#marriage millennial momlife madwife mom parenting clueless couldvewarnedus beware reallife life boymom wife wifey parent son

[mothahustla-blog1]

“Millennial” AF

Remember playing Barbies, when you were young? Decorating every inch of your room into a little town, having a section for your house. You had to sweet talk your parents into getting all the accessories to complete your fairy-tale. Then all of a sudden, you’re fantasizing about this life you were destined to have as an adult. I couldn’t wait to grow up, to get married, have babies, a beautiful home… you know, just live the ‘dream’! PLOT TWIST! Here I am 5 years shy of throwing myself a “funeral for my youth” themed 30th birthday and I am most certain ALL of that is bullshit… Yeah, I shot a kid out my cooter, spent my entire life savings on a home, I said I do to the man who was my “Prince Charming”… but it’s all a big steaming pile of shit. Now I don’t wanna say I was lied to, but some important facts were left out of…

#1- Marriage…. is a beautiful way of saying “I’m going to use you and you’re going to use me for the rest of our lives, promise?” I mean really, people their wants/needs/ goals and situations are constantly changing. As women, we are held to the standard of being “domesticated”, like were fucking animals. We are to run the household (cooking, cleaning, raising children & making sure grown ass men have clean panties), which probably worked back in 1950 when a family of 6 could live off $50,000 a year. Hello! It’s 2019 majority of women have to work full-time jobs on top of doing all of these mandated chores. (Side note- I am not knocking stay-at-home mothers AT ALL, if I had to stay at home with my one heathen, I would probably lose my mind.) Don’t get me wrong, I love my future ex-husband... but I mean c’mon dude learn how to wash your shit stained panties your damn self! I just got home from work too, I also cleaned house, defused a toddler temper tantrum, cooked the food you’re eating, bathed our child & put him to bed, on top of various other things (i.e., putting the toilet seat down, walking your pile of clothes an extra 2 steps to put them in the hamper) turn them panties inside out, throw some Febreze on em’. Sorry not sorry, I’m not doing laundry again tonight. I’m going to drink a glass of wine or 4, in a bubble bath while online shopping at Target (I’ll order you more panties 😉). Marriage is great, I am honestly impressed when couple’s make things work. When I get asked “how is the married life?” by older people they look at me like I’m an alien when they hear my response. “Well Karen, there’s lots of chores, its sexless, I haven’t shaved since my honeymoon… honestly if I could do it again, I wouldn’t.��� To each their own, but I’d rather do all my “domesticated” shit as a single woman, and not have to explain to my husband why I spent $200 at Target! “Fuck off, it was your damn Febreze & panties Bryan!”

#2- Kids… ARE. WEIRD. I am a “boy mom” or whatever and let me just say not only boys are fucking gross, but the little heathens have no fear whatsoever. Picture this, you’re sitting outside on the back porch, painting your toenails while your son is running around the yard playing. Ten minutes go by, your done painting your nails, you look up and your child is running at you full speed with a DEAD OPOSUM in his hands... “MOMMY LOOK! Issa bear!” What do you even do in that situation? Me? I hop up start running, screaming “NOOOO put it down, that’s gross PUT. IT. DOWN” now my child is chasing me across the yard laughing… needless to say my toenails were ruined. They could’ve warned us. Potty Training. That shit requires a damn “how-to” manual.. so you think your kiddo has it down, he goes in and out handling his business like a pro... then you walk into the bathroom and the walls are painted with shit. Your child knows he’s in trouble and gets startled upon your entrance... he looks at you, you look at him.. he laughs “Mommy, ew shit!” now you’re laughing and sobbing while Cloroxing your whole bathroom. THEY COULD'VE FUCKING WARNED US.