#man i sure wonder what mightve happened at the beginning of the year that made me write that down

[lazaruspiss]

wonderful insight past me, thank u

[blessethwrites]

stars exploding

(Day 1 of MultiSaku Month)

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: SasuSaku

Summary: Don't get Sakura wrong, she was happy she and Sasuke were becoming friends, following everything that had happened. Ecstatic even. But hell, did he have to be on her mind all the damn time?

On AO3

Her love for Sasuke had always been one of her defining characteristics, Sakura was starting to realize. Back in the Academy that was the thing everyone knew about her and, to be fair, she hadn’t minded. Then when they were placed on the same team that damn crush continued to be her driving force even as Naruto and Sasuke kept growing and improving, not only as shinobi but also as people; it was somewhere around the Chunin exams that Sakura had decided her feelings were more than an infatuation and had been brave enough to call it love.

It all spiralled from there. And somehow after all those years, after an entire damn war, that same love she held for him remained so deeply ingrained in her very being that she couldn’t imagine ever not loving him.

Except. She let out a heavy sigh once she finished up the last of her paperwork. Now things were different. There was no war anymore, there was no need to run around chasing Sasuke and silly as it might’ve sounded, it felt like the beginning of a new era. And for once, Sakura was happy with where she was. She was enjoying settling into her new life. That was a challenge of its own -- even after a few months, at times she still had trouble remembering it was all over -- but not an unwelcome one. The others, at least, seemed to be struggling with getting used to the newly established life of peace as well, and Sakura thought there was a sense of relief in navigating their new lives together.

She pushed herself up from her desk and stretched in an attempt to work out the kinks in her back. Ino would tell her to stop overthinking everything and just enjoy it; and she’d be right, of course, even though Sakura would never admit that to her face. The thing was, there wasn't a switch she could turn to stop thinking. In fact, thinking was all she’d been doing lately and somehow it all kept coming back to Sasuke. As it always did.

She wondered, not for the first time, why she seemed to be the only one unable to move on. Their former classmates had. Karin had. Ino had. Meanwhile, Sakura was stuck. Or at least, she had been. She still believed she’d always love Sasuke, except lately she was starting to realize that didn’t necessarily mean romantic love. After all, platonic love was just as precious.

So one could say she was slowly coming to terms with the fact that perhaps while she did love him, it was only as a dear friend. A very, very dear friend. And she tried to treat him as such, she reasoned with herself. She'd come to pacing around the room which wasn’t all that spacious to begin with and nodded along to her thoughts. Yes, ever since Sasuke had been released on probation she’d made sure to be friendly while not being too friendly to a point where he might feel uncomfortable. She really wanted to build a relationship with him that wasn’t based on a childish infatuation followed by years of separation. She wanted to get to know the man he’d become and to become someone he could trust in return; she wanted that teammate bond they lacked, the one she’d dismissed as boring when she’d been younger.

And it seemed he wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea. Of course, she hadn’t been so forward as to tell him all of that but she’d made an effort he appeared to recognize. She would even go as far as say he tried to return it in his own way. And she was incredibly happy he did, naturally, but that didn’t mean she was equally happy that he occupied so many of her thoughts.

“Friends, you idiot, friends,” she chastised herself and let out a low groan. She was hopeless, was what she was. She immediately tensed once she heard a snort come from behind her and whirled around, fists ready, only to recognize the chakra signature at the very last moment.

“Um,” she racked her brain for something to say, mind drawing blank. As much as she thought about him, nothing could really compare to the real thing, she realized as she watched Sasuke raise an eyebrow at her. “Hi?”

He let out another snort and shook his head; there was something akin to fondness in his eyes, though Sakura must have imagined that. “Hi,” he returned her greeting dryly and she had to stifle a grin. During the past months, she’d come to find he had a very dry sense of humour; right now he was basically teasing her. “I see you’re busy, should I come back later?”

This time she let the grin spread on her lips and leaned back until she was perched on her desk. It wasn’t as unusual as it would’ve been some time ago, to have Sasuke stop by to visit her at the hospital, but it also wasn’t as if he’d made it into a habit. A happy surprise, Sakura would call it. “Is there something I can do for you or did you just come to tell jokes?”

He seemed amused by her comment but didn’t say anything. He was watching her, eyes calculating, and she had no idea what he was looking for until he finally spoke up. “You haven’t had dinner yet, have you.”

The tone of his voice suggested it was a statement rather than a question and that he knew perfectly well she hadn’t. Sakura threw a glance at the old clock sitting on the desk next to her and then her eyes returned to Sasuke almost defensively; it wasn’t that late. “No,” she said cautiously, hoping to avoid a lecture. Not that Sasuke was the type to give her one, generally, but she’d had enough from both Ino and Naruto to last her a lifetime. She shrugged lightly. “I was going to head home soon anyway.”

He merely hummed, unmoving from where he was leaning on the wall, and Sakura crossed her arms. Her days of trying to decipher his grunts were over; if he wanted to say something he’d have to use actual words. She raised an eyebrow at him, stifling a smile as he snorted, apparently having understood her silent protest. “Come eat with me. I made too much food.”

His wording was a little off but it was still major progress from the closed-off boy he’d used to be, Sakura thought fondly. Then her brain caught up with the fact he’d invited her to have dinner with him and she had to look away, choosing to focus on a few of the manila folders sitting on her right side. As she straightened them out, making sure they were perfectly aligned with both the desk and each other, she cleared her throat. “Um, yeah, sure, that’d be nice.” When she finally glanced back at him there was something in his eyes she couldn’t quite read. “Thank you for offering.”

Sasuke shrugged, shifting his weight slightly, and looked around the room. “You done?”

Sakura bit her lip and it took everything in her not to fidget. She could certainly find something to keep her busy if she looked for it, like a last minute patient or a nurse who needed help; those were always easy to find. And on any other night that was precisely what she would’ve done. But tonight Sasuke was here and he wanted to have dinner with her, and as anxious as the idea made her, she was also looking forward to it. She threw him a small smile and pushed herself away from the desk. “Yeah, all done.”

Sasuke grunted once again, in response to which she reached to poke him in the ribs; no grunting on her watch. He let out an amused huff and Sakura’s smile grew as the two of them headed towards the main entrance. She couldn’t help but think how weird it was that spending time with Sasuke felt so normal. She’d expected there to be a certain awkwardness, all things considered, and while there had been in the beginning, it had all but dissipated by now. Yet another example of how much better their platonic relationship was as opposed to the one-sided crush she’d had, she thought.

When she glanced at Sasuke out of the corner of her eye, she was surprised to find he was already looking at her. “What?”

He didn’t move his gaze for a while and once he finally did, Sakura realized she’d been subconsciously holding her breath. “You get lost in your head a lot,” he said simply without offering any more explanation. He didn’t need to, anyway, she knew exactly what he meant.

“Sorry.” She threw him a sheepish grin and had to resist the urge to rub the back of her neck; she refused to completely turn into Kakashi. The ghost of a smile on Sasuke’s lips told her he knew exactly what she’d been thinking which made her grin widen. “I promise for the rest of the night I’ll be one hundred percent present.”

Sasuke didn’t offer a verbal response, something Sakura was about to tease him for, when she spotted Shizune talking to Kira-san on the front desk. She glanced at them and raised a finger to signal Sasuke she’d be just a moment; then she moved to approach the two women.

“Hey,” she smiled and nodded in greeting before turning to Shizune as the nurse moved to give them some privacy. “Do you need my help with anything? I wanted to check with you before I head out.”

The look Shizune gave her had Sakura raising her hands and hurrying to explain; she didn’t want Shizune thinking she was shrinking her duties or anything of the sort. “My shift ended a few hours ago, but if you need me then of course I’ll stay--”

The woman laughed, hands coming to rest over Sakura’s. “I know, I know. I was just surprised you’re voluntarily leaving, that’s all; I’m pretty sure Naruto-kun had to drag you away last time.”

The memory made Sakura flush as she recalled Naruto insisting she was overworking herself and quite literally carrying her out of the hospital; while she appreciated the concern, it was embarrassing. “Yes, well…” She trailed off and her gaze slid to Sasuke who was patiently waiting for her by the doors. He raised both his eyebrows when he caught her gaze and she shook her head before turning back to Shizune, not quite managing to contain her smile.

“Ah, I get it now.” Shizune’s tone was teasing but the warmth in it was unmistakable and Sakura’s flush became even more apparent.

“It’s not like that, Shizune, don’t tease me,” she laughed it off. “Not you too.” She’d been getting suggestive looks and wry smirks for at least a month now and she wasn’t sure how many more times she could repeat the phrase ‘we’re just friends’. She wasn’t mad, she knew nobody meant anything by it, but she could definitely go without it as well.

Shizune’s smile turned apologetic. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” She glanced down the hallway behind Sakura and let out a semi-amused breath. “You better get going before there’s an emergency and you end up staying here the whole night.”

Sakura snorted in agreement before saying her goodbyes. Finally, she returned to Sasuke’s side. “Okay, now I’m really all done.”

He held the door open for her, a gesture that would’ve made her past self swoon. If she was being perfectly honest it made her swoon now as well, but she told herself it was only natural. She would’ve enjoyed it regardless of the person.

“Are you inviting Naruto?” she spoke up once they’d started walking. As far as she was aware they were headed towards Sasuke’s new apartment at the centre of the village and while it wasn’t far from the hospital, she didn’t want them to spend the walk in silence.

Her question made him huff as he glanced at her, amused. “I said I made too much food but not that much.”

She shook her head at the familiar teasing but there was also a side of her that grew even more anxious now that he’d more or less confirmed it would just be the two of them. It was fine, though, it really was. Friends had dinner together all the time. It was fine.

“How’s work at the hospital?”

It wasn’t the question itself that surprised her rather than the fact he’d asked it at all. She quickly tried to shake the surprise off, however, and simply shrugged. “Not a lot going on right now, but that’s good news.” She paused, considering. “Of course there’s still a ton of paperwork, but at least I also have some more time to do research. Actually, Hinata’s been letting me have a closer look at the Byakugan and it’s really fascinating.”

She wasn’t about to go into detail about her findings for one because the information was only to be kept inside the Hyuga clan and for another, most people would find it boring even if she could talk about it. In any case, Sasuke was a smart man, she had no doubt he’d understand the secrecy around the Hyugas’ bloodline limit.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before glancing away, looking anywhere but at her as he spoke. “I don’t mind if you want to research the Sharingan.”

Sakura actually stopped walking for a moment out of sheer shock. The Uchihas were notoriously secretive when it came to their bloodline limit, even moreso than the Hyugas. For Sasuke to say this to her…

“I wasn’t trying to imply--” she started to say once she remembered to keep walking but he simply sighed, cutting her off before she’d had the chance to explain she hadn’t mentioned Hinata in some attempt to rope Sasuke into letting her do the same to him.

“Sakura. What you find will benefit me as well,” was all he said and she could feel her heartbeat slowly return to its normal pace. That made perfect sense; of course he’d want to know more about the Sharingan, especially since he was the last living Uchiha. She was overthinking everything, as usual. Sasuke cleared his throat and although his voice was quiet, Sakura heard him perfectly. “I trust you.”

“Oh.” Even if she’d wanted to, she couldn’t have helped her wide smile. There were a lot of things she could say in return, from Thank you to I trust you too, but she had a feeling Sasuke still wasn’t completely used to being so open with his emotions and she didn’t want to scare him off. Baby steps, she reminded herself. “Okay then. Whenever you’re free you can stop by the hospital and we can get started. Just make sure to let me know beforehand.”

Sasuke gave a sharp nod and after a beat proceeded to surprise her yet again. “Are you free tomorrow?”

She fumbled for a response, letting out a small, unsure chuckle as she did. “Um, sure. Does noon work for you?”

This time the nod was the only answer she received and before he could throw any more curveballs at her, she found they’d reached his apartment. He unlocked the door easily enough -- Sakura would forever be jealous of doors which didn’t need prodding and punching to open, unlike her own -- and led her to the dining room. The apartment wasn’t big but Sakura liked that about it; she had a feeling Sasuke did too. Somehow it had a homey feel to it, despite the scarce decorations. Perhaps it was because there was a bit of Team Seven scattered around every room -- a few of Kakashi’s books were resting on a shelf in the dining room which also served as a living room, the bathroom smelled of kiwi and mango, courtesy of Sakura leaving a spare bottle of shampoo in case she needed to sleep over, and she also knew for a fact that the fridge was well-stocked with instant ramen. In any case, whatever it was, it made her feel at home. She had to imagine Sasuke felt the same way, despite his actual childhood home being on the other side of the village. He’d mentioned to her a few weeks back that it felt more like a graveyard than a home, and her heart had broken for him.

“Here,” he said as he entered the room, placing one plate on the table in front of Sakura and one right across of it, where he took a seat. “It’s omusubi.”

Sakura could see that but she also knew what he really meant; it was basically the equivalent of him asking if it was an acceptable meal. She gave him a small smile. “It looks lovely.” And it really did. She could spot fish flakes and what appeared to be tomatoes, and she found herself thinking this was a very Sasuke-like meal. “Itadakimasu.”

Sasuke echoed her words and the two of them proceeded to eat in silence -- strangely enough, Sakura didn’t feel any of the unease she’d expected. This was technically the first time she and Sasuke dined together, just the two of them, and it was actually a nice change of pace. With Naruto there was always this sense of urgency to their meal, especially seeing how quick he was to finish his food. Sasuke, on the other hand, took his time.

She remembered how he’d be just as fast as Naruto back in their childhood, matching his pace with ease, but she also assumed that had been merely a part of the rivalry the two of them shared. Now things were different. While the rivalry was still there, Sakura liked to think it had taken a turn for the better.

“There’s anmitsu in the fridge,” Sasuke said some time later, eyes not moving from the rice ball he was holding with his chopsticks. His tone was even, as if describing the weather, but Sakura couldn’t help staring. While that was one of her favourite foods, he hated sweets. She knew that because back when she was young and crushing on him, she’d made a point to catalogue all of his likes and dislikes. And sweets definitely fell into the latter category.

It made no sense unless he’d developed a sweet tooth during all those years away from Konoha, a thought that made her unreasonably sad. She knew he’d changed, she wasn’t stupid, but there was something about the idea of not knowing him as well as she used to that unsettled her.

And that was precisely why they were doing the friendship thing, she reminded herself. To get to know each other better. So she hummed in a way she hoped seemed casual enough and swallowed the last of her food before replying. “I didn’t know you liked sweets.”

The amusement was plain in his eyes though the rest of his face remained impassive. “I don’t.”

“Oh.”

Her response, or the lack of thereof, seemed to amuse him even further, but there was also that same flash of fondness she’d thought she’d imagined earlier. He didn’t say anything else as he too finished his meal until at last, he stood up and moved to go to the kitchen. Sakura watched as he disappeared behind the door only to return a few moments later with a small bowl of anmitsu.

“Wait, you also made this?” When he’d mentioned having sweets she’d assumed he’d just bought them. Sasuke grunted in response and she couldn’t even find it in herself to get mad. “Wow. I-- Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me before you’ve made sure it’s edible,” he said dryly but she could see the careful way he was watching her as she tried the dessert.

She didn’t know what she expected but it was good. Everything tasted just as it was supposed to and she smiled. “It’s great, Sasuke, thank you. Not just for dessert but the whole meal. And,” she added with a laugh, “for getting me out of the hospital.”

A snort of amusement and another easy silence fell upon the room. Sakura took the opportunity to get another look around. Sure, she’d been there before with Naruto and Kakashi for team bonding or something of the sort, but now, with nothing else to do, she found her eyes drifting. Not entirely surprising that they landed on a picture, the only one she could see, standing innocently on a small coffee table. Their old genin photo.

It was Naruto who had given it to Sasuke, frame and all, upon his return, but the mere fact he’d kept it and displayed so openly had warmth blooming in Sakura’s chest. They had different teams now and Sai and Yamato were without a doubt part of their little family but even so, the four of them -- herself, Sasuke, Naruto and Kakashi -- had something that felt special.

Sasuke noticed her gaze, naturally, but he didn’t say anything. She had a strong feeling he didn’t like to think about those times, regardless of all the good parts, and she respected that; one thing she’d learnt as a medic was that everyone coped in different ways.

“Once again, thank you for the meal,” she repeated as she set the now empty bowl down on the table, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands. She ended up clasping them in her lap in order to resist fidgeting. “I guess I better get going now. I have an early shift tomorrow and you can imagine what those are like.” She’d stood up at some point and now had to bite her lip to stop talking; she could feel the words bubbling up under the surface and she didn’t think Sasuke would appreciate her rambling.

“I’ll walk you.”

He was also standing, moving around the table to stand in front of her, and she blinked up at him. “Are you sure?” She didn’t add that she could take care of herself because if after everything they’d been through he still didn’t see that then there wasn’t much else she could do. And besides, she had a feeling he hadn’t offered in some misguided attempt to protect her; Naruto usually walked her home after every little gathering they attended, and when he wasn’t able to, Kakashi did it instead under the excuse he was headed in the same direction as her anyway. Hell, even Sai had walked her on one memorable occasion which nearly ended with him in the hospital.

Thus, she concluded, Sasuke was just being a good friend. Still, she didn’t want him to feel as though he had to simply because other members of their team did.

He looked at her in a way that said plenty; if she had to interpret it as just one sentence, however, it would be something along the lines of Of course I’m sure, I wouldn’t have offered otherwise. Another smile grew on her lips and distinctly she remembered Ino saying something about how she’d been smiling a lot lately.

The walk to her apartment was, unsurprisingly, silent. But Sasuke didn’t seem to be in a hurry, matching her slower pace without complaint, and when she felt the heat of his body by her side, she realized they were walking closer than usual too.

Upon reaching the door, she turned to face him. “Thank you for walking me.”

He was about to respond with another grunt, she could feel it, but when he saw her raised eyebrow, his lips twitched in amusement. “You’re welcome.”

Pleased, she turned back around to face the door and was about to insert the key when her mouth opened without her permission. “Would you like to come inside?” She froze, scrunching her nose at her stupidity, and took a breath before looking over her shoulder at Sasuke who hadn’t moved an inch. “For, uh, tea?”

She watched his face carefully, ready to backtrack the second he showed any sign of annoyance, and promptly stopped breathing when he smiled. It was only a half-smile, granted, but it was the closest to a genuine one she’d seen from him and it was directed at her. It softened all his features and even his dark eyes, which had seemed so emotionless a few years ago, now appeared warm.

“Yes,” was all he said and her heart skipped a beat.

So much for platonic feelings.