#make him realize that rika is abusing him

[entirelysein-e]

『 Their hand slips 』

☼ synopsis: Their hand (almost) slips and puts a strain on your relationship

☼ characters: Toji, Yuuta, Inumaki

☼ wc: 4.3k

☼ cw: dark content! fem!reader, Toji being a good husband and almost snapping, getting pushed by Rika and slapped (accidentally during a playfight with Inumaki), Toge using his technique on you, overall sogginess, hurt to comfort

☼ notes: I am by no means glorifying domestic violence - this fic is not about this topic. If you or a loved one experience abuse in a relationship please reach out to the police or a qualified counselor / hotline for help!

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Toji:

Being with Toji has always been a rollercoaster of emotions but you never doubted his love for you, despite him being rough around the edges. Yes, he might disappear for days, sometimes weeks after a fight but he never once lifted his hand or indicated that he would physically hurt you. If the fight was over something dumb you would usually end up in the bedroom to get his anger out in a fun way while making up again.

You don't even know what started the fight today, was it the dishes he didn't do? Perhaps he left the laundry in the laundry machine? All you know is that you've been screaming at each other for well over an hour, your throat already sore but you wouldn't stop now. Toji was just beyond annoyed at your little tantrum, at least that's what it was to him. “I said I'll take care of it, didn't I? The day isn't over yet” he tried the calm way at first, his jaw clenching in frustration when you screamed back how tired you are from work.

Things carried on like this for a while, Toji losing his cool after you screamed at him right away and he started to scream back until you were only throwing around profanities. At least until you said something you shouldn't have “No wonder your last two wives left you, you live like a damn pig”. It wasn't too bad but it was a sore topic for him and his hand raised… simply staying up in the air without ever connecting to your face but it was enough for you to flinch away. Toji's jaw tensed up further, his teeth almost cracking from the pure pressure when he realized what he almost did - crossing a boundary that should never be crossed and you looked at him like he's a monster now. Perhaps he was and you were right, make it three wives, it's deserved now that his hand almost struck you.

Ever so slowly he brought his hand down from its spot up in the air, trying not to startle you further when he reached to cup your cheek, the anger in his eyes turning to desperation. Out of reflex you flinched from his touch, your body still in flight mode from almost getting struck by him and Toji recoiled his hand quickly while nodding to himself. The anger flamed up behind his eyes once again upon realizing just how bad he had fucked up. Anger rose up and he couldn't contain himself any longer “FUCK” he roared, making you stumble backwards just to get away from him before he punched a hole into the wall. You barely recognized the man in front of you since he'd never been this violent around you or directed at you. The thought of drawing a single breath of air scared you with him raging around and you simply held your breath, your entire body shaking like a leaf in a heavy storm, but before you found your voice again he stormed out of your shared home, grabbing his coat on the way out of the front door.

Relief was the first thing flooding your mind when you finally felt like you could exhale once again, the air less tense with him out of the room and upon looking around your usually tidy kitchen, you saw the battlefield he'd left behind. The hole in the wall gaping and your favorite candle holder, the one he gifted you simply because you thought the cat warming its paws looked so cute, now on the floor and shattered into hundreds of small pieces. You didn't care much for the cushions laying around or the chairs scattered across the room but you cradled the severed porcelain head of the small cat to your chest as you fell to your knees when the first wave of shock wore off. Toji had left. He's gone now and given how both of you crossed boundaries and he almost hit you, didn't give you much hope for his return. A bitter laugh crossed your sobs when you thought of the small candle holder scattered and how it represented your broken relationship.

After what felt like an eternity on the floor you had the courage to get up once again, slowly putting things back to where they used to stand before picking up each and every piece of Tojis present. You needed to get your mind off of his departure, he sure would return - latest when he had to get his things- you told yourself, trying to calm the mess that was your head. Dedicated you brought he pieces to the living room where his show was running as always, your favorite background noise in your daily life and piece by piece you glued the little candle holder back together until it looked somewhat what it used to and it gave you hope - perhaps you could do the same to your relationship?

Once the distraction wore off you found yourself sitting on the unusually empty couch, sitting on his favorite spot and the silence was deafening, the show stopped playing a while ago, Netflix asking you if you're still watching and the tears started to form in your eyes once again. Perhaps he will be back soon? Your hope wore thinner with every hour that has passed, only hoping that he will come back eventually one day at this point. Sure, you've had worse fights with him but it never got physical, this one felt much more charged and intense than all the others before so perhaps he's sick of the constant fighting, sick of you…

Slowly you sunk your face into the pillow on the couch and brought your knees to your chest as you wept, his show now playing once again to bring you at least a little comfort as you drifted off into a restless slumber, the moment where he almost struck you replaying in your head over and over again.

Toji wandered around the Block at first, contemplating to get drunk out o his mind and simply disappearing out of your life forever since he has nothing to offer to you but his heart and body, but now he wasn't sure if that was enough - if he was enough and he hated these thoughts. He could have any woman he wanted so why is he so damn attached to you? Answers didn't come by as he sat down in the park and gulped down a cheap beer but the longer he sat there the more reasons he found just why he was with you and how you made him feel things no one managed to ignite in so long. It was clear to him that he would need to go back, that he would need to fix things with you, for his own sake because he'd be lost without you once again.

By the time Toji got up from the old bench at the park it was almost morning already, the bird chirping softly in the trees and he took a deep breath in, preparing himself to lose you once and for all since he couldn't force you to forgive him after ever but he would promise to be better, he vowed to be a good partner and later on to be a good husband to you and not once did he make you regret trusting him since he was always nothing but good to you. His posture was slightly slouched when he entered the apartment, ready to find the mess he left behind in the kitchen but it looked as if nothing ever happened here - aside from the hole in the wall that felt like a plow to his guts. That could have been your face, realization setting in once again over what happened and how badly he damaged the trust in this relationship with his cowardly reaction.

Shaking his head at his thought he made his way back to the front door, only to be met by your weak voice somewhere behind him. “Toji?” was all you asked, your voice sounding tired and so fragile from hours of crying and he flinched, dreading your next words. “Don't leave… please,” You continue and sit up now to look at him. “I'm just here to get my thi- you want me to stay?” He sounded rather surprised that you didn't send him out, cussing him and his entire bloodline out as he got his things. Toji was so prepared for rejection he didn't even consider you would want him to stay, but you did, so he dragged himself over to the couch where you sat, waiting to face him. Your bloodshot eyes shocked him, have you been crying all night over him? Over the situation or perhaps the divorce you'd surely want?

“I'm sorry,” was all that he croaked out, his ego crushed and the confidence that usually radiated off of him was entirely gone, he was nothing but a miserable pile in front of you in this moment. It took you a minute or two to fully register his words - his apology and you simply nodded, knowing he wasn't great with words and especially apologies. Silence fell upon both of you once again, unsure how to go on from here, both of you uncomfortable with the situation. You were the first to find your words again, having spent the night thinking about what you wanted and ultimately what you will say to him but right now this was all thrown out of the window when you looked at him and reached out for his hands, trying to show that you're no longer scared.

“Listen to me. If you ever raise a hand to me again, Toji Fushiguru, I will cut out your heart and eat it for breakfast, do you understand me?” You asked with a much more secure voice and it almost scared him because he knew you took that threat seriously, but a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips now. “That's my wife,” he chuckled a little, wondering if he extinguished your flame with fear but you weren't one to crumble, not from him or his foolish actions.

Unasked Toji whisked you up into his strong arms and carried you to the bedroom, refusing to let go of you for even a second as he smothered you between his arms and chest. Things weren't okay and they won't be for a while but at least you knew that he was willing to work on himself and you were willing to stay, so things could be alright again one day.

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Yuuta:

You were always Yuuta's first priority and he never failed to make it clear that you knew that there's no one and nothing that's more important to him than you. Yet he had to save the world as usually, exorcizing a curse here, helping out there and more often than not you found yourself alone in your shared home, talks limited to texts and phone calls. He tried his hardest to make sure you're always on his mind even if he's not physically with you, especially then but you slowly felt like this wasn't the case. It felt like he was running away from home, from you to be alone, to be with Rika rather than you for the old days sake.

This gut wrenching thought became especially painful when you ran into him in the grocery store when he claimed to be on the other side of the world and not in fact in the same grocery store or even the same city. You didn't want to cause a scene, not there out of all places so you abandoned your shopping cart and walked out, ignoring the hurt puppy look from your boyfriend. Dropping the chocolates he held previously he charged after you “Wait, please. Let me explain!” he called after you and caught up with your rather fast pace but you didn't pay any attention to him, fearing the worst.

And sometimes your own mind can be the worst enemy as you now convinced yourself that Yuuta was leading some sort of double life, a secret life hidden away from you and you didn't want to see his face for a second longer. When the young man held onto your wrist to get you to stop running from him it felt as if your skin was burning, quickly tugging your hand out of his grasp and glaring at him. “Stop causing a damn scene, Okkotsu” you hissed under your breath and Yuuta knew he was in trouble by the way you only used his last name, so much venom behind your words. All he wanted to do was surprise you with your favorite flowers and some sweets since he was home almost an entire week earlier and he didn't understand the tantrum you were throwing at that moment. Yes, he did lie to you and told you he won't be home for at least another 5 days but he was already on his way back to you, his home. Was he wrong that he wanted to surprise you just to have you jump into his arms five days earlier than initially planned?

The walk home was awkward and silent, the air around you two charged with strong emotions and unspoken words - words none of you dared to speak until the front door to your apartment was closed and you whipped around, facing him with an expression full of anger and hurt. “Why did you lie to me? Am I not good enough for you anymore?” You immediately asked, letting your inner fear take over instead of trying to think rationally but Yuuta immediately shook his head. “It's not like that, I promise!” His voice was rather submissive, hating to have fights with you, especially out of the dumbest reasons but you couldn't contain your anger, your presence alone making him take a step back. He knew you would never lay a hand on him but the air around you was so thick he feared to suffocate if he couldn't keep some distance. “Don't come at me with that bullshit, Yuuta. You promised not to lie to me and here you are… avoiding me despite being back. Do you have someone else? Do you miss Rika so much you can't bear to be with me?” You questioned, taking steps towards your boyfriend despite his silent plea to keep distance. It's unfair of you to bring Rika up in this situation, both of you knew this but you didn't care. The way he was always talking about her started to gnaw at your heart, slowly building a deep insecurity that you're just someone he settled for because he couldn't have the one he wanted. Perhaps he found a better replacement? That was your initial thought when you saw him smiling to himself at the grocery store. Little do you know he was thinking about your gleeful smile when he came home early.

Yuuta barely opened his mouth after what felt like an eternity of silence when he reached for your hands, hoping you let him explain, hoping you calm down enough to start thinking rationally. “Please, just listen, okay?” He started, his voice small since he didn't want things to escalate, fearing to lose you as much as you feared the same. You were his anchor, his safety vest out in the ocean that kept him afloat when everything was against him. He made the mistake of touching you, trying to get closer to you when you were so charged and it made you feel crowded, pushing him off of you so he let go of your wrists. He would have let go if only you asked, showing him he made you uncomfortable but before he could stop it, it was already too late.

Rika pushed you away from him, much harsher than he would have ever allowed and he recoiled, backing away from your curled up body after you were sent flying against the wall, several feet behind you.

The sight of your body on the floor and the little noise you let out upon the collision shattered his heart. Sure, Rika just wanted to protect him from harm but you would have never seriously hurt him and he was in shambles, trying to figure out what to do now that one of his biggest fears became reality. It took you a few seconds to realize what had just happened, just sitting up and blinking at Yuuta who looked paler than usual, his body frozen to the spot as he watched you with wide eyes. The way you looked around made him aware of how dizzy you must feel since your head hit the wall - at least there was no blood on your hands when you checked the back of your head reluctantly.

“Yuuta?” You asked him as you teared up, knowing that it was just an accident. The young man snapped out of his trance-like state upon hearing your voice, softly asking him for comfort but he couldn't give that to you, not if he was the one who hurt you in the first place.

His head snapped around, looking for a way out of there, perhaps he could jump out of the window or would it be too high? The sound of his heartbeat picking up was deafening, the only thing he heard in that moment and it only fueled the anxiety further. But it was your utterly desperate voice calling out to him once again that snapped him out of his fight or flight reaction, panicked eyes finally looking at your teary ones and his body reacted on its own. Without a further moment passing he dropped to his knees beside you and cradled your body in his arms, holding you close. You knew he didn't hurt you and it was just a reaction of Rika so you weren't angry, but your body still hurt as you wept into his embrace, body trembling with each sob that wrecked through it. “I'm so sorry my love” kept falling off his lips like a whispered mantra as he gently rocked you back and forth in his arms in hopes that it's enough to calm both of you down - even if it's just a little bit.

Hours later and neither of you had moved. You were still cradled in Yuuta's lap, arms wrapped securely around you and he still looked at you as if he just broke the most valuable thing he ever owned. “I’m sorry that I made you angry,” you eventually broke the silence that just felt heavy to you but he quickly shook his head “don't… it's not your fault I lost control,” he began and kissed your temple, his lips resting against your delicate skin for a moment before you felt them move as he continued to speak. “I should have told you I'm home earlier, the flowers would have been a surprise regardless, I'm sorry I made you doubt my love for you.” He whispered against your temple, earnest regret in his voice. Yuuta knew he was gone too much lately and if the roles were reversed he would have had doubts as well so he couldn't blame you.

Unsure how to answer, you nod softly and your hands clutch onto him just a little tighter. “We will make things better,” you eventually mumble, reassuring the both of you that despite what has happened, things will be okay again and you can work past this accident.

ˑ༄ؘ ۪۪۫۫ ▹ Inumaki:

You never felt scared or threatened by Inumaki, he was always more than sweet to you and despite his cursed speech you never feared anything. He fell in love with you the day he found out you learned sign language for him and hasn't left your side ever since. You two were inseparable to the point of his friends automatically speaking of the both of you instead of just an individual and it was you who understood his few words better than anyone.

Laughter echoed through his small apartment when he pinned you to the bed with just one hand, the other traveling down to your sides to tickle you. Your laughter was one of his favorite noises, your smile his favorite sight and he wished he could tell you, scream out how much he loves you but he would never dare to say such things out loud, scared it manipulates you somehow and you're with him against your will. That was his worst nightmare, one that often haunted him at night and he woke up distressed while frantically searching for his phone. It's the same over and over again “You're with me because it's what you want, right?” He texts and awaits your answer as he picks the skin on his fingers anxiously. “I’m with you because my heart chose you” you tell him every time before his phone even unlocks - already knowing what plagues his handsome head.

Your sweet giggle brought him back to the little play fight you two just had and the way you were trying so hard to overpower him despite knowing you would never succeed. This thought never scared you, since you knew he would never use it against you or hold you down when you wouldn't want it. It was all just playful banter until he wanted to catch your wrist after you freed it but miscalculated, sending his hand right against your cheek with such strength the slap echoed off the walls followed by your whimper. You didn't need to push him off of your body, Inumaki got up right away, the tears that started to form in your eyes causing him to panic slowly. He frantically tried to sign “I'm sorry it was an accident” over and over but it felt like his hands knotted up by the speed and you didn't look at him, turning away as the tears started rolling down your cheeks. You weren't mad at him, knowing it was an accident but it still hurt you - the tears only a reaction of your body to the stinging pain that traveled through your face.

But the way you refused to even look towards him frustrated the young man and despite his efforts to get your attention you simply rose from the corner of the bed and left the room. Of course he was chasing after you, tapping you, holding your wrist, whining… he tried so hard to get just a sliver of your attention when you clearly didn't want to give that to him right now and he felt wrongfully punished. “Stop crying and come here” these words slipped past his lips with such desperation, he couldn't even stop himself before saying them out loud and his hands slapped over his mouth the second he realized what he'd done.

No matter how hard you tried to stop yourself, your body acted on its own accord as the tears dried and your feet walked over to him. Your face was one of utter shock and betrayal that he would do this to you, accident or not.

Inumaki pulled your body close and held you in a tight embrace despite every fiber in his body screaming not to do it, it felt so wrong to him but he needed you to forgive him, for accidentally hurting you, for putting you through manipulation. When he pulled back he was met with your face full of hurt and anger, which he deserved. “Please hit me back. We can be even” he signed once, twice… but you looked away, pinching the bridge of your nose as you took a step back to put some space between the white haired man and yourself. You wanted to scream, to explode at him but you collected yourself and looked at him with a cold expression. “Can you just stop?! I don't care that you hit me,” you started but lost your cool quickly and it came out more snappy than intended “we were play fighting, it happens. But you can't just crowd me and demand me to do things… and you surely can't fucking manipulate me!” Your voice rose in volume at the last part since this hurt you more than the accidental hit to your face.

Inumaki looked at you like a kicked puppy, eyes big and his face sinking into the collar of his sweater further so he can hide. He was beyond ashamed for his actions and didn't want to speak, the desperation clouding his mind and forgetting for just a split second that his words have immediate consequences and despite his best effort of not speaking, he can mess up.

With trembling hands he started signing apologies, begging for your forgiveness over and over until his shoulders started trembling and in a last effort he signed words unclear but you knew what he meant “please hold me” You whispered as he signed it and sighed. Realizing that he's more affected by this than you were and that he really had no malicious intentions you pulled your lover close, comforting him and yourself as his arms wrapped around you tightly, hands clutching to the fabric of your shirt. “Love” he mumbled out aloud, knowing this one word won't make you do anything but it was the first time you heard him say that he loves you out aloud. “I love you too” you whispered back, cheek still aching from the way his hand slipped but right now your heart needed healing from the betrayal of getting manipulated. Both, you and Toge were sure that this was a cut in your relationship but the bond you shared will act as a bandaid and you will be okay again, especially since he will be more careful now.

Networks: @pixelcafe-network @interstellar-inn @houseofsolisoccasum

[kel-lance]

The New Kid? 🙄😒 (Yandere!?Yuta x Reader)

Warnings: Wrote this months ago and don’t want to reread or fix it up but I feel there should be some warnings though I wouldn’t really know what they’d be other than lying?

- you want to hurt him, ever since you met him, ever since rika hurt your friends to defend this pos who just happens to be gojo sensei’s family. You realize you’re obsessed with him after the 2nd month of not being able to drop it.

- with panda and toge teasing you in front of yuta bc we all know on your crush on maki but she think’s you’re all joking and to stop making fun of her.

- When the truth drops you try to leave immediately to not get everyone else involved with rika but she grabbed your hair and pulled you up, she’s thinking of what she’ll do to you

- Yuta tells her to stop which surprises you all

- He takes off his ring and tells them to watch Rika while you two talk

- You try to leave again but this time he actually has a grip on you

- You’re scared, does that mean all this time he was holding back and just teasing you? you felt humiliated, you hated him so much you start crying into his chest

- He holds you nicely and you realize he does actually care, no one would hold someone like that and say those things but you tell him outright you don’t like him near maki and you hated the fact you keep toying with Rika because a girls love is precious and how could he have toyed with you this whole time?

- he said it was the only time you’d give him more attention so he was okay with it. he’s around maki bc he’s never around girls in general because of rika but bc maki’s also your bsf he wanted to know about you. He kept saying things that made the pieces fit together but you just couldn’t trust him still. You don’t want to go on with him as your classmate, you start to think of how you’ll be moving which freaks yuta out. where which who? why?

- You shove him off of you, for ruining what you tried so hard to make for yourself, and he just comes in. Maki felt the same but they bonded, met while i was on a lengthy mission. I was so pissed Gojo didn’t tell me until after, that ass.

- You try to move for the door but he takes a step out blocking your path. You look at the window and he grabbed your hand again, telling you to stop yelling at you to stop until you finally did, and you broke down again just yelling i hate you at him until you just start to wail into him.

- You cry and cry and cry until youre so tired you apologize. You don’t know what time it is but he’s still holding you. “Why do you want to speak to me about that so bad isn’t this enough u sick fuck?”

- He holds you tither and smiles his usually bright smile and says “Because you see me for who I really am. Rika, Maki, Toge, Panda, even Sensei all see me as weak, nice, a regular person. But you were on guard the moment you saw me, not like the rest of them because of Rika’s CE, but because of my own mind. You know exactly what i’m doing, what i;m thinking. Its like we’re one.”

- What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck you wish for once you weren’t right. He’s a guy, he’s a guy and he’s the same as all of them you had to go. Your crush for him was confused, your excitement, arousal, mixed with how scared you were paralyzed you as you could only stare into his eyes that darkened. He kisses you.

- “Do You want to keep up this act? Being mean to me in public. Then I’ll be as equally mean back when we’re alone?” He locked eyes with you, both showing each other faces you’ve never seen before. Your strong, rude personality was shaken by his secretly abusive side. One hand on the small of your back, pulling you in closer to him as he didn’t wait for an answer, he kept leading the kiss, drawing out each one, creating an itch.

- There was something itching on the inside, this kiss made you feel everything but still empty, you were a mess by the end and could barely think straight as you let his hands lightly grip and explore your body. This was so confusing you were wishing it were over so you could talk to him, the him you’ve all seen, not the one you made up in your head, that turned out to be real.

[darkreaderdan]

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ᴍɪᴄʜᴀᴇʟ ᴄʀɪsᴛ 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒔

✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲

Okay so this is a post that I have been planning for a while now to be honest. Devil's Night Series as been a series that honest got me hooked on reading again and all the characters hold a special place in my heart especially Michael and Rika. I have bared witness to all the hate that Michael gets and as a person who like and can relate to him on some level it actually rub med wrong. I also find it crazy how Michael and Emory are literally the same character in different font but Michael gets a lot more hate. (𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒆𝒔) But this is a Michael post so I will be sticking to just my analysis of him and maybe this can shed some light on his actions and have a discussion. Keep in mind this isn't me trying to justify the shit he does but instead explain his actions.

❦ So first I wanna touch on who Michael is as a person. We have seen throughout the series and especially in Corrupt that he is a for the most part a loyal person especially when it comes to his chosen family which at the start of the series was solely the other 3 horsemen. But let's go see where this stems from. Michael is considered to be the black sheep of his family despite being the eldest son. We have seen in flashbacks that his father has an unwavering hatred towards him ever since he was younger (a literal toddler), even though we never found out the reason why. I have a theory however, that Evan's hatred stem from the fact that Michael is similar to him when it comes to their stubborn mindset making him harder to manipulate and control compared to Trevor who is literally his father's dog. Now back to regular program... this dysfunctional dynamic in his family is what lead him to find companionship, brotherhood and trust in Kai, Will and Damon. They became his real family. He has proven time and time again that he would and will do anything to protect or even avenge them. He was always giving them advice and even cleaning up after them whenever they fuck up, which we know is a lot.🤣🤣 But nonetheless because of his pact and loyalty he will do all this even at a risk of hurting himself both physically and emotionally.

❦ During the events of Corrupt it is noted on several occasion that he is also extremely self destructive. This can be explained as a direct result of his upbringing. One of the things that I realize that alot of readers and fan of the series like to skip over is the extreme abuse that Michael suffered at the hands of his father. I get that as opposed to Damon and Emmy, it wasn't a main highlight in his novel so people tend to downplay it or outright ignores it. Michael was physically & mentally abused by his father simultaneously for years, from his childhood to when he was mid to late teen (he was 16 if i recall correctly). It was at this time that he finally fought back against Evan, with Rika being an unknowing witness to the event that lead to the stop of the physical abusing but the increased in the verbal and mental abuse. And where was his mom during all of this? Acting and being oblivious ofc. But we can see that he still; in present day Corrupt; is affected by his fathers words which reflects in his self loathing and believing he doesn't deserve to be happy or the love of anyone, especially not Rika. The Rika he loved and his world revolved around since he was 3. The same Rika that his dad as been grooming and basically training to be the perfect match/wife for Trevor. And he would rather continuing to live in emotional pain than accepting that someone can love him, that's why he was so hellbent on avenging his friends at the risk of burning the bridge with Rika in the process.

❦ I will be the first to admit that he is blunt, brutal and overall mean in his speech especially at times when he speak to Rika. Michael is not one to cut words and will things in the most brutal of ways especially when he is angry or hurting as I genuinely believe he is one of those 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦, 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 type person who believe that if they are hurting others should too. Though for some reason this doesn't extend to when it comes romantic feelings. Wit that let's focus on his interactions with Rika. Even from the first encounter we saw of the two of them we knew that they had history between them and that their relationship runs deep, this is something that is immediately confirmed. I think one of the biggest issues that the fandom have against Michael is that he is hard on Rika, which is true, but the thing is I think readers are so used to the MMC babying the FMC that the concept of hard love is so alien to them. I will say though some of the things he did say to her are beyond harsh and outright so fucking cruel, like calling her just a pussy or even this:

"𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚋𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚔," 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚠 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔. "𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢, 𝚁𝚒𝚔𝚊? 𝙱𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚜. 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚢, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚝. 𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚜𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎." "𝙸'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚔," 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚢. "𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚒𝚍 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢. 𝙸𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛." 𝙸 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚢. "𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝙸'𝚖 𝚋𝚊𝚍? 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎? 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕, 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝? 𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔! 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚊 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗-𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛-𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚗-𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛-𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚙𝚢 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚛𝚞𝚗𝚔 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛!"

❦ This was just uncall for, but it goes back to what I mentioned before of him believing that if he is hurt, everyone should also hurt, not an excuse but merely an explanation. And as harsh as he is some of his actions are from his perspective a way of teaching her to be stronger and fight her own battles and not wait on others to come to her rescue. He was the first to recognize her fire help her make it shine brighter:

"𝙾𝚠𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚣𝚎. 𝙳𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍? 𝙾𝚠𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚛 𝚒𝚝 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞." -

"𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘔𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘦𝘭-𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘋𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘯, 𝘞𝘪𝘭𝘭, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘒𝘢𝘪-𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦. 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨." - 𝘙𝘪𝘬𝘢.

❦ Another instance that I see people always judging him about is the events of Conclave which I find fucking ridiculous cause he literally reacted how any normal person would. For month Rika as been distant from him, all methods and efforts to try and get through to her as been futile, fast forward to that night on the ship, he walked in on his fiancé in the arms of his best friend finding comfort, when she has been brushing him off for months. Rightfully so both him and Banks were upset but everyone tend to only judge him. Come to find out that the woman he loves thinks so low of him, that he would leave her because of fertility issues and even confided in someone else. So yea him walking away from the situation was honestly a normal and natural reaction. Like he is allowed to feel and react like anyone in his shoes would. and I find it crazy how people love saying he doesn't care for, love or respect Rika when there is evidence proving otherwise.

𝑹𝒊𝒌𝒂 𝒊𝒔 𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍'𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅. 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓.

"𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒔," 𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒔, "𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐. 𝑰'𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆. 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒐 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒆." 𝑯𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔, 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚. "𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓.

𝑾𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝑴𝒊𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒍 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝑬𝒓𝒊𝒌𝒂 𝑭𝒂𝒏𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔. 𝑭𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒃𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔.

𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓. 𝑻𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔, 𝑰 𝒓𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒖𝒎𝒃 𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆, 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕. "𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝑹𝒊𝒌𝒂. 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖."

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒂𝒎𝒆, 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍. 𝑾𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒅𝒂𝒚, 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒖𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒆'𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓.

"𝑶𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒓𝒖𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒔, 𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒔, 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔, 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆�� 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔."

❦ Like you can bring up that he didn't apologize to her and it is clear that this is one of people's biggest freeze moment but let's not forget that people have different ways for expressing themselves and in MichaelRika case, they have proven over and over again on multiple occasions that they prefer and believe in actions over words. Rika wanted Michael to show her that he is sorry to basically dedicate his life to her and guess what? He did just that.

❦ I could go on more but as this post turn out longer than I anticipated I will end it her on this note. Michael to me is the perfect representation of a complex character, he is a product of cause and effect and it shines through alot through the series. I wanna finish by saying that I am in no way shape or form defending his actions but simply highlighting and explaining them.

[marshmallowprotection]

I do however think se saeran would have a hard time with an mc that was into photography. Not in a hateful way!! But...not only does he have the trauma and shame of killing him, but ALSO that Jihyun very much traumatized Saeran and played a big role in his abuse and letting Rika harm him. I think saeran would be triggered by an mc that shared a hobby with someone he associates with hurting him. Not out of hate necessarily, but maybe intrinsic fear? And that's kind of sad and discouraging! Is this a wrongful assumption maybe?

Well, like I said in the ask I answered before, I do think SE Saeran would be mildly uncomfortable at first. But, this goes into a deeper question I have to point out. I personally don't think that Saeran can be around Jumin or Yoosung, or even the rest of the RFA, after what happened.

Jumin and Yoosung are specifically tied up to their closeness with Jihyun and Rika, and while neither of them are at fault, Saeran is aware of those bonds. He feels sick to his stomach around them due to the fact that Yoosung and Jumin could bring up Jihyun or Rika in some capacity at any point without warning, even if they were told to be mindful of Saeran's feelings. He wouldn't fault them for it, but he's not comfortable.

How do you think Saeran feels? He has to carry the weight of what happened with Jihyun for the rest of his life, and looking at Jumin is such an inherent reminder of that fact. Jumin did everything he could to help the twins because that's the right thing and it's what Jihyun would've wanted him to do, but even as kind as Jumin is, Saeran will live with the fear of "what if". Yoosung also doesn't know the truth. He is unaware of Mint Eye and what Rika did, I can't imagine Saeran ever wanting to be close to Yoosung because everyone else decided not to tell him or Zen what really happened.

Now, consider the entire RFA at large. Do you think he's going to want to have a friendship with people he's largely stalked for years? People who are friends with twin brother and will likely only be nice to him because they care about Saeyoung and don't want to hurt any of his feelings about it? Even if the RFA welcomed Saeran with open arms, it doesn't mean that Saeran will want to be around them. I just can't imagine SE Saeran being buddy-buddy with the RFA, for quite obvious reasons. His guilt, his shame, and the weight of the death on his hands.

I don't think Saeran would have a panic attack the instant he saw a camera in your hands. I do think he would have to sit down and think about why he feels uncomfortable with the sound of a camera shutter of all things. There are memories he buried down deep in his chest... memories of the cathedral. Ray might not be around in this timeline anymore, but he mentioned the fond memory of learning how to take photographs from Jihyun... and how he wanted to keep taking photos because of that inspiration.

SE Saeran thinking about that memory? It's him realizing that he did once care for Jihyun and Jihyun cared for him... and that adds onto his grief. Taking the life of another person, intentional or not, is one of those things that weighs on your chest like an anchor. No matter how you feel about it, you will carry that weight forever, and it's a shame we don't get to see how he handles that canonically, leaving it up to us to gauge what's going on.

To make this clear, photography didn't hurt Saeran. Jihyun's failure to advocate for him and talk to his friends when he was in too deep was what hurt him. Seeing a camera, holding a camera, taking a picture? That's a memory of when Saeran thought Jihyun was a good friend, never seeing Jihyun or Rika as his parents like Saeyoung did, but as friends who looked after him.

[mnemyo]

a VERY long essay on V’s Day 7 Visual Novels as a Rika lover

.

while rika is an extreme version of this, to many mentally ill people “unconditional love” comes off as very burdening, especially for a character like rika who everyone who ever “loved” her before always had a lot of expectations for her to fufill. On a less character defined level,

V’s “unconditional love” is also a trap of sorts, in his story rika describes the “darkness” in herself. you see, if you dont show rika affection whatsoever she doesn’t tell you the root of her ideology, however, if you side with her in the rika vn sequences she tells you the story of her darkness and light (im aware she explains some of it even if you reject her but there is more when you embrace and sympathize with her) basically her analogy is

her darkness is not inherently born in her, her darkness is the trauma and negative feelings others inflicted onto her in her upbringing.

the darkness used to externally present as tears (sadness) until people responded to that, too, with more darkness.

In response to that darkness, she developed severe anthropophobia (fear of humans) until she was able to suppress her phobia by finding a way to suppress her crying. her tears stopped coming out but they were still there behind her smile, just welling up on the inside until she was so full of tears. the body needed to expel tears because there was no more space

unfortunately, the way the excess tears came out wasn’t by the physical tears coming out, rather, through extinguishing her own darkness (harming others, abused becomes the abuser) she lists these things that would expel tears: cry, yell, and do something others would hate.

(at this point you can comment on how you think she’d be pretty when she’s finally able to cry and notably rika is grateful but comments that the mc, too, looks like shes going to cry, this shows the scene is meant to be in a sympathetic lens)

continuing her ideology she says one day she found a devil swimming in the tears inside her.

the devil whispered to her her incecurities: that she was unlovable, that her fiancée secretly hated her, that she was worthless.

This caused her to cling further to V (her fiancée) because the ‘devil’ was sustained by her tears, and she desperately wanted to kill that devil by drying her tears. V has an obsessive ideology with loving someone like the sun, drying all of someone’s tears and vanquishing the devil inside them, an unconditional all encompassing love.

while V encompassed her in this love, she had a realization that this devil that kept telling her she was worthless and unlovable, was actually herself, the herself that was deeply hurt in her childhood and was alone for so long. immediately she became terrified, terrified of this man who so devotedly wanted to kill her devil she asked him to spare the devil, to stop this sun like love that would one day reduce her to nothingness but he refused, so she ran away to start a cult of people, like her, so filled with darkness.

she actually comments at this point that she wont save those in agony through freedom and charity (the way she tried to get mentally better before, by starting a charity organization) and that not everyone can be saved by freedom and charity, rather need fear and salvation.

another interesting thing is that she says V will never be right in rejecting her ideology UNLESS he sacrifices himself to blind her with his light, in which case she would lose everything (this happens in another route where he dies for her and she permanently enters a catatonic hollow-to-life state where she can’t even talk and is sent to a mental hospital abroad because no one can take care of her other than a specialist) she ends this conversation by posing the mc a question. when she one day has to make the decision (this conversation happens during v’s route where you get together with him) the decision being independence (what she chose) or stableness (v’s all consuming light)

there within hides the reason why the game says v’s all consuming, sun like love is negative. theres 2 reasons

1. his all consuming unconditional love is self-sacrifical and is thusly even more burdensome

2. this also expands on part 1, this love is stable but also causes a deep codependency, even if V did “fix her” who would she be? she only knew herself as consumed by darkness before but who would she be after? a product of v? v’s wife? she wouldn’t be able to recognize herself

she also states that to her love is both light and devil, love being described by her as the duality of trust + healing but also obsession and possession. she then states that v’s love doesn’t contain any obsession (while sounding negative a light version of obsession in a relationship is a good thing, think your thoughts being filled by your loved one and with possession theres jealousy and a desire for them to stay with you) without those two aspects the love is only light and endless undeserved trust is a bad thing and too much healing doesn’t let one take time to process each stage of a deep set wound, healing is meant to be a full process and sometimes there needs to be pauses in the process to *be able* to mentally process

another thing rika comments is that v wants her to torture herself which is what starts her explaining her darkness ideology, even commenting that no one ever asked her about her darkness before

this is concerning because if no one asked her about this before that includes v that means v knew next to nothing about all her trauma (theres a lot)

non conclusive list of rikas trauma:

- shes an orphan abandoned by her parents

- she was adopted by a abusive religious family and was abused and even implied sa by their priest (i’ll get back to this in a second)

- when she ran away from her adoptive family she went to a lot of trouble to find her biological family, not her parents rather her step-parents (this doesn’t really make sense as a statement but thats what she states, probably makes more sense in og korean) and said step parents also abused her!

- she was also bullied in school for being a not cheerful girl

she states to all this trauma that she didn’t even know there was light in the world, since all she’s known was darkness, that she thought she was born to be tormented and tortured or she wouldn’t have a purpose to live

now going back to the catholic priest abuse, this is most likely why she sees herself as the devil and why devil isn’t an inherently bad thing to her.

all this really to say that while a lot of what rika did is inexcusable like man after that whole life she lived + when she ran away to start a cult V instead of telling her friends and cousin she was mentally ill the entire time she’s known them he tell them that she killed herself! because he is so dead set on “shouldering the pain he caused on his own” he socially isolates the only other people who can show her light, ESPECIALLY since rika comments that the RFA all have their own darkness.

Thank you if you’ve read this far! I have a lot of thoughts about Rika my friends are sick of me. This is not to say any of rikas actions aren’t bad by any means but I think she’s a wonderfully complex character that i find easy to sympathize with and for any fellow Rika lovers (or someone who just wants to understand rika more) I would recommend reading the day 7 vn’s in her own words, she says more details if you side with her more.

[thevoidlord]

Mixed! Messenger AU

I came up with a Mystic Messenger AU! I have no idea if this already exists lol It's sort of a role-swap for the characters, but based on mixing the duos/trios, mostly (but not completely) based on story grouping. Here's the list of who is swapped with who:

MC swapped with Rika

Jumin swapped with Seven

V swapped with Saeran

Yoosung swapped with Zen

Jaehee swapped with Vanderwood

It's still an AU-in-progress, so it still needs some things fleshed-out, but here's some random things I thought about for each character: Yoosung: - a new, young voice actor - still very cute - has voiced characters in (usually indie) videogames primarily - wants to work on bigger games, but spends too much time gaming when he should be applying for bigger voice acting positions Zen: - college student who changed his major several times and failed a bunch of classes, but still doing his best - still a narcissist - working several jobs to pay for his tuition because he refuses to accept financial help, wanting to earn it on his own - loves musicals!! (he'll one day realize his dream to be a musical actor, but he has yet to realize...) Vanderwood: - works for CEO-in-line, Saeyoung Choi, as his assistant (and maid) - constantly reminds Seven to take his job seriously - is very confused why Seven has so much money yet doesn't take care of his health (Seven still primarily eats honey buddha chips) - annoyed when Saeyoung calls them his housemaid when clearly they're his assistant Jaehee: - secret agent (and catsitter for Jumin) - overworked by the agency AND Jumin and needs a break - cat hair everywhere, send help - has to beg Jumin not to involve cats into his or their missions - still loves musicals! (not a fan of Zen as an actor tho since he's not an actor yet) - once sat next to Zen during a theatre showing, but never kept in contact (was in awe from his beauty, but knew she needed to keep her distance due to agency work) Jumin: - hacker and secret agent - still has Elizabeth the 3rd, and claims that her wisdom has helped him crack many codes and solved many missions - great at his job otherwise - still has the same personality as before, except hacker Seven: - CEO-in-line who works hard but also loves mischief! - definitely has produced some hilarious marketing campaigns - may or may not have made some secret loophole scams to snatch more money for his babies (his cars) - still wants to play with Elly - can actually afford to go to the moon V: - used to be best friends with Jumin before joining Gold Eye under MC - loves art, but doesn't have enough time to make any due to hacking and cult shenanigans - instead of a garden, Gold Eye has an art gallery where V likes to spend his time - will do anything for MC, even learning to hack and worshipping her every move Saeran: - leader of MC's Fundraising Association (MCFA) - specializes in floral photography and gardening - lives with his brother in a penthouse - has a large garden in their backyard with all sorts of flowers and plants - he and Saeyoung still grew up with that abusive mother, but, eventually they learned their dad (who isn't the prime minister in this) was rich, so they escaped, found him, and convinced him to let them live with him - loves MC and has been desperate to find her after she vanished Rika: - no, she is not getting the option to date like in the game; she's just there trying to fix everything and make everyone happy - never hosted a party in her life, but is determined to try - never dated V - struggles with mental illness and trauma, but is actively seeking therapy and is improving - joined MCFA after MC left (Yoosung recognized her immediately, but everyone else does not know her) MC: - cult leader of Gold Eye - obsessed with bringing MCFA into her cult as her harem - looooooves bad endings - didn't fake her own death, but did mysteriously cut contact one day and took V with her - the true mastermind in all this EVERYTHING IN THIS LIST IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE!! I just thought this would be a fun AU concept idea lol I made this while sleep deprived lol I'm gonna go to sleep now

[cure-icy-writes]

It’s been two years and I am STILL mad at the ending of Wonder Egg Priority. Maybe enough to brainstorm a better ending for them.

-Starting with episode 10, Kaoru’s trauma is shown in much less graphic detail. Rather than outright assault, his trauma consisted of realizing that a trusted mentor just viewed him as Girl Lite after he made that person his only support system, and his mentor's romantic/sexual intentions towards him aren't made explicit. It tones down the graphic abuse, while also creating a character foil to Momoe, who feels like girls see her as Boy Lite and constrain her to their fantasies and gender roles. Momoe is more explicitly trans, and the episode makes a point that Acca and Ura-acca don’t actually know shit. Kaoru’s suicide wasn’t a “feminine” one, it just got lumped in with the rest because he wasn’t openly out and was buried under his deadname.

-the friends that frill created, rather than. You know. Brutally murdering and traumatizing anyone? They just show up as vaguely unsettling messengers who aren’t supposed to be there. And they start asking pointed questions. Why was Kaoru in the egg? Can the suicides of boys and girls really be separated so easily? Momoe is a gnc trans girl. She experiences gender differently than her cis friends. And the experience leaves her shaken in her faith of the Accas. She’s completed the game, but it’s bittersweet. She has closure, but the dead cannot truly be brought back to life. All that can be done is to create a parallel world, another chance for them to live in, and to say goodbye.

-Rika completes her game, and gets to say she’s sorry. She realizes that eating food in public without being mocked? That’s basically thin privilege. Her arc ends with her asking her mom to make her some comfort food. Frill’s friend asks why, exactly, Rika said what she did, abused her position of power. We see her manager, a grown ass adult man, and the silhouette of her father.

-Neiru isn’t a robot AI because that makes no fucking sense. Instead, she parallels Frill, as a “created girl” who was born to fulfill expectations. It’s revealed that her sister stabbed her and committed suicide because the expectations made her snap, because she wanted to destroy the image of the “perfect girl” as a final act of spite. She apologizes to Neiru, for not seeing her as a person but a tool.

-Ai completes her game, and gets closure with Koito— their friendship was kind of fucked up and gay in the way that repressed thirteen year old girls with codependence issues tend to be, and they actually talk about that. Koito reveals that their teacher strung her along, pushed them apart, and she committed suicide because of the guilt that she’d been complicit in Ai’s grooming.

-Ai tells her mom that she doesn’t feel safe around her teacher. Her mom believes her, and Momoe slowly comes to terms with the realization that she’s been putting her uncle on a pedestal because he was supportive of her transition, but she needs to believe her fellow women. The dude doesn’t go to jail but there’s a marked difference in how the girls talk about him.

-Frill and Himari get to take back their narratives. Frill is literally just a baby created by misogynists, and she decides to crawl out of the basement fridge and tell her dads “yeah I didn’t kill your daughter. She realized that she was just a replacement, that you people saw a daughter as a replaceable toy to make for fun, and she couldn’t take it. Anyways have a nice life lol” and chops off her hair, leaving it in a pile on their doorstep.

-The series ends with the girls taking control of the magical egg gacha— something thematic about girls supporting girls and taking back control from the institutions run by men who exploit their pain and grief for money. There’s a timeskip where Ai graduates school and starts working from home, Momoe gets gayer and starts building up a transgender support network, Rika moves away from home into her own apartment and starts rebuilding her fraught relationship with her mother, and Neiru is shown running the egg gacha for free, and with explicit warnings to the girls who come looking for closure.

-The temptation of death is posited as a human urge, something that exists at rock bottom, but one that teenage girls are especially vulnerable to in a society that will take advantage of them. And warriors of Eros? Those are the ones who choose love. Ai.

anyways. I think that ties up all the character arcs and plot threads? It would be nice if canon had given us this but ah well. I can dream

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 6 Tsumihoroboshi pt. 24

In which everything goes well forever.

The next day Keiichi and Mion have their selves a little conversation about just why Rena went off the deep end. Keiichi thinks to himself about how it all went to pot in the Onikakushi timeline, but he decides to keep it to himself and more of less just goes “who knows? Chicks man.” There’s some more conversation about whether they think Rena can be saved from her madness, when suddenly there’s a call on the office phone. It’s Rena, and she’s going to commit a little bit of terrorism, as a treat!

Eventually Keiichi realizes there’s only two places Rena could possibly be threatening with, I want to say arson, but I didn’t screenshot a lot of this part. Keiichi and Mion decide that they should have a nearby Sonozaki group car go to the Irie Clinic to make sure Rena doesn’t commit her terrorism there, and Chie is going to the coincidentally just far enough away other location that Rena is definitely at. Wink. Keiichi goes along with Chie because they’ll need someone to talk her down, and they’re off, at the time when I read this I was somewhat confused by the wording because I thought they said that Mion went along as well. But that doesn’t really matter, Keiichi realizes that Chie and him have in fact been hoodwinked, and bamboozled.

Keiichi and Chie then rush back to the school where the Hinamizawa and Okinomiya police have formed a barricade around the school, not quite sure how to deal with the hostage situation.

This situation sure did escalate extremely quickly huh? Keiichi tries to inform Ooishi about the gas covered student, but is interrupted by the arrival of Ootaka from the prefectural police. Despite Keiichi only just now having learned about the threat of Rena lighting the entire classroom on fire Ootaka is here to deal with this bomb before it goes off. Initially I thought it was a metaphorical bomb, but they act like it’s an actual factual bomb so, who knows. Ootaka has a plan where some of his guys from the prefectural police department are going to infiltrate the classroom, with Ooishi’s officers providing backup.

Remember one paragraph ago when I mentioned Keiichi just learned about the gas covered classroom/students. Yeah… I have absolutely no idea how Ootaka divined there was a bomb in the classroom, or if he’s just being poetic by referring to Rena holding the class hostage as a bomb. Never the less, it’s time for some tactical squad combat. Fully armed special forces riot cops versus a teenaged girl armed with a lighter and an axe!

This has nothing really to do with the visual novel, but man I cannot stand it any more when movies, games, TV shows, or youtube videos abuse the tinnitus noise. It’s extremely overdone, and I just mute whatever I’m watching that has it for a few seconds until I’m sure it’s done. Anyway, I guess we should call this a draw.

Definitely a draw. Rena hit them with the “you didn’t win.”

Not to be gross about it, really the fact that there was literally anything for Keiichi to see that wasn’t just a mist, or chunks is kind of miraculous. From the sounds of it the other members of the gaming club didn’t get so lucky.

See, I wonder if the bad endings here are just a variation of how the timelines have gone in the past for Rika? That’s how I choose to interpret it anyway.

[kagaminelen]

NEW POST!!!!! that one was too long

by episode 22 of Gou I think I sympathize with with Satoko a little more. Except for the fact that she never tries to make St. Lucia WORK she never accepts Rika's help.

Satoko creates her own personal hell trying to create a reality where Rika picks her. This is slightly different than Rika trying to find a reality that saves her and her friends.

Rika not explaining that she's been in loop hell is why Satoko is so stubborn. She doesn't realize just WHY Rika wants to leave, and thinks she can convince her. Whereas if it was just a whim that Rika had, she might've been able to convince Rika to leave otherwise

unfortunately, Satoko no longer has any excuse to continue pressuring Rika.

I'm starting to think that Satoko watching the entirety of Rika's loop also made her insane.

ohhhh so that's how Satoko finished the game so quickly....Satoko being better at looping than Rika is insane. Rika DOES like to wait for chance and luck, and Satoko is going about it the way I thought Rika SHOULD

STOP HUMANIZING TEPPEI I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOO YOU'RE MAKING HIM NICE!!!!!! WHICH MEANS THE WHOLE ARC WHERE HE WAS BEING CALLED ABUSIVE WAS ALL A LIE.....but he still ends up going crazy in the end, right?

her cowering in fear when he approaches.....he's like actually a changed man NO NOT HIM PROTECTING HER????????? I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LIKE THIS GUY

nooo....they're so alike. They're both proud and don't want to say sappy shit out loud. in an infinite number of worlds, there's at least one where he's a good person. but she's lived too many lives where he wasn't. I am actually crying this is actually so fucking sad. I don't want to forgive him, I just feel sorry because there really was a world where they could've been on good terms

[huayno]

caught up with no home over the weekend and read the final scanlated chapter on monday

the focus on being able to choose where you live as part of personal autonomy is really really good. also appreciate how it didn't slide into presenting dorm life as a perfect escape to living with your parents, it's another institution controlled by adults after all. even the quasi utopic arrangement of the kids living unattended in the house by benign neglect (satoko & rika moment) was full of interpersonal friction.

the spats between haejoon and eunyung were very viscerally nasty, and i like that the narrative gave you reasons to take both of their sides—eunyung needed to change the most but there were times when i wish his pessimism was taken more seriously, particularly when adults were involved.

after higurashi i am even more grateful when a work dealing with familial abuse does the bare minimum of allowing characters to tell their family members to fuck off. juwan's mother realizing what she did and adjusting her behavior so quickly strains my credulity, but hey, some parents must be capable of that. especially wish haejoon's mother had been criticized more (thank you eunyung). she was supportive in a lot of ways but she didn't care that her interest in the paranormal was scaring her child and was emotionally dependent on him, making him reassure her that he was satisfied with just her, and dying in the act of trying to keep him from leaving. it wasn't right of her to treat him that way.

while marie's aunt definitely has convictions in line with family abolition, i think the story as a whole is a little too invested in "good" family ties for my liking—on the basis of them being family. but overall a really engaging manhwa and thank you no home anon for reccing it!

[felixcloud6288]

Higurashi: Massacre Chapter 10

At first, Ooishi seemed to be playing his usual role in every tragedy. He's coming into the scene and sowing doubt in the Rule X target, but Keiichi refuses to yield and Ooishi's tone instantly changes to a much more supportive one.

It's kind of wild how the memories from the other timelines are bleeding into everyone here. Keiichi realized he's never actually seen Teppei before in this timeline, and everything he's doing is actually due to his memories from Curse Killing. Rena meanwhile talks about her memories from Atonement as if they were events from her past rather than the events from a different Rena. Similar stuff has likely been happening with Shion, but she's not willing to talk about them.

One of the truly evil aspects of the Three Rules is how Rule X is developed through no malicious intents at all. Takano is a troll trying to get a rise out of people while Ooishi is just trying to figure out if there is something deeper to his friend's murder. But their actions drive the Rule X victim into a state where they commit murder.

If Keiichi didn't have the resolve to keep going despite Ooishi's well-intentioned warning, he or Shion would have fallen back on murdering Teppei after what happens the next day.

Intentionally or not, Ooishi's warning to Keiichi also came with a hint to how he could potentially resolve this issue much faster. The Child Consultation Center was afraid Oryou was secretly behind Keiichi's organization and they approached her about it.

Her involvement and opinions in either direction have a direct impact on things and at the moment, she's influencing the village to not help Satoko because of what happened during the Dam War. But if she should change her mind, then the Center can be forced to give into Keiichi's appeal.

So now it is Thursday June 16th. Just like in Curse Killing, Satoko has returned to school for the first time. But unlike last time, there is no pretending everything is fine nor any in-fighting when Satoko is away.

Everyone is fully aware Satoko is being abused at home and they need her to reach out and ask for help. But she refuses.

One other difference from Curse-Killing is Satoko goes into her panic on the same day rather than Friday.

The tragedies in each arc is tailored to the faults that each of Rika's friends has (Except Mion. Mion has done nothing wrong ever). Keiichi distrusted his friends, Rena didn't think she could ask her friends for help, Shion lost all hope, and Satoko thinks she has to endure her suffering to atone. Satoko is the only one who hasn't overcome her faults.

I bet Keiichi would also think that guy is really handsome and smart too.

Principle Kaieda pressed the Hinamizawa Syndrome power button.

We've heard a few things about Hinamizawa Syndrome but Rika's explanation gives us a good idea about what it actually does. When a person with Hinamizawa Syndrome has a fear reaction to an unknown, they initially assume it's whatever they're afraid of and they become unable to process when they were mistaken.

We can look at Keiichi in Abducted by Demons for a good example of this. When he started falling under Hinamizawa Syndrome he began interpreting every surprising moment as a sign of danger. In chapter 1, he asked Rena if she knew anything about the Dam murder and Rena said she doesn't know. Keiichi didn't expect that answer and his fears started to take over at that point.

Then every instance Mion or Rena were aware of something he thought they shouldn't be, the syndrome would make them appear to have demonic eyes and threatening tones of voice. And this culminated in him interpreting hot sauce in ohagi was actually a needle and a marker was a syringe. He could only realize the truth in a different world where he was not infected with Hinamizawa Syndrome.

back

Spoiler Discussion

This Devil Script is desperate to play out at this point. Initially, Shion was the Rule X target, but Keiichi has successfully saved her from that fate. So now the script is trying to make Keiichi the Rule X target. If Keiichi gives up, he or Shion or both of them will kill Teppei.

Satoko having her freakout a day early is another aspect of the script getting desperate. Normally, Satoko would have her freakout on Friday which convinces Keiichi to murder Teppei. Keiichi would spend Saturday preparing the murder and would Kill Teppei on Sunday.

However in this timeline, Satoko will be saved on Saturday. The script is throwing everything it can into derailing things because Satoko's friends refuse to give into despair.

[rake-rake]

Many random Yuta headcanons.

Although Yuta greatly respects Satoru as a sorcerer and does have a certain fondness for him as a relative and the one who initially helped him, he does find him somewhat lacking when it comes to teaching. He considers Miguel and Kusakabe as his mentors instead, calls them Sensei, and greatly looks up to them and respects them.

He calls Satoru simply by his name, without honorifics nor other suffix, although he wouldn't be able to put into words the why. Probably something to do with a desire for closeness with the one family member he seems to have left.

Most of Yuta's old anxiety and shyness was beaten out of him thanks to Miguel training and mentoring, but it still can sometimes come out in very specific situations. He was also the one who enforced on him his now usual poker face as to help him never give away his thoughts or next move.

Yuta is a quick learner when it comes to other languages. He's fluent in English, and moderately fluent in Swahili and Yoruba, taught to him by different members of Miguel's clan and the man himself.

Yuta normally runs very cold, and the dark circles under his eyes are always prominent, as well as the dark veins under his skin. That together with extremely pale skin usually give him a somewhat unsettling appearance, even if he's pretty attractive.

Due to Rika's influence and Yuta's immense amount of cursed energy, his very presence feels extremely unsettling and creepy to non sorcerers, specially children and also animals. Most children will cry when he's near, and animals will run away, while most adults feel enormously uncomfortable around him. This also happens with sorcerers, although more limited. Most of them just find him extremely creepy and unsettling but their control of cursed energy allows the to ignore it.

When fighting without his katana, Yuta resorts to Neo Engolo, an African martial art precursor to the Brazilian Capoeira, which mixes both styles as well as some stances from Asiatic martial arts. He learnt it during his time with Miguel as well, from various young sorcerers from the clan.

Yuta cut all connection with his family when he was 10 years old. His mother was a heavy smoker and an alcoholic, abusive both mental and physically, his father was not in the picture, and his sister was a small clon of their mother. None of them are sorcerers, and after a particularity bad argument where Rika finally attacked and injured his sister, he decided to take his things and run away. As far as he knows, his family never looked for him.

He spent the next year living in the streets with Rika's aid, stealing to survive, and would be eventually found by child services when he was 11. He would be brought to a children center and remain there until he was 15 years old and Rika's attacks got worse, causing Satoru to finally find him. As a 17 years old right now, almost 18, he still doesn't know anything about he whereabouts of his family, and is not particularly interested on finding out.

Yuta has been approached by different clans with the intention of forming rapports, and sometimes, even arrange possible marriages. Needless to say he's rejected them all.

Yuta did briefly date Miguel's younger sister during his time in Kenya, although it was more of a sensual relationship rather than romantic. They ended things in good terms once Yuta realized he wasn't truly attracted to her. After her, he dated a male friend. Things ended with lots of yelling.

During his time abroad he also picked on the unhealthy habit of smoking, this one by Miguel's mother's influence. He brought a stash of artisanal cigars with him and does his best to make them last.

Due to Rika's death and his own mother, Yuta has a heavy dislike for alcohol. He's unlikely to ever get drunk, and will only drink it in very specific situations.

Also due to his upbringing, he's pretty closed off around adults and mistrustful of them. The only adults he feels comfortable with and can be open around are Kusakabe and Miguel, as he doesn't even feel fully at ease around Satoru.

Yuta is extremely protective of women. He will always aid women with their bags and offer any kind of aid, and will be the first one to interject if he thinks someone is bothering a girl.

Legally, Satoru is his guardian, which technically puts him on line for the lead of the Gojo clan.

Thanks to Gojo's influence he met and befriended Megumi little before leaving. He thinks he's very pretty, but tries not to think much of it. He also probably kept in contact with him during his absence.

He has both of his earlobes pierced, as well as his left helix. He also has a navel and genital piercing.

[natasha-in-space]

...I can't help but think that the reason Rika views her intimate relationships in such a toxic way is partially because of the horrendous abuse she had to endure from the pastor her mother forced her to meet, and it breaks my heart for her. She doesn't even say that she truly wants V to do something, she just believes that if he doesn't, that means she's useless and unloved. It makes me so sad to see her like this...

And V is truly doing his best to help her here. It pains him to see her suffering and terrified of being thrown away, he just doesn't realize that simply giving her what she asks of him won't make her truly happy and stable. And he's neglecting his own comfort in the proceess. These two are hurting each other so deeply due to their own individual traumas and it's tragic to see...

[s0phos-writes]

mysme - webtoon au

so i read the webtoon and while it was very cute and i liked it a lot, it still left something to be desired in me… well, a lot to be desired tbh….. so ofc i had it in my head that i wanna fix it! hooray!!

so like basically, it was mysme if u took out all the superdramatic [and unrealistic] elements like no rika being secretly alive, no mint eye, no bomb, NO SAERAN [we’ll get to that] and like the party happened in like a month which still is a really short time to prepare a party of that scale but still it's not 7 days, and she got to see them all in person and work in an office in C&R instead of being trapped in rika’s apartment… like a lot of the elements were still there but no explanation? like the only way u would know these things are if u are VERY familiar with the game lol like rika still hurt v’s eyes, no one was allowed to go to rika’s apartment, v was just absent for p much no reason, in the flashback of saeyoung’s life, u saw rika and v but they didn’t explain what happened ALSO I JUST REALIZED I DONT THINK THEY EVER REFER TO HIM AS SAEYOUNG IN THE COMIC…. just seven or luciel…. what the fuck…..

SO anyway, once again i like to fix things so like … i wanna take the best of both worlds, from the game and from the webtoon… i want to bring back SAERAN BC WTF HOW CAN U TAKE MY TRAGIC TWINS AWAY FROM ME I LOVE THAT SHIT!!!! SM!!! so like i think… it won’t be about mint eye being a cult but i think saeran should be the architect of the whole thing and like… rika did actually kill herself [ im sad :^( ] and everyone dealing with that how she wasn’t a perfect person bc she did abuse v and saeran, acknowledge that yes she had her own horrific trauma but that doesn’t erase or excuse the terrible things she did to others bc of said trauma… and also.. oh god i just had an idea to make it like the joker [a movie i haven't even seen] in that the twins’ mom told them that their dad was the prime minister or whatever and that he wanted to kill them but in reality, it's not fucking true it was just her way of keeping them in the house and with her ALSO RIKA DIDN’T KILL HER WTF they were taken away idk by the state? whatever and were placed in an orphanage or w/e and got separated somehow idk there’s still a lot of details to work out but he does end up in rika’s care… somehow.... like i said details but thats p much what i wanna write about… i want them all to get better lives and no one else has to die :^)  so yeah a little bit of kdrama sprinkled in bc who doesn’t love at least a little drama…

well… if i REALLY wanted to go the kdrama route, the webtoon already set up the love triangle for me with hana having a crush on zen initially but ending up with seven anyway AND YEAH WAIT THAT BUGGED TF OUTTA ME how it was just kinda at the end hana was like “oh ig i've liked him this whole time” but I DIDNT SEE IT!! WHERE’S MY PRESUMED UNREQUITED BUT ACTUALLY MUTUAL PINING DAMN IT GUH whatever im not bitter...

[marshmallowprotection]

the thing I want to shake saeray for is...apologizing to Rika, repeatedly.

What do you mean you're sorry for changing...? She's the one who hurt YOU! You're sorry for not letting her abuse and manipulate you anymore? Please value yourself more my love!!!

I understand where people are coming from when they say they're disappointed Saeran forgave the people who abused him. That's a feeling I deeply understand because I, personally, am much more like Saeyoung, and I don't forgive and forget. I remember, and that's okay because those feelings aren't hurting me or the people around me. In a society that forces many of us to think we have to "forgive" against our will.

We don't.

We don't have to forgive and forget.

But, it's important to understand that forgiveness is a broad topic, too. You can forgive people to move on and find peace, you don't have to let them back into your life, though. For Saeran, forgiveness was about learning how to forgive himself, as opposed to forgiving his abusers to let them back into his life.

Saeran built his cruelty from the backs of the abuse that was wielded against him.

In Mint Eye, he took the words and actions of his Mother, Rika, and Saejoong Choi to create a persona that could survive underneath the Savior. He repeated those words that were lauded against him, every action that was held against him was used to silence others, and that was what was expected of him. He became something that made his heart suffer in silence under his agonized screams, and not once has he tried to justify his actions to the player.

He's owned his mistakes. He's fighting every day to prove that he will never do what he did ever again. He doesn't want to hurt people. The only thing Saeran wants is to leave peacefully, and to do that, he has to learn how to forgive himself. You might forgive him for what went down in Mint Eye, you might not, but I can confirm GE Saeran didn't forgive himself. He realized that the only way to forgive himself was to face the people who spoke the words to him first, and in doing so, he decided that forgiving them was the best way to forgive himself.

If Saeran could face his demons and forgive them, he could learn how to look in the mirror and forgive himself, too. That's healthy, my friend. That's how he's going to find peace, and it's okay if you don't like that and it's not something you would do, but what's not okay is to shame Saeran for choosing what he wanted. He would never do it to you. The After Ending is filled with characters making choices that are what they want, right or wrong, and the characters support what you do.

Jumin doesn't approve of you putting yourself in danger, but he does not stop you when you plead with him to go back to Saeran's side. He knows you need to do that and gives you protection to do it safely in every way he can because that's your choice, and he won't stop you when he knows you'll run off without his help if need be.

Saeyoung won't forgive Rika, Saejoong or Jihyun for what they've done, but he knows that Saeran is gentle. He won't stop his brother from choosing peace, though. He respects Saeran's choice and he supports it just as Saeran supports Saeyoung's decision to never ever forgive them.

And now, I understand what you're saying about Saeran saying what he said to Rika here. The post I linked is where I was talking with an Anon about why GE Saeran suddenly cut off Rika and said, "I want ice cream".

He says everything he can to keep her placated and stall her for time. I don't think he's apologized to her once in this circumstance, there might have been a moment when he said he was sorry for not being “Ray” but if he said that, it wasn’t because he meant it.

He’s not sorry for not being who Rika wanted Ray to be because Ray was never what Rika wanted him to be, anyway.

She suffocated and suppressed him into the ground while his true colors were revealed to MC. If anything, he said it that because he understands why she’s this person he shouldn’t fear, she’s someone he pities because he can see how she became the Savior and how sad that very existence is. 

When he says he's sorry, he doesn't mean it in the way you think he does. He says sorry because he can see how the world failed her and how she failed herself. He can see how her life would have been different if the circumstances had been different if things didn't play out the way they did, and if she had the opportunity to open her eyes before it was too late. He empathizes with that feeling, and he offers condolences because he knows what it feels like. 

Saeran: "I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you tried to make me be, because I was never that way. You only wanted me to be that way because you're afraid of losing everyone. But, you lost all the people you love when you decided to force them to stay, no matter what they truly wanted. Ray never wanted to stay with you because he wanted to, you made him believe he had to stay because he had no person left to turn to but you. Your existence is a sad one, isn't it? To want to be loved but to push everyone away because you don't know how to express your fears?"

Saeran: "I can see why you are the way you are. I understand that you want to control me so you never feel alone again. I can see that you want me to be the way you are, you want someone to exist the same way you do so that you just can justify everything you've done and everything you've become because if you dared to look into a mirror, you'd know everything you've done to me and everyone else you've known is wrong."

Saeran: "I'm sorry I changed. I'm not sorry that I changed for the better, but you can't handle seeing me as I have always been, always wanted to be, and truly was. I'm sorry I changed and you're not ready to see me this way because all you've ever wanted to see is someone I've never been. Until you recognize I'm not the way you made me out to be in your head, you will continue to spiral down a path of hatred and utter contempt that made me miserable when I walked down it. Maybe if you hear me say the words I'm sorry, you'll think twice and hesitate about hurting MC and Saeyoung."

Saeran doesn't allow himself to be completely honest with Rika or Jihyun UNTIL SAEYOUNG AND MC ARE GONE. THAT'S WHEN HE BREAKS DOWN AND SAYS HIS FULL TRUTH. Saeran forgives Rika, he forgives her so he can forgive himself, but don't mistake his words in this moment for something they're not.

That apology isn't for her sake.

He knew Rika was on the cusp of realizing just how wrong she's been, (too little, too late, I know) but if Rika continued down that path and it didn't end well, Saeyoung and MC would be doomed. Saeran choose to say those words to distract her. To keep her busy. To make her see something else and assume things were okay. He didn't lie about his apology, but there's more happening in this scene than him saying he is sorry.

Saeran Choi damn well values himself and knows his worth. He won't let Rika hurt him ever again.

He understands why she is the way she is, but that doesn't excuse her actions nor does it mean he says he's okay with it. He acknowledges he's angry with her, that he's upset with her, and that there’s a part of him that doesn't like her. But, he doesn't want to be that person who is angry and upset with the world. He has spent way too long being angry with everyone. He is choosing peace, he is choosing kindness, he is choosing forgiveness, and that is his right.

It makes him feel better and his choosing to forgive people doesn't mean he's an idiot. It doesn't mean he's wrong. He is forgiving the people who hurt him so he can learn how to forgive himself, and I can tell you right now, for the people who think in their hearts that his forgiving them means that he wants them back in his life, it doesn't. He wants nothing to do with them after this, and I doubt he will ever get into contact with them once they go away to face justice. 

Sometimes, the answer to the question is to forgive but never forget. Saeran forgives them, but he’ll never forget what they did. They will be held accountable, just as he prays that people will hold him to the same standard. He wants to be held accountable, too.

TLDR; Saeran says that because he wants to stop Rika from lashing out if he can help it. He understands that Rika is in an unstable spot and anything could set her off. He could see her staring in a mirror in that moment, a mirror the might make her do the right thing, but he couldn't risk it. He distracted her, he pushed her to focus on another situation, and her thinking that he was sorry for changing was one of the best things he could think of saying.

Saeran isn't sorry about changing.

But, he does forgive Rika for what she's done. He wants to find peace for what HE DID that was INSPIRED BY what SHE DID TO HIM, and... as I've said God knows how many times over the years, forgiving her was a way to forgive himself for hurting the player.

[juminsfakecat]

v’s route is just one big headache my god