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sunwarmed-ash · 1 year ago

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Angst Prompt: Billy Hargrove

Neverender

Characters: Billy Hargrove, the hawkins crew, Eddie Munson Trigger Warnings: Suicidal ideations/mention, no attempts, homophobic language/violence Tags: Sad Billy, post season 3 & 4-Billy lives, Billy and Steve are ex's, Eddie is a worried friend, Neil Hargroves A+ parenting, post harringrove fall out, hurt/minor comfort, suicidal ideation/mentions, dissociative/Major Depressive Disorder Billy

*Fic also under cut*

Nothings been the same since July.

How could it be? Billy died. And what was left of their heated-rivalry-turned-blazing-sex-life and budding romance died with him. Because Billy wasn't the same when he came back. How could he be? Nothing that Billy liked about himself existed anymore; Nothing that Steve fell in love with was recoverable.

He’s a shadow of his former self, and its obvious to everyone, but worst of all himself. His Calforinan tan and meticulously sculpted torso were gone, replaced by a ghostly pale all over color, and ugly, horrifying scars left behind by the monster that almost took his life. His hair, which he had spent months learning to cut and style himself had to be cut to add stables to keep his brain inside his skull post attack. The ‘doctors’ did such a piss poor job of it too Billy lost almost all of the length. He hated how it looked now. How he looked now.

Nothing is the same as it was before.

When the Steve finally got the balls to call off whatever their pathetic attempt of going through the motions, Billy told Steve the first lie he’s ever told them since they became exclusive.

“I get it Steve. Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.”

“Billy…”

“I’ll be fine. Really.”

He wasn't fine. He wasn't even in the same ballpark as fine. He was ‘okay at best’ on good days, and seconds away from diving headfirst into the shallow end of the quarry on bad ones. The demons in his mind that plagued his night and daymares were nothing compared to the venom spit from his classmates, from Neil after everything with the mall went down and Billy was arrested after he barely surviving an interdimensional monster attack.

Some rack of shit huh? Instead of a welcome wagon and fucking parade like the hero who sacrificed everything for a stranger should get, he was gifted with 100% of the blame, 7 months of rehab and a 6 thousand dollar fine for the damage.

What was worse was that no one refuted it. Not a single person who was actually there that night. Not Steve. Not his fucking father, and since he was unconscious at the time, busy ya know, not dying, certainly not himself.

Billy shut himself off from everyone after that. He quit the basketball team, spending the extra hour of silence after school at the quarry, increasing his likelihood of lung cancer, one malrboro red at a time.

Since Steve had graduated, and dumped his ass, and he learned the hard way his so-called friends were as fake as silicone tits, he didn't see a point in being social. He was content to just keep his head down and degrade, one major depressive episode at a time. And at the end of each day, the bottom of the quarry looked more and more welcoming.

Harrington Home

“So what's going on with Billy?” Eddie asked suddenly, and unprompted, catching everyone off guard. Enough that Steve dropped the dish he was washing into the sink and Dustin choked on the pizza crust he bit into.

“Why- do you want to know about him?” Robin asks, eyes jumping anxiously between Steve and Eddie.

“He’s been, weird,” Eddie said, unsure why now everyone else in the room was being weird.

“I haven't noticed,” Dustin shrugged and Max smacked his arm.

“You ‘haven't noticed’ how the once loud and proud Californian Dickhead is now essentially a ghost? I don’t think I’ve heard him talk in months. It’s like he’s trying to will himself invisible. I think I even saw Carver bullying him last week. LIke isn’t that weird- What, whoa what did I say?” He asked anxiously, because now 7 sets of intense eyes were on him. “What? What is it? You can tell me.”

“Billy is… a complicated topic around here,” Lucas starts, hedging something big and looking very intently at Max.

“Why?” Eddie asked again anyway and Dustin and Max sigh way too heavy for 14 year olds. But then again, they all did just barely survive an apocalypse. Some their second and third….

“Because he died,” Max answers, and Eddie’s mouth dropped open.

“Because he used to be our friend,” Dustin added, which is actually more surprising in some ways.

“Because he’s my ex,” Steve says, finally addressing the real elephant in the room if all of the others matching tense expressions was any indication.

Harrington Living Room

“He saved me. But, no one wanted to see that,” El said, her own tears staining her face as she retold the story of last July.

“The Hawkins lab and the press have had an ongoing, lethal NDA since, what four years ago now? By the time Vecna rolled around, well, we were as close as you got to for experts at that point. The mall burned down because we had to kill the monster inside it. Without alerting the town there was one in the first place.”

“Which, happened to be controlled by the bigger monster possessing Billy at the time,” Lucas finished, because one look at Steve confirmed he couldn't.

“As the building was burning down, The Mind Flayer basically had El, ready for the monster, but Billy, our Billy broke through. Sacrificed himself to the monster so she could get away. So we all could.” Dustin finished.

“None of us knew if he was alive or dead for months,” Max chimed in. “And then one day, he just shows up on our doorstep. Looking like he got the shit beat out of him. Didn't say where he’s been, or why. I wasn’t even sure it was him. So I tested him.”

“How?” Lucas asked, evidently even he hadn’t heard the story.

“I punched him,” Max shrugged, “He didn't block it or fight back. He barely even looked at me. He just waited, until Neil stopped screaming and then went to his room. He’s been like that ever since. Whoever, whatever he is now, that isn’t my brother.”

Hawkins High Locker Room

It's been 34 days since he returned to Hawkins, and there's still another 156 days left in the semester until he can graduate and move back to California. He’d leave now if that was an option. But it wasn't.

He just wants to get through the school year without any trouble. He’s lived through enough already. But its evident in the next moment, Carver and Hill aren’t gonna let that happen.

“Oh how the mighty fall,” Carver laughs, referring to Billy’s more-scar-tissue-than-unmarred-flesh shirtless torso. “Serves you right, karmas a bitch, huh?”

“I told you, I didn't do that shit.”

It was of the general Hawkins misunderstanding that Billy set the mall on fire, as an act of ‘unamerican criminal mischief’ turned way wrong. They also say he endangered the lives of several minors as well as many ‘respected members of the community.’

When Billy was hit with so much violence and hatred upon reintegration, he almost high tailed it back to California with his tail between his legs. But then, and now, he had exactly $197 to his name, and he needed more than that to get out of here for good.

“Right, just like you didn't try and fuck Chrissy at Tina’s Halloween party right?” Hill piled on.

He actually didn't. Chrissy was a friend. And Billy was gayer than Liberace. Just outfitted with denim instead of glitter. But Hill and Carvers sudden and vicious betrayal still stung and he just wasn’t in the fucking mood.

“Didn’t need to initiate anything. She was begging for a fuck on anything bigger that pencil dick of yours.”

The next moment Tommy’s fist is in his gut, knocking him down before he has a chance to brace. Carver is standing above him, one shoe making contect with his solar plexus when he tries to raise up off his knees.

“Remember your place fag,” he sneers and Billy laughs in his face.

“Well which is it? Am I fucking your girl on the side or too busy choking on cock? Can’t do both.”

Carver launched his own attack now, kicking into Billy’s chest hard until he wheezed. Hill added a right hook that knocked Billy flat on his ass.

Any other day, before The Mindflayer, he could have taken them both. But almost all of his former strength vanished with the monster attack. He was vulnerable to everything they gave him. And what’s worse, he’s lost all will to get back up.

It wasn't long before Tommy’s own kicks started. Billy’s been in this position on the floor all too often. He pulls his legs against his chest so hopefully his ribs won’t break under their combined force.

Billy skipped the rest of his classes that day.

After Carver and Hill left, (got bored of kicking an unresponsive Billy), he just laid there on the cold, filthy floor. All through the lunch period. No one else came into the locker room. Not even the Coach. Billy was grateful. It took longer than usual for him to get back up these days, and he really didn't want an audience to his shame.

The quarry

Billy didn't go home. He didn't want to explain the bruises that weren’t from Neil. Neil would accuse him of trying to get social services called. So he just stayed out, drove to the quarry, lit up a cigarette and watched the sun go down and the moon rise.

Some undetermined time later, another vehicle arrived at the quarry. For a moment, Billy froze, expecting to see the cops truck, or his fathers, here to drag him back home by his hair. But it wasn’t, it was Eddie fucking Munson’s screaming metal death trap and that was somehow worse. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now. Let alone his ex’s new BFF.

Billy ignored Eddie when he exited his car. Maybe if Eddie realized he wasn't welcome, he’d leave. Eddie was soft. Billy, even now, could probably still scare him away.

“Thought I might find you here,” Eddie says and the statement sets him the fuck off.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Eddie’s huge eyes only got bigger and his hands flew up in surrender.

“Nothing, just, this is a good space to think. Figured after today you'd be looking for thinking space is all.”

“And why would I need that?”

Eddie grins, hands still up in the air.

“Okay, you caught me. Steve uh, filled me in with what happened today. With Jason.”

Billy balks and jumps off the hood of his car that he was comfortably sitting on. He is not here to talk about this. Fuck Eddie Munson.

“Wait! Billy hang on,” Eddie pleads, and for some reason, it stops Billy in place. He doesn't bother turning around.

“You got three seconds freak.”

“I brought weed.”

Billy huffs in frustration before yanking his hand off the door handle.

“...Alright.”

“What's going on with you man,” Eddie asks, not more than three seconds into Billy’s hit. Guy really knows how to kill a high. Probably how he stays employed.

“Nothing’s going on with me,” he said because it's true. He’s been silent for months. He’s just trying to make it to May. As soon as he graduates he can get the fuck out of this hellhole. Go back to California, his home. It's where he belongs.

“That's what I mean. I actually never thought I’d say this, but I kinda miss being bullied by you.”

Billy takes another hit instead of passing the joint, flipping Eddie off.

The brunette only laughs in amusement, his eyes crinkling adorably as he laughed.

“Yes finally! Goddamn this has been the longest slow burn of my life!”

Billy rolls his eyes but the weed is helping soften some of his bad mood. And maybe the company is helping. He won't admit that shit outloud though. Never again.

Eddie follows up with, “Carver’s a dick, don't let him get to you.”

Billy scoffs.

“I’m not.”

“Then why are you out here?” Eddie asked, far more perceiving than Billy appreciates right now.

“What’s it to you?”

Eddie’s eyes are too honest when he says,

“I don't know.”

Billy doesn't like it. Doesn't like how its making him feel. He can’t let someone else get in the way again.

Billy shrugs, admission falling off his lips easier than expected.

“I wasn’t planning on going home.”

Eddie’s eyebrows raise to his hairline but Billy didn't see it. He was too busy staring at the body of water that had to be below freezing by now.

“So you’re just gonna what? Sleep here? In your car, all night?”

No. Ideally, if he jumped from this height, the impact would probably be enough to break some bones. His neck preferably, but beggars can't be choosers.

“That's not what I said.”

Its eerily quiet in the next moments, as what Billy meant finally sunk in. Billy’s hand shakes on his last inhale.

“Oh…” Munson says.

Well, at least Eddie didn't apologize, or launch into a monologue of 1000 reasons to live.

“Yeah…” Billy sighs, feeling lighter but also so much worse finally admitting just how far gone he was out loud. He passes the dead joint back to Eddie before pulling out his car keys.

“Wait, where- where are you going?” Eddie asks, panic obvious in his voice.

Billy wishes he could feel something. Anything.

“Home. Can’t try and kill myself now, can I?”

Eddie’s expression exposed he was probably suffering from the illusion that someone genuinely giving a shit could be enough for Billy to change his mind. But it wasn’t. Not long term. Not after everything he’s been through. “Night Munson, thanks for the weed.”

#billy hargrove whump #billy hargrove #stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things 2 #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #steve harrington #find me on ao3 #sunwarmed ash #tw suicide mention #my works #link in pinned #i post new stuff every sunday #sinful sunday

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