#mani def exists in some sort of horror though.

[moe-broey]

Alfonse voice (having yhe worst stress migraine about it) PLEASE stop trying to have sex with my corpse. Sentences I should never have to say. But more importantly it always goes So Poorly for you it's so fucking hard to watch and I just feel really bad for you

[whoiwanttoday]

So not last Friday but two Fridays ago was National Paranormal Day, something I didn't know existed and there is a joke here about it not actually existing no matter how much some people abuse the scientific method to prove it does but I won't go down that rabbit hole. The point is that night I had a friend who made me aware and asked me to watch something Paranormal but I was busy so I didn't. They watched The Amityville Horror, a truly bad movie that was also part of a massive pop culture phenomena. It's a thing I am fascinated by because I am always interested in ideas that infect society and I wish I could have been there to feel it. To see if it felt like everyone believed there was a haunting in Amityville or not. If you don't know the story you can look it up but it's been pretty thoroughly debunked over the years, though of course there are still true believers, but it was a best selling book that lead to a massive hit movie that has lead to an official movie franchise and an unofficial one that has spawned combined hundreds of movies. You think I am exaggerating but I promise you I am not. Since Amityville is a real place as long as you don't call it the Amityville Horror anyone can make a movie and put Amityville in front of it and suddenly you have a movie sure to make money on streaming. It's how you get things ranging from Amityville Island and Amityville Vampire to Amityville Dollhouse and Amityville in Space. Anyway, I didn't come here to talk about Amityville but rather how I didn't watch it Friday night. But it put it in my head so I finally did watch it again, it's a not very good movie but one that has always been part of my life because it was just… always sort of there as a kid. On TV a lot, someone always had a VHS copy recorded off of cable somewhere. So I have seen it many times and the bright spot has always been Margot Kidder because she's the bright spot in a whole lot of movies. She has this moxie and charm about her that comes out in a very specific 70's Liberated Lady way that you don't see anymore. It's so era specific, a backbone and some spunk mixed with a world weariness and the fact that she has seen more than you have. It's why she was a pitch perfect Lois Lane but she is also in a few horror movies and one of them I deeply love she is the best part in, which is high praise cause Black Christmas is awesome. Anyway, I feel like I was intellectually aware she must be an attractive woman cause she's in movies and stuff but she was first and foremost Lois Lane to me as a kid and I couldn't sexualize Lois Lane. Guys, it turns out I can sexualize Kathleen Lutz. I dunno what it is, 4k resolution, getting older, some third thing you can feel free to tell me about in the comments below but man, she is gorgeous. Just so absolutely beautiful and I felt a little dumb that I hadn't fully registered this. Like I knew but I was embarrassed for my loins that they hadn't done their job and made me lust after her previously. They usually don't drop the ball like this. Anyway, in ultra high def I am here to tell you her face is a marvel. And you pair that with the sort of verve Margot Kidder always brings to the screen and I was smitten. To the point I was like, "Did anyone else notice how hot she is in this movie?" Guys, they did. My favorite review I found online was from a woman that said, "You'd think this movie would make me wary of ouija but now we're digging up the board to ask Margot Kidder to be our third". I get it. Today I want to fuck Margot Kidder.

[munchflix]

MUNCHFLIX - “DEMON” HOUSE

IMDB BLURB: Paranormal investigator and moldy walnut Zak Bagans documents the most authenticated case of possession in American history.

WARNINGS: Zak Bagans is a fucking asshole. Correllation is not causation. Also mentions of suicide and murder. 

RATING: An 8 out of 10 on the demon scale

OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: All reviews are done solely for humor and should not be taken seriously ever. If you cannot handle cursing, crude humor and probably some offensive things, pls do not read this. 

Munch: I'm Munchflower Zaius, paranormal movie investigator. I've investigated like 10 terrible paranormal movies this week. I don't have a t.v. show but if I did it wouldn't be a ghost hunting show. I'm one of the leading researchers on ghosts and demonology because if Zak fucking Bagans is then so am I - and this is the movie that really fucked Biscuits up. This movie was the next paranormal activity, it was the next Asylum movie, and I went all out. I had resources like Amazon Prime, a great crew of just Biscuits, I thought I was gonna crush this review. But in the end...nothing was as it seemed.

M: Biscuits fell ill and couldn't leave his room for 8 days, he didn't feel like himself. He screamed and wailed and tore at his hair. (no really ) He drew pictures of Zak Bagans and set them on fire.  I fired him or he quit or something. Witnesses and experts ended up in the hospital and at the heart of it all was a little screwed up ghost hunter. It took us three years to write this review, we had everything we needed...but the truth is...this film is cursed. 

Biscuits: I hate this fucking movie. I have watched some terrible movies, we have reviewed some terrible movies. But this movie...this movie makes me angry beyond words. This movie makes me hate. This movie made me so furious that I not only hate it, I hate Zak Bagans, the man. I have never met him, but if I did, I think I would punch him in the balls. This review is going to be 90% me just screaming, because it makes me that mad. 

M: This is gonna be my fucking opening gif right here...

B: Oh yeah, this - there's a demon here in this fucking Amazon Prime video. He got in with his fucking 30-day free trial. Oooo it's gonna come get us! I'm so scared!!

M: ...

B: Oh, Zak "I-have-a-series-on-the-Travel-Channel" Bagins! Yeah, that makes you a qualified expert demonologist, Zak. "One of the world's LEADING researchers on ghosts and demonology" - no, no you're fucking not! What do you actually know about demons?? Also, let's add the fact that Zak Bagans is a terrible actor, and his monotone narration does nothing to improve the atmosphere of the movie.

B: It took him three years to finish this film, and it still sucks! Way to go buddy, it took us three days to make that potato salad!! THREE DAYS!

B: "This film is cursed!!" Yes it is, this is the curse! It's cursed to make me angry!

M: So spoopy! I'm spooped solid, are you spooped solid? Actually, if I had to say, my spoop level is actually somewhere along the levels of 'explosive diarrhea'.

B: This movie is explosive diarrhea. That's - that's a man whistling into the microphone, subtitled as 'wind whistling'. We are Zak Bagans' therapist for a minute, helping him dissect his dreams. One time I had a dream where I traded my non-existant son for two cool posters. I don't think THAT dream meant anything. Imagine a ghost hunter having dreams about ghosts!

M: Imagine a ghost hunter.

            Pictured: Zak Bagggggans confused by electrical equipment

B: We also introduce the idea of a 12-foot-tall goat man, who never really comes up in the movie again. Is that Orcus himself? Oh shit, this is getting real. I'm not high level enough to fight a demon lord!

M: The demon vaped in my face!

B: "And I knew...this was some serious shit that meant something." I COULDN'T make that shit up. Genuinely. What does it mean, Zak? Would you care to explain? I don't know what does it mean.

B: This movie is NOT actually about the well-known Gary, Indiana story of demon posession. It's mostly about Zak Bagins fucking around.

M: Mentally masturbating himself for being some sort of sick ghost expert. Why would anyone call Zak Bagans about this? I think he made that shit up.

B: So, basically, Zak Bagans bought this house in Gary, Indiana where this alleged possession took place. A newscaster pronounces his name as 'Zak Baggins'. Guys, Bilbo Baggins bought this haunted house! He bought it because he wanted to make a movie about it.

M: Why?

B: To convince everyone that his 'ghost hunting' career is legitimate and he shouldn't have dropped out of college. Useless footage of Zak Bagans convincing some homeless people to move out of this abandoned house. Don't get them involved in this, it looks very cold and they were probably just trying to find a warm place to warm place to stay. Don't get them involved in your shitty fake documentary.

M: Also, if this house is really like, MEGA haunted, why are homeless people hanging out in it? Homeless people ain't got time for ghosts.

B: No, they have real problems. Wow, this fuckin house looks like an empty house! Oh, this is the best part - he gets a text from a psychic medium. a warning he'll 'never forget', and we'll never forget either! He shows us this obviously voice-to-texted message claiming that he saw visions of a very large demon figure and that this house is, and I quote, an '8 out of 10 on the demonic scale'.

                                          Pictured: a demonic scale. 

M: I wanna see this fucking scale. I actually googled demon scale after watching this because I had never heard of a fucking demon scale. Guess what, there's no demon scale. If you have access to this demon scale, PLEASE message me. I have a mighty need to see this thing. 

B: WHAT the fuck is he talking about? Where is this demon scale?? Who made this demon scale?? This bitch just literally fucking made that shit up and thought we wouldn't notice.

M: And again, what exactly does this goat demon have to do with the house? What is the actual connection?

B: Does he just like hanging out there? Also, insert shots of some guy in a goat suit to make it seem scary. But we know that's just a guy in a goat suit. I guess that's what the demon is supposed to look like?

B: This also pisses me off - Zak Bagans and his crew track down this poor family by finding their home address from news footage, which is stalking, because they won't return his phone calls.

B: Also, let's not forget Zak's claim that a clairvoyant said this house was 'home to 200 demons'. WHAT?? Zak recounts some of the story of the family's supernatural experiences. But this is about him now! This movie is about HIM!

            Pictured: I really want to see his artistic rendering of this demon

M: He has about as much reverence for the supernatural as I have for him.

B: Also, they film these people from their car, perhaps as though they didn't want them to know they were being filmed! Good job Zak, stalking an innocent family to record them without their consent for your shitty, self-aggrandizing ghost show. At least they had the decency to blur faces.

B: They then say they don't want to have anything to do with the documentary. Zak Bagans makes up an excuse about how things have attached themselves to him from the house. Just leave these people alone. Problem solved. However, one guy is coerced into talking about what happened during the possession, which mostly affected the kids in the house.

M: I don't discount that something actually happened to the family that lived there, that they may have had some sort of supernatural experience. That's not really what I'm trying to say here - I just don't believe in Zak Bagans.

B: Or, whether it was supernatural or not, something obviously affected them that they perceived as paranormal that made them want to move out of the house. Of course, there are more realistic explanations for many of these experiences, but that's not what we're here to debate. Zak Bagans knows jack shit about parapsychology and is just pretending to for clout.

M: Imaginary clout... Also, these reenactments are the only good part of the movie. Props to those child actors.

     Pictured: children enjoying some fortnite just before becoming possessed.

B: Also, apparently, spirits are like velcro or something. I guess you can get 'infected' with ghosts. Watch out for that coronavirus, of course, but also, watch out for GHOSTS.

B: This priest performed definitely approved and legitimate excorcisms on this house I guess.

M: It's pretty hard to get one of those these days, but what do I know...

B: Yeah, we're not the world's leading experts on ghosts and demonology!

B: Zak Bagans inserts interview footage to make his fake documentary seem legit. If it was a real documentary about the Ammonses' experience, detailing  multiple points of view with people who actually know stuff about supernatural cases and/or parapsycology, it might be a good documentary. However, it is not. Zak Bagans does not know what a documentary is. He thinks he is so cool that he is the only expert necessary because he know EVERYTHING about ghosts.

B: Zak Bagans did not film this. He found footage and has nothing to say about it. He just wants you to believe that he knows stuff. I suppose it's context. But, as I've mentioned, this documentary isn't really about the Ammons family or their experiences in this house, it's about Zak Bagans.

M: All of this is just being set up to try to lend credence to the later part of this movie, which has nothing to do with any of this.

B: Zak Bagans heard someone else was having a demon party and wanted to be invited.

M: It's POSSIBLE, but it's extremely fucking unlikely. Anything is POSSIBLE. You're leading the audience, Zak.

B: Okay, if this was just a horror movie, one of those ones that's 'based ona true story', and Zak wasn't trying to pretend that this is all 100% real, it would be fine. I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it. As it is, it's Zak Bagans trying to convince us all that he's so, so cool. He has found DEFINITIVE proof of demons.

B: Of course it's creepy! It's a basement! It's like saying an attic is creepy - they're ALL creepy.

B: INDISTICT BACKGROUND NOISES??? THAT DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE A VOICE?? Now we're getting into real ghost shit. While I don't believe Zak Bagans knows shit about ghosts or demons, he obviously has a lot of experience with indeterminate noises.

M: His entire show is indeterminate noises.

B: Ghost hunters LOVE indeterminate noises! Zak Bagans interviews a man about a weird noise on his recording. SO compelling.

B: An AM/FM radio went to static? There can't be any explanation for that other than ghosts... Zak also loves to make claims that he substantiates with NO evidence! It's almost as if he feels the FACTS might not be compelling enough. According to this police officer, the demons affect women and children physically, and 'stronger men electronically'.

M: No input on how it affects the weaker men, though.

B: Also, apparently, the epicenter of this demon outbreak is a spot of dirt under the stairs. Everybody knows dirt is demonic. Demons can't hide in concrete or solid flooring; they like a more naturalistic approach.

B: Aggravate OR abate the demon. Those seem like quite extreme options. Also, listen to the list of super spooky stuff the police officers dug up from the spot under the stairs: a pink press-on nail and PANTIES. Everyone knows a good demonic summoning ritual needs to involve lots of women's panties. VERY spooky. Also, a comb, two children's socks, a heavy bar, and a red tin. All very definitely demonic summoning artifacts and not just random items that got lost.

M: Zak refers to this pile of nonsense as a demonic altar.

                                     Pictured: one demonic altar 

B: This priest is on board too. He thinks these random objects are 100% demonic. Because of reasons. He believes it's NECROMANCY.

M: What does a priest know about necromancy? ...asking for a friend.

B: He knows it involves PANTIES.

M: I've never heard of a necromantic ritual that involves panties...not that I know anything about necromancy.

B: You know more than Zak Bagans does!

M: Ok, I am now an expert on necromancy, and hereby ALL necromantic rituals must involve women's panties...and uhh, a big stick, and a tin, and whatever else you've got laying around.

B: This cop assumed that this was a literal portal to Hell. That's where the panties came from.

M: HELL PANTIES.

B: That would be a great name for like...an all-female metal band. Or a really bad B-movie. Or both.

M: No way those panties could've gotten there any other way...demons is the only logical answer.

   Pictured: Detective Gruszka finally goes to the women’s section at Macy’s

B: THE WALLS WILL OOZE GREEN SLIME! No, wait, that always happens. "Half her hand went completely white" followed by a photo of half of her hand not being completely white.

                                      Pictured: a white person’s hand. 

M: Can I just take a moment again to say how much I don't like Zak Bagans?

B: So many unrelated people...confirmed that there was something on the blinds.

M: Which means...DEMONS ARE REAL! That's the only logical conclusion, right?

B: Insert shot of a spider, because that's SPOOKY.

M: Wow, it must be a lot easier to get an excorcism these days. 

M: Why did Zak Bagans record this phone call?

B: That's a very good fucking question!

M: Did he not? Is he just pulling this shit out of his ass for the camera?

B: His voice is so emotionless you can't tell.

M: Also, what relevance does this have to anything?

B: Big Hollywood producers only want money!! Unlike you, Zak, Zakary, who definitely DIDN'T make THIS movie for money or fame. This nonexistant 'other movie' about this story that is the source of all Zak's problems and DEFINITELY the reason the Ammons don't want to talk to him.

B: The homeless people and the landlord don't believe the house is haunted. That's Zak's version of trying to present a counter-point. Obviously, he never had to write an argumentative essay in school.

M: He was probably the guy in group projects who never did anything.

B: Homeless Person: "Money make you say a whole lotta stuff." Obviously, he's right.

                                   Pictured: no comment needed

B: "I'd like to find out rather the claims are real or false. I'm not here to fabricate nothing or sensationalize on anything..." ZAK.....................................go to hell.

B: You are here ENTIRELY TO fabricate stuff and sensationalize on stuff. That's why you made this MOVIE, Zakary.

M: Gosh it's crazy, it's almost as if money makes people say things.

B: It's almost as if maybe he thought you were paying him to say things for his movie. Did you slip that priest and that police officer some money 'to leave' too? "I'm not gonna tell you that until we sit down and make an agreement" YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE WANTS MONEY!

M: Zak Bagans is basically damning himself by leaving this in here...this guy's got it figured out, though.

B: He's not telling ghost stories, he's just explaining that this is profitable. Also, Zak does passively mention that there were members of the Ammons family who claim these alleged experiences did not go on. However, he doesn't understand what refuting a counterpoint actually is. It's almost like...he can't. Because, with paranomal shit, there's never enough evidence to truly confirm or deny.

M: "Wow"

B: Wow...insert 'wow' vine here. Oh, and this part where he intentionally brings up a photo he knows is fake and has been definitively debunked. SO, just don't include it!! Also, 'mold and other things' that could've psychologically affected the residents, including carbon monoxide. I have an idea, why don't we make this whole movie about a home inspector inspecting this house...

          Pictured: Munch had the mouse over the screenshot, fuck you. 

M: ALSO, all this shit is just in here to make Zak Bagans SEEM like he's exploring other avenues of explanation, which he then promptly abandons.

B: Zak Bagans has to explain to us (badly) what carbon monoxide and black mold can do to a person psychologically...perhaps causing side effects that can create or enhance the sensation that something supernatural is happening. "It's something to take into consideration." - but he won't.

B: "Some other normal explanation that was now being turned into a money grab." OH. I don't even have anything to say to that. You said it, not me. "Shit got crazy." That's how you know it's legit. Also, we are 32 minutes into this hour-and-a-half long movie, and we are now reaching the point where any sort of legitimacy goes right down the fucking toilet and we are flushed into the festering sewer of Zak Bagans' mind.

B: A family who used to live in the house shows up very conveniently to be in Zak's movie. These kids seem 'very convinced' there are demons. Some mildly supernatural hearsay is presented.

M: Also, point here - if Zak Bagans really believes that spirits can just attach themselves to anyone, then wouldn't he be deliberately endangering these people by taking them down into the basement?

B: An attributed quote that we didn't hear her say...because of course. And, if the basement reminds her of her DEAD BROTHER who used to stay there, that has nothing to do with demons, and is also a perfecty legitimate reason for her to not like going back into the basement after all these years.

                Pictured: A quote that nobody but Zak Biguns heard

M: Zak Bagans then proceeds to TELL THE CHILDREN that he JUST BROUGHT INTO THIS PLACE that demons can 'get inside of you and make you sick'. What, is he immune or something so he's not worried about it happening to him?

B: Also, this woman lived in the house in the 90s when she was only about 10 years old. It's almost as though, and I'm not making any claims here, that he wanted the Ammons family to be in his movie, and when they said no, he got a backup family to take their place in the script.

M: He knows all about possession, 'cause it happened to him.

B: No, for real. I was there. (I was the demon) He started doing ghost hunting because he got possessed once.

M: This is just an excuse for him to tell his origin story. Also, these kids look not on board at all with him being here.

B: Zak Bagans knows how to use Adobe Premiere. He's really proud of it. M: Again, if you believe all this is real, you are genuinely putting these people in danger. If they are legitimately afraid of ghosts following them, you are making it worse. Are you gonna come and save them, Zack?

M: I hate this fake 'EVP analysis' so much. "It SOUNDS like..." yeah, it can sound like anything if you tell people it does.

B: "What's wrong with this boy" is that you TOLD HIM that ghosts could latch onto him! Maybe he's SCARED because YOU SCARED HIM on purpose.

M: Then we get some black-and-white footage of Zak Bagans being a dick, and that's...proof of demons.

B: You pushed this guy a little bit. Honestly, it didn't look like you were pushing him that hard. It's also convenient that you weren't recording at the time but immediately started recording again as soon as you stepped out of the house, because this is all real, and definitely exactly how it happened.

B: These guys have to explain to Zak what he did, so that the audience can also get explained to what happened in the footage they just saw. I don't know anyone could have construed that as anything other than a genuine demonic possession.

M: He's not even a credible actor, like there's nothing believable about these performances. It's such shit. Zak Bagend must leave (for no reason) but then someone tries to break into what he repeatedly calls " My House" as if he lives there. Why would anyone want to break into his jank ass haunted house? This seems really unlikely. Zachhh says the cops won't go in the house. Too scared. Zak says it's " a different kind of haunting." Wtf does that even mean?

M: Zak is now interviewing the CPS worker from the case that this was supposed to be about.

B: Yeah you remember that?

M: No, not anymore. She seems credible, Zak Bagnnnns does not. I really don't believe he believes in any of this.

B: Yeah ask the woman about her emotional trauma, Zak. Ask a CPS worker about her trauma. Be like oh so this was a traumatic experience for you? You should talk about it with me for this shitty documentary!

M: She says her therapist told her to seek help. That's...pretty bad right? When your therapist says to seek help? Now some informative badly edited cards about things that allegedly happened in this house. Why didn't we hear anything from the home inspector who was choked in his sleep and got cancer??? That's some real shit!

                 Pictured: The one guy we really wanted to hear from 

B: This DEFINITELY had everything to do with demons. Demons are the #1 cause of cancer in the United States. They don't want you to know that.

M: Oh the fucking bike ride. On his way to do a second exorcism on Latoya ( why did she need a second exorcism?) this priest fell off his bike. Because demons.

B: Well you know it's not an exact science. I'd go so far as to say it's not science! It's not even science adjacent. Zak Bagel doesn't even know wtf science is.

M: I am literally laughing out loud. This priest says the demon was trying to figure out what would stop him from going forward with this second exorcism and the best thing this fucking demon, this 8 out 10 DEMON ON THE DEMON SCALE DEMON can come up with is knocking a dude off his bike?? Just get back on your bike, man.

B: This is my major problem with this movie, especially this second half. Zak Brainend presenting all this random shit that happened and blaming it on demons. This is the 21st century, we don't blame all our problems on demons. We don't live in the middle ages. This priest falling off his bike wasn't because of demons. 

M Correllation is not causation. This detective fucking slid on ice two days after being in the house and ended up in the ER. That is not because of demons.  Wait...is he interviewing him in the fucking ghost house?

B: And then he brings up him being shot during a home invasion and blames that on demons.

M: So he gets a call from Mika who was part of the backup family to tell him her daughter is in distressl WHY would you call Zak Braggans?

    Pictured: A girl with her face blurred out because I’m not Zak Bagans

B: This pisses me off. If this girl is actually suicidal and actually tried to kill herself, you don't put that in your shitty demon movie. If she's actually depressed and hurting herself you don't put that in there. It's not cool. It's very exploitative. You don't know anything about ths girl's mental illness or anything that's going on in her life. If this is all indeed real and not scripted, you're just a piece of shit!

M: But demons! 

B: Stay out of it Zak, this doesn't involve you. You're not a psychologist or a therapist, it's not your business. 

B: One of his crew members quits. Because of the demons.

M: And not because he thought maybe Zak exploiting a suicidal girl was bad. Where did they find this priest anyway, he seems so sketchy. 

B: I'm also pissed that they brought this suicidal girl in to have an EXORCISM. She needs mental help and therapy and a licensed person to help her. You don't give her an exorcism and go oh you're fine. When the exorcism doesn't work she's going to feel extra shitty. But whatever Zak, it's your fucking movie. You do whatever you want for your movie. Who am I to tell you what you can and can't do with a suicidal teenage girl. 

M: This confirms to me that this priest is sketchy as fuck. If he was reliable he would have said Zak no, this girl needs actual help. Zak is still blaming demons. I hate him so much. I hate his stupid douchebag face. 

B: And he sits here and puts this girl on camera and asks her questions about it. NO NO fuck you, genuinely fuck you Zak. Again, this is exploitative as shit. Trying to make cutting her wrists into being some kind of stigmata. Fuck you. This doesn't have anything with demons.

    Pictured: A religious phenomena usually experienced by the very devout 

M: Why would demons invoke stigmata anyway, that's....not how that works. 

B: It's just feels like Zak Blehgins is exploiting this family and trying to convince them that everything is demons from this house they spent 10 minutes in. Again, it's like he has no idea what he shouldn't do. Nobody thought to ask her about her feelings. If this is real she needs help and not Zak Blahggg asking her questions with a camera in her face. 

M: This poor teenage girl does not want to be in this. Her head drops and they're like OKAY EXORCISM OVER SHE'S FINE. Then Zak's psychic friendo Debbie tries to make contact with the demon remotely. Why? Why would she invite that? Does she wanna hang out?

B: Is she gonna like text the demon? Facebook messenger? How many psychic friends does he have? 

M: Oh she succeeded I guess and it said WHARBLGARBL. And then Debbie was killed in a double murder suicide.

                                           Pictured: Wharblgarble

B: Her husband murdered her and her roommate and if you really cared you would not put this in your goddamn demon documentary. Can you just leave shit like this out of it? Tie your friend's murder into your damn demons. This is why I hate Zak Biguns. He's a fucking manipulative asshole who tries to spin murder and suicide and cancer into his conspiracy theory movie about demons. ANOTHER point, the common thread among all of these stories is YOU, Zak, you could make exactly the same point about you. He also found a Hell is Real sign. Also trying to claim that demonic activity is higher in areas with high crime rates, poverty and murders. 

M: And now some facts about Gary, Indiana. 

B: And also exploiting this poverty stricken predominately black community. A segment where we explore actual problems that this place has. Zak you fucking absolute....

M: Zak is now telling us that like 5 people died there but he can't discount that someone close to the Ammonses might have cursed the house and invited the demons. Like...5 people dying there wasn't enough for you Zak? Zak's gonna go kick Latoya's boyfriend's ass because he thinks he tried to curse them with panties. That's a real thing that's happening. Zak can now tell whether people are into the occult by looking at them. 

B: Another previously unknown superpower. Maybe he has a white savior complex.

M: MAYBE? The boyfriend doesn't wanna talk. Big shock. 

B: What did you think was gonna happen.

M: This guy is a piece of work. Dr. Barry Taff, who holds a doctorate in psychophysiology. ( the study of the relationship between physiological and psychological phenomena, I had to look it up so you get to learn too, bitches ) He's gonna come and see if electromagnetic stuff is causing the demons. But everything is normal so...therefore demons. But there's a spike in the basement. That doesn't mean it's demons though. In fact, it would seem to indicate the opposite.

B: This happens on a lot of ghost hunting shows. I'm not sure what your weird electromagnetic shit has to do with ghosts but..?

                     Pictured: Zak Bagans realizing he’s a huge idiot

M: Now Zak has to go walk off again. He's being really affected by these demons. Weren't there supposed to be like 200 demons here or something? Doesn't this really do more to explain that demons aren't real? 

Z: Zak Braggins is a superconductor. He also seems genuinely surprised by what this guy is telling him.

M: That's because he doesn't understand science. Something causes him to lunge at the doctor, which is totally believable.

B: He just got mad the guy wasn't telling him it was demons. Fuck you and your science! The doctor hears a dog. Everyone knows demons bark like dogs. You said it was  goat man, why does it bark like a dog? 

M: So much footage of dudes just walking around supposedly being affected. Might be the carbon monoxide they actually detected earlier? Or the black mold?

   B: I love this part! This is fucking great. Footage of this guy walking around and then the cameraman's finger gets in the shot. It totally doesn't look exactly like what happens when you put your finger in front of the lens. Totally.

M: It's demons, obviously. The black anomaly. It's a fucking finger. They're just filming this dude walking around who seems to be ill and claiming he's touching the anomaly and shit. Take this dude to the fucking doctor. 

B: They take it to some NASA dude who enhances it and says there's no way it's the cameraman's finger. I still don't believe it's not the cameraman's finger. Oh shit, I just realized...I have fingers!

M: It might be a dick. 

B: If this cameraman and the doctor both feel faint, maybe you should just get out of the house!

M: This literally sounds like carbon monoxide poisoning which can cause nauseau, headaches, confusion, memory loss and literally every other thing except bad acting. Adam the cameraman wanders off and they find him in the basement. He later apparently starts VOMITING BLOOD??? Take this boy to the hospital! He starts screaming Zak in a weird voice so they decide to film it, natch.

                                  Pictured: Criminal negligence

B: Zak....zaaaaaaaaak i need to go to the hospital....this seems like negligence. M: Now they've lost him. Lots of footage of Adam being really aggressive for no reason. Nobody is concerned any longer about his vomiting blood. Something is wrong with this dude and you assholes are filming him. Adam wants to go to the house because of reasons that I'm sure are 100 percent legit. Maybe he's just tired of being in this shit ass movie with these shit ass friends. Zak says this is the scariest thing he's ever seen in his life. 

B: This movie is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life.

M: I honestly love the Adam bit. It's so fake. This dude is just being a dick on camera and Zak is like IT'S OBVIOUSLY DEMONS. Dr. Taff has a loud noise in his ear later on that wakes him up.

B: He's literally explaining exploding head syndrome. I have this, I know what it is. Characterized by loud noise you suddenly imagine just before you fall asleep, and can also occur as you wake up in the night. Google it. Also not caused by demons!

M: He wakes up with blood in his ears. Go to the hospital! 

B: Or he had a stroke, or an aneurysm. 

M: Meanwhile...Adam is getting interviewed instead of going to the hospital for barfing up blood. Adam doesn't wanna be on tape but they tape him secretly because they're fucking assholes. Adam says you know what I said bruh and Zak is like omfg the goatman. 

Pictured: It’s hard to find good images because this movie is also badly badly filmed and it’s just shitty creepy shots and then Zak talking.

B: It wants you, Zak, you're the leader of the bunch. 

M: Adam has a fucking aura of freezing air and EMF around him but we don't get to see any of the instruments they're using to record that.

B: These are obviously some very trustworthy guys. 

M: They are filming him without his consent.

B: Seems to be a recurring theme. 

M: Dr. Taff finally gets to a fucking hospital where his organs are shutting down. Like every single one of them. He mentions infection in his prostate.

B: I don't think his organ failure is best explained by demons. He has a severe medical problem. 

M: All these people he's saying got sick and NOBODY fucking went to a hospital? 

B: No..my dude...you are sick. You have a medical problem, not demons. M: Oh and now Adam has been removed from the crew because he's being weird and violent. They try to get him help but Adam refuses. I think Adam just got sick of their shit. 

B: They had to make something up. 

M: You have anything you wanna say here before Zak boards himself up in the house...alone...overnight?

B: Have fun, big guy.

M: Zakkkk " I know this sound stupid..."

B: It IS stupid. You set yourself up for that one. We're gonna have a sleepover with the demons! Pictured...the tiny penis in it's natual habitat.

M: This part is so fucking dumb. It's just....deeply deeply dumb.

B: They also moved in furniture so Zak can be comfy with the demon. And then... nothing happened. Lots of shots of absolutely nothing happening. I feel like I'm watching Paranormal Activity

M: Except stuff happened in that. Now in fast forward. Zak takes off his coat. 

                Pictured: the horror of seeing Zak Bagans undress

OOH SPOOKY. Nothing is happening. At all. He sits down and checks his phone so we can learn he doesn't wanna do lights out. Why? Nothing is happening.  He just keeps opening doors. What is Sebastian? I'm arranging matches. He makes sures the door is locked. 

B: Make sure the audience knows he's boarded up in there. You so brave. So big dick macho brave. You did this, Zak. Zak is scared of the dark. It's okay. It's natural.

M: I don't know why he's bitching. He orchestrated this. OOH LIGHTS OUT. NIGHT VISION ON. NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

B: This part also feels like the intro to some weird night vision demon porno, he's just walking around with a camera.

M: That would at least be interesting. Nothing is happening at all. We just keep getting time cuts to more nothing happening. Finally they will decide this is too much nothing happening and make up some shit.

B: It's almost like shit's really boring when Zak doesn't have people around to help him make up shit. Hey did you guys hear a sound? No. 

                                                Pictured: Lies

M: 4:51 am. When will this end? How much more nothing happening does the audicence need. And not to put too fine a point on it...but this house is the DEMON HOUSE. Supposedly haunted by over 200 demons and a goat-man and also an 8 out of 10 on the demon scale, and NOTHING IS HAPPENING. 

M: Zak is getting a headache. Probably because of carbon monoxide. There's an obviously faked goat-ish noise. Zak tells it to get away because that's gonna work. Shoo, demon. 

          Pictured: A man gets mouthy while backed against a wall in fear

B: He sounds very sincere. Back the fuck up, man. Why do these dudes always try to get all up in the demon's face? Fuck you, demon. Maybe the demon just thinks you're rude. He was just trying to say hi.

M: A title card pops up to say that Zak Bagans witnessed a dark mass come out of the wall. There's cameras literally fucking everywhere but we don't get to see that.

B: Water water everywhere but not a drop to drink.

M: Now his eyes hurt. Which makes him yell and knock shit over

. B: Can you imagine how we feel in quarantine? He develops diplopia. Double vision. 

M: It's not that serious, Zak. Doctors can't figure out what caused it. This does not mean it was caused by fucking demons. We get updates on Kevin who apparently caught a demon from Zak. Adam went goth. 

B: Adam got tattoos and we looked him up and he makes horror movies and shit now. He just looks like a metalhead. I wanna say something here again about Dr. Taff and his diplopia. He's acting like doctors not knowing the cause of something is rare. It is not. Anyone with chronic health issues can tell you that. Tests and doctors are not infallible and it's often hard to diagnose things even if they're severe. 

M: Speaking as someone with chronic health issues, this is the case more often than not. The house has not taken a toll on you people you fucking walnut. 

B: We get a long list of correlation is not causation. 

M: So Zak decides to bulldoze the house, thus freeing the demons loose in the world to do their dark dark bidding. 

B: Or something. My theory is that he bulldozed the house so nobody could go back there and his investigation would be the FINAL word on the matter, like so he could be the ultimate authority on this case and nobody could come back and try to contest him...or try to profit off of these events after him.

M: Closing thoughts?

B: Zak Briggins seems like a complete douche. When you start the movie he's just some guy who hunts ghosts and thinks he knows things. But as it goes on, you see he's also very exploitative and manipulative and not a good guy! He takes advantage of people's deaths and mental issues and health problems to further his demon agenda. In conclusion, fuck you Zak Bagans. 

M: Zak claims that even tho the house is gone, the cops keep calling to tell him to tell him people are doing satanic rituals at the site on the regular. Why would the cops even call him for that? There's no house there. I call bullshit. On ALL of this. This story IS cursed, man. Don't expose yourself or your loved ones to the horrors of Demon House. 

B: I call bullshit on there being producers on this movie.

M: That's fair. I miss Ghost Hunters.

[official-michael-afton]

Made a tier list of FNaF media!!! Not counting the activity book or the security survival log because those don’t really add anything, they’re just neat activities or summaries of game info

I explained the choices under the cut, equal parts personal bias and objective opinion, so if you think differently then hey, good on ya!

Going down to up XD

F

The Silver Eyes Graphic Novel: Do I even need to explain this one? Rushed art with countless mistakes, horrid coloring, samey designs, the important scenes come off as bland and even goofy instead of impactful. It’s clear Pinky wasn’t used to drawing humans, the colorist had no idea what they were doing, and no one on the team made a graphic novel before. It’s laughable how bad this was XD

E

The Fourth Closet: Does anyone really know what happened at the end? I... really don’t like what they did with Charlie in this one. I don’t like how William was able to get out of his Springtrap- it was SUPPOSED to trap him, and yet he just... is out of it... I think the whole thing with Baby being like this hot clown girl instead of what she is in Sister Location is very... ... it exists... Tbh I respect the bold direction it took, but I honestly felt it was too much of a stretch and just didn’t work.

D

FNaF AR, Special Delivery: Not bad! The character models and voice acting is where the game shines most. Other than that, there isn’t really much substantial to the game other than some lore with Vanny/Ness and Luis. The gameplay can get frustrating sometimes(I cant collect remnant, read my mail, or even work on my own animatronics without DING DONG SOMEONES HERE every 5 seconds), and all you do is spin in a circle until you get glitchy, look away if they get glitchy, or zap them when they run at you. Some people probably love this game and good on them for that, but I find myself not touching it for weeks at a time.

Freddy In Space 2: GREAT game for charity, great art, great music! ... That’s all it has going for it, though. It was clear that this was a quickly made game designed to be beaten in one sitting, and it did exactly what it needed to do! Other than being amazing how it was for charity, the game doesn’t have that much going for it(except introducing Lolzhax aka BEST ROBO), so overall not bad but also did almost nothing outside of being for the Charity Livestream XD

Fazbear Frights, Into The Pit: Again, not bad! A nice collection of short stories, almost like goofy campfire horror you’d tell to kids... like goosebumps! I felt each story was REALLY lacking in some areas, but I liked the general idea they were going for. That being said, they’re moreso neat scary stories with the name FNaF attached than anything else(except maybe the first of the three). It hints that they have an overarching plot that will be covered in future books, but as of right now, I feel no one’s missing out by not reading them.

C

FNaF 3: A satisfying end to the original trilogy story! Purple Guy gets justice, everything gets tied together with a neat bow, and the first arc in the series comes to an end. Also Springtrap, aka my favorite. This game is riddled with neat 8-bit minigames and bits of lore, but the gameplay itself is where I find it not as good as the S A and B tiers. The new setup with the system reboots are def really interesting, but other than that, each night is just... the same thing but harder. Most other games introduce different characters on different difficulties per night, but since Springtrap is the only deadly one, it’s just... him more aggressive each night and systems failing more often. Makes the gameplay pretty repetitive and frustrating after Night 3 or so.

FNaF 4: The beginning of what I like to call the Afton saga(4, SL, FFPS, UCN)! This is when the lore began to get REALLY good... and also really confusing. Props for it taking such a bold direction by taking place in a child’s bedroom instead of in an office with cameras, its a neat change of pace! That being said, the gameplay can get frustrating and there’s a high learning curve for needing to listen to each sound the anmatronics make. Also lore wise... there really isn’t much! Just mainly focuses on what happened to this poor kid. Also the box still being a loose end... yeah.

The Twisted Ones: I enjoyed this one! It had a very interesting direction that kinda kept me guessing on what was going on, and this is when Scott really started nailing in the foreshadowing for the reveal in TFC. The Twisted animatronics are SO cool, and the introduction of those little alteration chips provided new context to games like 4 and SL! That being said, I don’t remember it being... that memorable? I also didn’t like how Charlie’s and John’s relationship was... so awkward... It was neat, but honestly nothing to really go crazy over, in my opinion.

B

The Silver Eyes: Honestly, I adored this book when I read it back in 2016, before Sister Location happened. At the time I wasn’t trying to connect it to any lore, so it was really great just to see a sort of retelling of the FNaF story. A lot of people complained about how long it was... I might agree if I reread it but tbh it never bothered me before. It was delightfully creepy, yet had a simple plot and wasn’t NEARLY as out there as TTO and TFC. Especially TFC. I felt this book didnt need 2 sequels and would’ve been just fine on its own, but whatcha gonna do. Carlton is forever my fav, and it’s the first time we really learn about Henry AND it was the first time we got a name for our Purple Guy: William Afton!

Sister Location: I like this one for just how bold of a game it was. I’m also including SL’s Custom Night wrapped into this package. Jam packed with lore, our first (main) game with VOICE ACTING, and honestly the humor has no right being as good as it is. I love how this not only expanded on the crying child from 4′s story, but also gives us so much Elizabeth and Michael content. The gameplay has a lot of unbalanced features and feels a little too over the place at times, but I appreciate where it was going with it!

FNaF World: ... This one is pure personal bias. A lot of people don’t like it. I adore it. Honestly I love the cute overworld, I love beating up enemies as my favorite animatronics, I love the horror, nihilism, and lore shoved into this game alongside SO MUCH humor. Update 2 was nothing short of an absolute delight and... wait, no!!! FNaF World had our first voice acting!!! So many endings and nods to other games Scott’s made, a cool scene with Desk Man/Henry and Baby, just... muah. Good content. Also Scott 57 <3

A

Ultimate Custom Night: Name a better way to end the Afton Saga, I’ll wait. It’s so obvious how much time, thought, and care went into this one. I love how the game rewards you with funny cutscenes the higher scores you get, and I just! So much voice acting! I love how each preset- no, each character has their own moves so every time you do a certain mode, you need to learn to manage them all and get a good strategy. I like how it’s way more strategy and skill than the RNG that many previous games had. Also, Scott!!! You managed to put this into the LORE by making it William’s hell, MUAH, couldnt have done it better!!!

FNaF 2: This one might have bias for being the peak of the fandom, but it was one of the greatest times to be in that fandom. Freaking out over the trailers, theories galore, prequel vs sequel, and just... so good. 1 didn’t have much plot, 2 DID. 2 had more mechanics and strategy to it than 1, and gave us over twice as many characters! We finally got a “face” to our killer, Mr. Purple Man, and how could I ever complain about more Phone Guy~? This one also introduced the 8-bit minigames, which became a HUGE staple for the series! Perfect expansion of the first!

Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria Simulator: The PERFECT blend of old and new gameplay. The salvage scenes are intense, the nights had a great balancing mechanic of juggling doing tasks while also avoiding animatronics, multiple endings, and a neat tycoon segment to give the player a breather... but with LORE!!! Midnight Motorist is easily one of the best tracks in the series. Also has a GREAT canonical ending, when(with paired with UCN), ties the plots of 1-6 SO nicely with a neat bow. 

S

FNaF 1: Okay. From a personal and gameplay standpoint, I was going to put this much lower. Like B or C. That being said... this has to go in S. Yes, it has the least lore and arguably the worst gameplay(too much RNG for 4/20 mode), but this was the game. I can’t even exaggerate when I say just how much FNaF changed not only the gaming community, but especially the horror and indie communities. So many names got big from this: Markiplier, Dawko, Game Theory, The Living Tombstone, DA Games, SCOTT HIMSELF, just to name a few!!! And to think, this was originally going to be Scott’s last game! FNaF changed gaming HISTORY, and I think that alone makes this title deserving of S.

FNaF VR, Help Wanted: Okay, personal bias time, but I truly think VR deserves this S. Seeing Glitchtrap for the first time incited a panic in me that I hadn’t felt since FNaF 1 and 2. You get FNaF 1-4 in one, all in VR, WONDERFUL character models that you can WATCH MOVE!!! SO many minigames and fun challenges to play, so many neat knickknacks to collect, the Halloween update is FANTASTIC. The introduction of some great characters, such as: Glitchtrap, Vanny, Tape Girl, Dreadbear, Grim Foxy, etc!!! There’s also just- something so nice about being able to see every office and the pizzeria in 3D spaces where you can look around! Just from a gameplay and environment standpoint, this was an AMAZING addition and deserves the S.

... Thanks for listening to me ramble XD If you disagree... then good for you! I won’t fight anyone on this, I’m aware that this is a lot of personal bias. But if you made it this far... thanks for hearing me ramble!!!!

[elizabethmatthewsmacleodpaxton]

Holiday Gift Guide for the Movie Buff on Your List

It's the same that time of year. Time to buy gifts for your friends and family yet again as the world all over celebrates this corporate, financial, money-hungry, festive and generosity-filled holiday. Some of you may already have it all taken care of by now. Others may be last-minute shoppers such as myself and think that even now is just the start of the shopping season. No matter which you fall under, there's bound to be at the least a couple more on your list to check off. In this article, we'll give you some ideas for gifts for those movie buffs it's possible you have on your list. 1 . Movies Of course a movie buff loves movies. However , this gift selection isn't since obvious as some of you may think. In fact , it could be one of the hardest choices for a movie fan there is. There are all types with problems that may arise here. You could pick the wrong format, the wrong medium, the wrong edition. Or you could plain and simple merely pick the wrong movie. Or even more possible, buy them a movie they already own (afterall, they are movie buffs, it’s likely they have TONS of movies already making it even more likely to buy something they already have). Thus, that's why I recommend avoiding this selection unless that movie fanatic in your life has actively been hinting at a certain movie lately. In that case, go for it. Movies are definitely good for us movie buffs. But again, be careful in what you buy. Or at least save you the receipt and don't be offended when that person needs to return your gift. 2 . Netflix Now for those of you hoping get your movie buff some movies, but don't want to go through the headache of making sure you don't get the wrong issue, Netflix is your answer. Netflix allows that cinephile on your list access to all kinds of movies from the old to innovative, domestic to foreign, indie to blockbuster and so on. The great thing about this too, they get to choose which movies may be watch, while you just pay for the subscription. Netflix Gifts come in a variety of plans and a variety of lengths. You can get ones movie lover just the streaming package or you can choose a package which allows streaming, plus up to 1, two, or 3 DVDs out at a time. These can all be bought in lengths from 1 month to 1 season. For instance, a streaming package for 6 months will run you about $48. Or you can go with 2 Dvd out at a time for 1 year for about $180. No matter what the choice, it's sure to be a hit with the movie buff for you. It doesn't matter if they already have a subscription either as a Netflix Gift can simply be added to their already existing reoccuring and they'll get free months of their service. 3. Fandango Card Of course every movie buff spends ample amounts of your energy at the theater. So , along the lines of the Netflix thing, another option is a Fandango gift card (or a gift card account from a local theater). This gives your movie buff a gift that will keep on giving over the year as they revisit this theater. Each time getting to enjoy the big screen magic on your dime. The movie buff on your list will surely love a variety of like this over the months as they get to catch all the latest releases. 4. Movie Memorabilia Your typical movie ripped is obsessed with movies in probably a way you will never fully understand. As such, this means everything about movies they enjoy. Consequently, another good gift for that movie lover on your list is movie memorabilia. This ranges from movie paper prints, to shirts, to collector's items, to autographed items, to boxed sets, to film cells and art work. You can even buy scripts/screenplays/props from their favorite movies online. With many online outlets that sell this type of stuff, techniques are endless once you know some of your movie buff's favorite movies or actors, etc . 5. Movie-Related Books along with Magazines As I stated before, chances are the movie buff in your life loves everything movie-related. This goes for books and even magazines as well. Biographies on their favorite actors or movie-related books are good unconventional ideas for the movie fan in your life. There are plenty books out there designed for these types of people. From 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die to 1000 Films to Change Your Life to The 100 Best Movies to Rent You've Never Heard Of to even more specific catalogs like 101 Horror Movies You Must See Before You Die. All would be a welcome treat for the movie buff inside your life. Likewise, the movie buff in your life most assuredly likes to keep up with all things movies and get insights into the industry people so love. As such, magazine subscriptions that cater to these types are also good choices. These include print and online designs. Though I will say you'll want to go beyond the more mainstream types of Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stones, etc . Instead, look into offers like 'Boxoffice Magazine', 'Hollywood Reporter', 'Premiere', 'Empire' (UK), 'MovieMaker' or 'Filmmaker Magazine'. Likewise, you could also get them a ongoing to online industry rags like Variety. com or ProductionWeekly. com. 6. Universal Remote As you probably fully understand, the movie buff in your life definitely has a love for electronics. This is especially true when it comes to their home entertainment setup. All of that supplies can get out of hand though when remote controls begin piling up. Introduce the Logitech Harmony. The cream of the head when it comes to universal remotes. This line of remotes from Logitech range from about $100 to over $300. Any flick buff would be happy to get their hands on such a remote control to accent their setup. 7. Roku Box This is a terrific accompanying gift for a Netflix subscription. The streaming player allows the movie lover to use any of those buffering services to stream movies directly to their TV instead of having to watch on their computer or laptop. This is great for any video clip buff who would much rather watch on their big screen TV rather than their little computer monitor. The Roku container allows for Netflix instant streaming on your TV. It also allows access to such services as Hulu Plus, Amazon With Demand and more. 8. Blu-Ray Player Chances are your movie buff already has one of these in their collection. However , for any that don't a Blu-ray player is a great gift for the movie buff in your life. Providing for a high-definition movie experiencing experience, the movie buff in your life will love the immersion of watching their favorite movies in pristine hi-def. 9. Popcorn Maker Everybody knows: popcorn goes with movies like jelly goes with peanut butter. And for some reason, kettle popcorn basically tastes better. So why not bring that theater goodness into the home of your favorite movie buff giving them your gift of snacks anytime they sit down to watch a movie at home. You can find many kettle popcorn makers at under $100. Any movie buff would find it cool to have their very own popcorn maker sitting in the corner of their room in your home for access whenever they want to spend the evening watching movies (and trust me, they do this very often). 10. "Gaming" Chair These provide the ultimate comfort when sitting in front of the TV for a movie. With built-in speaker solutions and ultimate comfort, there are tons of stylish gaming chairs out there. Any movie buff would love one of these cool recliner/pedestal chairs to kick back and enjoy their movie-viewing experience. Not only does it just flat-out look cool and are they comfy, but they also provide more immersion with the speakers in the headrest and subwoofers built into the chair that make you rumble along with explosions on the screen. 11. Surround Sound System Speaking of sound, if your movie buff doesn't already have one, some sort of surround sound system is always a welcome addition to their home entertainment experience. Providing an immersion of sound to go with their viewing experience, a surround sound system is an absolute must for any movie buff that is looking to make the most of your home entertainment experience. Of course, this can be a costly gift, but the movie buff in your life will definitely be grateful. 12. HDTV Considering we're mentioning essential components, a TV definitely falls in that range. Obviously your movie buff already comes with one, but they're never opposed to a new TV (or even just a secondary TV). Whether it be a smaller LCD TV to do their room or an upgrade to a top-of-the-line brand new 3D TV, TVs are always welcome. Your film buff would definitely love you for this. With the pushing of 3D TVs, these are a definite hot item too which often most movie buffs in your life would more than happily take. Again though, this is one of the more costly gifts, so be ready to pay thousands for something like that. 13. Movie Storage You probably know this already, but the movie buff in your lifetime probably has a very extensive collection of movies. A collection they love to proudly show off as well. Of course such a collection may become something of a beast that needs taming. Enter the realm of media storage. This actually comes in a few forms as well: physical and digital. First we'll touch on the traditional physical form. This simply means shelves and shelves. If the movie buff in your life doesn't already have the shelving for their collection, or is simply running using shelf space, then a new shelf, rack or tower would be a practical and welcome gift for your movie aficionado in helping to tame that ever-growing collection and bring some order to it. Of course you have the digital entry as well. This is the same concept as storing all of your music on your computer. Many companies make devices specifically for media storage space like this. There are even companies like Kaleidoscope and PrimeArray which create systems that serve as storage not to mention servers. This means all movies are saved on a digital storage device. The cherry on top though is these devices then provide a means to share all that data across a network and have access to your entire movie collection using one click of a button on your remote. Having instant access to any movie in your collection without having to get up and also change out discs, etc . These however can get extremely expensive. Some even more costly than the TVs themselves. Nevertheless techphile/cinephile in your life would love it. 14. AFI Membership Every film buff is familiar with the prestigious American Film Company. What better way to reward their passion for films than allowing your movie buff to become part of that will institute by buying them a membership to the AFI. This can range from $60-2, 500. Offering cool perks just like movie tickets, exclusive release schedules and magazine subscriptions, an AFI membership also grants members admission to help AFI events. On top of that, your movie buff would even be able to vote alongside industry professionals for various show awards and accolades dealt out by AFI each year. To top it off, they would even get a great AFI membership card to proudly show off to friends as a sign to their dedication to films. 15. Dvd Festival Pass I'm sure you've heard of them. Sundance. Cannes. Attending these more prestigious film festivals are being a life-long dream for the movie buff in your life probably. They'd probably give an arm or a leg to get to encounter going to the prestigious Sundance festival or Cannes or the Venice Film Festival. However , these events booklet well in advance and can be costly. Thus, they don't make good last-minute gift ideas. Though, I'm sure your movie buff would probably happily take a "rain check" on a gift if it means the promise of getting a pass to one of these galas later on. Likewise, many bigger cities offer their own film festivals throughout the year. If you live near one of these, your picture buff would definitely love the chance to get to attend one of those as well.

[shipsrulemylife]

Jily Fic Rec

Surprise, surprise. Guess who’s back with another fic rec!

It’s Jily this time because who doesn’t love a good enemies to friends to lovers trope?

EDIT: apparently the links only work if you click on the read more??? why is tumblr so weird

Key Limes by cgner [Rated T]

In which Academy Award winner Lily Evans discovers the periphery of internet fandom and the mysteries of Prince James’s gold star system.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402624

Mother Deer by GhostofBambi [Rated T]

Euphemia Potter is the unequivocal boss of everyone, including and most especially her son, and if the sweet, bright-eyed redhead who frequents her coffee shop doesn't know that yet, she's about to find out.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594827

Polyjuiced by ladyoftheknightley [Rated T]

A very pregnant Lily invites the Marauders round to help her entertain James. Somehow, this degenerates into 4 Jameses wandering around her living room, with her having to guess which is her actual husband or (horror of horrors) lose a bet against Sirius Black.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/10101206/1/Polyjuiced

Salmon Fishing in the Olympics by GhostofBambi [Rated T]

Modern Era AU: When Lily Evans seeks assistance from James Potter to avoid the attentions of a suitor who just won't take no for an answer, she accidentally lands them both on the front page of every gossip magazine in Britain. She should have thought about that before pretending to be the girlfriend of a famous athlete.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393601

Cat in a Fifth Floor Flat by GhostofBambi [Rated T]

Modern Era AU. When Remus Lupin moves out and Lily Evans moves in, James Potter finds himself instantly drawn to his beautiful new neighbour. Little does he know that a mysterious force of nature is secretly pulling the strings.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10610682

The Yeast I Can Do by elanev91 [Rated T]

Dr Lily Evans had an absolute shit day at work. Luckily, there's a bakery nearby that offers a course that she hopes will take her mind off of things.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677191

Try, Trial, and Try Again by BeeDaily [Rated G]

Spell engineering has never been so complicated than when an afternoon of trying and trialing leaves James and Lily in an interesting position.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12404292

Supermarket Sweep by GhostofBambi [Rated T]

Modern Era AU: James Potter can find anything he needs in his local supermarket - bread, milk, the woman of his dreams - they've got it all.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11608353

we could be gigantic by elanev91 [Rated T]

Lily and James have been best friends since they were kids. Uni, a band, a trip abroad, a few tours and a couple of albums later, things start to change. Half an email fic, half a regular ol' narrative.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13926795

Swipe Right, Swing Left by ShadowRose997 [Rated T]

The unspoken rule of using dating apps in D.C. is that you always start with where you work. James Potter, it seems, never picked up on that one.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16743499

Erotic Porridge by elanev91 [Rated T]

Euphemia Potter thinks her doctor needs to go on a date with her son. This story is so named because I saw it somewhere, could not stop laughing, and my best friend professor-riddikulus hates it so much that I just had to. This story has nothing, literally nothing, to do with porridge. (I really should give my stories better names) - Muggle AU

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10475154/chapters/23112117

Elevator Love Song by BeeDaily [Rated T]

James unexpectedly finds himself trapped in a dodgy apartment elevator with Lily Evans.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13814355

Motionless by lovesickjily [Rated T]

James Potter always had thought that he was the only person in the world who had the power to stop time, but somehow, just the sight of Lily Evans makes every second feel like an hour.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16720791

Pickup Limes by elanev91 [Rated G]

Lily loves to blow off steam in Waitrose. Tonight, she spots an unbelievably gorgeous man in the bakery. Modern AU, Muggle AU, Grocery Store AU (still def not a thing)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11603553

Orange Cardamom by ShadowRose997 [Rated T]

James may not believe in love at first sight, but he's beginning to think there may be some merit in love at first sip.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16412123

Too Fic Too Furious by elanev91 [Rated T]

The M25 needs to undergo massive emergency repairs and the entire motorway has been shut down for, well, probably the rest of eternity. Lily Evans was foolish enough to think she could make it through before the traffic properly started. She's absolutely dying of boredom when she spots the guy in the car opposite.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14990837

you exist behind my eyelids by lovesickjily [Rated T]

How could they be in love with someone whose existence was only known because they frequented each other's dreams?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861750

the one with the white suit and the red beanie by Apalapucian [Not Rated]

james agrees(?) to be a model for lily's photography class project, and jeanne, james, and lily all fall one way or another in the duration of it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16018502

Wishing you all a Good Evening by thejilyship [Rated T]

Lily Evans is a news anchor for her college news station and James Potter is a football star who has gained quite a bit of local notoriety. Lily's not impressed by him and his arrogance, but James is quite impressed with everything Lily does. After the blunder that was their first meeting, James is determined to change her mind and she's determined not to let him. College!AU

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408027/chapters/35760174

So Just Act Like You Love Me by twilightstargazer [Rated T]

Lily was looking forward to a nice, quiet Christmas by herself. Instead she's heading back home for her sister's engagement party with a fake boyfriend in tow.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616078

the one with the storm and all the texting by Apalapucian [Not Rated]

James and Lily get stuck in a coffee shop during a storm.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044326

Unexpected Perks by thejilyship [Rated T]

James and Lily meet in an airport after missing their flights, though by the end of the day, it all sort of seems like fate.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15368979

Sing A Reckless Serenade by twilightstargazer [Rated T]

“What kind of work thing?” James asks, warily. Lily takes a breath. It seemed like a brilliant idea last night, when she was more than three drinks under, but now in the light of day it just seems… pathetic. Still though, she needs help, and needs it soon, so she finds herself blurting out: “I need you to fake date me for a week.”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9794741

Dr. Jones and the Witch by jamespotterthefirst [Not Rated]

Who is the stranger Lily drunkenly met at a party? And why can't she stop texting him?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16477184

no matter what (i love you) by softjily [Rated G]

When Lily’s aunt Rose introduced her to a scrawny twitchy eleven year old boy with frantic hair and glasses that were too big for his face, she certainly didn’t think she’d spend the next seventeen years beside him." Or, the VirtueMoir AU no one asked for.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216460/chapters/37903337

Have a Biscuit by PetalsToFish [Rated G]

No matter how many biscuits it took, Minerva was too invested in James Potter's relationship with Lily Evans to tell him that he needed to stop eating all her biscuits.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16301453

The Engagement by itsa_bee [Not Rated]

Lily and Marlene decide to go wedding dress shopping, even though neither of them are even in a relationship much less engaged. One thing leads to another, James Potter enters the scene, some fake dating ensues, and then they eat an engagement cake!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15728991

Sixty-Nine, Nice by a_collection_of_nonsense [Rated T]

In which James Potter and Lily Evans are in a math course together and have absolutely no chill.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15663510

#Jily by Chie (Chierafied) [Rated G]

Twitter seemed awash with the hashtag Jily. Lily blinked at in confusion, until she realised it was one of those silly couple monikers people had bestowed on her and Potter. …Though there was a small dissenting crowd following a tweet from Potter’s bandmate Sirius Black: Jily? Hah! More like LAMES.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7292149

victorem by gryffindormischief [Rated T]

When God closes a door, sometimes you have to jump out a window.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134368

Cheers to That by wotcherpotter [Rated G]

Breakout star James Potter has seen success on the new hit comedy Have You Ever, and has been nominated for his first BAFTA. Upon the announcement he receives congratulations aplenty online, including from fellow actor and long time crush Lily Evans.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12185553

follow your heart gently; by lilevans [Rated G]

social media au + “after lily spotted james on campus, she posted a video to her university’s campus story, telling james: ‘To the cute guy wearing the blue jersey in the university’s snapchat story, I’m seriously in love with you. find me.’ a modern day cat and mouse game ensues with the whole campus urging romeo and juliet to meet because oMG its love at first sight!!”

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130413

Questions and Answers by lizardcookie [Rated T]

The simple question of whether or not they're dating doesn't exactly have a simple answer. Seventh Year Jily.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7723105

Upside Down by Bob_The_Other_Zombie [Rated G]

Lily’s pop star career seems to be hitting a rut, until her publicity team comes up with the perfect plan- a fake relationship with James Potter, frontman of the hot new boyband The Marauders. Lily’s less than enthused- last time she and James were in the same room together, there was vomit involved, all over her nicest pair of shoes. After a few dates, however, lines begin to blur, and suddenly things between them don’t seem to be just PR anymore...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7500300

Sweet Tooth by mylifeissocoollike [Rated T]

Lily and James were best friends growing up, but when he moved away and they drifted apart they thought that would be the end of their friendship. But fate has a funny way of working out, and Lily can’t keep herself away from the brownies in the grocery store.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7301335

Lilium Regale by jewishwondergirl [Rated G]

Flowershop!AU. Lily works in a flower shop, and every Friday James comes in to buy flowers. For this prompt: "you keep buying a bunch of flowers so i think i have no chance but it turns out theyre for ur mum" Written (early) for Jily Trope Fest! Nothing but fluff.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7065067

The Benefits of Recklessness by madnessandbrilliance [Rated T]

Some people really were lucky they had good medical insurance. A Jily AU.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6779974

Darkest Night by thelittlegreennotebook [Rated G]

"It’s a tiny place, warm and welcoming with soft light and softer croissants. A place so small that if you happened to, say, run into the bloke you had been hell-bent on avoiding—well, there would be no avoiding about it." The third and last in a series of Jily college AUs for the November Fanfiction Challenge.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2563049/chapters/5699597

Happy reading!