#making safe communities like this requires that people who seek to do harm to others aren't welcome to come in and terrorize others

[ruelpsen]

Thank you so much for that 'degenrate' post. Its worked its way into about every kink community im in, and im.glad to see someone finally say that its fucked, and explain why.

In some ways it's reassuring to read this and know that I'm not the only one who's noticed an uptick in its use lately, though of course that uptick in and of itself is pretty worrisome. Hopefully this legitimately harmful language will be worked back out of our communities once people realize how fucked up it is! That of course means that in any community of appreciable size there will be some bad eggs to kick who refuse to drop it, but given which groups use that language intentionally while knowing its past, that'll be a necessary step in making kink circles safer and more welcoming.

[nothorses]

a transmasc only discord server is kind of fucking weird tbh. you call transfems seperationists for voicing their unique oppressions and then get pissy and make a server where you can just circle jerk and pat each other on the back, never questioning your transmisogyny? i think people can see who the true “seperationists” are.

About a year ago the queer black woman leading the organization we were working to start asked me and the other white people working with her to lead an affinity group that white families joining the org would be required to participate in, and which would read and discuss anti-racist/anti-white supremacist literature together, as a way of protecting space for black & brown staff, families, and program participants.

She stressed that it was important for this to be specific to white people, and explained that she wanted to start a parallel one for people of color involved in the org, because those conversations are really different between those groups. Importantly, the kind of honesty and vulnerability required to effectively unpack white supremacy culture is, well, generally not safe (or often possible) for people of color to embody in a space where white people are unpacking their own white supremacist ways of thinking and acting- even if they're doing it in an explicitly anti-racist context.

This is derived from the idea of "affinity groups", often specifically "identity affinity groups", which are commonly used in activist spaces and workplaces seeking to dismantle oppressive systems and culture from within. The idea is that creating spaces specific to identities allows for conversations about personal experiences with oppression that would be difficult to hold otherwise; both for those who have been harmed, and those who have done harm. It's not an end-all be-all kind of tool, but it can definitely be helpful.

In the context of marginalized identities, these kinds of spaces can also be a really great way of facilitating community-building, especially where there is a capacity for establishing positive cultural norms in the process (like not tolerating certain kinds of bigotry, especially if you also make space to express, challenge, and unpack bigoted ideas).

Transmascs, as a group, historically struggle to connect with community. Invisibility coupled with the isolating nature of queerness (as a marginalized identity that emerges later in life, and generally not through genetics), and in particular the way transness tends to funnel into a desire to "pass" & further isolates folks by preventing them from even identifying one another, contributes to this naturally. There's also a phenomena in which feminist and queer community spaces tend to be hostile towards anyone they perceive as "masculine", and therefore threatening. This includes transmascs (esp. those who are or have transitioned) and transfems (esp. those who are pre-transition/non-transitioning or butch), along with plenty of other groups (black people especially).

Thus, a transmasc-specific server serves a few purposes:

It acts as a space for transmascs to discuss our unique experiences with lessened anxiety around accidentally phrasing something in a way that does harm to others in the space

It acts as a space for transmascs to challenge one another on bigoted or harmful ideas, which may be better received coming from someone who shares some of those personal experiences- and is often easier given from a person who is not personally hurt by what was said/done.

It acts as a space for transmascs to build community with other transmascs

It establishes positive community norms early in that process, which often carry outside of that space and into others.

Among lots of other things!

Identity affinity groups aren't the end-all be-all; it's important for folks to interact, connect, and build community with people from a diversity of backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. That's how we grow, and it's part of how we make sure the ideas we have about the world include and account for everyone.

Trans experiences have been absent from a huge portion of feminist theory; earlier theory especially. That- and the exclusion of black & brown experiences- is how we got radfeminism. Also known as second wave feminism, which preceded the inclusion of intersectionality that defined the third wave.

Transmasc experiences have been absent from a huge portion of trans theory; this isn't a conspiracy or anything, it's something Julia Serano acknowledges in the opening pages of Whipping Girl (even though she also goes on to make assumptions about experiences not her own anyway).

My opinion is that community-building is an essential step in promoting the inclusion of transmasc perspectives on a larger scale: it gives transmascs a space to identify patterns in their experiences. We can then take our observations into diverse communities, where we can identify similarities and differences in how others are treated, learn from one another, and cultivate a more complete understanding of oppression across all demographics.

Your ask makes me think you're not really interested in all of this- and you were instead just looking to make me feel or look bad (or perhaps just make yourself feel good)- but maybe I'm wrong! I would love to be wrong. Or maybe someone else will learn from this instead.

[yinwaryuri]

Just a non-comprehensive list of all the things P'Jojo touched on throughout the entirety of The Warp Effect:

The harm of forcing teens to promise absolute abstinence from sex while not providing space for safe and open discussions about it

Some people have a strong sense of their sexuality/gender identity. Others don't

Even guys who seem like good ones can do horrible things and be unaware. They are not required to be forgiven no matter how guilty they feel

Being single by choice is not shameful

Fwb is not shameful either

No one has any right to expect more out of a relationship when you have communicated what you are up for up front

Female friendship is a beautiful, wonderful thing, why would we pit so many bad bitches against each other when they're cooler as friends?

Nonsexual kinks are valid and with the right person can make for a beautiful relationship

There are several methods for pregnancy and it's important to discuss things with your donor (if you've chosen one personally)

Listen to your partner! It is actually possible to be together for a decade and still be unaware of something they like/dislike!

You can be forgiven for being shitty in high school but that is not up to you, it's only up to the person you have wronged

Always know the age of whoever you're talking to so you don't accidentally sleep with a minor

Fatphobia and transphobia have never been cool

Trauma hurts and the journey to work through it is difficult. It's not wrong to want to reconcile with someone and find that you can't. It's not wrong to try to push past it numerous times. It is not your fault someone ruined what should be a good experience for you

Nonsexual intimacy is valid and the right partner will work with you to understand your needs

The choice to have children is a really big one and no it should not be an excuse to keep the relationship together. The choice not to doesn't always have to break it up either

Abortion is a personal matter and should be done safely and legally

STDs have all sorts of origins and are an important matter to address in terms of being polyamorous or even going from one partner to the next. They are also not a reason to feel shame and are simply a matter of getting proper treatment and abstaining from sex while healing. Straight couples can get them, it isn't just a gay stereotype

Anyone can have a romantic relationship and not have sex

Parenting from afar isn't being responsible, but it is still possible to create a relationship with your estranged child

Dick size is nothing to be concerned about - you can find someone who enjoys a sexual relationship with you no matter what

It is so important to see your doctor. If that doctor makes you uncomfortable, though, you should be fine to leave and go somewhere else

Gay does not mean pedophile and it's important for you and your children to know the difference because there are gay teachers and coaches who have enough on their shoulders

Cheating doesn't have to include anything physical if you're seeking pleasure from someone who is not your partner and have not discussed such things with your partner or the person you cheat with

Sex work should not be criminalized and more of us need to standing up for the rights of sex workers

Masturbation is normal and doesn't have to be treated as sad or pathetic

Cishet people can be amazing allies. You can have your group of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and trans people with a bunch of them included and it can be a fabulous group

Casting agents that don't allow for body and gender diversity don't deserve their job

The show gave us a whole PSA on pelvic exams????? HELP??????

ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX NO MATTER WHAT YOUR AGE, ORIENTATION, OR IDENTITY IS - ALWAYS HAVE A PROPER DISCUSSION AND STICK TO WHAT EVERYONE CONSENTS TO. ALWAYS

I swear I'm still missing stuff but everything that The Warp Effect said is so special to me

[nimayndolo]

Dating Apps

I hate dating. I’m deleting the apps (hinge & tinder). HOWEVER, there’s Feeld. I’ve known about it, but I never took it seriously.

HOWEVER, I started taking it seriously this morning. I can’t lie, I love people’s attitudes on there. Tinder and Hinge feel so cold. Raya is a popularity contest where people are too cool to be real and authentic.

People seem really honest, human, and kind on Feeld though. The bios are written without the nonchalant airs sometimes seen on the other apps and people just seem like they’re searching for genuine human connection. Whether it’s friendship, mutual friendly pleasure, or just connection and realness, the app residents just seem chill. Kindness seems to be the law of the land there.

I love how open to honest communication people are on there. The app users seriously set a precedent of kindness and authenticity.

I’ve actually had fun swiping on there this morning.

WITH ALL THIS BEING SAID.

The LAST THING I need or want is a relationship—and I mean this from the bottom of my core.

My last relationship morphed into a mother-child dynamic. IT SUCKED MY SOUL and drained the life out of me. Right now, I DO NOT need to be responsible for another human being like that. I only have the emotional capacity to heal myself. I CANNOT concern myself with another person in the way that a relationship requires—and I can’t do this for a VERY long time.

I truly want to be single for a while. Being paired up slows me down. It’s also just fucking horrible. Based off my past relationship and the twoish flings I had before that, I don’t want to be in a relationship again. They have never been emotionally, spiritually, or sexually beneficial to me.

EVER.

IF I end up dating someone again, it’ll be the result of a friendship where care, patience, and consideration for me are demonstrated.

Ever since this breakup, I’ve really been paying attention to how my main four friends make me feel. They make me feel WONDERFUL and uplifted. They listen to me and they respect my boundaries. Whenever we argue, we aren’t defensive. We argue with the purpose of solving the issue (as opposed to arguing to win the argument).

If I’m going to involve myself deeply with a person again, whoever they are has to make me feel as good—and even better than my friends do.

I swear to god. If I befriend a guy and I can sense the friendship start to move toward a sexual area (I’m not closed off to this in some cases) and ANY OF MY BOUNDARIES ARE PUSHED, I’m running. (NOTE: I had to stress “guy,” because I’ve never experienced predatory boundary pushing with women partners)

No friendship is worth a pushed boundary.

As far as sex goes, I WILL NEVER sit through mutually unbeneficial sex AGAIN. I’m a 30 year old woman. I do not HAVE TO have bad sex if I don’t want to.

Nine years of bad sex has caused me to be so indifferent toward the act that I no longer care about grinning and bearing it. For me to have it, it MUST be good. If it’s not, I’m getting up and leaving the second I sense an ounce of selfishness.

Another rule I’m sticking to is ABSOLUTELY no sex without a minimum of 30 minutes of foreplay. If a prospective partner thinks that excessive or too much, I can respect that and will support them and myself in parting ways.

I must be kept happy and I must be kept fulfilled. The old attitudes that prioritized “keeping a man,” and “keeping a man happy,” are dead and dying. Women are realizing that we no longer have to do this.

With the amount of work and stress that I have, I’d be stupid and seeking self destruction to willingly add to my caseload a human being who takes away from my experience.

Sex and relationships are supposed to be pleasurable, but authentic and constructive. Not harmful and selfish.

With all this being said, I’m gonna rewrite my bio on Feeld. I WANT to match the openness I see on there. I really can’t lie, the guys on there actually seem like cool and safe people. My friends who’ve used the app also report similar things.

Guys who are cool and safe can make good friends. I’m getting over this relationship, I’m also getting over and trying to avoid sentiments that lean toward misandry. Men exist. Their existence is NOT inherently a bad thing. They’re a part of nature and that means that they can be existed alongside with harmoniously.

I LOVE harmonious friendships with people. Those are fulfilling. If I strike up a friendship with a dude and I sense sexual tension and IM DOWN FOR IT, then I’m so open to a beautiful friendship like that.

As for anything resembling the nearly 6 year…thing I just exited, NEVER AGAIN. “Love” doesn’t mean that someone should spiritually and emotionally die and suffer just for the wellbeing of the parasitic other. Thats not love. Fuck ALL that.

[cannicullistic]

Borderline Plural Demographic.

It's the new plural & cluster b inclusive server, with a mission goal to fight stigma, create a safe space for your people, and bring people together!

This is an initial post on the generic guidelines of our server, our mission statement (aka what we stand for) and proposing to our demographic about us.

Guidelines to the Discord Server & Tumblr Community:

Respect everyone who comes in, and out, of our server. We welcome good faith identities such as 'lesboys' or others you may be familiar with, Anti-Contact Paraphilia's, Proshippers & related. We do not welcome TransID or ill faith labels like transHarm or anti labels.

Please note that NSFW Content in general is bannable within our server, however we do not have control over what a user makes their profile picture, status, bio and such. We can only ask them to change server side stuff if they have the ability to on discord. Otherwise if its something like a spam bot, we also ban them on sight.

We are an endogenic, plural, non-traumagenic centric community that welcomes anyone outside of plurality & cluster B to join. We even allow singlets who are willing to learn!

We do not want members here who are 14 and younger, or 31 and older. Our server and community range from 15-30 for security reasons. If we find out you're not in this range, we reserve the right to remove you instantly from the community, no questions asked.

Drama is bannable. Period. If you bring up something with a user that occured over 3-4 months ago, we typically take this information with a grain of salt because we believe after 3-4 months, a person can make a good change for themselves and seek out help, actively get better and improve their behaviour. Do not witch hunt any of our users, it's not acceptable at all.

As this is a shared space between minors and adults, we kindly ask that adults and minors refrain from DMing no matter the situation. If a minor requires help from a vent for example, an adult may not offer to DM, this is a red flag to us and we will question the adult in a ticket, asking why they'd want to be in a private space with a minor where we don't know what they could be saying or planning. We do not say this to think adults cant be trusted with minors.. it's just that we cannot and will not risk anyone being put in harms way like this. Just simply don't DM people of the opposite age group, only keep to your own please.

Respect everyone's role and boundaries. For some you may need to do a bit of extra diving to see them in a users account and or bio, this isn't too hard to do, and saves people from being upset!

Please use common sense when joining our server, and have some level of emotional maturity. We stand by the idea as well that systems are held accountable for their entire system, be advised.

Stigmatizing, stereotyping, giving negative feedback of and discrediting disorders (especially Cluster B disorders) are a punishable offense and will NOT be taken lightly. Also, this is a server that is pro-recovery for all disorders and against censoring food. We also are pro-emotional permanence and allow IRL's and DA's. However, we don't condone constant feeding of delusions unless it is a comfort (or identity) situation for someone.

Lastly; Creating a safe space for Cluster B disorders can be hard on even staff who may have these or other disorders, so how can you the user help us out? By fighting stigma, stereotypes, and supporting those with these disorders by actively reaching out and providing helpful links like our server and our resources!

Our Mission statement

Our mission statement is to create a community that is stigma & stereotype free for especially Cluster B disorders, along with validating the experiences they, and plurals, have. It's the best of both worlds!

discord permalink: https://discord.gg/8PTCt9v5zj

We invite you to take us on as a new community for you to join - feel free to ask questions under posts related to the server or community, and also open tickets within the discord! Remember, you are seen, you are loved, and you are unique. <3

[catbountry]

Why is transmedicalism bad? I thought it meant one believing things like people need gender dysphoria to be trans and that hormones shouldn't be handed out like candy. It might mean something else now. I stopped paying attention to that kind of discourse but it seemed to be acknowledging that people are trans because of biological and scientific realities. That lines up with evidence.

The main problem with it is that it pathologizes transness in a way where it's framed as a mental disorder, which even when done with good intentions, it winds up being weaponized against trans people and is "proof" that they're crazy because they are trans, and not that this is a medical procedure used to alleviate mental problems caused by gender dysphoria. Another problem is that it's actually not that easy for most people to get hormones. There's not very many places where they're "handed out like candy;" it's in fact far more common that they have to jump through multiple hoops just to get HRT at all. On top of all that, the percentage of trans people that detransition because it's not right for them it something like 0.2% of trans people, and even then, there are other reasons people might have for detransitioning aside from "whoops, I realized this isn't right for me, oh well." Estrogen in particular is pretty easily reversed in the case of someone deciding to detransition. Testosterone is rougher, but most of its effects can be reversed.

I do think that there definitely is some kind of biological reason for transness, but I'm not sure if we actually know what it is. I'm pretty sure the study on "male brains" versus "female brains" isn't that reliable, but there might be something to being bombarded with cross-sex hormones in utero? But, much like homosexuality, where there might be some kind of biological and scientific explanation for why it exists... I don't think these things should have to be proven to be "real" by science for people to just respect other people's experiences, because ultimately, it comes down to this:

Is this person harming anyone by expressing their gender identity the way they want to? Does a nonbinary trans identity actually harm binary trans people? I would argue "no."

I recently came out as nonbinary. I have zero desire for HRT; it's not necessary for me because my gender is more about my feelings, my presentation, my ability to express myself safely. There are trans people who do not seek HRT or surgeries, or trans people whose gender expressions don't 100% align masculine or feminine; something that many doctors require before treatments like HRT. There are some who feel like they need it. Transmedicalism often narrows the possible range of those expressions to strictly binary transgender identities; FtM or MtF. It doesn't account for nonbinary identities, which don't fall neatly into either category. I used to not believe in the validity of nonbinary gender identities... and then my best friend came out as nonbinary. Then other people I knew started identifying as nonbinary. And I realized that my thoughts of "why are people describing really normal feelings of just not fitting neatly into a particular gender presentation as nonbinary, I do that all the time and I'm cis!" before I had a realization that people's experiences with being nonbinary pretty accurately described my own relationship to my gender. Transmedicalism doesn't really allow for these squishier identities to really exist, and is often used as a way to gatekeep transness by saying that it can only exist in this very specific context.

I think the broader point, though, is that it's not really anybody's fucking business how you express your gender. I've had to condition myself to accept "it" personal pronouns after having previously been uncomfortable with them. I'm still probably going to have trouble with neopronouns and will take to any more normie options for the sake of making communication easier if those options are available. The only real benefit I can see from transmedicalist thought is that it could make insurance coverage easier, but the flipside is that you're not allowed to buy a gun because you've been deemed mentally ill because you're trans. It's still weird for me to acknowledge that I myself now fall under the "trans umbrella" due to identifying as nonbinary, and it mostly feels off because I don't experience any gender dysphoria in regards to my body and I'm not transitioning to anything; it's just business as usual with a different label. Gender is a thing we made up that's formed by social and cultural expectations. We made it up. Biological sex is real, but the existence of intersex people makes it not that cut-and-dry as we were taught in biology class.

I would like to think that a lot of people buy into transmedicalism for reasons that might be seen as noble, such as insurance coverage or access of care, but in practice, it's very restrictive. We're already seeing the rising rates of transgender youth start to plateau, much the same way that left-handedness did once we stopped trying to convert left-handed people into righties. Transmedicalism just wants to sort people into "real" and "fake" trans, and honestly? I no longer think it's that simple. It's reductive and also it's not really that important when transphobes see both binary and nonbinary trans people as the same; perverted freaks who should be lined up against the wall and shot.

And I don't know about you, but I think the trans community has bigger issues to be concerned about than useless bickering about who's the most legitimate trans person. You know. Because of the whole lining up against the wall attitude.

[anarchotahdigism]

"It’s interesting how often people cite “CDC guidance” as their reason for unmasking. Although the CDC has absolutely participated in and cosigned the mainstream minimizing of the illness, even the CDC still acknowledges that vulnerable people are at risk from COVID infection. They simply encourage the public to let those people die.

During an interview with the BBC in the fall, Dr. Fauci famously said aloud “You’ll find the vulnerable will fall by the wayside. They’ll get infected, they’ll get hospitalized, and some will die.” Should he have characterized any other vulnerable group this way (“You’ll find Native people will fall by the wayside,” “You’ll find trans people will fall by the wayside,” “You’ll find Black people will fall by the wayside,” “You’ll find women will fall by the wayside”) there would surely have been an almighty backlash. But to say medically vulnerable people must die so the rest of us may have brunch indoors does not beget such a reaction- never mind that all the above-named groups- Native people, trans people, Black people and women- are at a higher risk for Long COVID, and other poor outcomes from COVID." ... "The move to frame the requirement of a public safety measure- no different from requiring seatbelts, helmets, pants and shoes in public- as a violation of bodily autonomy came directly from groups like the Atlas Network, which, as you might gather from its Ayn-Rand-worshipping name, opposes all public regulation. Meanwhile, we continue to violate the bodily autonomy of disabled people by making participation in public life contingent on accepting forcible, continual reinfections. Since Biden’s COVID normalization campaign, MAGA-style rhetoric about how disabled people should “stay home forever” and how they are “useless” and “weak” has absolutely infiltrated left spaces. Many disabled people, in fact, are effectively “staying home forever.” They are shielding themselves from a disease that may kill them, and certainly would likely lower their baseline health, and have been for years. Meanwhile, the pleas of these incredibly isolated people for the bare minimum of solidarity- please at least mask up indoors when not eating or drinking- are ignored because that is apparently too difficult for the mental health of abled people." ... "A last point I will address, I did see questions about how we are supposed to “force” people to mask. Disabled people, vulnerable people, and left groups generally do not have the power of the state. We are not going to be engaging in “policing,” because nobody is going to end up in jail, physically hurt, on probation, or with limited job prospects because of our community care. Simply write “masks required” on your event invites, distribute masks wherever possible (contact your local Mask Bloc!), and do your best to spread information while modeling good praxis by masking yourself. For the most part, people are following the crowd. They will do what the majority is doing, and many will be happy to mask if it is normalized instead of stigmatized.

A left that purges its spaces of everyone who values community care, everyone who is willing to experience a minor inconvenience for the well-being of another, everyone who thinks it’s all of us or none of us, is a drastically weakened left. A left that does not incorporate disability praxis is drastically limiting its own scope and ability to be effectual. A left that mocks vulnerable groups and seeks to justify harm to them is not grounded in real justice and has only a superficial understanding of its own aims. Join us in masking, keep your comrades safe, and relish the beauty of avoiding illness while knowing you did your part to protect others. It’s a good feeling at the end of the day, I promise you that."

[wishcamper]

No question just reminding you that your writing makes a difference and I love both your analysis series and your fic! If it's something you're interested in exploring, I would love to hear your thoughts on how pop psychology and over reliance on short form content lead to community issues. For years there's been a trend of people with surface level knowledge using out of context buzzwords to police and shame people who dare have symptoms they're not 100% in control of.

Wow, such a kind thing to say! I often feel like I’m bashing my head against my own fist so I’m glad to know something worthwhile is coming out of it lol

An interesting question, and I would first ask: do we know that this is happening? The general mental health-ification of the internet has been happening for a few years now, and it’s sort of hard to know the effects given it’s still an evolving situation. But I’ll speak to some things I’ve seen personally that might be relevant.

The first is that people, and particularly young people, are more mental health literate than they have ever been. This is largely good! AND - TikTok and other social media has become kind of like WebMD for mental health disorders and relational dysfunction. Because of this, a lot of people fall down the self-diagnosis rabbit hole in the same way. And sometimes that’s helpful when it motivates people to seek treatment, but can be harmful because of the vast amount of misinformation on the internet. And treatment is still very inaccessible due to cost and availability, leaving people to go it alone with unvetted resources. So we have a climate where people are aware of mental health issues, there’s lot of misinformation, and credible help is hard to get. This is a breeding ground for pop psychology and therapy influencers to take root.

So to your questions: I do see a lot of folks using (and misusing) clinical terms in irl situations. Its part of the reason I hate that mental healthcare is so embedded in the medical systems because everything gets shoehorned into diagnostic labels when it’s not necessary. Some top culprits include boundaries, gaslighting, triggers, as well as diagnoses like BPD, NPD, DID, etc.

Ex: gaslighting is often thrown around when people disagree. Someone remembering something different than you is not abuse - the more likely reality is that human memory is complex and bad. Gaslighting is a deliberate tactic used to make you question your memory/sanity. It requires intent to deceive.

Ex: Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a medical diagnosis that requires a person to experience distress and loss of functioning from the consequences of their compulsively self centered behavior. Sometimes people are just being assholes. A person treating you badly doesn’t require a diagnosis. But labels can make people feel more oriented and in control, because YOURE the bad/wrong/sick one and therefore I don’t have to look at myself.

I think this has two effects:

1. An overly cognitive view and experience of human behavior that pathologizes normal, messy multi-faceted reactions and interactions in an effort to find a sense of security and predictability via control.

2. A lower tolerance for productive conflict and adverse experiences that robs people of opportunities to build resilience and experience meaning from the suffering that visits us all at some point or other.

In fandom spaces, I think this shows up as an unwillingness to question why we react to things the way we do, why certain things make us uncomfortable instead of immediately rejecting them wholesale. There’s valuable information in the things that chafe us, and so much of the work I do with folks is about being brave and actively seeking that information in a safe, contained space. It’s a vulnerable thing, and it’s natural for our defensive responses to get activated (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). and my totally unfounded theory is that the folks who are being vicious and keyboard warriory are defaulting to a fight response: be scary to make the thing stop. It’s a self-protection strategy at its core, but it fandom spaces it translates as bullying because well.. it is. They’re trying to defend a space, even an online one, by trying to be scary enough not to fight with.

Art is inherently self-reflective, both in the making of and the interacting with, where consumption is about satisfaction. My hope is that in fandom we can move toward creation as a conversation instead of as a product that does or does not fulfill what someone is looking for. I think there will always be demand for super tropey, digestible, just for fun content and that’s great, but I also would love to see more folks be willing to engage with things that make them uncomfortable in an effort to find out why. That’s the kind of fandom I’m interested in being a part of. For some people it’s never going to be that deep, but I’d like to think in my little corner that’s the kind of stuff we get excited about.

[librarycards]

not sure if this is something you can help with but ive been looking into doing a masters course in some sort of field where i can engage with antipsychiatry and harm reduction but im not really sure what to go for. is something like social work good for that or should i look for something more specific?

while there exist abolitionist social workers, therapists, etc., let me state on no uncertain terms: if you want to spend your energy on on-the-ground harm reduction, going into social work is not the way to do it. this is the direct equivalent to being an abolitionist cop. you are not going to make the material change you want to/aspire to make within the field, and it is probable that you will either 1) be recruited into a network of abuse and exploitation or 2) leave or be forced out of the field upon refusal to participate in said abuse/exploitation.

again, there are abolitionist psych professionals of all stripes in existence. i know many of them. none of them encourage other abolitionists to go into psych, for these precise reasons. specifically, many of these programs require a rotation/internship/some kind of participation in a literal psychiatric carceral setting before one can "graduate" to the possibility of operating, say, a private practice or doing other independent community work. the gate through which you need to pass is one of abusing patience alongside your superiors. in programs with this requirement, there is no existing way to achieve the level of education you want to complete without becoming a perpetrator of life-altering abuse.

more thoughts below the cut

In terms of where/in what to get your Masters, you have a few options. You could seek out others with social work degrees/degrees in progress, and ask where they're attending school and whether there is an existing network of anticarceral/antipsych providers there. Smith College School of Social Work comes to mind as one that has produced some really rad people, including the therapist who used her position of privilege to write letters for all of her trans clients to get whatever medical interventions we wanted, regardless of identity or presentation. she saved many lives, mine included.

There are also public health programs, which generally fall into the same traps as social work, but i think are less likely to require this kind of immediate abusive work in order to graduate.

If you feel you can't tolerate social work school, etc., you could also go into a disability studies program –– York and Reyerson, both in Canada, consistently produce some of the most exciting DS/Mad Studies scholars/scholarship happening now.

You could also look to programs in locations with strong networks of antipsych/disability justice organizing. Where do your online comrades live, where do the people you admire live? Where is safe for you to travel to in the bodymind you have? the educational spaces in this area might have variously named interdisciplinary, humanities/social sciences oriented programs in which you can pursue the project you want to pursue. again, the best way to figure this out is to talk to people who are in/have been in a given program, and consider it in the context of your personal needs and goals.

lastly, and you know this, but: being in academia does not mean you are escaping from responsibility in the oppression of Madpeople. colleges and universities are institutions, and function to silo knowledge behind physical and financial walls. if you're serious about doing antipsych/harm reduction work, be sure you're thinking carefully about what any program will and won't allow you to do with the knowledge you gather there, and think honestly & strategically about what you are willing to do and tolerate for the time that you engage with institutional academia, wherever that might be.

[dailyanarchistposts]

Chapter 5. Crime

What about rape, domestic violence, and other forms of harm?

Many actions that are considered crimes by our government are completely harmless; some crimes, such as stealing from the wealthy or sabotaging instruments of warfare, can actually decrease harm. Still, a number of transgressions that are now considered crimes do constitute real social harm. Of these, murder is highly sensationalized but rare compared to other more common problems.

Sexual and domestic violence are rampant in our society, and even in the absence of government and capitalism these forms of violence will continue unless they are specifically addressed. Currently, many forms of sexual and domestic violence are commonly tolerated; some are even subtly encouraged by Hollywood, churches, and other mainstream institutions. Hollywood often sexualizes rape and, along with other corporate media and most major religions, glorifies female passivity and servility. In the discourse these institutions influence, the severe problem of spousal rape is ignored, and as a result many people even believe that a husband cannot rape a wife because they are joined in a contractual sexual union. News media and Hollywood movies regularly portray rape as an act committed by a stranger — especially a poor, non-white stranger. In this version, a woman’s only hope is to be protected by the police or a boyfriend. But in fact, the vast majority of rapes are committed by boyfriends, friends, and family members, in situations that fall in the gray area between the mainstream definitions of consent and force. More frequently, Hollywood ignores the problems of rape, abuse, and domestic violence altogether, while perpetuating the myth of love at first sight. In this myth, the man wins over the woman and the two fulfill all of each other’s emotional and sexual needs, making a perfect match without having to talk about consent, work on communication, or navigate emotional and sexual boundaries.

Police and other institutions purporting to protect women from rape counsel women not to resist for fear of aggravating their attacker, when all evidence and common sense suggest that resistance is often one’s best chance. The state rarely offers self-defense classes to women, while frequently prosecuting women who kill or injure attackers in self-defense. People who go to the state to report sexual or physical assault face added humiliations. Courts question the honesty and moral integrity of women who bravely go public after being sexually assaulted; judges award custody of children to abusive fathers; police ignore domestic violence calls, even standing by as husbands beat wives. Some local regulations require the police to arrest someone, or even both involved parties, in a domestic violence call; often a woman who calls for help is herself sent to jail. Transgender people are betrayed even more regularly by the legal system, which refuses to respect their identities and often forces them into prison cells with people of different genders. Working class and homeless transgender people are systematically raped by agents of the legal system.

A great deal of abuse not directly caused by the authorities is a result of people taking out their anger on those below them in the social hierarchy. Children, who tend to be at the bottom of the pyramid, ultimately receive a great deal of this abuse. The authorities who are supposed to keep them safe — parents, relatives, priests, teachers — are the most likely to abuse them. Seeking help may only make things worse, because at no point does the legal system allow them to regain control over their lives, even though it is this control that survivors of abuse most need. Instead, each case is decided by social workers and judges with little knowledge of the situation and hundreds of other cases to arbitrate.

The current paradigm of punishing offenders and ignoring the needs of victims has proven a total failure, and increased enforcement of laws would not change this. People who abuse were often abused themselves; sending them to prison does not make them any less likely to act abusively. People who survive abuse may benefit from having a safe space, but sending their abusers to prison removes the chance of reconciliation, and if they depend economically on their abusers, as is often the case, they may choose not to report the crime for fear of ending up homeless, poor, or in foster care.

Under the state, we address sexual and domestic violence as crimes — violations of the victims’ state-mandated rights, unacceptable because they defy the commandments of the state. In contrast, many stateless societies have used a needs-based paradigm. This paradigm frames these forms of violence as social harm, thus focusing on the needs of the survivor to heal and the need of the offender to become a healthy person who can relate with the broader community. Because these acts of social harm do not happen in isolation, this paradigm draws in the entire community and seeks to restore a broad social peace, while respecting the autonomy and self-defined needs of each individual.

The Navajo method of “peacemaking” has survived for centuries, despite the violence of colonialism. They are currently reviving this method to deal with social harm and decrease their dependence on the US government; and people studying restorative justice are looking to the Navajo example for guidance. In the Navajo practice of restorative justice, a person respected by all parties as fair and impartial acts as a peacemaker. A person might seek out a peacemaker if she is seeking help with a problem on her own volition, if her community or family is concerned about her behavior, if she has hurt someone or been hurt by someone, or if she is in a dispute with another person that the two need help solving. Contrast this with the statist system of punitive justice, in which people only receive attention — and always negative attention — when they commit a statutory offense. The harm itself and the reasons they are causing it are irrelevant to the judicial process.

The purpose of the Navajo process is to meet the needs of those who come to the peacemaker and to find the root of the problem. “When members of the Navajo community try to explain why people do harm to themselves or others, they say that those responsible for a harm behave that way because they have become disconnected from the world around them, from the people they live and work with. They say that that person ‘acts as if he has no relatives.’” The peacemakers solve this by “talking things out” and helping the person who harmed to reconnect with his community and regain the support and groundedness he needs to act in a healthy way. Additionally they provide support for the person who was harmed, looking for ways to help that person feel safe and whole again.

To this end, the peacemaking process involves the family and friends of those involved. People present their stories, their perspectives on the problem, and their feelings. The ultimate goal is to find a practical solution that restores people’s relationships. To aid this, the peacemaker delivers a homily that often draws on Navajo creation stories to show how traditional figures have dealt with the same problems in the past. In cases where there is clearly someone who acted wrongly and harmed another person, at the end of the process the offender often pays an agreed amount of restitution, or nalyeeh. However, nalyeeh is not a form of punishment in the spirit of “an eye for an eye,” but rather a way to “make things right for the person who has suffered a loss.” 104 of the 110 chapters, or semi-autonomous communities, of the Navajo Nation currently have designated peacemakers, and in many instances in the past respected family members have been called on to settle disputes in an unofficial capacity.[81]

Critical Resistance is an anti-authoritarian organization in the US formed by ex-prisoners and family members of prisoners with the purpose of abolishing the prison system and its causes. As of this writing, the group is working on setting up “harm free zones.” The purpose of a harm free zone is to provide “tools and trainings to local communities to strengthen and develop their ability to resolve conflicts without the need for the police, court system, or prison industry. The harm free zone practices an abolitionist approach to developing communities, which means building models today that can represent how we want to live now and in the future.”[82] By building stronger relationships among neighbors and intentionally creating common resources, people in a neighborhood can keep out drug dealers, provide support for those suffering from addiction, intervene in abusive family situations, set up childcare and alternatives to joining gangs, and increase face to face communication.

Other anti-authoritarian groups, some inspired by this model, have begun the hard work of setting up harm free zones in their own cities. Of course, even if there were no violent crime at all, a racist, capitalist government would still find excuses to lock people up: creating internal enemies and punishing rebels have always been functions of the government, and nowadays so many private companies are invested in the prison system that it has become a growth-based industry. But when people are no longer dependent on police and prisons, when communities are no longer crippled by self-inflicted social harm, it is much easier to organize resistance.

Throughout the United States and other countries, feminists have organized an event called “Take Back the Night” to address violence against women. Once a year, a large group of women and their supporters march through their neighborhood or campus at night — a time many women associate with increased risk of sexual assault — to reclaim their environment and make the issue visible. These events usually include education about the prevalence and causes of violence against women. Some Take Back the Night groups also address our society’s rampant violence against transgender people. The first Take Back the Night march took place in Belgium in 1976, organized by women attending the International Tribunal on Crimes against Women. The event takes much from the tradition of Walpurgisnacht protests in Germany. Known as Witches’ Night, April 30, the night before May Day, is a traditional night for pranks, rioting, and pagan and feminist resistance. In 1977, German feminists involved with the autonomous movement marched on Walpurgisnacht under the banner “Women take back the night!” The first Take Back the Night in the US occurred November 4, 1977, in San Francisco’s red light district.

Such an action is an important first step to creating a collective force capable of changing society. Under patriarchy, every family is isolated, and though many people suffer the same problems, they do so alone. Gathering together to talk about a problem that has been unspeakable, to reclaim a public space that has been denied to you — the nighttime streets — is a living metaphor for the anarchist society, in which people come together to overcome any authority figure, any oppressor.

Sexual violence affects everyone in a patriarchal society. It occurs in radical communities that are opposed to sexism and sexual violence. Unless they sincerely focus on unlearning patriarchal conditioning, self-professed radicals often respond to rape, harassment, and other forms of abuse and sexual violence with the same behavior that is all too common in the rest of society: ignoring them, justifying them, refusing to take a stand, not believing or even blaming the survivor. In order to combat this, feminists and anarchists in Philadelphia formed two groups. The first, Philly’s Pissed, works to support survivors of sexual violence:

All of Philly’s Pissed’s work is done confidentially unless the survivor requests otherwise. We are not certified “experts,” but a group of people whose lives have been repeatedly affected by sexual assault and are doing our best to make a safer world. We respect our own and others’ knowledge to figure out what feels safest for each person. Philly’s Pissed supports survivors of sexual assault by meeting their immediate needs as well as helping them to articulate and facilitate what they need to make them feel safe and in control of their lives again.[83]

If a survivor has demands to make of his or her assaulter — e.g., that he or she receive counseling, publicly apologize, or never come near the survivor again — the support group delivers them. If the survivor wishes, the group may publicize the identity of the assaulter to warn other people or prevent that person from hiding his actions.

The second group, Philly Stands Up, works with people who have committed sexual assault to support them through the process of taking responsibility for their actions, learning from them and changing their behaviors, and restoring healthy relationships with their community. The two groups also hold workshops in other cities to share their experiences responding to sexual assault.

[onsiteairconditioning]

How to Find Expert Service for Air Conditioning Units in Newcastle?

When you have an air conditioner, proper care is paramount for optimal performance. Like any electrical appliance, regular maintenance and cleaning prevents unnecessary breakdowns. However, new installations or replacements require specialist assistance.  Finding a reliable service for air conditioning  in Newcastle becomes imperative. When you get professionals to help you, you find a host of tips, expert care and reliable installation services.

Benefits of Using Expert Care for Air Conditioning Units in Newcastle

You may feel that your regular handyman can probably look at your air conditioner and help you with that, but that can lead to technical complications in the future. Here is why you should only hire professionals to look at your AC:

Seeking professional HVAC support provides hard-earned peace of mind. Skilled technicians meticulously handle all tasks with due care and attention.

 Some companies even offer protective warranties, shielding clients from potential repair costs resulting from accidents or unforeseen issues. Opting for quality HVAC contractors safely secures comfort through prompt servicing and expert installation suited to any premises.

As they are trained, they make sure that the units are installed and serviced properly. They check all of the parts, repair the parts that may be damaged, and replace what needs to be replaced, without harming your unit.

Lastly, it is safe. ACs are electrical appliances, and without proper knowledge, you could end up hurting yourself. Hiring professionals fixes that problem.

How to Find the Right Service for Air Conditioning Units in Newcastle?

Looking for a reliable residential aircon installation service in Newcastle, then here are a few things to keep in mind:

1.    Research and Getting in Touch

The first step in the process will always be the research process. A quick online search will help you to find the service providers around you. Whether you’re looking for professionals to service your unit or to install it, the organisations that are near you should be preferred. Once you have a few names, you can give them a call, and see if they would be a good fit for you.

When you look for a service provider, here are a few qualities to look for in the service provider:

Prefer a company that offers you an informative sales process. A reliable team of experts will give you a transparent costing structure, ask what you need help with and give you solutions.

They will offer you professional documentation. From purchase bills for parts you may need an invoice and quotation, they will have everything organised.

Last but not least, prefer a team with open and warm communication.

2.    Choose Experience

Always choose experienced professionals, because they will give you a sure-shot repair or installation service. You can usually tell if the service provider is experienced or not by checking the company website. If the website does not have information about your experience, talking to a representative from the company can solve that problem for you easily.

3.    Other Considerations

When you’re choosing a service provider, it goes without saying that the most economical option should be prioritised. But that’s not it, there are a few more things to consider, apart from the costs.

Do not choose service providers who are not clear about their charge sheet and costs.

If you see negative reviews, which are more than positive ones, do not go with them. It is only natural for some people to be dissatisfied with services from different organisations, but if most of them are bad, skip that one.

Questions to Ask Before Hiring an Organisation Service For Air Conditioning Units in Newcastle

●      Do your services come with a guarantee?

Good companies usually offer guarantees. Ask your chosen organisation if they do, and if they do, keep it in writing. Keep in mind, that some organisations offer guarantees, but it does not mean every good organisation will offer you that.

●      What is your availability?

When you’re looking to hire a company, ensure that you ask about their timings and their availability. Knowing when they are available to service or repair your AC is important because you may need services urgently. A clear understanding of the chosen organisation’s working hours helps you rely on them in times of need.

OnsiteAir: Expert Service For Air Conditioning Units in Newcastle

When you choose Onsite Air, you find reliable and trustworthy services. The organisation is run by owner Luke Hargy, who has 15+ years of experience. With that, Hargy has created a team of driven and knowledgeable experts who know exactly how to service, repair or install your HVAC units.

Hiring OnsiteAir helps you find services offered by locals, budget-friendly quality and on-time services. Booking a service call with Onsiteair, be it for commercial or residential aircon installation in Newcastle. To hire the OnsiteAir team for your business or home, give them a call at 0240617050 to get a free quote and more information.

[tarzantips]

Sweat it out or Risk it out? Exploring the Safety of Ozone Sauna Suits

The wellness sector has seen a rise in alternative treatments in recent years, with ozone sauna suits becoming increasingly popular due to their suggested advantages.

These suits make the claim that by adding ozone therapy, they can improve the traditional sauna experience. But there are plenty of doubts about the effectiveness and safety of these suits.

Let's explore the world of ozone sauna suits, looking at their possible benefits as well as the necessity for caution.

Safety of Ozone Sauna Suits

What is Ozone Therapy?

Using ozone, a molecule made up of three oxygen atoms, for health and wellness reasons is known as ozone therapy.

Benefits like better circulation, more oxygen-reaching tissues, and detoxification have been highlighted by supporters. It is necessary to remember that there is currently little scientific evidence to back up such claims.

The Mechanics of Ozone Sauna Suits

Ozone gas is released either directly onto the user's body or into the sauna chamber for ozone sauna suits to function.

The idea is to combine the potential benefits of ozone therapy with the heat-induced health benefits of traditional saunas.

Ozone Sauna Suit Benefits

Ozone sauna suit those in favor maintain that their products may speed up the detoxification process, increase metabolism, and improve general health.

Even though, some users report having a good experience, one needs to view these claims critically.

Safety Concerns

Overexposure to ozone can be harmful to one's respiratory system. Users need to use caution because opinions within the medical community regarding the safety of ozone therapy are divided.

It is highly recommended that you speak with your doctor before beginning this alternative therapy.

Scientific Evidence

There is still research being done on sauna suits and ozone therapy.

To be able to verify the stated benefits and evaluate any hazards, more research is required as the available data is unreliable.

Read: Foot Massage Benefits - Discover the Healing Power of Foot Massage

Individual Considerations

Anyone who is ill or has respiratory issues ought to be cautious when thinking about using ozone sauna suits.

Those who are expecting or who already have health issues need to speak with a doctor before attempting any alternative treatments.

What do you wear in an ozone sauna?

People usually wear customized sauna suits made specifically for ozone saunas. The materials used to make these suits are frequently resistant to the heat and humidity of the sauna.

To get the most out of ozone therapy, ozone sauna suits are made to cover the entire body, including the arms and legs.

To promote comfortable movement and effective sweating during the sauna session, the suits are typically loose-fitting.

For a safe and satisfying experience, make sure you follow any special instructions given by the ozone sauna suit manufacturer or the sauna facility.

Furthermore, some people might decide to wear swimwear or light clothing; however, those looking to benefit from ozone therapy in a sauna setting are advised to use specialized sauna suits.

Can I shower after ozone sauna?

It is generally advised to wait a specific amount of time before taking a shower following an ozone sauna session.

Depending on the kind of ozone sauna and the instructions given by the company or manufacturer, the particular advice may change.

After an ozone sauna session, most people like to take a moment to relax or cool down so that the body can gradually regain its normal temperature.

Showering right away may block this cooling-down process and possibly reduce the sauna's therapeutic effects.

It is necessary to pay attention to any particular guidelines furnished by the sauna growth or the ozone sauna equipment manufacturer.

While some facilities might advise waiting 15 to 30 minutes before taking a shower, others might advise waiting longer.

When in doubt, seek advice from the sauna facility's staff or consult the instructions that come with the sauna equipment.

more >>>

[raimi]

the thing is i do believe people with paraphilias should be able to have community and support. having one (even a really fucked up one) doesn't inherently make you a predator. but also so much of the time when something like that pops up it gets quickly coopted by people who are predators.

paraphilias are often traumagenic. people who have harmful ones like pedophilia often deal with a lot of shame that makes it difficult to seek help, not to mention the threat of their loved ones disowning them if they ever find out. people living with them deserve to be able to get the help they need, and to be able to accept that they have a mental illness and not hate themselves for it.

but every single time this conversation comes up, predators come out of the woodwork to use it as cover and carefully widen the boundaries of what's acceptable as they take it over. i wouldn't be surprised if (NO)MAP stuff was originally people who were in fact as non-offending as they said they were and just looking for support, but everyone on this site knows what it means now. the radqueer community (which we are not discussing the general problems with right now) started out with "we don't judge people for paraphilias" and is now the latest predator stomping ground.

i don't know what we do about this. i don't know how we can make a safe place for people who are struggling with disordered attraction they never wanted without leaving space for predators to turn it into their next haven. it probably requires a more tightly controlled space than a social media site like tumblr could ever provide, like a strictly moderated and possibly invite-only forum.

but i think this is a conversation we need to have. because otherwise the only places for people struggling with harmful paraphilias to go are ones run by predators who encourage other people to become predators. and we need to figure out a way to stop that from happening.

[dj1981]

I spent some time writing this article about Sacrificial Unconditional Love and having empathy for others at the expense of our own comfort and well being. If we all took the time to make sacrifices for others, with each one of those sacrifices we would start to fill those voids of one another and instead of being sacrifices it would turn into sharing with one other until each and everyone of us has our needs met. Here is my article, Enjoy:

Title: The Transformative Power of Sacrificial Love: Empathy in Action

Introduction:

In a world where we often prioritize our own comfort and needs, it's easy to overlook the suffering and unmet needs of others. We tend to stay within our comfort zones because we don't like being uncomfortable or depriving ourselves of our own needs. However, it's important to pause and consider those who are feeling hungry, deprived, unloved and rejected. What if we were willing to sacrifice some of our own needs, comfort, and time to show them love and acceptance? While it's natural to focus on ourselves, we can make a big difference in the lives of others by stepping outside our comfort zones and extending a helping hand.

The Comfort Zone Conundrum:

Most of us prefer to stay within our comfort zones because it's where we feel safe and secure. We don't like being uncomfortable or sacrificing our own needs. However, in doing so, we can become blind to the suffering and unmet needs of those around us. It's important to recognize that there are people who are deprived of basic necessities and yearning for love and acceptance. By considering their plight, we can begin to understand the power we hold to alleviate their suffering.

A Paradigm Shift:

Imagine a world where we dare to challenge our natural inclination to prioritize ourselves. Instead of solely looking out for our own needs and comfort, we shift our focus to those who are less fortunate. By doing so, we can extend love and acceptance to those who feel unloved and rejected. It may require us to sacrifice our own comfort and even risk damaging our relationships with our friends. However, if our friends truly care about us, they will listen to what we have to say and if it is a situation where someone is feeling rejected welcoming the person who is feeling rejected into our circle of friends could be sacrificial in itself because it could alienate us from our own friends, but, like I just said, if they our are friends they won't dismiss us so quickly and if they do dismiss us I would ask do they really respect our friendship anyway?. It's a different form of sacrificial love, where we're willing to risk our own relationships to help a hurting person feel welcome and accepted instead of experiencing the pain of rejection.

The Power of Small Sacrifices:

Sacrificial love doesn't always demand grand gestures or vast resources. Sometimes, it can be as simple as sharing a meal with someone in need while we go hungry for a moment. It might involve offering friendship and understanding to someone who has harmed us instead of seeking revenge. By embracing the discomfort and inconvenience that accompanies these acts, we can create opportunities for healing, understanding, and profound human connection.

Unleashing the Ripple Effect:

When we choose to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others, we set in motion a ripple effect of love and acceptance. Our willingness to step out of our comfort zones inspires others to do the same. By leading with empathy and sacrificial love, we can create a powerful domino effect where acts of kindness and selflessness become contagious. Together, we can transform our communities and, ultimately, the world.

Conclusion:

Sacrificial unconditional love has the potential to bring about profound change in the lives of others. By willingly sacrificing our own needs, comfort, and time, we can show love and acceptance to those who need it most. Whether it's offering a helping hand, sharing our resources, or standing up for the rejected, our acts of sacrificial love can make a significant impact on individuals and communities. Let us embrace the transformative power of sacrificial love and become catalysts for positive change, one act of empathy at a time.

[kthynes]

the caller you have reached (chris evans x reader)

pairing: chris evans x fem!reader

summary: chris was trying to drunkenly call the woman he loved and wanted to get back with but instead he reaches you, a shrink.

warning: swearing (sailor level), brief mentions of mental health

**IMPORTANT disclaimer: I won't be dabbling into the hard hitting topics of mental health in this short only because I'm not a certified health professional and so I can't be providing a written, unbiased, often characterized diagnosis towards any sort of mental health disorder because really, those types of sensitivities need proper care and output. With that being said, I do want to emphasize the notions of seeking help and not being afraid to seek help when needed. It's hard, but we all fight a battle and no battle is big or small or better or worse.

If my followers or readers do feel the need to privately chat with me, I'm here and I can you lend you an ear. Otherwise let's be kind and uplift another while we can. No harm in doing good and being better, that's for sure!

-end rant-

This short is dedicated to the following lovelies:

@princess-evans-addict

@mrs-djokovic

@slut-for-chris-evans

@saltyflowermakertaco

@bitchyslut99

@patzammit

@itskikiyooo

@maximeevansblog

Being a working adult is dreadful but the work you do is the most fulfilling kind of anarchy. You are a therapist, you work to heal and you work together with people who willingly reach out to you and your facility of care. There is that balance, the altering nuances in between that allows you to do what you do best. You advocate for good prosperity of mental health and accolade of teachable moments that fosters a safe space for your clients, not patients, but the people who deserve to be heard and not be medically categorized.

Your salubrious passion keeps you grounded. In your lifetime, you've seen the imperial impacts of poor mental health and it has been a detrimental drive in how you retreat and give back to a small found community.

"Okay." You exhale to yourself while leafing through another client chart. You're working off the clock, stuck in the renaissance of your homey office space while the outside world turns pitch black.

In the appropriate fields you jot down important takeaways from your last sit in session with heavy concertation and reasoning, you try to congregate a treatment plan all before you cellphone cries for you in venturous fashion.

"Hello?" You answer without checking the caller ID, tucking the device between your ear and shoulder so that way you could work and talk.

"Jenny!" The man boisterously shouts. "Jenny baby please talk to me! Let me make it up to you, let's just do this right, please. I'm fucked up here."

"I'm sorry but you have the wrong number." You infringe sounding like the posh, automated answering machine lady.

"Oh what the fuck Jenny — oh cah'mon don't do that, don't be like that baby." You re-verify a local number and it doesn't belong to anyone you know of. So you wonder who this man is but choose not to press further instead you tell him what is right from the knowing wrong.

"I'm not Jenny."

"Seriously?" He yells, forcing you to hold the phone away from your ear. "That can't be... This is—" He recites the number that is similar to yours but the last two digits are off.

"You got 42, not 53." It's an easy mistake to recall, a swipe of a drunken thumb could've mixed that up, so this time around, you're forgiving. Not that it happens often.

"Oh no. That's—" The mystery man trails, something about his voice discerns you, it's familiar but in a hindbrain way that you can't put a finger on. "Fuuuuuuuck."

"Wait hold on, hold up, is this Jenny's assistant, Nina?" You exhale sharply sometimes it takes more than one try and a side of convincing to get your point across and your passiveness was certainly to blame.

"No I'm not her assistant either."

"Then who the hell are you?" He exasperates. You make the snide mistake of telling him your name and he buffers for a bit.

"Oh. So you really aren't anyone of my concern then?"

"No." You mildly retort. "I wouldn't want to be anyways."

"Okay well I'm not sorry then because I'm here trying to reach my girlfriend and I can't get to her because I have you on the line being a smartass." With that accent of his you can tell he's a patriotic Bostonian. One of your own kind and that furloughs your need to engage in this mindless drivel, it wouldn't get you or him anywhere. At least that's what you tell yourself before shutting him down.

"Well then maybe you should learn to listen first, how about that?" You snap, dropping your pen before you note down angry nonsense into your actual work.

"Hey nowwww!" He yells as if he's trying to be Hank Kinsley.

"It's clear that you're drunk."

He brushes you off on the other end, enigmatic in what he wants you to know. "This is Chris Evans, you're talking to Chris-motherfucking-Evans, you hear?"

"I do now." You say tersely.

"Good." He huffs. "Good... Cause you know I'm in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and this is what I get. This is what I seemingly deserve, god you women I swear..."

Your face changes. You don't agree to be a lending ear but somehow Chris forces you to hear him out.

"I told her Y/N. I TOLD her that I wasn't ready to take the next step but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with her. And now she throws it back in my face by getting with some other guy she once dated back in high school. And somehow, I'm supposed to be ok with it and move on, as she tells me. How the hell am I supposed to do that, huh?"

"I, um, I don't know what to tell you." You sigh somberly.

"Of course you don't!" His Boston twang begins to nerve you as there some remitting frequency of it. Hearing him obnoxiously go off, reminds you of all your shrewd New England exes who were his exact counterpart when soused. A ludicrous memory that you relive again with time and perfect harmony.

"Listen lady all I'm saying is that I fucked up. I know I did alright? I mean it doesn't take much denominational math and the plot of Lost in Translation to get that. I get it!"

Jesus. You whisper the lords name in vain as you lean your forehead against the palm of your hand while your elbow rested on top of the desk.

"So, let me get this straight, you think yelling at a random woman will help get further?" You question a little acutely for his liking.

"I don't know but it sure as hell takes off the heat, sweetheart." Something about a man calling you sweetheart grinds your gears and now your molars.

"Okay, alright, let's talk." You begin, sitting up a bit and tearing out a blank page from your memo pad; you were doing a late night consultation, a small hash out.

"Schuwaaaaa." Chris enunciates the word sure and to much of his mayhem, he’s sprawled out on the curbside, somewhere in the nowhere land of L.A. He contented but also upset and you were simply crashing his little pity party.

"What is it that you want from Jenny?" You professionally prod. "How about we start there."

"Wooooah, what is that we're doing here?” Chris gets mildly defensive with you. “I dunno you like that. If we're gonna talk then you'll have to get through my publicist first because right now I plead the fifth.”

You exhale a deep and fulsome breath. No one troubles you like him. It's sanctimoniously unnerving.

"I'm a shrink, my job isn’t meant to incriminate my clients well-being, or anyone else’s for that matter.” You address calmly. “So, if you do require some solicited advice then we can keep this call under strict confidence. You have my word, Mr. Evans and the paperwork that will follow shortly after this call.”

Silence. There is some shocking silence which is brief before you're catapulted with disbelief and more cackles. "Holy mother fucking shit. You're kidding me?"

"I can run you by my credentials if you’d like?” You mention stiffly.

"God I’ve reached a cuckoo hotline!" Wrong. That's a horrible thing to say and you'd think a man like him would've been more sensitive about his choice of words, inebriated or not.

"Far from it."

"Tell me something, alright? How many grown, adult men come crying to you?" Chris is edging with curiosity even though his eyes are betrayingly reddened after crying into a bottle of Dewars 18. He doesn't make that known to you and you never cared to ask.

"Enough to know that they cry." You simply state.

"Huh. So this is just another Tuesday for you then.” Chris scoff, the bottle making it to his lips and then swishing back down again.

"Comes with the territory except I don't tolerate drunkenness." You motely add. "Can you keep the bottle aside for the time being? Just until we're done here."

"That's understandable and oh yeah sure, sure, I won't touch it." You can hear the glass bottle 'clink' when coming into contact with the pavement.

"Now tell me about Jenny." You softly inquire.

"What do you wanna know? How we fuck or how we met?" Chris giggles like a naughty school yard boy.

"How did you two meet?" You slam the words urgently, nearly spelling out the cause.

"Oh! Oh. We met on the job." Chris chuckles punitively.

"Okay and did you guys connect instantly or was there a slow build up?" You involuntarily took notes for any PR rep of his that wanted solid evidence that would preside this call, cover your bases and your poor ass along with it.

"Instantly. Our chemistry read was off the charts." He explains with a slight hiccup. "Sorry."

"Great. So it was more so a work relationship that later grew into something more correct?"

"Pretty much."

"So when did you start developing feelings for her?"

"Um I'd say..." Chris tucks his chin, burps and then excuses himself before continuing. "Just before we wrapped up filming. But then I think somewhere in between all that I realized that she was my kind of girl, my... better half."

"And what made you come to that realization?"

"Well for one she has this infectious laugh that would have you laughing with her, there's that sound of beauty and pureness to it. And then with that, there were all the little things she'd do for me that made me think, like damn she's the one, she's it for me and that for better or for worse, I'd need her more than she'd ever need me."

Chris gets sad and you feel for him. Your pen stops moving when you were about to prescribe him some mind memory exercises. He was human. Humans hurt. Humans make mistakes. Humans stray but they also love. That's all Chris did. He loved with all of his heart to not expect the same love in return.

"You know Chris, we don't always get the love we deserve and sometimes its sucks. Sometimes you wanna kick it back with a bottle of Dewars 18 and shake your fists in the air." Chris quietly perks up at your choice of alcohol that you didn't know he was forcefully downing. He fashions a small half smile that you don't see but hear faintly. "But there's also a time and a place and things happen, people come apart, people get together, people do people and there's that fine line of letting life run its uneven course."

"I mean you sometimes have to not be okay to be okay again and I know that from my many years of helpful healing. It gets okay, never fully better and I think that's just how it is. You acknowledge your pain, your trauma and then you go on while being mindful of that transition."

"Wow."

"Hey, um, look, I actually have to get going. But if you can, just down the rest of that bottle and get yourself home."

"Are you sure?" Chris gawks.

"I mean you were already halfway through and it's not like I can physically stop you, right? And besides this is what I'm prescribing to you. I want you to acknowledge your pain, drink away your sorrows and then smash that bottle so you can be relieved from that trauma and hurt. After that you need to fix up and start new, have a mature conversation with her, if you can and then have your feet hitting the ground again. Don't fall into the routine of heartbreak even if it becomes too hard, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"Good." You sniff and start to put things away. "I know you're a good guy Chris, from how you are on TV and in interviews, I'm amazed by how articulate you are. You have the right mindset so I have no doubts that you'll fall back in any way. But if you do, please don't hesitate to reach out, I might have to hand you off to another cohort but nonetheless it can be worked out even if it does feel like you might be sparring on your own. You'll get the help you need."

"Great, thanks." Chris responds in his conscious state of thought. He feels pathetic with himself and that doesn't have you galling over the fact, instead you let him be.

"Do you need me to order you an Uber? Cab? Call a friend for ya?" You laugh easily and Chris hears it clearly, smiling in return.

"An Uber would be nice. I'll try to share you my location."

"Sure, on me and that'd be great."

"Thanks."

"No problem... And your ride should be here in two minutes, just look out for Raul in black Elantra." You inform him after checking your phone.

"Nice."

"You have a goodnight now Chris."

"You too." The line cuts and you're given a piece of your life back. You gather your belongings, flip off the light switch and make your way home. There's some truth and some brokenness in every situation. You knew Chris was going to be OK even if he didn't consult you afterwards. For you, there was no need. He's a smart man and he proves this over a prolonged period of time when he finally finds himself back on the market and then eventually in a relationship with a faceless and very loving woman from his own hometown.

He was finally happy, making you serendipitously glad that you were the caller he had reached.

[helianthus-tarot]

Pick-a-card: Signs that they are The One

What I meant by The One, is that person who you have the best chance to be in a successful healthy relationship with. You can have amazing relationships with more than one person, however the amount of effort and work might differ. I also encourage you to appreciate whoever you are with currently (or will be with) and keep your focus more on being the best partner you can be. I take all of my reading seriously (lol) but ultimately this is for entertainment.

That being said, I got several requests on The One so I decided to combine all in one reading. Also, I noticed that there are similarities between the piles, most piles have the element of change. This reading will answer:

Signs that they are The One

Their most noticeable quality

What you can do to get closer to union

...

Disclaimer: Click Here!

Instructions;

Center yourself and focus on the topic. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to, as if it is calling out to you. Try to not choose too many (less than 2). Trust your intuition & read the message under the cut.

May the message resonate. Please ignore my grammar mistakes. Feedback in any form is very much appreciated! See you in the next reading!

Visit my tumblr for more readings!

PILE 1

Signs: 2 of Wands, The Fool, Judgement, 10 of Pentacles

You might meet your person after you have made a big decision; to go on a new journey, to start a new thing, or relocate. This is big change for you, not the “I’m going to Shop A instead of Shop B today”, it’s more on the same level as graduation, changing career path, relocation, starting a business, going back to school etc. If it was not you moving into a new house, you might meet them during a travel to a place a bit far from home. The key here is that- whatever action you will be taking, it will be a symbolism of you leaving the old behind and seeking a better future; or moving closer to your soul’s calling. You will meet them at that point of life when something ends and another thing begins; these things serve your soul’s purpose. Your person will come in with the change, so their appearance in your life might signify a big change, an end to your past OR how you know your life to be.  

Interactions you will have with this person will cause you to go within, reflecting back on your past actions, ending things that are toxic and harmful (be it people, habits, mentality, etc). They might also trigger a desire in you to really embrace a new life. You will feel adventurous, looking forward to what you can experience in life, willing to try new things more than ever. There will definitely be a spiritual element in your interactions, whether or not you/they are spiritual. The interaction and exchange will nourish your soul, it will also make you feel more alive (brimming with excitement, or overwhelmed with emotions). It will make you see and discover yourself. The same effect might be experienced by your person.

This person will be secure and established. Either it’s their social standing, having their own community, their job and finance, their personality, or the way they show love and care; something about it will ooze security and stability. Since it’s 10 of Pentacles, I think it has a material connotation to it, so financial stability or abundance. You will feel safe with them. They will show dependability and commitment. They will feel like someone you can build something lasting with. They will have a positive effect on your mind, you might be able to think more clearly when you are around this person. If you are the type to over-think or worry a lot, being around them will feel soothing and calming, you will feel as if you don’t have to worry much or that you are not stuck anymore, instead you will feel ready to move forward and focus on solutions. Life challenges won’t deter or worry you as much as they did before.

You guys might also have a lot of conversations on how to build more stability in life. You will be planning, brainstorming, bouncing ideas off each other. So this might also be someone who you will have a work or business project with, or they will help you with yours.

You will be born anew. Your life will be changed.

Most noticeable quality: Priest

Their noticeable quality is their strong faith in something; it could be in the universe, it could in religion, it could be in their path, their passion, their principles and code, etc. I don’t feel like it’s religion, I’m getting more of a set of beliefs or moral principles that they stand for. You’ll see this in their behaviors, in what they talk about, in their opinions. Integrity. Walk-the-talk. It might also be surprising, like you won’t expect someone like them has a set of codes they follow. Easy example, imagine someone who is well-admired choosing to not lead someone on (even when they can and have ample opportunity to do so), because they believe it’s not the right thing to do.

This also tells me about their effect on you. I think they will help you with your soul’s purpose, intentionally or unintentionally. In a good way. You will be feeling closer to your truth, so you will be more joyful, more peaceful and more connected to yourself and the universe as a result. They could also be the kind of person who lives their soul’s purpose; they might be doing or want to do things that they are passionate about.

What you can do: Wheel of Fortune, Page of Cups

Eh… you just have to wait. Lol. I feel like it will come when the time is right. Remember I mentioned about how you might meet them when something is ending and another thing is starting? That might be something that is not in your control, or it might be facilitated by an external event a.k.a external event might be the thing that will push you to make that change.

There is still something we can take from the Wheel tho; go with the flow. So when an external event happens and requires you to change, do it, don’t resist, don’t hold onto the old ways. Of course you can think and learn about what you are getting yourself into before you make any kind of decision, but there is a message to trust in the universe and flow with it. Especially when something weird or unexpected happens, something big (since you got The Fool).

You can also learn to manage your emotions, especially in regard to your emotional response toward change. Maybe take it easy, try to be curious and lighthearted about it. Try to find little things in life to be joyful about while ‘waiting’ for the Wheel to turn and bring you closer to your person. You can also learn more about love; the healthy way to love someone and yourself, what is the healthy view of love, how you want to treat someone, etc. Learn anything that can help you be a good partner, to your partner and yourself. Prepare yourself to love someone. You can also envision how you want to love your person. 

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PILE 2

Signs: Wheel of Fortune Rx, 8 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, The Tower

This has the same element as Pile 1, as in, you might meet this person when you are going through a big or sudden change; either it will be self-imposed or it will be an external event happening in your life triggering the change. You can check Pile 1 if you are attracted to it. Either way, this has a more resistant feeling. You might be resistant to the change, or even to your person lol. This might be someone who you won’t expect to appear in your life due to whatever reason. Their appearance might shock or surprise you which might be the reason why you will be resistant toward it; it might happen quite unexpectedly. Honestly, they might also feel this way toward you.

Weirdly enough I don’t feel like 8 of Swords is their energy. I think it is or will be your energy by the time you guys meet. Either you will have been in this energy even before you meet them, or you will be in this energy when you meet them. You might over-think or doubt that it’s them. But it is. It is the person that is destined to enter your life. You might feel like it is not happening at the right time, in the right place, or in the right way; but this doesn’t mean it isn’t right. It might also be related to work, with 3 of Pentacles. So a change in career or work project that you won’t expect. Honestly, they might also show up at your workplace suddenly, or you might suddenly be sent to go somewhere (to a program, an event, or a different branch etc and meet them there).  

Someone will make a proposal (not a marriage proposal) but someone will be offering something to another person and I’m feeling like it will be work related, nothing personal. It could be a collaboration, an invitation, a help, a suggestion, a network, etc. The receiver will be a bit hesitant or unreceptive toward it because like I said before it might be sudden/unexpected, it might also be that it will look too good to be true. I’m strongly feeling like your person will be the one who makes the proposal.

When you get to know this person and they share their life story with you, you will notice that they have been through some extreme things, or some massive changes. You will also recognize them by their ability to take care of themselves; something about them that gives off this impression. So it might be their nice clothes, the fact that they keep their shoes polished, the fact that they keep their hair trimmed nicely. Something that says ‘I take care of myself’. Despite their vibe, which we will talk in the next section.

Most noticeable quality: Destroyer

Lol. This is related to the previous section, since you got The Tower. Your person is intense. Sharp. Decisive. When they walk into a room, it will feel like they are pulling the energy around them. They are someone noticeable. You wont be able to ignore them. Fiery, blunt, impatient at times. Might be intimidating as well. Might have a strong or loud clear voice. This person changes things. They have low patience toward things that don’t work anymore. Their existence, their approach, when they interact with life; it’s like life itself changes, noticeably. And not for meaningless purpose, either. They might have this effect on you, in a sense that you will have to change something in your life after coming into contact with them.

Your person might also have a lot of control over change. It could be over their own life, and for some of you, it might also extend to the external environment. They might resist control, they don’t like to be controlled or be under someone else’s power. The thing about this type of people is that- they will either take themselves out of any system and go setting up their own venture (entrepreneur, artist, musician, freelancer, etc), or they will move to a position of power within an existing structure; anything that has a hierarchy, they will move to the top. Well, the unhealthy ones will probably be troublemakers, destroying and causing shit in people’s lives. But since we are talking about The One, I doubt they are like that. Maybe they used to be a troublemaker when they were a teen, who knows.

Your person doesn’t like to be stuck, or to stay in a shitty situation. They will want to find a solution and get done with it.

What you can do: 10 of Swords, Ace of Pentacles

Something needs to end in your life. If you are holding onto something, whatever it is, this is a message for you to let it go. It could be a relationship, it could be mentality, behaviors, past pain and wounds, fear and insecurity, a stage of life. If you have negative behavior patterns or habits, change them, put an end to them. You need to do this so that you will be ready to take on opportunities coming your way, so that it will be easier for you to start again on a more stable ground, so you can expand and create more abundance in your life.

If you are not holding onto anything, then you might simply have to wait for a new thing to come in, for the sun to rise again as it will bring in an opportunity. It will be related to establishing your stability. Depending on your age, it could be an opportunity to establish a stable foundation of your life, your career, your finance. An opportunity to expand and manifest more abundance in your life. While waiting for it, heal whatever is left to heal, make peace with your shadow, develop your intuition, and be ready to receive. Whatever has been causing you pain is about to end.

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PILE 3

Signs: 9 of Wands, Page of Cups, Ace of Cups, The World

Key sign that they are The One is that they are someone who learns from their experiences. Yes, many people do but not everyone can make profound and insightful conclusions about their experiences. Your person has this ‘philosophical and wise’ vibe to them, which might not be obvious right away. You will feel a contrast/duality from this person. They might come off as lighthearted and easy-going, but when you have a private conversation with them, you will notice that they do give thought to things around them. What they say will give you something to think about, something to learn.

They could have experienced a lot of struggles in life, who knows. But by the time you guys meet, they will have come to a point where they can look back to their past and actively choose to be at peace with it, learn as much as they can and look forward to the future. Not in a fiery “I’ll burn my past and move the fuck on,” kind of way lol; but more… watery. So Pisces, Cancer, also Libra, Scorpio.. could be, but Scorpios can be intense so I wouldn’t bet on it. There is also Sagittarius/Jupiter/9th house energy to this, Sagittarius rising perhaps. Someone who is resilient in the face of ups and downs in life, because they have experienced enough to understand the flow, the interconnectivity between them and the rest of the universe. Probably also someone who has made peace with their shadow. They will be spiritual, not necessarily religious. Emotionally mature. I know with Page of Cups, maturity probably should have been the last thing to appear in the reading. But with the combination of 9 of Wands and The World, I think this Page is just a front.

You will feel emotionally nourished by this person, being with them will have this calming and peaceful effect on you. The connection will not feel hard or intensely overwhelming. It will feel like coming home. You will become softer and more open with your vulnerability with them, especially if you are the type who tends to put up walls. They will ‘make’ you want to divulge your life story and secrets, opinions and philosophy. Their eyes might look deep as if they can see through your soul. Something about their eyes. I’m really feeling water signs here, could be water rising as well with Sagittarius or 9th house placements.

By the time you meet this person you might be feeling a bit pessimistic or tired of love connections, but being around them will make you want to try again. You will have a lot of philosophical talks together, exchanging views and why you see the world in a certain way. The exchange will not be pessimistic, this person will not feel pessimistic at all. They will feel wise, there’s a difference. They might come from a place that is far away; that requires air travel. It could be someone in a different state or it could be a foreigner from a different country. For some of you, this person might be from a European country. And white, or lighter skin color. Idk why I got it that specific.  

Basically, look out for someone who appears easy-going and kinda social (knowing or getting along with different people); but who is philosophical, understanding and wise once you get closer and have some private conversations with them. Your intuition will be able to sense that they have layers to them; as if they hold a different story from what they show to the world.

Most noticeable quality: Guide

This is simply an echo of the previous section. The oracle card supports the message of The World pretty well. So while your person can appear as if they have no problems in the world, or as if they just take it easy and flow through life, the most noticeable quality about this person is their wisdom. It can be felt in their words, their thoughts, their beliefs, the perspective they choose to take. It’s when they comment on, let’s say, an issue- like I said before, you will know that they think things through and that they feel deeply. Which might be contradictory to their usual lighthearted demeanor. 

Their friends circle might also go to them for advice, insights, or simply to feel understood. You’ll notice that they have people from all walks of life as acquaintances. For some of you, your person will actually be someone who has a lot of friends. For others of you, your person might have a lot of people around them but at the same time they will also look solitary.

Anyhow, although this is their most noticeable quality, I don’t think it will be obvious ha ha. It is something you will see only when you get close enough or spend enough time with them. They will have a spiritual effect on you; being in contact with them will impact your spirituality and your relationship with yourself/the universe.

What you can do: 7 of Wands, 6 of Swords

You need to stand strong in your beliefs and things you have chosen for yourself. If you still haven’t made a decision on who want you to be, what beliefs and values you want to have, what philosophy you want to hold, how you see yourself in relation to the rest of the world; you might want to go within and make some decisions, and you need to be ready to defend them. Hold onto your moral and life principles.

There is something you need to walk away from; it is something that does not serve your highest good anymore. If you have a limiting belief, replace that belief with what you want to believe (which also serves your highest good). That’s the feeling I’m getting. For some of you, if your current environment is toxic or makes you feel as if you need to constantly defend yourself; you might want to leave the environment and live somewhere else if possible. It might not be easy, it might be a mentally exhausting process; but better things will come.

Again, get clear about your values, beliefs, life purpose, self-image, etc. These might also come up in conversations you will have with your person. Your person might also trigger some pain and wounds, whether they realize it or not. It’s just a sign that you will need to further heal those wounds, that’s all.

If you are attracted to Pile 2, then one of these two piles is your actual pile, I don’t feel like it’s both. Pile 2 holds a different intense energy; it can’t be the same person.

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PILE 4

Signs: Death, 2 of Wands, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords

I want to avoid talking about the same thing but Death wanted to come out. Pile 1, 2 and 3 all have the element of change lmao I guess we need to change before meeting The One. This one feels like Pluto meeting Mercury.  

One of the signs is that they will be cerebral/intellectual. I’m not sure why I feel like guys might argue or debate about some shit in your first conversation. Especially if you are cerebral as well, which I think you are. If you don’t feel connected to the air element, if you think you are not cerebral or opinionated, this might not be your pile so see if you can choose another one. Both of you will have strong opinions, and you might clash at first because of this. You will debate about something complex; if there would be a debate at all it wouldn’t be about one person walking too slow and the other person getting annoyed, it would be about something like ‘what things should change to eradicate/reduce poverty’, ‘whether potential parents should be evaluated before being allowed to have children’, ‘should you keep a private account from your marriage partner’. Controversial or complex topics.

Both of you will have been affected by some massive events in your life. This is something you will bond over, but this is also something that will cause that first clash (it will be influencing your responses). The massive event could be a trauma, death, bullying, accidents, betrayal, toxic relationships or any life-altering event. I think it’s you who will be heavily influenced by your past during the debate. Your person might be speaking from experience or from their observations of other people experience, either way- the topic will be personal to them but it might not appear like it at that time. They will have a more optimistic view, although they might be blunt. You will have a more realistic and dark view about it; which some people might consider pessimistic.

But you see, you might feel a bit frustrated, they might look frustrated, OR other people might think you guys are fighting. But both of you deep down will feel kinda… exhilarated? Intoxicated? by the debate. It will intrigue both of you. It will make both of you acknowledge and get curious about each other. They might make a point that you will deep down find reasonable, vice versa. Someone here will exceed expectations.

By the time you meet them, you both will still be figuring things out; about your life and where you want to go after this. So you might meet them at college or university, or early stage of your career. Sometimes they will look fearless, like a person who is ready to cut Death itself.  

Basically, you guys will connect intellectually. Right off the bat you guys might disagree with something but you will know they use their brain, and they will know you use your brain. They will be more careless though. It might need a little bit of work, but you guys are much more similar than what your initial debate might show. I don’t think you disagree with the what should be done, just the how you should approach it. If you have a tendency to be impatient toward bullshit, this person will be the same. No games, no mind reading, no beating around the bush with this person. Your attitude toward the past will be similar.

Most noticeable quality: Child, Eternal

This person is much more playful than how they appear at first. Don’t let their strong opinions and bluntness fool you. They can be a child; most of the time, in a good way, occasionally a bit annoyingly. It depends. They can be affectionate, teasing, and are probably much more sensitive than whatever ‘tough’ ‘cool’ image they show to the world. I’m getting Aries energy, Sagittarius, Gemini. I don’t know what stance or perspective they will take in the debate, but this person is actually hopeful and optimistic about life. It’s in their nature to want to move forward. They want things to go well without any complications, so they might react to this need by addressing problems as soon as possible. The type who will just ask what’s your problem when they feel like you are hiding something. This person might not want to take a heavy, Scorpionic approach to seeing things, whether or not they have experienced dark things in their life. They could have Scorpio in them, since we have Death here, but they will engage more with their cerebral side.

So if you have a heavy Scorpio/Pluto energy and you are used to talk about the dark shit, then that might be the reason why you clash at first. It’s not like they can’t see what you see, it’s just that, they might have this resistance to staying too long in the dark. Who knows, being with you might get them to get used to do so.  

What you can do: 6 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles

This one is more about self-love. 6 of Swords can talk about moving away and healing your pain, not carrying them with you. 9 of Pentacles can talk about enjoying the fruits of your labor, it is also a woman who is independent and pretty much takes care of herself. I’m not sensing heavy energy for you. It might simply loose ends that need to be tied up, residue of painful experience that needs to be removed, that’s all.

You might also want to pamper yourself. Or have some self-care activities, be it taking some time to do skincare while meditating, having a cup of tea while reading a book every Saturday morning, going on a date with yourself and get some ice-cream after a job well done. It’s up to you. But something that can help you feel better, and enjoy day-to-day life more. Try new things, such as new projects or hobbies if you want, say yes to invitations from friends (after the pandemic or in a small group lol). Honestly you might meet your person then.  

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PILE 5

Signs: 9 of Cups, The Star, 2 of Wands, Ace of Pentacles

You will meet them after either you or them have just gone through a heartbreak, most likely a break-up or a disastrous past relationship. The person who experiences the heartbreak will want to move away from the past, either by relocating or taking a different job; the change will be heavily influenced by the desire to move away from the heartbreak and the desire to focus on their own improvement/life. I’m feeling like this is most likely them, but it’s not weird if you mirror each other.  

Your person will be your dream comes true, or you will be theirs, or both. Almost feels like a ‘reward’ after hardship.

They will be emotionally mature and wise. Someone who has learned enough life lessons to share some of their wisdom with others. Could be older than you. But they will look emotionally grounded, warm, giving the impression that you can depend on them. I don’t feel like they are the type who will gush and fret over someone, busily taking care of someone else; they will simply look composed and stable. They might be reasonably private about their personal life, not everything we can share with everyone, but they wont have tough walls or exterior to crack.

When you meet them, they will be living their life purpose or building something which can help them get closer to their life purpose. This person will be working on a personal project; they will be starting something they can call theirs. It could be their own business, a new department, a new invention, etc. It will have a purpose of realizing their own vision, representing them as a person. When you look at their project, you can see their personality being reflected back. You might be in awe of them; how focused they are in realizing their ideas. It might also inspire you.

Honestly I can’t talk about financial stability when we only have Ace of Pentacles here, but this is a promise. When you look at them, you will think to yourself like ‘ah they will succeed’. That’s the impression they will leave on you. Even if their project turns out to be unsuccessful, with that personality and sense of direction, you know they can go far. They might not have everything yet (everything they want to manifest), but they are not a beginner either, so they will not give off that instability of an apprentice who is just starting or an entrepreneur who has nothing in their pocket.

Most noticeable quality: Visionary

You’ll notice them from their desire to make their dreams happen. They have dreams, vision, you name it; but they are not impractical. They will go out there and figure out how to make it happen. You will notice them from how focused they are on the future, and on building and bringing things into a reality. So they might talk a lot about the future; the next actions they want to take, things they want to do, whether they should implement this idea or that idea, or maybe they should go about it this way instead of that way, their observation of the market trends etc. There isn’t as much intensity in this pile in comparison to other piles, but there is definitely an element of ‘focused actions’ here. They might also have an ability to understand cause-and-effect; which might allow them to strategize their moves. Not surprised if they are also ambitious, not as penetrating or intense as Pile 2, but at least they will look ambitious to people who prefer a routine simple life.

They will also have some causes they believe in, like, social responsibility- they will want to contribute back to the community. But I’m not feeling it strongly so it might be underneath all of their goals and vision, and it might not be their main priority, just an extra wish. For example, let’s say you guys are having a conversation about the future and their goals and then they tell you that oh they are actually passionate and care about children with disabilities, and they want to help create a tool that can be convenient for those people, or they want to do something for those people once they get where they want to be in life. Just an example.

What you can do: Page of Wands, Knight of Pentacles

For those of you who have some big decisions to make, there is a message to follow the path that serves your highest good.

If you have a dream you want to make happen but you haven’t because you think it’s unrealistic, then, definitely reconsider. It might look unrealistic or you might feel shy and scared to try it, because maybe it’s different and ‘what will people say’, but you have Page of Wands here so definitely give it a shot. Of course don’t sacrifice your stability especially not right away, but try to look deeper into how you can make it successful. Knight of Pentacles can represent consistent and steady effort. Honestly this makes sense, because your person is the type who will go after their vision and try to make it happen; by doing the same thing in your life, you are actually matching their energy. Even if it doesn’t turn out to be successful, at least when you meet this person you can say that you had something you fought for, a dream you tried to materialize. That matters.  

For those who have figured out their journey and goals, keep going. Whatever you are doing or planning to do, keep at it. You might be trekking an uncharted path, your path might be different than people around you and success isn’t guaranteed, but hey you’ll never know unless you try.

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