#man i have a tummy ache that was 2 much anxiety 4 me

[pup-pee]

colored him during the wedding

[shorkbrian]

Taking the risk of scaring you I must go on w my Tama thirst. I just can find a blog to I welcome my twisted self 😭 so Tama... I just want to kiss every part of him, kiss him through his pants, give hickeys to his thighs and after I use him throatfuck myself (I'm sure he'd go limp), I'd just overstimulate him to the point he isn't shy to be vocal, I'd give his balls, inflated or not, much love!! then I'd beg him to go balls deep in a mating press but I'msureIdwastehisseedasIcanthelpbutrub

Bro I am incapable of being scared, there is no kink shaming here ever!

(What to expect - NSFW, safe, sane, and consensual.  You’re hot for Tamaki and he’s BURNING for you babe. Body worship, hickies, throatfucking, overstim. Everything the ask contained basically lol.)

The thing about Tamaki, is that no matter how much he wants, anxiety takes over and stops him in his tracks.

His day is spent thinking of you, your sweet voice, pretty eyes, soft hands.... He’s always so distracted by his thoughts of you, it’s hard to get his job done.

But when he bumps into you, he’s a blushing mess, can barely talk, and usually ends up turning tail and heading somewhere else, just because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s afraid that you think he’s weird, or that he’s weak and limp and can’t compare to the brick houses that are Mirio and Kirishima. That he’s not a real man, can’t even build up the courage to talk to people for more than five minutes without freaking out.

God, you love him though.

So you’ll have to make the first move, have to invite him out for dinner or drinks. At first, he freaks out and shoots you down, stuttering out some excuse that doesn’t make any sense. But it’s obvious that he’s interested in you, so you ask Mirio how to get through to his friend.

Next time, you ask Tamaki to come watch a movie at your house, and Mirio is right there by his side, answering before Tamaki can blush and stumble his way through an apology.

“He’d love to! Friday night?”

Secretly, Tamaki would be thanking the lord for Mirio, but also cursing his existence at the same time. How was he supposed to survive being alone with his crush?

He was going to die.

The movie happened, then another, and then you argued that it was too late for Tamaki to go home, that he should just stay over.

And damn it, Tamaki didn’t know what came over him, maybe he was swayed by your eagerness, maybe it was because he himself was eager and wanting, but he said yes.

You offered to let him borrow a shirt, but it was obvious they wouldn’t fit, so Tamaki walked himself through the five second rule. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - and then he was stripping off his shirt, even though he felt anxious.

Would you laugh at his body? Mock him for being smaller than other heros? He had some muscle, but he was definitely on the leaner side.

To his relief, you breathed out a little sigh, an “oh-��� that had the tips of his ears turning red at your tone of voice.

“Tama... can I-can I touch?”

He felt himself bobbing his head, gulping as you stepped closer, greedy hands rising to his chest.

At first contact, he felt goosebumps erupt down his arms, your fingers slightly cold upon his skin. You flashed him an apologetic smile, before suddenly leaning down, placing a small kiss right below his left clavicle.

Tamaki stuttered out an awkward laugh - he felt like he was short circuiting.

Somehow, the two of you ended up in your bed, in nothing but underwear.

The man was beet red, trying to be respectful and not ogle your chest, drool over your tummy, stare and lick his lips with his eyes fixed on the jewel between your legs, the beautiful flesh covered by thin panties.

But you directed his gaze with a soft hand under his chin, a gentle “Don’t you like how I look?”

And immediately he was bobbing his head yes, staring into your eyes when you smiled down at him, directing his gaze to your body with a wave of your hand, giving him permission to shamelessly gaze at your body.

You were so beautiful, he could look at you forever. Tamaki didn’t even know how he got this lucky, being able to share this moment with you, where you both appraised each other’s bodies with awe.

But you were impatient, crawling forward to gently push Tamaki onto his back. Your eyes flickered up to his as your hands ghosted over his chest, as you leaned down until your lips were mere inches from his skin. 

“Is this fine? Tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

And oh god, oh god, this was more than okay. This was everything he could ever want, everything he could ever dream of. 

At his enthusiastic nod, his “I’m-I’m good.... please.” You gave him a soft, loving smile, before touching your lips to his chest.

Kisses were placed everywhere, his chest, the quivering flesh of his soft tummy, his delicate shoulders. You peppered his slender throat with soft pecks, grinning when Tamaki unsuccessfully tried to hold back an embarrassing, keening whine when you closed your lips around his adam’s apple.

“Feels good? Tell me.” But he was too shy, shaking his head as his hands found purchase in your hair. He didn’t have the words to explain how you were making him feel.

You huffed at his forced silence, drawing away from giving little smooches, just so you could look at his face. He was sure his cheeks were red, eyes blown out and huge.

“Tamaki, I want you to enjoy this. If you aren’t feeling good, or wanna slow down, tell me. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t okay with, alright?”

Tamaki felt his heart clench a little - you were so careful with him, so tender. He nodded again, trying to find his voice.

“Yes, yes (Y/N)-this is good. I want.....” He held himself back. What if you weren’t comfortable with this? What if you wanted an out? He didn’t want to force you either, he wanted you to enjoy yourself. Right now though, his thoughts felt jumbled, like his brain was rolling around in a hamster wheel.

“What do you want Tama?” Your voice was breathy as you leaned down to whisper in his ear, and Tamaki almost came in his fucking pants when you nibbled at the lobe. His ears were so sensitive, and he was so embarrassed by the way his hips involuntarily shifted when you continued to give his ear attention.

“I want-I want.... um, more? P-Please?” God, his voice kept cracking, he felt like a teenager again, nervous and awkward and scared of rejection.

But you were there to alleviate his fears with a soft laugh, a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

And then you were kissing down his body, brushing past his boxer-clad erection-oh god.

Down to his thighs, which you parted easily, helped by Tamaki’s eager movements. He wanted to let you have all of him - just as you wanted to give him anything, he wanted to give you everything.

You latched onto a thigh, a few inches above the knee, sucking at the flesh with a smile, tongue circling and patting and it felt good-

Then you moved to a different area, higher up, intent on sucking a beautiful bruise into his pale skin.

Tamaki had to grab the sheets, already close to cumming from the sensation of your lips against his skin. He wanted you so much, you were so perfect. He tried to hold back his voice, keep his moans and gasps and sighs in check, but it was difficult. Still, he didn’t want to weird you out or anything, so he tried his best.

The man really wanted to hear your own voice, hear you talk to him, walking him through what you were going to do to him, what you wanted to do. Wanted to hear you moan and laugh and say his name over and over again until you couldn’t speak.

For now, he was content with watching you suck at his thighs, leaving messy trails of saliva as you got closer and closer to his dick.

You stopped at the hem of his boxers, teasingly licking over the fabric, before scrunching it up with your fingers, letting your nails scratch lightly against his sensitive skin.

“Oh-” Tamaki breathed, before shooting his hand up to cover his mouth, eyes trained on your mouth. You smiled, lifting your eyes to meet his own, and he-

You were so pretty, so beautiful. Tamaki felt so insignificant in your presence, so lucky. How did someone like you find someone like him attractive?

Those thoughts were quickly purged from his mind as you quickly closed your teeth around the skin of his inner thigh, close enough to his cock that when it twitched, it skimmed against your nose briefly. Tamaki had to tear his eyes away from yours, falling back on the bed to grasp at the sheets, breathing hard as he willed himself not to cum.

Working at the skin between your teeth, you sucked at the flesh, swirling your tongue around it, making sloppy little sounds. Tamaki was going to melt, he couldn’t stop thinking about your mouth around his cock, how your pink tongue would feel digging into his slit, drenching the crown, laving over the veins on the underside.

He was gasping now, a hand clutching his naked chest, eyes squeezed tightly shut, legs twitching.

You pulled away with a sultry chuckle, and this was it - Tamaki was going to get his dick sucked, Mirio would be so proud-

But you moved to his other thigh, starting at the knee again, licking and biting at the skin.

Tamaki didn’t know whether to feel frustrated or relieved.

The process was the same, teasing little bites, hard suction to purple the skin. It all felt good to Tamaki, but as you got close to his crotch, he found himself tensing up, wanting to clench his thighs together and rub his cock.

But you were leading now, and he wanted to follow.

Holy fuck, he wanted to touch his cock though. He was aching, boxers getting a little damp where his tip rested against them. Tamaki felt himself twitching, tender and wanting. 

He couldn’t stop himself from reaching down, quickly palming over his cock as you got closer with you mouth, using your nails again to roll up the hem of his boxers, to right underneath his balls. They scraped over the globes slightly, and Tamaki’s thighs tried to snap shut, stopped by your body between them.

“Sorry, here, let me?” Your hand covered his own, and he let you move it to the side, unable to stop his chest from heaving. He was so worked up already, he felt like he had just finished running a marathon.

Instead of palming over him with your pretty, soft hands, you brought your lips to the bulge, kissing it quickly, drawing back and giggling when it twitched.

“Oh, please-please touch me.” Tamaki didn’t feel bad about begging at the moment, too caught up in the physical sensations, and you seemed to like his voice. 

Without another word, you met his eyes, simultaneously opening your mouth and letting your tongue loll out flat. Still maintaining eye contact, you lowered yourself closer and closer, and Tamaki couldn’t catch a goddamn breath, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight before him.

You were so enthusiastic, licking at his cock through the material of his boxers, grabbing at the fabric with your teeth, pulling it back only to let it go, let it snap against his cock and make him keen. You went from soft, loving kisses to fast licks, closing your lips around part of it and sucking quickly, and Tamaki was losing it.

He was struggling to keep his hips down, to stop himself from thrusting into your face, chasing the heavenly feel of you. It felt so good, he didn’t have words, couldn’t even begin to quantify how he was feeling, other than good good good, and he wanted more.

“Don’t tease, please don’t tease. ‘M so close-” He gasped out, slim hands patting your head quickly, trying to catch your attention as he wiggled underneath your ministrations.

With a laugh, you pulled away, meeting his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Thumbs hooking into the waist band oh his boxers, you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling the band, letting it slap down against his skin and make Tamaki jerk and his lungs punch out a gasp.

“Can I take these off?”

“Yes, yes, anything. Just-just touch me please.” He stumbled over his words, face aflame. “But only-only if you w-want.”

“Oh-” you smirked, beginning to shimmy his boxers down his hips, licking your lips when you managed to free his cock. “-I want to touch so bad.”

And then his boxers were off, and you were gripping his cock with your fucking perfect hands, giving him a cursory stroke that was dry and rough but so fucking good.

“You’re so lovely, everything about you is so handsome.” You spit over his cock, and Tamaki fisted his fingers into the sheets as the saliva hit the head before dripping down his length.

You used your spit to slick him up, running your hands gently over his flushed cock, enjoying the squelching sounds.

Tamaki almost died when you put him in your mouth.

Lips pursing around the head, you twirled your tongue over his skin, lapping at the slit, digging underneath the rosy crown. Tamaki barely had time to process the sensation though, because you were sheathing his entire length down your throat.

“Oh-h god!” he yelped, hips bucking upwards before he could stop them. He felt so bad, you gagged a bit and drew off his cock, coughing. “I’m-I’m so sorry! I d-didn’t mean-”

“Do that again, fuck my throat Tamaki.” You rasped, immediately swallowing him down again.

What if he hurt you? What if-

He didn’t get the chance to be anxious. 

You didn’t like how he wasn’t moving, his muscles tensed as he kept his hips still. Taking it upon yourself, you began bobbing your head, up and down, and Tamaki wanted to cry because it felt so good.

“I don’t w-want to hurt you, oh god, please wait!” He yelped, and you immediately pulled off, spit dripping down your chin.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry.” You breathed, patting his hip comfortingly. “I want you to do this Tama, I’ve practiced. No gag reflex, see?” You grabbed his hand, curling his fingers until only two were held straight, and promptly stuffed them into your mouth, pushing at his wrist so his fingers went as far down as possible.

Tamaki’s throat had never been dryer. It’s like he couldn’t speak, only dumbly nod his head as he felt your throat convulse around his fingers, all wet and velvety smooth. 

You pulled his hand away, licking seductively at his fingers before letting go. “I want you to fuck my throat, please.” You were looking at him with such honesty, such desperation. “I want to suck you off and have you cum down my throat, want it to fill up my stomach Tama.”

The ravenette could barely nod, eyes glassy, chest heaving. He wanted that so bad, you sounded like a vixen, looked like one two, batting your eyelashes at him like that.

You settled between his thighs again, giving his cock a nice, lengthy lick on the underside before fixing Tamaki with a confident stare. “Don’t hold back, I want you to feel good.” 

He was already feeling good, but if you insisted.

Cautious at first, hesitant, Tamaki was afraid of pushing too deep, moving too fast. But you grew impatient again, moving your own head while tapping his hip, encouraging him to speed up.

And he did, a bit, but he was still measuring his thrusts, trying to keep his head steady despite the tight suction of your throat.

You grabbed his hands, guiding them to your head, pressing them flat so he could hold your head. You looked up at him, completely stilling your movements, forcing your mouth as wide as it could go, fixing him with the most intense gaze.

Tamaki got the message.

He gripped your head tight, kept you in place before snapping his hips up, and you closed your eyes, as if you’d finally got what you had wanted. 

It’s like his restraint flew out the window, now that he was confident that you wanted this, sure that it wasn’t hurting you. His balls slapped against your chin, a lewd rhythm of smacks and gurgles and wet sucking coming from your mouth.

Drool was dripping off your chin, onto his balls, over his taint. When the liquid touched his hole, Tamaki shouted, eyes suiting shut as his stomach flexed. He felt so good, this was more than he had ever dreamed of, more than he could've ever imagined.

And then he was cumming, probably far too soon, but you wouldn’t make fun of him, he knew that.  He cursed, holding you flush against his hips, cock twitching against your tight throat as he shot his seed down your throat.

A few last desperate rocks of his hips, and then he was pulling you off, tiredly patting you face as you coughed.

“Are y-you okay?” And you, the angel you were, smiled, giving him a cheesy thumbs up.

“Couldn’t breathe for a second there, but that comes with the territory. Did that feel good though?”

Tamaki nodded, eyes closing blissfully. You were too good to him, too good for him.

Where did he go from here? Should he offer to finger you? He didn’t know how, he never thought he’d be in a situation where he’d be naked in bed with anyone, let alone you, a literal walking wet dream.

“You’re so quiet Tama-” You noticed, a hand stroking over his quivering tummy as he calmed down from his orgasm. “-I kinda want to hear you.”

With that confession, your mouth was on his cock again, slurping and suckling at the sensitive length.

“A-h-h! W-wait! God that’s too-fuck, no, wait!”

You pulled off quickly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “I’ll stop if you want me to, I’m not gonna force you to do anything, ever, okay?”

Tamaki nodded, cheeks flushing. “I just need... a moment. You’re-you’re good with your mouth.”

A smile graced your lips, and you tilted your head. “I still wanna hear you though, you’ve been holding back your voice this entire time. I like it when you lose yourself.”

Another nod, the man biting his lip. ‘I just don’t want to-to scare you off or anything. I’m loud, and I sound-I mean....” He averted his eyes bashfully “-My voice can get kind of-of h-high.”

That was embarrassing to admit.

You didn’t miss a beat, clambering forward until you were laying beside him, face even with his own. “But I like that Tama, I think it’s sexy when you lose control like that.”

The admission made Tamaki gasp, blushing even further, and you leaned in for a kiss, which the man eagerly returned. 

“I-I think you’re sexy too.” Was his lame reply. He wished he was better with his words, could describe how amazing and beautiful and stunning you were.

Your hand fell to his cock, drawing him out of his self-doubt. You were pumping him gently, focusing more attention on his balls, lightly pinching the skin, massaging the flesh, before giving him another stroke.

“I wanna see you cum again, and this time, you’re gonna moan nice and loud for me, yeah?”

Again, you were whispering in his ear, biting at the shell, liking over the cartilage with your warm, slippery tongue.

Tamaki drew in a breath.

“And I don’t want you holding back any of your cute sounds. If you do, I’ll have to make you cum again and again until you’re too fucked out to feel self conscious.” The promise made Tamaki’s stomach burn hot with arousal, and his cock was starting to throb again, hastened along by your helping, smooth hand.

“I’ll-I’ll try.” He whispered, voice catching in his throat. He could imagine it now, him writhing in overstimulation as you sucked at his cock, holding his hips down as he cried and shivered and moaned about how good it felt.

“Then, I’m gonna finger myself while you watch, and when I’m nice and ready, you’re gonna fuck me.”

Tamaki felt like passing out, blood rushing down to his cock so fast that he felt all fuzzy and weak.

“I’m gonna lay back, and hold myself open, and you’re going to stick your pretty little cock deep, and you’re not gonna stop until you cum inside.”

The ravenette had never been felt more turned on in his entire life.

“Sound good?” Your voice was soft, sweet. he knew that you were giving him an opportunity to say no, to express any discomfort or unease he felt.

But Tamaki only felt lust.

With a sudden surge of confidence, he turned to his side, lips seeking out your own. He kissed you desperately, eagerly, probably clumsy but he didn’t care.

When he separated, he paused for a moment, breathing against you while he tried to find words to convey his excitement.

“Ruin me, (Y/N). Make-make me cry.”

[resting-meme-face]

1, 4, 7, and 19 for the ask game!

1.how would you die/leave if you were a companion? Controversial opinion, but I would NOT fucking travel with the Doctor. Travel makes me nervous and new places make my tummy ache. Plus, too many people die. I have too much anxiety for this shit. So, I'd be a one adventure wonder, a pseudo-companion. I hope I'd have a cult following among fans, but I'd probably be viewed as kind of ancillary and annoying. The Doctor would be like, "Heyyyyyy," and I'd be like, "Oh god no. No-no-no-no." And that'd be that.

4. who’s wardrobe would you steal? 12's. The man has transboy swag up the wazoo. He don't even know it. It's weird he regenerates into a woman, because that man rocks the chest-dysphoria hoodie + 8k layers. Anyway, he does it all. Holey sweaters, velvet jackets, suit and tie, layers, tartan trousers. It's so much a luk.

7. which doctor is not necessarily your favorite but is the doctor you’d most like to travel with or the doctor you think you’d get along the best with? I think me and 2 would get along really well. Just chilling. Maybe being a little bitchy. Making goofy jokes.

19. I already answered that here.

Check out these questions.

Maybe ask me one.

[utterlyinevitable]

The Conference (Part 9)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.7k Rating: T+ Warning: Some cursing Summary: It’s the evening after the keynote and they go out for a civil dinner date.

A/N: shout out to ruby @starrystarrytrouble for reminding me people actually like reading this mess 💕

________________________________________

After we finished up the panel I stuck around the conference hall to network whilst Ethan had ditched the crowd at the first opportunity he got, heading back to our hotel room and venturing away from the pecking vultures. To be honest, I didn’t really blame him. Everyone wanted a piece of the poor, well-endowed man. 

A couple hours later, I shuffled back into our apartment. My aching feet somehow prevailed without causing me to collapse on the odd geometric carpet floor, or ditching my heels along the way and walking barefoot like some uncultured frosh stumbling home at 3AM. Once through the heavy metal plated door, I headed straight to my room, not throwing a single pleasantry towards Ethan in the seating area. From what I could tell he was typing furiously on his laptop after nursing a scotch - the empty crystal tumbler on the table was a dead giveaway. 

The anxiety and delirium inducing stress of the day lifted the second my kinda-sweaty body collapsed onto the private armchair in my room, clutching its aqua-colored arms and sinking into the velvet cushion. Staring out at the familiar skyline my mind started to replay the happenings of the day; every little thing that happened - from the confidence I felt during our speech, to the way that asshole called me out, and how Ethan stood up for me every step of the way. How proud he was even if he relayed the sentiment in such small words. 

We survived today. We haven’t strangled each other nor suffered any little deaths. All that’s left for this trip is the tour we have tomorrow morning, and then we’ll be on our way back to Edenbrook. Back to the way things were… 

Somehow my tired and self destructive brain decided it wanted to revel in the memories of the last few days. Thinking about all the non-work things that happened this trip. Thinking of all the words shared, and the blast from the past. And the revelation that little adventure birthed. 

Fuck me...

Things are weird. Like, so weird. I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m even thinking this… but I miss him. Today showed me how great we are together! Professionally and as friends. We’re the dynamic duo: Ramsey and his Rookie. His. I - 

I need to stop thinking that. 

I belong to myself. I do what I want when I want and with whom I want. 

And so does he. And that’s why I walked away. I’m- 

I’m still getting over him. 

While simultaneously trying to get under him… 

Thoughts wandered back to Ryan and how long it took me to get over the detrimental ‘what if’s of him. If I held on tighter and longer and didn’t get in the way of myself back then - if one thing was different - everything could be different. 

A small, revelatory gasp escaped me. 

I didn’t want things to be different. 

After eight fucking years I finally understood. 

If I didn’t love and lose Ryan I never would have found my way to Boston. To Ethan. And here - knowing what I do and having all the experiences of the last few months - I couldn’t continue a life without knowing Ethan Ramsey. 

I’m going to do whatever I can to repair our friendship. 

I changed my clothes into something not requiring heels - black skinny jeans, a blouse and my trusty Chelsea boots - and my hair pulled back into a bun. Simple, sleek, and completely me. No pomp and circumstance, or hiding behind anything. Just me, making an effort.  

With all the determination I could muster I sauntered into the living room where I assumed Ethan would still be. 

I was right; he hadn’t changed positions at all. Sitting there on the couch, his feet up on the gaudy footstool with his laptop perched on his lap, tortoise-patterned glasses framing his face, and furiously typing on the keyboard. 

“So...” I trailed awkwardly to break the tension surrounding him, leaning against the wall with my hands stuffed in my armpits. “What do you want to do for dinner?” 

“Oh,” He planted his feet on the floor and turned to face me fully, moving his laptop off of him and folding his arms in his lap. “Uh, well-”

Quickly I added, “If you’d rather eat alone it’s fine by me. I was thinking of grabbing pizza at John’s.” 

Ethan nodded in response, saying, “Sounds good.”

“Cool,” I nodded back. “You ready or…?”

“Let me grab my things,” he stood, collected his things and headed to his room.

Less than two minutes later we headed out of the apartment together, walking side by side. Though this time wasn’t like earlier. There wasn’t the blind determination and need to impress like this morning. Right now we were two people who used to know one another going out to dinner in a spectacular converted synagogue.  

***

For anyone who doesn’t know John’s, it’s a local family-style pizza joint. There’s three restaurants around the city and the Times Square location is by far the best. Every time I have a hot minute to spare I try to go - the stained glass and craftsmanship of the building is everything! But you don’t want to hear about that… and neither did Ethan when I tried to fill the silence during our walk with all the reasons to love this place. For some reason he preferred to barge and weave in silence. 

Whatever. 

Lucky enough he was more chatty once we were seated. 

Our table was in the mezzanine with not much of a view besides the stone staircase in the corner and the large dome towering above. The dim lighting complimented the deep wooden table and beige upholstered seating. 

We ordered. And without the menu to keep our attention, I tried my hand at conversation once more.  

“Be honest, how did we do?”

Looking me in the eyes, ones that mirrored mine, showed such confidence and pride as he said his next words;

“You handled it well, Becca.” There was a tug at the corners of his mouth that pulled at my own. I was about to get a rare Ramsey smile - one I’ve been devoid of for far too long. 

“Dare I even say, like a natural.” 

I got to revel in the small compliment for a few moments as the server brought over our food - garlic knots, small veggie pizza, and a chef’s side salad. 

“I didn’t stutter too much or come off too young?” I couldn’t help but ask when it was just us two again. His opinion matters more than anyone else’s when it comes to my career. 

“You did.” 

“But you -” 

He cut me off, a slight shake of his big head, “You are young and this was your first keynote.” he clarified. And once more he said pridefully, “You did well.” 

After what felt like ages we shared a private smile. How he was able to bring me back into myself with a few words and stop fussing over imposter syndrome is a wonder.  

“Now eat some pizza and be happy.” 

My smile grew to a goofy one by the way he was looking at me, bemused. I refrained from sticking my tongue out and dug into a little slice of heaven. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”

We dug in. Letting the flavors dance over my taste buds and make me only as happy as a New York slice could make me. No amount of fantastic sex could compare to pizza. Everything kind of disappeared - time stopped while the first bites settled in my tummy. Even Ethan looked to be enjoying it even though it’s not fancy smancy and artery clogging. 

Eventually I broke our companioned silence;

“How was lunch with Chief Fredericks?” I asked as I reached for a scrumptious ball of garlicy dough. 

The response left his lips so swiftly he didn’t even bother to look up from his plate; 

“Informative.”

I scoffed at the non-answer answer. 

My little grumble pulled him out of his bubble and he looked over at me - those damn baby blues challenging my thoughtfully indecent outburst. I just gave him a look right back. 

Ethan rolled his eyes and reached for another slice. Cutting it up with a fork and knife like an absolute weirdo.  

“He heard about the state budget cuts. Wanted to know what I think and if I’d be open to consult every so often.” 

“And?” I probed. 

“And what? You know how I feel about the future of Edenbrook.” 

“Yes. But if it goes under, what do you think you’ll do? I mean, everyone’s going to be throwing themselves at you.” 

I shoved some greenery in my gob to keep from adding the jarring truth. 

Everyone throws themselves at you. 

But who he gives his attention to is another story.  

Ethan shrugged ever so nonchalantly, “I haven’t thought about it.” 

The cavalier way he was speaking of his life after Edenbrook had thrown me off. Ethan was never this laid-back. It just wasn’t in his nature. There’s always something for this man to stress over. And Edenbrook’s closing should be his anxiety numero uno. 

But here he was, ever so calm. 

Hmm... 

“Are you in denial?” I said through a bite, fully anticipating another non-answer.  

“Maybe.” 

The way he said it took me aback. It was inherently honest and soft. All of his jagged features were rounded and there was a dulled little twinkle in his eye. 

Yeah, something’s going on here he’s not telling me.  

“Ethan -” 

And of course he deflects by turning the conversation on me; “What are you going to do?” 

Keeping from rolling my eyes at his obvious deflection from roaming into his feelings deeper, I replied, “Transfer my residency.” 

“Where?” 

“I…” - dammit - “don’t know.”

I haven’t really dwelled on what happens when the hospital closes. Obviously I need to finish residency if I want to be an actual practicing doctor. But the matching process can go screw itself. I don’t never ever want to do that again - all I cared about was matching with the best. And I did. So who’s the second best now? 

Is it wherever he goes?  

There’s just so much to think about, and I’d really rather not. Not until the last few nails are lined up against the coffin. 

“See,” he said with a hint of a lopsided grin, “Neither of us are ready to leave Edenbrook behind.” 

He was right. Of course he’s right. You didn’t need to be a diagnostician or even a doctor to see that we’re holding out hope of a buyout. 

I’ve just gotten to Edenbrook - only a few months into my dream career with my dream boss - and now, what? It’s all over before it even really began? No. I can’t accept that. 

There was a beat of silence as we both reached for the salad tongs, our hands brushing on accident. Both our eyes shot to bear witness to the contact, pulling us out of whatever ran wild through our thoughts and into this new, secluded moment. Everything around us dulled in the distance; the sounds swirling in the air muted and like a faint breeze. The warm lighting dimmed further, yet there was a spotlight on the salad bowl. The greens and reds and purples of the ruffage illuminated like it was the only thing that mattered. Like right now the earth was spinning just for this moment of closeness. 

Surprisingly, neither of us made a motion to move. His large hand overlapping my dainty fingers, the metal underneath the pads of my fingers warming up instantly. Electricity still coursed through me like the very first time. Except now it carried the memories of all the other times and places he set me aflame. 

I had to be the one to pull back. 

Almost, like it needed time to comprehend why the moment was intentionally ruined, the atmosphere around us began to revert back slightly. I could hear the idle chatter of those around us now. I could see the full picture of Ethan sitting across from me and all the individuals pattering around behind him. What couldn’t pretend to go back and hung off kilter was the beating in my chest - I could feel the electricity coursing through my veins and putting my heart through the ringer. 

Ethan made up for it by serving me. 

Does he know he still has such an effect on me?  

Quick! I needed to divert my thoughts off of the creeping flush and want from taking hold. So I went back to talking about work, our safe topic. 

“If you could work anywhere else in the world where would it be?” I asked.  

Ethan took a moment to think as he served himself some salad. He looked like he was actually thinking of an answer, maybe, for the first time he’s digested the hospital’s fate. 

“I think the next logical step would be the Mayo Clinic. They’re the best diagnostics in the world.” His eyes diverted back down to his plate and, after a beat, he added, “I also wouldn’t mind spending more time on missions with The WHO.”

My eyes searched his as they looked anywhere but where I was seated across from him, trying to find any sort of fault in his features. Something, anything, that I could hold onto. Nothing. Just stupid sincerity. The first fucking time in weeks he actually lets us talk about his time in the Amazon I can’t be mad at him.  

“You really enjoyed your time there, huh?” 

“It…” he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. 

We’ve wandered into emotional territory and we both needed to tread carefully. I need to remember that he was never mine, as much as I felt like his from our first kiss. Need to recall that back then everything was drawn out in plain sight. Our end was always just that - an end. I Need to forgive. And try to remember that at one point he did try to fight for me, in his round-a-bout noncommittal way, and I was the one to end things officially. 

We both need to forgive. Especially if these are the last few months we have working together. 

“Was important work and I got to make a difference in the lives of thousands of indigenous people.” Ethan took another small pause for breath. When he continued, his deep baritone voice was lower, “Even if my intentions for going were skewed, it was an opportunity of a lifetime.” 

The simplest thing to do would be to nod, or eat - distract myself - or even change the subject. To try not to dwell on the implications of the statement. But I couldn’t. My body tensed and the warmth from moments before fled completely. 

We were silent. The brutal truth of why he left stinging just as much as it did the day I found out. 

Minutes, many many minutes passed with me finding solace in sweet savory carbs and Ethan pushing things around on his plate. 

Eager to change the subject there was one other topic of the day I was endlessly curious to know more about; 

“So, what’s the deal with Dr. Schwab?” 

“Don’t.” He dismissed, his authoritative voice seeping through just a tad. Though I’d like to think he’s smart enough not to use it with me outside of Edenbrook.  

“If you don’t tell me I’ll be forced to fabricate my own. I’m feeling a one-night stand gone wrong.” 

He looked back down at his food. 

“Oh my god, I’m right.” The smile that erupted literally took over my entire face. I could not hide it even if I tried.  

“Rebecca,” he tried to scold. 

“Now you have to tell me.” 

Just like earlier he turned the conversation back on me; “What’s with the frat boy?” 

“Ryan was never in a fraternity,” I responded, not hiding the grin that formed by putting Ethan in his place. “He’s a jock though.” 

He expelled a dry laugh, “I don’t think that’s any better.” He took a bite of his salad. Something radiated off of Ethan I couldn’t quite place. 

“We were close in high school,” I added for reasons I’m not quite sure why. Like that explained who Ryan was and why he came back into my life now, of all times.  

Ethan made a condescending, “mhm”. 

I rolled my eyes; “We had a thing for a while, okay.” I conceded. “We grew apart senior year, and then I went off to college. Last night was the first time we’ve spoken in, like, eight years.” 

Ethan made absolutely no reactions to the statement. Not even a stupid wiggle of his dumb perfect eyebrow. 

Is he even paying attention? 

“Now tell me about Schwab - sorry, Hilary,” I coaxed.  

Ethan’s hand flew to the bridge of his nose and up to carefully rub his eyes. 

This has gotta be good. 

I waited patiently and eagerly for this story. She couldn’t have been Ethan’s type and yet… What happened!? 

Eyes still shut tight, he grumbled, “What’s there to tell?” 

“Obviously something happened,” I couldn’t help but mock, “You slept together!” 

“Yes, and it’s something I do not like to dwell on.” 

“Sorry, buddy, but it looks like she does.” 

He groaned. Then shifted in his chair. Ethan took a long drag of his drink. And just when I figured he was going to wait this out until one of us changed the subject, he spoke; 

“A moment of weakness a few years back. And she was…” 

Ah! It’s actually happening! Ethan’s telling a salacious story! 

Shifting in my seat and placing my head in my hands to give him my full attention; My brows and smile grew as I finished the sentence for him, “Eager?” 

He scowled. 

“Jesus Christ, Ethan, just tell me what happened!” 

“I will not go into details.” 

“Fine.” I made a motion with my hand for him to continue without the juicy details. 

“Harper and I had just ended things for good not long before…” 

We ended up going back and forth for a while - Ethan not wanting to give anything up and me pulling as much as I could out of him. Long story short, Ethan was in a weird mental state after breaking up with Harper for the hundredth and final time in their six year relationship. He took up a conference opportunity to get away for two nights. Knowing how much he loves people, Ethan spent most of his time drowning his senses at the hotel bar. And low and behold, enter Hillary. 

From the sounds of it she was agreeable and very very forward. And Ethan was so lost in liquor that her voice didn’t irritate him as much as it did the next morning, and every single time they were in close proximity thereafter. Hillary had been going through a separation with her husband and needed a distraction just as bad. Really, who could blame her? Toting Ethan around would be the best revenge. 

The first night of his stay was fine - apparently the sex was satisfactory and she didn’t do anything remarkably memorable. Or so he says. I still think she looks like a squawker. He didn’t linger around long after before retreating to his hotel room. Then the next afternoon he was bored and weak and agreed to lunch. And lunch turned into drinks which turned into round two. In his room. And she didn’t leave. She wasn’t leaving. So Ethan bought an earlier plane ticket, and shook her awake before checking out. 

And every conference since she seems to want to entertain a rematch. 

“Oh my god, you’re horrible!” I exclaimed ever delightfully. This was hilarious! 

“I shouldn’t really be surprised. You flew to another continent after we slept together.” Shaking my head, a stupid little smirk on my lips I asked, “Have you ever had a one night stand before?” 

“Wha - of course I have!” 

“One’s that didn’t end up with you getting on a plane?” 

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. “If you must know, I’ve had my fair share in undergrad.” 

Now it was my turn to send a condescending “mhm” his way. 

We spoke longer and polished off our plates - not a single crumb remained. This was nice. Really nice getting to be close to him again and just being friends. Telling stories and exchanging playful jabs here and there. It’s how I fell for the idiot in the first place. 

Baby steps.     

-

Two hours after we arrived the server came over with the bill. 

She was friendly and lovely the whole meal. The best part about her style of service is that she let us just exist and didn’t check up all that often. When she did I could tell she overheard someone of the crap Ethan and I were spewing. She had one of those knowing smiles, like she was in on our jokes the entire time. 

“Can I just say, you guys are adorable,” she relayed with the brightest of smiles after setting the padfolio on the table, her hands clapping together excitedly. She looked like a child who had just met Santa Claus for the first time. 

L O L she thinks we’re together.  

At that I actually laughed out loud before informing, “We’re colleagues. In town for a conference.” 

The horror on the girl's face said it all. 

“Oh! My mistake, sorry. I can split the bill for you.” She reached for the pad where it sat in front of Ethan. 

He grabbed the black leather at the same time I spoke;  

"Nope, dinner’s on him.” I cupped a hand over my mouth and pointed a not-at-all discreet thumb towards him, “He'll get reimbursed," I laughed more to myself than anything. 

She smiles, a little relieved by my warmth, then turns to look at Ethan - silently asking permission or if it’s okay that he pays. Generally looking for some sort of direction from the old man.    

He shoots the server a look. Then forks over his credit card. 

As she saunters off, I smile at him sweetly, “Thank you.” 

Of course he rolls his eyes. But that rise in the corners of his mouth says so much more. 

________________________________________

A/N: sorry it’s shit. thank you for sticking with this series 💕 we’ve just got one chapter left! 

Masterlist

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @whimsicallywayward15 @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine  @otherworldlypresents​ @therookie​ @withbeautyandrage​ @angela8754​ @fireycookie @stateofgracious​ @missmiimiie​ @uneravine​  @homeformyheart​ @choicesaddict5​ @iemcpbchoices​ @jooous​

[tesskeats]

Comfort

I’m finding some comfort in read a friend of a friends Instagram. At 2:20am in the morning because my son is teething and can’t sleep. There for I can’t sleep. 😊🤣🤷‍♀️

This girl lets call her Sara, is living the dream life, my dream life for myself.

I believe she’s about 23 years old, living in Japan and has gone to a Japanese/English university and graduated with her Bach of arts degree. She has many friends English and Japanese, picked out her graduation clothes which turned out to be traditional Japanese wear, Japanese boyfriend, and now she’s going to find a job back home in America to be closer to her family.

The regret and mistakes I’ve made in life. Here is how my life turned out after graduation of high school.

2005-2011 what is like to call the fuzzy years. I broke up with Will, my half Japanese first love of my life for a guy who I became friends with at an arcade and lived near me. Because it was easier at the time than the long distance. Boy was I severely mistaken. I would never have known that this boy... Will... I would still be trying to look for his love and him for over 10+ years in every relationship. I never should have left him. Because it started a chain reaction of events where people would hurt me and abuse me. The boy I dated instead of Will, Taylor, cheated on me. Then I started dating women again. Also cheated on me. Then I found Melissa. Short lived, short loved, but so intense at the time for me and pivotal in my sexual identity. I had never loved a woman that much.

So from Melissa to about 2011 I dated/ slept with quite a few women. Couldn’t really find the one or didn’t care to due to being so fucked up. Gained a lot of weight. During this time I went to a community college and struggled so much due to bad education from an alternative school which mentally was the best choice for me at the time. I ended up getting kicked out temporarily from that community college due to plagiarism, which I truly believed how you wrote a research paper was rewarding bits and pieces from different websites and books.. and make it fit. My freshman comp 1 teacher failed me on my last paper, and I would have passed. I had to write a letter pleading back into university. It was embarrassing but I grew from it. Back to relationships. So I never graduated from the community college but I took up to Japanese 4 mainly to speak to my boyfriend but ex at the time.... I didn’t succeed past that or want to try since we weren’t together. Another future opportunity gone. During that time I worked at a home daycare. So I had decided I wanted to be a massage therapist on a cruise. So I jumped into massage school 2010, graduated and couldn’t find a cruise job. Gained up to 256 and went to another university for graphic design. Where was my life even going? I just kept jumping to jumping from situation not ever really thinking it through or understanding what’s going on. Still to this day my life would be much happier and simpler if I had just stayed with Will. Sigh. So I meet Ashley when I start graphic design university and she is my perfect new better Will, but a woman. And like I said perfect. 💗 I couldn’t have imagined to meet someone with a similar personality, make me laugh, perfect. But we got comfortable. And I’m not sure what happened specifically. Other than, she said at the end I never protected myself. And when we broke up, I didn’t have a fall out plan. Which seems to be a pattern in my life. Like I’m not mature or wise enough to have a back up plan or think ahead. I was heart broken when I left my perfect job in Oklahoma to move us to Colorado only to find 6 months later... she would break up with me and I’d have to restart all over again. Honestly it was the most civil and best break up you could have. Still to this day (even though we do not talk, she’s married, and I wish her the best happiness ever), best relationship I ever had. And I took it for granted and somewhere along the way messed up. Like all these awful people in my life messed up on me. And I did it to her. I carry such heavy weight on how I handled everything with her. it’s hard to let go and not over analyze every minute detail of WHAT DID I DO WRONG? Why am I not enough.

Fast forward 2015-2019. I had the worst relationship with a person I didn’t think you could have. And I was sooooooo Soooo SOOOOOOO completely beer goggles and blinded by the multiple multiple cheating. And I thought, hey if he loves me enough to have a child with me, that surpasses it all. Not with narcissistic sociopaths. They have no guilt, only shame. And shame because how everyone else views them. I have a 2 year old son. He has not seen his dad in almost 3 weeks, and he lives 5 minutes away and is unemployed like myself. It breaks my heart. He had him for 18 hours almost 3 weeks ago, and he asked me to come get him bc he kept saying momma, momma, momma. Fast forward to today. Not only does he have a new gf he cheated on me with, but one he’s known for 4 weeks, lives in Alaska, and is a stranger. He told me they’re just friends. Then it’s just the game. Then when I found I LOVE YOU TEXTS, it’s just how they talk bc or the game. And now 2.5 weeks after we break up. She’s in secret living there. I predicted this would happen, I predicted she would move in, however, I did not predict it would happen so fucking soon and he would try to HIDE IT FROM ME. Well shit is going down.

How is this my life? From a simple romance and true love with Will. To fighting for my mental sanity and son. Unemployed, single mother, living with her mom at 32.

I am truly afraid this, is going to kill me. It’s so much pressure on my organs and heart because i cannot handle the stress and pain of it all. I will give my son everything and my life for him to be with me. Taking care of him gives me such intense selfish joy, I cannot imagine my life without him. I’m filled with love, pride, and excitement to watch him grow and learn and be the boy he is becoming. When I look at his face, I see his father so clearly and part of me wants to cry and throw up, but I remind myself... if you give him all the love...teach him from right and wrong...show him how to truly care and love someone.. he won’t turn out to be his father. He won’t hurt women like his dad hurt me and so many others in his past. No in person should ever have to be in the situation I am in. The pain. The physical, mental and emotional pain. I thought I had anxiety and depression before... this is such another level.

With my anxiety and depression so heightened I’m worried I will die soon. My body and organs can’t take enough of the stress and mental damage that’s been afflicted on me. And My son will be forever with his father and new family. And even though, if I do die, l won’t be able to find out how he turns out. Which is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Because I’ll be gone. And I won’t be able to see how he lives and grows up. So I want to write a short letter to my son.

~~~

Dear Noy,

Today is April 11, 2019 2:47am. You just turned two a few weeks ago and mommy is so proud of you. You’re learning to put your shoes on, and even try to say more words! You can whisper shoes, blue, show, and even car. You can clearly say; momma, dada, mmm, bubble, baba, car, duck, meow, woof, roar,mum mum. Right now I think that’s about it. I started you on almond milk recently because you had a tummy ache for a while and you love it. You also really love mango juice and frozen pineapples. :) we recently went and had ice cream together and you got a vanilla cone and shared with mommy. Mommy loves all these fun special times and moments with you. Especially bath time. Playing in the water and singing abcs and “swimming swimming swimming in the sea that mean old shark will never catch me” and you will flop on your tummy and swim away when I sing that lol. You love bubbles and colored tablets in your bath and to splash around. When you get hurt or sad you cry for momma. And lift your arms up and say “ohhh 🥺😩😢🥺” because you want me to hold you and it’s the most precious and amazing feeling ever. It makes mommy’s heart and head and everything so happy and loved and wanted. You’re my angel and my true version of happiness and fullfillment. I’m so honored and lucky to have you in my life Noy. You’re such a good boy. Mommy loves you! So so much! 💗💋 I hope that someday I can read you this letter and tell you how much you’ve changed and grown into a young man. See you go to elementary school and high school graduation. But baby if I don’t, and I for some reason leave you too soon. It doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything and everything in my power to love and provide the very best for you. I am not a perfect person, but I know I love you. So be strong, remember all these little memories I shared with you. And remember to treat everyone with kindness, do not hurt a lady because it can truly hurt her forever like it has with mommy, and plan for your dreams. You can do anything you want. Don’t settle. And love your family with all your heart. I love you Noy. XOXOXOX, Mommy

It’s officially 3am and I have to get up at 7am to do some things. 2pm is when everything is getting into motion. And going down. Please universe spare me the drama and heart ache. Let this be easy and smooth. Let me handle things with grace. Let me live and not die.

[medicinekitchen]

The Wellness Ritual with Kate Waitzkin

Illustration above by Kelly Colchin. 

I’m excited once again to introduce another inspiring figure for my Wellness Ritual series - this time with yoga and meditation teacher Kate Waitzkin! I spent a morning hanging with her in her west Austin home this week getting a glimpse into her daily meditation practice, real life home yoga set-up, swoon-worthy essential oil collection and chatting with her about how even a few minutes of quiet sitting in the car can help you tune into yourself and stay grounded. Being “well” is not only about the foods we eat, although on Medicine Kitchen I focus a lot on that level, but it’s also about finding your truth, surrounding yourself with elements that inspire you, finding beauty in daily life, and living in accordance with your inner nature. To me, Kate embodies these practices &  I’m so happy to share her wellness wisdom with you all! 

Kate sitting in her meditation corner in her bedroom - often used in the early morning while her husband is still sleeping, or after teaching while her boys are at school. 

1/ I ask this first question to everyone, but I’m pretty sure yoga is going to be part of your answer here! I’m going to ask anyway — Do you have a daily wellness routine? What are 1-2 of your most tried and trusted practices for your overall health?

This is a big one for me as I thrive with a consistent rhythm to my days and once I find something that feeds my body and spirit in a positive, potent way, it naturally becomes part of my daily routine.

Morning Tonic: First thing following morning kisses, I drink a large glass of room-temperature water mixed with one drop of Lemon essential oil and one teaspoon of apple cider vinegar.  Major immune and digestive boost.  

Movement: Once I’ve dropped the boys off at school, I gift myself 45 – 60 minutes of movement.  Most days I’m drawn to run at the hike and bike trail. This time to myself, moving my body in fresh air is the part of the day when I feel most creative and inspired. I always wear headphones with a microphone so I can take verbal “notes” on ideas for classes, workshops, inspiration for writing and meditation, quotes from podcasts or classes I’m listening to, etc.  I’ve fallen in love with this 45 minutes of my day to move, study, create and get my daily dose of nature.  If not on the trail, this is my time on my mat at home – no agenda, just moving with breath.  

Meditation: 5 – 20 minutes daily.  Some days this happens pre-dawn with candles, incense and crystals.  Other days, in the carpool line at school pick up.  Letting go of the need for “the perfect time and space to meditate” has opened the door for a more consistent practice that I look forward to regardless of where I am.  

Essential Oils: I was introduced to doTERRA essential oils almost three years ago and they quickly became part of our family’s daily wellness routine.  Our “medicine cabinet” is now full of gorgeous bottles of these beautifully-sourced oils. I carry the oils with me everywhere I go and we use them for everything from bug bites, to tummy aches, to anxiety and clearing energy.  The boys just asked yesterday if they could have their own bottles to carry in their backpacks and use during the school day – music to my ears!

Numerous crystals and gemstones give off positive vibes from the living room bookshelves. 

2/ Was there a moment in your life or reason that led you to yoga and meditation practices?

I could easily look back in time and say that life in New York City in my early 20s, struggles with anxiety and tight hamstrings all contributed to me finding yoga, but really there have been and continue to be so many moments and reasons that have led me to these practices and rituals, again and again.  

Often, I think the practice ultimately found me so that I could usher my three boys into this world with more grace and compassion than I ever could have brought forth had I not been given these tools and gifts that the practice offers.  

Whatever the moments or reasons that continually unfold and keep me returning to this practice and adopting these teachings as a way of life, for these I am eternally grateful.

Kate will set the intention with her meditation practice by lighting a candle and using either an essential oil, palo santo, or sage pot to enliven the senses - a pretty set of affirmation cards can also help set the tone for her daily sit.

3/ Do you have any sacred rituals? What feeds or fulfills your spirit?

Daily meditation

Writing – specifically, writing prayer and intentions

I’m big on clearing energy from my day in preparation for sleep, so I typically light Palo Santo or Sage and sweep over my man and myself before lights out.  We also sleep with a selenite round and/or quartz crystal next to our bed to help clear energy while we sleep.

Time on my yoga mat is always a sacred ritual.  More and more, this is happening at home on my living room floor in the evenings.  Slow, sweet, nurturing movement.  That said, sacred ritual can also happen in a sweaty, fast-paced power class – it all depends on the intention I bring into my practice space.

Bedtime snuggles with my boys.  Hands down, this feeds my spirit like nothing else.

Kate’s extensive essential oil collection (only part of it!) ready for action :)

4/ You are not only a yoga instructor, yoga teacher trainer, and doTERRA wellness advocate, but also a mom of 3 young boys. What gives you the fuel to do all you need to do in this phase of life?

One thing at a time.  After a LOT of trial and error, I’ve finally begun to see the power and potential in letting go of the perceived pressure and need to multi-task in every single area of my life.  I’ve learned that, for me, this attempt to “do it all, all the time” is a sure recipe for sustained anxiety, lack of presence and clarity and simply does not serve my intentions or the experiences I’ve chosen to put my energy towards.  

Fuel for me is the intentional choice of slowing down.  I like to start my day by acknowledging two or three things I want to focus on for the day.  Then I mentally compartmentalize these areas of focus in conjunction with everything else I have going on that day, so that I offer my energy to one thing at a time.  

It often feels like I am consciously shifting gears when I transition from one thing to the next and I try to make sure there is a clear moment or boundary to support that shift.  It might be a simple, focused breath, a spoken word, a change in position or location, or simply an energetic ending or beginning through a goodbye hug or a kiss “hello”.  

I do my best with this daily practice and, alas, some days I drop back into the more familiar pull of “doing it all, all the time” and wind up exhausted and depleted by 4pm.  Yet, this practice has left an positive and potent imprint on my nervous system that calls me back more often than not.  

Her glorious quartz singing bowls  - perfect for sound clearing. The different notes are said to activate different chakras of the body. 

5/ When you are able to indulge or need extra care, what special treatment or therapy do you use to revitalize yourself?

At the recommendation of one of my girlfriends, I started seeing a body-worker two years ago.  She specializes in spinal, head and lymph, but she has healed so many areas of my body and helped me tune into signals my body is giving me in ways that blow my mind.  Her guidance has given me the knowledge to support my body and wellness in new, inspiring ways. I call her my “magic maker” and I don’t go more than 6-8 weeks without seeing her.

Kate leads a LOT of yoga in her week - but still finds time to have a personal practice at home whether it be in the boys’ toy room, her own bedroom, or in front of the living room sofa.

6/ Do you have any favorite super-foods currently? What are some healthy meals or ingredients you love these days?

Always in my kitchen are eggs, avocado, pink sea salt, spinach, apples, fresh sourdough and nut butters – cashew is my recent favorite.  I’m loving collagen protein mixed into my morning oatmeal.  Smoothies in the vitamix happen on the regular – as my mom says, “everything, but the kitchen sink” goes into these.  We keep our cooking pretty simple, clean and always with a big dose of love infused into the making – I swear this makes everything taste better!   

Kate’s fresh sourdough toast with smashed avocado, power greens, fried egg (fried in ghee), topped with pink sea salt & pepitas. Yum! 

Thank you so much Kate! 

Kate Waitzkin is a yoga + meditation teacher and co-leads both the 200-hour and 300-hour teacher training programs at Wanderlust Austin. Kate created and leads Sunday Ritual, the monthly yoga, meditation and community-centered experience at the South Congress Hotel. Find out more about her at www.kateyoga.net or follow her on Instagram! 

All photos by Heather Gallagher / @heathergallagher.photography except Kate’s home cooked meal. :)