girlish glow flickers just so do they let you know, it's hell on earth to be heavenly. Them's the breaks, they don't come gently."

The Black Dog: Lily and William

"and so I watch as you walk into some bar called The Black Dog and pierce new holes in my heart"

"And it hits me, I just don't understand, how you don't miss me. In The Black Dog, when someone plays The Starting Line and you jump up, but she's too young to know this song that was intertwined with the magic fabric of our dreaming. Old habits die screaming."

"And I may never open up the way I did for you. And those best laid plans. You said I needed a brave man and proceeded to play him until I believed it too."

"now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes. And hire a priest to exorcize my demons, even if I die screaming"

"Six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke"

"I hope it's shitty, in The Black Dog"

imgonnagetyouback: Lily and William and 🪑, Serena during her one-sided pining for Dan era.

"even if it's handcuffed I'm leaving here with you"

The Albatross: help, it's so Lily coded I can't

"Wise men once said, "Wild winds are death to the messenger," a rose by any other name is a scandal. Cautions issued, he stood shooting the messengers. They tried warning him about her."

"wise men once said "one bad seed kills the garden" "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen". Locked me up in towers, but I'd still visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me."

"devils that you know, raise worse hell than a stranger. She's the death you chose, you're in terrible danger."

"cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you. She's the Albatross, she is here to destroy you"

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus: Serenate or platonic Eric and Jenny works too

"if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say "I loved you, the way that you were"

"I changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you and you just watched it."

"could it be enough to just float in your orbit?can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses? Cooler in theory but not if you force it to be, it just didn't happen"

How Did It End?: Blair and Louis, more specifically Blair after the accident

"guess who we ran into at the shop, walking in circles like she was lost"

So High School: Rufly and Eleanor x Cyrus, I will not accept criticism

"I feel so high school when I look at you, cuz look at you"

"and in the blink of a crinkling eye, I'm sinking, our fingers entwined. Cheeks pink in the twinkling lights, tell me 'bout the the first time you saw me. I'll drink what you think, and I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night, the brink of a wrinkle in time."

I Hate It Here: Lily and Jenny, they chose this life, regardless of how that choice was made, and it made them feel worthless. They both need to escape, they disappear into their different vices to help them cope.

"tell me all your secrets, all you'll ever be is my eternal consolation prize"

"if comfort is a construct, I don't believe in good luck, now I know what's what. I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind, people need a key to get to, the only one is mine"

"I will go to lunar valleys in my mind, when they find a better planet only the gentil survived. I dreamt about it in the dark, the night I felt like I might die"

"I'm lonely, but I'm good. I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine. I'm save all my romanticism for my inner life, and I'll get lost in purpose. This place made me feel worthless."

thanK you aIMee: Jenny and Blair in high school

"all that time you were throwing punches, I was building something. And I can't forgive the way you made me feel. Screamed "fuck you, Aimee" to the night sky as the blood was gushing. But I can't forget the way you made me heal."

"I built a legacy you can't undo, but when I count the scars there's a moment of truth. That there wouldn't be this, if there wasn't you."

I Look In People's Windows: it's Bart era rufly

"what if your eyes looked up and meet mine one last time"

The Prophecy: Jenny and Blair

Cassandra: I cannot explain it but this is Lily

Peter: Carter and Serena?????? Is that you???? She's Peter

"are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer? I've heard great things Peter"

"the goddess of timing, once found us beguiling, Peter was she lying? My ribs say she did"

"lost in the lost boys chapter of your life"

The Bolter: Oh look, new Lily song just dropped. And Serena. To quote @strideofpride it always comes back to mothers and daughters

"with a quite bewitching face. Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun til you get to know her."

"then she runs like it's a race, behind her back her best mates laughed and they nicknamed her "the Bolter""

"she's been many places with men of many faces, first their off to the races and she's laughing drawing aces but none of it is changing that the chariot is waiting. Hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping."

"all her fucking lives flashed before her eyes, it feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive"

"and at first blush this is fate. When it's all roses, portrait poses, central park lake row boats... That's when she sees the littlest leaks and just knows, she must bolt."

"ended with the slam of a door, then he'll call her a whore, wish he wouldn't be sore but if she was leaving it felt like breathing."

Robin: Eric, this is legit Lily and Serena when literally anything involves Eric

I can't even draw up lines, it's the whole song

The Manuscript: any relationship involving Blair

"all that's left is the manuscript, one last souvenir from my trip to your shores. Now and then I reread the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore."

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sehunniepotwrites · 2 years ago

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my christmas wish come true

SYNOPSIS. Mark Lee has been a staple in your life for the past six years and you haven’t even met him in person yet. You say yet because you’re steps away from the arrival gate of the airport and he’s there waiting for you on the other side. Nerves out of control, you wonder if coming to him for the holidays is a mistake but it’s way too late to turn back now. The only thing you can do is move forward and hope for the best.

PAIRING. penpal!Mark Lee x fem!reader GENRE. Christmas!AU, Holiday!AU, Penpal!AU, College!AU, Friends-to-Lovers!AU, Fluff WORD COUNT. 1.4k+ WARNINGS. mark calls her “puppy” (?), tooth-rotting fluff, mark is so cute here, profanity

DISCLAIMER. This is work of fiction. I do not own the people/characters and concepts I have written about. You cannot translate or copy my work.

Looking around the crowded area, you double check that you have everything with you. Hands patting your shoulders, you feel the heavy weight of your travel backpack. Your fingers reach down to grip onto the handlebars of your carry-on and matching check-in luggage. Everything is within your grasp, so why are you so unbelievably nervous? Maybe it’s because once you pass the arrival gate, the moment you’ve been waiting for will finally arrive.

You’re stalling.

You’re definitely stalling but of course you have to buy yourself some more time to kick all the nerves away.

You’re not nervous because you’re traveling by yourself. You’re not nervous about visiting a new place. You’re nervous because this trip was six years in the making—four years of exchanging letters throughout your high school career and two college years continuing on the tradition while also adding on phone and FaceTime calls into the mix.

You’re nervous because you’re meeting your penpal—your best friend—in person for the first time. You really shouldn’t be because it’s Mark Lee you’re talking about. He knows the ins and outs of you. Despite never meeting you in real life, he knows how you drink your coffee in the morning, all the movies and shows you watch when you’re having a rough day, and the things you need to hear when you’re feeling down. Mark knows that your favorite color switches depending on your mood, how you relieve your stress by screaming into a karaoke microphone for hours, and that you like to use an old hoodie of his (one that he sent to you via care package) when you’re looking for a comfortable fit. The English literature major probably knows you more than you know yourself but you can’t help but feel this way.

You can’t help but let the butterflies in your stomach fester and float and fly while your heart does backflips inside your chest. You can’t help but heat up at the thought of finally being able to hug him after years of thinking about what it would feel like to be in his arms. Lastly, you can’t help but like Mark Lee when he has been nothing but sweet to you. So sweet that he invited you to spend time with his family for the holidays when your parents decided to go on vacation without you.

In fact, the feelings you carry for Mark surpassed the word like. You think they’re closer to the word love instead. And sure, some may call you crazy for falling for a person you’ve never met but they never saw the letters you exchanged, how deeply you dove into different topics, or how much Mark cared for you. They had no say in your relationship because they didn’t know him or the playlists he created just for you. They didn’t know about the countless songs he uploaded on SoundCloud that were all written about you. They knew nothing. But you and him, you knew everything.

Your phone begins to vibrate erratically in your pocket. Pulling it out, you see that it’s just Mark, your sweet, handsome boy, endearingly spamming your message thread with text after text. You can practically hear his excitement through the capitalized words and extensive use of punctuation and emojis.

Baby Cheetah: [1 attachment] Baby Cheetah: waiting right here besides this huge ass Christmas tree!! It’s so tall, dude, like wtf?? It even makes Johnny look small! Baby Cheetah: If you can’t see me through the crowd, that’s okay!! That’s why I brought Johnny with me!! Baby Cheetah: PUPPYYYYYYYYY Baby Cheetah: PUP PUP Baby Cheetah: Did you get your bags yet?? AH I’M SO EXCITED Baby Cheetah: Johnny keeps telling me to calm down but I can’t because you’re HERE! In Toronto with me! How fucking crazy is that?? Baby Cheetah: Oh my gOD I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG YOU BETTER GET HERE FAST! Baby Cheetah: People are coming out of the gate, where are youuuuuu? Don’t chicken out on me!!!!

You laugh, quickly typing a reply that you’re about to walk through the gate. The text you sent raises and you see the three little dots at the bottom of your screen appear, disappear, and reappear again. Waiting for his answer only prolongs your time apart so you swiftly lock your phone, inhale deeply, and take your first step through past the point of no return, or as the airport calls it, the arrival gate. Five steps later and you’re descending on the world’s longest escalator, standing on your tippy toes while scanning the waiting crowd below. Like Mark said, there is a large sea of people, which is expected for the holiday season, so you narrow your search by looking around the large Christmas tree you saw in Mark’s photo.

It doesn’t take you long to find Mark, or rather, Mark’s friend, Johnny. The man stands tall right next to the tree with a wide, teasing grin. His large arm is wrapped around a shorter boy’s shoulder. Mark doesn’t spot you right away, too busy bouncing on his heels while keeping his eyes glued to the escalator, but Johnny does. Despite never meeting you in person either, he’s gotten to know you as well through your FaceTime calls with Mark. Johnny’s smile widens as you wave at him, which is all the confirmation he needs. The guy nudges Mark’s side and points straight towards you.

You catch Mark’s face beaming, his thin lips forming into the world’s biggest smile with his cheeks squishing against his sparkling eyes, as he makes his way through the tough crowd to meet you in the middle. The look on his face is practically fluorescent, the way it shines brighter than his Smurf blue hair that you can’t help but adore.

The second you’re getting off the ramp, you rush towards him, your bags tangling behind you in a weird sort of mess you don’t pay any attention to. He does the same, his sneakers squeaking against the floor tiles until he’s right in front of you. The anticipation leading up to this moment is so much that you disregard the luggage you packed and jump straight into Mark’s arms. He catches you with a little groan that turns into a jingle of laughter that is music to your ears.

You snuggle into his neck and you can feel the warmth radiating through his clothes from his body and he’s here. Mark’s here with you. You’re not looking at him through a screen or a printed photo or talking to him through written stationery that gets beaten up along the way. He’s right here with you, touching you, hugging you. Mark’s arms are around your body and your legs are warped around his legs. The breath from his low chuckles are hitting your neck and his cheek is pressed into your shoulder. You feel him nuzzling into the fluffy sherpa material of your jacket and hear his satisfied sigh as his hold tightens.

“Hi there, Cheetah Lee,” you say fondly as you push yourself back to really take him in.

The giggle that you’ve only heard over the phone blesses you as his cheeks are tickled with red. “Hey there, Puppy,” Mark replies before pulling you back in for another long hug.

“This is so weird,” you whisper while sinking into his warmth once again.

“I know, man, like I can’t believe it. You’re here—”

“I’m here in Toronto!”

“—with me.” Mark reaches out to touch your hair and it slips through his fingers. The unique scent of your shampoo fills his being and it causes him to draw you even closer in his arms. His eyes search yours and the white fluorescent airport lights seem to cast a halo around his pretty face. “My god, you’re real. Like, you actually exist.”

“And if I didn’t, who could have possibly written you those letters, hmm?” you can’t help but tease back. Does he feel you shaking in his hold? You’re trying to play it off but you’re so happy, your knees could give out any second now.

“I don’t know but I’m just...” he seems so into this moment and it causes you to fall into it too. You ignore the phone camera aimed your way—you can always greet his best friend Johnny later—because all you could think about, all you can focus on, is the sweet boy in front of you. “I’m just so glad you came. My Christmas wish came true.”

You bump your forehead into his and the hand resting against your back finds its way up to keep your head in place. The courage you have been building up takes advantage of this precious moment and urges you to press a lingering kiss on his soft cheek. Your lips brush against his skin as you whisper, “I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE. This had been sitting in my drafts for a while so I made a few little changes to fit the Christmas season and tadah! Here we are. I believe this was based on a Tiktok I saw awhile back (I don’t have it saved) and I thought it was so cute, I had to write something on it. But yes, here’s my little contribution for the holidays! I hope everyone has a safe celebration, no matter what or how you are celebrating this special time!

taglist. (tagging my general + people i think would enjoy this <3) @keemburley @johtenrecs @bat-shark-repellant @kaepop-trash @bebsky @donutswithjaminthemiddle @suhnnyskhies @baekhyuns-lipchain @emmybyeakitty @moonctzeny @sokkigarden @inlovergirlsworld @iwishiwasthemoontonight @stvrrynight @loeycity @itsapapisongo @tyong-blr @jenosuh

networks. @czennienet @neowritingsnet @ankathi-a

#neowritingsnet #cznnet #ankathia #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct x reader #mark scenarios #mark imagines #mark x reader

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