#mainly i just think the sauce would work good as a gravy it kind of is a gravy i guess

[itsalwaysdark]

everybody rly liked this unfortunately i think it means ill be on porkchop duty for the rest of my life but thats okay .

[dorkzrul]

Demigods Deck The Halls

A sweet Percabeth fanfic about the first time that the two families meet, that is for Christmas Dinner at Sally's apartment. Lot of fluff and told mainly from Sally's perspective. Written for DeadKidWalking in the Percabeth Discord Server Secret Santa. Read and Review :) Sally’s P.O.V

I hear the bell ring just as I'm finishing up, setting the table. They must be here! I check the clock and see that it’s exactly 7 PM, they’re perfectly on time. I wipe my hands on my apron as I call out to Percy, “They’re here!”. I hear him scrambling down the stairs, probably fiddling with his hair or tie. He was so nervous when he was getting ready, I was thoroughly amused by it all. But, it’s cute that he wants to look his best for Annabeth. I hear the door open and I hear Percy greeting the Chase’s. I check on the food once more before joining Percy at the door. 

I see Percy blushing as Annabeth teases him and Frederick laughing along with them. “Hi! Welcome!”, I shake Frederick’s wife’s hand. “It's so nice to finally meet you! Thank you for having us over for Christmas dinner in your lovely home, Mrs Blofis. I’m Helen.” “I’m happy you came. Please, call me Sally.” “I hope we’re not early, Sally. Annabeth refused to let us leave any later”, Frederick adds with a laugh. “Oh no! We’re so glad that you came, early or late”, I respond. “It’s nice to meet you Annabeth, Percy talks a lot about you”, I smile at her, as Percy blushes, before bending down to be at eye level with the twins, “Hi, what are your names?” “ I’m Matthew and this is Bobby”, the taller boy tells me enthusiastically.

I offer to take all of their coats as they take off their shoes and enter. “Careful Annabeth! While taking off your coat, don’t mess up the hair you spent a half-hour on”, Frederick comments jokingly. Everyone, except a blushing Annabeth, laughs slightly. “Trying to look good for me, were you Wise Girl?”, Percy teases. “Don’t worry Annabeth, even Percy took an hour to get ready. He was so nervous before you came, his hands were wet with sweat!”, I reassured her. “Mom!”, Percy exclaims with a red face as Annabeth giggles lightly along with everyone else. Paul comes down the stairs just then and introduces himself to everyone as he shakes their hands.

I lead them all to the dining table, where the food is set up in the middle of the table with plates for each seat and cutlery along with it. “I had to add two more chairs because the table only seated six so I hope that it isn’t too tight a fit”, I say apologetically. “Of course not, we’ll all be okay!”, Annabeth quickly adds. As everyone sits down at the table, I uncover the dishes and take out the cutlery for serving. I can see everyone’s gazes on the food I made. “This is wonderful, Sally! It must have taken you ages to make all this”, Helen comments. “Not really, it was fun to make. I’m glad you like it”, I reply with a smile. The past two days, I’d busied myself making the meal, which included turkey and roast beef with drizzled cranberry sauce with a side of gravy, mashed potatoes, carrots and green beans for the main course; and Christmas pudding and fruit cake for dessert.

“Annabeth dear, can you say grace?”, I ask her from across the table. “Sure, Sally!” She says grace and then we all sit down to eat. No one talks much as we all dig into the delicious meal. “This is delicious!”, Paul remarks and everyone else nods and makes sounds of agreement. I blush scarlet, “Thank you so much!” As we eat dinner Helen, Frederick, Paul and I all talk about our respective jobs. We talk about my novels and some of the difficulties Paul faces dealing with and teaching high school kids. I learn that Frederick is an American and Military History professor at West Point and Paul and Frederick exchange notes on their styles of teaching. I also learn that Helen used to be an interior designer before she met Frederick and got married to him. After that, she moved to San Francisco with him and left her old job behind. She also tells me how her ex-husband (Bobby and Matthew’s father) had a drinking problem and is now in jail and she was so happy when she met Frederick and he wasn’t a bit like her first husband and how he has really helped her deal with things and has been a great stepdad to Bobby and Matthew. I also tell her about Gabe and how glad I was when I was finally rid of him, and then how I felt when Paul came along. 

Percy and Annabeth are excitedly talking about school and how Annabeth’s father has finally agreed to let her move to New York and attend Goode High School and how Annabeth and her dad are going to be looking for a place for her to stay sometime during their time in Manhattan. Matthew and Bobby are playing some game with their hands and cutlery which results in food falling all over the place and Helen has to stop every few minutes to reprimand them. I tell her that it’s okay and to let them play. It kind of reminds me of Percy at that age and how much fun we would have...

After we are all done eating Matthew and Bobby drag Percy and Annabeth away to play a game of Hungry Hippos and Paul and Helen volunteer to clear up the table and do the dishes in the kitchen. Frederick and I sit in the living room with cups of coffee looking at the four kids laughing and playing happily on the floor. I notice both Percy and Annabeth are playing with only one hand and upon closer inspection, I notice that they’re holding hands under the table. Percy looks at me for a second and I raise my eyebrows at him gesturing to the clasped hands under the table. He blushes and turns back to the game as I laugh at how embarrassed he looks to be caught.

I point this out to Frederick and he laughs heartily. Then he sighs and looks fondly at Annabeth. “I’m so glad that Annabeth decided to come back and forgive me. Also, that the war is over and all the worry and stress is no more.” I nod, “I felt the same way with Percy and more so because he’s Poseidon’s son. But it must have been worse for you, having to part with Annabeth so early on.” Percy had told me about how Annabeth had run away young and I am sure that it must have been extremely hard on Frederick. I have a lot of sympathy for him. 

He replies, “Honestly, at first, it didn’t seem like much. After Athena left her to me, I loved her but I always resented Athena for leaving me with a child I hadn’t wanted at first. Furthermore, to me, she was just a reminder of the time I spent with Athena and as she grew up, she began to look more and more like her mother and it eventually became too much for me to bear. When I met Helen, I was so glad to finally move on from Athena and settle into a normal, non-mythical life that I think I seemed to move on from Annabeth too because she was a reminder of my past and seemed to symbolise all my old feelings and troubles. I did love her but I always put her second, behind Helen and the twins. I think that made her feel as if I didn’t love her at all. Also, my work kept me quite busy and I think Helen always had a grudge against Annabeth as she seemed to her a reminder of my previous relationship with Athena and apparently Annabeth was mistreated by her and the twins hated her too. However, in my perspective, Helen and the twins seemed to be making an effort while Annabeth simply hated them and put all of us in trouble due to her being a demigod. This all lead up to her feeling unwanted and unloved and so she ran away. Helen and the twins didn’t seem to care much and at first, I thought it was just a mood and of course she would come back. When she didn’t, I was very worried and I tried my hardest to find her but I only found her after many years when she wrote to me, and I hear that was because Percy encouraged her to. I am extremely grateful to him for that.

“I was stunned. On one hand, I know that he loved Annabeth to bits and it must have hurt him tremendously when she ran away, but it was also partially his fault for making her feel unloved enough to run away and seemingly preferring Helen and the twins over her. But overall, I do understand his plight and I feel bad for him. As a parent, I understand how painful it would be to lose your child, and at such a young age too. It would break my heart if Percy was to run away and I might not be able to endure it. “I understand your pain, Frederick. When Poseidon left me with Percy, I wanted to run away and create a new life for us where we could be normal and Percy would never have to face the dangers. He also looks just like Poseidon and every time I looked at him, I would be reminded of my past with Poseidon. But I would never have been able to bear him running away. I am sorry for that. I tried my best to prevent that by marrying Gabe. However bad of a husband he may have been, he kept Percy safe and I was grateful for that. Even finally having him learn his true origins and leaving me at twelve hurt me. I cannot begin to understand your pain”, I respond. 

He smiles sadly, “After I finally reconnected with Annabeth, I felt such relief. I had honestly not known if she were alive or dead for those horrible five years. But even after that, I was always filled with worry at the thought of her going on those dangerous missions and quests and after each one, it felt like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders, until I learned she was going on another, more dangerous quest.” I nodded, “With Percy, I was always scared of the Great Prophecy that I had been told off by Grover and every quest seemed more dangerous than the last. I almost wanted to lock him up somewhere secret just so my baby could be safe. I couldn’t bear the thought of something happening to him.” 

“I feel that. When Annabeth and I had our falling out about my move to San Francisco and she left, I was terrified of something happening to her and me not knowing of it. When Percy turned up at my house with his friends and told me Annabeth was in trouble, I almost felt my heart stop. Even after they left, I couldn’t help myself going up to the battlefield and helping her out myself. I wanted to see that she was safe and sound with my own eyes. When I finally met her, it felt like all was right in the world again.” 

“I went through something similar when Percy and Nico came to ask for my blessing for Percy to become immortal with a dip in the Styx because I knew that if something happened, I would only have myself to blame as I was the one who allowed him to do that in the first place. I knew the risk of letting him do it and I knew that there was a chance that he could drown in the Styx but I still let him do it. He wanted it so badly and I knew that I couldn’t stop him but to this day, I fear for what could have happened that day because of my decision. When I didn’t hear back from him, I immediately thought the worst and drove as fast as I could to the Empire State Building to see if it was true. That was when the city fell asleep and after I woke up and saw him, it felt like I was floating. We were in the middle of a war and I almost didn’t care just because he was alright. Letting him go into that building alone was extremely hard and it seemed that I couldn’t breathe properly until the Empire State Building lit up blue and I knew he was okay. I felt like I could finally live again after that. I had been consumed by terror and worry before that and only when I knew he was okay did I feel okay” 

“All the way from San Francisco, I had no idea what was going on in New York and when I saw the news, I knew immediately that something was wrong and I was panicking because Annabeth wasn’t picking up her phone, despite knowing that demigods and technology don’t bode well together. Until she finally Iris messaged me and told me that everything was okay, I felt like I was being pulled apart by anxiety. I felt light-headed at that, I was so overjoyed. I couldn’t wait for the end of summer so that I could finally meet my baby girl. I am so proud of the mature, beautiful strong woman she has become, despite all the hardships she faced. She has come a long way and I am filled with pride at the person she is today.

“I smile at that, “I am equally proud of Percy. He has grown up so much and has become so strong and brave. I know that he’s no longer my little boy anymore and he has blossomed into a wonderful young man. I’m also glad that he has found his match in Annabeth, she’s a wonderful girl and they look very happy together” “I think so too. They make a wonderful couple but I do long for those days when she was just my little girl”. “Don’t we all”, I say, laughing. We get up and go to the kitchen just as Percy and Annabeth disappear into Percy’s room. “Leave the door open”, I say, jokingly. “Mo-o-o-o-o-m”, Percy cries, embarrassed.

Annabeth’s P.O.V

Percy and I were playing Hungry Hippos with Matthew and Bobby when he suddenly tells me to come over to his room because he wants to give me my gift. I’m so glad he got me a gift! I got him one but I wasn’t sure if he would. We get up and I quickly grab my gift for him before we go into his room and just as we reach, we hear Sally call out, “Leave the door open”. I giggle as Percy blushes scarlet and responds to his mom, embarrassed. He tells me to close my eyes and hold out my hands.

I do it and I feel him place a small, velvet box in my hands. I open my eyes and then slowly open the box to find a beautiful pendant made of a piece of red coral. I gasp, “It’s beautiful! I love it so much! Where did you get it, Seaweed Brain?”, I ask him as I hook it onto my camp necklace. “I found it when I was swimming in the sea once”, he said, grinning. “Thank you!”, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer, softly kissing him. He grins wider. “You’re welcome”, he says hugging me tight. 

“Now open my present”, I tell him excitedly, handing the small, festive bag to him. He eagerly pulls out all the colourful paper and tosses it aside, pulling out a box. He opens it to see a thin rope bracelet with a trident charm I had Jake (the head of the Hephaestus cabin) make. “Thanks Wise Girl! It’s so cool!”, he says as he pulls it on. “But that’s not all”, I say excitedly as I press the bottom of the trident’s handle and a little spark of electricity shoots out of the trident onto the wall. It makes a sizzling sound as it hits the wall and leaves a small black mark on it. “Ooops”, I say, guiltily. I turn to Percy to apologize but suddenly feel him lifting me off the ground and twirling me around, tightly hugging me. “That’s awesome! I love it!”, he says grinning widely. I smile widely at him, “I’m so happy you like it.” 

Just as he puts me down, I hear my dad calling out for me. It must be time to leave. I kiss him quickly once more before we come out of the room and walk to the door. I quickly put on my shoes and coat as dad, Helen and the twins say goodbye to Sally and Paul. I hug Sally goodbye and shake hands with Paul to say goodbye. I hug Percy tightly and whisper “Goodbye”, softly into his ear. Dad and Helen once more thank Sally and then we leave. Before we get into the lift to go down, I quickly turn around and blow Percy a kiss. He jokingly pretends to catch it as he waves goodbye one last time. I laugh as I get into the lift. This was the best Christmas ever!

THE END

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 8 - Days 3-4

Day 3

The great plan for Day 3 was to go swimming in the afternoon. Regular readers will remember that that was the great plan for Day 2 as well, but no matter. We spent the morning pottering about in anticipation of the execution of the great plan, doing, well, I can’t really remember what. Sunday morning things.

At about 11.15am, the five year old I live with announced that she was hungry, so I started making some lunch. I thought we’d have some pasta, that seemed like a good pre-swim meal. It was a bit early for lunch, so I wasn’t in any particular hurry to get the food on the table. I was ambling around sorting stuff out in the kitchen when I heard some shouting from the sofa, so I went to investigate what the problem was.

“DADDY ARE YOU MAKING LUNCH?”

“Yes, I’m making some pasta. Do you want red pasta or plain pasta?”

“DADDY I’M SO HUNGRY THAT IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME SOME LUNCH RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO PICK MY NOSE AND EAT THE BOGIES.”

Righty ho. I put a little bowl of mozzarella cheese in the microwave and melted it, and that served to stave off the nosepicking threat. I also picked up the pace a bit and about 10 minutes later we had spaghetti in tomato sauce on the table, with some grated mozzarella cheese and broccoli. It was that tenderstem broccoli, the big long florets, they’re fun to eat for five year olds it turns out.

After lunch it was time to go swimming, and this time we managed to gain access to the pool and had a nice hour or so splashing about in the family bit. It was the first time I’d been in a swimming pool in about two years, so I was more amenable to it than usual. I’m generally of the opinion that being half blind, half deaf and half naked in a public place is no way to spend one’s spare time, but the five year old I live with was so excited to be in a swimming pool again that I forgot to have a bad time.

Energised by the successful swimming trip, I threw caution to the wind and suggested a trip to the garden centre to buy some daffodils. I’ve got into gardening since we moved to a house with a garden. We have all the usual spring things out the front - crocuses, bluebells, daffodils, tulips – but none out the back, which seems a shame. Last week I decided to remedy this by planting a load of crocuses and mini alliums in the lawn, a task that turned out to be a lot harder than I had imagined, mainly because I snapped my trowel. Undeterred by this setback, I then decided that I wanted to stick a load of daffodils in there as well, hence the trip to the garden centre.

I filled a paper bag with daffodil bulbs for a fiver, and also got some muscari bulbs and a bulb planter and a pot, because I always buy extra stuff I don’t need at the garden centre.

We then went home and after the swimming pool and the garden centre I decided to ramp up the Sunday vibes even further by doing some roast beef, as it was the five year old I live with’s teatime. I had a topside joint I’d defrosted the day before with this in mind, so it had an hour’s blast in the oven and I knocked up a Yorkshire pudding, peas and gravy to go alongside.

After years of making crap Yorkshire puddings, I have in the last year found one that works. It’s based on volume; you just whisk together the same volume of eggs, flour and milk and pour that into the hot fat. So, say you have two eggs, that’s about 100ml, then you pour flour into the measuring jug up to the same level, and then the milk. I make my Yorkshire puddings in a cast iron frying pan, I get it blisteringly hot on the hob, pour in the batter and then stick it straight into a really hot oven for 15 minutes. It works for me, anyway.

The roast went down well, and then it was time for baths and bed and all that.

In the evening we watched the rest of the film we started on Day 2, The Green Knight. It’s good, it’s worth a look I think. It’s based on a medieval thing, so it’s got a good plot. There’s a quest, you get told at the beginning what’s going to happen, then it happens. I like that kind of plot.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 4

Woke up feeling pretty low level ill, nothing major, just run down and weary and bleurgh it’s Monday. Upon speaking to my colleagues in the 10am Teams meeting it became clear they all felt the same. We speculated as to whether we had all given each other Covid the previous week, but then decided we were just knackered.

Did a bit of work and then lunched on some eggy mushroom scramble on bagel, a chucked together not much in the fridge sort of a lunch, before heading into Brighton to pick up a suit I bought last week. On Day 8 I will be wearing a suit at a work thing. It’s a black tie event, and I usually hire a suit, but this year I decided to buy a suit instead.

Part of the reason I wanted to buy a suit was that my grandad died a month or so ago, and he left me a bit of money. He was someone who looked good in a suit and liked getting dressed up, so I thought a fancy suit would be an appropriate way to spend some of the money he left me.

I’ve been buying lots of clothes recently, actually. I’ve got into the idea of spending a bit more money on something that’s going to last a long time. Recently I needed some trousers, so instead of getting some H&M jeans in the sale like I usually do, I went looking around and found some work trousers from a company called Carrier Clothing in Norfolk that claimed to be tough, hardwearing, built to last and improve with age. I’ve worn them non-stop for about three weeks now, they’re wonderful. Just what I need to withstand all the hard manual labour that I do. I have a work jacket from the same company made from the same thick cotton. A few days ago I put the jacket and the trousers on at the same time and the person I live with said I looked like Chairman Mao.

The black tie suit that I bought for the black tie do is slightly less redolent of communism. It isn’t actually black though, it’s very very very dark blue. When I was in the shop, the salesman persuaded me that it would be fine for a black tie do, but in the days since I’ve grown less sure. I was keen to see it again to check if it was fit for purpose.

Wearing my Mao get up, I drove into Brighton and parked in the multi storey behind the Brighton Centre. It was only on the way out I noticed it was £6 an hour. Six quid! Still, I’d only be an hour, so it shouldn’t be too bad. I rang the person I live with as I knew there were some children’s wellies she’d bought that I had to collect from Next and I’d need the email confirmation. She sent it over, and it turned out that the wellies wouldn’t be available until 3pm, which was more than an hour away. Six more quid right there. Bastards.

I had an hour to kill, so I went to Morrisons in Kemp Town. It was a favourite haunt from before the five year old I live with was born, but its location and lack of car parking facilities have made it pretty inaccessible for the last five years. It was exciting to be back, they had a special deal on salmon. You could get a whole salmon, head and all, chopped up and wrapped in clingfilm, for about £20. It looked quite frightening. I considered my freezer space and got some pork mince instead.

Then I went and picked up my suit, tried it on, and it fit. I think I should be able to get away with it at a black tie do. Not much choice now, anyway, I’m not buying another one.

After that I went to Next in Churchill Square shopping centre to pick up the children’s wellies. The man on the till couldn’t find my order, so he looked at the email I had and told me I was in the wrong place, and had to go next door to Victoria’s Secret. Now, I don’t want to come across as someone who is flustered by going in a lingerie shop, but if I’d known I was going in Victoria’s Secret I wouldn’t have dressed as Chairman Mao. It’s not what anyone wants. Thankfully the wellies were there and the weird ordeal was soon over.

The five year old I live with goes to after school club on a Monday, so I had time to nip into Lewes Road Sainsburys for a few bits. I can tell you the exact date that I was last in Lewes Road Sainsburys – Friday 15 January 2021. It was the day we moved house. We left our flat in Hove for the last time, had a sausage roll, and drove to Lewes to collect the keys to our new house. On the way though, we had to drop into Argos at Lewes Road Sainsburys to collect some plug in nightlights that we had ordered. We wanted to put them on the stairs in the new house. An hour later we discovered that our new house didn’t have any plug sockets on the stairs, so the whole nightlights kerfuffle had been a total waste of time. Apologies for telling you about it now.

This visit to Lewes Road Sainsburys was slightly more fruitful, I picked up some fruit and reduced price meat items, before heading off to collect the people I live with from work and school respectively.

I made stir fry for tea out of last night’s beef, two nights ago’s rice and a bit of veg. It was good, mainly thanks to some fancy teriyaki sauce I got from the yellow sticker bin in Waitrose last month. Then we watched University Challenge and a documentary about New Labour. I’d taken my Mao off by then.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[thisislizheather]

February Feats

So happy that February flew by this year, although with no snow in New York it felt a little sacrilegious. I think this has been the least snow I’ve ever experienced in a winter in my life and it feels awful. There’s still a few weeks left of the season, so I guess that could change but I mean snow in March? Give me a break. Here’s what went down this month.

NATHAN DID THE TONIGHT SHOW! And it was amazing. So crazy proud. I got to go with him to 30 Rock and everyone was so nice and it was incredible.

I rewatched As Good As It Gets and what a terrible movie! No way in hell would Helen Hunt get together with Jack Nicholson. C’mon.

I started watching The Haunting of Hill House and I don’t think I’ll continue. Reasons? 1. I don’t think I like horror shows. Movies? Sure, that’s a fun time with an end date of a few hours. 2. What awful parents would keep their millions of children in a house like that? 3. Maybe it was a bad idea to start this in February, when it’s nowhere near spooky season, that might be my fault.

Saw Happy Death Day 2U with Nathan on Valentine’s Day because I wanted to see something and WOOF, what a nightmare of a movie. I knew it would be terrible, but it still shocked me.

Read Ellie Kemper’s latest book.

Finally caught up to the end of season four on Broad City and goddam is that a perfect show. Excited to start season five soon.

I rebought Essie’s Apricot Cuticle Oil because I used to love it and then finished it and forgot about it. It’s such a great product but you do have to use it at least semi-daily to see a real difference in your cuticles.

Went to Charlie Palmer Steak for a Restaurant Week lunch and even though the environment is kind of stuffy, the food was really good. I love when pasta is offered as an appetizer, it’s always the perfect amount. The tagliatelle was really good and the steak sandwich was great (if not a little too bread-y). That sandwich is also the “official sandwich of Madison Square Garden” which everyone tells you a thousand times upon entering the restaurant, so that’s something too, I guess?

CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS SHOW TO COME OUT mainly because of how amazing the book is. Airs March 15!

Love that Trader Joe’s keeps putting out new candle scents. The Lemon Cookie one is fantastic.

Loved the Big Mouth Valentine’s Day special. Obviously over the moon pleased that the lady bug was in it.

So I tried Ree Drummond’s Caesar salad dressing recipe and I wasn’t a huge fan of her dressing itself  (Teigen’s dressing is better but of course it is because of the mayo), BUT I loved the way she does her croutons. They turn out really crunchy on the outside, but still super soft on the inside, it’s genius and I’ll include how to do it below.

Ree Drummond’s Croutons recipe: Slice the (French or ciabatta) bread into thick slices and cut them into 1-inch cubes. Throw them onto a baking sheet. Heat some olive oil in a small saucepan or skillet over low heat. Crush-but don't chop-the garlic and add them to the oil. Use a spoon to move the garlic around in the pan. After 3 to 5 minutes, turn off the heat and remove the garlic from the pan. Slowly drizzle the olive oil over the bread cubes. Mix together with your hands, and then sprinkle lightly with salt. Toss and cook in the pan until golden brown and crisp. Add a little butter for more flavor.

Honestly, those croutons were so good that I had a few leftover that I put in a pappardelle tomato pasta the next day and… whoa. Have you ever put croutons in a pasta before? Holy fuck was it good. The crunch factor in an otherwise texture-less dish was unbelievable. How is this not a thing that everyone is doing? We all need to wake the fuck up.

I also made Ina Garten’s cauliflower toast and my god, IT WAS AMAZING.

A new bar opened in my neighborhood called The Huntress, so we went and it’s pretty good! It’s mostly a wings places and they were really tasty (and that’s coming from someone who does not enjoy wings - the bones are too tiny and gross and no thanks), but these were really good. They also have poutine (!) on the menu, and even though the gravy is much too salty, the beautifully authentic curds were appreciated.

I always forget about the one bottle of Tom Ford nail polish I have, but it lasts me a full week whenever I wear it. I mean, the price is stupid, but it does last a decent amount of time.

Have you heard of the site or the book Desserts For Two? Pretty self-explanatory, but it’s created by a woman who makes recipes specifically for two people. I tried her chocolate cake recipe for Valentine’s Day and it was delicious. The cake was so good, but I really didn’t care for her frosting, if you do try this one definitely find a better icing recipe online or better yet just buy the premade one they sell at grocery stores. Or even just top it with Nutella. Fuck, I’m hungry now.

Watched all of Difficult People and I mean… SUCH a great show, which everyone obviously knows by now, it just took me awhile to finally get there and see it. Other than it being a great show, I was completely in awe of Julie Klausner’s wardrobe. I wanted everything she wore.

This Lemon, Bacon, Kale, Cauliflower pasta blew my face off, I made it three days in a row.

I rewatched a lot of the last season (spoilers ahead) of Dawson’s Creek (does it sound like a don’t have a job? I do! I just don’t work very hard) and when Jen dies and then Grams says to her, “I’ll see you soon, child. Soon.” I fucking sobbed. BUCKETS. My god. I mean, see for yourself. (And if your reaction isn’t quite as strong as mine… look inside yourself, maybe.)

I have wanted to try this Serious Eats  potato recipe forever so I did and it just didn’t work out the way I wanted it to. Some of the potatoes turned out the way they were supposed to, but you’re really supposed to do this technique with a real oven and not a tiny convection one like I have. The few that came out the way they were supposed to were really good and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, but the effort involved in this recipe was too next-level. Maybe as a Thanksgiving recipe it’d make sense?

I watched the Versace series on Netflix and holy heavenly fuck, it’s a bad one. I only lasted about three episodes before I just couldn’t go any further. SO terrible.

Had a slice at Scarr’s in the Lower East Side and it was very decent, definitely one of the most solid pepperoni slices in that area. UPDATE: Definitely don’t go late at night, they’ve been sitting around all day and they suuuuuuck right before closing.

I now know how to make a steak at home and there’s no turning back now. I’ve been forever intimidated by cooking steak at home because it seemed like such a hard thing to do properly. (I did it once a few years ago and, like, tripled the amount of cream sauce I put on top and felt so sick I didn’t ever want to do it again.) But I did it on two separate occasions this month and I think I’m maybe kind of a pro at it now? This Tasty video helped so much. The only tip I can offer is to use normal salt and not the course kosher salt that I did on steak #1, that baby was inedible because of that course salt. Oh! And for the sauce that you obviously have to serve your steak with, it’s best to grind your own peppercorns in a spice grinder. I don’t know why, but I feel like this was the most important step. I have a lot of steak thoughts. I’ll stop.

I tried the tacos at Empellon Al Pastor in the East Village and while they were pretty good, I found them slightly on the expensive side for a place on Avenue A. We can all calm down a bit.

I visited Sweet Moment in Chinatown for a latte and it was a pretty cute experience even if the service was a little salty. If we’re being real, people only come here because Instagram exists, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The cream art choco latte that I had was ridiculous good, which makes sense because I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s just melted chocolate in a cup.

I visited the Glossier flagship store again because I was in the neighborhood and I (finally) tried out their Boy Brow. And let’s get this straight, I tried it on even though I already had other eyebrow products on (ColourPop’s Brow Boss Pencil as well as a little Milani Easybrow) which was maybe a dumb idea, but I didn’t want to wipe my eyebrows off and try the Glossier one incase it sucked and then had to walk around the rest of the day looking like a psychopath. SO, that being said, here’s what it looked like using all three products.

They look pretty full, right? I kind of think too full. I don’t know, maybe I’m a maniac. I should’ve done a before and after photo, not just an after. I just don’t see the big deal about their products. I feel like every item Glossier sells is something you need to use in combination with something else so it’ll actually look like something’s working. In conclusion, I have no idea if this is a good product or not and that’s really irritating, even to me.

Chrissy Teigen just announced that she’s gonna start her own website with new recipes! Amazing news!

I ate the pepperoni slice at Mama’s Too on the Upper West Side and all the good reviews about it ain’t lying. Crazy good slices. Might even be better than Prince Street Pizza.

I tried the mini Thickening Spray from Bumble & Bumble in my continued attempt at hair domination (and may I suggest that you always buy the mini size of any new hair product you’re trying? It makes so much more sense and is much cheaper) and it worked out well! I’ve only used it once but I think it’s a good product, next time I’ll definitely try it on my roots as well to see what it can really do. UPDATE: Definitely don’t spray it on your roots, it works much better if you use it sparsely on the rest of your hair when damp. 

I saw Waitress on Broadway and just wow. I haven’t been to a show in years and I forgot how much fun they are. This one was absolutely no exception. I went because a friend of mine that I met at the restaurant is in it, so I went to see her and not only was she phenomenal (Jessie Hooker-Bailey), the entire show was incredible. Joey McIntyre was great. Also? They had these mini pies for sale at intermission (genius) and the Salted Caramel Chocolate Pie is literally reason enough to go see this show. I need that recipe and I need it badly.

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I finally ate at Sardi’s (which is something I’ve wanted to do for years) and sat at (in my opinion) the best corner booth under Dr. Ruth. And while I wish I had more to gush about, I… don’t. Ugh! I really think I just ordered bad. I only got the steak tartare and it was probably the most disappointing one I’ve ever had, which sucks considering it was also the most expensive. I knew I should’ve ordered the crab cake. That being said, I will definitely return mainly because the service was so impeccable that you’d have to return. Everyone was crazy nice and accommodating and pleasant, this one is just my fault I think. Also, I need to stop ordering streak tartare. I’ve already found the place that makes it the best (The Dutch) so why the hell am I still looking? I feel like a happily married man who can’t stop looking for something better to come along. STOP!

HELLO BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR, MARCH!

[eatingexeter]

Buckast Abbey – a place of history, rules, observances, architecture, and self sufficiency. Some people mainly know it for the tonic wine that is produced by the Monks amongst other wares. Yes, this site of monastic beliefs has strict rules for those who choose to give themselves up to it and its owner, but just beside this beautiful shrine is a building breaking the rules ever so slightly, but in a good way.

On the same site as the Abbey is Buckfast Conference Centre, a part of the Abbey’s life that has only recently been allowed to ‘break the rules’ and be more modern in its approach and advertise commercially, in order to sell its many events and uses.

I recently visited with the Exeter PA Network (you can read a short news article about our visit here) and was shown around the very modern facilities, took part in one of the many workshops (in this case, we made Christmas table centrepieces using foliage from their forest no less) and enjoyed a delicious buffet lunch.  So suprisingly delicious, in fact, I couldn’t help but be nosey and find out more from our lovely host Carin and their Head Chef John, who also told me about their Pop-Up Kitchen evenings they put on four times a year currently.

So when I heard from them a few weeks later, inviting me to their latest event which was ‘A Festive Banquet’ and, based on the food I had already enjoyed, I couldn’t refuse. I had been informed that not only did they have the beautiful gardens and forest we could see immediately around the area, but they have a 300 acre farm that they grow animals and vegetables, which is what is used in the kitchen for these events – I was fairly in awe of this revelation and, even though I genuinly couldn’t get a dining partner for the event (everyones diaries were full!) I decided to go solo, and get involved with the other diners who would be there.

The large conservatory type dining room was all aglow with lights and well laid banquet length tables, with seating for approximately 50 people. The evening started promptly at 7:30pm and the menu design certainly set the scene of what was to come. It all started with a historical introduction then the good stuff….the food!

Lord of the Pies! A turkey tartlet with festive spices and fruit. This little meaty morsel was one tasty tart – crumbly pastry filled with tantalising turkey. It certainly got our tastebuds going.

To accompany this appetiser was a great bit of history. This is was a mince pie of a different kind – shredded/minced meat pie to be precise. Did you know, historically they were always meat pies with fruit accents, but eventually the fruit became more dominant & the fruity mince pie you eat today! I’m not particularly a history buff or fan, but when paired with something of interest – i.e. food, it becomes relevant and interesting to me.

Next up, a sharing platter of cured, pickled and steeped fruit and vegetables with breads and homemade cheeses.

This was for four people to share but so well laid out, each person knew their portion without the embarrassment of ‘shall I, may I, is this mine?’ An unctuous soft cheese ball which was crispy on the outside and soft in the middle, tomatoes of all colours with their flavours intensified, crispy bread bites, chutneys, quince jellies and deep fried gherkins or similar – it was fantastic; earthy, sweet, savoury, tangy.

Fish course: Warm potted trout with horseradish cream. What came out didn’t look potted to me (or what I envisaged) but nonetheless was an absolute delight.

Trout from their river (can you get more local and fesh than that?!), stacked high and mighty, with a light horseradish beurre blanc type sauce. Fresh and soft, this was a trouty treat.

The main event: A three-bird roast consisting of free-range local chicken and guinea fowl, filled with a duck, orange and pistachio mousseline served with creamed potato and a cranberry and tonic wine jus.

Before our main course came out we were told how the swan used to be the traditional monastic centrepiece, common during the middle ages, before all the swans were owned by the crown and that the song 12 days of Christmas actually represented the birds that were presented to guests at a Christmas feast. We were told our swans were just coming… I think we were all a tiny bit worried, but they werent lying…

Our three bird roast was adorned with a swans head, made using salt baked dough (and someone painstakingly painting all of them!) accompanied by the freshest of vegetables from the farm.

It was so absolutely delicious and filling! The meat was plump and juicy, but the triumph was the creamed potato mash that had bits of shredded duck meat mixed in with it to give it a firm and rich flavour and don’t get me started on the gravy. Let’s just say it took all my restraint, and that of one of my fellow diners, to not drink it – it was deep, rich, sweet, and so moreish, a real sign of skill.

Whilst nearly bursting at the seams after this course, my fellow diners were nodding along, all agreeing this was as good as expected. They informed that this was the 3rd event they had attended this year, and that they have never been disappointed; as soon as an event shows up on the conference facebook page, they book.

We were all certainly keen to see what the pudding course had to offer next!

A selection box – mini homemade ‘twix’, jelly tots, truffles, coconut cream and ‘walnut whip’.

Another course full of all the flavours and textures you can imagine, but all working together perfectly. Soft chocolate, crunchy honeycomb, sweet and sour jelly tots, salted nuts and then a little shot glass of coconut cream which just cleansed the palate. Overall it was a dessert disco in the mouth.

If that wasn’t enough, there was coffee and petit fours to finish! It was quite amusing as most of the room started to ask for napkins to take home these final treats of Christmas fudge, ‘ferrero roche’ type balls and Christmas cake that John had fed for many days. We were all full to the brim of our Christmas stockings yet didn’t want to waste these fab petite fours, if only to have them as a reminder the next day of the meal the night before.

The evening flowed between historic stories and foodie feasting, with everything being a joy to eat and every mouthful inspiring satisfying noises from every guest as well as it being creative enough to instigate plenty of table chatter.

Head Chef John Hughes has worked at an award winning Devon restaurant, been behind the food at Dartington Hall and has been at Buckfast Conference Centre for 8 years now. He is delighted with the turnout for these events and is also helping to push the boundaries on this historical site, by championing this type of event and being allowed to do it. Thank goodness they are with him on this – we’d be missing out otherwise.

Chef John Hughes and his team

I cannot recommend this event enough – at £25 a head for a 4 course meal (6 courses in total really), it’s a steal. A full evening from 7:30pm until approx 10/10:30pm – the food was so incredibly tasty (I didn’t have to season anything), well presented and cleverly put together based on the theme, it could certainly teach some restaurants a thing or two.

Don’t miss out! With currently four events a year, look out for their next event now, gather the troops and get booking –  if there’s more interest, more events may get added.  It’s definitely worth giving it the Dining Devon Recommended badge.

Their write up of the event, with a few more historical references can be found here on their website.

To find out about their next pop-up kitchen event, which is based around foraging (or look at previous ones), check out their  Buckfast Conference Centre Facebook page.

To find out more about their garden related events including wreath making or even bee keeping, check out their Garden Department at Buckfast Abbey Facebook page.

You can also follow them on Twitter.

Festive Banquet Pop-Up Kitchen at Buckfast Abbey Conference Centre – by Lauren Heath Buckast Abbey - a place of history, rules, observances, architecture, and self sufficiency. Some people mainly know it for the tonic wine that is produced by the Monks amongst other wares.

[watsonrodriquezie]

8 Primal-Friendly Flours

While I don’t recommend making Primalized versions of grain-based foods a staple, the fact remains that people love them. They’re going to want them. There’s not much you can do about that. And if we want to incorporate pancakes, muffins, cookies, and other flour-based items into our diets without ruining everything we’ve worked toward, we need the healthiest, most Primal flours.

The alternative flour market has exploded in recent years. A decade ago, you had gritty almond flour and fibrous coconut flour, and that was about it. Today, there are many more flours to sift through. But what are the best ones? Which ones fit best into a Primal way of eating, and why?

Today, I’m going to lay it all out. I’ll give a brief explanation of each Primal-friendly flour, including the facts, features, and characteristics that I find relevant and notable. That way you can decide what’s best for you.

Almond Flour

You know it. You love it, or at least tolerate it. For most long-term Primal eaters, almond flour was the only option if you wanted anything approximating a cookie or a pancake.

What’s notable?

Nutrient-dense: Almond flour is rich in magnesium, vitamin E, copper, and manganese.

Polyphenol-rich: Almond skins have tons of polyphenols.

Prebiotic: Almonds make great food for our beneficial gut bacteria.

Rich in MUFA: Over half of the fat in almonds is monounsaturated, the same kind found in avocado and olive oils. It’s really good stuff.

Calorically dense: A cup of almond flour has about 650 calories. It’s more than a cup of whole almonds, which is already a lot of nuts. It’s a tightly-packed cup of pulverized almonds. If you’re eating almond flour pancakes, it adds up quickly.

Moderately high in PUFAs: Nothing wrong with the PUFAs in a handful of almonds, but it’s easy to get too many eating baked goods made from PUFA-rich almond flour.

Less oxidatively stable: Increasing the surface area of an almond by milling it into flour makes the polyunsaturated fats more vulnerable to oxidative damage. Heating the flour adds another oxidative input.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill has a very nice super-fine almond meal.

Cassava Flour

You’ve probably heard of tapioca starch. That’s pure starch pulled from the cassava root. This isn’t that. Cassava flour is the whole dried tuber ground into a fine, mild, adaptive flour. But before you get too excited, know that cassava root—even the whole food—isn’t terribly nutrient-dense unless you count starch. It’s mainly useful as a reliable source of starch for people who rely on it for caloric bulk. So the flour, even derived from the whole root, is basically glucose.

What’s notable?

Reduces blood glucose. When researchers added cassava flour to regular wheat flour-based baked goods, the glycemic response plummeted. The more cassava flour they added, the lower it went.

What brand?

Otto’s Naturals.

Coconut Flour

Coconut flour is made from dried coconut flesh with most of the fat removed. Only a little bit remains—a gram of fat per tablespoon.

What’s notable?

High in fiber, low in digestible carbs: A quarter cup of coconut flour contains 16 grams of carbs, 10 fiber, 6 digestible. It enjoys a correspondingly low glycemic index and can even make other foods lower in glycemic index when incorporated.

Contains prebiotics: A portion of the fiber in coconut flour is fermentable (PDF) by the gut bacteria, which create butyrate and other beneficial short chain fatty acids as byproducts.

Tricky to work with: Coconut flour is incredibly dry, fibrous, and absorbent. It soaks up liquid like nothing else. Cook with a quarter of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

Reduces blood sugar: Adding coconut flour to a hypocaloric diet reduced blood glucose and cholesterol in overweight Brazilian women.

What brand?

Anthony’s seems to be the best value.

Coffee Flour

Coffee flour isn’t ground up coffee beans—that’s coffee. It’s ground up coffee fruit pulp, the pod that contains the beans we know and love.

I’m going to be honest here. I have a bag of it sitting in my pantry, picked up from Trader Joe’s, but I haven’t used it yet. From what I gather, coffee flour is a great flavor enhancer (think roasted fruit rather than espresso) that also provides a ton of micronutrients. You probably don’t want pancakes made entirely out of coffee flour, but a couple tablespoons added to the gluten-free flour of your choice would probably turn out really well. Another option is to add to smoothies.

What’s notable?

High in phytonutrients: Coffee fruit pulp is rich in various phytonutrients, many of which have antioxidant qualities.

High in potassium: A tablespoon has about 300 mg of potassium.

High in fiber: The product is new enough that studies haven’t yet determined the fermentability of the fiber, but I’d wager a guess that coffee flour will have prebiotic qualities.

What brand?

Trader Joe’s.

Green Banana Flour

Green banana flour is a recent phenomenon, emerging as the resistant starch craze hit its peak. Reason being: green bananas are fantastic sources of resistant starch, and so is the flour.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Cooking the flour nullifies the resistant starch.

Tricky to work with: Like coconut flour, green banana flour soaks up a lot of liquid. Cook with 2/3 of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

What brand?

WEDO.

Hazelnut Flour

Hazelnuts receive little fanfare already—especially this side of the Atlantic. Hazelnut flour gets even less. That’s a mistake, as hazelnuts are incredibly underrated in the nutrition department. They also taste great, although I find the flour lends itself best to desserts.

What’s notable?

Surprisingly nutritious: Hazelnuts and their flour are good sources of vitamin E, manganese, and magnesium.

Has surprising heart health benefits: Hazelnuts reduce LDL particle number, improve cardiovascular health beyond the effect they have on lipid profiles, and reduce the susceptibility of LDL to oxidation.

Makes homemade Nutella possible: Hazelnut and chocolate belong together. Throw hazelnut flour, cocoa powder, 85% dark chocolate pieces, a sweetener (honey, xylitol, ec), and some avocado oil into a food processor.  Process until it starts looking spreadable, then salt to taste.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill does a good hazelnut flour/meal.

Potato Starch

Potato starch is just that—starch—so don’t expect any micronutrients. Most use it as a complement to other gluten-free flours, finding it lends a light, fluffy quality to the finished product. I included it while omitting other pure starches for three main reasons:

If you’re making crispy fried chicken or fish, potato starch is a fantastic dredging agent.

If you’re making gravy or need to thicken a pan sauce, a tablespoon or so whisked into liquid (e.g. broth, water, milk, cream) then added to the pot will provide the perfect texture.

If you want a quick source of resistant starch, stir a couple tablespoons into a glass of sparkling water.

What’s notable (besides the three reasons I keep it around)?

Resistant starch: Gram for gram, it’s the best and most inexpensive source of resistant starch around. Add it to smoothies or mix a couple tablespoons with sparkling water and drink it down. Keep it away from heat, or else you’ll turn the resistant starch into plain glucose.

Some people have reported stomach pain and digestive issues with resistant starch consumption. Not many, but some. If that’s the case, start really small—a half teaspoon or so—and work your way up to larger doses. The benefits to your gut biome are worth the wait.

What brand?

I always go with Bob’s Redmill.

Tigernut Flour

You’ve probably not tried this. I actually find tigernut flour subpar for baked goods thanks to a grittiness that never quite goes away. It’s an intrinsic characteristic, resistant to heat, high powered blending, and every other form of food processing available to home cooks and, I assume, food manufacturers, or else the companies that make it would eliminate the grittiness.

Believe it or not, it’s still one of my favorite flours. Mixed with Greek yogurt, it lends a subtle sweetness. And because you don’t quite “chew” Greek yogurt, instead sorta swallowing it whole, the grittiness doesn’t impede enjoyment. But by far the best way to eat it is in ball form. Add tigernut flour and nut butter (peanut honestly tastes the best, if you’re a legume heretic) in a 2:1 ratio to a food processor along with salt and just enough honey to let you roll the mixture into balls. Freeze the balls and enjoy. Successful variations I’ve tried include adding 85% dark chocolate chunks/bars or even a dash of whey protein.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Tigernut flour is actually enjoyable in its plain state, compared with the tolerable potato starch. It has about half the resistant starch of potato starch, but there are other good points.

High in MUFAs: Who doesn’t love MUFA? The fatty acid profile overall resembles olive oil.

Rich in nutrients: Tigernut flour contains good amounts of iron, magnesium, potassium, vitamin E, folate, and zinc.

Evolutionary precedent: There’s good evidence that one of our early African ancestors, Paranthropus boisei, relied on tigernuts for the bulk of calories. Doesn’t get much more ancestral than that.

What brand?

I love Organic Gemini flour, although this brand claims to have eliminated the grittiness.

As I see it, those are the 8 most important Primal-friendly flours. They cover a wide range of applications, from baking to cooking to prebiotic supplementation to sauce thickening and Nutella making. You don’t have to get them all, or even any.

But it’s nice to have something laying around when it’s 7 A.M. on a Saturday and boy wouldn’t a stack of pancakes be great?

Now let’s hear from you. Got a favorite flour that didn’t make the list? Let me know! Got any questions about these or other flours? Shoot. 

Thanks for reading, all. Take care.

[fishermariawo]

8 Primal-Friendly Flours

While I don’t recommend making Primalized versions of grain-based foods a staple, the fact remains that people love them. They’re going to want them. There’s not much you can do about that. And if we want to incorporate pancakes, muffins, cookies, and other flour-based items into our diets without ruining everything we’ve worked toward, we need the healthiest, most Primal flours.

The alternative flour market has exploded in recent years. A decade ago, you had gritty almond flour and fibrous coconut flour, and that was about it. Today, there are many more flours to sift through. But what are the best ones? Which ones fit best into a Primal way of eating, and why?

Today, I’m going to lay it all out. I’ll give a brief explanation of each Primal-friendly flour, including the facts, features, and characteristics that I find relevant and notable. That way you can decide what’s best for you.

Almond Flour

You know it. You love it, or at least tolerate it. For most long-term Primal eaters, almond flour was the only option if you wanted anything approximating a cookie or a pancake.

What’s notable?

Nutrient-dense: Almond flour is rich in magnesium, vitamin E, copper, and manganese.

Polyphenol-rich: Almond skins have tons of polyphenols.

Prebiotic: Almonds make great food for our beneficial gut bacteria.

Rich in MUFA: Over half of the fat in almonds is monounsaturated, the same kind found in avocado and olive oils. It’s really good stuff.

Calorically dense: A cup of almond flour has about 650 calories. It’s more than a cup of whole almonds, which is already a lot of nuts. It’s a tightly-packed cup of pulverized almonds. If you’re eating almond flour pancakes, it adds up quickly.

Moderately high in PUFAs: Nothing wrong with the PUFAs in a handful of almonds, but it’s easy to get too many eating baked goods made from PUFA-rich almond flour.

Less oxidatively stable: Increasing the surface area of an almond by milling it into flour makes the polyunsaturated fats more vulnerable to oxidative damage. Heating the flour adds another oxidative input.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill has a very nice super-fine almond meal.

Cassava Flour

You’ve probably heard of tapioca starch. That’s pure starch pulled from the cassava root. This isn’t that. Cassava flour is the whole dried tuber ground into a fine, mild, adaptive flour. But before you get too excited, know that cassava root—even the whole food—isn’t terribly nutrient-dense unless you count starch. It’s mainly useful as a reliable source of starch for people who rely on it for caloric bulk. So the flour, even derived from the whole root, is basically glucose.

What’s notable?

Reduces blood glucose. When researchers added cassava flour to regular wheat flour-based baked goods, the glycemic response plummeted. The more cassava flour they added, the lower it went.

What brand?

Otto’s Naturals.

Coconut Flour

Coconut flour is made from dried coconut flesh with most of the fat removed. Only a little bit remains—a gram of fat per tablespoon.

What’s notable?

High in fiber, low in digestible carbs: A quarter cup of coconut flour contains 16 grams of carbs, 10 fiber, 6 digestible. It enjoys a correspondingly low glycemic index and can even make other foods lower in glycemic index when incorporated.

Contains prebiotics: A portion of the fiber in coconut flour is fermentable (PDF) by the gut bacteria, which create butyrate and other beneficial short chain fatty acids as byproducts.

Tricky to work with: Coconut flour is incredibly dry, fibrous, and absorbent. It soaks up liquid like nothing else. Cook with a quarter of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

Reduces blood sugar: Adding coconut flour to a hypocaloric diet reduced blood glucose and cholesterol in overweight Brazilian women.

What brand?

Anthony’s seems to be the best value.

Coffee Flour

Coffee flour isn’t ground up coffee beans—that’s coffee. It’s ground up coffee fruit pulp, the pod that contains the beans we know and love.

I’m going to be honest here. I have a bag of it sitting in my pantry, picked up from Trader Joe’s, but I haven’t used it yet. From what I gather, coffee flour is a great flavor enhancer (think roasted fruit rather than espresso) that also provides a ton of micronutrients. You probably don’t want pancakes made entirely out of coffee flour, but a couple tablespoons added to the gluten-free flour of your choice would probably turn out really well. Another option is to add to smoothies.

What’s notable?

High in phytonutrients: Coffee fruit pulp is rich in various phytonutrients, many of which have antioxidant qualities.

High in potassium: A tablespoon has about 300 mg of potassium.

High in fiber: The product is new enough that studies haven’t yet determined the fermentability of the fiber, but I’d wager a guess that coffee flour will have prebiotic qualities.

What brand?

Trader Joe’s.

Green Banana Flour

Green banana flour is a recent phenomenon, emerging as the resistant starch craze hit its peak. Reason being: green bananas are fantastic sources of resistant starch, and so is the flour.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Cooking the flour nullifies the resistant starch.

Tricky to work with: Like coconut flour, green banana flour soaks up a lot of liquid. Cook with 2/3 of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

What brand?

WEDO.

Hazelnut Flour

Hazelnuts receive little fanfare already—especially this side of the Atlantic. Hazelnut flour gets even less. That’s a mistake, as hazelnuts are incredibly underrated in the nutrition department. They also taste great, although I find the flour lends itself best to desserts.

What’s notable?

Surprisingly nutritious: Hazelnuts and their flour are good sources of vitamin E, manganese, and magnesium.

Has surprising heart health benefits: Hazelnuts reduce LDL particle number, improve cardiovascular health beyond the effect they have on lipid profiles, and reduce the susceptibility of LDL to oxidation.

Makes homemade Nutella possible: Hazelnut and chocolate belong together. Throw hazelnut flour, cocoa powder, 85% dark chocolate pieces, a sweetener (honey, xylitol, ec), and some avocado oil into a food processor.  Process until it starts looking spreadable, then salt to taste.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill does a good hazelnut flour/meal.

Potato Starch

Potato starch is just that—starch—so don’t expect any micronutrients. Most use it as a complement to other gluten-free flours, finding it lends a light, fluffy quality to the finished product. I included it while omitting other pure starches for three main reasons:

If you’re making crispy fried chicken or fish, potato starch is a fantastic dredging agent.

If you’re making gravy or need to thicken a pan sauce, a tablespoon or so whisked into liquid (e.g. broth, water, milk, cream) then added to the pot will provide the perfect texture.

If you want a quick source of resistant starch, stir a couple tablespoons into a glass of sparkling water.

What’s notable (besides the three reasons I keep it around)?

Resistant starch: Gram for gram, it’s the best and most inexpensive source of resistant starch around. Add it to smoothies or mix a couple tablespoons with sparkling water and drink it down. Keep it away from heat, or else you’ll turn the resistant starch into plain glucose.

Some people have reported stomach pain and digestive issues with resistant starch consumption. Not many, but some. If that’s the case, start really small—a half teaspoon or so—and work your way up to larger doses. The benefits to your gut biome are worth the wait.

What brand?

I always go with Bob’s Redmill.

Tigernut Flour

You’ve probably not tried this. I actually find tigernut flour subpar for baked goods thanks to a grittiness that never quite goes away. It’s an intrinsic characteristic, resistant to heat, high powered blending, and every other form of food processing available to home cooks and, I assume, food manufacturers, or else the companies that make it would eliminate the grittiness.

Believe it or not, it’s still one of my favorite flours. Mixed with Greek yogurt, it lends a subtle sweetness. And because you don’t quite “chew” Greek yogurt, instead sorta swallowing it whole, the grittiness doesn’t impede enjoyment. But by far the best way to eat it is in ball form. Add tigernut flour and nut butter (peanut honestly tastes the best, if you’re a legume heretic) in a 2:1 ratio to a food processor along with salt and just enough honey to let you roll the mixture into balls. Freeze the balls and enjoy. Successful variations I’ve tried include adding 85% dark chocolate chunks/bars or even a dash of whey protein.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Tigernut flour is actually enjoyable in its plain state, compared with the tolerable potato starch. It has about half the resistant starch of potato starch, but there are other good points.

High in MUFAs: Who doesn’t love MUFA? The fatty acid profile overall resembles olive oil.

Rich in nutrients: Tigernut flour contains good amounts of iron, magnesium, potassium, vitamin E, folate, and zinc.

Evolutionary precedent: There’s good evidence that one of our early African ancestors, Paranthropus boisei, relied on tigernuts for the bulk of calories. Doesn’t get much more ancestral than that.

What brand?

I love Organic Gemini flour, although this brand claims to have eliminated the grittiness.

As I see it, those are the 8 most important Primal-friendly flours. They cover a wide range of applications, from baking to cooking to prebiotic supplementation to sauce thickening and Nutella making. You don’t have to get them all, or even any.

But it’s nice to have something laying around when it’s 7 A.M. on a Saturday and boy wouldn’t a stack of pancakes be great?

Now let’s hear from you. Got a favorite flour that didn’t make the list? Let me know! Got any questions about these or other flours? Shoot. 

Thanks for reading, all. Take care.

[milenasanchezmk]

8 Primal-Friendly Flours

While I don’t recommend making Primalized versions of grain-based foods a staple, the fact remains that people love them. They’re going to want them. There’s not much you can do about that. And if we want to incorporate pancakes, muffins, cookies, and other flour-based items into our diets without ruining everything we’ve worked toward, we need the healthiest, most Primal flours.

The alternative flour market has exploded in recent years. A decade ago, you had gritty almond flour and fibrous coconut flour, and that was about it. Today, there are many more flours to sift through. But what are the best ones? Which ones fit best into a Primal way of eating, and why?

Today, I’m going to lay it all out. I’ll give a brief explanation of each Primal-friendly flour, including the facts, features, and characteristics that I find relevant and notable. That way you can decide what’s best for you.

Almond Flour

You know it. You love it, or at least tolerate it. For most long-term Primal eaters, almond flour was the only option if you wanted anything approximating a cookie or a pancake.

What’s notable?

Nutrient-dense: Almond flour is rich in magnesium, vitamin E, copper, and manganese.

Polyphenol-rich: Almond skins have tons of polyphenols.

Prebiotic: Almonds make great food for our beneficial gut bacteria.

Rich in MUFA: Over half of the fat in almonds is monounsaturated, the same kind found in avocado and olive oils. It’s really good stuff.

Calorically dense: A cup of almond flour has about 650 calories. It’s more than a cup of whole almonds, which is already a lot of nuts. It’s a tightly-packed cup of pulverized almonds. If you’re eating almond flour pancakes, it adds up quickly.

Moderately high in PUFAs: Nothing wrong with the PUFAs in a handful of almonds, but it’s easy to get too many eating baked goods made from PUFA-rich almond flour.

Less oxidatively stable: Increasing the surface area of an almond by milling it into flour makes the polyunsaturated fats more vulnerable to oxidative damage. Heating the flour adds another oxidative input.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill has a very nice super-fine almond meal.

Cassava Flour

You’ve probably heard of tapioca starch. That’s pure starch pulled from the cassava root. This isn’t that. Cassava flour is the whole dried tuber ground into a fine, mild, adaptive flour. But before you get too excited, know that cassava root—even the whole food—isn’t terribly nutrient-dense unless you count starch. It’s mainly useful as a reliable source of starch for people who rely on it for caloric bulk. So the flour, even derived from the whole root, is basically glucose.

What’s notable?

Reduces blood glucose. When researchers added cassava flour to regular wheat flour-based baked goods, the glycemic response plummeted. The more cassava flour they added, the lower it went.

What brand?

Otto’s Naturals.

Coconut Flour

Coconut flour is made from dried coconut flesh with most of the fat removed. Only a little bit remains—a gram of fat per tablespoon.

What’s notable?

High in fiber, low in digestible carbs: A quarter cup of coconut flour contains 16 grams of carbs, 10 fiber, 6 digestible. It enjoys a correspondingly low glycemic index and can even make other foods lower in glycemic index when incorporated.

Contains prebiotics: A portion of the fiber in coconut flour is fermentable (PDF) by the gut bacteria, which create butyrate and other beneficial short chain fatty acids as byproducts.

Tricky to work with: Coconut flour is incredibly dry, fibrous, and absorbent. It soaks up liquid like nothing else. Cook with a quarter of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

Reduces blood sugar: Adding coconut flour to a hypocaloric diet reduced blood glucose and cholesterol in overweight Brazilian women.

What brand?

Anthony’s seems to be the best value.

Coffee Flour

Coffee flour isn’t ground up coffee beans—that’s coffee. It’s ground up coffee fruit pulp, the pod that contains the beans we know and love.

I’m going to be honest here. I have a bag of it sitting in my pantry, picked up from Trader Joe’s, but I haven’t used it yet. From what I gather, coffee flour is a great flavor enhancer (think roasted fruit rather than espresso) that also provides a ton of micronutrients. You probably don’t want pancakes made entirely out of coffee flour, but a couple tablespoons added to the gluten-free flour of your choice would probably turn out really well. Another option is to add to smoothies.

What’s notable?

High in phytonutrients: Coffee fruit pulp is rich in various phytonutrients, many of which have antioxidant qualities.

High in potassium: A tablespoon has about 300 mg of potassium.

High in fiber: The product is new enough that studies haven’t yet determined the fermentability of the fiber, but I’d wager a guess that coffee flour will have prebiotic qualities.

What brand?

Trader Joe’s.

Green Banana Flour

Green banana flour is a recent phenomenon, emerging as the resistant starch craze hit its peak. Reason being: green bananas are fantastic sources of resistant starch, and so is the flour.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Cooking the flour nullifies the resistant starch.

Tricky to work with: Like coconut flour, green banana flour soaks up a lot of liquid. Cook with 2/3 of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

What brand?

WEDO.

Hazelnut Flour

Hazelnuts receive little fanfare already—especially this side of the Atlantic. Hazelnut flour gets even less. That’s a mistake, as hazelnuts are incredibly underrated in the nutrition department. They also taste great, although I find the flour lends itself best to desserts.

What’s notable?

Surprisingly nutritious: Hazelnuts and their flour are good sources of vitamin E, manganese, and magnesium.

Has surprising heart health benefits: Hazelnuts reduce LDL particle number, improve cardiovascular health beyond the effect they have on lipid profiles, and reduce the susceptibility of LDL to oxidation.

Makes homemade Nutella possible: Hazelnut and chocolate belong together. Throw hazelnut flour, cocoa powder, 85% dark chocolate pieces, a sweetener (honey, xylitol, ec), and some avocado oil into a food processor.  Process until it starts looking spreadable, then salt to taste.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill does a good hazelnut flour/meal.

Potato Starch

Potato starch is just that—starch—so don’t expect any micronutrients. Most use it as a complement to other gluten-free flours, finding it lends a light, fluffy quality to the finished product. I included it while omitting other pure starches for three main reasons:

If you’re making crispy fried chicken or fish, potato starch is a fantastic dredging agent.

If you’re making gravy or need to thicken a pan sauce, a tablespoon or so whisked into liquid (e.g. broth, water, milk, cream) then added to the pot will provide the perfect texture.

If you want a quick source of resistant starch, stir a couple tablespoons into a glass of sparkling water.

What’s notable (besides the three reasons I keep it around)?

Resistant starch: Gram for gram, it’s the best and most inexpensive source of resistant starch around. Add it to smoothies or mix a couple tablespoons with sparkling water and drink it down. Keep it away from heat, or else you’ll turn the resistant starch into plain glucose.

Some people have reported stomach pain and digestive issues with resistant starch consumption. Not many, but some. If that’s the case, start really small—a half teaspoon or so—and work your way up to larger doses. The benefits to your gut biome are worth the wait.

What brand?

I always go with Bob’s Redmill.

Tigernut Flour

You’ve probably not tried this. I actually find tigernut flour subpar for baked goods thanks to a grittiness that never quite goes away. It’s an intrinsic characteristic, resistant to heat, high powered blending, and every other form of food processing available to home cooks and, I assume, food manufacturers, or else the companies that make it would eliminate the grittiness.

Believe it or not, it’s still one of my favorite flours. Mixed with Greek yogurt, it lends a subtle sweetness. And because you don’t quite “chew” Greek yogurt, instead sorta swallowing it whole, the grittiness doesn’t impede enjoyment. But by far the best way to eat it is in ball form. Add tigernut flour and nut butter (peanut honestly tastes the best, if you’re a legume heretic) in a 2:1 ratio to a food processor along with salt and just enough honey to let you roll the mixture into balls. Freeze the balls and enjoy. Successful variations I’ve tried include adding 85% dark chocolate chunks/bars or even a dash of whey protein.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Tigernut flour is actually enjoyable in its plain state, compared with the tolerable potato starch. It has about half the resistant starch of potato starch, but there are other good points.

High in MUFAs: Who doesn’t love MUFA? The fatty acid profile overall resembles olive oil.

Rich in nutrients: Tigernut flour contains good amounts of iron, magnesium, potassium, vitamin E, folate, and zinc.

Evolutionary precedent: There’s good evidence that one of our early African ancestors, Paranthropus boisei, relied on tigernuts for the bulk of calories. Doesn’t get much more ancestral than that.

What brand?

I love Organic Gemini flour, although this brand claims to have eliminated the grittiness.

As I see it, those are the 8 most important Primal-friendly flours. They cover a wide range of applications, from baking to cooking to prebiotic supplementation to sauce thickening and Nutella making. You don’t have to get them all, or even any.

But it’s nice to have something laying around when it’s 7 A.M. on a Saturday and boy wouldn’t a stack of pancakes be great?

Now let’s hear from you. Got a favorite flour that didn’t make the list? Let me know! Got any questions about these or other flours? Shoot. 

Thanks for reading, all. Take care.

[cristinajourdanqp]

8 Primal-Friendly Flours

While I don’t recommend making Primalized versions of grain-based foods a staple, the fact remains that people love them. They’re going to want them. There’s not much you can do about that. And if we want to incorporate pancakes, muffins, cookies, and other flour-based items into our diets without ruining everything we’ve worked toward, we need the healthiest, most Primal flours.

The alternative flour market has exploded in recent years. A decade ago, you had gritty almond flour and fibrous coconut flour, and that was about it. Today, there are many more flours to sift through. But what are the best ones? Which ones fit best into a Primal way of eating, and why?

Today, I’m going to lay it all out. I’ll give a brief explanation of each Primal-friendly flour, including the facts, features, and characteristics that I find relevant and notable. That way you can decide what’s best for you.

Almond Flour

You know it. You love it, or at least tolerate it. For most long-term Primal eaters, almond flour was the only option if you wanted anything approximating a cookie or a pancake.

What’s notable?

Nutrient-dense: Almond flour is rich in magnesium, vitamin E, copper, and manganese.

Polyphenol-rich: Almond skins have tons of polyphenols.

Prebiotic: Almonds make great food for our beneficial gut bacteria.

Rich in MUFA: Over half of the fat in almonds is monounsaturated, the same kind found in avocado and olive oils. It’s really good stuff.

Calorically dense: A cup of almond flour has about 650 calories. It’s more than a cup of whole almonds, which is already a lot of nuts. It’s a tightly-packed cup of pulverized almonds. If you’re eating almond flour pancakes, it adds up quickly.

Moderately high in PUFAs: Nothing wrong with the PUFAs in a handful of almonds, but it’s easy to get too many eating baked goods made from PUFA-rich almond flour.

Less oxidatively stable: Increasing the surface area of an almond by milling it into flour makes the polyunsaturated fats more vulnerable to oxidative damage. Heating the flour adds another oxidative input.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill has a very nice super-fine almond meal.

Cassava Flour

You’ve probably heard of tapioca starch. That’s pure starch pulled from the cassava root. This isn’t that. Cassava flour is the whole dried tuber ground into a fine, mild, adaptive flour. But before you get too excited, know that cassava root—even the whole food—isn’t terribly nutrient-dense unless you count starch. It’s mainly useful as a reliable source of starch for people who rely on it for caloric bulk. So the flour, even derived from the whole root, is basically glucose.

What’s notable?

Reduces blood glucose. When researchers added cassava flour to regular wheat flour-based baked goods, the glycemic response plummeted. The more cassava flour they added, the lower it went.

What brand?

Otto’s Naturals.

Coconut Flour

Coconut flour is made from dried coconut flesh with most of the fat removed. Only a little bit remains—a gram of fat per tablespoon.

What’s notable?

High in fiber, low in digestible carbs: A quarter cup of coconut flour contains 16 grams of carbs, 10 fiber, 6 digestible. It enjoys a correspondingly low glycemic index and can even make other foods lower in glycemic index when incorporated.

Contains prebiotics: A portion of the fiber in coconut flour is fermentable (PDF) by the gut bacteria, which create butyrate and other beneficial short chain fatty acids as byproducts.

Tricky to work with: Coconut flour is incredibly dry, fibrous, and absorbent. It soaks up liquid like nothing else. Cook with a quarter of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

Reduces blood sugar: Adding coconut flour to a hypocaloric diet reduced blood glucose and cholesterol in overweight Brazilian women.

What brand?

Anthony’s seems to be the best value.

Coffee Flour

Coffee flour isn’t ground up coffee beans—that’s coffee. It’s ground up coffee fruit pulp, the pod that contains the beans we know and love.

I’m going to be honest here. I have a bag of it sitting in my pantry, picked up from Trader Joe’s, but I haven’t used it yet. From what I gather, coffee flour is a great flavor enhancer (think roasted fruit rather than espresso) that also provides a ton of micronutrients. You probably don’t want pancakes made entirely out of coffee flour, but a couple tablespoons added to the gluten-free flour of your choice would probably turn out really well. Another option is to add to smoothies.

What’s notable?

High in phytonutrients: Coffee fruit pulp is rich in various phytonutrients, many of which have antioxidant qualities.

High in potassium: A tablespoon has about 300 mg of potassium.

High in fiber: The product is new enough that studies haven’t yet determined the fermentability of the fiber, but I’d wager a guess that coffee flour will have prebiotic qualities.

What brand?

Trader Joe’s.

Green Banana Flour

Green banana flour is a recent phenomenon, emerging as the resistant starch craze hit its peak. Reason being: green bananas are fantastic sources of resistant starch, and so is the flour.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Cooking the flour nullifies the resistant starch.

Tricky to work with: Like coconut flour, green banana flour soaks up a lot of liquid. Cook with 2/3 of the flour you’d usually use, and have extra eggs handy.

What brand?

WEDO.

Hazelnut Flour

Hazelnuts receive little fanfare already—especially this side of the Atlantic. Hazelnut flour gets even less. That’s a mistake, as hazelnuts are incredibly underrated in the nutrition department. They also taste great, although I find the flour lends itself best to desserts.

What’s notable?

Surprisingly nutritious: Hazelnuts and their flour are good sources of vitamin E, manganese, and magnesium.

Has surprising heart health benefits: Hazelnuts reduce LDL particle number, improve cardiovascular health beyond the effect they have on lipid profiles, and reduce the susceptibility of LDL to oxidation.

Makes homemade Nutella possible: Hazelnut and chocolate belong together. Throw hazelnut flour, cocoa powder, 85% dark chocolate pieces, a sweetener (honey, xylitol, ec), and some avocado oil into a food processor.  Process until it starts looking spreadable, then salt to taste.

What brand?

Bob’s Redmill does a good hazelnut flour/meal.

Potato Starch

Potato starch is just that—starch—so don’t expect any micronutrients. Most use it as a complement to other gluten-free flours, finding it lends a light, fluffy quality to the finished product. I included it while omitting other pure starches for three main reasons:

If you’re making crispy fried chicken or fish, potato starch is a fantastic dredging agent.

If you’re making gravy or need to thicken a pan sauce, a tablespoon or so whisked into liquid (e.g. broth, water, milk, cream) then added to the pot will provide the perfect texture.

If you want a quick source of resistant starch, stir a couple tablespoons into a glass of sparkling water.

What’s notable (besides the three reasons I keep it around)?

Resistant starch: Gram for gram, it’s the best and most inexpensive source of resistant starch around. Add it to smoothies or mix a couple tablespoons with sparkling water and drink it down. Keep it away from heat, or else you’ll turn the resistant starch into plain glucose.

Some people have reported stomach pain and digestive issues with resistant starch consumption. Not many, but some. If that’s the case, start really small—a half teaspoon or so—and work your way up to larger doses. The benefits to your gut biome are worth the wait.

What brand?

I always go with Bob’s Redmill.

Tigernut Flour

You’ve probably not tried this. I actually find tigernut flour subpar for baked goods thanks to a grittiness that never quite goes away. It’s an intrinsic characteristic, resistant to heat, high powered blending, and every other form of food processing available to home cooks and, I assume, food manufacturers, or else the companies that make it would eliminate the grittiness.

Believe it or not, it’s still one of my favorite flours. Mixed with Greek yogurt, it lends a subtle sweetness. And because you don’t quite “chew” Greek yogurt, instead sorta swallowing it whole, the grittiness doesn’t impede enjoyment. But by far the best way to eat it is in ball form. Add tigernut flour and nut butter (peanut honestly tastes the best, if you’re a legume heretic) in a 2:1 ratio to a food processor along with salt and just enough honey to let you roll the mixture into balls. Freeze the balls and enjoy. Successful variations I’ve tried include adding 85% dark chocolate chunks/bars or even a dash of whey protein.

What’s notable?

High in resistant starch: Tigernut flour is actually enjoyable in its plain state, compared with the tolerable potato starch. It has about half the resistant starch of potato starch, but there are other good points.

High in MUFAs: Who doesn’t love MUFA? The fatty acid profile overall resembles olive oil.

Rich in nutrients: Tigernut flour contains good amounts of iron, magnesium, potassium, vitamin E, folate, and zinc.

Evolutionary precedent: There’s good evidence that one of our early African ancestors, Paranthropus boisei, relied on tigernuts for the bulk of calories. Doesn’t get much more ancestral than that.

What brand?

I love Organic Gemini flour, although this brand claims to have eliminated the grittiness.

As I see it, those are the 8 most important Primal-friendly flours. They cover a wide range of applications, from baking to cooking to prebiotic supplementation to sauce thickening and Nutella making. You don’t have to get them all, or even any.

But it’s nice to have something laying around when it’s 7 A.M. on a Saturday and boy wouldn’t a stack of pancakes be great?

Now let’s hear from you. Got a favorite flour that didn’t make the list? Let me know! Got any questions about these or other flours? Shoot. 

Thanks for reading, all. Take care.