#man i love remembering atrocities dont you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

renatedagmarmilada · 2 years

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grey viz print...roll down

sometimes it is necessary not to say things too openly,

yet not to keep them secret.

.punishment

for giving away the secrets of the powerful is constant

and never subsides..

.They tested remote stuff,

tried and dusted over there.

.but small amounts on many..

Here they use large amounts on a few,

though already tried and dusted

by the States,

for their own purposes.

It is the future of war weaponry.

The War Lords have given permission.

I have to go they say-

because I put it into my poetry.

Renate Fekete

Milada…17.3.07

Averell viz Reuben

> to us from our stampede West

> to where all things and safety lay

> America meant merely A viz R

> we knew both well from home

> we knew and believed truthful Averell

> but his own people doubted him

> we also knew Reuben's ways well

> his showmanship his charm to sway

> ere since on his journeying he began

> battling in an unseen mist

> averell and reuben as we preached

> the winner clear in a smudge to teach

> we sighed

> same methods

> we all knew so well

> maybe we'd better stay where we are

> look behind over our shoulders

> check our backs

> and where was home?

An ode for Colin, Art Lecturer RIP

> We continue to use her poetry

> intime it will blot out everything and pretty

> its for the Ausgust issue

> its one of hers I tissued

> I sent your stuff to the BBC and others

> and even used your very own venues

> I work at the lab, skinny Liz

> took along with friends of the lab and Chris

> and one or two are famous asked their help

> just to ensure you shut up and never yelp

> it is New York lab now robbing and topping

> beamed from england to their lab computer

> here bravery and decency dont count

> we don't mind losing artists and wont count

> and over there anything is fair game

> as long as it has personal gain....

Red Herrings and their ''fairer society''

> We are building a fairer society I quote

> led by the worst criminals

> even our east europeans

> have ever known

> with their wide experience of criminals

> as St Guys watches Hommerton and them

> or maybe we hadn't read the country

> correctly before

> has she shamed herself in your country

> now there's another experience

> the lab whispers in microsound

> We are not talking St Guy's whispers

> is everyone frightened on this island?

> atrocity after atrocity, include injustices

> sorry I made every person you met

> into a lover

> and asked them to study it as real

> you can never answer back

> nor can you stop the punishment

> they hand out

> one student adds

> it is the worst penitentiary ever

> with absolutely no human rights

> the lab tells him

> it is not

> it is an experiment with no bounds

> and no boundaries

> anything goes now

> this is Britain's Auschwitz they repeat

> this country is too small for camps

> every church, every shop, every school

> is your Camp 5

> we begin punishment when ever we wish

> plus the all nighters since November 03.

> why?

> why we messed up

> and Britian is never guilty

> especially when it is britains....

> well death is death,

> who ever metes out the death..

Ø robbery is robbery

Ø DIVORCE

> the wedding was my parent's style

> motivated by what will the neighbours say

> not mine though our love showed through

> quarter of a century later

> a psycho-man persuaded him to freedom

> meant shaking off all responsibility

> only just moved to a new city

> a small town girl and the kids

> couldn't believe he wouldn't come back

> as he always had from south Africa

> from Austria from all his job

> it was CHristmas and we didn't know how

> first I drank a bottle of whisky though teetotal

> then life had to go on

> all proceedings have to go through a system

> I don't remember the day or the time

> I know I sat on a bench somewhere

> and people were very kind and nice there

> a Judge with a soft face and voice said something

> I don't remember what but it was gentle

> solicitor's young man arm around my shoulder

> he wasn't there so you can have the kids

> but I'm still not sure what happened

> and asked for a long time

>another seven and intimidation

> more students in the lab

> doing the same file of constant lies

> spun around and around

> once they say..use your imagination

> (not what you think boys)

> over the tv voice

> the same old made up work

> by the members of the lab

> a book sent to a friend

> sensitive because it tells what they do

> a student gets a first

> he has robbed it

> they have a special letter to get the post

> we just call it fining any crime

> why?

> twenty years ago they split a happy family

> twenty years ago they watched us on screen

> day and night night and day

> every little action

> and certain parts sent everywhere looped

> seen by everyone

> all in the bedroom and the lounge

> adults nothing wrong

> twenty years of life

> common law husband

> the student got a first

> destroy all relationships

> then at the last the torture began

> squeezing arteries why?

> the effect is the same as a severe drug addict

> and pounding the heart like a smoker

> all things never experienced by this little healthy guy

> please see she is dead within this decade

> and I want a heart attack shortly

> last night was hell

> even for the brave and careful

> my skull hurt from the pressure

> and my spine trembled

> of course intimidation

> I'd gone to see a solicitor

> a visit to a solicitor always brings such reaction

> on line torture in Britain

> such a clever solicitor too

> asked you and who

> nay good Sir I aint telling

> you find out yourself...

> looks like London and Europe

> this is no small matter

> though dear madam

> you try to minimalise.

> why and where, what and who

> why and where, what and who?

THE QUEEN

> Fay,do copy this now it is my pet project

> Jacki has taken half their carefully saved funds

> their sophisticated machinery

> over ten thousand pounds out of accounts

> lone mum and mother

> year by year year after year

> Jackie was strapped for cash

> and drinks heavily as he works for the lab

> the lab earn huge wages from taxes

> and take from the accounts at will

> it is a victim they say

> using it so as to distance their crimes

> so you are still hammering her and them

> we can't let it get out

> the Queen is in it

> I don't believe it

> they lied to the Queen

> but the Queen can easily find out

> she has she said so

> the Queen said

> victim sue..and sue ..and sue

> do they think we can't check

> Charles too told twice but we can say nought

> wither way but we know the truth

> and you never say

> Sir, we were brought up in a different way

> we sat silent and watched

> and were rewarded for our loyalty

> by a golden piece by our royals

> the only time we shouted

> the Nazis are coming

> no one listened

> and again no one is listening

> the lawyers say what is criminal elsewhere

> is not criminal here and those know it

> and the public must not know the truth

> or that the Queen is in it..

> though the Queen knows full well

> and more poetry books bite the dust

> I consider my real feelings for once

> but I went to school with them

> I married them, laughed with them

> cried with them, played with them

> was ill in hospitals with them

> gae birth with them

> was even divorced with them

> no not the jews here the english..

> there was once a famous english writer

> who went to Holland to escape

> island corruption!

> so this is the great democratic island

> we had put on a pedestal...

> Renate Fekete

> 66 Lloyd Street

> whether it is a lab or not.

Steve says

> steve says they can't say we used Stanis

> cause Stanis helped us to use Stanis..

> steve says Maxwell was in it and Murdoch too

> it was their choice both they chose you did not

> steve says divorce, death or 'what if..?'

> stanis say you forfeit your post as well as life

> steve says she had an advantage

> healthy, talented we are ordinarying her

> steve says can you put a hole in her heart

> she was brilliant then but then became ' ill'

> steve says yes she is still copying eveything

> the spin doctors are disturbed by the pencil

> steve says the girls can do them by the imprint after

> students say we don't want to come back to the lab

> steve says the Minister was in the lab by invite

> it was amusement watching peoples private lives

>.....> steve says that's why we put

they were seen

> but added all the rest for afters

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tumblunni · 7 years

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hey do you remember these guys and how they died horribly cos i just remembered these guys and how they died horribly

so like yeah, miss me with that ‘frontier is the worst season’ bullshit don’t go saying that unless your season ended with everyone you ever cared about dying in a really sadistic and personally spiteful manner just so someone can say No They Weren’t The Real Villains, It Was Never Before Mentioned Cameo Man and then he doesn’t even pose a decent threat and everyone defeats him by TALKING ABOUT WANTING TO OPEN A NOODLE CART

srsly how were they even fuckin villains like seriously poor fuckin oikawa was just a kid exactly like our heroes, but somehow the digital world just didnt arbitrarily ‘choose’ him so he got to learn that it existed but never got a digivice and could only sit there staring at it from a distance and being really fuckin sad and like.. even after all that, he wasnt even angry?? he was dealing with his life! him and his other friend who went thru the same thing ended up growing upb into relatively healthy adults and like yeah they were a bit preoccupied with those memories of Hey Wasn’t It Weird How We Found Out About An Entire Fuckin Parallel World Full Of Hug Monsters And It Said It Didn’t Want Us and then he didn’t snap and turn evil still ALSO his best friend died and he was left alone on top of all that shit. and he just regressed back into his one happy childhood memory after a massive grief event and man it fuckin sucks when your definition of ‘happy childhood’ is ‘that one moment where magic destiny told me i was worthless apparantly’

and like fuckin its sad enough ALREADY that the comic relief villains got to die in a super gory way and nobody even mourned them but also like seriously THEY WERE THE AGUMONS OF THIS MAN even after he snapped from Super Actually Justified Reasons To Be Really Mad At The World, he still didnt even start off doing anything evil he just did all that magic evil science to create his own digimon, if the world wasn’t gonna let him have one and then he got Even More Sad cos he still couldnt go to the digital world but at least his weird half-human fusion clone children could and they were just A Family and we had a whole fuckin episode about them chilling out at christmas in a tiny house where they dont even have beds, and Mummymon adorably messing up making dinner and like seriously wtf why did you make them even more sympathetic than the heroes...

and then even when he ended up becoming all corrupted and evil over time his plot was still just I Want To Go To Digimon World And Hug The Digimon he was just the villain cos he was all ‘i’ll do it at any cost!’ but like HE WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO if the stupid badly explained destiny magic had just let him fuckin do it??? like its not even like ‘oh no adults arent allowed to be digimon protagonists’ cos he was a kid when it first happened, and plus all the heroes get shown as adults in the (really bad) ending and they still get to keep their digimon... and seriously he was written just like some sad severely mentally ill dad who didnt even understand why these kids would be scared of him cos It’s Awesome U Guys Need To See The World Of Hug Monsters, We’ll Be There Any Second I Swear And like when they AT THE LAST MINUTE KILLED HIM OFF AND REPLACED HIM WITH A POORLY DEVELOPED RETCONNED IN VILLAIN they also RETCONNED THAT THIS NEW VILLAIN DID EVERYTHING so hey we cant even blame poor oikawa for his ‘ends justify the means’ thing cos apparantly Plot Device Man was mind controlling him the whole time anyway...

and then Plot Device Man just HORRIBLY AND SADISTICALLY MURDERS HIS DIGI-CHILDREN WHILE THE PROTAGONISTS JUST STAND THERE AND WATCH and nope they couldnt even let them die at the same TIME no we just get to see him grab Grumpy Comic Relief by the throat and strangle her graphically for like seventy seconds and then decapitate her horribly and then Funny Comic Relief gets to be there the whole time begging him to let her go and NOBODY HELPS HIM TRY AND SAVE HER and then he has a fuckin weeping monologue about how he literally wants to kill himself now she’s gone, and then his One Moment Of Being Badass Instead Of Funny is him knowing he cant defeat this fuckface and charging in anyway cos he WANTS TO DIEEEEE and then hey lets fucking MELT THE SKIN OFF HIS BONES WITH ACID and then never mention the two of them ever again

and hey ok apparantly Sad Dad was laying there unconcious the whole time and now is dying from fuckin plot device cancer due to being mind controlled the whole time and like lets not even tell him that his beloved digimon just got murdered while he was out and he’s fuckin begging for someone to just.. fuckin.. help him walk TWO METRES to get to the door to the digimon world so he can at least DIE THERE and then just to rub salt in the wound we get to see a THIRD digimon of his sitting there at the door cos apparantly he really did have a Magical Destiny Partner this entire time and there was NO FUCKING REASON why he wasnt allowed to go to the goddamn fucking digimon world so hey nice to meet you tiny newly born kiwi fruit monster of adorableness, you had a brother and sister who just died, also say goodbye to your dad cos no-one fuckin HELPED HIM WALK TWO METRES FORWARD

“hello my entire family died” “didnt even know i had one” “thanks for telling me, i guess”

and then also we never know what happened to that kiwi fruit, it only exists to have one line about how happy it is to meet him and how confused it is about why he’s going away The End only fuckin consolation is that they did some disney magic censorship thing and he just ~dissappeared into light~ instead of dying normally and like they cameo’d the same magic light butterflies effect in later seasons to imply that his ghost is still floating about, I guess but hey don’t even bother giving that to the fuckin THREE GODDAMN DIGIMON HE HAD. its sure okay to show them being graphically murdered onscreen and/or just vanishing offscreen with no conclusion whatsoever in a collapsing interdimensional vortex while also being like One Day Old and having no damn concept of the horror that just happened The End The End

THE END

...also i guess for no damn reason those two were siblings i guess seriously its so weird, their whole comic relief dynamic involved mummymon having a crush on arukenimon and i guess they just didnt realise that if oikawa made both of them in a science lab using his own dna then that makes them brother and sister but really that’s just the shit cherry on a shit cake of a plot resolution, lol oh and another cherry is that they held a contest to let one kid get a digimon named after him, and it was The Kiwi Fruit Who Only Exists to Be Sad Happ Birthday, Timmy.

#yukio oikawa #man i love remembering atrocities dont you

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xmxisxforxmaybe · 4 years

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This is why I got so mad at them last week. I dont care if they're adults, or if its "none of my business what they do". Some fans dont care at all as long as they get any sort of content, but come ON. Read up on your plague histories - because this virus *is* a deadly contagious disease to part of the population - this thing might last a year or two with varying degrees of restrictions on our lives! Being so flippant about a beach holiday right now makes my blood boil.

Me, too. And I will be the first to admit that I’m still learning to balance disappointment in my fave with the enjoyment his existence brings. I still believe that Rami Malek Is Sunshine . . . I’m just disappointed in some of his recent actions.

As long as that lil bean still sparks my joy and my muse, I’ll be here ☀️ This blog has been the best way I’ve found to manage my real-life stress, and most of that management is credited to the amazing souls in this fandom. Even if we don’t talk much or at all, I LOVE the creative spirit that possesses all of Rami’s fans. I adore you all so much, and I still think Rami would be tickled to know how his artistry sparks so much creativity in others.

Back to the real-life horror show of the virus, do you know what is actually the scariest to me? I cannot stop seeing the parallels between the botched handling of the AIDS crisis and the Coronavirus. This article from Vox came out in MARCH. Imagine if it were updated after we learned about Trump’s intentional downplaying of the virus’s threat?

We absolutely, positively MUST vote that man out of office.

* * * Updated for the Anon who did not agree with the parallel being drawn between AIDS and the Coronavirus. Activists often try to wake people up by using past events to say, “HEY--we already went down this road once. Let’s not do it again.” However, I don’t think the current parallels are intended to diminish the horror of the AIDS crisis and its intentional stigmatization of gay folks. Remember the controversy surrounding the parallels drawn between the AIDS crisis and the Holocaust? The comparisons are inevitable, and I look at it as a way to draw attention to the horrors of the past, not as a way to diminish any atrocity. We should have learned from these events, yet . . . here we are.

But it is my opinion that there are parallels between the handling of the AIDS crisis and the handling of the Coronovirus. I am not drawing parallels between groups affected or mortality rates, just between the government’s handling of each crisis.

This article in the NY Times speaks to what I meant, and I think this excerpt sums up the article well:

When I read about how one of the early obstacles to manufacturing tests for the coronavirus was that drug companies feared there was no money in it, I remembered the many Act Up demonstrations demanding drug companies expand their research and make new drugs accessible, as their executives had feared there was no money in producing AIDS drugs.

And so I asked myself: Were these parallels in the nature of the viruses, or just an old story about America that had never changed?

Since this is such a heavy topic, I’d be happy to have a dialogue off of Anon.

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autumn-foxfire · 4 years

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I got a response for the Qs, theres so much I- they brought up the villain goes here for the manga cover are you kidding, funny they said twice reaching up to pull hawks down, when their thing is to fly free. I adore the twice and hawks scene partly because of the shadow-view shift, hawks face is shadowed showing how twice sees him but then it pulls back and shows what's actually happening, hawks doesn't like this. I dont see hawks kill one to save the many as a "huge big flaw" But. (1)

Shigaraki, ahh I love him but he's such a pain, they bring up his speech thing, he goes on about how the heros hurt their familys to save others, he brings some valid points about sweeping some things under the rug, I hate that they blame that on the heroes as if they have ultimate control over society and the way the system works. "heroes solve the problem by punching" what are they meant to do? Ask the murderer for same tea? i genuinelu don't know how I'm meant to react to these, (2)

Like yeah the system and society is pretty shit, something needs to be done, someone like shigaraki bringing this up is hilarious, he's caused so much pain and panic, he's not trying to reform the way shit works, him preaching about it like he's doing something to fix it is insane. (3)? next ones a long one cause I'm ranting lmfao

Because I'm petty and a lil shit, this person brought up minetas "weren't actually wrong were they, just like the heroes actions" and didn't give any other context, with just that quote and the shot of hawks obvi looks like it's condemning the heroes and hawks. Put it in context like its meant to be read and you get "out efforts, weren't actually wrong were they, just like the heroes actions, I mean just look at this in the end it was all just worthless" MAKES IT READ COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (4)

EDIT (I missed it off by accident XD): To sum up, I feel so lost, my mind hasn't been changed and I'm confused as to the point of all of that. I want to ask more questions and they were so polite but I just, I don't understand, the only thing I can focus on is "the villains have a point about hero society, them taking the mineta quote out of context to fit a narrative, just shigaraki as a whole lmfao, and them ignoring half the scene with hawks and twice. I don't ~ understand ~ but aight.

Kudos to the person being polite even if they are very misinformed (usually I’ve noticed people who hold similar views to be very defensive) but their points are still extremely weak at best.

Also... I want to apologise in advance about my long answer to this ask T-T

First thing first, I’ve already disproven the ‘villains are always in the top corner’ point in a previous post which I will link here. It’s not a thing that exists and is just something someone made up to support their narrative that Hawks was supposed to be the villain in that scene. Most likely Horikoshi was trying to show the fight and Hawks, having wings, would obviously be placed in the top of the cover. Sure we can see symbolism and similar poses in famous artwork but without knowing if Horikoshi had any inspiration from them, it’s all just speculation.

Also, the POV shift is such an important part in chapter 265/6 that it’s so frustrating that so many people ignore it. We were supposed to sympathize with Twice first, we know his trauma and how he feels about being betrayed and then to see Hawks look down at him so emotionlessly? It was supposed to hurt.

However, then the scene shifts and the shadows start to lift from Hawks face. The cold expression Twice thought he was seeing wasn’t a real thing, in fact Hawks was looking at him with an expression of sadness and regret. Personally I think the shadows were supposed to symbolize how far Twice had fallen into villain ideology that he was unable to see that his ‘enemy’ was just as broken up as he was about the confrontation. I think that’s why the cover called it ‘one’s justice’, Twice was blinded by his loyalty towards his found family that he was willing to commit atrocities in their name meanwhile Hawks had to confront Twice and treat him like a villain even though deep down he thought he was a good man and wanted to help him.

It’s not Hawks fault that Twice continued to try and kill people and he had to resort to the only way he could stop him before he was killed by Dabi himself. This is just speculation but I’m pretty sure Hawks had determined that stopping Twice was probably the last thing he would do and he wanted to at least protect the heroes and give them a fighting chance.

As for Shigaraki’s speech, I’ve also brought up in the past about how Shigaraki completely dismisses the villains and their role in modern hero society which was interesting to say the least. As much as Shigaraki can draw attention to some of the issues in hero society (the over-reliance on the heroes being a big one), as long as he continues to ignore what actually causes a need for heroes to exist (villains) there will be no changes made by him. Also, a villain can make valid points but still ultimately be wrong and needed to be stopped, in a manga I fell in love with (thank you again @tozhan XD) the antagonist had a genuine reason and logic behind why he was the villain, however he was still stopped in the end because killing a bunch of people, no matter your logic, if messed up.

And as you said, “heroes solve the issue by punching” except heroes only react to villains, they do not start the fight, they only put an end to it. You can’t expect people to not resort to force when a group of people are actively trying to hurt others. Also that’s just ignoring how many heroes do restrain villains instead of just ‘punching’ them (Best Jeanist is a big example of that but Hawks has shown to do the same by lifting villains up in the air with his feathers and waiting for the police to pick them up). Sure, heroes probably should give villains a chance to surrender however most villains we’ve seen in the manga/anime have already been in the middle of a crime and so asking them to stop would be useless (and the one hero that did try to give a villain a chance to surrender was demonized for it).

Shigaraki really shouldn’t be the mouth piece people use to show everyone society is shit considering he killed a bunch of people first before trying to preach to the heroes (and you can’t even use the ‘it’s self-defence’ logic considering Shigaraki was planning premeditated genocide basically).

Also, I find it hilarious how so many people, especially the people that hate Mineta, were quick to jump on his words to defend their narrative even though in the chapter before that we had Majestic tell the students to not doubt themselves and then afterwards we see Shigaraki’s body breaking down showing them that interupting his operation did have an effect and gave the heroes another fighting chance.

People really need to remember that a Gigantomachia rampage would have happened anyway. Sure we can question the heroes poor planning (I’ve been annoyed by it for awhile now) however all the heroes did was strike first before the villains could. This would have happened regardless of whether the heroes attacked or not so Mineta’s words don’t really mean much when you think of the PLF’s future plans.

The heroes aren’t wrong for responding to an obvious threat and I don’t know why people are acting like they are. The PLF wasn’t a group of innocent people, they’re essentially a terrorist organization planning to kill millions, the heroes needed to react when they were all in one location otherwise cities would have been doomed.

If you want, you could direct the person to this post and see how they respond to my points. I’m kind of curious how they would respond to everything I’ve addressed here to be honest.

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #thanks for the ask!!#sorry this was very #very long #I apparently had a lot to say #Anonymous

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

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my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

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shooks-stupid-stuff · 4 years

Text

i have the text dump, it has lots of lore and will probably break the text limit-

SO BASICALLY JACIAN AND TAIANA SHIZ BASICALLY ALL I HAVE COME UP WITH FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND PLOT STUFF AND YES-

so basically they first meet in act 1 of the main plot (tm) which is really just adventure to go stop odd thing thats happening (idk exactly what atm but thats not really important). Jarcian is basically a knight whos working for an unknown(at the time, we'll get to it later) person, and he has been tasked with impeding the progress of the main group. how does he plan to do this? well, despite literally having troops at his disposal (who all adore him and are 100% loyal to him, they love their goofy captain), of course he challenges the main character group to a one on one duel, because he is just a goofy villain who fights fair and lives by his honor. Of course Taiana accepts his challenge, being a knight herself, and they proceed to have a draw. Out of respect, and because he's lowkey thrilled that someone has taken him seriously for once, Jacian concedes and retreats for the time being, but not before he and Taiana declare each other to be rivals (with like 75% of the main group just being so done with both of them and wanting to leave). They have a few more encounters after this, with taiana always insisting that they take up his challenge fairly rather than just like have everyone defeat his forces because she feels he's not a bad guy and actually at this point considers him a friend, and after a while Jacian begins to think that he might be developing feelings for Taiana, which he really doesnt know how to feel about so he consults his second in command, Anton (short for Anthony; this man is just a side character but he is like the best side character ever and im 100% giving him a unique design bc he's just like the most supportive dude ever-). i plan on making a short comic based off the conversation they have but basically Jacian has his suspicions confirmed, and goes full panic attack and sad mode bc oops literal forbidden love this is so sad : pensive : . There are like 2 more encounters between the main group and Jacian's group, both of which Jacian is just like being very obvious on accident but taiana has no idea what a social cue is so she just doesnt pick up on any of it, and then major plot shit happens and we're onto part 2.

in part 2, things get kinda angsty and really can split off in 2 different directions, with one being significantly less angsty than the other. basically, shit goes down, and all 3 of the main kingdoms are all just kinda in conflict now. Taiana ends up becoming the queen of her kingdom (called Serenia) and, despite her appearingly newfound confidence and leadership skills, she is internally in turmoil due to previous plot events (and this only gets worse with future ones) and is beginning to fall into a state of self doubt due to the pressure she puts on herself to protect everyone coupled with the fact that she cant, and failed to protect her own father and brother. After a bit of rebuilding and strategizing, Taiana decides to lead a counterattack against the neighboring kingdom of Grysia who's king, Natalio, has basically backstabbed every other kingdom and had invaded Serenia while the main group was out doing other stuff (his son is also part of the main group, and some real shit happens there but thats another tale for another ramble-). It turns out that Jacian serves him, and is having one hell of a moral struggle right now. His knights honor forbids him from betraying his lord, but he's unsure if he's truely doing the right thing as he's been complacent to so many inhumane atrocities that Natalio has preformed. But in the end he decides that he must stick to his duty to the very end, no matter what (and let me just say, once natalio shows his true colors he does some bad shit, like really damn bad. but again, another disscussion for another day). Eventually, the main group is pretty much on the castle's doorstep, and so Natalio makes the decision to send Jacian to put a stop to them. More specifically, to their leader, who at this point is Taiana. Jacian of course, really doesnt want to (but as he later figures out, Natalio knows of his crush and plans on having the two destroy each other, with the result of one being killed and the other being emotionally destroyed. as I said, natalio is a very bad man), but his duty commands that he must, and so he tells Anton to make sure his troops escape the conflict together, and heads off to his final duel, where he intends to head to his grave and take his secret with him. When he confronts the main group, he is much more solemn than he normally is, and he challenges Taiana to one final duel. and despite every other duel they had resulting in a draw, this one results in a loss from Jacian. As a final wish, Jacian begs Taiana to take his life, as he'd rather die at her hands than at Natalios.

now, since im thinking about the plot in terms of it being a game, there actually is a branch in the plot based on a choice made at this point (mainly bc the angsty one is more interesting character development wise but the not angsty one makes me happy and i want to see these 2 be happy together-). so the two choices are basically to take Jacian's life, or to spare him. ill go over what each choice leads to in order.

choose to take his life: Taiana tries to take Jacian's life, but she just can't bring herself to. She already internally feels as if she's lost or come close to losing many of the peopleshe holds dear, and she could never bring herself to kill someone she considers a friend. Seeing this, Jacian smiles before apologizing to her for everything, and thanking her for the joy she's brought him, before telling her he loves her and taking his own life via stabbing his sword through his chest. His intent is to save her the pain of taking his life by ding it for him, but this ends up pushing her over the edge, as she blames herself and sees it as yet another failure to protect someone she cared about. The main group ends up defeating natalio and liberating Grysia, but Taiana is left with menatl and emotional wounds that would leave her unstable for much of the remaining plot. it doesnt help that she eventually realizes that she loved him too. His former troops, which had deserted the war just as he asked, end up joining the Serenian military, with Anton becoming the captain of the knights. This mainly leads to alot of character development for taiana, and how she learns to cope with and accept the fact that she cant protect everyone, no matter how much she wants to. (there also is another really angsty part later bc main villian has some bs powers but uhh we've had enough sad i thinkand this is getting really long-)

choose to spare him: Taiana refuses to take Jacian's life, to which Jacian retorts that she had to if she wanted to get past. Of course, she once again refuses as she wont harm someone she cares about, especially when she's already lost people she cares about and is really close to just losing it. She then states that if one of them had to die, the he should take he life, much to his dismay. She stands firm on this, and he attempts, but his feelings finally overpower his sense of duty, and he just cant. but at the same time, his honor won't let him betray his lord, and if he goes back he will just be killed. He and taiana argue a bit, with taiana trying to convince him to join her before finally breaking down and just letting out everything she's had pent up inside since the the end of part 1 of the plot (different story for a different day) Jacian lets out some emotional baggage of his own, including confessing his feelings for taiana,which she is completely surprised about. They talk and mildly argue for a bit more, with Jacian eventually surrendering to his feelings, and vowing to right the wrongs made by his complacency before thanking Taiana for helping him to remember why he became a knight in the first place, and abandoning his old sense of honor to take up arms with the main group and find a new sense of honor, fighting for the people as taiana does rather than just for one corrupt man. Natalio really isnt suprised by this, and simply says that he'll send them both to the grave by his own hands, before being defeated by the main group with the help of Jacian's troops because yknow, theyre loyal to Jacaian before theyre loyal to the king. During the 6-year skip between part 2 and 3, Taiana and Jacian end up getting married, and similarly to the other option Anton is appointed captaianof the Serentian Knights, and remains a close friend to Jacian (along with the rest of his troops, theyre his bois). This mainly leads to more development of Jacian and how he interacts with the other charcaters in the main group, as well as him helping taiana to cope with many of her insecurities and issues, and offering support in a way that none of the other characters in the main group can (i meant to not this earlier as well, she may be very close to other characters as well, such as xayvion, but they just dont understand certain aspects of her personality deep down as well as Jacian does. The two are just a pair of overly excessive goofy knights, and though they may be slightly different they understand each other in a way no one else does).

and uhh thats basically it, this was way more than i meant to write and i really need to go to sleep now so uh yeet- anyways i love these 2, thank you for coming to my ted talk-

#OC shiz #shook rambles #Taiana (OC)#Jacian (OC)#this took an hour and a half please take it #also its probbaly non-comprehensive gibberish im sorry #im just very tired and brain is going brr and aaaaaaa i love these 2 #the angst makes me sad but like it makes for good character development #i have become what i swore to destroy noooo #time to make aus for my own oc stuff y e e t

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prettyyoungtragedy · 6 years

Text

Written in the Stars (14)

Characters: Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You’re the type of woman who is headstrong and fiercely independent. Heiress to a fortune and one of the most brilliant minds of the 21st century. Until you’re forced into witness protection. Your “Protection” turns out to be 220 pounds of dreamy, sassy, delightful Bucky Barnes. Whatever could go wrong?

Warnings: character death, angst, swearing, general sadness

A/N: And we are at the end of this wonderful journey ya’ll have come on with me and I couldn’t be happier that ya’ll stuck around for it! It’s been a roller coaster and long days of agonizing on how to end this fic so I hope this ending is worth it! I love you all for the love you left on this and appreciate every single one of you! DONT WORRY THE ENDING IS GOOD I PROMISE

This was generously Beta’d by my beta @suz-123 , without whom this fic wouldn’t get done!

Links are being a bitch so you can find the whole fic in my WIP masterlist in my bio!

Taglist is closed, Sorry guys!

It is said that soldiers who suffered from PTSD rarely remembered their lives before the war that ravaged their minds. They stumble around after returning from the war, trying to find their feet in the land of the living, trying to remember what it was like before they were torn apart and shoddily put back together by some form of sanity, but they never truly find their feet again. There is always a part of them that will remain haunted by their deeds, and the memories of the atrocities they witnessed.

Bucky Barnes had almost a century of memories, a century of atrocities and horrors. Pain, death, cold, lives taken, his own among them. He had built a dam wall to hold all those memories back, to keep himself sane, to find a grip on reality, and to find his feet in the world again. He’d held that dam back for so long, he held it back when they called him a monster and called for his arrest, he held it back when he lost battle after battle with his mind, and he held it back when he thought he’d lost you in that bomb blast.

But when he sees those bullets hit you, it’s like everything moved in slow motion for him. He surged forward, a scream erupting from his throat and then the dam breaks. It’s slow at first, memories slowly bleeding through the cracks like stark blood on white snow and then it’s like a torrent, a downpour, sweeping through his mind wiping everything he’d worked so hard on building aside and all that remained at that moment was his former self.

The Soldier who held the lives of others with little regard, the asset who was built for compliance, the assassin whose heart was stone cold.

And everything turned black for him, James Buchanan Barnes didn’t exist at that moment, only the Soldier did. And the Winter Soldier did what he does best, kill.

~~~

Steve ran up the stairs as fast as he could, taking two at a time. He heard the gun go off and Bucky scream, and he feared the worst. Behind him, Sam is going as fast as he can as well, neither of them knows what’s going on. Bucky had turned his comms off.

He sees the doorway at the end of the hallway and sprinted faster, seconds later he burst through the open door, skidding to a halt.

What Steve saw stopped his heart, in all the years of knowing Bucky, and all the war he had seen, nothing could have prepared him for what he saw at that moment.

“What the hell…” Sam breathed out beside him, he could hear the shock in his voice.

Both men looked at Bucky, who was on his knees cradling you in his arms covered in blood in front of him lay Arcas, or rather a faceless version of the man they knew. His face had been pummeled, almost beyond recognition, chest eviscerated, he was definitely not alive.

“Bucky…” Steve said softly taking a step towards his friend. Bucky who slowly looked up at them, blood covered face and terror in his eyes.

“What did you do?”

It’s a loaded question, Steve knows what he’s done, what Bucky was afraid he would do for you, he knew this from the moment Bucky had said he was in love with you. Bucky had killed for you, he was ready to die for you, this had been Steve’s worry from the start.

“She’s dying, help me,” Bucky croaked out, holding you out towards Steve and Sam.

Sam immediately moved forward and knelt in front of Bucky looking you over. There’s so much blood he can barely see anything properly.

“GSW, three slugs,” He said, “FRIDAY, read her vitals.”

There was a pause before the AI responded, “There’s a pulse, but just barely. She requires immediate medical attention.”

Steve seemed to be glued to his place in the doorway, his heart hammering in his chest as he watched Sam call in medical evac. It was taking him a moment to process all the bodies he’d seen in the hallway leading to this room and, even more so, the body of Arcas that was still in the room with them.

He knew the Winter Soldier was cold, but he never expected this level of the killer to come from his best friend.

“Steve?” Sam said urgently snapping him out of his thoughts,

“Yes, yes, I am here,” he said quickly striding towards Sam and Bucky, he placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as Sam took your barely conscious form from his arms. At first, Bucky doesn’t let go of you, but Sam gently tugged at you and he relents, his shoulders dropping the second you’re in Sam’s arms.

Bucky keeled forward, and Steve grabbed him. His head dropped against Steve’s shoulder and he hears Bucky take a shuddering breath.

“I got you, buddy, I got you,” Steve said softly, gripping his friend tight in an embrace.

Thirteen hours later

Doctor Fine walked out of the OR wiping the sweat from his brow and taking off the pale blue surgical mask and tiredly sighing. He meets the expectant gaze of four pairs of eyes, and he sighed again trudging towards them.

He has done this so many times and it never gets easier. He hates the feeling it brings him, he hates the look of utter grief in their eyes and he hates the feeling he gets when he walks away after telling them he failed.

Doctor Fine comes to a halt in front of the soldiers, his eyes move over each one of them. They are covered in dirt and grime, scars of their battle still plastered all over them. He’s stitched up every single one of them at some point in career and still does.

“Doc?” Tony Stark said quietly, with almost beseeching eyes.

“I’m sorry, we did everything we could,” Fine’s voice is steady as it always when he tells the loved ones of patient they didn’t make it, he’s learned to harden his emotions when doing this, “We trie-”

But he doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Bucky Barnes, the most tortured of them all, whirled around and walked out of the waiting room faster than he had ever seen anyone walk before.

Three men remain, and they all look at the Winter Soldier’s retreating figure. They know, they understand, but they can’t find the words.

~~~

The moment those two words touched his ears, Bucky’s world fell around him. Like hail falling from the sky, bit by bit he lost control of everything around him. He went deaf to whatever the doctor was saying, his lips moved but Bucky didn’t hear him.

‘You failed.’ His mind kept repeating again and again to him. Screaming it at him, repeatedly like the steady fall of something against a drum, the words echo in his mind.

You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed her…

Suddenly he couldn’t breathe, he needed to get out of there. He felt his lungs choking up, the air escaping him and he feels dizzy. He can feel all their eyes on him, he can almost hear the pitiful gazes and it's crushing him.

He has to get out, he has to get out, he has to get out.

And so he does, Bucky whirled around and moved as fast as his legs could carry him. Bursting through the doors of the waiting room, he runs as fast as he can. The second he sees an exit he takes it and almost launches himself through the doorway, people scattering out of his way in the process but he doesn’t care.

Bucky’s can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, not without you, he can’t breathe.

Three days later

The rain has calmed down to a soft drizzle, and all the colors seem to be brighter for some reason. The bright green grass stands out against the grey of the tombstones and the flowers that lay around them are pops of color that make a dreary cemetery seem alive and the mourners clad in black are a stark contrast to the vibrancy the rainy day brings.

Steve stands beside him, hands clasped in front of him and a serious expression on his face. Bucky wears sunglasses even though there’s no sun, he doesn’t want to look at anyone, or for anyone to see his sleepless eyes. He doesn’t want to be here, there are people around him he recognizes, every person in your life including your family who was the reason you were dead, to begin with.

Anger surges through him, he wants to kill them all but, from beside him, Steve places a hand on his shoulder, and his anger disappears. That’s not what you would have wanted, Bucky has killed enough for you.

It’s cold and damp, and grey, yet the rain brings vibrancy and Bucky hates every second of it.

Sixteen days later

Hands jammed into his pockets, baseball cap pulled low, shoulders hunched, he stares at the grey stone before him. He just feels numb, he can’t explain it, he can’t feel his emotions anymore. He won’t speak to Steve, or Sam, or Tony or any of them. He doesn’t care about anything, he just wants to be left alone for a little bit so before he goes to the lake house he has to stop here and say goodbye, alone.

Why is it fucking raining again, he thinks to himself as he turned his eyes skyward, squinting slightly as a few drops hit his cheeks. Everything seemed so dull, and dreary.

Footsteps approaching him draw his attention away from the gravestone before him and Bucky looked up to see his favorite redhead approaching. She’s wearing that pretty black coat of hers, he always did like that one on her. Natasha gives him a small smile as she slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat, coming to a stop a few feet away from him.

“Hi James,” She said softly,

“Hey,” He muttered,

“How are you holding up?”

“Fine,”

Natasha sighed, he was lying obviously, she knew this.

“Fury needs to see you,” She said,

“No,”

“I really think you should see him, James,”

“Why, Nat? What is he going to say that I haven’t already said to myself a thousand times over?”

“Trust me, please? Go and see him, okay? Before you leave, it’s important.”

Bucky frowned at her insistence. There was something she wasn’t telling him and he didn’t like it.

“I can’t do it, I can’t face them,”

“I know…”

“So why are you here?”

“Because I didn’t want you to be alone,” She said softly as she stepped closer and pulled Bucky into a tight embrace. At first, he doesn’t react, and then he sighed into her touch, holding her tightly in return.

The pair stays like that for a full minute, neither of them saying anything, just embracing each other. Natasha doesn’t press him to talk to her, she knows what he’s doing to himself already, she can only imagine what is going on in his mind and she needs him to be okay, so she insists he sees Fury.

“Come with me?” He asked quietly and Natasha almost sighed with relief. She stepped back and held him at arm's length regarding him for a moment.

“Of course,” She murmured giving him a soft smile.

~~~

Nick Fury was waiting for him on the hangar, Bucky walked across the landing with Natasha at his side. She slipped her hand around his arm, giving him a reassuring smile as they approached him.

Steve is standing near the quinjet with Tony, both of them throw Bucky and Natasha a cautious glance before they go back to quietly talking between each other.

It had been days since Bucky had come to the tower or spoken to any of them, Steve let him hole himself up in his apartment in Brooklyn and left him alone. He tried to talk to Bucky multiple times but was just met with silence, and eventually, Steve knew, he was going to have to wait this one out so he let him be.

As the pair came to a halt, Fury looked up from the file in his hand and gave them both a curt nod.

“Romanoff, Sergeant,” He said,

“Fury,” Their voices greeting him in unison,

“Thought we could have a little debrief if you’re up to it?” Fury said cautiously,

Bucky sighed, no time like the present. He might as well get this over and done with before he left.

“Yeah, yeah. What do you need from me?” He asked quietly.

“Well let’s get on the jet first, there’s something I want to show you.” Fury said gesturing towards the Quinjet where Steve and Tony now stood.

Bucky frowned, but he doesn’t protest. He wants this to be over and done with as quickly and painlessly as possible, although he doesn’t know if that’s a possibility at this point.

Natasha urges him forward a little, and he followed Fury and her towards the jet. Steve offered him a quick smile, and a squeeze to the shoulder, before him and Tony clambered into the jet as well. He doesn’t know what’s going on, or why all three of them, including director Fury, were all going to this debriefing together, but he remains silent.

The jet ride to wherever they are going is quiet, none of them speak and the silence is deafening. Bucky sits at the back of the jet, his mind occupied with thoughts of you, and the coldness that settled in his heart slowly eating away at him.

He really needed to leave once this was all over.

A little while later, Steve lands the jet and, to Bucky’s surprise, they’re at his lake house. He looked around at the four of them in confusion, wondering why they had brought him here.

“Why are we here?” He asked,

“To debrief everyone that was on that last mission,” Fury said cryptically,

“We’re missing a few people,” He pointed out,

“They’re already here,” Steve said and gestured towards the house where Bucky sees Sam walking out the front door.

His heart is suddenly beating a little faster in his chest, Bucky has no idea what the hell is going on and it’s putting him on edge. Why were they all here? He silently prayed to whatever was out there that they were not pulling some intervention shit on him because he would kill them all if they were.

They make their way to the lake house, Bucky hanging back a little dreading whatever this debriefing was going to be. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to rehash what he had done, all those lives he’d taken, all the people he had hurt. He wanted to bury that memory deep within his mind and never speak about it again.

Mostly, he didn’t want to talk about you, or the fact that you were gone, and he had failed to save you. He kept replaying that moment in his mind when the gun goes off, again and again, and again, and every night since it happened he had woken up screaming.

Bucky pulled off his coat and dropped it onto the nearby couch, he walked over to the large bay window, waiting for the rest of the team to settle in. He frowned as he looked around his place, it seemed like someone had been here or living here for a bit, it must have been Sam, since he was here before, but still, he found it weird that Sam would be here without him.

“Can we get this over with?” Bucky asked turning to the rest of them who were now all gathered in the room,

Fury nodded but doesn’t take a seat, none of them do.

“Let’s discuss the night protection detail Aphrodite was taken,” He started, Bucky’s blood immediately runs cold.

Deep breaths, deep breaths, he reminds himself.

“Subject was taken at 23H22 after being dropped off by Captain Rogers codename Kratos who checked the apartment before leaving, he ordered Agent 27 codename Achilles to take over detail but was intercepted by Agent 12 codename Arcas who stated Achilles was ill and he would step in. Arcas was a sleeper Winter Soldier which we have been looking for-”

“Do we need to run through all of this using codenames?” Bucky interrupted Nick,

“Yes,” Fury stated simply before continuing, “Arcas was a sleeper, he infiltrated the organization by faking his credentials and perfectly positioning himself in the chain of command for almost a year. Upon finding Aphrodite missing, we sent Alpha team to find her, Alpha team consisting of Sam Wilson codename Poseidon, Bucky Barnes codename Ares and Steve Rogers codename Kratos and a STRIKE unit to a plot in Jersey where we discovered over three dozen soldiers, enhanced by Hydra experiments-”

Bucky shut his eyes as the memory of that night came rushing back, he feels like he can’t breathe all of a sudden, again. The sound of Fury’s voice recounting what had happened falling deaf to his ears, his mind not allowing him to move past all the blood and the sight of you in his arms.

At some point Bucky stopped listening, he stared out the window as Fury continued to recount the events of that night to all of them as if they all hadn’t been there and witnessed it first hand. Every time Fury mentioned your name, Bucky flinched inwardly, it hurt hearing your name and even worse it hurt hearing it being thrown around as if you weren’t a real person but instead just a mission failed.

Steve began to talk, and Bucky heard parts of what he was saying, “We had the extraction team but there were complications-”

He zoned out again, thinking about the last time he was here in this lake house with you. The night in the bedroom when he wished he said he loved you, god damn it, and he did at that moment. The next morning when he made breakfast with you, and the way your kisses had tasted like strawberries again he wished he told you he’d loved you then, and the smile on your face when he kissed you.

Fuck, he feels like he can’t breathe again.

Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled slowly, deeply trying to regain control over his breathing.

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice said softly, suddenly beside him,

He looked up at him, quickly trying to recover from the mini panic attack he was currently having.

“What?”

“Did you hear what Fury said?” Steve asked slowly, everyone in the room looked at him expectantly, hopefully. What the hell had Fury said?

“No, I zoned out sorry.” He muttered,

Fury chuckled before handing him the file in his hand, “Read the last part of the brief written by me,” He instructed,

Bucky frowned as he took the file and looked down at it. His eyes moved across the neatly written words on the white page, it looked like it had been added in later on as the rest of the brief was typed.

“Read it out loud,” Steve urged,

Suddenly his heart began to beat faster and faster in his chest as he read it over and over, his mind running faster than he was able to process the information.

“Fury what is this?” Bucky asked looking up at the Director of SHIELD.

“Exactly what you think it is, Sergeant.” Fury replied calmly,

“But how? Why? What?”

Bucky couldn’t find any words at that moment, his brain couldn’t comprehend anything, and he shot to his feet, staring at the file in his hand in disbelief.

“Sam,” Steve nodded in his direction as if this were a signal for him to do something. Sam rose to his feet and walked out of the living room disappearing down the hallway for a minute. Each passing second made Bucky’s heart thunder harder and harder in his chest, it felt as if his heart were about to explode out of his chest cavity. He forgot that he was holding his breath, clutching the file in his hand so tight it wrinkled the white pages, Steve placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and gave him a small smile.

“Breathe buddy, you’re going to pass out,”

Bucky looked at Steve for a moment with wide eyes and released a shaky breath.

His mind kept saying it couldn’t be, that there was no way the information Fury had added was true but a small part of him wished with all his heart, it was.

And then Sam returned, a few moments walking slowly as he helped the figure’s whose shoulder his arm was carefully draped around. Footfalls move closer and closer and then Bucky’s heart stopped.

His eyes meet yours and the breath vanishes from his lungs, and he rapidly blinked as he took you in. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second counting to three before opening them again as if he were trying to make sure you were real and this wasn’t a dream of his.

Then you spoke,

“Hey Bucky,” Your voice soft and like music to his ears and his legs buckled, dropping him to his knees moments before Steve tried to catch him.

“What the fuck,” He whispered,

~~~

“Tetrodotoxin B,” Fury repeated.

Everyone in the room holds their breath at the explanation Fury had just given Bucky, it had taken both Steve and Sam to calm him down after they’d explained to him what they had done and how you were still alive and he was still furious. There is an indiscernible look on his face as his eyes moved to each individual in the room. Steve, Tony, Sam, Natasha, Fury, and then, lastly, at you.

“Whose brilliant fucking idea was this?” The sarcasm in Bucky’s voice is evident, “And did every one of you assholes know this entire time?”

“No, Fury told none of us until after the funeral,” Steve replied calmly,

“And you kept it from me for two weeks? You let me suffer thinking I failed her for two whole fucking weeks, Rogers?” Bucky suddenly exploded at them,

“I wanted to tell you Bucky, I swear on my life. But-”

“It had to seem believable in case Hydra was there or watching you,” Natasha said interrupting Steve.

“What gives you the right-” He began to say, but Fury cuts him off,

“I had every right, Sergeant, and you’ll do well to remember that. We saved her life, we are giving you both a clean start here. Hydra thinks she’s dead, and now she’s safe. I made a plan, and I executed that plan, albeit there were a few hiccups along the way, like her getting shot-”

“Through the clavicle, stomach and shoulder,” You added for good measure and Bucky throws you an annoyed look before you just shrugged at him.

“Right, that was unplanned, but we saved her or rather the serum those Hydra idiots gave her saved her and I told Doctor Fine to tell you all she died. This was something we agreed on, long before you were even a part of her protection, Barnes. The only way she could escape all this was to in a way to die.” Fury continued, “So we gave her the Tetrodotoxin B during the surgery and stitched her up, had a funeral, and brought her here to recover. The safest place on the planet for her.”

Bucky looked at you for a moment, his anger seemingly dissipating and he sighed squeezing his eyes shut.

“They gave you the serum?” He asked softly,

“Yes...”

“Wha...why...did it...change you?”

“A little yes,”

“I just.. I need a moment to process all this” He said, scrubbing his forehead frustratedly with his metal fingers.

“I get that you’re mad at us for keeping this from you,” Tony said, “But you have to understand, it came from a place of keeping your girl safe, Bucky, and you too.”

Bucky looked up at Tony, he knew they were right. He had never in his life been so relieved at them for keeping a secret from him, it shouldn’t matter how you were alive, only that you were. The moment he saw you, even with the bruises and the bullet wounds, his heart felt like it had suddenly become whole again. He wanted to launch himself at you and hold onto you forever.

He didn’t though, his shock stopped him and then his irrational man brain kicked in, and he wanted to argue with everyone in the room for keeping him in the dark about this.

He was angry that they had let him suffer for so long before telling him. He was angry at Steve and Natasha for lying to him. He was angry at Sam for comforting him when he god damn knew there was a way to ease his pain and he was angry at Tony for ...well he didn’t know what he was angry at Tony for but he just wanted to be angry.

Most of all he was angry at Fury and you for going through with such a dangerous and ludicrous plan. He thought you had died and that broke him more than he could have ever imagined, so, yeah, Bucky was mad at everything right now.

“I just need some air,” Bucky muttered and then stood up, practically storming out of the house.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” Tony muttered, and you sighed.

“I’ll go get him,” You sighed, and slowly rose to your feet grimacing as pain lanced across your body.

Man, Bucky was such a pig-headed fool sometimes.

~~~

Bucky stood on the dock facing the calm lake before him, the grey mist rolled over the hills just beyond the water and a thin layer of it swirled over the surface of the water. The air smelled like pine needles and freshly tilled soil thanks to the earlier rains, and the grey rain clouds hid the sun beneath them.

This place was beautiful, he especially loved it when it was like this. Misty, cold and wet, it brought out the beauty even more.

He sighed deeply and ran his hand over his face, tiredly. He should go back inside and talk to you, he really should. He has so much to say to you, he wants to tell you he loves you, and he will do anything for you, hell, he did do anything for you, he killed for you. But he’d never tell you that, and after everything that has happened, Bucky didn’t know if he could face you without feeling ashamed for abandoning you. He should have been there, that night you were taken by Arcas, he should have been there, and he didn’t know if he could forgive himself for that.

“Bucky?” Your voice behind him makes him turn around with a start. You stood a few feet away from him on the dock, leaning on the crutch tucked under your left arm. He intakes a sharp breath at your appearance, you look tired and bruised, and his heart constricts, this is his fault he wants to take you in his arms and never let you go.

“Are you okay?”

He frowned, why the hell were you asking if he was okay when you had been shot three times and basically died.

“I should be asking you that, I’m sorry.” He said,

“You still mad at them?”

“Yeah, I am just processing all this, sorry.” He replied it was your turn to frown at him.

“Okay…” You said slowly, “I just assumed me coming back from the dead would ignite a little more of a reaction from you that the ‘what the fuck’ I got,”

“I...I’m trying to-” He said stuttering over his words,

“Process all this, yeah I know, me too.” You snapped, “But I guess I really was just a fucking job to you since that is all you seem to be able to do right now.”

“Come on, don’t throw that in my face again,” He retorted,

“Why the fuck not, you left me! You promised me Bucky, you promised me and you left me!” Your voice raises an octave as you get angry at him, and he takes a step closer to you, “You said you would protect me, and you would always be there for me, and you abandoned me!”

Your words strike a knife through his heart and he feels literal pain at them. He will never forgive himself for abandoning you, he knows nothing he says can fix that, and now you’ve said it. He could see the hurt in your eyes at his actions, and he doesn’t know how to make it okay.

“I am sorry!” Bucky yelled, “I will never forgive myself for that, never. I should have been there, I should have protected you, I know I fucked up, I promised you, and I am so sorry!”

“Whatever, I am just a job to you, and now your job is done, Bucky, you’re off the hook. Protection no longer needed.”

“Please, just wait, don’t say that.”

“Why not? You treat me like I am just a job, with the exception that you fucked me,”

“It is so much more than that!”

“So then tell me, Bucky! Tell me how much more it is!” You yelled at him, wincing as pain lanced through your chest from strain you were taking by yelling at him.

Bucky sighed, frustrated, and ran his fingers through his hair, struggling to find the right words. He looked at you, standing there across him on the dock, defiant and angry, and yet still fighting him. Then as if everything suddenly became clear to him Bucky took a deep breath before he spoke.

“It is so much more than a job to me, you don’t even understand.” He said quietly,

“You keep saying that, then show me how it’s more than a job,” You said, a hint of demand in your voice, Bucky moved closer till he stood toe to toe with you and he looked down at you with those starlight eyes.

“It’s more than a job because I am so fucking in love with you it fucking takes my breath away,” He said softly bringing his hands up to the side of your face, but not touching you, just holding them there beside your face. His admittance makes your heart jump in your chest and your breath hitched in your throat.

“I am so fucking in love with you that I will do anything for you, I will walk to the ends of the earth, cross oceans and jump across the galaxy to protect you, I am so in love with you it physically hurts being away from you, I am so fucking in love with you that I can’t focus on anything in my life unless I am near you, and I am so fucking in love with you I would kill to keep you safe, and not think twice.”

It was your turn to be at a loss for words, this was all you wanted to hear from him because it was all you felt for him. You were so in love with this big giant idiot, you had no idea how to deal with it.

“So, yeah, It’s so much more than a job to me because I am hopelessly in love with your obstinate, pain in the ass, self,” He muttered,

You don’t say anything, instead, you reached up and grabbed the collar of his shirt dragging him closer to you and crashed your lips against his. Bucky’s hands touched your face, he gripped it tightly as he kissed you, tongue dancing with yours, it was a solid minute before you broke away from him, gasping for air.

“I am in love with you too, James Buchanan Barnes.” You murmured breathlessly looking into his eyes, “I am so in love with you I am beside myself, I don’t even know who I am without you,”

Bucky brushed his thumb across your cheek, a small smile appearing on his face as he leaned in again and kissed you sweetly. This was all he’d wanted, this moment right here everything else suddenly didn’t matter.

#Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #Bucky x reader #Bodyguard!Bucky #Bucky Barnes fic #bodyguard!au #marvel fanfic #Marvel AU #Bucky #james buchanan barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes fanfic

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kewltie · 5 years

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When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it.

i remember this quote from a poem by caitlyn siehl and it always haunted me. the idea that love can humanize someone is optimistic, romantic, and terribly unrealistic bc sometimes love doesn’t do shit. sometimes it isn’t enough to change someone. that’s the kind of dilemma in conqueror au.

When is a monster not a monster? Oh, they never are.

I ended the latest piece of it on this note. it presents the same question but offer a wildly diff answer that have double edged meaning. on one hand you can read the answer as ‘a monster is never a monster’ OR a ‘monster is never NOT a monster’. it’s intentionally left ambiguous and depends on the reader perspective and what they rather believe in. whether horrible ppl can be redeem and that there is always hope for them to change their way OR ppl dont change no matter how hard you try. that’s where izuku finds himself in this ‘verse. he’s facing a man who did horrible things, committed atrocities beyond human comprehension but izuku thinks katsuki can be save. THAT ULTIMATELY HE CAN BE REDEEM but can he?????? we’ll just have to find out i guess :3c.

coming into this fic i debated a lot what made katsuki up this point. what drove him forward and made him thing it’s okay to do what he does. to burn cities, slaughter so many lives, and laid waste to many diff places in the name of conquest. LIKE, what is his motivation. and i thought maybe there some tragic backstory where the world and society made him dark and twisted to get what he wants. like, circumstances drove him to this point but i thought that’s kind of cop out but im also shelving that idea for another story (lmao!!! look, im predictable okay). i thought LIKE WHAT IF HE’S DOING IT JUST BC HE CAN. i think the scariest kind of villains are not the one with the tragic past, driven by a horror and tragedy that propel him forward but those that are incredibly blessed in life and honestly they had a good thing going on. there’s nothing that could have drive them to that point in life where they fall to the darkside but katsuki (at least this katsuki) does it bc he can.

there’s no reason for him to go on a campaign and wage a war against the entire world. he got his kingdom and his people. they’re not suffering or in a need of anything, but katsuki is ambitious and he always want more. he grew up having people constantly praised him bc he’s a genius and seems to never fail at anything he do. this give him a sense of entitlement and pride that he turns outward, to lands beyond his kingdom and he thought, “I could rule this entire contintent” and you know what it’s not so much if he should or should not but more of WHAT IF HE IS GOOD AT IT. like, okay conquering ppl and laying waste and killing ppl is inherently bad but after all that destruction and chaos that he sewn he could built a much better and unified world out of it. this is what make katsuki absolutely scary.

villains that motivated by an ideals can influence others to follow and die for them. think of many of the greatest leaders in our world like alexander the great and julias caesar who went out and conquer and then think of other kind of notable of leaders who ideals changed the world for the worst (hitler and trump). they got great charisma and is a cult of personality that drove millions to do stupid and terrible things in their name. combine these two kind of leadership and you have a combination of a one of the worst possible enemy to go up again bc katsuki is leader who march into war with his people carrying the burning fire to put his name in annals of history as the man who unite the world and he’ll burn it all down to erect a kingdom in his name and many ppl would die to make it happen for him bc HE SOLD THEM ON THIS DREAM AND THEY ALL FOLLOW BLINDLY and the thing is... what if he actually carry it out and make a better world out of it??? who to say he can’t just as good as ruling the world like he’s ruling his kingdom :PPP.

that’s the kind of morally questionable thing that will rise up again and again in this fic. like, the way he going at it is terrible (killing so many ppl in his conquest) but the world is already full of war and conflicts and so many deaths already, what does it matter if he fuel the fire just so he can squash it down and built a better and more control flames to remake the world in his image. a good villain isn’t just someone who stand in your way but one who challenge you, make you think, and put up the fight of their life for the very things they belief in and katsuki wholeheartedly believe he is the best. THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THIS WORLD AS HE MOLD IT TO HIS IMAGE.

#fic: (oh my darling i sing to you) lullaby for the wretched and the damned #on writing

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dark-angel666 · 6 years

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You have your mothers eyes

Summary: You and the boys tell jack that family isn’t just in blood but in those around you....I guess idk I’m bad at summaries. Enjoy! or not I can’t tell ya what to do.

You walked into the bunkers library to find Cas, Sam and Jack all working separately in silence. You’re eyes scanned the room and fell on Jack sitting gazing at a book not really reading it but more staring at the words lost in thought, you lightly placed yourself down in a chair beside him trying no to startle him “Penny for your thoughts” you asked peeking your head around behind the book to get his attention. Jack sprung to life “uhh I umm” looked at you muddled “Its an expression” your words fell flat in your throat and decided you explain it another time “whats on your mind you seem…distant” you asked him genuinely concerned. Jack closed the book and placed it silently on the table “Am I going to be like my father?” his voice flowed heavily from behind his lips, the room grew smaller as all attention fell to you and Jack. “Why do you ask that jack?” Cas inquired looking probingly at Jack. “I heard Dean telling Sam that he's as stubborn as their father, so I started reading about inherited behaviours” Jack said tapping the psychology book he has been reading…well staring at mostly. “Jack just because Lucifer is bad doesn't mean you will be” Sam said doing his best to reassure Jack. “But it says that children inherit behavioural traits from their parents how can anything i inherit from Lucifer not be evil” Jack said his voice rising a little, he was encompassed with fear at what he could become. You placed a hand on Jacks shoulder “Jack traits aren't inherently good or evil its how you use them” Jack looked at you his eyes almost begging for answers. You found your words carefully before speaking “Jack I've seen some of your fathers traits in you” Castiel went to interject but you threw him a look imploring him to trust you know what you were doing. “You have his determination” Jacks face paled with fear, you gripped his shoulder tighter “but Jack determination isn’t evil its a firmness of purpose Jack, sure Lucifers determination usually is for the purpose of destroying the world” you shrugged your shoulders in a comedic fashion in an attempt to lighten the situation to little success “BUT Jack your determination has been used to save people”. Colour returned to Jacks face “Jack your determination brought Mary back to her boys, it saved so many people from Michael and this thirst for destruction” Jack nodded at you gingerly. “Jack you may have traits of his but you will never be him, anyway you got so much more from your mother” Jack looked eagerly at you wanting to hear more.

“You have your mothers eyes ”Jack looked up at you quizzically delicately tracing his under eyes “but my eyes are blue” A soft giggle escaped the corner of your mouth at his confusion, you brought his hand into yours “no jack what I mean is” you looked around the table for Sam’s laptop “here” you said pulling the laptop in front of you both and opening the video file of kelly. “I love you so much” kelly cried sweetly before you paused the video “Look into her eyes jack what do you see?”. Jack lightly titled his head at you questioningly ‘Go on” you nodded to the screen. Jack turned and studies his mother eyes intently “Tears and sadness” he said lowering his head to his chest, you placed a hand under his chin and guided his eyes to yours. “Oh jack, do you wanna know what I see?” he nodded gently. you pulled the screen closer to you both and made sure jack was focused on his mothers eyes. “Jack when I look into your mothers eyes the first thing I see is love so so much love and an unending pool of kindness. I also see hope and faith and the unbreakable desire to do good” Jacks listened intently as he scanned his mothers eyes taking in every word. you gave him a moment before bringing his eyes back to yours “and when I look into your eyes jack I see that same love and kindness, and faith but most of all I see that same desire to do good and be good”. Jack smiled warmly at you “That jack is why you have your mothers eyes, not for the colour of them but for the soul in them and they are so beautiful” jack leant back in his chair and started at the image of his mother smiling at her eyes as if only seeing them for the first time.

You looked up to see Sam and Castiel looking at you smiling and nodding at you in agreement, you studied Castiels face. “And you've got Castiels face” Cas gave you the same look jack had given you moments before as he tilted his head, you shook your head gently and smiled “I mean much much younger looking tho” you giggled out, your giggle was joined by a slight chuckle from Sam. While jack and Cas wore mirroring looks of perplexity at your statement “ I swear they do that on purpose” you said to Sam gesturing at their shared expression. You and Sam shared a chuckle before you moved on to clarify your statement “What I mean is that you don't just get things from the family you are born of you are also made up of the family you are born into” their expressions softened a little but you knew you needed to further explain yourself. “The people around us help form who we are and in you jack I see elements of people like Cas and Sam and Dean” you saw a glimmer of pride in Jacks face he liked hearing himself compared to the men he looked up to, he looked eager to hear more as did Cas and Sam. “You’ve got a face that has seen more pain and death than any face ever should see” Jacks eyes grew sad “but its a face that never truly loses hope” Jack looked up at Cas and studied his face. “Cas has been through so much, he has made mistakes and seen atrocities but he's never given up not truely” You looked deeply into Castiels face remembering all the times before that you have looked to that same face for hope. “No matter how low we have been, no matter how hopeless the situation I can always look to Cas and see hope because he never gives up, not on us, not on heaven, not on you and I see that same hope in you” you looked to Jack as he watched you intently “your face wears signs of war but is not worn by war, its still so bright and full of hope” you delicately cup jacks cheek in your hand as he gently leans into it. “You also have the same nose” You say as pull you hand from his cheek and ‘Boop’ Jacks nose. Jack and Cas both look at each other while examining their noses, Sam just looks at them giving an acknowledging nod and slight hum “hmmm”.

Jack then turns back to you tentatively waiting for you to continue, you look between Jack and Sam before landing on a point in your mind. “You have Sam’s voice” the room is silent, no one quite sure how to respond to that, “Metaphorically” you say rolling your eyes a little. Jack nods at you if understanding but the utter vacant look on his face makes his confusion clear, you sigh gently “Sam is a walking fountain of knowledge, inspiring speeches, logic, reason and kind words” Sam looked at you with an unsure but thankful look “ no matter how far off the deep end the people around him go Sam is always there to call their name and pull them back, he has talked me off many a ledge” Sam’s eyes lit up quizzically, you could feel his glaze burrow into you. “Whether he knows it or not Sam has come to me in my darkest hours, moments before going out on reckless hunt or to do something just down right dumb and even just a simple conversation is filled with words of wisdom spoken through unrelenting kindness” Jack nodded in agreement remembering the times Sam has reassured him of his worth and that he is indeed good. “And you have that same voice jack, a voice bathed in kindness and full of love for those around you” Jack smiled widely at you full of pride. “And you've got Deans heart”. They all looked at you as if fully understanding what you meant but still wanting you to continue, “Dean has such a big heart full of the desire to do good” your head hung slightly “but so caught up in turmoil, you both have this burning fear that your will and desire to do good doesn't out weight the bad that you’ve done that you could do” the room grew heavier as the truth of that statement settled into place. “But you’re both so wrong” Jacks eyes met yours and for a moment you swam in their desire for good before continuing “you both fight so hard to save the ones you love, the whole damn world putting your whole heart into everyone else that you forget just how special you are” you notice a fleck of disappointment in jacks eyes and it pains you “Not because you’re a Nephilim or the chosen vessel or some prophesy of biblical proportions but because you are both deep down at heart good people doing their best in a broken world and are willing to not only die for those you love but more importantly you’re willing to live for them”. The room sat quietly for a moment until jack looked up at you and asked “What about you?” now you were the quizzical one “What about me?” you asked perplexed, “What do I get from you?”. You hum genuinely unsure of how to answer “I don’t know” you looked Jack up and down noticing his velcro shoes and laughed “Probably terrible fashion sense why on earth did I let you get old man shoes” the room chuckled while Jack looked at his shoes unsure of what to make of the statement, when the sound was broken by a new voice. “Your smile” Dean’s voice occupied with room as all heads snapped around to see him standing in the entrance to the bunkers library with a six pack in hand, a small pool of water building below as the cold beers condensation dripped onto the floor marking the passage of time. “He’s got your smile” Dean repeated as he moved further into the room slowly handing out beers to the rooms occupants before seating himself next to you and handing you an open beer as he continued. “you’ve got a genuine smile that spreads from your cupids bow and reaches beyond the corners of your mouth to your eyes” Dean stared at you as a smile spread across your face, you were unable to stop it “But it’s higher on one side” Castiel chimed in. You looked at the angel genuinely shocked that had paid close attention to your smile, “Its can be rare but its always genuine, its never there to hide pain its like a sacred thing” Sam said nodding softy at you “You never want to taint it with sorrow so you keep that certain smile for special occasions” Dean finished Sam’s train of thought. “And I see it in Jack, that special smile of genuine happiness and hope as if given to him as gift” Dean said before taking another swig of his beer. Jack looked at your smile and felt as one corner of his mouth raised high than the other into a smile “I like it” he chirped “thank you for your smile” Jack said sweetly. You all sat contently drinking and just chatting for the rest of the night not about monster or the apocalypse on the horizon that could wait for tomorrow but tonight was a night to just forget the bad and enjoy the good while it lasted, if it lasted.

#supernatural #supernatural jack #jack kline #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #supernatural fic

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