#malvrae.headcanon

[finifugality]

thinking of how mal is before her memory loss vs after is driving me insane. she wakes up with nothing, only these weird people who are willing to all travel and work together to solve their mutual problem. she has nothing to fall back on, no "normal" mannerism or etiquette to recall bc she never had those in the first place. the first several days is just her floundering, watching how they all act and trying to mimic them. everything to do with a druid comes naturally, and she assumes it must be that she's just similar to an animal - maybe she didn't actually socialize with people before this? when the urges come she thinks they're animalistic, that this is why she knows natural but not civilization. yet the party doesn't kick her out, they don't even give her any rules. they're mostly helpful! compassionate!! it feels so foreign - is it because she can't remember anyone ever being so kind, or because no one ever was?

after regaining her memories she then has to try and line the two versions of herself up, make them fit together. the one who embraced being bhaalspawn and delighted in it, though still fought to be her own person... or the one who was simply mal, who had friends and fought side by side with people who truly cared for her and she them. how does she go back to who she was, now that she's known what friendship is like? how love and compassion feels?

how is she supposed to slaughter everyone if she cant bring herself to hurt this group of people?

[finifugality]

i'm realizing i prefer mal to be a companion because she absolutely should NOT be calling the shots for the whole party. that said, you recruit her when she sneaks into your camp at night as a panther. the urges sent her out seeking victims and a sleeping party seems the perfect targets! it'll be great! then scratch and / or the owlbear cub make enough noise to rouse everyone. could she still take them out? probably. would it be easier to pretend she's a totally normal panther and be fed and lounge around for a few days before revealing she's actually an amnesiac drow? absolutely not!!! but that's what she does anyway :)