#mai x zukomaiko

[kvohru]

miss you terribly - maiko week '24 day 2

prompt - separation. in which zuko (accidentally) sends mai a bunch of letters while traveling. still pathetically in love.

Spending time away from Mai was hard. That was, Zuko thought, a universal truth.

Needless to say, Zuko hated spending time away from her, but, much to his dismay, with him being the newly appointed Firelord (with a mission of uniting the four nations and bringing peace, no less), he had a lot of political affairs to take care of, which included far too much traveling and time away from his darling. So, to combat the pure, unfathomable agony that was having to sleep in a bed all lonely and alone and in his lonesome—he deserved massive compensation and many pats on the back for surviving these trying times, truly— he’d taken to writing letters.

At first, he had started writing them as a way to fill his time and cope with the boredom of traveling alone, and he would just keep them in a small pocket in his luggage— that is, he was too shy to send them to her. He knew that, rationally, it shouldn’t have been a big deal. It was normal to send letters to your significant other when you were away, dammit! But he still couldn’t let go of that small part of him that was afraid she would, worst case scenario, think it was weird and corny, or, best case scenario, wouldn’t care much for the notion altogether.

He knew that that, too, was completely irrational. Irrational to an embarrassing extent, even.

Mai loved and accepted him. She’d shown that time and time again. She’d supported him and stood by him through the worst times of his life. Times when, he thought, he absolutely did not deserve that unconditional love from her. He still thought he didn’t deserve that, sometimes. So thinking she would judge him for writing letters was just plain stupid honestly, but for now, he was satisfied keeping them hidden.

“Firelord Zuko,” his personal assistant called out, interrupting his train of thought. He sighed and put away the piece of parchment he’d just finished signing off; it was another letter. The fourth or fifth one this week, if he had to guess. Not that he was setting aside time daily to write them or anything. Or that he’d started that ritual months ago, and by now had probably accumulated over a thousand letters. Totally not that whatsoever. Absolutely not.

“Come in.”

“Sir, you are required in the meeting hall.”

He held back the urge to snort. Yeah, sure, require him in the meeting hall, why don’t you?

He shoved the letter among a small stack of papers on his desk, official documents he’d have to send out and such. It was frustrating when fellow nation leaders treated him like a child. Sure, he was only eighteen, but it seemed that everyone conveniently forgot that he practically saved the world with the Avatar.

“I will be right with you,” he replied tightly, effectively dismissing his assistant.

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

Mai was in her chambers when she got a knock on the door, and Ty Lee, who was hanging out with her that day and had stepped out momentarily to retrieve a package that had just arrived in the mail, told her that something had arrived for her.

A stack of letters.

“From Zuko?” she asked, repeating what her friend had just said in confusion.

“Yup!” Ty Lee grinned and tossed the large stack of envelopes onto her friend’s bed. “Boyfie’s clearly been missing you then.”

Mai smiled, huffing out an amused breath. She’d wondered if he’d ever get the courage to send her those letters.

She’d stumbled upon some letters a while back, when Zuko had asked her to retrieve something from his room, and she ended up accidentally looking through the wrong set of drawers. She didn’t read them of course, though she’d noticed they were all addressed to her and dated over something like seven months’ time, out of respect for him.

So it was safe to say she was at least a little happy that he’d sent her some. Mai excitedly grabbed the letters, unable to hold back the giddy grin on her face. She had really missed him. “I’m so glad,” she said truthfully, counting the envelopes in her hand.

“Oh, my God, this must be, like, a letter for everyday he’s been gone,” Ty Lee said in amazement, having been counting along with her friend. “See? I told you you had nothing to worry about!”

Mai smiled, blush rising on her cheeks. Ty Lee was referring to a concern Mai had brought up to her earlier. She was talking about how it kind of upset her when Zuko would go on trips without her and they’d have to go so long without any form of contact. She knew he enjoyed writing letters, and that to him, it wasn’t just one of those things he did out of necessity. He appreciated the intimacy of exchanging handwritten letters, said there was something special about getting to see the little ink splotches, the differences in penmanship, the scratched out words and phrases when someone has a change of mind, the misspelled words, even the different type of paper everyone used said so much about them.

“So then why doesn’t he send me any?” she’d complained to Ty Lee, burying her face in her pillow, frustrated.

Mai was the type to bottle her feelings, and she wasn’t really much for having heart-to-hearts. Of course, she was always willing to lend a listening ear to her friends, and was very empathetic and caring, contrary to what people might think, but she rarely talked about her own feelings. She’d always been that way, never really knew how to articulate her feelings well, and felt weird doing it, too, so at some point she’d just stopped trying altogether.

So for her to be telling Ty Lee about this right now really spoke to how hurt she must’ve been feeling, even if she wanted to play it off as some casual thought that had occurred to her.

Ty Lee had told her that she was probably just overthinking it and that there was nothing to worry about, but she’d felt incredibly for her friend.

“Well, I’ll leave you to read those.” Ty Lee winked at Mai, grinning. “I need to head back now anyway.”

Mai frowned, not wanting her friend to leave so soon, but Ty Lee insisted that she really did need to go, so Mai begrudgingly walked her out. Once back in her room, though, Mai shut the door and jumped onto her bed, grabbing for the letters again.

She gingerly opened the first one and started reading.

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

Mai,

How are you, my love?

I trust that everything is well over at the Fire Nation, mostly because no one has sent me any concerning correspondences, but more than that, I trust you wholeheartedly. More importantly, though, I hope you’re doing well.

I, for one, am not.

I miss you terribly. This trip so far has been unbearable, and I wish very badly that you were here. At least then these meetings wouldn’t be as utterly boring. Did you know that they wish to impose sanctions on cabbage selling here? I thought it was quite the odd thing to take issue with, at first, but apparently there is a ‘bigger picture’ or something.

Anyway, today is our half-anniversary. And I know you don’t get the concept of half-anniversaries, because ‘why celebrate prematurely?’—yes, I am still salty about that— but I still think it is worth celebrating. I think love is always worth celebrating, especially ours. This is why I thought of sending over a gift anyway, but I was afraid it would get lost on the way.

Regardless, happy half-anniversary. I love you and I miss you and I cannot wait to get home so I can look at your pretty face.

Yours always,

Zuko

˗ ♡ ˗

Mai,

Did you know that some turtleducks can live up to thousands of years? I learnt that from a particularly riveting trivia book I found in our library, years ago. It was back when we had broken up, that one time. I was so miserable I filled my time with reading through the palace’s collection of books. Some were admittedly a lot more entertaining than others, but I ended up amassing a lot of random facts about wholly unrelated topics, so I wouldn’t say it was a complete waste.

For example, did you know that kissing someone you love prolongs your lifetime exponentially? As in, the more kisses the better.

Okay, I totally just made that up as an excuse to get more kisses, but you believed it for a second there, didn’t you? It sounds believable enough, if you ask me. (And hey, better safe than sorry, right?)

There’s really no purpose for this letter, if I’m completely honest. There’s nothing for me to report on, and there’s nothing specific on my mind I want to share with you or anything, but I believe there is something to be said about the beauty in the mundane; something about being able to appreciate the ordinary things with the people you love most. Something about those meaningless conversations where the sound of a lover’s voice matters more than what they’re actually saying. Something about listening for the sake of listening. Loving for the sake of loving. Ceaselessly and unconditionally.

I don’t think I could ever tire of hearing you talk.

Yours always,

Zuko

˗ ♡ ˗

Mai,

I suspect this will be a shorter letter, because I really only have one thing to tell you. I don’t think I say it enough, and even though I don’t presently plan on showing you these letters, I think I’d like to say it anyway.

Thank you.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for staying. Thank you for not giving up on me even when you had every right to. Thank you for loving me, even when I don’t deserve it. Thank you for allowing me to love you. Thank you for accepting my love. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for showing me time and time again that I don’t need to constantly try so hard around you, but still unintentionally pushing me to be my best regardless. Thank you for putting me in my place when I’m an asshole. Thank you for calling me out on my shortcomings, but always being impossibly loving about it. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for laughing at my jokes. Thank you for staying up to talk on those nights I can’t sleep. Thank you for soothing my worries away when they get too suffocating. Thank you for listening. Thank you for talking.

I could go on, but I probably don’t have enough paper on me right now, so I’ll settle for saying this: Thank you for existing. You’re my favourite person, by a long shot. I love you. I’m glad you exist.

Yours always,

Zuko

˗ ♡ ˗

Mai,

What do you think about marriage?

I know we’ve talked about this before, but it always seemed like a faraway possibility. We were so young then, but now, we’re, well… older..?

God, I suck at this.

What I’m trying to say is: Are you still open to the idea of marrying me?

This is not me proposing, of course, but it has admittedly been on my mind a lot lately. To clarify, I know we’re in it for the long haul. I am absolutely and utterly and hopelessly devoted to you, marriage or not. I don’t care about titles, for I don’t think any official title could add to or take away from the brilliance of our love. I am yours as long as you will have me.

But sometimes I worry I am depriving you of something you might long for. So, please, answer me this. Would you do me the honour of marrying me, someday? It could be extravagant, full of big, fancy fruit tarts or whatever it is you may desire, or it could be a private affair with just us. Whatever it is, I am at your service. That is, of course, only if you want to. I don’t think I need an official document to prove what I feel for you (though I think it may be beneficial for you on a political front, too, with me being Firelord and all?), but if it is something you desire, I would be more than happy to oblige.

This letter is weird, and I suppose this is me saying that I want so desperately to marry you. I love loving you, and I want to be able to do it until my last breath, if you’ll allow me. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m glad you exist. I am forever and always—

Yours,

Zuko

⁎⁺˳ ✧༚ ˎˊ˗ ♡ ˗ˏˋയ ✩

And so the letters went on. They varied in length and content. Some had her laughing and blushing, while others had her heart aching.

She concluded that these letters were probably sent mistakenly, but she realised she didn’t really mind. He was bound to have noticed this by now, so it was only a matter of time before he sent some indication of that. Either in the form of another letter, or just him coming home and them having a conversation about this.

It would probably be the latter, though, if she was honest.

Unless… A thought occurred to her.

She was going to write a letter of her own.

She let out a quiet giggle, he was so not gonna see this coming.

Pulling out a piece of her really special letter paper (the kind she only saved for really special occasions), she sighed, her mind already constructing and reconstructing the letter she was going to write. When she began writing, she realised why Zuko liked exchanging letters so much. It was much more special than she’d anticipated.

Maybe—hopefully—they’d make this a habit. She really loved this boy, didn’t she?

----

@/kvohru on twt & ao3!