#married tzjd angst!!

[jeanie-g]

#88 jd/tz for the spotify wrapped

i'm back from war!! (the flu). gonna try cranking the rest of these out 🫶😜

[#88] What You Think About Me (Charli xcx)

Try to breathe it out / 'Cause I don't want it to hurt / It makes it harder when my name's on your shirt

Commentators used to joke that they were seeing double on the ice. Two Zegrases, one 9 and the other 11, skating around each other in matching orange jerseys. The first time Trevor saw Jamie wearing it, one week post-wedding, he had to rip it right off and fuck him about it.

When they got engaged, they talked about using Jamie's name, or even hyphening them both, but Jamie was dead set on taking Trevor's name. And Trevor, territorial and possessive as he is, had no objections.

He never thought it'd bite him in the ass when, four months after they tied the knot, Jamie's on the ice in a different Zegras jersey, this one a slightly darker orange—and with the Flyers logo embossed on the front.

It makes Trevor think of those photo edits that floated around Twitter last year, when Philly was in the market for a trade to a Western team, and fans clocked Trevor immediately. He chortled at the doctored images of him in Flyers orange, with his last name associated with any team that wasn't Anaheim.

They were half-right in the end, though. Philly got a Zegras, just not the one they thought.

Trevor's sitting in the press box tonight, eyes on Jamie as he skates around during warmups. Trevor's stupid shoulder is still tweaked, which means that he and Jamie are continuing their streak of never playing against each other. It's not like they're trying to delay the inevitable; it just happens. Maybe on some subconscious level, their brains and bodies are conspiring against them, giving out at just the right moment so they'll never have to face reality. The timing's just wacky enough that Trevor's starting to believe it.

Nevertheless, it sucks not playing, and it sucks seeing 'Zegras' on a Flyers jersey, and he misses Jamie so much it feels like his chest is caving in.

"A long distance marriage," he said with a hollow laugh, once Jamie got off that call with Torts. He was sort of manic; his voice cracked on that last word, the first time it had since his first (and only) year of college.

Jamie insisted they could make it work, had to dissuade Trevor from requesting a trade to fucking Buffalo just to be closer.

"Your team is here, Trevor. Anaheim's counting on you."

"Then why the fuck did they trade my husband?"

Jamie frowned. Neither of them had an answer for that.

A year later, Trevor still doesn't have an answer. Because the Ducks' defense is failing poor Dosty, no one can show any goddamn consistency, and when he isn't injured, Trevor's apparently allergic to finding the back of the net.

The one silver lining is that Jamie is doing well. It wasn't a secret how much Eakins disliked him, and Trevor never got that, so he'll hand it to Philly—at least they utilize him, and actually care about his development. Just hearing Jamie talk about his team... Trevor can hear his smile through the phone. And Trevor loves Jamie more than anything in the world, so if he's happy there, Trevor's happy.

He has to be.