#mags was her grandma/mother figure

[realmermaid333]

i like to imagine that Mags saw herself in Annie. She too went "mad" but was just better at hiding it. Wasn't that true for every victor? Mags, being the second oldest living victor, was much wiser. Much more equipped to handle herself and her trauma. and much more willing to take on another's. to hold Annie's hand through it. Just like she had Finnick's. I imagine she was the first person to care for Annie after everything that happened to her. and after her whole family was killed after her disastrous victory tour, Mags was all Annie had until she grew to know and love Finnick too.

[a-mag-a-day]

MAG 77 - hair dying session

"There is a stranger claiming to be my mother." - A capital S Stranger even!

"Everyone else says that she’s my mother, and gives me looks of alarm when I tell them she’s an impostor." - The Not!Them actually has some kind of Spiral vibes to it. Gaslighting is usually the territory of the Spiral and gaslighting will subsequently happen by the people who are under the Not!Them's influence. Melanie even asked Jon last episode if he's gaslighting her.

I feel really bad for the statement-giver. She sure had a shitty mum… Come to think of it, why does Jonny like shitty mums so much? xD (this mum, Martin's mum, Jon's grandma as "mum figure"… And then Jonny's actual rl mum had to read this, lol)

"But sometimes I worry that the reason we could never get on was that we were far too much alike." - Like Jon and Melanie!^^ There is something about stubborn, big-mouthed, (unkind) people, who I personally would consider arseholes, and that dynamic with others like them. Somehow I always felt such persons would get along with each other far better than an arsehole person and someone who is more considerate of others. At least the former feels more evenly leveled to me. With the other pair the considerate person would probably suffer under the arsehole, depending if that person takes it to heart.

"He moved up beside the plump old woman standing in the doorway and looked at me, smiling." - Oh, that sound that starts alongside the ambiance track right at the word "smiling" is really cool!

"I used to think I hated my mother; I really did. But now I can’t stop listening to those tapes, now I know they’re the only way I’ll ever hear her voice again." - Just like in MAG 75, I like the tragedy and dilemma of this statement. The statement-giver always resented her mother and now she desperately wants her back. Although this "new" mother seems to have a cheery personality, seems to be "a better mother" (except that it's a murderous monster of course) with nothing left of that cold, judging emotional abuse the statement-giver had to grow up with.

"Based on the interactions and effects, I suspect this to be the creature that Adelard Dekker refers to as the “NotThem” in statement 9910607" - Dekker name drop! And Gertrude actually does a good job at cross referencing here! Not so chaotic after all, or, not being chaotic when it's actually being needed. "Personally, I suspect it to be an aspect of The Stranger" - Smirke's 14 name drop! Referred to them by those exact names up until this point we have heard of The Vast (MAG 46) and The End (MAG 62).

"The sheer power that it must be able to call upon to be able to rewrite so much of reality" - ok so I haven't heard anything from SCP (well, not exactly, I listened to The Hanged King because it was recommended to me, but it didn't quite click with me), but a friend of mine (who still has to finish TMA. He's on MAG 50) likes the SCP stuff very much and he told me of a concept that exists there, which reminds me of this. Reality Benders. That one sounds super terrifying, so I might check it out some time.

Oh no, and now we get to the part of poor little meow meow…

"and given Melanie’s outburst last week" - well aaaactually… Melanie's statement was on the 13th of February 2017. That was a Monday! Given that MAG 80 happens on the 16th of February, so three days later on a Thursday of the same week of course, "last week" doesn't really make sense. This has happened before, MAG 22 happened on March 12th 2016. That was a Saturday. Apparently the archives team works on Saturdays?? And MAG 26, 2nd of April is also a Saturday. Though it makes sense here, as Sasha says he has woken up Martin, who lives in the archives at that point. They probably called Jon. Just a few episodes ago, MAG 70, the date matched up with the day of the week though. 6th January and Karolina Górka remarks that it was a Friday evening.

"How it works. How it ki…" - T__T Jon sounds so distressed. Determined to do something, yet absolutely smashed to pieces when this thoughts wander further than his mouth does.

Why does this podcast do emotions so well? T______T

I like the Spiral aspect of the Notthem, it can't feed if there isn't one person going crazy because they're the only person recognizing them for what they are

Btw we also heard of the Beholding and Desolation from Gerry in the hospital statement. Where else were they explicitly mentioned I wonder

[aeondeug]

So while I was reading GtN and HtN I occasionally stopped to be like “Wow, it’s great how these can be just so gay!” And like. That is really great. Super great. I love that about them. But I also remember at least once stopping and going “Wow, it’s great that there’s no homophobia here!” And like at the time I just kind of nodded along to myself. Around when I just finished GtN, I remember being very fond of the bit after the book with like the guy explaining like. The deal with necro/cav relationships in The Media and throughout history and how actually none of these things have ever been romance. This is just a pure relationship, unaffected by naughty things like ROMANCE. WHY DOES EVERYTHING NEED TO BE ROMANCE?! shouts the author of this paper. And I laughed at this. Because it reminded me a lot of people who do this shit with queer love. They do it with history and just go “Why does Sappho have to be gay, why can’t she just have passionate feelings for her BFFs”. Which is mindbogglingly stupid to me and anyone who has so much as LOOKED at some of the poem fragments. But like people do say that shit. And they do this a lot over like queer anything in fiction unless it like punches you in the face with rainbows immediately. “Why do Bubblegum and Marceline have to be gay? They’re just friends!” is a take that I legitimately saw on the day of the finale. And not just once. I saw it a few times. And I’ve seen that happen over so many ships in so many things, whether or not the ships end up canon. “Why does it have to be gay?” and the specific sort of outrage over it I’ve seen in essay length posts is just common, and that sort of outrage reads very similar to the argument that dude made about necro/cav relationships. It reads like that and close enough so that I made a joke about it even. I didn’t think too, too much on this at first though because I mean. We have Abigail and Magnus. They’re right there. A man and a woman, a husband and a wife. So like I was able to simultaneously go “omg it’s just like those why can’t they just be friends WHY DOES IT NEED TO BE GAY people” and also “wow it’s nice that there are spooky negative queer experiences of SADNESS here”. Which has got me thinking. Ok. So we have that essay. Now what else do we have in the books? I suppose could point at the entirety of Gideon and Harrow’s just furious refusal to admit that they might actually be in love with one another. Even though it appears to be obvious to literally everyone else in the galaxy. And is obvious to the readers. Hell, Gideon even has a moment of feeling like she needs to tell Harrow something the day before she dies. Something which is heavily romance coded, I don’t know the word for it. But like a “Wow I feel a need to tell them something and it’ll be my last shot” before a death just kind of always reads “It was an ‘I love you’. They needed to say it and didn’t get a chance”. So we’ve got that and, specifically, we’ve got their outrage at the suggestions. Gideon stresses that she’s JUST Harrow’s cav. And she’s very fucking insistent on that. Part of the why is that she knows Harrow is in love with a fucking dead girl in a casket but like. It just hits a certain way. There’s also Harrow’s just repeated disgust she expresses towards the concept of necro/cav relationships. She needs to explain away to herself that like, well, Abigail and Magnus were ALREADY married before he was named her cavalier primary so maybe that makes it fine. And even then she’s not like super duper comfy with the idea. A taboo has been broken, Harrow feels, and she needs to get really rules lawery to find any comfort with that. Other small things that feel of note to me here are the nature of the ways we know that these two are gay outside of like. Their weird thing for one another. With Gideon we’re introduced to it basically immediately with her joke about titty mags. Harrow specifically makes a comment at some point that some of the magazines Gideon gets are very gross, yes. Her interest in women is explicitly made sexual from the get go, and the idea that The Gays are just weird sex fiends and there is no love there is a frequent one. With Harrow meanwhile we know because she says she’s in love with the girl in the Locked Tomb. Who is very much dead. A thing that is fucky enough that like there is an entire song and dance about “GIDEON THE FIRST IS MAKING OUT WITH A CORPSE??????” and how Harrow is a hypocrite for being so offended by that all. Also the girl is behind the door. She is something that isn’t supposed to be seen or known about or, heaven forbid, woken up. That is all the ultimate taboo and Harrow not only fucking broke that but she looked at the girl and went “Wow I’m in love” on the spot. So we have this collection of things that could be read as some sort of metaphor for like...The taboo nature of queer love. “Why can’t they just be friends?” and issues of purity and the lack thereof. And we have characters who are very clearly in love but who can’t just admit that because they think there’s something fucking wrong with that. Gideon’s JUST her cav and Harrow is also in love with a dead chick. We also have Magnus and Abigail around who are just like. Happily married and fine with things regarding their whole necro/cav aesthetic. Ianthe doesn’t seem to give a shit that Gideon’s into Harrow at all. There’s a fondness for necro/cav relationships enough that there’s an entire romance genre centered on them and like characters in the cast are fond of those, some of them. Things appear to be Fine, at least as far as their friends are concerned. Maybe the asshole writing the essay that kicked this pondering off would have an issue and a stuffy old grandma would pitch a fit. But like their friends don’t have a problem with necro/cav shit. But we still very much have Gideon and Harrow being “Well no. We’re just a necromancer and their cavalier. GOD.” Now part of what got me thinking about this is that I recently decided to start watching Bly Manor. Because fuck it we haven’t yet. And specifically part of why is I remember seeing an analysis of it done by Rowan Ellis which had this bit where like the argument that “Bly Manor proves you can do queer stories without homophobia being a part of it!” is brought up and like...Ellis is like “Ok but we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out”. And lo and behold in the first episode we very much do just lock a queer woman in a literal closet while she screams to be let out. In an episode showing that she’s like just unable to go back home for...some reason. And that she has some sort of difficulty with her relationship with her mother. No, the show is not having the character literally go “Wow I sure am in the closet and I kind of fucking hate that woe is me I am so gay”. But figuratively? It’s all over the place in that first episode. I’m not sure about the others because I haven’t watched them, but it is there in the very first one. And that’s something horror does very well. It takes things that are scary and uncomfortable and bundles them up in shades of metaphor. It hides them from  you by showing you the thing cleverly disguised. Maybe you do not notice it the first time through perhaps. Maybe you felt that a certain thing like the closet scene resonated very hard with you and you’re not sure why. But you perhaps don’t consciously go “Aha! It is the horror of being closeted!” Upon looking back on it or back through it though you might notice it. And be like “Oh that was there. Holy fuck.” Now maybe you’re also someone who isn’t like. Comfortable. With straightforward depictions of specifically queer suffering. Maybe it’s just too scary. But with this show hiding it in a metaphor you got to sit through that. You got to be brave enough to sit through a very, very scary thing. And afterwords you go to think about it. This is the power of metaphor and it’s something horror has been very, very good at doing for ages. Maybe racism or homophobia or whatever else is too nerve wracking for you to look at face on in media, but maybe you can watch a movie or a show where the horror of those things are very much there but cloaked in metaphor. And so maybe we are getting that with Gideon and Harrow’s weird issues around how “taboo” their feelings are. Two people who are just unwilling to believe that it might be that thing, in part because that thing is “taboo”. Except instead of the taboo being literally “They’re lesbians, Harold,” it’s instead cloaked in a comforting metaphor of necro/cav relationships and some dude who is really fucking offended at people’s space ao3 fanfictions about his historical favs. Which is important because every fucking scrap of anything one gets is an argument. It can’t just be that they’re in love. It’s that you must PROVE it and some asshole with a degree or just a bone to pick is going to come by and be like “WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE A NECRO AND A CAV” about it all. And like I’m someone who’s known they’re into other women for a long while now. At least half my life. We have conquered that hurdle. But we haven’t entirely unpacked all the weird little societal bullshit that is still in there. Hiding. Lurking. And that societal bullshit specifically frames that sort of love as something gross and taboo and “Why Can’t They Just Be Friends?”. With that last thing hurting a lot. I’ve constantly run across people going “Why can’t they just be friends?” or going “They just have a sisterly relationship!” about things I shipped. Even when those things involved shit like the characters kissing on screen or mentioning that they’ve been dating in a sequel series. I can’t simply like my ships. I can’t simply see myself in romance. Because my sort of love is so taboo that it is, in itself, a debate. Maybe being shown the thing cleverly disguised as another thing might help me unpack that. At the very least it helps me look at it. When it’s something that hurts a lot to this day.

[crashdevlin]

Hearts Entwined-7: Paradise

Hearts Entwined Masterlist

Author’s Note: This is the only unfinished series I will be releasing today but you’ll be getting all six chapters of what I have over the course of today.

Summary: y/n is a Wiccan from the French Mistake universe who finds herself in the Supernatural universe after finishing a spell. She’s not a fan, but she quickly sees the new place for what it is; a world with real magic. But real magic comes with real consequences.

Pairing(s): Sam x Reader, Dean x Reader, OMC x Reader

Word Count: 4359

Story Warnings: Smut, 18+ HERE BE SEX, DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!, oral sex (fem and male receiving), vaginal sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, bloodplay, dub-con, sex curse, free-will fuckery. Angst.

Chapter Warnings: alternate universe shenanigans, Apocalypse World shenanigans, sexy starts (but no finishes), mentions of a breeding kink

You walked into the dungeon with a plate and a cup. Lucifer eyed the slider and fries warily. "Who made that? You, or one of your boyfriends?"

You set the plate on the table and smiled. "Well, it's not rabbit food, so you know Sam didn't make it, and it's greasy, flavorful-"

"You want me to put something in my mouth that Dean Winchester's hands have been all over?"

"I do it." You said, picking a french fry off of the plate and popping it into your mouth. Lucifer obviously caught your sexual meaning because his face dipped into a deeper disgust. "Just try it. You liked the food at Biggerson's? Dean's is better."

"I highly doubt that." He said, picking up the slider and sniffing at it. "So, what do you need, Orli?"

"Who says I need something?"

"You wouldn't be in here being nice if you didn't."

You smiled. "We both know that's not true. I'd be in here and I'd be being nice, either way. Don't know how to break it to you, Dad, but your kids ended up good people, despite our genetics, and my upbringing. Maybe we get it from Grandpa."

"The only thing you got from my dad was power. You've read the Bible, you know what he's like, and that's just the stuff he let them write down! Can you imagine what that asshole was really like behind the scenes? At home, in Heaven, he was an unbelievable-"

"Let me know when you're done complaining about Chuck." You started picking at your cuticles and waited for him to calm down.

"What do you want, Orli?"

"I need to know what to expect in Apocalypse World. We're gonna go save-"

"Death." He interrupted. "Expect death, because that Michael... that Michael is not my Michael. That Michael's gonna tear you apart. Look, I don't see the point, kid. Mary Winchester's already dead."

"No, she's not. She's in that cage thing you were in. Iron Maiden-y thing." You shook your head. "I know things, but not enough. I need to know everything about that universe."

Lucifer rolled his eyes and set the burger down, stretching his hand out as far as the shackles would allow. You grasped it and Lucifer's eyes went red as his memories of the other universe flooded your head. You stood, taking a few steadying breaths as you let go of his hand. "Thanks. That's good enough for me."

"You're gonna die."

"Maybe. But I still like our odds. You've got the two most resilient hunters in history, a broken angel who's just as, if not more so, resilient and two Archangel Nephilim who're hellbent to prove their worth. Team Free Will 2.0. I'd bet on us."

"Don't take my son there! I haven't even met him, yet! Don't-" Lucifer struggled against his shackles as you walked out of the room.

"Jack will come see you when he's ready and not a moment sooner." You shouted back over your shoulder. Sam and Dean were waiting in the hallway, both checking your expression for signs of wear. "Got what we needed."

"You okay?" Sam asked.

You nodded. "Yeah. Just itchin' to get your mom home."

"Us, too."

You followed them into the library where Cas and Jack were talking.  Cas had an exasperated look on his face and he turned a silent plea to you as you walked up. "Sup?"

Jack turned to you, innocent eyes shining with confusion. "Are you and Sam trying to conceive a child?"

"I'm sorry, what?" You asked as Sam and Dean coughed to cover their laughter.

"Well, I know how I was created. My mother told me and, earlier, it seemed like you were trying to procreate with Sam."

Your jaw dropped a little as you looked at your boyfriends, who both gave an amused shake of their heads and gestured to you. "Really? You're gonna make his sister field this question?" They both just leaned against the library table and folded their arms over their chests, matching smirks on their faces. "I see how it is. Assholes."

You turned to Jack with a nod. "I got this. See, Chuck, our grandfather, he created the world to be self-sustaining, right, and he needed the human population to be self-sustaining, too, because he was planning to disappear for several millennia. He wanted humans to procreate without having to be told to. Like, you know how animals have mating cycles and they, like, go into heat or whatever? That's them being told to copulate, and Chuck didn't want that for humans. So he made the act of copulation feel amazing, that way we'd wanna copulate all the time." You paused to make sure your words were sinking in before continuing. "Humans are clever, though, and they've figured out a bunch of ways to copulate without procreating. That's what Sam and I were doing. Not trying to turn you into an uncle, yet, Jack."

Jack looked down, thoughtfully. "How do you not procreate?" He asked, curiously.

"Oh, the simplest, cheapest, most effective way is a condom. Keeps the creation materials separate from each other. But there's also hormone birth control and surgical options, like vasectomies and tubal ligation, as well as a few others like this weird foam that I've never seen anyone actually buy but someone, somewhere, must 'cause the company still makes it."

Jack blinked several times. "Oh. Okay." He nodded, then smiled.

"You got any more questions, I'm here, bro."

"Thank you." He almost bounced as he walked away.

You turned to Sam, Dean and Cas, who all looked a bit dumbfounded. "You answered that like, like Dr. Ruth." Dean stammered.

"Thank you. I... didn't know how to explain it to him." Castiel said, sheepishly.

You smiled. "It's all good. You've never been good at the whole 'sex ed' talk. You didn't even try with me. I got all my base info from Penthouse, Playboy and the local Planned Parenthood."

"Ah, yes. The three 'P's of sex." Dean said with a nod and a smirk.

"Yeah. You get your hopes up with the fantasy sold by the skin mags, then you go to the clinic to get your dose of sexual reality."

"What, we're not Penthouse-worthy?" Sam asked, smirking.

"Sex with you two doesn't count. You're Biblical heroes, which is probably the only reason you can keep up with the half-angel wonder witch. Gods know you're the only ones ever have." Sam was still smirking at you and your brow furrowed, slightly. "What?"

"You said 'yet'." Sam answered.

"Yeah, she did." Dean nodded, his own smirk on his face. "You said you're not trying to make Jack an uncle, yet."

You nodded, then shook your head as you started to walk out of the library. "Yeah, well, let's get your mother back from Apocalypse World before we start trying to make her a grandma, okay?"

Dean followed you. "Okay, well... can we go copulate without procreating, then?"

"Really, Dean?" You scoffed, turning to him in the hall outside the kitchen.

"What?"

"It's been, like, two hours since I was in with Sam."

"What, you don't wanna?" Dean asked, giving you his absolute best puppy dog eyes.

"Of course I do." You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss. He pushed you into the wall, picking you up and hitching your legs around his waist.

He thrust his erection against your core and pulled back to look in your eyes, smiling. "Reminds me of our first time."

"Against the wall at Miralda's club? Ooh, you were in that tux." You cooed, slightly.

"And you were in that dress with no panties on." He kissed along your jaw.

"Bedroom, Dean! Jack doesn't need a visual aid to y/n's lesson!" Sam called from down the hallway.

You laughed as Dean carried you off toward his bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren't focused, that's what did it. As you and Jack joined hands to open the portal to Apocalypse World, your mind moved seamlessly, and of its own accord, from the memories Lucifer donated of the other universe to the memories he'd dug up of your own universe. So, when the five of you stepped through the tear in space-time, you appeared on the other side in a bright and beautiful landscape that looked nothing like what you were looking for. You gasped, realizing immediately that you'd taken everyone to the wrong place, and dropped your brother's hands. The rip closed almost instantly. "Fuck!" You spun around, helplessly, and looked at the men surrounding you. "I'm so sorry! This isn't the right universe."

Sam put a hand on your shoulder. "It's okay. We can try again."

"I'm sorry. I... You know it's gonna take a bit of..."

"We can rest here. It doesn't seem particularly dangerous." Castiel said, trying to soothe you.

"This is all my fault. I suck... I'm so sorry."

"You don't suck." Dean said, automatically, then chuckled.

"Don't." You shook your head. "I am not in a good place for sexual innuendo."

"In your endo." He responded, making you smile despite yourself. "There you go. This is fine. Where do you think we are, huh?" That last bit was directed at Cas.

"I'm not certain, but... this universe is pulsing with Heaven's grace. I believe we're safe." The angel responded.

"All right. Let's take a look at that building over there. If it's as empty as it looks, we'll set up there and try again tomorrow." Dean directed and everyone followed him to an abandoned building a few feet away.

The building was, indeed, abandoned and you watched everyone mill around for a while before walking outside to look around the immediate area. "Who are you?" A voice behind you caught your attention and you turned to the newcomer. *Naomi.* "How do you know my name?"

"I..."

"What have you found, Naomi?" An intimately familiar voice called, appearing behind Naomi.

"I don't know, sir."

Sam Winchester's multichromatic eyes fell on you, then burned red. His lips twisted into a smile. "Orli. You're home."

"Dad. You're..."

He looked down at his body, Sam's body, and ran his hands down the front of his white suit jacket. "Yes, I do look quite a bit different than you remember, don't I? It took a while to wear him down, the Winchesters are so stubborn, but I eventually got my true vessel." He looked up and smiled at you. "You've grown so much."

"It's been a few decades."

"Yes, it has, hasn't it? Where are Zachariah, Uriel and Castiel?"

You looked down. "Um... the soldiers you sent to protect me, they're... still in that other... the universe you sent us."

"They hurt you?" He asked, stepping forward, white loafers crunching against the gravel.

"No, of course not."

"Orli." He tucked his finger under your chin and forced you to look up into his eyes. He sighed and looked a little disappointed as he shook his head. "I should have known. I placed too much trust in Castiel."

"No. It's not Castiel's fault, or Zachariah's. It's just... how things ended up, okay? And I've met a much nicer Castiel in another universe and..." You looked down. It was weird to look up into Sam's eyes and see Lucifer behind them. "Sam and Dean Winchester. Both still very stubborn and..."

"y/n!" Dean called out, walking out of the building with Sam following. Dean's jaw clenched as his eyes fell on Lucifer. It must've reminded him of Zachariah's End-verse or possibly of Lucifer before Sam jumped in the pit.

"Dean!" You reach out and took Dean's hand, hoping to calm some of his rage and panic. "I've figured out where we are. I must've subconsciously wanted to see home. This is... Lucifer... my Lucifer, my dad."

"You never said 'yes'?" Lucifer asked Sam, who was understandably uncomfortable.

"He did, but... things in that universe are very complicated. Like... in their universe, you're the Michael." You answered, smiling at Sam before turning back to Lucifer who looked confused. "God gave the key to the Darkness' prison to you in their universe, so..."

"So, I was the one corrupted." Lucifer concluded.

You nodded. "That's actually fairly common across the multiverse. As far as I can tell, there are not very many universes where Michael is the corrupted one. It's usually you... which is why they're looking at you like that." You took a deep breath. "I do wonder, though... where are the humans?" You asked, looking around.

"Many died in the battle. It was unfortunate and I tried to prevent as much loss as I could, but many went home to Heaven that day." Lucifer looked a bit sad as he said it, but then he smiled. "But those who survived, they've been given paradise on Earth. I have fixed the damage my brother inspired, I've fixed all damage to my father's planet and people. There is peace and love in each and every child of this Earth. Naomi will show you. I will find you when you're settled."

Naomi turned on her heel and started to walk away as Lucifer disappeared. Dean wrapped his arm around you as you started to walk after your father's soldier. "He's wearing Sam." You whispered. "That's so awkward. That, that body-"

Dean nodded. "Well, at least we know your Uncle Mike won't be showin' up in my body anytime soon." He tried to joke, but it didn't seem honest.

"Yeah, 'cause Lucifer smote the crap out of him." Sam said, taking your hand in his. You could tell he needed it more he was willing to admit, so you squeezed his hand and gave him a smile.

"Everything'll be okay. We just gotta hang around here in... paradise for a while and then we can go save Mary like we planned." You smiled at him and kissed the back of his hand.

You stopped short when your eyes fell on a meadow filled with thousands of people, all completely nude. "Wha-"

"We have returned them to the state they were in before their banishment from the Garden. Innocent, without shame or fear." Naomi said, proudly.

"They're straight-up fucking over there." Dean whispered, pointing to a couple in the middle of the field. They weren't the only ones.

"Yes, all of their needs are met here, including their carnal ones." Naomi said, turning to you. "Now, as you are human, you must disrobe so that you will not stand out. We don't want them to ask questions."

"Um, what?" Sam said.

"Do you know who I am?" You couldn't ever remember using that sentence, but it came out, easily. "I'm Lucifer's daughter."

Naomi rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers and the three of you were suddenly nude. "Go enjoy paradise until Lucifer finds you." She directed before disappearing.

"Well, you know..." Dean looked down at you. "When in Rome." He smirked and picked you up.

"What are you doing?" You asked, shaking your head as he walked you into the meadow and dropped you to the soft grass.

"Seems as good a time as any to make our mom a grandma, right? Everyone else is doin' it." He laid himself over you and started to kiss your neck.

"Dean, I... fuck, you... I wasn't planning to... yet..." You moaned as Sam dropped down next to you and kissed you, sweetly.

"Why put it off?" Sam said, looking into your eyes. "We want you to have our babies. You want to have our babies. If we fuck you together, you won't even know which of us is the father. It'll be perfect."

You snorted and sat up. "This is not... this is not happening. We've got more important things to deal with than your... breeding kink."

"Our what?" They asked together.

"I spent too much time on tumblr when I was in Muggle-world, but if you're so keen on knocking me up, boys, we can work on that after we complete our mission." You conjured clothes and handed a pile to each of them. "I really wanted to like Naomi when she showed up with Cas on the show, 'cause I loved Stargate, but damn..."

"So, how much time did you spend interacting with the fans, 'cause-" Sam started, pulling his jeans up his legs.

"Oh, don't worry. I didn't read the wincest stuff." Their faces were a mix of shock and disgust. "And I completely avoided the destiel stuff, except... okay, I read a couple, but they were by really good writers who captured your characters really well."

"Me... and Cas?"

"Yeah. Which is super awkward since Cas is my mom, but not as awkward as that." You pointed at Lucifer walking into the meadow, people bowing at his feet as he went.

"Orli." Lucifer smiled. "What do you think of Paradise on Earth?"

"It's beautiful. But... this is all that's left? Of humanity, this is it?"

"Unfortunately, yes. But remember... Father started with just two and they multiplied like bugs, numbering in the billions before they were wiped out."

"I'm sure you didn't mean for that to sound so offensive, Dad."

"Of course not." Lucifer smiled as he sat on the grass, gesturing for you and the Winchesters to do the same. He gave you a reverent look and smiled. "You look so like your mother."

You bit the inside of your lip, trying to kill the thrill at getting a chance to find out about the woman who birthed you. "Who was she? I mean, what was she like? How did you meet her?"

"She was... no one. She was utterly unremarkable. I think she was a waitress... and I can't really tell you much about her as a person, but... she was really very excited to be your mother, Orli, just as I was very excited to be your father."

"But..." You shook your head, confused. "You can't tell me about her? You created life with her... she died to create life with you and you can't tell me anything about her?"

Sam put his hand on your shoulder as Lucifer shrugged. "I know she was very devout. She wanted to create something beautiful and she did. She created you."

"Her name? Do you, at least, know that?" You asked, trying to keep the anger and disappointment sequestered in your chest where it couldn't hurt anyone but you.

"Karen... Young, I believe her surname was. She was thirty-two when your birth blew her apart." You flinched at the callous imagery. "Don't feel sad, Orli. She knew she wouldn't survive, dear. She was happy to give her life for yours." You swallowed, heavily, and shook your head. You hadn't wanted to think about the fact that your mother had died in an explosion of Nephilim power just like Kelly Kline had, though you had known in the back of your mind that that was what happened to her.

You flew away, not wanting to deal with the way Lucifer was making you feel. You had to take time to remind yourself that even if your Lucifer was the good guy, he was an angel and they weren't notorious for being warm, fuzzy or tactful. Lucifer was a warrior, the General of Heaven's armies, and even so... better than other versions of himself.

Dean found you twenty minutes later, leaning against a tree in the middle of Paradise. "Hey. You're about as good at this Hide and Seek shit as your brother."

"Wasn't hiding." You argued. "Just... needed time."

"You need more? I could walk around a bit, pretend I haven't found you, yet." He offered.

"Is it weird that I miss your Lucifer? I mean, back home, that Lucifer... he's not wearing someone I love... and I just let what he says roll off of me... I'm expecting harsh words from him. This Lucifer, my Lucifer, he's wearing Sam and it's like he just doesn't care about what he says."

"Because he doesn't." Dean knelt down in front of you. "You've seen what the angels are like, y/n. They're dicks. All of 'em except Cas... and he's a damn pariah for being different."

"He's a pariah for a lot of reasons, mostly the angels he killed when the Leviathans were in him, makin' him crazy." Dean nodded. You sighed and stood. "Let's go. We'll grab Sam, go back to the abandoned building. I'm not really interested in my father's Paradise, anymore. I just wanna go save your mom."

"Yeah. Sounds good to me, babe." He wrapped his arm around your shoulder as you walked back toward the place you'd left Sam and Lucifer.

Lucifer smiled when you approached, but Sam stood quickly, like he couldn't wait to leave. You pulled away from Dean and approached Lucifer "It was amazing to meet you, Father, but unfortunately, I... uh, I have to go. We're on a mission to save Sam and Dean's mother from what amounts to a Hell dimension, so... I'll try to come back... after." You promised.

"I understand. Whenever you're ready to take your place by my side, I'll be waiting for you, Orli."

You smiled, tightly. "I don't really think my place is by your side, Lucifer. I think... I know my place is with Sam and Dean. But I'll visit." You nodded at your father and grabbed Sam and Dean's hands, flying them back to the abandoned building, where Cas and Jack were standing around confused.

"Where have you been?" Jack asked, eyes turned down slightly.

"Meeting the parents." Dean said. "First time for everything."

"This is... where I'm from. We were happened upon by... my father. I don't want to talk about it. Can we just open a damn portal and get the fuck out of here, please?" You reached your hand out for Jack's and he let you take it without any argument. You focused hard on Apocalypse World as you opened a sliver in space and when you walked through, you were happy to see what you recognized as the world Michael had destroyed. "Okay. Anybody know where we are?" You asked as everyone else stepped through the rift and it closed behind Dean.

"Northern Kentucky... near Frankfort." Castiel answered.

You took a deep breath and flopped down on the soft grass. "I'm gonna see if I can't find an actual location for your mom. Gimme a minute while I astral outta here." You closed your eyes and pulled your consciousness from your body, following anything that seemed familiar, anything that might come from somewhere other than this horrible place. You found Mary in a church. It was exactly the church Lucifer was in. Michael's base. She was locked in a cinder block room. *Better than the iron maiden cage.*

"Not by much." A voice made you turn. Even if you hadn't seen the show, you'd recognize the archangel with the dark skin and full beard. He was pouring power and it made your heart stop. Mary turned to his voice, but didn't seem to see you. "Now, who exactly are you?"

You had to remind yourself that you were a projection, that he couldn't hurt you from where you were. "Y/n."

"Are you part of the resistance?" Mary seemed confused that he wasn't looking at her as he spoke.

"No. I'm just a curious witch who's-"

"Infiltrated my base in order to find a weakness?"

You shook your head. "Nope. Just trying to find a Winchester."

"You're here for her?" Mary straightened, slightly, as Michael spoke.

You swallowed. "She doesn't belong here, Michael. I'm just trying to get her back where she-"

"You from that same paradise?"

"No, I'm from a different paradise. One where you lost and Lucifer won."

"That's a calumny! My brother could never win!"

"Except he did. I think you'd really like it there. There's barely any humans left. They all live in this one big meadow, like an Eden on Earth. Takes just a few angels to keep them in check. Demons are gone, far as I can tell, and everything's very simple." You swallowed. "I think Lucifer's a bit bored, actually. Not that I stuck around to find out."

"You don't think I'm going to let you take her, do you?" He asked, suddenly.

"Nope." You shrugged. "But we're taking her, anyway."

"We? Who, exactly, do you have with you that you think can stand to me and my army of angels?"

You smiled. "Wouldn't you like to know?" You gasped as you came back to your slumped body. "Morgantown, West Virginia. He's got her in an old, broken-down church with a million wards on it, so we can't just fly in." You stood, brushing off your butt. "He saw me. He knows we're coming."

"Great." Dean groaned.

"But, we can still do this, okay? You've got two Nephilim on your team. We're more powerful than-"

"I have faith in us." Jack said, smiling.

You smiled back and bit your lip before turning to the others. "Your mom looked okay. I think they're just holding onto her to open the gate when they get around to it... the spell from the angel tablet, it requires something from someone who's been on the other side... so..."

"Wait, you know the spell?" Sam asked.

"I've got a pretty good memory, Sam, especially when it comes to spells."

"That's not true. You couldn't even remember the words you used to bring you to our dimension." Dean argued.

"The words didn't do it, Dean, I did. My will did, and besides, I was a bit overwhelmed when Rowena was questioning me, okay? Geez. Anyway, the spell on the tablet is Blood of a Most Holy Man, Fruit from the Tree of Life, archangel Grace and something from someone who's been on the other side. The archangel grace did double duty for Michael's version, because it came from your Lucifer. Not that it matters. You've got me and Jack."

"Yeah, let's just make sure Michael doesn't get you and Jack." Cas said.

"New thing to worry about. Thanks, Cas." You licked your lips and sighed. "Okay, well. Let's get walkin'."

Supernatural Tags- @mrswhozeewhatsis @letsby @adoptdontshoppets

[ugdigital]

[EXCLUSIVE] KIMBERLEY T. ZULKOWSKI: GRANDMA'S HOUSE

Kimberley Zulkowski is well on her way to becoming a powerful name in Hollywood film. Her name and brand is behind the film, Grandma’s House, which is currently being featured at the Greater Cleveland Urban Film Festival. Starring Loretta Devine, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Jordan Calloway, Paige Hurd, Coco Jones, Alex Thomas, Flex Alexander, and so many other powerful Hollywood figures, the films aims to pay tribute to the many grandmothers who assume the position of “mom” for their grandchildren, and their communities around them.

 Truly a story that will resonate with many, Grandma’s House is screening this week in Cleveland, Ohio for GCUFF’s annual event. 

   We had an opportunity to sit and talk with Kimberley about the film, and the mark she was hoping to make. Check out the story below!

  U.G. Digital Mag: Thank you so much for the opportunity. Your film immediately struck my attention. 

 Kimberley Zulkowski: You’re welcome, thank you. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: You have an amazing project here. Congratulations are in order for getting it to the festival. 

 Kimberley Zulkowski: Thank you. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: Is this your first time doing GCUFF?

  Kimberley Zulkowski: This was my first film, and it’s in memory of my grandmother who took me in at 14 out of foster care. It’s based on her life and the pillar she was in the community. During those times, the grandmothers really took care of children, and it’s very different now. You don’t have that dynamic anymore because the grandmothers are still dating like the daughters and grandchildren are dating. There’s no sense of morals and values, like cooking in the kitchen with grandma, peeling potatoes and making homemade food, and her teaching you. I felt like our generation this day and age needed a reminder. It’s also to honor those who go unnoticed and work so hard to care for their grandchildren as their own. It was a tribute to my grandmother, and grandmothers everywhere. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: It’s an awesome story. Comedians make reference to this type fo story in their routines all the time, but it’s never been covered this way. My grandmother carried the same nurturing spirit. You have such an amazing cast involved, from Loretta Devine and Alex Thomas to Stephen Bishop and Wendy Raquel Robinson. How did you determine who you wanted?

 Kimberley Zulkowski: Well, for Ms. Loretta Devine, it was a given. I wrote this script with her in mind. Seeing the characters she’s played in her career, she’s been the grandmother for so many people. If there was anyone to bring my grandmother back to life on screen, it would be her. I reached out to her agent, letting them know this script was made for her to play this role. We were not interested in anyone else. She read the script and she could relate, saying it reminded of her own grandmother. She was all in. She has been amazing. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: That had to be a good feeling, not just reaching out to someone you’ve admired, but having that person even agree to do it. 

 Kimberley Zulkowski: Yes, and she’s been great. She came to the red carpet premiere we had in Milwaukee, and she’s just been amazing. Her heart is really in the project. For Wendy Raquel Robinson, I wanted her to bring out the many personalities that my aunts had. She represented multiple people with her situation, her recovery, and wanting her children to not struggle with relationships. I’ve seen what she has pulled off on television, and thought it would be an appropriate role for her. We approached her agent, and they went with it. Same thing with Alex Thomas and Jaszmin Lewis. The great thing with Alex is this was his first feature film. He did an amazing job. It was a different character for him to play. I was very pleased with his performance. Coco Jones was a big Disney star. Actually, I wasn’t sure who I wanted to play her, which was a portrayal of me. My children were saying “mom, you have to get Coco Jones”. She was interested. It was a matter of putting together a solid script where all the characters were just as important as the matriarch. They realized they would get adequate exposure. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: It’s amazing. I look at all of the characters, and even the ones we didn’t mention and realize how big this will be. I almost missed Flex Alexander as well. What did you want to get out of this film?

 Kimberley Zulkowski: I wanted to take people down memory lane in a good way, and remind them of the individuals who took the time to take care of them. It gives them an opportunity to do it for someone else. You’ll see in the film that grandma Margie is everyone’s grandma, including foster kids. Her home is a safe haven, and she doesn’t judge you. You can make your mistakes, and when you fall, she’s there to pick you up. That still is not to be abused, because she may not always be there. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: This will open a lot of eyes. There’s a lot of people who think it’s easy to get to this point with a film, especially when there’s a lot of big names. Why was it important for you to connect with GCUFF?

 Kimberley Zulkowski: It’s still very difficult for us. We don’t have the distributors knocking down our doors, or the same platforms that our counters have when they make a film. There are very few black festivals. You want your film to be seen and shown, but you have yo go back to your people for it to happen. The urban film festival is our voice. I’m grateful for GCUFF because it’s a way for exposure that our films, sadly, will not get because it isn’t a studio film. There aren’t millions of dollars to advertise. It’s a work in progress, and a lot of people wish they could wake up and be a Tyler Perry, or have their own network like Oprah. It’s few and far between for us to have that platform. It’s still a white dominated industry. I don’t say that negatively, but it’s time for that tie to be split equally. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: I think it’s reality and you make many great points. This is definitely a way for people to see your product. We’ve had so many come and do this festival, big and small. It’s an amazing avenue. I would love for readers to know more about additional projects that you have in the works. 

 Kimberley Zulkowski: Absolutely. We just finished editing a project called 53206 Milwaukee. It’s extremely special and dear to me. It’s about the struggles we face in the inner city. 53206 is the worst zip code in Milwaukee. There are homicides here in the city every day, and people don’t know about it. You think Milwaukee, and you think dairy land. There’s a black population falling every day. We are a minority of less than 200,000, and we are being shot and killed everyday. A study came out showing it as the worst place for black people to live. It’s the most segregated city there is. We are ten times more likely to be shot and killed there than Chicago because of the population ratio. So, what I did was take the homicide stories within a year, and represent those stories, talk about those victims, and show the world what we’re going through in Milwaukee in the eyes of our youth. Three weeks ago, I buried a little boy who was ready to go fishing with his father. He was running in the house to tell him mother they were leaving. A shootout happened and he was shot In the head. Four months before that, we buried a nine year old little girl. Our children aren’t making it to teenagers, let alone adulthood. This film talks about what’s happening, but also represents all urban zip codes in the world where violence is increasing, and the victim’s voice s not being heard. One of the great things is I took all cast from the city of Milwaukee. I brought an acting coach down from L.A. who taught them how to act and do the scenes. They did an mazing job. You would never believe these individuals have never acted before. Only people who have been through it can tell a story the way that we told it in this film. We had extras show up while filming because the entire city was excited. Even two of those extras during the process of editing were killed. Melanie was 14, sitting in her kitchen. She was killed in a shootout. Clinton Washington was in one of our scenes, and he was killed two weeks after we did a picture wrap. It’s very real, and something we hold to show the world what’s going on in the urban inner city, and the talent that goes unnoticed. If someone took notice of that talent and grabbed hold of these children, the result would be a feature in Hollywood like what we made. 

 U.G. Digital Mag: It’s amazing to hear that. I had no idea this was the way it was in Milwaukee. When do you see it becoming available to everyone?

 Kimberley Zulkowski: We just submitted it to Sundance, and now we are making it available to all other festivals. We literally just submitted to Sundance. Sadly, my producers feel like they have to accept the film; I err on the side of caution, and ask why would they? Perhaps they should, but how many of our films do we ever see there? I’m going with a plan B and making it available to all the other festivals.  

 U.G. Digital Mag: I look forward to seeing the full film. Are there any final words?

 Kimberley Zulkowski: I want to thank everyone involved with GCUFF. Without festivals like these, people like me would not have a platform. This is important and needed. I’m thankful to everyone, and grateful to be a part of it, and to the participants and viewers who will watch. I look forward to the feedback.

[meekochan-art]

[ NOTE ] Unfinished, but I want to move on.

Modern AU guesswork of Liesl and Goblin King from Wintersong (by S. Jae-Jones).

AUs aren’t my thing. And yet... I wondered what kind of music Liesl would write, leading to what they might look like and figured it would be the closest thing to drawing a hawt Goblin King my hand is capable of doing. (Some songs I listen to lead to this pondering, since classical bores me. Overall, I got bad taste in music, so not gonna even attempt a playlist. But! Will mention that when shuffle played NIN “Closer” I was like, whoa, this totally fits their initial internal struggles and escapes before they find themselves. [edit] After reading the unadulterated version, their struggle doesn’t match the struggle I interpret in “Closer.” [/edit] )

When deciding a pose, this particular one immediately popped in mind. Thought of one of their early conversations, either in Goblin Grove or Marketplace Mall. (Leaning towards Goblin Grove for privacy.) Liesl is guarded and wary of Goblin King as he removes her headphones. (Or put on; I clearly didn’t add enough detail to suggest she’s listening to something to escape/ignore him. Lack of planning. *sweatdrop* )

So... What do you see? *.* Any storytellers conjuring up a scenario for this scene? (Or a seasoned AU consumer/creator desiring to correct my guesswork with the red pen of doom?) Please! Share your imagination in a reblog! (I beg of you: entertain meeeeeeee~)

The follow wall of texts are what I thought of when modernizing of Liesl and Goblin King as if Wintersong were to be set in modern times instead.

Liesl: Plain, dull, invisible... But not fugly; that would attract attention. Not sure if I should think of her as a cat person or a wolf lover... Part time local college student with undecided major, mostly due to being in a rut from helping out with local family business--a diner--and her slightly backwards thinking alcoholic father. (Her mother’s biggest mistake/regret is marrying the bastard?) Kathe is super hot and popular, and rumors suggests she slept with half the school. (Of course, Liesl does not believe such rumors.) Josef is a slowly becoming something on youtube...and in the near future something viral. Hans...the boring boy next door, I guess. *shrugs* Oh, and her grandma would be running a psychic hotline scam! No idea about Antonius and Francois...music producer and contracted child entertainer? Back to Liesl. She goes by Liz, maybe Lizzy as a young child. Music is her passion, obviously, and she mainly listens to highly artistic music plus quite a few strange experimental sleep-inducing tracks. Naturally, she’s the secret genius behind her lil bro’s unique sounds. Instruments...she has dabbled in all sorts, but main instrument of choice would be the electronic keyboard due to its convenience.

Goblin King: A mystery. Really. (How many decades/centuries has he lived? Does he update with time? Does the Underground now have electricity? Does metal burn him?) When I turned off my brain, gothic punk attire won. Though I suspect that’s just my subconscious forcing that aesthetics onto him. Sorry if I ruined him for you. *mopes* Could have left him with historic attire but it felt too...time travel-ish. I guess casual clothing would have been more fitting but so boring. (And what kind of casual would a modern day Goblin King don?) As for music, he listen to anything, but performs only certain genres. I can’t imagine him performing t(w)een pop. Not even humming along. Or, should that genre be a guilty pleasure of his? o.o’ In modern time, he’d upgrade to an electric violin for occasional fun, but still mostly rock on his acoustic. Somehow. Don’t ask me how. (Currently can’t think of how he’d transition to electric guitar. Otherwise that’s what I’d give him. Lead guitarist of The Underground! ...that’s a very uncreative band name. orz )

If you’re bored--or just plain curious--bonus stuff under cut~

[ WARNING ] The following image may cause you to spit/choke whatever’s in your mouth.

What if...

I had to. I just had to. *walks out the door*

*sneaks back in* Okay, with that out of the way...

Intended to sketch up other styles but realized I’m way too lazy to google for ref. (I seriously can’t fashion. I google preppy and was like, nope, not gonna study.)

Also tried to sketch out other characters in modern time but didn’t get far...

Here’s Kathe. (Face is random cause I failed to formulate one in my mind.) As already mentioned, I can’t fashion. Seriously. I can’t. Despite years of flipping through fashion mags. Figured in modern time Kathe would be a health/fitness enthusiast that proudly shows off her killer(?) bod (that I failed to sketched out.)

Still scrolling? Wow, you must be bored as hell!

If you’re one of those rare few people that enjoy seeing art progression from the beginning to the end... (If the GIF fails to load, please view it on dA.) As you can see, I wasted quite a bit of time adjusting Goblin King’s head and expanded the canvas and eventually just gave up after painting the values. (Meant to try glazing coloring technique again.)

Oh, and that cropped image (with large ass watermark) at the top of this post... Supposed to be 100% zoom but gonna assume it’ll fail. Please fullview it on dA. ^^

[anabacai-blog]

#6

SYRIA

(image source: http://i.infopls.com/images/syria.gif)

The mountainous country of Syria is located at the eastern end of the Mediterranean Sea and surrounded by Lebanon and Israel. According to infoplease.com, “The highest point in Syria is Mount Hermon (9,232 ft; 2,814 m) on the Lebanese border.” Often subjected to topics about war and chaos, it is refreshing to see the other side of Syria that deserves to be known by the world. Here are top 5 locations in Syria that are a destination must for one’s bucket list.

(image source: http://looklex.com/e.o/mt_hermn.htm)

1. TARTUS

Located in the Mediterranean coast of Syria, Tartus is the second largest city port in Syria and is one of the top summer vacation spot for Syrians because of its beaches and resorts.

(image source: http://hetgrotemiddenoostenplatform.nl/2016/03/26/virtueel-oorlog-voeren-voor-vrede-in-het-midden-oosten/) 

 2. HAMA

Hama is the heart of the Hama Governorate and it is located in west-central Syria. It is the fourth largest city in Syria. A destination abundant with culture, Hama is the place to be when one wants to get a glimpse of the rich culture of Syria. Some of its top sights are the biggest Waterwheel and the amusement through Homs.

(image source:https://www.flickr.com/photos/26849514@N06/8231004090)

 3. SAFITA

Located in northwestern Syria, Safita is located amongst the highlands of the Syrian Coastal Mountain Range. It is a great place for hiking and sightseeing the beautiful mountains of the Syrian Coastal Mountain Range.

(image source: http://www.alamy.com/stock-photo/town-safita-syria.html)

 4. MA’LOULA

Ma’Loula is a town located in the Rif Dimashq Governate in Syria. It is one of the three remaining villages (Jubb'adin and Al-Sarkha) that speak the Aramaic language. Ma’Loula is the perfect destination for those who are interested in religious monuments such as monasteries, churches, and convents.

(image source: http://www.joshualandis.com/blog/jabhat-al-nusra-and-other-islamists-briefly-capture-historic-christian-town-of-maloula/)

5. BANIYAS

Located in northwestern Syria, Baniyas is most famous for its citrus fruit orchards and its waterfalls. A perfect place for a getaway, Baniyas is a great destination for those who are in search for a perfect sanctuary and a refreshing treat.

(image source: https://cdn1.vtourist.com/4/2847156-Baniyas_Stream_Baniyas.jpg) 

WORKS CITED

"Syria: Maps, History, Geography, Government, Culture, Facts, Guide & Travel/Holidays/Cities". Infoplease.com. N. p., 2017. Web. 28 Feb. 2017.

website: https://www.google.com.ph/destination

MY GRANDMOTHER

My lola’s name is Norma; I think she’s in her late 70’s; I live with her in my hometown. She is very religious and goes to church every morning, except nowadays due to her condition. Sometimes she gets a bit vocal, especially to our housekeeper and other people serving us, she has the habit of insulting them—I believe that she has a good heart, but she has a harsh way of showing that she cares, and I can’t help but disagree with her sometimes. She cooks a lot of kapampangan dishes too, that’s why I never leave the house with an empty stomach. Despite us two not getting along sometimes, there are times where she makes me realize things too.

One time I was reading a novel and was sitting on our living room couch; my grandma saw me and asked “Marunong ka ba mag basa ng Tagalog? (Do you know how to read Tagalog writings?)” And I told her that it varies because I can only fully comprehend on works with contemporary Tagalog vocabulary. I asked her why; she said “basahin mo yan, (read that)”, she was pointing towards a booklet behind our centerpiece. When she left the room, I looked at what she was pointing at—it says: Novena ng Santa Rita (Novena of Saint Rita), at first, I laughed a little, but then I realized that I’ve read lots of books: fiction, sci-fi, dystopian, etc., but I have never really taken the time to read anything about my religion. That moment made me see how dedicated my grandmother is to our family tradition, and I felt foolish and ashamed for depreciating this tradition.

(image source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Novena_to_Saint_Rita_of_Cascia_(Tagalog).jpg)

Sometimes, I would belittle my religion; I would question my mother and ask why they blindly follow all these teachings from a God that we aren’t even sure really exists. I was shallow and arrogant. Like most traditional Filipinos, my grandmother would follow our religious rituals and pray multiple times a day. Sometimes I would be forced to join her in her prayer and so I would roll my eyes and show that I don’t like what is happening; I can see how she was offended by my actions, but never gave up in trying to find ways to introduce me to our religion. I only go to church on Sundays and I’d be lying if I tell you that I give my full attention to the mass; sometimes I find my mind wandering off to different places—uncontrollably—because I lack the knowledge that I need to know about my religion because I studied in a non-sectarian school.

A few days ago my grandmother was sent to the hospital because she had a major blood infection; I was scared. I realized how I took her for granted because of my selfish and arrogant ways. I wanted to go to the hospital then and there and tell her that I’m sorry and that I’m ready to listen to her and to bond with her. And as I recall that short-lived connection that we had in the living room, I felt regret; I should have asked her what that novena was about, why she’s so attached to our religion, what she feels whenever she prays—all these questions that I never managed to ask because of my selfishness. This is the story of how I got to know my grandmother not only as the person that I see in the kitchen but as the strong figure that managed to keep our family together and as the woman who preserved our family’s religious rituals and always sees to it these rituals get passed down to my generation. If there really is a God out there and He would be willing to give me one last chance to turn things around, I would love to get to know my grandmother more; I would like to show her that I appreciate her for doing the best that she can in the best way that she knows, even if I couldn’t fully understand her views.