#markov von karma

[squadron-of-damned]

okay so like uh, you know I told ya I was gonna draw Marky and I wanted to send this while it still was the 13th (because that's his birthday according to this ask) for you but legally as of the time I'm sending this ask, it is the 13th in my time so yeah

an ICA as a treat? hi uncle marky, I drew you and happy birthday? :D

i'll be entirely honest, i completely forgot that i jotted that thing down and that it gave markov a real birthday date. it looks just like him, angry at the wrold for just existing, and spiky. look at those eyebrows! they are about to start an independent nation! anyway, let me get him to the phone.

Hello Lyssors. Thank you for the wish, and also for the drawing. I see that your technique has been steadily improving; keep at it, only practice makes perfect. (I should start wearing earrings again, there is a composition imbalance...)

[imnobodyuknow]

And finally, the stars of our show -- not to mention the greatest dancers in the ballroom!

To recap the headcanon behind this drawing (Or...headlore?  Something like that?), Yuri grew up to be a talented freelance painter and married a wealthy art curator named Fumio.  For more detail about this adult life I’ve invented for her, visit this picture’s write-up.

So, what would a tender moment look like for this no-longer-maiden of mystery?  As seen in this drawing, few things are more enjoyable for her than an elegant couples’ dance, held in a spacious ballroom, with the most exquisite outfits, celebrating her and her husband’s anniversary.  She even got herself a beautiful new hairdo just for the occasion!

More enjoyable than that, however, is the tenderness she feels knowing whose hands it is she’s holding -- a man who, in addition to recognizing her unique talent and intelligence, loves her deeply and sincerely; not for her fame, her insightful knowledge, or her body type, but for who she is.  Needless to say, she treasures him (and vice versa) more than anything money can buy.

Meanwhile, the other dancers seem to be enjoying themselves as well.  The ladies just finished being spun around, hence why their dresses are flying outward.  Or is it floating?  Flitting?  Fleetly fleeing?  Whatever it is, that’s why they’re doing it.  : P

As I often do, I based their designs on characters I’m familiar with -- in this case, Ace Attorney characters!  What a surprise, am I right?

The lady on the left has a hairstyle reminiscent of Alita Tiala’s shiny bun...

...while the couple on the right resemble prosecutors Franziska von Karma and Simon Blackquill.

The gentleman on the left wasn’t inspired by anyone in particular, although I did base his hairstyle on my own.  His face kind of looks like mine, too, actually.

..........Weird.

I decided not to make them exact copies this time around; I changed Alita’s hair color and added some more on the sideburns, removed Simon’s ponytail, and made Franziska a blonde.  I’m not the first to do that, as it turns out.  X )

A couple other small details I’d like to point out are the walls, floor, and reflected ceiling lights, modeled after the room in this picture...

 ...and the painting in the hallway in the background, which is based on one found in Ib, entitled, “Fleeting Thoughts on a Moonlit Night.”

(Source)

It was tricky to draw it so far in the background, but fun.  : )

And finally, Yuri’s beautiful hairdo was based on an edit made by Etsuko...

...while her facial expression came from one of her “happy” sprites.

Oh yes, and one other minuscule detail -- Yuri’s earrings are shaped like eyes.  It turns out A Portrait of Markov is still her favorite book after all these years.  ; )

And with that, enjoy the music and dancing, everyone!

Oh, right...  I didn’t specify what music everyone’s supposed to be dancing to, did I?  How about if we go with this timeless classic?

[squadron-of-damned]

no but genuine question... how do the von karmas celebrate mother's day, if they do at all? i'm assuming it was different for everyone. the mental image of a little manny making pancakes for his ma is very cute and little nikolle making up a card full of glitter and hearts for the best mom (and prosecutor) is heartwarming. just leave it to nikolle and phoenix (bigger phoenix?) and unicorn.

biggest flex is gandulf having three moms and his kids having three grannies, go webers!

Truth be told, I haven't thought about it much, so while I have been Stardewing some Valleys, I have been thinking about it. (It does help that I have recently added the Ridgeside Village mod and have been meeting the Amethynes. The butler is unfortunately not romanceable and neither is the grumpy scientist at the river, but oh well, my farmer is already married, we don't have to make this into a dating sim, just this once.)

I don't think Frieda got to know her mother much, so she didn't get to really celebrate Mother's Day... which is probably why it wasn't much of a thing for her.

Herman and Siegfried grew up attending a public school. A very good school, but still it brought up teachers having certain expectations about what is celebrated in families, and so they both had to make "Happy Mother's Day" card every year in their Crafts & Arts class. Mother Frieda thought the result a garbage and the boys did completely agree with her, but they still had to make them. So they made a tradition of ceremoniously throwing out the cards or paper flowers or whatever dust-collecting decoration the teacher had them make, and instead they were allowed to paint something with Frieda's oils or temperas or watercolors, and if it was good, Frieda hung it up in the gallery for a year and then replaced it with whatever they made next year. Siegfried was a disaster with paints, though, and since he quickly got out of the house to study abroad, his pictures had never quite made it.

Friedrich and Manfred most likely had to deal with private tutors and as such their mother got to have a say about that. Therefore they had probably practiced a short poem of a noteworthy poet and showed off some musical skills. There probably were pancakes for breakfast as a celebration, but I don't think that Manfred actually got to cooking until he was an adult trying to live on his own. But once he was an adult and visited his mother, he definitely made pancakes for breakfast, Mother's Day or not, because he was happy to see her. (Herman probably never got pancakes made specifically for him. He was respected, he was obeyed, he was feared, but frankly both of his children had to reach the conclusion that they would have been better off without him, at least mentally.)

Wolfgang and Markov (and Siegfried) celebrated with their mother with a picnic outside. Once they were old enough to carry some responsibilities and be allowed with a sharp knife without supervision (here Siegfried disagreed that five was old enough, but he conceded that fine, sharp knives and going alone on public transport only once they start attending the elementary school), it meant that they prepared and planned the picnic and took care of mother's duties for the day. Hence Markov knowing how to do laundry and knowing that he absolutely hates it.

Helena, Leonore and very baby Franziska probably also got to celebrate with pancakes, the secret of the perfect von Karma pancakes passed down from Manfred to the eldest daughter and from thereto the younger ones. then Ms. von Karma was tragically lost to the world before Franziska was old enough to fold a frying pan without being outweighed and outbalanced by it, so she might have never actually learned how to make the perfect pancakes. It's not like Manfred kept his personal cooking notes in public access...

Gandulf, if he rememberes when Mother's Day is, gifts his mothers decorations that eh hand-made. As a young boy it was exactly that kind of dust-producing trinkets Frieda hated, but nowadays it's intricate engineering stuff, and actually last year he named after his mothers the three core segments of the space probe that was sent to monitor the moons of Neptune!

Nikolle (besides being taught the pancake secret) always pick a theater play or a concert, purchases the tickets from her allowance (and as she gets older, from her savings from her part-time jobs), and they attend as a family. One year she tried to have a teenage rebellion and picked out a death metal band only to find out later when Arnborg was "randomly" picked out of the crowd and pulled on stage that a) her dad can absolutely shred it, and much to the horror of both the ladies, b) said dad used to be a member of the band long long time before she was born, back when he was still attending the university. Since then Nikolle does a thorough background check on whatever she wants to attend.

Ilse, Jörgun and Gretchen do not celebrate Mother's Day on the accounts of their mother not living with them anymore. Ilse and Jörgun used to celebrate it by performing a dance number and taking over the kitchen, but that's pretty much it.

Not to speak for Vani regarding Keks, but if Edith got to have a say about Mother's Day, it was "Don't."

[squadron-of-damned]

hello hello, I'd like to be infodumped about the fan family QIDBSUDIWI, I'm sorry I ask about them so frequently but,,, blorbos. particularly curious abt herman bc I don't think I've asked abt him before, literally asked about siegfried's branch and um just manny lmao.

Yeah, asking about Siegfried's branch is good, because I know about them more, like Siegfried and Wolfgang and Markov live rent free in my head. (Which is why it's such a mess, they always fight to stay in shape.)

I don't know much about Herman. He was on the diplomatic crew, but I doubt that he was a diplomat himself. I think that it was more in his style to be the "secretary orchestrating it all". Diplomats change, the secretary stays, if you get me.

He was that kind of a polished man you'd find in a gentlemen's club reading up on cricket. He definitely was into sports. The only reason why he doesn't have any anecdotes from his youth about wrestling is because he sees wrestling as undignified. He definitely knew to shoot firearms and I think he hunted fairly often.

It was his initiative to have built the von Karma residence on American shores, I don't think it even occurred to him that any of his progeny would not want to live in such a perfect house. In the end I think it was only Manfred who lived there: Friedrich has his own thing, Miles had moved out when he got out of law school (he probably expected to be moved out if he didn't do it himself), and Franziska de jure lives there, but she travels internationally all the time, so when she is actually in LA it is less of a hassle to book a hotel than to "go home". Manfred stayed because he felt like he had to, I think. Someone had to stay there. I wonder what is of the house now.

I think that out of the various von Karmalings, Herman was the one that was actively malicious and the most self-entitled. If things and people didn't bend to his will, he made them. And he was strong enough to do it literally. (Dorky has that one comics about Friedrich dragging Manfred out to a disco club and baby Manfred panicking "Vater will kill us, bury the bodies, nobody will ever find the pieces!" and I have landed on the conclusion that he wasn't just making it up for the dramatical effect, but that it's a thing that's happened to some other people. The only proof, however, would be found if someone literally ploughed the bed flowers around the house.)

[squadron-of-damned]

homiestucks

idk how to answer this so all i can say is that markov von karma, much like joey claire von hiveswap uses combat tap-dancing, except in his case it means steppng on people and kicking them in reinforced fancy shoes.

[squadron-of-damned]

so we were talking about fashion the other day and I noticed that (mostly) every von karma has like dead set colour from the rainbow (Manfred being blue, Fredrick being green, Wolfgang/Siegfried being scarlet/maroon but mmmm let's call it red anyway, Markov being purple) so I'm a little hMMMM like idk if Griselda would be an orange person (like not an lively orange, maybe an orange that's closer to like a squash/marmalade shade) or just straight up black a lo wearing a Victorian mourning gown every day, "you never know when it's going to be a funeral."

That's why I colour-coded the family tree when I made it, so I wouldn't have to remember the colour associated with each of the von Karmalings.

(it's desaturated for readability)

So apparently Griselda's colour is gold/yellow. Which checks out, because I think that initially we were calling her Aurelia or Aurora or some other gold-name.

[squadron-of-damned]

Can we ask the von Karmas questions? If we can, hmmmmmmmm, for any you want, what is their favorite song?

That is an extremely difficult question, because mine and their listening tastes don't overlap that much. By default they all would answer probably some classical piece. But I'll do my, uh best.

Frieda: R. Wagner - Ride of the Valkyries

Herman: A. Dvořák - symphony no. 9: From The New World

Siegfried: (Scottish folk ballad) - Twa Corbies.

Friedrich: E. Presley - Way Down. (I guess. Check with Dorky, though. I am just guesstimating here.)

Griselda: J. S. Bach - Suite in G Minor

Wolfgang: W. A. Mozart - Symphony no. 38 in D Major

Markov: E. Grieg - Peer Gynt Suite no. 1 (In The Hall of the Mountain King

Helena: F. Chopin - Op. 47, Ballade no. 3

Leonore: Deine Lakaien - My Shadows (Check it with Ly first, I might be wrong.)

Gandulf: C. M. von Weber - Op.29, Canzonetta no. 2 (Heitere Tage)

Nikolle: D. Li - 15 Squared

Ilse: J. Haydn - Symphony no. 69

Jörgun: Haggard - Hijo de la Luna

Gretchen: K. Gott - Die Biene Maja

[squadron-of-damned]

What're the von Karmas' coping mechanisms?

You mean besides clinging to the creed of perfection like a drowning man to a leaf of grass?

Workaholisim. Then for people like Siegfried, Markov, Franziska and technically Ilse it is inflicting violence. Friedrich, Wolfgang and Helena are around people, so they can vent a little, have fun a little. Griselda, I suppose, smokes. Jörgun sneaks out to party. Nikolle and Gretchen who crawl under blankets with a book. Manfred bottles everything’s up until he runs out of the bottles, at which point he gives himself a concussion banging his head against the wall.

The only person who doesn’t have coping mechanisms is Gandulf. He doesn’t need them. As far as Gandulf is concerned, everything is fine.

[squadron-of-damned]

pspspspspsps how do the von karmas hold their alcohol? also do they have a favorite drink?

I do believe that all the von Karmas have a solid stamina in their genes and they have been taught to be wine snobs early on. Nevertheless, the actual competency in drinking varies depending on training/exposure, and also size. Minors are not included in this list.

Frieda: Actually couldn't drink that much. Pleasantly relaxed after a glass of heavily watered down absinthe (no sugar)

Bernard: This is where the alcohol resilience came from. A beer guy to the extent that water was just what beer was made from, not something he'd drink.

Herman: Slow to get tipsy, but once tipsy very quick to get absolutely shitfaced. Not recommended, he was a violent type of drunk. Rum was his poison of choice.

Siegfried: Quick to get tipsy, had never toppled under the table so to say. That type of drunk who thought himself to be incredibly funny. Scottish whisky only.

Friedrich: I wager a guess that he gravitates towards brandy, but as long as it's liquid and has some class, he probably doesn't care much what precisely it is. Talkative when tipsy, crying over the unfairness of life when really drunk.

Manfred: Actually quick to get drunk, but then can stay drunk for very, very long without any change. Particular to white wine. He very much does not have problems with alcohol, he just needs a regular intake to make himself a little dumber, because if he was at peak operating capacity, he'd strangle the first idiot to cross him.

Griselda: Is bravely upholding absinthe class and decorum in spite of absolutely hating the taste of absinthe. Actually enjoys sweet wines of all colour.

Wolfgang: Nobody's ever actually seen him drunk-drunk. Was raised on whisky, but actually more of a mead person.

Markov: Doesn't drink much, but when he does, it's to knock himself unconscious, which takes a bottle and half of vodka (40%), and a lot of water come morning. He likes vodka for the honesty.

Helena: Lowest alcohol tolerance of the family, as she found out at her wedding. Likes ciders.

Leonore: I mean, you tell me, Ly, but if it was up to me, I'd say she is a gin gal. That type of a person who downs three gins with tonic and then says "huh, have my knuckles always felt like that?"

Franziska: Possibly the only person who'd be able to outdrink Wolfgang. Fond of funny colourful cocktails, but hates to be seen with funny colourful cocktails. It's a tough life to be Franziska von Karma...

Gandulf: Does not like the taste of alcohol, so he has been abstaining his whole life

[squadron-of-damned]

hmmmmmmmm. yesterday I told you that Manfred looks like a poodle person and we know that Helena and Nikolle had Phoenix (the dog), then Bigger Phoenix and Unicorn so yeah gonna shorten this- did any of the von Karmas have/have had pets? Tbh Frieda doesn't strike me as a pet person, and ngl kinda doubting she would've allowed his children to have one. Also doubt for Franziska/Markov since literally they travel all the time like, imagine dragging the hypothetical dog(?. Griselda, I don't know but she looks like she hates the idea of having a pet (though she also strikes me as a cat person bc they're more independent and the idea of a cat purring as she is reading is very precious).

Sorry for long thought 🤸‍♀️

Wolgang has many many many dogs, and by extension his progeny, too, because he can't just handle them all on his own. All of them large dogs (wolfhounds mostly, some various shepherds, the occasional wolfdog) or rescues (including at least one borzoi), because Wolfgang is of the opinion that a dog should be a large hunting beast rather than a decoration, but also he is a softie who takes care of injured animals.

Griselda, I think, is more of a cat person, but she is so catty herself that she wouldn't tolerate another cat in the house.

Siegfried also had dogs, "decommissioned" police or veteran military dogs. Back when Markov was in early twenties and starting his journalist career, he helped with them. As a result Markov (mistakenly) thinks he is a cat person. He is, in fact, a horse person, but never had the chance to really find out.

Speaking of horses, I am sure that Manfred's daughters had at least one pony growing up, because baby Franziska had to pick up the crop somehow and it's not the first thing that comes to your mind when you are thinking stim toy/weapon. (At least, to my mind. To my mind first comes a switchblade or butterfly knife.)

I know from Dorky that Friedrich has a dog, a little Dachshund named Wurst who is the absolute terror for your ankles.

Gandulf has a pet rock with googly eyes. It wouldn't be all that interesting save for the fact that the rock is from Mars.

[squadron-of-damned]

The moment I read "She can and will mother a girl seven years younger than herself" I knew something was,,, not gonna go well. If Franziska applies for Nikolle's legal guardianship, Leonore is gonna fucking object™ to fuck and back on how she's a more competent caregiver than her. "Your honor, my sister is in no position to look after a child. You know, just a little while ago she was wondering if the child should stick with purees or start with solids- the child is seven! Knowing her history of whipping fits, I'd say I'm a much more compentent, better option." She'd get whipped like Phoenix in that one time and somehow Franziska doesn't get charged with assault.

Maybe drop her off with Wolfgang, though, they'd need to check if he's okay first or just call CPS I dunno.

I don’t think that von Karmas would be willing to let one of their own go with the CPS. So if there would be objections to Franziska keeping Nikolle (she was the first ine to volunteer for it, she owes her older sister that at least), there would be a sesrch for the next person who could handle it. And since Leonore was the one to make a problem out of this, she’d very likely also end up being the solution.

After that, yes, it would be great uncle Wolfgang, because Manfred has gone batty (pun included), Friedrich and Griselda are not fit to look after children for diametrically opposite reasons, Markov can’t travel AND drag children along, and Ilse is looking after three other people already.

[squadron-of-damned]

okay so i have,,, a lot of questions for siegfried and his kids. not exactly from the list (and more like ICAs) but i just have to annoy my uncles.

for everyone:

what's your favourite colour? do you like walking barefoot or have you ever walked barefoot? would you take me to the park and have ice cream with me? btw, favourite ice cream flavour?

for siegfried:

how did you even survive being shot three times in the same place? like, HOW??? why swords? also yeah, you spent too much time in scotland, you could literally call yourself a scot. buy me a sword, i need one.

for wolfgang:

do you know what's a furry? how many dogs do you currently have and could i have one? ily you are very cool, keep doing u.

for markov (the fav uncle):

not a question but i want you to teach me how to stab people and cause non-lethal injury. when the fuck did you get married and why wasn't i a flower girl? please sign your cards.

Favourite colour: These are not going to be ICA, because Markov would lie and Siegfried wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the head.

Siegfried could never pick just one, he liked combinations of earthy browns and light greens. If he had to pick one, he'd say maroon, and then mull it over until the end of his days if it was the right answer.

Wolfgang wears what he loves: Scarlet

Markov might wear his signature purple, but is actually fond of dark greens, emerald and malachite like

Ice cream:

Siegfried: Have you gone through your training today? Well, once you are finished, we can get ice cream as a reward. Strawberry is a good ice cream.

Wolfgang: Well, the dogs aren't going to walk themselves and I suppose we can stop by the ice-cream stall on the way. If it's omen. And if you promise not to make a mess. Scoop of pistachio?

Markov: Consider this counterpoint: Actual food. But we can spend the afternoon in the park and you may get ice cream on your own. If they have dark enough chocolate flavour, I might consider having one scoop too...

About the three shots:

Siegfried: It's not like a shot to the shoulder is lethal, especially if you keep your mind and stop the bleeding. I myself am more puzzled how three different people separated by some thirty years managed to hit me in the exact same spot.

Swords:

Siegfried: Fencing, either the fancy sport one or the historical one, make for a good sport. I picked it up first as PE and then stuck to it, because I liked it. Many people nowadays like to do martial arts, because in case of toruble they could also defend themselves, swordsmanship has the same benefit. It also has one additional advantage: People are intimidated by large visible weapons. If someone sees a sword strapped to your side, they aren't even going to start a fight. You can call that preventive damage control.

Siegfried: Besides it is a known fact that everyone looks better with a sword, it just has some people-magnetic properties. But if you carry a sword and don't know how to use it, you are more likely to hurt yourself or worse - make a fool of yourself.

Siegfried: Why would I buy you a sword? Go to the armory, pick one that you like. Something to match your height and strength.

The furry question:

Wolfgang: You aren't the first person to ask me that. According to Markov, who's a fountain of such useless trivia, furry is me but neon green with orange streaks. I hope that answers helps you, because it did not help me at all.

Dogs:

Wolfgang: So right now we are at sixteen. 6 are actually our dogs, these five puppies are for sale or taking if you promise to take good care of them. Yes, you'll get the papers, this is a certified breeding station.

Wolfgang:These three I am sort of looking after until their owners sort out their living conditions - it's not easy to do software and divorce and find a place big enough to live in with a borzoi.

Wolfgang: And these two poor sods got into an accident and the shelter couldn't really provide for them. Together they make for a whole dog and some spare parts. If you wanted to, you could take them, but they are high maintenance.

Being very cool:

Wolfgang: I am so cool it's frosty, lass. *winks with both eyes*

Stabbing people:

Markov: *hands you an anatomy atlas* Make a list of all spots that are lethal to stab, then I shall add in any of those you'll have missed. After that? Stab anywhere but there.

Marriage:

Markov: That is a private information. Nobody was invited, you get equal treatment to everyone else.

Markov: It's not like you've missed out anything. We signed some papers, then everyone went home.

Signing cards:

Markov: Why would I? Everyone knows they are from me. If someone does not know that, they either bother to find out or they do not.

[squadron-of-damned]

Wait- do you do ICAs (in-character asks)? I've got a question for uncle Markov. How and when did you get the sword-cane?

(Tolp suspiciously eyes her sideblogs and concludes that yes, she does ICA. Let's have Markov have this one, then.)

You lack a critical piece of information, Ly, but I shall share it with you for free: I have several sword-canes. Asking about the whereabouts of "the" sword-cane implies that you have a specific one in mind. Which you most likely do not.

To sate your curiosity, my first one I received as a present from my father after I completed my first investigation with him, as he deemed me "inadequately armed" at the time. I was sixteen at the time. However, that one had shattered to pieces many years ago. Sword-canes are still a hollow wooden cylinder and a thin strip of metal and this one was not designed for regular and heavy use.

The rest I had bought myself; if you bring your request to the right craftsmen, they might not make it themselves, but they will refer to you to someone who can. Or they might engineer the whole process from scratch. Being on friendly terms and of certain renown among the people of the history crafting scene has many benefits, and my favourite one is that you present them with an unusual request, and they do not ask "What do you want it for? Is it legal?" but instead "Have you had Marge to check the metal integrity on that? Is it fine by Thrusday? I have this amazing war axe here, do you want that?"

Today in the era of easy accessible internet it is incredibly easy to find sword-canes for sale. They make for a fashionable statement accessory. It is slightly more difficult to find a good and reliable one. Mine are custom made, because I've found myself to be a man with specific needs.

[squadron-of-damned]

What’s their night time routine like?  What’s their morning routine like?  Is there anything they have to do before going to sleep or facing the day?

Do they have a favorite chore?  Least favorite?

What is a smell that always brings up a memory for them, good or bad?

For the von Karma swordsman.

The von Karma swordsman is Markov. (Though, you know, his father Siegfried was actually more of a swordsman, and Markov's older brother Wolfgang also does the swords. But I get you, don't you worry.)

Markov doesn't have a "morning" and "night time" routine, because his sleep schedule is absolutely fucked up, and his frequent travelling between the timezones is only partially to blame.

He writes his articles whenever he has time, that includes some twenty minutes before going to sleep. So that's a thing for him: he has to write down several coherent sentences before he actually can fall asleep.

The day-starting rituals are far more easier to pin down, because they are more exact. It's getting his hair done and teeth brushed, his little beard maintained. He first checks his weaponage (usually it's a pocket switchblade, the sword-cane, and pepper spray) and only then he puts on his jacket, which is why you sometimes can catch him up just in shirt and trousers, because he's stuck sharpening something.

Markov doesn't do chores, because he stays at places where these sort of things are "outsourced" (hotels &c.), and as a young boy he lived in a household that had a few servants to take care of it. He could probably do laundry, because most manuals to washing machines are easy to look up, but he wouldn't be able to iron his own shirt. If you handed him a sponger, dish soap and pointed him to the sink, he'd scrub the sink and miss the dishes entirely. His "chores" are work related - keeping deadlines, providing citations and such. The one he hates the most is putting his notes (on paper, usually his cuffs, written in shorthand) into text (text document that he can send via email). On the other hand he likes editing after other people (he sometimes helps out a colleague here and there), because eliminating mistakes is one of his rare passions. He has a dedicated pen just for red ink.

The smell of steamed/boiled carrot mixed with scent of glued spruce wood always reminds him of the one time he went to take an interview with a married police couple: their new suburb house smelled (furnished by IKEA, carrot puree in the microwave), and the whole time he was there a small baby (about six months old) crying their little lungs our in the other room. When Markov's perfect nerves finally snapped and he asked the mother why doesn't she do something about the baby, he got the reply that "The kids have to learn from early on not cry for attention."

Well, no, that's not precise. What is Markov actually reminded of is the small article in the local print that he noticed by chance a week later with the heading "Family Mourning Baby Died In Parked Car" and unsurprisingly the family were the two policemen he had interviewed at their home. It's not a good memory. It's not a bad memory either. It's just a memory that makes him avoid meeting young couples in their new houses.

[squadron-of-damned]

Do you have any personal headcanons or thoughts about your von Karma fan-family? Or something like a list in songs they have about characters?

Personal headcanons, as in headcanons that I have privately for myself about the family members which we’ve made up as a group? Well, I guess I do have some.

First and foremost there are probably waaaaay more family members than i described in the last ask. we just as a collective don’t have the spoons in general to make that many characters. making a decent character is Complicated.

Headcanons in no particular order:

Frieda initially was not planning on having children, or elevating Bernard above “decorative husband” status. Shit just got out of hand because Bernard was adorable.

Half of the family is ginger, the other half is blonde. Nobody actually knows what the hell is going on with Franziska’s hair, but they know that the ice-blue-white is actually natural, so they conclude it’s a bit weird blonde.

There is a family reunion every Christmas back in Germany, traditionally organized by Wolfgang. He takes it as a point of pride to be able to get there everyone who is not dead or his brother.

Yes, that means he has actually a functional plan to get Manfred out of the prison for a week so eh can come visit. It never came to it, because per Manfred’s reply: “Bold of you to assume to give up this perfect excuse not to have to see any of you ever again.”

Established thing is that Markov writes on his sleeves cuffs (he wears paper ones for that). Not established is that he has his own shorthand (regular shorthand was not fast enough for him) and has the tendency to flick the cuffs in people’s faces if they try to refute their previous statement.

Markov is also very eager to get into a fight. He never starts them, but he frequently provokes them. It’s not impossible for him to actually kill someone in an accident, but if he had, there have never been any witnesses. Usually it end sup with several Distinctly Non-Lethal Injuries.

Calling things/people “fool” and derivatives of the word is a family thing. It’s a self-censure feature, where “fool” substitutes “fuck”.

Technically the entire family is made of Christian Protestants, specifically Baptists. Practically the whole religion thing fizzled out around 1950′s, so they they are Baptists just for the statistics. The current young generation actually isn’t even baptized, so they don’t count.

As a family tradition  quite early in their lives a young von Karmaling receives a copy of Also sprach Zarathurstra (Thus Spoke Zarathurstra) by Nietzsche, usually for birthday, a fancy one with extra wide margins so you can put in your own notes and annotations.

These copies get worse and worse treatment over time as the recipient resents Nietsche, their own life and the family more and more.

Manfed’s copy served as a doorstop for years in his office, and also as a coaster for cups of coffee or tea.

Markov and Franziska’s copies are both used as projectiles with surprising accuracy.

Miles spent a very meditative afternoon filling the margins of his with the repeated phrase of “scheiß drauf“.

Nobody knows where Gandulf’s copy is. He lost it five minutes after he got it. He’s received several replacements since then. Only one of them has been found since then - at the ISS, completely covered in dried ketchup.

Wolfgang doesn’t know what a furry is, nevertheless he is one.

Gandulf knows what a furry is and also is one.

One of Ilse’s sacred duties is preventing her father from convincing other relatives to start a furaffinity account.

All of Nikolle’s (and Helena’s) dogs were named at Miles’ suggestion, hence why there so far have been two dogs named Phoenix (and one named Unicorn to throw the scent off).

Bigger Phoenix the Dog, the successor to the original Phoenix the Dog (whom Manfred von Karma used as an example that having a pet sharing a name with a person doesn’t make the person betrothed to the owner), absolutely loves chicken sandwiches and also tackling people with a big affectionate hug.

A lot of people know that Edith Vin Korek is married. Sometimes they get to meet the husband and they are very surprised to learn his name is not Markov Vin Korek. “Sir, you sign your articles MVK.” “Yes, the VK stands for ‘von Karma’.”

Helena lives off of energy drinks, adrenaline, and the knowledge she has to be back home by 4 PM to make the dinner.

Almost everyone in the family got shot into the right shoulder. It’s referred to as “getting the hereditary”. The notable exceptions are: Friedrich (who is too charming to be shot at), Griselda (who doesn’t leave the house), the kids (”Don’t worry, it’ll come.”), and Siegfried (who got shot thrice in three different occasions.)

Yes, Gandulf got the hereditary. No, he doesn’t know how. One day he just went to get his yearly checkup and the doctor was “Where did you get the gunshot from?” “Huh?” Conclusion: Don’t run around the woods in your fursuit while it’s the open season.

Franziska and Miles did get to try weed exactly once and they got into a LOT of trouble over that. But they got to try it when the school debate team went to Netherlands for a competition, so technically it was legal. (Neither of them liked it.)

At some point Phoenix the Attorney is going to start getting ampty postcrads/birthdey cards in his mail and it creeps him out greatly. He is going to bring it up to Miles who is going to sigh heavily and conclude “I think that’s a hint for me to marry you.” Markov von Karma competing for the most subtle matchmaker of the year with Gretchen (who outright asked to be Miles’ flower girl. on a phone. in the middle of the night because time zones).

[squadron-of-damned]

tolp, do you have any idea for a vampire au for the vk fan family? like I have a mess of an idea but in general the vks have been vampire hunters for a while (maybe around frieda who picks it up from her dad instead of letting the tradition die). it's like random ideas but everyone shunning manfred (dead or alive, frieda is rolling on her grave over this) and the current generation (his kids, maybe miles too?) are trying to hunt him down and kill him because if you make a mistake and do not correct it is a second mistake and von karmas do not make mistakes (thanks for that again granny). the only way to fix their tained/blemished name is by killing him.

Hmmm, let me storm some brains. I’ll throw some ideas, something will stick

Siegfried’s family branch? Werewolves, all of them. The rules say “vampire hunter” not “can’t be another bloodthirsty occult being”.

Franziska fighting tooth and nail to clear her name because everyone assumes she is also a vampire.

Griselda: the grand master of vampire lore and knowledge. She’s read all the books. She’s never actually fought a vampire.

Gundalf is trying to avoid the whole vampire hunting business, but keeps running into vampires and kills them by an accident. Like “gets tangled in a curtain, falls down, takes the drapery with him, vampire is exposed to direct sunlight and dies.

Markov abuses his werewolf heritage to make his blood absolutely rancid. So far no vampire has taken a sip, although he is trying his best to serve as a living bait, but mosquitoes and ticks die at the sight of him.

Helena tried to get out of the vampire hunting business by finding a someone, marrying them and living a calm sedentary life. Four times. Every time her husband (or wife) turned out to be another vampire, and Helena is just very tired of stabbing her spouses in the dead of the night with a stake again and again and again.

Nikolle is a dhampir. When she grows up, she is going to live through some Vampire Hunter D bullshit.

Erstin and subsequently Frieda were just vampire researchers at first. It was Bernard’s amazing idea to start hunting them.

“to know your enemy you have to walk a mile in his shoes” thing explains the entirety of the von Karma aesthetics and a lot of principles.

All three bullets that hit Siegfried were silver, but since they hit him just in the shoulder, they still didn’t kill him.

Siegfried’s investigation vampire hunting partner was actually a vampire and it’s a miracle the two of them didn’t try to kill each other sooner.

manfred still gets birthday postcards from markov, this time as a power move. markov just thinks there are other vampires who are a bigger threat and therefore higher priority. besides, manfred is from herman’s family branch, it should be that branch which sorts this mess out.

everyone actually thinks it should be friedrich and/or griselda who find and kill manfred. friedrich refuses to do anything this dangerous and stupid, griselda doesn’t like the idea of leaving her library.

leonore is practically a witch with her knowledge and skills, but she refuses to admit it or rely on it. she is an active occult denier as her uncle turns into a big wolf in front of her eyes. it must be thursday, she’s never got the hang of thursdays.

gretchen has been kidnapped by several vampires and threatened to be turned. so far nobody expected her pocket garlic powder. or that her “fairy wand” is actually just a very fancy stake.