#max meeting baby finn for the first time really got me

[fallinallincurls]

shut up!!! this was adorable!! seeing all those special moments with max and finn were so sweet and once again, dad!lando is just everything ohmygosh

baby finn series, the godfather

lando norris x wife!mom!reader

series masterlist

summary - a collection of max fewtrell's importance to your son as his favorite godfather.

masterlist 

-

the big question

“y’know i’ve been thinking,” lando mumbles into your stomach, the comfortable home of baby finn as he grows at just four months, “we should figure out godparents,” your husband suggests. 

“oh yeah,” you sigh, continuing your motions of combing lando’s hair with your fingers as his head rests on your chest in order to have his nightly conversation with the baby, “we’ve been so wrapped up in names, i haven’t even thought about godparents,”

“i know,” lando shrugs, moving his hand gently up and down your bump, “should we do siblings or friends?” 

“hmm,” you think to yourself before voicing your opinion, “i think friends,” you feel your husband nod his head in agreement, “i mean our siblings already have a place in our baby’s life, we should involve our friends in a more meaningful manner,”

“i agree,” lando nods again, “do you mind if i pick the godfather, and then you could pick the godmother?”

“already itching to ask max, huh?” you giggle as your husband joins in with your laughter. 

“how’d you know?” he asks sarcastically as you continue your laughs. 

“do you wanna ask him tomorrow when he comes over to stream?” with that question, lando’s ears perk up in excitement as he moves his head off your chest in order to meet your eyes.

“yes!” he exclaims, “who are you gonna ask?” he questions, leaning in quickly to peck your lips as you think for a moment, “y/b/f/n?”

“yeah, that’s what i was thinking, she’s really been there for me with the pregnancy and we’ve been best friends forever,”

“invite her over tomorrow,” lando suggests, “her and max get on well, we can all have dinner after max and i stream and we’ll ask them,” you nod at his request, beginning to pull out your phone to text her and invite her over tomorrow. she replies quickly that she’s free and would love to come. you show lando the text as you smile together in triumph and excitement. 

the next day, max had come around four in the afternoon in order to stream for a few hours. you could hear the boys yelling and laughing while live as you moved around the nursery, sorting through different items. a few moments later, the knock on your door brings butterflies to your stomach, nerves rattling you about your question later. 

“hi!!” you giggle as your best friend greets you with a hug after opening the door, “i’m just getting some stuff together in the nursery before i start dinner, wanna help?”

“of course!” she cries out, “i can’t wait to see all the new stuff you got since i’ve been here last,”

“oh my gosh, so much,” you smile, “lando’s mom stopped by a few days ago with a bunch of things, that’s what i’m mainly sorting now,”

“ugh, that’s so sweet,” she holds a hand over her heart as you begin to walk back towards the nursery, “are they live in there?”

“i think so,”

“is it just fewtrell and lando?”

“yeah,”

“i’m gonna pop in really quick to say hi,”

“okay, just meet me in the nursery,”

after a plethora of clothes and toys sorted, two different video games conquered, you head to the kitchen in order to prepare dinner. 

“oh how i’ve missed your cooking, y/n,” max sighs out, rubbing his stomach as him and lando enter the kitchen. he hops onto the barstool at the counter next to your best friend as lando makes his way towards you, placing a gentle kiss to your neck. 

“and i’ve missed you eating all our food, fewtrell,” you bite back quickly, pointing your spoon at him jokingly. 

“need any help, baby?” lando quietly asks you, a hand coming up to run over your stomach. 

“i think i’m fine, it’s almost ready,” you turn a bit, kissing his cheek in appreciation, “you wanna get them drinks?”

“what are you guys drinking?” lando directs to your friends. 

“i’m drinking double for miss momma over there,” your best friend laughs, waving a finger at you. 

“i think that’s my job,” lando jokes along with her, “if i have to put up with the hormones, i get to drink double,”

“hey!” you exclaim with a small hit to your husband’s stomach, “i haven’t been that bad,” you look up from the food and find three pairs of eyes staring back at you with raised eyebrows, “what?”

“oh honey…” your best friend trails off, “lando’s a saint,”

“wow,” you sigh out, “i’m rethinking my decision right now,”

“what decision?” max asks, cracking three beers open and passing them around.

“well,” you pause and glance at lando, him giving you a slight nod to keep going, “we had ulterior motives in inviting you both here tonight,”

“a foursome?” your best friend jokes, “listen, guys, you’re great but i don’t see you like that-”

“shut up,” you cut her off with a laugh, “we were hoping you’d be baby norris’ godparents,” you and lando look at them, hope buzzing around you that they’d accept. 

“oh my god…” fewtrell trails off, a hand coming to cover his mouth in disbelief. 

“yes! a thousand times yes!” your best friend cries out beside him.

“what she said!” max joins in, both of them sliding off the barstools and running around the counter to hug the both of you. 

-

their first meeting

“hey mate, yeah she did great,” you hear lando mumbling into his phone as you continue to coo at the little baby boy in your arms, “why don’t you drop by? i’m sure she’ll be okay with it,” with that new sentence, you tear your eyes away from finn and meet lando’s gaze. he mouths a quick ‘max’ and you nod in approval to his visitation, “alright, we’ll see you soon,”

“max fewtrell, right?” you ask once your husband gets off the phone. he nods at your question, moving to be right back by your side, adoring his baby boy and his gorgeous wife.

“i don’t think verstappen is itching to see him like fewtrell is,” lando giggles as his hand comes up to brush some hair out of your eyes, “you did so good, love,” after the praise, he leans in for a kiss, happily reciprocated by you. 

“thank you, lan,” you breath out, “when will max be here?”

“about an hour,” he answers quietly, still adoring the little baby in front of him, “do you want to nap?”

“you read my mind, love,” relief lacing your tired voice as you begin to hand finn off to his father, “just wake me a few minutes before max arrives, please,”

“of course, get some rest, baby,” he holds finn in his arm with one hand as his other comes to pull the blankets higher onto your body. leaning over slightly, careful of the newborn in his arms, he pecks your lips lightly before you fall asleep. 

forty-five minutes later, you’re gently being shaken awake, finn safely in his hospital-given bassinet, “baby,” lando quietly speaks, careful not to startle you or wake the baby. 

“is max almost here?” you groggily ask, beginning to rub the sleep from your eye.

“yes, love, in about ten minutes,” he assures you. 

“okay, is finn alright?”

“sleeping happily beside you,”

“thank you, does he need to be fed?”

“the nurse said that your next feeding would be in another hour,”

“okay,” you let out a breath, “will you help me up? i want to change before he comes,”

“oh baby, you don’t have to change for him, just relax,” lando pushes, but you just look down at your shirt and up at him. 

“lan, i appreciate that, i really do,” you start, “but my tits leaked milk in my sleep, i’m soaked,”

“oh,” lando laughs, you joining him, “okay let me get you a new shirt,”

after you had changed into your clean and dry shirt, you scooped up your baby boy just as max begins to walk into the room. he’s holding a large bottle of champagne in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. 

“hiii,” he whispers out into the room, “congratulations,” you keep quiet, letting your husband share this moment with his best friend. 

“thanks for coming, mate,” lando walks over to him, pulling him into a brief hug. 

“are you kidding? i wouldn’t miss this for the world,” he laughs, “these are for you,” he waves the flowers around before setting them down on the table next to you, “and this is for you too,” he waves the bottle of champagne as well, “for the sleepless nights,” he finishes with a wink. 

“that is so sweet, max, you didn’t have to do that,” you reply to his thoughtful gesture. 

“of course i did,”

“no i mean the champagne,” you nod in its direction on your bedside table, “that won’t be opened for months, i’m breastfeeding,”

“oh,” he retracts a bit before picking it up and moving towards your husband, “this is for you-”

“shut up,” lando laughs, grabbing the bottle and setting it down, “do you want to meet him?”

“yes,” he whispers out, eyes turning back to you and the bundle of joy in your arms. 

“c’mere,” you usher him over, moving the baby into his arms as he begins to melt at the sight. 

“he’s adorable,” max croaks out, emotions overflowing as he stares down at his godson, “thank god he takes after you, y/n,” you and lando share a laugh, and you eye your husband, urging him to tell his best friend the news. 

“um,” lando starts, moving to sit next to you on your bed, “do you want to know his name?”

“yes,” max replies quickly, his eyes never leaving the newborn in his arms. 

“its uh,” lando coughs, clearing his throat from nerves, “finn maxwell norris,”

“what?” fewtrell stares at your husband in disbelief, tears beginning to form in his waterline. 

“you heard me, mate,” lando nods his head, emotions clouding his face as well. 

“oh my go- oh my god,” max stutters out, eyes now moving back down to finn, “you are named after such a great guy,” he jokes, causing erupted laughter throughout the hospital room. 

-

babysitting

“okay, you’ve got the list right there with his schedule,” you point out to max, finn running around in circles with lando chasing right behind him, “and you’ve got everyone's numbers that you need,”

“i think so,” max nods, “i think i still have your mom’s from last time,”

“okay good,” you nod, “if there’s a real emergency and we can’t be reached call lando’s dad first, he’s closest,”

“got it,” max states, “you know i’ve done this a lot, y/n. i’ve been babysitting him since he was a newborn, now he’s three,”

“so you know i’m a paranoid first time mother,” you laugh at him, “i have to go through the motions,”

“i know, but he’ll be fine,” max laughs, pulling you into a hug, “i haven’t killed him yet,”

“very true,”

“and i’m more responsible than your husband over there,” fewtrell nods his head in the direction of lando and finn, running around like madmen in the living room, cackling with each other at their antics. 

“you are so right,” you laugh at the scene in front of you, “alright norris!” you call out, both your boys whipping their heads in your direction, “the big one,” you clarify, “we’ve got to go,”

“right, right,” he agrees, bending down to give finn the talk about behavior. after a few ‘yes dada’s’ and giggles shared between the two, your husband is walking over to your place at the door, “ready?”

“yes, love,” you give him a quick peck to the cheek, “finn?”

“momma?” he asks from his spot in between max’s legs.

“best behavior?”

“yes, momma,” he nods, gripping onto max as you just smile at him, “alright, we’ll be back late, max the guest room is all set up for you,”

“i know the drill, y/n,” he laughs at you.

“paranoid mother, remember?” you direct back. 

“yes, i will check in on the hour if i have to,”

“much appreciated, mate,” lando finishes the conversation, pushing you out the door, “we’ll see you tonight,”

the door shuts behind you and lando, max now bending over to meet the little blue eyes staring back up at him. 

“are we playing monster tonight?” he asks the little boy. 

“MONSTA!” finn screeches in excitement, running towards the living room and away from max as he starts chasing him. 

“i’m gonna get you!” fewtrell screams out as he chases finn, “monsters coming!”

“NOO!” your baby cries out, laughter evident in the home as the two boys continue the chase. 

that night, you and lando arrive back to a dark home, holding each other up a bit as you were both carrying a slight alcohol buzz. you giggle into lando’s lips as they continue their attack on your own. 

“lan,” you laugh into his mouth, “mmph, save it for the bedroom,”

“i can’t help it my wife looks so so good tonight,” he replies, voice in a dropped octave, his hands grabbing your ass with no shame. 

“mm,” you hum again into his mouth, “and my husband looks fantastic every night,”

“that’s not fair,” he laughs, one hand moving to grab your chest as his other hand stays on your bum, “i think you look good every night too, you one upped my compliment,”

“well, i’m sorry,” you feign innocence, “why don’t you just show me how beautiful i am every night,”

“oh baby, i plan on it,”

“c’mon let’s go to our room,” you begin to drag him down the hall, but not without halting your movements due to the slightly ajar door to your right. lando, still kind of tipsy, runs right into your back as you’re stopped. 

“what, y/n?”

“look,” you nod your head into the room, lando following your gaze, his glossed over eyes softening at the sight. 

“they’re so cute,” he laughs from behind you. you both take another moment, staring into your guest room at max and finn passed out in the bed together. max was pushed onto the left side with finn’s little body sprawled across him, “should i move finn into his room?” 

“no, let them sleep,” you turn your attention towards your husband again, “you owe me some compliments in the bedroom,” you grab lando’s hand and start your way to the bedroom once again. 

“i like the sound of that, love,” he whispers in giggles, you both a tipsy mess, running to your room. 

-

running away

“FINN!” you yell at your four year old, “i told you to pick up and put away your toys two hours ago, what is this?” 

“i don’t wannnaa,” he whines, stomping his foot down. 

“i don’t care,” you firmly push, “put away your toys now. otherwise your father will hear about this when he gets back,”

“i’m not gonna,” he huffs out, crossing his arms over his little chest, challenging you to break.

“fine,” you turn away from him and to the mess littered across your entire apartment, taking in a deep breath before you did snap, “wait until your father gets home,” finn doesn’t like the sound of this, beginning to cry and run away to his room, “DON’T SLAM THAT DOOR!” you shout down the hall. bang. it slammed. you breathe one more time, and wait for lando to walk through the door and handle his mini-me. 

you were five months pregnant, and too exhausted to deal with his temper tantrum. finn was always a good kid, and the tantrums were never often. but when they came, they came in hard. it was usually after not enough sleep, or not enough food, but only a few times a year, thankfully. you and lando always joked that all the built up little tantrums he didn’t have morph into a few gigantic ones a year. 

finally after an hour you hear the front door open, heaving yourself up and off the couch, you make your way into lando’s arms. 

“hey, baby,” he laughs, wrapping his arms around you as you just sink further into him, “what’s wrong?”

“finn, he’s having a tantrum day,” you sigh, waving one of your arms not wrapped around your husband to the mess that was your home, “he wouldn’t pick up his toys, he screamed, cried, slammed the door,” you breathe out, letting your emotions finally wash over you since your rock was finally home. lando wraps his arms around you tighter, letting you finally calm down a little. he sways you a bit as he hears you fight the tears back, rubbing your shoulder.

“i’m sorry, love,” he tries to calm you, “i’ll talk to him, okay?” you nod your head in his chest, “are you alright?”

“better now that you’re here,” you mumble, “i’m sorry i had to welcome you home like this-”

“hey, hey,” he stops you quickly, “don’t apologize, i’m gonna talk to him,” lando leads you back over to the couch, propping your feet up and then moving towards his son’s room. 

knocking twice on the door, he hears a quiet, but stern, ‘come in’. 

“hey, bubs,” lando greets the four year old, “i heard about today,” your husband tries to talk to finn, but he won’t look away from the coloring book he’s using, sprawled across the floor, “finn,” lando puts sharper, but finn just keeps coloring.

lando rolls his eyes quickly, moving towards his son and grabbing the coloring book from him.

“HEY!” finn shouts at his dad. 

“now i’ve got your attention?” lando asks him, “i should’ve had your attention when i called your name the first time- actually, your mother should have had your attention when she asked you to complete a simple task!” your husband begins to raise his voice at finn, not shouting, but definitely not coddling the boy.

“but dada-” he begins to whine. 

“no finn, no ‘buts’. you have been very bad today and you owe your mother an apology,” lando stands in front of him, hands on hips, and finn just continues to whine on the floor, “get up, finn, go apologize and clean up your toys,” he watches as his son doesn’t move an inch, “NOW!” he shouts, but the young four year old is unbothered. 

“no, i go live with uncle max!” he shouts back, now getting up to grab his small suitcase. 

“finn maxwell norris,” lando gives his warning tone to the boy, the one that usually scares the shit out of him, but he just keeps packing, “fine, go live with him,” he attempts to call his sons bluff, moving out of the room and back to his wife on the couch. 

“what happened? i heard you yelling,” you ask lando as he sits down with a sigh, wrapping his arm around you to pull you closer.

“i hate yelling at him, i do, it’s just when he gets like this-”

“i know, lan,” you reassure him, “i think we got blessed with such a sweet boy on most days that his hard days are worse than normal,”

“he says he’s moving in with max,” lando chuckles, “i’d love to see him go one night without our goodnight cuddles to him,”

you laugh along with your husband before adding on, “or he’ll come out of his tantrum fog and realize he misses his parents that he loves so much,”

“for sure,” he giggles with you, just as your son stomps out of his room and towards the door. 

“where ya going, finn?” you ask in innocence, already knowing the answer.

“to live with uncle max,” he huffs out. even in his terrible mood, you can’t help but find him just a bit adorable.

“okay,” your husband speaks to him, both of you beginning to get up and walk towards the door, “have fun,” lando opens the door, watching your son walk one door down the hall and knock. the door creaks open, max looking down at the little boy and his suitcase. 

“was there a sleepover i didn’t know about?” he asks you and lando as you watch from your doorway. 

“oh no,” your husband laughs, “finn tell him,”

“i move in with you,” he grunts out, making his way towards max. 

“i’m sorry, what?” fewtrell looks at the both of you again, searching for some sort of answer. 

“oh yeah,” you nod, “he wants to live with you now,”

“um,” max starts, letting the little boy walk through his legs and into his apartment, “okay?”

“don’t worry, mate,” lando laughs, “he’ll be back tomorrow,”

“i’m sure,” max agrees, “the kid hates the food in my house,”

“that’s because you have no food in your house, fewtrell,” you laugh.

“and that’s why i alway eat dinner at your house, y/l/n,”

“and that’s why i don’t feel bad about my kid crashing with you tonight,” you jab back. you all say your goodnights and head back into your respective apartments, you and lando heading straight to bed after the long day. 

three in the morning and the pounding on your door is not from your dream. you and lando shuffle out of bed and towards the door, already knowing who is on the other side. your husband swings the door open, coming face to face with his teary-eyed son. max is standing there, clearly half asleep, and holding the boy up by his waist. 

“this belongs to you,” he mumbles out, pushing finn into lando’s arms and tossing his suitcase past you both and into your home. you both are too tired to even say goodnight, choosing instead to shut the door and head directly back to your bedroom.

“tomorrow morning finn,” you start as you all climb into bed together, “you’re cleaning and apologizing,”

“i know, momma. i sowwy,” he curls up beside lando, your husbands arm instinctively wrapping around his son.

“we’ll worry about that tomorrow, baby,” lando kisses his and your forehead’s, falling back into his sleep as quick as he was brought out of it. 

“uncle max had no food momma,” finn quietly admits, causing you to let out a few giggles. 

“goodnight, finn, dada and i are happy you’re back home,”

“me too, momma,”

-

[thefanficmonster]

A Little Childish

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: Corpse and Y/N go to visit Y/N’s parents for New Year’s. Corpse was promised good food, good company and A LOT of snow. Needless to say, the place didn’t disappoint - quite the contrary actually, it exceeded any and all expectations he had.

Requested by @waterflowersposts Hi there! Sorry for how long it took for this fic to be written :( I hope the final result makes up for the long wait! I also thought it would be appropriate to post it during the holiday season, so I hope you don’t mind. Hope you enjoy the read and I’m looking forward to hearing your feedback and any more requests you may have. Stay safe! Happy Holidays! Love, Vy ❤

I watch as Corpse is basically floating from one room into another in our shared apartment as he’s throwing random articles of clothing in his open suitcase. I have already packed my bags, knowing full well what the appropriate attire is for where we’re going.

I look away from my laptop when Corpse comes in for maybe the sixtieth time today, this time carrying a white tee causing me to chuckle. “Corpse, I know it’s very trademark for you, but the only way you’ll be wearing that when we get there is under a sweater for some extra warmth. I’m not looking forward to having my boyfriend freeze in my parent’s house.”

He smiles, looking at the shirt in his hands, and shakes his head, “Fine, guess I’ll do without it for a week or two.” He throws it in our room, not even bothering to check where it’ll land before he comes to sit down next to me on the couch, “Keep in mind, you have set my expectations pretty high up there. If I am not waist deep in snow the second we step off the plane, I’ll be disappointed.”

I give him a side glance, a smirk playing on my lips. Must say, taking on challenges you know you’re gonna win is the ultimate high-and-mighty feeling. “Honey, you’ve got a big snowstorm coming.”

                                                               *  *  *

All throughout our trip - I’m talking the drive to the airport AND the flight over - I have kept my eyes glued to Corpse, observing as his eyes sparkled more and more with each foot we got closer to our destination. He has told me the most snow he has seen was less than an inch and I immediately felt it was my duty to change that by introducing him to the magic of Canada - my home. My parents own a getaway cottage in the mountains of Calgary where we used to go every holiday season. My earliest memory is playing in the thigh-deep snow with my older sister and crying whenever our parents had to drag us back inside. 

The West Coast of the US was a rather odd surrounding for me, having grown up surrounded by snowy mountains, experiencing Christmas with no snow whatsoever was a true let down and underwhelming feeling. Since Corpse and I started dating about a month after Christmas time last year this will be our first time spending the holidays together and Corpse was more than enthusiastic to visit Canada when I mentioned how much I enjoyed my winters there. We couldn’t go for Christmas, but we’ll be there for New Year’s Eve and the first two weeks of 2021 and I am really excited. I have been dying to see my family that has actually expanded since the last time I visited - my sister has had yet another baby, making her and her husband parents of three very energetic toddlers. The six year old twins - Ashley and Alex - and the three year old Andrew. Or, as I like to call them: The 3 As.

I have warned Corpse about them like seven times despite the fact that he’s already familiar with their energy, convincing him that if that’s more than he can handle we’ve still got time to cancel the trip. He didn’t bat an eye though, each time telling me not to worry and focus my attention on reliving the moments I’ve missed so greatly instead of making sure he was having a good time.

“If you’re there...“ he said, “I’ll sure as hell be having a good time.“

One step out of the airport and he’s already mesmerized. His eyes are shiny reflecting the glow of the snow all around. It’s gonna be funny to see his reaction when he witnesses the real deal - the snow in the mountains. This compared to that is a pathetic excuse.

“I know it’s not waist-high, but that’s because they shovel it and melt it.“ He is looking around, not paying much mind to my words. The utter amazement and disbelief on his face just makes me want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He’s simply adorable! I see fragments of the child in him swimming up to the surface in the form of temptation - temptation every kid feels when they see snow: Dive in and lose track of time. “Wait till we get to the cottage.“

This manages to catch his attention, “You weren’t kidding.“

I laugh at my precious kiddy boyfriend. “Whoa there, Corpsie. If your mind is already blown, I’m worried about how you’ll react to the real deal.“ 

I have a feeling I know exactly how he’ll react cause I react similarly - I set the child in me free. After all, no parent can tell you to stop playing and go inside when you are a 23-year-old.

                                                             *  *  *

Walking up to the cottage from the cable-car station has to be the first time I’ve breathed with my lungs’ full capacity in the last five years. The sharp cold air screams ‘home’ to me like nothing else ever did. I am still surprised as to how my sister prefers summer. My family jokes I’m a winter wolf in disguise and I think they’re right. I do like to roll around in the snow much like a wolf. No judgement! Having a few extra years added to my age doesn’t change everything.

“Oh. My. Fucking. God.“ If I could take a shot every time Corpse has repeated this phrase I’d be dead due to liver failure. He is absolutely stunned. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t blinked at all. Who am I to talk - I haven’t either. These mountains keep getting prettier and prettier, I swear. Taking my eyes off them would be a crime.

“Told you. I wish we made a bet, I could’ve made some easy money.“ I tease him, gently bumping my elbow against his as we walk up the trail.

“I’m glad I didn’t propose such a thing. That would’ve been fucking stupid of me.“ Judging by the tone of his voice, he is not really present in this conversation, so I decide not to let it go on any longer.

Not that I could’ve done differently, seeing as how barely three seconds latter I see three smiling faces coming at me at max speed.

Oh boy.

“Auntie Y/N!“ Ashley and Alex arrive first of course, wrapping their arms tightly around my waist. Little Andrew stumbles his way to me as quickly as a three year old possibly could.

Without wasting a second, I put my bags down and crouch so I can hug them properly. “Hi my babies! I haven’t seen you in so long.” Their hugging strength surprises me and warms my heart at the same time. The twins pull away, leaving room for the little duckling in a jacket two times his size and weight. “Hi Andrew! I nice to meet you! I’m auntie Y/N. Mommy and daddy have told you about me, haven’t they? If not I’ll kick their asses.”

“Y/N, I swear, I’ll tell Amy you’re teaching her kids swears at a very early age.“ Corpse says teasingly, stealing the attention from all four of us.

“She curses like a sailor, these kids probably know more swear words than I do.“ Ash and Alex run straight out of my grasp and to Corpse, proceeding to hug him around the waist as they did with me. They met Corpse when my sister and her husband Finn visited me back in the summer. They immediately fell in love with him. I specifically remember Alex telling me I have a ‘really cool boyfriend‘ and he only uses the word ‘cool‘ when he really likes something or someone. Corpse was honorably declared cool by Alex and that still warms my heart till this day.

“Hi guys, long time no see!“ He too crouches down to hug the little demons that immediately cling to him like koalas.

I scoop up the bundle of clothes with a face and stand up, balancing him on my hip. “Let’s attempt to get inside, shall we?” With my unoccupied arm I grab the handle of my suitcase.

Corpse nods and follows my lead, picking up the bags he also left in the snow. Ash and Alex bolt it back to the house while we struggle to follow, lowkey embarrassed by the pace we’re walking with.

Andrew struggles against me, reaching out towards Corpse. I look at them both apologetically. “You’ll meet Corpse when we get inside, darling. Chill out.”

“Y/N!“ My sister’s voice steals my attention. She emerges from the house, followed by the twins, a huge smile on her face. Her eyes land on Andrew who has calmed down is now resting his head on my shoulder sleepily, “Oh I’m so sorry about them, Y/N. I didn’t know they would charge at you the second you stepped foot on the property.“

Amy motions for me to give her her son but I hand her my suitcase instead. When she takes it I use my now freed arm to hug her as tightly as I possibly can with one arm and while balancing a baby on my chest. “It’s ok! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better welcoming.” I release, giving her a big smile.

She loses interest in me and goes to hug Corpse, taking a bag from him as well before giving him a hug. “Oh my God, Corpse, it feels like it’s been forever. I’m so glad to see you.”

“Happy to see you too, Amy.“ My sister has never liked a single guy I’ve dated. EVER. Corpse is the only one she warmed up to and that’s a huge deal to me. Corpse’s happiness when I told him that was something I’d pay to have filmed just so I can watch it every time I’m feeling down.

“Let’s get you both inside, you must be freez-“ She cuts herself off, rolling her eyes at me, “Of course, you’re not.“

I laugh and blow her a kiss as we keep carrying onward.

“Um, guys?“ Corpse’s voice makes me pause and turn around. He’s still standing in the same spot, looking- unsettled, I guess you could call it.

“What’s wrong?“ I walk over to him, taking his hand in mine.

His hand automatically gives mine a reassuring squeeze, “Nothing really, it’s just that...I’m meeting your parents for the first time and-...What if they don’t like me?”

I open my mouth to go off and start stating the obvious that they indeed won’t like him. They will LOVE him. It’s impossible not to love this man! But my sister beats me to it when it comes to stating the facts.

“Look, Corpse, they already love you. Heck, sometimes I feel like they have known Finn and you longer than they have known Y/N and I! They speak so highly of you and haven’t even met you - that should tell you more than enough about how they see you.“ She waves her hand towards the cottage, “Now walk in there and blow them away.“

Honestly, I’m glad Amy beat me to it. I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

And just like that, hand in hand, Andrew still in my other arm, we walk in.

                                                             *  *  *

Corpse is officially the main attraction, stealing the spotlight from Amy, Finn and I - something the three of us are incredibly thankful for. Amy was right with every word she said - my parents are absolutely in love with Corpse. Luckily for Finn and Amy, the 3 As are all over him as well. Especially Andrew. The second someone sets him down he just waddles his way over to Corpse who picks him up and settles him in his lap while he answers my parents’ questions. 

When the kids were finally talked into taking a nap, Corpse and I snuck out to have a little walk in the snow and, of course, take some pictures. I made it my personal goal to make as many artsy and aesthetic photos of him as possible. His favorite - a hand only pic of him holding a snowball - was my idea and I think I have never felt prouder of myself.

“I am definitely posting this one.“ He says, turning the phone so I can see the screen. I give it a quick glance, thinking he’s talking about the hand pic but do a double take when I realize it’s a picture of me that he has taken without my knowledge.

I actually look rather decent, so I give him a green light in the form of a big thumbs up, “As long as you post the hand one too.”

“Hey, Y/N!“ We look back at the house which isn’t far from where we are right now. Amy is hugging the jacket tightly around herself as she approaches us with fast steps. “You know where we haven’t been in like forever?“

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head as I rack through my brain trying to dig up what she’s referring to. It could literally be any place on this mountain!

“Hello! The Waterless Lake? Ring any bells?“

Oh...it sure does.

Brief explanation: it is a huge circular dip in the ground which fills with water when the snow melts and becomes a lake but empties by the time winter comes back around. That being said, when the snow is still not melted, it’s an absolute wonderland to play in. I suddenly remember all the barrel-rolling Amy and I did there as kids and feel really nostalgic.

“Oh God, yes! I miss that place!“ I say, snapping out of my reminiscing trance. “Let’s go while it’s still light enough.”

“Finn is making dinner right now, or trying to at least.“ She rolls her eyes, turning to Corpse, “But it’d be our pleasure if you tagged along, Corpse.“

Corpse shakes his head, “I’ll politely decline. You ladies can reminisce and chat in peace, while I’ll be helping Finn in the kitchen.” He gives me a quick peck on the lips before excusing himself, “Have fun!”

“You too!“ We call back to him in unison.

Amy gives me an amazed, wide-eyed look, “He can cook?”

I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly, smirking, “Oh, you have no idea.”

She laughs, linking arms with me as we begin walking our way to the Waterless Lake. The place probably has a different name or no name at all, but we named it that as kids and never told our parents where it was. It’s our spot, and it is very surprising Amy offered Corpse to accompany us there.

“Sis, you are very lucky. I hope you know that.“ She tightens the hold on my arm with hers, pulling us closer together.

“I tell myself that every time I look at him, Aims. I am fully aware.“ I say dreamily, recalling all the times I’ve spent with Corpse. Almost one full year and I could never imagine that year, nor the upcoming ones, without him.

                                                                *  *  *

Upon returning, we’re met with the most wholesome scene I have ever seen - Corpse and Finn are making snowmen with the 3 As. It seems like they’ve been at it for a while, considering there is an army of snowmen of different designs, shapes and sizes all at different spots throughout the perimeter of the clearing in front of the house.

“Oh dear Lord.“ Amy mumbles, “I had a feeling this would happen.“

The five snowman-builders don’t even acknowledge our presence when we approach them. Ashley and Alex are running around with Finn, looking for sticks to use as the snowmen’s limbs while Corpse is helping Andrew gather as much snow as possible for the body.

I don’t realize there’s a huge smile on my face up until the point I’m trying to say something. Nothing comes out, though. My words are being muffled by all the overwhelming emotions that have taken over - collapsing my senses. 

With a roll of her eyes, my sister opens the front door, taking a step into the house. The second the door opens, however, I get a whiff of the delicious smell coming from inside. Best guess, and probably the right one - this is Corpse’s doing. 

If I wasn’t already hungry, I sure as hell am now and I’m in no mood to be in that delicious food’s proximity without attacking it. 

“Come on, guys! Dinner time! Get your butts inside!“ I call out to them from the doorway.

Corpse turns to look at me with the sneakiest smirk I have ever seen. He narrows his eyes at me, “You have done the very thing you despise!”

It takes me approximately three seconds to connect the dots and scrunch up my face, picking up all the snow I can an forming it in a snow ball, throwing it at Corpse. Growing up doing this exact thing has given me great aim, therefore I hit Corpse square in the chest.

“Oh you’re so in for it now.“ He laughs, picking up snow to form his own snowball.

“Snowball fight!“ Ashley yells, ditching the sticks to make a snowball for herself.

“Oh no...“ I poke my head in the hallway just as a snowball hits my upper arm, “Aims, I need your help!“ 

Before Amy can respond, I run to take cover behind the nearest snowman that, luckily for me happens to be one of the larger ones. I hear Amy call out my name when she exits the house, followed by a surprised yelp from her when three snowballs hit her. “You are all dead!”

While she is fighting blood and fire (well, water really), I am making ammunition for us both to use. I’m on my eleventh snowball when snow showers me from above as though it has fallen from a tree branch.

“Hiding, I see.“ I am still in shock, hair and upper body covered in snow, when I hear Corpse’s taunting voice.

My vengeance instinct kicks in having me grab two snowballs and turn to throw them at him. To my dismay, he’s faster then me and doesn’t allow me to even get my arm at an angle where I could throw properly. Instead, he turns me back around and picks me up with ease, one arm wrapped around my waist, another grabbing two of my prepared snowballs from the ground.

“Let’s show them who the bosses are.“ I see him wink at me from the corner of my eye and it takes me little to no time to catch onto what he’s insinuating.

In short, with joined forces, we took out the opposite team in no time - like a true couple 😉

[barnes-dameron]

Just a Little Mix-Up

*gif not mine*

Modern!Poe Dameron x reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Two identical folders: one containing boring office work, the other containing race pictures of you. What happens when your crush of three years, Poe Dameron, accidentally has the latter? 

To say that your heart was going the same speed of a race car during the final lap of the Daytona 500 was an understatement. You prayed that the world would open up and swallow you rather than have the most embarrassing event in history happen to you. You tried to think back on what went wrong; what you could’ve prevented from something like this happening to you. 

The last thing that you wanted to happen, happened. Poe Dameron, your crush of three years, has ever exposing pictures of you. After a deep breath in effort to clear your mind, you went back, and assessed the events that led up to this horrific one. 

One month ago...

The cafe was alive with both loyal and new patrons as the usual band played their new music. You always loved this place. The people were always interesting, the music lifted spirits, and everything on the menu was perfected to a delicious and savory taste. There was no way you could’ve found this place on your own. Finn, a friend from the office at which you both worked, invited you to the cafe one evening to meet his friends, Rey and Poe. 

The moment you saw Poe, butterflies erupted in your stomach. The last time something like that happened was a middle school crush. You thought he would be charming, but instead he was a huge dork with the brightest smile in the galaxy. It relieved you to know that he was human instead of some mythical god. After that night, it wasn’t just Finn inviting you out but Poe as well. On multiple occasions, Poe has freely confessed to you that he enjoys your company and sarcastic sense of humor. Especially since he could make jokes with you that Rey and Finn wouldn’t understand. Apparently, to him, you two have more in common than what he has with Finn and Rey. These interactions only made your feelings grow, but you always kept them to yourself. You didn’t think you weren’t enough for him or anything. But the fear of losing his friendship and the risk of the friendship being awkward in case of rejection prevented you from voicing your own feelings. However, you were content with the friendship for now. At this point, you and Poe were so comfortable with each other that he would put his arm around your shoulder while walking or sitting. Whenever you got cold, he would lend you his jacket. You hated how you cherished these little displays of affection. You consistently have to remind yourself that things are platonic, and will remain platonic. 

But you weren’t at the cafe for Poe. You sat a table, waiting for your friend, Lina. You and Lina have been friends since high school, and were always there for each other for the good and the bad. Sometimes you would talk to her about Poe, which she always replies with “Don’t be a baby, and just tell him,” to which you ignored. She texted you this morning saying she wanted to see you. 

Lina came in, greeted you with a hug like always, and sat across from you at the table. After some small talk and catching up on each other’s lives, Lina’s demeanor changes before your eyes. Her usual smile disappeared, her stare turns towards the table, and she starts to fidget with her hands. 

“Y/N,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I need to ask you a favor.”

Your heart sank. Surely this must be something serious if she’s so nervous to ask. 

“Of course,” you replied. “Anything.”

“So you know I’m in fashion school,” she began, and only going further after a nod from you. “Well, there was an assignment where we design and reproduce an article of clothing. For the assignment, we need to bring in the clothes and have pictures of someone modeling the clothing. My model dropped out on me, and I need a new one. And I was wondering if you can do it?”

The question confused you, but you were glad it was this kind of favor and not one asking for an organ. This would be a walk in the park. 

“Are you kidding me?” you said. “Lina, I would love too. It sounds like fun.”

“Really?” she squeaked, light returning to her eyes and a smile reemerging to her face. 

“Yeah,” you replied. “What kind of clothing is it?” 

“Lingerie,” Lina said. 

Your heart stopped. 

“Lingerie?” you repeated. “Lina, I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” she retorted. “Give me one reason you can’t model lingerie?”

“Look at me,” you said while making a hand gesture towards your body. “I don’t have the confidence to pull it off. And frankly, I’m not comfortable with your class seeing half naked pictures of me.”

“Okay,” Lina started. “You have a great body and you could totally pull this off without a problem. Once you try it on and we get some good music on, you’re not going to want to take it off. And besides, my professor will be the only one seeing it. Other than her, me, you, and the photographer, no one else will see those pictures. You can trust me on that.”

Maybe it was her reasoning or your kind heart, but you made the decision that would set the spark to the bomb that would become your downfall. 

“Okay,” you sighed. 

Two weeks ago...

You stood in the dressing room, facing the mirror while cringing. Why did you agree to this? You looked over yourself in the black lingerie set that Lina designed and made. Your breasts were pushed up to the max, the lace clung to your torso like a second layer of skin, and the panties barely covered your front much less the back. Lina styled your hair and did your make-up before you went in to change. You probably would’ve stayed in the changing room if it hadn’t been for Lina’s impatient shouts. You sighed heavily, and opened the door. 

“Look at you, sexy,” Lina said as soon as she saw you. 

You rolled your eyes, and approached her. 

“Lina, I look ridiculous,” you hissed, not wanting the photographer to hear. 

“Okay first off, don’t say that because I designed that,” she replied, holding up a finger to accompany her offended look. “And second, you look great. You’re just not used to seeing yourself this gorgeous.”

There was a certain truth behind her words. You rarely ever put on lingerie, and rarely had a chance to do so. Ever since meeting Poe, your love life went down the drain. Every man you met who seemed remotely interested in you, you immediately turned down. You came to terms that you liked Poe, and it wasn’t fair to pretend to reciprocate feelings towards other men who aren’t him. Maybe if something does happen between you and Poe, you could wear this for him. Lina did say you can keep it after her professor grades it. 

“You’ll feel better once I put on music,” Lina said kindly, while stroking your arm up and down. 

She was right. Once the music was turned on, your whole demeanor changed. You went from shy and embarrassed to confident and outgoing. You posed left and right, showing off certain parts of the lingerie. You felt sexy. You showed off your ass and breasts, flipped your hair while giving the over the shoulder look, and gave flirty and seductive looks to the camera. At this point, nothing could’ve brought you down. You felt euphoric and gorgeous. For the first time, you felt like you were on top of the world. Once the shoot was done, you, Lina, and the photographer examined all the pictures. 

“Damn, Y/N,” Lina exclaimed. “You look so sexy. These pictures could be on the cover of Playboy.”

“These might be the best pictures I’ve ever taken,” the photographer mumbled to himself. 

“Okay, cool it,” Lina warned. “Can you print all of these?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he said. “I could get them to you after about a week and a half. I still got to play with them a bit.”

“Okay,” Lina replied. “Just make sure you don’t play with yourself while playing with the pictures.”

You couldn’t but laugh while watching the interaction. As you made your way back to the changing room, Lina caught up. She walked besides you when saying:

“I’m serious. You looks so hot, I swear some of those pictures look like scenes from some porno.”

You laughed again, before shaking your head. 

“Well, I’m glad you liked them. Just make sure that no one else sees them.”

“I promise,” Lina swore. 

You smiled at her before walking into the changing room. A part of you didn’t want to take the lingerie off. You wanted to keep it on. You wanted to call Poe while wearing it. You wanted to show it off to him. But reality came back just as fast as the fantasies. You took off the outfit, and set it aside. Little did you know that the outfit was the device to your own destruction. 

Yesterday

After a long day from work, Finn invited you to his apartment for dinner. You immediately accepted his offer, knowing that you’d get to see Poe. You told Finn you had to stop by the printing place before going though. Lina asked you to get the photos from the shoot since she’ll be in class. 

The photos were the size of average pieces of paper and came in a plain manila folder. Simple pick-up, but the cashier did give you weird looks and wrote his number on the back of receipt. You immediately knew that he looked at the pictures, but you figured you’d never see him again so why care?

Once outside the printers, you opened up the folder and skimmed through the pictures. You couldn’t even recognize yourself. It was like looking at your alter ego. Your sexy, confident, alter ego. You smiled to yourself, secretly loving how you looked in the photos. Shaking your head, you closed the folder and headed to Finn’s place.

Once you got there, you saw that Rey already arrived and was helping Finn out by setting the table. When she saw you come in, she came over to greet you as you placed the folder on the kitchen counter. 

“Hey Y/N,” Rey said, coming up beside you. “What do you got there?”

“Just something for my friend,” you replied, shrugging off the topic. “But I think the real question is, what is Finn cooking over there?”

The two of you laughed, while Finn mocked you two from his place at the stove. He wasn’t the best cook, but he was better than the three of you combined. Rey grabbed some beers from the fridge, and you talked about how Finn accidentally used hot sauce on his lunch instead of ketchup today at work. You were doing well until Poe came. 

Your heart began to pick up as you watched him take off his jacket. Poe let out a loud sigh before slamming down a manila folder on the counter. 

“I’m so overworked!” Poe yelled, before going straight to the fridge for a beer. “Leia has been giving me so many project lately since Ben has been slacking off. I mean, what is that guy even doing anymore? I’ve got so much work that I had to bring some home.”

“Oh, that sucks,” you said, immediately scolding yourself after saying that. 

That’s the best you got, you thought to yourself. 

“I really need this,” Poe sighed, after taking a long swig from his beer. Poe moved around the kitchen island towards you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pushing you against his chest in a half hug. You heard Poe hum, which went straight through you and caused your heart to skip a beat. He let you go with a smile on his face. “I needed that too.”  

The dinner went smoothly, but you did have a little too much to drink. You were still sober enough to get home, but you were a little tipsy. You gave out your goodbyes, grabbed your folder, and left Finn’s apartment. 

That little mistake will cost you dearly in the end. 

Earlier today...

You met up with Lina at the cafe per her request. It started off as an ordinary day. You ordered your drink and waited for Lina to come. And when she did, you two talked about your respective personal lives, catching up on the past couple of weeks. 

“Oh, hey,” Lina said, changing the conversation. “Did you pick up the pictures?”

“Yes, I did,” you replied proudly, producing the manila folder from your bag and placing it on the table. “And you were right. Some of them were border-lining porn.”

Lina took the folder with a laugh escaping her lips. You watched as she opened the folder and gave out a mocking laugh, different from the previous one. You gave her a confused look before she said, 

“Very funny, but where are they?”

“What do you mean?” you asked. “They’re there, aren’t they?”

“Y/N,” Lina said, her voice tone changing to a more serious one compared to her carefree attitude. “This is just budget forms and analysis sheets from Organa Co. Where are the pictures?”

In that moment, the memories from last night flashed before your eyes. You remembered there being two identical folders on the counter, but you for sure thought you picked the right one. Your heart began to race at the implication. 

Poe Dameron has the sexy lingerie photos of YOU. 

Your mouth began to dry and heat rushed to your face. You got up from your seat at the cafe in a hurry, grabbing your bag and the folder. 

“I have to go,” you uttered, before sprinting to the door and down the sidewalk. 

The present... 

You ran down the sidewalk, avoiding people the best you can in effort to reach Organa Co. in time. A part of you hoped that Poe didn’t see the pictures last night when he got home. You hoped he just went straight to bed after drinking so many beers at Finn’s. You hoped that he didn’t have time yet at work to open the folder. 

You cursed yourself for grabbing the wrong folder. You cursed the model who cancelled on your friend in the last minute. You cursed Lina for choosing to make lingerie instead of a jacket or something else. But mostly, you cursed yourself for agreeing to model and posing for those pictures. You could’ve said no, but you had to say yes.

Sweat began to glisten on your skin as your work blouse clung onto your upper back. Multiple times you had to push the hair out of your face in order not to bump into the street carts and newspaper stands. Your heels began to break out in blisters the faster you ran, but you ignored the pain. Quite honestly, you preferred the pain over suffering humiliation from the only man you have a crush on. 

As you approached the building, a short sigh of relief came to your lips. But your mission wasn’t done just yet. You pushed through the glass doors and went up to the third floor where you knew where Poe worked. At this point, you didn’t care about your disheveled appearance. You just wanted your damn pictures. 

You walked into the office with a calm atmosphere around you, contradicting your appearance. You walked between the aisle way of desks in seek of Poe’s small office space. You tried to ignore the stares you got from the other employees, but they were burning into you as if someone were pressing hot spoons against your skin. Your grip on the manila folder tightened as you approached the door with the plaque that read “Poe Dameron: Manager.”

You took a deep breath, trying to still your beating heart for even a minute. Closing your eyes briefly, you knocked on the door, the sound reverberating within your ears. You heard a muffled “Come in,” and then opened the door. 

Poe was sitting at his desk. His dark curls were combed and put in a place that was appropriate for his work setting, much different compared to his late nights with friends where they ran wild. His button up shirt hugged his biceps and stretched over his broad chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. You couldn’t ignore the smile that appeared on his face when his beautiful brown eyes landed on you. 

“Y/N,” he said, surprise and excitement in his voice. “What are you doing here?” You watched as Poe got up from his desk and moved around it to perch himself on the front, leaning against the edge. “Not that I mind the surprise.” 

“Hey Poe,” you replied. You scolded yourself for being so unprepared. You should’ve rehearsed what you were going to say. You couldn’t be like ‘Hey Poe, you know those sexy pictures of me? Well, that’s not me trying to make a move on you or anything, those are for someone else. Can I have them back? Thanks.’ You scrambled through your mind to think of the right words to say in a situation like this. “I think there was a little mix up last night. You see, I accidentally picked up your folder instead of mine.”

“Really?” Poe asked. “Huh, I didn’t notice.” 

You have never been more relieved in your entire life. The headache that appeared during the elevator ride up, disapparated. Your breathing came back to normal, and your heart returned to a steady pace. Poe got up from his position and grabbed the manila folder off his desk and held it out to you. You held out your folder in return as the two of you traded off. Once the picture folder was in your hands, you held it to your chest. 

“I’m so sorry,” you breathed out. “This is totally on me.”

“No worries,” Poe replied. “Last night, I was so tired that I didn’t even want to look at work. And today was so busy, that I didn’t even get a chance to glance over the papers in the folder.”

“But you got the right folder now,” you joked, trying your best to remove any tension out of the air. 

“I do, even if I didn’t noticed,” Poe said in the same joking manner. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to your work, then,” you said, making your way towards his door. “Thanks, Poe.”

“No problem, Y/N,” Poe replied, moving around his office to walk you to the elevator. “Thank you for delivering me my folder. Feel free to stop by whenever.”

“Thanks,” you repeated. “Bye, Poe.”

“Bye, Y/N,” he said. 

The elevator doors closed. Now alone, you couldn’t help letting out the laugh that was bubbling up in your chest. He didn’t even look at them. The two of you are fine, and now nothing awkward will be hung over you guys whenever you see each other. You wanted to dance, to scream in victory, but you restrained yourself. That could wait. But, you couldn’t wait to get these pictures out of your life. But you’ll keep the lingerie... 

Later that night...

The sky faded from a baby blue to dark navy as the street lights outside of Poe’s office windows began to turn on. One by one, employees left the office, saying their goodbyes and good nights to Poe as they walked past his office to the elevator. Poe would either wave or return the same pleasantries. Per usual, he was the last to leave the office, but that was part of the job. After the last person left, Poe took one last look around the floor. Once he decided it was clear, he went straight back to his office, and closed the door. He could never be too careful, something that he carried with him from his military days. 

Poe sat in his chair, but pushed it back to access his bottom drawer. Once it was opened, he laid his eyes on the holy artifact. He’d never done this before, and a part of him was against doing such a thing. However, the rational side lost the battle to his desire. He reached in and grabbed the picture and placed it on his desk. 

He felt bad about lying to you, but he knew you like the back of his hand. Poe didn’t want to risk your friendship over something like this. However, he felt even more guilty on keeping one of the pictures from the stack. But it was his favorite. 

You had your back to the camera, but your face was turned to the side so it was still visible, showing off your beautiful profile. He liked the way your skin looked so soft. You were sitting on the edge of something, he couldn’t tell what, but he admired the shape of your ass and how the panties barely gave cover, leaving much exposure. 

Just looking at the picture made Poe’s mouth water and his pupils dilate with lust. He’d be lying if he said he never thought of being with you in an intimate way. He couldn’t help it at times. Ever since Finn introduced him to you, Poe knew he wanted to be with you. He has been trying to hint his intentions on a relationship with you multiple times, but it seems like you mistook his signals for platonic exchanges between friends. Poe wanted to have something more. He wanted dates without his friends accompanying him, kisses that were on the lips instead of on the cheek, and of course, he wanted to make love to you. He didn’t want to fuck, because to him that was impersonal. No, Poe wanted to be in the moment with you; to feel you, to pleasure you, to love you. 

He couldn’t remember how long he stared at the picture. His eyes gleamed over every detail: every scar, every birthmark, every stretch mark, you name it. Poe didn’t even look at the time on his watch until he began to feel the tightness in his pants. Yeah, he’d been staring at it too long. He took a deep breath, got up from his chair, and grabbed his bag. Poe looked down at the image one last time before heading out, debating to himself. Should I leave it here and wait for a good time to give it back or take it with me?

Poe shook his head, turned off the lamp on his desk, and walked out of the office. It didn’t take long for him to comeback, and snatch the picture from his desk. 

“Yeah,” Poe whispered to himself. “You’re coming with me.” 

[wolfie-dragon-rider]

Grey Stains, chapter 2

Hey everyone, here's chapter 2 of Grey Stains. Our first glimpse of Hogwarts, and backstory for Astrid! I hope you enjoy it! I will also update my masterpost with this story, so if you want to find chapter 1, look there or check my ‘grey stains’ tag.

One thing I would like to address here are the side characters. Pretty much all side characters like professors and classmates, are lifted from other franchises that I enjoy. However, you shouldn't feel obligated to know all (or any) of them to understand my story. They're simply there to add some color to the scenes, and because I think having Hiro and Rayla is more interesting and easy to remember for you, the reader, than Ravenclaw OC #1 and Gryffindor OC #2. So if you don't know a character in the story, I hope the context explains enough about them. If you do know the character, I hope you enjoy some of the in-jokes I put in. After this chapter their presence should be less overwhelming, as the story will focus more on Hiccup and Astrid proper. 

 --------------------------------

"And we're here, with fifteen minutes to spare! Those Muggle 'taxis' are faster than I thought!" Astrid's uncle Finn said as he led the way into King's Cross Station. It was filled with people, and the loud announcements and screeching of the trains made Astrid's head hurt. Her owl, a yellow-blue bird with the powers of a Blast-ended Skrew who she named Stormfly, screeched loudly, and she hoped none of the Muggles would notice the puff of smoke coming out of Stormfly's beak.

"I keep telling you, the Muggles are smarter than you assume, but you never believe me!" Aunt Erika said. They kept bickering about transportation as they walked onto platform 9. Astrid recognized a man standing there, despite him wearing Muggle clothes. It was Mr. Cruz, one of the aurors working with her uncle. He was subtly guiding wizard families towards the column dividing platforms 9 and 10.

Finn and Erika stopped their argument to greet him, and a minute later they got the signal to go. Astrid looked at the solid brick wall in front of her, and she suddenly felt scared. No, no, she can't be scared. She's gonna be a proud Gryffindor, she has to be brave! So she gritted her teeth and ran right after her guardians.

Although she may have closed her eyes before reaching the wall. There was a brief sensation of her moving through what felt like liquid, but then the sounds warped and changed. The Muggle talk and modern trains vanished, replaced by the sounds of magic and the hissing of a steam engine.

"Alright girl, are you ready? Oh, you grew up so quickly! Don't be afraid to send us letters, okay? It's normal to feel a bit lonely at first! But I'm sure you'll make lots of friends!" Erika said, rubbing her cheek.

"Thanks, Aunt Erika. I'll try," she said as Finn took her suitcase and lifted it onto the train. Astrid wanted to protest, say that she could do it herself. But before she could open her mouth he turned to her with that look that meant he was going to say something important. He kneeled, putting himself a little below her eye level, but she still felt small.

"Astrid… I'm sorry your parents couldn't be here to see you off. Or your sister. But I know that your mom and dad and Celia would be so, so proud of you. And so is your brother Max, even if he couldn't make it to London because of his work. And we are so proud of you too. You know, after the Battle… there was so much destruction. So much death, and it felt so hopeless. But we took you in, and in you we saw hope. That war ended because people like your parents and your siblings stood up and fought against evil. They fought to give you a better world to grow up in. And I know you'll work to fight the evils of your time. It's different now, you know. Less open. Don't forget that some people still have those… evil beliefs, even if they won't say it out loud. But I know you'll do the right thing. You're strong," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

Astrid tried to look him in the eye, but she felt tears appear, and she dropped her head trying to hide it. She wasn't so sure if Max was proud of her. They had barely spoken in years. He was abroad, studying Healing in Italy, and rarely replied to letters. She rarely felt like sending him letters either. They had never been super close, Astrid had liked her sister Celia more back when she was alive, and six months after the Battle of Hogwarts Max had left Britain, finishing his NEWTs at Beauxbatons and traveling Europe ever since.

As she looked around, seeing parents hugging their children, siblings teasing each other, laughing together, she wanted to shout that it wasn't fair. Her family had been torn apart by Death Eaters, and these people were all perfectly fine?

But no, she couldn't do that. Like Uncle Finn always said, she should be grateful she has what she has. Entire families had been slaughtered, Muggleborns tortured until they were left permanently insane at St. Mungo's, babies killed and turned into Inferi and other monsters. Her pain was nothing compared to that.

So she forced herself to smile and nod.

"I'll fight for the light, Uncle Finn. Like you taught me! I'll be a brave Gryffindor like you and Dad and Celia! Not to mention Harry Potter and Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger!"

"Alright, little lion, just remember it's okay if you end up in another house. Of course, I know you want to end up in Gryffindor like your heroes. Just remember the other houses did great things too. Hell, your brother was a Slytherin and he fought alongside Neville Longbottom for the entire battle!" Aunt Erika said, and Astrid rolled her eyes.

"I know, Auntie! Doesn't mean they're not dorks," she said. Behind her aunt and uncle she could see the boy from the wand shop walk past, with his messy brown hair and expensive robes. A bald man with two prosthetic limbs walked alongside him. His father? They didn't look related. Something about the boy made her nervous. When she saw him at Ollivander's, waving wand after wand with no effect, she had thought he might be a squib. But if he was going to Hogwarts he should be magical, right?

After some goodbyes and awkward hugs Astrid boarded the train. She walked through the corridor, checking for any empty cabins but not finding any. Eventually she found one with three girls of her age, and decided she might as well get started on making friends.

"Hello!" she said, trying to seem confident as she opened the door and pulled her suitcase inside. The white-haired girl turned to her, revealing strange purple markings under her eyes.

"Hi, I'm Rayla, and these are Merida and Pidge. Merida and I already knew each other, we grew up in the same town," the girl said in a thick Scottish accent, gesturing to two girls who both had their own style of wild hair. Merida had a wild mane of curly bright red hair, while Pidge had short dirty blonde hair that stuck out in all directions and looked like she cut it herself.

"I'm Astrid," she said, sitting down next to Pidge.

They easily got to talking, and Astrid learned that Rayla's family situation was similar to hers: Her parents had gone missing during the war, and she was raised by a family friend called Runaan. Pidge was Muggleborn, but her brother Matt was magical too, and was currently a Ravenclaw prefect. Merida was from a very old wizarding house, and her father lost a leg fighting evil creatures in the war.

"So what do you think you'll be when you grow up? My parents keep trying to push me into politics, that I'll have to keep managing our ancient house, but I say sod that!" Merida said, her accent even thicker than Rayla's.

"Probably inventing. I'm good at figuring out tech and stuff. I'm curious if I can use magic in Muggle computers," Pidge said. Astrid wasn't sure what she was talking about. Before she could ask, Rayla spoke up.

"This is probably weird, but Runaan is part of an elite group of aurors, and he kind of expects me to join him. Not sure if I want to, though," she said, rolling her eyes.

"My uncle is an auror too. That's what I always expected to be. Never really considered anything else. I want to fight evil like my family did," Astrid said, trying not to think about how often Uncle Finn had come home with dead eyes after another raid. Those were evenings he wouldn't say a word. He'd just grab a bottle of firewhiskey and slowly empty it while listening to old songs on the radio.

"I'll stick to making weapons for you, I guess. Way safer than being on the frontlines," Pidge chuckled, adjusting her round glasses. Astrid wondered if she knew they looked just like Harry Potter's glasses.

--------------------------------

"Come on, Gobber! Aren't I supposed to make friends? Meet people? Doesn't Dad always say networking is important?" Hiccup exclaimed, gesturing at the locked door of their cabin.

"Your father gave me strict instructions not to let you out of my sight until you're safe at Hogwarts. He may not be my direct boss, but you know I can't ignore an order from him! He's got influence! That curse on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teaching position is finally gone, and I'll be damned if I lose the job anyway because you can't stay put for a few hours!" Gobber shouted, pointing at Hiccup with his prosthetic hand.

"What does he think is gonna happen? Death Eaters kidnapping me? People angry about his policies attacking me? What even for? My dad is the most apolitical politician ever, he doesn't care about any ideology. All he cares about is slaying dragons," Hiccup said, looking out the window at London disappearing behind them.

"Oh, don't play dumb. You know what this is about. Stoick is worried that the Red Death will attack the train. I figured that you of all people should understand that," Gobber said, digging in his bag with his good hand.

"You know I don't live my life cowering in fear of dragons every moment, right? My dad may be obsessed, but I'm not. It's ridiculous. Like that Red Death would actually attack us," Hiccup said, looking up at the cloudy sky. Could dragons be hiding up there?

"Hey, I agree that Stoick is paranoid about dragons, but he's not wrong about the Red Death. It has killed fourteen muggles and three mages in the past year. Despite nearly all the Department of Magical Creatures' resources being devoted to hunting it, it has eluded your father for years," Gobber said as he pulled a chess set from his bag. Hiccup looked away from the window just in time to see the man take his wand out and placing it on the bench beside him.

"I just… He's always locked me up at home in fear of it, and I figured that now that I get to go to Hogwarts I'd finally be… free. But he's still locking me up," Hiccup muttered, glancing at his own wand. According to the eighth wandmaker they had visited this summer, in Beijing, it was the best wand money could buy. Hiccup had tried thousands of wands in shops all over the world, and none had chosen him, so Stoick had bought him this. Maybe at Hogwarts he'd learn how to use it.

"Oh, don't think like that. It's just until we reach the castle. You'll be safe there, and I won't have to babysit you anymore," Gobber chuckled, and Hiccup tried to smile. "Now, since we're stuck together we might as well pass the time with some chess!" the man said, laying the board on the table as the pieces jumped out of the box, taking their positions with loud boasts and battlecries.

They played for a while. Gobber won the first game, and they took a break when a nice lady knocked on the door to ask if they wanted any candy. Gobber bought a large brick of chocolate for them both. The sugar seemed to make Hiccup more alert, and he easily won the next three games.

"Looks like you'll be a Ravenclaw with those brains. What house would you like to be in?" Gobber asked as his broken black pieces put themselves back together with loud groans and whimpers. Hiccup shrugged.

"Haven't really thought about it. I guess everyone always says Gryffindor, but I'm not so sure. Maybe Slytherin, to piss off Dad," he said as his king and queen led his white pieces back onto the field.

"Honestly I think he'd be more disappointed if you ended up a Hufflepuff. He often complains they're 'too nice' and 'care too much about dangerous creatures'," Gobber said. "But with the way you're slaughtering me, I don't think you're nice enough for that."

--------------------------------

As he climbed out of the rickety boat Hiccup didn't feel like Hogwarts was a very magical place. It was raining, and the summer warmth was blown away by a cold wind.

"Why did we have to go all the way to London for the train if Hogwarts is right next door? And now a boat! I hate water!" a Scottish voice from the next boat said, and Hiccup looked over to see a white-haired girl looking sick as she jumped onto land. Her robes were simple and sturdy compared to his gilded silk robes that did nothing to keep him warm.

"Such weird boats. Ours back home are much sturdier!" a girl with long brown hair said as she climbed out beside Hiccup. "I'm Katara, by the way. Katara Waters."

"I'm Hiccup," he said loudly to be heard over the howling wind. They hadn't had much of a chance to speak during the boat ride.

"Alright, head inside now, let's hurry!" Gobber shouted, helping a black-haired girl out of one of the boats. She looked very annoyed, and when Hiccup looked closer he noticed her eyes were blank and milky. For a second the dragon's eyes from that day in Gringotts flashed in his mind. Katara waved her wand and did a strange movement with her other hand, and the rain above them was diverted, like she was holding a large umbrella. Hiccup gladly took the opportunity to look away from the blind girl and focus on something else.

"You can do that already?" he asked, fingers rolling over his own wand on his belt.

"It's magic from my tribe, I learned it from my gran-gran," she said, continuing the odd spell.

"I thought Hagrid was supposed to guide the first-years?" one of the boys asked as the last of the boats docked, water splashing over the side as its occupants jumped out.

"Hagrid retired years ago, he moved to France. I'm the groundskeeper now," Gobber said, before casting a charm that lit up a muddy path. The group hobbled along for a few minutes until they reached the front gates of the castle. Gobber waved his wand, and the gate opened. They gladly ran inside, slipping and sliding on the tiles. They barely had time to appreciate the enormous hall with its marble stairs before a familiar voice spoke up.

"Ah, you're here. Welcome, first-years, to Hogwarts!" a tall woman with grey hair said. Hiccup recognized her from one of his dad's ministry parties.

"I am Professor McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts and Transfiguration teacher," she continued as the kids gathered around the enormous marble stairs she was standing on. Once they were all lined up she talked a bit about how houses worked, and that they should obey the rules. Hiccup's mind wandered, and with it his eyes. Next to him was Hiro, the boy from the wand shop, who looked as bored as him. Next to Hiro was a bald boy with arrow-shaped tattoos on his head and arms. Despite his strange appearance he looked giddy and excited. And at the far end he saw Astrid. She suddenly noticed him staring and frowned, and he quickly dropped his gaze.

"Now, let us enter the Great Hall so you can be Sorted!" McGonagall finished her speech, before passing through the line of first-years to a large door to their right.

Although he had heard stories and read books about this hall, he still gasped at the sight of it. The ceiling reflected the storm clouds outside, though no rain fell on the floating candles and tables filled with precious silverware. Hundreds of students dressed in similar black robes sat along the 4 tables, and they all looked at him and the other first-years entering. At the far end was the staff table on the raised platform. He could see Gobber near the center of it, giving him a quick wave with his prosthetic hand. He tried to smile back, though it was hard when his stomach churned at the sight of the tattered old hat sitting on a tiny old chair.

The blind girl was the only one not gasping at the amazing room. Instead she just kept walking forward alongside McGonagall, leading the other first-years towards the Sorting Hat.

Eventually they were all crowded near the chair with the hat, and it began to sing. Some of the Muggleborns gasped and looked fearful at first, but the hat quickly reassured them as it explained its purpose and the characteristics of the four houses.

"Alright, when I call your name, step forward, sit on the chair, and I'll put the hat on you. It will then sort you into your House. Firstly… Avatar, Aang!" McGonagall said, lifting the hat with one hand, a scroll in her other. The bald boy with tattoos he noticed earlier stepped forward with light steps and sat down, and McGonagall lowered the hat over the large blue arrow on his forehead.

"HUFFLEPUFF!" it shouted barely a second later. The boy jumped up, higher than Hiccup knew someone could jump, and ran over to the table that had exploded with applause.

"Beifong, Toph!" The blind girl stepped forward, somehow noticing the small step between them and the chair, and sitting down without help. Hiccup wondered how she did that.

The hat was quiet for a minute as Toph grimaced, before eventually announcing "GRYFFINDOR!"

Butterfly, Star!"

"That's me, that's me! Hi, Mr. Hat! Ooh, ooh, are you going to look into my mind? That's soooo cool!" a girl with heart-shaped cheek marks and blonde hair past her knees screamed as she ran forward, knocking over several first-years with surprising strength. She had an enormous grin as the Hat was placed over her head, hiding her wide eyes from the room.

For a second the grin lowered, before returning full-force. She nodded wildly, making McGonagall reach out her hand to steady the hat.

"GRYFFINDOR!" it suddenly boomed. The table next to them applauded loudly as the girl took off the hat and ran to her new house.

The sorting went on like that for a while, and Hiccup had trouble keeping track of all the names. There was a small commotion at the Ravenclaw table when Pidge Gunderson was called forward and sorted there, but it was quickly shushed.

Hiccup didn't recognize any of the kids that were sorted until "Hamada, Hiro" was sorted into Ravenclaw. Hiccup frowned at that. Wasn't he supposed to be before Hamada, since he's a Haddock? He was about to raise his hand when "Hofferson, Astrid" was announced, and at the sight of the fierce blonde walking forward with resolute steps he forgot what he was thinking about.

The hat was quiet for a very long time, at least five minutes, during which Astrid balled her hands into tighter and tighter fists. Even with her eyes hidden by the hat's brim she was clearly angry.

'GRYFFINDOR!" the hat eventually shouted, and she didn't even wait for McGonagall to lift the hat. Astrid jumped to her feet and tossed it to the chair, before stomping to the applauding table.

Hiccup's musings on what Astrid could be angry about were interrupted by McGonagall scraping her throat and announcing the next name.

"Horrendous, Hiccup!"

The tension that had filled the room at Astrid's anger snapped in the form of collective laughter.

"That's his actual name?"

"Don't know what's worse, the first or last name!"

"Wow, I feel sorry for the house that gets that one!"

"What were his parents thinking?"

Hiccup could feel his cheeks heat up in shame as he slowly stepped forward.

"That's not my last name! It's Haddock! Horrendous is my middle name!" he shouted, trying to be heard over the laughter which only increased at his words.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes as she checked her scroll again.

"You are- SILENCE!" The one word instantly stopped all the laughter in the hall. "You are listed as Horrendous in our records-" Snickers and soft laughs again echoed through the room, though they quickly stopped when she glared.

"We'll figure this out later. Either way, Mr. Hiccup, step forward and be Sorted."

He slowly nodded, feeling the stare of every person in the room on him, and sat down on the chair. Then the hat slid over his eyes, and it was suddenly completely silent.

...Until a raspy voice whispered in his ear.

"Who do we have here? Mistaken identity? Someone messing with the records? Well, let me tell you, you do belong here at Hogwarts, even if your wand doesn't work and someone got confused about your name. But where to put you?"

Hiccup jerked away from the voice and opened his mouth to ask how the hat knew all of this, but before he could even draw a breath the voice whispered in his other ear.

"Don't bother talking out loud, this is all in your head. No need for anyone else to hear this. Now, where oh where shall you go? A kind heart, loyal and forgiving. Not too lazy either. You'd make a decent Hufflepuff. But on the other hand, what a brain! Eager to learn, and I can see a spark of genius in you. You could have new perspectives. Maybe Ravenclaw?"

Hiccup's thoughts raced as he awaited the hat's verdict. A sweatdrop slid over his forehead. The presence gave him a headache.

"You're obviously not a Slytherin, you don't have a deceitful or ambitious bone in your body. Brave though, even if you don't know it yet. A good sense of right and wrong, and deep inside there's fighting spirit. What glorious cause would bring that out? You could be a great hero, you know, and Gryffindor would lead you to glory. All the kids these days want to be in the house of the amazing Harry Potter and his friends, but you could truly follow their path," it said, and Hiccup squeezed his eyes shut.

He was about to agree. Gryffindor was the house of the heroes, the good guys, the house that would please his father, the house the girl who made him feel all funny and light went to.

But then he remembered three Gryffindors on the back of a dragon. Three Gryffindors who everyone called heroes. Gryffindors who let a dragon run amok and kill his mother.

If that was heroism, Hiccup didn't think he wanted it.

"Oh, what's this? Now this is interesting. You might be the first kid I've seen in 7 years who doesn't worship those three. The complete opposite of that previous… never mind that, I'm not supposed to talk about other Sortings. Anyway, this is an interesting form of bravery in itself! But in your case, I think you'd better go to… RAVENCLAW!"

The hat was pulled from Hiccup's head, and the sounds of the Great Hall returned. There was muted clapping from the Ravenclaw table, not nearly as much as for the other students, while the other tables looked relieved. He awkwardly walked to the Ravenclaws, stumbling on the small step, though he managed to avoid falling on his face. He quickly sat down next to Hiro as McGonagall called forth "Jorgenson, Scott" and attention diverted away from him. A girl with round glasses and short hair reached out her hand across the table to him.

"Hey there. I'm Pidge Gunderson. Well, my brother here would say I'm Katie Holt, but that's not what the official records say now, do they Matt?" she said, pointing to a boy several years older, with similar hair and glasses who was sitting next to her. Hiccup awkwardly took her hand and shook it.

"How did you even hack the records here to change your name?! They're all in parchment! It's not like they have computers or internet!" Matt shouted, though he silenced himself when the hat proclaimed "SLYTHERIN" and "Katolis, Callum" was called forward.

"Oh, I have my ways. Still, you owe me 50 quid," Pidge (or was it Katie?) said, snickering. Hiccup wasn't sure how to respond to the bickering siblings.

"Fine, but I still don't understand why you did it. This will come back to bite you eventually," Matt said, rolling his eyes and digging in his pockets, pulling out a few bills of muggle money.

"Let me guess how you did it… You intercepted the communications between the ministry and Hogwarts, probably via Floo," Hiro said, and Pidge chuckled before nodding.

"Yup. Just had to figure out a charm to modify the ink inside the envelope."

"Oh man, I can see you two are already becoming partners in crime. What did I tell you, Tadashi? Hopeless. Our siblings are supervillains in the making!" Matt called out to a tall boy several seats down. He started to reply when the hat shouted "RAVENCLAW" and a boy with messy brown hair and a thick book on a belt slung around his shoulder walked over to sit next to Pidge.

"Hi, I'm Callum. Muggleborn, but my dad is high in muggle government so he already knew about magic," the boy introduced himself. Pidge quickly introduced herself, explaining that she and Matt were Muggleborn as well.

"I'm half-blood. Muggle mother, wizard father. They both died when I was 3," Hiro said, and Hiccup turned to look at him. Murdered by Death Eaters?

Hiro must have noticed the question in his eyes. "No, nothing to do with the war. Broom-flying accident. Dumb stuff like that still happens during wartime," he said lightly, though something in his face fell anyway. Down the table Tadashi frowned.

"My mom died during the war too," Hiccup said, looking down.

"May I ask what happened?" Matt asked softly. Hiccup sighed.

"A dragon killed her," he simply said, not in the mood to explain the role of Harry Potter in it.

"I'm sorry," Callum said, just as the hat announced another Ravenclaw. Hiccup moved to clap loudly, grateful for the distraction. A boy with black hair with faint blue streaks sat down next to Hiccup.

"Hey there, I'm Varian! I'm from a little village in Wales called Old Corona. Muggleborn, hoping to figure out how magic fits into physics and chemistry!" he said, lifting a hand covered by a huge lab glove to shake Pidge's hand.

Hiro, Pidge, and Varian immediately started an animated discussion of muggle science, and Hiccup couldn't help but feel left out somehow. He caught Callum's gaze, and they shared a chuckle at their housemates.

"I'm more an artist than a scientist myself," Callum said, and Hiccup nodded, before turning to watch the rest of the sorting. Not many kids were left. He noticed Katara, the girl from the boat who could direct the rain, waiting next to… someone with purple hair and pointed ears. Hiccup wasn't really sure if the person was a boy or a girl.

"Vaarsuvius!" McGonagall called, and they stepped forward.

"Finally. You strange cranial accessory, let us purvey the different possibilities of social company I shall have to compete with in my quest for Ultimate Arcane Power!" they said loudly before putting the hat on.

"That one sure looks like to hear his own voice," Callum chuckled, and Hiccup had to agree.

"RAVENCLAW!"

Hiccup wasn't surprised after Vaarsuvius' declaration, and joined the rest of his house in applause.

Welcome, fellow wizards and other arcane casters! My name is Vaarsuvius, from the ancient village of Ivyleaf on the Western Continent! Former apprentice of Aarindarius, who also moved here to Albion to teach the noble art of Arithmancy!" they said as they sat down next to Callum.

"If it's okay, I'll just call you 'V'," Pidge said. Vaarsuvius simply shrugged at that.

"So you're from America? Me and my brother are as well, but we moved here because my aunt could set up a cafe in Hogsmeade," Hiro said as Katara was sorted into Gryffindor. Realizing the Sorting was over, all conversations ended.

An old grumpy looking man took the chair and hat away, and McGonagall moved to the center where it had stood.

"Welcome, students, to another year at Hogwarts! The usual rules still apply, but I must announce an extra rule coming from the Ministry of Magic via our groundskeeper and professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, Gobber Belch: Due to the increased threat coming from the so-called Red Death dragon, students are no longer permitted to walk the grounds after dark. I must remind everyone that the Forbidden Forest is forbidden because of its many dangers, dangers which have increased in recent years. Do not be foolish and risk your life in there. There's plenty of excitement in the castle itself," McGonagall spoke. There was some nervous chuckling here and there, but overall people seemed very uncomfortable with this warning. Was this that unusual?

As far as Hiccup knew, his father had announced more warnings and declarations and rules about the Red Death every year since its first appearance 5 years ago. Maybe they hadn't reached Hogwarts until now.

"But let us not be saddened by such dark thoughts on such a happy evening. A great feast has been prepared, so let us enjoy it!" With those words, piles of food appeared on the golden plates, and the scientists finally stopped their discussion on perpetual motion in order to eat.

A flash of light flickered on the walls, and Hiccup looked up to see lightning strike across the enchanted ceiling. For a fraction of a second he thought he could see the shadow of a dragon inside a cloud, but then it was gone, and he shook his head and forced himself to focus on eating mashed potatoes and deciphering Vaarsuvius' long-winded speeches.

--------------------------------

"This portrait is the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. We have a password, which currently is 'Primum non nocere'. Please do not share this password with anyone from another house. While we encourage friendships between houses, you should be meeting in shared spaces like the library, the grounds, the great hall, or unused classrooms. There are some plans for a 'common common room', but it will likely take a while for that to happen," a prefect explained to Astrid and the other first-year Gryffindors.

Astrid didn't feel the need to be friends with other houses for now. Of the three girls she met on the train, two had joined her in Gryffindor, and it wasn't like she had bonded much with Pidge.

The portrait of the fat lady swung open, revealing a chamber filled with poofy armchairs, thick rugs, and wooden tables.

"Ugh, carpeting. I prefer solid wooden or stone floors, they're much less fuzzy to see through," Toph, the blind girl, said, and Astrid noticed for the first time she was barefoot.

"Up here are the dorms. Left for the boys, right for the girls. No mingling. You'll keep the same dorm for the 7 years you are here. You got lucky, you get the closest ones, so you don't have to climb another six flights of stairs. These are also the dorms Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Neville Longbottom and the other heroes of the Battle of Hogwarts used during their time here, so you can feel a bit closer to their glory, I suppose. Your belongings have already been delivered to your dorms. Owls are in the Owlery, you can visit them after class. Breakfast is between 8 and 9 AM. It is your own responsibility to be on time, but perhaps you can work out a system with your roommates to wake up and go down together," the prefect said, gesturing at two open doors through which she could see steep stairs.

"I expect all of you to bring glory to yourselves and to Gryffindor. This means doing well in class, going the extra mile for more points, but also by helping students who are struggling, whether they are in this house or not. True chivalry doesn't look at someone's colors. That is all for now. I advise you to go to sleep quickly, as you have a long day ahead tomorrow. Any questions?"

At the reminder of sleep Astrid yawned. She hadn't had much sleep last night, too excited to go here, and she desperately wanted to catch up.

However, Rayla didn't seem to agree.

"I heard there's a dueling club or something? How can we join?" she asked.

"There is, though it's rare that it accepts first-years. You'll have to talk to Professor Flitwick, he runs it. If he's impressed with your performance in his Charms class, he might let you join. Once in, you get to compete with your fellow duelists for the highest rank. If you want to become an auror a good duelist rank helps you a lot," the prefect explained, and Astrid woke up at that.

If she wanted to be good at dueling she needed to be rested, however. So she led the way up the girl's stairs and into the first room labeled "First-years". In there she easily found her suitcase on the bed closest to the window, and laid down. She was tempted to fall asleep like that, but she forced herself to unpack her pajamas and toothbrush as the other girls walked in.

"Ooh, ooh, this looks nice! Can I have this bed, can I? Do you think I can make an extra closet?" Star Butterfly was as loud and energetic as she had been the entire evening.

"I don't think we're allowed to modify anything, Star. But you can take that bed. Toph, how about you take this one near the door, that way you don't have to walk through our stuff when you get up," Katara said, making Toph scoff.

"I can handle myself, Sugar Queen," she muttered, but still took the suggested bed. The two had gotten off to a bad start when Katara offered to help her eat and Toph responded by magically shifting the table to make food fly into her face.

"Can you two stop bickering so we can sleep?" Merida groaned.

"Fine," Toph said, and Astrid figured it was a good thing the blind girl couldn't see Katara roll her eyes.

"How do we wake up on time tomorrow?" Rayla asked, digging through her own bags.

"I can set an alarm with my wand!" Star said, showing off her strange wand. She tapped it, and with a cloud of pink smoke the round top part suddenly had a clock face.

"What kind of wand even is that?" Merida asked, lifting her own simple wooden one.

"It's the Butterfly wand! Has been in my family foreeeeveeeeeer!" Star said, dragging out the last word as she fiddled with the clock.

After that they prepared for bed mostly in silence, taking turns in the bathroom before crawling under the covers. Despite the summer heat, it was quite cool. Astrid wondered if it was because they were so high up, or if the temperature was controlled by magic.

Despite her heavy eyes, Astrid couldn't fall asleep, even though the curtains on her bed muffled Star's and Toph's snores. She had hoped she could sleep easier here. Back in her little room at Uncle Finn's she never slept well. Every time she'd open her eyes in the dark room, it was like that night over seven years ago, when Aunt Erika woke her to tell her Daddy and Celia were dead.

But this place was different. She shouldn't still be bothered by those childish memories! Still, her annoyance didn't help her fall asleep, and after an hour of staring at the red curtains she finally sat up and grabbed her suitcase, searching for some little notebooks.

Her sister's diaries. Celia started a new one every year, leaving the old ones at their house, where Astrid found them when they moved everything to Uncle Finn's house. As always when she opened them, Astrid wondered if her sister would have been okay with her reading them, but she could never resist. Apart from her letters this was all she had left of her. Maybe if she reread how her brave sister handled her first night at Hogwarts she could handle it as well.

So she found the diary from Celia's first year, and opened it to the first page.

September 1st

Dear Diary, I'm at Hogwarts! It's incredible here. It's so big! I got sorted into Gryffindor, Harry Potter's house! He wasn't at the table, though. Apparently he got really sick from the dementors on the train!

Oh right, I forgot to tell you, the train was stopped by dementors looking for Sirius Black! It was so scary, they made me feel all cold and empty. Jackie, who got sorted into Gryffindor with me, had to cry. Still, the feast made me feel much better, there was so much food!

I got to meet all my new housemates too! There's Jackie, and Chang, and some other girl whose name I forgot, and Dennis. Dennis' brother is also in Gryffindor. They're both Muggleborns. They're different than I expected. I always thought they'd be much dumber! But they were funny, and I can't wait for my classes tomorrow! I should go to sleep now, I think Jackie is getting annoyed at my writing at night.

The entry reminded Astrid that she had it easy compared to her sister. She didn't have to deal with Dementors! With that thought she finally fell asleep, still holding the diary.

[ateeztism]

hi so like two ppl liked my post abt me making an in depth post about me so i decided 2 go through with it even if only two ppl wanted it bc I Love Talking Abt ME!

hi!! so my name is max, but i go by, and have gone by, a lot of names (including, but not limited to, serena, ben, eddie, red, chey, etc.) my actual irl birth given name is cheyenne, i dont care if you call me that it’ll just be a bit weird for me bc i havent gone by that online in over 2 years. im 15 years old!! i was born july 27th 2003, the bad news is if youre older than me ur now my parental figure no take backs.

i have really really bad anxiety!! its to the point that it keeps me up at night and i usually cant message my friends unprompted to talk, let alone the strangers i want to befriend. i have adhd, ocd, anxiety, and depression! i may also have aspergers, but i havent been tested yet so we dont quite know. you’ll have to forgive me for my negative posts, as i dont really have anywhere else to go with that stuff :(

i was born and raised in tennessee! you’ll see me tag posts containing anything cowboy-ish with “tennessee tag” bc i think im hilarious personally. this is also the reason i listen to quite a bit of country (carrie underwood and miranda lambert are GOOD ok!!!) and its also why im such a big preds fan! 

my first ever hockey game was april 11th, 2004: the first preds home playoff game! i dont remember much from my childhood (as i dont remember anything before last week) but apparently i was an outgoing easily excited kiddo, and during games i would fall asleep as soon as the period ended and woke up as soon as the next one started. my grandfather works for the nhl! he is the nashville predators time keeper (dave/david peterson if any of yall have been to the games lol) and because of this i got to meet a lot of players as a child!

my favorite stories to tell about this are about the two players i was closest to, adam hall and chris mason. once, when adam was in either tampa or minnesota i was downstairs waiting for him and he was late for the bus, so he ran right by me. according to everyone who tells this story (since i cant remember) i saw this, stomped out of the room, and loudly yelled “adam hall! where is my hug!” a different story is when i was a kid i was terrified of goalie masks. when mr chris mason came to say hello i got scared and he apologized for scaring me. my response was “its okay mace! i know the mask keeps you from getting booboos!” (i was a Child OKAY) and some blackhawks players were nearby and they started chirping him abt that and i fuckin Yelled At Them. bc im Iconic apparently.

but my alltime favorite story is about paul kariya. apparently once at a player meet and greet i walked across the table to him and just started Talking To Him???? and he taught me what a fist bump was (he called it “knuckles” and i Loved Them) and i pestered my family and everyone i saw with it for awhile (i would constantly loudly proclaim “knuckles!!!” whenever i wanted a fistbump sksksk) and fun fact: i couldnt say kariya (i was really young ok) so i called him “paul kia!!!” so now i forever associate kariya w the pokemon palkia

i was lucky enough to grow up with a nhl official as a grandfather so i was close with a lot of players, but i was closest with nashville goalie chris mason! he is a genuinely fantastic man and i once travelled to st louis to see him after he got traded. (that ended up w st louis fans jokingly trying to keep me after i told them i was his lucky charm [they didnt believe me until they beat the canucks 8-1 sksksk])

after the 2015-16 season i fell out of hockey. there were bigger hyperfixations to deal w, the offseason was always a bad time for me and i ended up genuinely forgetting about hockey. wish i was joking. then my brother started talking about a boy he called his “ham son” and that’s how i found out about auston matthews. thanks to him i got back into hockey! it was around january 2017 and i fell back in love with the sport that practically raised me.

im still a preds fan to this day. although i like new teams now, something past me would HATE. in fact past me was one of those annoying “fuck puck bunnies >:( bandwagoners are FAKE FANS” ppl, but thanks to tumblr ive learned to love too many teams to count. in fact thanks to a certain finn (aho) im actually conflicted on my favorite team these days, i mean im literally going to raleigh for thanksgiving so i can see the canes play the devils and the leafs!!

im not sure how to end this so here are a bunch of pictures of me growing up! bc im Adorable!

five year old me waiting for the preds game (September 22nd, 2008)

me before my first day of pre-k!!! (Around August 2007)

me At a game!! (November 2009)

BABY ME!!! (i have no idea when this was)

me and jordin tootoo at hardees!! he is so nice and i hope he has a happy retirement!!

me begging to go to pittsburgh to visit adam hall (i didnt get to go but i got a signed hat!)

me & adam!! he was hot and i cant believe i didnt realize this until recently

and thats it! i hope u enjoyed this trip w me! i have more to share so maybe ill make a sequel post one day! feel free 2 send questions if u have any :DDD

[elzandi]

Travel Journal: Bali

The first holiday that PJ and I discussed was Bali; he seemed as taken by the idea of this idyllic paradise as I did. More importantly, it’s one of the only places in the world that PJ hasn’t been to, which only added to the attraction. Just under a year later, I was more than ready to go. Being five-months pregnant and facing 18 hours of travel couldn’t even dampen my spirits.

We had an afternoon flight from Manchester to Doha for a 2 hour layover, then onwards to Denpasar, Bali. This was my first long-haul flight, and honestly, it wasn’t bad. We flew with Qatar, so we had access to a good variety of in-flight entertainment - the film “Wonder” caused me a tiny hormonal breakdown on the journey home.  My only negative would be the plane food breakfast; those eggs made me heave...I think that would still apply without a baby in my belly.

In the months leading up to the holiday, we really researched what we could do in Bali. Even though it’s a small island, there as so many different experiences to be had, depending on where you stay. We started our holiday off in Seminyak, where I was surprised with a few nights in The Oberoi (perks of having a partner who works in travel). We enjoyed our stay at the hotel so much that when we go to Mauritius in a few months, we’ve booked to stay at The Oberoi there as well.

Seminyak is a beautiful place, it’s right on the beach and is a hub for bars and restaurants. They have some really famous names, like Potato Head Beach Club, which we visited. However, there are far better places, such as: The Fat Turtle, I’m still gutted that I was having a bout of morning sickness so couldn’t eat anything there; Revolver for literally the most amazing coffee, they also do really cool merch where they send part of the profit to fund local communities; and La Plancha which is the perfect place to watch the sunset on the beach, they also make a killer Mojito mocktail.

In his pre-planning PJ had found a place called Pretty Poison, just outside of Seminyak in a town called Canggu. This is one of the only places on the holiday that had me thinking “I really wish I could drink right now”. If you want somewhere off-the-beaten-track, I really recommend here. It’s an indie/grunge bar that has a skate bowl out the back. It makes for a cool place to sit and chill with a few beers, or in PJ’s case a few straight rums with coconut ice.

From Top Left: Cocktail at Potato Head, The Fat Turtle, Pretty Poison Skate Bar and La Plancha

We spent three days in Seminyak, which proved to be a good base to explore the more touristy areas of Bali. We ventured over to Kuta for an evening, which is very much the tourist centre. Wherever we go, we always visit a Hard Rock Cafe in honour of PJ’s dad. As we arrived at the Hard Rock in Kuta, they were celebrating Earth Hour, so the Cafe was lit entirely with candles, which was a cool thing to walk into.

After our stay in Seminyak, we went up to Ubud, where we stayed in a hotel called Max One. Honestly, it was a step down from The Oberoi, but their rooftop pool was amazing! After walking around Ubud for a while, we realised that we weren’t going to be able to explore as much as we usually would. Being pregnant and wandering around in soaring temperatures and humidity just made it a bit of a chore. However, we still managed some really cool things! If you’re looking for culture - and animals - you cannot skip Ubud. 

We headed out to The Sacred Monkey Forest on our first day there. This place is full to the brim with Balinese Long-tailed Monkeys, which you can feed on your way around. I cannot stress how insane they go when they figure out you have food. Walking through the forest trying to keep monkeys from pinching your belongings or untying your bikini is a great way to spend a few hours. 

As we were trying to figure out less strenuous things to do after I’d been led on over an hour’s walk to a place called Naughty Nuri’s (my food highlight), PJ stumbled upon the website for Bali Zoo, who were advertising ‘Dinner with the Elephant’. I love elephants, so after checking it was all above board, we booked tickets to go the next night. I am SO glad that we did. 

After being given a couple of hours to wander around the zoo after closing time, you’re then escorted over to a different area of the zoo. Here, you get to meet the elephants for the first time! And by meet them, I mean you get to go up to them, feed them and interact with them. I was incredibly overwhelmed at that point, but PJ said that has never seen me that happy in the entire time we’ve been together. Just the memory of it, still makes my whole body smile now. After a couple of photo opportunities, we were left to wander through an area of the zoo where keepers were letting you see and interact with different animals like snakes, Asian Bear Cats (or Bintourang)  and baby Orangutans before you sat down to a buffet dinner. After dinner, you get another chance to meet the elephants and their mahouts; I literally walked up and down the line of them until they had to leave. In between all of this, the zoo put on different shows, from traditional Indonesian dances to more animal interactions. It cost along the lines of £50 for two of us. I’d do it again in a heartbeat at twice that price. That is how good it was!

For the last 2 nights, PJ pulled out all of the stops and got us our own private pool villa at the Four Seasons, Sayan. This was such a great end to the holiday. We didn’t really leave the resort over the time we spent there, but chose to spend it chilling out, reading by the pool and ordering hot dogs to help my cravings!

The Views from the pool at the Four Seasons

Bali is a beautiful place, with something for everyone, whether you want to explore or just have a chilled out holiday. I think, in the future, we’ll definitely go back; there’s just so much more that we can see and do, and it’s somewhere I can’t wait to share with Finn.

*All Pictures are taken by myself or PJ (@travellingrumbaron on Instagram)

- - -

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[lindyhunt]

4 Comics Who Are Keeping it Real About Motherhood ( and 4 Who Are Proudly Not Procreating)

Having children is one of life’s greatest pleasures…or so I’m told. But what happens when you become a mother and life is not the mommy-blog perfection that we all expect it to be? Lucky for all of us, some  comedians have given us all a glance into the unfiltered world of pregnancy and parenting. And, greatest pleasure or not, that shit seems terrifying). An important part of the conversation when it comes to motherhood is that it’s a choice, and probably shouldn’t be considered the default choice for women. That’s not to say that women who don’t breed don’t like children, they’ve just decided that it doesn’t fit into their lifestyle. Like that time that I got side bangs without realizing the amount of work I would have put in  to styling them every day. And yes, I’m saying bang maintenance is exactly the same child rearing.

Regardless of whether or not you want to raise tiny humans, here are the voices of comedy who are keeping it real on all ends of the spectrum.

Ali Wong 

“I used to hate on other moms for the clothes that they wore, you know, all the cheesy-ass animal print and loud metallic shiny shoes, and now I see something that’s bedazzled in rhinestones and I’m like ‘oh that looks nice, I think I’m gonna get that,’ because when you’re a mom you need sparkle to compensate for the light inside of you that has died.”

I’m grateful the weekend is over. #WorkIsEscape #TGIM

A post shared by Ali Wong (@aliwong) on May 28, 2018 at 7:03am PDT

There’s something so incredibly wonderful about watching a heavily pregnant, 5’3″ woman dancing around the stage with her middle finger high in the air. Ali Wong became a household name in 2015 when she released her stand-up special Baby Cobra on Netflix. At the time, she was seven months pregnant with her first child. Three years later, and equally pregnant Wong came back on stage for her new Netflix collar, Hard Knock Wife, to report back to us on childbirth and motherhood. She gave the audience and viewers a…graphic look into what she’s been up to since we last saw her. She spoke about childbirth, breastfeeding and how she sometimes wants to throw her kid in the garbage (fair enough). She also speaks on her choice to continue her career after having children, and how that’s a choice she was privileged to be able to make. To sum up, Ali Wong should write a parenting book ASAP. Even my childless-self would read that thing cover to cover.

Natasha Leggero

“It is very humbling to think that you’re carrying life inside of you, you know? I don’t want to get too emotional but it’s even more overwhelming then when I realize that it’s gonna be five more months before I can do drugs again.” 

A post shared by Natasha Leggero (@natashaleggero) on May 25, 2018 at 4:43pm PDT

Best known for her blasé delivery of shock-comedy, Leggero’s stand-up will have you thinking whether or not you should feel bad for laughing (you should, but it’s okay). When she walked out on stage for her set in The Honeymoon Stand Up Special (which she did with her husband, Moshe Kasher) heavily pregnant in a sequin minidress and white-fur coat and told the audience to hold their applause because she was “still in the abortion zone,” Leggerro proved that she had no intention in changing her comedic style due to her maternal-status (nor should she!). Though Leggero hasn’t released any new material since the birth of her daughter, she’s taken to Instagram to reassure fans that she’s still the same-old Natasha. Whether she’s posting a photo of her breastfeeding while adorned in gold or introducing her daughter to the world of Vogue, she’s making sure that her comedic voice is still known.

Katherine Ryan

“My daughter’s six. Right now I just have to keep her hair out of her face and her hands out of her pants and I’ve nailed the day.”

💜

A post shared by kathbum (@kathbum) on Aug 9, 2017 at 11:19am PDT

Originally from Canada, this UK-based comedian released her Netflix special — In Trouble — in 2017. Ryan talked about her dating life, pop culture and life as a single mother. She’s also quick to gossip about the other moms that she has to interact with, which is relatable to anyone with or without a child. In her most recent set at Noel at the Apollo, Ryan tells her audience all about a mother at her daughter’s school named Jane. “Does anyone know Jane from the North London school run?…Jane said to me ‘Katherine, you must be so sad that you don’t have a husband at Christmas.’ This coming from the woman whose ham-coloured husband Brian is a man I’ve never seen out of a bicycle helmet.” Whether it’s dealing with the death of her child’s pet or bringing her kid along so that she can meet Prince Harry (true story), Katherine and her daughter are setting up to be the modern-day Gilmore Girls.

Tig Notaro

“I feel like [my wife] and I are doing a great job, I really do. But I also feel like it would be reasonable if somebody called child protective services a couple of times.”

When I have to share my Cheerios 😕

A post shared by Tig Notaro (@tignotaro) on Mar 5, 2018 at 2:02pm PST

A veteran on the stand-up comedy circuit, Tig Notaro has always included her personal life in her bone-dry comedy. In 2015 she released her documentary Tig on Netflix, which followed her ability to find humour in her breast cancer diagnosis and eventual double mastectomy. In her newest Netflix special, Happy to be Here, Notaro had much happier experiences to draw from. She spends most of the hour telling stories about her wife Stephanie and their baby twin boys Max and Finn. A lot of her material now stems from her kids, including her one son’s sudden outbursts. “A couple month’s ago, he just out of nowhere yelled ‘I’m gay’.. yeah, Max the whole family is gay, it’s not a big deal, except for Finn but even [our cat] is bi-curious.”

Michelle Wolf

“If having babies really was the best job in the world, men would’ve figured out a way for them to do it.”   

Not in the spirit of the mission.

A post shared by Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) on Apr 29, 2018 at 9:52pm PDT

Michelle Wolf is most recently known for her set at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner which received mixed reviews to say the least. Now, she has her own show called The Break with Michelle Wolf on Netflix where she does a little bit of everything. In the premiere episode, Wolf sat with her friend and fellow comic Amber Ruffin to talk about their choice not to have kids. This isn’t a new topic for Wolf however, she touched on the concept of “making a human” in her HBO Special, Nice Lady. “It should be hard to make a human. It’s hard to make a croissant. It takes three days to make a croissant, you can make a human in that bathroom. You cannot make a croissant in that bathroom.”

Sarah Silverman

“I love kids, but I also really love what I do. Which is anything I want, all of the time.”    

A post shared by Sarah Silverman (@sarahksilverman) on Nov 20, 2017 at 11:56am PST

Sarah Silverman is another stand-up comedy veteran to speak about the idea of motherhood. Silverman is known for never holding back, so it seemed perfectly normal for us to share her ideas on having children in a monologue for her show I Love You, America. Silverman also brought it up when she was on Chelsea with Gloria Steinem and Chelsea Handler, all who have chosen not to have kids. “Loving kids  and having kids of your own are two very different things. The thought of having my own baby completely paralyzes me.”

Chelsea Handler

“Sometimes in your 20s and 30s people will trick you into having kids. But it’s possible to remain childless and alone. You just have to want it.” 

This sums up what I’m dealing with on the home front. Every day, it’s like I’m starting over.

A post shared by Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) on May 22, 2018 at 4:52pm PDT

Chelsea Handler has always made her aversion to having children known in her material. In her show, Chelsea, she has a recurring PSA spoof called Kids: They’re Not That Great. She is seen having a cocktail in her bathrobe or binge watching TV, telling people that being childless is actually pretty great. She even got wrapped into hosting a kids Halloween party, and it’s absolutely hilarious.

Jen Kirkman

“If you do something as big as having a kid…you gotta have an urge to be good at it and an urge to do it. And I’ve never had the urge to ruin my life.” 

Hello world!

As you can see – I’m not on tour right now. I’m on a job writing to bring you entertainment on the streaming teevee. Some years I hit 30-40 cities in about 3 countries – this is not that year! So far! ✈️✈️✈️ But there are plans and things in place for fall and winter – and things will go on sale before that. My weekly email newsletter is THE ONLY way to find out what’s going on in my head – where I’m thinking of heading next and why. 📝📝📝📝So, join up! Again, I am not on a big tour this year – I’m just going to be popping up in really surprising places in America and beyond. I KNOW WHAT they are – but you don’t! Cuz you’re not on my newsletter. CLICK LINK IN BIO TO JOIN. It takes you to my website homepage and the link is there. 🌟🌟🌟🌟😁 *****any question you ask below about what city I am coming to is literally the reason I have a newsletter. Save me the headache. The answer to all questions is JOIN MY NICE FRIENDLY FUN PERSONALLY WRITTEN BY ME 🙋🏻‍♀️ every week newsletter*******

A post shared by Jen Kirkman (@jenkirkman) on Mar 5, 2018 at 8:46am PST

In Jen’s first Netflix Special, I’m Going to Die Alone (and I Feel Fine), Kirkman speaks out about not having kids has never been an issue for her as much as the people around her. She even published a book in 2013 called I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: Tales From a Happy Life Without Kids. Needless to say, kids have never been on Kirkman’s radar, and the only problem she has with it is the fact that people have a problem with it.

[sueboohscorner]

#iZombie Season 3 Episode 8 "Eat a Knievel" Recap & Review

Blaine is BACK!

This week we join Blaine after he was shot as he makes some sort of deal with his killer. He has two requests, one- to know where the new brain supplier is and the other…

I may be a little tired when I write this so I am thinking to be turned into a zombie so he can live through the gunshot wound? I could be wrong but it’s okay…been a long week!

Over at Fillmore Graves the Team is reviewing the tape that turned up online of Justin in full zombie mode. Luckily, most of the internet is suspicious it’s all a fake but there are enough believers out there to make them nervous. All is okay for now, except Vivian knows Major isn’t a zombie anymore and definitely wants to know then how and why.

Unfortunately, before she has a chance to find out, her helicopter explodes on the way to her new zombie island retreat. Very concerning!

RIP Vivian…or not? I think she may have faked her death for some reason.

While Liv thinks Harley Johns and his anti-zombie movement is the culprit, Clive thinks it’s way too advanced for the likes of them. Plus, they aren’t taking ISIS like credit for on the net. Word has it that now Vivian is gone her brother in law, Chace Graves is on his way to head up FG.

Veronica Mars fans listen up! Chace will be played by Jason Dohring! Woo Hoo!

Ravi finds one of Harley’s gatherings and him and Liv think it might be a good idea to go undercover. Liv DOES have experience to act like someone else!

Time for the brains-case of the week. A Jackass (do Millennials know Jackass and Johnny Knoxville)? like guy named Finn, pulls a stunt on motorcycle while on fire.

Unfortunately, someone has pulled a switcheroo on his flame retardant outfit and he burns alive. OUCH! I am thinking the brain of the week is going to be very similar to frat boy brains except with much pain and more practical jokes.

At the crime scene Clive learns of the popularity of Finvincible and his “Stunted Growth”, a sort of Jackass slash Punked combo series and apparently a favorite of Ravi’s.

“Twenty-three thousand subscribers can’t be wrong.” -Ravi

Just in time, suspect number one arrives in a panic demanding to see the liner of the stunt suit which is of course the wrong one. He explains that Finn did piss off many but the people whom worked on the show loved him.

Back at the lab brain meal of the week is…ummm…. fried in a pan with a ton of spice poured on?

Meanwhile at The Scratching post, Don E and his bitch are dragging in a huge crate and Blaine’s dad, Angus, learns about Fillmore Graves being a zombie run organization and is deeply intrigued.

“I’ve seen the future and the future is brains!” -Angus

At the station, the show crew has arrived drunk and are already causing a scene but Liv is on their level and ready to handle the situation, as always. Her helping mostly consists of trying to staple a guy’s tongue to the table. Clive, as always, has to be a buzzkill and actually proceed with the interrogation. The guys tell him that Finn did actually make the camera man angry once but will not talk because of the non-disclosure agreement they signed. Clive and Liv head down to a shoot, ironically for DA Barracus where they meet up with Kong. But he is no help either due to the NDA.

Back at Blaine’s work he is looking worn out and seeming to be preparing for some sort of ultimate showdown. He even pulls a weapon on a painter who sneaks up on him. Poor Blaine.

Back at The Scratching Post, Angus is hobnobbing with the FG guys and treating Don E like he doesn’t matter. My opinion, don’t mess with Don E-he might be smarter than he looks…or acts…or is.

Meanwhile at the lab, Liv and Ravi are cracking up to Finn’s videos. Clive is not amused.

“I’m surprised it took this long for Finn to get murdered.” -Clive

Liv gets her first vision, the suspect from the crew earlier, Rudy going bananas on Finn. So, Liv and Clive drag back in the crew to ask them about it. The guys explain they have pranked Rudy a bunch of times but Clive explains this was specifically in a hotel room with Rudy screaming asking him why he has to have everything. The guys claim to not know because Rudy deleted the footage. But one of the guys coughs up something in private on his phone. This particular prank involves Finn in bed with Rudy’s girl. Motive for murder anyone?

Or just an extreme prank?

Definitely time to bring Rudy back in to the precinct.

Liv is back on the case and after kicking Rudy in the nuts she offers Rudy a suspicious coffee. Rudy claims the whole Finn sleeping with his girlfriend, now wife, was a total prank-nothing more.

All I really care about is him drinking the coffee but he doesn’t want it so Clive takes it-oh no. Clive do you ever pay attention to what brain Liv is on? Rudy does offer up the story on Kong before he splits and we discover Clive’s hands are now super glued to the coffee cup. Good one Liv!

Back at the lab Ravi and Liv watch the coffee cup prank and laugh their asses off. Ravi let’s Liv know he got them an invite to the zombie truthers meeting by posting a bunch on the message board under “Indian Cowboy.” They discuss plans on what to wear and how to act and even discuss switching accents for the night. Uh…no.

“…and I only speak one language and I wear white socks.” -Ravi in his American voice.

Ravi wants to practice but liv has a date! With Justin!

Her very practical date suggestion is that he have some Finn brains so they can both act like idiots all night. I think it’s a bloody brilliant plan.

Not just that, they decide to kick it up a notch by downing some Super Max. It really seems more like teenage boys snuck out and went to the park to blow things up, until things get a little heated. Unfortunately-the heat is interrupted by a vision. Liv sees one of the crew hand Finn a new stunt suit which he says Rudy told him to give him. Busted! Liv and Justin will have to be paused for now…but they are adorable together!

Back at The Scratching Post, Don E and his lackey are dragging in yet another heavy crate while speculating is it’s possible that Christina Ricci is a zombie…maybe. Angus is still pulling the big boss trip on Don E, when he suddenly receives a call from the dead.

Blaine tells him to buckle up! He knows where he is and he is coming for him AND his dear old pops. Don E hangs up to warn Angus that Blaine is somehow still alive and they are promptly sent out for his head on a platter.

Liv and Clive visit Rudy’s house where they are welcomed by Stasha, Rudy’s wife’s aunt who gives them free searching reign. They don’t find anything but Stasha shows up unexpectedly with a brand new baby who just happens to be the same shade of Finn. It looks like Rudy may have found out the baby wasn’t his about three days ago when the little sucker arrived. No blood test needed! Rudy is arrested-case closed.

Meanwhile, at The Scratching Post, Angus demands the unpacking of the heavy brains crate and here in lies the genius of Blaine. He surprises his dad by popping out and shooting him a few times.

“I have to say, I’m proud of you. I didn’t think you had it in you-this took initiative!” -Angus

Although Angus pleads with him to join him on his new venture, Blaine forces him into the cement tub he brought along. He takes him to his childhood home where he has a neat contraption built for him hanging above a well, which he eventually drops him into. It’s all very Tarantino-esque.

I am pretty sure Blaine isn’t planning on coming back to feed daddy dearest. But he does go back for Don E with plans to get back together.

“Stop talking, you had me at money.” -Don E

The zombie army is getting their party on but it is suddenly stopped by a commander who reminds them about Discovery Day and their sworn duty to protect the zombies who came out of the basement at Max Rager. He also calls out Justin on the stolen cans of Super Max and shoots him when he comes clean. This guy is a total buzzkill (as Liv might say).

Okay, I have a couple questions…one-why do a few cans of Super Max matter? And more imrpotantly-two: WHY IS MAJOR STILL IN THE ZOMBIE ARMY??? I know Vivian died and didn’t have time to spill the beans but how is he supposed to fight with a bunch of zombies? Or what if it was him who said yeah man I took the Super Max and HE was shot instead of Justin? I am sure he can get hired SOMEWHERE! Major, come on dude. Rant Over!

Liv and Ravi attend the zombie truth seekers gathering- where Liv looks so pretty! But I am a bit nervous they might take your blood pressure at the door or something.

Well, just as I thought they are doing just that! I should write for this show! Rob Thomas are you listening?

For some reason Liv thinks she can get her adrenaline going and pass the test. I want to scream….NO LIV!

Suddenly, Harley spots her and swears he knows her from somewhere. Ravi explains they just got a text from the babysitter saying the imaginary kids are sick so Liv agrees to go home and check on them.

“I’ll go home and check on the kids, but I want to know everything. Zombies are real. There is one everywhere I go!” -Liv to Harley

And off she goes as Ravi gets his blood pressure taken. I cannot wait to find out what happnened at that meeting.

Episode Rating 9 ½. So very close to a 10! Everything with Blaine was just amazing but I could have used a bit more on the crime of the week storyline.