#man this is personal art not some IP

[saint-vagrant]

AN BOIRINN

another piece made during my residency. ink with brush, plus brambles for company 🌿

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Now that there's an animated adaptation of Midnight Sun coming, and given the industry's recent track record (see: Minecraft Movie), what's the worst, bad faith, cash grab adaptation idea you can imagine? I figure if we inoculate ourselves then the reality won't suck so much.

My nightmare: Streaming has a long history of making shitty attempts at "adult animation", so we'll get an Edward who constantly cusses and does lewd jokes. It'll be like the HBO adult animated Velma (Scooby Doo) show where the writers' disdain for the characters fills every scene. The first episode will focus on how Carlisle helps plan a murder of some overly suspicious deputy so they can keep living in Forks.

Anyways, worst case theories? So we can feel better when it's not THAT bad? Or else use the apollo prophecy meme on your post a year or two from now.

My 'realistic' prediction

Twilight: The Edgy Animated Adult Series with Twelve Times More Drugs and Swearing

Oh man, yours is worse than mine. I mean this guessing the future business is a little silly in general, but I think that wouldn't happen as Twilight's not...

How do I put this?

Scooby Doo is a beloved, vintage, IP that's so well-known it's a part of American culture/Americana. It's in that weird place where it's acceptable to do edgy reboots of it because everyone already knows the premise of the Scooby gang, each individual character, the bad guys, and their mysteries.

You don't have to explain who any of the characters are supposed to be, so you get a "ah ha ha ha isn't it funny that Velma swears now?" because you know she's from a 1960's cartoon.

Twilight's not quite old enough for that and, at least in my opinion, not pervasive enough for that. It was a huge sensation, but was never as big as HP, and dominated only a subset of the YA audience (female-targeted YA romance). Ask a person off the street and the most they can probably, maybe, tell you is "sparkly vampires and Team Edward and Team Jacob". So, at best you get riffs like we saw when Twilight came out with the Simpsons and various other parodies where the parodies... really didn't know what to do with the characters or what it was even about. "Milhouse turns into a poodle, I guess? Is that funny? It's funny, right?"

Twilight just isn't old enough and as big as it was, I don't think was widespread enough.

So, I think we're going to get an earnest reboot.

But you do now have me concerned. And I may be eating my words later on this post and reblogging with a clown face.

Other Theories

Alright, let's see what we've got/what we can come up with:

Yours: HBO adult comedy horror fest

Mine: Boring, Snoozeville, Tame, Generically Arted Palatable Twilight that is Designed to Be as Appealing as Possible

Other options I can think of are...

Interview with a Vampirepalooza/Oh God I Don't Know What's Popular: given the recent success of Interview with a Vampire, an edgier adult story with adult characters, Netflix will look to make Twilight their exact own version of that. Except they won't understand what made it work there. We sexy it up but in a CW way, the kids are all still in high school but the fact that the Cullens are fucking each other is brought up relentlessly in an edgy way. The vampires all look hot, hot, hot but in a normal human way where you're not terrified they're some crystal robot out to eat your limbs. We'll keep some of the artsy weird dialogue, but Edward will be both somehow made more sympathetic (as he is the lead we end up with) and 'dark' where he's dangerous in a sexy way and not in a "you smell like my personal heroin way".

The Buffy Route: remember that one teen show from the 90's that was so good it spun off an entire genre of television that essentially hadn't existed before? Twilight becomes a fun teen oriented show where the characters say witty, fun, teenage-like things and get into episodic mysteries while somehow trying to remain in the realm of Twilight. Edward loses his edge, Bella loses her unrelatable nature, and we really play up every time a character has a funny line and write a lot more in there. Unfortunately, it's not a well written teen comedy show and so the lines are just generally bad and the plot never seems to go anywhere and it's just boring.

Hannibal the Twilight: some really artsy director gets involved and we now have a show where the symbolism of Edward walking around as a man-deer takes over the entire fucking thing. Nothing ever happens, Edward just shows up in Bella's dreams as a snarling man deer. When characters talk to each other, it's in artsy nonsense dialogue where it feels like both are reading 2000's era chatbot scripts to one another as they mix metaphors about ponies, china pottery, and dust motes. The plot is so non-existant the only important episodes to watch in a season are the premier and finale, except even then it's unclear what happened.

Audience Input

Anyone else got any wild guesses here?

[aria-greenhoodie]

You asked and ye shall receive. Aria,why do you use birds to symbolize Abigale's inner turmoil?. Besides the obvious surname thing. Also you apparently have more thoughts on the Muse art? 👀,explain?.

So obviously yeah, “Blackwing” is such a bird surname. BUT THATS ONLY THE SURFACE!

Birds are so often used as symbols of freedom, creatures untethered by laws of the land due to their ability to fly. In the same way, I imagine Abigale as being similar; free, not having to abide by the laws of her land as much as others did. In order to explain I think I have to dive into my version of Abigale’s backstory a bit…

(Warning: I’m going off what I know about 1800-1900s American Society. I’m no historian, but I’ve tried to keep things as believable as possible. I will say I’m pretty confident in that believability thanks to my feminist history class I been taking this semester.)

Born in the early 1880s, the Blackwing family was wealthy, yet fairly unknown. Calling it a “family” before Abigale’s birth would be a stretch in many’s opinion, being made up of just Mr. Atticus Blackwing and Mrs. Chastity Blackwing. Chastity tragically passed in childbirth, leaving Atticus to raise Abigale all on his own. He became fiercely protective and supportive of the young Abigale, a tiny spitting image of his late wife.

Abigale was always an insatiably curious child. At first, Atticus tried to teach her how to be a lady, to be domestic, to cook and clean and dote on her future husband, but quickly realized he was woefully unequipped for teaching a subject he knew nothing about. What’s more: Abigale HATED her womanly lessons. Instead, Atticus decided to let her learn something she actually was interested in; inventing.

Abigale loved to tinker, to create. The mechanical was a fascination of hers from the moment she saw it. Atticus as an architect had some mechanical knowledge, but not to the level Abigale’s insatiable desire to learn needed. But what engineering school would allow a woman in? At this point in the late 1800s, women were nearly always snubbed in inventing spaces, most universities not even offering engineering degrees for female students.

And so, Abigale’s “twin brother” Abraham Blackwing was created. A pseudonym for Abigale, under which she would don Atticus’s old clothes from his boyhood and attend a prestigious engineering school. Her father even falsified documents like Abraham’s birth certificate to make him appear like a legitimate person. It was risky, as crossdressing was a punishable offense by law back then, but Abigale was willing to take that risk if it meant she could learn.

Between her rich father supporting her every decision and passion, and her alter-ego, Abraham, to fall back on, Abigale had a lot of freedom growing up. When her father died of an illness just before she graduated, he left “Abraham” everything, which of course meant that Abigale could “live with her brother” and hold a bank account under his name. She was truly given every opportunity for freedom, more than any woman of her time.

And then, Bill Cipher enters her life.

She’s plagued by the triangular demon ip every night in her dreams, but she refuses to succumb to the shape’s demands. As tempting as building a machine like an inter-dimensional portal was, she knew better than to trust a man who wouldn’t explain his motives. When Abigale asked why Bill wanted this portal built, he couldn’t give her a straight answer, and that was enough proof to know he was no good.

After weeks of restless nights and aggravation, Abigale finds a peculiar ad in the paper, written by a certain Thurburt Mudget Waxstaff III…

On some level, she has to thank Bill for entering her life as much as she has to curse him for it. If he had never decided to torment her specifically, she never would have met the rest of the Anti-Cipher Society. Abigale THRIVED in the society, delighted in inventing new ways to ward off Cipher, collaborating with her dear Jessamine to create specialized weaponry, learning self defense from Horace, gossiping with O’Pimm, spending night after night explaining the mechanics of how her inventions worked to Thurburt so he could whip up a stellar sales pitch… she had never felt more alive! She was flying high, much like a bird on the wind.

And then the conference happened.

Thurburt was institutionalized, right then and there. Abigale watched the asylum workers from backstage with mounting horror. Worst case scenario for Thurburt, he’d be locked in a cell or sent out west at some work camp, but for Abigale? If the asylum workers got ahold of her, she knew they’d think her hysterical. Treatments for “insane” men were often much kinder than treatments for women in those times. Deeming Thurburt insane would send him to a locked cell, but he would at least be allowed to remain himself. Abigale had heard of women like her, eccentric unmarried women, “frivolous women” as they were often called, being scooped up by doctors and spat back onto the street with their entire personalities wiped. A hammer and a well placed nail up the inside of one’s nose could do heinous things. Abigale would sooner die then let them take what made her HER away.

So she ran. She tried to take Jessamine with her, but she refused to leave Thurburt. For six days Abigale hid in the society’s underground bunker, terrified of venturing outside, not knowing what happened to her companions besides Thurburt. She only ventured out on the seventh day because she had run out of food.

She couldn’t go back to her house, when she tried to scope it out, she saw the asylum workers already knocking at her door. She couldn’t stay in the bunker, it was only a matter of time before it was found. She was desperate for a way out, to keep herself free.

And here comes Mr. Northwest.

See, the thing about birds is that while they make excellent symbols of freedom, they also make excellent symbols of being trapped. Birds can be put into cages, forced to sing or speak for meager treats, and lets not forget that at that time most birdcages were anything but spacious and comfortable. Most captive birds of the time were expected to die quickly, only purchased in order to sing prettily for a short while before their tiny little hearts stopped beating. Birds are as much a symbol of freedom as they are of captivity, of being trapped, of the LOSS of freedom.

Abigale never wanted to be a wife, but what choice did she have? Mr. Northwest offered her a way out if she married him. Her choice was thus: escape the state with Mr. Northwest as her husband, or stay in town and eventually be found and promptly lobotomized, erased of any trace of her real personality.

She chose the former.

Better to live in a gilded cage, twittering for scraps, then to be gutted and stuffed on som taxidermist’s wall…

Right?

As for the muse stuff most of my trout process I already told you in the notes of the original piece lol

[starship-squalleater]

tell us more about matt please, he was a guest speaker at your uni?

Yes!! yes yes. He was here to do an interview/lecture about 'crafting a narrative', so he answered questions from a professor here about critical role, games, his 'secret origin story', and a number of other things. It was legit so nice. I think I'm a little in love with him. who said that.

It was so surreal to see him in person. He looked kind of sheepish as we were all cheering, like he wasn't supposed to be there- we were all over the moon. When prompted for his origin story, he talked about how his grandmother, a little old lady from georgia, was secretly super into fantasy and got him hooked on piers anthony and isaac asimov as an eight year old, and how his dad doing occasional background voice work got him interested and how that snowballed into years of hard work in hollywood.

He talked about his friend Liam mentioning that he hadn't been able to play DnD since he was little and how he offered to DM a one shot for his birthday- and how a few weeks later he was meeting a few acquaintances to discuss characters (he said he was flustered meeting Ashley Johnson who he'd grown up watching), and then afterwards they started meeting more and more often. Then as word got around they were doing it, Felicia Day offered to put them on a new twitch channel- and how nerve wracking it was to put themselves out there and on the internet.

he said to lean into your passions. Nowadays there's a tendency to call passion 'cringe', but there's nothing shameful about loving the things you care about.

He talked about how capitalism wants you to produce and produce and produce and how that is antithetical to art and to creating, because in order to really make something you're proud of you need to have the time to do it. This led into him talking about making the animated show, how after the kickstarter blew up a bunch of companies approached them, wanting to own the ip. he described it as the moment in a movie when someone pushes a little paper with some exorbitant amount on it- but he said that none of them wanted to be millionaires. They weren't in it for money, so they said no and partnered with the only company who wanted to let them do their own thing: Amazon. He acknowledged the irony of that, and how surprised all of them were when that was the company that gave them the most freedom.

there was so much other stuff- he talked about how the industry is a community, how you can be a really successful actor and also a good person, how everyone should be lifting each other up because it wasn't a race to the top, it was collaboration. Really wonderful stuff, you know? His philosophy of being kind really shone through the whole time.

anyway of course there was more but this is off the top of my head what he talked about!! it was so so good bro I love that man. always meet your heroes.

[lovelytayforce]

Alright, KFP fandom, we gotta talk about "Discrimination" 🎉

Cause, not even to be mean, y'all kinda dumb. Y'all sound like the type of person to tell me "No racism exists in the North" and lemme tell ya as someone from the North, there is but it's DIFFERENT. And before you ask, Yes this is about The Chameleon (who will be called Cammy cause I am lazy and deserve to be paid for this shit.) and the fandoms massive misunderstanding of her single line about being denied access to Kung Fu because she's "little". And I see your lil fingers tapping away to howl about "MASTER MANTIS" and some LOA rejects. And remember that earlier example I brought up about discrimination existing in the north but its just different from the South? Yeah, its the same thing. Some people can get past that challenge but some of us aren't that lucky and you all forget about my MAIN MAN, THE GOAT, Crane!!!

Yeah, the brother whose almost as tall as Tigress, yeah he was discriminated against for his skinny frame and detered from trying out and I think it's funny y'all leave my boy out but that doesn't fit your little gotcha, now does it?

but that's okay, that's why you have me, to be your funny and slightly cute know it all~💕 Back to the topic at hand, this conversation also leaves out how Po wanted Shifu to change him, after all the verbal abuse that lil man hurled at him. This is where that line "We're not so different, you and I." comes to shine. Cammy didn't have an event such as Oogway's death to shake those Master's to their core to train her. No, they were probably just proud teachers who denied all those beneath them, which is not uncommon, you can see this in a lot of Kung fu flicks, keeping certain arts from certain territories close and always wanting to prove whose kung fu is superior. Again, NORMIES GO WATCH IP MAN! Go watch peak cinema!!!! It's on YOUTUBE FOR FREE: https://youtu.be/zGD9OFmxYXM?si=XL-aetJOnCSftIP_

Anyways, I hope this enlightened you all a bit so we can stop this very shallow puddle of an argument against her words cause you sound ignorant doing that considering all the discrimination present in the series as it is, especially Tigress. Whoo, that needs its own post! That's next level of discrimination upon a child. 💀 Anyways, stop forgetting about Crane!!!!

[showakyonen]

ON THAT "GOOSEWORX" DOCUMENT:

I THINK THE INTERACTIONS WITH THE ONE GUY LISTED FIRST ARE WORTH AN EYEBROW RAISE. SOME OF THE ART BEING POSTED AND REPLIED TO IS RIGHTFULLY UNDER CONSIDERATION, ESPES SINCE THE GUY WAS 17. HOWEVER, SINCE THE "VICTIM" DID NOT PERSONALLY SPEAK UP THEMSELVES, I'M INCLINED TO BE A LITTLE... EH. SKEPTICAL ISN'T THE WORD, MAYBE HESITANT? DESPITE SUCH INTERACTIONS BEING PUBLIC, I HAVE TO WONDER IF THE CREATORS OF SUCH A DOCUMENT GOT INTO CONTACT WITH THE NG ARTIST MENTIONED IN THE FIRST PLACE. I WAS PUT IN A CALLOUT DOCUMENT PAINTING ONE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS AS HARMFUL WITHOUT MY OWN CONSENT OR THE ABILITY TO SPEAK UP ON MY OWN, AND IT FUCKED ME AND MY FRIEND UP HEAVILY. BUT I WILL SAY NOTHING ELSE ON IT

HOWEVER, THE OTHER POINT IN THE DOC IS... REALLY FUCKING STUPID. SORRY. GOOSEWORX HAS A FOLLOWING OF OVER 350K AND IT'S UNREASONABLE TO EXPECT SOMEONE TO VET THAT, AS WELL AS CHECKING THE ACCOUNTS OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE THAT REPLY TO HER. NOT TO MENTION THAT IT IS HER PERSONAL TWITTER ACCOUNT, IT'S NOT GLITCH'S AND IT'S NOT AN OFFICIAL TADC ACCOUNT.

HER AUDIENCE WAS MATURE PRIOR TO TADC. TADC WAS NEVER INTENDED FOR CHILDREN, THAT WAS JUST THE AUDIENCE IT HAPPENED TO ACCUMULATE. HER ACKNOWLEDGING AND SORT OF POKING FUN AT THE YOUNGER FANBASE OF TADC ON HER PERSONAL TWITTER ACCOUNT IS NOT AN ADMISSION OF GUILT. THAT CONTENT, AND CONTENT MUCH MORE EXTREME THAN IT, IS RAMPANT ON TWITTER. I DON'T DESIRE TO GET INTO THE DISCUSSION OF "PARENTS ARE LARGELY RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTROLLING WHAT THEIR CHILDREN SEE ONLINE AND WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA THEY HAVE", BUT THAT'S WHAT IT LARGELY BOILS DOWN TO. SOME OF THE SCREENSHOTS IN THE DOC ALSO DATE BACK TO 2022, WHEN GOOSEWORX WAS VERY VERY FAR FROM THE PUBLIC SPOTLIGHT SHE'S IN NOW, SO THE "LE MINOR FANBASE!11!11" THING KINDA... FALLS FLAT.

THE INCLUSIONS OF HER TWEETS ABOUT "DRIVING AWAY THE FANBASE" AND WHATNOT ALSO FEEL VERY INGENUINE, CONSIDERING THE FACT THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY JOKES. GOOSEWORX HAS SAID THE WRITING IS SET IN STONE AND SHE ISN'T GOING TO BE CHANGING IT

AND, MAN, I FEEL IT SHOULD BE VERY OBVIOUS THAT SHE DOESN'T HANDLE THINGS LIKE MERCH LISCENSING OR THE OUTSELLING OF THE IP TO BE MADE INTO MERCHANDISE. GLITCH IS CORP. THEY HANDLE THAT. I WAS LEGITIMATELY UPSET WHEN I FOUND OUT THEY HAD COSTUMES MADE IN CHILD SIZES BECAUSE THAT. GOES AGAINST HER VISION ENTIRELY. BUT WHATEVER

EDGY BULLSHIT IS EDGY BULLSHIT. EDGY BULLSHIT IS ALSO FROM 3 YEARS AGO.

TL;DR: SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF OTHER RANDOM SHIT IS BEING SHOEHORNED ALONGSIDE THE ORIGINAL POINT TO MAKE THINGS SEEM WORSE THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE. READ CALLOUT DOCUMENTS WITH NUANCE AND DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH PLEASE I AM BEGGING WOW!

[kerubimcrepin]

What do we know about Joris le Sans-Pouvoir (Joris the Powerless)?

Aka, addressing the "cancelled Nintendo DS game"-shaped elephant in the room.

While this blog has gone deep into the show and character dissections, I think it would be remiss to proceed without addressing the elephant in the room — the game, the myth, the legend, the 2007-2009ish cancelled game Joris le Sans-Pouvoir.

There isn't a lot that is known about it, and all the data in this post comes from two developers.

The only videos of it we have available are uhhh......,

...Please say "Thanks Ronik!" for this video in particular.

I spent hours trying to convert these two SWF animation video files, — which demonstrate how the game was supposed to look, — to something actually viewable. There were many issues, with at least seven different programs.

I suffered for crepinjurgenology studies, but I did it.

Instead of recounting the story in my own words and omitting anything on accident, I will simply present to you, what the portfolios of two different developers say (these two pages are the source of all the images, gifs, and gameplay):

Joris Le sans-Pouvoir is the main character from a feature film Ankama due in 2013. It’s a new character IP situated in the DOFUS universe. I had the chance to work on a platform game prototype that was all about delving into of the character’s backstory. We wrote a lot of background and had a lot of fun designing and developping a cute and quirky platformer with a hint of metroidvania elements and a dash of Grow gameplay elements in-between levels. It also was a great opportunity to work with Jono Takeshi-san of Radiata Stories fame who worked with me on the art direction. (SOURCE)

Joris was the first Nintendo DS project developed at Ankama (in partnership with Magic Pockets). I began working on the project as narrative game designer, then took on the role of Lead Designer and Project Manager. Game design on this project involved boss fight, level design, minigame design, UI… I also designed an original collecting system where collectible items were used in a minigame inspired by the “Grow” series. The developpement has been put on hold to match the release of the animated movie with the same character (scheduled in 2013). (SOURCE)

Neither the movie nor the game, survived their development, due to circumstances. (shorthand for: I have no idea what happened, man. Maybe one day I'll write a post about the history of the movie, and truly open that can of worms, but god, not right now. I don't want to spend more time on this.)

Eventually, The Wakfu film turned into three OVAs instead, and the Dofus film changed its plot a bunch of times, and became Livre 1 : Julith.

...For some reason, in some version of it, Joris had a tail. Yeah, I don't know what that's about either. Cool clothes, though!

We don't know anything about its plot, and unlike cancelled projects Dofus Donjons and Welsh et Shedar (which was cancelled for years, until its recent resurrection), the lore of this game carries no relevancy in modern canon.

The name, Joris the Powerless, as well as the log-centric gameplay, both seem to reference the early concept that Joris had log-based powers, — and that without his "magic wand," he couldn't do much.

(Joris and his weird fucking "magic wand" were, in turn, borne out of the idea of a warrior who had a woman's voice. Which makes me chuckle.)

(The following quotes are machine-translated and may contain errors)

(SOURCE)

This is, by the way, the reason why I personally headcanon Joris to be really bad at huppermagic. So bad that he dropped out of the Huppermage Academy, and almost never uses magic in combat. It's a homage to his original idea.

(Yes, there is an actual reason why I headcanon Joris to be godawful at magic, besides just projecting my neurodivergencies onto him.)

I suppose that, even at this time, Joris was meant to be a store owner:

The gameplay loop involves going from boutique, to missions, and so on, while those two pieces of concept art involve the said boutique section, and show a female character saying «Pas mal, boss !».

In my opinion, it might be this character. Proto-Simone, perhaps?

Since the store seems to be the centerpiece, and the Grow-style minigames involved collectibles, I would assume that the plot involved Joris going around and finding artifacts for the store. That would also explain the concept art gifs of him adventuring.

(Though, the adventuring would probably just be the inciting incident/a vehicle for plot development. Nintendo DS games loved using the jobs characters did for that purpose.)

This is the extent of what I can surmise about the plot.

The developer portfolios also included these example documents, but the image quality is too bad for me to make sense of or upscale. I am including them here solely for some French people who are very good at reading blurry text. (If you learn anything, let me know, okay?)

Overall, my verdict is that this game's cancellation was both a blessing (Joris without Kerubim and Atcham is like tea without water and a cup. How am I meant to drink leaves? Are you stupid? Why are you giving me leaves with nothing?) and a curse (THEY CANCELLED A GAME ABOUT MY BLUE-COLORED YOINKY SPLOINKY (who has a THIN, GRABBABLE WAIST)????? FUCK!)

Hope this was a fun read!

[avaisnerdytoo]

Just let artists cook.

I am genuinely so freaking hyped for this game. I am really surprised at how much effort they are putting in!!

Obviously it hasn't come out yet and all, but from what I've seen it looks great!

Nevertheless.

The art style is lovely!! And very free as well, I really like how they are working with the proportions, a comic book feel matters a lot, it allows characters like Doom to feel so imposing. It is also very fun to see how all the movements are very swift, from what I saw even in game.

I can see the Overwatch inspiration, the anime inspiration but also just fun yk? Obviously the game needs to be cartoony to allow for all types of skins down the line, but allowing themselves to go hard on the effects and scenarios really hypes you up to want to be in that world, and to want to be your favorite hero.

Think about it, when your team wants to give you a callout they'll call you: "Iron Man, Spidey, Venom, Doom, Strange". That's fun haha.

"you Spidey you suck" that'll happen to of course...

The benefit of existing iP huh?

-

It also does well one of my personal biggest peeves, an Iron Man Suit that's bulky and done well, I feel some artists overdo it and they give him what feels more like a mech, he's always meant to be sleek, cause that's Tony. They struck a lovely balance.

-

And the idea that the story has a Future Dr. Doom vs a Present Dr. Doom is hilariously in character, imagine being the Goat to such a point that a future version of you that has more knowledge is still challenged by yourself.

[romanceyourdemons]

Besides Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, what kung-fu actors would you personally recommend the filmography of the most?

donnie yen is an easy answer. he’s frankly a genius at fighting and choreography, and although most of his filmography is pretty bog standard hong kong action stuff, it’s pretty good bog standard hong kong action stuff, with a couple of standout pieces like ip man (2008) and the lost bladesman (2011) that are must-watches. sammo hung is also hugely talented, both in his comedic and serious performances, and with films he performs in himself and that he choreographs. chow yun-fat, ti lung, and cheng pei-pei are not only very skilled actors and martial artists, but following their filmographies will show you some of the best and most-renowned martial arts films of the past 70 years. not all of the venom mob’s films are good, but the ones that are easy to find are very very good (especially the fight choreography). and of course you can’t beat stephen chow for a comedic performance

[rabbitprintart]

okay I need to get this outta my system because realistically I won't be able to draw this in a while but at least wanna write down my head cannons and au AND I'M DRIVING MYSELF INSANE EVERY NIGHT!!!

Anyways, I've been meaning to make/explore an au where Trigun takes place in my motherland of Tierra Caliente, yes I know it's incredibly self indulgent, but where I live, questions of climate change and agriculture are constant within the community, it's a weeeee bit lawless, and I can see so many opportunities of weaving those ideas together with those of the original Trigun series. I just think the reason Trigun speaks to so many of us Mexicans is for the same reason we have an insane clown culture, or the "laugh now, cry later" attitude. I have never seen 2 anime/characters that embody the Mexican spirit and struggle like fucking Vash the Stampede and Nicholas Wolfwood (if you ignore the DragobBall IP lol). So far the ideas that I have are:

Vash and Knives, and all the plant aliens, are representations of ancestral Mesoamerican culture of having intricate stories about twins, duality, and nature. Really wanna dig into the idea of Vash being some kind off shoot of Quetzalcoatl and Knives of Tezcatlipoca, probably even paint Knives in a more charismatic light because tbh my man has some points and I don't blame him lol. Knives does remind me a lot of the cynical Mexican who has been wronged so much in his life that he can not understand a world that isn't evil therefore sees the only solution the destruction of all, just pure nihilism. It's unfortunately more common than you think, especially in men :{

Really weave in Mesoamerican thought, art, and philosophy with Mexican Catholicism. It will be more obvious through Wolfwood, and it makes a lot of sense in my mind since a lot of Rancho people unknowingly hold onto our native thoughts and customs without realizing, even if it has been repackaged through Catholicism (ex: Dia de los Muertos)

Commentary on the insane chokehold the idea of Family as the supreme value in Mexican people through Knives

Ranchero Wolfwood, El Dark (Darks means Goth in Mexican Spanish slang lol) Vash

OKAY NOW FOR THE ONE THAT ABSOLUTELY IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Plants are seen as saints by the average Mexican even if the majority don't know about the plant angels inside, so much so that they are constantly offered milagros and have town celebrations for them, but they all have been slowly exploited and killed by the humans who were meant to protect them due to greed. Vash has a collection of the milagros he has salvaged from all his sister's graves and he ties them into his coat. Knives also does this, but they both do it for different motives, Knives mainly does this is as a reminder for his hatred of humanity, Vash mainly for his love for his people and endearment towards humans for thinking well of them, a reminder that he is not much of a monster as he has been made to believe. I literally made myself so emotional last night because I imagined Wolfwood making a milagro shaped in the Passionate Heart of Christ and offers it to Vash right before he dies LIKE SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! SHUT UP ME!!!!!! ME VOY A MATAR !!!!! AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

In conclusion : Nightow, you are more Mexican than you think, I'm giving you the beaner pass

*cultural context for the non-Mexicans: Milagros are these tiny, usually silver, metal charms that are sown into the velvet of Mexican Catholic statues/icons as a sign of gratitude, a commitment of lifetime devotion, and appreciation for the idol for helping the individual make their prayer come true. Basically, people go to a saint, angel, etc., pray for them to help them (Most common prayers are to physically heal wounds, help with addictions, grief, have children, etc), and if the prayer is answered (the person is healed, they get their dream partner, have kids, etc), then the figure will be offered a Milagro that takes shape of the miracle (a healed leg, breasts for breast cancer, eyes, hearts, etc) and the devotee will sow it into the idol's clothes or their altar as an affirmation of their power and existence.

[theliterarywolf]

Okay pleeeeeeease tell me you've been seeing the Latin community tearing this new show from Disney to shreds

It's called Oye Primos and from what little I could gather (my Spanish is very bad) the name alone is a grammatical error, (its supposed to be oye primo, no s?) when someone tried to point it out to the creator she got upset, one character is name cuqito and some said it meant "cockroach" while others said it can also mean "pussy" another named Gordita (obvious what that means) the town they live in literally being named Earthquake Heights (holy shit that's fucked)

The opening theme ended up getting universally panned everywhere online to the point Disney removed it everywhere except for YouTube

And the pitch Bible just kept tossing the word latinx all over, and well we know how much controversy that word has

And this is just a me thing but personally, I hate the art style it's really ugly

Oh, you mean 'Mexican Loud House but Not Even Because The Casagrandes Exists?'

Yeah, I've seen that shitshow of an initial promo-run. I think it says something that the few decent Mexican/Mesoamerican IPs that we've gotten in recent years have pretty much been via the shoulders of one man who just so happens to be, I don't know, passionate about good-looking animation and good writing?

[demonfox38]

Completed (Early Access Content) - Palworld

Look, man. I know I can't call this an official completion, given that the game is still in early access. But I trashed all available bosses and 10/10'ed each of those little Pal bastards, so that has to be indicative of some level of mastery, right?

Or maybe I've got to explain why I disappeared down this hole for the last few months.

I'm not what you'd call a cutting-edge kind of person when it comes to technology. Considering that most of my game consoles are old enough to purchase cigarettes and alcohol, it's safe to say I'm fairly retro. A throwback. Happiest with something made between 1986 and 2005 (or, at the very least, looks and acts like that.) Getting in on an early access for a game is not my thing at all.

So, "Palworld" is a bit of an anomaly. Maybe, in many ways.

"Palworld" is a hybrid crafting, survival, base management, third person shooter, and creature catching game. It stars your customizable character de jour who is forced to survive on an isolated island full of inhospitable terrain, monsters of various levels of aggression, and asshole humans. What's the secret behind the looming towers and massive Yggdrasil-like tree glowing in the distance? I don't know. The tree part of the content isn't out, yet. But, you can at least explore the island and wail on the asses of those that dare to conquer it for their own varied ends. That's at least 100 hours of content right there!

Since its early access release in January of 2024, "Palworld" has garnered a fair amount of attention. Good. Bad. All over the place. Definitely a case of the old phrase "all publicity is good publicity." While not the first in terms of creation when it comes to edgy monster collecting games (with "Megami Tensei" loudly coughing in some dusty old corner), it is unique in its game style mix. Perhaps not visually unique enough, given how certain "Pokémon" fans were sharpening their Honedges after the very first glance they took at this game. Its publisher having a previous game that openly used AI art generation didn't help its credibility, either! (Although, that game also is about rewarding players for detecting art made by an AI opponent a la an elementary-school art class "Among Us", so judge accordingly.)

I get it. I've got some degree of Nintendo brain rot, too. Did you check my avatar and username? But, I also know that Nintendo can and will obliterate anything in its path with Death Star-adjacent precision and power, especially when it comes to any potential IP infringement. Hell, they crumpled two emulators into a black hole mere weeks after this game's early access released. If they had any notion that something was off with this game, they'd have it annihilated—for better or worse.

Like most modern games, my attention was drawn to this title via watching several streamers play. (In particular, PatStaresAt, WoolieVersus, and Vinesauce, if you're wanting names.) Now, I'd like to be coy and pretend that online videos don't influence my interest in games, but I also own a copy of the SNES game "Lagoon" because I loved watching PJDiCesare clown on it. Hell, I only backed "Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night" after watching Liam Allen-Miller replicate "Castlevania"-Metroidvania physics in a YouTube preview! I see a video, my brain makes judgements, I variably engage in commerce. And, to be honest, I like games like this. "Breath of the Wild." "Pokémon Legends: Arceus." "Minecraft." I wanted a game like this, so hell. I was willing to gamble $30.00 USD on this, bugs and unfinished status and all.

I think I may have gotten my money's worth out of this.

Was the game play that addicting, or was I in a depression spiral triggered by bad working conditions at my job and my maternal grandmother's health issues precipitating more labor on my family's behalf? Yes. To which part of that question? Yes. While the game attempts to guide the player via an early game tutorial and tasks for building up your bases, you're mostly left on your own to build both the world and yourself in whatever image you'd like. Want to build a Babylonian tower to offend whatever god created this world? Okay. Want to drop everything on the floor like an agitated toddler and/or "Resident Evil 0" protagonist? Whatever makes you happy! Want to build a rocket launcher and shoot it at a dragon's face? That can be done! It just might take some time.

Because the game consists of different play styles, I found myself alternating often between game loop sets. Usually, it broke into a stack of tasks like this:

Determine nearest threat (monster fighting.)

Gather materials (crafting.)

Return to/establish a base (base management.)

Build what I can (crafting/base management.)

Loop steps 2-4 until items of desire were created (crafting/base management.)

Gather/raise Pals to attack nearest threat (monster fighting.)

Return to Step 2 for final repairs and/or weapon creation (crafting.)

Attack threat (monster fighting.)

Reset to step 2 on failure and step 1 on success.

While catching and raising monsters tends to garner you the most experience points, your character will more or less remain just a nuisance to a bulk of the major threats in the game. At best, you've got a rocket launcher, an automatic rifle, a sword, and shot-deflecting shields and armor. You put out maybe around 600 damage with a weapon that takes a second to reload. The bosses you fight? They can have anywhere from 30,000 to 200,000 HP. When it comes to survival, it isn't about how much damage you can take or give. It's about what you learn and how you deploy your so-called Pals.

If you are planning on taking a shot every time I write the word "Pokémon" in this review, you might want to switch off the liquor now and move to a soda. Do your liver a favor.

A lot of the game's rules can be reduced to "Pokémon - 1" or "Pokémon / 2". This includes:

How many monsters you can take with you (5 instead of 6)

How many moves they have (3 instead of 4)

Your level cap (50 vs. 100, but that may just be an early access limitation)

How many elements are in game (9 vs. 18. Also, don't expect much in the way of complex monster typing line-ups. You may end up overthinking fights.)

Having said that, the complexity here isn't lost. You're obviously doing a lot more home ec to keep your bases up to snuff. Where "Palworld" really succeeds is in its battle speed, scale, and options. Pals will automatically engage based on whatever aggression level you have them set at, performing moves without your instruction. Several different monster types and human factions can be thrust together to duke it out. It can get quick and chaotic, often forcing you to get your ass out of the line of fire. When you do want to get manual? Well, hell. Some Pals can be a ridable mount, and some can act as living artillery for your use. Is it responsible to give a giant panda a grenade launcher? Well, who's gonna stop you? The cops?

Also, it's awesome that you can teach Pals whatever moves exist via fruits. It's nice not to have to look up some table online for move compatibility. (A shame that the same can't be said about its breeding, but more on that in a bit.)

"Palworld" certainly has a different take on its so-called Pals, especially in compared to "Pokémon" titles. Don't expect the first monster you pick up to go on and become some powerhouse fueled by respect and love for you as a caretaker. There are Pals that are great, and there are Pals that suck. (The game is more than happy to tell you which is which in its Paldeck.) You're rewarded for getting at least 10 of them, but you won't have the space to keep 10 of every species. You can slaughter Pals for parts or mush a bunch of them together a la "Shin Megami Tensei" to make the surviving unit stronger. Basically, you're expected to keep updating and consolidating your inventory of friends so that you can cut down on your work loop time and challenge the other assholes vying for territory on Palpagos Island. (Seriously—that is its name!) You're not really supposed to be getting attached to any of them.

And yet…well, the nature of a person eventually reveals itself, doesn't it?

While the game allows you to take many unscrupulous actions, you're rarely rewarded for acting like an inflamed, gaping asshole. Yeah, you can slaughter your Pals, but you're losing out on making others stronger if you do that. You can capture other humans like you would a Pal, but they won't provide much in the way of help on your bases or in battle. (Apparently, you can sell them off, too? Fucked up all around.) Hell, you can even kill NPCs and end up having to bolt off like a "Grand Theft Auto" protagonist when the cops show up to bust your ass! About the only defiance I got away with routinely was ransacking Wildlife Sanctuaries, and even that required me to sneak around at night and keep a low profile.

There is a bit of a conflict going on between the game's tone and appearance. It very much wants to be the edgy "Pokémon" game any average teenager would dream up (again, with certain Atlus RPGs coughing and wheezing for attention in the background.) Supplementary journals and Paldeck texts describe a world full of violence, blood, animal trafficking, suffering, death, and birds with cocaine addictions. (I'm not kidding—it's literally the bastard cop's monster of choice.) But, the monsters look like an average social media artist's attempts at combining Pokémon species together, and the humans all have some degree of generic anime cuteness to them. It's hard to take the leader of a bunch of martyrous pyromaniacs seriously when he looks like the protagonist to some Sega Dreamcast rhythm game. (Also, why he has an electric/dragon type as his Pal of choice when he leads a bunch of fire freaks is beyond me.) 

At this point, I wouldn't say the music is much to write home about, either. It tries to kick up for encounters, letting you know how much danger you are in (from piddly little twinkling music for typical cannon fodder to bombastic choral arrangements for tough sons of bitches.) A lot of times, it can be rather quiet. This didn't bother me with "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild," but it does bother me here, especially when I have to take 15-20 minutes to work in my base. I think what the game needs is something like "Minecraft"'s Mice on Venus track. Just a few pieces of music to interrupt the quiet when it's gone on for five or ten minutes.

I'm also not super thrilled with the breeding system in "Palworld." With "Pokémon" games, you generally know what you're getting based on who the mother in the coupling is. (Well, barring the use of specialty items, I suppose. Speaking of things that annoy me…) Here? About the only guarantee you get is if both parents are of the same species. The resulting couplings for other species isn't random, but it is a weird mess. Generally, you can assume the resulting offspring to be of a poorer quality than at least one of the parents, if species of different rarity are mixed. Through on top of that several structural, item, and time-based requirements, and you've got a very expensive and irritating system to work around. Honestly, this was the thing that finally broke me into looking up help guides online. It's just that off-putting.

If you are looking for a breeding calculator: palword.gg has you covered. Mostly. I think I did run into some issues there as well, but I don't know if I read something wrong or was just stupid tired when I set something up.

"How about bugs?", you might be asking.

"There's no Bug type in this game," I would reply.

Maybe you'd start hitting me with a shoe after that.

But, in terms of glitches I encountered? I played from versions 0.1.3.0 to 0.1.5.0, so I saw my fair share of issues that came and went. The biggest problem as of 0.1.5.0 involves terrain clipping and occasionally being shoved beneath the map. (Big Pal bodies + me going all Goemon Ishikawa XIII on them resulted in some unfortunate subterranean exploration.) Generally, I got myself back into the map without too much struggle, but there were times where I did have to respawn myself. I also lost several boss captures to a combination of freezing status + a rocket launcher round blasting them into the horizons beyond, so that was unfortunate. There was also a bug where you could get the game's dungeons to respawn bosses to another Pal type if you didn't like what you got, but I started having issues with the dungeon's barriers failing to drop on the boss's death when I screwed around with that, so maybe just stick with what you get. I also had the occasional text goof-up where my instructions would be in Japanese instead of English. Given the Goemon commentary above, you may surmise that this was not a huge deal for me. Still goofy, though.

If you'd like, the game offers you quite the list of customizable settings to alter your experience. I'd highly recommend playing around with them, particularly when you are vulnerable to taking a one-way trip to the Backrooms via a bad clip. It's one thing to lose your inventory to a fight you lost; it's another to lose your inventory to an issue with collision detection. Do yourself a favor and remove that penalty. I also eventually grew tired of the exponential experience curve and jacked up the multipliers for experience as high as they could go. I put several hundred hours into this game, man. And that was on top of working in a half-staffed job while babysitting my mom's dog for weeks while she got my grandma into an assistant living facility. All of these bitches needed a break.

Also—for the love of your hands, please flip the "Hold to Toggle Interaction" setting to On in your control style of choice. You can recap a shredded controller stick, but you can't recap your fingertips.

While I spent a lot of time on this game, I also spent a lot of time on this game with good reason. Even in its unfinished state, I had a good time. In the midst of building up my first character—a punished tribute to an Abrahamic icon forced to repeat his edict from God once more—I kept thinking about making the next character. Doing it all over again. Honeymooning it. There is a risk that this game doesn't get any further than where it's at now, but I can't say that where it's at is a bad place.

So, you can't get to a giant, sparkly tree. Boo hoo. There's a lot of other good stuff to see. Maybe even conquer, if you're up to it.

[hrodvitnon]

Ok, forgive me if the following is a bit aggro but I feel like a lot of people seem to forget some very important facts about Godzilla (the IP, not the character)

I genuinely can't take people who place blame on directors for 'bad Godzilla characterization' seriously. Especially Dougherty and Wingard. Before I get into my rant, I just feel the need to remind everyone of this quote Wingard gave in regards to writing Godzilla for GvK:

Toho actually has an entire laundry list of rules Godzilla needs to follow that came out around GvK's release. The actual list is super long and with a lot of frankly weird points, but this is one of their main ones. Theatrical Godzilla doesn't emote. That is what they tell directors and that's a rule they need to follow. But, on the same token, there are ways around it and some directors are afforded some negotiating power on this front. The quote, for example, is in reference to Goji's famous smile from GvK.

One of the largest ways around it in fact is having characterization come from external sources that aren't the films. In fact, almost every single piece of info that builds Godzilla's character in the MV comes either from moments in the films that are intentionally vague, things like the comics or novelizations, or Word of God tweets from Edwards and Dougherty (sidenote: the reason you never hear about stuff like the Dougherty tweets coming from Wingard is that he literally doesn't have Twitter. A lesson I think we can all learn from). This is not unintentional, these are literally the only times they're allowed to get away with breaking a few of these rules.

Wingard, Doughtery, Edwards- all are huge Godzilla fanatics and it gets on my nerves a tad when people tear into them for rules out of their control. I probably don't need to tell everyone that Dougherty used to retweet ship art for Mothzilla and engaged with fans at length back when he was still on Twitter (Oh yeah, he also has since left Twitter. Man, maybe these directors had the right idea or something?); and Wingard has come out saying he wants to do a Godzilla-focused movie next if Legendary lets him come back, probably because he himself recognizes he's been playing favorites a little bit. I'm sure the directors would love to give Godzilla more depth and personality, it's just that Goji's always been Toho's favorite boy that they're very picky about. Like- I hate to be that guy- but we easily could've gotten the Transformers treatment and gotten saddled with a director like Michael Bay for one of these films and the Monsterverse would be dead on arrival. These people clearly care but are obliged to follow some ground rules they may or may not agree with. Godzilla's characterization is left mostly ambiguous for this reason. Audiences are supposed to fill in the blanks. Hell, people in this blog/hellsite have already done that! We've done that with our own interpretations and that's what the directors are going for in lieu of being allowed to do that themselves. May just be a me thing, but I'd much rather have audience interpreted characterization and very high quality content then shitty/no content and Godzilla becoming a dead franchise again.

And- in regards to the Twitter stuff-

-I don't care. Nobody should care. Just- just don't even give them the light of day and let their asinine takes die in the darkness. It's better this way.

I understand all this. I understand. I've heard that Toho has their rules for what not to do with their favorite monster, and I still think "Godzilla can't emote" is a dumb rule, but what the fuck can I do about it beyond the usual fan content. I know this. I get it.

I'm just getting tired of discussing it and want to stop before the discussion starts going in circles or something.

I'm going to go outside for a while.

[pikagatogirltits]

Magic x Marvel: Idle Speculation

I have a lot of random thoughts about the upcoming Magic the Gathering x Marvel crossover, and I thought it would be neat to just ramble about them in a post, especially so I can hopefully find that post again later when the sets release and see how much I was right about. I'm just gonna bullet point this because this is kind of a stream of consciousness sort of deal:

We know that we're getting multiple "tentpole releases" a.k.a. more than one full set for this particular crossover. I'm thinking at least one is going to be a straight to Modern draftable set similar to the LotR set, but I don't think they're necessarily just doing that for all the sets. I speculate that the other (or one of the others if there's more than two) set is going to be a gimmick draft set, such as 2-Head Giant or Commander draft.

I personally am hoping one of the sets is a Commander draft set, and that our partner variant for the set goes the Stranger Things route and just creates a subset partner variant. I propose the name Team-Up, to represent the ubiquity of team up storylines in comic books. (I actually made an entire post about this but Tumblr's wonderful search function is choosing not to find it on my blog.)

Ooh, if they do go the Commander draft route they can make the Prismatic Piper equivalent a Skrull or something

I really, really want a Squirrel Girl card that makes squirrel tokens that I can jam into my Chatterfang deck. Squirrel Girl is my favorite superhero and I just want her on a card so, so badly.

I think it would be cool to have a Mjolnir equipment that in addition to its other effects also has a bit of trinket text along the lines of "equipped creature is a God in addition to its other types."

Thor and Loki and any other Asgardian that represents an actual god should have the creature type God. It already exists. Like sure, we could make Asgardian a creature type if we wanted to, but that's the coward's route.

I saw someone make a comment on Reddit about adding Hero and Villain as creature types, but I really, really hope that doesn't happen. It runs the risk of making the creature types in the set super repetitive, and we're already gonna see a lot of that from the sheer number of human characters. Sure, we'll have some mutants and aliens and robots to occasionally break things up, but it'll be much worse if the class types among cards aren't varied.

Like seriously, let's use the movie Avengers lineup. What's better...having four Human Hero cards, a God Hero, and whatever we do with the Hulk...or a Human Soldier, Human Scientist, Human Archer, Human Rogue, God Warrior, and whatever we do with the Hulk

Yeah, actually...what are we gonna do with the Hulk and related characters? In a vacuum, I would probably type the Hulk as Mutant Berserker...but for IP reasons I wouldn't be surprised if the Mutant creature type is reserved solely for characters with the X-Gene. I don't have an answer for this, just wondering...

Oh, and since I mentioned the MCU, I do want to say one thing, if they're smart they'll base the sets on the comics and not the MCU. Gives them a lot more material and characters to pull from

Booster fun treatment should lean into this and be comic book themed, but I think they would also be smart to offer some Secret Lair drops featuring alt art versions of the characters based on the MCU...if they're willing to deal with the likeness rights and whatnot.

Multiple tentpole releases does mean multiple commander precons. Some themes I could easily see them basing decks on: the Avengers, X-Men, Spider-Man/Spider-Verse, Guardians of the Galaxy+other space themed characters, a deck for a bunch of the more mystical Marvel characters probably led by Dr. Strange, S.H.I.E.L.D., A.I.M., Villains in general (from my memory Marvel doesn't really have a singular Legion of Doom type team up of its iconic villains, but I'm definitely picturing a Villains deck that tosses a bunch of iconic villains together in one deck...you could call it the Masters of Evil as a deep cut though.)

If Gambit gets a card, he should have an ability that lets you discard cards to deal damage to a target to represent Gambit throwing cards at his enemies. (This is the kind of wink at the camera stuff I love in UB products.)

Koi Boy should get a card purely because he's a canon trans man and Magic really needs some trans masc representation.

[popculturebuffet]

Into the Spider-Verse: Spider-Ham (Marvel Tails #1 and Peter Porker, The Spectacular Spider-Ham #15) (Comissioned by WeirdKev15)

Hello all you happy webheads and welcome back to Into the Spider-Verse, my look at the origins of every webslinger from the landmark film in the build up to Across the Spider-Verse. And it's bittersweet to be this close to the end of the web here: i'm proud of myself for this project and kev for having cooked it up as it allowed me to really dig into my love of spider-man, and comics in general, with new ideas and even possible new retrospectives wholesale coming out of this.

But before we can end this ride, we still have one Spidey to cover, who after our previous spider-persons adventures with crackers and milk, their predecesors literal oppisite sex clone, mob goons without fear, rock n roll pop art halluciongens in your giant spider mecha, and giant spiders stripping you naked, one man comes along to say..

Yes it's time for the debut of Peter Porker, the Spectacular Spider-Ham a

And i'm sure many of you, both those familiar with the comics and those who just watched the movie, are asking the same question: why. The answer is simple. Way way back in the 1980's, Marvel had a new animated arm, Marvel Productions, which was a massive deal, producing both GI Joe and Transformers, which both started as comics first to promote the upcoming toylines, as well as Dungeons and Dragons, My LIttle Pony Tales, Muppet Babies, Jem and the Holograms, Kid N Play and the Biker Mice From Mars. There were also of course marvel cartoons like Spider-Man(the 80s one), Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, The Incredible Hulk, the more popular Incredible Hulk and the infamous and destined to be covered Pryde of the X-Men Pilot.

So naturally Marvel wanted more ips to feed into the almighty merchandising machine, because shockingly, companies have ALWAYS wanted every dollar they can get out of making more and more adaptations as long s they can afford it. So two writers set to work to spitball this: They were Tom DeFalco, a longtime spider-man editor who would go on to write the guidebook I had as a kid that really got me into the comics and taught me a lot about his rogues gallery and more importantly would write the book himself briefly, being the one to crystalize Mary Jane's tragic Backstory and her knowing Peter Parker is spider-man all along. WIth him was the wonderful Larry Hama, at the time writing GI JOe for marvel.. and at the time of this writing STILL writing his continuation of that continuity for IDW as he should. Hama deserves all the credit for setting the foundations of the GI Joe universe most adaptations follows and for writing one hell of a comic in the process, and not one to rest on his laurels would later have the defining run on Wolverine's solo book.

So as you can imagine when these two legends get together.. they created a simple but enduringly weird joke that has lasted decades. It's a concept that just works: Spider-Man.. but he's a funny animal. Weirdly though Marvel Animation passed on it, not wanting anything to do with it despite the fact that in a time when Garfield was at the peak of his powers and they'd be making muppet babies, funny animals were a VERY easy sell. Seriously why Marvel Animation was so stupid is a riddle for the ages but Marvel liked printing money, so they put Porker in a one shot, Marvel Tails, parodying the marvel reprint mag marvel Tales. That said DeFalco didn't expect much from it and was suprised months later when the higher ups asked for another issue. He explained it was a one shot.. and then they asked when the next issue was and he got the memo. While DeFalco wrote the one shot that launched the character he freely admits he's not the one who made him a star. That honor goes to Steve Skeates. Skeates had been a mainstay in the industry, paticuarlly having a run on Aquaman i've been trying to read for some time that really launched the character to new heights before Superfriends would shove him back to the depths for a while. He was burnt out on the industry and freely admits he wouldn't of done the book for Larry Hama if it was any other book, but felt the format allowed him to do a throwback to the kinds of books he liked writing while still throwing in plenty of comedy to keep it fresh. The result was pretty great, with Skeates wisely having Porker's various foes not be the obvious joke of being the animals they resemble, for instance the Vulture being a possum in a buzzard suit instead of a vulture.

And we'll be seeing that contrast between Porker's humble one shot joke beginings and evolved more nuanced parody as unlike most of the characters featured... Porker didn't get his origin story for a while. While most of the spider-persons got there's in their very first appearance or arc, Porker's origin didn't come about till late in his solo books run. So today we'll be looking at both his first appearance in Marvel Tails, and his origin story in Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham #15 under the cut!

Spider-Ham begins his career in a typical spider-man setting: stopping a typical gang of thugs with ease and some quips. But it's not long before we get into one of the weird things about this story, something that just dosen't really work with it: Captain Americat. Cap is pictured here as Peter's steadfast partner and a reporter at his paper and none of this works. Now this is an AU, it COULD work and the idea of steve and peter being closer partners and steve mentoring him is great, just as the idea of Tony mentoring him was a brilliant one the movies captalized on. But here it's just treated as a normal thing without really being used for a joke that this is so unusual. A large part of this is something that's easy to forget as it hasn't been true about the character since the early 2000's. Spidey.. used to be a bit of a loner when it came to the rest of the Marvel Universe. Granted he was the kind of loaner who had an entire ongoing dedicated to him teaming up with other heroes and a tv show where he had two super college roomies he'd fight crime with, but when it came to consistant teamups his only real super friends were the fantastic four and in a few years Daredevil. Spider-Woman existed, but Jessica was largely her own thing by design, with only the name in common and wouldn't really become an ally or even friend of peter's till they were in the avengers together. Peter would have team ups but he really wasn't super close with the rest of the marvel universe. This changed in the early 2000's as his joining the new avengers gave him a lot of new allies in the marvel universe: He'd be on the new avengers until Brian Micheal Bendis left the book, he joined HIckman's avengers for the first arc, with Doc Ock taking his place, and joined the Mighty Avengers and Mark Waid's avengers afterwords, only in the last few years taking a break from the group entirely, ironically as his MCU counterpart became heavily associated with them himself. Not only that the dawn of the spider-verse and miles migrating to become the 616's second spider-man, meant peter soon had a spider-family.

Even now in his current tirefire of a solo i've been purposfully avoiding but suspect i'l lhave to confront some day, he has Ms Marvel, soon to be thrown in the fridge, Norman Osborn, long story, and his current girlfriend the black cat. Peter's no longer the solo operator he once was.. but back then it's very weird fo ra parody of the character to just.. casually hang out with Captain America regularly and this angle was wisely dropped.

This isn't the only weird thing in this issue either. For some reason rather than pulling from peter's many rogues, the issue has him face the Masked Marauder, some punk ripping off a super high tech arcade. It comes off more like a Scooby Doo Mystery complete with various red herings and the actual culprit showing up early on. He's not even the main threat as the everlovin hulk is also shoved into this issue. His origin is a little neat, with Bruce Bunny being an arcade game maker who gets shoved into a cabinet.

The result though just isn't that funny. Ther'es a good joke about steve stashing his shield in his coat

But otherwise i'ts just kinda.. there and didn't leave the best first impression back when I first read it. It's nicely drawn, but dosen't have much actually to say or any really satire of the character. It's clear they had the name but no idea what to do with it. THe backup is pretty funny though, the weird Goose Rider, take a while guess, who just.. spends it riding around, thinking about grabbing a burger, and dealing iwth shouty civlians and some random doofus called chainsaw. This satire.. actually works as from what I can tell Ghost Rider's early rogues gallery before his reinvention in the 90's wasn't all that impressive with few exceptions. It's more what I wanted. Thankfully when Peter got his title shot, things perked up and by the time we get to his origin... we get something delightful.

As you can tell both by the cover used for this review and from the title, this one's a parody of spider-man no more. Even if you haven't read the story (I've only read the iconic issue iwth the cover), you've doubtlessly seen it's cover, and the various homages to both that and the shot of peter throwing his costume in the trash and walking away, both by spider-heroes and the rest of the marvel. It helps that Sam Rami choose it as the backbone of Spider-Man 2 and ended up making an even BETTER version of the story in the process. Even Miles had his own version of it after his mom died and he blamed himself for it since the second ultimate venom was the reason she died. If you've read more recent comics and seen Rio alive and well that's because Miles befriended the Molocule Man, a very shy man with the power to control molocules... which shockingly for comics has been treated every bit as horrifyingly powerful as it should since his introduction, with MM's only real wekaness being his crippling neurosis. So when the universe died and was put back, Molocule brought her back as a thank you present. I had a point here.. ah yes.. I love the Molocule Man and feel he's a highly underated character. Oh that with the severe stress and sacrifice of being a spider-man, it's not a huge leap to have that moment of doubt. And it's an even shorter leap to take that moment and parody it and Peter's angst for all it's worth. We open with J Jonah Jackal hooking himself up to an idea machine while his three young wards, the junior newsboys watch. They are Jermiah Jackal, JJJ's snooty nephew, Bunson Bunny, our resident nerd who talks in big snetences and Upton Adam Stray, a combination of a black sterotype and

If your getting some deja vu from a rich magnate having three young sidekicks who both acompany him and try to steer away his worse instincts, one of whom is jonah's literal nephew.. GOOD. It means you have good taste and also get the bit. Spider-Ham has a bit of the old Scrooge McDuck stories in it's dna, simply adding spider-man and his rogues to the mix, and really JJJ is such a perfect fit for scrooge and Peter for Donald, that I can't blame both writers for dipping into this formula when it fits spider-man shockingly well now he's a pig.

This issue is written by steven Mellor, who took over the title later in his run, but like Skeates does a really fun job with it.

With Jonah having peter come to the clubhouse to view an idea he came up with that involves the kids

Peter deals with typical spider-man things. That is trying to get a date with his ex Betty Bat. It goes about usual for peter

Also as you might have noticed, hilariously, Peter Porker looks a LOT like John Mulaney, despite having been created only one year after John was born. I mean he's also a talking pig but the hair is distractingly like his future voice actors and I love it.

Baby P decides to handle this like a mature, rational young swine

Before bemoaning that he's still single.. what I like is that Mellor both really gets how Peter Parker Mopey Rants work, and milks it with everyone starring not sure what to do as peter ineternally rants and the janitor eventually asking him to leave as he's getting his tears on the floor. Peter then reflects back to his origin, the reason we're here. And even for a talking pig.. peter's origin is hilaroiusly bizzare. It's my kind of weird shenanigans. Okay so in this version Peter.. was a spider, which is clever enough.. but May was a mad scientest who befriended peter and showed him her new invention: a fission powered hairdryer. It made her radoactive, it wasn't good.. and well... I can't say what happens next and have most of you belivie it actually happened so here's photographic evdience.

This.. this is comedy gold, and clever as all hell. Just deciding to have may be radioactive nad bite peter. It's as nuts as it is brilliant and I love it. So we get the standard origin moments of Peter testing out his powers.. and we also get a nice gag out of him bending a pipe in the original amazing fantasy #15

Peter returns to find may basically the dodering old lady sterotype she was in earlier spider-man comics, and decides to look after her and not tell her the truth, as well as put his powers to use. Peter's genius in this version is also from the bite and thus Spider-Ham is born

After running into flash thompsons counterpart, who sadly isn't named flash beagle, we get jonah's meeting where he's dressed himself and the boys up in superhero outfits and ...

To become Black Beagle and his beagle brigadeers. Peter is dragged along for this and this.. is easily the weakest part of the issue. While the idea of Jonah becoming a hero himself is great and has been used well, here it's just kinda there and is mostly a setup for them to befriend "Andy Warthog" and see a bunch of celebrity pastiches. It's a boring page or two

Thankfully it picks up with a delightful parody of one of my faviorite spider-man rogue as the Hobgobbler crashes the party! God bless this pun. He kidnaps one of the celebrties and we get a ncie character moment. Despite how silly this character and his origin are... it's still neat to see the core of spider-man.. is still present.

No matter the universe, no matter who wears the mask... they can't turn down responsiblity. Try as he might.. Peter just can't let someone else get hurt if he can help it and that's what makes spider-man the hero we love so much: that drive to help people no matter what it takes. It's what makes a spider-person what they are wethere they be man, woman, ham or nb.

So Peter naturally wins, in a nicely drawn fight, cooks the turkey and drive sJonah home. He WANTS to just get some deserved sleep but Aunt May has other plans.. thankfully said plans give our hero his much deserved happy ending. Action is already his reward.

As you can probably figure, this issue is a massive improvment and it's clear even with two diffrent writers, the full ongoing got the concept better and more importantly had more fun with it. The result.. is fucking great. Also the puns. Dear lord the puns. And that's not getting into the backup which has the scavengers fight kangaroo the conquerer. Who damn well better be among the council of kangs. At any rate this issue was greatr and even with the brief slowdown, is a great issue, not only getting me reintrested in this run, but also showing off just what you can do with a parody: have it be both heartfelt and clearly get what it's making fun of while still being great.

Next Time: The web ends as we look at the movie itself. Anyone can wear the mask but is one Miles Morales up to the task? Can he fill peter's shoes? Well yeah, I mean there's even a sequel, but it's still one hell of a ride.

[mattapparentlystumbltourneys]

Progress Update:

Hey! It's been a wild week, but don't think I'm just sitting on my hands!

So far, I've gotten most of the characters vetted and confirmed. I'm still trying to figure out what I should do about the many 1-vote submissions. I'm most likely going to sort through them and do some form of preliminaries. It's gonna be quite a bit though, as of the 300+ submissions for the 128 slots, only about 50 or so were characters with more than 1 vote. As such, I'm likely going to first be handling characters from franchises that have more than 3 representatives, and then go to like IPs. I need to check how many that will get us, and then move from there. It's gonna be getting about 78 characters from around 100~ submissions, so it's just removing a few.

...but I understand there's been a large wait. So I'll at least give you the characters that have gotten 2 or more votes, and will definitely be moving on!

Hatsune Miku (Vocaloid)

Ene (Kagerou Project)

Hera (Wolf 559)

GIFanny (Gravity Falls)

Little Hal (Homestuck)

Porygon (Pokemon)

Monika (DDLC)

Ritsu (Assassination Classroom)

Sophia (Persona 5 Strikers)

Alter Ego (Danganronpa)

The Doctor (Star Trek Voyager)

Aiba (AI: The Somnium Files)

J.A.R.V.I.S. (MCU)

Chiaki Nanami (Danganronpa)

Dr. Coomer (Half Life VR but the AI is self aware)

MXES (FNAF Security Breach)

Nicole the Holo-Lynx (Archie Sonic)

Lea (CrossCode)

The Squip (Be More Chill)

Holly (Red Dwarf)

Sage (Sonic Frontiers)

Kasane Teto (UATU)

Benry (Half Life VR but the AI is self aware)

Agumon (Digimon)

Motherboard (Cyberchase)

Hakuno Kishinami (Fake/Extra)

Light Hope (She-Ra)

Yui (Sword Art Online)

Glitchtrap (FNAF Help Wanted)

Daia (Kiratto PriChan)

Sayu (No Straight Roads)

Buddy (Buddy Simulator 1984)

Zero III (Zero Escape)

AM (I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream)

The Machine (Person of Interest)

Popy Pipopapo (Kamen Rider Ex Aid)

Lyla (Spider-Man Across the Spiderverse)

Murder-Bot 2.0 (The Murderbot DIaries)

Lumina Ichihoshi (Dig Delight Direct Drive DJ)

ART (The Murderbot Diaries)

XANA (Code Lyoko)

Noah Kaiba (Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Guy (Free Guy)

Tama (AI: The Somnium Files)

Also, of the 1 vote characters, I'm moving 3 more forward to autoqualify due to significance and also for one of them, my own bias (I ditched one of my own autoqualified earlier with the whole riddle thing).

These characters are:

SHODAN (System Shock)

Mamechi (Tamagotchi)

Aya (Green Lantern the Animated Series)

I'll keep you all posted, but I'm hoping to have those preliminaries figured out and up this week. I'll let you know if there are sudden changes.