#major firiggen' angst

[couchpotatoaniki]

Carry Me Home

Taehyung was the kind of person you never wanted in your life. Maybe you were right, after everything he had done to you. Now, he wants to fix things, no matter what he has to do.

Pairing: Badboy!Taehyung x Nerd!Reader Genre: ANGST, fluff if you squint hard enough, Highschool AU Warnings: swearing, suicide, blood, kinda suggestive, mentions of cheating, drug use, excessive use of alcohol, toxic relationship, reader is an orphan Based off the song: Care by Robot Koch Word count: 1.2k

A/N: rIGHT, I’ll be honest here. Don’t know wtf I even wrote. Just been feelin’ the feels and for some reason, this was the product of that. So if ya don’t get it, well, neither do I--

I DO NOT CONDONE NONE OF THE SHIT PULLED IN THIS, SO DON’T LET THIS KINDA CRAP HAPPEN TO YOU. Stay safe, especially in relationships, kiddos :((

Regrets are a burden for the future.

That’s what he always said. That was always the excuse he gave for doing the outlandish shit that he did.

But you still loved him anyway.

Taehyung didn’t deserve it. Your kindness. Your patience. You.

You still gave him your all even when he gave you nothing.

He loved a bit of fun. Doesn’t everyone? Parties and booze and hook-ups and drama. All adding to the thrill of it all, making life worth living. It was the big things, Taehyung believed, that made life... life.

He met you at the most inconvenient time, and yet you thought nothing of it. His reputation exceeded him, which was why you weren’t all that surprised to see him and another girl at the back of the school.

Yes, he saw you as an inconvenience at that time. But you couldn’t care less. Went about your day as usual. You weren’t so much as flustered when you accidently saw whatever the hell was going on there. It was none of your business and you didn’t want to get sucked up in Taehyung’s world.

You didn’t hate him--hell, you barely even knew the boy outside of passing whispers and he sure as hell didn’t even know you existed. You liked that. Being a ghost to people who had the world revolving around them, the important ones.

You loved a bit of peace. Doesn’t everyone? Tranquillity and contentedness and relaxation and calmness. The rarity of it all adding to the way it softened one’s heart, making life worth living. It was the small things, you believed, that make life... life.

You were a background character, and that is how you wanted it to stay.

Unfortunately, one of the main characters had forced himself into your story, and like the idiot you were, you fell for him--slowly... but you did nonetheless.

Eyes sparkled every time he remembered an insignificant thing about you. Lips quirked into a grin whenever he did something good. Fingers twitched the moment you saw his messy bed-hair.

Looking back now, Taehyung really didn’t see why you stayed with him. Only now did he noticed these things but ‘only now’ is just a coward’s way of saying ‘too late’.

Highschool was fun when he hadn’t met you. It was easy. He knew what he was doing. He knew how to handle himself enough not to die.

Then you had to walk in at the most inconvenient time. That was his first excuse. That it was you, not him, that came into their lives.

Upon reflection, as he stared out into the blurred scenery as the train rushed passed every bit of nature you loved, he knew that this was all his fault. He was the one who inquired about you after that incident. He was the one who pursued you because he didn’t know who you were and Taehyung knows everybody.

To him, you were just another bit of fresh meat. Game.

Then, after months of him annoying you, you gave in. Spent actual time together. He found himself opening up to you in ways he hadn’t done before. He believed, this relationship you had was something close to a therapist and patient... who often slept together.

Because you were you, you forgave him for things he didn’t deserve forgiveness for since he never really meant it when he mumbled his half-assed apology, promising to “never do it again.”

Coming to your place drunk nearly every night, taking all sorts of drugs, cheating on you. Using you to vent and never letting you vent your own troubles. Taehyung was just using you, but you let him because you were too considerate.

A goddamn doormat.

Making up excuses for him to your friends, that he never really had someone to confide in, never had a loving family to make him feel safe, never had the right crowd around him to help him change.

Your friends fought for you against you. They wanted you to be safe because you had your own troubles and adding the weight of another person who clearly did not care as much was bound to push you down into a spiral that would only end badly. You never even had a family, you never had that security from a young age to even now.

Taehyung didn’t want you to leave. He needed you. So he spent even more time with you. His intentions were selfish.

You taught him how to fall for the small things, which he could do whenever he needed a bit of peace in his fun life. Made him fall in love with baking pies and cakes. Made him fall for the rain pattering against the window and thunder strumming in the air. Made him fall in love with taking walks outside on a lovely sunny day.

Made him fall for you.

But Taehyung is a bad boy; bad boys don’t fall in love.

Despite how good things were going, between you two--and things were going really goddamn good--he reverted back to his old ways. That wasn’t even the bad part, because he got so much worse.

Fights broke out almost every day from his side mainly, because you were too bloody nice to say anything back. Until the very last fight that he had.

“Do you not care for me?”

“No,” he scoffed, hating that word with every fibre of his being regardless of how much he tried to convince himself it was true. “I never did.”

Taehyung left to go and get high or wasted or both, like he usually did; you stayed there to wallow in your sadness, like you usually did.

But this fight was not like the usual ones. This fight had you in the kitchen, blood pooling out of your body, propped up against the lower cabinet, glassy eyes devoid of life left open above pale, tear-stained cheeks.

Taehyung came home too late.

Even when he tried to take his mind off you, to not think about the time where you ended your life--right there, in his kitchen--he still thought about you. All of the things he did to calm himself down had reminded him of you because you were the one who taught him how to do it.

Enjoying the smell of food as it cooked, the sound of the weather outside, the relaxation of just walking or driving with no destination and no goal. You were the one who taught him how to love doing them. No matter how hard he tried, he would always end up in tears.

You even ruined the parties and the booze and the hook-ups and the drama, because you hated them. Disappointed face never left him whenever he drank or used something or slept with someone. His grief only got worse.

That was why Taehyung was on that train, going to the most peaceful place he knows. The most secluded part of the beach on a summer’s day.

He wanted to see you once more, even though he never deserved it. But you loved the calmness, and the soft sloshing of waves on sun-cooked sand was the calmest place he could think of.

You would be here, he knows it in his gut.

“Regrets are a burden for the future,” Taehyung softly whispered to himself as he walked further and further out into the blue.

He needs to make amends. Hopefully, this time, he won’t be too late.

All he needs to do now is let the tide carry him away.

To carry him home, to you.