#mahal ka ni haechan at mark lee

[ruijen]

Open (Blog) Letter to the most patient kid i’ve ever come across

(don’t worry, practically no one knows I even have tumblr)

Time check—11:00 PM. An hour before the calendar checks in the date, from august seventh, into eighth.

I honestly don’t know what to say on this message, but I feel like I want to communicate a lot of things we’ve postponed that felt practically an eternity. This may turn out like a complete ramble from my end, but despite so, I’ll try to make it make sense.

As you already know, this is in fact, a birthday message, and every birthday message mundanely begins with the overrated line: happy birthday! I know this gift isn’t much, I was planning to Lalamove some letters to your place, but in circumstances, I realized I don’t even receive allowances these days, and I can’t afford anything unless I make a bet out of something with my mom (I know, I’m desperate.)

Broke grievances aside, I want to say thank you for being strong enough to get through 19 years— I swear it’s tiring to live and I don’t know about you, but I’ve said “I wanna’ die,” too many times to count in a span of two years (though I don’t mean for this to sound depressing). I’m just happy and proud that although I may not be always aware of things that are happening with your life, you still get through it by hook or by crook. I want to always be there for you as much as possible when you go through something.

I think we both know we aren’t so much on the constant communication side of the scale, and I sometimes think that maybe you don’t want to talk to me anymore, not necessarily limiting it to negative contexts. Maybe you just love binging shows to make yourself busy, and in between you’re trying to collect art inspiration, and maybe in between those in-betweens you felt like you should learn the new choreograph from a group’s comeback— and there’s no problem with that. I feel happy as long as you’re doing what you like. I just wanted to say I miss you, and sometimes when I see photos of you with your friends, I get jealous that they get to do more stuff with you than we’ve actually ever done, and I also know that you too, feel the same sometimes, and that’s okay. It’s not that I feel glad about you feeling jealous, it just makes me relieved that we still think of each other regardless of whether we talk or not. Like you’ve said before, it’s understandable since our location has never been near each other ever (highkey upsetting), and it gives me a sense of relief that you’ve found a place in UST, where you’re able to feel comfortable (Thank you, Julianne, Rita, and co., for always taking my homegirl Patricia to places, especially restaurants). It’s fun to see you fill up your SHS with good times.

Give me 10 seconds to be selfish, but I still want to hog your time whenever I’ll get the chance. Let’s go to conventions, concerts, far travel spots. Let’s get wasted and take midnight drives to a place where we can see the stars while listening to VIBE vibe songs. Sounds reaching, but whatever! Also, I don’t want to get wasted and then drive. We are responsible-ass hoes. Anyways, 10 seconds is up, unless you read that speedily, then I have no faults if you read it quicker than I expected.

Thank you bebs, like I know— outdated na bebs na nickname pero who cares at this point 😩 it holds a special place in my ugly-ass heart. Thank you for being so patient to stick with me through JHS. I cry sometimes kasi parang pinagkakait ka sa’kin ng universe gusto ko lang naman gumala tayo!!! 😤 I know 2020 hasn’t been the nicest to everyone, and we both aren’t an exception, that’s why I’m genuinely hoping that you feel okay. Maybe you don’t need the reminder, but I love you and my DMs (and doors) are open to anything you want to share. You don’t have to feel guilty about when I said I feel like we don’t talk as much as we used to because I 100% think it’s fine. I just wanted to say it somehow. Lastly, I hope college life, although not even the least of how we expected it to turn out, will help you grow more, and I want to say I’ll always be proud of whatever you decide to do! I know you got this, and maybe when school starts on both ends at hindi na mahigpit ang regional protocols, we can meet each other and study together or something. Idk!! Ayon lang : ((( Happy birthday hoe <3

P.s. sana may handa kayo and vidcall tayo soon if u want