#maintagging it bc i discussed it a lot ig??

[thewandererh]

this is me right now. this i me. right now. (this is also MND, my silly rainworld x chonny jash iterator son). THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭💛💛 this made my morning!!!!!!!

Well, this disease is defined by its treatment—you people make me sick.

{𝘞𝘩𝘰'𝘥 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺? 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘱𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴? 𝘞𝘩𝘺'𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺? 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦—𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘪𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺? 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘢-𝘩𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺'𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸... 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘺.}

—

Oh, no. You were doing so well. No, no no no NO NO NO N

“[Artemis, this isn’t logical.]”

Another fight.

“(Fuck your logic, you hypocrite-!)”

There was never a day of peace in this house. Something always had to go wrong.

Atlas leaned against his door, dully listening to the argument going on. All things they’ve heard before, sure, but she had nothing better to do. He couldn’thave anything better to do, he was always too damn tired. Of course, they were too tired to deal with their siblings too, but whatever.

She sat cross-legged on the floor, eyelids drooping with exhaustion, but sleep had been evasive lately. The yelling grew louder, but he ignored it like always. Another day, another fight. That’s what they always told themself.

Artemis and Helios were always telling each other to listen. Funny how that worked, when neither of them ever thought to listen to the other. They always thought they were better than the other, so obviously only their point was valid. Atlas narrowed his eyes. Their arguing never ended unless he intervened. And she didn’t feel like intervening.

Atlas simply closed their eyes, hoping to zone out and miss the fight entirely. Those two might kill each other, sure, but Atlas couldn’t lend the energy to care anymore. The plan sort of worked.

…

A dark void.

Entirely empty, soundless, sightless, senseless— save for one thing. Blood coated the ground; if it could even be called a ground. The color was indiscernible, as if it was every color and no color at the same time. Perhaps a color unseeable by the naked eye, perhaps it didn’t exist at all. But the metallic tang in the air was unmistakable.

The void seemed to stretch on forever. Of course, you couldn’t test that theory. You couldn’t move an inch. All you can do is stand there, maybe try to perceive the color of the blood. You might go insane if you do that. But you can see a hint of purple, and blue, and red… laced with gold.

You recall that gold blood—ichor, it was called—is the blood of gods. Perhaps there was some higher force at play. You could always sense it. A name rings in your mind.

Harmoni—

—BANG. Atlas jolted awake, startled by a loud sound- a gunshot, maybe. …A gunshot? Who was—

Oh.

Atlas bolted upright, fumbling with the door handle, then throwing it open. He stumbled out, almost falling, then caught himself and sprinted to the kitchen. They could hear Artemis screaming, sobbing, but didn’t register a word. She burst into the room, barely catching herself on the doorframe.

The scene almost made Atlas vomit.

There was a gun on the floor. Artemis was crying, as Atlas heard earlier, and Helios— Helios was on the ground, bleeding profusely from a wound in his throat, seemingly choking on his own blood. Helios looked up at Atlas, eyes wild with terror. Artemis was at his side, trying desperately to staunch the blood, but Helios kept pushing them away.

“(I- hic Fuck, I’m so sorry, Helios PLEASE—)” Artemis sobbed, before noticing Atlas. “(Atlas— Atlas, help me, help him- please…)”

Atlas stood there for a long minute, staring at Artemis. Their eye twitched. What a fucking idiot, shooting their own goddamned brother.

“{…Heh.}” A wobbly grin appeared on Atlas’ face, his eyes widened— Though whether it was fear or madness, she wasn’t sure. Their quiet giggles grew louder, more intense, until they were cackling uncontrollably, his eyes still fixed on Artemis. Artemis looked scared, terrified, even.

”(ATLAS, THIS ISN’T—)”

A flash of red light silenced them. Atlas gripped his trident with shaking hands, stepping slowly, deliberately towards Artemis. They were pleading with him, eyes full of terror and crocodile tears. How pathetic. She raised the trident over her head, still laughing.

“{You’re so fucking stupid.}”

Before Artemis could say more, Atlas brought the trident down. They weren’t sure how they felt about Artemis’ screams. She almost felt… elated.

Was this what control felt like? To be able to do something for once? Gone were the days of standing around, helplessly, doing nothing. Blood poured from Artemis’s face—where their eyes once were. Atlas finally pulled the trident out, still for a moment.

A hand grabbed their ankle.

He looked down at Helios, still choking, tears pouring from his eyes. How ironic. The one obsessed with logic, who hates showing emotion or weakness, reduced to this. Atlas dropped the trident, kneeling down next to Helios, peering into his eyes. He was trying to speak. No matter. He started this fight.

Atlas gently rolled Helios onto his back, prying his hand off of their ankle. She looked at the wound. Gross. She grabbed up the trident again, holding Helios down once he noticed, and he futilely tried to pry Atlas’ arm away, shaking his head, panic seeming to set in.

Of course, this was useless. He was weak. Atlas stood again, stepping onto Helios’ torso to keep him still. They pressed the trident against his shoulder, lining it up perfectly…

A sickening cracking noise could be heard as Atlas brought it down, separating Helios’ arm from its socket… relatively cleanly. He knocked the arm away, and moved to repeat the process, ignoring Helios’ thrashing and dry heaving. Atlas’ head throbbed, and his heart pounded, sending a short tremor through his body.

Atlas discarded Helios’ arms, then glanced at Artemis. They surely haven’t learned their lesson. She raised the trident again, driving it straight through their heart, before they simply… vanished. Visions of a dark void. Entirely empty, soundless, sightless, senseless— save for one thing. Blood—flashed through his mind again.

Apathy. That was all Atlas felt by now. That was where Artemis was now. And where they’d stay, for… oh, that didn’t matter. Atlas needed to keep Helios from bleeding out, anyhow.

Purple and blue splattered the floor and one of the walls, swirling and mixing in a morbidly dazzling array of color. It would be beautiful, if not for… actually, no. It was beautiful. Atlas could have taken a moment to admire his work, but he had more important things.

…

Look.

Oh, god, look at what you’ve done now to me—

[felix-lupin]

Decided I should finally write a pinned post so have this.

Call me Felix! anu soweli Lupen ★ They/them, but he/him is ok too. ill use it for myself sometimes.

Partnering Aro ★ Asexual ★ Transmasc🏳️‍⚧️ ★ Masc + Neutral Nouns

My Ao3 is FelixLupin. I write when I feel like it and have time.

Art (& writing ig?) requests n stuff are open but I reserve the right to Take Forever or just Not.

If triggers are tagged they will be tagged with just the trigger and/or trigger tw when I remember (this is not very reliable though). So, e.g., #flashing or #flashing tw. mentions/discussions of things, if tagged, will just be tagged as the thing (so, "sex" rather than "sex mention")

Other stuff under the read more. Tags, fandoms, my banner id, other stuff

Status: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

(Status last edited: June 1st, 2024, 1:45 PM)

Last Edited (besides 'status'): October 21st, 2024 (fandoms + tags)

[banner ID: six drawings of Susie from Deltarune. (From left to right and top to bottom). The first is a full body drawing of her in her Darkworld form holding an axe over her shoulder. The second is a drawing of her head in her Lightworld form, with wide eyes and angrily proclaiming in all caps "I don't have a tail!!! Stop asking!". An arrow points towards her that says in all caps "Lying." The third is a head drawing of her in her Darkworld form, looking at the camera with a grin and a neutral pleased/knowing expression on her face. The fourth is a head drawing of her in her Darkworld form, face shaded and only one glowing eye showing while she angrily grins, appearing to snarl. The fifth is a full body drawing of her in her Darkworld form, doing the defense battle pose where she crosses two arms over her chest in an X shape. The sixth is a full body drawing of her in her Lightworld form, hands in her pockets and smiling neutrally. End ID.]

My Tags:

#animal arsenal = Animals!!! I will also usually tag it with whatever animal it is (the plural of the animal; so if it is a picture of a dog i will tag it #animal arsenal #dogs, and if it is a video of a crow I will tag it #animal arsenal #birds #crows) as well as the toki pona classification (soweli, waso, kijetesantakalu, akesi, etc.)

#art arsenal = Other peoples' (usually, but not always, specifically non-fandom) art. This includes writing. I will usually try to tag it with whatever kind of art it is as well (drawing, painting, writing, poetry).

#ask game! :3 = ask games

#ccccposting = my cccc posts tag bc i dont want to maintag it all the time

#classics = Pretty self-explanatory. Things I consider to be "tumblr classics"

#cotlposting = my cult of the lamb posts tag bc i dont want to maintag it all the time

#do queue think even the worst person can change…? = queue tag. i do not tag this reliably because i only really use it when xkit autotags it for me<2

#skyrimposting = my Skyrim tag

#felix artwolf = My art/drawing tag

#felixlupin.txt = Original posts

#tumblr games <2 = Answers for ask games, tag games, picrews, etc

#hello people in my phone = My ask tag

#tmagposting = my the magnus archives tag

#🌫️the one alone🌫️ = my tag for The Lonely (Magnus Archives fear)

#mi awen e ni = Toki Pona for "I am saving this." Saved stuff / stuff that i am saving for later

#mi moku e ni = Toki Pona for "I'm eating this." Stuff that's very good and I like it a lot. Started saying this in reference to that "[watching/reading/listening to] x isn't good enough i need to eat it" meme. So, stuff that reading/seeing it isn't good enough i need to eat it.

#ni li ante e toki mi = Toki Pona for "this changed my speech." Posts that changed my vocabulary. Posts that I reference in my daily life in my speech and think about often.

#soweli Lupen li toki = toki pona post tag. like if im using toki pona, or if I'm talking about toki pona.

#writing lupin = My writing tag

#writing wares = Others' posts relating to writing, such as writing advice, memes, etc. Forgot I had this tag tbh I'm gonna try to start using it again

Fandom Stuff

I am in a lot of different fandoms tbh. what im mostly focusing on will be different based on my mood. RN it's mostly Chonny Jash.

Fandoms I'm in:

The Magnus Archives <- my hyperfixation rn <2 I go insane over Tim, I miss Sasha, I am Staring at Jon, and Martin is literally me fr /silly.

Chonny Jash/CCCC (Chonny's Charming Chaos Compendium). <- I have a lot of Mind thoughts. I have thoughts about all of them tbh, but Mind thoughts specifically.

Camp Here & There <- SYDNEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY<2222222. thats all i have to say. ALSO ROWAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN<2222222

Undertale & Deltarune. <- Always at least a little mentally ill about both of them, esp Undertale. I would kill and die for Chara, Flowey, and Susie btw

Helluva Boss <- Most active for a day or two whenever a new episode/thing comes out.

Hazbin Hotel <- A reblog here and there. It was okay

Good Omens <- I like Crowley a lot. Put that guy (gender neutral) in Situations

Avatar: The Last Airbender <- Love all of the characters from ATLA tbh. Great show 10/10 no notes

Five Night's at Freddy's <- This was my first fandom! So it has a lot of nostalgia for me. I liked the movie, it was fun. Favorite animatronics are Foxy and Mangle bc I'm basic like that.

Gravity Falls <- Haven't re-watched it in a while but I still hold a lot of fondness and love for it. sitelen tawa ni li pona mute tawa mi (this show is very good from my perspective)

Cult of the Lamb <- I like this game a lot! I think it is very fun and I like the fanart that people make for it. I replay it alot bc ona li musi tawa mi (it is fun to me). #1 Shamura lover btw I would kill and die for them. if I was a character in the game I would be one of Shamura's disciples, just so we're clear

The Owl House <- When the Owl House was coming out Hunter got a chokehold on me and forced me into a hyperfixation on the show face-first.

Other Stuff

I am physically incapable of shutting up sorry (i am not sorry). Unless I get locked in gay tumblr baby jail (hit the post limit), then i shut up.

As you could probably tell from the other sections, I know a little Toki Pona. My Toki Pona is not very good so please forgive me if I say something incorrectly. I may sometimes throw some of it in tags n such to practice.

I reserve the right to call things kijetesantakalu that are not technically kijetesantakalu based solely on vibes. foxes and seals are kijetesantakalu tawa mi

# of times people have commented on my queue tag: 3

Banners <2

[IDs in alt text]

[ranboo5]

Some thoughts on kayfabe, bootwt/Ranboo enjoyers, being a h8r, and how I come off 

Okay so yeah, we’ve all been on the whole “every face is a mask” thing, etc etc, but like this blog is much more kayfabe and ‘sona’d than like, my main 

Like I have an actual like, narrative and persona I project on here (like I straight up have a sona, and she’s literally discourse personified), and I’m not. Sure how I end up feeling about that? It’s interesting 

Like I think it definitely comes from in part where this... is. Like I’ve mentioned I got into DSMP despite it being MCYT, etc., and while my opinion on MCYT as a whole has mellowed, I still don’t hold it in very high regard. It isn’t even cringe, it’s like, I have inherent moral reservations about the streamer complex overall, the complicity inherent in it, fundamental things about how it exists, and from that and also from like, some of the stuff I’ve seen both from streamers and especially from community, I do not feel like. Idk fully safe. The whole thing abt I Do Not Know You is like. Actually real; there are people in thsi community who look like Another Fan and would recognize myself as One Of Them and harbor attitudes I don’t want to associate with or genuinely feel unsafe around. It’s rare they’re actually malicious, but idk, the fear is very much there, and ig a lot of the more hostile points in my DNI and my loud disdain are. I’ve described it as poison dart frog coloration; they’re an attempt to curate my experience for me 

But also it makes Poe’s Law really difficult to deal with. Like, the image I project is intentionally abrasive and harsh, but I don’t want to. Actually be mean, and I hope that comes through in things like how I partake in rbing art, how I respond to asks, how my more thought out content is formatted and toned, but at the same time that requires, yk, looking past that abrasive image, and I don’t know how harsh it is fair to be so that it keeps myself safe without actually hurting anyone 

Like take just the Ranboo enjoyers joke. I have this running gag abt how like, I’m a Ranboo enjoyer against Ranboo enjoyers, and I try to make sure it isn’t. Too serious by being really exaggerated, stuff like “I’m the only one allowed to talk about Ranboo (character)” etc that lampshades how pretentious and elitist that is, calling myself out on it, etc., but I also like. Legitimately do distrust people depending on what their takes on Ranboo (character) are, and I’ve seen some deeply concerning shit out of the community irt how it treats its streamer sometimes, and I have genuinely no clue how to judge that accurately. I’m on the very cynical side, but I’m pretty sure I’m just overjudging how many people here are actually uncritically yikes, and like,,, in my attempts to scare people who I actually don’t want to talk to off, how much has Poe’s Law come to smack me? How much have I unintentionally contributed to like, legit cringe culture, and making fun of Bootwt etc for just enthusiastically liking our streamer? Because I don’t. Want to actually do that?? The ardent devotion his following’s always had is a huge reason for his growth and success as a streamer anyway and is basically a natural consequence of the nature of his appeal, and anyway, there’s nothing wrong inherently with that as long as it doesn’t get out of control 

But it does get out of control, a lot, and I’ve seen it happen, and it’s Not Great, and idk where that line goes 

There’s also the issue of. Idk Drama. Like I’m an argumentative and opinionated person but I’ve gone by strict rules here: I don’t go trawling for opinions, I don’t participate in dogpiles (I came close once and. Never again), I don’t message people, I don’t argue or reply unless they’re in the maintag, I try to give due credit, I always make sure I have a reason and goal before I reply other than “hmmm angy,” things like that. I am. Far from perfect in that regard but I try yk? And I don’t try to argue pointlessly or For The Sake Of Arguing, even though I certainly Like to argue, just straight up, I like discussion and debate for fun and for truthseeking and for horizon-broadening, but I still. Definitely think I am confrontational and potentially even the act of responding, even if I’m polite, can read as hostile. And then because I compound that and want to make that like, a warning so people who don’t want to see discourse threads don’t have to, I end up making a lot of frustrationposts -- and it’s not, like, fake or staged frustration, but it’s definitely a choice to post it as I do, and idk. Like, again, as much as I want to come off as harsh, I don’t want to actually be mean, and I know I have definitely effectually done so at least sometimes. How much defensive negativity is okay until it straight up contributes to real negativity? How much positivity does it take to put out and highlight to cut that effectively? Can that even be done? 

There’s also ofc the issue that Mr Live the streamer himself has said that accts branded around him shouldn’t get into drama, bc he doesn’t want his name attached to that; I’m 80% he was thinking of like, twt #cancellation drama, and I try... not to crit unproductively, but again, I definitely frustrationpost! And I try not to maintag it for that exact reason. Like. Takes I don’t stand by yk. But bc of what he’s said and also that like, I’ve seen my untagged posts get spread, and I’m weirdly rapidly climbing followers, idk, maybe it’s time to start watching my phrasing in those more? I don’t know, man, and I don’t want to just. Be negative unproductively. I don’t plan to be less outspoken abt stuff I legit think is an issue, nor do I plan to be like, more permissive, but just,,, idk

Man all of this is just. Graphite too comes to term with its responsibility irt the Eldritch deity of the online audience

So. As conclusion, if you’ve gotten to the end of this for some reason: Thank you for bearin w/ me for the post, and the blog. And know too that as much posturing as I do I do like it here as genuinely as I hate it here sometimes