#manifesting an obnoxiously in love stede here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rachelillustrates · 2 years ago

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Allllll right "Wherever You Go, There You Are" rewatch time!! 💖🙏

- I love, love, LOOOOOOVE that we get to start with Mary here and we are given SO much of her perspective and autonomy. She is literally Stede's ex, on such a dude-oriented show - and it's been said before, that with that being the case, it would be SO EASY just to demonize her here. Especially since we know that she was awful for/to Stede, just as he was to her. But that's the thing - just as he was to her. They acknowledge, so firmly, many times that even though Stede had to leave her and the kids, it was still balls of him to do so. He knows it, even as he embraces adventure and brings his brilliant, gloriously obnoxious self to the Republic of Pirates, and sets about accidentally wooing Ed. So to get Stede beyond that, free, as we see later, we need Mary's side of the story too. And now we get it!! Plus, with the community she's built around her, we get a glimpse of what life is like for women of Stede's class in this atmosphere. How stifling arranged marriage is for them, too. So even though there are too few feminine-presenting individuals on this here otherwise perfect show, what we get here through Mary's perspective is just glorious.

(That said, I am still manifesting as hard as I fucking can for Anne Bonny and Mary Read to show up next season.)

(And Evelyn is literally the shit we are so blessed to have her.)

- Can we also talk about the complete manic, aggressively positive desperation in Stede's expressions, both when he gets out of bed and talks about how nice sleeping in it was, and in the scene where he literally presents the petrified orange - which Ed gave him, a symbol of their adventure together. Of what he's giving up, by being there - to his kids??? JESUS. He is trying so hard, but it's like a scream.

- Izzy borderline spiraling out to the point that he forgets how to give the crew orders is the delight of my life. Also, "So he's sick but doing well, is the news?" Frenchie for President.

- I don't care how Jim got back on the boat, they and Olu are such a frakking joy and once again, excellent timing, excellent storytelling, that their reunion and them finally kissing - Olu's honesty, about the room and why he gave it up, that very "oh, fuck it" sigh before he tells Jim he missed them? And the intensity of their kiss immediately leading into more intimacy, after all the will-they-won't-they, no hesitation, no question? *Exactly* what we needed in the face of Stede and Ed's situation right now.

- Stede's reaction to Mary's painting studio, especially in the face of how he reacted to her lighthouse painting before. Wow. He looks legitimately interested and amazed - finally seeing her work for what it is and respecting it. And he is trying now, yes, but I think the key difference is that he has had the space to live his life and truly be himself recently, which grants him a new perspective, enough perspective, to see her as she truly is and be able to finally absorb that. It's honestly a gorgeous moment. AND, to top that off, the look on his face when Doug shows up? He looks mildly panicked. Like he's gone from that aggressive positivity mask that he's been wearing this whole time, to being blown away by really seeing and finally understanding the wonder of Mary's work, his walls come down without him realizing it in that moment, and while he's still vulnerable he is faced with a new situation - this new person in Mary's life, an unknown, that he couldn't prepare for, and for a moment he freezes. Only to try to swing back into the pleasantries and mild passive aggression he knows work in this world, but Doug is having none of it. Yeah, he greets him with an (honestly genuine-sounding) pleasantry, "I've heard so much about you, I feel like I already know you," but then he focuses right on Mary again, ignoring Stede's jabs about Mary not having mentioned him, mentioning her showing, encouraging her to show him the fliers despite the name-awkwardness.

Because, because because because, Stede is the one making it awkward and Doug knows that. And just like Mary, later (after we know she's slept with Doug, and still is), he is not willing to throw away his happiness just because Stede reappeared. So even though Mary's journey is in focus here, and we do get to see her assert that she's not giving up her life for Stede's convenience, we see Doug do it a little bit here, first. And this the first we see of him. Kindness to Stede, yes, but above all belief in and loyalty to Mary and himself. He loves her, and he is not backing down from that, all while accepting the reality of Stede's presence.

- Which makes it super duper interesting that we move from that right into Ed in the blanket fort. The very first time we see him all episode. He's requested Lucius, with the excuse of needing his skills as a scribe, but we all know that Lucius is the emotional heart of the ship, the voice of Love's reason both in general and in Ed's own history. He is the one who clued Ed into the fact that Stede liked him back. So maybe, just maybe, he can make sense of this (as far we can tell, Ed has spent the entire time since he climbed back on board setting up the blanket fort - with Izzy's unhappy help, please - and then laying in it, wondering how the fuck he was so wrong when everything on the beach seemed so clear).

That clear support and understanding of one another, like Doug has for Mary (and is certainly reciprocal, even though we didn't get to learn more about Doug's life and passions, other than he is an artist too), I feel like Ed thought they finally had that, him and Stede, on the beach. And like I said before, I think that his plan to run away was really him trying to find a middle ground for them between the domesticity he liked at the Academy and the adventure he thought Stede expected from a life with him. He really, really thought they understood each other. He knew his feelings were returned. So how was he so wrong?

But of course, he can't ask that, or say any of that out loud, admit to any of this pain outright, sooooo lyrics!! And Lucius' reactions, including the caring kindness he offers Ed - "What if it's not a death?" - are just incredible. He goes into the cabin not knowing what to expect at all. All the crew knows (again, as far as we can tell) is that Stede and Ed were taken together to the Privateering Academy, never to be seen again, only for Ed to show back up like a day later, beardless and heartbroken. Did Stede die? Did Stede leave him? What happened?? So, even under that confusion and honestly terror at what he was gonna find - the worst of Blackbeard's legend not being a secret, after all - Lucius DOES look curious, and so compassionate, when Ed gives him those lyrics. And he plays along, finding space within Ed's denial to try and reach him. Help him.

And "What if its not a death? What if life just begins again?" happens at the end of the scene, transitioning into....

- Stede looking at the painting of his family, while surrounded by the light of a literal gazillion candles, and seeing that Mary has had him sponged out. Ouch.

I think two things are happening here and the symbolism is important: a) the association of Stede with light, like the lighthouse, in the face of his apparent death according to Mary, and b) I think it pulls back to the lyrics from "High on a Rocky Ledge," which played waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in episode one as he was recalling the idea of - not the reality of - his happy family.

"Then spoke a spirit, if you would win your lady love / There's only one way, fall to your death from high above / You will begin to grow in snow beside the / One you have waited for to be mated with"

THEY PUT THIS IMAGE OF STEDE'S "DEATH" RIGHT AFTER ED COMPARED HIS BROKEN HEART TO A DEATH, AND LUCIUS TOLD HIM HE WAS WRONG. But BOTH are right.

As much as this is a tragic scene, seeing Stede realize how deeply he hurt his family, how far Mary went to remove his memory, there is hope in the echo of that lyric, and the light placed around him. As much as Ed believes he will die if he lets go of Stede, or the idea of what they were going to be to each other, it's actually a transformation. A rebirth. Echoed in the fact that as Stede looks at himself removed from his family, as if he never existed ("Our old lives would be dead and gone. Never were.") he is surrounded by a symbol of the light he and Ed created together the very first night they were together.

I think the "death" is being willing to move on in the first place. Being willing to grow.

And the moving on they each have to do is different - Stede has to admit how he really feels, even as he's already tried (and believes he failed) to admit and sieze the chance to be who he really is. That he loves Ed, and that even though he has to make amends, he also has to admit that he was right to leave in the first place (just not in the exact way he did it. Whoops). AND they follow that with the first mention we get, from Stede, of Ed as Edward, not Blackbeard. Having dinner - alone, just as he was exploring the house and then will explore the grounds, later - he addresses the petrified orange (sitting now at the end of the table, nearer to where Mary sits) as Edward. Asking him about his day. Sounding more resigned and looking more depressed than we've seen him yet.

He knows what he gave up, and he is starting to see, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was all for nothing. His family does not need him, after all.

(And all of that, of course, followed by him catching glimpse.... by way of literally putting a ladder up to the window... of very obvious proof that Mary is in fact sleeping with Doug and hasn't stopped doing so now that he's returned.)

The "death" for Ed is that Ed has to believe in himself beyond what anyone else thinks, including Stede, regardless of whether or not Stede comes back. As I've said before, there is no reason that this growth can't coincide with their reunion, BUT they need better communication in order to get there, and I hope that - if nothing else - how miserable he ends up being at the end will make it clearer to him that he has to change. For himself, first. And maybe Stede's return will be the catalyst, the spark, for him believing that he's worth it. Or maybe there will be something else that happens first, before Stede reaches him. But either way, he needs to find that light inside himself, too. To really meet Stede where he's at, no matter what happens. And that's the miscommunication we saw on the beach, as much as I believe Ed was trying to find a middle ground for them. Before this, and especially after this rejection, he's never gonna believe that Stede loves him unconditionally unless he at least starts to try to learn to love himself and embrace who he is and really wants to be.

And again, I'm not saying that this can't happen while they start working things out (I am living proof of such things, but that's a much longer and very personal story). Suffice to say that it is possible, but the communication needs to be there. And as much as I hate it, I think Story separated them for this reason. Stede was never gonna be able to move on from his past and be fully himself, fully with Ed, if he carried the guilt and the belief that he ruined his family - ruined Edward, too. Was, at his core, a ruiner of fine things. Ed was never gonna be able to move on from his people-pleasing nature and trust that Stede can and will love him for him until he'll have to pull himself out of this darkness, and then see Stede return to him, anyway. As he is, truly. And stay, with Ed as he is, truly.

(Dammit I just want them to be together why is this all so well constructed???)

- ......And now that I've said all of that, I think that Mary's speech in response to Stede trying to call her out communicate about Doug also points to the fact that, as is glaringly obvious and the framework for the whole episode, he is also being self-sacrificial, literally having abandoned his dream and the love of his life based on what he thinks, per his family and per society, was the right thing to do. Only to be having that blow up in his face. Please, pleeeeeeease let this be foreshadowing for how the Kraken situation is gonna go, since they love their parallels so much.

Also, must must must acknowledge how much Mary is an absolute Queen. Again, they could demonize her. She literally just technically committed adultery. But they don't - everything she says to Stede is valid, even he knows it, as much as he grasps at straws for his dignity re: her word choice. Pffffft.

- Also also, must again acknowledge that Jim and Olu are absolute sunshine in the face of all of this. I'm so grateful that they are good, and Pete and Lucius are/already have been good, before everything that happens happens. Keeping us believing in love, despite Stede (and Ed, later) being idiots.

(Also Lucius barging in on them? The Family vibes are SO STRONG. Oh my heart.)

- As for Ed's song and the idea of the talent show. It's been said that with this, Ed is doing the same thing he does with everyone else and is trying to snap into what they expect in order to survive - and I think that's true, to some extent, there's definitely still a level of desperation under his actions, manic enthusiasm for all their talent that rings of something else - but there are also a couple of good things happening here.

1) he is seizing permission to still embrace softness, since Lucius said life might begin again. So while that's still following Lucius' lead, it does get him to show up in that capacity at all, and assert what he wants to be called, now. Really, really moving on from Blackbeard, as well as his heartbreak. Which we saw was something he wanted even before he met Stede properly.

And 2) even with someone else leading his actions, at first, this could open up a path for healing for him that he does not know how to reach on his own. His childhood was mostly filled with pain and abuse. His young and full adult life were absolutely filled with pain and abuse. He is gonna need to see there is another way (which is part of why, I think, he hid in the blanket fort until his talk with Lucius).

Sometimes we still need guidance out of the dark.

(Which is another reason why I think he can still grow in the ways he needs to, even if Stede shows up before he's done figuring himself out. Just take that chance, be brave, honest, and communicate.)

- Also also, Mary's friends all showing up for her to help set up her showing!!! She has a found family, too 💖

- I don't think there's anything I can say about the bar scene that hasn't already been said in this excellent post by @knowlesian so DO read that if you haven't yet.

I will say, though, that as a queer person the way that Stede has to backtrack over admitting that Blackbeard is "absolutely lovely" and having to adjust your tone, language, etc. to keep yourself and the friends you're talking about safe? Yes. This. Exactly.

That on top of the fact that Stede can't pretend, in the face of this, that he doesn't have new trauma from his time away AND that he is lonelier than he's ever been. This is the most openly miserable we see him, after the men congratulate him for what is clearly causing him pain, and the way that the writers have just built up and chipped away at the manic-aggressively-positive façade he started the episode with... *chef's kiss*

And of course, that the old schoolmate that pulls him into that conversation in the first place is named Jeffrey, like the name Ed chose for himself on the fancy party ship, and dressed all in black. I.... yeah.

And and, of course, that while the majority of the men listening to Stede's tales are dressed in black too (Ed's false color) or blue (Stede's false color), the guy who asks him if he's ever killed a man, demands that answer with anticipation of excitement? He's wearing the closest thing to gold, Stede's true color, that anyone is wearing. And he mimics Stede's own romantization of the pirate life, while calling him to unexpected honesty about that trauma and about his loneliness. They don't get it - just calling for more drinks for him - but we, as viewers, do. They don't see him.

- Just as Izzy doesn't truly see Ed in the next scene, with even more damaging consequences. Insisting that he should have let Edward die instead of letting him heal - so attached to the idea of Blackbeard that when Ed tries to assert that he is still Blackbeard as well as what Izzy is seeing (he is both, and he knows he is both, which makes me feel like he's more aware of who he is and what he wants than we've given him credit for, as much as we do see him chameleoning for his survival), Izzy gets aggressive as fuck, waving the illustration in his face, throwing his toxic misogynistic homophobia at him.

Which gets Ed to snap - react violently at Izzy weaponizing his pain and his love - protecting himself automatically in the only way that he knows Izzy responds to. Which of course is exactly what Izzy wanted, reacting with a really intimate face touch (ew) and a look on his face that's openly interested (EWW), and then desperate. Which makes Ed disgusted - with Izzy, obviously, but also probably himself for snapping back into that behavior. This is obviously, obviously not the first time this has happened.

But this time, Izzy follows it up with threatening Ed's life - eyes continuing to flick over parts of his face and body like he's a piece of meat, as much as his words are condemning and violent - and Ed is reminded, by someone he thought he could trust, that this softness, this vulnerability, is not allowed in his world. It will get him killed.

And of course, it is significant as fuck that that moment is immediately followed by the crew calling for him, for another song, calling him Eddie. As has already been pointed out by several other posts, that is a throwback to what happened at the fancy party. He was called on to entertain and be "loved" by that group pf people, only for them to ridicule him. There was harm in that, too, after all. Humiliation in that, too, after all. Which only serves to prove Izzy right, in a backwards way. The softness isn't safe for him in that way, either. He thought he could trust these people, but maybe he can't...

- And then back to Stede, drunkenly crashing Mary's showing! Hoo boy. He's been riled up by the crowd at the bar, reminded of his misery - yes, the traumatic parts, but also how much he misses the life he'd chosen - and goes there to demand that she meet him at his sacrifice. Only to attack Doug when he tries to offer him some calm and comfort (Doug really is the best, jesus).

(Shoutout to Evelyn immediately stepping up to defend Mary/get him the fuck out of there, before Mary holds her back. Excellent.)

And this of course leads right into them getting ready for bed, and then the attempted murder scene. I think it's super duper significant that this, and Stede's "I forgive you by the way" about Doug are the last straws for Mary. So much of this show is about being who you are with enthusiasm, and loving who you love without apology. And in this moment, Stede is threatening both of those things for Mary.

If we were to look at this scene and the last in terms of parallels, in this case, Stede is Izzy, and Mary is Ed. Just..... damn. And/but where Ed doesn't have the wherewithal yet to fight back, fight for the life he wants to choose, Mary does!

- So, the murder attempt, and THE conversation.

Their friendship is so pure already, gawd (figures it would take a murder attempt for us to see that! I love this show so much). And after they get the drama out of the way, and sit together, in openness about their situation... Stede thinks to ask Mary was love feels like. She doesn't volunteer that, why would she? But he's curious - we know he loves Shakespeare, he's read that at least and I'm sure tons of other romances, but he's never felt it himself. And as she describes it, the thoughts of Ed come almost immediately. And his expressions, Gods - first considering, like "Hmm, okay," then amused and warm, and then finally positive-resignation, acceptance and a kindly "Wow, I'm an idiot. That is what that was. That is what we are." And the way his voice breaks when she says she hopes he finds that, and he answers "I think I have." AND the fact that he is honest with her, quietly, but openly, unquestioning. Both in his certainty about how he feels and about her support.

(And again the fact that he had to be shown what love is before he realized he was in it? Excellent parallel to the fact that Ed's healing is still valid even if he has to be shown that softer way, first.)

- And/but this segues, of course, into seeing Ed for the first time after that confrontation with Izzy, and we see him let go in a BAD way, instead. The red silk now not only a representation of his mother's love, but of the moment his feelings for Stede became obviously romantic to him. He thinks of that, and we see him let the silk fly into the ocean - now that he is under threat, such a serious one, from the person who used to be closest to him, he's not just giving up the love he had (HAS) for Stede. He's giving up any hope for the healing and kindness and finery, emotional or physical, that his mother told him he didn't deserve and Stede told him he did. He is abandoning any and all hope for a better, different life.

It is safer to abandon himself, let himself drown under the weight of his legend - worse than ever - than to let himself be killed and/or humiliated, since Izzy's threat was so intimate.

"I am the Kraken." I am only the monster I have always believed that I was, deep down. That is the only thing strong enough to survive.

So he lets the silk go. He "kills" Lucius. He puts the costume of Blackbeard back on and takes Izzy's toe and has everyone empty Stede's spaces. No more finery no more softness no more kindness. Stede is not coming back, and now neither of them are.

And as far as the crew are concerned, everyone looks confused and downtrodden about having to throw away Stede's things - particularly the books - but we see Frenchie and Pete most clearly and that is SO INTERESTING. Frenchie looks devastated. And even Pete looks like he can't believe it, saying "Jesus" to Frenchie once Izzy is out of earshot.

- But then back to hope, with Stede's fuckery! Huzzah!!

And firstly, Stede establishes to Mary that he and Doug had been talking the situation over, which means we very likely were cheated out of a conversation in which Stede said to Doug that he's in love with someone else, and that it's a guy, and Doug would likely have answered "Yeah I figured" after the "Unhand me or bleed" scene and whatever Mary has told him about the quality of their marriage bed.

*pause for delighted clapping and laugh snorting*

Also also also, he's giving up all of his wealth this time. All of it. To go after Ed freely.

(Nobody fucking touch me omg.)

And again, I love Evelyn SO MUCH. I know we probably won't get to see her again but she is amazing.

And most strikingly, we get to see in this fuckery that left to his own devices, Stede's theatrical instincts ARE finely honed enough. This is just as, if not more, complicated as the lighthouse fuckery, and he pulls it off of his own volition (with help, obviously, but the whole thing is his design alone). So take that, Izzy of several episodes ago!

- Meanwhile, the crew... the fact that they were willing to go on the island and believed that Ed would be along shortly, after being made to throw out Stede's things, must mean that he hid himself from them all day. Either lower in the ship, or in Stede's hidden wardrobe. But I bet if they had seen him, seen how he looks now, they would have figured out something was up and never let Izzy take them there.

- Paired with the fact that Ed shows up in the empty cabin, now using it as an office, going through the motions of asking Jim to join his new crew and acknowledging Frenchie's skill, complimenting them both under threat - which is interesting, as I'd mentioned before, in comparison to Chauncey's behavior in taking the cabin, but still asserting his dominance and masking his pain with manic laughter, which Fang is expected to join in on, and does. Which leads me to believe that so far, the persona he is putting on is not too different from what his earlier crew members (Fang, Ivan) expect. But I do still think we're looking and more violence and recklessness from him moving forward and I dearly, dearly hope that bites Izzy in the ass.

(And not in ways he's gonna like. Important distinction.)

- Back to Stede, if Alma doesn't grow up to follow him out to sea I will be QUITE surprised. Also, her acceptance of his choice being symbolized in splitting the orange in half - physically acknowledging that he still loves them, but he loves himself and Ed, and the life possible out there, too? Perfect. Especially since now that all is (about to be) resolved - Ed first gave him the orange, after he found it himself, and now his daughter is giving it back to him, changed, but even better for the way it's had to change? Just... yes.

- Also, the intensity parallel of Stede faking his death but really heading toward life, and Ed abandoning the crew, abandoning himself, in order to survive but actually dying more and more internally 👏👏

- Everyone's frakking reactions to Stede's death too, omg. Clearly he didn't tell Doug all the details and I am here for it. As I am for Evelyn's little nod of respect when he tells them not to blame Ned, before the carriage hits him and the piano "kills" him finally. And of course, the whole fuckery itself. Absolutely amazing all around.

- I also really, really hope that as much as Stede is in more typical mariner clothing, stripped down from his frills and the shield of his clothing, in the shot of him "finally free"..... I get why he's stripped down to that, but I hope he gets to maintain his fashion sense to some extent and I look forward to seeing how they balance that. I don't think just having him drop all the fashion and frippery would be true to his character. Yeah, he's still starting from scratch now, by choice, but his clothing before was self expression as much as it was protection. So yes, balance please.

- And then we get the flag 😭 Which, more than anything - considering that right after we see it in full, the shot switches to Ed, drinking, staring/glaring intently at it, and then walking away - I think he had Frenchie do it as a reminder to himself. Guard your heart or it will bleed. Which is as much about the threat of Izzy as it is about Stede.

- I also agree that with Guz leaving the show, there is a high likelihood that Jim is gonna have to kill him in an escape attempt. Ouch.

- And then, the last scenes we get of both Ed and Stede - what they want us to take away, especially since at that point it hadn't been renewed yet.

Our last shot of Ed is him sobbing in Stede's cabin, in Stede's bed, so small in that space, staring first at Mary's lighthouse painting from their first fuckery together (and then out the window). Their first day really together, even if neither of them understood that yet.

🎉 THAT IS EXTREMELY HOPEFUL 🎉 Not that I want Ed miserable, ever, BUT the fact that we are allowed to see that he is still falling apart inside and is choosing that space as refuge - still hurting so much despite what he's showing to everyone else, but taking what little scraps of comfort he left himself? That memory, and the place where Stede rested? That is VITAL to understanding that there is still hope for him. He can still come back from this because he hasn't cut himself off from his pain entirely and he IS still reaching for whatever softness, what care, is left, when no one can see him.

And for Stede, we get him rescuing his crew from yet another traumatic experience - which is a nice parallel to his speech in the beginning of the first episode, about pirate-life trauma and caring for them, especially since in this case they really DO need and want help this time (sorry Buttons. No Swede roast for you). And of course, Olu - the most competent of all of them - sees him first, and through the spyglass we see that he stands up clumsily and we get the lighthousey imagery of him raising one arm up, standing straight as possible (ha, straight). Guiding them with that gesture.

So we get the reassurance of that imagery, but also the reassurance that he is still himself - whatever comes next, he's still gonna bumble through it and likely survive with the usual Muppet luck. AND, equally importantly, getting to the crew means a) doing right by them but b) also knowing as much as he can about what happened to Ed, and what he's facing next.

Now, pairing that with the last shot of Ed - I absolutely think that we're meant to take away that Stede WILL reach him and Ed WILL be reachable, at least eventually. Obviously it's gonna take a LOT, and there are likely to be heart-rending and hysterical shenanigans involved, but they WILL get there.

So, yes. Well done everyone. Now please go pull Lucius out of the ship's walls, first and foremost, for fuck's sake.

☠️🍊💕

#meta #ofmd meta #inspiration #storytelling #fangirling #stedward #blackbonnet #otp #queer romance #queer representation

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