#matt on the other hand would be worried that neil is sitting still

[aftg-random-fun]

I just completed 2048 and I suspect that Neil would have been one of those people either addicted to it until he got it or he got it within 10 tries.

[luminasposts]

Aftg's Baltimore scene from Kevin's POV?

From the nine foxes on the line up were only seven currently sitting in the hideously painted team bus of the Palmetto Foxes.

Kevin remember all too well Andrew pulling him and Aaron towards the bus and shoving everyone else out of their ways. They were the first ones to arrive at the bus with Abby and Wymack, shortly followed by Dan, Matt and Nicky who was holding a hand over his bleeding nose. The last ones to arrive were Allison and Renee, because Neil never made it back to that bus. After a while Andrew had stood up and walked straight out into the riot again, ignoring Wymacks and even Kevin's own warnings. Kevin couldn't remember how long ago that had been. Most of the riot had been calmed down by now. Allison was getting treated by an ambulance right now and police officers had arrested the people responsible for the fight already. The rest was clearing off the stadium grounds, but Andrew and Neil still hadn't come back. Kevin was starting to worry, it couldn't be that hard to find the striker, however small he may be, on the nearly empty stadium grounds. Even if he had gotten into a fight himself, Andrew should have found him by now.

☆

When the last ambulance car finally left and the foxes were alone in their bus again, Kevin thought about how desperately he needed a drink right now. The striker and goalkeeper still weren't back and by now at least two hours must have passed. Everyone had left by now, the stadium grounds empty except for them.

When Kevin was about to ask Wymack if he had some alcohol, Nicky jumped up and exclaimed loudly "Andrew's back! He found Neil then." Matt immediately got up from his seat too and Kevin felt himself calm down instantly.

Until his sigh of relief died apruptly in his throat the closer the goalkeeper got to the bus.

Andrew was alone.

There was no Neil behind him and the only thing in his hands were a black duffelbag and an orange racquet. Andrew entered the bus and tossed the duffel on a free seat. It had seen better days before, but now it was barely recognisable.

The racquet was carelessly tossed on the floor and when Andrew reached into his pocket and pulled a grey flip phone out of it, Kevin's world came close to crumbling. He had gotten his hopes up knowing he'd be disappointed in the end, he just hadn't expected it to come so soon. Neil had been everything Kevin couldn't in regards to Riko and the Moriyamas. He'd stood up to Riko on live TV to defend Kevin, he'd punched the raven during the Christmas banquet and walked straight into his knife afterwards for two whole weeks, three in raven time, and he came back saying nothing more than "They gave me a contract but I wouldn't sign it. They couldn't make me."

So Kevin had gotten his hopes up. The maybe Neil would be strong enough to survive the Butcher and Kengo. That Neil saying he would die at the end of the season was just another one of his lies, but then Andrew opened the phone and said

"410."

and the choked out gasp that filled the bus must've been Kevin's because suddenly all of the other foxes turned their attention on him and Andrew flipped the phone shut before staring blankly at Kevin.

"You know something." It wasn't a question, more the goalkeepers way of demanding Kevin tell him the information he had, but even if he wanted to, Kevin couldn't force a single word past the lump in his throat and with every second of silence the air in the bus grew more tense.

"What do you know?" Andrew's voice was dangerously calm and Kevin knew that keeping his mouth shut would do more harm than good for anyone, especially himself, right now but he was too afraid that if he acknowledged Nathaniel's father being the one who orchestrated this whole situation, he would sever the last string of hope he had for Neil's life. So Kevin swallowed, pressed his lips together tightly and said nothing.

"I will ask once more. What do you know?" Andrew's voice sounded less calm now and he took a large step towards Kevin. The apathy was now gone, replaced by never ending rage and it took a lot of willpower for Kevin to keep his mouth shut.

He would wait five more minutes. If there was no sign of Neil being still alive after five minutes, he would tell the foxes everything he knew. Andrew was still radiating pure fury and directing it at Kevin, so to distract himself he began counting down the minutes in his head.

300.

299.

When he was at 200, Andrew lunged forward and wrapped his hands around Kevin's neck, squeezing until black dots began to dance in Kevin's vision. "What. Do. You. Know?" It sounded more panicked than angry now, but Kevin just shut his eyes tight and continued counting while the black dots began to grow larger and larger and he instinctively wrapped his own hands around Andrew's in a weak attempt to pull him off. He noticed at the corner of his consciousness that Matt, Nicky and even Coach were trying to pull Andrew off him as well, but he focused on counting down the seconds. Both to keep him conscious and silent.

With two seconds left, they pulled Andrew off him and Wymacks phone rang.

Kevin sat up, coughing and desperately gasping for air while holding his surely bruised throat. Having breathed in enough air to focus on his surroundings again, he registered Wymack just ending the call and the Coaches next words were like a balm to his soul.

"Neil is alive."

[ok555ficideas]

Help me remember

Andrew sighed with relief when the whistle announced the end of the game. It was an exhausting one, not because it was a demanding opponent. No, Ravens stopped being a force to be reckoned with a year ago, when the foxes beat them in the finale. After that it was like a snowball of fallen ravens and the team had not yet recovered. 

It wasn’t even a championship game. The season was over. Foxes had beaten the Trojans in the finale six to five. This was just a friendly game between two teams, who hated each other, to improve their image. 

The Ravens didn’t play like they wanted to improve anything. They played as if it was the most important match of their career. They were vicious and unforgiving. They weren’t stupid enough to foul Andrew, but that couldn’t be said about the rest of his teammates. 

But it was over and Andrew could finally breathe. His people were only in various bad shapes, but none of them needed any medical attention outside of Abby. He looked across the court at a smiling Neil who was heading his direction. Helmet under his arm and a glint in his eyes that meant that he was on his way to say something incredibly stupid that would leave Andrew’s stomach in knots. 

Stupid junkie with his stupidly beautiful blue eyes and blinding smile. Andrew wanted to punch him in his stupid face, preferably with his lips. The rest of the team would probably go to the basement to celebrate with lots of alcohol. And whenever there was alcohol there was Kevin, so they would have the dorm for themselves. Andrew couldn’t wait to get his hands on Neil. They had only a week left of classes and after that Andrew was planning on taking Neil to Columbia for at least a week. He knew that taking his idiot away from the court for longer was impossible so when Neil reluctantly agreed to one week when Andrew was insisting on two, he decided to quit while he was ahead. 

Neil was in the middle of the court when suddenly there was a body throwing him in the direction of the plexiglass. There was a loud sound as the backliner who was assigned to Neil during the game repeatedly banged Neil head on the wall. Andrew wasn’t the first to get to him, since he was still standing in his goal, never keen to be in the middle of the celebration. 

Matt threw the backliner off of Neil and there was Abby immediately at his side, checking him over. Seeing as Neil was in good hands, Andrew went for the Raven first. He pushed Matt away and punched the much taller man straight in the face and then troppeled him over on the ground. He managed a couple more punches, but then there were people's hands all over him, trying to pull him away. 

There was ringing in his ears and he didn’t want to let himself be pulled away. He would probably still be fighting all of them if not for a small, barely heard above all the noise voice.

“Drew”

He jumped from the backliner immediately and shraged away all the people who tried to calm him down. He kneeled next to Neil and gripped his hand softly. There wasn’t any visible blood, but Abby looked worried.

“We need to take him to the hospital.” She said,

Andrew helped her pick Neil up and they went into the foxes changing room. He wanted to drive Neil to the hospital himself, but with the game just ending the traffic would be a nightmare. They called 9-1-1 and waited for the ambulance to get here. 

Apart from the stupid nickname that melted Andrew’s heart every time Neil used it, the striker didn’t utter another word. He was lying unconscious while Abyy tried to assess the damage to his probably broken ribs. 

The paramedics showed up ten minutes later and let Andrew ride with Neil to the hospital after he threatened them with a knife for trying to keep him away. 

It was all a blur after that. They took Neil to do some tests and Andrew had to wait in the waiting area.  He wasn’t sure what time it was, once Neil was all done and patched up and safely tucked away in a hospital bed.  Andrew was sitting in the armchair beside him. Someone must have warned the hospital staff to not even try to kick him out, because no one batted an eye at him staying way past visiting hours. He didn’t want to fall asleep. He wanted to watch Neil and protect him. 

“It is too late for protection, you failed.” A traitorous voice sounded at the back of his head. 

He tried to silence his racing thoughts, but there was no reason to deny them. He failed. If he was closer to Neil. If he made his way across the court instead of waiting in his goal, maybe he would be able to stop the backliner from attacking Neil. If he wasn’t so focused on Neil’s stupid smile and pretty face, maybe he would spot the danger and prevent it. 

His eyelids started to get heavy. He took a last glance at Neil’s unconscious form and fell asleep himself. He was used to having nightmares, but tonight they were filled with guilt instead of fear. 

[mostlymaudlin]

#8 for the fic writing ask 🖤

i just answered this but ill do another !!

i've always wanted to put andrew in a time loop

hold on tw suicide a lil bit lmfao

BUT i just kinda think that andrew's will to live is such a tentative thing but you can't kill yourself in a time loop lmfao. at least not in a way that lasts. but that's kind of the ethos of why i want to put andrew in a time loop because i think it would force him to find more reasons to live! my original idea around this was actually just a normal day post-canon so he does have reasons to live but he's still so wrapped up in his duties to others, and the loop would just inherently isolate him from his people which would be excruciating -- and also he would have no one to put up fronts for. i think that level of independence and shamelessness would be really interesting to explore with him. and also he would kill himself so many times sdkjngksjn

i'm also fascinated by how neil would react in the repeating timelines, because he's so attuned to andrew's moods and up in his business. once i actually wrote a lil bit of this kind of thing but from neil's pov. the idea was that andrew is pretty far into the loops and he just doesnt care abt anything. so he tries to spend the day in bed. but to neil, andrew is just rly depressed out of nowhere!! and ofc neil always always always tries to take care of andrew...

i'm not sure if i'll ever write the big andrew pov version, but here's the lil snip of neil pov:

Neil doesn’t know what to do when Andrew doesn’t get out of bed. 

He leaves him be at first, trusting him to make decisions for himself. But they’re really going to be late for practice, so Neil crouches on the floor next to Andrew’s bed. He’s awake — Andrew never sleeps through this level of movement and noise. 

“Hey,” Neil says. Andrew, facing the wall, does not react. “Are you coming to practice?”

Nothing. 

Neil looks to Kevin, who stands in the bedroom doorway, but he looks as lost as Neil feels. 

Andrew’s head is not an easy place to be. The evidence is on his skin. But still, Neil has never seen him shut down quite like this before. Regardless of how wound up or closed off Andrew gets, he always gets up. He might move through the day stone-faced and silent, or irritable and violent, but he moves. Something is very wrong. 

Neil grimaces. “Get a ride with Matt and tell Coach we’re sick. I’ll call him later.”

Kevin tries to argue, but Neil shakes his head firmly. Kevin snaps his mouth shut with a look toward Andrew’s blanketed figure, then stomps out the door. Neil waits for the slam that signifies Kevin’s exit, then turns back to Andrew. He watches the subtle rise and fall of Andrew’s back for a few breaths.

“It’s just me now,” Neil whispers. “What’s wrong?”

Still no reaction. Neil sighs, then gets to his feet. In the kitchen, he pours the last of the coffee into a mug and makes a bowl of cereal, carrying both to the bedroom. He sets them on the floor near Andrew’s bed, then sits down next to them.

“Will you eat?” Neil asks, this time expecting the non-response, though it doesn’t ease the churning worry at his core. “If you want me to go, I need at least one sign that your brain hasn’t turned into a vegetable.”

Neil decides to give Andrew five more minutes before he starts considering seeking outside help. He sets his forearms on the edge of Andrew’s mattress, resting his cheek against one arm as he stares at the silky, sleep-mussed hair at the back of Andrew’s head. It’s been four minutes when Andrew finally rolls over. 

The action puts their faces only inches apart, but Andrew’s stare is distant. Still, the movement is a relief. 

“Hi,” Neil whispers. “What do you need?”

Andrew closes his eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he rasps. “Go to practice.”

“You want me to leave?”

Andrew looks at him again, and this time his gaze is more focused. “No.”

Neil exhales. He reaches out a hand toward Andrew’s face, waiting for a subtle nod before he brushes Andrew’s hair off his forehead. 

“Breakfast?” Neil asks softly. Andrew shakes his head. 

“Kuefsteinstraße,” he says. 

Neil’s eyebrows shoot up.

“The street you lived on,” Andrew says. “In St. Pölten. You said it was the nicest place you lived in Europe, and that you’d believe me if I mentioned it.”

Neil swallows, racking his memory. “I don’t remember telling you about St. Pölten. I haven’t thought about that place in years.”

Andrew closes his eyes again. “You wouldn’t remember.”

“I don’t understand.”

Andrew slides back on the mattress until he’s pressed against the wall.

i'm not really sure where it goes from here other than andrew would tell neil he's in a time loop and neil would believe him! i don't think neil could help him get out of the loop, but having him believe him would at least give andrew comfort. and andrew would probably only tell neil in loops where he really needed that 😭

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 8) ft. wymack (+ a bonus)

part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 || i'm actually feeling kinda sad that this is the last part but also my brain can't come up with more ideas lmao

wymack stands by the fact that he doesn't get paid enough to deal with andrew and neil's shit (both as separate idiots and together)

but he does care for all his foxes, despite all the... difficulties that surround them

and honestly? one of the biggest struggles he faces is how absolutely thick-headed and oblivious the foxes can be regarding andrew and neil's relationship

truly, the heart-eyes neil constantly gave andrew were so obvious, he's not sure how everyone missed them before

but because he's so observant, he doesn't fail to notice how the older foxes keep giving strange looks to neil whenever he leaves andrew's side now

wymack doesn't get in the way of his foxes' personal lives. but if they start causing disturbances on the court, it's his job as coach to get to the bottom of these issues

(okay, maybe he and dan catch up on the so-called "drama" in the team every few weeks but it's for completely exy-related business. ahem. of course)

one day, wymack corners neil and lets him know that he and dan were to meet in his office after practice to talk through some logistics for the winter banquet

neil agrees, and practice goes smoothly (or, as smoothly as it can go with the foxes)

but after practice is... interesting

wymack swears he had no ulterior motives planned with the meeting; it really was supposed to be a genuine discussion

but the outcome of it was certainly unexpected

he and dan both know to wait for neil, that he doesn't like changing in front of anyone

so they wait. and wait. and wait.

it gets to the point where it's nearly 45 minutes after practice and surely neil should be done at this point, no?

wymack gets up, fully prepared to break down the door to make sure neil is okay when suddenly it slams open

neil tumbles out hand-in-hand with andrew, with matching flushed faces and ruffled hair

wymack sighs

dan outright snorts, and neil's head jerks up and his eyes widen when he notices dan and wymack

but before he can say anything, dan stands up and grins at andrew

"fucking neil again, huh?"

neil chokes on a cough and wymack turns to dan with a groan when he notices the mischievous glint in her eye, almost like that was an... inside joke?

with minyard?

wymack is very confused

andrew just scowls at dan. "i will knife you and make it look like an accident"

neil is still recovering from his coughing bout, so wymack turns back to the stabby midget ready to reprimand him

"i'm not scared of you anymore, remember andrew?" dan's eyes are still bright as she tries not to laugh

"shut up, both of you" wymack interrupts their weird jokes conversation whatever gruffly. "neil, do you remember why we're here?"

"huh? OH. oh shit. drew, i'm supposed to be talking with them about some winter banquet stuff"

andrew considers this. "how long?" wymack tells him about an hour, and andrew nods and turns to neil. "i'll stay"

neil just rolls his eyes. "you have a paper due tomorrow that you haven't even started yet. go do that, i'll be fine"

wymack sighs. he's been doing a lot of that lately. "minyard, go finish your homework or i swear to god, i'll make you run three marathons next week"

andrew glares but mutters out a "fine." he goes to leave but neil tugs him back by the wrist

neil then proceeds to kiss andrew on the nose and gives him the most bashful smile wymack has ever seen on the kid's face

neil's happy. it's a christmas miracle! and it's not even christmas yet!

and that kiss... really, it was the last thing he expected out of neil and andrew but he's happy at how comfortable they've grown around each other

and okay, it was a little adorable

(not that he'd ever say that to their faces, of course)

andrew ends up stumbling out of the court with the reddest face wymack's seen as neil turns back to him and dan

"right" he says sheepishly. "banquet?"

BONUS:

abby doesn't believe it when david tells her about the nose kiss

she knows that neil has a heart of gold, she knows that andrew has so much capacity to feel

but a nose kiss? she doesn't think andrew would agree to that

so when her older foxes come over one night after a tiring, but successful, game, she decides she needs to see this for herself

after a hearty dinner, all the kids are sitting in the living room, with andrew and neil talking quietly in the back corner of the room.

perfect.

"neil!" abby calls, and everyone in the room quiets to look at her. "sweetheart, could you help me bring out the dessert?"

nicky immediately jumps up from beside her, saying how he could help if she needed it

"no no, it's alright, i was hoping to talk to neil, if that's okay? it might take a little while"

neil looks extremely worried at this and abby almost feels guilty.

almost

he glances at andrew and then he leans down so quickly that abby nearly misses it

neil kisses andrew on the nose.

abby barely notices andrew's bright blush, nor does she register neil moving towards her

she just feels so proud of her foxes for coming so far in a world that keeps trying to beat them down

it's a sentimental moment, which is completely ruined by kevin's woop and nicky's yell of glee

"YES BITCH THEY DID IT THEY DID THE KISS GIVE ME YOUR MONEY ALLISON"

"fuck you hemmick. fuck you"

neil looks at them wildly. "you guys were betting on us? i didn't think you would..."

matt sighs and slings an arm around his friend. "oh neil, do you still really think that low of us? we bet on everything"

JSKHKKSJ OK IT'S FINALLY DONE i already miss this series but it has been a fun time :) my asks are always open if y'all have anything specific you want me to write !

[noirshadow]

New Year, New Neil

Happy @aftgexchange to @sapphicwilds!! Hope I did your prompts justice! Enjoy 🦊!

——

“Neil, wake up.” His eyes sputter open to Dan and Allison looming over his bed. With him not having to go to practice today, Neil had planned on sleeping in. Half asleep still, their barging-in floods him with worry. 

“Ehm? What’s up? What’s happening?” 

Allison briskly pulls the blanket back off of him, the cold air kissing his skin and raising goosebumps. “After we got the make-up yesterday, we talked and we thought that we should do more. So,” she pauses dramatically, “Us girls have the day off from practice and we are taking you shopping.” 

“What?” Neil sits himself up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and not sure if he heard that completely correctly. 

From behind the two, a smaller voice pipes up. “I never knew you had such gorgeous blue eyes, Neil. We are taking you shopping. Let’s go,” Renee says, animatedly. 

“But I don’t need anything.” Neil runs a hand shakily through his hair to wake himself up. Without a mirror, he forgot that Riko had exposed his real appearance. Contacts and hair dye gone, he had come back to Palmetto as himself. Mercifully, no one had asked him about it but he had seen the double-takes from the other Foxes. 

And yesterday, when Allison had gotten him make-up for his bruises, she hadn’t mentioned anything else about his look but he could see her bristling to hold herself back. He had hoped it would have been overlooked, water under the bridge, but apparently the girls had other plans. 

Dan leans down into his bunk and sits down by his knees. “Look, Neil. You said no questions, right? And we aren’t asking anything. But from everything we can see, you were clearly hiding from someone or something before. And no matter what happened over Christmas with Riko, this is the real you now, right?” 

Neil props himself up finally, looking puzzled and not quite sure what Dan is trying to say. 

Allison sighs and states matter of factly. “Your clothes are a mess and you need a haircut. We’re going. It’s as simple as that.” 

Half an hour later, they pile into Matt’s truck who is dropping them off at the mall. “I’ll come back when you’re ready. Just text me,” he promises with a wave before pulling away from the curb.

“Right, let’s see.” Dan consults her phone like she’s reading a schedule. “Your haircut is in 15 minutes so let’s just go straight there first.” 

“Haircut?” He echoes. Neil’s hair had grown long and shaggy while he was at Evermore. Riko had forcefully stripped out the nearly black dye but he hadn’t bothered to cut it. He runs a hand through the hair, a pensive look on his face. He can’t remember the last time he had a proper haircut. 

“Neil, honestly. This isn’t torture. Take this as a chance to do something for yourself. As crazy as it was at Evermore, maybe it was good that you were able to do this. To reveal your true self. Try to enjoy this, ok?” Allison adds the end a bit more softly, trying to cut the annoyance from her voice. Neil meets her expectant stare. It was easy for her to say. Her perfectly highlighted hair in a messy but deliberate updo. Her smoke-color eyes popping from the violet eyeliner that lightly rims them. She has on a loose lavender sweater with leggings. It is casual for Allison but Neil knows it was still picked with care. 

He isn’t completely convinced by her but he nods anyway. He knows better than to argue with the girls. As they go through the double doors leading into the mall, Neil catches a glimpse of himself in the reflection. The image that stares back is still jarring. Besides the initial shock of his appearance at Wymack’s—which was eclipsed by his injuries anyway, this is the first time he properly sees himself. His overly baggy drab clothes hang off of his battered body. His new tattoo reflects sharply on his cheek. Even the make-up won’t cover that. 

“Hi, welcome! How can I help?” An edgy looking girl with mermaid hair greets them as they enter the salon. 

“Hi, I have an appointment booked under Allison Reynolds,” Allison replies, all business. If anyone, it would be Allison who would be in charge of any makeover. Her immaculate scarlet nails tap on the counter with impatience. She flips her non-existent stray hairs off her face. Her hair is always so perfect that to Neil, it often looks like a wig if he didn’t know better.

Neil gets forced into the salon chair as a handsome and lithe young man approaches with curly hair and frosted tips. He looks like he came out of a 90’s boyband, but in a good way. “Hi y’all. Who do we have here?” His friendly Southern accent instantly warms him to Neil. “I’m Carlos and I’ll be cutting your hair today. What do y’all have in mind?”

He turns, gaping awkwardly to Allison as if asking her for help. “Don’t look at me, Neil. You tell him what you want.” 

“Aw, honey. Don’t be shy! Just let me know what you want.” 

“I’m not sure,” Neil murmurs quietly, a bit embarrassed. He honestly doesn’t know what he wants because he’s never had to think about it. He looks back at himself in the mirror — practically a stranger. He couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t in disguise and hiding. 

If Carlos found this weird, he didn’t voice it. He coaxes quietly, “Honey, is this your first time? Don’t worry, just let me know how you’d like it and I’ll try to help.” 

Allison, not unkindly, leans toward Neil, resting on the counter and facing him. “You like it short, I’m sure? With Exy and all?” 

He nods, without even really considering and Carlo helpfully takes over. “Ok, you’re an athlete. Got it. You have this gorgeous natural auburn-y highlight in it so you don't want to completely get rid of that with a buzz or something. Hmm…how about a nice fade? It will stay longer up here but out of your way for games.” The barber lifts up his hair to show Neil how it will sort of look. Neil doesn’t really know but continues to nod in agreement. 

“Leave it with me, honey. I promise you’ll like it.” He shoos the girls away who go sit by the front and he starts working while chatting a continuous stream about his own life. Neil doesn’t mind as it takes him away from thinking about his hair. He has never worried about his appearance until now but involuntarily, what Andrew might think comes to mind. 

Andrew was still seething since he arrived back from Easthaven and Neil didn’t know how to rectify it. Andrew is pissed but Neil also didn’t regret what he had to do. He would have always gone to Evermore and protected Andrew. It was never a question. However, he did regret the current silent treatment. He hopes it will fix itself as Andrew calms down. No sense in staying angry when it was in the past. Still, a little pang of remorse sits wearily in his chest as he longs for Andrew’s overdue touch. 

“There, Now what do y’all think?” Carlo beckons the girls back who come clattering over. 

“Oh god, Neil! You look so different. Your hair color is so pretty!” Allison gasps with genuine surprise.

Ever the considerate one, Renee directs her query toward him. “Neil, what do you think? Do you like it?”

Finally, Neil finds the courage to lift his gaze up to the mirror. He hadn’t dared until Carlos had set down the shears. The face that stares back at him is even less recognizable than before. It is him but one Neil hadn’t seen in awhile. Yes, he is older than when he had last looked like this but he somehow now also appears younger. It wasn’t that he looks necessarily happier but there is definitely something different, more carefree. 

The cut is pretty similar to Andrew’s, actually. It is short at the sides and a bit longer on top. The parting is more to the side, which somehow accentuates the lighter golden highlights that weave through the red. 

He reaches his hand up to touch the tips. Without the color, the strands feel softer. The natural wave in the front frames his face in a way that accentuates his cheekbones. It is minimal, cutting a couple inches off, but it was enough to make a big difference. 

Even as they leave the salon, Neil could already feel himself unconsciously standing a bit straighter. He had always been skeptical of the huge change in behavior from those reality makeover shows but now, living this moment himself, he could really see a marked difference. Having never done much for his appearance besides hiding, he hadn’t realized it was a form of self care. 

As they were walking through the mall, Neil kept nervously staring at himself from every window and other reflective surfaces. He can’t help but keep checking that nothing has changed. That he hadn’t gone back to the black dye and uncomfortable contacts. 

As they approach one end of the mall, they go into a big clothing store. It looks almost like an IKEA with the clean lines and simple light wood finishes. Neil stands awkwardly in the entryway, unsure what to do. Allison sighs and pulls him toward the first rack: a line of orderly sweaters in muted colors ranging from gray to dark blue and greens to blacks. Neil eyes them, they all look a blur to him. He doesn’t know how to even start. 

“Well?” Allison asks.

“Ermmm…..” Neil has no sense of what he’s supposed to do. 

Renee pushes Allison aside and turns to Neil, taking on a more gentle tone. “This isn’t a test, Neil. I know it’s difficult, it took me a while, too, to learn to be normal. Or as normal as we can be,” she adds, grinning. 

“Just look and touch the fabrics and see what feels right to you.” 

Neil mimes feeling one of the sleeves even though he doesn’t really know what she means. He runs his fingers across the row, like as he would a piano. Patience restored, Allison moves back into the forefront and selects two of the shirts. 

“We are doing this another way. Let’s go.” 

She leads him toward the back of the store where along the way, she adds some pants and a t-shirt over her arm. Allison sets the clothes in the changing room and motions to Neil. He gives one last backward glance to Dan and Renee who send encouraging smiles. 

“Go on in. Try these two together first,” Allison gestures. It’s an authoritative tone but it’s not mean. She slides the curtain shut. 

Neil stands there, looking at himself in the mirror. He’s wearing one of his usual overlarge sweatshirts that’s tinted a bit blue from all the many mixed washes. It’s been washed so many times, he can’t even remember the original color. His pants are equally drab, a pair of shapeless charcoal chinos that hit over his shoes. It’s a weird juxtaposition as his haircut no longer fits the rest of his body. Neil runs his hands through it again just to see his reflection move and confirm the owner. 

“Are you trying things on, Neil?” A matronly tone calls out from the other side of the curtain that spurs him into action. He grabs the outfit and puts it on. 

He doesn’t recognize the person looking back at him. There seems to be a weight off his shoulders and he stands straighter. He also looks his age, for once. The thin navy merino sweater with the dark tan khakis accentuates his thin waist and cut arms. 

“It’s not an everyday look, I know. But I just wanted you to try something a bit nicer. Like for press days or banquets even.” 

He swings back the curtain to let them gawk at him. The girls are squealing like teenagers and fawning over him. In a weird way, he secretly enjoys it. He’s not used to the attention but he can practically feel the endorphins rising with every verbal affirmation. 

After he tries on a couple more looks, Neil takes the first one and one more to the register. He’s never spent so much money in his life on anything for himself. Before they came, he had pulled out some cash from his binder and he now relinquishes it to the salesperson. 

Laden with bags, Allison forces them to one more store. Surprisingly, Renee steps in, a new level of firmness that she rarely exhibits. 

“I want Neil to choose. Neil,” she probes, nodding to him. “Pretend we aren’t here. Pick some stuff for yourself.”

Neil opens his mouth to protest. “I have enough. Allison went crazy in that last place.” 

The fashionista rolls her eyes. “Three outfits is hardly overboard. Don’t be so dramatic.” 

He turns to Dan for help who shrugs, a bit mischievously. “Don’t look at me. They’re in charge today. I’m just here for my Panda Express.” 

“Come on, Neil,” Renee chides as she pushes him inside. “To avoid any added pressure, we will stay here.” She gestures to the sofa near the front of the store. Allison starts to protest and Dan elbows her in the ribs to silence her. 

Neil walks the several steps into the middle of the shop. His eyes scan the rows of colorful clothing. He feels like he’s stepped into somewhere foreign, unfamiliar. He doesn’t know where to start or what he is even looking for. 

He turns and sees the three girls egging him on, pressing him on encouragingly. He takes a deep breath and exhales. Somehow facing Riko seemed easier than this. He approaches the first table in front of him and looks at the t-shirts there. 

Neil picks up a faded black tee. He picks it up because it reminds him of Andrew. It’s so similar to one of the many black tees that Andrew pulls off. In a way, it’s interesting. Andrew had a traumatic childhood too but his nearly all black wardrobe is something he chose for himself in the meantime. Something he had time to do for himself. And it’s nothing less than cool. It’s cavalier and chic but it’s also saying ‘don’t fuck with me’. What does Neil want his own style to say? 

He picks up a washed-out heather gray tee that has a distressed look to it. Neil’s not sure why he picked it up but he likes how it looks almost drip dyed with accidental bleach or something. It’s not quite perfect like the crisp white tee that Allison bought him at the last place. Still, he likes this quality about it and in fact, it feels more familiar than anything else he’s worn so far today. It feels a bit like him. 

Holding onto this feeling, Neil weaves through the shop and heads eventually into the back fitting room. He tries on the gray tee and some faded black jeans. They’re slim with a couple rips in the knees. They remind him of a pair of Andrew’s but the muted look makes the black less stark. Neil knows he doesn’t have to run anymore but nevertheless, the thought of bright colors and standing out in a crowd still unnerves him. Even his natural hair, the red so eye-popping in comparison to the box dye black, was jarring for him at first. 

Walking outside, he hears a chorus of squeals. “Neil, oh my god!” They run up to him and Renee can't help but hug him. It makes it all seem so dramatic and one of the salesclerks even looks over, raising a thin eyebrow at them. 

“You look hot,” Dan affirms, approvingly. 

Allison doesn’t say anything, merely smiles. Finally, she simply adds, snarkily, “My work here is done. The student has surpassed the teacher.” 

After several minutes of gawking and looking at the rest of his picks — all similar to this initial outfit — Neil goes back to get changed. His eyes skate over his reflection in the mirror a final time. With the tousled hair and the outfit, he is unrecognizable. But there is a sparkling glean to the eye of the guy in the mirror. He’s standing more confidently then Neil has ever done. There is also a hint of a smirk, the right side of his mouth curling up just so. Whoever this person is, Neil likes him. He wants to be him. 

Smoothing his hands over the hem of the shirt and onto the jeans, he finally recognizes that it’s really him. This is Neil Josten. A student at Palmetto State. A striker on the Foxes. A regular guy. He likes that thought. And Nathaniel Wesninski died so that Neil Josten could live. He should live. Maybe Riko finding out his real identity was the blessing he needed. So he could live. 

“These are all on me,” Renee said firmly, gently pushing Neil’s hand away and handing the salesperson her credit card. “You deserve something nice. You do so much for us and we are so glad you came to Palmetto.” 

Neil doesn’t respond but a warm feeling overwhelms him and he has to swallow thickly to keep it inside. Despite his best efforts, this group of people had somehow wormed their way into his heart and he can’t help but love them. They really saw him even when he didn’t see himself. 

After they go to the food court and eat a heinous but delicious lunch of Sbarro and Panda Express, Matt picks them up and they make the short drive back to the dorm. Neil wrings his hands, wiping them on his new jeans, at the thought of the monsters seeing him. Deep down, he knows it’s not the monsters he cares about, but Andrew. 

They walk into the hallway and Dan and Allison are leading the way chatting animatedly. Behind him is Matt who he knows can sense his nerves. The girls wave goodbye as they go into their room. Matt prods him as his eyes dart over to the monsters’ room. 

“Go on. You look great,” Matt whispers gently. 

With a deep breath, Neil goes and opens the door of the monsters’ room. 

“WOW!” Nicky looks up from the TV once and then back again as recognition dawns. “Holy shit, Neil, you look amazing. Were your eyes always blue?”

He comes up surveying Neil and orbiting around him to excitedly touch his hair and clothes. Kevin is sitting at his desk by the window, an Exy game playing on his laptop. He turns and glances over at Neil and gives him a once over. He doesn’t make any remarks but then again, he’s the only one that had ever seen Neil before he went on the run. 

At long last, or so it seemed, Neil’s eyes flick to Andrew who is on the desk next to him. He sits on top of the desk, his feet on the chair and one hand out the window with a lit cigarette. Neil feels his heartbeat quicken, thumping so hard he thinks his chest might crack open. Nicky is still carrying on a steady stream of one-sided conversation but Neil can’t hear it. His eyes have gone tunnel vision and all he sees is Andrew. 

The hazel eyes stare at him, the face impassive as ever. He hasn’t spoken to Neil once since he returned from Easthaven. He takes a long drag from the cigarette and turns his head slightly to exhale, without taking his eyes off Neil. A second later, the corner of his mouth turns up, the barest hint of a smile. It’s so faint that Neil almost thinks he imagines it. Andrew doesn’t say anything but Neil doesn’t need him to. It’s enough. He knows they’ll be ok. 

[aftgandotherbooks]

TW: Drug use and talks of relapse.

Aaron and Matt become close when Aaron moves into the dorm. It’s not spoken too often about, but they’ve both suffered with addiction and bad parenting.

It started on the day Aaron was sitting on his bed, zoned out and biting his nails when Matt walked in. Matt, having come back from his lunch with Neil and the girls, noticed Aaron acting more out of it than usual the last few weeks and wanted to talk to him about it. So, Matt sat on his own bed opposite Aaron, and stared at him until Aaron looked up at him in confusion. “What?” Aaron bit out. Matt raised his eyebrows and looked at the side of the finger sticking in his mouth as he bit it subconsciously. “Oh” Aaron said just noticing it, and dropping his hand into his lap.

Matt looked him in the eyes and stayed quiet for a few more seconds, knowing that Aaron prefers silence over small talk. But, in the end Matt caved, hating the quiet sound of Aaron’s suffering. “So um, I’ve noticed you’ve been pretty quiet the last few weeks.” Aaron raised his eyebrow in question. Matt stuttered as he said “well, quieter than usual”.

Aaron glared at him for a few seconds and then sat back in his bed, staring at the corner where the ceiling met the wall in front of him. Matt continued, knowing this will be like pulling teeth, “I haven’t seen you go out with Katelyn once the last two weeks. You’re usually out nearly everyday. What’s up?” Aaron huffed then glanced at Matt at the corner of his eye. “We’re fine, if that’s what you’re asking. No bets to settle if there were any.” Aaron bitterly said. Matt rolled his eyes and tried again. “No, no bets. I’m just worried about you. Did-” Matt stopped. He knew this would go 50/50 in whether Aaron would respond or not. He tried anyway. “Did you want to talk about it? Bro, I know we haven’t spoken much the last three years, and that’s totally my fault. But… I’m always here if you need to chat.”

Aaron stayed quiet for a few minutes, Matt was beginning to think Aaron would just ignore him when he closed his eyes.

But then quietly Aaron said “I think I’m starting to relapse”.

Matt wasn’t expecting that. His heart dropped because he knew. He knew how it felt. He felt it the whole first two years at Palmetto. Matt decided to stay quiet and see if Aaron would go further. He did, “last month I-” his voice shook so Aaron cleared his throat. “I went to a party with Kate and a few of her friends, and we didn’t know they would have drugs there. Not cracker dust, like hard drugs. Like heroin. I think I saw someone sniffing cocaine at some point.” He looked at Matt’s worried expression and winced, quickly going on to explain “I didn’t do anything, and we left as soon as we saw what was happening. But-” Aaron stayed quiet again. Matt nodded and said “but you wanted to.” Aaron nodded.

Matt didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t felt that want in so long. “Yeah. And I’ve spent the last few weeks hating myself that I still want it.” Aaron shook his head desperately. “I just- I don’t want to be like her Matt” Matt assumed ‘she’ was his mom. “And I’ve made so much progress with Andrew, I don’t know how he would react if he finds out I was so close to getting high again. He’d probably try and kill Katelyn even though none of this was her fault.”

Aaron closed his eyes and put his hands on his face. Matt startled when he saw Aaron shaking, presumably from quietly crying in his bed. “Shit” Aaron bit out.

Matt had no idea how to handle this, so he did the only thing he was good at. “Aaron.” Silence. “Aaron can I-” Matt held open his arms. Aaron peeked through his hands and grimaced. But then he nodded. Matt slowly got off his bed and moved to Aaron’s side, engulfing him in a hug. Aaron, not used to this type of contact from anyone other than Kate, started sobbing in Matt’s shoulder. “I don’t want to lose it again. I don’t want to. I don’t want to-”. It was like a dam was broken now that someone has taken effort in asking Aaron if he was okay. Truthfully, Matt had a few tears escape his eyes as well, seeing Aaron break down like this.

After 10 minutes of silence that was broken only by Aaron’s quiet sobs, and then occasional hiccups, Aaron calmed down enough to speak again. “Sorry, you didn’t need to see that.” Aaron said shamefully. Matt sighed and shook his head, “No man, I should be the one apologising. I have no idea why I didn’t bring it up sooner. I mean shit you must be feeling like hell right now.”

Matt rubbed Aaron’s back one last time and moved back to his own bed, still facing Aaron. “Do you want to talk to Betsy? I know you don’t like speaking to her, but she helped me through it when your brother got me to relapse again. I have no idea what I would have done if I didn’t have her.” Aaron squeezed his eyes resentfully. Aaron had been contemplating seeing the therapist himself but he was afraid that Andrew would find out and then Aaron would spiral further thinking about his brother’s reaction to all of this. But in the end, he knew he needed to get help, plus Matt went through this himself. Matt went through it so much worse than what Aaron is going through and he’s so much better for it. Aaron nodded, “I- yeah I’ll probably have to.”

After months of therapy, and years of learning to not hate himself, Aaron learned to accept that he was a recovered addict, and that his family and friends aren’t leaving him for it. After that day, Matt was the one person Aaron would go to if he needed to talk or vent or just chill with.

[kevindayisafrog]

Part 2 of the post that was supposed to be a one shot inspired by @knandersonart ‘s art on Instagram (I have too many ideas for it to be left as a one shot, babe, I’ve got a whole book planned)

TW - abuse, anxiety and mentions of Dr*ke

Kevin had been at Palmetto for over a year now; alone and in fear. He tried hard to fit in with the upperclassmen but his short temper and constant panic left a huge gap between them that no one had tried to fill. He tried to get close to his father too but he knew that he’d never be able to tell him who he really was to him; he knew that his dad would only turn him away like Riko said. Kevin tried to keep in contact with Neil but their texts and calls had gone from one a day to one every few months. Everything was falling apart and all Kevin could do was watch as he fought like hell to climb back to the top. And the top is where he is now, but this time the podium he’s standing on is for him only, Riko can’t pull him down. Until Kevin’s alone with his thoughts, then he remembers how small he is against Riko’s power and ruthless abuse. Kevin felt himself slip further into the darkness around him when the championships were announced, something to finally concentrate on and a place where he’ll finally be with his Neil again; even if they’ll be against each other.

Kevin stared blankly at the empty bus seat in front of him as he sat at the back of bus alone; distantly listening to the upperclassmen’s idle conversation as the foxes made their way to the banquet. He couldn’t sit still as fear warred with excitement in his tight chest. He placed his AirPods in and called Neil, knowing that he’d see him in less than an hour but couldn’t wait to hear his voice. He grumbled to himself when it went to the voicemail and hung up, choosing to listen to his music instead as he watched the scenery pass by in a colored blur through the window.

Kevin was last off the bus and he stood behind the other foxes as Wymack opened the storage compartment on the coach, passing their outfits to each player. Matt tossed Kevin his dark green suit before turning back and catching his own suit before it hit the ground. “Jesus, Coach, this cost me a lot of money”, Matt smiled despite his words and smoothed down his suit. Wymack retorted dryly but Kevin didn’t hear what was said as he already turned and made his way towards the stadium; his body buzzing with a distant memory of Neil’s body close to his. He pushed his way into the locker room with a sign reading: ‘Palmetto Foxes’ written in black sharpie. He quickly threw on his suit with his back to the others, ignoring Nicky’s wolf whistle as he moved to the mirror to smooth down his forest green blazer. “Where are you going, hot stuff?”, Nicky winked with a laugh as Aaron groaned and turned away from his cousin. “I’ll be on the court”, Kevin muttered as he left the locker room and walked as fast as he could to the court. It pained him to see a perfect court being used as a dance floor and dining area, but he wasn’t here to be disgusted. He opened the court door as he felt a stern hand on his shoulder causing him to flinch and duck down. “Don’t worry, it’s only me”, Wymack pulled Kevin back up and turned him so that they were facing each other, “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay before you walk into the lion’s mouth”. Kevin looked up into his father’s eyes and blushed in embarrassment at the raw worry that he saw. “I’ll be fine as long as we’re not near Riko or Tetsuji”, he wrung his hands together and tapped his foot impatiently. “I’ll keep an eye on you, kid and if you’re worried in any way come straight to me, okay?”, Wymack gave a fierce squeeze of Kevin’s shoulder before pushing him through the door. Kevin turned away and made his way over to where the seating charts were. He ran his finger down the sheet until he found the Foxes’ name and made his way to the back table, freezing as Riko stood from their shared table. “Kevin, welcome home”, Riko announced in Japanese, spreading his arms in a vicious gesture of a hug. Kevin gulped and clenched his hands before taking a deep breath and making his way over to the table. “Riko”, he muttered as he sat down opposite Neil, relaxing as Neil wrapped their ankles together, “the rest of my team are just coming”. Riko barked a shrill laugh as he sat down and leaned towards Kevin, “me and Jean were just talking about how we’re surprised you guys made it into the championships, what with your small number of players”. Jean looked up and sent Kevin a subtle shake of his head, mouthing a small ‘I’m sorry’. Kevin sent a small smile back before turning to Neil, ignoring Riko’s annoyed frown. “Hi”, he whispered, running his ankle up to Neil’s thigh. “I’ve missed you”, Neil replied in French, reaching down and squeezing Kevin’s ankle under the table. “Hmmm, so we’re doing this now? Speaking other languages so I won’t understand”, Riko nodded slowly before laughing and curling a large smile, “your mother would be so disappointed in your disobedience. If you’d shut up we’d all hear her turning in her grave. Even though we’re so far away from her”. Kevin tensed and clenched his jaw, trying not to give Riko the satisfaction by showing his anger.

“Riko, it’s so lovely to meet you, Dan Wilds”, Dan led her team to the table and scraped her chair back, sitting down with her hand extended to Riko. Riko looked at her hand in disgust before shaking it with a fake smile, “I hope you’re looking after my Kevin for me”. Matt sat beside Dan and laughed sarcastically, “he’s not yours anymore, he’s ours”. Riko dropped Dan’s hand onto the table with a thud and turned to Kevin, “weren’t you just telling me how much you hated this team and that they’ll never win the championships?”. Kevin sat up straighter and smiled, “no, I wouldn’t say that and do you know why, Riko? Because although these aren’t the best players, they’re the strongest I’ve ever met. They use their teamwork to push back and fight to win their deserved place at the top. You won’t be smiling so wide when we beat you and win the championships”. Riko’s smile fell and he grabbed Kevin’s left wrist in an iron grip, “don’t fucking push me tonight, remember that you’re my pet. I won’t hesitate to put you down, do you hear me? One wrong move and I’ll bring your whole team down with you, see if you’re so brave then”, he growled in rapid Japanese. Nicky looked between the two before placing his hand over Riko’s and digging his nails in deep, “I’d advise you to take your hands off of him or I’ll break it off”. Kevin turned to Nicky in surprise and was shocked enough to let his long lost genuine smile get plastered across his face. Riko pulled his hand away and glared at Kevin, “you’ve deluded these jokes into thinking that they’re better than they are. You’re getting cocky, Kevin, what will you do when they turn you away like they inevitably will?” Andrew elbowed Neil to get him out of the way and leant on Neil’s hunched back, “now, now, Riko, let’s not throw your toys out of the pram. I told you what I’d do if you messed with my family, do you really want to test my word?”. Riko tensed and slowly turned to face Andrew, “One more word, Andrew and I will get an old friend over to play with you. Drake must miss you”. Andrew flinched at the name and let out a long medicated laugh, “try me” he growled. Neil shouldered Andrew off and stood up, ignoring Riko’s glare, “I’m going to the bathroom, try and fucking stop me”. The foxes watched in silence as Neil left the room without a single glance back to the table. “Your pets aren’t as loyal as you thought, are they?”, Dan asked and she tapped her nails against her glass, “must suck when everyone turns their back on you”. Riko growled in annoyance, hating how he’d lost control of the situation and his words were thrown back at him. Kevin stood up quickly, knocking his chair onto the floor with a loud clatter as he left the table, half running to the bathroom and ignoring Wymack’s shouts of concern.

“Neil?”, Kevin called into the seemingly empty bathroom, pushing open the stool doors slowly. “I really did miss you”, Neil walked around from the corner of the room and stood on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Kevin’s neck, “I actually missed your irritating shouting and obnoxious presence on the court”. Kevin let out a small huff as he brought their lips together, smiling into the kiss of ‘hello’. “I hate you”, he whispered into the kiss, knotting his fingers in Neil’s orange hair. “Sure you do”, Neil replied, purring as Kevin tugged lightly on his hair. Kevin pulled away first and stared down into the ocean blue eyes before him, the auburn eyelashes fluttering his eyes back open. “Neil”, Kevin started but Neil let go and walked away to the sinks, “please just hear me out”. Neil sighed and turned on the tap, “Kevin, not now, can we just have this moment? Stop trying to ruin everything”. Kevin frowned and followed Neil, leaning his hip beside him at the sink, “I don’t ruin everything”, he muttered. Neil placed his hands under the tap, refusing to look up at his pouting boyfriend, “you know that’s not what I meant”, he sighed and dropped his hands to the bottom of the sink, “I can’t come back with you”. Kevin groaned in annoyance and pushed off of the sink, pacing his way back to the stools, “why not? Why the fuck not, Neil? Nothing is stopping you and even if something was you wouldn’t care anyway”. Neil turned the tap off and slammed his hands against the ceramic, “for fuck’s sake, Kevin, are you being obtuse on purpose? If I could go, I would. Do you think that I enjoy the nest? Do you think I like you being so far away from me? Because I fucking don’t, it’s hell”. Kevin laughed flatly and crossed his arms, half turning away, “you can come with me, you just don’t want to”. Neil pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sighed heavily, “why do you always twist things? Listen to me”, he dropped his hands and marched over to Kevin, pulling his arms apart forcibly, causing him to flinch, “listen, I hate not being without you, okay? And I know it makes you cringe when people talk like this, but I can’t live without you and I hate to admit, I really do, but I need you. I’m trying so hard to get out of there so you’re not alone anymore and Andrew’s helping too. We’re so close to getting out, we just need to be patient and wait a little longer before we can be with each other again, okay?”. Kevin dropped his head and Neil stood on his tiptoes so their foreheads could touch. “I hate being alone”, Kevin whispered, “I’ve never been alone before. When my mom found out who Tetsuji really was, who his family were, she exiled us to Ireland and never let me leave her sight. She took me everywhere with her, not even trusting teachers to look after me at school. But she left to go to the shops in the next town whilst I was sleeping and Tetsuji paid people to stage a fatal car accident. After that day I was with Riko and he wouldn’t let me leave his sight either, so I don’t know what to fucking do. I’ve never been alone before”, he sniffed and let out a small whimper. Neil gently placed his hands either side of Kevin’s face and placed a small kiss on the tip of his nose, “you’re not alone, I’ll never let you go”. Kevin lifted his head and turned to look away, “but you are leaving me alone”. Neil shook Kevin’s head and pressed his own head against Kevin’s ribs, “I’m trying, I really am”.

They stood in silence as Kevin hesitantly wrapped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “I know you are, I’m sorry, I’m just scared”, he placed a gentle kiss atop Neil’s head and rocked him side to side slowly. Neil hummed and looked up, taking in his boyfriend’s worry filled eyes, “that color looks good on you”. Kevin frowned and looked down at his suit, “I wanted to wear red but I don’t really suit it”. Neil snorted and pulled away, turning to walk to the bathroom door, “you suit red, Kevin, trust me”. Kevin watched as Neil left the bathroom with a wink and couldn’t help but feel alone once again, a heavy feeling weighing on his chest. “Thank you”, he whispered with a small smile to the space Neil left behind as Riko kicked open the door with two broad shouldered Raven players behind him.

[simonsrosebud]

the one where someone doesn’t know who kevin day is, pt. 4

part one two three five

extra content linked at the bottom!!

the cousins are all on the bus.  they’re the first ones there, but kevin hangs behind to wait for dalton.  apparently it’s obvious.

nicky hangs out the open bus door.  “he meet wymack yet?”  and goes bug eyed when kevin shakes his head.  “you haven’t introduced your boyfriend to your dad yet?!  this is the first time they’re meeting?!”

and jesus, he didn’t think it was a big deal.  it’s just the banquet.  but he also knows he’s never had a father before.  or a boyfriend, really.

“is... should i have done that before?  why- it’s not some big deal.”

nicky shrugs.  “first impressions are important.”  and goes in the bus.

and now kevin’s trying not to get overwhelmed.

abby’s in charge of the headcount, but wymack still climbs out of the bus when the dates get there.  dalton is the first one. 

he goes right to kevin- still waiting outside the bus, and gives him a quick kiss before grabbing his hand and continuing on his way to wymack.

he sticks his hand right out.  “i’m dalton.  it’s nice to meet you, mr. wymack.”

wymack nods.  “you as well.  heard good things.”  kevin hasn’t really said things about dalton, but he lets it go.  probably just being polite.

“hell, hope i can live up to them.”  he laughs.  “i would’ve made it a point to introduce myself before, i apologize.  i feel like i’ve been grading finals for weeks, now.”

wymack gets talking, and kevin honestly feels like a third wheel.  dalton was doing a better job at talking with his father than he did sometimes.

kevin sends dalton onto the bus eventually, and wymack holds him back.  “you told him shit?”

“yes.  not the yakuza.”

“but he knows you’re kinda fucked in the head?”  kevin almost frowns.  he’s not wrong.  wymack adds as a second thought, “not to say the rest of those idiots aren’t.”

“he knows.”  he normally wouldn’t care to mention it, but he really wants wymack to like dalton.  “he helped me with a panic attack a little bit ago.”

“riko?”  he nods.  every time it happens it makes wymack look beaten down.  kevin almost regrets telling him, but wymack purses his lips and after a moment shoves his shoulder towards the bus.  “he’s a good kid. stop your worrying and get your ass on the bus.”

it’s as good as a compliment as he’d hoped for, honestly.

this years banquet is in virginia.  it’s a six hour drive, and kevin had already explained why they don’t fly if they don’t have to, so dalton’s kind of made it his mission to get along with some of the foxes.

kevin would rather he not.  it’s not like the last time dalton spent time with the foxes they spilled his life faults in front of his new boyfriend.

that would be insane.

matt, dan, and dalton talk the most on the ride.  renee joins the conversation at some point and matt and dan butt out.

kevin’s busy talking to wymack about exy, and horror sets in his eyes when he sees neil talking to his boyfriend.  “we’re three hours in, kevin, he’s made it this far.”  as in, neil won’t break him.  but kevin’s nervous anyway.

until he hears what they’re talking about.

math.

“that’s disgusting.”  kevin leans back in his seat and watches them talk.

renee smiles.  “you’re dating him.”

the foxes are sat on the opposite side of the court of the ravens, as has become routine ever since neil and riko’s encounter.  instead they’re sat with the trojans and jeremy, jean, and alvarez sit across from them.  kevin smiles when jeremy comes around to say hi, but he smiles just a bit wider when introducing dalton.

jean and kevin have this thing.  they don’t talk often, but when they do it’s more of a check up.  so when jean asks him in french how he is, dalton grins.  “do all exy players just speak french?”  it’s more of a remark to jeremy, who laughs and tells him jean said he taught kevin french when they both lived at edgar allen together, which makes dalton feel a little bad.  kevin had told him how he knew jean, and about living at edgar allen with riko’s abuse.

later, dalton grabs his hand under the table.  “is french triggering for you?”  and, what?  “jeremy said jean taught you french, and you’ve told me about your time with jean.” oh.

dalton was a graduate student, sure, but he was more intuitive than kevin thought.  “french was an escape because no one but us understood it.  i like speaking french to you, because you like it.  it helps to take away the meaning behind why i learned it in the first place, i think.”

“okay... can i kiss you?  would you be okay with that?”

kevin raises a brow.  “i mean, jesus, i came out for a reason.”  he starts to turn away with fake annoyance, but dalton snorts and turns his chin back before he gets away.  it’s just a small peck, but it’s enough to make dalton smile so kevin doesn’t care.

jeremy circles back.  “volleyball, guys?”

dalton snaps his head back to kevin.  “oh, i’m going to dominate you.”  and takes off.

“be on my team!”

“nope!”

normally they’d drive back that night.  the first banquet after the disastrous one last year was the fall one (which kevin went to with renee because he was still scared to introduce dalton), and they’d gone back that night since it was only a two hour drive.

wymack wasn’t sold on it at first, but after getting multiple confirmations from everyone that it’d be okay, he booked rooms so they could drive back sunday morning instead.

the foxes are all drunk- save for renee, andrew, neil, kevin and dalton.

they gather in matt and dan’s room for hours.  at one point, kevin’s so out of it and tired that he doesn’t notice dalton leave for a moment.

it’s because of andrew.

but all must go well because dalton makes it back alive and unfazed.  he settles behind kevin and kisses his cheek.  “wanna head back?”  he drops his head into the crook of his neck.  “you look really good, baby.”

that’s a new nickname.  he thinks he likes it.

ahaha.  aha.  you know what happens.

dalton asks kevin if he would want to come to maryland, his home, for a few days during winter break.  kevin says sure before he realizes that it probably includes him meeting dalton’s family.

kevin does a google search once he’s settled back in his bed at palmetto.

when do people normally say i love you in a relationship?

he deletes it almost as soon as he searches it.  it’s a stupid thing to search.

dalton sends him a text.  a funny twitter post, and a message under it.

the banquet was so much fun, i’m so glad you asked me to go w you❤️❤️

kevin sends a heart back.

ALL EXTRA CONTENT ALL HERE BABEY (aka a dalton/kevin directory so i don’t have to keep updating on this post hehe)

there’s so much extra content and it just keeps coming so keep an eye out for updates on that link^^

dalton finds out how famous kevin really is

dalton/kevin at pride

what does dalton look like?

first fight aha

what did andrew say to dalton?

dalton & wymack’s perspective of meeting each other

AMAZING DALTON X KEVIN ART!!!

kevin meeting dalton’s friends

[jingerhead]

I have been super busy lately so I haven’t had time to write SO while I work on stuff again I thought of a headcanon inspired by a conversation with my friends, so enjoy hilarity with drunk Neil.

We all know that Neil avoided drinking so that he wouldn’t accidentally spill his secrets and so that he could always be aware of his surroundings to respond to a situation.

After Baltimore he accepted a shot of whiskey and was clearly used to having it while on the run, probably while treating wounds with Mary. I don’t think he’d be eager to get drunk anytime soon because he’s scared of losing control like that, but eventually he’d reach a point that he’d be comfortable with the Foxes to have a few drinks(and he knows that, with Andrew there, he’ll be perfectly safe)

When Neil agrees, the Foxes decide to take some time and try to help Neil find what he likes. Neil doesn’t really care because he’s gotten used to the burn of whiskey, but he decides to play the game.

Everyone joins in on making the drinks. They're poured into little dixie cups and all the upperclassmen present them like they're something expensive and sophisticated and Neil takes them with a bored look and sips them.

(Everyone is lowkey interested in seeing what Neil is like when drunk but won't admit it)

Per Neil's request, they explain the name and what is in each drink before he has anything. He doesn't remember them but he knows Andrew will, who has been sitting next to him, watching what he drinks and keeping track of what he says he likes.

The upperclassmen start. Matt tells Neil that they’re going to “ease him in”. Neil isn’t that reassured.

They play some games while the drinks are handed out. It slowly progresses from actually trying to play to watching the tipsy people try to play. Aaron says that he didn’t realize a drunk Neil would be so entertaining. They start playing some kind of card game and make Neil and Kevin be on the same team.

Neil and Kevin fight the entire time and loose.

“How could you expect me to think right now?!” Neil asks at one point while throwing his cards at Aaron’s face.

Allison teaches Neil how to take a tequila shot. Kevin offers to teach him but he downs a shot without any salt or lime and is immediately banned from further drinking.

The more he has, the more talkative Neil gets. At one point he says to Andrew that he knows what he’s saying, he’s fine, it’s just that he doesn’t have a filter at the moment.

Andrew keeps pushing food at him and making him drink water. The others try to help but Neil keeps being difficult on purpose - even more than usual.

Eventually, everyone starts wondering if this was actually a good idea. Neil isn’t exactly thin, but he’s got a fast enough metabolism that the alcohol is affecting him pretty quickly. It’s weird to see him giggle at things and stumble over his words, but he can get up and walk in a straight line, so they keep giving him food and water and monitoring him closely.

Neil complains when his favorite dixie cups are taken away. The upperclassmen try to explain that they’re going to start slowing down, and Neil understands but he isn’t happy about it.

“How come you guys get to keep my drinks?” he asks.

“Because we made them,” Allison decides.

Neil doesn’t think that’s fair. He’s not quiet about it, either. Andrew doesn’t show it, but he’s getting a bit worried about how much Neil’s had already. Renee spots everyone’s unease and steps in.

“Here, Neil, I know a trick to tell if you’re drunk,” she says, pulling his chair towards her.

“I’m not drunk,” Neil tells her. “I only drank six of those things.”

And he did, which reassures everyone just slightly that he can remember how many of the dixie cup portions he’s had, but he also had a tequila shot, some of Andrew’s whiskey and an actual glass of mimosa.

“Okay, let me see?” Renee says anyway.

Neil is still difficult, demanding to know why, because he’s very adamant that he’s not drunk. It isn’t until Andrew tells him that it’s because he’s small that the alcohol is hitting him harder that he finally understands.

“Just ‘cause I’m small doesn’t mean I’m drunk!” Neil tells them all. “Listen, I’m four foot three - ”

“Neil,” Andrew immediately says. Everyone else stays silent, trying to keep their laughter in. “That’s wrong.”

Neil is clearly confused. He frowns and thinks about it, and suddenly he looks so shocked it makes everyone lose their shit. “Oh no, I’m five foot three!”

[willowbird]

can we get an Aaron POV of him beating the abuslute shit out of Jack in the locker room. i’m talking about slamming this boys head into the locker beating, he need kevin, matt and nicky to get aaron to stop and even then he still struggling to get more in till andrew comes into his vision. show me that same aaron from that secne in thanksgiving!!!

I am so SO sorry it's taken me so long to answer this!! Work was getting hectic and I was working on something else BUT now I'm for sure gonna get through the rest of these asks ^.^

Aaron losing his shit on Jack, huh? Well, we can sure do that ^.^ 

I changed a few things from your prompt just because as I was sitting down to write it made the most sense to me that if Aaron was gonna go after Jack it probably wouldn’t be about Andrew or Neil. Neil and Andrew take care of themselves, more or less, and if they can’t then they’ve got each other. Not that Aaron wouldn’t beat the ever-living shit out of Jack for doing or saying something to Andrew, but he just probably wouldn’t have to -- if only because Andrew doesn’t care enough about Jack to be affected by him. 

Nicky on the other hand...? Well, I’m a bit soft for the twins being protective of Nicky.

Warning for violence, depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts, triggering language. Take care of  yourselves.

----

“Jesus fucking Christ. That was the most pathetic excuse of teamwork I’ve ever seen in my goddamn life, and this is my sixth year coaching this fucks-forsaken team.” Coach Wymack had just spent the last twenty minutes ripping all of them brand new assholes. They were all tired, they were all angry, and they were all ready for this day to be fucking over, but it wasn’t over until the Coach had had his say, so here they were -- sitting in the locker room, getting chewed out again. 

Not that they didn’t deserve it. Aaron knew they did.

It had been a brutal fucking loss. The Foxes trashed by some half-cocked team from Alabama. Even with Andrew actively trying to block the goal, there was only so much he could do when the other team’s offense kept breaking through their defensive line to swarm the goal. Matt was off the court with an injury, which meant the only backliners they had were Aaron, Nicky, and Keith -- the freshman backliner who still couldn’t figure out how to fucking pass to a moving target. 

Aaron cared less about the loss than he did about the cause for it, and not for the same reasons as half the rest of the team. 

Nicky had been all thumbs and no energy tonight, but that hadn’t been a surprise -- not to Aaron or any of the rest of the monsters. Nicky had been off for a few days, his usual chatty, chipper demeanor whittled down to strained smiles and shrugs in a way that the rest of the team had never seen before. Well, most of the rest of the team. Aaron had seen this before. Andrew had too. Neil and Kevin hadn’t witnessed it directly, but by now the other two “monsters” knew Nicky well enough to know this other side of him existed even if they hadn’t seen it. 

So yeah, he’d gone into this game knowing it was going to suck -- knowing that they might lose. Maybe that had been their mistake. He, Andrew, Kevin, and Neil had been distracted -- torn between concern for Nicky and the need to cover for him. The freshmen had been a nightmare about it and what the fuck even was teamwork. At halftime, the commentators had called it one of the worst performances by the Foxes in three years. 

Yeah.

But at least it was fucking over, right?

“Now get showered up and get the fuck outta my sight. I don’t want to see a single one of you fuckers until tomorrow -- yeah, that’s right, we’re having Saturday fucking practice thanks to that sorry excuse of a game you pissed all over tonight.” Coach glared at all of them in turn. “By tomorrow I expect Nolan and Fisk to get their heads out of each other’s ass and Hemmick?” The big man’s gaze landed on Aaron’s cousin and he felt himself go stiff. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Andrew stand up from where he was leaning against the lockers. 

“Learn how to be a little less fucking useless. I don’t know what the fuck has been up with you the past few days but get it figure the fuck out. You hear me?”

The first pulse of genuine rage ignited in Aaron’s veins. His hands curled into fists and his vision narrowed. Nicky’s quiet, tightly muttered, “Yes Coach,” was partially drowned out by the dull roar in his ears. 

Anything he might have said or done was stymied, however, by Andrew, who slammed his fist against the lockers, drawing everyone’s attention away from Nicky and onto him. 

“Coach, I think we need to chat.” By whatever magic Andrew had over everyone that made everyone automatically take him more seriously than anyone else, he had Coach’s attention, just like that. The man snorted then jerked his head toward the door.

“Fine, but make it quick. I need to try and block out what just happened.”

Coach and Andrew left the room. For a minute, there was a tense, weighty silence, then someone whined and someone else bitched and normalcy returned -- well, normal for a really shitty fucking day anyway. The women split off to their changing room to shower and get ready, and several of the guys did the same. 

Nicky remained seated, staring blankly down at his hands, shoulders slumped in utter defeat. That anger curled in Aaron again -- not at Nicky and not at the fucking game, but at Coach and the team for being so fucking stupid, and at himself for not knowing what the fuck to do about any of it. Nicky’s depression was an open secret among their group. It was something they all knew of but never talked about. This was probably the worst episode he’d had in years and Aaron just felt... fucking powerless. 

When they’d noticed it, they’d closed ranks around Nicky as a group and shut out the rest of the team in a way they hadn’t done since the cousins’ freshman year. None of them were soft enough to take care of Nicky in the way he probably needed, but Andrew drove Nicky to Reddin Thursday morning and Aaron and Neil joined forces in helping Kevin hold his fucking tongue during practices when Nicky struggled to keep up with the rest of them. 

It was not gentle support, but it was all they had to offer.

It just... wasn’t fucking enough. 

“Jesus, Hemmick, are you fucking crying?” Aaron jerked out of his thoughts at the sound of Jack Nolan’s sharp, mocking voice. It was edged with a cruelty that went beyond the typical assholishness of the Foxes. 

“What, forgot how to fucking talk too? Wow, you really are useless aren’t you?” Jack continued when Nicky only flinched at his ridicule and didn’t rebuke him like he usually would.

“Hey, Jack, leave him the fuck alone. You didn’t do so great out there yourself tonight so why don’t you worry about yourself,” Matt barked from where he’d been sitting through Coach’s dress-down. He was wearing his jersey but since he hadn’t played tonight there was no need for him to have to peel gear off or shower. 

“Whatever.” Jack rolled his eyes like a petulant fucking teenager, but the look he shot Nicky was all cold predator. “Why don’t you do us all a favor and just go kill yourself?”

Even over the exclamation of Matt’s reprimand, Aaron still heard Nicky’s breath hitch. He remembered, vividly, the night two years ago when he and Nicky had been drinking and he’d asked him ‘How the fuck did make it through? We were fucking assholes, we are assholes, and you still stayed.’ He remembered not expecting the answer he got. He remembered Nicky looking down into his drink and saying, ‘I almost didn’t. Probably the only reason I didn’t try to off myself again was knowing that if I did, you two would go to my parents and I... I couldn’t let that happen. Didn’t care about me, but I could care about you. Caring about you guys kept me alive.’

He remembered the sick feeling in his stomach and the way that knowledge cut through his buzz, striking him sober with one fucking word: again.

Aaron did not make the decision to grab Jack, or if he did it was overwhelmed by the roar of the monster under his skin as it surged suddenly up from whatever dark place it had been lurking since that violent, bloody night last November. All he knew was that one moment he was standing there, and the next he had his hands on something that needed to shut the fuck up. 

He only vaguely registered the shouts around him as he dug his fingers into Jack’s shirt and whirled him around. Then the only thing that existed was the feeling of flesh and bone and the slick of blood against his knuckles as he drove his fists into every soft part of the body in front of him as hard as he fucking could. Jacks hands scrabbled ineffectually at Aaron’s shoulders, then his face, trying to hit him or grab his hair or push him off, but for all that Aaron was a small man he was a fucking backliner for a reason and he threw every single ounce of his muscle into shoving Jack into the lockers. 

A second later he was on him again, taking a fistful of his hair so he could slam his head into the lockers until the fucker’s knees buckled and he went down. 

All he could hear was the rumble of rage in his veins. There was no thought, no goal, no understanding -- not of anything but the raw, unfiltered hate pouring out of him as he followed Jack to the ground. Distantly, he knew there was shouting or screaming -- that there were words being thrown at him and hands desperately trying to haul him back. He felt the fingers curling around his biceps and tugging on his shoulders. But his wrath was far too powerful and each time someone got a grip he was able to wrench free and use that momentum to land another hit. 

At one point a solid arm wound around his waist and hauled him up and away. A sound like a feral animal ripped from his throat as Aaron thrashed wildly, trying to throw himself back onto Jack. The man had stopped moving at this point but there was a wet, raspy sound coming from him that still spoke of life and maybe Aaron hadn’t consciously decided to keep going until it stopped, but the drive was there all the same. 

The rest of the room was hazy around the edges, people were blurs of sound and color. The only thing in focus was the wheezing form of Jack fucking Nolan on the floor, and Aaron fought viciously to get back to him, jerking at the arms holding him back, kicking and trying to lash out with all his strength. 

Until something blocked his view. And it took a minute for Aaron to recognize what it was. To recognize who it was. 

“A-Aaron. Aaron. Stop. Please. It’s o-okay. It’s okay. I’m okay. S-stop...” 

The rest of the world snapped back into focus at the sound of Nicky’s gasped, broken words. Aaron stopped fighting so suddenly that he and everyone trying to hold him back stumbled. There were three of them, he realized -- Matt, Kevin, and Dan. Neil and Andrew were flanking Nicky, the three of them blocking his view of Jack’s prone, gasping form but not actually trying to stop him from killing him. 

Nicky was crying, his eyes wide and his hands trembling as he held them out in front of Aaron, pleading him to stop. 

Aaron took a few more heavy breaths and realized he’d been panting. He looked from Nicky to Andrew’s cool, appraising stare, then to Neil’s similar expression before finally glancing beyond them to the mess that might have once been Jack Nolan. When he dragged his gaze back to Nicky, all he said was, “He shouldn’t have opened his fucking mouth.”

Nicky made a strangled sound, something between a sob and a laugh. Then he did something he almost never did and launched forward, wrapping his arms around Aaron in a tight hug. In a reflex that Aaron didn’t even know he had, his arms snapped around his cousin and he hugged him back just as fiercely. 

As Nicky sobbed onto his shoulder, Aaron looked over his hunched form and met his brother’s gaze. There weren’t words that could translate the look they shared just then, but if he had to label it, it might have been something like understanding. 

[abraxos-is-toothless]

healing and feeling

My @aftgexchange gift for @bayta-darell !!! I’m so sorry that this is late, I went to post at the beginning of the posting week but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I’ve spent the week doing a rewrite. There was more of it (Kevin and Neil having a discussion) but I just wanted you to get something rather than nothing. I really hope you like it. A general foxes type fic where they do some healing.  Canon warnings apply- mentioned not detailed.

---------

Twenty minutes. Twenty whole minutes it took of the foxes remaining silent for Betsy Dobson to realise she’d have to make the first move if she wanted to make any progress at all here today.

“David first suggested this for you all once before and you refused, which I respected. I will not force anyone to talk until they are ready. But you’re all here today and I feel I should ask the nine of you, why now?”

Aaron watched as everyone not-so-subtly shifted their eyes to look at Josten who opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them from where he sat on the floor by Andrew’s chair. There was a space next to Boyd on the plush yellow couch but well...

“This is the second time this week Neil has almost stabbed one of us.” Ah, Reynolds. Always making sure she got straight to the point. Matt glared at her, muscled arms crossed over his chest.

“I said it was fine, I startled him-”

“It damn well isn’t fine, Matt! Were you not a boxer with some good reflexes, he could have done some serious damage.”

Aaron watched them argue back and forth until Betsy politely cleared her throat, her calm, soothing smile never once leaving her face.  He admired the woman, he truly did; he couldn’t imagine dealing with people’s shit all day and managing to still look sane and collected. His own mind was enough of an asshole as it was. “I’m glad that we’ve gotten to why you’re all here, but I’d like for us to remain civil in these sessions. Talking about such things can be straining and I want you to remember you’re a team, that you’re friends.” Matt nodded and threw Neil a small smile and Allison simply flicked her hand, bright red nails catching in the sunlight streaming through the window. Aaron caught Neil bringing a hand up to rub at the scarring on his face but then Andrew’s hand came down to hold the back of his neck, thumb rubbing back and forth carefully and the tension Neil was holding in his shoulders eased up. His twin met his stare without faltering and simply raised a pale brow at him, as if daring him to comment. Aaron kept his mouth shut and turned back to Betsy. “Now Neil, would you be able to tell us what might have brought on these outbursts of violence?”

“I’ve always been this way, thanks to my mother.” Aaron saw Andrew’s jaw clench at the mention of Mary Wesninski; he knew well enough how his brother felt about abusive mothers. “But this is different. We lost our most recent game. We’re falling behind a little and if we don’t win the next game, we don’t get to progress any further.” Aaron couldn’t stop his mouth from moving, even if he had tried to.

“You’re telling me that Boyd almost got stabbed because we lost a game? Are you serious right now? It’s not the end of the fucking world!”

“It is for me!” He stopped and said nothing more, turning his face away from them all, ignoring their looks of confusion. He knew Josten loved Exy as much as Kevin, but he didn’t think such a thing was enough to stab someone over. Kevin sighed, eyes closing before he put his head in his hands. Neil’s jaw clenched and he stood abruptly, walking towards the door, Andrew following just a few seconds after. Betsy, bless her heart, she tried to reason with two of the most stubborn beings on the planet.

“Neil, maybe you’re not quite ready to talk, but we’ve only just-”

“I apologise, Dr. Dobson, but I can’t talk with you in the room. Anything regarding that part of my life cannot be discussed outside of the people who already know. I do not wish to implicate you.” The woman wrote a few things down; the scratch of the pen was loud to Aaron’s ears.

“Very well, then. Let David know when you’re all ready to come back, and we’ll schedule something between classes and practice.” Neil and Andrew disappeared out of the door and Aaron and the rest were quick to follow, but not before Renee, ever the peacekeeper, gave the woman a gentle smile and told her they’d see her next week. As if she alone could wrangle them all into another session. He made his way over to the mas with Nicky and Kevin, where Neil and Andrew waited, sharing a cigarette between them, and the upperclassmen left ahead of them in Matt’s truck. No one spoke until they were all in the car and on the move, and of course, it was Kevin.

“This isn’t a good idea.” Nicky leaned across the seats and over Aaron to bat at Kevin with one hand, all the while texting Erik on his phone in the other.

“Shut up. You don’t think that anything is ever a good idea unless it’s one of your ideas.”

“Neil I really don’t-”

“Enough, Kevin. I’m telling them and that’s final. I should have told them all anyway.” Kevin sat back with a huff and Aaron rolled his eyes at the idiot’s dramatics, staring out the window for the rest of the unusually quiet drive back to fox tower, except for the clicking of Nicky’s phone and the quiet giggles he would let out at whatever he and his fiancé were talking about. When they got there, Andrew found the closest parking spot to the building that he could, because his brother preferred not to do any more exercise than being an Exy player forced him to. The others hadn’t waited for them, not that Aaron thought they would have, but he thought at least Allison would have been standing at the doors so Neil couldn’t slip away and get out of telling them anything. 

They hadn’t, however, stopped themselves from taking over Aaron’s old dorm room he shared with the rest of the ‘monsters’ before he moved to Matt’s. Dan and Matt were sitting together on the couch, the former tucked into the latter’s side, Allison was lounging in a beanbag while she inspected her nails and Renee was sitting on the floor in front of the small and worn table, sorting Nicky’s nail polishes into some sort of order. “Now that you’re here,” Allison said without even bothering to glance in their direction, “let’s get to this secret you’ve been keeping from us, shall we?” Aaron watched Andrew move over to the window to sit on the sill, lighting up another cigarette. He knew there was no need to worry about the smoke alarm because Andrew had taken it out from the first day they moved into the room. It was clear he wasn’t bothered by any of this, at least Aaron didn’t think he was, which means either he knew what Neil was going to tell them all, or he had guessed early on and hadn’t pushed for a definite answer just yet. 

Kevin sat down in the other bean bag, although with how tall he was, he seemed to dwarf the bag. The sight was odd, considering that caused him to slouch more than a chair or the couch would have, something he would moan at the rest of them for when they did it. Nicky sat himself next to Renee, gushing over how she’d organised all of his colours, nodding so enthusiastically that his messy brown curls bobbed with the movement. Aaron went to lean against the wall closest to Andrew, who didn’t acknowledge him other than glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. They were better than they were before, Aaron actually managed to have whole conversations with his brother now and he was no longer hostile towards Katelyn, letting her come along sometimes when they went to Sweeties and Eden’s. He knew it would take time to have some sort of a stable relationship with Andrew but they were trying, and that was okay for now. 

Neil stood in front of them all, hands in the PSU foxes hoodie he wore, barely any emotion on his face, as he always was. No wonder he and Andrew worked so well together, Aaron thought, internally rolling his eyes. He got straight to it. “After Nathan was killed, all his debts with the Moriyamas fell onto me. The money my mother took when she decided that we should run belonged to them. In Ichirou’s eyes, they still own Kevin and Jean too.”

“What does this have to do with you turning into a murderous little rage machine?” Matt rolled his eyes at Allison. 

“I made a deal with Ichirou.” Dan dropped her head into her hands while Nicky made a choked off sound. Aaron was tired of Josten making dumb decisions and not telling them. This is what happened when the fucking idiot ended up at Baltimore. “I wanted something and to get him to give in to that, I said he could have the majority of our earnings when we went pro.”

“Wait.” Neil turned his head towards Kevin, who was outwardly confused now. “You said he wanted a take of what we earned, that I knew. But you didn’t say it was in exchange for something, what did he give you?”

“I wanted Riko dealt with and he was.” Aaron’s eyes widened at that, as did the others in the room. Kevin went deathly pale and he stood slowly, looking at Neil as if he didn’t even know him. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he gave up and disappeared to his room without a word. Aaron had a feeling there was a bottle of vodka waiting for him to drown his sorrows in. Allison looked mildly impressed. 

“We all knew the suicide story was suspicious, but I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“I wanted him to pay for what he did. I walked out of that room and I laughed. But that’s why the nightmares have kicked in and I’ve picked up old habits, like sleeping with a weapon under my pillow. If Ichirou notices any slack, he will kill me.” Aaron looked to Andrew again, and his brother was staring back at Neil, as if waiting for him to fall apart. Dan stood, determination on her face and a fire in her eyes. 

“Then we help you stay on top of the game. We’ll fit in an extra practice a week and on the free period you share with Matt, he can discuss drills with you.” Aaron saw Matt smile and nod, receiving a dip of Neil’s head in return. “We’ll tell Coach that we’ll have an evening a week at the court, watching old games and seeing what we can take from them. No one gets to ruin this for you, they don’t get to take anything else.”

Nicky whooped and got up to hug Neil quickly, after he got the consent for one. Aaron wasn’t too happy about all this extra work for a sport he wasn’t even that bothered by, but he supposed he owed Neil this. After all, he was the one, no matter how stupidly he went about it, that finally managed their rag tag group work as a team and to become friends. He brought them together, and so Aaron would do this

So that they could stay together. 

~~~~~

They did get better over the weeks, and they won their next game, letting them progress further into this season. 

The session with Betsy continued, though progress on that front was slow going to begin with. Neil’s confession had broken the ice, and each of them would discuss assignments they were struggling with or the odd everyday problems life gave you. Betsy never pushed them, allowing them to get used to talking first before she tried diving for issues hidden deeper down. 

After a few weeks, Allison discussed her parents when she had gotten a phone call from her mother out of the blue. Apparently, they had started to notice how the foxes were on the up and up, and how much more media attention they were getting. Allison’s mother wanted to use her daughter for her own gain, to get their businesses promoted through the foxes and for Allison to start building their incomes through Exy. Aaron didn’t understand a lot of it, other than that his teammate’s parents were some of the most self centred assholes on the planet. After all this time, they hadn’t gotten in contact with Allison to see how she was or to ask about working on their own family issues, but just to see how they could make life better for them. The blonde had said in the one session that she finally told them where they could stick it, and if they wanted to cut her off from the money they could. If they didn’t want to love her as parents should, then she wanted nothing to do with them. 

When Allison ended her rant with the words ‘fuck them’, the foxes repeated them- even Andrew, to everyone’s surprise -loud and clear. Betsy tried to be reprimanding, but Aaron could see she was proud and trying valiantly to not smile with them. 

~~~~~

Some months or so after that, Aaron was attending one of his sessions where it was just him and Andrew. It was coming up to a year now since they’d first started these double sessions with Betsy, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he liked coming to them. Yes, sometimes it was bad and they’d end then arguing heatedly, or sometimes, it would leave them exhausted but content that they were managing to get on to the same page with each other. And other times, well, those times managed to bring their walls crashing down. 

Today was one of those times. 

“Aaron, you don't look as if you’re well. Is everything alright? If you’re unable to sit through this one, you may go back and rest if you like.” He knew he must look like shit, after the night he’d had with his mind torturing him, but he felt as if this is why he’d been so plagued by nightmares the last few nights. Like Andrew had to know about them. 

“Nightmares.” His throat felt raw and scratchy, but he supposed that was normal when you wake yourself up by screaming yourself hoarse. 

“Are you able to tell us what they were or about?” He nodded, turning on the couch so he was angled to the left, making it easier for him to look directly at Andrew. His brother seemed unfazed as he usually did, but Aaron thought there was something different about him today, though he didn’t quite know exactly what was different. Maybe he felt like today was going to be better for them, too. 

“I thought I was already awake, because I was walking around the house in Columbia. It was too quiet, and the house was dark, and it was almost as if I could feel the shadows closing in around my shoulders.” He breathing became ragged and clenched a fist where his hand rested on his thigh. “I thought I heard glass smash and the sound of a thud, like something had hit the hardwood floor. It was muffled, coming from upstairs so I followed the sounds.” He closed his eyes and swallowed hard; it was like he was back in the nightmare and he couldn’t get out. 

“Aaron? Aaron, you can stop if you want to.” He shook his head, feeling part of his hair fall onto his forehead. 

“The noise was louder up there, coming from your room.” He opened his eyes again, catching his brother’s gaze, hazel eyes that matched his own. And they knew, they knew where Aaron’s nightmare was leading them, yet he didn’t flinch away. “I opened the door and it was back to that day, and Drake…” Andrew did not outwardly show any reaction to the name of his abuser, though Aaron saw his fingers stray to the edge of his armband. As if it soothed him to know he had a way to keep himself safe. “When I tried to get in there, it was like there was an invisible barrier in front of me. No matter how hard I kept hitting it, it never went away. I kept screaming at you, to look at me, so you’d know I was right there but there was nothing.” His cheeks felt wet and brought a hand up to find that those were tears running down his cheeks. 

Andrew’s eyes had widened, and the hand that was holding his armband started to drift towards Aaron, but stopped just shy of making contact. He took a few deep breaths before he felt like he could go on. “I closed my eyes after a while but I didn’t stop trying to get to you. Then all of a sudden I could hear laughing, and when I opened my eyes, I was back in that shitty apartment, before you came and Tilda had locked me in the closet. She had her Junkie friends over doing all sorts of shit, music on as high as possible.” He felt like he could breathe, as though someone kept on piling invisible weights on his chest, one after the other. “I had one toy, a couple of granola bars and a bottle of Gatorade, of all things. No matter how loud I shouted for her, she never came to let me out. I woke up screaming after that, scared Katelyn half to death.”  He’d kept his gaze on the floor when talking about his mother, knowing she was a touchy subject between them. 

There was a quick tap to his knee and, a bit reluctantly, he lifted his head to look at Andrew again. His brother was breathing a little heavier, and Aaron could see the way his chest moved. There was more emotion on his face than he’d ever seen. When he was on the meds it was different, it was just a constant sort of forced excitement. This was real and this was Andrew. His twin. “I’m going to hug you, yes or no?” Aaron almost choked on air at the words. Words he’d never expected to leave Andrew’s mouth. He saw Betsy falter just a little out of the corner of his eye, her own stalling from where she was writing things down. 

“Yes.” Then slowly, carefully, Andrew shifted forward so he could pull Aaron into him. His arms went around Aaron’s back, and he hesitated just a little before doing the same. Their cheeks rested against each other and when Andrew spoke next, Aaron could feel the words against his ear. 

“We’re okay, you hear me? Both of us. We’re a little bit broken, but we’re doing okay.” Aaron nodded, taking a stuttered breath. And if the two of them, the same yet not the same, held onto each other for just a little longer then that was just fine. 

They were just okay.

---------

Again, I’m sorry about the lateness! Hope you liked it:)) I’m also sorry it’s not as long as it was, but trying to remember everything to rewrite was so difficult.

[whosnickydude]

A soft dusk

okay so a while ago a posted this Kandreil drabble on ao3 but never really kept writing a 2nd part? but now that’s summer i have more time on my hands and i started writing again, so i guess i’m posting the 1st part here as well?? idk enjoy

CW: panic attack, Kevin has some really sad and harmful thoughts. please take care of yourselves lovies!

Kevin was spiraling. He felt as if his chest was about to explode from the pressure of not getting air through, and he couldn’t get a hold of his feelings.

Six months had passed since Riko’s death. Since the press lurking around every corner, demanding answers, fighting for a statement. None of them were sensible about it. Kevin practically couldn’t go anywhere alone the first month, or he would probably end up being stalked. One time it actually got close to physical assault.

All the while, he was mourning Riko. And he was the only one, it seemed. He felt immensely guilty, for an overbearing amount of reasons. He felt guilty for letting his brother become the sadistic monster he turned into. He felt guilty for not being able to change him. He felt guilty for leaving him. But most of all, he felt guilty for mourning him. It wasn’t fair, not with all that he did to Kevin. The sleepless nights, the feeling of always being a prey, always the second, always with a leash around his neck. He broke his hand because he was having a fucking tantrum, for God’s sake. It was not fair that Kevin still had to feel like shit because of him dying.

He started drinking, after that. More than he did before. It was the only way he knew to numb the pain. The other foxes let him. None of them understood why he felt so sad about his abuser’s death, so none of them knew how to —or wanted to— comfort him. They would throw him a pitying glance and try to do so, but after some times he shoved them off, they started to leave him to himself. So they let him drink. It wasn’t as if they ignored him completely. When everyone went to Eden’s Matt, or Dan, or Allison asked him to go dancing with them. Sometimes he got so drunk that he actually did. Most of the time, though, he stayed on the table while everyone gradually went to the dance floor. They never left him completely alone. Almost every time, Neil and Andrew stayed on the other side of the table, speaking in languages he didn’t know. Probably flirting shamelessly right on his face. However, the only one who stopped him from getting alcohol down his throat was Andrew, and only when he saw that another one would end up with Kevin passing out.

Five months had passed since Thea left him by now. And through text, at that. Apparently, he was making a fool of himself in public every day and it was bad for both of their careers. She didn’t want anything to do with him nor with Edgar Allen. The hypocrite. Kevin was the only one that was always mindful of his surroundings. The only one that acted perfect, that pushed every feeling inside so as to not attract too much undesired attention from the public. But she had it as she wanted it, and Kevin put no resistance against it. They didn’t even see each other and barely even texted or spoke on the phone.

The drinking got worse. The mighty Queen of Exy had fallen, but the only ones who saw it happening were the Foxes. And people who knew nothing about Exy in the darkness of a nightclub in full swing.

Four months had passed since on a Wednesday at 6 A.M., in the middle of his morning run, Neil had found Kevin, alone, near to unconsciousness in the middle of the road to Fox Tower. He had his body on the street and his head on the sidewalk. His face was pressed to the pavement as he sobbed, a half-empty bottle of vodka in his right hand.

Four months had passed since the last time he drank alcohol: he was four months sober now.

It had taken fights, screams, and comforting talks with Abby, but Kevin finally accepted to go to A.A. Neither Wymack nor Andrew would let him alone enough time for him to get near any type of alcoholic beverage. It took a while, but he got to the point that he spent a whole day not thinking about it.

Right now, he would kill for a drink. His mind seemed to have caught up on everything that had happened in the past few months. It was the beginning of term, so everyone wasn’t as free anymore to look out for him. Andrew and Neil had gone out a while ago, probably to the roof, since it was almost dawn. Kevin was left alone for more time than he could manage. The prospect of having to deal with still mourning the death of his worst nightmare, his own mental health, his addiction, and the school year, was simply too much. It was looming over him. He felt as if he was dying.

Maybe it was because he found himself with so few distractions that he started overthinking. Maybe he just opened the wrong Pandora’s box from the rotten depths of his mind. Either way, he was panicking. The rush of adrenaline and utter fear he felt —he remembered— from his time in the Nest was a live wire around his throat. How could he let all those things happen to him? Riko’s abuse, Tetsuji’s beating, the terror, the exposure. Being so vulnerable and ignored while also being right in the spotlight. “Always a commodity, never a human being...”

And then, what? He went running to his father, who didn’t even know he was his father. And he didn’t say anything about it until he was forced to do so. He was a coward. He was a coward, a fucking coward.

He couldn’t breathe. His head felt heavy, his shoulders felt heavy, his whole body felt heavy. Living felt heavy. Maybe he could just lay down where he was sitting on the couch and let himself go. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. His vision started blurring and everything around him was out of focus. Suddenly, there was a warm pressure on the back of his neck, and then another on his right cheek. The world started solidifying back, spinning around him, and he was gasping for air. He was letting out ragged, desperate gasps, his neglected lungs screaming for oxygen.

A face started coming to focus in front of him, but as soon as it materialized it blurred again. Tears were running down his face and he curled his arms around him. The pressure on the back of his neck —a hand, he realized— tightened, and the one on his cheek went up to pull at his hair.

“Kevin, look at me,” he heard someone say. The voice sounded familiar. “Kevin, I need you to breathe.”

The hand behind him stretched up and tangled between his hair as well, pushing his head slightly down.

“Come down, Kevin. You’re safe.”

The voices felt oddly comforting, and his hands flew up to grasp the other two. He was still crying and gasping, but it wasn’t as desperate. Maybe he wouldn’t die today.

At some point during the episode he had shut his eyes tightly, and now he tried to blink slowly, with narrowed eyes. The first thing that he saw was red hair, scarred skin, and blue eyes. Neil was in front of him, looking worried in his own way. His brow was furrowed, and he was chewing on his lip, but his expression didn’t seem quite compassionate.

“Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, Kevin,” he said. He showed the motion, exaggerating his breaths for Kevin to copy. And Kevin could only look him in the eyes and comply. Some time passed —maybe minutes, maybe hours— and the panic ebbed. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and his breath was shaky, but he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore.

He was still holding both hands, and he felt the one at the back of his head slip away from his grasp. He looked back and saw Andrew staring at him, sitting on the arm of the couch. Neil was sitting on the coffee table in front of it.

“I’m... I’m sorry, I just...” he started, but couldn’t finish.

Andrew didn’t look away from him. His face didn’t demonstrate any emotion, but he still wasn’t looking away. “What happened, Kevin?”

“I...” He sighed. “I started overthinking, and I really wanted a drink, and I... I guess it just went down from there.”

His voice was small and he hated it. He felt stupid, he couldn’t be left alone with his thoughts for two fucking seconds because he started falling to pieces.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Well, don’t be,” Neil said. “It’s only natural for these things to happen.”

Kevin wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, but he didn’t have much time to think about it because then Neil was standing up and going to the kitchen. Kevin looked back towards Andrew and saw him lighting up a cigarette and walking to the desk next to the window.

“Go change your clothes, Kevin,” he said, looking out towards the campus. “You’ll be itchy until you do, and you probably drenched all that in sweat anyway.”

He was probably right, Kevin thought, but still glared in his direction. Only because it was in his nature and he felt better already; Andrew wasn’t looking at him. Though he probably knew Kevin would glare at him. Giving no response to the blonde, he stood up and went to the bedroom to change into his pajamas. Andrew was right: the sweatpants felt like heaven on his skin. He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to rub them. He was feeling sleepy all of a sudden. The panic attack had drained all the energy from him, and his muscles hurt everywhere.

He went back out to the living room, yawning, and found Neil sprawled on one end of the couch with his laptop on his lap and a cup of coffee on hand. Andrew had one too where he was still sitting on the desk, and there was another one on the coffee table.

“Is that for me?” Kevin asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch. Neil looked up at him from his laptop and raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“No, Day, I felt like having two cups of coffee,” he said. They fixed their eyes on each other until Kevin decided to take the cup. Neil seemed satisfied with that and looked back to where he was browsing something. A few seconds later he clicked on something with a flourish and put his laptop on the coffee table. It was a Trojan’s game they had already seen many times.

Kevin stared at Neil, but the boy just kept watching the beginning of the game. He saw Andrew moving to stub his finished cigarette on the window sill and light up another one. The last rays of sunshine and the street lights drew shadows all over his face. He breathed out the smoke and Kevin saw it disappearing in the wind. He looked back to the game playing on the laptop and brought his knees to his chest. He sipped on his coffee, and it was sugary sweet. But he could allow himself that, at least for today.

[senstia]

Andrew being comfortable saying i love you to neil and saying it a bunch??

im a firm believer that andrew gets comfortable being more expressive with Neil and saying i love you after he has been with him for a long time, here u go (:

The foxes had a new bet. After years of Andrew and Neil living together they all knew that Andrew and Neil loved each other. They’d seen it through subtle touches and passing glances throughout the years. But what they didn’t know is if the two boys said it to each other. Did they say ‘I love you’ ? Did they whisper sweet nothings in each others ears? Did they hold hands just for the sake of being close? Did they kiss when there was really no reason to? That’s what the foxes wanted to know. As much as Nicky wanted it, he didn’t believe that they were like that. Allison, Matt, and Dan firmly believed that Neil and Andrew had affectionate sides that no one saw. Renee stayed quiet as always and Aaron and Kevin sided with Nicky. They argued about it for about an hour, the foxes loved contemplating Neil and Andrew‘s relationship, it had become a game for them over the years, but mainly it was because they all loved the two boys so much and hoped that they were both happy.

“I have a plan,“ Allison said. “Lets go visit them! We haven’t seen them in forever anyway. We can all stay at their apartment and maybe we might see a thing or two.”

“Do they have enough space for that?” Nicky asked.

“Yeah they have a spare bedroom with two fulls and we can bring a few blowup mattresses and all sleep in there,” Kevin said.

~

Andrew was perched on the island in his and Neil’s shared kitchen, watching the commotion. Neil had decided that it would be a good idea to invite all the former foxes over for the weekend and right now Andrew was regretting agreeing to it. After a stressful week full of nightmares for Neil, all Andrew wanted to do was stay wrapped up in Neil until there was nothing in the world left but each other. But no. Instead his stupid junkie was bouncing from fox to fox, catching up with them all, and had forgotten Andrew completely. Andrew scowled. He had gotten far too used to having Neil’s undivided attention all the time.

As per tradition they were having movie night. Andrew’s mood had slightly improved because Neil had brought his favorite ice cream and was now sitting snug against him on the couch. The foxes were making noise all around them but Andrew’s focus was zeroed in on Neil. Neil’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes were bright. Happiness. Andrew’s heart clenched at the sight.

Neil had spent the last week shaking and vomiting, lost in his own nightmares. He had been quiet all week, too quiet. His skin was in a constant state of clamminess and he had said no to Andrew three times. Neil always stayed close by, but when Neil was usually smothering, this week he had been distant. Seeing Neil’s smile back made Andrew’s heart clench painfully. Seeing Neil happy was all he wanted. He was so relieved by that smile it almost hurt.

Neil’s eyes drifted to Andrew’s and softened minutely as they did, “Staring.”

“Yes,” Andrew murmured, not taking his eyes off Neil. While Andrew still played the apathetic card with Neil a good amount, it was seeming more and more pointless lately. Neil loved him. He loved Neil. He had gotten to a point where he was comfortable saying it. Deflection wasn’t as necessary anymore. And then something twinged in Andrew’s chest as he realized he hadn’t said it to Neil once this week. Neil had been in such an awful state and he... he didn’t say it. Why didn’t he say it? Andrew knew words of affection were a balm to Neil’s wounds most of the time. Usually touch was Andrew’s way of showing Neil how much he loved him... but Neil hadn’t wanted that this week. And Andrew suddenly wondered if Neil had been craving words he didn’t receive.

“Drew?” Neil asked softly, pulling Andrew out of his reverie. Andrew looked back up at Neil.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asked.

Neil nodded and Andrew leaned in and kissed Neil softly, holding his cheeks in his hands. He pulled back slightly and looked at Neil, stroked his fingers along Neil’s cheeks. And then he traced Neil’s jaw with a finger, and then his eyes, his nose, and finally his lips. He kissed Neil once more softly and pulled back, settling into the couch. Neil just sighed and rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder, turning to watch the movie they had put on.

~

Allison smacked Nicky on the arm four times but he was too engrossed in the movie to notice.

“Nicky! They just kissed!” Allison whispered.

“We’ve seen them kiss before, this bet is about words Allison! Now watch the movie,” Nicky whispered back.

~

Andrew woke to darkness and an empty bed. The sheets were still warm on Neil’s side so he knew he hadn’t been gone long. Andrew padded into the kitchen and saw Neil leaning on the kitchen counter, staring at his hands like he was searching for something there. Andrew flicked on a dimmed light and walked up to Neil, leaning against the counter beside him. After a few minutes of silence Neil’s voice rang out.

“Drew,” he said, his voice was husky from disuse, he sounded drained.

Andrew look to Neil and was met with those impossibly blue eyes. They weren’t bright right now though. They were cold, distant.

Andrew took a step closer to Neil and leaned in, Neil’s entire body flinched when Andrew lifted his hand. Andrew pulled back quickly. It was becoming more frequent that Neil didn’t want to be touched after a nightmare. And that was okay. Andrew knew better than anyone that that was okay. But he didn’t know what had caused the change.

“I-I can’t. I can’t...” Neil choked out, his body shaking.

“Don’t. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to be touched.”

“But I do... I do. I just... I can’t.”

“That’s okay,” Andrew murmured.

Neil looked up at Andrew and his eyes softened.

“Drew,” He whispered, like a prayer.

“What do you need?” Andrew asked.

~

Nicky smacked Allison awake and hopped to the other foxes to wake them up.

“What the hell Nicky! It’s the middle of the night!” Kevin groaned.

“Neil and Andrew are awake! We have to spy on them. Everyone wake up!” Nicky exclaimed.

Once all the foxes were awake they crept to their bedroom door and cracked it open enough so that they could see into the kitchen.

Neil was leaning against the kitchen counter in his pajamas and Andrew was standing in front of him, a few inches away. They were murmuring too softly for the foxes to hear. The foxes slowly snuck out into the room a little further so that they could hear the exchange.

“What do you need?” Andrew was asking softly, looking at Neil with something like concern in his eyes, something like love.

Neil looked torn as he stared at Andrew, like he didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I-I’ve been having nightmares about how I got the scars on my abdomen,” Neil whispered. The foxes froze at this. Andrew seemed to freeze too. Andrew stayed silent, waiting for Neil to continue.

“Usually the-the nightmares are just memories. But lately... it’s like im living through it again. I can feel every lash of pain through my body like its happening all over again. I can still feel the echoes of it when I wake up. Thats why... that’s why its been harder for me to... lately. I still want... I don’t want you to think I don’t... I just can’t.” Neil said.

“Don’t worry about me Neil. Not for a second. I know. I know, Neil. Okay? You don’t have to explain it to me. You don’t owe me or anyone else that,” Andrew said firmly.

The two just stared at each other for the longest time, Neil seemed to drink in Andrew’s presence. Every second he seemed to relax more.

“Just... just my face,” Neil murmured.

Andrew raised a brow.

Neil scowled. “Yes, Andrew.”

Andrew stared at Neil for a few more moments and then took a step closer to him. He raised and hand to Neil’s cheek and traced it softly. Neil’s eyes fluttered closed at the contact and he seemed to revel in the feel of Andrew’s touch.

“Mm...” Neil hummed in contentment as Andrew kept stroking his face. Neil’s eyes fluttered open, “Thank you. I love you Drew.”

Allison smacked Nicky on the arm, “I told you,” she whispered aggressively.

Nicky smacked her back, “This goes both ways! Andrew has to say it too,” he whispered back.

“Can I kiss you?” Andrew asked.

Neil hummed and nodded. Andrew ghosted his lips over Neil’s cheek, kissed it once softly. Then he did the same to the other. And then he finally slotted his lips over Neil’s and kissed him reverently.

“I love you,” Andrew murmured against Neil’s mouth. Neil groaned at the words and his hands tightened on the countertop.

“Say it again...”

Andrew paused for a moment and then leaned in to kiss Neil’s jaw. “I love you.”

He kissed his ear. “I love you.”

He kissed his nose, “I love you.”

He kissed each of Neil’s eyelids, “I love you.”

Andrew kissed every square inch of Neil’s face, whispering I love you each time he kissed him. The foxes were floored. Aaron looked about one second from having a heart attack. Nicky was almost choking trying to conceal his squealing.

Matt had tears in his eyes, “I’m so happy for him... Neil deserves this so much. Oh my god.”

“I never thought... Andrew...” Aaron whispered.

~

Andrew pushed past all the intrusive thoughts in his head telling him this wasn’t right, this was wrong. Because that wasn’t true, and he was tired of fighting himself. Andrew had been dealing with this mental block for years, Bee had been helping him get through it in therapy lately, ever since Andrew and Neil had moved in together, Bee had brought it up, Andrew’s problem with expressing how he feels. It had been a rocky road and it had taken Andrew three years of going through it with Bee before he was able to choke out those three words to Neil. But it was easier now, especially when Neil was hurting, when Andrew knew it would help him. So Andrew let the words flow, let himself be painfully honest for once. Because he loved Neil. Goddamnit he loved Neil so much that sometimes he thought it might make him vomit. It was the most terrifying thing in the world but after being with Neil for 11 years the fear was only a dull ache, it wasn’t so suffocating anymore.

~

Neil felt new. Like every bad thing that had every happened to him was washed away with those words, with Andrew’s lips on his skin.

“Yes or no?” Neil asked as Andrew pulled back from Neil’s face. Andrew nodded and Neil pulled Andrew into a hug, burying his head in Andrew’s chest. Every part of them was touching and Neil didn’t feel any pain anymore.

“You. Are. Everything.” Neil whispered against Andrew. Andrew just tightened his arm around Neil and stroked his hair with a hand.

“You are too,” he murmured back.

~

The foxes walked back to their room in a daze, struck stupid by what they had just witnessed.

“I’ve never seen love like that before,” Kevin said quietly.

“No one is ever allowed to call Andrew monster again. We should have believed Neil when he said it wasn’t true,” Allison said.

“I’m just so happy for them yanno? They deserve it more than anyone in the world,” Nicky said emotionally.

Renee had a soft smile on her face, “Yes. They do.”

[v-vvia]

some kevaaron for you hungry sluts

Aaron Minyard was going to become a doctor. There were no exceptions, deviations-this was a fact. He grew up what could possibly be considered Hell on Earth, and he wanted to live a normal life. Of course, as soon as he scribbled his messy signature onto David Wymack’s contact that basically sold his soul to the exy coach for five years, he should have known his life would be anything but normal. Aaron should have known when he was adopted by his very much homosexual cousin and reunited with his psycotic twin brother that his life would never be normal. 

Kevin Day was going to be a professional exy star. He really had no other option, thanks to the Japanese yakuza. His life wasn’t normal and he knew it was never going to be normal. After leaving The Nest, Kevin had to learn how to be a member of society. He didn’t know how to make friends or be his own person. He didn’t know how to live. Being introduced to the Foxes was a big adjustment, but they accepted him and his crankiness. They were more of a family than he could ever ask for in life. 

Aaron, after moving out of the monster’s dorm, would find his way back to the hell pit every so often. Living with Matt meant an endless supply of coffee to fuel his long nights of studying. Yet, there was something missing. Maybe it was Andrew’s cold stare as he drank milk straight from the carton. Maybe it was Nicky’s late night video chats with Erik, keeping them all up with his loud voice. Most of all, maybe it was Kevin’s constant need to be warm. 

Aaron swore that dorm room was set at seventy-five degrees, even in the sweltering summer heat. He hated it after a long and hot practice but, now that Matt kept the windows open in the winter, he missed it. 

Which is how he, at quarter to one in the morning on December 13th, found himself carrying his bag full of textbooks and a blanket pulled from his bed into the monster’s dorm. Andrew and Neil weren’t anywhere to be found but, Nicky and Kevin sat in the beanbag chairs in front of the TV. Nicky was losing his patience trying to teach Kevin how to play some video game. Kevin looked like he was about to burst a vein in his forehead. They both turned when the door opened. 

“Well, if it isn’t my long lost son,” Nicky said happily with a grin. 

“Not your son,” Aaron replied, used to this. “I don’t think you could produce a child this good looking.” 

“Ouch! Savagely burned by my own flesh and blood!” Nicky dramatically placed a hand to his heart. He fell back against the beanbag. “After all I’ve done for you! I’ve washed your underwear and cum socks and this is the repayment I get? You’re lucky I don’t ground you, mister!”

“Do you know how to shut that mouth of yours?” Aaron practically collapsed onto the couch behind the two, letting out a sigh as he dropped his heavy bag. 

“Do you know how to ever take a break?” Nicky retorted, looking back at the cousin with only a face that could be described as a motherly Latino ‘you did not just sass me, child’ face. “Seriously, dude. You’re up until ungodly hours of the night and then you get up at 6 to make it to morning practice. And aren’t you taking like, 18 credits? You sir,” Nicky pointed a finger. “are either a madman or stupid. Probably both if you’re my child.” 

“You’re not a medicine major, Nicky. I’ve gotta work twice as hard as everyone else,” Aaron mumbled, shrugging. “Besides, why do you think I came here? Since when have I ever done any work in the presence of your loud mouth?” 

“Good point. Want in on next round?” the cousin asked, offering him the third controller. Aaron shook his head. He let himself lean back into the couch and actually rest. 

“I just came here to cool off for a few before I head to the library,” he said, pushing the controller away with his foot. His Addias joggers and his high top Chuck Taylors didn’t really go together but he wasn’t known to be the most fashionable. If it was comfortable and he could hide snacks in the pockets, he was sold. 

“Suit yourself,” Nicky replied, turning back around. “Another round, Kev?” Kevin lifted his hand and checked the time on his watch. 

“I placed some books on hold at the library earlier and they should be ready. I should go pick them up before I get carried away,” Kevin said, stretching his long limbs. His Foxes shirt lifted a little with the action; the small glimpse of bare skin caught Aaron’s eye. He couldn’t help but stare, not noticing that the man had said something to him. 

“Earth to Aaron,” Nicky said, waving his hand in front of his face. “C’mon, I know Kevin’s insufferable sometimes but you gotta respect your elders.” 

“Fuck you,” Aaron said before turning to Kevin. “What did you say?”

“I said we should go to the library together.” Kevin stood, walking over to his desk to grab his bookbag and dorm keys. “I know you’re practically flunking American history and we can’t have you being benched because you’re an idiot.” 

“Okay, fuck you too,” Aaron said. His words had no weight because he stood with his bag. “Hurry up before I change my mind.” The two walked towards the door, saying a quick farewell to Nicky on their way out. Aaron was sure Nicky would be grateful to have a quiet dorm for a while, so he could call Erik. “I need to get my history stuff from my room if we’re doing this.” Kevin nodded and followed the shorter man to the other end of the hall. Aaron unlocked the door, knocking once in case Matt and Dan were practicing for their honeymoon. Stepping inside, he found that it was empty and dark. Matt had left the windows open, yet again, sending a shiver down Aaron’s spine. 

“Its cold in here,” Kevin said, blank faced. 

“Yeah, no shit dumbass.” Aaron walked over to his desk, flipping on a light along the way. The living area was decorated with a couch and television-both of which were Matt’s. Aaron didn’t care much to decorate. The only thing he needed and had was a picture of him, Nicky, and Andrew pinned on his desk. It was from his and Andrew’s high school graduation and he swore he could almost see a glimpse of genuine happiness in Andrew’s eyes. 

“Can I ask a question?” Kevin said, poking around the room. 

“You’re gonna ask anyways so get on with it.” 

“Am I really that insufferable?” Something in Kevin’s voice made Aaron turn. He frowned once he saw Kevin’s usually cool demeanor turn unexpectedly serious. Kevin didn’t care what anyone thought about him. He only cared about exy. Why was this even a conversation the two were having?

“I mean,” Aaron started, not really sure how to approach this. “you’re annoying but I wouldn’t call you insufferable. What’s with you, man?” 

Kevin stood silent for a moment. “Sometimes I hear Nicky telling Erik how mean I am.” Another moment of silence passed. “I don’t want to be like him, Aaron.” 

Something inside Aaron’s stomach churned. Kevin didn’t have to say a name for him to know he was talking about his former teammate, Riko Moriyama. It had never occured to Aaron that Kevin had feelings about things over that exy. That was all he talked about and never once brought up emotions. 

“You aren’t like him,” Aaron said. His voice was unexpectedly soft. “You’re never going to be like him.” Aaron dropped his bag onto his desk. “Sit down. We’ll get your stupid books later. You want some hot chocolate? That always cheers Andrew up.” Kevin sat himself down on the couch while Aaron crossed the room to make two cups of hot chocolate. 

“Do you still think about your mom?” Kevin asked, his voice just as quiet as Aaron’s. “I still think about Riko all the time. I see him when I close my eyes. I can’t sleep hardly because hes...he’s always there. He’s there after eight hours waking me up to go to practice. He’s there counting my calories and picking my food. How do I live when he’s still with me?”

“I think about my mom a lot,” Aaron said, bringing over the hot cup. He handed it to Kevin before sitting down himself. “Not as much as I used to but yeah, I do.” Aaron wasn’t one to talk about this stuff. He liked burying it deep inside him and letting it spill out once a week during his session with Betsy. “Talking about it helped. As much as I absolutely hate Neil with my whole being, he was right. Pushing me towards Betsy was the only right thing he’s ever done. You should try it sometime.”

“I don’t talk to her,” Kevin admitted. “I don’t want her to think I’m crazy or something.”

“She talks to Andrew every week. I think you’ll be on the mild end of her patient spectrum.” Kevin let out a breathy laugh that sent Aaron’s stomach into a somersault. 

“I guess you’re right,” Kevin said, looking over at the other. They both sat on either end of the couch, leaning back against the armrests to face each other. “Sorry...For dropping this all on you. You’re really the only one who might get it.” 

Aaron waved a hand. “Yeah yeah, its whatever dude. Just drink your hot chocolate before I stop being nice and kick you out.” They both shared a laugh before going back to sitting in silence. Eventually, Aaron turned on a movie and they both just sat. They drank their drinks, keeping their eyes on the screen in front of them. Somehow, Aaron’s legs ended up up on the couch, his feet resting comfortably against Kevin’s thighs. Somehow, Kevin’s hand found itself rested on Aaron’s calf. Somehow, Kevin and Aaron ended up laying, side by side, buried underneath Aaron’s comforter. They slowly drifted to sleep, Kevin’s head on Aaron’s chest. Whatever they were watching was long forgotten in favor of each other’s presence. They weren’t worried about Matt walking in; they were far too sleep deprived to give any thought to it. 

[velarian-trash]

Here, have another, longer head canon.

HC: So, as we know, Kevin Day is an absolute history nerd. Aside from exy, the only thing he cares about is history. He loves reading historical fiction, especially historical romance, but he'd never let anyone know. BUT he also really loves researching historical hauntings, or at least that's how it began.

What started as historical hauntings quickly evolved into a general fascination with hauntings in general. He doesn't tell the foxes at first because he's terrified they'll just make fun of him for it, but one day he overhears Dan telling Matt that she's pretty sure her dorm is haunted.

Without even thinking, Kevin butts in and tells her to describe the paranormal activity and soon after he's got all the foxes sharing their stories with him.

He collects so many stories from them and then starts collecting stories from other exy players as well. He's got notebooks full of stories, detailing a variety of paranormal activity, from Aaron's shadows out of the corner of his eye, to Alison's experience with tarot cards, which she swears left one of her friends possessed and Nicky who swears on his mother's Bible that he saw a UFO with Erik when they were skinny dipping in a secluded lake in the middle of nowhere.

Eventually, he starts sharing little snippets from these stories on his Twitter and he's fans go nuts for it. He never says who the story belongs to but the fans love speculating.

It kind of blows up and Kevin plays around with the idea of doing a more in-depth approach to the storytelling. He's talking to Neil and Andrew about it, or rather, talking AT Neil and Andrew, when Andrew suggests starting a podcast. Neil gets really excited and starts talking about how he could do a different story every week. He's got so many the podcast could go on forever.

Kevin likes the idea of the podcast, but him telling the stories doesn't sit well with him. The stories aren't his to tell, which is where he comes up with the idea to have actual exy players on the show to tell the stories their own way. Kevin develops a sort of formula for the podcast, as well as a series of questions to help drive the storytelling.

His very first guest is Jeremy Knox. When Knox got wind of Kevin's plans, he called him up and offered to do the show. Kevin couldn't believe his luck. Not only had Jeremy wanted to do the show, but Kevin was going to get to spend a few hours talking with one of his secret crushes about exy and ghost stories!

Jeremy's story is a little sad. His grandmother had lived with his family all throughout his childhood, up until her death when he was 17. She cooked and cleaned and cared for him and his siblings and sometimes Jeremy would suffer from bouts of insomnia. On those nights, his grandma would stay up with him. They'd sit at the kitchen table and she'd make him warm milk with cinnamon and she'd ask him about his day. Most of the time their conversations were just silly. Her telling him stories about her childhood and what not, but as he got older, their conversations became more serious. He was the star player on his high school's exy team and was being scouted by colleges and he didn't know how to handle the pressure of the high expectations he was supposed to live up to. She always knew what to say to ease his mind. She gave the best advice.

She died unexpectedly a few days before the state championship game that Jeremy had lamented over to her for weeks. His mom woke him up early that morning telling him his grandma had passed sometime the night before. Probably before midnight because her tv was still on when they found her.

Jeremy was shocked and confused, but not because she had died. Obviously, that was unexpected, but Jeremy had gotten up in the middle of the night, brain wrecked from nerves. He sat at the kitchen table and drank a glass of water. Eventually, his grandma joined him at the table and he expressed his concern for the upcoming game and his worries about college and the future in general. She was unusually quiet, which Jeremy found odd, because she always had words to help him out. But on this night, she just took his hand and smiled at him, stood up, kissed his forehead and went to her room.

His mother rationalized it away by saying this obviously happened before she passed, but Jeremy wasn't convinced. It had been 3am when he got up. According to the coroner, she had been dead for hours by that point.

Jeremy's conviction that he had seen his grandma's ghost was only further solidified a few days later when his team won the state championship and he swore he saw her standing in the crowd, cheering for him.

Jeremy laughs after he finishes telling the story, "I know it's not as incredible as Boyd's ghost who likes to move his belongings around. Maybe I could just chalk it up to my younger self not knowing how to cope with that loss, but..." Jeremy is quiet for a few beats and then he laughs again "nah, you'll think I'm crazy."

Kevin's not having it. "My dude, you're on a podcast dedicated to strange experiences from hauntings to Bigfoot sightings, as told by some of the most famous exy players in the world... obviously, you're crazy." They both chuckle and Kevin presses him, "what is it?"

Jeremy takes a second and says "I've gone to therapy, I've learned how to handle loss on multiple levels, but I swear, I see her at almost all of my games. Win or lose. She's almost always there in the stands."

They're both quiet after than and the podcast comes to a natural end shortly after that.

"I just wanna thank Jeremy for being my first guest on this really strange project of mine. Join us next week where Jean Moreau will regale us with a tale of the house he lived in as a child, that was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside."

Jeremy huffs a laugh, "How is that even possible?"

"I don't even know, but it's pretty wild. Rooms that appear and disappear, hallways that go nowhere. Staircases that seemingly go on forever. You don't wanna miss it. Until next time, I'm Kevin Day and you've been listening to The eXy Files."

Thanks again to @iamthebonecarver for your encouragement.