#makeitmindful

[makeitmindful]

“I can cook for you” (May 2018)

Vale here.  This is a poem I wrote for my new roomies.  That is, I wrote it thinking about my roomies and...never...showed it to them...>_>

I’m actually feeling pretty good about myself these days, but with all the fascist nonsense going on in the background it’s still kinda hard.

---

Sometimes I can't believe you still want me around, like, I'm always on my phone because everything stresses me out, and the dishes still aren't done

And I'm always wearing the same outfit at home because I can spend half an hour picking out my work clothes, spiraling is what my mind does all the time and I know this isn't what you expected

I have four jobs and I don't do any of them well, because my brain quit me after high-school, y'see I really am just a mess

There are things I want to do all the time, like, I have ambitions, I do, really want to be there for people, but

all the things, all the thoughts, all the feelings, all the time, all the time!

You understand?

But I can cook for you. See, I just got a new casserole dish the other day; it's glass, so everything looks good in it.

I don't know which spices go together, but I know what I like to eat. I can cook that for you. It'll look great in the new dish.

We have tea, too, and whisky for later. I'll buy some flowers on my way home from work with money I shouldn't spend.

I can't tidy the living room before you get here, but I hope you smell what I'm cooking on your way down the hall, coming home.

[brickstory]

We came across this eye candy from @courtneythomasdesign and had to share. Beautiful setting and lighting. . This has a Cinderella quality. Shouldn’t all houses have turrets and idyllically placed ponds? #justaddaprince Design credit unknown . #dreamhouseseries #courtneythomasdesign #makeitmindful #sundaysarefordreaming #getawaygoals #boutiquehotelgoals #makelifebeautiful #instagood #momentsofmagic #livecolorfully #dreaming #planning #livebydesign #flashesofdelight #howyouhome #BrickStory, #storystylesoul, #architecture, #americanhome, #architect, #storyteller, #dreamhome, #instahouses, #designer Tell us your story... (at United States) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz3-3h6Ax_V/?igshid=1h6u06yqgrj12

[craftygal65]

RepostBy @crossstitchcrazymag: "Is the weekend your stitching time? We’re coming to the end of this year’s #makeitmindful @worldcraftweek and for today’s fun prompt we want to know if you get to sit back, relax and stitch at the weekends? And if you’re looking for a little stitchy inspiration this weekend, check out Susan Bates’ beautiful Amsterdam hoops inside Crazy issue 254 -- the perfect projects to get your weekend stitching started! Xx . . . #xstitchers #xstitchcrazy #xstitcher #xstitchersofinstagram #craft #crafty #craftiness #crafts #pointdecroix #puntocroce #kreuzstich #needlecraft #クロスステッチ #вышивкакрестиком #crossstitch #crossstitching #worldcraftweek #crossstitchers #crossstitchcrazy #crossstitcher #crossstitchersofinstagram #stitch #stitching #stitchers #stitcher #stitchersofinstagram #xstitch #xstitching" (via #InstaRepost @AppsKottage) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvpIuN5F40d/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ulnrgl2xc9xj

[kittykanzashi]

Day 6 of @worldcraftweek and today is "weekend time". This weekend is time for trying out a new design. Can you guess what birdie I made? #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumami_zaiku #tsumamicraft #silkart #つまみ簪 #つまみ細工 https://www.instagram.com/p/BvodVe0AGsA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1dv0gdp5pgyuv

[makeitmindful]

two poems

Vale here.  In prep for our (fingers crossed for proposal approval) May gallery show, I’m going over recent and older poems and tweaking them for nice and shiny presentation!

These two have similar themes, but were written years apart and have different vibes.

---

untitled (May 2014)

To fold up my limbs

like petals,

and in the darkness

hide,

and forget.

---

Nothing (Dec 2017)

I'll sit here and watch nothing unfold

Great chasms into which my worries are swallowed

Waves of silence breaking them down

into wonder, I lie

and I am nothing too

[makeitmindful]

“Hypocrite” (written Dec 2017)

Vale here.  I was with Bipin and Blake at an open mic yesterday, sharing poetry, paintings, and stories about mental illness and mental health.  Here is one of the prose poems (?) that I performed.  It was my first time doing “stand-up poetry”!

---

One day, all that I know of my childhood will be the things that I wrote and the mistakes that I made. And I will think that I truly was stupid.

When I was younger I thought I knew myself. But it was twisted: a reflection in a foggy mirror, in a mug of tea, in the grimy window of a bus flashing by.  I didn’t see the good in myself, or the real bad, so I assumed that other people didn’t see it either.  

And when they inevitably did, I shunned them, called them liars in my head.  Wrecked all manner of mental furniture.  That compliment: a veiled threat!  That call-out: utter nonsense!  They don’t see what’s really going on.  They don’t know me like I do

(I say to myself, all while proceeding to never tell anyone how I feel).  

When people saw me, I called them liars because I was afraid of not knowing myself.  Because I knew that I didn’t know.  

And on the rare occasions that I did, and what I saw was ugliness, it was so much easier to say it to myself than to hear someone say it to me.  I could call myself names for years and think about knives for hours, telling myself that I didn’t have to change because I was doing the work of beating myself up already.  But if someone so much as brushed up against my wounds, they blazed.  How dare you—only I can call me stupid.  Only I can call me insensitive.  Only I can tell me what I did wrong.

Turning endlessly in my own little hurricane.

[kittykanzashi]

Day 5 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Slow living". Tsumami-zaiku requires a certain amount of patience. When I am making one of my flower balls or kusudama I will need to fold in the region of 180 petals, this photo only shows half the amount and probably took 2 hours. So as you can see patience is key. #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #wireart #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/BvmTdf_g1ui/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fwoe867zfske

[kittykanzashi]

Day 5 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Slow living". Tsumami-zaiku requires a certain amount of patience. Take for example the thread wire I use to make my bases and accent on my earrings. Each of these I have hand wound and will take a minimum of 5 minutes for them to be properly made. #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #wireart #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/BvmSzqhgCg8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mysn8xp59uf8

[kittykanzashi]

Day 4 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Handmade with love". Part four - now if you were wondering what those little black things to the right are, well they are the antennas and body of the butterfly. #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #butterfly #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvjmf98gNJz/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=yv0xrqvoouax

[kittykanzashi]

Day 4 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Handmade with love". Part three - top set of wings on. #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #butterfly #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/BvjmDJVgoT8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12gqfdwfsg0ta

[kittykanzashi]

Day 4 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Handmade with love". Part two-bottom set of wings in place. #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #butterfly #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvjl-TKAx2c/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1tp4lzb7bdhcz

[kittykanzashi]

Day 4 of @worldcraftweek and today is "Handmade with love". When I make my tsumami zaiku accessories, every petal is handfold with tweezers and then carefully glued in place. Part 1 #makeitmindful #worldcraftweek #tsumamizaiku #butterfly #wip #progress #silkart #つまみ細工 #耳飾り #つまみ簪 #蝶 #ちょう https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvjl2rng1Je/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jvxs29qrjjna

[makeitmindful]

Vale here.  I’ve been working on an illustration zine which explores the ways in which I try to heal and take care myself in the various facets of my mental illness.  Before starting this zine, I hadn’t been drawing on a regular basis for several years, and I was worried I’d lost my (meager, but still proud of it) self-taught skill.  But, I think I’m doing okay! 

Since I moved out of the family home and switched my primary job, I don’t think I’ve ever felt better about things!  But North America is a dumpster fire, and well, I always know that anxiety or depression could return in full force someday.

1) A reinterpretation of an old OC of mine.  I am trying to forgive myself and her for the flaws in my writing back then.

2) Dream state

3) Sparkle jar and my opinion on the mindfulness movement (disclaimer: I’m not super into it)

4) My old OC, reimagined grown up, because originally she didn’t survive the end of the story.

5) Exploring spirituality

6) The adventures of Harmony, The Calming Cat!  A little crocheted buddy given to me by my partner, who sits on my desk.

7) The bay in the moon

8) My attempts to ~*~be one with nature ~*~ usually fail because nature makes me very uncomfortable and I am a weenie

[makeitmindful]

Rollercoaster (2018)

Hi everyone. It’s Bipin. I’m one of the members of Make It Mindful. Since 2017 I’ve been writing written pieces about my experiences about my mental health. This piece is titled “Rollercoaster”.

Does it scare you? Those high highs and those low lows. Never really time before you're running down the street and flying into space. The infinite expanses of your mind and the nothingness of everything else.The spreading of too little butter over too much bread.

What does that even mean? Panromantic demisexual, that barely counts as a sexuality. You're just saying words, they don't mean anything. You're just stuck with nothing but so paralyzed with choice that it makes you want to jump off a building.

I don't know how to answer you, nothing makes sense right now.

I think I saw magic the other day. This woman played a Hand Pan right before midnight. Have you ever heard a Hand Pan? It was like a lullaby in a movie. I think it's the closest I'll get to magic.

After that, I realized every high I feel is equal to every low that's there. I'm just lost in the middle of nowhere.

[makeitmindful]

“Guide to Life” (June 2018)

Vale here.  I was feeling angry about fascism and wrote an angsty teen poem about it, I guess?  Not to put down angtsy teen poetry, it’s just that I was thinking about my experiences growing up and comparing it to being a millenial now.

---

We didn't ask for this! We read books and wanted to be heroes but if everyone is a hero, does that mean no one is? or does it just mean that everyone tries to be a decent person?

Trying, we played games and wanted to be sorcerers but magic isn't real, and if nothing we do really matters, is it better that we saw the player manual?

The guide to life that was spoken and written into us programmed and acted into us worked and worked and worked into us while we were just trying to be

Of course, I understand that they see us buried in our books and games and videos and message threads; They think, "So unprepared"

And yes, I understand that they find us in our circles casting spells, summoning, healing, banishing, and think, "So immature"

I do, I understand that they look at us with our garish lipstick, ten different teas, half-crushed flowers kept, crinkled stories; They think, "So vain"

No, we are just the vessels of the whole world screaming

[makeitmindful]

“dissociation free formation” (June 2018)

Vale here.  I tried to wright a poem to describe how I experience dissociation, which doesn’t happen often to me but when it does it’s weird as fuck!

---

I am untethered my mind has shifted, slipped and now I float in the vertical sea it's harder to move my brain full of cotton my arms press through pillowy air my lips and teeth fumble around what I'm trying to say is this strangeness lonely? burning? soft suffocation? I can feel eyes on me but my own are everywhere I've dropped my hands and now they will not move