#mathew bate

[mistersleepy]

My big Downton Abbey rewatch hot take is miss O'Brien is probably the most well written character.

Many, but not all of the character conflicts in Downton come from outside of the character, which they react to but then are solved with some or no input from the characters themselves. (Ie Downton is suddenly cash strapped, solved by Mathews inheritance, mr bates is in prison (the worst legal portrayl in modern history)

Miss O'Brien? Her problems come from essential conflicts within her. She's fundamentally desperate for love and appreciation, and demonstrates this with severe and punishing loyalty to people she considers hers. This is also why she reacts so poorly to slights (perceived or real).

Ie, her falling out with Thomas, while clumsy in part, comes because she realizes Thomas is not her friend. Even worse! He will undermine HER nephew. Watching the build up to this falling out is so good because it comes from the characters themselves.

[meta-squash]

Squash's Book Roundup 2023

Last year I read 67 books. This year my goal was 70, but I very quickly passed that, so in total I read 92 books this year. Honestly I have no idea how I did it, it just sort of happened. My other goal was to read an equal amount of fiction and nonfiction this year (usually fiction dominates), and I was successful in that as well. Another goal which I didn’t have at the outset but which kind of organically happened after the first month or so of reading was that I wanted to read mostly strange/experimental/transgressive/unusual fiction. My nonfiction choices were just whatever looked interesting or cool, but I also organically developed a goal of reading a wider spread of subjects/genres of nonfiction. A lot of the books I read this year were books I’d never heard of, but stumbled across at work. Also, finally more than 1/3 of what I read was published in the 21st century.

I’ll do superlatives and commentary at the end, so here is what I read in 2023:

-The Commitments by Roddy Doyle -A Simple Story: The Last Malambo by Leila Guerriero -The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell -Uzumaki by Junji Ito -Chroma by Derek Jarman -The Emerald Mile: The epic story of the fastest ride in history through the Grand Canyon by Kevin Fedarko -Venus by Suzan-Lori Parks -The Hearing Trumpet by Leonora Carrington -Sacred Sex: Erotic writings from the religions of the world by Robert Bates -The Virginia State Colony For Epileptics And The Feebleminded by Molly McCully Brown -A Spy In The House Of Love by Anais Nin -The Sober Truth: Debunking the bad science behind 12-step programs and the rehab industry by Lance Dodes -The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea by Yukio Mishima -The Aliens by Annie Baker -The Criminal Child And Other Essays by Jean Genet -Aimee and Jaguar: A Love Story, Berlin 1943 by Erica Fischer -The Master And Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov -The Mustache by Emmanuel Carriere -Maldoror by Comte de Lautreamont -Narrow Rooms by James Purdy -At Your Own Risk by Derek Jarman -Escape From Freedom by Erich Fromm -Countdown: A Subterranean Magazine #3 by Underground Press Syndicate Collective -Fabulosa! The story of Britain's secret gay language by Paul Baker -The Golden Spruce: A true story of myth, madness and greed by John Vaillant -Querelle de Roberval by Kevin Lambert -Fire The Bastards! by Jack Green -Closer by Dennis Cooper -The Woman In The Dunes by Kobo Abe -Opium: A Diary Of His Cure by Jean Cocteau -Worker-Student Action Committees France May '68 by Fredy Perlman and R. Gregoire -Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher -The Sound Of Waves by Yukio Mishima -One Day In My Life by Bobby Sands -Corydon by Andre Gide -Noopiming by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson -Man Alive: A true story of violence, forgiveness and becoming a man by Thomas Page McBee -The Artist's Reality: Philosophies of Art by Mark Rothko -Damage by Josephine Hart -Schoolgirl by Osamu Dazai -The Passion According to G.H. by Clarice Lispector -The Sex Revolts: Gender, Rebellion and Rock n Roll by Simon Reynolds and Joy Press -The Traffic Power Structure by planka.nu -Bird Man: The many faces of Robert Straud by Jolene Babyak -Seven Dada Manifestos by Tristan Tzara

-The Journalist by Harry Mathews -Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber -Moscow To The End Of The Line by Venedikt Erofeev -Morvern Callar by Alan Warner -The Poetics Of Space by Gaston Bachelard -A Boy's Own Story by Edmund White -The Coming Insurrection by The Invisible Committee -Jesus' Son by Denis Johnson -Notes From The Sick Room by Steve Finbow -Artaud The Momo by Antonin Artaud -Doctor Rat by William Kotzwinkle -Recollections Of A Part-Time Lady by Minette -trans girl suicide museum by Hannah Baer -The 99% Invisible City by Roman Mars -Sweet Days Of Discipline by Fleur Jaeggy -Breath: The new science of a lost art by James Nestor -What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund -The Cardiff Tapes (1972) by Garth Evans -The Ark Sakura by Kobo Abe -Mad Like Artaud by Sylvere Lotringer -The Story Of The Eye by Georges Bataille -Little Blue Encyclopedia (For Vivian) by Hazel Jane Plante -Blood And Guts In High School by Kathy Acker -Summer Fun by Jeanne Thornton -Splendid's by Jean Genet -VAS: An Opera In Flatland by Steve Tomasula -Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want To Come: One introvert's year of saying yes by Jessica Pan -Whores For Gloria by William T. Vollmann -The Notebooks by Jean-Michel Basquiat, Larry Walsh (editor) -L'Astragale by Albertine Sarrazin -The Decay Of Lying and other essays by Oscar Wilde -The Immortal Life Of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot -Open Throat by Henry Hoke -Prisoner Of Love by Jean Genet -The Fifth Wound by Aurora Mattia -The Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx -My Friend Anna: The true story of a fake heiress by Rachel DeLoache Williams -Mammother by Zachary Schomburg -Building The Commune: Radical democracy in Venezuela by George Cicarello-Maher -Blackouts by Justin Torres -Cheapjack by Philip Allingham -Near To The Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector -The Trayvon Generation by Elizabeth Alexander -Skye Papers by Jamika Ajalon -Exercises In Style by Raymon Queneau -Tender Buttons by Gertrude Stein -The Feather Thief: Beauty, Obsession, and the Natural History Heist of the Century by Kirk Wallace Johnson

~Some number factoids~ I read 46 fiction and 46 nonfiction. One book, The Fifth Wound by Aurora Mattia, is fictionalized/embellished autobiography, so it could go half in each category if we wanted to do that, but I put it in the fiction category. I tried to read as large a variety of nonfiction subjects/genres as I could. A lot of the nonfiction I read has overlapping subjects, so I’ve chosen to sort by the one that seems the most overarching. By subject, I read: 5 art history/criticism, 5 biographies, 1 black studies, 1 drug memoir, 2 essay collections, 2 history, 2 Latin American studies, 4 literary criticism, 1 music history, 2 mythology/religion, 1 nature, 4 political science, 2 psychology, 5 queer studies, 2 science, 1 sociology, 1 travel, 2 true crime, 3 urban planning. I also read more queer books in general (fiction and nonfiction) than I have in years, coming in at 20 books.

The rest of my commentary and thoughts under a cut because it's fairly long

Here’s a photo of all the books I read that I own a physical copy of (minus Closer by Dennis Cooper which a friend is borrowing):

~Superlatives and Thoughts~

I read so many books this year I’m going to do a runner-up for each superlative category.

Favorite book: This is such a hard question this year. I think I gave out more five-star ratings on Goodreads this year than I ever have before. The books that got 5 stars from me this year were A Simple Story: The Last Malambo by Leila Guerriero, Capitalist Realism by Mark Fisher, The Emerald Mile by Kevin Fedarko, The Mustache by Emmanuel Carriere, The Passion According to GH by Clarice Lispector, trans girl suicide museum by Hannah Baer, The Fifth Wound by Aurora Mattia, Mammother by Zachary Schomburg, and Blackouts by Justin Torres. But I think my favorite book of the year was The Fifth Wound by Aurora Mattia. It is an embellished, fictionalized biography of the author’s life, chronicling a breakup that occurred just before she began her transition, and then a variety of emotional events afterward and her renewal of a connection with that person after a number of years had passed. The writing style is beautiful, extremely decadent, and sits in a sort of venn diagram of poetry, theory, fantasy and biography. My coworker who recommended this book to me said no one she’d recommended it to had finished it because they found it so weird. I read the first 14 pages very slowly because I didn’t exactly know what the book was doing, but I quickly fell completely in love with the imagery and the formatting style and the literary and religious references that have been worked into the book both as touchstones for biography and as vehicles for fantasy. There is a video I remember first seeing years ago, in which a beautiful pinkish corn snake slithers along a hoop that is part of a hanging mobile made of driftwood and macrame and white beads and prism crystals. This was the image that was in the back of my head the entire time I was reading The Fifth Wound, because it matched the decadence and the strangeness and the crystalline beauty of the language and visuals in the book. It is a pretty intense book, absolutely packed with images and emotion and ideas and preserved vignettes where reality and fantasy and theory overlap. It’s one of those books that’s hard to describe because it’s so full. It’s dense not in that the words or ideas are hard to understand, but in that it’s overflowing with imagery and feelings, and it feels like an overflowing treasure chest. Runner-up:The Mustache by Emmanuel Carriere. However, this book wins for a different superlative, so I’ve written more about it there.

Least favorite book: Querelle de Roberval by Kevin Lambert. I wrote a whole long review of it. In summary, Lambert’s book takes its name from Querelle de Brest, a novel by Jean Genet, and is apparently meant to be an homage to Genet’s work. Unfortunately, Lambert seems to misunderstand or ignore all the important aspects of Genet’s work that make it so compelling, and instead twists certain motifs Genet uses as symbols of love or transcendence into meaningless or negative connotations. He also attempts to use Genet’s mechanic of inserting the author into the narrative and allowing the author to have questionable or conflicting morals in order to emphasize certain aspects of the characters or narrative, except he does so too late in the game and ends up just completely undermining everything he writes. This book made me feel insulted on behalf of Jean Genet and all the philosophical thought he put into his work. Runner-up: What We See When We Read by Peter Mendelsund. This graphic designer claims that when people read they don’t actually imagine what characters look like and can’t conjure up an image in their head when asked something like “What does Jane Eyre look like to you?” Unfortunately, there’s nothing scientific in the book to back this up and it’s mostly “I” statements, so it’s more like “What Peter Mendelsund Sees (Or Doesn’t See) When He Reads”. It’s written in what seems to be an attempt to mimic Marshall McLuhan’s style in The Medium Is The Massage, but it isn’t done very well. I spent most of my time reading this book thinking This does not reflect my experience when I read novels so I think really it’s just a bad book written by someone who maybe has some level of aphantasia or maybe is a visual but not literary person, and who assumes everyone else experiences the same thing when they read. (Another runner-up would be The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, but I think that’s a given because it’s an awful piece of revisionist, racist trash, so I won’t write a whole thing about it. I can if someone wants me to.)

Most surprising/unexpected book: The Mustache by Emmanuel Carriere. This book absolutely wins for most surprising. However, I don’t want to say too much about it because the biggest surprise is the end. It was the most shocking, most unexpected and bizarre endings to a novel I’ve read in a long time, and I absolutely loved it. It was weird from the start and it just kept getting weirder. The unnamed narrator decides, as a joke, to shave off the moustache he’s had for his entire adult life. When his wife doesn’t react, he assumes that she’s escalating their already-established tradition of little pranks between each other. But then their mutual friends say nothing about the change, and neither do his coworkers, and he starts spiral into confusion and paranoia. I don’t want to spoil anything else because this book absolutely blew me away with its weirdness and its existential dread and anyone who likes weird books should read it. Runner-up: Morvern Callar by Alan Warner. I don’t even know what compelled me to open this book at work, but I’m glad I did. The book opens on Christmas, where the main character, Morvern, discovers her boyfriend dead by suicide on the kitchen floor of their flat. Instead of calling the police or her family, she takes a shower, gets her things and leaves for work. Her narrative style is strange, simultaneously very detached and extremely emotional, but emotional in an abstract way, in which descriptions and words come out stilted or strangely constructed. The book becomes a narrative of Morvern’s attempts to find solitude and happiness, from the wilderness of Scotland to late night raves and beaches in an unnamed Mediterranean city. The entire book is scaffolded by a built-in playlist. Morvern’s narrative is punctuated throughout by accounts of exactly what she’s listening to on her Walkman. The narrative style and the playlist and the bizarre behavior of the main character were not at all what I was expecting when I opened the book, but I read the entire book in about 3 hours and I was captivated the whole time. If you like the Trainspotting series of books, I would recommend this one for sure.

Most fun book: The Emerald Mile by Kevin Fedarko. This book was amazing. It was like reading an adventure novel and a thriller and a book on conservationism all wrapped into one and it was clearly very passionately written and it was a blast. I picked it up because I was pricing it at work and I read the captions on one of the photo inserts, which intrigued me, so I read the first page, and then I couldn’t stop. The two main narratives in the book are the history of the Grand Canyon (more specifically the damming of the Colorado River) and the story of a Grand Canyon river guide called Kenton Grua, who decided with two of his river guide friends to break the world record for fastest boat ride down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. The book is thoroughly researched, and reaches back to the first written record of the canyon, then charts the history of the canyon and the river up to 1983 when Grua made his attempt to race down the river, and then the aftermath and what has happened to everyone in the years since. All of the historical figures as well as the “current” figures of 1983 come to life, and are passionately portrayed. It’s a genuine adventure of a book, and I highly recommend it. Runner-up: Summer Fun by Jeanne Thornton. It asks “What if Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys was actually a trans woman?” Actually, that’s not quite it. It asks “What if a trans woman living in poverty in southwest America believed to an almost spiritual level that Brian Wilson was a trans woman?” The main character and narrator, Gala, is convinced that the lead singer of her favorite band, the Get Happies, (a fictional but fairly obvious parallel to the Beach Boys) is a trans woman. Half the book is her writing out her version of the singer’s life history, and the other half is her life working at a hostel in Truth Or Consequences, New Mexico, where she meets a woman who forces her out of her comfort zone and encourages her to face certain aspects of her self and identity and her connection with others. It’s a weird novel, and definitely not for everyone, but it’s fun. I was reading it on the train home and I was so into it that I missed my stop and had to get off at the next station and wait 20 minutes for the train going back the other way.

Book that taught me the most: Breath: The new science of a lost art by James Nestor. In it, Nestor explores why humans as a general population are so bad at breathing properly. He interviews scientists and alternative/traditional health experts, archaeologists, historians and religious scholars. He uses himself as a guinea pig to experiment with different breathing techniques from ancient meditation styles to essentially overdosing on oxygen in a lab-controlled environment to literally plugging his nose shut to only mouth-breathe for two weeks (and then vice-versa with nose breathing). It was interesting to see a bunch of different theories a laid out together regarding what kind of breathing is best, as well as various theories on the history of human physiology and why breathing is hard. Some of it is scientific, some pseudoscience, some just ancient meditation techniques, but he takes a crack at them all. What was kind of cool is that he tries every theory and experiment with equal enthusiasm and doesn’t really seem to favor any one method. Since he’s experimenting on himself, a lot of it is about the effects the experiments had on him specifically and his experiences with different types of breathing. His major emphasis/takeaway is that focusing on breathing and learning to change the ways in which we breathe will be beneficial in the long run (and that we should all breath through our noses more). While I don’t think changing how you breathe is a cure-all (some of the pseudoscience he looks at in this book claims so) I certainly agree that learning how to breath better is a positive goal. Runner-up: The Sober Truth by Lance Dodes. I say runner-up because a lot of the content of the book is things that I had sort of vague assumptions about based on my knowledge of addiction and AA and mental illness in general. But Dodes put into words and illustrated with numbers and anecdotes and case studies what I just kind of had a vague feeling about. It was cool to see AA so thoroughly debunked by an actual psychiatrist and in such a methodical way, since my skepticism about it has mostly been based on the experiences of people I know in real life, anecdotes I’ve read online, or musicians/writers/etc I’m a fan of that went through it and were negatively affected.

Most interesting/thought provoking book: Mammother by Zachary Schomburg. The biggest reason this book was so interesting is because the little world in which it exists is so strange and yet so utterly complete. In a town called Pie Time (where birds don’t exist and the main form of work is at the beer-and-cigarettes factory) a young boy called Mano who has been living his childhood as a girl decides that he is now a man and that it’s time for him to grow up. As this happens, the town is struck by an affliction called God’s Finger. People die seemingly out of nowhere, from a hole in their chest, and some object comes out of the hole. Mano collects the things that come out of these holes, and literally holds them in order to love them, but the more he collects, the bigger he becomes as he adds objects to his body. A capitalist business called XO shows up, trying to convince the people of Pie Time that they can protect themselves from God’s Finger with a number of enterprises, and starts to slowly take over the town. But Mano doesn’t believe death is something that should be run from. This book is so pretty, and the symbolism/metaphors, even when obvious, feel as though they belong organically in the world. A quote on the back of the book says it is “as nearly complete a world as can be”, and I think that’s a very accurate description. The story is interesting, the characters are compelling, and the magical realist world in which the story exists is fascinating. Runner up: trans girl suicide museum by Hannah Baer. This is a series of essays taken (for the most part) from Baer’s blog posts. They span a chunk of time in which she writes her thoughts and musings on her experience transition and transgender existence in general. It is mostly a series of pieces reflecting on “early” stages of transition. But I thought it was really cool to see an intellectual and somewhat philosophical take on transition, written by someone who has only been publicly out for a few years, and therefore is looking at certain experiences with a fresh gaze. As the title suggests, a lot of the book is a bit sad, but it’s not all doom and gloom. A lot of the emphasis is on the important of community when it comes to the experience of starting to transition and the first few years, and the importance of community on the trans experience in general. I really liked reading Hannah Baer’s thoughts as a queer intellectual who was writing about this stuff as she experienced it (or not too long after) rather than writing about the experience of early transition years and years down the line. It meant the writing was very sharp and the emotion was clear and not clouded by nostalgia.

Other thoughts/commentary on books I don’t have superlatives for:

I’m glad my first (full) book read in 2023 was A Simple Story: The Last Malambo by Leila Guierrero. It’s a small, compact gem of a book that follows the winner of an Argentinian dance competition. The Malambo is a traditional dance, and the competition is very fierce, and once someone wins, they can never compete again. The author follows the runner-up of the previous year, who has come to compete again. It paints a vivid picture of the history of the dance, the culture of the competition, and the character of the dancer the author has chosen to follow. It’s very narrowly focused, which makes it really compelling.

The Hearing Trumpet by Leonora Carrington could have easily won for most fun or most interesting book. Carrington was a surrealist writer and painter (and was in a relationship with Max Ernst until she was institutionalized and he was deported by the Nazis). In The Hearing Trumpet, an elderly woman called Marian is forced by her family to go live in an old ladies’ home. The first strange thing about the place is that all of the little cabins each woman lives in is shaped like some odd object, like an iron, or ice cream, or a rabbit. The other old women at the institution are a mixed bag, and the warden of the place is hostile. Marian starts to suspect that there are secrets, and even witchcraft involved, and she and a few of the other ladies start to try and unravel the occult mysteries hidden in the grounds of the home. The whole book is fun and strange, and the ending is an extremely entertaining display of feminist occult surrealism.

Sacred Sex: Erotica writings from the religions of the world by Robert Bates was a book I had to read for research for my debunking of Withdrawn Traces. It was really very interesting, but it was also hilarious to read because maybe 5% of any of the texts included were actually erotic. It should have been called “romantic writings from the religions of the world” because so little of the writing had anything to do with sex, even in a more metaphorical sense.

Every time I read Yukio Mishima I’m reminded how much I love his style. The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea almost usurped The Temple of the Golden Pavilion as my favorite Mishima novel. I’m fascinated with the way that Mishima uses his characters to explore the circumstance of having very intense feelings or reactions towards something and simultaneously wanting to experience that, while also wanting to have complete control and not feel them at all. There’s a scene in this novel where Noboru and his friends brutally kill and dissect a cat; it’s an intense and vividly rendered scene, made all the more intense by Noboru desperately conflicted between feeling affected by the killing and wanting to force himself to feel nothing. The amazing subtle theme running through the book is the difference between Noboru’s intense emotions and his desire/struggle to control them and subdue them versus Ryuji’s more subtle emotion that grows through the book despite his natural reserve. I love endings like the one in this book, where it “cuts to black” and you don’t actually see the final act, it’s simply implied.

In 2016 or 2017, I ran lights for a showcase for the drama department at UPS (I can’t remember now what it was) that included a bunch of scenes from various plays. I remember a segment from Hir by Taylor Mac, and a scene from The Aliens by Annie Baker. In the scene that I saw, one of the characters describes how when he was a boy, he couldn’t stop saying the word ladder, and the monologue culminates in a full paragraph that is just the word “ladder.” I can’t remember who was acting in the one that I saw at UPS, but that monologue blew me away, the way that one word repeated 127 conveyed so much. This year a collection of Annie Baker’s plays came in at work so I sat down and read the whole play and it was just incredible. I’d love to see the full play live, it’s absolutely captivating.

Narrow Rooms by James Purdy was a total diamond in the rough. It takes place in Appalachia, in perhaps the 1950s although it’s somewhat hard to tell. It follows the strange gay entanglement between four adult men in their 20s, who have known each other all their lives. It traces threads of bizarre codependency, and the lines crossed between love and hate. The main character, Sidney, has just returned home after serving a sentence for manslaughter. On his return, he finds that an old lover has been rendered disabled in an accident, and that an old school rival/object of obsession has been waiting for him. This rival, nicknamed “The Renderer” because of an old family occupation, has been watching Sidney all their lives. Both of them hate the other, but know that they’re destined to meet in some way. Caught in the middle of their strange relationship are Gareth, Sidney’s now-disabled former lover, and Brian, a young man who thinks he’s in love with The Renderer. The writing style took me some time to get used to, as it is written as though by someone who has taught themselves, or has only had basic classes on fiction writing. But the plot itself is so strange and the characters are so stilted in their own internality that it actually fits really well. Like The Mustache, this book had one of the strangest, most intensely visceral and shocking endings I’ve read in a while. It was also “one that got away.” I read it at work, then put it on my staff picks shelf, and only realized after someone else bought it that I should have kept it for myself.

The Passion According to G.H. by Clarice Lispector blew my mind. I really don’t want to spoil any of it, but I highly encourage anyone who hasn’t read it to do. The build in tension is perfect and last 30 pages are just incredible. Lispector’s style is so unique and so beautiful and tosses out huge existential questions like it’s nothing, and I love her work so much.

Moscow To The End Of The Line by Venedikt Erofeev was another really unexpected book. It’s extremely Russian (obviously) and really fun until suddenly it isn’t. The main character, a drunkard, gets on a train from Moscow to Petushki, the town at the end of the line (hence the title), in order to see his lover. On the way, he befriends the other people in his train car and they all steadily get drunker and drunker, until he falls asleep and misses his stop. Very Russian, somewhat strange, and I was surprised that it was written in the late 60s and not the 30s.

Dr. Rat by William Kotzwinkle was what I expected. Weird in a goofy way, a bit silly even when it’s serious, and rather heavy-handed satire. The titular Dr Rat is a rat who has spent his whole life in a laboratory and has gone insane. The other animals who are being tested on want to escape, but he’s convinced that all the testing is for the good of science and wants to thwart their rebellion. Unfortunately, all the other animals who are victims of human cruelty/callousness/invasion/deforestation/etc around the world are also planning to rebel, connection with each other through a sort of psychic television network. It’s a very heavy-handed environmentalist/anti-animal cruelty metaphor and general societal satire, but it’s silly and fun too.

Confessions Of A Part-Time Lady by Minette is a self-published, nearly impossible to find book that came into my work. It’s self-printed and bound, and was published in the 70s. It is the autobiographical narrative of a trans woman who did drag and burlesque and theatre work all across the midwest, as well as New York and San Francisco, from the 1930s up to the late 60s. It was originally a series of interviews by the two editors, who published it in narrative form, and it includes photos from Minette’s personal collection. It’s an amazing story, and a glimpse into a really unique time period of gender performance and queer life. She even mentions Sylvia Rivera, specifically when talking about gay activism. She talks about how the original group of the Gay Liberation Front was an eclectic mix of all sorts of people of all sexualities and genders and expressions. Then when the Gay Activists Alliance “took over”, they started pushing out people who were queer in a more transgressive or unusual way and there was more encouragement on being more heteronormative. She mentions Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P Johnson, saying “I remember Sylvia Rivera who founded STAR – Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries. She was always trying to say things – the same kinds of things Marsha P Johnson says in a sweeter way – and they treated her like garbage. If that’s what ‘order’ is, haven’t we had enough?”

Whores For Gloria by William T Vollmann was exactly as amazing as I thought it would be. I love Vollmann’s style, because you can tell that even though the characters he’s writing about are characters, they’re absolutely based on people that he met or saw or spoke to in real life. The main character, Jimmy, is searching for his former lover, Gloria, who has either died or left him (it is unclear for most of the novel). He begins to use tokens bought from sex workers (hair, clothes, etc) to attempt to conjure her into reality, and when that doesn’t work, he pays them to tell him stories from their lives, and through their lives he tries to conjure Gloria. This novel’s ending had extremely similar vibes to the ending of Moscow To The End Of The Line.

Prisoner Of Love by Jean Genet was a lot to take in. It was weird reading it at this moment in time, and completely unplanned. It’s just that I have only a few more books to read before I’ve made my way through all Genet’s works that have been translated into English, and it was next on the list. Most of the book focuses on Genet’s time spent in Palestine in the 70s and his short return in the 80s. He also discusses the time he spent with the Black Panthers in the US, although it’s not the main subject of the book. Viewing Palestine from the point of view of Genet’s weird philosophical and moral worldview was really interesting, because what he chooses to spend time looking at or talking about is probably not what most would focus on, and because even his most political discussions are tinged with the uniquely Genet-style spirituality (if you can call it that? I don’t know what to call it) that is so much the exact opposite of objective. It’s definitely not a book about Palestine I would recommend reading without also having a grasp of Genet’s style of looking at the world and his various obsessions and preoccupations, because they really do inform a lot of his commentary. It was also written 15 years after his first trip to Palestine, partly from memory and partly from journal entries/notes, which gives it a sort of weirdly dreamlike quality much like his novels.

Blackouts by Justin Torres was so amazing! It blends real life and fiction together so well that I didn’t even realize that most of the people he references in the novel are real historical figures until he mentioned Ben Reitman, who I recognized as the Chicago King Of The Hobos and Emma Goldman’s lover. The book follows an unnamed narrator who has come to a hotel or apartment in the southwest in order to care for a dying elderly man called Juan Gay. Juan has a book called Sex Variants, a study of homosexuality from the 1940s which has been censored and blacked out. Back and forth, the narrator and Juan trade stories. The narrator tells his life story up until the present, including his first meeting with Juan in a mental hospital as a teenager. In turn, Juan tells the story of the Sex Variants book and its creator, Jan Gay (Ben Reitman’s real life daughter). The book explores the reliability of narrative, the power of collecting and documenting life stories, and of removing or changing things in order to create new or different narratives.

Again, Clarice Lispector rocking my world! Generally I can read a 200-ish page novel in somewhere between 2 and 4 hours depending on the content/writing style. Near To The Wild Heart took me 9 hours to read because I kept wanting to stop and reread entire paragraphs because they were so interesting or pretty or philosophical. The story focuses on Joana, whose strange way of looking at the world and going through life makes everyone sort of wary of her. This book is so layered I don’t really know how to describe it. So much of it is philosophical or existential musings through the vehicle of Joana. Unsurprisingly, it’s a beautiful book and I highly recommend it.

I’m just going to copy/paste my Goodreads review for Skye Papers by Jamika Ajalon: This book had so much potential that just…fell short. I could tell that it was written for an American audience but the way the reader/Skye is “taught” certain British terms and/or slang felt a bit patronizing. The characters were fleshed out and interesting and I liked them a lot but the plot crumbled quickly in the last half of the book Things sped up to a degree that felt strange and unnatural, the book’s pacing was inconsistent throughout. Perhaps that was deliberate considering the reveal at the climax, but if it was, it should have been utilized better. If the inconsistent pacing wasn’t deliberate, then it just made the book feel strange to read. There were moments were I felt like there should have been more fleshing out of certain character relationships. Even with the reveal at the end and the explanation of Pieces’ erratic/avoidant behavior, I wish there had been more fleshing out of the relationship or friendship between her and Skye at the beginning, when Skye first arrives in London. Characters who seemed cool/interesting got glossed over and instead there was a lot more dwelling on Skye walking around or busking or just hanging out. I could have gone without the last 30 or so pages after the big reveal, where Skye went back through everything that happened with the knowledge she (and the reader) had gained. It dragged on and on and at that point I felt like the whole story was so contrived that I just wasn’t interested anymore. A friend who read this book before I did said she thought it was an experimental novel that just hadn’t gone far enough, and I completely agree with her. I think if the style with the film script interludes went further, into printed visuals or more weirdness with the interludes, more experimental style with the main story, or something, it would have been really good. It just didn’t push hard enough.

The Feather Thief by Kirk Wallace Johnson was a fun little true crime novel about a young flautist who broke into a small English natural history museum in 2009 and stole hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of preserved rare bird skins dating back to the 19th century. He was a salmon fly-tying enthusiast and prodigy, and old Victorian fly designs used feathers of rare birds. The book first goes through the heist and the judicial proceedings, then examines the niche culture of Victorian fly-tying enthusiasts and obsessives, and then chronicles the author’s attempts to track down some of the missing birds. It was a quick, easy read, but fun and an unusual subject and I quite enjoyed it.

In 2024 I don’t plan on trying to surpass or even reach this year’s number. I’m going to start off the year reading The Recognitions by William Gaddis, then I’m going to re-read a number of books that I come across at work or in conversation and think Huh, I should reread that one of these days. So far, the books I am currently planning to reread: Sometimes A Great Notion by Ken Kesey, As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner, The People Of Paper by Salvador Plascencia, Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, The Mustache by Emmanuel Carriere, McGlue by Otessa Moshfegh, Long Day’s Journey Into Night by Eugene O’Neil, Acid Snow by Larry Mitchell, and Nightwood by Djuna Barnes.

[shelbgrey]

Sorting my favorite fictional characters into hogwarts houses because I'm board and I have writers block.

If I have the motivation I'll explain why later or you can commit your thoughts and I'll post them.

Grey's anatomy:

Derek shepherd - Ravenclaw

Meredith Grey - Gryffindor

April Kepner - Hufflepuff

Owen hunt - Gryffindor

Callie Torres - Ravenclaw

Miranda Bailey - Gryffindor

Alex Karev - Slytherin

Jackson avery - Ravenclaw

Arizona Robinson - Hufflepuff

Christina Yang - Askaban

Bridgerton:

Anthony Bridgerton - Slytherin

Benedict Bridgerton - Hufflepuff

Colin Bridgerton - Ravenclaw

Daphne Bridgerton - Gryffindor

Elois Bridgerton - Ravenclaw

Francesca Bridgerton - Hufflepuff

Gregory Bridgerton - Gryffindor

Hyacinth Bridgerton - Hufflepuff

Kate Sharma - Gryffindor

Penelope Fetherington - Ravenclaw

Marvel:

Tony stark - Sylthrin

Steve Rogers - Gryffindor

Clint Barton - Gryffindor

Bruce Banner - Ravenclaw

Thor - Hufflepuff

Natasha Romanoff - Sylthrin

Marc Spector - Gryffindor

Steven Grant - Hufflepuff

Jake Lockly - Slytherin

Scott lang - Hufflepuff

Stephen Strange - Ravenclaw

Wanda Maximoff - Gryffindor

Sam Wilson - Gryffindor

Vision - Ravenclaw

T'challa - Ravenclaw

Bucky Barnes - Sylthrin

Loki - Sylthrin

X-men:

Scott Summers - Gryffindor

Hank McCoy - Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff

Charles Xavier - Gryffindor

Logan Howlett - Slytherin

Jean Grey - Slytherin

Erik Lehnsherr - Slytherin

Storm - Gryffindor

Kurt Wagner - Hufflepuff

Rogue - Gryffindor or Slytherin

Bates motel:

Alex Romero - Gryffindor

Norma Bates - Hufflepuff

Norman Bates - Slytherin

Dylan Massett - Gryffindor

Emma Decody - Ravenclaw

Chick Hogan - Slytherin

Supernatural:

Dean winchester - Gryffindor

Sam Winchester - Ravenclaw

Castiel - Hufflepuff

Charlie Bradbury - Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff

Bobby Singer - Ravenclaw

Jack Kline - Hufflepuff

Lucifer - Slytherin

Gabriel - Gryffindor

Jody Mills - Ravenclaw

Clair Novak - Slytherin

Ghostbusters:

Egon Spengler - Ravenclaw

Peter Venkman - Gryffindor

Ray Stantz - Hufflepuff

Winston Zeddemore - Gryffindor

Bones:

Seeley Booth - Gryffindor

Jack Hodgins - Ravenclaw

Temperance Brennan - Ravenclaw

Lance Sweets - Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff

James Aubrey - Hufflepuff

Zack Addy - Hufflepuff

Angela Montenegro - Gryffindor

Caroline Julian - Gryffindor

Camille Saroyan - Slytherin

Arastoo Vaziri - Ravenclaw

Vincent Nigel-Murray - Hufflepuff

Finn Abernathy - Gryffindor

Colin Fisher - Slytherin

Wendell Bray - Ravenclaw

Daisy wick she shall not be named here - askaban

Once upon a time in... Hollywood

Cliff Booth - Gryffindor

Rick Dalton - Hufflepuff

Sharon Tate - Hufflepuff

The Outsiders:

Sodapop Curtis - Hufflepuff

Ponyboy Curtis - Ravenclaw

Darry Curtis - Gryffindor

Dally Winston - Slytherin

Steve Randle - Hufflepuff

Johnny Cade - Hufflepuff

Two-bit Mathews - Gryffindor

Twilight:

Carlisle Cullen - Ravenclaw

Esme cullen - Hufflepuff

Edward Cullen - Ravenclaw

Emmett Cullen - Gryffindor

Rosalie Hale - Slytherin

Alice Cullen - Hufflepuff

Jasper Hale - Gryffindor

Eleazar Denali - Ravenclaw

Carmen Denali - Gryffindor

Tayna Denali - Hufflepuff

Kate Denali - Gryffindor

Irina Denali - Sylthrin

Garrett - Sylthrin or Gryffindor

Benjamin - Hufflepuff

The Great Gastby:

Jay Gastby - Hufflepuff

Nick Carway - Gryffindor

Jordan Baker - Ravenclaw

Dasiy Buchanan - Hufflepuff

Tom Buchanan - Askaban

Once upon a time:

David Nolan - Gryffindor

Snow white - Hufflepuff

Robin Hood - Gryffindor

Killian Jones - Slytherin

Emma Swan - Gryffindor

Regina Mills - Slytherin

Henry Mills - Ravenclaw

Mr. Gold - Askaban

Belle French - Ravenclaw

Ruby - Gryffindor

August Booth - Ravenclaw

Archie Hopper - Hufflepuff

Elvis Presley's movie characters:

Vince Everett - Gryffindor

Chadwick Gates - Ravenclaw

Clint Reno - Hufflepuff

Steve Grayson - Ravenclaw

Ross Carpenter - Hufflepuff

ER:

Doug Ross - Gryffindor

Mark Greene - Ravenclaw

Susan Lewis - Hufflepuff

Peter Benton - Slytherin

John Carter - Hufflepuff

Ocean's 11:

Danny Ocean - Gryffindor

Rusty Ryan - Slytherin

Linus Caldwell - Hufflepuff

[kehlana-wolhamonao3]

Do you think Lady Mary is genuinely good or its just Mathew's imagination? does she need him to bring out her good qualities

I think Mary is wonderfully complex character, with capacity for both kindness and cruelty. She does good, selfless and considerate things even without Matthew, especially for Anna (visiting her in jail, helping her when she had problems with miscarriages, organising a nice room in the family wing for her wedding night with Bates), but also William (ensuring he saw his mother before she died), Tom ( she was his biggest supporter after Sybil died - she had his back on Sybbie's name, Catholic baptism and then staying at Downton, but even before she was the one who genuinely wanted him to come with Sybil to her own wedding and made an effort to treat him like a member of the family). She did all those things without Matthew's prompting and many of them after his death. Come to think of it, she has most genuine relationships with people from lower classes than anyone else but Sybil (Carson, Anna, Tom after he married Sybil). But I think that she is right that she was softer with Matthew, both because of his belief in her goodness and simply because she was happy with him and Mary lashes out most when she's miserable.

[kinonostalgie]

Michael Caine was so very much beside himself to be working with Laurence Olivier on the set of "Sleuth" (1972) that he didn't even know how to address him. Eventually, he broke down and just asked. Olivier replied, "Well, I am the Lord Olivier and you are Mr. Michael Caine. Of course, that's only for the first time you address me. After that I am Larry, and you are Mike."

Caine tells in his biography that Olivier could not, at first, remember his lines - he, a great stage actor who could initially remember three hours of lines in a play. He could not because of pills he started taking to calm him down after he learned that a theater of his, which he put much money and many efforts in for many years, had to be closed down. But Olivier eventually stopped taking those pills and his memory issues stopped.

Olivier was so impressed with Caine's acting during the scene in which Caine's character cries hysterically that he said, "I thought I had an assistant, Michael. I see I have a partner." Caine expressed later that he considered this the greatest compliment he received since becoming a professional actor.

NOTE: As "Sleuth" is a mystery, writing about it may reveal a spoiler or two to those unfamiliar. Apologies beforehand...

Caine was the third choice for the part of Milo Tindle, after Albert Finney (who was deemed too plump), and Alan Bates (who turned down the role). The reason Bates thought the role was "beneath" him was that he walked out of the stage show at intermission after believing that his character had been killed when the character of Andrew "shot" him at the end of the first act.

To confuse potential moviegoers who were unaware that the tricky plot of the play upon which this movie was based involved only two characters, several pre-release stories, including one widely-syndicated on-set interview by Rex Reed, suggested that this movie would feature a lot of cameos by unnamed stars. In a 1993 interview for "Films in Review," director Joseph L. Mankiewicz claimed that the names of the extra non-existent red herring characters in the credits were members of his wife Rosemary Mathews' family.

Caine later starred in Kenneth Branagh's 2007 remake, taking over the role played by Olivier, opposite Jude Law.

[legends-of-time]

The Journey of Living at Downton

Chapter 2: September to October 1912

Masterlist

As the season turned to autumn, they all waited in anticipation for the new heir, this Mathew Crawley, a middle class lawyer and son to a middle class doctor, to arrive with his mother. There were those that were displeased and those looking forward to it. Emma personally doesn't really care about his social position but obviously some do. Lord Grantham had been the only one that had met him so far in London while the rest of them wait in anticipation for the big event.

Naturally, it came up in discussion on the day of their arrival. They are staying in Crawley house in the Village.

"So, what do you think we'll make of them?" Thomas speaks as many of them are gathered in the Servants' Hall.

"I shouldn't think much. She hasn't even got a lady's maid." Miss O'Brien says with disdain but what's new?

"It's not a capital offence," Anna says kindly.

Mr Bates also defends the newcomers. "She's got a maid; her name's Ellen. She came a day early."

"She's not a lady's maid. She's just a housemaid that fastens hooks and buttons when she has to. There's more to it than that, you know." Miss O'Brien adds snippily. Funny how servants are snobbish as well as their employers.

Mrs Patmore shouts in the distance. "Daisy!" Though Daisy does not move.

"You will have to give us every bit of detail after dinner," Emma says, addressing William and Thomas.

"Are we to treat him as the heir?" William asks innocently.

"Are we heck as like? A doctor's son from Manchester? He'll be lucky if he gets a civil word out of me." Miss O'Brien declares irritably.

"We're all lucky if we get a civil word out of you." Anna remarks and Emma stifles a laugh so that Miss O'Brien does not turn her ire onto her.

Mr Carson enters with a package and they stand. "Gwen, parcel for you. Came by the evening post."

"Thank you, Mr Carson." She takes the parcel and sits back down very quickly. Emma squints her eyes at her, she had been terribly secretive lately.

Carson motions for the servants to sit which they do.

"William?" Mr Carson speaks.

Thomas then interrupts, "Have you seen them yet, Mr Carson?"

"By "them", I assume you mean the new family, in which case, no. I have that pleasure to look forward to this evening."

Mrs Patmore enters. "Daisy, did you hear me call, or have you gone selectively deaf?!" Emma smiles to herself, Mrs Patmore is always good with quick quips.

"No, Mrs Patmore."

"Then might I remind you we are preparing dinner for your future employer, and if it goes wrong, I'll be telling them why!" Daisy rushes after Mrs Patmore.

——

It is time for the big arrival and Emma is prepared for a great deal of second hand embarrassment; she is somewhat glad she doesn't have to be there during their dinner.

Lord Grantham goes to greet them and leads them, with William and Thomas walking behind, into the Great Hall where the house staff are lined up as Lady Grantham, the Dowager, and the girls enter from the other side and line up opposite.

"Welcome to Downton." Lady Grantham says. Emma couldn't help but stare at the newbies from the corner of her eye and can see the others do the same thing.

"Thank you. You've been so kind." Mrs Crawley responds. She seems to be quite able to adapt to the new circumstances.

"What a reception committee!" The son on the other hand. Though to be honest Emma would have been the exact same if when she arrived, she saw everybody lined up like this.

The family is surprised and amused by his comment. Mrs Crawley senses the awkwardness of his comment and tries to recover. "Yes, thank you."

Lord Grantham gives the impression of being in agreement with moving past the faux pas. "This is Carson. We'd all be lost without him." The man somehow puffs up his chest even more. "Mama, may I present Matthew Crawley and Mrs Crawley, my mother, Lady Grantham."

Mrs Crawley steps forward and holds out her hand. "What should we call each other?"

The Dowager Countess of Grantham looks at her oddly. "Well, we could always start with Mrs Crawley and Lady Grantham." Well, that's a bit rude.

Lady Grantham steps forward to guide Mrs Crawley. "Come into the Drawing room and we can make all the proper introductions."

The Dowager looks at Mr Carson, who tries to contain his amused smirk. The family moves into the next room, Lady Mary and Mr Crawley appear to be conveniently placed next to one another though Lady Mary looks less than pleased.

——

"Why shouldn't he be a lawyer?" Daisy asks in the Kitchen during the family's dinner. Turns out that the new heir has gotten a job and wants to continue working as a lawyer, which has set everybody off.

"Gentlemen don't work, silly. Not real gentlemen." Miss O'Brien remarks. Yes, and live off everybody else's hard work.

"Don't listen to her, Daisy," Anna says from her place next to Mr Bates where they were having a quiet conversation with each other.

"No, listen to me!" Mrs Patmore snaps. "And take those kidneys up to the server room before I knock you down and serve your brains as fritters!"

"Yes, Mrs Patmore!" Daisy leaves with the food on a tray as William and Thomas arrive with theirs.

"I wonder what Mr Molesley thinks of them." Emma wonders. Mr Molesley is the man who had taken the position of Valet and Butler for the new Crawleys. If they had turned up without someone already in that position, she keeps thinking how they are probably already finding the man hovering around awkward.

"Poor old Molesley. I pity the man who's taken that job." Thomas says snidely.

"Then why did you apply for it?" Mr Bates quips. Emma chews her lip anxiously; it is always uncomfortable when these two interact with one another.

"I thought it might help me to get away from you, Mr Bates," Thomas says, looking right at Mr Bates.

"Thomas..." Emma gives him a look. He seems to soften slightly but not much at her disapproval.

——

After cleaning the Dining room, Thomas and Emma are talking about Mrs Crawley and the Dowager.

"She a feisty one then?" She asks.

"I should say so. She's a match for the old lady. She wasn't going to give in." Emma smiles at that.

Just as they are about to turn into the Servants' Hall, Mr Carson appears. "What old lady are you referring to, Thomas? You cannot mean Her Ladyship the Dowager Countess. Not if you wish to remain in this house."

"No, Mr Carson," Thomas answers sourly. Emma looks down when Mr Carson glances at her.

Mr Carson passes them to enter the Servants' Hall where William is playing the piano as the others are placed around different areas of the room.

They stand as Mr Carson enters. "William? Are you aware the seam at your shoulder is coming apart?"

"I-I felt it go a bit earlier. I'll mend it when we turn in." William stammers.

"You will mend it now and you will never again appear in public in a similar state of undress." Mr Carson snaps.

"No, Mr Carson," William answers quietly.

"To progress in your chosen career, William, you must remember that a good servant at all times retains a sense of pride and dignity that reflects the pride and dignity of the family he serves. And never make me remind you of it again." And with that Mr Carson leaves. They all turn to glance at William.

"I'll do it." Daisy pipes up helping William remove his coat. "And cheer up. We've all had a smack from Mr Carson."

Anna also tries to reassure him. "You'll be the butler yourself one day. Then you'll do the smacking." Really can't imagine William being one bit like Mr Carson.

"I could never be like him. I bet he comes from a line of butlers that goes back to the conqueror." William replies gloomily.

"He learned his business and so will you. Even Mr Carson wasn't born standing to attention." Mr Bates tells him.

"I hope not for his mother's sake." Thomas remarks with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Emma pulls a face at the sight of it. Him and Miss O'Brien always seemed to be smoking out the back when they could, likely plotting. It made her concerned for their health, even Miss O'Brien's. Sadly, the science wasn't there to tell them that they were at high risk of getting cancer or any other illnesses.

"Can you imagine if Mr Carson was in the circus in his past and he's trying to keep it secret so not to ruin his image?" Emma jokes. Some laugh at her remark and it brings a slight smile to William's face.

——

The next day, Mr Bates and Emma are walking through the Village when they see Mr Carson hurrying into The Dog and Duck, checking that no one sees him entering, but missing them as they walk past the Hospital. She glances at Mr Bates and she can see he looks as confused as she is.

They reach their destination, the Crawley house and meet with Mr Molesley who takes them up to Mr Crawley's room telling them all about Mr Crawley.

"He chooses his clothes himself. He puts them out at night and hangs the ones he's worn. I get to take the linen down to the laundry, but that's about all." Mr Molesley tells them.

"That's all?" Mr Bates asks in surprise.

""I'll do this," he says. "I'll take the other. I'll tie that." I'm just stood there like a chump, watching a man get dressed. To be honest, Mr Bates, Emma, I don't see the point of it." Emma frowns at the lack of validity Mr Molesley seems to be getting.

"Cheer up." She speaks. "I'm sure he's just getting used to it all. He's never had someone there to help him before. Maybe it will change."

Mr Molesley does not look hopeful.

——

That night Emma walks into the room she shares with Gemma to see her settling into bed placing some letters to the side. Emma walks over to blow out the candles on the dresser.

"It is funny, you know," Gemma says.

"What?"

"How when you arrived it was like you were unused to lighting candles. It seemed like you did not do it often before you came here." Gemma remarks.

Emma shifts uncomfortably. Little does Gemma know that she's more used to electricity lighting up rooms and not candles.

Emma quickly changes the subject. "You will never guess what Thomas heard in the Library today." She tells Gemma as she walks over to her bed and gets under the covers.

"What?" Gemma asks with a small smile on her face.

"He heard the Dowager when she was coming in from the garden with Lord Grantham. Seems they want to get her with Mr Crawley. Lady Mary is going to love that." Emma smirks at the thought.

"Well, they don't want to give it all to a stranger. And she was going to marry Mr Patrick to keep it." Gemma muses.

"Would she? She never seemed interested in him. Only liked the idea of being countess and having one over Lady Edith." Emma turns away to blow out the last candle before lying down to sleep.

——

"I'm sorry, but I have standards." Miss O'Brien declares as Anna enters and sits down next to Mr Bates who is on Emma's right.

"I've just seen something ever so odd," Anna whispers so that only the three of them hear.

"What?" Mr Bates whispers back.

Before she can answer, Miss O'Brien's rant increases in volume. "And if anyone thinks I'm going to pull my forelock and curtsy to this..." Emma sees over her shoulder Lady Grantham appears. "...Mr Nobody from Nowhere—"

"O'Brien." Lady Grantham interrupts, causing the rant to stop and all of them to stand.

"Were you discussing Mr Crawley?" Lady Grantham asks.

"Yes, Milady." Miss O'Brien says quieter than before but not backing down.

"Is it your place to do so?"

"I've got my opinions, Milady, same as anybody." Miss O'Brien defends.

Mrs Hughes enters. "Can I help Your Ladyship?"

"This is the button we're missing from my new evening coat, I found it lying on the gravel," she gives it to Mrs Hughes, "but I was shocked at the talk I heard as I came in. Mr Crawley is His Lordship's cousin and heir. You will, therefore, please accord him the respect he's entitled to."

"But you don't like him yourself, Milady. You never wanted him to—" Miss O'Brien tries.

The Countess of Grantham is not listening. "You're sailing perilously close to the wind, O'Brien. If we're to be friends, you will not speak in that way again about the Crawleys or any member of Lord Grantham's family. Now, I'm going up to rest. Wake me at the dressing gong." She leaves and they sit back down.

"I don't think that's fair. Not here in the Servants' Hall." Thomas says from the bottom of the table.

"I agree. If she was a real lady, she wouldn't have come down here. She'd have rung for me and given me the button, that's all." Miss O'Brien utters.

"You are just annoyed she caught you," Emma says. Miss O'Brien gives her a look.

Thomas continues. "This isn't their territory; we can say what we like down here."

"Who says?" Mrs Hughes sternly questions.

"The law. And parliament. There is such a thing as free speech." Heard enough of those last two words back in her own time from idiots.

"Not when I'm in charge! Don't push your luck, Thomas. Now, tea's over. Back to work. You'd better take this." Mrs Hughes hands Miss O'Brien Lady Grantham's coat button. Everyone begins tidying away what they were doing and getting up to get back to work.

""Friends." Who does she think she's fooling? We're not friends." Miss O'Brien mutters.

"No?" Anna questions.

"No. And neither you nor Emma are friends with the girls, either. We're servants, you and me," Miss O'Brien stands, "and they pay us to do as we're told, that's all."

——

Anna and Emma often take turns doing the different activities to help the girls get dressed for dinner. Tonight, Anna is tidying away their things and Emma does Lady Mary's hair as she is once again the last one to be finished.

"Why are you so against him?" Lady Sybil asks, standing next to them fiddling with her gloves as Emma puts the finishing touches to her sister's hair. Emma is quite proud of herself for how good it looked. Learning how to do these specific styles was difficult when she first turned up here and led to a lot of fiddling with Anna and Gemma's own hair for practice.

"Aside from the fact he's planning to steal our inheritance?" Lady Mary alleges.

"Your inheritance." Lady Edith points out from her seat on the bed. "It makes no difference to Sybil and me. We won't inherit, whatever happens."

"He isn't one of us." Lady Mary declares. She was clearly trying to find any excuse why the man is not fit to inherit plus she's a snob.

"Cousin Freddy's studying for the bar, and so is Vivian McDonald." Lady Sybil says as she moves to sit down in a chair.

"At Lincoln's Inn. Not sitting at a dirty little desk in Ripon. Besides, his father was a doctor." Lady Mary says with disdain. Emma moves away from Lady Mary and joins Anna in picking up the last of the things around the room.

"There's nothing wrong with doctors. We all need doctors." Lady Sybil tells her. Emma spots Lady Edith going through letters that were likely to Lady Mary.

"We all need crossing sweepers and draymen, too, it doesn't mean we have to dine with them." Lady Sybil huffs in disbelief at that as Anna opens the door to reveal Lady Grantham.

"Whom don't we have to dine with?" She chirps. Anna and Emma step out of the room.

They hear Lady Edith's remark of "Mary doesn't care for Cousin Matthew", as they close the door.

As they walk to the servants' door on the floor, Emma turns when hearing the door open again and sees Ladies Edith and Sybil leaving the room.

She nudges Anna's side. "Looks like Lady Mary is getting her surprise then. Her Ladyship seems to have managed to get her on her own."

"She won't be happy with it," Anna replies. Poor Mr Crawley he's in for a grumpy Lady Mary tonight.

——

Later that evening a bunch of them were shockingly sitting in the Servants' Hall. Emma sits with Gemma and another maid, Anne, sewing this and that. The Hall is full of music as William plays the piano.

"I wish I could dance like that." Daisy wonders from her seat next to Thomas.

"Like what?" He asks.

Daisy holds up a book with, Emma could only guess, some dance steps mapped out.

"Don't you know the grizzly bear?" Thomas asks as Daisy moves it for the rest of them to see.

Mr Bates chuckles. "The grizzly bear. As if you do." Anna has a wide smile on her face and by this point, William has stopped playing.

"Certainly, I do. Miss O'Brien, shall we show them?" Thomas asks stubbing out his cigarette in the tray and getting up.

"Not likely." Miss O'Brien remarks from the corner. Anna and Mr Bates laugh while Gemma and Emma look at each other quietly chuckling.

"William, give us a tune. Come on, Daisy." Thomas says, grabbing the girl's hand and dragging her up.

"Go on," Anna encourages.

"Hands up." Thomas puts his hands up into claws and growls and the rest of them laugh and clap as he begins to pull Daisy around. Even Miss O'Brien has a small smile on her face.

After a short while, Mrs Patmore comes in, wiping her brow. "Daisy. Daisy!" The music and merriment stop. "Stop that silly nonsense before you put your joints out. See to the range and go to bed."

Daisy turns to Thomas in awe. "Thank you, that was beautiful." They clap and Thomas bows as Daisy leaves.

Emma hopes no one would notice her smile dipping.

——

Not long after she slips away to her room hoping it was unnoticed. Emma needs to be on her own for a moment. All that happiness and togetherness reminds her of her family, the times she would spend with her siblings when they were kids. And now knowing she will never see them again.

Emma's sniffles begin to turn into snobs when she hears a knock at the door. She stands and goes to the door thinking it is probably Gwen, Gemma or Anna, maybe even Mrs Hughes. It is none of them on the other side but Thomas. Emma simply blinks at him and she can tell that he can see that she's been crying.

"Um..." He shifts a bit looking back into the corridor. "Can I come in? I'm not exactly supposed to be on this side remember?"

That snapped Emma out of her surprise and she lets him into the room.

"I noticed you were upset. What happened?"

"What was going on downstairs reminded me of my family. We used to dance about in our Kitchen, you know." She tells him sniffling.

"Thought you did not remember anything." He says smirking. Thomas is the only one who knows about her remembering her family, but she's never told him about her coming from the future to just simply avoid lots of questions. He accepts that she doesn't want to tell him everything.

"Ssh." She says smiling more now as she shoves his shoulder. "I take it that dinner was a match made in hell?"

He laughs. "I don't think there will be any match between Lady Mary and Mr Crawley happening any time soon by how she treated him at dinner."

Emma laughs. "Not surprised considering the way she talked about him before dinner then what her mother likely said to her about maybe marrying him."

They quietened then. "Thank you, Thomas. You should probably go though. Don't want to face Mrs Hughes' wrath too soon after the last time."

He nods patting her arm before slipping through the door.

——

Listen to her thinking the only exciting thing next would be some travelling salesman setting up at the pub for an afternoon when actually the more exciting bit was seeing the Dowager being put in her place. Mrs Crawley has been placed by Lord Grantham as chairman of the Hospital Board after fighting for a new treatment that saved the life of one of Lord Grantham's tenants despite the Dowager's fight to stop it. This new role meant that the president of said board, the Dowager, will have to listen to her and she'll no longer have absolute rule. So, suffice to say some of us were gleeful.

Pretty much all of them from downstairs are going to the ceremony at the Hospital. Really Emma just wants to, in Mrs Hughes' words, see the old bat's face when they announce it.

When the ceremony arrived, everyone, who was sitting down in the audience, all rise when Dr Clarkson entered with the Dowager and Mrs Crawley, then sit when the ladies do.

Dr Clarkson speaks, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this happy event: the investiture of our first chairwoman, Mrs Reginald Crawley, who has graciously agreed to share the duties of our beloved president, the Dowager Countess of Grantham." The Dowager is clearly not pleased by the power play. "Our little Hospital must surely grow and thrive with two such doughty champions united as they are by the strongest ties of all, family and friendship."

Everyone in the room could feel the heavy irony.

——

A/N: Thank you to @Glassesgirl24 on Wattpad for inspiration for the Thomas and Emma scene as well as your lovely comments.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

[favoredcircle]

My Thoughts & Theories on The Fnaf Movie

((Spoilers ahead)) (Also it’s a long post)

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My Thoughts:

To kick this post off, I LOVED the Fnaf movie! Seeing it after 8 years of waiting with bated breath was an experience. I watched it when it released on Peacock, but a part of me wishes I could’ve watched it in theaters instead just so I can be surrounded by other Fnaf fans and hear the reactions of the crowd.

I was pleasantly surprised with how the movie handled Mike Schmidt. To take a character who was just a name on a paycheck and possibly an alias of Micheal Afton, and turn him into a fully fleshed out character with his own character arc was fascinating. Blumhouse and Scott Cawthon could’ve easily written him as Micheal Afton, but they took a different route and took an extra mile to create the Mike Schmidt we see in the movie. Gotta say, I respect the decision. (Although they could easily change this in the next two movies, but I digress)

The movie’s take on Vanessa also took me by surprise. When the cast list revealed the police woman in the first trailer was Vanessa, this caught my attention. I wondered why Blumhouse and Scott would include a character from the Fnaf games much later in the timeline, even assuming she’d be revealed to be a second killer similar to her role in Security Breach. But once the movie came out, I was caught off guard when it reveal Vanessa to be William Afton’s daughter. The movie did a well enough job foreshadowing this with Vanessa having extensive knowledge of both Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza and the spring lock suits, but didn’t reveal enough to give away the twist.

Now to bring up the Man Behind the Slaughter himself: William Afton. While everyone saw the twist that Steve Raglin was William in disguise from a mile away, it hardly detracted from the inevitable reveal at the climax of the movie. While brief, you could feel Afton’s presence throughout the movie. With the hints, the drawings, and the opening of the movie showing off how Afton did his heinous deed in an 8-bit style reminiscent of the many different mini games all over the series. The scenes William is in kept my eyes glued to the screen. His demeanor and actions were disturbing and unpredictable. An example would be when Vanessa showed Mike the photo of her and William. Seeing that he gave Vanessa a toy from one of his victims goes to show how deplorable of a human being Afton truly is. The amount of joy I felt when I saw the spring lock scene is indescribable. While it wasn’t as brutal as Fnaf 3’s version, it was still satisfying to watch this monster who took the lives of innocent children finally getting exactly what he deserves. It’s a treat for any Fnaf fan.

Now while I enjoy it, I wouldn’t say it was flawless. There were a few questions I had about the plot of the movie, leaving me wanting more in both a good way and a bad way.

As an example: Why did William take Garret? We can easily see that the kidnapping was out of state, taking place in Nebraska. It may be possible they are saving the answer for the sequels and keeping as talking until the 2nd movie releases.

Another example would be the climax of the film. Certain parts of it felt a bit rushed in my opinion. Using taser to take down the animatronic makes sense, but it feels a little boring. One shot and they go down. If I were to change it, I’d recommend the animatronics to be more resistant with Mike, Abby, and Vanessa being forced to go on the defense in the office. It would be a cool callback to the games, every move they’d make would need to count. Something fast paced and hectic like most later nights in the Fnaf series. Although, that’s just what I’d recommend. Someone else can think of something better than what I came up with.

Now this last one isn’t too big of a deal, but still I felt like bringing it up. I wished we saw more of William Afton in person, or in other words, have Mathew Liland get more senses as Afton.

Those are the big three things. The rest are just nitpicks that aren’t worth mentioning.

My Theories:

I do have a theory about the movie, but it’s nothing too crazy. While watching the movie, there was something people kept repeatedly saying about the movie, but the movie itself kept tap dancing around it, never truly confirming or denying. That is: William’s ownership of Freddy’s. It obviously make sense for him to be the owner with the line about the owner being a sentimental guy and him keeping the place around to conceal his crimes. However, I don’t believe William is the owner. Post MCI it works, but pre MCI doesn’t. Why throw away your entire business to kill five children? You could simply say that he’s a serial killer and he does this whenever he wants, but I have another question. If William has such an affinity for Spring Bonnie, a yellow rabbit, why make the main mascot of the restaurant a brown bear? He has complete creative control. Why do this? The movie never outright says that William is the owner. I believe this is due to the movie not wanting to commit to it, potentially if they want to give a different candidate for the owner of Freddy’s in the second or third movie. But we’ll have to wait and see next year or possibly 2025 until we get a definitive answer. I may expand on this theory in a later post.

Second/last theory. Garret will most likely be the Marionette in the next movie. At the end of the credits, we heard a music box playing My Grandfather’s Clock followed by the a voice spelling out COME FIND ME. Both are clear references to Fnaf 2. The song referring to the Marionette and the voice to the death mini games in Fnaf 2 which the Marionette appears in 3 out of the 4. The reason I believe the Marionette is Garret and not Charlotte is due to the absence of both her and Henry, but that could easily change in the next movie. Garret would be the most likely candidate to give the message as he would want to contact Mike.

And that’s it. Those are everything I have to say about the movie for now. I’ll most likely talk about the Silver Eyes Trilogy in the next post since I’ve recently been reading through it again. That, or I’ll make another post about the Fnaf movie.

Thanks for reading this long post.

[allies-prompt-home]

2 - Bates

4 - Daisy

11 - Bates

18 - Anna

31 - ?

39 - Bates (after Anna gose out with the young lady’s in London)

45 - Mathew

Random Prompt List

Five days before the end of NANOWRIMO I decided to start a random prompt list. I figured if I did ten a day, I would have fifty when I was done and I could post them for people to use as they saw fit - inspiration, challenges to friends, text on memes….whatever.

I was 100% successful except for the part where I forgot to post then when I was finished. Oops. Rectifying that now! Now, clearly these are rather Downton Abbey themed, but most of them are vague enough to apply to any fandom you like and even where there are names, those can be swapped out, so if you feel something you like for, say, Star Trek or something, don’t feel like it’s off limits. Go for it. If people are having fun, success has been had.

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1. “If Mrs. Patmore murders you, I’m telling the jury it was suicide.”

2. “Let the numbers be off! I’m not sitting at the same table as that man!”

3. “Oh bother.”

4. “Downton’s been a convalescence home and a movie studio. Why not this?”

5. “Where are we going to get a spare butler at this time of night?”

6. “There’s not enough wine in the wine cellar for this.”

7. “For the last time, put that back where you found it.”

8. “Just don’t tell the police. Or Carson.”

9. “There is a God!”

10. “Help me with this and you can keep your job.”

11. “I’d bet a year’s wages it was Lady Mary.”

12. “Don’t you dare try to blame this on the dog!”

13. “Just think, we’re getting paid to do this.”

14. “Well, this situation calls for tea. And possibly a bludgeoning instrument of some sort.”

15. “That’s a grand idea. Why don’t we simply teach the dog to carry a tray?”

16. “Did she give in gracefully, or do you need help burying the body?”

17. “Just imagine if we were American and buying nine Worth dresses per season.”

18. “It could be worse, just don’t ask me how.”

19. “Are you certain this is a good idea?”

20. “How many bets Mrs. Patmore quits over this one?”

21. “What sort of mad suggestion are you going to make next? We get a cat?”

22. “Reading? Heavens, don’t hurt yourself.”

23. “You’ve not touched your food. Are you dying?”

24. “Try the blue one instead.”

25. “That’s hideous. Buy it.”

26. “I hate arm garters. Why can’t they just make shirts that fit?”

27. “Knife? Oh no, I slipped and cut myself on a collar.”

28. “I’m not shaving in the dark, I’d be lucky if I slit my throat!”

29. “Oh, well, thank you Sweeny Todd.”

30. “As if you’d survive reading anything less than Milton. A penny dreadful would finish you off!”

31. “You weren’t a son either, so we’re both failures.”

32. “Oh dear, my actions had consequences. Blub blub.”

33. “What’s it like to have parents who care about you?”

34. “You want it so badly? Here. Enjoy.”

35. “What do you mean she’s run away to join the circus?”

36. “Well the surprise worked…”

37. “You’re lucky I love you.”

38. “That is not where that goes!”

39. “Dare I ask what happened to your dress?”

40. “Oh don’t do that, it would make a mess of the roses.”

41. “Dukes don’t just vanish, unfortunately.”

42. “I’m not paid enough to care about that.”

43. “Now that the wireless is catching on, you should try and do something in that field. You have the face for it.”

44. “Are you going to sell me into slavery if I ask for more?”

45. “If you want me to love you more then stop screaming when I have a headache.”

46. “Oh don’t do that! You’ll hurt yourself.”

47. “Oh go for it, I won’t tattle.”

48. “I was just committing the unholy sin of enjoying life for a few seconds.”

49. “Would it kill you to smile? Wait, never mind, of course it would.”

50. “Does anyone in this house happen to have some spare sanity?”

[angel-princess-anna]

100 Random Things I Love About Anna and Bates in Random Order  

↳ Their compassion and helping others ❤️💕

[brokehorrorfan]

Terror Threads has released three new The Return of the Living Dead T-shirts ($30). One design is also available on long-sleeve shirts ($40; pictured below).

[izzyscornerstuff]

Fanfic Covers I’ve made 😊

No I don’t write fanfics at least for public but These

are pretty good anyone can use them just credit me

if you use them for your Fanfics Imagines or even

Smuts ☺️☺️

[jenna-ortega]

Happy Halloween!

[sweetlittlegingy]

Better Man

✦Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Better Man Universe

✦Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Single!Mother

✦Word Count: 6.7K

✦Warnings: Fluff, Angst, mentions of SA (previous relationship), self-hate, shitty schools, bullying, possible thoughts of suicide (on explicitly stated). Please let me know if I missed something.

✦A/n: Repost, the original is no longer showing up for me. I’m not sure what happened, if your seeing double I apologize.

✦Library (Follow for updates! I no longer have a taglist.)

The incessant buzzing coming from your pocket continues, as you listen to Admiral Simpson and Admiral Bates go over mission plans. Attentively listening and marking down any changes that need to be made to the paperwork.

As the admirals Administrative Service Manager, you held the responsibility of keeping all things “Top Gun” in order: including incoming pilots, flight schedules, and the newly permanent Dagger Squadron.

You subduedly shift silencing the buzzing, again focusing on Cyclone and Warlock.

“I want a new set of recruits coming in, with Maverick training them.” Cyclone gives you a pointed look. “I want him to be on board by the end of the week. You both, can go over applicates and find those best fitted.”

You silently nodded, jotting down that you need to draft a letter for Mav and get it to him before Wednesday. 

 “With the success of the Uranium Mission, DC is going to want to see what else the Dagger Squadron can do. I want them flying new drills and layouts every day. Draft up a few different sets of flight plans, get them on my desk by Wednesday morning.”

“Of course, sir. Two days will be more than enough time to draft up three or four, and I will have a handful more done by next Monday.” You trail off as your phone starts buzzing again.

Pausing to grab it while Cyclone and Warlock keep chatting, you realize that it’s Mathews school calling. Raising your hand in a silent gesture, you glance up and ask if you can be excused for a moment. To which Cyclone nods, signaling to the hallway.

Rising up, you not so slowly, make your way to the door and press answer. Miss Clarks voice rings through your phone, telling you once again that Mathew has been called to the office.

“Miss Benjamin, you need to come in. Principle Davis wants to talk to you immediately. Mathew is fine, though he has been placed in the corner and will not be allowed recess time.” She mutters harshly.

You slowly shake your head and lean up against the wall, “What happened?” you question. Waiting for a response that doesn’t come. “I know that Mathew is not the only child at fault here. So, I’m going to ask again, what happened?”

You know that your sweet Mathew would never hurt someone without probably cause, and even then, it’s unlikely. Though this is the first call you’ve received from the school, you’ve been in three other times for words with the principal. Discussing another upper-class student that had been picking on Mathew.

The same excuse being thrown in your face that, none of the teachers saw the bullying and that Mathew was lying. Though the last time, Mathew told you that the other boy had pushed him and scrapped his knees. Markings on his knees, you saw during bath time, that night confirmed that he had been pushed.

Each visit you had, the school ignored you and claimed you to be an overprotective mother.

“Mathew hit another boy, Miss Benjamin.”

The statement shocks you at first, but then you question why Mathew hit him.

“Well Mathew says that he was hit first, but no one saw it.”

“You’re telling me, that my son was hit, then defended himself, and you didn’t think to lead the conversation with that information.”

Pushing off the wall you start to make your way to your office. “I will be there in 20 minutes.” Grabbing your purse, leaving the paperwork knowing that you will be coming back to the office enviably.

“Also, Miss Clark,” your voice steadily rises. “Get my child out of the damn corner.” You all but yell before hanging up on the woman.

Stepping out of your office and running into Lt. Bradshaw, you bounce off him. He grabs your arms steadying you, as you apologize.

 “You okay there, Y/N” He questions quickly realizing how stressed you are.

You can feel the frustration seeping from your bones, tears lining your eyes. Working to steady your breathing, in any possible way to avoid crying.

A quick smile, that is in no way real, paints your lips, “Yes Bradley, I just need to go the Maty’s school.” Checking your purse, you make sure that you have your keys. “Can you do me a favor though?” Glancing up you see him intently listening, as if they would be orders from Commander Kazansky himself.

“I’m bringing Maty back here, I’ve got paperwork to finish, but I need someone to watch the munchkin.”

You pick at your nails, hating that you would have to ask for help. Though Amelia is still in class and Penny was deep cleaning the Hard Deck, so you had no one to ask.

“I know you guys are probably really busy, but could he hang out with you and Jake for a bit. He loves Uncle Roos, and I think that after today, getting to see the planes would cheer him up.” You add quietly that you understand if not, that you would figure it out.

“Y/N/N of course, I’m always available to hang with the little man. I’m free for the rest of the day actual.” He looks down sheepishly, “I was coming to tell you that a few of the plane’s radars were messing up, and that we would be down for a couple days.”

Taking a deep breathe, adding one more thing to your to-do list. You know that plane electronics can’t be helped, and that it should be a relatively easy fix. It just feels like so much more, added to your near melting brain.

You tell him that you’ll handle it, while walking together towards Cyclones office. Stepping in to get the two admirals’ attention, you let them know that you are taking your lunch now and will be back before one. They assure you that you are fine and that they trust you to get your job done, without them hounding on you.

Going to leave, Bradley follows you out. You head for your car, while he heads towards the east hanger. Though before he gets too far you, call back to him.

“B… Don’t tell Jake I was crying. Please… I don’t want to bother him.” You hold your hand up, blocking the glare of the sun on your face. “It was silly of me to cry anyway.”

The look he gives you clearly shows that he wants to comment on you saying that your emotions are silly, but he just nods an okay.

“Thanks B.” Thankful that he understands, you turn as he waves goodbye. Climbing in your car, for the 15-minute drive to Mathew’s school that will inevitably end in tears and a migraine.

Pulling up to the school, you wipe at your eyes. Trying to get the redness to go away, or at least look like you haven’t spent the last 15 minutes anger crying. The puffiness of your cheeks is a dead given away that something is wrong, though you hope that its subtle enough that Mathew won’t notice.

Your sweet baby was the most empathic and observant child you had even seen. A blessing and a curse to you both. In one way he was kind and loving and yet in another, much less helpful way, he noticed when anything hurt or upset you. Slowly becoming the protector of his momma, and carrying a load on his shoulders far heavier than any five-year-old should.

He was the light of your life and the only good thing that your ex gave you. Though you’d taken to claiming that your ex had no part in making Mathew. He was too kind to have any part of your ex in his DNA.

You were just thankful that he was the spitting image of you, and hadn’t been around his “father” long enough to pick up any traits. With your Y/H/C and the exact shade of skin tone, there was no denying he was your mini-me.

His eyes though, oddly enough were the exact same shade of green as Jakes. Something that everyone in your life liked to point out. Often making comments, that if they hadn’t known you like they did, “They would assume that Jake was the father.”

A thought that you wished had been true. Jake was wonderful with Mathew, and an amazing role model for him. Though you had only been official together for five months, Jake was always working to show you how much you both meant to him.

That alone was a hard enough concept to understand, when the only relationship you’d ever been in was the complete opposite.

Your ex-Adam had ruined your views on relationships, the five years you were together were some of the hardest you’d ever been through. Finally getting out just before Mathew turned three.

Adam had gotten handsy with you in front of Mathew, had pushed you to your breaking point and left you on the floor like an empty husk.

You still hate yourself for that night, because of you Mathew was in therapy once a week with nightmares. Recounting memories, that a then 2-and-a-half-year-old, shouldn’t remember.

It was your biggest regret, letting him see everything that happened.

The experience wasn’t something you talked about, finding that therapy only made it worse. Pushing the memories away and burying it in a hidden chest, at the back of your mind.

Gathering your purse, you move to get out of the car.

When you notice a missed call and text from Jake, “Hey darlin’ missing you. Rooster said you were picking up Maty early, everything okay?”

You quickly type back, that you just got to the school and would text him when you were back on base. Adding that you missed him as well, which caused a small smile to cross your lips.

Walking into the front doors, you immediately head to the office. Giving yourself a mini pep-talk in preparation for Principal Davis, and his ever-sexist comments.

Your eyes immediately go to Miss. Clark, who wears the lowest cut shirt that you’ve ever seen in an elementary school. Her head pops up from typing, as she hears the low click of your heels on the tile.

Your gaze is cast upon her, one that should put her 6-feet under.

“Where is Mathew?” You question, a harsh bite in your tone.

To which she studders out that they placed him in an extra room and told him to stay. The action should surprise you, but you’ve learned that this school clearly has lower morals and standards.

You walk straight passed her desk, without another word and push into the extra room. If it could even be called that, only the size of a “oversized” closet at best. The temperature change doesn’t go unnoticed.

There you see Maty, head resting on a table, as tiny shudders rack through his body. Rushing to his side, you softly go to cradle his small body. Falling to the floor on your knees, as a soft Momma falls from his lips.

Gently “shh”ing and rocking his body back and forth, like you did when he was a baby.  As he quiets down you look into his tear-stained face, and your heart breaks a bit more.

“Sweet bubba, it’s okay. I got you, it’s okay.” His tears slowly turn into gentle whimpers.

Not wanting to upset him anymore, but knowing that you have to ask him questions before you see Davis.

“Darling, what happened? Are you hurt?” your eyes gently rank over his form, noticing how he hold his tummy.

“They belly flopped me momma.”

Your questioning gaze is enough that Mathew pulls up his shirt and you see a bright red mark across his belly. Anger seeps from you and your struggle to hid it behind a smile. Not wanting him to see how upset you are.

Rising up you grab his backpack and carry Mathew out into the main office.

Your voice snaps across the office, stilling Miss Clarks typing fingers.

“Miss Clark, I am going to be checking Mathew out. I am also going to have a few words with Principal Davis, and I suggest you take Mathew out into the hallway to look at the new mural being painted.” Your tone leaves no room for suggestion.

You set Maty down and give him a little wink, pushing him to hallway as Miss Clark follows. You turn sharply and stare straight at the closed door that hasn’t moved once since you’d arrived. Pacing to the door you knock and walk in without waiting for an answer. If he wants to lack human decency with your child, then you can do the same.

Your sudden entrance startles the middle-aged man, jolting him from his chair and the nap he seemed to be taking.

His lingering eyes rake up and down your form, as a sleazy smile forms on his face. The look makes you shudder, awaking distant memories and feelings.

He gets up to make a move for you, “Miss Benjamin, I’m glad you could make it. Please sit.”

You state that you’d rather stand, though he doesn’t listen and makes a motion for you. His hand moves to your lower back, in an unwelcomed gesture. Brushing his hand off, you glare at the hand.

“You see Miss Benjamin, Mathew is a troubled boy and needs handled.”

The word “handled” makes your skin crawl as you listen.

“He doesn’t listen and clearly has no male role model, from the ringless finger I can see.” You bite your tongue as he moves to sit on his desk, directly in front of you.

“Now I think that we,” he motions to the both of you, “can work on this. Fix his attitude and make him into a child, someone would actually want. One that not picking fights for attention, especially ones with older children he can’t beat.” He finishes with a chuckle.

The steam must be rising from you, the anger that is completely incasing your body feels like you might set the whole world on fire.

As you rise from your chair, words laced with venom drip from your tongue ready to kill, meteorically and literally.

“You have no right to comment on my child and how he is raised. I think it best if you step off your damn high horse, before I knock you off it.” Your finger jabs at his chest. “You should be damn happy I’m not reporting you to the school board, for neglect and harassment.”

You stand up, ready to be out of his presence.

“Mathew will be pulled from the school; I’m absolutely done with you and everyone in this school.” Pulling the door open you look back at him, “If anything comes from the assault done to my son’s stomach, whether it be lasting pain or marks….. I will, fucking ruin you.”

With that you leave, shaking at the audacity of the man. How he touched you, insinuated that Mathew needed fixed, and most of all the absolute lack of care, that he should have had for both children in the situation.

The other child that Mathew hit was nowhere in sight and clearly didn’t get in trouble. You know that hitting isn’t the answer, but Mathew was defending himself against a bigger child. This whole situation was handled poorly, as it has been every other time you’ve came in for bullying. This was the final straw and you’re done.

You gasp as you make your way to grab Mathew from Miss Clark, barely able to keep the tears at bay. Gently buckling Maty up into his car seat, you place a kiss on his forehead as he wipes a tear from your cheek.

“Don’t be sad momma.”

You mutter an I love you and climb back into your seat, ready to never see that school again.

Your tears don’t go unnoticed by the three men as you pull back up to your office. Jake, Robert, and Bradley all exchange looks as you park and get out of the car. You avoid their gazes as you get Mathew out of the car.

“Uncle Roo, can we look at the planes?” Mathew yells to the men as he notices them, a massive smile forming, and his horrible day forgotten.

“Yeah buddy, all the planes. Bob even said he’d let you be Nat’s new WSO.” Bradley laughs and then gives a knowing look to Jake.

“Your Momma and Jake are gonna go pack up her work for the day, then get you a bag ready to have a sleep over with me.”

You go to comment, but Jake steps forward. Wrapping his arm around your waist, “Cyclone already knows darlin’. You and me are gonna work on flight plans at home, then have a nice relaxing night.” He finishes with a loving kiss on your cheek, that you can’t help but to lean into.

Your body relaxes in his embrace, dropping your shoulders you lean father into his touch. Craving it like a warm blanket, that you unwillingly want to admit, you need.

Mathew is bouncing at the thought of a sleepover and asks Bob if he is coming too, to which he replies of course. The trio goes to turn away, though not before Maty comes rushes back, giving you and Jake hugs.

“Love you momma. Love you Jake.” He says it so childlike that you can’t help, and be a tad envious. Jake quickly lifts Mathew and gives him tickle, telling him to listen to his uncles. Before setting him down and brushing a kiss onto the top of his head.

“I love you too, buddy.”

You watch as Maty walks off, relaxing knowing that he is feeling better and knowing that if he showed the slightest sign of discomfort Bradley would call. You rest your head gently against Jake’s chest, taking a few deep breathes and silently hold yourself together.

His arm slips from your waist, up to cradle the side of your face making you look into his eyes. A green so deep that you could get lost in, if you only let yourself.

“Darlin’”

You quietly shake your head in protest, knowing that it he asks you might break down.

The tears built around the edge of your eyes, and you quickly cast your face down. Unwilling to let him see you break.

 To be another hassle in his life.

A mess, that he would realize wasn’t worth the work.

Though he gently kisses your forehead, letting you be for now and pulls you towards the building.

Hands clasped tightly together, like he’s afraid to lose you through the cracks within your broken heart.

Jake stays by your side as you make your way through the building and to your office. Only letting go of your hand, so that you can grab your laptop and paperwork. You slowly pack everything that you need into a tote, your movements lagging.

Feeling completely drained and over the day. You can feel yourself pulling back into a shell, unsure how to function with another person right now.

You weren’t used to people helping when you had a hard day, or break down. Only that you weren’t supposed to show your emotions, because if you did it would end so much worse.

A screaming match, about how inconsiderate it was that you let your mood seep into other people’s lives. That if you could just fucking smile for once, then maybe people would like you.

The thought makes you look to Jake and give him a fake smile, in hopes that he doesn’t realize how much it hurts.

He notices but doesn’t say anything. Just gives you a reassuring kiss on the cheek and takes the tote from you, to carry out to the car.

“Where are your keys darlin’?”

He questions, replying before you can protest.

“I want to drive sweets, okay. I want to take care of you.”

Worry clouds your brain, but you’re too tired to make a fuss.

“Thank you” you say as you place them in his out reached hand.

“Always baby.” He states it so matter a factly that your heart flutters. The wink that follows, makes it skip a beat.

The drive home is fast, your wandering mind lost in thought. Jakes hand rests steady against your thigh, a gently rubbing motion to sooth you.

Walking up into your quaint little beach house, the final bit of anxiety leaves your body. Finding comfort in being home, in your safe space. Jake silently follows you up the steps and locks the door once you’re both inside.

Your body’s frozen; you stand quietly in the hallway, unsure of what to do. Jakes comes up to rest behind you, carefully wrapping you in his arms. Afraid that the slightest touch will send you spiraling.

“Why don’t you go take a nice shower sweets? Relax, decompress and I will make you some tea for after your done.”

You squeeze his hands in a silent thank you and head to the bathroom.

Your face looks tired and broken, and as you stare at your reflection, those tears that you worked so hard to hold in fall. You switch on the shower, to silence the sobs that are wreaking havoc upon your mind and body.

You shed your clothes and step into the burning water, in hopes to erase the feeling of Davis’ hands on you.

Memories of past and present blend together, making it difficult to ground yourself, to know that you’re safe.

Davis’ hand, becomes HIS hands on you. A ringing in your ears echoes a distant memory of the screams that were ripped from your body.

The incident today, shattered your tough girl façade. The box that you worked so hard to bury, ripped up, meant to consume everything in its path.

Both of their hand blending into one, pushing on the small of your back.

Down farther, suffocating and screaming out at the same time.

Your back crashes against the tile walls, as you slip to the floor. Memories flashing through your mind; the way you yelled stop and how you begged Maty to look away. His sweet baby eyes, watching as you were ripped apart.

You should have worked harder to make him stop.

To make sure Mathew couldn’t see or hear.

But you didn’t.

You failed him in that moment

And you hate yourself for it.

A sudden slam jolts you from your thoughts, and a worried Jake is standing there. Infront of the broken in door, chest heaving and wild-eyed. He falls to his knees as a broken sob, escapes your lips.

Climbing into the shower, fully clothed, to hold on to your trembling body. It’s only then that you notice the water is freezing and that you must have lost track of time.

He mutters sweet nothings into your ear, softly creasing your back. He shifts your body momentarily way from his chest, to turn of the stream of cold water. Shifting back, you clutch onto his shirt. Clinging to the warmth that radiates off him, and the feeling of safety that you can always find in his embrace.

Breathing in the familiar smell of jet fuel mixed with sandalwood and black pepper, your mind fights to regain clarity. That you are home, safe in Jakes arms.

Not caring what horrible outcome awaits you once you explain your panic attack.

Once he finally realizes out how damaged you are.

You won’t blame him, if you could get away from yourself you’d run too.

Though, for this moment you need him. To be able to savor this moment and memorize it for once you’ve lost it. Tuck it away deep within your soul, a memory that a one point he loved you.

He’s never said it, but you’d like to think that he does. At least loves the version of you that is still nice and shiny. He couldn’t ever love the one that’s real, broken, and damaged beyond repair. How could anyone love something so pitiful.

Pulling back, the words fall from your mouth before you can even think to stop them.

The harsh truth.

“I wasn’t enough Jake.” A gasp falls from your mouth, more tears crash down your face.

“I should have tried harder. To stop Adam. To protect Maty. To make the school listen.” Your head shakes in silent disappointment in yourself.

“I could have been better, for Maty, for you.”

“But I failed, and I’m just so tired of trying.”

Your head lays resting against Jake’s chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart. Trying to slow your gasping breaths. His hand rests on the back of your head, gently rocking the both of you.

“I’m so tired of doing it alone.” You pull away from him, to look in his eyes as you lay the truth of your relationship out.

“But it’s not your job and I can’t push that on you. You shouldn’t have to come in and take care of a child that isn’t yours.”

You can see Jake silently shaking his head, as tears start to fall from his eyes.

“I’m just so angry. At how broken and lonely I feel. How I’ve pushed you away, because I’m scared of losing you.” Words continue to fall from your lips, until Jake gentle grabs your face.

He takes a shuddered breath in, his voice cracking slightly.

“Y/F/N look at me.”

Your tear-stained eye stare at each other, a plea asking you to listen.

The hand cradling your face, settles your trembling lip. His other hand comes up to push your soaked hair out of your face. His body heat warms you, and his eyes show nothing but pure love and heartbreak. Like seeing you in so much pain is slowly breaking his heart too.

Your heart aches as you see the tears streaming down his face, gently you reach a shaking hand up to cup his cheek. His hand rises to cradle the one covering his cheek, both your foreheads fall together.

“Darlin’ let me make one thing clear, you and Mathew are the best damn thing that has ever happen to me. From the moment I met you, before we ever got together, I knew I wanted you.”

His words sound foreign to your ears, and you mind sits telling you that he’s lying. But his eyes, the green that you’re in love with, they hold such truth, and you chose to believe he’s not lying.

“Come on, let get you dressed, and we can talk.” He stands with ease, carrying your form as if you were as light as air. “I think we’re both gonna need that cup of tea to warm up. Unless you wanna share body heat, sweets.”

He gives you a wink and you can’t stop the girlish giggles that abrupt from you. The way that he can brighten your mood with the smallest gestures, still amazes you.

“There’s my girl.”

Dressed in fuzzy socks and one of Jake’s old navy shirts, you curl up on the couch as Jake reheats the water for your tea. He comes around the corner moments later with two cups of tea; chamomile for you, his momma always told him it was calming, and peppermint for him.

It reminded him of Christmas, the one-time when everyone in his family got along. The yearly tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve at mid-night, then having a family dinner Christmas night. A joyous atmosphere filled the house, as his mother baked and sisters hand pick which Christmas records to play.

It was a tradition that he hoped to start with you and Mathew, creating your own rendition of the family Christmas.

The sweatpants hang low on his hips, your eyes roam over his torso slowly. Taking in each hard line and the tan skin, your eyes slowly make it up to his face and a cocky smile rests on his lips.

“Like what you see darlin’”

A blush covers your cheeks as you realize that you’ve been caught, once again.

“You’re just so pretty.” You reply, a matching blush covers his cheeks. Happy that you got the desired reaction out of him.

He settles into the seat beside you, handing you your tea, and brushing a gentle kiss against your brow. He pulls your covered feet to rest in his lap and covers you both up with a blanket.

He gently strokes your calf and takes a sip of tea, before asking you what happened today.

So, you start for the beginning. Telling him about your meeting this morning and how the school called. Relaying to him that they put Mathew in a freezing room and how he was just defending himself.

“It was that 2nd grader, Jake. The one that’s been picking on him, Thomas, Timmy…”

“Toby, Darlin’” Jake answers for you, causing your head to snap up in silent questioning.

“Maty, he brought him up to me the other day. I didn’t mention it, well because” he rubs the back of his neck and looks down sheepishly. “I may have told him… that if Toby touched him, they he was allowed to defend himself.”

A smile graces your face, realizing how much he carries about Mathew.

“Then I showed him how to throw a punch.”

With that a full laugh falls from your lips, surprising Jake completely. He was prepared to get his butt chewed, but here you are in a fit of laughter.

“I’m sorry..” You struggle to catch your breath. “It’s just, I’ve been wanting to knock that second grader on his ass sense he pushed Maty.”

Jake releases a blusterous laugh, shaking his head, and a teasing smile directed at you.

You sink farther into the couch and talk a large sip of your tea. Your body finally relaxing, causing your shoulders to drop and your legs to stretch farther into Jakes lap.

You continue on, telling him how Miss Clark wasn’t helpful and how your pretty positive the Principal Davis was sleeping before you barged into his office.

The pause you take to collect your thoughts and calm your racing mind, doesn’t go unnoticed. Though Jake patiently waits, giving you time, and when you’ve taken a few deep breaths Jake motions you to go on.

Blowing out a puff of air, you calm the rage that slowly rises in you from thinking about Principal Davis.

“He’s just horrible Jake. Every time I’ve came to him about Toby or the other boys, he called me overprotective, and said that Mathew is the child at fault.”

His hand remains on your calf, rubbing. You’re not sure if it’s to sooth you or him.

“Then he stood there and implied that he and I could “work together”” you motion quotations with your hands, “to fix the problem. That he clearly didn’t have a male role model, and my ringless finger was the proving point.”

His hand only stops for a moment when you say ringless, but it’s long enough that you notice his pause.  

“The man is so damn aggravating.”

You blow out a breath of air, moving the now partially dry hair that fell across your face. Jake reaches up and moves the strand behind your ear, his hand then falling to cress your cheek before you continue.

“He’s got entitlement issues and has no respect for personal space.” The words rush out of your mouth, before you realize how they might affect Jake.

“The way his hands felt… God, they just made my skin crawl. It was just too much.”

His hand stills on your leg completely and you can feel his body transform; from your soft and gentle Jake to Hangman, the man that had look death in the eyes and laughed.

You look up and his face is void of all emotions, but anger.

“Darlin’ I need you to be very clear with me.” his voice is laced with such venom, that you would be terrified of him, if you couldn’t still see the gentleness in his eyes.

“Are you telling me that Davis touched you?”

You nod, ashamed of the action “He only touched my lower back, and I shouldn’t make it into such a big deal, but it just felt wrong.”

Jake stares back at you with a hardness you’ve never seen.

“Y/N no one is ever, allowed to touch you without your permission. I don’t care what the circumstances are, or what you’ve been told in the past.” He blows out a shuddered breath.

“Baby I am not even allowed to touch you, without your permission.” Both his hands are now holding up your face, making sure you look at him. “Do you understand that?  

The tears that fill your eyes are answer enough.

He knew enough of your past, to know what little value you had for yourself.

Jake had woken up with Mathew on nights that he’d spent the night, the young boy crying out after a nightmare. In the beginning Jake just wanted to give you a break and let you sleep, but he soon realized that Maty needed the extra time with him as well. The little boy had opened up to Jake, telling him about his dreams and memories. Explaining that he couldn’t tell momma, because it made you cry.

Those nights lying awake with Mathew, while rubbing his back to sooth him and help him fall asleep, were some of Jakes most treasured moments. The need to take care Maty and be the stable father-figure in his life, continuously grew. To the point that Jake no longer saw a life without you and his little boy.

You didn’t have to explicitly tell Jake what you had went through, he knew enough and if you ever changed your mind, he would listen. Grateful that you wanted to share that part of you, but it wouldn’t be something he pushed.

No, he would just continuously keep working to show you your worth and how much he loved you. He hadn’t told you yet how much he loved you, to afraid to scare you off, but he knew that you were it for him the first time that he met you.

Papers strewn around the floor in your office, while you sat in the middle, contemplating different flight tracks and patterns. You hadn’t realized he’d come into your office, until he made a coughing sound to gain your attention.

You looked at him with such seriousness, mad at him for interrupting your work and when he asked you where the admiral was, you glanced at your watch before muttering “lunch” at him like he was a complete idiot.

He knew then that you were everything that he wanted; dedicated to your work, beautiful, and wouldn’t put up with his shit. Mathew was an added bonus, one that he wouldn’t change for all the money in the world.

“Darlin’, you and Mathew are the most precious and important people in my life. I will do anything and everything to make you realized how loved you are.”

You mouth dropped up, sitting in stunned silence.

“You love me? You love us?”

The look you give him, makes him chuckle and run a hand through his hair.

“Sweets you are one of the smartest women that I’ve ever met, but how in the world have you not seen that I have been, head over heels in love with you, since the first time we met?” His Texas accent rings clear in your ear. Laying on heavy whenever he calls you sweets.

“Jake, the first time we met was three and a half years ago. When I first started working on base?” The questioning tone you reply with is clear as day.

“Yeah, I know.”

“We just started dating 10 months ago though?”

“Yeah, I spent a year and a half trying to take you out.”

A hand comes to rub at the back of his neck, as he looks away shyly in a way you’d never seen. Gone was your cocky, self-assured pilot, in his place, a boy that looked worried about getting the girl in high school.

“You know how much the guys made fun of me? Told me I was whipped, and I didn’t even have the girl yet.”

A blush covers your cheeks, as you realize just how oblivious you’d been. Though you can’t help but smile, your heart filling with hope and possibility.

“You don’t need to say it back..”

You cut him off before he can finish, pulling him down into a kiss. Your arms wrap around his neck, fingers tangling in the hair at the base of his neck. You pour all of your pent-up emotions into the kiss, silently trying to communicate how much you love him.

His arms wrap around your waist, pulling you to settle on his lap. As you pull away his hand settles on your cheek, eyes staring into the abyss that is your soul.

“Jacob Grant Seresin, I love you more than words can equivalate to. You are the man that I’ve wanted my whole, and never thought I was worthy of.”

More tears fall from your eyes, though these are pure happiness.

“Thank you for taking a chance on the mess that I am, and I’m sorry for making you wait for so long.” Your giggle at the end, breaks into full blown laughter as Jake tickles you. Pushing you down onto your back, he peppers kisses across your face.

“You should be darlin’, it was torture.” He gives you one last kiss “I’d do it a thousand time over though, as long as it for you.”

“My mess, my girl.”

“For as long as you’ll have me.”

Later that night:

“Thank you for helping me with the flight plans, I really didn’t need Cyclone on my ass.” You kiss Jakes waiting lips as you climb in bed for the night.

“Course darlin’”

He gently pulls you back to rest against his chest, peppering kisses on the top of your head. You can’t help but to snuggle deeper into him and the blankets.

“Also, I talk to Rooster and he’s going to bring Mathew to base in the morning. I figured he could hang out with the team. Then if you can get off a bit earlier, we could go by the school on base.”

You go to ask what he was up to.

But he quickly answers, “I called Bob’s wife Lacy, she is a teacher at the school, and she said that their kindergarten teacher is amazing. Also, that they would love to have us come by, and see if it was a good fit.”

You can’t help but be amazed. Wondering how you could have been so clueless and not seen the love that this amazing man has for you and Mathew.

“I love you, that sounds perfect. Thank you.”

Jake moves to shut of the bedside lamp, giving you a sweet kiss. Your lips melting together perfectly. You can feel yourself falling into unconsciousness, your body grateful to finally relax and welcomes the darkness.

Though before you can drift out you feel Jake shift around, nuzzling into your neck as his arm wrap securely around your waist. His body heat encompasses you, causes you to relax even more. Soft kisses are placed on your neck, little ones that you can barley feel.

“Darlin’ don’t think that I forgot about that jackass Davis.”

You stiffen up only slightly, though Jake continues his kisses. Falling just at your jaw line, his hands slide under your shirt and cress your stomach. His gentleness reassures you, and you chose to focus his moments more than his words.

“I don’t want you worrying.”

He places a kiss behind your ear,

“I’m just gonna have a talk with him.”

One on your cheek,

“Make sure he knows that you are mine, even without a ring on your finger.”

A soft fleeting kiss on the lips, that has you chasing his mouth as he pulls away. A cheeky smile stares down at you, before he gently grabs your left hand and kisses your finger.

A silent promise.

When you fall asleep, you can’t help but dream about that promise.

[mjfass]

I love when we find more wrestling soulmates. Let’s make a list:

Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose/Jon Moxley

Sasha Banks and Bayley

Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi

Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

Stone Cold and The Rock

Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch

Malakai Black and Buddy Mathews

Trish Stratus and Lita

Claudio Castagnoli and Sheamus

Randy Orton and John Cena

Johnny Gargano and Tomasso Ciampa

Kazuchika Okada and Hiroshi Tanahashi

Pete Dunne and Tyler Bate

CM Punk and Samoa Joe

Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles

The Miz and Bryan Danielson

Michelle McCool and Melina

Walter and Ilya Dragunov

Rey Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero

AJ Lee and Paige

Daniel García and Wheeler Yuta

Lucha Bros and The Young Bucks

FTR and The Briscoes

The New Day and The Usos

Orange Cassidy and Chuck Taylor

[j1zz1n3m]

Finishing Six Feet Under today.. Wow I think I started in in May. It was a slow process... But great.

[duggardata]

Everybody’s Birthdays  (By Month)

Here’s the full list of DOBs for all Predictor People...   Accurate as of March 2, 2021.

January—

1   William Gilvin (“Gil”) Bates  (1965)

1   Anthym Bliss Collins  (2021)

4   Olivia Mercy Rodrigues  (2012)

2   Caleb _____ Shrader  (2018)

6   Praise T.L. Helferich  (1995)

7   Grace Annette (“Gracie”) Duggar–Burnett  (2020)

11   Karissa Beth (Goering) Collins  (1984)

12   Jana Marie Duggar  (1990)

12   John David Duggar  (1990)

13   John Steven Maxwell  (1991)

13   Lincoln “Taylor” Bontrager  (2002)

17   Enoch _____ Shrader  (2003)

18   Simon Peter Maxwell–Hamilton  (2020)

19   Sarah Rae Maxwell  (1982)

20   Joseph Garrett Duggar  (1995)

20   Nehemiah _____ Shrader  (2007)

21   Asher Benjamin Dominguez  (2013)

23   Michaela Christian (Bates) Keilen  (1990)

25   Caleb Alexander Maxwell–Frost  (2020)

26   Lexi Mae Webster  (2017)

26   Axton John Maxwell–Bontrager  (2019)

27   Jesiah Mathew Caldwell  (2015)

29   Chelsy Renee (Bontrager) Maxwell  (1991)

31   Layla Rae Stewart  (2020)

February—

1   Trace Whitfield Bates  (1997)

1   Marjorie Ellen Jackson  (1998) (Josiah Duggar’s Ex)

1   Jeb Colton Bates  (2012)

4   Sara Nicole Smith  (1983) (Chris Maxwell’s Ex)

5   Robert Alan (“Bobby”) Ballinger, Jr.  (1994)

6   Henry Wilberforce Seewald  (2017)

6   Ansyr Blue Collins  (2018)

9   Maci Jo Webster  (2021)

10   Tiffany Lian Espensen (1999)

16   Robert Ellis (“Bobby”) Smith III  (1995)

17   Bryn _____ (Leppert) Bontrager  (1994)

17   Jackzon Ezekiel Bates  (2002)

17   Addallee Hope Bates  (2006)

18   Ruthanne Elizabeth Maxwell–Hamilton  (2014)

19   Brooklyn Praise Duggar–Caldwell  (2021)

21   Benjamin Steven Maxwell–Maher  (2017)

23   Gideon Martyn Forsyth  (2018)

23   Elizabeth Grace Maxwell–Hamilton  (2018)

27   Claire Yvonne (Spivey) Duggar  (2001)

27   Judah Miles Young  (2020)

28   Elijah _____ Shrader  (2010)

March—

1   Kyle Jeremiah Maxwell–Frost  (2018)

3   Joshua James Duggar  (1988)

5   Nathan Paul Caldwell  (2007)

6   Sophia Joy Shrader  (2013)

8   Travis J. Clark  (2001)

8   Joseph Tumelo Shrader  (2020)

9   Derick Michael Dillard  (1989)

10   Christopher Owen Rogers  (1988)

12   Micah Joe Bontrager–Leppert  (2019)

13   Alatheia Grace Shrader  (2004)

13   Clint _____ Rogers  (2010)

15   Timothy David Rodrigues  (2000)

16   Paul William Waller  (2013)

23   Lydia Joy Maxwell–Hamilton  (2015)

24   Joshua Maxwell Bontrager  (1997)

25   Micah Joel Caldwell  (2004)

25   Kolter Gray Smith  (2020)

28   Harper Lynn Ballinger  (2017)

28   Zoey Joy Webster  (2018)

30   Marlin Joe Bontrager  (1967)

30   Everly Hope Paine  (2018)

April—

1   Carolina Katherine (Bowers) Bontrager  (1995)

4   Courtney Ann (Harkins) Rogers  (1984)

6   Israel David Dillard  (2015)

9   Lillie “Suzette” (Stembridge) Keller  (1955)

11   Carlin Brianne (Bates) Stewart  (1998)

11   Allie Jane Webster  (2015)

11   Janessa Ruth Rodrigues  (2018)

16   Abbie Grace (Burnett) Duggar  (1992)

18   Charles Stephen (“Chad”) Paine III  (1987)

19   Anna Marie (Hamilton) Maxwell  (1986)

19   Nurie Katelin (Rodrigues) Keller  (1999)

21   Jason Michael Duggar  (2000)

22   Winston Marshall Bontrager–Bowers  (2020)

23   Nathan Edward Keller  (1996)

24   Joseph Howard Maxwell  (1989)

28   Ellie Bridget Bates  (2007)

May—

2   Erin Elise (Bates) Paine  (1991)

2   Ashley _____ Salyer  (1995) (Nathan Bates’s Ex)

4   Jeremiah Seth Helferich  (1996)

5   Christopher Lloyd Maxwell  (1979)

6   Timothy _____ Caldwell  (2009)

6   Peter David Waller  (2020)

9   Esther Joy (Keller) Shrader  (1981)

9   Calena _____ Rogers  (2017)

13   Allison Nicole (Bontrager) Helferich  (1994)

13   Deborah Carol Maxwell–Maher  (2019)

14   Anna Patrice (Craig) Maxwell  (2000)

14   Charles Stephen (“Carson”) Paine IV  (2015)

15   Ava Joy Young  (2018)

17   Jill Michelle (Duggar) Dillard  (1991)

18   Lauren Milagro (Swanson) Duggar  (1999)

18   Abigail Grace Maxwell–Maher  (2008)

19   Benjamin Michael Seewald  (1995)

19   Warden Justice Bates  (2003)

22   Lauren Hope Caldwell  (2000)

23   Jackson Levi Duggar  (2004)

26   Gabriel Victor Rodrigues  (2006)

26   Brecken Lee Young  (2016)

26   Ivy Jane Seewald  (2019)

29   David John Rodrigues  (1972)

June—

2   Joshua Christopher Maxwell–Hamilton  (2012)

2   Marcus Anthony Duggar–Keller  (2013)

2   Isaiah Kasimpe Shrader  (2016)

3   Agape Faith Shrader  (2008)

5   Kristen Nicole (Barnard) Young  (1992)

6   Coralee Jean Rogers  (2019)

8   Garrett David Duggar–Caldwell  (2018)

10   Caydie _____ Rogers  (2018)

15   Michael James Duggar–Keller  (2011)

15   Christina Mercy Maxwell–Maher  (2012)

18   Renee Crystine Rodrigues  (2002)

19   Elliot Rex Maxwell–Bontrager  (2020)

20   Kaci Lynn Bates–Perkins  (2016)

23   Anna Renne (Keller) Duggar  (1988)

25   Charis Elisabeth Shrader  (2011)

27   Mark _____ Dominguez  (1981)

29   John Eric Shrader  (1977)

July—

2   Mitchell Joe Bontrager  (1992)

2   Titus James Hall  (1993)

2   Cassidy Grace (Bowers) Bontrager  (1997)

3   Christina Marie (Hamrick) Caldwell  (1979)

3   Priscilla Lynn (Keller) Waller  (1986)

4   Kelton Edward Balka  (1995)

5   Kaylee Arlissa Rodrigues  (2001)

5   Andrew James Maxwell–Maher  (2014)

5   Daniel Titus Maxwell–Hamilton  (2016)

7   James Andrew Duggar  (2001)

8   Olivia Grace (“Gracie”) Caldwell  (2010)

8   Samuel Scott Dillard–Duggar  (2017)

9   Tessie Elizabeth Rodrigues  (2007)

9   Robert Alan (“Bear”) Ballinger III  (2020)

15   Sofia Amy Julianne Rodrigues  (2015)

15   Jubilee Katherine Bontrager–Bowers  (2018)

16   Meredith Grace Duggar–Keller  (2015)

16   Wallace Bradford Bontrager–Bowers  (2018)

17   Andersyn Brooklyn Collins  (2015)

18   James Robert (“Jim Bob”) Duggar  (1965)

19   Felicity Nicole Vuolo  (2018)

19   Willow Kristy Balka  (2019)

22   Phillip Jonathan Rodrigues  (2003)

25   Andrae Cardell Collins  (2011)

25   Calena Ann Rogers  (2013)

26   Clay Mason Rogers  (2011)

27   William “Lawson” Bates  (1992)

29   Khai David Dominguez  (2010)

August—

2   Timothy _____ Shrader  (2005)

2   Jennifer Danielle Duggar  (2007)

2   Callie–Anna Rose Bates  (2009)

4   Josie Kellyn (Bates) Balka  (1999)

6   Brooklyn Elise Paine  (2016)

7   Steven R. Maxwell  (1951)

11   Kendra Renee (Caldwell) Duggar  (1998)

13   Bethany Faith (“Betsy”) Maxwell–Maher  (2010)

17   Teri L. (Frazer) Maxwell  (1955)

21   Mary Carol Maxwell  (1996)

21   Evelyn Mae Forsyth  (2020)

24   Evan Patrick Stewart  (1995)

27   Jemima Virtue Bontrager–Bowers  (2020)

28   Josiah Matthew Duggar  (1996)

29   Kenneth Nathaniel (“Nathan”) Bates  (1993)

31   Anchor Christian Collins  (2019)

September—

1   Melanie Sue (Maher) Maxwell  (1975)

1   Ellyn Joy Dominguez  (2014)

5   Jeremy Joseph Vuolo  (1987)

6   Daylon Gabriel Dominguez  (2011)

8   David William Waller  (1986)

9   Chaney Grace Kahle  (1998)

9   Rebecca Shania Bontrager  (2007)

9   Marlie Denise Ballinger  (2018)

10   Sierra Jolene (Baird) Dominguez  (1989)

10   Stephen Lushomo Shrader  (2014)

12   Colt _____ Rogers  (2015)

12   Case _____ Rogers  (2015)

12   Mason Garrett Duggar–Keller  (2017)

13   Michelle Annette (Ruark) Duggar  (1966)

15   Brandon Timothy Keilen  (1989)

15   Judson Wyatt Bates  (2010)

16   Cade _____ Rogers  (2012)

18   Jesse Paul Maxwell  (1994)

21   Whitney Eileen (Perkins) Bates  (1993)

28   Meagan Elizabeth (Forsyth) Ballinger  (1991)

28   Merrick Zion Dominguez  (2019)

30   Hannah Faith Rodrigues  (2008)

October—

2   Destiny Faith Waller  (2018)

4   Calia Grace Maxwell–Frost  (2015)

5   Katie Grace Bates  (2000)

8   Mackynzie Renee Duggar–Keller  (2009)

10   Elissa Marie (Frost) Maxwell  (1991)

11   Johannah Faith Duggar  (2005)

14   Rebecca (“Becky”) Marie (Stolzfus) Bontrager  (1967)

14   Esther Joy Keyes  (1997)

16   Isaiah Courage Bates  (2004)

15   Hudson Reed Bontrager  (2005)

19   Phillip Andrew Waller  (2016)

24   Cash _____ Rogers  (2014)

26   Kelly Jo (Callaham) Bates  (1966)

28   Michael Edward Keller  (1959)

28   Joy–Anna (Duggar) Forsyth  (1997)

29   Bradley Gilvin Bates–Perkins  (2014)

31   Anna Elizabeth Maxwell  (1992)

November—

2   Annistan Breanne Collins  (2012)

2   Addison Renee Duggar–Caldwell  (2019)

3   Jill Christine (Noyes) Rodrigues  (1978)

4   Sarah Elizabeth Reith  (1988)

4   Jessa Lauren (Duggar) Seewald  (1992)

5   Carson Wayne Bontrager  (1995)

5   Spurgeon Elliot Seewald  (2015)

7   Khloé Eileen Bates–Perkins  (2019)

8   Bella Milagro Duggar–Swanson  (2019)

9   Alyssa Joy (Bates) Webster  (1994)

9   Robert Ellis (“Kade”) Smith IV  (2018)

12   Davia Lynn Waller  (2014)

12   Edyn Grace Dominguez  (2015)

13   Mandrae Cardell Collins  (1983)

15   Justin Samuel Duggar  (2002)

19   Isaiah Gabriel Caldwell  (2018)

21   John Elliott Webster  (1989)

22   Evangeline Jo Vuolo  (2020)

24   Samuel Richard Rodrigues  (2004)

26   Holland Grace Paine  (2019)

27   Sadie Patricia Rodrigues  (2013)

27   Maryella Hope Duggar–Keller  (2019)

28   Caris Audrey Rogers  (2020)

December—

5   Nathan James Maxwell  (1976)

5   Denver Elliot Bontrager  (1999)

7   Tucker Allen Bontrager–Leppert  (2020)

9   Ayngel Belle Collins  (2016)

10   Justin Lee Young  (1991)

10   Josie Brooklyn Duggar  (2009)

11   Austin Martyn Forsyth  (1993)

12   Anissa Beth Collins  (2009)

14   Anjalie Brielle Collins  (2014)

18   Elizabeth Caresse Bontrager  (2003)

18   Jordyn–Grace Makiya Duggar  (2008)

20   Tori Layne (Bates) Smith  (1995)

21   Jinger Nicole (Duggar) Vuolo  (1993)

29   Brooks Zechariah Dominguez  (2017)

30   Zachary Gilvin Bates  (1988)

30   Jedidiah Robert Duggar  (1998)

30   Jeremiah Robert Duggar  (1998)

Unknown—

Gene “Paul” Caldwell  (c. 1977)

Elizabeth _____ Munck  (c. 1992) (Joseph Maxwell’s Ex)

Stay tuned for Everybody’s Anniversaries!