#masterlist coming when i make fanfic about more than three characters on this blog | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

babymetaldoll · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 1,317 times in 2022

58 posts created (4%)

1,259 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nerys2

@all-tings-gubler

@madgear

@reidstyleshotch

@ieromoon

I tagged 89 of my posts in 2022

#babymetaldoll writes - 30 posts

#spencer reid - 27 posts

#matthew gray gubler - 22 posts

#criminal minds - 20 posts

#spencer reid x reader - 16 posts

#babymetaldoll rambles - 14 posts

#mgg - 9 posts

#spencer reid fluff - 9 posts

#spencer reid fanfic - 8 posts

#spencer reid x you - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 61 characters

#i'm kicking depression's ass writing a story after so long!!!

My Top Posts in 2022:

"Heather" (Spencer Reid x Fem!reader)

Summary: Spencer has to learn how to live without Mildred, that's when he decided to adopt Heather. And you? you look at him, sighing in love, wondering when he will finally kiss you.

Category: Hardcore Fluff

Word count: 3,5K

A/N: Hi guys!! thank you so much for requesting a second part of Mildred!! I hope this tsunami of fluffiness makes your day a little better. Love you!!

Mildred (part 1)

Masterlist

Spencer didn’t want to face it, but he was sad. Depressed even. He knew the day had come, but he wasn’t ready. He had to let Mildred go that evening, and the fact he didn’t want to be alone again brought him more questions than he wanted to deal with.

Dr. Reid got himself a cup of fresh coffee and looked at Mildred, playing with one of her toys. What was he going to do now? He still had another month of medical leave, and though he couldn’t admit it openly, that dog had gotten a piece of his heart.

Spencer Reid a pet lover. Who knew? The only pet he had ever had before was a fish named Tesla, who suffered a tragic death after a blackout messed with the feeder’s timer while Spencer was out of town on a case. After that experience, he promised himself he wouldn’t get another animal.

But now… now he, in fact, wanted a dog. It felt right. Besides, now he had you. You had been there for him that entire month, helping him take care of Mildred and slowly becoming his favorite person. Spencer was scared to have a crush on you because even when he had asked you out for coffee a few times and hung out with you daily, he had never tried to kiss you. He has thought about it, maybe a little bit too much. But he hadn’t had the guts to do it yet.

A knock on the door took him from his thoughts. He quickly answered and saw Mildred running as soon as he opened the apartment door.

- “Hello there, firecracker!”- you said, chuckling, and kneeled to pet Mildred immediately.

- “She was playing and almost sleeping a minute ago. She really gets excited when you come”- Spencer bit his lips and smiled at you, thinking he gets just as excited. But you are not rubbing his belly, which is slightly disappointing somehow.

- “Are you coming with us for her last walk? I have to pick up the gang, and I am almost late.”

- “Yes, we are ready. My friend said he was gonna meet us at the park.”- Spencer held the leash and put it on the black bulldog. You looked at them with a big smile and walked out of the apartment.

Twenty minutes later, Spencer was playing fetch with Mildred in the middle of the park. It was a warm afternoon, and sweat started forming on his forehead, underneath his messy hair. You were setting a few dishes with water for the other three dogs you were taking care of. You still considered Mildred one of your dogs, even when Spencer would come every day with you to your walks and play with all the dogs in your pack.

Every day. Including Sunday, when you just walked Mildred. Spencer would usually invite you for a coffee in a pet-friendly coffee shop in the neighborhood and talk about anything. Reid was someone you felt comfortable with, which didn’t happen very often. And, Jesus! he was hot. You stared at him for a few minutes as he played with Mildred, and you swore no one had ever looked so good sweating before.

- “Can I get you something to drink?”- Spencer asked and smiled as he walked over, Mildred rushing to the bowls of water.

- “Yes, please.”

- “Coffee?”

- “Ice coffee if there is.”- you cut him a sweet smile that made his heart flutter and nodded.

- “I’ll be right back.”

Spencer considered each time he asked you out for a coffee like a date. Even when it included all the dogs and he never got to kiss you. He liked you very much, but he still had no idea how to take the first step and kiss you. Spencer Reid had never been very good with girls. He wasn’t even trying to look like he had a single clue about what he was doing.

Sadly, that minute all he could think of was Mildred. It was his last afternoon with her at the park, and whether he wanted to face it or not, he didn’t know what to do now.

- “At what time is your friend gonna come?”- you asked Reid after walking the dogs around the park, playing with them, and giving them a snack. You were currently sitting at a bench, the dogs resting around you two.

- “He should be here any minute”- his voice cracked, and his eyes seemed to be glued to the ground. It was heartbreaking. You reached out and held his hand, not really thinking about what you were doing (or the fact he had mentioned he was a germaphobe). You just wanted to comfort him somehow.

- “It’s gonna be ok…”- you whispered as he turned to you, almost shocked by your touch. He is not against feeling your skin, though. Actually, he wants more. Lots more. A lot more. All he can get.

- “Do you wanna come over to my apartment tonight for dinner?”- you looked so innocent as you asked him that simple question and his mind was going a thousand miles per hour just ‘cos you held his hand. He can’t answer. He wanted to say yes, but he couldn’t even form words.

See the full post

111 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

See the full post

141 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

Mildred (Spencer Reid x fem!reader)

Summary: After prison, Spencer can't get out of the house, and the team tries to help. Could I cute dog walker finally get him out of his apartment?

Category: Fluff

Word count: 2,7K

A/N: Hi guys!! I am alive! and I finally wrote something!! I love you all!!

Masterlist

Honestly, your work was perfect. If anyone asked, you didn't actually like talking with humans, less interacting with them. So when you decided to become a dog walker after quitting your last job as a hotel receptionist, you embraced spending all your time surrounded by dogs.

It was just what you needed.

Human contact was overrated. At least that's what you told yourself every day. Each morning, you got up, grabbed a coffee to go, and picked up your first five dogs. You walked them to the park, played with them, watched them enjoy their moment of freedom, and right before lunch, you took them back to their owners. Then you grabbed a quick bite, picked up the next three dogs, and did the exact same until five pm. Honestly, it was heaven. You didn't even care what people said you didn't make enough money. Mental health had no price. And staying away from humans was your therapy.

When did it all change? When you met Mildred.

You got a phone call from an awkward guy who saw one of your ads on his building's board. He asked if you could help him walk his dog every day, ‘cos his work schedule didn't give him enough time to do it himself. You didn't want the details. You were glad you had another dog to join your pack.

So the following afternoon, right after eating a sandwich sitting at a park, you walked to pick up the new dog. You figured you should go get her first and get to know her a little before introducing her to her new buddies.

Mildred lived in your neighborhood, just like most of the dogs you walked every day. But Mildred lived in your building. Two floors down your apartment. You knocked on the door of apartment #23 and heard two pairs of paws running over, as barks could be heard from the other side of the door.

- "Calm down, calm down,"- the owner's voice said, and you could tell Mildred wasn't very used to going out. It took them a few seconds to open the door. The owner was probably trying to calm the poor dog down and avoid her running away as soon as he opened the door.

You knew you had to introduce yourself, but when the door finally opened, there was a long silence. You just stared at the guy holding a black french bulldog in front of you, and your brain turned to mush. Literally, you could feel the brain cells dying inside your head. That was the most handsome man you had ever seen.

- "Hi, are you the dog walker?"- he asked and stared at you, waiting for your reply. It actually took you another minute to manage to say:

- "Hi, I'm (Y/N) (Y/L/N)"- and that was the best you could do.

- "Nice to meet you, (Y/N). I'm doctor Spencer Reid."- Dr. The guy was a doctor. It was official: he was too good for you- "Hope you are ready to take Mildred. She has been eager to leave the house since…"- Spencer made a pause because he didn't know what else to say.

- "Don't worry, I'll take care of her."- you answered and focused on the dog. "Are you ready to meet your new friends?"

- "Friends?"- Spencer was almost scared- "It's not gonna be just her?"

- "No, we are gonna walk with our pack. It's just three more dogs, very friendly and well-behaved. You have nothing to worry about."

But Spencer was worried. He was f

reaking out, actually. Since he closed the door behind your back, all he could think of was how bad he felt for not walking Mildred himself. She was his responsibility, his homework. His therapy. But he couldn't take care of her properly, not yet. And before failing miserably in reinserting himself into society after the trauma of spending three months in prison, he decided to pay someone to walk the door for him.

Spencer didn't want to get out of the house. He knew it was part of his PTS, along with the nightmares, tremblings, and the guilt consuming him every day.

But he was working on it. Just… not as fast as the team might like him to. Penelope had brought him a few plants to keep him company, but after a few weeks, all he had were dry leaves and dead steams.

Prentiss brought him movies. But Spencer didn't have a DVD player or even a tv to watch them. He thanked her, though, ‘cos it was a lovely gesture.

JJ made sure to bring him food and groceries, including his favorite sweets. Spencer even started cooking correctly and asked Rossi to help him with a few recipes. That actually worked and kept Spencer focused and busy for a few days.

See the full post

146 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

"Broken" (Spencer Reid x fem!reader)

A/N: my dearest friend @all-tings-gubler sent me this pic and told me how much it made her think of Spencer and reader from my series Do I wanna Know. So I wrote her a little blurb about them <3 Hope you enjoy it!!

Word count: 1.5K

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (platonic) reader

Summary: Spencer daydreams of a life with his best friend.

Warnings: None, just fluff. Maybe Spencer feeling too much sorry for himself.

Wanna know how this ends for Spencer and his friend? Read my series here! it's awesome! and also, there is a sequel coming soon!!

Masterlist

See the full post

151 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

"Love cramps" (Spencer x fem!reader)

Summary: (Y/N)'s period is killing her and Spencer takes care of her.

Word count: 3,2K

Warnings: I don't remember if there is any bad word in this, but the amount of fluff should be illegal.

A/N: Hi! I've missed writing Spencer so much! And I've missed you all too! I hope your year is going well!

all too! I hope your year is going well!

Masterlist

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅��⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

It was a very bad day for Special Supervisory Agent (Y/N), and it was getting harder and harder not to let it affect her work. Luckily, the entire BAU team had a desk job day, trying to catch up with all the paperwork pending.

That sounded like a good plan: not moving from her desk.

It all started with that awkward damp sensation in her panties all of a sudden, right in the middle of writing a report. The young SSA froze on her chair and even held her breath, praying she still had a tampon left in her drawer.

And only because her day could be worse, she was out of tampons and pads.

- "Penelope's house of "how may I save your ass today?"

- "García, my savior! I need your help!"

- "Hey, little monkey! what can I do for you today?"

- "Do you have an extra tampon I can use?"- (Y/N) whispered on the phone and made sure no one could hear her. She didn't notice Spencer was paying much attention to her call, though he couldn't really listen to what her best friend was saying.

- "Sure! I have some here."

- "You are a lifesaver, Garcia! I'll go to the Batcave in a minute."

(Y/N) moved quickly but carefully to Garcias's office. She even checked her chair to make sure she hadn't gotten it dirty, a paranoia that brought her back to her high school days, when the worst thing that could happen was to put yourself in evidence during "those days."

Spencer raised his eyes from his file and stared at her. In the last six months, she had turned from the new agent of the team to his best friend. He had never told her that, 'cos he was afraid that it might sound weird. Do people often confess their friendship? When you have a best friend, you just know, right? you don't have to tell them, "Hey, you are my best friend, and I love you." The "I love you" confession was especially hard for Spencer, but he refused to think about that. In fact, he refused to think of anything related to (Y/N) for the following hours until work was done, and he could invite her for dinner.

Of course, that task was more challenging than he imagined, especially when he noticed his dearest friend came back from Garcia's office chewing M&Ms.

- "Can I get one of those, pretty girl?"- Morgan asked with a charming smile and playful wink. Spencer held his breath, staring at the scene. (Y/N) put some chocolates on Derek's hand and turned to Reid.

- "Want some?"- the way she smiled at her friend when she offered him chocolate made Spencer skip a beat. He blushed and stuttered before receiving the M&Ms and eating very slowly. Derek stared at him and chuckled, shaking his head.

- "Don't,"- Spencer whispered and locked his eyes on his work to avoid his friend's teasing.

Around noon the cramps started. (Y/N) felt them slowly coming but tried to control them with the only things she had. More candies and herbal tea. Needless to say, none of that was actually helping her. If anything, everything around her made her feel worse.

- "Someone has a sweet tooth today."- Derek smiled at (Y/N) when she walked back from the vending machine with another packet of M&Ms. And without even asking, he reached out his hand and grinned almost innocently.

- "Dude, if you want candies, just get yourself some and leave me to eat mine alone! Don't be a jerk!"- the fact (Y/N) nearly yelled in the middle of the bullpen made most people there turn their heads over. But the fact that she yelled at her friend was what shocked everybody.

- "I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to upset you. Are you ok?"- Derek wasn't going to take those words seriously; he knew (Y/N) wasn't usually rude with anyone (except a few unsubs when needed), so he kept his eyes on her as she sat behind her desk and waited for her answer.

- "Yes, Derek, I am ok. Thank you for asking."

See the full post

709 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

7 notes · View notes

draguta · 2 years ago

Text

I posted 291 times in 2022

That's 93 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (20%)

234 posts reblogged (80%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@draguta

@eddielives1986

@mvnsoneddie86

@buckymilf

@sebastian-lips

I tagged 90 of my posts in 2022

#bucky barnes - 44 posts

#bucky barnes fanfic - 43 posts

#james buchanan barnes - 42 posts

#james bucky barnes - 42 posts

#bucky barnes fanfiction - 42 posts

#bucky barnes x reader - 41 posts

#james barnes - 41 posts

#bucky barnes smut - 41 posts

#bucky barnes x you - 40 posts

#marvel - 40 posts

Longest Tag: 113 characters

#y'all just don't like him because he's one of the older cast but isn't as attractive as the other older male cast

My Top Posts in 2022:

.just the way you are | masterlist.

pairing: dbf!bucky x fem!reader

summary: back home in brooklyn, job lost, dumped, unable to pay rent, and utterly ashamed of yourself. of course your dad had offered out your childhood bedroom, but what happens when you bump into his best friend once again, this time no longer the teenager that you were when you left?

series warnings: smut, 18+, minors dni, age gap (reader 24, bucky 39)

🔮 series playlist 🔮

🔮 series moodboard 🔮

🔮 series character cards🔮

💜 indicates smut

please remember to reblog, like, and share a comment if you enjoy it - it’s always appreciated by writers to see their hard work valued.

🔮 buy me a coffee ko-fi 🔮

🔮 follow my patreon for early access and exclusive content 🔮

one

two 💜

three 💜

four

five 💜 | 11/12/22 |

six | 13/12/22 |

seven | 15/12/22 |

eight | 17/12/22 |

nine | 19/12/22 |

ten | 21/12/22 |

epilogue | 23/12/22 |

216 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

.all of me.

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: bucky is usually the domineering kind, and you were quite willing to let him stay that way. but when he suggests you take the reigns for the night, you're not going to say no.

word count: 2141 words

warnings: smut, 18+, minors dni, oral (f. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex

a/n: i'm so happy to be writing for bucky again! i've missed my sweet boy. this was just a little fun when i couldn't sleep - enjoy folks!

🔮 if you enjoy, please consider supporting me on ko-fi 🔮

There were hands everywhere, in your hair, scratching down his back, gripping at your thighs harshly enough to leave bruises, gripping onto the muscles of his biceps.

That's how it usually was with Bucky; fast and rough, demanding, passionate, and domineering. He didn't make love, he fucked. He knew what he wanted and he would take it, rather asking for forgiveness and checking you were OK afterwards instead of asking for permission beforehand. That was just how he was, and you weren't exactly going to complain. It felt too good to be a problem. In these situations you were simply his willing accomplice, prepared and compliant to whatever his plan may be, eager to please.

You focused on his fingertips as they trailed down your thigh, coming to stop at the hem of your skirt, tapping once, twice, before making the trip back upwards towards your waist. He was playing games with you, another of Bucky's habits, one that always kept you greedily coming back for more.

Because that's how you would describe yourself, greedy. When it came to Bucky, you were always greedy. You yearned for those touches, dreamt about his kisses when he was not there to fulfill the ache, insatiably jumped on him whenever there was an ounce of suggestion that he wanted you.

His lips pulled away from yours for an instant, and you whined at the loss, but when they quickly latched onto your neck, emphasized with a pinch at the soft, supple skin on your hips, you couldn't stop the gasp that escaped from your mouth. Kiss after kiss, lick after lick, suck after suck; the attack on your neck was relentless, but never overbearing. He knew your limits, he knew where the line was, and despite his ravenous tendencies, he rarely crossed that line.

So when he slowly snapped his head back, removing himself from your embrace almost entirely, it was safe to say that you were surprised. He leaned in again, his nose brushing over yours as he spoke, his breath warm against your lips, the scent of the mint from his toothpaste overflowing your nostrils. You closed your eyes, simply relishing in that moment of closeness, a moment of which was seldom captured between the two of you.

"Tell me what you want."

His voice was low, laced with the want that you were so used to hearing from him. If you knew anything about Bucky, you knew that it was an order, but it was softer than usual, less demanding, more simply asking. It was strange to hear from him, unexpected, but you were never one to disobey an order.

"Please Bucky," you whined. "Make me feel good." "No, sweet girl." Your eyes fluttered open in surprise. Never before had he said no to your begging, had denied you after you had done what he'd asked you to do. But he continued, and the words that he whispered against you skin next brought goosebumps to your spine. "Tonight you're in charge. You make the decisions. I want you to tell me exactly what you want me to do to you."

You blinked slowly. Was he really doing this? Was he really handing over all of the power, all of the decisions, the entire possible outcome of your night together, on a silver platter for you to take? Never before had this been an option, never before had he even suggested it, and you had always been ok with that. But now, the idea of telling him exactly what you wanted, exactly how to please you, was sending shivers of excitement throughout your body.

"Come on sweet girl," he whispered, planting a quick and soft kiss to your lips. "I know you can do it."

"Kiss me."

He didn't disappoint, immediately pulling you into a bruising kiss, his tongue trailing across your bottom lip, darting into your open mouth. He knew exactly what he was doing he always did. He gripped your thighs tightly, pulling you closer to him. The pair of you hadn't even made it to the bedroom yet, still in the kitchen where he had caught you off-guard earlier with a kiss to you neck.

"Lift me."

Once again, he did as he was told, his grip moving from your thighs to the point where they met your ass, lifting you with ease onto the counter top, never once removing his lips from your own.

"Lower."

You whispered your commands between kisses, the words coming out in gasps rather than the stern demands that Bucky usually made. But he didn't seem to care; if anything he seemed to be edged on by them, pushing him to do exactly what you asked, as if he, for once, was enjoying being without power.

He lips trailed lower, down your neck and towards your collarbone, down to the dip in your chest where your shirt was unbuttoned slightly. He slowly but surely began to unfasten the other buttons, glancing upwards towards you, his eyes connecting with yours as he did so, an action that made your heart flutter, and your mind reel. Your shirt was quickly lost to the kitchen floor, alongside your bra, and his lips swiftly came back into contact with your skin, kissing everything that had been covered only moments ago. Your back arched as he continued his avid onslaught against your chest, before eventually moving lower, past your stomach, down to the hemline of your skirt. You lifted yourself from the counter, allowing him access to pull the zipper down the back painfully slowly, before that too was discarded on the floor.

He paused at the sight of your lacy panties, a pair that you had bought earlier that week specifically for a moment such as this, a moment where you could tease him and entice him. He glanced upwards, awaiting his next ruling.

"Take them off."

His fingers slowly and gently hooked around the sides, sliding them down your thighs, letting them go at your knees, two pairs of eyes watching them fall delicately to the floor. You were now on full display to him, and by the sight of his blown pupils, and the way his tongue pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, he was happy.

"Touch me."

That was all you needed to say. Within a moment he was on you, lapping you up, causing your back to arch again, a long, drawn-out moan escaping your lips at the contact. Curses mingled with his name escaped your lips when he sucked on your bundle of nerves, and you truly thought that you would be sent over the edge from only that. He pulled away for a second, glancing up at you, and the sight of him glancing up at you from between your legs alone was enough to give you a high.

See the full post

241 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

🔮 .bucky barnes ~ fic recs. 🔮

keep reading for my bucky barnes fic recs

💜 indicates smut | 18+ | minors dni |

.one-shots.

fuck you (derogatory) 💜 @bucksfucks

a ruined mission turns to you & bucky fucking it out. | bucky x fem!reader |

unfortunately yours 💜 @weepingvoidpenguin

when you and bucky successfully infiltrate a hydra auction, you're told to stay another day due to max capacity on the jet. but how are you going to survive a night alone with this insufferable super soldier? especially considering the miniscule size of the room and the obvious dilemma presented; who gets the bed? | bucky x fem!reader |

a little help 💜 @captainsimagines

bucky's been having difficulties in a certain...department. he's at a loss, completely ready to give up until he start theorizing. if you have the ability to heal people, maybe you can help him out. maybe you'll be able to fix him. | bucky x fem!reader |

fingers @buckycuddlebuddy

you couldn't take your eyes off his hands. | tattooartist!bucky x fem!reader |

a clandestine affair 💜 @bonky-n-steeb

bucky can't hold himself back when you look that gorgeous at tony's housewarming party. | bucky x fem!reader |

summer sins 💜 @wintersldr1

ever since you returned from your first year of college, you can't keep your eyes of your dad's best friend, bucky. at a family pool party, you finally give in. | dbf!bucky x fem!reader |

in corpore sano 💜 @straywords

your new personal trainer has a very...hands on approach. | personaltrainer!bucky x plussizefem!reader |

what goes around 💜 @navybrat817

bucky is your friend's dad and your dad's friend and nothing more. until he isn't. | bfd/dbf!bucky x fem!reader |

heavy tipper 💜 @metalbuckaroo

camgirl sites were nothing new to bucky, but a familiar face has him tipping heavily and requesting a private chat. | dbf!bucky x fem!reader |

recipe for disaster 💜 @seventven

your dad's best friend bucky knows you have a crush on him. your parents invite him to join your family for the annual winter vacation. | dbf!bucky x fem!reader |

riding lessons 💜 @nastybuckybarnes

you've just passed your knowledge test and you need someone to teach you how to ride. who better than your dad's best friend? | dbf!bucky x fem!reader |

.series.

these ties that bind us @sweetascanbee

when you’re sixteen years old, you get a soul mark with the letters ‘jbb’ emblazoned on your left wrist. the only problem is, soulmates pairings have basically gone extinct, and the man you’ve been paired with has been dead for seven decades. | bucky x fem!reader | complete |

a taste for older men 💜 @seventven

See the full post

318 notes - Posted September 16, 2022

.eddie munson | fic recs.

keep reading for my eddie munson fic recs.

💜 smut | 18+ | minors dni

updated: 16/09/2022

.one-shots.

the after party 💜 @munsonsins

| eddie x fem!reader x billy |

bet on me @theonewiththefanfics

there’s a few bets going around: y/n bets everything on the fact that eddie is innocent, eddie still thinks that he’s a coward, and the kids want to know when eddie will finally ask y/n out. and steve…steve is just over it. | eddie x fem!reader |

sunday mornings with you @spiderrrling

| eddie x gn!reader |

love, gate, and judas priest @eddie-van-munson

eddie munson has hated you ever since you strolled into hellfire wearing the same judas priest shirt as him. but there’s a thin line between love and hate. | eddie x fem!reader |

the wrong song @theveryfires

| eddie x fem!reader |

only you 💜 @eagerbby

you and eddie were never meant to be just friends. | eddie x fem!reader |

night moves 💜 @eagerbby

realistically, you can only run from your feelings for so long. being trapped at steve harrington’s lake house with eddie munson during the worst storm of the summer presents an interesting opportunity. | eddie x fem!reader |

dirty, dirty girl 💜 @eddiemunsonswhxre

you were tired of your boyfriend only seeing you as cute and innocent. so for his birthday, you kicked things up a notch. | eddie x fem!reader |

sweet dreams 💜 @killerlookz

just a sweet little blurb about eddie letting reader use him to get off after she has a dirty dream about him. | eddie x fem!reader |

tornado warnings @marvelsswansong

out of all the girls eddie could like, of course he’d pick jason carver’s girlfriend. he kept ignoring the warnings, and now he’s in too deep. | eddie x fem!reader |

gold rush @marvelsswansong

eddie’s known you his whole life. he’s your best friend. in truth, he wants to be your boyfriend - he wants to call you his without it being a joke and to kiss you when you’re sober. but everyone loves you and wants you: he doesn’t like a gold rush. | eddie x fem!reader |

couldn't take you home @peppermint-toads

you get drunk at a party and your ex-boyfriend eddie rescues and takes care of you. | eddie x fem!reader |

bad idea 💜 @peterthepark

See the full post

326 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

.fairytale of new york | masterlist.

pairing: professor!bucky x fem!reader

summary: a semester in new york. a handsome man in a bar. whiskey neat. to the lighthouse. christmas lights. this is the tale of a whirlwind romance. a forbidden fairytale. college au.

series warnings: smut, 18+, minors dni, age gap (reader 19, bucky 34), student/teacher relationship

🔮 series playlist 🔮

🔮 series moodboard 🔮

🔮 series character cards 🔮

💜 indicates smut

please remember to reblog, like, and share a comment if you enjoy it - it's always appreciated by writers to see their hard work valued.

🔮 buy me a coffee ko-fi 🔮

🔮 follow my patreon for early access and exclusive content 🔮

one 💜

two 💜

three 💜

four 💜

five

six 💜

seven

eight 💜

nine

ten

epilogue

417 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

2 notes · View notes

waywardnerd67 · 5 years ago

Text

Starving Affection

Summary: It had been five years since (Y/N) had any physical contact with another person. When she starts talking with a man online who reads her fanfics, a battle of her mind and body begins. When the time comes to meet him, she finds that there are still decent human beings in the world. Characters: Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Sami (OFC), Plus Size!Reader Pairing: Jensen x Plus Size!Reader Warnings: Angst/Fluff/Smut/Body Image Distortion Word Count: 9256 A/N: Again, me working through my feels. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

My chest tightened. Jaw clenched until my teeth hurt. My body rigid and frozen as panic flowed through my veins. The overly friendly, new teacher had her arms outstretched towards me. If I had been a normal person, I would gladly hold my arms out as well embracing her kindness and affection.

I was not normal.

“Hey Katy!” My partner teacher and best friend, Sami, headed her off by stepping in front of me and taking the hit of affection.

There was a special place in Heaven for Sami and if not, I would fight God themselves to make it so. I could see Sami whispering to Katy and a nod of acknowledgement told me I would not have to worry about her advancements again.

“Sorry (Y/N), I didn’t know you weren’t a hugger. How about a high five?” Her sweet gesture had my trembling hand stretching out to her as she quickly slapped it with her own.

Only Sami could see my flinch from the physical touch of someone. Everyone else summed it up to my quirky personality and weird aversion to being touched. Thankfully our English department meeting was over and I could escape to the safe haven of my car. Sami was close behind me waving goodbye to everyone.

I bumped my shoulder to hers as she was the only one I had no problem with minor touching, “Thank you for taking that hug for me.”

She laughed, “You’re lucky I’m a friendly and huggy person. Hey, I meant to ask you before school today, but how is counseling going?”

I cringed, averting my gaze from her, “It’s… going fine.”

She stopped me with a tap on my shoulder, “The truth, please.”

I sighed as my shoulders slumped in defeat, “I stopped going,” I saw the incoming assault in her narrowing sky colored eyes.

“(Y/N)! You were making such good progress with this counselor. I was even able to give you a one arm hug.” The disappointment in her voice weighed my shoulders down even more.

I leaned against my car pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, “I know, I know. She had me go to one of her support groups and everyone had to hug someone. I… I just couldn’t. I tried three or four times going to the group and I failed every time.”

My eyes fell to the ground, disgust filling my mind, “Yes, you really are as pathetic as you’re sounding.” My inner voice snarked.

I heard Sami sigh, “It’s okay. We can work through it together. We can keep doing everything you liked from her and work at your pace.”

Looking up, I forced my lips into a small smile to appease my only real life friend, “That sounds good. Thanks Sami for putting up with me.”

I made my way home to a small ranch style home that was off the beaten path. My grandparents had left it to me knowing I would love the seclusion of it. It was my Fortress of Solitude. The only living thing, other than Sami, to be able to snuggle with me was Charlie the cat. The copper Main Coon was sitting by the door awaiting my arrival.

My evenings were always the same. Check in with my mom for an hour on the phone. Make or order dinner, which tonight was ordering pizza for the leftovers tomorrow. Turning on my favorite TV show, Supernatural, on Netflix and working on one of my millions of fanfics.

“Yes, stay in complete denial by hiding in your fantasy worlds and falling in love with fictional characters. Loser.”

I pushed my inner thoughts to the very back of my mind and focused on my current series I was writing. Pulling up Tumblr, I looked in my notifications seeing someone binge reading my masterlist. My heart always swelled with joy whenever someone took the time to read my writings. This person was also leaving feedback as well.

“ChevyMan67: I love this version of Dean! You truly have captured his personality and sarcasm.”

“ChevyMan67: I can’t get enough of this series! Please tell me there is more to come. I need to know if Dean finally falls in love and gets his apple pie life.”

I read through every comment and looked at every GIF the reader posted. I hit follow on his blog then took a few screenshots from my activity page, pulling up a blank post adding the pictures.

“Thank you to @ChevyMan67 for binging my stories! Your feedback means everything to me!”

As soon as I posted it there was a notification of a reblog from him. He posted a GIF of Dean screaming with #Fangirling flashing underneath. My cheeks ached from the unusual tension of a genuine smile spreading across my face.

Online I could be anyone I wanted. I would virtual hug and blow kisses at my friends. I was able to be more like the woman I was. Social, happy, carefree, open to others. I could be the woman I desperately wanted to be but my mind would not allow.

“Stay guarded. Remember what happened when you trusted him? Trusted his family? Never again. You promised never again.”

My indeed guard held the line at the gate of my mind. She stood in full armor and shield ready to throw off anyone that even attempted to break through to the part of me that desired to be a whole person again. I shook my head with a firm nod and reaffirmed my promise to myself to never let anyone that close to me again.

As I was closing down her computer for the evening, a ding caught my attention as a message came from Tumblr. Opening the window, I saw a DM from my newest follower.

“Hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for following me. Apparently I’m a rarity on here for being male and a fan of Supernatural. I truly love all your writings and can’t wait to read more. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better and become friends. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Message me any time. Goodnight.”

I re-read the message several times before closing my computer. Sure I had people message me for small talk and a few close friends I had on there. This felt different. Something deep within me sparked and I did not know how to react. There was only one person I knew I could go to and her reaction was more frightening than the thought of responding to ChevyMan67. That night was the first of many restless nights for me.

A week later, I finally sat down and responded to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m… well, I’m not used to talking to guys here. I think it’s great that you’re on here and reading, BTW. I’m working on a few pieces right now, maybe you could beta for me if you have time. I hope we can be friends as well. Have a good weekend!”

I was nearly hyperventilating when I hit enter sending the message. I tried to work on my newest one shot story and ignore my anxious heart awaiting for the ding. It was not until I was in bed watching my favorite episode of Supernatural that my phone chimed.

“Tumblr: Message from ChevyMan67”

My finger hovered for a moment before opening the app. The message opened and I let out a air I had been holding in my chest.

“No worries. Everyone is busy and has their “real life” to attend too. I work odd hours and days all the time so I get it. I would LOVE to beta for you!!!! Reading your work before it’s posted online? HELL YEAH! I feel honored you asked and I’m fanboying hard right now. Crap… that sounded… I mean. Sorry lol. You can send your fics to [email protected]. Looking forward to hearing from you again.”

Over the next six months, Ross and I talked throughout our days getting to know one another. Three month into Tumblr messenger and dumb updates, he gave me his cell number to text one another. At times, I would have to catch myself from laughing while my students took a test. Everyone around me started to notice the small changes in me. Smiling more, talking more and one student commented on me wearing bright colors.

“You look good in yellow Miss (Y/L/N).”

However it was Sami who demanded to know all about the changes going on with me. We sat at our favorite restaurant, the first round of drinks being set in front of us. After the waiter took our order, Sami began her interrogation.

“Tell. Me. Everything. You’ve been keeping me at bay and I’ve respected your space, but you have seemingly blossomed in the last few months. Spill.”

I bit my lower lip as my phone sounded with an all to familiar chime. I went to grab my phone when Sami placed her hand over it, “Me first. Tumblr second.”

“It’s not Tumblr. Let me reply to him and then I will tell you everything.” I dared to look up to see my best friend’s face frozen in shock.

Her eyes wide and mouth gaping, “Him?!”

I nodded reading Ross’s message, “Hey I know you’re out with Sami and going to tell her about little ole me. I just wanted to make sure you were still thinking about what I asked last night. Can’t wait to hear from you soon. Not now though, have fun with Sami.”

I smiled, locking my phone and putting it in my purse looking back to my ridiculously happy friend, “His name is Ross.”

There was a loud, attention grabbing squeal from her as I shushed her, “Leave out no details…” she rested her perfect chin on her folded hands.

I told her all about Ross and how we began talking. I told her everything I knew about him and what he knew about me. Finally, as our food came out and drinks were refilled, I told her about what he had dropped on me the previous night.

“He asked me to meet him at the Supernatural Convention in Dallas next month. He already has the passes paid for and a few photo ops that we could share.” My heart raced at the thought of meeting Ross and meeting my favorite celebrities all at the same time.

Sami’s smile faded slightly, “Does he know about your struggles with being touched?”

I nodded, “It was one of the first personal things I told him. He’s still talking to me so I took that as a frightening good sign.”

“What are you feeling?” her point blank question shook me for a moment.

My fingers drummed against the table, “I’m nervous, scared, anxious…” I paused for a moment before looking up at her with a smile.

“I’m also excited, hopeful and curious.”

Sami held out her hands to me, palms up and I hesitantly placed my hands in hers. It was something we had been working on for the last couple of months. This was the first time I allowed her to squeeze my hands.

“You really like him.” She whispered smiling like a fool.

I felt my own smile mirroring hers, “Yes I do and that scares me shitless.”

The rest of the evening felt like the old days before my life fell apart. When I got home, I decided to test my luck. Pulling up Ross’s number, my thumb hovered over it until I smashed it hearing it ringing.

“Well hello, this is a surprise.” His velvety smooth voice sent shivers down my body, “Take a deep breath and know it’s okay if you hang up to just text me.”

“N-No, I’ll be okay.” I stammered as he let out a low chuckle.

I could hear him moving away from other voices around him, “I interrupted something…” Guilt and shame weighing my shoulders down.

“Not at all. They can wait, you calling me is an important moment. Not everyday, I get to speak to my favorite writer on the phone.” His compliments calmed my queasy stomach, “Could I be so hopeful that this phone call is working up to a good answer?”

I took a deep breath in and let out slowly, “Yes.” The word seems foregin to her as it left my lips.

“Yes I can be hopeful or yes to my question?” His jovial banter eased the tension in my shoulders.

“Yes.” I tried to sound a little more confident, my heart beating against my chest.

There was a moment of silence before loud cheering and yelling came through her speaker. His excitement was silenced by my own unfamiliar laughter. Suddenly I was hyper aware that he was no longer making any noises. Panic and fear swelling inside me.

A soft sigh came from him, “You have a beautiful laugh. I can’t wait to hear it again.”

My cheeks burned, “Thank you.”

Ross told me he would send all the details for our trip and that I was not to worry about money of any kind. Mentally, I began planning out how to save as much money as I could in the next four weeks. Thankfully, my savings was built up enough to take a small hit and not dip into her emergency fund. Over the next several weeks, I began to prepare for my first convention, first time meeting an online friend, first time traveling by myself, first time facing the unknown in five years.

The morning of my travel day, I went over to Sami’s house with Charlie. I was surprised to see her sister sitting there. She waved to me before taking Charlie’s crate.

“What’s going on?” I looked around seeing Sami’s suitcase packed by the door.

She smiled, “Your friend Ross, reached out to me.”

The color from my face drained for a moment, “H-He did… How?”

“He found me on your Instagram page. DM me asking me to join you on your trip. Stating and I quote, ‘I know you being there with (Y/N) will make her more comfortable. I want this weekend to go as comfortably as possible for her. I know it’s a big step and I want her to be taken care of.’”

She smiled softly as my vision blurred from tears slipping down my face, “Oh… wow.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing (Y/N/N). If you were ever going to work on overcoming your touch aversion this would be the man to do it for.” Sami turned around to help her sister, leaving me to my own thoughts.

“Absolutely not! There is no way he is getting through my defenses. I have held strong for five years. Your heart and mind are safe within my holds.”

“Do you really think he’s going to want to touch you? Look at yourself. Lumpy. Chunky. Squishy. Dull (Y/C/H) hair. Boring (Y/C/E) eyes. Not even a decent pair of boobs or ass. You’re nothing special. Always remember that you’re nothing special.”

“(Y/N)? (Y/N) stop it.” Sami’s voice rang clear bringing me back to the present.

I nodded slowly, “Sorry. I zoned out.”

“Freaked out. We will work through it. Sara is gonna drive us to the airport and we have an hour to chat. Okay?”

It was in the moment that I noticed my best friend had absentmindedly placed her hand on my shoulder and I did not flinch. My eyes looked to her hand and back to her, “You’re touching my shoulder.”

“Crap, I’m so sor…” she started to say but my bright smile stopped her, “What?”

I placed my hand on top of hers, “I didn’t flinch or move or even notice you did it.”

Now her smile was matching mine and we had a moment of pure excitement jumping around each other. True to her word, we spent the hour on the plane doing some meditative exercises. I thanked every high power who would listen for my best friend getting her psychology degree.

There was a man waiting with our names on a piece of paper. He took our bags and drove us to a hotel near where the convention was being held. Sami checked us in since there were so many people inside and my anxiety started to flare up.

Breathe in counting to six. Breathe out counting to six.

I repeated my breathing exercise until Sami returned her brow furrowed, “What is it?”

“I don’t know who Ross knows, but he must be connected in some way. We have a suite on the fourteenth floor.”

My jaw dropped slightly before I stood up bracing myself for the next hurdle of getting through the elevator ride. Luckily, there were only two other girls in the car and I could safely keep my distance from them.

“I heard that Jensen is staying at this hotel.” One mentioned as the other rolled her eyes.

“Yeah right. This is Dallas, I’m sure he’s probably staying with his family or something.”

The girls exit on the eighth floor and before the doors could close Sami and I were chuckling to ourselves. The chances of Jensen Ackles staying at this hotel would be astronomical. The car dinged for the top floor and opened to a small hallway. When we opened the door to our suite neither of us spoke.

Sami walked throughout the entire room before I could even move from the entryway, “This room is amazing! Check out the view we have (Y/N).”

“Hold on. Having a moment.” I breathed as Sami came to my side and I held my hand out, “I’m fine. Just need a moment to make sure this is real and not a dream.”

I watched as she walked over to the coffee table where there was a gift basket and she held up a small notecard, “Oh it’s real.”

“(Y/N) and Sami, I hope you love your room. Enjoy your night and order anything you want. The front desk knows it’s all on my tab. I’m hoping you both will join me for dinner tomorrow night after registration. Sadly, my job won’t let me leave before then. I look forward to meeting you both. -R PS: I highly recommend the spa and they have a large private jacuzzi just for you, (Y/N).”

Sami sighed, “I really hope he has a single brother, cousin, friend that is like him for me.”

I rolled my eyes walking over to the large windows looking out. Flashes of the last time I was in Dallas popping into my mind. I shivered as the one voice I hated yelled loudly in my ears. My hands covered them and I felt Sami tap my shoulder twice. For the first time, in several years, I reached out to her and gripped her arms.

“(Y/N) remember why we’re here. Remember talking with Ross on the phone. The tone of Ross’s voice. His laughter.” Her calm tone eased me out of the wretched memory.

She guided me over to the couch and went to get me a glass of water. I sipped it slowly before squeezing her hand, “Thank you.”

“You know, I can get used to you reaching out to me. Feels like the (Y/N) I knew coming back.” Sami squeezed my hand back before I let slip from her grasp.

She was right, the woman I once was before my ex was fighting her way to get out again. Still, my guard was up standing fortified at the gate.

That evening was a girls’ night of epic proportions. They went to the spa where (Y/N) sat in her private jacuzzi while Sami received the best massage of her life. Afterwards, we ordered our dinner from room service making moderate choices since neither of us were paying. When our food came there was a special dessert also with another note.

“A little birdy told me that your favorite dessert was French Silk pie. I wanted you to have a slice and some New York Style cheesecake for Sami. Have a wonderful night.”

Sami whistled, “Man, he has it bad for you.”

“Shut up.” I muttered lifting the dome to see a delicious slice of pie.

As they ate and talked, Sami took my phone taking pictures of them enjoying a very Sam and Dean style dinner. Sami having a Chef’s salad with honey mustard dressing. I took a picture of my dinner sending it to Ross with a text saying thank you.

“Dean would be proud! That bacon cheeseburger looks good. Enjoy!”

I smiled the entire time I ate my burger. Finishing out meals, Sami hooked up her laptop putting on Supernatural. I decided to try and work on some stories when a terrifying thought crossed my mind. I looked up to the screen as Dean began to talk. I closed my eyes listening carefully to his voice. The low tone and smoothness of it. It was the way he said the word writer that had my eyes snapping open and a gasp escaping my lips.

“What? What is it?” Sami sat up concerning filling her eyes.

Like pieces to a puzzle everything snapped into place. All the small details that would go unnoticed by someone who would never expect it. Sami tapped my shoulder and I turned to her with wide eyes.

“Ross… that’s Jensen’s middle name.” I mumbled reaching for my phone.

Sami stood up pausing the episode, “Okay… what are you getting at.”

“Listen.” I played for her the voicemail he had left a few days earlier, “Now play the episode.”

Sami’s eyes connected to her, “No way.”

“Ross is Jensen Ackles.”

That night my dreams were filled with my ex yelling at me. Fat shaming me. Calling me a loser. Calling me useless for not being able to bear children. His looming form made me coward into a ball on the floor. I woke up several times during the night, the final time close to six in the morning. Sami was peacefully sleeping on her side of the bed.

I picked up my phone going into the living area and dialing the all too familiar number. On the third ring she was going to hang up, but then his groggy voice pierced my ears.

“(Y/N), is everything alright?” All I could hear was Dean, which meant that it was truly Jensen on the other side.

“You tell me, Jensen.” I heard him sit up as I began to pace near the window.

A long sigh came from him, “I knew you would figure it out before meeting me.”

I scoffed, “Is this some kind of celebrity joke or prank? Pretend to be someone’s friend and embarrass them when they meet you.”

My guard was shaking her head muttering, “Told you so…”

“No, (Y/N) it’s nothing like that. Misha had read some of your stories and suggested I should read them. At first, I thought it would be weird because I’ve never read fanfiction before, but your writing… it drew me in.” His words came out all in one breath.

I froze, “M-Misha read my stories? Oh god…” My body burned from embarrassment.

“Honestly, there’s not a person on our crew that hasn’t read at least one of your stories. You’re talented and the way you write for the boys is amazing. Our own writer’s are impressed with your talent.”

I groaned slumping down to the floor, “This was all a mistake.” The last thing I heard before ending the call was rustling around as if Jensen was moving from his bed.

My phone slipped from my hand as tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes allowing my inner voices to consume me. Dragging me down into the darkness.

“You fool! Here I stood guarding you from this and still you allowed someone in. You deserve what is coming to you!”

“You useless piece of nothing! You’re the biggest joke this world ever created. Fat, ugly, even your body can’t do the one basic thing god made it to do. You’re worthless. Sucking up air that could be used on someone contributing to the world. No matter what anyone says you will always be the biggest failure in this world. You. Are. Nothing.”

I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and I tightened myself into a ball, “Go away Sami.”

The tapping continued and I reached out grasping an unfamiliar hand. My eyes snapped open and were met with concerning, piercing olive eyes. The eyes I stared at for hours on my TV. The eyes I wrote about in hundreds of thousands of words online.

As soon as my eyes opened he withdrew his hand and my heart sank further into darkness, “I told you. He will never want to touch your disgusting body.” The snide voice of my inner self whispered.

“(Y/N), please hear me out. Please for five minutes just listen to my side.” He sat across from me leaving a foot of distance between us.

I nodded looking up as Sami gently touched his shoulder, “I will be just outside if you need me.”

He waited for the door to close to start talking. His large hands rubbing against his cotton covered thighs.

“I started reading your masterlist on Tumblr and couldn’t get enough of your stories. I didn’t know exactly how to work Tumblr so Misha showed me how. I noticed you don’t get a lot of notes and I wanted everyone to notice you. I started sharing your work with everyone after sending you that message.”

He paused for a moment as I fidget with the hem of my shirt, “Why did you message me?”

His smile was more radiant in person, “It’s just as I said. I loved your work and I wanted to be friends. However, the more I got to know you… the more I wanted to meet you in person. I knew that would be problematic.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” I scoffed looking down to my hands.

He inhaled a deep breath, “You connect with Dean Winchester the same way I do. To find someone like that is a once in a lifetime chance. I want someone who I can gush over Dean with because soon I won’t be hanging out with him as much and he’s the best imaginary friend I’ve ever had.”

Seeing Jensen open himself up to me was creating a battle of mind and body within me. He was just as nervous as I was to open up to someone else. Suddenly, I did not feel so alone in my isolation. My hand trembled as I reached over placing it atop of his.

“Dean Winchester saved my life and I don’t mean that figuratively. I was on the verge of leaping into darkness when I found him getting Sammy to find their dad. I found the strength to carry on because I knew that was what Dean would do. I found that being broken wasn’t a bad thing but something that could drive you to keep working. Dean helped me to feel again when I had become numb to the world around me.”

His eyes shined as I spoke trying to hold back his own tears, “I’m glad he could be there for you when you needed him the most.”

“Then you came into my life when I least expected it.” I whispered as I squeezed his hand.

My mind was screaming at me to get as far away from him as I possibly could. To call out to Sami to make him leave and move out of the state disappearing from the world. However, my body was urging me to jump into his arms. To open myself up to him as he had done with me. I felt like a spring coil ready to snap. My mind was holding my body back waiting for my consciousness to make a decision.

And she did.

I launched myself into his arms startling him as we crashed to the floor. His arms instinctively wrapped around me as mine encircled his neck. The door flew open as Sami came rushing in as Jensen’s laughter filled the room. I hugged him tighter to me as he tightened his grip around me.

“Oh my god… (Y/N), you’re hugging him.”

I did not need to open my eyes to know tears were slipping down my best friend’s cheeks. Her voice was thick with utter joy and amazement.

“Does this hug mean that you don’t hate me?” His question caught me off guard.

Jensen’s hands kept me in place as he sat up swinging my legs across his. My arms are still around his neck not wanting to lose the connection. Now that my body was against his, it flooded with the strange feeling of desire. Sami joined them on the floor sitting cross legged in front of them.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you. Though I’m still upset you lied to me.” I rested my head on my arm and against the side of his neck.

Feeling him sigh and seeing Sami grinning, I knew this was a big moment for all of us. We sat on the floor for another hour talking before Jensen had to go back to his room to get ready for the day. Neither of us wanted to let go of the other. He hugged me one last time before walking out of the suite. When I turned around I was immediately engulfed into another hug.

“I’m so proud of you!” Sami squealed.

“Thanks, I think…” My sentence drifted and she pulled away from me.

I walked back toward the bed and flopped face first onto it. I felt her crawl up on the bed beside me knowing me well enough to give me space.

“Talk it out, (Y/N). What are you feeling?”

My cheeks burned from the first feeling to pop into my head, “I feel warm, anxious, happy...” I paused gathering the courage to say the last word, “desire.”

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Sami eagerly asked.

I sat up, “Desire.” Saying the very word felt weird.

She began to clap and raised her hands in the air, “Praise the lord!”

“Don’t get all weird about it. I don’t know what any of this means. My body is tingling…”

Sami interrupted, “I bet it does…”

“Shut up, mostly not in that way. I don’t know how to act around other people anymore. What is too much touching? What is too little? What does a hug mean? I have too many questions and all the answers just walked out the door.”

I looked over as my phone chimed seeing a message from Ross, “I guess I need to change that now.” I murmured as I pulled up his message.

“First, thank you for trusting me with a hug. It means the world to me. I wanted to know if you wanted to have an early lunch with me? We could eat in my room or restaurant or your room with Sami. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Let me know.”

I held my phone up for Sami to read and she jumped off the bed, “You can have our room. I will go entertain myself by the pool.”

I texted him back that he could come to my room as Sami began tossing clothes out on the bed, “What are you doing?”

“Finding you the perfect outfit. Now go shower so I can play dress up with you.” She clapped her hands excitedly as I groaned loudly.

Looking in the mirror again, I pulled at the shirt clingy to every soft, round surface of my waist. I pushed my stomach watching as it bounced back into place like jello. Turning to the side, I sucked as many rolls as I could inward, holding my breath. The air rushed from my lips as a knock came from the door. Making my way towards it, I grabbed my zip-up hoodie slipping my arms in it quickly.

“Hi.” The word came out more breathlessly than I wanted.

My inner voice whispering, “Yeah fatty, let him know that walking across the room makes you lose your breath.”

“Hey there, I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and grabbed lunch for us.” Jensen held up a paper bag from a local sandwich spot.

As he walked in, I took a moment to truly admire him. He looked like a male model in his tight dark jeans, black boots, dark olive Henley and sunglasses resting on top of his unruly, sandy brown hair. His smooth voice caught my attention.

“You could take a picture and it would last longer.” He chuckled sitting down on the couch and laying out their lunch.

I sat on the opposite side of him as far away as I could. Even though my body desperately wanted to be closer to him, I kept my distance not pushing my mental capacity. He glanced over a hint of disappointment in his eyes seeing me so far away.

Jensen slid a sandwich towards me, “I remember you telling me that you love ham and swiss with tomato.”

“Thank you.” I unwrapped the sandwich and grabbed a bag of chips.

We ate in silence as a strange tension built between us. My stomach churning to the point I could no longer eat. I would look over to him out of the corner of my eye to find his eyes drifting over me. I wrapped my hoodie around me instinctively trying to hide the imperfections.

“There’s no hoodie big enough to hide your ugliness.” The familiar voice whispered.

I shook my head when I heard music playing, looking back to Jensen. He smiled sheepishly as he set his phone on the table.

“I thought maybe some background noise would help,” He stood up clearing the food from the table then stood in front of me with his hand out, “Trust me?”

His eyes were shining from the afternoon rays of sun coming from the window and his lips were spread in a gentle smile. I exhaled slowly allowing all the tension to leave my body and placed my hand in his. He pulled me up from the couch taking my hands and placing them behind his neck. His large hands slid down my sides to my hips and I flinched.

“You do know that you’re beautiful, right?” He whispered swaying my body with the music.

I shook my head, “I’m really not. Ordinary at best.”

Jensen lifted my chin, piercing (Y/C/E) meeting , “You are far from ordinary, (Y/N).”

“You’re just being kind.” I looked away as he slowly turned us in a circle.

The music continued but Jensen stopped moving, “I have so many questions but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or have you running to the hills.”

“Questions for me? Surely, you have better things to do with your time other than sitting inside with me. Don’t you have fans to entertain?” I smirked.

He chuckled, “Lucky for you, I happen to have the day off. I normally spend the day with my family. However this year they all ditched me.”

I mockingly acted shocked, “Oh no! You poor thing.”

His eyes narrowed in on me before laughing, “My mom and dad are somewhere in Spain enjoying their anniversary gift. My sister decided a girls trip with her best friends was better than hanging with me for the day. My brother is always busy with his family. You’re stuck with me.”

“I guess there’s worse ways to spend my day. Okay, ask away but I’m not promising I’ll answer them all.”

Jensen led me back to the couch, but kept ahold of my hand as we sat back down. He laced his long fingers with mine. His thumb brushing over my knuckle. I settled back against the couch once again wrapping my hoodie around me.

“What were you thinking when I put my hands on your hips earlier?”

I bit my lower lip, “I was mortified that you were touching my squish rolls of skin. I was thinking you must be disgusted by it.”

“Wow…” He squeezed my hand, “Whoever he was he really did a number on you. If I ask his name and address would you be against me and Jared beating the crap out of him?”

A genuine burst of laughter echoed in the room, “He’s really not worth it. Plus, he is much happier with his life now and that’s all that matters. He deserves to be happy.”

I was surprised to see Jensen face scrunched up in anger, “But you don’t?” He leaned in slightly, his features softening.

“No, I don’t.” The words came out without even a second thought and seeing Jensen recoil from them as if they had slapped him in the face twisted my heart.

His tongue darted out over his lips and the electrical energy between us sparked wildly, “You’re wrong. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Any man who told you otherwise is no man at all.”

He was leaning in closer, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart pounding in my ears and my body urging me to meet him in the middle. His forehead pressed against mine and his nose caressed mine.

“I’m going to kiss you.” he whispered.

“I don’t think I remember how to kiss back.” The pathetic confession was followed by a wayward tear slipping down my cheek.

His soft, full lips pressed gently against mine. My mind searched for the file within the long abandoned cabinets for how to kiss someone. He pulled away for a split second only to return his lips to mine. I found my lips pushing against his out of basic instinct. Our lips melded together for a moment before I felt him smile against mine.

His hands cupping my face, “I think it will all come back to you easier than you may think.”

I took in a deep breath letting it out in a short burst, “I think you believe in me too much for only meeting me a few hours ago.”

Jensen was still holding my face as he leaned back, “Other than Jared and Mish, I have never felt closer to anyone, but you.”

“You have your work cut out for you then,” I pointed to my head, “because it’s a nightmarish mess up in here.”

He leaned in kissing me once again, “You are worth every second of being with you because you’re stunning, smart, talented, caring and most of all you’re beautiful inside and out.”

I stared up at him speechless as my inner guard laid down her shield, “I like this one.”

“No… no one has ever said that about me. I-I don’t know what to say or how to react.” I stammered, unable to comprehend what he said.

He smiled widely, “Get used to that feeling because I’m preparing for you to feel that way a lot. Now, I don’t want to test your boundaries too much so I think we should hang out here and watch a movie.”

Jensen moved to the end of the couch resting his arm along the back of it and propping his feet on the table. For the first time in forever, there were no inner voices to keep me from doing what I desperately wanted. I moved over next to him resting my back into his side and stretching my legs out to the other end of the couch. His arm draped over the front of my chest and his fingertips brushed against my side.

This time there was no flinching and I smiled at the small victory.

The rest of the weekend was like a dream. Seeing the convention backstage, meeting all the rest of the other actors on the show and most of all Jensen’s constant touch comforted me throughout it all. Sami beaming with pride as I pushed myself to be in the crowd for the concert on Saturday. When Sunday came, I found myself riddled with sadness knowing I would have to leave this magical weekend behind.

Sami had decided to go back to the hotel while I waited for Jensen to finish his autographs. I had noticed Clif, the boys’ friend and bodyguard, staying close by me. When the last fan left the autograph room, he motioned for me to follow him. Entering the room, I found Jensen with his head down on his table while Jared and Misha were fooling around at theirs.

Walking up, I slid my hands over his shoulders and began rubbing the knots out of them. A small groan escaping his lips sent a wave of desire over my body. I moved my hands down his back eagerly wanting to hear him again.

“Hey, if you’re giving free massages away I’ll take one!” Jared called out.

Jensen’s head snapped up, “Don’t even think about it Padalecki. Her hands are too precious for your sweaty self.”

I chuckled as he stood up letting my hands drift down his back. I knew he was fit but his body was firm and lean in all the right spots. As he moved away I found my fingers stretching out to touch him again. All weekend I had found myself craving his touch. My mind was obsessively thinking about his hand in mine or my arms around his waist or his hands gripping my hips. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I heard him chuckle.

“You okay? You kind of spaced out for a moment.”

I nodded smiling, “I’m great. Just thinking was all.”

“Well come on, you and I can grab something to eat then hang out in my room.” His arm slipped around my shoulders and instantly I relaxed into his embrace.

Dinner was unexpectedly crashed by Jared and Misha tagging along. We found a twenty-four hours diner near the hotel that was nearly empty and we all spent a few hours talking, laughing. I could not help the sadness creeping over me as the minutes passed by. Minutes I was losing to have Jensen to myself. As if he read my mind he excused us to head back to the hotel.

We walked in silence, hand in hand. Stepping into the elevator, he pulled me into his side and I wrapped my arms around his waist. His room was on the opposite end of the same hall as mine. Stepping inside, the door clicking shut as we stood across from one another. It was like a shotgun going off as Jensen closed the distance between us. His hands sliding down my body as his mouth crashed to mine.

As suddenly as it happened, it was over.

“I’m sorry… shit. (Y/N) I’m really sorry.” His pleads confused me for a moment.

Breathing heavily as he stepped back further from me I blurted out, “W-Why are you apologizing? D-Did I do something wrong?”

His dark forest eyes snapped up, “You do something… you didn’t do anything but be you, (Y/N). I just couldn’t stop myself. This weekend has been the best one in my life. Being around you, holding your hand, kissing you has rejuvenated me. I just want more of you, all of you. Simple looks you give, the way you hold yourself and the moment you open yourself up to reach out to me. I just found myself unable to hold back anymore. I know…”

This time it was me who closed the distance between us. My lips crashing into his. My hands running up his broad chest and into his soft hair. The soft moan escaping my lips as we parted.

“I want you to have me…” I whispered in between breaths, “I’m nervous with a bunch of what ifs running in my head.”

“Do you trust me?” The corner of his lip curling upward.

“Yes.”

Jensen took my hand leading me into the bedroom of his suite. He gently picked me up and sat me on the bed. He knelt in front of me, slipping my shoes from my feet then pulling my socks off. His thumbs pressing into the bottom of my feet as I began to giggle.

“Oh… now that is an amazing sound. I must hear that again.” He smirked, tickling my feet.

I fell back in a fit of giggles as Jensen’s laughter joined mine. I leaned up on my elbows looking down at Jensen resting his chin on my knee. He lifted his brows asking permission and I nodded. His hands drifted over my calves, up to my knees and over my thighs.

“You have incredible legs. I found myself staring at them as you would walk in front of me with Sami. Wondering how they would feel beneath my hands.” He gently squeezed them near my hips.

His knee pressed into the mattress between my legs as his firm body hovered over mine. My fingers brushed against the hem of his shirt pushing it up and hesitantly touching his stomach. Jensen sucked in a quick breath as his hands paused on his hips. I focused on the feeling of his smooth, warm skin beneath my fingertips. His flat stomach is surprisingly soft.

I grasped the end of his shirt pulling it towards his head as he pulled back allowing it over his head. Taking it from my hands, he tossed it on the floor. I took in every inch of his skin from his muscles flexing to the freckles decorating it.

“You beautiful, you know that?” I did not think he heard me until I saw the smug smirk on his face.

He leaned down kissing me, “Stealing my lines, sweetheart.”

His hands went back to my hips as his lips left a trail of kisses down my neck, “You think that your softness is revolting, but I find it inviting.”

I froze as his hand pushed up into my shirt touching my stomach. I squirmed as he pushed my shirt up just under my bra. My hands threading through his hair as his lips pressed small kisses against my stomach.

“Jensen…” The tension in my tone caught his attention.

His eyes filled with worry, “Too much?”

I took a few deep breaths and shook my head, “I’m fine, promise.”

“See there you go, being brave and pushing yourself. You have no idea how sexy that is.” He murmured against my skin.

As Jensen’s mouth neared the waistband of my jeans, I tugged his hair motioning for him to come back up to her. He smiled randomly kissing spots along my body. His lips finally met mine as I slid my arms around him. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip as they parted for him. His gentleness and care to make me comfortable broke down the last existing wall of defense.

Their kiss deepened. My body burned with a need to feel Jensen’s skin against mine and to be close to him in every way physically possible. Foreign pressure began to simmer deep within me and I lifted my hips pressing them against his thigh.

He pulled away his eyes blown with passion searching mine for an answer to a silent question.

“Please… take away everything he did. I want to feel whole again.” I pleaded just above a whisper.

His lips were on mine again as he gently lifted me up further onto his bed. Sitting up, I pulled my shirt over my head holding it in front of me for a brief moment. His eyes watching my every move as I tossed it over the side. He reached behind me with one hand unclasping my bra in one swift movement.

I kissed his collarbone as he leaned in to do so, “Show off.”

He chuckled before leaning back and allowing me at my pace to unveiling my bare chest to him. I slid the straps down my arms holding it in place before playfully tossing it at him chuckling. Joking had always been my way of dealing with uncomfortable moments. When I looked up his eyes were drifting down my bare upper body.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He smirked as I rolled my eyes at him, “Seriously, (Y/N)... you’re absolutely stunning.”

He ran his hand down my chest, between my breasts and down to my jeans. He undid the button and slowly drew down the zipper. Hooking his fingers with a belt loops dragging my jeans down my legs. I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. Jensen tossed them off to the side then began to place gentle, open mouth kisses up my leg.

My breaths were coming out in small little puffs the further up my leg he got. His mouth hovered over her cotton cover mound inching closer to it. My teeth dug into my lip desperately wanting him to press them against me. Instead he kept his path up my body stopping at my breasts. He cupped the side of one running his thumb over my nipple.

A long sigh escaping my lips from just the slightest touch from him, “O-Oh… Jensen…” His mouth had gently suckled my other nipple, the pressure turning to an ache between my legs.

“You have no idea hearing my name from your lips does to me.” He softly said before circling my nipple with his tongue.

Feeling bold, I slid my hand down between us running it along the hard bulge being restrained by denim. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath dropping his head between my breasts, “Shit…”

“I believe I have some kind of an idea.” I smiled as he grinded himself against my palm.

He stood up at the edge of the bed, his intense stare making me tremble with anticipation. Leaning forward, his fingers hooked the sides of her cotton panties and pulled them down until they were on the floor.

“Exquisite, flawless, perfect.”

“As are you.” I sat up until I was sitting on the edge in front of him.

My hands trembled as I unbuttoned his jeans and carefully unzipped them. Jensen let out a soft hiss as I brushed against his length. His hands cupped my face pulling my lips to his urgently kissing me. I pushed his jeans and boxers down as far as I could before he pushed me back onto the mattress. His hand drifting down my body until his fingers pressed against my folds.

“Jensen, please…” I begged needing to feel any kind of relief from the pressure pulsating from between my legs, “Ohhh… god.”

Jensen began to rub lazy circles against my clit. My hips grinding against his hand as his lips pressed just below my ear, “Are you okay?”

His question sober me from the drunken stupor of desire and I placed my hand over his pushing down further, “More than okay.”

Jensen pushed one long finger deep inside me with a hiss, “Fuck pretty girl, your so tight.” He slowly pushed a second finger inside.

My head pressed against the mattress, my back arching as he pumped his thick fingers in me, “More, oh please Jensen, I need more.”

His pace picked up and I looked up to his face. His eyes wide and dark watching me come undone as his thumb rubbed harshly against my throbbing clit, “Jensen!” I cried out overwhelming pleasure wrecked through my body.

Breathing heavily, my body shaking slightly as he pulled his fingers from me, “Now that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A slow grin spread across my face as I pulled his mouth to mine. He positioned himself between my legs pulling away slightly, his lips grazing against mine.

“Are you sure? We can stop if you want.” Jensen’s tone was tense as I felt his length resting against my folds.

I kissed him, “I need you. All of you.”

He braced himself up with one arm as his hand slipped between us. Jensen ran the swollen head along my slickness before nudging it against my entrance. The room filled with groans and heavy breaths as Jensen slowly sheathed himself within me. There was a singe of pain as I stretched taking him his thick length but quickly was replaced with immense pleasure as he thrusted gently into me.

“So. Tight.” He panted against my cheek.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him digging my heels into him. Each stroke pushing me further to the edge. Feeling every muscle straining along his back and arms. His head buried in the crook of my neck grunting almost painfully. I knew then he was holding back.

I pressed my lips to his ear, “Jensen, I won’t break. You’re making me feel incredible, but I want you to let go. Show me how I make you feel.”

A low growl rumbled from his chest as he nipped at my neck and his hips snapped against me. The echoes of our skin meeting, loving praises and the headboard against the wall filled the room. I started to meet each thrust of his, the coil within me ready to snap. His hands were gripping my shoulders holding me against his burning body. I clung to him scraping my nails against his back making him growl again.

“Shit Jensen, I’m so close. Just a little more, oh god please!” I beg as he thrusted into me feverishly small grunts coming from him, “Yes, yes, oh… Jensen!”

My whole body was shaking as an intense wave of euphoria covered me. Pulsating around him, he abandoned all control chasing his own release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He gritted his teeth as his body went rigid before slamming into me his length twitching deep within me, “Holy shit…”

Jensen rode out his release, his arms shaking to the point he could not hold himself up anymore. I groaned as he pulled out leaving me empty. He rolled onto his back breathing heavily as I curled into his side burying my head into his chest.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” His concern only made me cling to him more.

I shook my head, “No, I’m just overwhelmed. Too many feelings at once.”

“Talk it out. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Jensen wrapped his arms around me holding me close.

I took a deep breath, “I’m feeling exhilaration, bliss, pleasure. Right now, I’m feeling empty and it’s almost like I can’t breath. I feel scared by how much I need to feel your touch.”

His fingers were drawing small circles against my bare back, “If that’s your way of asking for round two, you’re going to have to wait for a little bit. I haven’t come like that since I was a teenager.”

There was a brief moment of silence before I started to laugh. My body shaking from the laughter pouring from my lips. I kissed his chest, “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me. It’s my honor to make you laugh. Bring your pleasure. Praise you for your beautifulness. More importantly, always holding you close to me.”

I entwined my legs with his as he pulled the sheet over our naked bodies. Just when I thought he was about to fall asleep, I slipped my hand over his soft member then pressed my lips just under his chin.

“Round two?”

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @ladywinchester1967 @akshi8278 @ericaprice2008 @deans-baby-momma @spnbaby-67 @dean-winchesters-bacon @carryonmywaywardcaptain @-lovepeacenhope- @destiel745 @carribear31 @srsllydunnodoncare @whimsicalrobots @thisismysecrethappyplace @starstruckzonkoperatorbat @adoptdontshoppets @mrswhozeewhatsis @bella-ca @drakelover78 @imascio08 @pisces-cutie @dwgrl1903-blog @mannls @the-salty-asian @winchesterprincessbride @xostephanie @superromijn @witch-of-letters @time-travel-bouqet @screechingartisancashbailiff @myinconnelly1 @sister-winchesters99 @thekatherinewinchester @maddiepants @tumbler-tidbits @sandlee44 @destielhoneybee @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @thefaithfulwriter @stoneyggirl @supernaturalginger @emoryhemsworth @wednesdayismyfunday @team-free-will-you-idjiot @atc74 @cosicas-cuquis @casseythebee

#jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles x plus size!reader #jensen ackles #angst #fluff #smut

119 notes · View notes

bearseokie · 5 years ago

Text

dear readers and writers

— a little advice i wish i would have heard before i started this blog and writing in general. sorry i’m that writer that makes post like these, i just want you to understand that things like this change everything. if this looks like a lot, just find the ones that pertain to you.

writers

➤ 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐝

there are so many good works that come from you focusing on the genres you are most comfortable with, and only writing those is not a bad thing. it’s not a “you’re not growing as a writer” situation, it’s a comfort zone situation. just because smuts do well doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to write them. just because angsts come in bulk because you can never ignore the emotional bits of writing doesn’t mean that has to be the main focus of every work. just because fluffs are the most reblogged content doesn’t mean it’s the only genre people will enjoy from you. focus on what you love, others will follow!

➤ 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐟𝐮𝐥

if you don’t consistently open your inbox, do it at least once. close it when you feel overwhelmed or at any time you feel necessary. don’t believe that you have to write them all in a short period of time. be statistical about it: only open it for a short game or blurbs. use the requests to fill in blanks or practice writing in different ways. play with the word counts. change up the tone. delete a few, you’re not obligated to actually write them, this is your free time and your work. but sometimes doing requests can change how you write, maybe even give you a breakthrough you wouldn’t have had with writing things from your own mind. and have fun.

➤ 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

filling the warnings up with silly little comments or parts from the story is important, too. even if it’s a paragraph’s worth of potential warnings or triggers, never skip adding them. even if you think it’s something not worth mentioning, it will be to someone. add as many as necessary.

➤ 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝟏𝟎,𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞

word counts don’t determine how good of a writer you are. from brilliant blurbs with two paragraphs and one line of dialogue, drabbles with less than a thousand words, or full on double digits fics: what counts is that you enjoyed writing it. it made you excited. you paused just to mention to a friend how much you love writing it. you got chills piecing together that one line. that energy gets put through your work and into your reader, seriously.

➤ 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐩𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐭?

everyone reads. anything. everything. you name it, one person’s read it. whether your confidence in your writing ability is low or not, the process will only benefit you. and you get to spend time writing about some of your favorite people/characters, it’s a win-win. it’s no competition, only a fun time that you get to create and share with the world. try it.

➤ 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠

the more detail, the better the mental picture. if you read something and love visualizing every scene, hearing every line, then you should work for the same within your stories. close your eyes and put your scene into your surroundings, every little detail counts. and although i said word counts don’t mean anything, if your brain does focus on you having large word counts (it happens to every writer, big word counts make you feel cool for writing so much), then this is a sexy step to use because it heightens that number pretty quickly.

short sentences look weird, but are better than run-ons.

vocabulary is sexy and thesaurus dot com is your best friend. need a word but can only think of something similar, you’ll find it there. used the same word three times now and think you’re starting to look insane, you are, use your sources.

you don’t need a banner or aesthetics for everything you write. the writing does all of the work itself. don’t stress about the accessories.

burnt out on writing the same thing / can’t think of what else to put down? break time. take a tangent, write something else, cut it off there (maybe post it) and leave the rest for the future, the cliffhanger or abrupt ending will have everyone on the edge of their seats. you’re still doing well.

if you’re writing to gain a following or have extensive amounts of notes to brag about, you’re into writing fanfics for the wrong reasons. hoping for feedback is one thing, feasting for it as your only source of inspiration for writing is just hurting yourself and other writers in the long run. write for yourself and no one else.

writer’s block? hell if i know, i’ve had it since before i started writing.

readers

➤ 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤

a little feedback goes a mile. a simple emoji as a reaction, keyboard smashes, even tagging topical things can make a fanfic writer smile.

but long paragraphs also go a long way. imagine watching a movie you love to bits, so much so that you go online and read reviews of it. that commentary can shift the way you look at the movie forever, and stick with you during other films. it’s the same with receiving and reading feedback on fanfics. I’m not saying go crazy critical with your feedback, do not do that unless the writer says they want criticism, but maybe writing why you love one particular line so much could change the way the writer feels about the entire work or make a reader begin to love the same line so much that they quote it or recommend it. it makes a difference!

➤ 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬?

tell the writer. this isn’t an “i wrote this and it mentions all of these other things, so you should have expected this” game. if it bothered you, it will probably bother someone else, and that needs to be told to the writer. i don’t know what to tell you if a writer writes back being degrading or negative about your concern for that warning, but i promise you that most writers will not argue with whether it should be a warning or not and will just add it. do not be scared to mention something that triggered you if it was not mentioned in the warnings. also, please remember writers are humans and cannot think of everything all the time. we might miss one or two warnings within the work when writing the description, so please tell us.

➤ “𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬, 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠.”

pain. straight pain. your reblog shares that post with your followers. you like it, why wouldn’t they? that reblog stays on your page, it’ll be seen. the tags you put in could help others find more works on your blog, essentially helping more works be found. maybe they’re old and haven’t seen the light of the recent tags in months, but your reblog could help more people still see it, and that makes a difference. we all have those lazy moments where we don’t want to do all of the steps, but even doing them sometimes helps.

➤ 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞?

readers can scroll through the list for their preferences, find new writers that amaze them, maybe they gain the courage to put together their own fic recs list. all of those recommended fics are still floating around and being shared, they don’t get lost in the tags or the writer’s masterlists. you find/make a recs list: congratulations, you’re contributing to helping fanfics thrive (as they deserve). also, who doesn’t love an entire list right in front of them so they don’t have to go on a scavenger hunt to find new things to read? answer: no one.

➤ 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐥𝐞?

tags to organize, fics to go through/find/read, oh my. let me let you in on a little secret:

have you ever had that moment where you suddenly remember one line or scene from a fic you read months ago, and you have the vaguest details to go off of in order to search and find it? your fics recs blog would have you covered, just scroll through the feed or the tags and boom, it’s at your fingertips.

now imagine someone else looking for more fics to read stumbling upon your blog. might look a little strange and coded to them, but eventually they navigate and find a new fic they’ll be talking about for months. they reblog it, add their own feedback, their followers see it and join in, and that writer feels immensely appreciated all because you started a recs blog and just-so-happened to reblog their fic. tah dah.

➤ 𝐭𝐡𝐢��𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐩?

well, so did i. i asked my followers on this blog and my recs blog to send in their favorite fics with some extra details and feedback thinking i wouldn’t get anything, but i got an entire list! guess what’s even better? that list went straight into the tags (thanks to tumblr working properly for once) and now anyone that searches up ‘kpop fic recs’ can find it at any time. same goes for your own. there’s no specific way of organizing a recs list, just make sure the links work and the writers are credited! it helps.

read more! it’s a vast world in your hands, enjoy the words that go along with it.

sorry for this technical rant/advice post, this has just been in me for a while and i wanted to talk about it. I might add more to this as things come up, but for now i hope this helps! <3

#bearseokie.txt #this is a lot but hey it's a silly dawn rant again #i hope this gets through to anyone having a hard time writing right now #and to the ghost readers bc we still know you're there bro #take care of yourself !#bearseokie navigation #writing.tips!

64 notes · View notes

thedefinitionofendgame · 4 years ago

Text

The Definition Of Endgame

/'en(d),gām/ the idea that two people are meant to be together, forever

hi, I'm kaykay! welcome to my little blog corner of the world where (most) characters get their happy ending, no matter how the writers left them. I'm an avid reader, hopeful writer and love TV shows, movies and books with all my heart.

Story behind my username:

I've always used the word "endgame" when talking about fictional couples (and sometimes real ones)

To me, endgame means forever. And no matter what their storylines are, my OTPs are endgame to me. Nothing will ever change that.

Your endgame(s) might be different than mine. That's okay. As long as your favourite couple(s) are endgame to you, forever is possible.

please checkout this post about rules (!)

my sideblog can be found at @endgamequotes :)

I write fanfics (same username as this blog)

You can find my ao3 pseud here

And my fanfiction.net page here

I'm always open to fic prompts; send me an "ask" anytime :)

My fanfic masterlist can be found below via "keep reading"

I used to have the username @/oakleyfraser4 but changed to match my Tumblr & Instagram handle. All works under the previous username still belong to me

All of my original tumblr posts can be found at the hashtag "#the definition of endgame"

Thanks for checking my page out! Happy blogging :)

Fanfic Masterlist | @thedefinitionofendgame

ON TUMBLR

ON AO3

Series: Amelia & Link’s Dream Come True

Grey's Anatomy

two under two - Amelia and Link discover they’re having another baby only half a year after Scout

i will never stop loving you - A sudden death has Link remembering how much he loves Amelia

even when forever falls apart - Accidents happen, but one in particular leaves Amelia feeling alone and lost

Series: Mark & Lexie, Meant To Be

we’re gonna be so happy - Lexie and Mark in the last moments of their time together on earth

Non-series fics

don’t waste one single minute - On Meredith’s beach, Mark and Lexie are reunited and Meredith reflects on what loss and love is like

Series: Jo & Alex, What Should've Been

walked through hell - When a familiar face shows up at Grey Sloan Memorial, Jo is hit with news she never thought she would receive

baseball takes your mind off things - Slexie, Merder and Cristowen play baseball to distract themselves from the results of the recent hospital cuts (6.03 extended scene)

Station 19

Series: Andy & Sullivan, The Only Good Thing

I Love You, Baby - Andy is keeping a secret from her husband but Robert isn't dumb and intends to find out sooner or later

Non-series fics

A New Adventure - Maya and Carina's son is graduating, which causes his moms to feel a lot of emotions

Collection (Grey’s Anatomy X Station 19): Code Red

Love Is Enough - Surrera's journey to make it back to each other, after the season 4 finale

Code Red - s18 of Grey's Anatomy and s5 of Station imagined by me and @greys-for-days

The 100

Series: John Murphy & Emori’s Forever

The Story Behind The Grand Canyon - Murphy’s heart was never the same after the love of his life died, but he has to keep it together for his-their-daughter

John & Emori : The Happy Ending They Deserve - John Murphy and Emori have been through so much, they deserve whatever goodness life has to offer

Little Thief - Auntie Raven finds herself hanging out with her favourite thief, none other than Alexie Murphy

Three - Murphy, Emori and their daughter make up a family, and that’s all they ever need

Dance With Me - Murphy and Emori take advantage of a night together after barely surviving the day

Chaos Makes Love - Emori has a secret she’s keeping from Murphy, but when he finds out the news, his reaction is not what she expects

Underneath The Sheets - In Becca’s lab, Murphy and Emori have a moment alone, although not the usual moment that happens between these two

So Much For Forever - Murphy doesn't make it to the ship before the bombs, so he and Emori spend their last minutes, forever together (canon-divergent with 5.13)

You Always Mattered To Me - Murphy tells Emori just how much she matters to him

Fall To Pieces - Emori and Murphy loved each other and they will fight for together until their last breath

You Almost Had Me - Emori does her best to change Murphy's mood when it's clear he doesn't want to play "Primes" (7.01 extended scene)

Series: The Ring Years

Every. Single. Damn. Time. - Raven learns the importance of knocking during Spacekru’s time on The Ring

Friday Fun Nights - Game night for Spacekru consists of algae-alcohol, spilled secrets and a the bonding of friends to family

Bellamy & Raven...With Benefits - Raven and Bellamy are bored...and solve this in an interesting way

Series: It’s Hard To Be A Hero’s Kid

It’s Hard To Be A Hero’s Kid - Arden Murphy, the second youngest of Murphy and Emori’s kids, faces the best and worst parts of growing up, discovering who he is, and learning what love means

Series: Levitt & Octavia Together In The End

Levitt Alone - Levitt meets Octavia and even though it’s him looking into her mind, she hasn’t left his alone since he walked in

Levitt Is Not Alone - Levitt reflects on how Octavia changed him and decides to do something reckless when he sees her again

Level Eleven - Levitt and Octavia admit their feelings for each other and share a moment alone to learn more about each other (7.09 extended scene)

Series: Troped: The Fanfic Challenge

What Is Mine - Jordan learns the important lesson of family and friendship as he attempts to get back something he feels he rightfully deserves

The Life We Seek To Find - Murphy and Emori make the daring decision to travel across the unknown wasteland of Earth in order to find the so-called ‘City Of Light’ in the hopes of finding a better future for their family

All I Want For Christmas - Tired of being single, Murphy decides to take matters into his own hands and agrees to “fake date” his coworker, Emori, during Christmas holiday events

You're All I Have - The backstory of Levitt, and how he ended up on Bardo in the first place

Non-series fics

May We Meet Again (written prior to 7x15 airing) - A blurb of what I think the ending of the 100 (season 7) could look like

The Mother-Daughter Book Club

Secrets, Lies & Other Hidden Things - The original book club girls are in for a surprise when they decide to “restart” the MDBC, as their kids seem to be just like their moms. Luckily there’s book club magic to help them out along the way

Heartland

10 Years, A Heartland Story - 10 years after season 11, who knows what could happen now? Follow the Borden family as their three kids grow up, all while still calling Heartland “home”

This Is Us

This is You + Me - Kevin is interviewed about his career, his wife and his kids all while thanking the lucky stars be met Sophie all those years ago.

#blog owner #about me!#pinned post #fanfic masterlist #the definition of endgame

18 notes · View notes

angerissue · 4 years ago

Photo

Anonymous asked... Thought you weren't part of the marvel releases?

I assume this is about the masterlist post I reblogged, and the decision to include my adaptation as “MCU canon”, so I'm replying based on that assumption. Correct me if I'm wrong.

The simplest reason is, between the two masterlist options, which were comic canon and film canon, the latter was a better fit.

You're correct that I'm not in the Marvel fandom, that I'm not interested in discussing releases most of the time, and that I don't really address canon films by name on this blog. However, the background for my Bruce has extensive film influences, as seen in the dossier. Even if we do consider the glaring omissions and amendments I've made regarding film canon, which are the full removal of film Sakaar, the postponement of Bruce’s DID symptoms, and the correction of Bruce's flanderized characterization in the last three films, most official canon is intact. If other canon is omitted, it’s usually just Bruce's own experiences.

For instance... After the Chitauri invasion, Bruce joined S.H.I.E.L.D. as an employee, rather than immediately joining the Avengers as a long-term member, but this does not change anything about those teams aside from his own presence/absence. This kind of alteration is present across his timeline. This means that for most film-based characters, interactions are almost seamless, and Bruce can plug right in. Granted, I have made certain tweaks when it comes to certain characters, such as making Thor return to Asgard and assume the throne. But even if I interact with these characters, it's still easy to retcon the amendments and use the other writer's canon, or use the multiverse theory.

At the end of the day, while I consider his universe to be a standalone “fix-it” universe that doesn't actually mention canon releases by name, the board and pieces are 90% the same. And that’s really not an uncommon occurrence, for Marvel fanfic writers to adjust things so much.

When it comes to my dearth of investment in the Marvel fandom and releases, which has been present since around 2014, I believe this shouldn't preclude me from adding myself to a list that only takes into account the nature of this adaptation, and not the author's personal views of current releases... Especially because I'm not the only one! At this point, a huge chunk of the Marvel fandom has seen at least one release they wanted to ignore in their writing. That's just what happens when canon becomes so longstanding and when there's so much of it. The longer it continues, the more likely something will be released that fans don't like. So, this is a good time to mention it's always possible to continue enjoying and writing a character, even if you dislike their current ownership or releases. You don't need to feel ashamed, like you’re somehow less of a fan of that character.

Trust me, you are still a fan!

I certainly shouldn't feel like I can’t add my adaptation to a masterlist simply because, in a character’s whopping sixty years of canon, I've vehemently hated the last eight of them.

Especially if those eight years were all under the same company, with the same basic characterization/story/plot formula.

It’s healthy to make the distinction between a character, and the writers who are currently in charge of their official canon. After all, the only real difference between “canon writers” and fanfic writers is that the former is being paid. Moreover, nobody is beholden to canon. You do not owe canon a single thing. Canon is a company, but the character is a character. And canon is not infallible. This has allowed me to enjoy myself without feeling pressured to participate in fandoms and releases that I don't enjoy anymore.

Think of it like this... I originally fell in love with Bruce as a character because I really loved how many different facets there were to him, and I found his characterization appealing in a moody, sardonic, self-deprecating sort of sense. It's natural I wouldn't find a version of him that was a cartoony goofball appealing. And, I originally got into Marvel because of Bruce. He was the only reason I became invested in their releases to begin with, and remained invested. So when his portrayal became unenjoyable to me, I didn't feel much of a connection to Marvel anymore, or at least the incarnation of Marvel as it currently exists under Disney.

It’s okay to walk away from the official stuff, whether permanently or conditionally. It’s also okay to walk away and still retain some canon if it works for you; I know it’s worked for me. Cherry-picking is awesome, and it’s one of the best tools in a fanfic writer’s arsenal.

Yes, I'd probably have reservations about adding Bruce to a "canon" list if he was very different, and his universe altered to the point of being unrecognizable, but that's not the case here. (At least, I hope not!) And besides, if we take the term “canon” literally, only the people who followed canon painstakingly close and with no creative liberties could add their adaptation to that masterlist... And that would make for a very short list indeed.

But in the end, the masterlist doesn’t mean anything for this Bruce, and I’ll continue to write him as I always have.

I hope this cleared up the confusion, anon.

#( answered. )#anonymous #i wasn't sure where to add this but...#when it comes to thor being king and all of that... a lot of this stuff was the natural result of those bigger omissions #as in because there was no film sakaar there were no characters from film sakaar either like hela brunnhilde etc.#so in this universe thor literally wouldn't have known someone to ask to assume the throne in his place.#stuff like that.

4 notes · View notes

shewhohangsoutincemeteries · 5 years ago

Text

stay

Rocket Raccoon x Gender-Neutral Reader

Requested by: @b-oys-do-c-ry

Summary: after the events of endgame, you’ve tried to settle back into life with the guardians, but feel the need to return home to your family and help them adjust to the new reality. rocket catches you packing.

Characters: rocket raccoon, reader, mentions of other guardians

Warnings: the relationship is understandably platonic. only warning is for mild adult language and angst

Word Count: 2,380

MARVEL MASTERLIST or CHECK OUT MY FANFIC DEDICATED BLOG

One of the side effects of living with five other ‘people’ on a ship with only three bunks – one of which was actually a converted storage space – was that you didn’t have a lot of space to call your own. Sharing a room with Drax, Mantis and Nebula meant that you really only kept the essentials, along with a few sentimental knick-knacks you’d picked up both back on Terra and in ports across the galaxy. On the bright side, that meant that the phrase ‘packing a bag’ could be taken quite literally. Almost everything you owned fit in a single duffel bag.

“What’re you doin’?”

You jumped slightly as a voice sounded behind you, a mix of confusion and amusement coloring his tone. Turning from the bag on your bunk, you offered an awkward shrug of one shoulder to Rocket. He was standing in the doorway, arms folded over his chest and an eyebrow cocked.

It was amazing that after everything that happened with Thanos, you’d been brought back into existence and Rocket still seemed for the most part, the same gruff, smart-mouthed guy you’d bonded with when you’d first joined the crew. There were a few greyer hairs around his muzzle now, and sometimes he seemed more tired than anything else, but otherwise, he just seemed happy to have you all back.

“Nothing. What’s up?”

“You’re missin’ dinner.”

“And you came all the way to the other end of the ship to tell me that?” you joked, mirroring his posture. You smirked jovially down at him. “I’m touched, man.”

“Shut ya mouth,” he groused back at you despite the beginnings of a smirk of his own on his face. You laughed despite your unease at being caught out, shaking your head. “Groot’s fussin’ about you not bein’ there.”

“Sure, he is,” you replied snidely, smile widening. It was unlikely that Groot had even raised his head from his game long enough to realize you weren’t there. “That’s why he’s here bugging me instead of you.”

“Watch it, humie. You can’t be butt ugly and friendless.”

“Ah, there’s the Rocket I know and love.” you teased. “And please, you know I’m gorgeous.”

He snickered, nodding almost absentmindedly. “Yeah, yeah. Ego like that and you’ll be putting Quill to shame in no time.”

“Oh, shudder the thought.” you said with a dismissive wave of your hand. You turned back to your bed, speaking over your shoulder. “Don’t worry yourself, Rock. I promise, you’ll never see me getting into a pissing contest with a Norse God.”

“Because you’re leavin’?”

You stopped, hands hovering over your bag. You closed your eyes for a moment, exhaling a long sigh through your nose. You had tried so hard to do this quietly.

The last thing you wanted was the crew fussing over your decision or trying to get you to change your mind. You didn’t get a lot of privacy or time alone between ports, but you’d figured that the notion of a hot meal would be enticing enough to the rest of the crew to grant you at least twenty minutes in which to pack your bag. You’d barely made it more than five.

You’d told Quill. Two weeks ago, you’d found him alone, pouring over the screens that held the scans he hoped would lead you to Gamora. The new Gamora… an old Gamora. The Gamora that didn’t know you yet. It had taken him a while to comprehend what you were saying, to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to understand. He’d tried to convince you to stay, tried to tell you what he thought you needed to hear, but he’d finally agreed all the same. You were to get off in a couple of days when you were Terra-side again. He’d agreed not to tell the others – it was your business to share.

Honestly, part of you was sure it would have been anyone but the anti-social Rocket to come looking for you… but maybe another part of you wasn’t so surprised by it at all. He’d been more attentive since the second snap, more concerned. Of course, he’d shake you off with an insult and a scoff if you pointed that out.

“Damn it,” you breathed quietly, turning around and fixing him with your best attempt at incredulity. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re packin’ a bag, Y/N.” he said pointedly, nodding his head toward the bed behind you.

“Maybe I’m just… reorganizing.”

“Into a bag.”

“It’s a… system. Keeps everything in one, easy to access place.”

“So does your locker,” he pointed out, gesturing under your bed.

“Well, only if you want to get all… logical about it,” you admitted in a childish grumble. When his only response was to lean against the edge of the doorway and give you an exasperated look, you sighed, running a hand through your hair. You sat on the edge of your bunk, shoving your bag to the end of it. “How many of you did Quill tell?”

Rocket’s expression turned offense. “So, you are leavin’.”

“Ah, shit.”

“And you told Quill, but not—not the rest of us?”

“I, uh… well, yeah?” you tried for a humored smile. It curled the side of your lips awkwardly. This whole conversation was making you way too uncomfortable. You didn’t do emotional confrontation. A gunfight on some random planet all in the name of the adventures of the Guardians of the Galaxy, sure. But talking about your feelings? There was a reason you got along so well with every other emotionally constipated crew member on this damn ship. “I needed him to steer the ship in the right direction. Did you think we were going back to Terra because we’re already out of mac and cheese?”

“What the fuck, Y/N?” he growled, clearly unamused by your attempt at humor. “You’re leavin’ and you weren’t even gonna tell us?”

“Of course, I was!” you protested. “Just… figured I’d wait.”

“’til when exactly?”

“…until it was time to get back on the ship?” you said, almost hopefully. Rocket rolled his eyes disparagingly, fixing you with a long look. The cold disappointment… the betrayal… in his eyes made your blood freeze, and he shook his head as he turned away. You called after him as he left. “Rocket. Rocket, c’mon, man—I just…”

You fell back onto your bed with a huff, staring at your ceiling. “Goddamn it.”

***

Two days. It had been a bit over forty-eight hours and Rocket still wasn’t talking to you. Sure, he wasn’t the most sociable guy on the ship to begin with, but this was different. This was cold.

The two of you usually exchanged good-natured, sarcastic barbs as easy as breathing, only to round on whoever told you to shut up first together. It was fun, easy, and something you never really thought about – your friendship with Rocket was always something you didn’t really have to think about – it was reactionary. So, to be thinking about it now… you’d been completely lost at what to do for the last two days.

He didn’t talk to you, and when he absolutely had to, it was curt. The sarcasm he still flung your way under his breath didn’t hold the same humor. More than once, Quill and Mantis had cast you questioning glance at the change in his attitude towards you, but all you could do was shrug. You weren’t even completely sure as to why he was acting this way; you were friends, sure, but it was Rocket. He wasn’t exactly the touchy-feely type.

“Hey, Rock.”

He didn’t react to your entrance other than a small flick of his ear in your direction. He was on the late shift piloting the ship back to Terra, and you’d spent the last four hours staring at the ceiling of your bunk, sleep unwilling to take you. So, you dragged yourself out of bed, pulled on a jacket and your boots against the cold of the ship, and headed for the cockpit. You hadn’t had a chance to talk to him without interruption he left the room whenever someone else entered.

“Are you really giving me the silent treatment here, man?” you asked after a few moments, exasperated. You moved to sit in the co-pilot’s seat, pulling your jacket more tightly around yourself. “C’mon, Rocket. Seriously.”

He didn’t take his eyes off the sky. “I’m busy, Y/N.”

You followed his gaze with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, I’d hate to distract you from this completely empty expanse of space we’re travelling through right now.”

He sighed at your sarcasm, giving you a sidelong, exasperated look of his own. “What’re you doin’ here, Y/N?”

“Right now?” you replied. “Right now, I’m just amazed you’ve managed to string more than two words together in my presence.”

“Just…” he paused, shaking his head as he searched for the words. You felt your stomach twist at the seeming uncertainty you could see in him; this was different. Rocket didn’t consider what he said; no, he’d just shoot back with whatever first came to mind, consequences be damned. For all his faults, he always seemed so certain of what he meant when he spoke, even if it was just a quick insult or a jibe. This wasn’t that. “Just… what do you want?”

“I want you to talk to me, Rocket.” you said. “Like before.”

“Why bother?” he shrugged, his voice gruff. He was back to refusing to look at you. “You ain’t gonna be around much longer, anyway.”

You sighed, fixing your eyes on the wide, black emptiness in front of you. That view used to excite you, a promise of adventure. Ever since the snap, it just felt… cold. “Look, I… I gotta go home, Rocket. They need me there. Everyone being back… it’s more complicated than we thought it would be. But… but me leaving, it’s not a big deal.”

“Sure, it’s not.”

“Dude,” you bristled at his tone despite yourself. “Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re pissed at me!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands up in annoyance. You stuttered over your words for a moment, lost, before standing and shrugging dramatically. “Look, just forget about it, Rocket. I don’t know why I bothered coming up here in the first place; why the hell would I ever expect you to actually fucking talk to me instead of just being a complete dick about this.”

It wasn’t until you were stepping back onto the ladder to leave that he spoke again, his voice so quiet you almost missed it. He was still sitting in the pilot’s chair, his eyes still on the stars. “Don’t.”

You stopped short, surprised by the sudden vulnerability in his voice. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t…” he exhaled slowly, a steadying breath. “Don’t go.”

Your brow creased, and you moved slowly back towards his seat until you could see his face again. He looked embarrassed at speaking up, his ears drooping back. In fact, you were almost certain that under all that fur there could be a blush burning in his cheeks.

“Why not?”

“Be… because… ah, fuck…” he muttered to himself, a paw rubbing almost nervously at the fur on the side of his neck. “Because we… we need you here.”

“You… no, you don’t.”

Rocket finally turned to look at you, incredulity in his eyes. “We don’t? What about Groot?”

You paused, pressing your lips together as your stomach dropped. You loved the plant, you’d helped to raise him, and leaving him behind was one of the hardest things you were facing right now. Leaving any one member of the crew behind was going to be hard, but Groot… he was still a kid. “He’ll… he’ll be fine. He’s got all of you here, and he probably… he probably won’t even realize that I’m gone.”

Rocket raised an eyebrow at you. “Really? You think he’s an idiot?”

“No! I think he’d have to get his head out of that goddamn gaming device for more than thirty seconds to realize I wasn’t around?” you shot back in frustration. “Is that what this is about? You think you’ll have to look after him by yourself if I’m not around? Are you seriously pissed at me because you’re losing a babysitter?!”

“I’m pissed because you’re leaving me!” he shouted, the intensity in his voice surprising the both of you. He seemed to realize he’d admitted something he hadn’t intended a few moments too late, and he rolled his eyes at himself, tugging irritably at the fur at either side of his neck.

“…Rocket?”

He growled in frustration, rubbing his paws over his eyes. When he finally spoke again, he sounded tired… weary. “Just… you have no idea. You have no idea what is was like… all of you were gone. Gone, and I was…”

He broke off with a long exhalation and a slow shake of his head, his eyes closed. When you spoke for him, you could barely bring your voice above a whisper. “Alone.”

Rocket’s breathing shook slightly, the only sound in the ship’s quiet cockpit. You moved to kneel beside his chair, your gaze beseeching. You almost reached out to touch him but thought better of it. Honestly, you weren’t sure anymore if that was still a trigger for him.

“Rocket, you’re not alone anymore. We’re all back. Just because I’m gone doesn’t mean the others will be too. You’ll still have Groot and Quill and Nebula… everyone else will still be here. You’re not going to be alone; is that what this is all about?”

He sighed, opening his eyes. “It don’t matter. You go, that’s one more time, one more person I’ve got to mourn. And I don’t think I’ve got it in me to do it again.”

“Rock…” you murmured. You could feel tears welling in your eyes, and you could see them in his. You steadied yourself, wetting your lips. “I need to go home.”

He turned to face you, his jaw set. “Then don’t stay.”

“What?”

“Come back. Don’t stay on Terra.”

“I don’t…”

“Please.”

You stopped short; you didn’t think that in all the time you’d ever heard Rocket say ‘please’.

And that was, suddenly, all that it took.

“Okay.”

tags: @lovely-dreamer19 @spacesuitsforemergency @wittyforachange @wefracturedmotivation @january-echoes @glossyloner @capitalnineteen @dragon-chica

#rocket raccoon #rocket raccoon x reader #rocket raccoon x you #rocket raccoon & reader #rocket raccoon & you #rocket raccoon imagine #rocket raccoon fanfiction #rocket raccoon fanfic #rocket raccoon reader insert #marvel fanfiction #marvel reader insert #marvel fanfic #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #mcu fanfic #mcu fanfiction #mcu reader insert

94 notes · View notes

cordoniantrash · 5 years ago

Text

Once Upon Another Time: Chapter Nine

AU: In another time where the brothers Beaumont did not reach Cassandra in time, the waitress turned lady went back to New York to rebuild her old life. After finding an unexpected souvenir, she set off and joined her long lost family. Four years later, a newly divorced King of Cordonia arrives in New York in hopes of reuniting with his beloved. Instead of Cassandra, all he found was a postcard with the word Edgewater written on the back

Catch up here: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

Plus a masterlist if you guys are interested. Also in AO3.

Hello and welcome to my longest chapter to date! Also the opening of the “second act”. Chapters from this one onward are gonna be pretty long, so... brace yourselves I guess? Huge thanks to @thequeennefertipi for being my beta and for sticking with this story.

Segue: If you guys like the Miraculous Ladybug, she’s written an amazing fanfic about Chloé Bourgeois, which can be found in her writing blog and in her AO3!

Anyways, feel free to let me know what you guys think!

Spelling and grammatical errors are mine.

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters, Pixleberry has that privilege. Title for both the series and the chapter titles, plus the epigraphs are from Sara Bareilles’ discography.

Pairings: Liam x MC

Warning: brief, non-graphic depiction of violence, long post

Words: 9994

Chapter Nine: Wicked Love

Wait until you see

How mighty the truth can be

Like an ocean of light

It's a sky filled with fireflies

Liam could still catch snippets of the revelry inside even though he had closed the double doors that lead to the balcony. Placing both hands on the railing, he allowed his composure to bleed away from him. That did not ease his heavy heart. Liam heaved a sigh as he closed his eyes.

“You know, I thought you’d have a few more years before you’d try to escape anniversaries.”

Liam tensed. Taking care to mask his emotions, he turned and met his father’s eyes.

“You should be resting, father.”

Constantine’s small smile vanished. A part of Liam, the little boy that still yearned for his papá, for just a moment, just a little more time, for just a scrap — mourned its loss. He mentally shrugged off the heartache, a part of him surprised at how easily he could do it. Must be all the practice he’s been getting.

“Liam—“

“The festivities can survive without me for a few more moments, father. Besides, Madeleine can handle it.”

“I know that. We both know that. But that is not why I sought you out.”

“Father—“

“No, Liam. King or no king, a son must still listen to his father.”

Liam’s hands curled into fists. A multitude of words seemed to have stuck inside his throat, all of them yearning to be let out. To let his father know how hard this year had been. How much it hurt. He wanted to scream and lash out. Let the world know how he felt. Why should I listen to you when you blocked me at every turn? Why should I even look at you when you’ve hurt her and driven her away? When you made a mockery of our choices?

“If this is about having an heir again—“

Constantine shook his head. “You’ve made your stance clear enough. I’ll give you the time you asked for. But that does not mean the people would as well. You can’t play the newlywed card forever,” his father took a few steps in his direction. “Liam, it may not look like it, but this truly is what’s best for you. For our kingdom.” He placed a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “Fairy tales are all well and good, but you must think of what’s best for Cordonia.”

He gestured towards the ballroom. Towards Madeleine.

“Remember, you are Cordonia. And your future is here.”

His father let go of Liam’s shoulder. With long strides, he reached the doors and opened them. With a glance over his shoulder, Constantine imparted a parting blow.

“It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

Liam woke up with his left arm asleep. Eyebrows furrowed and vision still foggy from sleep, it took him a moment to see what caused his arm to go numb. What he first thought to be a dark mass turned out to be Cassandra’s head. Liam glanced down and saw a smaller body cradled between them. Somehow during the night, his arm had served as a pillow for both Lucas and Cassandra. Liam smiled, all thought of his discomfort gone. Slowly and with a gentleness he vaguely remembered from his mother, he wrapped his free arm around his family, holding them close. He thought of the memory that came back as a dream. Of his father’s words. He looked at Cassie and Lucas again.

It can work out. I’ll do my hardest to make this work.

I won’t lose my family again.

----

“Does Lucas like castles?”

“Hmm?” Cassie looked up from the article she was editing. And stared. Liam, still looking through his phone, took a seat next to her. That wasn’t what caused all thoughts to flee from her mind. The father of her child and the love of her life, the King of Cordonia was wearing glasses. Cassandra’s brain seemed to have short-circuited.

Liam with glasses. No, Liam wearing glasses. Full rimmed glasses that showed off his eyes. And framed his face. Good god, was he more handsome than he was this morning?

Why is it suddenly warm in here?

“Cassie?”

Cassandra blinked. Her brain scrambled to remember what was happening. Liam’s face seemed closer than before. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. Concern was shining through his eyes.

His eyes, warm and brown and showcased through his glasses. Beautiful.

Focus!

“Are you all right?”

“Huh? Oh! Oh yeah. I’m–I’m fine,” her eyes darted around the room, finally settling on the old grandfather clock against the wall. “Oh, look at the time! It’s almost lunch! I’ll go alert the staff.”

Cassie quickly closed her laptop and set it on the coffee table before moving to stand. Liam laid a hand on her arm.

“Are you sure, you’re all right?”

“Uh yeah. Why wouldn’t I be all right?” she paused long enough to see Liam hesitate.

Oh.

She sat back down, took his hand in hers and smiled, “I’m not getting second thoughts, Liam. I just got, uh, a bit distracted, that’s all.”

Liam let out a breath. And smiled. It took all of Cassie’s willpower not to jump him right then and there. She moved to stand up again, this time dragging Liam with her.

“How about we talk about destinations over Sunday roast?”

Aunt Clara had the staff set up chairs and tables in the solarium. Far more personal and intimate than the rooms they’ve previously eaten in. As she and Liam stepped aside for one of the staff members, Cassie was suddenly hit with the thought that this might be her Auntie’s own little way of fully welcoming Liam in. Cassie smiled.

“So… what were you say—“

“Mommy!” a little blur ran into the room and crashed into her legs. Surprised, Cassie stumbled back. Liam’s hands were suddenly there to support her.

“Careful,” Liam said over her shoulder.

“Sorry Mommy!” their little terror said before zooming out again. The staff, all too used to Lucas’ hijinks, calmly stepped aside, indulgent smiles on their faces.

“Okay, who gave him sugar this time?” Cassie demanded once she straightened up. Briar who had followed into the room shrugged and smiled, looking over her shoulder.

“Who indeed?”

Eyes wide with realisation, Cassie whirled around and glared at Liam.

“You!” she gasped, jabbing a finger at him. Liam quickly stepped back and raised his hands, a placating gesture that she barely noticed. And to think she was swooning earlier!

“I just gave him one cookie — “he quickly closed his mouth when she scowled. Cassie ignored the small burst of satisfaction at the sight.

“You deal with him when he crashes from his sugar high.” She said as she crossed her arms.

Liam nodded quickly, his eyes wide. “Of course. Anything you need.”

Cassie’s heart melted. No! I’m annoyed! I should be annoyed! She opened her mouth, ready to launch into a speech when her aunt’s voice stopped her.

“Am I interrupting?”

Cassie turned her head towards the doorway. From the corner of her eye, she saw Liam do the same.

“Auntie!”

“Not at all, my lady, “Liam answered smoothly. A glance told her he had quickly regained some composure. Shit! I must look like a mess, came her flustered thought.

“Well, if you say so…” her aunt trailed off. She shook her head. “Actually dear, can we pop into the study for a bit? I need to talk to you about something.”

At Cassie’s frown, she smiled reassuringly. “It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

“I’ll go take care of Lucas,” Liam piped up beside her. He gave her shoulder a brief squeeze and took his leave with a smile to her and her aunt.

Cassie spared a moment to watch him walk away.

“He’s not going anywhere, you know,” her aunt’s words snapped Cassie out of her trance. Clara was wearing a teasing smirk when Cassandra looked at her aunt’s direction.

“I know that,” she mumbled as she turned and walked to her aunt’s side. “Did something happen?”

“In a manner of speaking,” her aunt replied as they walked towards the stairs. She smiled, the reassurance familiar as it was welcome. “I meant it when I said it’s nothing bad.”

Her aunt walked into her study, making a beeline towards one of the display cases near the far wall. Cassie followed, confusion turning into apprehension. She could feel her heart beating hard in her chest. Small, hesitant steps brought her a little closer.

Aunt Clara now stood in front of a familiar set of jewellery. The Edgewater Jewels, one of her family’s sources of pride, glittered in the midmorning sunlight that streamed into the study. Whoever holds the jewels holds the very essence of Edgewater, her aunt used to joke. But Cassie knew that it was a saying that had been passed down from generation to generation. There was a reason most of the jewellery Gran left her were coloured gold and blue. It was part of their heritage. And it was usually entrusted to the heir of the estate. Which also meant heir to the title and all the holdings and responsibilities that come along with the honour.

Cassie felt her eyes widen as she turned to her aunt.

“Tell me that’s not what I think it means.”

Aunt Clara’s smile was small and sad. Like Gran’s all those years ago. But unlike her grandmother, who tucked her head and hidden away during a confrontation, Aunt Clara held her chin high and looked Cassie in the eye. Apprehension caused butterflies to flutter in Cassie’s stomach. Her gaze fell to the jewels, still glinting after centuries of use.

“Can I at least tell you why?”

“Auntie—“

“I know you said you’d think about it. And I respect that, love. And I would have given you all the time that you need, but circumstances rarely go the way we want them to, you know that,” her aunt took a step towards her. Cassie felt rooted on the spot. “Please understand that I am not trying to force you into anything you don’t want to do. What I want – what I’ve always wanted, is to protect you and Lucas. And short of prohibiting you to go, this is the best way I can think of.”

Aunt Clara was now standing in front of her. She gently took Cassandra’s hands. “Even if it’s just by name, I’d like you to be the heir to Edgewater.”

----

The Duchy of Krona

“My lady, the media have been sending emails asking for an update on our monarch’s location,” Justin told her as she stepped out of the car. Suppressing the urge to sigh in exasperation, Kiara quickly composed herself and turned to her secretary.

Be careful around that one, Olivia had told her. Since then, she had felt like she was walking on eggshells around her own secretary. It was an inconvenience, but better safe than sorry, as the old saying goes. Keeping her face blank, she took care in choosing her next words.

“Justin, I already told you to take care of that.”

He bobbed his head, making a great show of being contrite. “Yes, my lady. But they’ve been calling and asking nonstop—“

“Then tell them again. The King is currently engaged in an important diplomatic summit in Europe. And this time, remind them that due to the sensitive nature of such events, we can’t broadcast the specifics until His Majesty’s return.”

There was a flash of frustration in Justin’s face before he schooled his features. Frustration and something darker. Beneath her calm façade, Kiara felt cold. Olivia told her she and her network are working on discovering what’s really going on. But their investigation had yielded nothing substantial just yet. At least, not on that front.

It couldn’t come soon enough.

Kiara swallowed her sudden fear and turned away, towards the main estate of House Amaranth. But it gave us an edge over Madeleine.

She set a brisk pace, quickly reaching the entrance and the line of staff members that await her. Justin at her heels. Is that even your real name?

Kiara took another deep breath. No use in engaging in multiple fronts, as Olivia would say. If he is a player, he will soon make his move. But right now, it’s my turn.

Adelaide was the first one to greet her in the sitting room. The usual sparkle that the older woman used to exhibit had dimmed. Like a paper doll, she thought with a pang of pity. Kiara felt for the Duchess. We are not the only ones that Madeleine’s schemes had hurt. A pity it must end this way.

Kiara stood up and offered a curtsy. “Your Grace.”

Adelaide offered her a smile that echoed her old one. “My lady. Despite current circumstances, I must say, I’m glad you came calling. Tea?”

Kiara smiled and nodded. This is my element. I can do this. And I will do this well.

“Yes, please.”

If the duchess seemed off when Kiara arrived, she was downright ashen when they finished their tea. A paper doll that��s about to be set alight. Oh, how I hate that it came to this!

Adelaide’s teacup rattled slightly as she set it on the table. She seemed to sag into her chair. Kiara kept her hands clasped together on her lap. She did not want to know if it trembled.

Silence reigned between them. Kiara could hear the faint ticking of a clock. Unbidden, her gaze went to the window. Summer finally came. But why do I still feel cold? God, I wish Hana’s here.

“If — “Adelaide’s voice cut through the chasm between them. Kiara turned to face the duchess once more. “If what you say is true, my house will be in ruins,” she barked out a laugh. Kiara stared. Its cynical edge was so different from what she had previously known from the older woman. “More than it already is.”

Despite her training, Kiara longed to comfort the older woman. She’s always been kind to me, even before all this happened. Instead of the comforting hand that she wanted to extend, Kiara reached into her purse and pulled out a sealed envelope. Still keeping her silence, she slid it towards Adelaide’s direction.

“I’m afraid that years of evidence proves its validity, Adelaide.”

The Duchess of Krona stared at the envelope in front of her.

“Has the king been told?”

“… not yet.”

“But are you going to tell him?”

Kiara hesitated. “He has to know.”

“I suppose you want me to stop Madeleine’s campaign in exchange for his majesty’s continued ignorance?”

Kiara kept her face carefully blank. It may be diplomacy’s last tool, but I’ve never truly liked blackmail. And it was blackmail, no matter how much they’d like to sugar-coat it.

“Nothing so drastic, Adelaide. I simply ask for a private audience with your daughter.”

“But you’re still going to tell Liam.” Defeat was written on the duchess’ shoulders.

Kiara softened her tone. “He has the right to know, my lady. And this would worsen if he found out that this had been hidden from him,” Kiara hesitated before going off the script that Olivia and Hana helped her write. “Liam is not his father.”

Adelaide looked up and met Kiara’s eyes, hesitation and cautious hope in her gaze. “He’ll see that you and your house have been unwitting accomplices. The fault lies with Godfrey.”

Adelaide hesitated. “And my daughter?”

Kiara sighed; her face the very picture of uncertainty, despite the satisfaction growing in her chest.

“That would depend on whether we meet and talk, Adelaide.”

The duchess straightened in her seat.

“Very well. You’ll have your meeting.” She moved to stand up. “I do hope you succeed. For all our sakes.”

----

The Royal Palace

Hana quickly tossed aside the papers she had been reviewing when she saw her phone light up. Ignoring the quizzical looks that Olivia and Leo sent her, she quickly seized her phone and opened it.

“It’s Kiara!” Her two companions paused in their respective tasks. “She’s in!” Hana announced into the room.

“Good,” Olivia said, a smirk blooming on her face. “And the secretary?”

Hana scanned the message, “she sent him off on another task. She and Madeleine would be alone.”

“What happens now?” Leo asked as he began to pace the room. “Was the bastard there?” he spat out.

“She didn’t say…” Hana trailed off.

“That would mean he’s still in his estates in the UK,” Olivia quickly cut in. Yesterday’s revelation had shaken them to the core, Leo most of all. Despite being her stepson, Leo had spent more time with Eleanor than Liam. She had practically raised him even before she had married Constantine. She was the woman he recognised as his mother. And to find that her killer had walked free for years… Katie and Olivia had barely stopped him from going after Godfrey. To say the last twenty-four hours had been fraught would be an understatement.

The older Rys grunted in acknowledgement before starting another round of agitated pacing. Like a lion in a cage, she thought before turning her attention back to Olivia.

“Should we tell Liam now?” she asked softly.

“We should have told him as soon as we confirmed it,” Leo grumbled before Olivia answered her.

“And we will tell him. Preferably in person,” Olivia retorted. Hana opened her mouth to agree with the duchess when her phone rang again. She stared at the screen, apprehension filling her.

“It’s Liam,” she announced. Olivia and Leo froze.

“Answer it, Hana,” Leo said urgently. The unanswered question hung in the air. Does he know?

“Put it on speaker,” Olivia quickly added.

With fingers that trembled slightly, she answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Hana!” Liam’s voice seemed to cement them in place. Faintly, they could hear a child’s laughter in the background. The three of them looked at each other, wide-eyed and on the verge of panic. Her heart was beating so fast, she was half afraid it would burst out of her chest. For one brief moment, Hana scrambled for a scrap of composure.

She managed a soft “Your Majesty” before another voice snapped her out of the stupor she was falling into.

“… Lucas!”

Hana straightened. “Was that—?”

“Hmm? Oh yes! That was Cassie. Would you like to say hi?”

“Oh! Oh, um—“she cast another wide-eyed look around the room, their conversation before weighing on them. Olivia hesitated, but Leo took a step forward. Before either of them managed a word, Liam’s voice unknowingly interrupted them.

“Lucas, don’t—“Hana and the others could just make out the sound of a splash. A scuffling sound followed.

“Liam?” Confusion mixed with the apprehension inside her.

There was a pause. The three of them barely breathed.

“Hana, are you still there?” Liam’s voice sounded harried this time. “I’m so sorry, but I have to cut this short. Cassie’s got Lucas inside. Maybe you two can talk some other time? Maybe later?”

“Oh! That’s fine. What happened? If I might ask.”

Liam’s voice was tinged with amusement when he answered, “He crashed his bike into the lake.”

Hana smiled.

“That’s not why I called though,” Hana suddenly felt cold. All too aware of the vacant seat that Kiara used to occupy. Does he know? The anxious thought circled her mind once more. And judging by the way Olivia and Leo hung on Liam’s next words, she wasn’t the only one.

How do you tell one of your closest friends that you’ve uncovered the culprit behind his mother’s death?

“Can you book a flight to London tomorrow? Cassie and I need your expertise on something.”

“I think it’s a bad idea,” Olivia insisted. Hana completely agrees with her. Across the table, with arms crossed and agitated, Leo glared at the both of them.

“He’s my brother,” Leo insisted. “What we found here should come from me, Olivia. You know that.”

“For the last time, I’m not saying you can’t tell Liam, I’m saying you can’t go!” Olivia snapped as she stood up. Hana could feel a headache forming around her temples.

“Besides, we don’t know what Liam and Cassandra need me for,” Hana added before her companion’s agreement turned into a shouting match.

“That’s obvious, he’s planning on bringing her and my nephew back here.”

“You don’t know that,” Hana countered, taking care to soften her tone. The last thing she needs is for this to escalate.

Olivia shook her head, “He’s got a point.” Leo opened his mouth, intent on driving his point home and getting his way. Olivia fixed him with a glare and added, “Which is why Hana has to go.”

“Olivia—“

“No.”

“But—“

“We need you here,” Olivia went on. “Abdicated or not, you’re the last adult Rys in the palace. You lend some legitimacy over our orders, so unless you want to tell your brother how you’ve disregarded his instructions, you will stay here.”

Leo scowled. He glanced at Hana, silently asking for support. Hana pursed her lips and shook her head. He slumped in his seat.

“Besides, Rashad’s also going on a business trip. People won’t think it’s strange that I boarded a plane with him.”

Leo scowled as he looked out the window.

Hana and Olivia shared a glance, a question between them. A moment passed, and Olivia shrugged. My move then. She glanced at Leo’s still sullen form. Compromise it is.

“I won’t tell Liam until you could, Leo. I promise.”

----

Leo kept looking through the window even after Hana and Olivia had left. Yesterday’s events played on a loop in his mind. It’s been decades, I thought I’d gotten over this.

But Leo could still remember the sinking feeling of watching the woman he’d known as his mother gasp for breath. Could still recall the frantic rush to her side, the way her hands had gone limp, the flashing lights of the ambulance, the cold sterile hospital. He could still remember, with frightening clarity, how Liam, still a little kid really, looked so lost when the doctors announced that there was nothing they could do. The way his little brother curled up in his arms, shaking and sobbing when it finally sunk in. The funeral and the empty years; years that Eleanor Rys should have lived if not for some heartless bastard and an innocent little goblet.

And to find that the bastard who did this to her was under their noses this whole time? That he had been one of Constantine’s cronies? Rage could hardly describe what Leo had felt. He wanted to get out there and catch him. Make him pay for what he did.

Katie had been nearly reduced to tears before he had agreed to stay and wait. Leo had agreed reluctantly, remembering his past sins. But his urge to do something, anything at all, remains bubbling under the surface, just waiting for the smallest push. Liam’s phone call had been the prime opportunity. But Olivia’s threat and his past regrets kept him again. Liam missed four years of his son’s life while he had gallivanted around the world. The least he can do is stay in Cordonia and do what Liam wanted them to do.

This doesn’t mean I still can’t make Godfrey pay. I’ll –

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Before he could stand up and open it, Bertrand Beaumont had stepped inside the room, head held high and nose in the air. Leo resisted the urge to correct his posture.

“Your—“

“Bertrand, please. Don’t call me that.”

“Oh. Of course.”

The older man nodded and adjusted his cuff. Posture perfect and correct. Leave it to Bertrand to disguise awkwardness with a dignified response.

“I came here as fast as I could,” Bertrand said as he stepped into the room. Remembering the discreet conversation he had with Liam about the Beaumont’s finances, Leo kept silent. Bertrand dislikes showing weakness, especially among his peers.

“You’d want to see Maxwell then?”

At Bertrand’s nod, Leo stood up and walked towards one of his oldest friends. He clasped Bertrand’s shoulder and tried to give him a reassuring smile. It didn’t seem to work. Leo tried not to take it personally.

“Let’s go then,” Leo paused just beyond the threshold. “Although, word of advice? Go easy on him.”

Leo wants nothing more than to find Godfrey and make him pay, but he’ll be damned if he lets Liam down again.

“Let me get this straight, you knew where Lady Savannah was this whole time and you didn’t tell me?” Standing with his back against the wall, Leo heaved a sigh. What part of go easy did you not understand Bertie?

Maxwell opened his mouth once more to answer his brother and winced as he did so. Leo saw him rub his bruised jaw. Bertrand, still pacing and getting red in the face, did not stop his tirade to listen. “What on earth possessed you to do such a thing? Of all the—”

Leo thinks he saw the moment Maxwell snapped. The younger man stood, squared his shoulders, and whirled around to face his brother.

“I had to help her, Bertrand! She was pregnant with my nephew!”

Leo suppressed the urge to whistle. I really shouldn’t be part of this conversation. He glanced at the closed door behind Bertrand. But I can’t walk out without disturbing these two.

“I—your what?”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bertie so speechless! Maxwell, emboldened by his brother’s response, continued.

“Savannah was pregnant with your child when she ran away. She said you rejected her!”

“I — “Bertrand seemed to have completely lost his composure. He reached out and clutched the back of the chaise lounge. His knuckles were white.��

I really shouldn’t be here…

Leo looked away from the brothers. The late afternoon sunlight illuminated the courtyard below. He felt a smile creep onto his face. The twins were out and about. Sabrina, his eldest by a whole ten minutes, was busy drawing the various blossoms in the flower beds. Mother loved those flowers too…

Leo shook his head, half hoping the physical act would also shake off his thoughts. He immediately sought his youngest, a reflex he had developed as soon as they started toddling around. Samantha was bending over the fountain, no doubt looking at the pennies on the bottom. He wanted to name them after Eleanor, but he knew that Liam deserved that honour. Besides, they are named after her, in a way. Middle names are the same thing, right?

A sudden noise interrupted his thoughts. He turned to look at the Brothers Beaumont again. Bertrand was sitting in the lounge. Maxwell looked uncertain.

Leo opened his mouth to suggest drinks, but a knock interrupted him. All three of them turned toward the sound.

Leo stepped forward.

“Come in.”

The door opened and a woman wearing a nondescript suit poked her head in. It took a moment for Leo to put a name to the face.

“Agent Mara, what is it?”

“Sir, someone’s looking for you at the gates. She said you were expecting her.”

Eyebrows furrowed, Leo stepped forward. At the corner of his eye, he could see Bertrand and Maxwell carefully turn around, giving him as much privacy as the room could afford. Gratitude for the brothers bubbled in his chest.

“Who is it?”

Mara hesitated.

“Well?”

“She-she told us her name was Cordelia, sir. Cordelia Foredale.”

----

East Wing, the Royal Palace

“How’re your knuckles?”

Drake grunted as Savannah, who did not wait for his answer, grabbed his right hand and inspected his yellowing bruise.

“Are you talking to me now?” he said, immediately regretting his words. Savannah had all but ignored him after he punched Maxwell. A glare was the answer he received. Drake sighed.

He can’t help but feel like everyone was blaming him for one thing or another. Bastien was ignoring his calls, a sure sign that the older man was annoyed at him, while Olivia was pissed at him (nothing new but this one was on him, he’ll readily admit that). He knew he abandoned his assigned duties, so their reaction was a bitter pill that he had to swallow.

Hana and Kiara were keeping their distance, but he knew that they sided with Maxwell, and Leo’s accusing stare was directed at him and Maxwell both. So he can live with that. What stings the most was that Savannah was mad at him and his nephew (he has a nephew!) was wary around him.

And Liam’s out of the country, probably getting cosy with Angeles…

The pain in his knuckles snapped him from his thoughts. Drake was almost glad for it.

There’s a very big chance that Cassandra will come back into their lives. Drake doesn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, the very thought of her sent tingles down his spine (he ignored them as he had four years ago), and on the other, she’s probably coming back with Liam. Try as he might, that old, buried and suppressed pangs of jealousy had reared its ugly head once more.

There was a mention of a little boy too. Their boy, if he got that right. Drake refused to acknowledge the knot of emotions he felt at the thought.

I could really use a drink right now.

“Done.” In a flash, Savannah had stood up and walked away from him. Drake could make out Bartie’s head as it poked out of an open doorway.

He inspected the bandage on his hand.

“Thanks, sis,” he said into the empty room.

----

Meanwhile, in Fydelia

To an outsider’s perspective, it did not look like a stand-off. Just two ladies having tea on a balcony. Sophistication at its finest. From a young age, they have been taught how to disguise negotiations as pleasant small talk. How silence can answer a question as well as any given answer. They had been taught how to be graceful swans on the outside, never letting slip the machinations that lurked underneath their perfect façade.

A pale delicate hand calmly picked up her teacup, raised it to her scarlet stained lips and took a dainty sip. Kiara’s well-trained eyes observed the movement and catalogued it in her mind. It seemed like her hostess would insist on some juvenile power play right off the bat. Kiara took in Madeleine’s demeanour; shoulders back and chin lifted. Smug despite her courtly mask.

She thinks, because I came to her first, that she has the upper hand, Kiara thought, amused at the thought. Whatever pity she might have felt for the mother, unfortunately, did not extend to the daughter. Adelaide might have been an unwitting victim in this scenario, but we all knew that Madeleine’s actions are her own. She knew what she was doing from the start. And for whatever reason, she made herself believe that she can win in this hopeless endeavour. Kiara took another moment to study the Countess by taking a sip of her own tea. Let Madeleine think she has me on the ropes. What exactly were you hoping to accomplish from all of this?

“I do hope the tea is to your liking, Lady Kiara. I seem to recall you favour the more traditional favours?”

“The tea and the service is, as always, perfectly adequate, my lady,” Kiara demurred, taking silent satisfaction with the way Madeleine’s lips twisted at the insult. Ever the perfectionist.

“Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? I find myself tired of courtly games lately,” Madeleine said, annoyance clear in her eyes. Whatever happened to patience Madeleine? Kiara’s quite certain that amusement was clear in her eyes.

“Well?” Madeleine snapped. For a moment, Kiara remembered all those uncertain hours under her thumb. Of all the times the woman before took genuine pleasure at breaking Hana apart at the seams. You’ll never see so much as the shine off the crown if I had anything to say about it.

Kiara raised an eyebrow. Madeleine’s own sculpted eyebrows started to furrow. What? Did you think I came all this way to hand you your imagined victory?

“I came to do you a favour actually,” Kiara answered coolly.

Madeleine scoffed. “And what favour is that exactly? From where I’m standing, you and yours are the ones who need a favour,” Madeleine barred her teeth in a poor imitation of a smile. “Has the King gotten so desperate that he sent one of his lackeys to grovel at my feet?” She leaned back, comfortably rearranging herself on her chair, the picture of smug satisfaction. “Well, tell him, he has to be the one doing the grovelling. The satisfaction would be sweeter when I personally reject it.”

Kiara calmly sipped her tea, letting Madeleine have her brief moment of glory. Well, a supposed moment of glory, she amended in her head.

A moment passed. Uncertainty entered Madeleine’s eyes.

“Are you done?” Kiara asked calmly. My turn.

Madeleine opened her mouth to retort, but Kiara did not give her a chance.

“If you want the continued existence of your House and holdings, you will cease this meaningless smear campaign at once.”

Anger flashed across Madeleine’s features. She opened her mouth once more. Kiara forged on, smoothly reaching into her bag and taking the same envelope that she had presented to Adelaide mere hours ago. She laid it on the table with a flourish.

“And what’s this?” Madeleine asked, her anger temporarily curbed.

“Why don’t you take a peak?”

“If this is some hare-brained scheme of Liam’s—“

“Just read the contents, Madeleine,” Kiara said, her voice curt.

The countess snatched the envelope up. Her face paled at what she read. Madeleine’s porcelain hands held a small tremble when she set it down again.

“You have already hurt your standing in the nobility’s eyes when you started this campaign. And while free speech is a right that is encouraged in this kingdom, I doubt you’ll be thrilled if we use that self-same right to reveal what your father did to Queen Eleanor all those years ago. Treason is a heavier stain on one’s reputation than mere rumours, is it not?”

Madeleine did not answer. Her eyes were still fixed on the envelope’s contents.

Kiara allowed herself a small smile, “luckily the king and his brother are generous enough to give you a warning.” She leaned forward, now on the offence. “But let me make myself clear. Continue in this ridiculous charade and the court, not to mention the entire world, will know just how many skeletons your father hides.”

“I had nothing to do with this!” Madeleine interjected.

“Perhaps,” Kiara allowed. “But with your well-known outbursts and the campaign, do you think the world will care?”

“They will if they know what’s good for them. The media—“

“Has grown tired of you,” Kiara finished. “After all, all you’ve ever given them are rumours. Were you ever planning on following the story through? Or did you just expect the media to fawn and fall at your feet like when you were still on top?”

“I—“

Now for my gambit.

“Face it, Madeleine. You’ve lost your crown. Do you really want the whole world to see you lose your dignity and your House?”

Green eyes set in a paper pale face stared at her. And for the first time since meeting her, Kiara had the genuine pleasure of seeing Madeleine speechless.

“And we don’t want that, do we? After all, this would mean the total collapse of House Amaranth. All those centuries of prestige reduced to mere rubble by you.”

“Now see here—“

“I really don’t think you have any bargaining chip left, my lady,” Kiara directed a smile at Madeleine’s direction.

“W-what do you want from me?” Madeleine asked, voice cracking. Her whole body was shaking. A stone statue crumbling before Kiara’s eyes.

“I tire of this courtly game,” Kiara countered. Madeleine flinched. “I think you know exactly what we want, Madeleine. Redact your statements, issue a formal apology and stop your hopeless campaign once and for all.”

“My reputation—“

“Is already in shambles. Imagine what would happen if this got out.”

Kiara stood up, smoothly plucking the folder from Madeleine’s hands.

“My people will be in touch,” she said as she walked out. She paused at the entrance of the balcony. “See? I am doing you a favour.”

She spared a moment to glance at her fallen opponent. Madeleine barely moved, except for a tiny nod. Her head barely moved, but it was enough. She had accepted the deal. Defeat seemed to be settling on the Countess’ shoulders. Kiara whirled around, a smile tugging at her face.

Checkmate.

----

The Royal Palace

Leo strode through one of the palace’s corridors, Agent Mara a step behind. Questions without answers whirled round and round in his head. Why here? Why now? What now? What does she want?

Leo scowled as he entered the lower levels of the palace. Old stone, centuries-old and cool to the touch, replaced the gilt and glamour of the upper levels. Leo repressed a shiver. It was always cool down here, and it will get colder the farther they descend. Harsh fluorescent lights replaced the torches used centuries ago, but they remain along the walls, a reminder of the Palace’s real age. It was older than it looked.

Generations of constant rebuilding had changed the façade of the one above ground. It is only when you get down to the lower levels, to the underbelly, that you remember that the Palace stands where an old medieval keep once stood. There had even been stories, mere fancy really, that Kenna Rys, their mythical ancestor, had once used the old keep as a base during one war or another. Liam’s always the one who paid attention to those.

At the thought of his brother, Leo’s mood turned sombre, more contemplative.

First, we discover Constantine’s secrets, then Liam finds out he has a long-lost son, then this whole business between Drake and Maxwell, I find out fucking Godfrey’s behind Mother’s death and now this? It’s barely been a month!

Another agent greeted them when they reached the end of a corridor. Leo knew from growing up in the palace that they had her inside an interrogation room. Leo could feel his heart beating hard. He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on his pants before taking a deep breath and nodding to one of the agents.

They opened the door.

Leo gulped.

He took a tentative step. And then another.

He was standing at the threshold.

Taking another deep breath, he squared his shoulders and stepped inside.

Leo had been told from a young age that he looked like his mother. That the only thing he had inherited from his father was his blue eyes.

Beyond hazy recollections that were carelessly dismissed in favour of more fond memories of Eleanor and baby Liam, Leo had next to no memory of what his birth mother looked like. When he met her again after twenty-odd years, her hair was more grey than blonde, her hazel eyes were surrounded by crows feet that made him wonder if she had been happier during the years she kept away compared to the years she had spent with him and his father. She had constantly looked down when he met her again, all those years ago. Had barely raised neither eyes nor voice when he had proclaimed a dead woman to be the mother he preferred. She had just nodded and asked in a small voice to see the occasional picture of him and the twins. Aside from lukewarm emails and the occasional promised picture, she had stayed away, as she had for most of his life. Leo preferred it that way, if he was being honest with himself.

After meeting with Clara Harper, Leo could see some faint echo, the barest hint of resemblance on their features. Unlike his, no – their — distant cousin, Cordelia held none of the iron spine that defined his—their – relative. If Clara was grace, poise and eloquence, able to command a room, her distant family member was the silent one.

But, Leo conceded, she had been high spirited once. During their father’s social season. She had enough charm and energy once. At least enough to secure her place as Constantine’s bride.

Looking at the woman sitting opposite him, Leo couldn’t help but wonder if Constantine was the reason Cordelia retreated into herself. He won’t be surprised if that was the case.

His birth mother rose from her seat when she saw him enter the room. She was a short woman. The few pictures he saw growing up featured a delicate, petite woman, more doll than human. A perfect accessory for this father to dangle on his arms. Now, she seemed to fold into herself, as if trying to make herself smaller.

“Leo,” she breathed. “You came.” A tentative smile bloomed on her face. There was a touch of relief in the curve of her lips.

“I did,” Leo stepped further into the room. “I wasn’t expecting you’d come here.” Wasn’t expecting you’d want to come back.

“Yes – well, the email you sent me— “she abruptly stopped. Her eyes darted around the room. Wary and watchful. Fearful too, Leo saw with a pang. Damn you, old man.

“It’s fine,” Leo assured her. “We’re safe here.”

“I wouldn’t be sure of that,” she muttered. “Can we talk somewhere more open? I don’t do so well underground.”

“I— “Leo furrowed his eyebrows. Cordelia had no problems underground, nor was she claustrophobic. “All right.”

They ended up on the banks of the little lake, just past the gardens that Eleanor so loved. It somehow felt wrong to take her to the place that Leo had always associated with Eleanor.

The late afternoon sun was on its way to twilight, but there was still enough light that the path lights hadn’t been lit yet.

He glanced at his birth mother. Silence mixed with awkwardness hung in the air between them. He cleared his throat.

“You aren’t really claustrophobic are you?”

She shook her head.

“So… why exactly—“

“I thought it would be safer this way,” she answered in a rush, her voice coming out stronger than it had before.

Suspicion rose within Leo.

“Why?”

“You never know who’s listening,” she said lightly, expression turning pleasant. “Will you walk with me? Just around the lake.”

“Who would want to listen?” Leo asked even as he walked along with her. “We’re at the heart of the palace. That was the safest we can be.”

“Are you absolutely sure about that?”

“I — “Leo thought of Kiara’s secretary.

Cordelia nodded, interpreting his expression.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here though.”

“I thought it would be safer to talk in person. Emails and phone calls can be easily traced.”

“Right,” Leo mumbled. He glanced at Cordelia again. “We –uh – found Edgewater on our own…” he trailed off.

Cordelia smiled, “I know.”

Leo’s eyes narrowed.

“I saw the pictures from the state dinner. It’s been years but I still know how Cousin Clara looked like.”

“Oh.”

“I hope she’s well?”

“Last I saw her, yeah,” Leo looked around. The shadows were getting longer. “She found your diary, by the way.”

Cordelia startled, “She did?”

Leo nodded then added, “Liam and I read it.”

“So… you know.”

“Is that why you came here?”

She hesitated, but she nodded.

“Is that why you left?”

“Among other things.”

“Right.”

“How did he manage it, by the way?”

“Manage what?”

Leo shrugged, “all of it? How did people not know what was happening?”

“Simple,” Cordelia said as she looked up. “Panem et circenses. The people were placated because he provided them with bread and entertainment. Constantine spearheaded casinos, increased the economy, and kept all the bloodstains behind closed doors. That was his greatest genius, really.”

“And no one noticed?”

“He was quick to silence those who did.”

A moment passed. They have reached the other end of the lake now. Cordelia had stopped walking. Leo turned to face her. The afternoon had finally fallen into twilight.

“Speaking of, did you come across the Severus clan when you read it?”

“Is that the one where he ordered a whole line killed?”

“… yes.”

“Yeah. Why?”

“There’s a group that formed right after you were born. They called themselves The Sons of Earth. Have you heard of them?” At the shake of Leo’s head, she continued. “I’m not surprised. They were just starting out when I left.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Cordelia turned and looked Leo in the eye, “because I fear that Constantine’s actions have caught up with us all.”

----

Edgewater the next day

A three-hour flight and an uneasy night spent in London, Hana was finally afforded her first glimpse of Edgewater. Her research into the Countess’ family revealed that the estate had been in their family for almost as long as their line had existed. A part of her relished the chance to visit a historical site with such deep and tangible roots (their collection of art and other artefacts alone would be enormous! Hana felt giddy just thinking about it). Another part was almost jumping up and down in excitement at the thought of seeing her first true friend once more. It was almost enough to drown the small part of her that wonders whether Liam already knew the truth. The presence of Bastien at the entrance did not help soothe her nerves.

The car slowed to a stop. Bastien walked over and opened the car door, offering a hand as he did so. Hana hesitated for a moment, doubts swirling around her mind, before taking Bastien’s hand and stepping out of the car.

One of the staff members must have been waiting on the other side of the doors as it swung open when she had finally righted herself. She could make out a line of staff through the doorway. Her promise to Leo rang in her mind once more.

With one final glance around the lush grounds and the impressive estate (Georgian, she noted with interest), Hana took a deep breath and stepped forward, through the threshold and into Edgewater.

Hana would be the first to admit that she had always viewed Cassandra through rose-tinted lenses. She was Hana’s first true friend, the woman who helped her stand up for herself. Cassie was the adventurous sister she had always wanted. And for a few short months, they had been sisters in all but blood.

Now, four years and a whole other set of separate experiences later, Hana once again meets Cassandra. Her hair’s shorter, Hana thought absently. The face that stared back at her was slightly more mature than the one she remembered. Hana only had the chance to observe those things as Cassandra, who spotted her as soon as she entered, broke into a smile and all but bounded over to give Hana a big hug. Hana hugged her tightly back, a smile blooming on her own face. It was the reunion that she had envisioned all these years.

“Hana! I missed you so much!”

“Oh, Cassie! I missed you too!”

Lucas may look like the spitting image of his father, but Hana can’t help but see the Cassie in him. He was an inquisitive child, bursting with questions and with enough energy to drive Hana dizzy after a time.

He had been a little hesitant when they had finally been introduced. He had been head peeking behind Liam’s legs when Cassie and Hana had reunited (At last! After four long years!) but he had warmed up to her when Cassie introduced her as a dear friend.

“Do you like cookies?” the little boy (the little prince!) asked Hana during a rare moment of silence. He stared at her with Liam’s eyes and with Cassie’s smile. The perfect little blend of her two dearest friends. She thought of the discoveries done in Cordonia, both before and after he arrived in their lives. Her heart went out to this little boy. Your grandfather’s actions have hurt so many. He unknowingly hurt you too…

“I – yes, I like cookies.”

He beamed at her, and Hana returned it with a smile of her own. How could she not?

“Me too!” he held out a chocolate chip cookie with a noticeable bite at its side. “D’you want one?”

Despite the apprehension that took root inside her, Hana let out a laugh.

“I’d like that very much.”

“So you’re telling me—“

Hana nodded. Cassie clapped both hands to her mouth as she gasped.

“Hana!” she squealed.

Hana blushed and quickly hushed Cassandra while she looked around the empty garden.

“But this is huge!” Cassie protested.

“It’s not a big deal,” Hana said softly, almost mumbling.

“But you and Kiara!”

Hana smiled despite herself.

“Oh, you got it bad,” Cassie teased.

Hana suppressed a snort. “Like you’re one to talk.”

Cassie laughed, loud and whole-bodied. Hana’s restraint lasted for one second before she gave in and joined the laughter.

A throat clearing behind them put a stop to their revelry. They both whirled around to see Liam smiling at them both.

“Is he down?” Cassie asked.

“After putting up a good fight, yes.”

Cassie raised her eyebrows, her smile quickly turning into a smirk. “You didn’t bribe him, did you?”

Liam scoffed, his smile turning bigger, “I’ve been schooled in diplomacy since birth, Cassie. I don’t need to resort to bribery just to get my son to take a nap.”

Cassie raised an eyebrow, “uh-huh…”

Now this feels familiar, Hana thought, amused.

“… fine. He will definitely ask to sleep in my room later. I might have promised to build a pillow fort with him.”

Cassie laughed, and Hana couldn’t help but join in. The day was devoid of the heavy clouds one usually associates with London. There was a pleasant breeze, bringing with it the perfume of the blossoms scattered about the garden. Halcyon days, Hana thought with a heavy feeling in her stomach. So rare and so brief. And I might have brought disaster with me…

----

Edgewater, night time

Aunt Clara’s office was bathed in shadows. The moon, barely visible over the top of the trees, did not offer much in the way of illumination. Not tonight, anyway. The fireplace was cold and empty, and only a couple of lamps kept total darkness at bay. Despite the hindrances that the dark might have presented, Cassandra was able to navigate her way through the room.

A few portraits of their ancestors were displayed on the walls; Auntie always liked landscapes better. Cassandra could almost feel the weight of their stares. It made the humid air feel heavier than it should be.

Her eyes landed on the jewels. It had been taken out of the display box for its cleaning. Now they were placed on the desk, in a bed of soft cloth, under the watchful eyes of one Clara Mills-Sinclaire. Her portrait looked nothing like her Aunt Clara, of course, but the way they lifted their chin and stared defiantly at the world echoed each other. Nestled on her ancestor’s head was the same tiara on the desk before her.

Cassie looked down at the jewels once more. Such a small thing, to carry so much history. Cassandra looked up at the portrait again. You didn’t run when the responsibility fell on you. She thought of her son, asleep and snug in his father’s arms. Cassandra wants more nights like that. Her family together. She eyed the jewels again, resolve building itself inside her. I don’t want to run anymore.

With trembling hands, she hesitantly reached for the tiara. Carefully, feeling the weight of her ancestors on her, she lifted the tiara and slowly, delicately placed it on her head. It was lighter than she had expected. Moments passed, and she chanced a look at a nearby mirror. Cassie stared. The tiara had fit her perfectly.

----

Cordonia the next day

Still flush from her victory over Madeleine, Kiara strode through the corridors that led to her office. That’s one obstacle out of the way. Although, I suspect Liam would want a chat with Adelaide…

A glance towards her secretary’s desk told her that Justin, or whatever his name actually is, hasn’t arrived yet. The morning sunlight made the room glow. Outside, the sky was clear, and she had removed a thorn on their side. Things are looking up and Hana’s set to come back with Liam and Lady Cassandra in the evening. Perhaps they will bring their son with them…

With a smile, Kiara opened the door to the office.

She froze.

Leaning over her desk, papers and other state documents in hand, was her secretary. He looked up as she entered, face twisted in a snarl.

For a moment they stood still, surprise making them freeze in place.

Kiara stood still, rooted on the spot, heart thundering in her chest. Justin held her gaze, something dark and sinister in his eyes.

Then time seemed to move once more, faster than it usually is.

Kiara tried to step backwards, perhaps hoping to gain more ground before the predator pounced.

But Justin was faster.

In a flash, he had leapt across the table, scattering papers and other knick-knacks as he did so. Kiara faintly heard a glass scatter on the floor.

Before she could do more than stumble back, Justin was on her.

Something flashed silver before pain erupted on her side. Something heavy collided with her head.

The world seemed to blur. Sound seemed to fade.

The last thing she saw before her face met the floor was a pair of angry dark eyes, and a smile that resembled a snarl.

----

Gatwick Airport, England

The walls were too white. The room was too bright. Liam resisted the urge to pace. A hand on his back made him tense. A whiff of jasmine caught his attention.

Tension bled out of his body. Her arms wrap around him. He could feel her warmth on his back. Her head barely reached his shoulders.

“Breathe, Liam.”

He did as she asked. He’ll always do as she asked.

He gently turned around and wrapped his own arms around her, resting his cheek on the top of her head. For a moment the world seemed to quiet down.

“Better?”

Liam leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Cassandra’s lips.

“Much.”

They both looked up as the PA announced their flight was ready. Reluctantly, they untangled themselves from each other. Liam scooped up his son’s sleepy form from one of the lounge chairs. His movement caused Hana to wake up from the nap Cassie suggested. He glanced around the private lounge. All their bags were already on the royal jet.

His eyes landed on Cassandra. He saw her spare one last look through the lounge’s window, a faraway look in her eyes. She pocketed her phone, grasped her trusty messenger bag (the one she had since before they met) and took a deep breath.

Liam crossed the distance between them and reached for her hand. She took it and laced their fingers together.

With one hand holding the love of his life and the other supporting his sleeping son, Liam walked towards the boarding gates.

----

The Dowager Queen

The setting sun caused shadows to stretch across the tarmac. Inside the tinted limousine, the Queen Mother heaved a sigh. The day had been taken a turn that none of them had expected. At least Liam’s finally coming back.

To be honest, Regina was a bit hurt that Liam had not deigned to inform her he was travelling out of the country or the reason behind it. Even an informal email would have done. Or any form of message really, however impersonal it may have looked. She was probably the last person to find out he had gone. I can’t say I can fault him for that. Not after years of passive non-action from my end.

But still…

Regina firmly reigned her thoughts in. She will take what she can salvage from their relationship. After all, she got along with Liam better than she did with Leo. She already made the mistake of being cold towards Katie when they first met and that resulted in her not meeting her grandchildren when they were born. She won’t make the same mistake this time.

But then again, it helps that Liam chose a more competent lady than Leo, circumstances aside. Lady Cassandra could have done well in court, had she stayed all those years ago. Had Constantine not let his paranoia rule him.

No matter. I’ll gladly welcome Liam’s long-lost son and his lady love. It’s the least she can do, really. Besides, Regina liked the idea of more grandchildren. Thank goodness Leo was more flexible in that matter. She had thoroughly enjoyed spending time with his twin daughters.

Regina smiled. Such precocious children! She had already made plans to introduce darling Sabrina to Joelle. Such talent should be encouraged and fostered. And from what she and her staff had gathered from the English Ambassador, Liam’s son – Lucas — was also a bright boy. Regina looks forward to meeting him in person this time.

The shadows lengthened as the sun sunk lower. The royal jet should be near now. Shadows and the twilight had always reminded her of her late husband. Shadows especially.

Oh Connie, so much has been lost because you were afraid. We could have seen our grandchildren grow up together. Your son would have had more time with his own son.

Four years ago

Constantine had been more stubborn than usual. It was so unlike him to get worked up on courtly intrigue, since he usually left such things under her purview.

“But the media’s focused on the engagement right now. I don’t see any harm in letting her come back. It was a misunderstanding at most. I’ll even take her under my wing—“

“No.”

“But Liam—“

“Would be better off if he focused on his own engagement tour. Bringing her back would only distract him.”

She looked at her husband in astonishment, “have you seen how he is right now? Constantine, your son is falling apart! Bringing Lady Cassandra back would do him good. It’s not as if they can change the engagement now—“

Constantine slammed his fist on the desk. Regina jumped, then froze. His eyes were cold with a fury that she had only heard of years ago. Fear churned inside her.

“I said no, Regina! And that is final!”

She had not tried to change his mind since. Not even when she saw how Liam struggled with juggling the crown and his own heartache. And while a part of her felt reassured that Madeleine was chosen as queen once more, it is becoming quickly overshadowed by concern as she watched cracks appear on Liam’s mask. She had tried to offer whatever comfort Liam would accept from her. It helped salvage her relationship with her stepson.

It did not help her relationship with her husband on the other hand.

But she dared not oppose Constantine too much. She knew the fate of his previous wives all too well. And she won’t be any help to Liam or to anybody if she joined that exclusive club. She knew what she married, after all. Or at least some part of it. She dared not look further, dared not put a toe out of line. Scared to peer into the shadow and see what lurked within.

The approaching jet snapped Regina from her musing. She smiled. As the jet landed, and the doors opened and she stepped out of the car, Regina resolves that she’ll do better this time. After all, this is a chance she dared not waste.

lemme know if you guys want to be tagged! or if the tags don’t work

tag list:

perma-tag:

@liam-rhys

series tag: @captain-kingliamsqueen @feralhuman-hsskkk @mirandatwodots @princesskennarys @emceesynonymroll @kingliam2019 @bobasheebaby @princess-geek @loveellamae @texaskitten30 @fbloveschoices @dcbbw @los-cafeteros @msjr0119 @hopefulmoonobject @whovianwriter @vaticanwaltz @typicalweirdbookworm @janezillow @cheyismaxi @lilaccatholic @teenytinytanya08 @twinkle-320 @mkatschoicesblog

#series: once upon another time #emgee tries to write #playchoices #choices: stories you play #liam x mc #king liam x mc #the royal romance #the royal heir #trr and d&d crossover #trr #trh #its a long chapter im sorry #quaratine got to me

39 notes · View notes

savedbybangtan · 5 years ago

Text

Masterlist

Here’s the work I’ve done on this blog! Hopefully this will help me and you keep track of what’s going on on this blog.

Right now, I’m sO busy, but hopefully in the future I will sort out the aesthetics of this blog. I write as a form of stress relief (writing helps me to sleep for some reason... I think I have anxiety?Like how the members let Joonie peel potatoes on Bon Voyage to calm him...writing and posting has the same effect for me), so I’ll be writing and posting :), but for now I am not putting very much effort in the entire reading experience - I apologise for this.

Please, look forward to me spicing up this blog when the semester is over! I have some big plans.

To me, fluff is a soft plot. There will be nothing explicit or made for mature audiences; no sex scenes, no intense language, no drama. Typically, this can be compared to PG13 movie ratings.

Smut is not written for anyone under the age of 18. If you are 17 and younger please do not read the stories that I’ve tagged as such.

Not Delulu (Kim Namjoon)

Summary: You always hated women who dated kpop idols and are so glad that your ultimate bias, Kim Namjoon, has never disappointed you by being involved in such a scandal. You swear you’re not a delusional fan who doesn’t want him to be happy. You truly just want what’s best for him.

Apparently, He just wants whats best for you, too <3.

Chapter warning tags: mild invasion of privacy?

1,498 words

Puppy Love (Jeon Jungkook)

Summary: At this point, you’re not even trying to remedy the issue.

smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), pwp, one shot, unhealthy relationship

1,498 words

Let Me Love You (Park Jimin)

Summary: She lucked out one too many times. Luckily, Jimin was there to ‘save’ her.

Warning tags: smut, dubcon, stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), slight yandere?

2,916 words

Smell the Roses (Kim Jin)

Summary: A woman living alone in the city makes a new friend, Jin.

Smut

Warnings: smut, dubcon, mild stalking, possessive, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall)

5,503 words

Intermittent Fasting (Jung Hope)

Summary: She changes her entire being to be perfect for Hoseok. Don’t you think she has a right to him?

Smut

Warnings: fluff?, smut, drinking, drug use

2172 words

A Phantom Came at Night (Kim V)

Summary: You never thought Taehyung would take things this far.

(This is heavily based on Singularity.)

Genre: Thriller

2,200 words

Document (Min Suga)

Smut

You and your fwb, Suga, have sex.

999 words.

Miss Connection (Kim Namjoon)

Fluff

Namjoon takes a break from work and encounters a strange, shy girl.

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Coming Soon!!!

I don’t want to spoil what I’m writing about so I wont include any summaries for these. Instead, I will use a “purity” scale that I think would be more useful. For this scale, a 1 would signify that it is normal and free of disturbing or deep themes while a 10 would mean its highly disturbing. The rating will be in parentheses next to the title.

*The reason why Tae and Jiminie has so little drafts is because my stanning goes in cycles, and when I had cycled through them, I was not writing fanfics yet lol. I honestly didnt think I would reach the part of stanning where I wrote fanfics tbh but here I am ahaaa.

**This list does not include ideas on stickynotes or my unholy OT7 fics. I have three separate degenerate fics that include OT7 x Reader. There are like 10 sticky notes I have for ideas for fics that I will most likely use for vmin.

JHS

Its Just a Phase/Gothic (2)

Smut, Angsty af

A Reason/Mafia AU (7)

Smut (ofc), unhealthy character, mental illness innit

Magic Shop/Magic (4)

Smut, violence, kinda depressing

Intermittent Fasting (6)

New Chapters As I wrote in the first part’s summary, its going to get darker.

Zion (1)

One shot, Pure smut, pwp, cute imo

PJM

Psychological (7.5)

Yandere, Smut, disturbing

This one is up next! Update: Posted under new title!

JJK

Gym (6)

No smut, no fluff, no angst. more thriller like

Missed You (2)

Smut, might add angst

Retrospect (5)

PTSD, domestic abuse, physical abuse, violence

Siren (10)

noncon, unhealthy relationship, mc cant get a break

Summer (9)

Smut, Angst, idk if the rating is high because a main theme is personal to me and i think its the worse thing a man can do.

Tutor (1)

fluff, <3

KNJ

Miss Connection (2)

New Chapters!!!

I really want to finish it even though its a series.

Language Barriers/”Hyung” (1)

Fluff, Smut

Most pure thing I’m writing tbh

Guinea (1)

Drabble, domestic, smut because why not

Respectful (3 for cringe themes)

Smut drabble

Not Delulu (7)

smut, unhealthy themes

This one is up next :) Posted the first chapter! Now I’m working on the second. I’m having a lot of fun writing this one rn.

KSJ

Smell the Roses (3)

New Chapters!!!

This one is up next!!!! - (2Jan2021)

Cyber Sex (2)

Smut, not illegal but weird so it has a 2 rather than a 1, unhealthy themes but not so so bad

This Is Not an Exit (5)

idek. angst for sure

Together/Regret (2)

Angst, unhealthy themes

Love Aesthetic (1)

The name is the explanation

KTH

Separate (2)

Smut, angst

MYG

Dae (4)

Little smut, scifi?

Debut (2)

Angst, Smut

Graduate (2)

Smut

#bts fic #bts fanfic #Its a boring layout but I will one day spruce it up

29 notes · View notes

crowsent · 5 years ago

Note

👶,⭐,💘, and💻. Love you!!

thank you for ask anon! writer ask game is here if yall wanna send in something. still taking asks for these btw

👶- advice for new writers =

yall this is hella fucking generic but PRACTISE. theres a reason almost literally every writer on tumblr gives the advise of “practise practise practise” and that reason is it works. practise doesnt mean ‘oh just write bc youll automatically get better over time’ it means ‘write bc if you dont, you wont figure out what you need to improve.’ did yall know that i literally had no sentence variation in the past? i started every sentence with [character name] or [character pronoun] and i didnt realise until i was 15/16 and i only realised bc i started writing a lot.

i think there’s a fear of failure with new writers. there’s this lingering doubt of “what if its not good?” and boy howdy i will answer that question right fucking now. it wont be good. when i compare my current work to my earlier work, my earlier work sucked fucking shit. i spelled soldier with a fucking ‘j’ and i had no idea what the hell a point of view was. and thats okay. whoever tells you that youre going to perfect writing is a fucking liar. there is no perfecting writing. 20 years from now, imma look at the writing from today and im gonna think it sucks shit. writing is a process. its a craft. you get better and better over time and the way you get better is by experimenting w different styles, different genres, different ways of writing.

and the only way you can experiment and improve is through practise. in video games, especially rpgs (which are my favourite kind of video games), you struggle in the early game. youre at a low level, you dont have good equipment, you have a hard time moving to the next area. but the only way you progress is by grinding, gaining levels, and getting stronger. same w writing. if youre a level 1 writer, just starting out, no idea what to do, just experiment. fuck around a bit. write crackships, write rarepairs, write niche self-indulgent reader/character fics. at the end of the day, you should write for yourself. its good and cool if other people like your stuff and validate all your hard work, but at the end of the day, the one who should enjoy your writing the most is yourself.

you WILL mess up and you WILL struggle, but thats the only way you can improve. i struggle with pacing the most. still do. but others might have pacing down pat and struggle instead with word choice or pov or something else. cant figure out where you need to improve if you dont write, so just practise and worry about all the fine print later

⭐️- how do you get your inspiration? =

this is definitely not universal, but i just sit on my bed, close my eyes, and meditate. cycle through all my emotions and thoughts and filter them out. then i just toss everything out the damn window. like. id just meditate for a while, focus on breathing, on experiencing the present, picture a field and a tree and myself and breathe. thoughts fly by and i let them happen but dont focus on it.

meditating gives me some semblance of emotional control bc i normally have none, and it gives me kind of this space. this safe space that only exists for me and me alone. so i use that space to let the world drift away. just me and my thoughts and sometimes, those thoughts end up being good writing ideas. but i usually meditate for a set amount of time. like 15 minutes or 30 minutes so i dont write until i finish meditating.

then when i get out of my headspace, i open up my laptop and see what i remember. thinking too hard about something causes it to muddy up. same with art. in digital art, artists flip the canvas to refresh their eyes, see if there’s anything weird or wonky about the illustration that they normally dont see bc theyve gotten used to it. flipping the canvas is like giving our eyes a jumpstart and lets us see what we could do better. in traditional art, its turning the canvas this way and that or repositioning yourself. meditating is like that. a break. a cleanse. a kind of pause where you dont think about anything and just try to process what you already have. you relax and kind of let yourself float down a river of thoughts and sometimes, a fish would jump out of that river and youd go “hey, thats a good idea. i should try that” so when you get out of the river, youre refreshed and ready to go.

same principle with showers. more ideas come to you in the shower when you dont have anything to write with bc youre not thinking about it. youre not focusing on finding inspiration or motivation so ideas naturally flow through you. you know that feeling when you want to do x then someone comes along and says “hey you should do x” and suddenly all motivation to do x leaves? same w your brain. focus too much on “i should be writing” or “i want inspiration” and its never gonna come. just let things happen. at least, thats how i do it. some people might get inspiration by reading or watching tv. everyones different so if thats not what works out for you, dont feel pressured to try my method

💘- what’s your favorite AU? Least favorite? =

magic au. specifically fantasy au set in like a pre-modern era. shows like avatar where theres all this magic and fantastical beasts and so on and so forth. semi-modern like six of crows and nevernight are great too. i want that magic to be woven into people’s lives. harry potter is okay but there’s like this separation between magic and muggle. there’s this feeling of “magic” but like as a tool. like a spoon or a gun or a shovel. i want magic au’s that are INTEGRATED with the world its set in.

like in atla, earth kingdom people have trains they move with bending while fire nation people have machines powered by heat and steam. both correspond to their bending and makes sense for the world they live in. but if your plot is like harry potter and its less worldbuilding and more action, then there’s this book series called seasons rising (read it. so good) where there’s a bunch of spells but the spells have character. the people using the spells GIVE it character and it feels much more intimate. pokemon does the whole fantasy mixed w reality better. give two trainers the exact same pokemon and by the time that pokemon reaches lvl 50, its gonna have a different moveset, different fight style, etc bc it was shaped by the world and people around it. i like harry potter but tbh it could have been so much better

for the least favourite au, it’s A/B/O i dont like the whole “omegas are only good for breeding hurr durr” and “alphas are violent and aggressive and cant control themselves around omegas” thing and it squicks me out. major squick. i read the original harry potter squick (THAT one. yeah. you know the one) and i still hate a/b/o more. i get why people like it, and there are one or two fics set in a/b/o au that i enjoy reading, but as a whole, i severely dislike a/b/o fics.

the themes are squick, the character dynamics get so messed up, and shipping dynamics (bc a/b/o fics usually have shipping) just get so blown out of proportion. there are so many a/b/o fics that turn ooc or the character interpretations radically change or something else. no hate against a/b/o fans bc yall are amazing for writing/drawing yalls au. there are things that you can only do in this setting and exploring those things can be incredibly fun for people, but for me personally, its not an au i like to visit.

💻- three works of yours that are must reads =

i. dont know what fandom youre in anon or your genre preferences. so ill just rec you one fic for a different fandom each with kind of different genres. ts masterlist is on my side @hufflepuff-deceit and regular fanfic masterlist is on my writing blog @crownonymous

(BNHA) Viper. its my first serious attempt at fanfic in YEARS and its my baby. currently has 7 chapters, i havent updated it in a while bc im hyperfocused on ts rn, but i love it to bits. its just all of my fav bnha fics crammed into one fic. quirkless kind of villain izuku with stain as a mentor as they work together to bring light to the injustices of hero society and where bakugos bullying has visible and long-lasting repercussions? sign me the fuck up. you can read it on ao3 HERE bc its not on tumblr. kind of fast-paced, has a lot more action scenes than anything else ive written. heavy plot-wise but has a lot of humour and comedy to break things up

(Kimetsu no Yaiba) I Pray To God He Hears You. not related to my other kny fic oleander which is a multichap retelling au. iptghhy is a standalone one-shot and kind of a character study on one giyuu tomioka. i love him so much. giyuu is my baby and i adore him. so of course i wrote a sad fic focusing on him. well technically, the fic focuses on giyuu AND his relationships. SPOILERS for chapters 130 and 131 of the manga. focuses mostly on giyuu and sabito, but there’s a fair bit of giyuu and tanjiro and urokodaki. you can read it HERE bc this is also not on tumblr. also deals with heavy things but more emotion-wise since it doesnt have that much of a plot. loss. grief. moving on. survivors guilt. that kind of stuff. very sad. hurt but with comfort, especially at the end.

(Sanders Sides) Logan’s Birthday Fic: Logicality. just what the title says. i wrote 5 different fics and published them all on logans bday but the logicality one received the most feedback and honestly? the cutest of the bunch. its gonna be crossposted onto ao3 but for now, you can read it HERE on my ts sideblog. theres no plot since its literally just domestic and relationship fluff. and puns. patton is in the fic, theres gonna be puns. nothing but good things and warm feelings bc logan deserves it.

thank you so much for such interesting asks anon! i enjoyed answering these. have a lovely day!

#crowsas answers #kny #bnha #sanders sides

11 notes · View notes

collectiveyou-blog · 6 years ago

Text

@padfootagain

After a delay for the holidays, I’m excited to share the lovely Carole @padfootagain is this week’s writer of the week! So excited to share her story with you all. Check out her blog and read some of her wonderful writings. Send some love this week as January is @faficowrimo as well!

An admin note as well: wotw will be posted Sundays each week from now on.

Tell us a little about yourself.

Well, hello! Thank you for doing this, this is so much fun!

So, my name is Carole, aka padfootagain. I am 23, I’m French and I am doing a PhD in nanomaterials (basically, chemistry). I have a Master’s degree in Physics and Chemistry, with a specialty in Nanosciences and I am doing a PhD because I want to be a researcher :) I love cinema in general, books, music and drawing. And obviously, I love writing :) I have fallen a few years ago in the pit of fandoms, and I don’t think I’ll get out of it, not that I want to, to be honest. Which explains why I write fanfictions!

What do you currently write?

Oh dear… I write for quite a lot of fandoms. It started with the Marauders (so HP) and it got completely out of hand and now I also write for Narnia, the MCU, Star Wars, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Stranger Things, Poldark, LOTR and a handful of characters played by Ben Barnes (yes, I’m a fan of this actor). I also write for a few actors. I write original stories that are not fanfics as well. And I write both one-shots and series, long and short. I have a tendency to write more than I intended to at first :) I write with reader-insert and OCs alike.

When did you start writing? Do you remember your first piece of fan fiction? What was it about?

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t writing, really. I think that as soon as I was able to use a pen, I started writing. I’ve always loved stories and had a wild imagination, so it was a good way to control my crazy brain (it still is).

The first real piece of fanfiction that I posted is a Jily, Sirius Black x OC fic that I posted on fanfiction.net (I wasn’t on tumblr yet at the time), and it is a very long one… 70 chapters. I liked it very much tbh and I took around a year and a half to write it. It was basically about their 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts.

But if you want the real funny story, then the first piece of fanfiction I wrote was when I was seven. And I had no idea what a fanfiction was, at the time, obviously, but without knowing it I actually wrote one! We had to present a book for school, and I wanted to present Peter Pan, because it was my favourite book. But one of my classmates stole my idea and presented this book first, and I was very upset about it. I tried to negotiate with my teacher, but he didn’t want me to present that book, saying that I couldn’t present the same story as one of my classmates.

Huge mistake from my teacher here. He said I couldn’t talk about the same story, not the same characters! So I wrote a story with Peter Pan and I presented it to the class! It was about a treasure hunt and I did drawings for it and everything. I still have it. It was ridiculous but I reckon the story is funny. And that was my first fanfic!

Why reader insert?

I find reader inserts very interesting. When I started on tumblr, and learnt about that way of writing, I had spent around two years writing for OCs, and I was looking for a challenge, honestly. So I started to write one-shots, when before I had only written very long series. And I also tried reader inserts as another challenge. It requires to change your style of writing quite a lot and to be careful not to reveal details so readers can identify with what you’re writing. And I love doing it! I’ve never liked very much describing my OCs in terms of appearance, so it was quite liberating, as with reader insert I had to avoid that. Also, I write series with that style, because even if you have to try to not describe how this Y/N looks like, I’ve never considered that I shouldn’t develop her/his personality any less than for an OC. So I still have fun creating characters, I just change my style of writing, really. And even if now there’s not really any challenge in that anymore for me, I still use it all the time. Also, on a purely practical way… I don’t like choosing names for my OCs and this is the best solution! Especially for one-shots. I have more than 200 stories on tumblr, I would have never been able to choose so many names!! So… there is also this lazy part of me :)

If someone wanted to get into your writing, what piece would you have them start with and why?

Ooooh… that is a good question… I write quite a lot of fluff. I don’t write any smut at all. I do write some things with angst too (I’m a writer, I like torturing my readers from time to time, like any writer), but I also love writing fluff. I think that lots of people are snobbing the sweet stories nowadays, but I love a good happy ending, and some cute moments, and a love story that is sweet and ends with a ‘and they lived happily ever after’. Call me cheesy, if you’d like, I’m proud to be so!

So… I guess that a good one to start would be a series that I wrote for Caspian (Narnia), called A Recipe For Love. It’s pretty popular, amongst my readers, I think. It’s very cute, and has a bit of angst too. It’s about Caspian falling in love with a cook working in his Castle. I think it’s a good start for my stories.

You are currently working on a winter event filled with delightful seasonal themed prompts. Tell us more about that!

I very often organize events on my blog, because I love talking with my readers and I want to make them happy! So, to celebrate the winter season and the fluff that goes with it, I wrote a list of prompts, and my readers can pick up a few of those prompts, and a character from my masterlist, and I write a little one-shot for them :) They can’t send requests anymore, it was for a limited time, but I’m writing the stories now! I’m going to keep doing this for a few weeks. I just love writing cute stories, really… ;)

What are your goals for your writing moving forward?

…

I’d like to finish the series I’ve started… Is that a goal? I don’t have goals when it comes to writing tbh. I just write what inspires me and makes me happy! I don’t pretend to be talented enough to be published, and I only write because I love it. So, I don’t have goals. I just want to enjoy myself, and I hope that the love I pour into my stories transpires enough to make a few people happy too :)

What are you currently reading?

I am reading a very cute book called Let It Snow, which is composed of three love stories taking place during a blizzard. It was written by John Green, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle. It’s very sweet and very funny, I like it! It goes with the season :)

Do you have any advice for new writers?

Several people asked me for advice before, and I even made a few posts about that, but tbh… the best advice that I could give is to know when you should not care about advice.

When I started to really write a lot and to create long stories (not as fanfictions, but other stories) I was on my own. And I loved writing them, but as I could feel that it was a serious thing to me, I looked for advice on the internet. I thought that it couldn’t hurt, and that having advice from professionals could help me getting better. But actually, I realized that my way of writing was completely different from the advice I read! Especially, I’ve always hated to plan my stories. And everyone will advise you to plan your story. So, I tried to follow this advice, and a few others, thinking that I was doing it all wrong before. But it completely killed the joy I had for writing. I was asking myself tons of questions, and trying to apply rules that clearly didn’t fit me, and I ended up stopping to write for more than a year. Until one day, I started to write something else, deciding not to take into account the advice that I had seen before. And here I am. Not planning my stories, and having no clue of where I’m going, and having too many ideas for my own good, but I’m writing. And I’m enjoying what I write and I love writing these stories.

Now, I’m not saying that all advice are bad. But I think that when you just start writing, you look up to other writers and try to use the same techniques as they do, which is normal. And it’s important at the beginning to try tons of styles and ways to write to find your own way to write. But you shouldn’t forget that you and this writer you admire are different people, and your brains don’t work the same! There’s no shame in writing your story your own way, even if your favourite writer doesn’t write like that at all! On the contrary. I think it’s important to stop torturing yourself trying to get something perfect, and just actually write something you want to write and, more importantly, the way that makes you the happiest. And if you have to write your story without any plan and make a mess to do it, then I think that you should do it. Writing is such a liberating thing, it’s a shame to lose this freedom and joy because you’re trying to fit in categories and techniques. Just write what you like, the way you like, and you’ll be a happier writer :)

@padfootagain

padfootagain Masterlist

#writer of the week #padfootagain #harry potter imagine #narnia imagine #ben barnes imagine #star wars imagine #doctor who imagine #stranger things imagine #poldark imagine #lotr imagine

24 notes · View notes

padfootagain · 7 years ago

Text

10 things I wish someone had told me when I started to write fanfictions

To start this little series of posts where I will attempt to gather the best advices I can give you concerning writing, I'm going to go through a list of 10 things that I wish I had known when I started to post my first fanfictions on the internet. The first few are more about being a fanfic writer on this hellsite, but then I drift towards more writing stuff.

This might also be interesting for people who don't write, if they're curious about the whole process, I hope some of them read this as well.

I do not pretend to be right. I will never dare to pretend to be right about anything. But from my personal experience, here are a few things that I feel like you should know if you are writing fanfics and want to share your work.

This post is long, sorry. Feel free to pick up the bits that you're the most interested in.

Also, if you want me to treat a particular subject in one of these posts (that should be shorter in the future), please, do tell me. I'll be happy to (try to) help :D

Word count : 4914

Alright, let's go!

1. Spread love, spread love, spread love and spread even more love

If you are around here, it means that you love these silly characters beyond what is reasonable. It's okay, we are all in it together. Then, do not bother with people you find annoying or spread negativity through a fandom. Block them. Avoid them. There is enough negativity in life without it spreading to stain what makes you happy. Do not hesitate to block people. You will find your stay around here much more enjoyable then.

Be kind to people. No matter if they message you on or off anon, no matter what they are asking, be nice. Listen to them. Some are very shy and clumsy with words, some make tons of mistakes while writing in English, it doesn't matter. Be kind. Make them feel welcome on your blog. Show them that you are a safe place around here. You wouldn't want people to dismiss you after you try to be nice to them right? So don't do it to other people. There are many people around here who keep on telling me that they were hesitant in messaging me because they were nervous. Don't be nervous. Talk to each other. Talk to me, I want to talk to you. Be nice with each other. If we have created this kind of fanfiction blogs, it's because we love the characters we write for. We will always be up for a chat about them.

2. Wisely use your tags, you shall.

Because it is extremely annoying as a reader when you are looking for a Sirius Black x Reader fic and you end up with some Jily angst. Make sure to tag all your stories, but do it accurately. Do not tag something as wolfstar if it's a Remus x reader imagine. It's just so annoying when the results don't match what you are looking for. Personally, it doesn't make me want to read the imagine, on the contrary, it just annoys me, and I will not visit the blog where it was posted.

To tag your stories, try to think about these three things :

- Who is the main character in my story ? Are there other characters that are really important in the plot?

- Which fandom am I writing for ?

- What part of the fandom is this character involved in?

If several characters are involved, try to determine which ones are the most important and tag them first. You can tag a character using both the full name or just the first name, so think about including both versions.

So, for a Sirius Black x reader story some Jily, you will have the tags:

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfiction #sirius #sirius x reader #sirius imagine #sirius fanfiction #hp # marauders era #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders fanfiction #jily #jily fanfiction #jily imagine #james potter #lily evans potter

See? Then your imagine will come up first if people are looking for Sirius. It might appear for Jily too, but the order of the tags indicate that they're not that important in the story. You can also tag if you are writing fluff, angst… it's up to you. If you don't really know which tags you should use, try to check the tags used by fanfiction writers that you like, it might help.

3. Comments are rare, but it's not because it’s you

As a writer, you have put all your energy and soul and emotions into this piece of writing you have just posted. Fasten your seatbelt. You will then experiment the rollercoaster of emotions that goes with it:

- First, the excitement of posting something new

- Then, the long wait for any form of feedback or validation

- Refreshing the page every five seconds to see if your story has a note

- "Oh! A little heart! Someone read it!!!!"

- The slow realization striking that you're not getting much notes

- Going to bed asking yourself a thousand questions and thinking that you are the worst writer on tumblr, as your post didn't get more than 5 notes for now

- Waking up in the morning to find ONE comment on your fic

- Blessing that person with your whole being and worshiping this wonderful human being for a long while as you keep on re-reading the five-words long little message that was written on your post

- Noticing a few reblogs and looking at them all one by one to check if a comment was left in the tags

- Disappointment washing over you every time you see no tags

- A bright grin when you see a 'good fic' in a tag

Yes, this is the usual fanfic writer rollercoaster. You are not the only one experiencing it. Every single writer here does experience the same.

Yes, it is, sadly, normal to receive very few comments on your stories, it doesn't mean that you are a bad writer.

Yes, OCs are not as popular as reader inserts on tumblr. You will get even less notes for these stories. Again, it is, sadly, normal, and it doesn't mean that your OC sucks.

Yes, you will probably get more notes on the first chapter of a series than the rest of your story, especially if you take a few weeks to update. It doesn't mean that your series is less appreciated or is a disappointment.

Some characters or ships are less popular than others in a fandom. You will get less notes for them. It's normal, and again, it doesn't mean that your story is bad.

No, you don't have a psychic link to your computer that tells you if people liked your story without them actually telling you. I know you don't. But there are few people around here who seem to get that. So be patient. Be kind. And don't take it personally, because it's the same problem for everyone here.

Getting just a few notes does not mean that you are a bad writer. We are all struggling to get comments. You are a good writer, even if your story has just a few notes. I didn't get more than 30 notes on my last chapter for my Dr Who fic. My Rose Tico fic struggled to get 10 notes. One of my Poe fic reached 650 notes. There is not always a logic. Do not let the number of notes describe you as a writer. You are a good writer. Getting just a few notes must not stop you from writing. It's not because you don't get many notes that you are not skilled at writing.

4. Make life easy for your readers: make a masterlist and some taglists

Make a taglist where you can store the url of people who want to follow your stories. Keep it organized. If you write for several characters/fandom, accept to make different taglists for each character/fandom, and if you are brave enough, for individual stories as well. These people want to follow what you write, so it takes a little time to you, but people that are tagged might read your story more easily and not miss an update.

You can also add links to the previous part of a series or a link to your masterlist in a text post. I don't do it, because I reckon that my masterlist is pretty easy to navigate through, plus, I'm lazy as fuck… but you can be better than me and do it.

Make a masterlist that can be open on mobile. Lots of people (me included) read fanfics in the bus, or during breaks at work, or when they travel… and they don’t have a computer then. So, if you want them to find your stories on mobile, you will have to make a masterlist that they can open on the app. We will take all the steps to create such masterlist one by one. Perhaps there is an easier way to do it, but no one ever told me how to make a masterlist, and that's the only way I found by myself, so I can't help you more than that I'm afraid. If you can't do it that way, ask me for help or ask another fanfic writer who has a link to her/his masterlist in the blog description and try the method he/she used.

To create your masterlist:

1. Create the text post that will become your masterlist. Nothing more than a very normal text post, and publish it on your blog. On this post, you will put your stories and the links leading to them.

2. Open this brand new post and copy the full name of the page in the toolbar at the top of your screen (the full https://ww.tumblr.com/... thing)

3. Go in the settings of your blog and choose the edit appearance menu (the same that you used to decorate your blog and make it pretty).

4. Choose the 'edit theme' menu (website theme section). You arrive in the edit theme page where you can change the theme for your blog, the colours…

5. In the first section called 'appearance options', you can enter the title of your blog, a short description of your blog and choose your avatar. This section also holds the information that are showed on the app. It is in this 'Description' section that we will put the link to your masterlist.

6. In the description, after you've added the text that you wanted, you will have to enter the whole bit of coding that I am writing here. It will allow you to put a link to your masterlist using the link you've copied to a word written in the description. So, you have to write : <b><a href="Insert the link to your masterlist here "> Enter the name of your link here</a></b>

You have to paste the link you have copied in the bit that I have written in italic. The part written in bold is where you type the words that will appear in your description for the link (I stayed traditional, and wrote Masterlist, for example).

7. Don't forget to save your changes, and in theory, if you go to the page of your own blog, the link has appeared in your description, and when you click on it, you have access to your Masterlist!

After that, it's up to you to keep your masterlist updated! If possible, try to make a masterlist as soon as you start writing (or as soon as you have read this post and realized that you desperately needed that damn masterlist), and try to update it everytime you post a new story, or else you might forget a post, or look through your own blog for a while to find the right post again.

Some people use a tag system instead of a masterlist. I find it less reliable. Everything is in your masterlist, I find it easier for readers to find stories and navigate through your writing. But then, it's up to you. I can't help you with the tag system though, as I don’t use it.

Also, do not hesitate to reblog your fics a couple of times after you've posted them. It's not just about promoting your own work, but you have followers from all around the world. When it's night for you, it's the middle of the day for some of them. So reblogging your story to make sure that every time zone has a chance to see it is actually for your followers, not for yourself.

5. Requests are open, but not everything is okay

An advantage of tumblr for both readers and writers is that requests are so easy to make. For readers, it's wonderful because someone else is going to write a story they are dreaming of but can't write themselves. For writers, it might stir your imagination and make you think of new stories that would have never crossed your mind otherwise.

Now, that being said, as a writer, you have the right to refuse a request. Do not feel guilty about it. This idea doesn't ring a bell? It sounds weird? You just don't like it? Then refuse it. Stay kind with the person who requested it, but refuse. You are the one who is going to spend hours and hours bringing this story to life, you need to like the idea that is proposed to you.

Make sure that all the requests that you have accepted are either in your askbox, or in a google doc, or in a note book… but anyway, all at the same place. It's easier to go through them all when you are looking for something to write then.

You do not have to write them in a specific order. Don't feel guilty for writing a request straight after receiving it when another one has been sitting in your askbox for several weeks. Your imagination is not something that works on demand. Write what inspires you the most, and if a request that you like doesn't inspire you enough to write it for now, then wait, until it inspires you enough to write it.

Most people open their requests and close them once they have received a few. Then they write them all, and re-open the requests later. It's a very good way to do it and to keep control on your requests.

Me? My requests are always open. Why? Because, if a new follower of mine wants to ask for me to write something, I want this person to have the opportunity to ask. Also, if someone just has a wonderful new idea, I want this person to be able to send a request too. It's one way to do it. Then, you will drown in an ocean of requests that you will never be able to get out of. But as long as you accept the fact and warn your followers that their request will take a long time to be written, I reckon it's pretty fair too.

Never feel obliged to open requests. If you don't feel like it, then don't. You are the one who will have to write the whole thing, don't do it if you don't want to.

Do not imagine that the person who sent you a request will leave you a nice comment to thank you. It is extremely rare. Especially for anons. Here again, don't take it personally, it's not about you, you didn't screw up their request, it's just that no one receives this kind of message.

I remember an anon who asked me to make a part 2 to a request that I had written for her/him. And so I asked in my answer to his/her message if he/she liked the first part. He/she said 'Well, of course I liked it! It was wonderful!'

But dear anon, if you don't tell me that you enjoyed the story that I wrote for you, I actually can't know that you liked it…

But dear writer, if you never hear of this anon who sent a request ever again, it's not about you, I'm pretty sure this anon loved your story. He/she just assumes that you know how brilliant you are. Here is the misunderstanding between readers and writers.

Right, now, let's get to the writing stuff…

6. Experiment, experiment, experiment and experiment again

Especially if you are starting to write fanfics, you will need to find out the best process that fits your personality to write. There is no magical way to do things that will suddenly makes it easy for you to write, and writing keeps on evolving as you grow as a person and also in skills. Don't expect a nice little thing you will do to pass the time. If you really get involved in it, writing is tough. Writing is crying on your own as you write a sad scene. Writing is spending hours looking for tiny details and vocabulary to make sure that you are accurate. Writing is forgetting a thousand plot twists between the moment when you are under your shower and you sit down to write. Writing is waking up at three in the morning to write because you suddenly had the best idea ever.

You will suffer. But you will also find the most addicting feeling that exists in this world, if you manage to completely lose yourself in your story. Bye bye debts, responsibilities, family problems, work… if you manage to get to the orgasmic trance of writing, you will forget the whole world, and get lost in your story. And that is worth everything that makes the life of a fanfic writer shitty.

As I mentioned, to get to this fabulous state of mind, there is no perfect recipe. Because it's different for everyone. You need to try different things to find out which process fits you best. So here are a few things that you should try:

- Try to write different types of stories : adventure, angst, fluff, AU… you will find out that there is a kind of writing that you like the most. For me, it's mainly fluff, with some angst to get it tastier…

-Try both reader inserts and OCs. Both have advantages and drawbacks. You can write both. I do write both. Sometimes though, if you have a very clear idea of your character, it's better to make an OC. For a short one-shot, reader insert is much simpler, and will allow you to not spend two bloody hours looking for a name for your character…

-Try to write with 'I', 'you', 'he/she'… You will soon find one that fits you better. Personally, I hate that bloody 'I' for example.

- Try different tenses. Some people prefer to write using present, others past tenses. It's up to you, just try to be consistent once you've settled for one, or it can be quite confusing.

-Try to plan a story, and try not to plan a story. Some writers need to have the skeleton of the story already written down before really writing the whole thing. Try to make little notes on the characters you create then too. Personally, I can't do that. I hate planning fics. I just write the first things that come to my mind. Do not be ashamed of either process, they are both valid, and trust me, they will both get you to writing full fics. My longest fics are more than 500 to 800 pages long. 0 planning. It works for some people. A friend of mine is unable to start a fic if he doesn't know every single plot twist in it. It just depends on how your brain works. Try to apply both techniques, you'll quickly find out that one is better for you than the other, or perhaps you'll just plan a few things but not everything... it's up to you.

Finding your process of writing is personal. That being said, don't hesitate to ask for advices to writers that you like. You can ask for people you trust to read your fic before posting it as well, you can get good advices then.

7. Make sure your comfy

No matter for how long you plan on writing, make sure you are comfortable. In your bed, at your desk, outside… write where you are comfortably sitting/lying down. Take your favourite candies, keep a bottle of water and some coffee/tea near at hand. If it helps, turn on the music. Make playlists for writing with your favourite songs. You will have to experiment the effect of music on your writing too: with music, without music, with lyrics, without lyrics… here again, it's up to you.

Make sure you have the internet too. Because you will often need to check a random fact about the world you're writing about, or some vocabulary… or because after a little while you won't be focused anymore, and you'll probably end up reading fanfics on tumblr before getting back to writing, so be already prepared.

8. Find your own pace

I am here talking to fanfiction writers. We are not paid for our writing. We have no deadlines. Therefore, there is no rush. I think that the worst advice that I have ever seen for writers was a post that explained how to write a thousand words a day. Basically, it was explaining that you had to force yourself to, step by step, increase the number of words you would write before stopping and doing something else. To me, this is the WORST ADVICE EVER!!!

DO NOT FORCE YOURSELF TO WRITE!!!

You are spreading love about characters for free, the last thing you want is pressure coming from it! If you force yourself, you'll start not enjoying it, and that's the last thing you want, trust me.

Here again, you have to experiment. Perhaps you are the kind of person who writes a paragraph every day. Perhaps you only write once a week but then you vomit ten pages in one sitting. Perhaps you write once in a while. Perhaps you are like me and can't go to sleep without having written at least 1000 to 2000 words that night. It depends. Do not force yourself to write. You will find your own rhythm. You just need time to find it. Just write when you want to for as long as you want to.

Also, do not rush your brain to create a story, especially for complex stories like series. Some people are fast, between the moment they have the idea for the fic and when they actually write it. But some people need to think about this idea for a while. Personally, 90% of the time, an idea is going to be brewing in my brain for days, weeks, sometimes months or years before I write it down. It's okay, take your time.

An advice to writers with minds twirling with ideas constantly like me: if you have so many ideas, some will be better than others. Wait for a bit then. Some of these ideas will disappear by themselves after a few days or weeks. Write the ones that remained in your brain, no matter if you waited. They are the best ones you came up with. Write the ones that you still have in your head a month later.

Your pace will also determine how often you post your fics, obviously. Do not put any pressure on yourself to write faster because you haven't posted any story in several days. Take the time you need to finish your story. Take your time. You're in no rush. No matter if people are asking you to update soon, you're the one who's writing the damn thing, so go to your own pace.

Wisdom would make me tell you to try to focus on one story at a time. But wisdom is not a fanfic writer. If you have checked my blog, you know that I write many series simultaneously. It's just because my brain is unable to focus on only one story at a time. So I just start many. If you feel like you need to finish this story before starting a new one, then finish it first. But if you feel obsessed with this new idea, let it out and put it down on paper. It won't leave unless you write it anyway, so better get rid of it before it drives you nuts. Here again, updates for new chapters and beginning of new series must be done at your own pace.

Also, wisdom would make me tell you to finish a story before posting it. But wisdom has much more self-control than I do. You don't have to wait to have finished the whole series to post the first part, unless it works better for you. Once again, your own pace.

If you are facing a writer's block and you need some time away from writing, do not feel guilty about taking that time. Take a few days, a few weeks, a few months if necessary, until you can go back to your story. You can also try to write for new characters/fandoms, sometimes it helps, but sometimes you just need time. So do yourself a favour, and take it.

9. Your story, your words

How many posts did I see on this hellsite telling you to not use 'say', to not use this type of words, but rather that type of words…

Do yourself a favour. Write whatever you want.

If a word exists, it's because it describes something. An emotion, an action… and if you need to describe that precise thing, then use the damn word for it. And use 'say' as many times as you want.

There is no stupid reaction for your character. I do giggle in real life. I do blush a lot. I do cry easily. I do feel better around some people for no logical reason. Do not listen to the cynical bunch of fake intellectuals who are pretending that these actions don't exist. They do. You can describe them the way you like. And if you want your character to smirk, then make that boy smirk.

You have to apprehend writing like a freedom. There is no one controlling you when you write a fanfiction. There are no standards to respect, no limits to your imagination. You can use any word that you may like. You can write the stories that you want, the way you want to.

There's no need to aim for a vocabulary that you don't master. Especially if you don't write in your native language (like me). You can use a few fancy words, but sometimes it'll be clearer with a vocabulary that is considered like simpler. There's no reason to overdo it.

Try to include both descriptions and dialogues in your work. Dialogues are dynamic, they carry a lot of weight in your narration. They are also very important to carry emotions. But you also need descriptions to get the reader in a certain atmosphere, and to make the actions clearer. If a character picks up a knife, but you have never indicated that he was in a kitchen, it may be a bit confusing. But then, the balance between descriptions and dialogues depends on you, here again, no magic recipe. Just try to get both in your story, you'll find out that it'll be easier to carry out emotions and to make the plot advance then.

Ha, and one more thing, because I said that it was your story. There is nothing wrong in writing a very bold fic with an idea you've never seen anywhere before. But there is nothing wrong either in using a popular AU, a popular idea, a popular OC… there is nothing wrong with that. Because no one has ever written that AU the way you are going to write it. So write it. With your own plot twists, and your own words, and your own feelings. Do you know how many coffeeshop AUs I have read? I have lost count. Do I still want to read more? Yes, please. Because it's cute, and I want cute. How many readers were made a fellow pilot in the resistance and fall in love with Poe Dameron? Here again, I have lost count. Do I still want to read more about that? Yes, please, I do, bring me the angst and the fluff! And please, write it, because I've never read this story written by you, and I want to read it.

And now, my last piece of advice for this very long post, but the most important piece of advice that I can give you:

10. If you do not like tips, do not take tips.

Tips are written by people who have one way to look at a problem. They look at the problem, and they find a solution (sometimes, I am not even sure that they have faced the problem themselves to be honest…). But it is the solution that would fit them, not fit you. Now, you may come across some advices that are very good for you and help you get better at writing. Then cherish these pieces of advice and use them. But if you realize that an advice is not working for you, then leave it behind and try something else. Writing is too personal to have golden rules that need to be followed to reach your goal. It's a slow process. You will never stop learning and improving. Here again, try to experiment the advices that seem interesting to you. Abandon the ones that don't fit your personality.

I have never followed a single advice that I have seen on this website. I write rarely less than 2000 words a day. Not respecting tips that you encounter does not mean that you are a bad writer, or that you'll never manage to finish a story. It just means that you don't write like the person who gathered these advices does. And there's nothing to feel guilty about. You are still a valid writer, you are still creating amazing stories, your process to do it all is just different.

Writing will bring you such a feeling of freedom, do not let yourself be trapped in stupid rules that someone else invented out of the blue.

And if nothing that I've written helps you, then it's okay. It just means that we don't see the same thing in writing, and we don't write the same way. But you're still amazingly talented, and I think I'm not that bad either. Just enjoy writing. Enjoy sharing your stories. Enjoy reading the stories that are shared by other fantastic writers that we are lucky to have around here. Just enjoy it all, and be kind, to both others and yourself.

#carole gives writing tips #writing #writing tips #writing advice #advice

73 notes · View notes