#mallek is big sexy

[friendsim-more-like-lovesim]

just scrolled through all your old posts about human/troll relationships and i think i’m addicted againnnn 😭

the figuring out the differences and trying to make it work, it makes me so soft.. particularly when they’re both clueless to the other’s weird alien stuff

like imagine crashing on a hostile alien planet and finding that one person who’s nice to you, the squishy soft alien. considering how big and scary everyone is here, you thought they’d try to attack you way more than they have !! but no, all your new alien friends are super touchy and gentle with you, resting their head on yours (since you’re so short by comparison) or touching your hot, soft skin or affectionately nipping at you. well, you think it’s affectionate. you hope it’s affectionate.

you assume they’re just really friendly and wanna examine your weird human traits more, and this goes on for months. everyone around you does this, so you figure it’s a species thing.

eventually though, they all slowly stop. they don’t touch you at all anymore and you worry you did something wrong. someone has to tell you that they’ve all been pale flirting with you fighting for your attention, and since you never reciprocated, they assumed you didn’t like them like that.

the quadrants are such an integral part of their society, so of course nobody figures to explain it to you !! they just assumed you knew they were flirting bc it’s so obvious to them

imagine walking up to mallek determined to know what’s going on, and asking him, “why did everyone stop being so touchy all of a sudden? did i commit some kind of alien faux pas? i hope i didn’t offend anyone :(“ and the poor man realizes he has to explain quadrants and pale flirting to you.

I just KNOW I would be THE pale Whore on alternia, my people pleaser instincts would make me hella pale sexy I think

[maybl00d]

Mallek Week Day 5- God tier

Thief of time Mallek

[riverboundao3ff]

Riverbound Chapter 7

You are THE GUARDIAN, which is kind of unfortunate because you’re currently face down and up to your chest in a medicalizer, which has clamped down on your torso so hard you think you’re going to throw up. It’s not like you’re not grateful for the opportunity to heal your broken ribs, but feeling the machine forcefully fuse the bone and muscle back together is not a pleasant experience. Even advanced technology has its setbacks, you suppose.

“If it hurts too much, we can take a break.”

You look up to Mallek, who is sitting beside you like a very anxious guard dog. Somebody put a big plastic bowl underneath you in case you puke, but you guess he wants to be ready to either hold your hair up like a drunk sorority girl at a party or pull you out of the medicalizer.

You manage a wheezy laugh. “Nah, I don’t feel pain. I’m a robot, remember?”

An unhappy whine rises up from the back of Mallek’s throat, kind of like a stressed cat. “These things can suck even for highbloods. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, dude. I just--” Something clicks back into place in your side, and your vision goes fuzzy for a couple seconds. “Augh. Just need to be uncomfortable for a little while longer. I’m not running around Thrashthrust with broken ribs any longer than, than I have to, oh shit.”

Your stomach rolls like a fighter jet and you let loose into the strategically placed bowl beneath you. Hey look, there’s the grubflakes you ate for breakfast.

Mallek grimaces, and you feel a cool hand rubbing circles into your upper back. You turn your attention towards breathing in and out, in and out, just focusing on the physical contact. It’s only a little after midnight but you’re already exhausted. The painkillers Lynera gave you early in the evening have long since worn off.

“What happened to you?” you hear him whisper.

You force your eyes back open. “Daraya already told you? I got thrown into a tree by a goddamn cholerbear. Nasty sonuva bitch.”

“No, I know that! Why did you disappear for like, half a sweep?” he demanded.

His voice cracks about halfway through, and guilt hits you like a sucker punch. You just want to see him smile again. Granted, you’re looking down at the bowl-o’-puke instead of your friend, but you don’t really have the strength to do anything else.

“Long story short, I got kidnapped. Made some new friends to cope. Escaped, made sure my new friends were okay, and then I came back here. I’ll tell you the full version when I’m not on the verge of passing out,” you explain.

“Kidnapped?” Mallek explodes. “The hell you mean, kidnapped?!”

You wince at the noise and reach out to pat his knee. “Sshhhhhhhh. Shhhh. Calm down. It’s fine now. Be calm.”

His face lights up blue. It’s only then you remember telling that shushing a troll is considered lowkey sexy or something. Whoops.

“I would never leave you on purpose, Mallek,” you say, quickly pulling away before it can get weird. “Or… or anybody. Okay?”

“... Okay,” he mumbles.

You smile encouragingly at him. He grabs your hand and squeezes it. It would have been a really sweet moment, except you’re sweaty and shaky and everything stinks like vomit. You can’t imagine how much it must reek to Mallek and his better sense of smell.

The both of you stay like that for a few more minutes, and then the medicalizer goes off with a sharp buzz and releases your torso from its clamps. You immediately inhale as much as you possibly can, groaning with relief when there was no more stabbing pain. There’s still a bit of soreness; a medicalizer can only do so much for bruising, but by all the horrorterrors have you missed breathing like a regular person.

“How’s it feel?” Mallek asks. You can feel the anxiety coming off him in waves.

“So much better.” You’d fall asleep right there and then if he gave you the chance, but you feel him gently grab your hands and pull you out of the medicalizer. A pair of strong arms lift you up, carry you a short distance away, and then set you back down on a sofa.

You accidentally let out a squeak when you feel a chilly finger poke your stitches.

“Sorry.”

“Nah, you’re good. You’re just cold.”

Mallek huffs and touches the scarred-over gash again. “The medicalizer took care of this big wound right here, but the stitches need to come out. I don’t know how, though.”

The fun never ends. “Lanque did ‘em.”

“I’ll go get him. Be right back,” he promises. You hear him jump to his feet and leave the room, the door creaking slightly on his way out. Downstairs, you can hear your friends discussing something, most likely Tyzias and Daraya cooking up a crazy new plan for the rebellion.

You can’t wait to join them and help save the planet. Vriska’s demand that you return in ten nights is a constant reminder of what you came here to do, but it also makes you nervous about the inevitable teleporting you’ll need to do. What if you messed up and ended up somewhere you shouldn’t? Causing a paradox wouldn’t just screw up your mission, it could ruin the fabric of reality. That fear kept you from so much as doing a measly little jump down the mountainside when you left the caverns.  

Having powers was handy, sure, but sometimes it made everything, like, a thousand times more stressful than it actually had to be.

The thumping of footsteps up the stairs gives you the distraction you need to calm down. You crack open an eye in time to see Mallek and Lanque striding in.

“Hey,” you croak.

“Damn, Adalov, did you have it up in the highest setting?” Lanque mutters, turning from you to Mallek with his arms crossed. He doesn’t look very happy with what he sees.

“Medicalizers are made for trolls, not aliens,” Mallek shoots back. “You know they hurt.”

“That thing was old when you let me use it.”

“I’m sorry, did you know any other highbloods with top-notch medicalizers that could do that surgery you wanted? I don’t think so, fucker.”

“Boys, can we save the pitch stuff for later? I want these stitches out so I don’t have to keep laying around like a dead body,” you growl.  

Mallek and Lanque glance back at you, both looking a little sheepish, before Mallek slinks away to sit down at your feet while muttering something about never being pitch for pretentious assholes who can’t even wear their jackets right. Lanque messes around with a few first aid kits on the shelf beside the medicalizer before finding what he’s looking for-- a small scalpel and a pair of tweezers.

“Alright, you know the drill. Off with the sports bra,” he orders.

You groan but obey, pausing with your hand through one of the straps when you notice another pair of wide eyes on you. “Mallek. Turn around, my guy.”

A very interesting squeaky noise escapes Mallek’s chest before he turns around and all but slithers over the armrest he was leaning on. You hear him hit the floor with a thump. Lanque rolls his eyes.

“You two know each other?” you ask as you flip over to lay on your stomach.

“We’ve met a few times, yes,” Lanque confirms, kneeling down to start picking at the stitches with the scalpel. The way he says it makes you suspect there was a lot more to the story than he was letting on. “Have you already told Mallek everything?”

That was Lanque’s way of saying “Let’s change the subject”, so you let it go. “Not… everything. Are you listening, Mallek?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, because I only want to explain this once. Basically, the multiverse is a whole lot more complicated than anybody knows, and there are a lot of… powerful beings out there that like to meddle. Like, with timelines, and universes, and that kind of stuff. Are you following me?”

“I… okay?”

“So basically, this fucker called Doc Scratch is one of these god things, and he was using me to control his timeline… area… whatever. That’s why I was running around Alternia before I left, because I guess I had to help bring certain people together for the timeline to work? I don’t know. Anyways, he kidnaps me when he’s done making me do his business and makes me read this fucked up comic in his own fucked up dimension, which is also on one of your moons. Long story short, the comic’s about some other friends I made and the shit they get into in another timeline. Eventually I manage to escape from Doc Scratch with only moderate trauma. Yay, me. How are we doing so far?”

You can’t see him, which is probably a good thing. “You… the multiverse and the… okay, sure. Why not.”

“I end up on Alternia again, but in the future, and then Earth, which is my home planet. Well, not that exact version of Earth, but whatever. I end up befriending all these kids and try to help them lead better lives than they would originally in this other timeline where they all play a game that destroys the universe. I should also mention that Doc Scratch somehow wiped my memories before I escaped, so until I meet this cool chick called Aradia I… had completely forgotten about you guys.” You swallow back the lump in your throat and try to focus on Lanque pulling out your stitches. It stings.

“The last kid I made friends with was this boy called Dirk. Good kid. So we’re hanging out, and this other version of Dirk rocks up from another universe, and this bastard is a kind of god called an… Ultimate Self, I think. He tries to stop me from rewriting the timeline and then tries to kill me or whatever. I get away from him and manage to…” Crap, how do you explain this part without telling your friends you created an entire universe? “I get him to go home and leave me and the kids alone. He can’t hurt us if he’s in his own universe. After all of that I wanted to come back to see you guys again. So I did.”

Like before, you don’t mention the Director, or the little showdown between you, her, and Ultimate Dirk in Doc Scratch’s mansion. You definitely don’t tell them you’re here to help them win the rebellion. You remind yourself you’re not lying to them, you’re just… not telling them everything. To protect them.

Yeah.

“What worries me is this Scratch character,” Lanque mutters. “You said that Ultimate Self god went back to his own universe, but if Scratch still has influence over our reality…”

“I… have no idea about Scratch,” you say truthfully.

“What is he, exactly?”

You release a long sigh. “Every planet with intelligent life has a thing called a First Guardian to guide it and its people to their destinies. Timelines can have Guardians too, I think? I know that sometimes entire universes have Guardians. They keep time and space in order, basically.”

“... If this universe has a First Guardian, why can’t it go beat Scratch’s ass?” Mallek jokes.

It’s a good question, and you know he’s just trying to lighten the mood, but it still fills you with misery, anger, and a fear so powerful you almost start shaking. If… when you meet Scratch again, what will you do? Would you be able to fight him? Protect your friends from him?

If your friends knew who you really are, would they still care about you?

“That’s something I would love to see, believe me,” you manage to say.

“I’m so sorry that all of that happened to you. It’s so fucked up,” Mallek says hoarsely. “I was so pissed that you were gone. I just spent six perigees of my life thinking one of the best friends I ever had was dead and I didn’t even stop to consider that they might be having it even worse.”

“It’s not your fault. Grief makes people do and feel weird shit,” you assure him. You’re trying not to cry yourself, because you’re half-naked with a super hot guy pulling out your stitches and another hot guy hiding behind the sofa. Your life is a lot of things but boring is not one of them.

Your pain tolerance must be through the roof by now, because you don’t even feel it when Lanque pulls out the last couple threads. “All done.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thanks, Lanque.”

He pats your back. “Come join us downstairs when you’re ready. Tyzias has something I think you’d be interested in.”

Your tiredness instantly fades away. “Oh?”

“You can’t be serious, Bombyx. They’re still recovering,” Mallek protests.

“Then get off your privileged highblood ass and come with us,” Lanque calls over his shoulder as he saunters out the door.  

Mallek yelps and dives back behind the sofa when you hop up to get dressed. Your shirt was slung over the desk chair, which you gladly yank back on over your bra as you start to shiver. Mallek’s place was always pretty chilly since he ran cold, so you’d always have to bundle up a bit when you came over to hang.

“Alright, I’m decent. My pasty white ass won’t blind you anymore,” you tell him.

“You’re more of a really pale… pinkish tawny?” he notes, tossing you your hoodie.

You decide you’d explain the different ethnic and racial categories humans have to him later. “Yeah, sure. Thanks for letting me use the medicalizer.”

“Duh. I don’t let my friends run around with broken ribs,” Mallek snorts. “Yours sure break a lot, though. Maybe I should just stick you back in there from time to time, just in case.”

You pretend to chuck the puke bowl at him and cackle when he instinctively dodges. Once upon a time, you might have told him that human vomit is acidic. Granted, it definitely is; you can feel your throat and tongue burning like a bitch, but you never specified that it wasn’t deadly or anything.

“Just put it in the load gaper!” he begs, and you laugh as you follow him down to the bathroom. You forgot how much fun it was to fuck around with him. Maybe you’d introduce him to Kuprum and Folykl, you just know that the three of them in one room would be the best thing that ever happened. That, or they’d all kill each other. Those kinds of things could be a little difficult to predict with trolls.

The puke bowl gets cleaned with water, soap, and a lot of vigorous scrubbing. Your hands get the same treatment. Once you gulp down some water and splash your face in the sink, you turn, only to realize Mallek is staring at you again. His eyes are much more blue than when you last saw him. He’s an inch or two taller as well.

“... Yeah?” you ask. Did you have vomit on your face? Fuck.

All at once, Mallek wraps you up in a hug that leaves you breathless. You hug him back instinctively, and then really go all in when you feel him shaking ever so slightly against you. He smells like chips and something vaguely smoky.

Neither of you say anything for a while. There’s something incredibly fragile in the air, and it warms you from the inside out and fills you with worry.

“I missed you,” he mumbles into your hair.

“I missed you too. So much.”

“... You don’t have to join in on whatever crazy shit they’re cooking up down there.” He chuckles nervously. “Really. You can just… I dunno. Stay with me, if you want?”

You bump your head against his chest and gently squeeze his arms. “Mallek. The world is going to change, and I want to be a part of it. Don’t you?”

“I don’t want you to die.”

You reach up to gently cup his cheek. “I’ve died before. It’s not so bad, really.”

Mallek leans into the contact, looking at everything but at you. You let yourself be held by him for a little while longer before pulling away. He doesn’t say anything else, but he does follow you down the stairs to the rest of the group.

You grin at Tyzias when she looks up at you, hopeful. “So whose lives are we gonna ruin tonight?”

[unicorn-poop]

Costume Party

ARADIA- Sheep

TAVROS- Bull

SOLLUX- Bumble bee

KARKAT- A princess in a pink frilly dress with a pink diamond tiara and a magic wand with a bow attached to me

NEPETA- A cat (obvious)

KANAYA- Vampire (obvious)

TEREZI- A dragon

VRISKA- sexy spider

EQUIUS- A pink pretty pony (unicorn)

GAMZEE- A cloWn (obvious)

ERIDAN- A wizard

FEFERI- A mermaid 

This party is going to rock! I’m in my sexy spider outfit. The ladies are going love me.

Wwhy are wwe evven here? wwhy did I agree to come as a fucking wwizard?

D—> Because highbl00d I said we’d come to that degenerates party

What A Great Idea To Come To His Sex Parties If You Notice All The Trolls Are Wearing Something Inappropriate Notice Some Of Us Are Wearing SFW Costumes

W) (y don’t We split up and ) (ave fun

So that’s what they did. Aradia and Fef went looking for Lanque. Kan, Sol, Eri, Eq, Nep and Gamzee went to dance. Karkat, Tavros and Terezi and Vriska chilled.

Any Ladies Want This Nice Jade Green Dick? Oh, Wait, Sorry, This Jade Green Dick Is Only For My Wife

Ha! Ha! Fuck yeah! This wwizard gots some magical moves. Anyone wwant this hot piece of vviolet meat?

Any troll near Eridan moved away from him. 

Ha, ha! Nobody liike2 you, Eriiturd! Just giive up! Nobody want2 a iincel whiiny wwizard

Fuck you Sol. Nobody wants a piss blood as there matesprite. 

Then why am ii popular wiith everyone? II got AA and CC. Who do you have? Exactly! Nobody! Eat 2pace du2t, lo2er.

:33 Go Equkitty,

D—> Everyone peasant shall bow down to this beautiful pink unicorn with bl00 bl00d

Suddenly Gamzee comes up to Equius. 

D—> Highbl00d, this is very inappropriate. I command you to stop this instance.

CoMe On BrO iT’s A sEx PaRtY tHiS iS ApPrOpRiAtE 

D—> Oh My this is so lewd

MEANWHILE WITH TEREZI, VRISKA, KARKAT AND TAVROS

Y34H! TH1S P4RTY 1S 4W3SOM3!

WILL YOU STOP THAT! THIS PARTY SUCKS! I HATE THIS FUCKING COSTUME! WHO’S IDEA WAS IT TO DRESS ME UP AS A FUCKING PRINCESS?! THIS THONG IS EATING UP MY ASS!

It was Equius’s idea. You look cute Karkat. That dress is literally perfect. 8est idea Equius has ever come up with

yEAH KARKAT YOU LOOK VERY PRETTY

Suddenly MALLEK on a leash crawls past with a dominate Galekh holding the leash.

Come on Mallek. That’s a good boy.

WHAT THE FUCK? IS HE WEARING A BARKBEAST COLLAR?! WHY IS HE ONLY IN A G-STRING! GOG THIS PARTY IS SHIT! I’M OUT OF HERE!

H3 H3 H3 H3 1 LOV3 TH1S P4RTY! H3Y VR1SK4! W4NN4 M4K3 OUT?

Fuck yeah! 

Both Vriska and Terezi Head to a room to make out. Karkat raus for hs life but he tripped over his dress and fell. Kan noticed this

Karkat You Shouldn’t Run Now Look I Have To Apply New Lipstick On You Good Thing Feferi Let Me Borrow This Glittery Fuchsia Lipstick Now Hold Still And Stop Crying You Are Ruining Your Makeup

I HATE YOU

I Love You Too Now Hold Still

Kanaya finishes putting makeup on Karkat. Karkat then wanders off. Marvus suddenly shows up. Marvus is only in hemospectrum colored undies. His nice hairy chest is exposed. It’s been making his fans get massive nose bleeds.

Hey there princess.

OH GREAT ANOTHER CLOWN TURD! I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH ONE! BACK OFF ASSHOLE I’M 21! 

I’m 22. You enjoying this party? Lanque sure does throw great parties.

Marvus touches the butt.

GET YOUR PURPLE BLOODED ARMS OFF OF MY ASS YOU BITCH ASS CLOWN TURD!

Well you aren’t a very nice princess. 

DO I LOOK LIKE A PRINCESS TO YOU?

Marvus looks at Karkat confused. Karkat is in a puffy frilly pink dress, a tiara and is holding a magical wand. Marvus gives him a wtf look.

Uh, you’re wearing a pink dress and a tiara. I mean come on! 

YEAH? SO? WHY DO YOU CARE? ARE PRINCESSES YOUR THING? YOU WANT ME BADLY YOU BIG BULGED PURPLE BLOODED SHITHEAD?

I mean yes. You’re pretty. I technically can have you. After all I am a member of the highest caste, ignoring the fishies. I know you’re not a highblood but that doesn’t matter. That dress isn’t going to be pretty once I have fun with you. 

COME NEAR ME CLOWN FUCK AND I WILL KICK YOU IN THE BULGE SO HARD! 

So the bucket we will be filling is ♠️ huh. Ok my naughty princess

Karkat makes a run for it. He sees Sollux.

SOLLUX HELP ME! THAT CLOWN TURD IS BOTHERING ME!

!

GIDDY UP GOLDY! TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS HELL!

get the fuck off of me! 

NO! 

(Sollux throws Karkat off of him). Luckily Marvus is gone. 

I’m so glad you came to my party, loVe.

Porrim told me there’d be booze. 

TO BE CONTINUED 

[maybl00d]

Mallek v Marvus cuddles!!! LETS FUCKING GOOO

Mallek like his lusus would curl all the way around, he’s the big spoon that might?? Switch to little spoon. Mostly emotional hugs if he’s just not feeling up to it, he’s pretty touch starved and just wants to just??? Cuddle?? A dude?? Is that too much to ask?? It’s a lot of hand holding while hugging and legs around waist for either party. I imagine a lot of desk chair cuddles if he’s on the verge of passing out from his work.

MARVUS however will not even ask and just pick the person up and squeeze them. He’s pretty rich so he probably has a downtime room full of beanbag chairs, pillows, blankets ect. You might not even need a pillow since he’s got two on his chest. He’s all up for falling asleep while cuddling and will sometimes just straight up after he’s done recording his new album, fall and pass the fuck out for the day. If he’s not cuddling someone, he’ll look for a pillow.

[maybl00d]

My self care nowadays is putting on my mallek hoodie ™ and ordering food from the comfort of my home, while also playing conductors cabin at full volume.

[maybl00d]

Mallek for the whole character thing please

Do they go to bed early or stay up late?

Have you met him?? This dude will be hacking into the fucking evening and only just look at the clock and realise he’s been cooped up in his hive for 24hours straight with no sleep.

If he had a morail/matesprit he’d be forced to go to bed early

When they say they’re “going to bed” do they actually mean they’re going to sleep or do they mean they’re going to read/play on their phone/etc in bed for a while?

He plays on his phone for a majority of the time just chilling in his slime, checking for work and messages from friends. He’s a bit of a procrastinator in that regard.

What do they wear when they sleep? (if anything at all)

Dude this is Mallek we’re talking about, Butt Ass naked in the slime but at least sweatpants on the couch if he’s takin’ a short nap.

Do they watch/listen to anything to help them fall asleep?

Funny fortnite videos mostly lmao, although this dude will gladly listen to 100gecs before bed.

Do they sleep with a night light on or prefer total darkness?

total darkness for this guy, if there’s a light on it’s going to be his computer and if that’s on he’s going to be antsy and anxious to go on it, its better if he shrouded in complete darkness aside from the faint glow of his recouperacoon.

What position do they sleep in?

Any really. You might find him curling up in one positon but suddenly twists and turns his body around to another.

Do they cuddle/snuggle with anything while they sleep?

A matesprit and/or snake dad.

Do they have insomnia or do they fall asleep easily?

Slight insomniac behaviour on his part, it’s just because he’s so used to screens being around him 24/7 and needing constant attention, it’ll take awhile for him to finally close his eyes.

How many hours of sleep do they get?

It depends, quite common for him only to have at least 3 hours of sleep but may be subjected to change if forced by a quad mate to sleep earlier. He takes naps here and there though.

Are they a heavy sleeper or a light sleeper?

Once he’s in dream land, he’s in dream land, if there’s a loud bang or some sort of shout he’ll try and wake up but because of his diet of Mountain Dew and stale Cheeto’s, he isn’t the healthiest and can’t bolt upright.

[maybl00d]

Mspar, pointing around demon Mallek: MY HUSBAND

Literally tho!? Demon marriage is probably just a smooch and a seal and ur done!

[maybl00d]

HEy HEy!! what are your thoughts on Gold Mallek??

He’s bad to the bone all things considered. (by that I mean he’s a little bit of a wimp lmao) This guy would have a motorbike than a hoverboard. Because cerulean Mallek has doubts on his abilities compared to a gold blood, gold-blood Mallek would be full of himself as an outward persona

His motorbike broke down? Doesn’t give a shit

He claims that he’s probably the best candidate for a helmsman? Weird flex but ok.

But deep down this dude just wants a hug, and maybe a few smooches if he’s lucky. If mspar met this version of Mallek there would be no need for lanques Nsfw route.

[unicorn-poop]

Dodgeball 2

So we left off with angry cute lil shit Karkat, Green vampire thot Lanque and Tech serpent boi Mallek vs STRONG bl00 Bl00d Equius And the spoiled EXCIT—ED Princess Feferi. Everyone else is out. Cronus is still on the ground in pain. RIP Cronus’s jewels. He won’t be reproducing with Kankri anybody anytime soon.

Karkat was so angry because Fef and Eq were making fun of his size.

LANQUE: Fucking great. I’m on a team with two small dicked losers

MALLEK: >:(

Karkat grabs a ball and throws it at lanque who dodges it

LANQUE: You Mutant blooded dumbass. The opposite team is over there!

Being distracted this gave Equius the chance to hit Karkat. Karkat got hit in the face with Equius’s STRONG BL00 HOLY BALLS. Right in the face

KANAYA: MY BABY!

Kanaya has to be held down by Aradia and Rose as Kanaya planned on using her chainsaw on Equius.

Karkat was on the ground cursing

KARKAT: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

FEFERI: O)( Look Equius. Two of t)(e most lamest trolls are left

EQUIUS: D—> Yes, one has a small bulge and the other likes watersports. Literal degenerates!

LANQUE: You fish bitch! I bet your Pussy smells like rotten fish!

MALLEK: Hey big guy, TAKE THIS!

Mallek throws his ball but misses Equius

EQUIUS: The power of having a STRONG BL00 BULGE! To bad you can’t relate, degenerate.

Mallek gets angry but lanque chuckles. Lanque then throws three balls at Eq and Fef. Fef is lucky but Equius isn’t

EQUIUS: D—> No

EQUIUS: D—> Fiddlesticks!

LANQUE: Guess your bulge isn’t as strong and big as you like to believe and I’m a green blood!

EQUIUS: D—> Princess I am sorry I failed you.

FEFERI: Don’t worry Seahorse. I’ll make sure to borrow Aradia’s w)(ip and use it on you tonight

Equius smiles and gets a noticeable STRONG boner. Mallek And Lanque Look in disgust. Equius goes over to the line.

BRONYA: Really? You had one job!

MEENAH: You And your fucking fetis)(‘s!!!!

LANQUE: So, whos your daddy?

MALLEK: Not you

LANQUE: BITCH I GOT THAT SWEATY MUSCLEBEAST OBSESSED LOSER OUT! I AM YOUR DADDY!!!

Lanque tips his shirt off revealing his nice body. All Mallek could do was blush. Feferi also blushed.

TEREZI: FEFERI DON’T GET DISTRACTED BY SEXY!

Feferi gets a ball and throws it because Mallek is being distracted by sexy he gets hit in the arm very hard

MALLEK: AH! FUCK! She’s strong!

LANQUE: You douche! You had one job!

Mallek bows his head in shame and walks over to the line

ERIDAN: YOU LAND DWELLING BASTARD!

KOKORO: HONK!

TEGIRI: You failed us

Now it was just Fef and Lonq (Lank).

LANQUE: Hey babe you know you could he smart and you know we could go into the janitors closet and fuck.

FEFERI: Ew! No! I already )(ave a boyfriend! I don’t date ass)(oles! You could ask that jerk over by t)(e wall suffering from the Troll male pain!

LANQUE: What?

(Looks over at Cronus who is probably dead now)

LANQUE: Oh, I think he might be dead.

FEFERI: ANYWAYS I’M GOING TO DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND GET YOUR JADE ASS OUT!

ARADIA: GO FEFERI!

TAVROS: yOU GO GIRL! gET THAT JERK OUT!

ERIDAN: YEEEEEEAH FEF! MARRY ME!

CHAHUT: Get That Rainbow pee drinker out!

MALLEK: Good one!

LANQUE: OH ARE YOU KIDDING ME! YOU ALL CAN KISS MY-

A ball comes and Lanque dodges it

LANQUE: Fuck! That was close!

FEFERI: KISS THIS!

Fef throws another ball only Lanque dodges it again

LANQUE: I’m not joking when I said-

Lanque again dodges another ball

LANQUE: HA! YOU SUCK! In fact you can suck my-

Lanque finally gets hit in the nose. Everyone cheers and carries Feferi yelling HIP HIP HORRAY!

Poor Lanque and Cronus.

The end

[unicorn-poop]

🍎 🍌 🍉 🍇 🍋 🍊 🍓

LANQUE: I’M A KING! GET ME FRUIT, PEASANTS!

MALLEK: Here’s a 🍌 you dick

Lanque eats banana

TEGIRI: Here’s an Apple, sensai

Lanque eats apple

FEFERI: )(———ER——ES A GRAP——E ASS)(OL———E

Lanque eats grape

XEFROS: A lemon, mid blood

Lanque eats lemon

MARVUS: A strawberry, sexy boy

Lanque eats strawberry

MARSTI: An Orange for the douche

Lanque eats orange

EQUIUS: D—> A watermelon for you, highblood

Equius literally forces in Lanques mouth. He broke Lanques jaw.

EQUIUS: D—> Did I do great, highblood

MALLEK: You’re my new friend big guy