#marriage arrangements: 'til our contract do us part

[neoplatinum]

til' death do us part - part 1 | minatozaki sana

summary: sana minatozaki walks right into your life with a marriage license.

pairing: heiress!sana x reader

themes: arranged marriage au, fluff, angst, tension, lots of elitism, conglomerate power-hungry side characters, implied sex

wc: 5.0k

(series masterlist)

"the minatozaki's are waiting." you stare at the contract in front of you, frustrated at the idea of the family visiting. they sent the contract to you two weeks ago, and you knew that they were expecting a response, as in a signature. but here lays the contract on your coffee table, left to collect dust.

"let them in." you sit up from the couch, adjusting your shirt. you watch the maid let them in, timed steps in the long marble hallway. you hear their presence before you see them. then you see the matriarch of the minatozaki family step into the room. her head held high and proper, like a leader.

she reminds you of your own mother: the sharp tongue, quick judgements, and inability to let go of grudges.

then walks in sana minatozaki, the only heiress of the minatozaki group. she is not a stranger at all, but you havent decided if she is a friend or foe. when you were both younger, annual balls were centered around her. she always took those events in stride, while you enjoyed sticking by your mother's side.

you often remember watching sana dancing with anyone who would ask her; even from afar, you knew she was someone that everyone awed at. they treated her attention like a prize worth attaining.

"hello mrs. minatozaki and ms. minatozaki, please have a seat." you direct them to sit on the opposing couch. "how may i help you?"

they both get situated while you sit by yourself, feeling the weight of the minatozaki power firsthand. you watch your staff rushing to present them with tea, only for the two to dismiss them quickly.

"yes, we sent over a contract earlier last week, please sign it." the matriach points at the contract on your table.

"yes well, it is a marriage contract, a legally binding one. i need time to think it through."

"what is there to think through? you get to marry into the minatozaki group, and solidify your business with the backings of our family, i see no reason that it's empty now."

you frown at that, those were the exact words your own father told you over the phone, you called him immediately after receiving the contract, he told you the same exact thing, ending the call immediately after.

you dont disagree with the benefits, you would just rather marry someone else. someone that you could be in love with, not sana minatozaki.

"mrs. minatozaki, as much as i understand the power and backing of your family. i am rather old-fashioned. i only believe in marriage out of love." you nod solemnly to the older woman.

she lets out a trained laugh and holds her daughter's hands like they're her prize and tool. "love? you don't think that you could love my daughter?"

"mrs. minatozaki, i didn't mean it in that way-"

"so, what way did you mean it? my daughter sana," you say, watching as her daughter stands up from the couch, tall and proud, just like her mother, and smiling at you in that coy smile. "she has a line of suitors far longer than you could imagine; you should reconsider."

"mrs. minatozaki' please if i may-"

she holds her palm up, completely stopping you from speaking. "enough. here's what we're going to do: a three-month commitment. truly court my daughter for three months, and if you can honestly tell me you aren't in love with her, then i won't bother you with this matter for any longer."

"mrs. minatozaki, i think this is a completely archaic idea!" you exclaim, shocked to hear her say these plans. how quick she is to decide for her daughter's life.

"watch your tone. do not forget that your mother and I are well acquainted." she points her finger at you, and in a split second, she's back to that trained smile that is always so unnerving and threatening.

"i'm very sorry mrs. mintatozaki, please forgive my rudeness." you bow deeply at the woman. you return to your trained demeanor, letting mrs. minatozaki run your life for the next three months. who knows what she'll say to your mother if you decline?

both women get up promptly at the matriarch's signal, and you rush to walk them out of the manor. their resounding footsteps echo through the halls. the matriarch continues speaking of the three months of "dating," and you nod at every word in appeasement.

you assist them into their car, and soon they speed away from your manor. leaving you frustrated in your own driveway. by the time the sun has set, you finally return to your room.

--

the thought doesn't bother you anymore, while you were nervous at the idea of the minatozaki's pressing you on this marriage, you had gotten way too swamped with work.

in a week's time since the visit, you were giving a big presentation to shareholders and clientele. countless nights spent languidly going through the motions of collecting data for infographics and reports to extrapolate data. all part of your stressful day job.

a job that you take pride in, to take over the family business. dedicating years of your life to build the rapport needed for your father to put the company in your name.

you begin to wrap up on your final slide, indicating the prosperous quarter that your company has been seeing. beautiful graphics that display profit margins through the roofs. in every chair of that conference room sat a wide smile at your future projections.

"we expect to see a projection of 33% from our previous annual profits, along with more assets, and with the likes of a possible acquisition, this company will continue to flourish. thank you all for today." you conclude your presentation and smile to the many shareholders. they all stand and applaud you; you take a deep bow and shake hands.

the shareholders hound you, all gathered around in suits that costed more than the average house. they only bowed to the sound of money dropping into their pockets. so they push you, push your boundaries of how much you'll let them take.

mr. seki has always been the most persistent, asking for more money than he knew how to spend. so he stands before you, eyes twinkling and his grubby hands rubbing together like he found a gold mine.

you listen to him speak of the golden days with your father, business had little to regulations, making money was easier than breathing, but now he breaths down your neck for bonuses. the words travel in one ear and out the other, he forgets that you were a young child listening in to his discussions with your father.

before you know it, you hear that sharp clicking sound, the sound of sharp hard rubber hitting the tiled floor, you hear heels. short confident steps of a woman, and then you see it through the frosted glass, a womanly figure.

she's walking right into the conference room. then you notice the details: long brunette hair in waves, branded sunglasses atop her nose, a light pink suit adorned with blinding diamonds. behind her are bodyguards that tower over everyone. everyone's conversation stops at the sight of her, she stops right in front of you.

eyes strong and daring, she slips off her glasses and you recognize her, the woman of all your friend's dreams: sana minatozaki. more confident than ever, not being guided by her mother, she smiles that smile that you know your friends swoon over. delicate fingers slip off her glasses as she hands them to her assistant. eyes still focused on yours.

then she does it, grabs ahold of your tie, and slams her lips against yours. and you can hear it faintly, the sound of the shareholders all gasping, drowned out by the sound of your own heartbeat. the searing kiss lasts so long, like a time loop. when she pulls back, you gasp for air, choking and doubling over coughing like you inhaled chili powder. all your presentation material spilling on the ground.

"sorry to cut the festivities short, gentlemen." she bows lightly, an amused smile underlying her sarcasm. "my fiancé and i have things to attend to, i'm sure you know how demanding your wife can be". she giggles at that, letting them all nod, and disperse.

"fiancé?" you cough out, still catching your breath. sana grabs ahold of your hand and drags you out the conference room, and out to the elevators. you watch her two bodyguards at your feet, ready to intervene with broad and thick builds.

they remind you much of your father's bodyguards. but you never wanted them because it just felt so unnatural to be followed by men who protected you.

sana stands before the elevator, and without missing a beat walks in, at the sound of the door opening. you get pulled by the two bodygaurds into the box. now you stand next to a smirking sana and two men who could break your spine ten times over.

you exit into the lobby, all the staff rising to their feet at the sight of you and miss minatozaki. greeting you all, as you rush to follow after sana. you have a sinking feeling if you don't that those two men behind you are going to toss you right into the ocean. right outside of the lobby, is the sight of the signature black marked sedan. a true sign of a minatozaki. like the fortress of a family, this car is far than capable of withstanding a nuke, how true this statement is? you never want to know.

sana is quick to sit herself inside, being guided by her chaffeur. you nod to him before sitting inside, seperated by the middle seat. the door closes and suddenly you feel claustrophobic.

the last time you spoke to sana was years ago, back in law school, you never did like her clique but they were everywhere. so you have interacted with her through case studies and presentations, steering clear of the intimidating minatozaki group. so much for avoiding them, now you're stuck in a car with the exact person you were avoiding all your life.

"mother is furious." she comments, grabbing her heels off her feet, tucking them into a compartment. you stare at her for a while, confused with what she means. "well?"

"miss minatozaki, i thin-"

"sana. just sana please." she corrects you.

"miss sana, please, you cannot barge into my shareholder meetings and attack me like that. that was unacceptable on all levels." you continue. loosening the tie that felt like it was choking you when she grabbed it. you slip it off your neck and into your pocket.

"i thought mother made it clear her expectations. you sign that marriage license, and we're good." she continues to correct you, disregarding your frustrations.

"sana. i apologize but i have been swamped with work, i cannot even begin to think about marriage." you complain.

"work? you marry into the minatozaki group and you'll never lift a finger. those infographics you put together were cute, but the minatozaki's never put themselves through work they can pass off to others. marry in, and we'll find a suitable ceo the second you say so." she is everything you stand against, a figurehead as the ceo is the last thing you want for your budding company.

"i think you are mistaken, miss sana. this company is me, i am this company, that will not change if i marry into the minatozaki group." you don't waver for a second, conviction running through your blood.

she smiles at that, "you are one of those. the ones that are married to their work before anything else." she takes a second to contemplate this thought, what would you bring to the minatozaki group? profit, drama, not a headache that's for sure.

"i'm going to let you in on a secret," she leans her head towards you. "like how you are married to your work, i am married to wealth. doesn't matter if you have a million mistresses, or a thousand bastard babys. as long as you don't smear the minatozaki name, you will fit right in."

"i do not think so miss sana. the minatozaki's are adamant about blood purity, they don't let bastards live." you explain. she smirks at that, you've clearly done your research about the minatozaki clan. "miss sana, please, me marrying into your family would not beneficial to you. i am too concerned with my own self to be a pawn for your clan." you finish, hoping they will let this issue to rest.

"you seem to know a lot about our family for someone who isn't interested marrying in." her eyebrow shoots up and with the snap of a finger, the bodyguard hands her a manila folder through the slit of the window.

"once again, we urge you to sign this. i hope we become lifelong partners, fiancé." she winks and steps out of the car. speaking to the chauffeur, and soon you're being driven by the minatozaki car, another car ready for sana in an instant.

now you're left with a manila folder, weighing heavier than anything else in the world. when you are sit in your armchair with the manila folder, nursing a nice drink to unwind, you finally untie the manila folder. opening the contents, you find the same contract on your coffee table. signed with sana's signature in the bottom, and another paper.

in a written letter from your own father, you nearly crumple the paper in your own hand. the clauses of placing your company in the hands of your father, all shareholder signatures at the bottom. indicating the removal of power. in another line it reads in big bold letters, date sana for three months or your company will be absorbed by your father.

you call up your father.

"father, this is ridiculous, you cannot do this to my company. why are you meddling now?"

"you insolent child, given the opportunity to grow your business, you choose instead to be selfish? i present to you the opportunity of a lifetime: marriage into the minatozaki group. and i've been told you're pushing their patience." his deep voice rumbles into the phone. "my final words are these: you want your company so bad, prove that you are committed to the minatozakis, then i will transfer the power back." he firmly states.

"i don't even have the time, father. my schedule is busy with the new year and final changes with new clientele."

"i've already spoken to your assistant, all work for you the next three months have been transferred to my coo. he will take over for the time being, i trust him to run my own company, so don't you go spouting nonsense about his credibility." you bite your tongue at the sight. how dare your father meddle in your company? one that you built up with your own hands. the only piece of yourself that wasn't controlled by your father.

"do not forget who raised you. i can take everything away." his voice booms through the speakers. he ends the phone call there. and you throw that phone like a baseball, shattering the device into pieces.

--

so you do date sana for three months, finding it absolutely absurd in the beginning. often visiting her wherever she traveled. when she was busy, you would send out bouquets in your absence. you tried your best to date her, devoting time to getting to know her better. she's like you remembered when you were younger, loud rambunctious and had an eye for all things expensive. you spent trips all over the globe within those three months.

it's a strange feeling. letting yourself rest, you can't remember the last time you went on a vacation other than in law school. here you are, lying in a lounge chair on a private beach in santorini. drinking mai tais while you stare into the horizon. confused with your own life right now.

it should've been the merger. you get antsy just at the idea of your father's coo leading the merger, but what can you do. that company is not "yours" right now. while you are trying to enjoy the sight of the bright sun and clear waters, you watch out of the corner of your eye as sana flirts openly with a resort worker.

hand on his bicep, leaning in to show more cleavage, all the while keeping a sultry smile on her face. you're done letting your life be decided for you. you walk over.

"hi honey, how is it going?" you smile towards her, leaning in for a quick kiss. holding her neck in place, as you watch the man walk away. you let her go.

"jealous?" she smirks.

"no. i need answers." you sit down in front of her. "why me?"

"what do you mean why me?" she sips on her cosmopolitan, not provoked by the question.

"why marry me? my father is well known, but we are not a conglomerate group, why do you wish to marry me? i provide nothing to the minatozaki group, it doesn't make sense. there's the watanabe clan, the abe clan, the ito clan. i really don't understand why my family."

"it's not your father or his companies, it's you." she points at you. still sipping her drink. she doesn't skip a beat, no hesitation in her words.

"i hold no power on the world stage, you would be well off marrying any clan." you try reasoning with her, beyond perplexed on why she chose you.

"the watanabe clan are dirty: plagued with dirty lust, the abe clan are ruthless killers, the ito clan has been known to kill their woman. so tell me, how much better off i will be marrying them?" she continues. face hardened.

"i see...they are not as great as their name." you stare at her. less perplexed but definitely confused.

"we all grew up together, all the heirs, i know them better than they know themselves. and i do not like what i see. but you and i didn't speak to each other." she signals for another cosmopolitan, thanking the staff member and digging through her bag. pulling out photos of you two when you were children at the annual balls.

"you are worlds better than all of them combined. i could see it in the way you never vied for my attention. they all were intact dogs, hoping to hump something by the end of the night."

"sorry for the assumptions," you offer. the way she looks away from you, watching the ocean. and letting out a long and heavy sigh. she tucks the photos away. "so, marriage out of convenience? is that all this is?"

"yes." she nods.

you grab the contract from your bag, signing it in front of her. and then placing it in her hands, "to a happy marriage sana minatozaki, i hope you can handle my snoring." you laugh.

she grins at the contract, and tucks it into her bag. "then i hope you can handle my kicking. you groan jokingly and laugh loudly, her joining you.

--

minatozaki weddings were no joke. halls lined with marble pillars with gold accents. dishes made out of the finest and purest porecelin. waiters dressed in their finest, not a single hair out of place. global leaders and their children attending, even if they had no ties to the minatozaki.

the grandiose hall with beautiful mirrors dating centuries ago. recovered artifacts from the edo period, adorning the shelves. the giant minatozaki family crest on the back wall. with long tables lined with wedding gifts. you stand next to sana as the reception procession continues into the night. many notable figures congratulating the marriage. as well as the intricate gifts being handed off to you. each gift being placed and documented by the minatozaki security team.

the minatozakis look happy, wearing traditional kimonos and inviting all the guests to talk about their daughters marriage.

even though the place is filled with laughter and happiness, you can't help but feel like you just entered a loveless marriage. where you are destined to avoid sana, she smiles at everyone, showering in the attention, while you can't wait to get back to work.

--

you had explained to sana you wanted a quiet honeymoon, one that was peaceful and relaxing. so you both went puglia, to enjoy the rich Italian culture and the beautiful greens and blues of the water.

sana spent nearly ever second of the day buying herself clothes while enjoying pestering you. often times dragging you along to carry her bags, and be at her beck and call. she calls it "conditioning for a happy marriage." you had rolled your eyes when you heard it, but you wanted a happy marriage too so you complied.

now you stand in the middle of puglia, taking photos of sana, at her request. for the third time that day.

"how many photos do you need sana?"

"as many as i want. stop talking, more clicking!" you get back to taking photos and letting her enjoy the scenery. it's quite nice being with sana, she may be a bit high maintenance, but she doesn' t overstep when it comes to your boundaries. letting you enjoy your own alone time and venturing through the city alone.

sometimes you bring back flowers or a small gift to her, all of which she happily enjoys with a warm smile.

--

after the honeymoon, its back to the real world. in which your father happily returned the company back to you. the merger had been successful, but you're still catching up on paperwork that only you could sign. in the coming months, sana has moved in.

living together has become a routine. when she moved into your manor, she claimed it was a nice change from her home. you were confused because her house was far more amenities, but you let her move in.

so, every morning and night, you spend time with her, sleeping in the same bed, drinking the same coffee, and sitting at the same dining table. you don't share more than a few words with her, but her presence has become a nice addition to your life.

she's made herself comfortable, her makeup products all lining your sink, heels filling the floor of the closet. her closet so big that she ordered construction to build her own walk-in.

often times you see her out lounging in the sun room doing yoga or pilates. or when she's in a good mood, she'll join you in your study room to do work herself.

she goes out at night frequently, so you make it a habit to stay up until she gets home. you know she's protected and safe with her trained bodyguards and chauffeur.

it just brings you a sense of comfort to bring her inside in case she's unwell. some nights she gets home with love bites all over her body, other nights she comes home drunk falling into your arms. you never comment on it.

she comments on your life first.

"do you...have someone special in your life?" she asks with a glass of wine in hand. you look up from your table, eyeing her in the doorframe.

"no, i'm married to my job." you look back at the work laid out for you, pushing glasses back up the bridge of your nose.

"have you slept with a woman before?" you stop your work, putting the pen down.

"sana, are we asking about each other's sex lives now?"

"well i can be curious, cant i? you always look so proper." she walks in to sit by you.

"well, yes in the past i have." you comment, a little thrown off with the line of questions. she nods her head and gives you her wine, you sip it and place it on the desk. "why do you ask?"

"we've never consummated our marriage, don't you think it's time?" she leans over, eyeing the work on your paper.

"what happened to marriage out of convenience?"

"marriage out of convenience could mean we're sex partners out of convenience," she smirks. she stands up, pushing the paper off to the side. you raise your eyebrow, trying to get her to stop messing with your work.

"sana."

"yes?" she takes the glasses off your face. a coy smile on her lips.

"we don't have to do this."

"i want to. do you?" she stands in your way, eyes trained on yours. a playful smile on her face. you get up to set your mind straight, no way were you sleeping with your non-wife.

"sana, please, you must be drunk." you walk past her, calling out to staff. "hi, could you please assist sana to bed." sana scoffs at you, flipping you off and pushing past the maid.

you return to your desk, eyebrows pushed together and a headache forming. but you can feel that spike in your stomach, you're sexually frustrated.

--

you've been actively avoiding being too close with sana. whenever she circles around, you scoot further away. opting for open spaces where she won't make sexual advances. rejecting her isn't fun either, she gets all pouty about it, but the way she makes you feel lately, has been dangerous. so you try your best to exercise restraint.

in the coming weeks it's harder and harder. some days she visits with your dress shirts tucked into a pencil skirt. walking in like a wet dream into your office. you will yourself to have self control but you can feel it slipping. the way you want to grab her, feel her skin under your fingertips, wanting to wrap around her.

today she manages to get under your skin. "darling, you must be so tired." she slides behind you. and starts massaging your shoulders, pressing the knots away.

you let her, feeling the tension release from your shoulders. her hands move expertly, and soon you feel more relaxed than ever. her hands begin to wander, sliding over your torso and frame. you turn to look at her, playful eyes staring back at you. you pull her into your lap, grabbing her neck for a kiss.

"i think it would be rather impolite of me to have our first time here in my office. maybe later?" you offer, playing with her pencil skirt.

"i don't care where we do it, as long as we do it now." she smirks and plays with your hair. you pull her up and place her atop your desk. walking quickly to close the door and drop the blinds.

she laughs when push her back, back hitting the desk, and then you lean over her. giving her a long kiss, before sliding your hands up her legs.

"come take what yours." she grins. you begin unbuttoning her shirt, hands trailing down until they reach her hips.

you kiss her fervently, moving towards her like a magnet. "yes miss minatozaki."

--

you might have to label yourself a sex addict, maybe a sana minatozaki addict actually. after sleeping with sana, you can't keep your hands off of her. often messaging her and taking days off to be around her.

it's unlike you, so unfocused and nonchalant about work. but you can't help it, sana feels like a drug and you need your supply. so here you are in your study, trying to clean up the smell of sex before your mother-in-law arrives. sana's an absolute vixen and trying to coax you into another round, but you know at any second her mother will walk into the house like its her own.

you spray a scent over top of the room urgently before closing the door behind you. a clingy sana kissing you deeply, trying so very hard to get you in bed with her.

"sana, no. your mother will be here any second." you force yourself to be the bad guy, pulling her arms off of you. to which she flicks your forehead.

"sana!" the sound of her voice booming like it's through a speakerphone. sana immediately tenses up, posture straight like a board.

"hi mother."

"glad to see you still recognize me." her mother chastises her. you watch the two woman, and you stay quiet. letting sana speak to her mother in a hushed tone, while you stand nearby.

it's hard to get a gauge on sana's mother, she's fierce and demanding. you also can't tell if she likes you, she keeps her distance. but you also can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. oftentimes she shows up requesting your presence at her events. but you play the part well as much as you can.

the older woman walks towards your living room, where she was months ago, and requesting you to marry her daughter. now she moves around your home like it's her own.

"now that you two have been happily married, it's important to discuss the next step." she starts. "we need heirs, multiple."

you and sana look at each other in horror.

"sana was the only heir in her generation of minatozaki's, i need you two to produce more than a single heir. to protect the minatozaki clan." she states firmly.

you groan into your hands, horrified at the conversation. and for the first time you see the matriach smile as she shows off photos of sana as a baby, cute as a button.

it does make you wonder about having a little sana running around, so you take the conversation topic in stride. letting the matriarch discuss traditions, schooling, extracurriculars and education to maintain the minatozaki standard.

sana is horrified to hear all this from her mother, but when she leaves, a light bulb turns on in her brain. then she smiles at you in that knowing smile.

"honey, come on, you heard my mother. we have to produce heirs. you know what that means?" then she wiggles her eyebrows as she drags you upstairs.

and you let her.

--

a/n: sana, sana, sana. she's been plaguing my mind recently. hope you enjoyed, proofreading is difficult work so i didn't do it. stay safe and stay healthy everyone!

[hellionscorner]

Til Death do us Part

✨✨🌸🌸🌸First Fic, Darlings-- I apologize if it's too long or maybe some errors I'm still learning this thing🌸🌸🌸✨✨

Warnings: Fem! Reader, Arranged Marriage, “noncon”, Spitting, Tiddy slapping, Toji tossing you around like a doll, Hate Fucking,  Reader is a brat, threats of impregnation

Word count: 2592 ( Long as hell I’m sorry😓)

Toji never saw himself as the settling down type, especially with the line of work he was in. Always on the go, how could he stop every five minutes to cater to some spoiled rotten brat who has just now been revealed to him not even two hours ago for the very first time at the altar?  What made him a little more complacent with the contract was that  his new little wife would have him set for life. He took your last name without a problem. Toji didn’t  give a shit that he was sold for a lowball price because in the end he still won and nothing was going to fuck it up for him. He watches while sprawled out on the bed as you went back and forth from the full body mirror that hung from the wall before going back to the bathroom. 

“They’re expecting you, the prodigal child, to mate with a non-sorcerer?” He scoffs a laugh, finding the whole marriage to be pointless if that were the case, “Don’t they know that may increase the chance of them not getting a sorcerer heir?” 

After a beat you finally respond to him while redoing your lip liner, “They can expect all they want, but unless they physically come in here and hold me down while you mount me like some fucking mutt in heat, they’re going to be expecting for a long while.” you had no problem challenging the elders of your clan and his clan, you knew you were the strongest and wouldn’t mind flexing your strength for them all to see. You had long since changed out of your wedding dress and into a darker dress with high slits on the sides that stopped at her waist, thin string laced criss cross into the material allowing the slits above her thigh to be mere windows for her bare hips, the dress a stark contrast from her wedding gown she had on mere hours ago. 

“You’re feistier than what I gave you credit for.” He chided before standing up somewhat curious as to why you  were taking so long to get ready for bed. Toji stopped dead in his tracks when she stood in the doorway of the bathroom,“You shouldn’t assume things about people, it'll screw you over in the long run.”     

He wasn’t sure where to look first and yet on the outside he refused to show too much of a reaction for someone of the likes of you, but the sight made his thoughts slowly start to shift. Folding his arms across his broad chest he tilts his head slightly as he continues to scan her body, “ Interesting outfit.” 

“Interesting enough to get some free drinks.”

“You’re gonna try to get other men to buy you drinks on our wedding night already?” Toji smirked, doing another once over his bride, his  eyes lingering on the shape of her breasts and how they nearly spilled over the top of her low cut neckline. 

“You really hate me that much, hm?” 

“I’m sure you hate me more.” 

“I do, actually.” He says without a hint of hesitation or doubt, his lips curled up before his tongue darted out to lick his lips. Toji felt a tinge of doubt when he saw the way your brows furrowed together in a glare, he wanted to wipe that defiant look off your face one way or another but he wanted to see how far he could push his bratty wife.

“Even if I hate you, it’s not a very good look. Imagine what the clans could say if they found out that their new bride is already seeking out other men to buy her drinks..” He stepped closer blocking you in the bathroom, “On her wedding night.” 

Your hand finds itself on his chest to maintain some semblance of space between you both, “Oh please spare me that bullshit…you’ve got an endless supply of money now that you are a part of my clan.” 

Toji’s eyes glance at your hand before they fix themselves back on you, “ That’s besides the point here. You’re my wife. You’ll make me look like a damned fool if  I let you leave this house.. Especially dressed like this.” 

“If you let me?” Your hand moves from his chest to fold both of your arms across your chest as you squint up at him, you’ve never needed permission to do whatever you wanted and you sure as hell weren’t going to start asking for it like some docile debutante, “ I don’t need anyone to let me do a goddamn thing.” 

Toji’s eyes darken before his arm reached out grabbing you by the waist and pulling you flush against his body. His chest rising and falling while his blood rushes rampantly through his veins, no woman has ever talked to him like that. He loathed the way her lips pursed as you waited for him to retort back meaning you already figured out what bratty thing you were going to say back to him. Your fucking mouth is infuriating to him and to make matters worse it was turning him on. 

“You should watch that fucking mouth, wife.” his free hand gripped her face forcing you to look up to him as his thumb traced her bottom lip causing it to part to partially reveal  the bottom row of your pretty teeth. Without any hesitation you bite down on his thumb then stomp on his foot. Toji hisses with a grimace from the pain for a brief moment as you slipped out of an opening and ran toward the door. Unfortunately for you, you weren’t too versed in running in heels and Toji had your wrist back in his grasp in no time. Using the opportunity of you losing your balance, he swings you to the bed like you weighed nothing. 

You flipped to your hands and knees scrambled on the blankets to put more space between yourself and your crazy ass husband, he grabs you by your ankle and drags you back to the edge of the bed on your stomach with a low growl. Panting softly you reach back and try to pull your dress back over your bare ass, but Toji snatches your hand away and pins it above your head. You could feel the weight dip into the bed between your thighs. Your eyes squeeze shut trying to keep focus on escaping and not how he handled you like you were a doll. 

Toji settles on his knees in the bed before flipping you onto your back, using that opportunity you attempt to kick him in his head and he of course catches your other ankle gripping one in each hand, “ You like pissing me off, don’t you?” he separates your legs in a ‘v’ moving close enough for your ass to rest on his lap, “ You think it’s funny to be a bad girl?” 

“Bad g-girl? Nngh— get the fuck off!” You squirmed more, reaching up for the pillows and throwing them at him. Toji’s eyes are drawn to your pussy almost immediately, tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip softly.

“ Or what?”  

He leans in closer, his semi-hard cock resting against your glistening cunt, the motion allows him to smell your arousal and it took everything in his power not to roll his eyes back with a groan so he closes his eyes briefly. Toji’s eyes shot open wide when he felt the small warm splatter land on the corner of his lips and his cheek. 

“You little fucking brat,” His tongue darts out tasting you sweet saliva and he growls low snatching your face back into his hand in a bruising grip until your lips parted from each other before he spits in your mouth.  You cough when you unintentionally swallow while thrashing under him. 

“Are you going to be a good girl now?” 

“I fucking hate you!” 

Toji smirk returns and he leans closer, his body practically swallowing yours up, “I hate you more.” he moves his lips to your ear, “And yet, here we are. Married to each other.”  Shocked at how your body reacted to his voice in your ear, you snatch your head away.  He grabs your chin again forcing you to look back at him, “You still got some fight left in you after all and yet..that little body of yours is betraying you by soaking my cock through my pants.”  

Toji shifts and he presses his lower half against your core with a bit more pressure, “I wonder how long it’ll take to break you and be the sweet little wife I know you can be.”  

Your body nearly seized from the contact, “W-What are you doing?”

He smirks at the sound of her voice faltering, he rocks his hips once and chuckles at the way your body tenses from the motion, “What does it look like I’m doing, brat?”  your hips slightly buck against him making his already hardened cock throb, “You still haven’t apologized to me,”Toji moves his hips again in an agonizingly slow pace, “But your cunt is weeping for my forgiveness.” 

Your hips jump again, low whimpers bubble in your chest begging to be let free. He tilts his head slowly watching as your hips move desperately to his slow movements. Deeming it safe to move his hand from pinning your wrists down, he moves his hand to pull the neckline of your dress below your breasts. 

“Don’t you dare hide those fucking moans from me, brat.” Toji’s voice lowered into a growl before delivering a harsh warning slap to your breasts. You yelp and attempt to fix your glare up at him, “You don’t deserve them-” your voice cuts out almost immediately as he ruts harder against you, the head of his cock bumping against your clit. 

“You can say whatever that bratty little brain comes up with…it’s not going to change the fact that your body is begging for me to claim it.” 

“You’re del-delusional!” 

“Mhm, sure.” 

Toji rests your legs on either side of his shoulders and unbuttons his suit pants, lowering them just enough for his cock and balls to be free. The scene above you looked like something out of a wet dream. His disheveled hair, the open dress shirt that exposed his absolutely perfect chiseled body, and the piece of resistance was how your legs looked resting on his broad shoulders with his cock resting right against your needy clit. It felt a hell of a lot different when it was just through his pants…the mere heat between you both was nearly enough to cease any coherent thought you both had. 

“What’s it gonna be,brat?” 

You watch as Toji traces his cock along your wet folds, sucking in a breath you sink your teeth into your bottom lip and let out a quiet whimper bracing yourself. His lips curled into a knowing smirk as watched as you looked up at him expectantly. He wants nothing more than to just get up and leave you to your own devices, but he’d be lying if he said that his cock resting on your cute and drooling pussy wasn’t a sight he’d get on his knees and thank the gods for. Toji could call himself insane for even considering the fact, it’s just you are one of the few women who have managed to get completely under his skin. Why wouldn’t you listen to him? Why were you making it so difficult for both yourself and him? 

His cock throbbed against you, with a low growl he pinches your swollen clit which earned another yelp from you. 

“I don’t hear you begging, wife.” 

“T-Toji Toji!” your cries slurred as your vision blurred with tears, your clit throbbing with need.

“That’s not what I wanna hear and you know it, brat.” 

“Plea-” Toji didn’t give you a chance to utter the entire word before he’s impatiently sliding into your needy cunt with ease and bottoms  out into you with one move, “Ah- Fuck!” your words a pitch higher. The sudden intrusion and fullness in your lower belly  made you dizzy with euphoria. 

“Close enough, brat.” He chuckled, swallowing softly before clenching his jaw to have some semblance of control. The way your eyes rolled back in ecstasy wasn’t making it any easier for him. Toji leans forward until his hips kiss your plump ass and the tops of your thighs pressed against your tits, wanting to get a good view of your face before rolling his hips at a medium pace.

“Ohhhh my goooood!!” your voice vibrated and shook with each hard thrust.

“It looks like I’m earning those sounds aren’t I?” The smugness in his voice is ever so present as  his fingers dug into the  plushness of your thighs pushing your knees further into your chest allowing him to hit a deeper angle into your sobbing cunt. 

Your juices coat his thighs and your ass which only fueled his movements, the way your cunt squeezes around him earned you a low moan from his lips.  One hand goes to splay on your lower back bringing you up to meet his thrusts,  your arms loop around his neck, brushing your lips against his as a test.

Toji’s chest rumbles with a deep chuckle, “ What is it that you want? Ask nicely and I’ll give it to you.” He lied, he knew deep down inside of him you could ask or even demand it from him and he’d give it to you. However, that didn’t mean he was going to go and admit it, yet. 

“Kiss—n-nggh–want a kiss.” You pant out against his lips.

“What happened to please, huh?” 

His complaint is silenced when he feels your tongue against his lips, making his pace falter for a moment.  

“Fucking hell…brat.” He groans quietly before slamming his lips against yours, sliding his tongue inside to fully claim your mouth while picking back up his pace. Your moans rang in his mouth and were absolute music to his ears. Feeling your cunt thrum in sync with your heartbeat, he could tell you were close and he knew he’d be soon after you. 

His hips pump faster into you all while bringing your hips to meet his, the feeling of your nails biting into his skin before dragging them down his chest. It was only fair to claim you in his own little way  as well. With one final hard thrust, his breath stutters feeling his release flood around the length of his cock. Your body shudders immediately reaching your own high from the warmth, his hips rock lazily into you. 

Toji pants softly with his face buried in your neck, almost in disbelief at how quickly he’d lost himself in his bratty little wife. Your head falls back taking a deep breath of cool air, he instinctively runs his tongue up your neck licking the thin sheen of your sweet sweat. 

“Are you done fighting me  or do I need to keep pumping this pretty cunt up until you’re round with my kid?” 

“You’re like a fucking super villain.” You hissed when he takes your nipple between his teeth.

“Damn right I am and you’re fucking bound to me. Til death do us part, sweetheart.” Toji says licking your nipple after releasing it with a laugh.

[fettuccinealfred0]

Til Death Do Us Part | Part 8

Series Masterlist

Astarion x f!reader, Arranged Marriage AU

Word Count: 10k

(CW: allusions to previous sexual encounters)

Summary:

“A letter for you,” Gale interrupts Astarion’s thoughts, placing the crisp white paper on his desk.

Perfect timing. Shadowheart was supposed to send him a letter when the two of you arrived safely at the cottage and he had just been starting to worry about the delay.

Astarion rips into the letter greedily. 

The air around him suddenly reeks of sulfur and Astarion’s stomach drops when he is not greeted by Shadowheart’s neat print.

The letter is brief:

“Dearest Astarion,

I formally request your presence at the House of Hope to renegotiate the terms of our contract. I’ve even gone to the trouble of ensuring that your lovely new bride is able to join us. 

Remember, boy. I made you. I can break you just as easily.

-Raphael”

Read on ao3 here.

You had only been gone for a day and Astarion was already miserable.

This wasn’t what he planned for when he arrived home. He had missed you- the warmth of your skin, your little smiles that felt like sunshine, your sharp wit. In the best case scenario, he hoped you would already be naked and waiting for him so he wouldn’t have to waste time on removing all those damned layers of your clothing. You would fall to your knees for him again and he would get to watch the lovely tears gather on your lashes and run down your face as you choked on his cock like the night before he left. 

He had replayed that memory many times in his head while he was gone. More often than he would have liked to admit since his attention should have been focused on finding the final gem. 

More realistically, you would have ordered him to take a bath the moment you saw how dirty he was after days of traveling. He would have pulled you in with him, content to watch you move atop his cock as you straddled him in the bathtub. 

Astarion was intimately familiar with sex and fucking and depraved, carnal lust. He knew bodies and taught himself how to perform and pleasure others so that the act could be over as quickly as possible. He had grown weary and disinterested- it had been so long since he had thought of intimacy as anything other than a manipulation tactic used to exploit people. 

But you had reignited that spark in him, had fanned his desire into a flame that consumed him whole. You had awoken something primal, some inner beast which needed to be nurtured and fed by your touch. It all felt different with you. It felt like a disservice that the acts of worship the two of you performed should even be described using the same word as all those times before. With you it felt like love, it felt like devotion, it felt like coming home. 

And he found himself enjoying the little moments after just as much as the pleasure itself- the way you would wrap around one another and talk or rest or read. 

So after Astarion’s appetite for you was relatively sated (he doubted he would ever truly get enough of you), he would have given you the silly new romance book he had brought back for you as a present. While romance was not his favorite genre, he had started sneaking peeks at the covers of all the books you read very soon after the two of you were first married. At the time, it felt like an easy way to learn about you. And he had found that you loved a romance.

He was perfectly content to let you read the new book aloud to him. He would get to rest his head on your soft stomach and poke fun at the dark, mysterious love interest who was likely entirely too melodramatic and brooding. He would relish in the way that you would narrow your pretty eyes as you looked down at him from over the spine of the book. You would probably have some jab about him needing to take a look in the mirror before calling people melodramatic and brooding. He would get to wink at you and remind you that alas, he was so beautiful that mirrors could not capture his reflection.

Not that he had spent the entire ride home fantasizing or anything…

But in his wildest nightmares, he never imagined that his return would have ended in a fight. 

He had hardly even gotten a good look at you before he saw that gods damned diary in your hands and everything was shredded to pieces. He should have expected something like this would happen soon. Everything had been going too well and the fates seemingly loved nothing more than reminding Astarion of his place at every opportunity. 

But how could you- his perfect, flawless wife- have betrayed him like this?

Astarion is used to being mad. For centuries, little more kept him alive than the spark of rage which burned deep inside his chest where his heart should have been beating. But Astarion was not used to being angry at you. He had times where he got frustrated or upset, but most of the time that was because you were pointing out some fact about himself that he would rather stay hidden.

Even your last fight had not been your fault- he had been the one pushing you away, he was the one who believed himself to be using you, he was the one who was unequipped to handle the swirl of emotions inside himself. 

And even now, Astarion does not know if he is more mad at you for prying into his personal affairs or if he is more upset with the fact that your opinion of him has certainly changed. Now that you truly know him, there is no reason why you would continue to love him. 

He still shouldn’t have yelled at you and ordered you away but he just needed the fighting to stop. He needed to get out of there, needed to think. And he wasn’t able to do that with you staring up at him with big, tearful eyes. 

Of course, in the end, he had only served to make it worse. That is all Astarion knows how to do. 

And right now, he should be preparing himself for the worst case scenario, but he still can’t help but hope that the two of you would somehow manage to overcome this. That you would somehow manage to grow stronger now that everything was out in the open.

In time, he is certain that he will forgive you. But he does not know if you will ever forgive him. Your anger burns brighter and hotter than his ever could. 

“A letter for you,” Gale interrupts Astarion’s thoughts, placing the crisp white paper on his desk.

Perfect timing. Shadowheart was supposed to send him a letter when the two of you arrived safely at the cottage and he had just been starting to worry about the delay.

Astarion rips into the letter greedily. 

The air around him suddenly reeks of sulfur and Astarion’s stomach drops when he is not greeted by Shadowheart’s neat print.

The letter is brief:

“Dearest Astarion,

I formally request your presence at the House of Hope to renegotiate the terms of our contract. I’ve even gone to the trouble of ensuring that your lovely new bride is able to join us. 

Remember, boy. I made you. I can break you just as easily.

-Raphael”

A phantom chill runs up Astarion’s spine and reverberates deep in Astarion’s bones. If he didn’t know better, he would think Cazador was the one who wrote this letter. How many times had Astarion had the same degrading, patronizing sentiments hurled at him by Cazador?

But at least Astarion had known Cazador- knew how he thought and how he would react. Raphael is a new beast entirely. Something far more terrifying, far more unpredictable. 

Astarion had lived in a state of constant fear for centuries but he had never felt a panic like the icy hands that gripped his heart now.

Raphael had you.

—----------

They had gagged you almost immediately. Bastards. 

To be fair, you had been screaming and biting fairly violently at your captors, but you still don’t think that warranted a dirty, old rag being shoved in your mouth. 

Astarion would probably have a crude joke if he saw you like this. 

Or, well- he probably would immediately kill these bastards and then make a comment about how he ‘had much better ways of keeping you quiet.’ The idea would almost make you laugh if your circumstances weren’t so dire.

After you had been subdued, your kidnappers had checked both you and Shadowheart for weapons. You, of course, did not have any and were biting and kicking whenever any of their hands threatened to slip beneath your skirt and check for hidden blades, which is what led to the subsequent gagging and binding of your hands and legs.

Shadowheart, however, seemed to have a variety of weapons hidden on her person. How did she even manage that? Did she just… carry weapons around all the time? And how did she even know how to use them?

It was as if everyone is determined to keep their backstories a secret from you. 

The two of you are unceremoniously shoved into the back of the carriage after you are bound and deemed free of weapons. Two of the kidnappers sit in the back beside you and Shadowheart, sure to keep their knives in hand in case you get any ideas about escaping. Unfortunately, said knives are just barely out of your reach so you’re unable to steal one away. It’s not like you could anyway, with your hands bound.

You try to sort through some sort of an escape plot in your mind, attempting in vain to communicate with Shadowheart with just your eyes free. Whenever you look at her, she just shakes her head in warning, like she knows what you are thinking so you give up on that after a while. 

The curtains to the carriage have been drawn to prevent prying eyes, but there’s a slight gap in the fabric that allows you just a glimpse out of the carriage. You focus on attempting to recognize any surroundings.

There’s… a wall? No. A gate!

Of course. You’re being taken to the city, Baldur’s Gate. You had always hoped to visit one day and explore that place where your mother had grown up. Admittedly, you had hoped your first visit would be under better circumstances.

When the carriage finally stops, rather than untying your hands or your legs, you are instead lifted over one of the men’s shoulders and carried like a sack of potatoes. You try your best to wriggle and kick and generally be difficult. Eventually, you do manage to get a good kick to the groin of the man who is carrying you over his shoulder and he groans and buckles at the knees. 

Your little act of revenge immediately backfires when you are dropped harshly on the ground by the man who was carrying you as he cries out in pain from your kick. Your own hip collides roughly with the hard rock of the floor and it sends a sharp, bruising pain radiating through your bones. Since the man who was originally holding you is whining and cupping his groin, another man simply reaches down to yank you up over his own shoulder and resumes carrying you to wherever these kidnappers were planning to take you. 

It’s extra annoying because you see that they’re letting Shadowheart walk behind you. Stupid model prisoner.

After being led down what seems like a maze of corridors, you are finally deposited in a filthy cell. The gag is roughly ripped out of your and you take deep swallows of fresh air for the first time in hours. The sides of your mouth are burning from where the rough material of the rag had been rubbing against your skin. 

“Drink,” one of the captors commands.

“I most certainly will not,” you shoot back at him, voice hoarse and your throat on fire. Drinking unknown substances from kidnappers seems like an obvious way to get poisoned. 

The man grabs your hair roughly, forcing your head back. When your mouth involuntarily opens in surprise, he pours the vial of liquid down your throat. 

You try to yell at him and tell him off for horribly you have been treated, but your tongue feels too heavy in your mouth. The corners of your vision are starting to blacken and it feels like your head is swirling.

Is this how you were going to die?

—-----------

Your eyes feel so heavy. 

Someone is brushing back the hair from your face and you hear a soothing, lulling voice urging you to wake up.

“A-Astarion?” You try to slur out but your tongue is barely cooperating with your brain. 

Because surely, he will be there when you awake. Surely, the events of the past few days have all been some horrible nightmare and you will have woken up never having read Astarion’s journal. He will have just arrived home while you were sleeping and he will be kneeling at your bedside like he had before he left, greeting you with kisses and showering you with love. 

“No, my lady,” you hear the twinkly, distinctly feminine voice say. You keep trying to blink your eyes open but you’re hardly able to see past your own lashes before they’re falling shut again. 

You’re so tired.

It feels like an eternity before you’re finally able to hold your eyes open for a few seconds at a time. Shadowheart’s blurry, worried face is looking down at you. 

“My lady, are you alright?” She asks, fretting nervously around you. You feel something cool being pressed to your forehead. It helps you focus a bit on reconnecting your mind to your body, but your head still feels so fuzzy. 

“Wha- what happened?” you try to ask, but it comes out sounding garbled due to your lack of control over your tongue. 

“They gave us sleeping draughts,” Shadowheart explains. “Easier to keep watch over prisoners if they’re unconscious.”

All your muscles still feel too heavy- like one of those dreams where you’re stuck in sand and can’t move. Yet, Shadowheart looks like she’s completely normal.

“Why are you awake?” you try to ask but hearing your own voice, it sounds more like gibberish. Shadowheart looks confused for a moment before she deciphers what you were trying to say. 

“I had a… strange upbringing,” she says. “I know how to deal with situations like this. My body learned how to react to sleeping draughts. I would guess you’ve never taken something this strong before?”

You just hum out a yes, still too tired to try to speak. Like anyone, you had taken light sleeping elixirs and drank sleeping teas when you were sick but whatever the kidnappers had given you must have been hundred of times more potent. You can’t even tell how long you were asleep. One minute your eyes were closing, and the next they were struggling to open again.

What kind of upbringing would possibly lead Shadowheart to have been trained for any sort of situation like this? What- was she in some kind of cult?

“Drink water, it will help flush the rest of the draught out of your system,” she instructs, guiding a cup to your mouth. It seems impossible to try to lift your own arms so you let Shadowheart hold your head up and give you little sips of water.

“They gave us water,” you point out, finding it a bit easier to speak coherently.

“I thought the same thing,” Shadowheart says. “They want us alive. They’ve had ample opportunity to kill us by now.”

“Who-” you start to ask but you already know who. The answer is so obvious it’s almost funny.  “Raphael?”

Shadowheart nods. “I assume. He’s the only one with the resources and motivations to pull off a kidnapping like this. The Gu-” Shadowheart cuts herself off, looking a bit worried that she has said too much.

“The Gur?” You finish her though. “I did read his diary, I know most of his past now.”

“I haven’t read his diary,” Shadowheart says with a sense of moral superiority that makes you want to slap that look off her pretty face. If only you were able to move your arms. “I don’t know what he writes about in there. But yes, the Gur would likely have simply killed us and sent your head back to Astarion.”

“Well, let’s be glad it wasn’t them who ambushed us. I’m rather fond of my head,” you tease. Astarion would have smiled or chuckled at that but Shadowheart just stares at you, solemnly, like you are an idiot who doesn’t understand the perilous nature of your current situation. 

“I don’t think that Raphael is the better alternative. Sometimes death can be a mercy. At least with the Gur, we could have counted on it to be quick and relatively painless. But Raphael…” There’s an almost imperceptible shiver that runs down Shadowheart’s spine.

“So, why are we awake now?” You question, though you are sure Shadowheart is wondering the same thing. 

The water has helped, your mind feels less clouded and you’re able to think again. You stretch out your arms and legs, trying to wake them up a bit before you push yourself up to sit, leaning against the wall of the damp prison cell. 

“I don’t know.” Shadowheart’s brow furrows in concentration, like she’s trying to call upon a memory that doesn’t exist. “I have no idea how long we were even asleep. I only woke up a couple hours before you. But I’m sure this is all planned.” She gives you a look. “Raphael is a powerful man. You read about him, right? In the diary. I can only assume Astarion would have written about him.��

“Astarion’s got some sort of contract with him. Raphael’s some sort of devil or something,” you say, closing your eyes so you can focus on recalling what you had read about Raphael. It’s exponentially harder than normal to remember any details with the remains of the sleeping draught still running through your veins. 

“You know about the gods, right?” Shadowheart asks and because your brain is still foggy, you’re having a hard time following her line of thought. You nod, anyway. Everyone knew about the gods. “Well the gods rule over the heavens. And because the universe needs balance, the devils rule over the hells. Raphael is the son of a very powerful archdevil, Mephistopheles.”

That sounds familiar to you. Astarion had written something similar.

Shadowheart continues, her voice a bit wary, “Due to his parentage, Raphael isn’t as powerful as gods or devils themselves, but he holds significantly more power than most mortals. He’s a…  dangerous man.”

“And he wants the gems of Karsus to rule over the hells, right?” 

“The gems from the Crown of Karsus were split up a long time ago so that no one person could rebuild the Crown.” Shadowheart explains. “But if Raphael can find the third gem, he has a chance of taking down the current ruler of the hells and seizing control of that realm.”

“Is that… a bad thing?” You ask hesitantly, unsure of the politics surrounding the heavens and the hells and how they relate to the mortal world. 

“It really won’t affect us at all.” Shadowheart shrugs. “But Astarion is still looking for the final gem and I fear Raphael is growing impatient.”

And from personal experience, you knew it was never a good thing when power-hungry men felt impatient. It almost always led to death and destruction. 

Shadowheart’s voice is grave. “And more than that, I fear that the more powerful Raphael grows, the more he will try to use Astarion to do his dirty work. Part of why so many people have fallen for Raphael’s charms is because he comes to them in their darkest hours and offers kindness and hope. It’s all a farce, of course, but it’s beneficial to him to maintain the idea that he is respectable. I worry he’ll ruin Astarion’s reputation and use him as the front for the unsavory bits of business he needs to conduct. And Astarion doesn’t deserve that, he’s already suffered more than enough.”

“So why does Astarion have to look for these gems? Why can’t Raphael?” You ask the question that has been bugging you since reading Astarion’s diary. Other than the fact that this is some sort of powerplay, you genuinely can’t figure out Raphael’s motivations. 

“Raphael can’t move very far away from his hellmouth, which is where I assume we are right now. He becomes too weak in the real world,” Shadowheart answers. “And powerful men always have enemies. If he were to leave the source of his power, he’d be much easier to kill.”

Ah, yes- good old self-preservation. It’s a bit comforting to know that beneath it all, Raphael fears death just as much as anyone else. 

“How do you know all this?” 

Shadowheart is amazing at explaining everything to you, now that she is no longer sworn to silence by Astarion.

A little smile dances on Shadowheart’s lips and you can tell she’s amused at your disbelief. “I’ve worked for Astarion for many years. And before that, I used to belong to a group of devout worshippers of the goddess Shar. I learned a lot more about the true darkness in the world than most people do.”

Oh, so she was in a cult. That explains a lot, actually. 

“Well, thank you for finally explaining everything to me,” you say sincerely. For once, you feel you finally have a grasp over the situation you had found yourself in. “You have no idea how frustrating it was to never know what was true and what was simply my imagination. I felt as if I was losing my mind.”

“Believe me, I wanted to tell you,” she assures you, grasping one of your hands in her own. “But Astarion begged us not to say anything. And I owe him my life, so I respect him enough to listen when he asks me to do something.”

“You owe him your life?” You ask, a bit shocked. Astarion was not the type to play savior.

“He rescued me and several followers of Shar when he came to us looking for information on the gems. I helped him find the second one and after, Astarion helped me escape Shar’s cult by offering me a position on his staff.” Her voice turns angry. “I had been… taken from my family by the followers when I was a young girl and groomed by their ideology. I never knew any different until Astarion and Gale came along.”

“And Gale?” You’re more than surprised that Gale is entangled in this, as well. He didn’t seem like someone who sought out danger.

Shadowheart looks a bit wary, “It’d probably be better if you asked him to share his own story with you.”

“Yes, but it will take less time if you tell me,” you joke and Shadowheart laughs. 

“True. The abridged version is that he was a scholar at a very prominent university in Baldur’s Gate until he grew too ambitious and started doing research which involved godly and demonic artifacts. They said he was a risk to the students and forced him out. He lost everything and was completely disowned by society. Because of his research, one of the first things Astarion did when he began looking for the gems was to track Gale down and offer him a position on his staff. With access to the libraries at the Szarr palace and the Ancunin manor, Gale happily accepted.”

“I never thought Astarion would be so willing to help people.”

“He’s willing to help people if they’re able to further his own cause,” Shadowheart says with a wry smile. “But I think deep down he does like picking up strays. He married you, after all. None of us saw that coming.”

It’s strange. Another piece in the puzzle that is Astarion. The more you learn, the more you realize that you perhaps did not know him at all. You had studied him so carefully, but perhaps you still weren’t fully able to see the man beneath the mask. Where did Astarion end and the performance begin? 

It’s too much to think about with your mind still clouded by the after-affects of the draught. You rub at your eyes as if that will help clear away your doubt and confusion.

But it doesn’t help at all to sit around and dwell on Astarion. You need to do something, need to find some way out of here before Raphael can finish whatever he’s planning to do with you. You’re lucky that a couple pins managed to survive the fray and are still hanging limply in your hair. You start to pull them out and move toward the door.

 “We need to get out of here,” you say, bending one of the pins so you can shimmy it into the lock on the door. 

Shadowheart stills your hands. “No. We wouldn’t get anywhere. It’s smarter to wait. Don’t play your hand before it’s time.”

Why does she always have to be right about everything?

Shadowheart pulls the pins from your hands and slides them on the cuff of your dress, by your wrist. 

“There,” she says. “Easy access. And any man would be too stupid to notice them.”

You give her hand a gentle squeeze in thanks.

“You know,” she starts to say and her lips turn up in a mischievous smile. It’s a look that’s so uncharacteristically Shadowheart that you have no idea what she is going to say next. “Astarion bragged about you for days after you broke into his study. It was disgusting.”

As always, that part of you that feeds on Astarion’s praise preens.

“I thought he was upset about that.” You’re shocked. That day had been one of the many times that the two of you had pinned each other to walls and traded heated words in the early days of your marriage. It still makes you a bit flustered to think back upon, even now. 

“He was upset that you saw something you weren’t supposed to, maybe.” Shadowheart chuckles. “But he was all pleased that you knew how to pick locks.”

“Why would he care?”

Shadowheart inspects you curiously. “You didn’t know? He’s the best lock picker I’ve ever met. Fast, too.”

You should have guessed that based on his beautiful, dexterous hands.

“Astarion’s good at picking locks?” You ask and you hear your own voice crack a bit at the end. A simple fact like that shouldn’t rattle you to your very core but it serves as yet another reminder of how little Astarion seemingly trusted you if he was withholding even trivial pieces of information about himself. 

How were you supposed to love someone who was so resistant to being known? It’s so unfair of him to expect you to have the resilience to continue poking and prodding at him until his defenses were finally worn down. 

Your conversation is rudely interrupted by the guards returning and clanking their keys loudly as they attempt to find the correct key to unlock the door. You and Shadowheart side-eye each other as you watch them fumble with the key ring. These thugs were idiots.

When the door is finally open and they shove inside, one roughly grabs your wrists so he can secure them in heavy metal shackles. You hold your breath, trying to turn your wrist in a way so he won’t see the hair pins on the sleeve of your dress. As Shadowheart predicted, he doesn’t notice them at all. Like you thought- idiots.

They let you walk this time, at least. The guard’s hand digs into your shoulder as he steers you down a long hallway. The prison seems like an endless maze. You’re fairly certain that you’re underground based on the damp, musty smell that permeates the air.

And then, you turn a corner and the damp air is replaced by the horrific smell of death and rotting flesh. You try to bring a hand up to cover your nose and mouth and one of the guards uses the chains to yank it back down. 

There’s so many cells- they continue down seemingly forever and they’re all filled to the brim with hundreds and thousands of people. It’s atrocious. Their mangled, bloody hands reach out to you as you pass, mouths open wide with desperate, soundless cries. 

“Oh gods,” you whisper in horror when you get a good look at one person’s black, empty eye sockets. Is this what happened to all those people who promised their souls to Raphael?

“Don’t look at them.” The guard’s gruff voice calls out and he uses his grip on your shoulder to force you to look straight ahead again. You’re still working through the after-effects of the sleeping draught and the sudden motion causes your head to spin and your stomach to turn. 

Just when you think these cages of people are never going to end, you thankfully turn the corner and are led through a beautifully ornate set of doors and up a staircase. The instant dichotomy of the new, fancy decor makes you acutely aware that the guards led you through that hallway of prisoners for a reason. It was a threat from Raphael- a reminder of what Astarion’s future holds after death.

You’re finally deposited in a large drawing room. The walls are filled with paintings and weird trinkets and artifacts that don’t look like they were made by humans. There’s a man standing with his back turned to you as he stares up at a painting on the wall. 

“You’ve got quite the set of teeth on you, from what I hear,” the man says. “And here I was expecting your husband to be the only one that bites.”

So this must be Raphael. 

He finally turns around to face you and he looks too human. He’s handsome. Not like Astarion, whose seductive, alluring beauty is meant to knock you off-guard and make you willing to offer up your throat to him in sacrifice. No, this man is handsome like a father might be- like he deserves your trust and knows what is best for you. 

You snarl at him, baring your teeth. You had learned a lot about biting in your time married to Astarion and you were certainly willing to use that knowledge now. 

“Very scary,” Raphael condescends with an amused grin. He waves his hand and the guards start pushing you forward again to the head of the room. “Now, come along. I do believe your husband has finally made it to the city, which means it’s almost time for the show.”

The show. That doesn’t sound good. You don’t like how planned out this all is. 

Your arms are raised into shackles hanging down from the ceiling and it’s all so very blase. You would think a devil would at least be a bit original in his tortures. 

Perhaps you had been spending too much time with Astarion… You were starting to grow appreciative of a bit of melodrama.

And they let Shadowheart stand in the corner of the room, surrounded by two men in shiny silver armor. Of course, she isn’t the bait- she isn’t the one forced to be put on display for a devil’s amusement. 

Raphael levels you with a stern gaze that reminds you entirely too much of your father. It has you shrinking in on yourself in a way that you hate. In your life, your father had been the only person who made you feel so small and unwilling to fight back.  

“I do believe your husband will be arriving at any moment. Do your best for me, will you?” Raphael asks, reaching forward to tuck a strand of loose hair behind your ear. It feels like a warning, as if he somehow knows about the pins on your wrist. You try to maintain his gaze even though your instinct is to look up and ensure the pins are still snugly tucked on the cuff of your dress. Raphael’s eyes are cold and lifeless and make you want to wilt away into nothingness. “If I don’t think you look scared enough, I’ll have to inspire some true fear in you. And neither of us really want that.”

The lightly veiled threat makes the blood drain from your face. You hate to imagine what actions a devil might employ to inspire true fear in someone.

And it seems as if Raphael has planned everything down to the second because he turns away from you and over his shoulder, you can see Astarion sauntering into the room almost immediately. He has daggers in both hands and blood speckling his face and he’s never looked more beautiful. 

This is what Astarion was built for- gore and blood and revenge.

Karlach, Wyll, Lae’zel, and even Gale and Halsin, to your surprise, follow after him. All of them are armed to the teeth with weapons and covered in armor. You certainly wouldn’t want to cross them in a fight. 

“I believe you happened to find my missing wife, Raphael. Give her back and we can call this a misunderstanding,” Astarion commands. 

He’s radiant in his anger- eyes aflame with pure, unadulterated rage. They dart over to you momentarily and he seems to let out an almost imperceptible breath of relief when he sees you are mostly unharmed. You’d run to him if your arms weren’t in these damned chains. 

“I don’t think my intentions have been misunderstood at all,” Raphael says, with an air of unrefined haughtiness. Astarion bares his teeth in response and his fangs glint dangerously- a silent reminder. Raphael simply ignores him, as if Astarion doesn’t even register as a threat.  

“I’ve been a fairly… hands off boss. But in return, I expect reasonable progress. And you’ve been distracted lately, I think.” Raphael comes to stand behind you, using your body as a shield in case anyone decides to release an arrow or throw a dagger at him. 

He grabs your chin roughly, turning you so he can inspect your profile. The way his fingers dig into your skin, you are sure you will be left with bruises along your jaw. 

“I can understand why, she’s very pretty.” He leers down at you and you hate the way his eyes burn into you- like he owns you. 

You spit in his eyes and use that distraction to stomp all your weight down on his foot. His grip on your chin loosens enough that you’re able to tear yourself free from his grasp, but your arms are still chaining you to the ceiling, restricting your ability to run away. 

When you glance over to Astarion, he’s got a smug little look on his face like he’s all proud of you- like he counted on Raphael underestimating your will to fight back. And for just a second, as you’re staring into Astarion’s eyes, everything going on around you feels like background noise. For just a second, it’s you and Astarion and everything is going to be okay. 

And then Raphael shatters that illusion by talking again.

“And such a fighter.” This time Raphael’s voice doesn’t sound quite so impressed as he wipes the spit out of his eyes. He turns to Astarion, completely ignoring you now that you have proven difficult and uncooperative. “I think Harleep will enjoy breaking her in, don’t you?”

You don’t completely understand the threat but based on Raphael’s voice, Harleep is not someone you want to meet. The warning seems completely directed at Astarion and his pale face drains and his eyes go wide in response. Okay, yeah, based on his reaction, Harleep’s not a nice guy.

“I can work quicker,” Astarion says, struggling to keep his voice calm in an attempt to diffuse the rapidly escalating situation. “We have a lot of good leads. I’ll find the last gem, I promise. Just let her go.”

Raphael laughs. “You’re in no position to be adding amendments to our contract, Lord Ancunin,” He says the title like Astarion is so far beneath him. “I much prefer to see you being obedient like the good little lap dog I know you are. No wonder Cazador took such special interest in you. You’re so delightfully pathetic.”

It enrages you to hear him talking about Astarion like that. It has you nearly ripping your arms out of these chains to wrap your hands around Raphael’s throat. And Raphael is just a bit too far away for you to stomp on his foot again. Evidently, he was smart enough to learn his lesson the first time.

“Your love for the girl will be your noose. The final nail in your coffin,” Raphael says, chuckling sinisterly at his own wordplay. 

How very creative to mention coffins to a vampire, you think sarcastically.

Raphael steps closer to you again, petting your hair like you’re a pet. “And I think I’ll keep her. For now, at least. She’s lovely collateral. You can have her back when you bring me the final gem. Perhaps this will motivate you to work a bit quicker.”

Raphael moves away from you and you feel like you’re finally able to take a deep breath again. He strolls over to an imposing wooden chest at the head of the room, where a mechanism begins to hiss. With the release of steam, the chest opens, three identical pedestals emerging from within. Two pedestals showcase shiny gems, but the third remains empty. 

“Look how lonely they are,” Raphael says, gesturing dramatically to the two gems with his arm. “They’re missing the final piece. I don’t know how much longer I can be patient.”

You finally get a good look at the two gems. They look so familiar- the intricate gold metal work encasing the shining green gemstones. 

Oh shit.

Oh… shit…

You recognize those gems because you own their missing sister, carefully tucked away in a hollowed out book on your bookshelf.

Your mother’s necklace. How did she even get that gem?

Your panic and surprise bleed through on your face for a moment before you can carefully school your features. Out of the corner of your eye, you feel Astarion noticing you- and you can’t possibly hide your reactions from him. He knows you too well.

This whole time. The thing that Astarion had been looking for had been quite literally under his nose.

You don’t offer up this information. In no world were you going to let this Raphael guy get what he wants, not after he had kidnapped you and tormented Astarion. And he seems like the type of person that will keep using Astarion forever- continuing to find new, convoluted ways to keep Astarion trapped under his thumb.

And besides, if you keep this gem a secret, you might be able to turn this around in your favor. When people want something, they get desperate and they stop thinking. It was how Raphael had managed to trick Astarion into this contract to begin with and it was how Raphael was able to use you to lure Astarion into a rather obvious trap. 

No, now you might be able to use your gem to get Astarion out of his contract.

“I’m not leaving here without her,” Astarion says, through gritted teeth.

“Then stay. You can join my other eternal debtors. I’ve got a lovely cell here just waiting for you.” Raphael adopts an air that suggests he’s growing bored with the conversation now that his threats have landed. “The way I see it, you have two choices- you can give your soul to me now or you can leave and pretend to be ‘free’ until your death. You’ll get your pretty wife back when you find me my gem.”

Raphael levels Astarion with a smarmy grin. He’s dropped all pretenses of being charming at this point. “And I’ll be nice. I’ll let you come visit her from time to time. Though, I can promise you that with each visit, she’s going to look less and less lovely until I get my gem. And as a sign of good faith, I’ll even let you decide whether you want your servant back or whether you’d like her to stay and look after your wife in your absence.”

What a nasty, vile man. 

The idea of staying here forever seems miserable, for either you or Astarion. And poor Shadowheart- you know that if it comes down to it, Astarion will happily sacrifice her safety if it means you’re offered slightly more protection. 

While Raphael continues talking, waxing poetic in an ostentatious villain monologue that serves no purpose other than to remind Astarion that Raphael owns him, you work on releasing your hair pins from where they were tucked into your sleeve. The angle is awkward and the chains are digging painfully into your wrists, cutting and rubbing against your skin. You feel your skin tear, the wet blood lubricating your movements as you try to work the pins into the lock over your head. 

Astarion’s eyes dart over to you- the red tinged with fear and beneath that, hunger. He could smell your blood from where your wrists were rubbing the chains. You shake your head subtly at him to signify that he shouldn’t draw attention to you and he dutifully looks back to Raphael. Even now, it was as if the two of you still had your own hidden language.

It’s hard- your hands don’t have much movement and you’re starting to lose feeling in your fingers after so long of having your arms raised above your head, but you eventually manage to snake the pin into the lock on the chains.

You don’t let the chains clatter open immediately and give away your new advantage. Instead, you take a moment to survey the room and plan how you are going to move. There’s a stupid set of decorative crossed daggers on the wall to your left. It’s ridiculous- this whole room is filled with stupid artifacts but at least these you can use to your advantage. If you move fast enough, you can reach the daggers before the guards are able to descend on you.

You move. There’s chaos. 

The guards try to catch you and everybody swings into action. There’s arrows flying and the clink of metal as swords hit against one another and you don’t look back. You just continue moving forward toward the daggers. 

When you manage to yank one off the wall, you whirl around to survey the scene. Everyone is fighting. Astarion’s plunging his daggers into bodies left and right struggling to move closer to you. 

And Raphael is right in front of you.

The good thing about your back being against a wall is that no one can sneak up on you. The bad thing is that you’re cornered.

“Drop the knife,” he says, his hand reaching out to take it from you. “We both know you don’t know how to use it.”

Condescending asshole. 

It is probably a safe assumption on his part. Women weren’t trained in combat or swords. But you, for better or for worse, had been too curious as a child. You had snuck in to watch your brother’s sword fighting lessons. You had practiced with the wooden swords when no one was watching. 

And besides, it was not in your nature to go down without a fight.

“Wrong,” you snarl. You fake a step that catches Raphael off guard and you’re able to plunge the knife into his side. 

He grunts, doubling over in pain and clutching at where the knife sticks out of his stomach. You use the opportunity to knee him in the groin and push him to the ground. You aren’t sure how long it takes a devil to heal, but based on how quickly Astarion’s wounds heal, you’re assuming you have limited time before Raphael is coming back to his senses. 

You need to move. And fast.

“You look so stunning covered in blood. I’ve never been so aroused in my life.” Astarion’s voice surprises you from where he’s standing right next to you. It was almost supernatural, the speed with which he was able to make his way over to you. He was far more adept at fighting than you would have ever expected.

“Not the time, Astarion,” you snap back at him, even though his voice sinks into your bones, soothing you. 

“I was expecting a bit more appreciation at my rescuing you, darling,” he mocks with a little pout. 

Apparently, he was content to ignore the perilous nature of your surroundings in favor of poorly timed teasing. Typical. Your heart nearly bursts with how much you love him.

Still, you roll your eyes at him. “I had it handled!” 

Which, okay, is maybe a lie. But you did have at least some ideas on your escape plot. And a part of you, deep down, is still angry at Astarion, even if that anger is currently eclipsed by your relief at seeing him. 

You’re pulled out of your moment with Astarion and acutely reminded of all the fighting surrounding you when a sword slices by you, barely missing your head. Astarion growls and reacts almost immediately, pushing you behind him. Astarion’s getting ready to attack the man with his daggers when an arrow lodges itself in the man’s throat and you think you hear Wyll let out a delighted cry that his shot landed so perfectly. 

Despite all this chaos, you still needed to find a way to talk to Astarion. Somehow, you need to let him know that you have the final gem and that the two of you can use this as a bargaining chip.

“And I have something else, too. At home. Something you need.” You pull Astarion’s attention back to you by nudging him. You try to communicate with your eyes because you still don’t want to yell out ‘I have the final gem of Karsus.’

Astarion, the beautiful dolt that he is, doesn’t catch your meaning. He simply tilts his head a bit to the side and lets a wicked grin spread across his face, “Is now really the time to try out new lines on me, pet? I’m still a bit mad at you.”

“I’m still mad at you, too,” you shoot back defensively. Even in the midst of battle, the reminder that you have hurt Astarion makes you feel horrible.

“Good. Glad we have that settled.”

In the time that you and Astarion have been distracted by your bickering, you have wasted your precious time to escape. Raphael is standing again and you watch as he pulls the knife out of his abdomen, his face barely moving despite what you’re sure is tremendous pain.

Astarion adjusts his grip on the daggers he holds in each hand and you reach out, grabbing another knife from his belt for yourself.

“Newlyweds.” Raphael laughs- a deep, sinister thing that makes your skin crawl. “How sweet.” He spits out that last word in a way that makes you acutely aware that he means the exact opposite of what he is saying. “I have been more than fair, Astarion. I believe it’s time you paid for your insolence.”

You catch how Astarion’s spine stiffens at his words. 

And then, quicker than you can blink, Astarion is darting forward to slice at Raphael.

It’s stunning to watch Astarion fight. If you couldn’t see the daggers in his hands, you would think he was dancing.

You would try to help, but you’d probably just get in Astarion’s way more than anything. Instead, you watch his back, carefully scanning the room. Over Raphael’s shoulder, you catch Lae’zel taking down the final guard near Shadowheart and working to free her from the shackles around her own wrists. 

When Shadowheart is freed, the two of them loom behind Raphael. Good- you can use this to your advantage. Lae’zel gets a good swing at him with her heavy broadsword that causes Raphael to let out a grunt of pain. 

He bends in on himself and you’re starting to think that Lae’zel may have injured him more than you thought when Raphael’s skin turns an eerie, unnatural shade of red. Giant bat-like wings unfurl from his back and he lets them spread out. You just stand watching, stunned, as his wings move and he lifts himself into the vaulted ceilings above you so he can retreat to a less occupied section of the room.

“Fucking wings?” you ask Astarion with disbelief.

“He’s a devil. What did you expect? Kittens and fluffy puppies?” Astarion shoots back.

“Don’t condescend to me,” you hiss. “I’m not stupid, I’ve just never seen a devil before.”

You stick behind Astarion and Lae’zel, letting them cut and carve through the foot soldiers as you struggle to regroup with everyone else. Astarion slits the throat of another guard, the blood spraying wildly. It speckles Astarion’s lovely white curls and a few drops even manage to land on your cheek. You catch the way Astarion’s eyes hungrily follow your movements as you swipe the blood away. In a less dire situation, you’d reach out and let him taste the blood on your fingers. He shakes his head as if to refocus himself. 

“Never called you stupid, pet,” he says. “Naive, certainly. Reckless, definitely. Foolish… perhaps.”

You laugh. “You’re calling me foolish? Really, what was your plan here, Astarion?”

“Well, I figured we’d come here, and we’d rescue you.” Astarion narrows his eyes at you. “Not sure I needed many more details than-”

“Focus,” Lae’zel interrupts, her voice sharp and commanding. “This is a battle. This is not the time for your strange mating rituals.”

You feel your face heat up. You had not realized that you and Astarion were so obvious about the fact that both of you grew rather flustered and aroused by prodding each other. And while your verbal sparring still feels loving (everything involving Astarion had an undercurrent of love that would never go away), there was still a whisper of anger in both your words. Even after all this, neither of you would be so easy to forgive.

Close by, the rest of the group is holding strong. You think you hear Karlach shouting with glee. You’re not entirely sure what Gale is doing, but it seems to be working? One of the guards looks like they’re on fire. 

You think you might be able to win this, that the tides might be turning in your favor. And then Raphael starts speaking in some foreign, chanting language and moving his hands in a strange way and more men in metal armor appear seemingly out of thin air. 

Is this… all those people in the cells? Those who had sold their souls to Rapahel were then forced to bend to his will and obey for eternity? Astarion had escaped Cazador and now he was doomed to this fate when he died. There would be no freedom for him, not really. Not unless you killed Raphael. 

All plans for escape are banished from your mind. You were getting Astarion out of here and in charge of his own fate for once even if it was the last thing you’d ever do.  

There’s more fighting. More clashing of swords. A lot more blood. 

Raphael seems perfectly content to watch the action unfold from his heavily fortified position at the front of the room.

“Chk,” Lae’zel makes strange, displeased noise. “We must get to the source and kill him. Otherwise, this will never end.”

Astarion, Lae’zel, Shadowheart, and you start working on moving closer toward Raphael while Karlach, Gale, Wyll, and Halsin remain cornered by the pillars at the entrance of the room. You aren’t entirely sure how much you’re actually helping, other than occasionally managing to slice out at guards who had entered another’s blind spots. Lae’zel does most of the heavy lifting and Astarion is sneaky and nimble, able to deftly take out guards twice his size.

The closer you get to Raphael, the more distracted he is, making him unable to summon more large quantities of more guards.

You can do this, you think. You can kill him.

And then, when you’re nearly in front of him, Raphael does that strange whispering chant again. You’re trying to decipher what he might be saying, staring intently at his mouth when-

Bang.

Some sort of wave of energy knocks into you and makes you sink to your knees. Your ears are ringing, and your head feels like it’s spinning and are you… crying? You reach your hand up to wipe away the tears and through your blurry vision, you see the red staining your hands. You were crying blood. And you feel warm liquid spilling from your ears and nose, too. 

Through the ringing in your ears, you think you hear Shadowheart and Lae’zel fall down as well, impaired by the blast. You try to turn your head to look at Astarion, but it sends a wave of nausea through you that has you holding tight to the ground as the room spins around you.

Astarion looks disoriented, but he’s still standing. Good. 

You hear heavy footsteps next to you. 

“I guess she didn’t inspire the motivation in you that I had hoped.” You hear Raphael say, but he still sounds distant in your stunned state. “Let’s see how this works instead.”

Rough hands pull your hair at the roots and you let out a pained cry before your head is bashed into the wall.

Holy fuck, that hurts.

There are stars dancing across the edge of your vision. Your head feels like your heart is beating directly inside your skull, squeezing painfully against your brain.

You think you hear Raphael laughing and Astarion screaming in rage.

That’s not good. You don’t like when Astarion is mad. You want to make him happy forever.

Your head is bashed into the wall again.

—---------

The crack your head makes against the wall is sickening. And when you crumple to the ground, Astarion is sure that the blood rapidly pooling around your head isn’t just a trick of the light.

That’s… No… This is all wrong.

Astarion wasn’t supposed to watch you die right in front of him. He was supposed to rescue you and take you home and then you would finally apologize and mean this time and he would forgive you and the two of you would go back to your little world of bliss. 

He’s in a blind panic, on a mission to get to you. Maybe there was still time? Maybe Shadowheart could still heal you? She should be an expert on working with blood loss by now. 

Astarion fights like a man possessed.

On the ride to the city, he had imagined how he’d kill Raphael. Slowly, deliberately. He’d start with his fingers- cut them off one by one for ever daring to touch you. He’d pry out his eyes next, then his tongue. And then, just when Raphael lost consciousness, Astarion would finally slit his throat and kill him.

It all sounded so wonderful and bloody.

But whatever energy wave Raphael had unleashed had crippled you, Lae’zel, and Shadowheart. Astarion was disoriented, but he was the only one left standing. He was the only left that could fight. But even he is feeling the effects of the blast. He’s slow and sloppy. Astarion tries to attack with his daggers, but he misses completely.

“Come on, boy, you can do better than that,” Cazador taunts.

No, wait… that’s not right. Cazador is dead. This was Raphael- but for a second, he sounded so remarkably similar to Cazador. How many times had Astarion heard those exact words fall out of Cazador’s mouth?

Lae’zel and Shadowheart are both fighting to return to their feet and Astarion thinks he catches Shadowheart folding over to retch. They can’t fight like this. And your eyes are blearily attempting to blink open, but you look bad. Astarion is running out of time.

Raphael conjures a stake in his hand and takes slow steps forward, advancing. Astarion stumbles backward, still struggling to stay balanced on his feet after the combined shocks of Raphael’s energy surge and watching your head be bashed into the wall. 

“A pity it had to come to this but you really were as much of a burden to me as you were to Cazador,” Raphael says, continuing to move toward Astarion. “He always hated you the most- that’s part of why I picked you. That and you always seemed the easiest to manipulate. You’re so scared. It makes you weak.”

Astarion’s back hits a wall. Dread settles in the pit of his stomach and Raphael’s entire face contorts with a ugly, devilish smile as he readies the stake to be plunged into Astarion’s heart.

“And now, you’ll die,” Raphael says menacingly. “Just another one of Cazador’s whores to be forgotten.” Raphael laughs. “Did you really believe that she loved you? I always knew you were stupid, but I never imagined you would be that naive.”

So, this was how Astarion was going to die… And no one would be able to save him.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, you appear. A streak of silver flashes across Astarion’s vision and blood is spurting into Astarion’s face from where you had used the last of your strength to jam the knife into the side of Raphael’s neck. Had both Astarion and Raphael truly been so caught up in their confrontation that they had failed to notice you stumbling over toward them? 

You look completely ethereal- his guardian angel, his savior. Astarion’s prayers were finally answered the day the universe gave you to him. 

And you also look very unsteady on your feet as your eyes flutter shut again. You crumple, Astarion shocks himself with how quickly he’s able to move and catch you in his arms. Raphael makes a horrible gurgling noise as one of his hands comes up to claw desperately at his throat, but he can wait. 

Astarion lowers you gently back to the floor before grabbing his daggers again. He slices Raphael’s throat open and plunges the other directly into his heart. He’d tell Lae’zel to behead Raphael later, just so to be sure he is dead, but right now Astarion’s main priority is you. 

Astarion rushes back to you, falling to the floor as he pulls your head into his lap, attempting to coax you awake again. He hears himself screaming for anybody to help. Shadowheart is there, inspecting you with a critical eye.

“I’m sorry, Astarion- there’s not… Her head. I can’t do anything about that,” Shadowheart says.

And in that moment, Astarion doesn’t even think. You were dying and there was only one thing left that he could do to ensure that he didn’t lose you. He had to turn you into a vampire. He cradles your arm, biting into your wrist and draining the remaining blood from your body. There’s not much left, but hopefully it’s enough for the transformation to work.

Your heart stops beating. 

The fleeting thought crosses his mind that he could stop here. He could find some patch of dirt to bury you and he could wait until you claw your way back out of the earth. You would be his spawn and he could make sure that you would never leave him.

But that feels all wrong. You were someone who resisted control and you would resent him forever if he did that. He would always be left doubting whether you truly loved him or if it was only because he left you with no other choice. Astarion tears his teeth into his own wrist and cups his hand gently around the back of your head, careful to avoid the spot where your head had been smashed into the wall, as he guides your mouth up to drink his own blood. 

The greatest threat to a vampire is another vampire. Especially someone like you, who was already naturally drawn to suspicion and scheming. 

Astarion doesn’t care. 

If your first action when you awoke was to rip the heart from his chest and sink your teeth into the long-dead muscle, he would simply be grateful that his body could be your sustenance. 

Astarion watches and waits. Your lashes flutter and your mouth latches around his wrist, suckling. He’s able to breathe again as a wave of relief washes over him. You would be all right, he had made it to you in time.  

You look up at him through red, hooded eyes, teeth stained by his blood and Astarion knows that this is what you were meant to be. You always were a bit too wild to be human. 

No, you were meant for this- for the carnal desires of flesh and blood. 

It’s mesmerizing to watch you finally come alive.

-------------------

Notes:

That's right, we are now entering the vampire power couple era! But hey, good job Astarion for thinking about others and recognizing that leaving the reader as a spawn would have been a bad idea. I'm playing kind of fast and loose with vampire lore and rules (not like dnd or any other media is that consistent with the rules either lol), so in my mind you can circumnavigate the whole burying the person part if they immediately drink the blood of the vampire who turned them.

For not even being the longest chapter in this story, this one sure covered a lot! Hopefully, everyone remembered the mother's necklace from chapter 3. I try to be really intentional with the details I include, even if they seem a bit insignificant at first.

Next week, we get to deal with the fun repercussions of everyone's actions. How will the reader feel about being turned into a vampire? What will happen with the Crown of Karsus? Hehe everything will be answered in time, I promise.

As always, a huge thank you to my beta-writer, AliensNSuch on ao3. And a huge thank you to everyone reading- I hope you are all continuing to have as much fun with this story as I am!

Taglist: @ayselluna @idkbrodontaskme @maruichio @fanfic-share @the-littlest-bruja @asterordinary @divineknightmare @fandomarchiveilyd

Feel free to let me know if you would liked to be added/removed from the taglist for future chapters!

[tamtam-go92]

Since September is coming to an end soon too, I thought it was time to share what I did for @sasuhinamonth. Did these while I was on vacation in my vacation diary. I only had a pen, a pencil and a rubber with me so they aren't really spectacular but I really like some of those and so I really wanted to share them!

Prompts were:

Day 2. A birthmark that binds us

Day 4. Spring hanami: the flowers of the season

Day 5. Heirs of a clan

Day 6. Marriage arrangements: 'til our contract do us part

Day 9. A second look

Day 11. Lord Uchiha

I also did one for day 12 but it sucks xD

They basically all are part of a fanfiction I'm writing about SasuHina called Bloodlines. It's post The Last and revolves around an old marriage agreement Hiashi Hyuuga and Fugaku Uchiha signed when their kids were still little and that Hiashi insists on sticking to after his daughter started dating Naruto Uzumaki. Before you ask, their future kids don't have names yet but I always like Hitomi and Itachi for Sasuke's kids. Most of the pictures were heavyly referenced, that's the only reason they look half decent. Hope you enjoy them!

A NSFW one for day 3 addicted to your touch is behind a cut:

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of fics where Harry and Louis fight or argue over the course of the fic. While there is at least a small argument between them in the vast majority of fics, we tried to narrow this list down to include fics where there’s either a larger fight or a bunch of smaller ones. Happy reading!

1) Forever, Uninterrupted | Explicit | 8578 words

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks. An excuse to write Harry in rut, because there's already so many heat fics out there.

2) Poppies In May | Explicit | 9457 words

And maybe he deserves it, Louis thinks bitterly. His hand curls around the fence tightly, and he feels like if he lets go he’ll slid onto the cold ground and never fucking get up again. Maybe standing here, staring at Harry’s hunched over, retreating back is what he deserves.

3) 3B Neighbor | Explicit | 10407 words

A mysterious neighbour keeps slipping the worst sort of notes under Harry's door.

4) Rather This Than Live Without You | Explicit | 10715 words

Harry decides to give it all up. Louis refuses to be left behind.

5) We Should Get Jerseys | Mature | 12147 words

Harry is a hockey player, and Louis is his slightly melodramatic boyfriend.

6) No Bleeding Hearts | Explicit | 12651 words

“I’m going to come out,” Louis says abruptly. His grip on the controller is tight, knuckles whitening. He doesn’t look at Harry when he says it.

“What?” Harry says. Louis sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“When we re-negotiate our contracts. I’m going to come out.” Harry fumbles with the controller and manages to set it down on coffee table without cracking it in half.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Harry says. Louis is still pointedly not looking at him.

“I’m not having this argument with you again, Harry,” Louis tells him. He leans forward and deposits his own controller on the table beside Harry’s before standing up. “I’m gonna go to the hotel.”

7) Know You Got That Thing (That I Like) | Explicit | 15798 words

Note: This fic has a BH mention.

In all the ways he thought about their reunion going, watching Louis finger himself open was not on the list.

8) Wait For Me (To Come Home) | Explicit |  16066 words

A future fic of time stamps where Louis finally comes to grips with a love he'd denied for too long.

9) My English Love Affair | Explicit | 19198 words

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody's supposed to find out it's about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

10) Dance Like Warriors On A Battlefield | Explicit | 20083 words

Down in the arena, the triumphant gladiator places his foot on the back of the loser, holding him there as he waits for instruction on his next move. Kill or let live. It’s barbaric, really, the bloodlust involved in this sport. Louis is pretty sure that if it wasn’t for his distaste for the killing there would be a lot more blood soaking that sand.

As it is, his father rarely gives the kill order anymore. He gives the order to let the loser live. Louis rolls his eyes, turning away. He doesn’t miss the way the gladiator’s eyes linger on him.

11) Up To No Good | Explicit | 26525 words | Sequel #1 | Sequel #2

Harry doesn’t think of himself as a womanizer, not at all. Sure, he enjoys sex, enjoys how women feel underneath him, and by some people’s standards he has sex with quite a lot of people, but that’s no reason to tell him that he can’t have a female PA anymore.

It’s especially no excuse for giving him a male PA who’s possibly the most gorgeous boy in the world who won’t even let Harry look at him for too long.

Sometimes Harry hates his life.

12) All The Lights are Full Of Colour | Explicit | 26727 words

So, fast-forwarding eight years from the day Harry met Louis, he is now a twenty-seven year old owner of one of the most up-and-coming eating establishments on the London restaurant scene, father of two wonderful boys and… separated from his husband. Now, that last part definitely was never a part of the original plan.

13) Time Out | Explicit | 27539 words

Harry and Louis are perfect for each other.

Everybody knows it.

They know it, their friends know it, everybody knows it.

That's why Zayn, Liam and Niall won't let them get away with breaking up.

No chance in hell.

14) Carnelian | Explicit | 30631 words

Louis finds himself donating blood to the most beautiful being he’s ever seen.

15) Where The Lights Are Beautiful | Mature | 31170 words | Sequel

The accidental bonding a/b/o fic. 

16) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

17) No Matter Where You Are (No Matter How Far) | Explicit | 35799 words

An Everest AU where Louis sets out to climb the tallest mountain on the world and meets a curly-haired guy named Harry who worms his way into Louis’s life. It’s not long before reaching the summit becomes the least of Louis’s worries. 

18) The Things I’d Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36019 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

19) Bloodsport | Explicit | 40283 words

“You know how our next game is against the Cardinals, right? You remember how vicious those guys can get. I wanted us to come up with some plays, maybe work on a block from the left--” Louis stops when he hears a chuckle. He doesn’t think he’s said anything particularly funny, so he turns to Harry, waiting for an explanation. "‘S funny, ‘s all.” Harry throws his finished bottle somewhere near the other discarded ones. “This is the first time you’re talking to me in eight months, and it’s still about football.”

20) The Sweetest Incantation | Explicit | 40598 words

Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down. 

21) Falling Into Place | Explicit | 40754 words

Louis and Harry spend nine years apart but inevitably find their way back to each other.                        

22) Another Hazy May | Explicit | 41043 words

Louis is a terrible poet and Harry lives in the now and they have six weeks to fall in love but, really, it only takes six seconds. Bookshop meets military meets summer romance AU ft. Malboros, the Backstreet Boys, and underrated literary devices.

23) Show Me Life Like I’ve Never Seen | Mature | 42953 words

Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.

24) Can I Not Like You For A While? | Explicit | 43346 words

Louis Tomlinson is awful. Harry is just as difficult, and they’re both terrible to each other. It makes being in the same acapella group together quite complicated. 

25) Just A Feeling | Explicit | 43977 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

The first time that Harry thinks about marriage in relation to Louis, he’s eighteen years old, standing in the middle of a crowded frat house, six drinks down and another in his hand.

It’s not the first time that he’s laid eyes on Louis. It’s not even the second time, or the third time, but Harry doesn’t believe in denying what his brain is trying to tell him, and his brain has been telling him that Louis might be the prettiest person in the world ever since that first fateful meeting, when Harry hadn’t been able to stop looking and Louis had ‘accidentally’ spilled his tea all over Harry’s lap in retaliation.

26) Love's Truest Language | Explicit | 48193 words

“I don't want your flowers.” Louis chided before directing all of his attention to the arrangement in front of him. Harry laughed under his breath as he stood to his full height, “Who said anything about them being for you, love?”

27) Tug-Of-War | Explicit | 55475 words

Louis' husband dies suddenly and he is left with nothing. Well, not really nothing. He has Harry. And a St. Bernard puppy named Link, whom his late husband left behind for him. Louis takes care of Link and Harry takes care of Louis. Everything is okay until suddenly, it isn't. 

28) Into The Midnight Sun | Explicit | 63523 words

It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.

29) Why Can't It Be Like That | Explicit | 63567 words

A fashion AU with a royal twist, where Louis doesn't need a stylist, Harry's thrilled to have a real life Barbie doll, and they're both very wrong about each other.

30) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding. Harry and Louis choose the latter.   

31) Pinkies Never Lie | Explicit | 83615 words | Sequel

AU in which Louis hates his job and loves Harry, Harry just wants a distraction, everyone else wants them to get their shit together, and Louis learns the hard way that new beginnings are only possible when something ends.

32) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream. That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

33) Electing Strange Perfections | Explicit | 84757 words

Back for the summer from university, 19-year-old Louis is faced with a massive problem: their new gardener is quite possibly the most gorgeous man he's ever met. Over the course of the summer, Louis and a 25-year-old Harry will learn that love can be found where you least expect it.

34) For Reasons Wretched and Divine | Explicit | 94655 words

Ten years ago, Harry Styles was just a nerdy kid with one friend and a debilitating crush on the captain of his school’s football team. He thought the stars were smiling down on him the day he and Louis Tomlinson were paired for their end-of-term Literature project. But because Harry’s life is decidedly not a fairytale, the budding friendship quickly leads to the least happy ending of all time. Now, Harry Styles is a household name. Barely twenty-seven with two Grammy nominations to his name, the singer-songwriter is poised to take the music industry by storm with his highly anticipated third album. So, what happens when the best producer in the business is also the only person Harry’s vowed never to speak to again?    

35) Blue Ice | Mature | 102967 words

An AU where Louis finds himself in a marriage he didn't bargain for. 

36) A Taste Of Desire | Explicit | 104414 words

A Victorian ABO where Harry is the owner of the most successful cotton mill in Manchester, and Louis is an opinionated social activist about to disrupt Harry’s world.

37) Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices | Mature | 126056 words

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

38) All I Want | Mature | 289307 words

When Harry and Louis got together it wasn’t under the best circumstances. Louis was taken by another. But go figure that the way they ended up together is the very same way it ended. And Harry left Louis. He left him with a lot more than he thought. A story about how people’s misconceptions almost destroyed a love that went beyond measure.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[ipurpleyou1993]

My thoughts on:

Because This Is My First Life

Starring: Jung So-min/ Lee Min Ki/ Kim Min-seok/ Kim Ga-eun/ Esom/ Park Byeong-eun

- Marriage is a life-long commitment. It's not something you can decide on overnight. Well, it is the 'rest of your life' that you are talking about here. Don't you think? 😉😊❤️

- Marry when you're ready - not when it's convenient. It's not a trend. It's not a contest either. You have to be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and spiritually ready. THERE.IS.NO.NEED.TO.RUSH. 💯😊😉

- Communication plays a very important role in relationships. Say what you want to say when you want to - You have to be vocal about your thoughts and feelings. 💕

Picture this:

You can't read your partner's mind. Aaaaand, the same goes for the latter. You can't expect your partner to know what you're thinking about all the time. It will only bring confusion to the table - which will lead to unnecessary arguments sooner or later. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣😊

Always remember: Communication is 🔑

- It's important that the foundation of your relationship is understanding.

At the end of the day, what makes a lasting marriage is the genuine care and understanding you share with your partner. Romantic love is superficial. But when you truly understand and care for your loved one, your companionship can withstand anything. Through thick and thin, 'til death do you part - Guaranteed. 💯❤️😊

- Our parents are always rooting for our betterment and happiness. Our joy and success are theirs too - tenfold. 💕

- You don't need to have many friends. A few who are true will always be enough. 💕😊👍🏻

- Everyone has different opinions on love, dating, and marriage. Let's respect each other's views and just spread love & good vibes always. ❤️💯😊

Love is a beautiful thing. Do not be scared of it. Take risks. 💕

Marry your partner when you genuinely love, care for, understand, and see your future together - wrinkles and all. 💕

The Gist:

Because This Is My First Life is a story about friendship, love, dating, and marriage.

The series revolves around the friendship of 3 ladies, whose take on the subject are very different: The Unlucky Girl (Yoon Ji Ho), The Career Woman (Woo Su Ji), and The Hopeless Romantic (Yang Ho Rang).

The Lucky Unlucky Girl:

Yoon Ji Ho is a 30-year old assistant writer for a production company. After years of waiting, she was offered a break to become an official drama writer. However, due to unfortunate events, she lost her writing job and was forced to be in a tight living situation. As a resolution to her living sitch, she met Nam Se Hee (a cat-loving career-oriented male who has decided that his life is fated to be lived alone), her landlord. Their adventure begins when they enter a 2-year marriage (living arrangement) contract.

The Career Woman:

Woo Su Ji is the liberated one among the 3 friends. She's only interested in dating men, but has no intention of being in a relationship. She works at a private company where the majority of the employees are male. She has a very strong character especially when faced with sexist remarks from her colleagues at work. Her story begins when she meets Ma Sang Goo, the CEO of Nam Se Hee's work place, who is willing to do anything to break her barriers and enter her stone heart.

The Hopeless Romantic:

Yang Ho Rang is the simplest among the 3 friends. She's been with her boyfriend - Won Seok - for 7 years. They have been living together for 5. She only dreams of becoming his wife and a mother to their future kids. Their story begins when they were both faced with circumstances that made them question their feelings towards each other.

What I liked about the series:

1. I love how the series tells you that this life, is your first life. That everything you do in this lifetime is your first attempt.

It's telling us that we should not be afraid to fail, because we can always try again. ❤️

2. It is mature and conservative at the same time. The theme is mature but the portrayal and execution of scenes are still conservative in a way. It keeps you on the edge of your seat. 👍🏻😉😊

3. I love how this series tells us to understand those who seem different. There's always a reason behind other people's behaviour. Let's not be too quick to judge! 😉👍🏻💯

4. I love how all the characters complement each other. You know that feeling when you thought it wouldn't work out... but it did? That gratifying feeling is here. Hahaha! The overall chemistry is uncanny! I love it! ❤️

5. This has EVERYTHING in it. In Filipino term, SIKSIK LIGLIG UMAAPAW.

I literally rolled on the floor laughing, I cried, I was angry, I was a bit nervous, and I felt super kilig... IT'S ALL HERE. Better watch it so you'll know what I'm blabbing about. ��😂😂

6. The conflicts of the characters are so realistic that you can't help but relate. (Except maybe the contractual marriage 😉) 👍🏻😊😍

7. I like how Nam Se Hee changed his hairstyle on the latter part of the drama. He looked so much better! 😍❤️👍🏻

8. I love how the series not only focuses on the romantic side of the story but on social issues like sexism and sexual harassment in the work place as well.

Ladies, know your rights. It's best to face difficulties head on. But if communication does not work, QUIT. Nobody deserves to be treated without respect. 👊🏻

9. I like how they wrapped it up in the end. It feels good that everything was accounted for. Hahaha! Wordings too formal eh? Hahaha! It gives you that accomplished and at ease feeling since everything was resolved beautifully. 💕😍😊

I love how the drama shows us that love, in all its form, is beautiful. The love that endures, the love that blossoms, the love that changes, and the love that is constant. I love how Love wins! 💕😊🎉

Cons:

- The male lead's character is a bit weird at the beginning. Hahahaha! 😉

This kdrama is so underrated. It deserves more recognition. ❤️ Highly recommended, guys! 😉

No rating. This drama has earned a space in my heart. Super love this. 💕💯👌🏻

Soundtrack:

Because This Is My First Life OST (1-8)

CTTO for Photos, Music and GIFs

[keuncats]

Rare by Selena Gomez os (mostly) Our Characters, Ships & More.

Hello, here i am again. still very weird. but also i said our characters in the title but as those songs is about empowering women and you have a lot of more than i am, which i love all of them and that’s just me praising them, so i will try my best to speak from my heart and as you advise me too: you just gonna have to take it. and even a spoiler: theres a lot of gays couples in here too.  but here we go.

Rare

Okay, first, i’m gonna be honest with you that i already listen to this song like last week because someone leaked but was with that alvin and the squirrels voice?you know those from youtube right?so when i was listening anyways cause it was a good song and i put in repeat and i was thinking who was this song. first i was like this could be nayoung or jihu or even danbi because she had a lot of fucked up relationships. but then my mind light up and i was like: oH MY GOD THIS IS MILK!!

Baby You've been so distant from me lately And lately Don’t even wanna call you "baby"

okay because i’m talking about your character and i’m not tried to godmodding in anyways, however, as my mind imagine those scenes as a telenovela of six pm from globo tv,  and as i watch a video one time about arranged marriage i think that at least in the beginning, as a young girl minkyung must at least had this figure in her head that in the end she would fall for this great guy who would treat like a princess or something, but it was not it and turn out really awful and triggered to see as she was cheating on and other more awful things she had going through

Saw us gettin' older (Older) Burnin' toast in the toaster My ambitions were too high Waiting up for you upstairs (Upstairs) Why you act like I’m not there? Baby, right now it feels like

you probably didn’t expect for the first track going in this direction, but this song is totally about minkyung in her marriage with the lee guy i always forget the name. and the way she literally left everything to go live and marry this man and she tried her best to make that marriage and family work, which as you said once it was at the begging when their son born, but still that man after all treat her like garbage.

It feels like you don't care Why don't you recognize I'm so rare? Always there You don't do the same for me, that's not fair

even if she didn’t care to go through hell with all those spank and betrays because it was better when it was suffering than her own son, she must feel awful or even worst she felt like this was okay to happen because this was, as you said once, the only world she knew was that one where she sort of locked in a house just to take care of her son and house and plants or even as she had to get permission for him to do stuff like her degree in biology. is even sadder to think as a jeju people, minkyung was the only person in that island even if a fucked situation she was not kissed by the sun and ended being great as she got older.

I'm not gonna beg for you I'm not gonna let you make me cry (Ah, nah nah, make me cry) Not getting enough from you (No-oh) Didn't you know I'm hard to find? (Find, hard to find)

well this part is when sanchan is already a grown-up living in another place and she finally decided to divorce that motherfuck pf her husband.

I don't have it all (I don't have it all) I'm not claiming to (I'm not claiming to) But I know that I'm special (So special), yeah And I'll bet there's somebody else out there To tell me I'm rare To make me feel rare (Ooh yeah)

in the end of the day, she is and has every aspect of a jeju person: she is strong, kind-hearted in every ways possible and well still smile that can save people. her ex-husband didn’t appreciate her but as myself there other people like her son and her grandson who both made her their safe place, theres also seulgi who well try to avoid her but thats just because of the trauma she loves her grandma, who couldn’t? even bonghu considered minkyung her mother because she acted like one more than her mother itself. and well, even getting into 60 she found lian, who became her good friend who was someone who understood her, however, he is lian even old he flirt with her just as a joke but also not because she is great and beautiful in every aspect.

Dance Again

As you can see by the title of the song is gonna be about a dancer and we have a lot of that, huh? At first when i didn’t read the lyrics just the song i was thinking this was linlin theme song, but actually turns out as julie. like this is literally julie. genius still doesn’t have a lot of description of the song but i search for what selena said about all of the tracks of the song and she said that:  “The purpose and the meaning of this song is that you can be vulnerable, you can have all these feelings, … but now I’m ready to let loose and it’s so cheesy, but I’ve gone my step back … and it feels good.”, and this reminded me of what you said in julie’s set for perfect. and this is a song that describes her even more.

Happiness Ain't something you sit back and you wait for Mmm, ah Confidence Is throwing your heart through every brick wall Mmm, ah

this is just lyric speaking of that chandler’s quote: if i’m going down i’m gonna bring everyone with me! because well, she didn’t regret getting that dick as we saw her when dispatch exposed them and when she was going against her father and saying she got married to him. she found a guy who was more crazy and wilder than her, c’mon.

Vulnerable Ain't easy, believe me, but I go there Mmm, ah It's like I'm ten feet tall I'm high off the weight off of my shoulders Mmm, ah

and this is about after 7sins disband and her fans like: fuck she is jobless, will she ever return again? and then she made a contract with keun and became a solo artist and believer was a huge success because everyone was wondering what the fuck she is doing and she turn out the tables even if there still people who hate her and others who workship her (myself included) she still the hot topic everyone likes to talk.

I kickstart the rhythm All the trauma's in remission No, I don't need permission

and this right here i could see julie since living in the states and had to got to korea with her father, and when she enter ong how her father made her get out of there to put in another agency and she uses valak to break up with kaili,  as  in general, she was getting older, and got that attitude of her that she don’t need permission to do anything from anyone even if she was kinda of scared if her father would kill her boyfriend.

Feels so, feels so, feels so good to dance again With my emotions undressed, I'm going in (Go in) With everything (Everything) To dance again Feels so, feels so, feels so good

and with that, i rest my case.

Look At Her Now

Well, as a said before that personally this could be Kuen song but being truthful this could every woman who was betrayed and how she stronger after all just as Nayoung, Kim Yura and i’m realizing now how this also totally about Soonyi and Jihu. I take responsibility for all of those.

They fell in love one summer A little too wild for each other Shiny 'til it wasn't Feels good 'til it doesn't It was her first real lover His too 'til he had another Oh, God, when she found out Trust levels went way down

I mean you can totally see that guy is nameless and how he abused of nayoung who was still young and didn’t realize this was abuse itself because she found him a good friend as she was working in dramas and made her feel good so she fell for him more than anything and would do anything for him to like her no matter what always until she discovers he was hooking up with Kim Yura too which i don’t know but as a male predator that he is he made her feel the same way even she was a lesbian and i don’t know about her other relationships but i know she fell for a lot of wrong people so that part of first real lover could be her crush on nayoung. And well, Kuen also had a nameless not exactly as nayoung, he was just a singer from a band that she mad in love with she even stop talking with her family and friends because she wanted to be with this dude and him well cheated on her but she did too but it was a back and forth toxic relationship. As Soonyi and Jihu both being about Sanghee but in different aspects, because Sanghee in the begging was like her best friend who would have sex with and with another person until a baby came and even she wanted to get an abortion, Sanghee assure her to not to that because he would take care of the baby with her so she did it and accepted to marry him because since college she had sort of feeling for him, she truly loved him and there a lot of good times in their marriage thats why she was not just sad but very much angry at him for had another one because he could at least talk to her about that as when they were going and she would be cool with that but no she went against her back and was with Soonyi, and this other is not a saint she knew exactly what she was doing but she got pregnant and well trust levels went down with Sanghee too she didn’t obligate him doing nothing that was main part of him.

Fast nights that got him That new life was his problem Not saying she was perfect Still regrets that moment Like that night Wasn't wrong, wasn't right, yeah What a thing to be human (What a thing to be human) Made her more of a woman (Made her more of a woman)

This give me flashbacks of that thread of Keun and Nayoung in the club when it was born the: Kim Yura i thought you moved to Japan. Also flashbacks of Kim Yura having sex with nameless. But i think this verse speak more for Soonyi than anyone, those nights she would have sex with Sanghee in the hospital and everything

She knows she'll find love (She knows) Only if she wants it She knows she'll find love (She knows) She knows she'll find love (She knows) Only if she wants it She knows she'll find love (She knows) On the up from the way down Look at her now, watch her go

And to finish this up. As i am the partner of those women, i’m happy of them being extremely strong and being a better a person and deserved to in the end deserve true love. yes, i was speaking this mostly to Nayoung and Kim Yura but also for Kuen. Soonyi, well, you made him sortar of a good man.

Lose You To Love Me

This is again a song about Nayoung. I don’t know if you want me to explain this, we know her history, you more than me since you wait to show me Dear John to speak more about her relationship with nameless. UPDATE: Hansol and Nayoung about her dear mother too.

You promised the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it Set fires to my forest And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus 'Cause it wasn't yours I saw the signs and I ignored it Rose-colored glasses all distorted Set fire to my purpose And I let it burn You got off on the hurtin' When it wasn't yours, yeah

Again this is about her and nameless and how she was so over hills to him to the point to make diets just because he told her she was fat. she did everything for him because it was the first person who showed affection to her (or it was what she was thinking it was)

We'd always go into it blindly I needed to lose you to find me This dancing was killing me softly I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

And this is more about Keun than Nameless. Well, maybe the part of hate you more of being from Nameless but also how she used that to have the strength to broke up with Keun in that day.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me

Again more about Keun and well how she went to therapy after they broke up and she discovers her more about herself in there to become the person better much version of her we know.

I gave my all and they all know it Then you tore me down and now it's showing In two months, you replaced us Like it was easy Made me think I deserved it In the thick of healing, yeah

There’s no men who are worth it. I said this because both Nameless and Keun went out there giving their dicks out. Of course Nameless did it worst, but Keun attitude of making a whole album made her that bitch was maybe at the same level of make her think she deserve everything bad when she was just trying to healing.

And now the chapter is closed and done To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us

period.

Ring

Oh FINALLY not a heartbreak song. so anyways, this song i will not talk to much (i believe) but when i listen to the song this could be any bad bitch but because this song remembers me of Kyungri solo when WNDR debut i’m gonna be selfish and say this is her song. She is your ultimate bias, so take it.

You all in your feelings, baby, all into me I'm one in a billion, baby, don't you agree?

Obviously, you know, I'm aware of that I'm breakin' hearts like a heart attack Got him right where the carats at

As Selena Gomez said:   “Ring is sassy. I don’t know if I can say the real meaning behind it [on here]. … The point of it is it’s a confidence. … It’s all about feeling good about myself and being able to kind of be intimidating to guys”, which is speak to me of Kyungri. It just made me remember how every male trainee was afraid of going into her even if all agreed she was hot.

Wrapped 'round my finger like a ring, ring, ring They just like puppets on a string, string, string I put it down, they call me up They doin' way too much So I'll just let it ring, ring, ring (Oh-oh)

THIS APPLIED ALSO FOR SULJI WOw that whore. Wait My miND REMINDE me of jinhyung going to ask her out and he was like: “i’m korean”. but this is about every guy ever kyungri messed with just because she was thinking how men are stupid and it was so funny. thats why not just jinhyung, but every guy who her mom made going to a date with or a random guy she met and she had fun with them, not names mention cause they really are that random of the universe even linlin and wndr didnt knew much about them imagine us. but we know even dating she made a pact with her boyfriend to flirt with other just for fun and not getting anything because it was fun to mess around with people. 

Yeah, I received your message, all twenty-three (Twenty-three)

You know I'm Jordan with it, G-O-A-T (G-O-A-T)

and this is about her birthday when jinhyung send those messages. it was funny. and sulji with dino probably.

Circlin' me, they just like satellites (Ooh) Circlin' me all day and every night (Ooh, yeah) Circlin' me, I'm sure you sympathize (Ooh) A-la-la-la-la-la-la-la (Ooh) Oh, na-na

i believe this is also the song you thought sulji would listen to it, imma right? i just imagine she is the shit. which she is because well even stupid she made seth, dino, nurse guy and as you once said she made out with jack.

Vulnerable

This song was the hardest to think of someone else. First, because i’m trying to find one for Linlin. Second, i was like: no, okay, this song is about Danbi. But in the very end i realized this about Minhye.

If I give you every piece of me, I know that you could drop it Give you the chance, I know that you could take advantage once you got it If I open up my heart to you, I know that you could lock it Throw away the key, and keep it there forever in your pocket If I give the opportunity to you, then would you blow it? If I was the greatest thing to happen to you, would you know it? If my love was like a flower, would you plant it? Would you grow it? I'ma give you all my body, are you strong enough to hold it?

As far from Danbi, i tought of her because, again, she had a lot of relationships and not very good one, especially that one who took her money, so it understandable of how she was one step back of being with Daehyun at the beginning because she had been through a lot since her family problems and her taking care of her dad and her sisters and already getting another guy who wouldn’t help her out with converted or at least easying her mind, it was worth? she needed it, maybe it was daehyun but she needs to take care of herself first.

If I show you all my demons, and we dive into the deep end Would we crash and burn like every time before? I would tell you all my secrets, wrap your arms around my weakness If the only other option's letting go

and about minhye, this is more her to jukan after college or any guy ever, as she could look bad at his point of view for just had sex with for two times and move on but still because she is got through a lot with her mom suicide and her whole life is a mystery but it is a fucked life she went so sharing those stuff is a hard and well jukan don’t look like the exact caring type of guy because he was an idiot back then but somehow him just love her helped and also how she overcome being this successful influencer with her business.

If I hand you my emotions, would you even wanna take it? (Would you even wanna take it? Yeah) If I give you all my trust, then would you fumble it and break it? (Mm, mm, mm, mm) If I let you cross my finish line, then would you wanna make it? (What you wanna make it, what you wanna make it?) I think I'm ready, won't you come and flip the switch and activate it? (Ooh)

Now this also could be Jinah because she is also someone who went trough some shit and we didn’t see her crying about even once. she is also someone who was very much strong and how she was a prostitute as object for a lot of men to find love even that person was bokyum was beautiful and also she gave up this life to go to college and became a psychology.

If the only other option's letting go I'll stay vulnerable

People You Know.

This song can have a lot of meanings, not just as lovers but as friends or even family too. Thats one of the reasons even if the song looks to me about Hansol and Chan-u, Anna and Kuen, this is mostly about Chihye and Inna and could be even also about Eleanor and her sister. Let me show you.

You were runnin' through me like water Now the feeling's leavin' me dry These days, we couldn't be farther So how’s it feel to be on the other side?

This is where i thought of the couples because well one of them got to move or travel to other places and the other just was there moving with life also but coming back and seeing how things changed.

So many wasted (Wasted) Nights with (Nights with) you (You) I still can taste it (Taste it) I hate it, wish I could take it back 'cause

This couls be Chihye over Inna seeing that she stop being friends with her when she got poor. This is also gonna become more Eleanor centered. Because those lyrics i believe was when she was fighting a lot with her sister or sort of when their dad died but also i think more when her sister decided to take those pictures of her and zeev making sex in the bathtub and show to the internet to make money from it.

We used to be close, but people can go From people you know to people you don't And what hurts the most is people can go From people you know to people you don't We used to be close, but people can go From people you know to people you don't And what hurts the most is people can go From people you know to people you don't

this is inna point of view i believe, when she discovers chihye ended up marrying the guy she liked and that person who runs away with her daughter and also the one who she loved was too and even put a detective to find her, isn't? woW

When it was good, we were on fire Now I'm breathin' ashes and dust I always wanna get higher I never know when enough is enough

This look to me Hansol and Chanu so, let me just add here.

We used to be close, but people can go From people you know to people you don't And what hurts the most is people can go From people you know to people you don't We used to be close, but people can go From people you know to people you don't And what hurts the most is people can go From people you know to people you don't

Personally, as i have an older sister myself i can assure that idolizing them and want to become like them is very real thats why i feel for eleanor when she asked keun to not made her sister going to jail. because even she tried to screw up her relationship, she was her family, she was one of the first people she interacts in the world with, she was her first best friend and how they went crazy drunk parties it happened with them. i actually don’t know much, because my vision is the same as zeev’s of it, i can just feel empathy from it and just think how much it felt for eleanor to have this big figure she loved to do something very mean. Thats it.

Let Me Get Me.

Okay, so as this song selena sings about overcoming her mental illness and feeling a sense of freedom of the thoughts of her heard. this could be also about Linlin? yes, but because the rhythm of the song i believe this song speaks more about Seulgi.

Like a prayer surroundin' us, movin' effortlessly Every word is relief I'm in dance floor therapy, all my babies and me But tonight, it's for free No self-sabotage, no letting my thoughts run Me and this spiral are done Burn this camouflage I've been wearing for months Tryna let a little happy in for once

This is much more about last year, which theoretically speaking in our minds was the year that her brother basically tried to killed himself, also days after she kissed her best friend out nowhere and even she ignored it looked like it was gonna be a horrible year for this girl especially with her depression but it was also the year of a lot of comebacks, and tour, and syrch. so it ended up being an amazing time for seulgi because not only she got the money, she got new friends, she got even the girl, she got to go to new places who wouldn’t made think of the tragedy part of her life, which made her try to be her she thought it went away.

Diving in ferociously, dancing intimately I'm so connected to me In the dark, I'm letting go, so anonymously I guess this is what it feels like to be free

this is you making badgalseulgi ans saying you were the most close to the real seulgi then ever before. but also i belive those lyrics hits harder if you think this is about moving on aside from wndr and her relationship with hailey and her archive what she wants more for her.

Don't get me down, I won't let me get me (Ooh) Don't get me down, I won't let me get me (Ooh) I'm good right now, I won't let me get me Take that tired heart and go and turn it inside-out

this is literally her fighting her depression and grow of it each day because she knows theres much more that the world can afford her and this is what her parents would be happy she would do. which they are but not just them or me but also every person she is close it cheers for her and is proud of her. even herself because of how depression sometimes can appear even in your best days but seulgi was strong and turn it inside-out.

Crowded Room

Is gonna start being a lot more romantic as now. At first, i try not to think of men but this song sounds to me like Clay and Allen, but this is also about Yura and Chiyo and oh my GOD now after i was saying about seulgi this is also the girlfriends. Before i think of other people let me explain those three gays couples.

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

This makes me remember of that party of when clay and allen met, actually the whole song remembers me of the day. plus, also them living together and being goofy idk. and how this song is repetitive this will gonna explain the others couples later.

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

for me this is literally them texting each other and allen like: wanna sext xD. but this is also yura in japan and having this instant connection with chiyo and she just trying play cool but also flirting and chiyo doing the same. as from the girlfriends, this could be about when they were just friends and then the kiss happened and you know what went next.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I

this right here i think its very much seulgi and hailey, its like their march band, you know? but this is also allen and clay’s march band and how they went dating and how clay was so in love with him even if has his first experience with a boy and felt so good with him that made thinking about himself and how he wanted to do with his future and with allen on it. and yura and chiyo because of how much homophobia they had to go through for those other gays can be free to love.

So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same 'cause

exactly, in wich couple in there theres at least one foreign that live away or had to go to another place. so,,, this is mostly allen and chiyo after met and talking with their lovers and just wanted more because they like them. seulgi and hailey well because they miss each other even just as friends, isn't?

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

so now i  will explain more because for me this is also Yura and Chiyo, well they had to face a lot together because its a  new decade now but people are not open-minded as we thought they would, but it was worth getting to it and fighting for their rights because they were together in this, the two of them and didn't matter of anything. i'm not just talking about marriage or adoption but everything

Engulfed in the flames Engulfed in the shame Betrayed by your imagination In over my head, but that's alright

oh, this is hailey getting through stuff after the kiss but also seulgi when she figured out she was gay, same as kim yura, and this is clay in the dorm thinking about the harvad boy.

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room (Oh) Baby, it's just me and you

and now as for the girlfriends. i can totally imagine sonders making those videos with this song on twitter with all their moments together in the tour, in wndr tv, fansign or even just walking in the airport.  even if they were the couple that had more people surround them, they also were the last couple to have like the opportunity to be  open to the media, but they didn't care or even wanted that because the thing that matters was just that they would stick together.

The world keeps on spinning, but I ain't dizzy yet, yeah The more that you give, give, give, give, the more that you get

you know, all those three couples made each other feel like what they have couldn't be real because it felt so good and this could really happen to people like them (your muses mostly)? all of them feel free but also both of those three couples facing up stuff together in the relationship and thats beautiful.

You make the whole room feel slow-motion You make me feel like I'm drowning in a potion Closed off, tryna get a little open The more that I give, the more that I get So baby, I'ma call you in the AM You're down for my love, honey, say when I be waitin' on my time 'cause I'm patient

again, you can see how easy-going they made feel to each other, but this rap i believe is more my characters to you?? chiyo was there even facing nameless, she was with yura for everything and yura deserved somebody who would stick with her and love her, thats why theres the part of i'm patient. and this is hailey didn't care if they were together as friends or girlfriends but in the end she knew they would be together again because its their connection. and this is allen moving to south korea just to be more close to lay and date him for real.

Kinda Crazy

Another who was hard to think about but them it come to mind: This is Anna and Kuen, yes i warn you theres just gays in here. But also Linlin and Mingyu

Hey, you started out sweeter than hard candy Words were like licorice to the taste But slowly, all the sugar, it went to waste Went to waste Oh, you started getting funny with no jokes I started seein' through you like a ghost And now I'm pretty sure I can't take no more I can't take no more-ore

This is literally Kuen in the other side of the world had to be point out to be the person Anna was talking in her songs, such as Bbibbi, which was not very much lovable ones. Which i said that she could had feel sorry for messing with her but also she was very much angry with her because she didn't exactly talk to her she just decided her songs as she sings about her experiences. And this is clearly Mingyu and Linlin because of all the fights they had and Mingyu couldn't a lot with Linlin ways sometimes

I think you're kind of crazy And not the good kind, baby 'Cause you're actin' super shady You know it, you know it Been dodgin' phone calls lately But still textin' me, "Baby" Yeah, I think you're kind of crazy You know it, you know it You've been lyin' just for fun Luckily, no damage done But now I see you're kind of crazy You know it, you know it

This is about every chat of mingyu and linlin we had but also kuen still angry but both of those would still text each other like nothing happen ,,,, until,,,

Hey, you're the one who started talkin' to me Made the move, asked me to be your babe And now you're treatin' me like I'm insane You're insane

THIS IS ANNA PAYBACK IN THis song and how she had to take kuen changing her to those white dudes but still would play with her heart and going but you are my oldest friend :-(( and she had enough as she should #goanna. AnD ALSO LINLIN'S BECAUSE mingyu acting like mister right but always would come to her place still or even going to another country, yes men sucks my men are the same as the real ones.

I think you're kind of crazy And not the good kind, baby 'Cause you're actin' super shady You know it, you know it Been dodgin' phone calls lately But still textin' me, "Baby" Yeah, I think you're kind of crazy You know it, you know it You've been lyin' just for fun Luckily, no damage done But now I see you're kind of crazy You know it, you know it

they ended up marrying each other.

Fun

This is totally Chan-u and Hansol but i'm gonna be bold here and put one of the newest ships since i talk a lot about lesbians in here so this is also Gigi and Park.

This is just what the doctor ordered (Yeah) Put a gold star on my disorder Yeah, we've talked around every corner If I'm lookin' at you and me, we're on some kind of symmetry

Because you said Gigi took some medicine because she had some kinda of problem but she took and have cool parents i thought this is hit more than the bipolar of Chan-u.

I'm a sensitive situation (Mmm) You're a hot and cold combination Oh, we both know we got complications (Mmm)

No need to explain about chanu and hansol in here. and i know we have seven more new ships ver much new and stuff to think about it. i don't know if park has complications, she just a crazy chick who likes to do stuff and doesn't care about much, she is very much like chihye when she was young and rich, you know? she just reckless.

I try not to bother, not to bother you (Ah) But my kind of trouble likes your trouble too (Ah)

and this is just Gigi, because  Chanu is a brat he doesn't care if would bother or not, same as Hansol. Oh my god i realized now he is chihye's son too.

Can we keep it on a first name basis? (Ah) We could overcrowd each other's spaces You get me higher than my medication Take me to different places, let's face it, I'm gettin' impatient (Ah)

again, as you said about gigi having problems with her mental health it made me think, park wouldn't be like: stop doing, party, fuck, blabla, you know? i don't know even if she even knew but if she knows she would respect her as the same, she is very much feeling and just wanted to have a good time. ANd YOU KNOW ABOUT THE GAYS.

Cut You Off

Now, finally, as the album is ending, this is about Haneul and her breakup with Hyuntae but more specific when she decided to stop shadying him

Pull up to the mirror, staring at my face Gotta chop-chop all the extra weight I've been carrying for fourteen-hundred-sixty days Gotta, gotta, gotta clean my slate

Is a song about moving on and feeling better by yourself, which haneul did eventually after stage of crying, denying, songwriting, hate, all of that after one sex with john. i think thats is incredible. just kidding eventually she would do that.

And I might as well just tell you while I'm drunk, yeah The truth is that I think I've had enough Professionally messin' with my trust How could I confuse that shit for love?

and this is about that day hyuntae tried to talk to her and said he loved her and she throw champgne in his face, as she had a lot of reasons to react like that because she was heartbroken over a text message, his long-time friend who became her first real love doing this way? she deserves more respect for that. this also is about the date she got drunk in chinese with seth.

So I gotta get You out my head now I just cut you off You out my head now I just cut you off When I'm without you I don't overthink it, I just carry on, get You out my head now I just cut you off

this was written by haneul. haneul worked with selena.

Sweeter Place

OH MY FUCKIN GOD I WAS WATING FOR A SONG ABOUT THIS WOMAN AND IT WAS THE LAST TRACK? CRIST SAKEs. If you don't know i'm talking about Linlin and this song talks about Selena's struggle with anxiety, so yeah.

Is there a place where I can hide away? Red lips, french kiss my worries all away There must be a sweeter place We can sugarcoat the taste Sweeter place There must be a sweeter—

this is very much about i believe when she is alone in her own thoughts after a fight with mingyu maybe or someone else but anyways how her life is a lot of times upside down.

So lemme tell ya Ooh, got two feet on the ground and felt what real is like What it was like Livin' out of the scene, out in the wild Learnin' to breathe Up in the clouds, far from the crowds I can't believe I can be loud Holdin' hands with the darkness and knowin' my heart is allowed Allowed

This is again her and her discovering her anxiety in the medical field of her agency. i can't talk much about that because you know. but this is selena accepting it and being unapologetic about it and thats much very linlin.

As I fantasize So much to see, I'm in paradise, oh, I Always seems I'm new inside Deep, deep down in me, I go now, baby, born to fly, oh, I Now see, how could it be? We will find our way, we'll find the things we seek, ooh-ee You see, I'm mesmerized This is just for me and I am cuttin' ties, goodbye Ooh, no, no, no, no

oh this also could be feat chanu, cause this is the rapper part and the rapper also had struggles with even got into rehab for it? anyways, chanu and linlin are very much a like thats why they are friends and sometimes they could even talk about those stuff idk what i'm saying now. love those motherfuckers