#man i don't even know how many of y'all r still active

[hwanchaesong]

┗🖋️ Tears drown you to the moon / A knight appears for you to swoon / He brings forth joy and fortune / Until gold turns into maroon 📖

🎧: Taylor Swift - Down Bad

wc: 1.3k

genre & warnings: angst, fluff, smut, college setting, heartbreak, ghosting, cursing, working out lmao, unprotected sex, car sex etc etc mdni

a/n: this is a part of The Tortured Poets Department series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

You wait for your partner to arrive at the fancy restaurant you're in, giddy at the mere thought of being with him for the whole day.

It's been a while since you've seen him, both of you busy with your own lives, but now that your schedules have aligned, it's the perfect time to go on a date.

You smiled when the familiar figure entered the establishment, holding a beautiful bouquet of pink tulips.

"Jake!" you waved your hand, catching his attention and when you did, he beamed at you, walking in your direction and the room was suddenly brighter now that he'd graced it with his presence.

"Hello baby, I missed you." he comes to you, bending down a bit to give you a peck on the cheek. "Here, I saw this down the road and I thought of you."

He handed you the bunch of flowers, your heart swelling at the thoughtful action.

Isn't he so sweet? The dream man that anyone would've wanted and needed. More so when he can satisfy you in the middle of the night, in his leather seat, floundering under him.

The dinner was left unfinished, the dessert long forgotten when Jake can't seem to move his eyes away from your cleavage. Dragging you out of the restaurant and flinging you into his car, and he ain't patient enough to take you home before taking you for himself.

"Jake, r-right there!" you moaned, scratching his exposed back when he hit your g-spot perfectly. The sting riled him up even more, his thrusts becoming unbelievably harder and faster.

Being fucked in a car isn't exactly your cup of tea, but you're willing to explore as long as it's with him. Bodies bent almost impossibly at the cramped back seat, windows fogged up from the nasty activity, and the vehicle surely is moving weirdly on the outside.

"So fucking tight." Jake cursed, pounding into you relentlessly, relishing in the way your walls clamp around him whenever he gives you praises.

His length bullies into your wetness and your juices are smeared all over the material of his car seat, but Jake couldn't care less. All that matters is how good you feel and how heavenly he's making you feel.

"J-Jake. I'm close. Please." you begged for nothing in particular, but he knows what you want after doing this for so many times now.

The man moves his hand towards your hair, gentle at first then he suddenly tugs on your tresses, lifting your head forcefully.

"You'll cum when I tell you to, baby." he smirks, seeing your helpless expression and whimpering, and despite the difficulties, you managed to whisper a small 'okay.'

He loves it when you're like this, compliant and willing to take whatever he gives you. For that, you deserve a reward.

Using the hand that is still burning your scalp, he tilts your head in an angle that he liked the best, leaning down and trailing pecks all over your neck before biting onto your clavicle, nibbling over the area and lulling the dull pain with his warm tongue.

He then comes up to your face, kissing you with passion and he takes your open mouth as an advantage to slip his wet appendage in, sucking your own tongue in the process.

it was all too much. He is too much and you don't think you can hold out for much longer.

"I.. Jake. P-please let me cum." your glassy orbs staring at him so innocently, crying out in relief when he released your hair, opting to hold onto your waist.

"Hm." he grunts, going wilder in abusing your cunt, "Cum with me then, princess."

His dick twitched and you nodded your head vigorously, gazing right into his dark, hooded eyes.

He buried himself to the hilt, his warm seed spurting in your walls and that had you going over the edge as well.

Jake furrows his brows, fixing your unkempt hair and grabbing a towel that was inside a compartment, wiping your sweat away.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." he apologizes, his usual puppy features returning and the blood rushed into his face when you jokingly said that you love it whenever he acts like a total jerk during sex.

He leaves a kiss on the crown of your head with a giggle, and for a minute you could mistake him as a highschool boy with a crush.

"Let's go home, yeah? I'll prepare you a bath and we'll watch your favorite movie. I'll also cook my special ramen for a late night snack."

You really couldn't ask for anything more than this man.

---------------------------------------------------

"No, I'm telling you. He's perfect!" you argued with your friends, laughing at their fake gagging noises.

Then, your phone dinged, a message notification. You momentarily paused your pilates session, heading to your bag and seeing a text from Jake.

"Y/N, this is important. We need to talk. Let's meet up in the usual café."

You raised an eyebrow but obliged nonetheless, taking some time to freshen yourself up and bidding goodbyes to your friends, quickly leaving the gym.

Upon entering the café, you immediately spotted your boyfriend, walking up to him with a smile.

"Hey, what's up?" you asked, sitting in the empty space in front of him.

"Y/N, I got the scholarship that I wanted in Australia." he dropped the news, and you are genuinely happy for him.

"Oh my god!" you reached over to hold his hand, grasping it in pure excitement, "Congratulations! That's one step away from your dream."

"Yeah, but.." he trails, and you understand where he's coming from.

"I'll support you." you say, peering into his worried chocolate orbs, "We'll make this work."

He nods, intertwining your fingers together, "We will."

Lies.

When god poured down the traits of deception, Sim Jaeyun caught it all. And when the devil sprung up some naiveté, you drank it all up.

You run on the treadmill at high speed, heavy footsteps match your labored breathing.

The fucker flew to Australia and it seemed like he forgot that he left someone that is waiting for him.

He posts on social media and he's enjoying himself, alright. Drinking beer, eating steak, playing soccer. He's updating the whole world of what is happening in his life except you... personally that is.

Is this what it feels like to be taken by some aliens, showing you a different world, a different galaxy that you loved so much, only to be dropped off in your old, sullen town.

Is this what it feels like to be bombarded by astronomical love, only to realize that it will vanish into thin air once the distance is a million of light years.

It's not like you haven't tried contacting him. You did. You reminded him of your presence, but you were ignored like dead grass in the park.

It's unbearable. So fucking unfair and you have no choice but to accept reality, despite the fact that breathing is as burdensome as moving on from him.

How can you even forget him? Is that even possible?

He presented you a strikingly gorgeous sanctuary, abandoning you there and you're stuck in a time loop of waiting for him to come back and pick you up. But all that's left are the ghosts of him that haunts you even in your dreams.

"You'll find someone new." is what they all say, but what do they know?

"Fuck!" you yelled, slamming your fist onto the controls of the treadmill and the machine came into a whirring stop.

You dropped onto your knees, hiding your face in your arms that were slinging onto the sides of the gym equipment, wailing like a child throwing a tantrum because a candy wasn't given to her despite her efforts to study for an important test.

"How the fuck will I be able to find someone new?"

Brand new is not an option, because what and who you wanted and needed was the old one.

What's the purpose of building forts if it's not gonna be used with your starry eyed beloved?

Dying is rather the better option than being with someone else, simply because you don't want anyone else if it's not your ramen lover of a golden retriever.

taglist:

@ramenoil @shakalakaboomboo

[valentine-writes]

ur writing is super good!! sorry if i’m piling on with this, but any angst with miguel? i need this man put in a blender

if you need to be mean

「 tws + notes: vv possibly ooc, unedited, spider-person reader, unhealthy dynamic, assorted angst, hurt/comfort ending, reader is cold, miguel doesn't know how to deal with emotions, everyone is a wreck but they're all trying so hard :( </3 」

「 gn!reader, man idek if this is platonic or romantic tbh y'all r just messy here 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099

author's note: THANK U SM!! and i got u!!! i am. so excited 2 practice more for him– anon please don't be upset w/ me,, but,,, (´∩｀。),,, i physically don't think i can write Pure Angst. i wud b no good at it!! :p so! hurt/comfort in the end ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐ i CANT JUS,, END IT SAD,, </3 i am so so sorry!! also so so real putting him in tha blender at the Highest Speed ever,,, he iz my milk webkin fr (lovingly) (kinda) some real quick stuff: this was gonna b short but i Overdid It and im still unsure whether i like it or not. and also. i was supposed to have the reader being mildly Messed Up™️ too cuz "hehehehe letz make this more difficult >:))" (also becuz miguel is NOT the only one allowed to have issues + too many angsts i have read where reader jus takes what miguel dishes out passively and i didn't want that) BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT WORSE AJDHDQWHJE,,, hopefully this is. angst galore. again i am not great w this <( _ _ )> <//3

▸ maintaining a healthy relationship with miguel– in any form– proves to be difficult.

this is especially prevalent in the beginning stages of your developing relationship. you begin to learn that he is terrible with verbally expressing any affection he feels towards you. some days he seems almost so completely distant that there’s valid reason to worry that he just doesn't care about you anymore.

these worries are the furthest thing from the truth– miguel hasn't cared about someone to this extent in a while. still, he finds himself lacking, completely unable to tell you how much you mean to him.

▸ sometimes he grows fearful that he's become too attached to you. he aware he's in too deep at this point, yet conflict rages on in his mind: whether it's better to hold on as tight as he can to keep you in his life, or let you go before something rips you away from him.

part of him is worried it's only a matter of time before something happens.

these thoughts are usually quelled by drowning himself in tasks and missions, using his focus on work as a means of distraction.

when there's nothing left to shut them out, he chooses to avoid you instead of seeking reassurance.

there are times when you don't see him for days straight. he doesn't send you on any missions, doesn't contact you, actively avoids you when you're inside of the HQ– and when you eventually see him again, he avoids speaking of it. you both understand you're meant to pretend like nothing happened.

you're not beyond doing the same to him. miguel is distraught with how similar you two can be, how you reflect him and he reflects you in unique and awful ways– ways that only the two of you can understand.

▸ whenever you choose to be the one to spontaneously ditch, however,,, there are moments where he gets desperate and ends with him seeking you out,, usually by assigning you a mission just so you have a reason to come back

no matter who leaves– whether it's you or miguel– you both end up taking each other back in the end, half-heartedly reaching the unspoken agreement that this is the way you two “reconcile.” you grow accustomed to this back and forth.

you're both wonder who this is hurting more.

▸ never wants to be seen as clingy or needy. wants to convince himself he can make it on his own, that things are somehow better that way. miguel feels a deep frustration in the fact that he can't seem to process his emotions in a proper manner.

he seeks solace in solitude, even if it never fully works. he's willing to settle with feeling "okay" instead of "better." (self isolation moment.)

asking for help on missions is one thing. asking for personal help is another, which means that offering him support on his bad days is always a hit or miss.

most of the time, if someone chooses to extend their hand to him, it's typical that he swats it away and insists he doesn't need anything. he doesn't accept help easily– even when it's from you.

▸ there's always the off chance he lets you stick around. he's silent as you find a place for the two of you to sit down. once he’s comfortable, he leans against your side.

the quiet in the room isn't tense. it isn't scary. you know he just doesn't want to talk about what’s bothering him often. he can't even verbalize how much you mean to him– how is he meant to explain any of his other emotions to you?

"it's okay." you whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "just... take your time."

even though your words are as soft you can manage, it feels like you're yelling in contrast to his complete wordless state. you glance over at him. miguel doesn't meet your gaze.

"i'll be here for you," his expression softens ever so slightly at your words as you reassure him, "i promise."

he only mutters one word in response: "don't."

▸ (next headcanon based off of this art from instagram. slide two specifically.)

you can still remember the first time he ever cried in front of you. it's been a vivid memory in your head ever since it happened– not because of why it happened– but because of how it happened.

"you haven't been around for days, miguel." it's been almost more than a week since you've last seen him. this time, you sought him out– not to bring him back into your life, but to confront him one last time. after deliberating for longer than you cared to mention, you finally decided you were going to make things right or get out of his life for good.

and there he is, standing on his platform. it's lowered to the ground, the orange holographic screens surrounding him empty, displaying nothing. they emit a soft glow in the dark of the room.

"tell me what's wrong." you demand. the tone in your voice is unfamiliar to him. you're not making any effort to conceal how thin your patience has been wearing.

his back is turned to you. he doesn't say a word until you approach the lowered platform he stands on.

"go away."

"what? like you've been doing this entire time?" you retort.

"go away." he repeats more forcefully. his anger doesn't scare you away. nothing ever does.

you stare at him unflinchingly. "not until you tell me what's wrong."

miguel knows you're going to stand firm. you're going to stay until he tells you. as he lifts his head, glancing over his shoulder to speak to you, you brace yourself– you wait for him to yell. to lash out. anything.

he just looked at you. his eyes, stinging with tears, meeting your stare.

you don't remember what was hurting him that day. you can't recall what made him breakdown in front of you. no, this is the part you remember.

miguel's large frame looks so much smaller as he attempts to shrink himself, as if trying to hide from you. he averts his gaze, trying to blink back the tears and fails horribly.

he has nothing left to do. miguel hides his face in his hand, even if it’s only the two of you in the room. he’s humiliated– completely ashamed– that he can’t seem to stop his crying. for a moment, you’re frozen, unsure of what to do.

it's a drastic change from how you know him. standing in front of you, miguel seems more like an inconsolable child, rather than the detached and icy person most knew him as.

"don't look at me." those are the only audible words miguel manages to choke out between stifled sobs. he cries like a little boy.

and you hate it. you hate how hard he makes it hard to stay angry at him. you hate that no matter what you do, you can't stay away.

the tension in your body dissolves slowly, jaw unclenching as you sigh to yourself. you’re caving already.

it takes you a moment, but you know you can't leave him like this.

slowly approaching him, you quietly wrap your arms around him from behind, gentle enough for him to pull away from your touch if he didn't want it. he doesn't protest. you swear you can feel him subconsciously lean in.

"it's okay," you mutter, "i got you."

▸ miguel makes sure to talk to you the next day after you comforted him. to your surprise, it wasn't to tell you to keep that moment between the two of you– he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't say a word.

he was there to say thank you. simple and plain as that. he thanked you for sticking around. thanked you for being there even though he constantly pushed you away.

and you couldn't find the energy to respond. horribly disheartening to miguel, considering this is the most effort he had put in to communicate with you– but understandable. he didn't push you any further.

as awful as it felt to know, you didn't want a thank you. you didn't need his gratitude for your stubbornness.

it was much too late for a thank you to resolve the days he left you without a word, only to return expecting everything to be the same. it was much too late for a thank you to make you feel better about the fact you ended up comforting him even after everything. those words couldn't fix anything.

you wanted a goddamn apology.

▸ it's been almost three weeks since you'd last been seen around the spider society hq.

nobody seemed to be aware of the reason for your sudden disappearance. miguel was worried sick.

his temper is shorter, his patience is waning, and he’s willing to snap if anyone even mildly irritates him. it’s an unpleasant experience for everyone.

he'd tried to find you by tracking your watch, which proved to be useless. you were too clever for that– you'd made yourself undetectable, somehow disabling or destroying it before you left. miguel could’ve hunted you down, searching every place in the multiverse to find you again, once more to see you. but he didn't have to. the moment he had decided to start the search, your watch went active again, allowing him to locate where you were. like you were beckoning him over.

he didn’t hesitate to meet you there, stepping through a portal to get to you. notably, you weren’t in your own universe– but he wasn’t going to scold you for that. not now.

there you were. it was almost dream-like to him, seeing you sitting in the grassy fields in the middle of nowhere, the outline of your frame illuminated by the moonlight. the night air was filled with tension, as you sensed him approach from behind and quietly sit beside you.

he’s the one to break the silence. your name slips from his lips, as he’s about to speak up–

"hey." you greeted flatly, cutting him off. you glance at him with a weak smile, chuckling dryly. "so... you need something?"

"...no." miguel glanced around at the unfamiliar setting. just before he can get anything out, you part your lips to speak again, looking up at the dark sky, glittering above the two of you.

“i forget that new york doesn’t have the best view of the stars.” you murmur. “light pollution and all that shit… so y’know,, this is nice. i missed this type of view.”

he nods in agreement, though the small talk about the stars isn’t what he wanted from you.

you continue with your little ramble, seemingly just saying whatever came to mind. “speaking of cities– how’s your corner of the multiverse been? has nueva york been fine? feels like forever since i’ve been there.”

miguel tries not to be distracted by your casual conversation or your obvious allusions to your absence. he sees the way your shoulders are held tense, the way your gaze flits over at him expectantly– miguel knows you’re just waiting for him to talk about it, anticipating what he’s oing to say next.

"i– look–” he takes in a breath, finding the words he had been planning to say all this time. “i know. i know i messed up, and i messed up a lot. …i just came here to tell you i'm sorry. for everything."

there’s a momentary lapse of silence between the two of you. the tension is immeasurable as he watches you shift your sitting position, facing him entirely.

"you should be. asshole."

miguel sighs. “i… really should’ve expected that.”

“you know, migs? i tried so hard to just leave you alone.” the previous confidence in your voice wavers. there’s no bitterness in your words, no malice. he hears it in your tone: you’re just worn down, utterly emotionally exhausted.

he hears a sniffle, causing him to turn his full attention to you. the tears glisten as they fall from your eyes and drip down your cheeks. you make no attempt to shy away.

“what are we gonna do now?” you ask, looking over at him. your voice is faint. small. “i can’t let you go– and for fuck’s sake, you won’t even let me– so… what now?”

“i… don’t know.” he confesses. his hand makes his way to yours, placed atop it. his other wipes your tears away, trembling as he touches your cheek with all the tenderness there is, like he’s afraid he might hurt you. he whispers your name again, and it is the sweetest sound you’ve heard in a while.

miguel usually thinks he’s no good at comforting others. but in this moment, you would’ve never known that. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into an embrace, holding you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing in the world. he’s not leaving you to suffer alone. he’s not leaving you like that ever again.

“you don’t have to forgive me.” he whispers to you. miguel knows he can’t repair all the damage he’s done. he knows you might never be able to look at him the same. And for once, he’s fine with that. he just needs to know you’ll be okay. “...just, please. let me do this for you.”

[crims0nghozt]

ok different from my usual fun posts + ik y'all won't give a fart abt my opinion but i really need to say something that nags at me a lot on here

i was talking to my friend on discord (great way to start this 😭) and we got to the subject of like, calling celebrities/historical figures fine and/or crushing on them. which at first i was like "weird" but when i thought abt it more idrc it's normal to crush on celebrities/historical figures even. but what i started to think about again was that thing that always bothers me when i see things about one of my favorite actors

i'm being vague right now but dw i'll elaborate

basically i'm not talking about how people call celebrities fine and crush on them. idc about that, while i don't exactly do that myself. that's just expected atp. but what i mean is when people actively sexualize and say REALLLYYY LEWD shit about a REAL, BREATHING, ALIVE PERSON who could very well SEE THESE POSTS. it's always irked me when seeing posts about, you probably didn't guess it, billy moseley.

this is gonna cause some irritation in the fandom i think but i seriously get weirded out when i see people sexualizing the guy himself. like, i understand his characters, but i've been seeing some people on here genuinely sexualizing HIM.

uh hey did you guys forget he's MARRIED AND HAS DAUGHTERS?? 😭 that's SUPER FUCKING WEIRD DUDE

like I've seen it way too much and people never say anything about it. you guys are sitting here saying this lewd shit about a real man who could very well see it. while yes, i may not know his boundaries, realistically i don't think he'd appreciate being sexualized by gooners on tumblr/the internet in general while he has a literal wife.

listen, i'll leave this topic alone when i see/hear proof of him saying he doesn't care about being sexualized. until then i think y'all r honestly kinda freaks (not in a good way) for this. like yeah i love bill moseley, he's a good guy and he's a really good actor. but you guys are just taking it too goddamn far in my opinion by saying all this weird stuff about him.

now i know all this isn't new, and people have been saying weird sexual shit about many celebrities and still are, and i'm not saying that stuff is normal either. all of it is still very weird. i'm just only commenting on the stuff I've seen in the fandoms i mainly interact with recently and i've just been seeing way too much of this and while i usually don't comment on it, it just has been bothering me that nobody's said anything about it??

anyway a tldr for ppl like me who hate reading long Tumblr posts: people have been sexualizing bill moseley (himself, not his characters) way too much and i find it weird af

[yomiurinikei]

shobai for the ask meme! i forget about him a lot

HIIII u guys look it's my platonic spousea here in my inbox!!! the only one spared from my lectures on why it's "syobai". sorrel recognize ur pretty privilege 🙄🙄

anyways!! under the cut for length + tws: . huh. actually, nothing this time

favorite thing about them: ooo he's just fun!! just a fun man! my beloved little plot device i find it so funny linuj is just like "hmmmm information needs to be revealed/a plot point must be mentioned but i've already done a weird nightmare with akane this chapter what do i do now hmmmmmmmm" and then we get syobai time. ALSO i rlly like analyzing the way he interacts with others. as will be seen later on except not well worded bc i did not plan to get that in-depth. anywayssss. he's also fun to play around with in writing/fan portrayal tee hee

least favorite thing about them: ah... victim to linujs inconsistent writing i think...... linuj seems to shift some in how he portrays syobai. it's not sooo bad but if ur actively looking for it then it's there and it bugs me. it feels like linuj can't choose how to portray syobai, the role he should have in the game, and how he wants the viewer to feel abt syobai. and it's rough

favorite line: okay. but this ask meme expects sooooo much of my memory :/// his vv kind and loving and so sweet nicknames r good. he rlly is just the worlds nicest lad isn't he.

brotp: (note: this is considering both non despair/hpa verse, and like. in kg/despair without age twist bc that makes it hard to judge things, i just kinda switch between settings without saying much, aaaand is written w/o talking abt the exception that is romantic relationships) i just think he and the voids r nice.

like i don't have many feelings on him and non void cast bc i feel like he'd just never rlly have natural interactions with them and would always be viewing things as business/smthn he has to stay detached from and which doesn't interest him bc it's simply. not his world. fundamentally different. he's not interested in changing his way of being and the class doesn't care to try and "save" him

then. u have the voids. who, in kg-verse, are doing the exact same as syobai: in order to live and avoid horrible fates, they're doing illegal, immoral shit. it's sympathetic, but we (referring to linuj and the light he writes these characters in) constantly switch up how we perceive and feel about the actions of the voids and syobai. it's okay to acknowledge they're in a gray sort of area, and i think it's esp interesting with syobai knowing what's going on with them, and how he interacts with them knowing that

soooo back to main thing. i think syobai would, even in non despair (as yk... the CoU (i've been saying voids but y'all know which three ive been talking abt) are still implied to be doing morally interesting things to handle utsuros absence) view them. not as equals, but would definitely recognize the similarities in their circumstance and that which they do. so idk maybe he'd chill with them more. even if not (at least originally) as friends, him being less cold, and less detached from them

shit that got long;; i had to cut myself off sm and i thought i was doing well being quiet

otp: i don't rlly do syobai ships?? idk why????? tbh i just don't think i'm huge on shipping in general. hashimaeyomirin and it's variations for @/dirtykagarinkinnie tho <3

notp: mmmmmm don't have them!!! ships listed above r all that i'm rlly interested in/see tho

random headcanon: can actually clean up really well. he just Does Not care abt looking good for the kisa foundation/is cocky abt things with them, cue the. appearance 😭😭

song i associate with them: cigarette ahegao (penelope scott) is the hashimuri song ty and gn. anyways tho! cant find anything very fitting??? maybe mean (penny roox)???? who knows. who knows.