#marvus x chixie

[rodentgoth]

.X| "Answer Phone" - Ch.6 |X.

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WHAT'S THIS AN UPDATE AFTER SEVERAL MONTHS!? Sorry this is taking so long, but me and @candy12110 are gonna try and get this done! The next few chapters will be from Marvus's POV, and the last one will go back to Chixie's.

Rating:: 13+ // Teen

Fandom:: Homestuck

Themes/Kinks:: None

*1 month earlier*

Marvus was so tired. 

He'd been on his feet all day preparing for his set, and he finally got a chance to just breathe without some lovestruck groupie up his ass asking for an autograph, a hug, or trying to fill his quadrants.

 It was exhausting being loved. 

He was sitting in his dressing room alone for once, trying to relax while scrolling on Chittr. After scrolling past various adverts and stalkerish fan messages, he came across a video of some bronzeblood performing. They were in a seedy little bar, with a small crowd, and terrible lighting. He didn't have high expectations for them but he could always appreciate a fellow performer.

He watched the video to the very end and was mildly surprised by how much he enjoyed it. He went to the comments, and there were only a few. He wanted to comment but his publicist, and his fanbase, would kill him if he did. He could tell the few trolls that did comment were lower on the hemospectrum, they were pretty supportive. However, he did notice one from a familiar account that caused him to internally cringe.

THECODAKKEFFECT::  Great job, Bronzie boo! Sorry, I couldn't make it. I couldn't miss Marvus’s concert but you looked gorgeous on stage.

He stared at the screen curiously, there was no way in hell that indingdong was her matesprit. And if he was, there was no way he had any good intentions behind it, he was known for having his quadrants forever empty.

 Marvus rewatched the Bronzie’s performance, the shot was way too shitty to tell what they looked like. Morbid curiosity led him down the rabbit hole, he got the bronzeblood’s name from the video caption and started looking for anything he could find on them. 

Chixie? Chixie. Chixie!

He found a video with far better quality that finally showed what they looked like. Chixie was…shy? Nervous? He wouldn't necessarily say gorgeous, but she wasn't ugly either. She was…cute. She didn't have much presence or hype but she was talented. 

After watching at least ten videos of her performing and pouring out her soul he could reasonably say he was a fan. Her lyrics, composition, and the way she put her all into her performance even if he could tell she was scared for her life half the time. Honestly, her nervousness weirdly added to her cuteness. Like a hopbeast shivering in fear but still thumping along in an attempt to scare off predators. She was definitely brave, not fierce or powerful, but she held her own on stage and he liked that. 

He broke out of his thoughts to a knock at the door.

"Marvus, I'm coming in. I'm tired of all the noise out here," Chahut announced, busting through the door and entering the room with the rest of the purplebloods following her like quackbeasts.

"Honk!" The smallest clown, Karako, ran up to Marvus and hugged as tight as he could. As annoyed as he was with them barging in, he couldn’t stay mad at the little clown. 

"Hey to you too, little wriggler. Been causing trouble?" He patted the little clown’s messy fluff of hair, before actually holding onto him.

"Honk!" 

"Good. Never let 'em keep you in a box." 

"Honk?" Karako pointed at Marvus's palmhusk.

"What? Her? Nothing. I just liked her songs so I was giving ‘em a listen," He waved the runt off, quickly locking his palmhusk.

Chahut narrowed her eyes at him.

 “This another one of ya desperate lil’ groupies?”

“Nah, and mind ya business!”

"Mighty defensive are we?" Chahut stalked closer to Marvus. He instinctively moved the hand holding the device away from her, only for it to get snatched by one of the twins from behind.

They quickly opened the phone to see a video of the bronzie girl playing on a loop.

“Aww your love-sick for a lil’ Bronze girl,” Chahut said mockingly.

“How cute!” She quickly busted out laughing with the twins, before Marvus snatched it back!

“Didn’t I tell ya’ll to mind ya business!” Marvus responded with a clenched jaw. He didn't know why he was being so defensive, but he did find the invasion of his space and privacy annoying.

"Why should we? Mr. Unaffected is over here creeping on some bronzeblood. What happened? Embarrassed?" She said smirking and cocking her head.

The twins both shook their heads before speaking.

"You should be!"

"How embarrassing." 

Karako just looked up at the bigger clown confused.

"Honk?" 

Marvus’s face grew angrier by the second.

"I'm not feeling flushed for her little man. Why do y'all even care?"

“Cause we love to torture you!” 

Chahut commented as she gave the device back to him.

He immediately snatched it out of her hands, causing Chahut to jump back a bit.

“Jeez, we were just playin’!”

He glared up at her annoyed, before sitting back down. The room fell silent for a bit before the twins began to speak.

"You're not seriously developing feelings for the bronzie are you?" 

"..."

"You're not seriously developing feelings, right Marvus?!" They both repeated in unison.

His face became more annoyed.

“No, I ain’t!” 

"Good,” Chahut cut in sitting down on the couch.

”A troll of your status ain’t got no business foolin’ around with some lowblood girl. You remember what happened last time?”

"That ain't gon happen. A, I'm not foolin’ around with her. B, I don't even know her. C, she's not even a fan. D, most important of all, I ain't never even met her before. There is no business happening here. I saw a cool performance and I wanted to see if she had talent. You motherfuckers are the ones making it weird!"

"Fair enough. Just tryna make sure you ain't repeating that bullshit,"

"Time is money. Do you think I can afford to pay attention to every lowblood out there? Is my name Nova?" 

"Honk!"

"Right little man! I'm nothing like that fame chaser,"

“Honk! Honk!” Karako aggressively commented, while the other three just rolled their eyes.

“Whatever.” Chahut stretched her arms behind her head.

“I just can’t wait for you to finally be on vacation. You’re takin’ us with you, right?” 

Baizli asked.

“Yeah, we got everything packed up.” 

Barzum followed up.

“Honk?”

"You wanna go with me?" Marvus walked over to the smallest clown and picked him up, booped him on the nose.

"Honk!"

"I don't know, they been kinda annoying lately," Marvus teased the smaller troll.

Karako turned to the other purple bloods and shook his head side to side. 

"Oh, you not a part of they group? I guess you could come with me. We'll leave these losers behind,"

"Honk!"

"Hear that, it's me and little man's duo trip. But, maybe if ya’ll apologize, I’ll consider bringing yas along.” He and Karako gave a small chuckle

"We're so sorry," The twins enthusiastically responded.

"That's two more invited! Chahut you're next."

"As If I'm apologizin’ to your lame ass," Chahut crossed her arms. She barely moved to sit up before having three pleading faces staring at her. 

"Ooooh looks like the wrigglers are gonna miss you. How sad. But I guess you're too lame to hang with guys." 

"Fuck you."

"That's not an apology. Wanna try again?"

"I'm sorry, Marvus,” She said grumbling under her breath.

“That’s three!” He said, high-fiving Karako. 

"Vacation! Vacation! Vacation! Vacation," the twins chanted, flipping around the room.

"Honk! Honk!" Karako cheered along.

—

Marvus was sitting on his bed in the hivetel. He was wearing one of his old merch t-shirts, no point in wearing that clunky tux and scrolling through Chittr. Since the point Chahut made about that clingy lowblood from before he'd been trying to keep his mind off Chixie. Unfortunately, nothing like forbidden fruit makes you want to take a bite. As soon as he arrived and locked himself in his room he’d started watching more videos of the girl. In his scrolling, he came across a post on her actual account. 

Chixie:: I'll be performing at BloodBrawl bar tonight. Come out and show support!

Below the text was a picture of the lineup, there in big brown text was her name. She’d be the middle act and the bar was close to the hivetel. It was at that moment that Marvus got an amazing, and kinda stupid, idea. He did have a few toned-down outfits and his favorite black hoodie. It wouldn't hurt to just pop out for a drink real quick. 

He just saw a recommendation to come out to a local place that had good music. As an accomplished artist, how could he resist hearing fresh talent? If he just so happened to see the bronzeblood that he's been listening to for the past two days then so be it. It's their fault for choosing this hivetel, not his.

With his plan in mind, he memorized the time she’d be performing and went to gather everything he’d need, searching vigorously through his bags. He found his most raggedy hoodie, an old patched-up pair of sweats, and some platformed boots he wore for a concert messiah knows how long ago. To make things more convincing he decided to give himself a fake caste symbol. But there was only one person in their entire Hivetel with paint…Chahut.

He sighed walking down that hall towards her and Karako’s room. 

“Chachki!” He yelled knocking at the door.

He heard several large stomps before the door flew open.

“I thought I told ya to never call me that,” she looked down at him agitated.

“Whatcha want?”

“I need to borrow ya paint sis’.”

She cocked her eyebrow.

“What for?”

“I…Need to repaint some of my shoes.”

He all but mumbled out. It wasn’t a lie, after sweeps of performing a lot of his shoes and outfits were worn out. The bigger clown stared at him for a moment before sighing and going back into her room. She pulled a bag of spray paints out of her suitcase. She tossed them out to him, and he wandered off back to his room. He picked up the burgundy and quickly sprayed a fake caste symbol on his hoodie. 

He wanted to make sure  no one  recognized him, went into the washroom, tied his hair back, and did something he never thought he’d do. He washed his makeup off. It was weird seeing his gray skin after only seeing white on it for so long. For the piece de resistance, fake glasses and a face mask. 

He threw his newly painted hoodie on and slunk out of the hivetel room. He took the stairs to avoid any fans or press and snuck out the back of the building. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and hunched forward changing his overall image and hiding as much of his shape as possible. He didn't remember ever being able to leave a building without being watched or swarmed before but it was an exciting feeling.

Before he knew it he was on the streets, heading towards the bar. He did get a few looks on the way, he guessed they’d never seen a burgundy this big. Still, it didn’t stop some of the higher bloods from pushing and shoving him out of their way. To be honest he didn’t even notice most of them, they just bounced off of him. Plus he was too focused on seeing this gig to worry about any of them.

After a few minutes, he finally made it, and there wasn’t too long a line!

When he got in he noticed the place was fairly crowded, he thought back to the lineup, he did remember seeing some popular names. He looked around a bit to see if he could recognize Chixie before giving up and going to get a drink. He had a few songs to get through before he would get to hear hers anyway.

The act currently setting up was a purpleblood band. They were pretty good if he was being honest, but he wasn’t coming for them. He was here for one performance, and one performance only.

After them was a solo indigo.

And after that was another act and another…and another. If he was being honest, a lot of the acts were starting to meld into one another. 

Something else he noticed was how many of the acts were blatantly copying him. Not just his lyrics and beat, but his entire persona and style.

 Normally he wouldn’t mind this he loved it when people took inspiration from his work. But all of these acts felt the same, there was no flare or pizzazz. Just the same thing over and over expecting to get more applause than the last act, absolutely boring. But, it would all be worth it, soon, cause next up was Chixie!

Only the little bronzie didn’t come out, instead, it was another group of purples who, apparently came late. Marvus sat there confused, as to why Chixie wasn’t on stage.

Maybe they just rearranged her spot, so they could perform?

He didn't care for the abrupt change but it's fine he could sit through one more performance.

After them was another group, indigobloods. Then there was a teal solo act. Then two jade acts back to back.

It seemed like everyone but Chixie was performing tonight, as the show went on more and more trolls started to leave. Soon there was nothing but a handful of lowbloods and one indigo, standing in the front, left. Marvus was considering leaving himself, but he noticed a fairly short troll nervously walking on stage.

The last act came up, and there she was, Chixie. Despite his annoyance, Marvus felt a smile grow across his face when he saw her. He noticed her outfit, it was a long black button-down dress, a pair of white leggings, and a pair of black flats with baggy leg warmers. It wasn’t at all flashy, and it didn’t look expensive, but it was still cute!

His focus on her was broken by the sound of very out-of-place cheering; he looked forward to seeing the indigo loudly praising her and clapping. His eyes migrated back to the bronze girl, who was now awkwardly smiling and waving at him as she pulled down the mic off the stand.

A burgundy with a guitar wrapped around him stumbled out and started playing. 

She visibly sighed, before she started to sing.

The song she sang was a somber one. She didn’t do much, she wasn’t loud or flashy like the other acts. She didn’t have dance moves unless you counted hand gestures and hip sways.

She was just being herself, calm, but kind of nervous. Many would probably call her “Plain” or “simple” but that’s what made it all stand out. She wasn’t trying to be this big personality, she knew who she was, and that made her all the more unique to Marvus.

Soon the guitarist stopped and Chixie’s voice disappeared with the last few chords.

He was stunned. She was far better in person than the shitty video quality from Chittr. However, he did appreciate whoever was uploading videos of her performances. He sat for a while watching her interact with the few lowbloods left in the bar before visibly cringing as she turned to the indigoblood that was feeling a little too excited to see her.

"Hey Zebruh! I'm so…glad you could make it. I thought you were going to a concert for that purpleblood you liked."

"Marvus. His name is Marvus.”

The indigo corrected.

 “And I did wanna go to his show but I heard he went on vacation, so I decided to come support you in the meantime!"

"That's so sweet of you but you didn't have to-"

"What kind of manager would I be if I wasn't here to support my favorite bronzie!”

He interrupted getting in the bronze girl’s face.

"Oh. Well…You really didn't have to." 

"Nonsense! They already bullied you once. If you had let me, I would ' ve made sure they never changed your spot, but of course, you're just too kind," Zebruh smirked. Marvus eavesdropped for a bit and could feel the anger she was hiding from his backhanded compliment.

"I'm glad you think so," She smiled weirdly at the indigo, as he tried to put his hand on her but she turned away like she heard someone call her, barely missing his hand. 

"They called Trixie not Chixie," he said, dropping his arm to his side.

"Oh! Well, that's fine. Sorry, but I have to go, I gotta- feed my lusus! I'll see you later."

Without a second she turned and walked away.

"I love that about you. You're so responsible. Bye~"

He yelled at her from across the room.

The mousy girl quickly ran out of the bar, brushing past Marvus. His eyes focused on her face quickly taking in her features as she skittered past him. He wasn't expecting to get such a close-up- up but at least he was right and the trip wasn't a waste, she really was cute. 

Marvus made his way back to the hivetel. He figured using the stairs would be better but by the fifth floor, he started regretting his choice. He decided to just take off his sweater and take the elevator the rest of the way up. He managed to make it through the hall without being spotted or recognized. Soon enough he made it back to his room and he sighed loudly when he got in. 

His tiredness was soon replaced with panic when he noticed Karako sitting on the couch, legs and arms crossed.

"Honk."

"Woah! Hey little man, what you doing here?"

"Honk?" Karako glared at him, waiting for an answer.

"Where I been? What you mean, where I been? I just stepped out for a bit. I ain’t been gone long."

 Karako made an annoyed face at the obvious lie.

"Three hours ain't that long. Why were you in my room for three hours?" He tried to change the subject but the little clown steamrolled past it.

"Honk. Honk."

"Thanks for thinkin' of me but you really ain't have to and as you can see I'm fine."

"Honk?" Karako asked again.

"I just got a drink and forgot to check my palmhusk. Sorry little dude."

The little clowned glared him down, giving an exaggerated pout.

"Just down the block! Look, it's not that serious."

"…Honk," Karako glared at him suspiciously.

"No, I didn't go see that girl. What girl are you even talkin' about?"

Karako quickly showed the evidence on his palmhusk.

" I didn't go to see her! I just got a drink at a bar she just so happened to be performin' in."

“Honk!”

“My makeup? It needed to be redone, so I took it off!”

“...Honk,” The small clown pointed at the jacket, and glasses he still had in his hand. It was at this point Marvus knew the little clown wouldn’t give up, he sat next to him and began to explain.

“Okay, I ain’t confirmin’ or denyin’ nothing. But maybe,  maybe , I went to see her perform,” His panic was replaced with a small grin as he explained further.

“You should’a seen her! She was so sweet and so talented. I thought seeing her in person would, you know, scratch the itch. Sate my curiosity.”

Karako cocked his head at the older clown.

"Yeah, I probably should've left it alone but I couldn't not go after being told not to watch her." 

“Honk!” Karako began to chuckle as he stated the obvious.

“No! I ain’t got red feelings for her! I remember what happened last time!” He picked Karko up into his arms “Besides, you too young to be talkin’ bout that!”

“Honk?”

“Yeah…I did say this was different…”

“Honk!”

“No! I ain’t goin’ back to see her.”

Karako grabbed Marvus’s palmhusk again, going onto Chixie’s Profile.

He pointed at the red quadrant status, which was marked as empty.

"Karako, I can't do that again. Chahut would kill me if I brought another groupie around!"

"Honk!"

"I know she's not a groupie but still it's not gonna end well either way." Marvus slightly raised his voice, causing Karako to tear up a bit.

The little clown began to cry and fuss, Marvus sighed and brought him in for a hug.

“I’m sorry little man, it’s just I can’t be out here catching red feelings for a girl I don’t even know,” He pulled Karako back wiping his tears, smudging his makeup a bit.

“Besides, if I went chasing after her, you and me wouldn’t have time to hang out!” He booped the runt’s nose.

“And ya wouldn’t want that now would ya?”

Karako nodded his head “no”.

“Then let’s not focus on all that quadrant mess, okay?”

“...Honk!” Karako squeezed his arms around Marvus’s waist, pulling him in for one last hug.

"Yeah! Let's get some faygo and grubcorn. We can watch a movie. Let me just get my paint back on."

[orions-hound]

ms paint doodle while i listened to scary videos :o) kiss

[kujiua-kun]

I did the thing...

[klsuimoin]

[mysterioushistorian]

Self indulgent hiveswap x soul eater au. Enjoy.

Blue name means that the character is a Meister.

Red name means that the character is a Weapon.

Purple name means that the character is a Witch.

Orange name means that the character is a Clown. (Yes there is an entire race in SE named clowns and you can probably guess who will they be in this au)

Mallek & Diemen

Marsti & Kuprum and Folykl

Fozzer & Skylla

Chixie & Marvus

Boldir & Vikare

Charun & Cirava

Azdaja & Konyyl

Tegiri & Polypa

Bronya & Elwurd

Lynera

Tirona & Wanshi

Lanque & Daraya

Tyzias & Stelsa

Tagora & Galekh

Ardata

Remele & Nihkee

Amisia

Zebruh is a kishin because i fuckin hate him

Chahut

Karako

Soleil Twins

Marvus is not of the clown race because i needed to pair someone with chixie (and also because marvchix, or marxie, is fucking peak ngl)

Zebede not included because i have no idea what he'd be, and tbh i don't really care about him so

I considered pairing ardata and lynera, with the former being the weapon and latter the meister, but i realized that they'd be better off as witches.

Ive considered putting remele with daraya but i didn't rlly want to pair nihkee with lanque.

Also considered amisia with chahut (platonic for very obvious reasons) but in the end one was better off as a little witch , while the other stayed as a clown

Also these pairings does not necessarily means they're a couple, i don't even ship half of those, i just needed a character to pair them with that they would most likely get along well with.

[starsnores]

what do you think of Marvus X Chixie?

good i think? idk i can't see him getting serious about anybody but that could also be part of it. Mr. "don't worry nobody important will die" catches Real Feelings about someone. rubbing my little fly hands together at the idea.

[crappy-homestuck-confessions]

Yo uh, I have a biology project where we have to mix three "couples" to get 3 babies, so anyways I decided to randomize which hiveswap character goes with who. Whichever 3 couples makes the cutest baby gets to be my project. Anyways, here's the crackships and my opinions on em. Each character is used once. Cirava x Marvus (Honestly? Crackship but kinda cute) (Redrom) Ardata x Lynera (I actually ship this one) (Blackrom) Folykl x Zebruh (Hehehe) (Blackrom)

Diemen x Vikare (Aww cuties) (Leave it to interpretation) Boldir x Fozzer (Actually ship this one) (Redrom) Marsti x Chixie (I never thought about it, but it's cute) (Redrom) Charun x Kuprum (Opposite energies, but sounds interesting) (Blackrom) Tegiri x Lanque (Hehehe) (Blackrom) Bronya x Konyyl (Cute, cute) (Blackrom) Chahut x Remele (I actually love this) (Leave it to interpretation) Elwurd x Galekh (Hehehe) (Blackrom) Polypa x Tyzias (Honestly? Slay) (Blackrom) Mallek x Skylla (E-boy and cowgirl) (Leave it to interpretation) Stelsa x Nihkee (Fun fun) (Just like Tyzias, Stelsa only has blackrom open for this project) Daraya x Azdaja (honestly? Another slay) (Blackrom) Tagora x Zebede (Last two! Last two! Anyways uhhhh) (Blackrom)

.

[jeane-doe]

Can we add Chixie x Marvus to the list of Homestuck/Hiveswap ships that deserve more content and attention?

[luminousbravery]

,,,, can i get chixie x really anxious s/o x marvus?? like their s/o is always worrying and watching their words and they apologize a lot (totally not projecting,,,)

Aww it's okay to project! Here you go, hon.

CHIXIE X ANXIOUS S\O X MARVUS

Chixie is almost the exact same as you.

Not quite, but she tends to be the timid type, too.

So she totally understands how you feel.

Marvus tends to be the main comfort source for you two.

He likes to hype you and Chixie up. It's adorable.

He wants to help both of you get out your shells. It's cute.

[rodentgoth]

.X| "Answer Phone" - Ch.3 |X.

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I would like to thank my girlie @candy12110 for co-writing/editing with me! Love ya sis!

Rating:: 13+ // Teen

Fandom:: Homestuck

Themes/Kinks:: None

After several days of calls from Zebruh and texts from Cridea, her ticket had finally come in the mail! The train for Jeevik week left today, but Chixie had been so excited that she’d packed days in advance. In all honesty, she was kinda agitated, having to pack and unpack to make sure she had everything, discussing the schedule with Cridea, and having to deal with the most annoying essence of Zebruh’s clout-chasing. But, the day was finally here, and it would all be worth it.

A honk outside her door took her by surprise, she looked outside the window of the hive and saw a vehicle with an indigo caste symbol on the hood. Normally she wouldn’t trust taking anything from Zebruh, let alone a ride, but the closest train station was miles away, and he was the only one willing and able to give her a ride.

She quickly grabbed her bag and headed out.

The minute she set foot outside Zebruh opened the door and greeted her.

“Hey, Cupcake!”

Chixie felt herself cringe on the inside, but she powered through her disgust and formed a strained smile. 

“Hey.” She responded back shortly and quietly as she walked up to him.

He immediately opened the car door and held out his hands.

She lightly grabbed his hand, trying to leave as much space between them as she could, as she hopped in the car.

He closed the door behind her, and Chixie looked up in the driver’s seat, The chauffeur was a burgundy blood, who looked as nervous as Chixie felt.

As soon as Zebruh got in and buckled his seat belt, the driver speeded off.

They spent a few minutes in silence before Zebruh spoke up.

“So, you excited to perform, princess?”

Chixie jumped a bit as if she’d be snapped out of a trance, she had spent the last minute or so re-reading messages on her palmhusk. They were all from R3dSplatter, and reading them was weirdly calming for her. To have someone to actually talk to about her music, who wasn’t an obsessive indidingdong. She sighed before finally responding to him.

“Yeah…but also a little nervous.”

She fidgeted with the device in her hand.

“I’m sure you'll do great. And if you don't I'll be there if you need a shoulder to cry on.”

He said, moving his hand to her thigh. She cringed internally but did her absolute best not to show her disgust. 

"You're so sweet," Chixie said, giving him the least forced smile she could before crossing her legs and leaning away in a subtle attempt to get his hand off of her.

She heard her palmhusk ding and looked down to see a message from her new friend.

R3dSplatter:: I can’t wait to see you there, I know you’ll do great! Chixie smiled at her palmhusk, their words gave her more comfort than anything Zebra could've said.  Chixie:: I can't wait to see you either! Cheer for me okay? R3dSplatter:: I will!

It took a few hours for them to reach the station, by then Chixie had fallen asleep in the car, Zebruh had actually scooted closer to her, resting her head on his shoulder. He shook her thigh in order to wake her up.

“We’re here, sweetcheeks!” Zebruh whispered into her ear. Chixie opened her eyes and froze when she realized something was touching her. Then she remembered who she was with and her body violently jerked away.

"You okay? You seemed tired so I decided to be a gentleman and let you sleep on me. Didn't mean to surprise you like that," Zebruh said, wrapping his arm around her shoulder in a sleazy attempt to 'comfort' her.

Chixie took a minute to slow her breathing, doing her best not to violently shove him away or cuss him out. She had to remind herself that he was her benefactor and even if he was a creep she couldn't afford to piss him off. She forced a smile once again and replied.

“I-it’s fine, I was just a bit shaken up, is all…” 

She said, feeling a few beads of sweat roll down her face.

"No need to be afraid, my dear. The only ones here are me and you. And we both know I would never hurt you!" he replied with a smirk. Chixie resisted the urge to snarkily point out that the chauffeur was also here, but managed to resist.

She could just picture the things he was imagining while he stared at her in such close proximity. Her eyes darted around the vehicle as she thought of an escape plan. Her eyes landed on the station outside the window and she perked up. She immediately reached for the handle, and smoothly slid out of his hold, speaking in the fakest voice of excitement to hide her panic.

"Oh my god, I can't believe we're already here. It was so sweet of you to give me a ride! I should get to the platform. I want to get a good place to stand so I can grab a seat. It was nice riding with you. I'll see you later!" She gushed out, doing her best to seem appreciative and not like she wanted to crawl out of her skin to get away from him. The urge to take a full body bath to get rid of the feeling of his hand on her bare skin was overwhelming but she kept her calm in front of him.

Zebruh immediately hopped out of the car after her “I could always wait with you!” 

Chixie froze as she turned back to look at him. 

“Y-you don’t have to do all that! I don’t wanna inconvenience you!”

She replied, hoping that for once in his life he would take the hint!

“Nonsense, it would be rude of me not to escort you!”

He held out his hand for her to grab. Chixie hesitated to grab it, but she gave a very audible sigh as she grabbed his hand, and he guided her to the platform.

The two of them got a lot of looks and stares from various trolls in the station, most of them were looks of disgust and confusion from other highbloods. She looked over at Zebruh, he had a disgustingly calm and kinda smug face. As much as he loved to rant about not caring about the hemospectrum, quadrants, or what troll society thought of him, he reveled in the attention it got him. All the stares and whispers were his validation that he was a good “Lowblood Ally”.

Chixie just looked down as they made it to the platform.

When they made it up the stairs she heard Zebruh audibly gasp. She looked up at him to see what was up, only to see his gaze was fixed on a troll near the gate.

She looked over to see what all the fuss was about.

Standing near the gate was a tall, well-dressed, and very well-built purple blood. His hair was a huge mass of curls, and his horns were crooked, with one going out to the side instead of up. He wore a purple suit with gold and black accents, and if the face paint was anything to go by, he was definitely a clown. 

Chixie could feel Zebruh’s whole body quake through their hands, as he started to speak.

“Th-Tha-Tha that’s Marvus Xoloto! I knew he was on vacay, but I didn’t think I’d actually get to see him!” 

Zebruh almost screamed at the top of his lungs, as he gripped the bronzebood’s hand tighter.

Chixie looked at him even more confused. She had heard that name before, he was some big-shot performer who Zebruh would almost never shut up about. She never really paid much attention to him when he talked about him, it was obvious he just wanted to pail the guy.

Chixie looked over at him in a strange mix of curiosity and disgust. On the one hand, if what Zebruh had told her was true, Marvus was a very vocal social activist, who apparently voiced hatred of the hemospectrum and its oppressive nature in multiple interviews. On the other hand, He was a purpleblood, even if he voiced hatred of it, that didn’t mean anything to Chixie. She has been surrounded by fake activists before and will probably continue to be for the foreseeable future. At the end of the day, Marvus was higher on the spectrum than her, and could easily have her killed if she even looked at him the wrong way. After affirming who he was she immediately diverted her eyes, to avoid trouble. The only good thing about his presence was that Zebruh seemed to forget about her and began to orbit him, slowly getting closer to him and farther from her. In her disdain for the two highbloods, she missed how he had kept an eye on her since she entered. In fact, he had a clear difference in his stance and expression from when Zebruh was holding her hand to when he let go and moved away from her. She missed the way he relaxed as she did the farther Zebruh got from her. 

She found a seat by the gate, but far enough to leave some distance between her and the purpleblood.

To fill the silence and quell her anxiety she pulled out her palmhusk to text the only person that currently wasn't making her life worse.

Chixie:: I'm at the platform! Are you here too or will you not be at Jeevik week?

She sent the message when she heard a buzz across from her not even a minute later.

Her best guess was that Marvus had gotten a notification, on his device, however, he didn’t seem to check it right away. Chixie’s anxious mind began to wander a bit. What if she had somehow accidentally messaged him instead of R3dsplatter? She chuckled a bit at the thought, it was a silly thing to worry about. Marvus was a big celebrity, who probably gets hundreds of notifications every minute. She heard another buzz from across the room, validating her theory. Still in the back of her mind, she couldn’t help but think that buzz was too coincidental.

[astroleros]

I need to contribute to this fandom more...

[yandere-homestuck]

Masterlist Hiveswap Friendsim

🤍 MSPA Reader 📫

- Rustblood

❤️ Diemen Xicali

❤️ Marsti Houtek

❤️ Fozzer Velyes

- Bronzeblood

🧡 Skylla Koriga 🐶

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Skylla x Reader Headcanons

🧡 Chixie Roixmr 🎤

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Chixie x Reader Headcanons

Yandere Alphabet Headcanons (L,A and W)

🧡 Vikare Ratite

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Vikare x Reader Headcanons

- Goldblood

💛 Cirava Hermod ✌

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Cirava x Reader Headcanons

💛 Folykl Darane 🎧

💛 Kuprum Maxlol

💛 Zebede Tongva

💛 Azdaja Knelax

- Oliveblood

💚 Boldir Lamati 🦝

💚 Konyyl Okimaw 🦁

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Konyyl x Reader Headcanons

💚 Charun Krojib

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Charun x Reader Headcanons

💚 Polypa Goezee 🔥

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Polypa x Reader Headcanons

Yandere!Moirail!Polypa x Human!Reader Headcanons - Trolls on Earth AU

- Jadeblood

💚 Daraya Jonjet 🖤

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Daraya x Reader Headcanons

💚 Lanque Bombyx 🌷

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Lanque x Reader Headcanons

💚 Swifer Eggmop

💚 Wanshi Adyata

💚 Bronya Ursama

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Bronya x Reader Headcanons

💚 Lynera Skalbi

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Lynera x Reader Headcanons

Yandere!Lynera x Limeblooded!Reader Headcanons

💚 Cliper Borden

- Tealblood

💙 Tyzias Entykk ☕

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Tyzias x Reader Headcanons

Yandere!Moirail!Tyzias x Reader Headcanons

💙 Tirona Kasund

💙 Tagora Gorjek 💰

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Tagora x Reader Headcanons

💙 Stelsa Sezyat

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Stelsa x Reader Headcanons

💙 Tegiri Kalbur

💙 Idarat Catlaz

- Blueblood

💙 Mallek Adalov 💻

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Mallek x Reader Headcanons

💙 Remele Namaaq 🖌

💙 Elwurd

💙 Ardata Carmia

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Ardata x Reader Headcanons

Yandere!Ardata x Human!Reader Headcanons

- Indigoblood

💙 Nihkee Moolah 🥛

💙 Amisia Erdehn 🎨

💙 Galekh Xigisi 👓

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Galekh x Reader Headcanons

💙Zebruh Codakk

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Zebruh x Reader Headcanons

Writerohno:

Yandere!Zebruh x Reader Headcanons

- Purpleblood

💜 Chahut Maenad 🪓

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Clown Church x Reader Drabble

Yandere!Chahut - “Sweetheart, I have to mark you. How else is everyone gonna know you’re mine?”

Yandere!Chahut - “I made us a scrapbook! It’s mostly pictures of you, but we’ll take more!”

Vikkirosko:

Yandere!Chahut Maenad x fem! Reader headcanons

💜 Marvus Xoloto 🎤

Yandere--stuck:

Yandere!Marvus x Reader Headcanons

Vikkirosko:

Yandere!Marvus Xoloto x Reader Headcanons

💜 Karako Pierot 🎠

💜 Baizli Soleil 💜 Barzum Soleil

- Violetblood

- Fuchsiablood

♥ Trizza Tethis

[vikkirosko]

Masterlist Hiveswap Friendsim

🤍 MSPA Reader 📫

MSPA Reader x Reader headcanons

MSPA Reader ♦️ purpleblood fem!Reader headcanons Unexpected friend

MSPA Reader x Reader headcanons Chronic pain

MSPA Reader ♥️ Reader headcanons

❤ Diemen Xicali 🌭

❤️ Marsti Houtek 🧹

Marsti Houtek ♥️ Reader headcanons

❤️ Fozzer Velyes 🕳

🧡 Skylla Koriga 🐶

Skylla Koriga x artist! Reader headcanons

Skylla Koriga x fuchsia! Reader headcanons Life together

Skylla Koriga x highblood!Reader headcanons

🧡 Chixie Roixmr 🎤

Grimdark

Emotional breakdown

Chixie Roixmr x Reader headcanons Candy red blood

Chixie Roixmr ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

🧡 Vikare Ratite ✈️

💛 Cirava Hermod ✌

Cirava Hermod x Reader headcanons Overly affectionate

Saving a life

Cirava Hermod ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

💛 Folykl Darane 🎧

Headphones

💛 Kuprum Maxlol 🎒

💛 Azdaja Knelax 💸

💚 Boldir Lamati 🦝

Sneaky spy

Bad end

Dream bubbles

💚 Konyyl Okimaw 🦁

Hostage

💚 Polypa Goezee 🔥

Polypa Goezee♦️Reader headcanons

Polypa Goezee ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

Polyla Goezee ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Lap nap

💚 Bronya Ursama 🍼

Bronya Ursama x Reader headcanons

Bronya Ursama x human!Reader headcanons Cuddling

💚 Daraya Jonjet 🖤

You know they want us both dead

Daraya Jonjet x human!Reader headcanons Loud noises

Grimdark

Daraya Jonjet ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

Daraya Jonjet ♦️ purpleblood fem!Reader headcanons Unexpected friend

Daraya Jonjet x human!Reader headcanons Cuddling

Daraya Jonjet ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Lap nap

💚 Lanque Bombyx 🌷

Lanque Bombyx x Reader headcanons Reverse

Lanque Bombyx x human fem albino!Reader headcanons

Lanque Bombyx ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

Lanque Bombyx x human!Reader headcanons Cuddling

💚 Lynera Skalbi 🔪

Lynera Skalbi x mutantblood!Reader headcanons

Lynera Skalbi x human!Reader headcanons Cuddling

💚 Wanshi Adyata 📗

💙 Tyzias Entykk ☕

More espresso less depresso

Tyzias Entykk ♦️ purpleblood fem!Reader headcanons Unexpected friend

💙 Stelsa Sezyat 💄

💙 Tagora Gorjek 🧾

Tagora Gorjek♦️human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

💙 Tegiri Kalbur 🗡

💙 Tirona Kasund 📲

💙 Mallek Adalov 💻

Mallek Adalov x human!Reader headcanons

Mallek Adalov x Reader headcanons Carried

Mallek Adalov x Reader headcanons Rock

Mallek Adalov x human! Reader headcanons Artist

Mallek Adalov x Reader headcanons Skater

Mallek Adalov x violetblood!Reader headcanons From moirails to matesprits

💙 Elwurd ✨️

💙 Ardata Carmia 🪛

💙 Remele Namaaq 🖌

Sticky situation

💙 Nihkee Moolah 🥛

Muscular theatre

Sick

Defeat in the ring

💙 Amisia Erdehn 🎨

Amisia Erdehn x Reader headcanons Bob Ross

💙 Galekh Xigisi 👓

Nightmare

Galekh Xigisi x Reader headcanons Bookworm

Galekh Xigisi x human!Reader headcanons

Galekh Xigisi ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

💙 Zebruh Codakk 🦓

Zebruh Codakk ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

💜 Chahut Maenad 🪓

Femininity

Chahut Maenad x mtf! Reader headcanons Terrible day

Clown church

Nightmare

Chahut Maenad x fem!Reader headcanons

Chahut Maenad ♦️human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

Chahut Maenad ♦️ purpleblood fem!Reader headcanons Unexpected friend

💜 Marvus Xoloto 🎤

Blood

Communication

Marvus Xoloto x shorty human! Reader headcanons

Marvus Xoloto x INFJ! Reader headcanons

Karaoke

Marvus Xoloto x Reader headcanons Self esteem issues

Marvus Xoloto x Reader headcanons Fans' anger

Ice cream

Marvus Xoloto ♦️ human!Reader headcanons Hard Metal

Marvus Xoloto x fem!Reader headcanons Horror comic artist

💜 Karako Pierot 🎠

Karako Pierot x rustblood fem! Reader headcanons

Fireflies

💜 Barzum Soleil 🎭

💜 Baizli Soleil 🎭

[aurorauroboros]

apparently there was a huge thing about "x is from x" > Bronya is troll cathlioc > Tagora, Terezi, Shrek & Daraya are from New Jersey > Mallek & Stelsa are from New York > Fiamet & Kruprum are from the Philippines > Tazias is from Boston > Xefros & Chixie is from Texas > Tegiri is from Florida, Jacksonville > Galleks is from Wales > Skylla North Carolina > Karako is from Brazil > Eridan is from Quebec > Cirava is from Ohio > Feferi is Miami > Wanshi is from New Orleans > Chahut from Providence > Diemen is from DC > folykl is Puerto Rican > Polypa Knoha village > Fozzer is Polish > Lynera is from Connecticut > Sollux is from Michigan > Karkat is from New Hampshire > Vikare is from Utah > Elword is rom the bay area > Gamzee is from Nevada > Dammek is from Vermont > Marvus is from Toronto > Zebede is from Oklahoma > James Roach is from Wisconsin (James Roach: I have never been to wisconsin marvus in toronto...*books a plane*

also the person who i got this list from said that “Marsti was given a place but i sadly couldnt catch it” so if anyone saw that then feel free to add in with her place (or any others if there were more)

[heuristicallyinclined]

Nobody Knows

Hey, so this is my first public fanfic. I have been a Homestuck fan since the early 2010′s but Hiveswap slammed me back into it hard enough to write. Cringe is dead and it is going to be angsty and indulgent with canon treated as a suggestion. I’ve been spamming some of my favorite writers in the fandom with ideas in their inbox and decided to actually do something about some of them. Most of this comes from some future angst with Mallek I sent @clusband a few weeks ago during sad Mallek hours. Constructive advice welcome.

Get some hurt, comfort, fluff, a lot of angst. A lot of background characters.

Summary: MSPA Reader reflects on their current situation and unhappiness at not being able to see their old friends again. They accept that they past they once knew them in no longer exists, but what about the present? 

Chapter 1: Self-reflection and other cool ways to spend the day

Part 1/?

(Word count: 3,085 | Rated T | Past MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov,  MSPA Reader x Mallek Adalov, Past MSPA Reader x Polypa Goezee, Background DaveKat)

AO3 Links: Part One (This) | Part Two  | Part Three

Being back in your hive after however long it has been brings up memories. Memories that you had spent so long aching for whenever the discomfort of that void inside of you passed. Focusing on that hollowness for too long always made you uncomfortable, but you sometimes would try to understand why that was. You tried, you really did, to the point of feeling that static so hard that your vision would go white and you couldn’t hear anything over the sound of it in your mind, feeling like you were going to pass out. You think one time you did, but it was hard to tell. Fuck.

You thought that getting them back would help, make you more content, fill it even, make you feel whole again? But you just feel even emptier and like an even more monumentally bigger fuck up. You drink your shitty, expired coffee made in the coffee machine Tagora bought you a long time ago in the mug Skyyla made you, thumbing over the Ladyy design on the handle. You smile at the idea of her making such a comparatively small mug for you. Imagining the struggle of her larger hands trying to make something usable for your much smaller ones. You feel the warmth from your drink and your memory. At least your makeshift home was too out of the way to be ransacked, that or too much of a death risk for anyone other than alien refugees to try to make their way into.

You look around you at all of the trinkets your friends had given you. Remembering how at the time, you felt so rewarded, accepted even. Trolls being, well, trolls, had a hard time opening up to others given how much of a hellscape the whole planet was. So every time you made some progress, you felt like you got the neighborhood cat to approach you without getting too clawed up.

You look over in the corner and notice the plastic bag you got when grabbing some oblong meat products for Dieman at Grub-Mart. You had some extra caegars and figured he might be exhausted after doing whatever drug that was at Ardata’s party. You figured that some sweet meat might help with the hangover. You definitely needed it.

Your teal highlighter had been covered in dust, having not been used since you decided to be a good friend and smuggle some snacks into the bookhive to support your favorite legislacerators-in-training late night, er morning, study session. You stayed as moral support, given you know fuck all about the laws of any given planet and also enjoy having your flesh remain unscorched. You feel like you learned a lot. Probably. You mostly shared meaningful eye contact and words of encouragement.

Drawings from clown children and sketches from Amisia cover your walls. So do ticket stubs from Marvus’ and Chixie’s shows. You felt an odd sense of pride in being one of the most normal people there, extraterrestrial status not withstanding. A set of indigo sweatbands from exercising with Nikhee that you would also use with Stelsa during scaerobics classes are hung on hooks. There was a rom-com with a title too long to read in your lifetime that you watched with Polypa and books borrowed from Galekh that you never returned.

You smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. You care about all of your new friends, of course you do! It is just that… you feel more like the universe’s least qualified guidance counselor instead of their friend sometimes. You’re older than them, so it is maybe more like a sibling or a sketchy babysitter kind of relationship. They all have kinda weird, hard lives, even the ones on Earth, so you don’t mind being an interdimensional taxi service, or a postman who delivers kids to other kids, but they tend to relate more with each other than with you. Which makes sense, and you're definitely happy they finally get to be with other people their own age, but seeing them hanging out with each other really makes you long for the people you once had the same kinds of relationships with.

You had Karkat ask about your hoodie before you got your memories back and Sollux mentioned Mallek, but you got a little occupied by drones. It had been a bit since then. After taking Karkat back to his hive after a movie night with Dave, you noticed him eyeing your hoodie again.

“HEY. SO YOU NEVER ACTUALLY TOLD ME.”

Told you what?

“DON’T BE OBTUSE, I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM ALL OF THE OTHER BULGELICKERS THAT HAVE TRAMPLED THEIR WAY INTO MY EXISTENCE. DID YOU KNOW SOMEONE NAMED ADALOV?”

Oh, yeah the hoodie. After remembering, you were not looking forward to this conversation. You look off and let him know, yeah, you did. You trying not to make a big deal of it has clearly had the opposite impact on him.

“YOU TELEPORTED YOUR HORNLESS ASS INTO MY HIVE. IS THIS WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE COY ABOUT? YOU DUMPED ME ON AN ALIEN PLANET AND HAVE THE INEXPLICABLE HOBBY OF TRYING TO GET YOUR FROND STUMPS IN EVERYONE’S PERSONAL LIFE AND I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOU AND FIGURE OUT HOW YOU OF ALL PEOPLE MANAGED TO GET A HIGHBLOOD MOIRAIL AND-”

Matesprit. He pauses and actually looks taken aback. It is odd to see him momentarily speechless.

“WHAT?” Well that didn’t last.

He was my matesprit.

“AGAIN, WHAT? SO YOU HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND ARE WEARING A SIGN THAT HASN’T BEEN USED IN FUCK KNOWS HOW LONG? BEING MUTATED CULLBAIT NOT KILLED BY DRONES AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU FILLED A QUAD?”

Quads.

This information seems to break him. You see a familiar crease being to form between his brows. You then pause, trying not to get offended.

Wait, hold on, he has totally accepted you being able to travel time and space, but you filling a quad is too much?

“YOU ARE STILL PUSHING IT WITH TIME. BUT EXCUSE ME IF THROUGH THE PANBOGGLING TALES OF YOUR FUCKING ESCAPADES THROUGH SPACE THAT THEY DON’T EXACTLY FUCKING TRACK ON BEING CONDUSIVE TO FILLING YOUR QUADRANTS.”

Fair. You sigh and tell him the story before he can take a breath because as much as you care about him, this boy has one setting and it is very loud.

You tell him about taking a walk, getting abducted. Saying you were a robot and then revealing you were not in fact a robot. You hesitate during the underground river part as you walk the line between Mallek’s privacy and sating Karkat’s curiosity. You smile recounting getting pushed in the river, saved, and how he called you cute and started blushing and trying to backpeddle. How the two of you hung out later and how he made an account just to talk to you. Karkat seems to soften by a modicum at this.

You laughed at how he showed up to tattoo a stranger just because you asked. You wistfully go through the memories that led to an eventual confession and how beforehand how your moirail Polypa was coaching you and Galekh provided you with literature on quadrants. A true bro move, especially since you don’t know how a conversation on them would have gone. You guessed it was since you helped him with his pitch quad and the tattoo. Maybe he felt like there was already something going on when we were both at his hive in matching hoodies, oh yeah he was the guy who got tattooed. His kismesis was your law partner. Karkat’s brow twitched, incredulous. Yeah you don’t know how Gorgor managed that either. Maybe having an alien alive and working for him on Alternia added to his court cred. You also think that that wasn’t the only part Karkat took issue with, but by some miracle, he lets you keep talking.

You kept expecting him to cut you off but he seemed somewhat enraptured by the tales of your romantic antics, despite his efforts to seem more interested in the you part, you were getting a feeling he was more interested in alien dynamics. You knew he was interested in romcoms so maybe this was just some new material for him, especially since quads were a new thing for you and maybe he has strong thoughts regarding the differences in alien ro-

Oh.

Oh you see why now.

Karkat seemed to pick up on the shift in your storytelling going from your personal life to human romantic customs.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT LOOK FOR?”

What look? There are no looks occurring.

“TRY THAT SHIT ON A MORON WHO JUST HATCHED. THEY MIGHT JUST BE MORE INCLINED TO GLEEFULLY SHOVEL THAT EXCUSE DOWN THEIR CHUTES.” He crossed his arms and squints at you. You knew how sharp his claws were from experience, not that you thought he was going to hurt you. There was just something very endearing about him trying to intimidate you while not subtly trying to glean more information about humans without seeming interested in humans. Or a human. Yeah, this is totally about Dave. You just have to find a way to gracefully skedaddle around that little detail.

I just had a bit of learning curve when dating an alien. So it is totally cool if you don’t know much about human stuff. I know quads can b-

“AND WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO KNOW THAT?” He says this clearly knowing what he thinks you think. You think it would be better if he didn’t think you thinked that, considering how the tips of his ears are turning red. You think.

You have romcom stuff everywhere and seem to really like them? Learning about human stuff might make it easier for you watch human romcoms and see how good or bad they are based on social norms. Kinda like romantic xenoanthropology.

Fucking nailed it. He huffs and rolls his eyes. Or at least enough that your answer plus the sheer amount of not fucking wanting to talk about that got you onto romcoms in general. He seemed to echo Polypa’s taste and you smiled at how animated he was becoming. A few of what you watched were now classics. Others that you didn’t like are prime pitch fodder. It had gotten late (early?) and that led you back to your hive. Just sitting alone and thinking. God you hate self-reflection.

You think of your time with Aradia. How she said you were a little broken. How she said you wouldn’t remember not being able to get to your friends again and being held by whatever the fuck that was. But you did remember, as much as you wish you didn’t. Guess you were more broken than she thought. It would be easier to just think you couldn’t get back because you didn’t try hard enough. But you did, you really did, and no matter what you do you just can’t. You are a shitty meta traveler and an even shittier friend. You thought about trying again but you get the feeling that you can’t access something that longer exists. You’d probably just get stuck in some corner of the universe and be alone all over again until you suffocate.

Can you even really die or be killed in anyway that matters anymore? At least in a way that doesn’t bring up the dull pang of a “bad end” followed by getting slammed dunked back in the past, before your fuck up, by an alarmingly cheerful time goddess?

Yeah, you didn’t think so. That would just add to the conga line of your dead selves letting you know how much of a dumbass you are.

But those people, those times. They don’t exist anymore. You keep thinking back to the way things were and who they were and how you can’t travel to those points anymore. All you have is the relative now and the people who exist now. Mostly.

You finish your terrible, bitter coffee, the cup no longer keeping your hands warm. You deserve this. In some shitty cosmic way, maybe you deserve this for not being better as a friend or partner. You can’t go back to the way things were to only to the people of now. And who even know who or what that even is.

Wait.

Maybe you couldn’t go back to the people they used to be because those were no longer who they were now. That thought sends a pang of hurt through you, imagining what little hope they had crushed. God dammit. But you have to try. Otherwise it is just you babysitting some 13 year olds who are trying to discover themselves and work through their issues with some interdimensional asshole looking over their shoulders. That asshole hopefully just being you.

You put your mug down and stand, closing your eyes, you try to repeat what you did with Aradia again, the memory of them doesn’t work. You know that. But with your new friends, it hasn’t completely been the memory? Maybe more accurate to say it’s them, some part memory sure, but more the idea of the present them, what they look like, who they are. You open your eyes and glance down at the sign on your hood. A sign you have mindlessly traced so many times. A sign that when you forgot it, gave you a dull sense of grief, now that you do remember though, it has sharpened and you are reminded of it whenever you are alone for too long or even slow down. Like the rest of you from other timelines will catch up to you in the current one and you get to experience your failures all over again.

You hold yourself tightly to ground yourself. Self-flagellation won’t get you anywhere, you’ve tried, you know this. So again, you close your eyes. You focus on your hood, the sign on it, the person it belonged to. The Mallek he was when he gave it to you vs. the Mallek he knew he didn’t want to be. The one he would have to be to survive. Your throat tightened at the thought of not being able to find him because he couldn’t do it and what if they got him an-

You slap yourself to stop catastrophizing.

Focus!

Adult trolls get bigger and their horns and claws grow with them. Their skin hardens and darkens as it does. You can’t tell if them molting was a joke someone told you or if they were serious so you don’t think about that part. Their blood color shows more through their eyes as they age. They wear black with their sign incorporated on it when they get spaced. You think back to the cerulean pirate you saw with Konyyl. Something like that. Okay you were getting somewhere. You could tell by how afraid you were to get there. You begin to get a headache, like your mind is a rubber band that you are trying to stretch to fit around something it shouldn’t.

Mallek said he would be a soldier or a spy and would be stuck ordering around lowbloods. No longer able to use his hacker skills how he wanted to. You imagine him, larger, older, more tired. Probably has more piercings and tattoos. You smile a little, despite yourself and the tension you feel continuing to build. He would likely play along, do what he had to do to do what he wanted to do. But at that point what would that even be? You imagine he would never truly stop messing with the system or hacking. His natural curiosity wouldn’t let him so he would be trying… something quietly on the side. He was sympathetic but you didn’t know how deep he would or if he would go down the rebel route, maybe just try to deal with his own corner of the universe.

Going along with what is expected seems to be the easiest way to keep under the radar. He has always been partial to not getting culled. Even when it was just the two of you, you knew it was a conscious effort to let his guard down around you, often requiring a change of scenery with you jokingly asking about if you would be needing goggles. Jokes often broke the tension of being afraid to be known with him.  

Despite his projected cool, you knew he was an anxious person and preferred to be alone. You could see that being warped to fit the expectations of being a cerulean. You remember from  conversations you had early in the morning, with ordeals approaching, you had some rare moments of verbalized vulnerability, of him exasperatedly going over what ceruleans are supposed to be with the unspoken and mutual understanding of what he was actually like. The coolness that he projected could morph into coldness, him wrapping it around himself tighter than any armor the empire would give him. Put some distance between himself and his team. You couldn’t see him being casually cruel, but definitely keeping people away through attitude and fear of his caste. The band tightens. So does your throat.

He hates having people over him and likely would at that start. Probably would be trying to do well so that he could use his performance and caste to be given his own ship and team so he could get some breathing room away from his superiors. Just be another team that does their job without question or issue in order to keep the space around himself. You realize that at some point during this, you started hyperventilating. You consider doing the breathing exercises Konyyl taught you, but at this point, you were tired of trying to be okay about it. You wanted to let it out in some way or another. You wanted to feel.

You thought of you, your disappearance. How that would have impacted him probably trying to find you, keeping himself up more than usual, blaming himself and then being taken off world. The not knowing would upset him the most you think. Would he even want to see you? What if he mattered to you way more than you mattered to him and you just showing up makes things worse? Another pang of guilt hits you for making things harder for another person again and you taste metal. You grit your teeth and refocus. The whole picture might never actually be known to you, but this is likely as close as it gets. You see this in your minds’ eye, the assumed idea of a person who may or may not exist, based off of who they used to be. Was this accurate, would this even do anything? Your hands clench around the hem of your hood and you drop to your knees and your leggings scrape the wood on the floor of your hive, eyes still screwed shut with tears pricking at the corners, breathing quick and heavy, jaw locked.

You try again.

The bands snaps.

And your head hits a cold, metal floor.

[bro-kin-dreams]

okay but consider Chixie gets super over night successful because she sings Old Town Road by Lil Nas X and Marvus drops the Billie Ray Cyrus part thus shooting her to fame