#maggie literally owes me for emotional damages

[binbrick]

i think we're all too desensitized to "Adam lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan's worship into one downtown block." because i'm thinking about it again and maggie was actually insane to write that

[thethingsidonttellyou]

Runaway

Love, love can be a funny thing as well as a hurtful thing we can't measure love with length or time but with actions, we can try to put it into words but our feelings are sometimes unexplainable. Unattainable, no everyone feels love everyone loves & has love. I love you.. that is in today's standard just a phrase we use to show appreciation for someone or something but when told to another person it means more, it defines a relationship, family, friend's, coworkers, etc, but when I say it to you it means more, it means more than the letters that build the phrase it comes from the heart, my heart this broken organ that keeps me alive. The damage I have done to you my actions & my decisions have hurt & left you alone at times, times where I did not think of anything or anyone but myself. you say I’m a good person & I mean well but never had the proper upbringing or teachings as a kid & you're not wrong you have taken this broken soul of mine & thought me everything you know yet I still did you wrong & in the end, you left me everything I need to become the man I should’ve been from the start. I cannot apologize anymore for they carry no weight nor mean anything between us because I have overused it I can no longer say I am the man of your dreams because we are no longer together, there doesn't seem to be a future for us anymore that vision seems dark and closed, as we both try to get used to the reality of each other being a use to be I have it the worst. You have a family to help & friends who understand along with wanting nothing but the best for you, you're meeting new people & entertain others while I wallow in my own mistakes, I replay the last time you said you loved me & meant it without your eyes saying otherwise. I chose to be depressed I chose to feel misery rather than get up & do better for myself because that it is what I deserve for being selfish along with uncaring towards you when I had it, I don’t deserve happiness, not now not while you heal & move on from me I owe you so many hours & tears I owe you so many thank you’s & flowers, dates & massages. I will never be able to give you any of that & for that, I’ll suffer. I wrote some hurtful things I wish you didn't write, I wish I could go back & rip them out like I've done the past week trying to write this I allowed myself to put my emotions at the moment into words & they meant nothing I didn't digest my emotions I just wrote what I was feeling in the moment. This what I’m writing to you is me in my purest raw form, no ego just my raw emotions I hope while you read this you start to let go of me I hope you get what I am trying to accomplish, closure. I will never get closure from you & I deserve it ill probably try to find you in other people & fail, go home & refresh your socials like a psychopath, check our messages & hope I’ll see the three little dots from you typing. I carry so much emotion within that it is not healthy & I’m going to kill myself not literally nor right now not for a couple of months but that guy you fell in love with that spring of 2017 will be dead. I hope my memories live through you everything I ever did good & everything I showed you I hope you find someone someday that makes you cum as much as they make you cry, knows to put a cold wet towel over your forehead when you aren’t feeling well or knows your love for art like I use to. Our relationship should’ve ended when I got arrest but it carried on & it lasted & for that alone I deserve this misery. I hope you keep at least one memory of me with you forever I hope that every time you see a mustang on the road you hear me get happy or ask you what engine size & year, I hope every time u look up in the sky & see the stars you remember me always looking for the big dipper. I still remember the first time you ever posted about me April 1, 2017, I told you “I Love telling stories lmao” & you responded with “I love listening” you continued to post about me & I felt so loved I felt like I was doing everything right, I was falling in love. Every night I lay in my bed & keep thinking back at your junior prom, I still had my red mustang & we were supposed to hang with maggie but you guys took forever so I went to the gym & broken my apple watch, that night we sat in the back seat of my car & talked for hours as it rained outside & got foggy in the car, we made out for the first time back there & it was heaven, I swear I can still feel the awkward butterflies leave my stomach as we moved left to right with our heads, you took a picture with the caption “3:00″ you looked beautiful that night. We use to get frozen yogurt every day that summer you always looked so gorgeous in my passenger seat & I remember every single time we went we would always try new flavors & I would always overdo it with the toppings but you thought it was cute. We use to get hotel rooms just so you could fall asleep in my arms & so we could feel like adults living on our own, little did we know that would become a reality & with it came a lot of problems both between us along with finically but I always made it work, even when I only had $10 I would give it to you, make sure you ate & you did the same. Tell your mom I love her & I am so thankful for having her in my life & for everything she’s ever done to help. My heart hurts so much knowing I caused you all this pain I always wanted to marry you, have 9 babies but I will live on & never have kids if they are not sharing any biological genes with you, you’re perfect in my eyes & have never done anything to wrong me I don’t know why I keep looking for reasons to be mad at you, I guess anger is an emotion I know so well I rather feel rage if not love. You’ve always had my back but I must go on without you, for now, I ruined whatever small chance of us getting back together or at least that is what I think. You're the strongest person I know & I want you to become successful whether I am around to see it or not I'll also cheer you on even if it means from the bleachers, don't ever let lose yourself in emotions along with stress you got this okay you're smart & independent, you're a queen so don't let alone ever tell you otherwise. I hope school goes amazing for you I hope you excel like I know you will don't let others around you become an anchor like I was you deserve nothing but the best & don't forget that. I don’t know if I'll ever get over you as i did with my ex’s but I know you’ll never be replaced we are branded “&” behind our ears for never-ending i don’t ever plan on getting rid of it as it is a metaphor for what could've been, I’ve spent almost every day after work writing your name on a notepad hoping I will get sick of it but no it doesn't help I just turn the page & continue your name. I love you so much Maegan I cannot lie to myself & say I don’t & I know you loved me too what we had was real but at the end of the day I ruined it I want to apologize for hurting you but I can't anymore, it doesn't mean anything to you anymore I will continue growing & learning from my mistakes I made with you to be the guy YOU deserve but for now this boy is going to be 6 feet under. I love you so much & I hope you can read this & allow yourself to let go you don't have to reply or say anything, you can trash this email if you'd like or not even read it but if you read anything I hope you read these last three words... I Love You  C.G.

[thewizardofloneliness]

richie gets everyone gift cards for jeds that he buys seconds before leaving for kates, despite thinking abt possible gift options obsessively since the first time she had brought it up almost half a year before, all of them differing in $$ amounts depending on how he feels abt them personally (kate gets a “take whatever you want, just pls stop bringing up the fact that i personally am almost directly responsible for ur 1st physical death”, kisa gets a “i called u by ur pref’d name will u pls remind me i exist again when my seth isn’t around” carlos gets a “you owe me $2450 for emotional damages, garbage boy, ps; u smell like taco bell farts and you should prob get that checked out”)

seth takes random knick knacks from eddies place and wraps them in newspaper he also finds at eddies that’s over a decade old and completely forgets to put names on them, and at some point has to pretend that he remembers who they belong to (think blank vhs tapes/b&w horror flicks from the 60’s-80’s that make no sense and/or are inheriently sexist, almost expired food stuffs, or literally anything he could find that’s red or green or has a tree on it)

kisa doesn’t understand the idea at all and shows up with a bottle of wine almost as old as she is (“sex and the city told me that mortal women only consume gossip and alcohol”)

carlos gives framed and signed pictures of himself or what he considers the best selfies that he took on the newest gen iphone he stole off of marcisso before he blew the twister up (self explanatory)

scott gives signed copies of the one studio recording of his band before he murked the other guitarist (“they’ll be worth something someday, trust me. i can play you a solo live version if u want but it won’t live up to the original”)

kate gives well thought out gifts she’s spent however long of the year she was actually in control of her own body thinking of (a premium duolingo sub/obscure foreign language set for richie, a nice ass gun or suit for seth, a new guitar/tour bus for scott, $$ she’s guilted out of the boys to make up for the free babysitting for freddie and maggie, a kick in the ass and/or face for carlos, a trip to sephora/the mall for kisa, etc etc)

aiden gives his own books and anything else he’s had published or had some part in creating (mostly signed copies of his “almost” true autobiography, or that one fine young cannibals album he’s p much convinced was written abt him)

what if i actually wrote that fdtd christmas fic that’s been living rent free in my head for years where everyone except kate hates the idea of a found family holiday get together but she forces them to do it anyway bc they owe her that much at least and there’s a long scene where kate and scott try to explain the concept of santa to kisa after seth drops a one liner abt the fat man himself

[rjkc]

now im thinking about it while sitting in comp 248 and I might just rip my hair out

i think we're all too desensitized to "Adam lived in an apartment located above the office of St. Agnes Catholic Church, a fortuitous combination that focused most of the objects of Ronan's worship into one downtown block." because i'm thinking about it again and maggie was actually insane to write that