#massive achievement for me personally having drawn something for every day of an appreciation week. never done that before actually

[sapphic--kiwi]

Gus Week Day 7: Cosmic Frontier

Gus and Cici at Cosmic-Con ✨🪐💫

[deannaroxannewrites]

Tropetember Day 2: Coffee Shop / Tattoo Parlor / Flower Shop / Other Retail AU

Coffee and other ways to heal the soul.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Rating: General Audiences

TW: Valhalla arc (mentioned), coffee, NCIS cameo

AN: Day 2 of @tropetember. I was really struggling with the coffee shop AU but once I got going, really got way too into it and could probably pad this out into a short series. Is that something people would be interested in?

Also, not really sure if I managed to capture Spencer but remember this is an AU and that's my excuse!

Enjoy!

Find this story on Ao3 here.

Word Count: 2.4k

One of the biggest advantages of owning one of the few coffee shops in Quantico that wasn't part of a massive chain, was the constant stream of senior FBI and Navy personnel desperate for high quality, well made coffee. It had become such a lucrative venture in fact that you could afford to hire enough staff to rarely even have to be behind the counter at all.

The surge in popularity has even allowed you to convert one of the spare upstairs rooms into a meeting room. In hindsight, you should have converted more because once your regulars found out about it, there had been outright war between the Navy and FBI to try and get meetings booked in. A couple of your regulars had even managed to get both institutions to hardwire connections so they could host even more briefings and meetings in the friendly, comfortable space.

Today's winners were a Unit from the FBI, who had booked it out for a whole day. Aaron Hotchner, the BAU chief, came in most mornings and was a real sweetheart. You'd been trying to get him to drink something other than his normal americano since his return from Afghanistan a few months ago, but had not been successful so far. You were excited to meet the rest of the legendary team. He always spoke fondly of them when he bought extra coffees to boost morale.

With that in mind, you quickly throw together the pastries and beverages he'd preordered for the start of their session and head in to do a quick check that everything was ready.

Like any meeting room, there was a large table in the center but you'd made sure to surround it with comfy and artfully mismatched chairs. The floor was a deep walnut colour and matched the numerous floating shelves which were covered in plants and books. The place was homey and extended the cosy chic look you had been trying to achieve throughout the shop.

After a little bit of organising, including making sure the FBI cables were accessible and tidying any of the Navy’s equipment, you head downstairs to the main space.

Charlotte and Jessica were behind the tills this morning, making quick work of the line and exuding friendly helpfulness out of every pore. They were both grad students and you were already dreading them graduating. Their natural effervescence would be impossible to replace.

To pass the time until your booking arrives, you catch up with NCIS Agent McGee who is on the coffee run, trying not to hold him up too long in case he ends up getting in more trouble with his big bad boss. Apparently Agent DiNozzo had knocked over Gibbs coffee but McGee had then slipped in it and done some minor damage to some of the equipment. He told you he much preferred coffee run to door knocking duty round a 6 block radius like DiNozzo.

As you wrap it up, a group of people enter the shop, led by a woman in colourful clothes and a sunshine demeanour. It's not until you see Agent Hotchner's suited and booted presence bringing up the rear that you realise this is the infamous BAU.

Donning your friendliest persona, you politely excuse yourself from McGee and head to greet them, calling Aaron's name across the way.

The profilers seem surprised by your use of their bosses name but quickly shake it off as introductions are made. You receive hand shakes off most of them with the exception of Penelope, who gives you a hug because of course she does, and Dr Spencer Reid who gives you a shy wave and looks like he'd rather be anywhere else.

It didn't take a profiler to see the physical distance between the genius and the rest of the group. He was always a step away from the nearest person and automatically avoided any physical contact from them.

How strange.

Brushing it off you lead them upstairs and get them settled, letting them know that they're welcome to come and go in the shop as need and that all their drinks would be added to the discounted tab and left them too it, all the while trying not to puzzle over the handsome loner and his cute sweater vest.

-----

If there was one thing Spencer Reid hated more than anything, it was team building.

Normally, back before everything happened, he would just grit his teeth and bear it. That's been a lot harder after finding out that Emily was alive.

Processing the joy at her being alive and the rage at being led to believe she was dead in the first place, particularly by the people he trusted the most, was not easy. He was trying to forgive them. He was trying to let it go, to accept the damage but move forward.

It was still a work in progress.

That's why, when Hotch announced a team building/meeting day, he had momentarily considered resigning. Though there was no longer outright hostility between himself and Jennifer, things weren’t exactly comfortable between himself and half of the team. The only bright side to this whole endeavour was the location. No coffee shop lasted long in Quantico unless the coffee was actually good. It was a small mercy.

He followed the rest of the team into the coffee shop, eyeing the surroundings and taking note of the other visitors. As the rest of the team joked about, he stayed back, simply waving at the nice owner of the shop when Hotch introduced them.

They appeared to be about his age which was very impressive considering the success of the café. And there were a couple of sci-fi references hidden in the décor that he would have loved to ask about, but he doubted they’d appreciate him going off about Star Trek this early in the morning. Instead he just gave a tight-lipped smile and followed the team upstairs.

Spencer tried his best to concentrate throughout the morning but to say he was relieved when they were left to their own devices for lunch would be an understatement.

-----

After a productive morning in the office, you wander back out to the main part of the shop to check on things. The lunch rush can be unforgiving but the girls seem to have it in hand. Nothing out of the ordinary for a Tuesday lunchtime.

What you didn’t expect to see was Spencer Reid hidden away at one of the back tables with a ginormous book in front of him, a small scowl on his face and the rest of his team nowhere in sight.

You agonise silently with yourself for a few moments before you decide to head over. You figure if he doesn’t want company he’ll let you know but you feel drawn to him. It was strange. Maybe it was just your instinctive need to collect strays.

You smile gently at him when you reach his table, indicating the seat opposite him in question. He gives a quick nod but doesn’t fully look at you.

“Everything ok?” you ask.

He takes a moment and seems to be considering his options. He looks at you with a little tilt of his head, likely questioning your motives.

Finally, he seems to decide you have no sinister intention and quietly replies “I just wish things could go back to how they were”.

You had heard about the events involving the BAU in the last year or so. It had been a hot topic of gossip in the shop numerous times. Aaron also occasionally talked about his guilt at what he put his team through when he stopped by, needing a friend to talk to. It’s the first time, however, that you think in depth about how faking a close friend's death likely affected the team members who were unaware.

This isn’t to say you didn’t care or didn’t think that it must have been terrible for them. You did, but had agreed with the justification that it was for Agent Prentiss’ safety, that finding out she was alive would make up for it. It’s apparent in the sadness of Dr Reid’s expression that that isn’t the case.

“Can I touch you?”

His eyes shoot up in surprise and he hesitantly nods. You gently grasp his hands, wrapping your fingers around his.

“I can’t even imagine,” you begin slowly, “how difficult this must be. But if you ever need to talk to someone, you’re always welcome here”

He gives a short, sharp nod and squeezes your fingers which you take to mean thank you.

“Also, this is totally not my place but, a therapist, one outside the Bureau? Might not be such a bad idea?” You give a sardonic grin and admit ” It worked for me”

After you give his hands another quick squeeze, you leave him to ponder your statement and head back to your office. Paperwork doesn’t do it self after all.

You hope Spencer manages to find some support though and decide that if he wants it, you’d be more than willing to help him.

---------------

It was a few weeks before Spencer Reid showed up in the coffee shop again.

It was early evening and you only had a few people in. You’d opted to close up tonight to ensure Jessica, who had been on the afternoon shift, had time to work on her assignment for class. She’d been complaining about it for the last few days.

The sound of the front door opening distracts you from your thoughts and you glance up to see who has entered. When you realise who it is you can’t help but smile.

“Fancy seeing you here Dr Reid” you say in greeting. He gives you a small smile in return.

“Well, it’s good coffee and, erm, the company’s good?”

You understand the question implicit in that comment and glance around at the few remaining patrons. They all have a beverage and it’s a quiet night so you can afford to take a step out behind the counter between orders.

“Sure, let me make us both a drink and then I’m all yours.”

You take his order (how much sugar?!?!) and get you both sorted out and settled into a small booth. You look at him, taking in the nervous expression on his face and let him settle in and start the conversation.

“I, erm, I took your advice”.

“That’s good. Are you finding it’s helping? Having someone outside of work to talk things through with?”

He nods his head.

“One of the things she pointed out was that so much of my life is wrapped up in work, that when things go wrong I don't have an external support system. Not that I didn't know that already but, someone else pointing it out made me realise how much if an impact it has.”

You bob your head thoughtfully, acknowledging his comment but not forcing him to say more.

“She suggested I try to find people outside of work to talk to. I was... I was wondering if you could be one?”

His nerves seem to have failed him slightly as he can’t look you in the eye, but you give him a big grin. Of course you want to spend time with this lovely man.

“I’d love to” you say, which gets him to look up and give you a smile in response.

You spend nearly an hour, with occasional breaks to serve customers, chatting to him before it becomes necessary to close up. He starts gathering his things but you’ve been enjoying his company so much you can’t bear to let him go. Instead, you check if he’s in a rush and, after confirming he has nothing else planned, invite him to hang around and grab something to eat from the diner down the street.

By the end of the night, you’re glad the diner is 24hr. You completely lose track of time, fascinated by the sheer amount of information he can provide and the passion with which he infodumps. It’s extremely endearing.

“I had a lovely time tonight” you tell him as you walk towards your apartment. You don’t live too far from the coffee shop and he had very gallantly offered to walk you home. “I’d love to do it again some time?”

He smiles and nods in agreement before asking for your phone number.

“I don't really like technology that much so I don’t have a smartphone and I don’t really check it that much and prefer speaking to texting…”

“Spence” you say, a little laugh in your voice as you interrupt. “Whatever works best for you. I’m not going to suddenly vanish on you, promise.”

You seem to have hit his worries a little too closely as he sways a little awkwardly, gaze wandering down to his feet.

“Can I hug you?” you check. His answer is to wrap his arms around you and you gently sway the both of you side to side.

He lets go and turns to head back out into the night as you call out “If you’re ever missing me, I know a place you can get great coffee. I can get you a good discount.” A laugh stutters from his lips and he wishes you a good night.

Leaning against your door you sigh happily to yourself. It’s always a good feeling making a new friend.

--------------

It had been over a year since the last time the BAU had booked (and managed to attend the booking). In that time, you’d converted another room upstairs into a meeting room, as well as setting up a shared work/study space in a room out the back.

You grin as you see them all enter, fascinated by the way this family of agents interact with each other. There’s even a tall, handsome genius who stands within the group, laughing and joking along with the rest.

Spencer greets you with a gentle kiss to your lips and it causes uproar from his colleagues. You don’t react much, you just turn to them and shrug.

“Do you know how many germs are passed in a handshake? It’s much safer to kiss.”

Your genius just laughs and wraps an arm around you, guiding the whole group upstairs, his friends playfully demanding details the whole way.

[tekka-dan]

I watched this Youtube video today regarding the topic “Anime That Made Me Who I Am” which turned out to be intriguing. At first, I immediately thought he was going to speak only about early 90s classic anime, then he mentioned some that I watched only in my teenage years and it kind of dawned on me..how other people view anime. What anime says about them that influenced their ideals of who they are today. What are yours?

Interesting. What video was it, out of curiosity? And what youtuber?

This was sort of tough because I resonated with so many superb animes over the years. Hm. I’ll give it a shot though.

These aren’t in order of best/better or anything.

1. Inuyasha

As a child this was the very first anime that I watched, loved and kept up with. I remember setting my alarm clock to wake up at 4:30am to watch it on adult swim and I would sit so close to my television because the volume was on low and I didn’t want to get in trouble. Inuyasha was an obsession, I was drawn to the ideals of Naraku, I was invested in the time Inuyasha spent with Kagome and I was enamored with the humor mixed with surreal themes throughout the show. As a child I didn’t understand Kagura’s rebellion and I didn’t care about Kana’s devotion. I was intrigued by Sesshomaru’s determination though and Rin’s ability to humanize a demon. As a child this anime was my entire world because it opened my eyes to wanting more of it. I wanted to see more anime like Inuyasha. I have to also add that being as young as I was, Inuyasha for many people like myself was the first anime we all probably understood. It was simplistic and it tackled the audience in a damn good way of who was watching.Inuyasha was also my very first surreal disappointment of a bad ending though. The love and obsession for the show as a whole doesn’t reconcile the pain and agony I felt after that anticlimactic ending.

2. Clannad After Story

Clannad was one of the animes I watched out of sheer boredom. Yes, I heard the sob stories for years and no that isn’t what intrigued me to watch this anime. Believe it or not, I used to be interested in romance animes, I kind of was drawn to how the boring every day school life could be riddled with romance, something I lacked throughout my entire school life. Diving into Clannad you’re not really expecting what comes next to happen..well, next. The anime does a damn good job of execution and plot twists where your attention can focus on multiple things going on and still have an overlaying theme that’s going to hit you like a boulder at the end. It did really well distracting you from the moments where you knew you were crying but you couldn’t hold back smiling either. It knew all too well that you were invested for the characters..the story though, is what damn near killed me. Not just once though, fucking twice. This was the first anime that I actively cried in. That I actively couldn’t believe happened. So let me tell you something—it wasn’t just what happened that made me cry, it was the dialogue given and portrayed that really resonated with me. There’s a crucial scene of Tomoya speaking to his father and if you’ve watched the anime you’re aware of the relationship they had during his childhood and after Tomoya’s tragedy, it is mirrored (fucking PERFECTLY) what his father went through during Tomoya’s childhood that as an adult he faces the same situation in..this scene had me on the floor balling my eyes out because my father and I have the same relationship and it..tore me in half to know after all those years, Tomoya’s father lived FOR Tomoya. And Tomoya damn near ended his life knowing he too had someone he needed to live for. The flashbacks, the music, the dialogue, EVERYTHING about that scene tore me to pieces. It was the way Tomoya said “I’m so sorry, dad” by the way he said “Take care of yourself.” It was the way “Goodbye” wasn’t a goodbye, it was a “Good luck.” It was the way Tomoya had to find it in his cold, angry and distraught heart that he had to realize he was not the only one who was allowed to suffer and be in pain, and that he was selfish as a child to ignoring his father’s pain and dismissing him as a drunk, not as a recovering sudden single parent. That scene is the epitome of brilliance. I watched that anime during a critical time in my life and even while thinking about it I’m reminded of the moments I couldn’t stop crying. It helped me speak to my dad in a different way. It helped me understand him as a person, not only as a parent.

3. Fruits Baskets

I watched this anime as a child, early teenage years and it could not have been at a better time in my life. Getting older this anime actually remains in my top 5 animes to ever exist in my book and I wish more people knew about it, talked about it. Fruits Baskets was the second anime that made me cry. But not just one episode, through most of the damn season. Whether it was a background story or sheer brilliant dialogue delivery and emotion from characters—this show hit on every single milestone as a teenager growing up in the world of misfortunes. The second main character not only is believable in his disdain towards the rest of the cast, but the humor doesn’t take his anger away from him as a character. One of the characters does so well at being his polar opposite, it’s damn near hard to believe he was the reason behind the second main persons demise and embarrassment. The entire cast of characters have unique quirks, they aren’t downplayed and they aren’t over shadowed. As a teenager growing up, there was one episode that changed how I am today. I used to believe there was nothing special or unique about me, I believed I was just on this earth to outlive my parents and that was it. One episode was the true embodiment (to me) of living for the sake of yourself because you owe yourself that, to make something of yourself while you’re here. This episode to this day remains in my top 3 nest executed episodes to date by far, I haven’t seen such a brilliant scene that comes close to it in my twenty one years of a lifespan thus far. This anime changed the way I viewed others, viewed myself and how I became of age. It’s very, very dear to me.

4. Assassination Classroom

I regret not finding this anime sooner. I regret not being obsessed with this anime during my earlier years of high school or later years of middle school. I regret it so much.This anime changed my entire world, from the way others see me up to the very aspect of my being. The character that resonated with me far better than anyone was Karma Akabane. It was the way he was introduced as an antagonist and ended up being the exact direction the show needed to mold around. Karma’s character struck me as interesting from the second he appeared on screen, but it wasn’t his appearance or sinister personality. It was how real Karma was and how afraid he internally was as well. Every obstacle Karma faced and overcame was due to his over confidence that he was just GOOD at everything he tried and does. When he failed the one thing he was confident about, it wasn’t just a strike to his ego, it was his entire nature as a person. The reason I loved his character so much was because life was just life to him, he wasn’t really interested in the outcome, barely even the trail and error. He just wanted results and he didn’t do anything to better them, he knew he was good. When I watched this anime during the year that I did I was at a loss of..direction. I didn’t have motivation and it seemed like life couldn’t hand me a single..reward for all of my wasted effort I was putting into everything. This anime changed my life because it gave me the hope I needed and it helped me understand myself so much more. This show is littered with humour but behind every single smile on the show there were cruel lessons that I just wish could’ve been driven into my head at a younger age than when I stumbled upon it.

5. Naruto

I thought I’d regret adding this to my list but I think in all fairness it deserves to be here. Everyone knows the disastrous ending this anime had and we could debate for another ten years, it won’t change the lessons it taught us that we embodied and will carry with us throughout our life spans.When I stumbled on this anime I wasn’t even in middle school yet. As a child, it seemed like something an average person could enjoy and achieve. I bought naruto stuff, even the book of hand signs and I sat in my room learning the fire style technique hand signs to show off to my brothers for weeks. This was just something as a child I do not regret diving into. It taught my harsh lessons regarding friendships and it taught me lessons regarding hardships and endurance. I was at an age where I wasn’t really appreciative of very many things and as a young kid becoming a teenager, there weren’t many lessons a parent could teach a child without saying “I’ve been there, I know what I’m talking about” because as true as that was, it didn’t help being a child and feeling like your parents were trying to keep you from maturing into your own being with your own views and opinions. Naruto as a child helped me embody those morals and helped give light to what was important throughout life and a massive theme was friendship.As an adult and looking back on those friendships, I’ve learned some of them were one sided and overall toxic but I still don’t regret having them, otherwise I wouldn’t appreciate the ones I have now thanks to knowing what to avoid. Naruto was the anime that drove home “No matter who you are or where you come from, always believe in yourself. And never let friends down.” You’d play the naruto battle theme song while walking to class in middle school and it still probably wouldn’t resonate with you in this day and age how important those lessons were and still are.It had a terrible cluster fuck of an ending but it still remains of the animes that undoubtedly changed my entire life and made me who I definitely am to this day.

[kendolly-blog1]

It was fucking freezing out, Kimishita thought bitterly to himself as he tried to puff some warmth into his frigid fingers. He shouldn't be out here, not really because the shop didn't close for another hour or so and he was pretty sure his father still needed help. However, food had eventually called both their names and the old man had insisted. Kimishita frowned, his brows pinching together as he took in the fall foliage and yellow street lights. Now that he thought about it, neither of them had eaten since breakfast – since the sky was a brighter blue. They'd been doing that a lot lately. Skipping meals to fit in another hour of work. To squeeze in more customers with malfunctioning or broken machines just to make ends meet. It'd been tough on the old man ever since mom left and took half of the clientele with her. Apparently, she had fallen out of love. His father had gone on a huge spiel about a week after it happened - told him that everything happened for a reason and mom was a good person but it still ended up leaving a bitter taste in his mouth because it was bullshit. If she was such a good woman, she would've stayed. At least that was his opinion. Kimishita shook his head and a leaf fell from his hair. It startled him enough to make him annoyed with himself. It wasn't like Kimishita to scare over stupid things – or anything at all really but a lack of sleep had taken its toll on him. It made him jumpy. Even now, his body was buzzing with fatigue and he felt tremors run down his legs due to sleep deprivation. Kimishita rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn as he came up to the nearly run down store front and pushed through the doors. He could stand to rest after this, probably, but then again the last time he got a full eight hours of sleep, his mom had left them high and dry in the middle of the night. It had blindsided him and he'd quickly learned that sleeping equaled out to vulnerability.

It didn't matter, though.

He had other concerns at the moment like what to pick up for dinner. His dad probably wanted something quick, Kimishita mused as he scanned over the aisles before his attention was drawn to a stack of big ramen cups. That'd do just fine. Ramen would always be less expensive than shitty frozen meals anyway and in their financial situation, every penny mattered. He gathered up two cups and strolled up to the front where a teenaged girl and a cyborg were manning the register. The guy like looked bored to tears and he could've passed for a full on human if he hadn’t been able to see the chip and analyzing scope in the green iris of his right eye. He placed the items on the counter and mumbled a quiet, “this is it” before he remembered his dad wanted a pack of cigarettes. He made it a point to ignore the idle chatter the girl tried to start up without being too rude about it. He was normally polite to strangers but today just wasn't a good day for it. His spine stiffened when he felt a pair of eyes on him and he scratched the back of his neck in discomfort as she turned away and busied herself with trying to find the specified cigarettes on a wall stuffed full with them. He could feel the cyborg beside her boring holes into his brain and he didn't have to ask to know that the synthetic human or S.H. was gathering his data and background information. This guy wasn't even being subtle about it with the way his curious green eyes slid from side to side and his amazingly tall figure turned itself a little too much in his direction. Rude. Kimishita couldn't help but scoff as he pushed his money in the girl’s palm and took the bag. It almost felt like an invasion of privacy but whatever. It wasn't like he'd find anything interesting anyway. He was pretty boring being only twenty-two with no criminal record or massive achievements. And apparently, the cyborg agreed because he visibly went from interested to disappointed in about thirty seconds. Kimishita chose to ignore the twinge of irritation and thanked the girl instead. He breezed out the doors, standing still for a moment so his eyes could readjust to the dark. Not that there was much to adjust to. The store had been as dim as ever in the chilly night atmosphere and Kimishita made short work of the walk back to the shop, passing by thin trickles of people and random strays along the way.

He couldn't have been gone for more than fifteen minutes but the shop’s door already had its sign flipped around to 'closed'. Kimishita squinted and glanced at his watch, there was still like … forty-five more minutes of work left. And if they did get any extra customers, they'd certainly be pissed to find them closed so early. He let it go, though, choosing instead to appreciate the early night and maneuver around the shop tables piled high with steel parts instead of bugging his dad about it and immediately hauled himself up the stairs. He definitely wouldn’t complain. He set the bag on the tiny kitchen table just big enough for two (not fucking three) and honestly, he should have eaten after going through the trouble. But if the old man’s loud snores coming from down the hall were any indication, they had worked much too hard today and sleep was a better option. Besides, they'd both missed out on dinner for nearly a week now – one more night wouldn’t hurt.

Right?

Yeah, it was fine, Kimishita decided and grabbed a sticky note, scribbling down a reminder for his dad to eat breakfast and pressed it to the coffee machine before heading to his room. His feet ached from standing in one place for hours on end, trying to fix some old lady’s archaic cleaning maid and his back hurt, muscles twinging around his spine from hunching over an old steel worktable. Kimishita groaned when he stretched out the sore muscles running along his body and flopped on the bed – a sigh left his lips when his head hit the pillow. He didn’t even bother to shower, change or brush his teeth. He was more tired than he realized. Exhausted, he admitted as his eyelids grew heavy and he eventually drifted off.

**

The next morning, Kimishita found himself waking up to sunlight searing his eyes and a super sweaty back from sleeping with his damn hoodie on. It felt gross as hell and as Kimishita grabbed his phone to glance at the time, he found himself being grateful that the shop was appointment only on Saturdays. It would give him a chance to shower after breakfast. Kimishita grimaced while he peeled off his damp hoodie and threw on a striped t-shirt. When he got to the kitchen, it was mostly quiet save for the thrumming of their old coffee maker and the sticky note he’d written last night had been taken off and put on the counter with a “You eat too Atsushi - Dad” messily scrawled on the bottom. Kimishita sighed and shook his head. His dad should be worrying more about himself. After all, he’s the one working his fingers to the bone and starving himself. Mom’s damn fault, Kimishita’s brain supplied out of nowhere and there it was again. Anger and agitation intermixed with his blood and he had to breathe.

Breathe deeply. In and out.

In and out because it was too early and he was too fucking old to be worried about how much of a traitor his mother was. Only little kids got worked up over parental issues. Besides, she was a ‘good person’. She was still a good person and as if to prove it, she had tried calling his cell phone countless times in the five months since she left. He would never answer. He’d just sit there and let it ring. Let Mom stew in her feelings and mistakes until he was satisfied which was never. Kimishita sighed. There wasn’t much of a point in being pissed off this early in the day. It was Saturday, a weekend, and he wasn’t going to let thoughts of her ruin it. Nope. He made some toast and slathered some butter on it, putting three slices on a paper towel before turning to pour himself and his dad two cups of coffee once the trickling came to an end. His dad was a honey-only-no-other-flavored-shit kind of guy but Kimishita, himself, couldn’t stand the stuff unless there was at least half-and-half lying around the house.

He nudged open the door after gathering the steaming coffee cups and was in the middle of saying good morning when he noticed a synthetic human lying on the table. His dad was stooped over the figure with black rimmed glasses and a frown.

“Atsushi” His father called, eyes still focused on whatever was troubling him. “Get me wire cutters and a soldering iron.”

“When did we get a synthetic?” Kimishita asked, confused, as he set their coffee off to the side and reached up to the shelf to grab the requested items.

“This morning …” He supplied, “… a friend of mine, his son, found him shut down next to a dumpster a few blocks away. The previous owners must not have wanted him anymore.”

It was unfortunate, Kimishita thought, how some people treated these synthetic humans – like animals or in this case, like garbage.

“So, what are you gonna do with him?” He asked as he blindly shuffled through the box of tools with a hand until he found the soldering iron.

When he didn’t get a response, he sighed. This was what his father was really passionate about and he already knew it’d be a morning where the coffee would end up cold and alone. Older models of synthetics could take a very long time to fix – depending what was wrong with them – and the newer models were a complete bitch. It was a pain in the ass, in his opinion. Kimishita was about to prompt him again, tell him to pay attention but the words died in his throat when he walked up to the table. He swallowed and blinked, his eyes wide in disbelief when he took in the auburn hair and long body and Kimishita was willing to bet his paycheck that if the synthetic opened his eyes, they’d be a forest green. No way … Kimishita held out the tools. His mind was busy trying to figure out the why and how of the whole situation because that nosy guy was watching over the convenience store with the short girl just last night. Twenty-four hours ago, he had a home and he didn’t look anything like this.

“It’s a shame isn’t?” Kimishita’s dad asked and began to prod around for what exactly Kimishita wasn’t sure. “Poor kid … we’ll have him fixed right up.”

Sometimes, Kimishita thought that if compassion had a physical body, it’d look like his father.

“Uh, yeah.” He replied stupidly, agreeing mostly because he knew his dad would be doing most of the work. This particular synthetic looked much too new and way above Kimishita’s meager skill set. He fleetingly wondered how a simple, small-time convenience store owner could ever afford something, or rather someone, so expensive but he didn’t mull over it too long because his mind was still reeling over the fact that he saw this guy just last night and now he was in his father's shop after being neglected with a broken, hissing and sparking arm and other injuries. Kimishita stepped around his dad and leaned over, his heart racing the slightest as he took in the inhumanly clear skin all synthetics seemed to have and for a moment he wondered what parts of him were real and alive. How far had scientists gone when creating his life? Kimishita frowned, his eyebrows tight in apprehension. He was inches away from poking the synthetic’s cheek. Moments away from feeling the skin there when those green suddenly eyes flew open. Kimishita stepped back, startled and sticking his hand to his side like he’d been burned and watched, wary until his eyes fluttered shut.

Kimishita’s dad laughed.

“Startled you, huh?”

“Tch, no.” He lied and rubbed his neck to try and hide the flush that was building there.

“That’s good then.” With a knowing glance, his dad retracted a hand from the nape of the cyborg's neck. “These new models have a sleep function so they can wake up on command.” His dad commented. “I could have worked on him in sleep mode. But I haven't the foggiest idea if he has pain receptors and the boy's been through enough, in my opinion.”

Right. Working on a synthetic with pain receptors is different than performing on one without them and Kimishita was somewhat relieved that his dad had thought to totally shut him down. The guy didn’t need any more unnecessary pain. Being abandoned hurt enough as it was. Kimishita tried again. His fingers were calloused from years of working as a mechanic's assistant but he didn’t think it mattered much because when his fingertips finally grazed the synthetic’s cheek, it was soft. He couldn’t help but gently press into the skin, watching it indent under his pointer finger. His long eyelashes brushed against the bottom eyelid like ash and something about it was interesting until his father fucking snickered and he realized how creepy he was being and how fucking weird he must look touching some stranger.

“Are you curious enough to get started on his arm?”

Kimishita flinched.

“Fine.”

This was simple enough that he didn’t need to ask what to do. He’d fixed arms before, at least. He rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a welding mask off the wall, setting it down on the second table behind him. He didn’t need that, not at the moment anyway. Kimishita sighed to himself as he looked at the forearm that was pretty much hanging by purple and blue wires and slithers of synthetic skin. They didn’t have any skin around the shop but at the very least, he’d be able to get his arm working again. Kimishita took hold of the arm, surprised by its density and gingerly rotated it, searching for the metal joint that was supposed to be his elbow and thankfully it was still there. That would’ve complicated things if his dad had to special order one stupid elbow joint.

He had only just begun to remove the detachable skin when his phone beeped. Fucking hell. Kimishita glowered at the name that popped up. Of course, it was Indou. Only Kazama had worse timing. Grumbling, he shoved the phone back in his pocket and began the task of removing the skin. He'd look at the text later. He worked the frayed edge of skin up with a gloved finger, mindful of the wiring. It was easier than it looked, lifting the skin. Kimishita slowly peeled it back and pulled a bit harder where it attached in smooth snaps underneath to expose a full metal arm. It was weird because this kind of thing felt and looked more real with each passing year but the uneasiness he used to experience as a kid having to do this kind of work had long disappeared. Kimishita’s breath was steady, his heart beat a steady thrum as he picked up the soldering mask and grabbed the previously sparking wire with high precision tweezers. If the tall synthetic had pain receptors, he'd probably been in a lot of discomfort before finally shutting down.

And how long had that been? Just how long had this guy been sitting injured until some dude’s son had found him? Speaking of which, Kimishita made a mental note to ask about the son's identity later.

Kimishita proceeded to bond the wire back together after checking it with a voltage detector. This was the easy part and after he finished the first one, he started fixing a new wire and so on and so forth. He eventually found a rhythm, sweat collected along his hairline from the heat building in the small shop. They’d soon have to turn on fans and crack open a window to keep the air circulating. He worked through it, though, fanning the collar of his shirt every now and then and it was relaxing in a way - the repetitiveness. Kimishita narrowed his eyes as his gaze kept wanting to travel up to the guy’s face as he worked – wanting to take another glance at those stupid eyelashes and high cheekbones for a reason that was entirely beyond him. He wouldn’t though because he wasn’t a fucking creep and he barely knew him. Correction. He didn’t know him at all. He had only seen him for the first time last night while buying ramen and cigarettes. He barely acknowledged the nosy idiot at the time and maybe he should have mentioned that fact to his dad earlier. That he'd seen him before. His dad seemed concerned about what could have happened and where he came from. It was evident in the way he tensed his shoulders and locked his jaw as he shined a light into the small open cavity in his side. It looked nasty, Kimishita noticed as he glanced over. There were angry, mottled bruises a few inches above the wound where his real flesh must have started but thankfully, the skin that was torn was the synthetic bit. He would’ve had to go to a hospital or emergency care clinic if it wasn’t and those places weren’t exactly known for being cyborg-friendly.

**

They must have been there for hours on end, soldering and clamping, welding and bending until his dad finally straightened up and popped his back with a grunt. The shop had grown dim by now and the automatic lights came to life. Kimishita was much slower than his dad at fixing machines and synthetics so when the old man had started covering the metal of three ribs with a brand-new plate and pulling the skin back into place, Kimishita was still just trying to connect the thicker cables. They were giving him trouble and he probably needed help but couldn’t find it in him to bother asking for it. His dad had worked hard enough and besides, Kimishita was supposed to have been proficient with this kind of shit by now.

“I know you’re still working,” His father started with a small smile, “but we should boot him back up. We need to figure out if anything is wrong with his computer system.”

Kimishita drew his head back, incredulous. “Hah?” He said and clicked his tongue after taking off his mask. “What happened to you being worried about pain receptors and all that?”

His dad frowned, forehead creased in thought for only a second and shrugged. “You're nearly finished.” He started, “Besides, pain receptors on synthetics aren’t remotely as strong as they are on a full human. You should know that already." He jokingly reprimanded. "He should be okay to wake now.”

And obviously, that was that because before Kimishita could respond, his dad was already reaching over to prod that same part of his skull just as he did earlier and it only took a few seconds before Kimishita could hear the soft whirring of robotic parts. It happened pretty fast - about seven seconds and Kimishita couldn't help but be impressed by how quickly he booted up. He stood back and crossed his arms as the cyborg spurred to life and his eyes snapped open.

He looked dazed, then alarmed – all too alert as he shot up and looked around.

“Where the hell am I?” He asked, gritting his teeth and wincing when his disjointed arm awkwardly swung.

Kimishita opened his mouth to talk and it was quiet for barely a beat before the cyborg started yelling.

“Hey!” The tall synthetic shouted and hopped off the table, green eyes blazing. He didn't even give them a chance. “I asked a question! WHERE AM I EVEN-”

“You’re in a repair shop!” Kimishita snapped and pointed a finger to the sign inside.

“Atsushi,” His dad tried, “stay calm-”

But Kimishita wasn’t having it.

“We just spent the whole day repairing you! Look at your leg, bastard!”

The synthetic was startled at that. His eyes widened in a vague sense of understanding before he looked around the shop in wonder and then finally glanced down at his newly repaired leg. He dropped his jaw in disbelief and Kimishita watched as he moved his leg. It bent at the knee like it was supposed to and by the looks of it, it didn’t hurt at all.

“Oh” Was all the hunk of metal said and Kimishita found himself growing irritated.

This guy stressed him out.

“Yeah, oh.” He mocked, recoiling a little at his father’s glare. Right, he had to be understanding. He supposed the guy would be on edge after all he'd been through.

“So,” His dad cleared his throat and smiled, “What’s your name, kid? Are you in any pain?”

Maybe it was that he was being treated humanely or had been called a kid but the synthetic stiffened. His back was rigid, good arm practically glued to his side as he looked at Kimishita’s dad and his tone softened.

“My name is K54567850. I'm a company subtype.” He muttered and Kimishita was about to roll his eyes until he spoke up again. “My other name is Ooshiba Kiichi and no, I’m not … I’m not in much pain.” He frowned and stared down at his damaged arm. If he wanted to say more, he didn’t.

“Who was working on my arm?” He asked instead.

“I was.” Kimishita glared at the cyborg, now known to be Ooshiba, silently daring him to say something rude.

And he fucking did.

“It still looks like crap.”

Kimishita growled and his fingers itched to snatch Ooshiba by the shirt collar and maybe even punch him in the face.

“Listen here,” He snarled. “I’m not even fuckin’ finished yet but-”

“Language” His dad languidly scolded. He grabbed the coffee cups and stale toast, already turning to head upstairs to the apartment. “Come get me when you're finished fixing up your best friend."

He knew his father was teasing as fucking usual and that it was absolutely pointless to say anything so instead of replying, he returned his attention back to the tall synthetic after glaring down his father’s retreating figure. His scowl deepened.

“Like I was saying earlier, you idiot-"

"I'm not an idiot!"

"I’m not finished yet but I could leave your damn arm hanging off to sway with the wind if you want.”

Ooshiba huffed and turned up his nose and he was going to cross his arms over his chest until he remembered his injury a little too late and yelped when it dangled like a pendulum. Well then.

Kimishita smirked at the other’s put off expression.

“Whatever. Just fix my arm.”

“Sit your ass down then.” He retorted and waited while Ooshiba did as directed and easily heaved himself back on the table. Kimishita cracked his own back and rubbed his neck as he took another look at the large cables that were supposed to act as muscles. He didn’t need to ask if the guy had any pain receptors. He’d been cringing enough for it to be obvious but …

“So, do you wanna be shut down or … can you deal with the pain?”

“Um, I’ll just deal with it.”

Kimishita shrugged. “If you say so.” He agreed and resumed his work on Ooshiba’s arm. It was oddly quiet after that, the only other noise in the shop being Ooshiba’s somewhat labored breathing and the sound of evening traffic as he rotated the dislocated limb and forced the joint back into its socket with a ‘pop’. It must’ve hurt because Ooshiba sucked in a sharp breath and gripped his thigh with his human arm until his knuckles turned white and Ooshiba’s jeans wrinkled under the pressure.  

“Fucking hurts.” Ooshiba hissed.

Kimishita actually felt bad for him and pointed to the slab of steel. “Almost done. Grab that with your robotic arm and just let it hang.” He instructed and when Ooshiba did, he was pleased to see the tension cables stretch out.

“It’s heavy.”

“Stop complaining.” Kimishita chided and started to mend the cables stretching from the hinge of his elbow to the ball joint of his wrist. He finished one and repeated the steps over again. And once again in the repetition, his gaze wanted to wander the faintest bit. He stayed focused however and did a fantastic job ignoring how Ooshiba's eyes were searching his face and watching his every move.

“Okay,” Kimishita announced once he finished up the last cable, tested the tension and closed the area back up as best he could. “You’re missing some skin, but it's all done.” He wiped sweat from his brow and cleaned off his hands with a rag before looking back at Ooshiba who was busy looking absolutely thrilled as he swung his arm in a large circle and flexed experimentally. Kimishita couldn't help but wonder if Ooshiba even remembered him from last night. After all, the other hadn't brought it up at all. But then again, neither had he.

“C’mon” He sighed. “We gotta see my dad.”

[mattgrips]

Divinity

Power -> The potential to do work (overtime). A simple scientific attempt to ascertain the meaning of power. A great definition to establish power grids and make batteries but without further elaboration, it’s hard to see it in more of the kings and rulers kind of sense. Certainly, the president is powerful -> he/she can do a lot of work (overtime). I don’t know, that doesn’t sound right to me. A powerful engine can produce a lot of work to move a hunk of junk around, but the way a president/manager/CEO does work is more indirect – they are only one piece in the system where many other movers expend additional energy that accumulates into the later fruits of collective labor. But following the same logic, I would be hard pressed to isolate an individual engine component and declare it as powerful. There’s a lot about us people that isn’t taken into account when looking into power in this abstract sense.

The difference is Will. Once this is established, it is easy to see how power is both defined and allocated within a system of human beings. Now power is not a matter of how much work one can do, but how much work one can command. Following this additional concept into our universe is a snowball of newer concepts amalgamating into our anthropocentric worldview: respect, class, shame, pride, reputation. All wonderful terms that help us distinguish each other and enrich a world that would be rather dull without. I’m partially kidding – obviously power is one of the first ways we are introduced to our vices and fallibility. By inventing power we have essentially created the currency that enables our vanity, greed, and selfishness to run amok in the world. Life is no longer indifferent matter and energy. It now has us. Woohoo

I’ve cut going into a longer tangent to get to the original point of my post. Obviously, just like with ‘purpose’ (discussed in my previous post) the combined elusiveness and necessity of power has inspired many to try and write a book about it. The massive pile of power-related books attempts to see power in many different perspectives; from diplomatic (The Prince) to military (The Art of War), to business (Something by 50 Cent probably), to fantastical (fables i guess). Obviously this isn’t a topic that is only found in specific publications. Power is an apparent revelation in literally everything we do, so many perspectives exist outside of literature. It’s all quite a bit to wrap your head around. Luckily there exists a book that has compiled most of our history of power into a comprehensive anthology for totally academic and not pecuniary purposes.

Enter Robert Greene’s ’48 Laws of Power’. I picked it up last week and have enjoyed reading it up to this point. Much like other books, it is filled with obnoxious and facetious rhetoric, but it’s all good because it’s all in reference to historical accounts where it was okayy to talk like a sociopath. I can go on about the 48 Laws’ many contradictions, impracticalities, and immorality but to do so would be like intelligently discussing youtube drama. It would force me to talk like I was above the book’s pettiness, cynicism, and condescension. I most certainly am not, and I appreciate a book that understands when a topic is too broad and undefined to be talked about in a way that has no humor and play in it.

So I’ve enjoyed this book for what it is -> the book equivalent of Assassin’s Creed: an action packed adventure sprinkled in with historical tid-bits meant to not so much explicitly teach me something, but take me through a journey of the human experience through story, myth, and anecdote. And it does quite a good job. The stories are engaging enough to have me pondering many things happening in my life.

I want to discuss on the last law I read about today. Law number 30: ‘Make your accomplishments seem effortless’

I like this one because it’s one of the less objectionable laws. Also, it is one of the laws that has a more coherent connection to the underlying concepts of power that the book is trying to express (assuming the author had an underlying logic to his writing and was totally not just regurgitating content into a marketable way for money). Throughout the book, there has been a recurring theme on maintaining appearances. Greene cleverly recognizes that in the game of power most people are more equally matched than the power differences we observe in the world suggest. What differentiates people from each other is more of a matter of public perception. Two people can perform at the same caliber of whatever on the public stage but still be perceived very differently. One may be seen as the more honest competitor, or the more likable character, or be attached to a more noble cause, or a higher virtue. Whether these perceptions are true or not is not a practical concern in terms of transaction costs, and societal well-being. If there is to be any social fabric keeping us together, people can’t be in continual skepticism throughout the day. The result is a world based on appearances which creates a playing field where objectivity is obscured and people can be exalted to higher realms that any physiological, intellectual, or conscientious basis could never accomplish.

This is the only idea that is so apparently and consistently followed throughout the book. There are so many gaps in our perceptions of everything, all of which require too much rigorous work to actually figure out. Also deterring us is the likely prospect that whatever we discover will be a thousand times more boring than whatever we can imagine in our heads. Of course this last point is subjective as many find wonder and excitement in what others would call dull, but there is a well-defined picture of what the ‘public’ finds objectionable, boring, exciting, and just even though this majority is becoming more and more blurred these days (ill elaborate later).

Anyways, one of the many gaps in our worldview is the one inquiring on the varying capacity of human potential. The main driver of this gap is the inconsistency in seeing amazing human beings on TV, radio, stories etc. while also seeing the abysmal existence most of us live out for whatever reason. How could it be that some live to be great men and women while I struggle to get up everyday? Possible rational (but not necessarily true) explanations can be drawn from the social sciences, using a varying arsenal of socio-economic theories, or from the physical sciences where we can explain everything away with biological and atomistic determinism. If I’m really unfortunate , I may end up with an explanation that puts sole responsibility on myself, and my ego would hate that.

No matter how you slice it, finding a rational explanation for the outcomes of other people’s lives as well as my own is way too rigorous, and boring. What is more natural/probable (not necessarily more desirable) is subconsciously drawing conclusions from what I see from the outside. From the limited time I spend with people, I pick up clues on how happy, stressed, and well-adjusted a person is. Drawing these conclusions within the context of other things I know about the person will draw even more inferences. A person I see as stressed out and know as a working class shmuck will draw sympathy from my mind. A person I see as sad and know to be well-off will draw disgust. A person I see as easy-going and think to be in a highly difficult position will seem like a god to me.

And with this emerges the most well-defined aspect of power -> appearances. Finally a framework that can be elaborated on in a productive studious way. From this a multitude of Laws come about aside from Law 30. Law 5: Protect ya rep; Law 3: Conceal your intentions; Law 12: Use selective honesty; Law 21: appear dumber than your mark. All recognize the reality that we can’t background check every person we meet and have to use expedited forms of perception to form a worldview. From this we have a beautiful world of acts, stories, narrative, rhetoric; it’s all just one big play!

But I did emphasize Law 30 for a reason. It’s because while other Laws seek to have the user be perceived as ignorant, virtuous, or innocent, Law 30 aims to exalt the user into Godlike status. This brings us back into the gap of human potential. Because of this inconclusive aspect in our psyche, many of us won’t be too against the possibility that some among us are exceptionally divine. It makes life fun and brings excitement into our existence without actually taking on the stress that undertaking divinity in our own individual lives would entail. So even though it may be unlikely that an individual is divine, under the right conditions, many of us would want to believe that some of us are paragons.

This certainly brings excitement into my own personal life. To say that I don’t place existential burdens on celebrities, idols, and myths by holding them to unreasonably high standards would be dishonest. The trick (i guess) to not making this totally messed up is by a) being aware of how I am viewing people to continually find ways to reduce harm in the world; and b) using the use of idols as role models to continually push me to achieve greater things. Don’t sound that bad now eh? Oh well. Either way, this perception of divinity allows me to enjoy an exciting and productive thought process. I love my favorite bands, authors, and public figures based on how divine they seem to me. Outward appearances matter for me in this. I look out for: absolute disinterest (or even disgust) for others, elusive social media, lack of engagement, but of course with the occasional burst of exceptional performance or amazing revelation that asserts why I think whoever is amazing in the first place.

This is is really the idolized character I place in my mind. I hate it when someone on a screen I don’t know tries to reach out and establish a personal connection with me, and continually tries to establish relatableness with me. For me I really don’t want validation of who I am from others. I think I get that enough from my own existence. What I truly seek out are people to attach aspirations and goals to. I think many people do that too. And in that lies the empty space for people to obtain power from. Whether you think that’s unfortunate, or exploitable, or whatever, I find that it is a definite reality, and kind of makes life interesting.

Of course there are other people, or rather times when people, are on the other side of the coin. Sometimes we do look to others to feel validated in our current state. Sometimes we’d probably want someone to say things like ‘you can do it too!’, but from my experience I think those times are few and far, and are used in toxic ways that ultimately stagnate any sort of growth in an individual. I’m not sure if our tendency for this sort of comfort is on the rise, or just a simple pattern that occurs in all generations as they age. Whatever the actual answer, this is yet another vacancy for others to claim influence and power over.

Appearing divine by observing the 30th Law of Power does have its obstacles in this day and age. There is an increasing need and ability for transparency and accountability from anybody who does anything. How is one to give the appearance of ease when people now demand to see everything, from behind the scenes, to documents, to emails of all the workings of the system we live in. Obviously this is a great thing, I’m just saying that it is now harder to take on an exalted appearance now.

Which brings me to the actual point I was trying to make in this whole blog post. I didn’t think it would take this long to lay the groundwork for the only original contribution in this blog post but thank you for reading this far in. As the future brings in less ways to isolate yourself and give off appearances through subtle signals, there is still one signal that brings divine hope. It’s simple: Happiness. This world is an increasingly aware place that places a lot more emphasis on what to be sad about than anything. The world wants people to be aware that everything they do holds a negative consequence to someone else, and that the world is a large injustice that should just be done away with. With this in mind, how else can one go about life without being solemn, dull, and disillusioned?

This disillusion simply brings in the vacancy to obtain power through a new ‘illusion’ (I use illusion loosely because I don’t mean it like something different from reality. Rather I’m using illusion as anything that differs from what the public would like to enforce as ‘reality’). Before, the amazement from watching a virtuoso performance was partially by seeing how easy heshe made it seem. In other instances, where I see myself, I can see it beneficial to give the appearance that I can carry on my duties with happiness, hope, and optimism. Taking on Engineering and Law School, very socially demanding occupations, I have the feeling that society sees STEM and continuous learning to be undertakings of present sacrifice for future gain. A rational, and BORING perception of someone. How exciting would it be rather, to see someone undertaking such an act for deeper reasons. To see someone pursue something for virtuistic, philosophical, dare I say it divine ambitions.

I think this is why I derive much enjoyment from the book. Not for its simplistic listing of steps to crush enemies and feel all high and mighty. In its words, it kind of sets a framework of appearances that allows for creativity, innovation, and fun to be had when thinking about public perception, the human experience, and how power all plays a part in it.

That’s pretty neat.

[massthetics-blog]

New Post has been published on MASSthetics

New Post has been published on http://massthetics.net/2016-massthetics-retrospective/

Celebrating Wins, Owning Mistakes, And Taking The Next Step

CELEBRATING WINS, OWNING MISTAKES, AND TAKING THE NEXT STEP

  Four years and a few days ago, on February 18th,

I made my first foray into the wild west that is the internet.

  Armed with the decidedly non-creative of name of Alex Mullan Fitness Systems (Hi, Roman), I set forth to realize my dream of helping people become jacked, shredded, and tanned from the 15” headquarters that is my faded, sticker-riddled MacBook.

While I’m loathe to admit this, I was naive enough to entertain the thought that if I built a website and offered coaching, clients would roll in, and I’d soon be living the dream.

Financially free, able to go wherever I please, and answering to nobody aside from myself.

Naive thoughts aside, looking back, I made detrimental, glaring mistakes.

I had no idea who I wanted to speak to (no niche, no target market, no ideal client).

I didn’t know jack shit about marketing (if you want to build a business, you need to learn the basics).

As a result of not knowing who to speak to, the content I put out was sporadic, all over the map, and honestly, quite terrible.

I operated under the assumption that I could do it all myself, in spite of all the above.

….

Guess what happened?

The clients didn’t come.

I struggled to write anything.

I helped few but a small handful of people, which was far shy of what I wanted.

None of the key metrics (emails, clients, site traffic, $$) ever trended upwards.

Unsurprisingly (given my mindset), I lost interest.

Within 10 months of launching, the site became an abandoned ghost town. When it came time to renew my domain, I let it be, and turned my head as Alex Mullan Fitness Systems (of which I’d sunk about 3.5K into) sunk into the void of the internet, never to be seen again.

Deep down, the dream that pushed me to make that first foray into building a business I believe in never truly died, but it did slip to the back of my mind (for a time). The following two years saw a mixture of in-person training, slinging of overpriced lattes, leg day after leg day, and a lot of wine.

All the while, the nugget of my online dream slowly began to imperceptibly permeate my thoughts, actions, and foster a mission.

It took me two years (give or take) to begin to find answers to the glaring mistakes above.

Similar to a phoenix rising form it’s ashes, over those two years, the concept for MASSthetics slowly grew, and unfurled from the failures of Alex Mullan Fitness Systems.

Dreams and goals take time to achieve. Nothing happens overnight, and nothing great happens without an immense amount of work.

Even though I took what was more or less two years off from working towards what I wanted in a literal sense, I’d argue that it was a necessary reprieve.

Because, over those 2 years…

…I figured out who exactly I wanted to speak to.

…I came to better understand what makes me tick.

…I gained more experience of which I could draw from.

…I developed an appreciation and understanding for what it would take to make this dream a reality.

…I recognized that I couldn’t do it myself.

…And perhaps most importantly, I nurtured the confidence and audacity needed to do the damn thing.

Which meant that when the time came to answer the call to begin anew – which came in the way of Roman deciding to put forth a mastermind – I was much better prepared, knew what I needed to do, and ready to go all in.

Thanks to Flakebook’s impeccable memory, I’m reminded of what was the first day of this adventure, and appreciative of all that’s come to pass over the last 4 years.

As for today?

Today marks the first birthday of MASSthetics.

Exactly one year ago, with no idea as to what would happen, my favourite brainchild took the leap and dove

All of which has led me to pen this post upon the walls of MASSthetics, in conjunction with my personal retrospective.

Powerful thought from @sethgodin. Do you commit to making a change or transformation? Or do fall into the "transformation tourist" zone? If you're a tourist, drop a comment and let me know how I can help you flip that switch. #MASSthetics #SethGodin #FlipTheSwitch #BrainGainz #BringingZaneBack

A post shared by MASSthetics (@alexmullan13) on May 9, 2016 at 10:29am PDT

Now it’s a party

Truth be told (now that I look back), there is a lot for me to celebrate from the past year when it comes to MASSthetics. Everything from hitting my email growth targets, to building site traffic, guest posting all across the internet, adding 3 different revenue streams, and the list goes on.

I’m not here to brag (too much), or prattle on about everything that seems worthy of even a hint of celebration. Instead, I want to focus on the most impactful wins. The wins that truly helped to move the needle forward, and fed into everything from the list above.

Onward.

Big Win #1

I launched MASSthetics into the world exactly one year ago today.

As I touched on above, Alex Mullan Fitness Systems quite quickly faded into the abyss of the internet. The fact that MASSthetics has not only survived it’s first rotation around the sun, but has grown month over month, and has been able to support me, my meathdeaded lifestyle, caffeine addiction, and my zest for travel, well, that’s a win and a half.

Big Win #2

Piggybacking off of the above, I was busy slinging lattes 40+ hours per week while I worked towards getting MASSthetics to place where I could take the leap into full-blown self-employdom. For 4 months, this is what my life looked like.

330AM – wake up, have coffee, get ready for 8 hours of mainlining espresso and slinging lattes.

430AM-1PM – sling all of the lattes.

1PM-4PM – eat, have more coffee, chip away on MASSthetics.

4PM-7PM – I also happened to be moving into prep at the same time (bad idea). This is when I would eat, train, and practice posing.

7PM-11PM – A mixture of spending time with my then-girlfriend (we also trained together), and working on MASSthetics.

…Rinse and repeat. Day in, and day out.

Once I officially launched MASSthetics into the world, it took two more months before I was able to take the leap, and sling the last latte.

Needless to say, that was an absolutely hellish schedule, and being able to break free of that was a massive relief.

Big Win #3

I landed (multiple) guest posts on every website that I grew up turning to for training ideas, session inspiration, and knowledge.

T-Nation, Roman Fitness Systems, EliteFTS (where I’m now a monthly columnist), Bodybuilding.com, JMax Fitness, and more.

These are the sites I was inexplicably drawn to when I was young, dumb, and learning to navigate my way through the trials of learning how to train properly. To have come full circle and be able to contribute to these sites that I grew up admiring, well, it feels pretty damn cool.

My #teamelitefts shirts showed up just in time to trash legs today. I've gotta say, to be a part of such a respected company and collection of meatheads, is rather surreal. Also, I dig black and white. #thethickening #roadtonationals

A post shared by MASSthetics (@alexmullan13) on Jan 25, 2017 at 5:43pm PST

Opportunities for growth

It would be easy to look at the above, assess where things are, and comfortably sit back on my laurels and cruise.

But…

I can’t do that.

That ain’t me, and honestly, I’m glad that the ambition to keep pushing forward has a tight hold on me.

While there isn’t much that’s not working, the growth opportunities are more about throwing some gasoline on the fire, and fine-tuning things to run more efficiently (lead generation, content production, email list growth, etc).

Growth Opportunity #1

100% of MASSthetics’ growth has been organic. Meaning, I haven’t spent a dime on advertising or driving site traffic. All of the growth has been built off the back of guest posting 2-4 times per month, writing 2 articles per week for MASSthetics itself, emailing the MASSthetics Clan every single day, and bringing clients the results they want.

Between MASSthetics aging and my desire to see continued growth, I believe it’s time to give things a nudge, and start paying to play.

Growth Opportunity #2

Products, products, and more products.

Currently, MASSthetics offers the 8 Week Leg Assault (on sale this week), and Mullan’s Meatheads (a private group that receives exclusive programming and support).

By this time next year, I intend to have both a Back Assault (taking beta testers now), and Arm Assault programs to accompany the above.

Growth Opportunity #3

Ah, the biggest opportunity for growth, and a goal that’s been with me since day one.

Since inception, my goal with MASSthetics has been to nurture it into something that’s bigger than myself. Meaning, I intend to bring in a coach (or two). I don’t plan on MASSthetics being a one man show come years end. Rather, I want to build this brainchild into something that has a team of like-minded coaches.

Doing so will allow MASSthetics as a whole to help more people rise to jacked, shredded, and tanned-dom.

I concur. #nocaptionneeded #makegoodart #maytheforcebewithyou

A post shared by MASSthetics (@alexmullan13) on Sep 1, 2016 at 8:19pm PDT

Taking the next steps

A few weeks ago I had my quarterly call with my biz wizard and coach, John Romaniello. From top to bottom we went over every key aspect to MASSthetics, what needs improving, and what more I could be doing.

Anticlimactic as it is, the truth of the matter is there isn’t much that’s not working. Which means all that needs doing is more of that consistency thang I always ramble on about, and as mentioned earlier, to start throwing a little gasoline on the fire.

Action Step #1

Rather than hire someone to handle my advertising efforts, I’m investing into myself and learning the ins and outs of Facebook advertising. Not only is more economical in terms of cost, but with my goal of growth, I believe it’s an important skillet to learn.

Action Step #2

As mentioned earlier, I’m currently in the process of building the 8 Week Back Assault. It will launch in May, shortly after the test squad (email alex@massthetics.net if you’re interested) has been put through the ringer. At that point, I’ll start building out the 8 Week Arm Assault, ideally in time for a launch around my birthday (September 24th).

Action Step #3

Simply put, I’m going to keep my head down, continue writing what’s usually around 7-8000 words per week, and marching onward.

What am I going to do about my biggest growth opportunities?

Growth is all about taking action, not merely talking about it. To that end, here’s what I’m going to do move closer and closer to where I want MASSthetics to be.

1. I’m going to stop being fearful, stop playing small, and start investing on a larger scale into the growth of MASSthetics. That means better design across the board (blog, products, social media content), setting up ads to drive traffic with the intention of reaching more meatheads, building the email list, and helping clientele.

2. The 8 Week Back Assault is already in it’s early stages of development, and will be followed up with its arm counterpart later in the year. If you want in on the beta squad, you can see the details here.

3. I still need to sit down and map out where this is, but I’m going to plan my threshold for brining in one coach and two coaches. Once I hit those active client/waiting list thresholds, I’ll pull the trigger (no matter how unnerving it may be), and bring the *right* person into the fold.

As cliche as it is and cheesy as it sounds, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 365 days of trying my hand at this whole business thing, it’s this:

If you’re willing to make sacrifices, remain devoted to your mission, and learn from where you inevitably fuck up, you can accomplish anything you want.

  PS. 4 out of 5 lifters will let their rationalization hamster run wild. Building no muscle, burning no fat. The 5th lifter joined the MASSthetics Clan and put the information within the (free) Hypertrophy Handbook to good use. Problem solved. Click here to become the 5th lifter, and let me know where to send the prestigious Hypertrophy Handbook.