#made this really quickly and I'm kind of regretting not putting more effort into it

[vettelsvee]

YOU WROTE A SONG ABOUT ME? | Oscar Piastri

f1 one shots masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | instagram

oscar piastri x singer!reader

requested by anon: x singer!reader, maybe Oscar and his family going to her show and she sings a song about him

word count: 2402

warnings: none of them! use of y/n and y/l/n

posible part 2 if you like it and ask for it!

you can send your one shots requests here!

Oscar was nervous. Very, in fact.

It wasn't the first time he attended a concert of Y/N, his girlfriend, but every time he did he ended up getting more nervous than he should.

Perhaps the fact that today was his twenty-third birthday and he hadn't received any kind of congratulations from her had a lot to do with it.

The Australian took a deep breath and continued on, trying to catch up with his sisters and parents as quickly as possible, who had barely noticed that the boy had fallen behind, immersed in his thoughts.

Nicole quickly turned around, going to where her son was as calmly as she could, and above all making sure not to do or say anything she would regret, especially not something that would ruin the surprise her daughter-in-law had been keeping so well.

"What's wrong, honey?"

Oscar slightly startled as he felt his mother's hand on his shoulder, even letting out a small scream that startled the woman.

"Yes, of course!" the boy hurried to say, trying to calm down. "Just... I'm a little nervous, but that's all, really."

Despite the Australian's efforts to sound as calm as possible, it was in vain. Nicole could see his anxiety in his gaze and, above all, in his gestures. His hands were barely still, and every time she tried to walk beside him, he ended up putting a little more distance between them.

"I'm your mother, Oscar, you know I can catch any lie like I've done so many times before. Why are you so nervous?"

He sighed. He didn't want to share his concern, especially when they were heading to see the main reason of it.

"Well..." he tried to find the right words, finding it quite difficult. "It's just that I haven't received any message from Y/N today. Today, of all days, you know? On my birthday."

"Oh, what a shame..." the woman replied, feigning surprise. "She must have forgotten or had some problem. Have you talked to her?"

Was she really asking him that? He just told her he hadn't received any message from the brunette...

"Yes, but she hasn't replied."

"Don't worry! I'm sure there's a reason for it," assured the Piastri matriarch. "Don't let this ruin your day. If that girl doesn't call you as soon as it strikes twelve, I promise she'll have to deal with me."

"Mom..."

"No mom, Oscar," she scolded him in an ironic tone, making him laugh. "Now try to enjoy her concert and have a good time with us, okay?"

The brown-haired young man nodded, grateful for his mother's support, and continued on his way to the Rod Laver Arena, now a bit happier than before.

After passing through security checks and receiving the VIP accreditations reserved for the Piastri family, and the occasional stops for the pilot to take some photos and sign autographs with fans who recognized him, which were quite a few, they made their way to their reserved spot, located in the lower side stands just a few meters from the main stage.

"Wow, I didn't know you were so famous to have so many people following you," joked his father, making his sisters laugh.

"You should take a break!" shouted his mother, hugging him and making his cheeks turn red. "You're at your girlfriend's concert, not at one of your stupid races."

"They're the ones who make me who I am, Mom. Besides, I'm a public figure," added the brown-eyed one. "I can't ignore them and act like nothing, you know? It's not that easy."

Oscar said that, but he still felt uneasy. As he looked at his family, already occupying their seats as there was still about half an hour before the concert started, the need to see his girlfriend or at least hear some news about her was taking over him more and more.

"Mom, I'm going to see if I can find out anything about Y/N," he said impulsively, interrupting himself with his own words. "I'll be right back."

Nicole looked at him with surprise, telling him no, to wait there, and they would see what to do after the concert. But the young man had already gained some momentum and was navigating through everyone in his way around the stands, seats, stairs, and multiple corridors until he reached the place where, supposedly, his girl was.

Once he reached the supposed dressing room, a perfectly uniformed black security guard, with a completely serious expression and crossed arms, stood in front of the door.

"Um... I'm Oscar," he greeted with a wave, trying to curve his lips without trembling. "I'm Y/N’s boyfriend," he timidly pointed to the door behind him with his hand. "Do you mind if I come in?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Piastri, but Y/N has agreed that there are no visitors before the concert today," the man responded firmly, still looking at Oscar seriously and shaking his head.

"It's just a moment. I want to wish her good luck before she goes on stage," he insisted, hoping the guard might make an exception.

"I'm sorry, sir. Rules are rules, and if the young lady said no, then it's no. I can't make any exceptions, even for you."

The Australian thanked the unfriendly man with a slight nod and, feeling defeated, made his way back to where his family was. As soon as he arrived, he had his sisters pestering him:

"Did you see Y/N? Did she say anything to you? Did she leave you wanting something, and that's why you look so depressed now?"

The eldest sister's insistence was making him feel even worse than he already did; having the other two join in the sudden conversation with curious faces and even more unsettling questions made him want to leave the place.

The young man simply remained silent. He sat in his seat and kept his gaze fixed on the stage, waiting for the lights to go out and the concert to begin.

It was a matter of the singer stepping onto the stage for the crowd to rise to their feet, applauding and chanting her name, shouting compliments and praises of all kinds.

"Good evening, Melbourne!" exclaimed Y/N, who was on a platform that had risen from the bottom of the stage. "I hope you all have a great time with me tonight because I assure you that today will be full of surprises!"

Nicole Piastri got up from her seat, as did the rest of the family, and told Oscar to do the same. He refused, remaining seated with his arms crossed, but unable to stop a smile from appearing on his lips.

He might be upset with his girlfriend's behavior for who knows what reason, but it was impossible for him not to look away from her while she danced, sang, and interacted with the audience.

It was too difficult for him not to feel proud of her and everything she had achieved.

The show continued as Oscar knew it would, having memorized it from the numerous times he had not only attended various concerts of his girlfriend's tour around the world but also from the countless rehearsals he had accompanied her to.

However, Piastri did not expect that suddenly the lights would go out and an orange glow would begin to emerge everywhere, especially illuminating the stage.

Y/N appeared again, now wearing an orange bodysuit with perfectly placed blue tones that accentuated her figure.

"Do you know what day’s today?" asked the brunette, looking with wide eyes at the audience.

"April 6th!"

She nodded, a playful smile forming on her lips more and more as she was about to reveal, and trying not to turn her head towards where her boyfriend was, whom she had deliberately avoided all day and who, possibly, would tell her to screw off after all the ghosting she had done to him on his birthday.

"And, by any chance... do you know what happens today?"

There were a variety of responses. A large part of them answered that it was Oscar's birthday, her partner's. Others were somewhat wild, as if she was about to reveal that the couple was expecting a baby, or that the young woman was going to announce her retirement from the stage after her very short musical career.

"No, it's none of that," the Australian ended up saying. "I am pleased to announce that today, here, right now, I am going to debut my new single, 'Throttle Hearts'!"

The stadium erupted in cheers and applause once again. No one, not even Oscar, expected this revelation from the girl, so it was completely normal for people to ask her to sing the song already.

Y/N, however, asked them for a moment with her hand.

Quickly, she ran to her cell phone and, secluded in a small corner of the stage, tried to make sure that the camera recording to broadcast her image on the large screens captured nothing.

At that very moment, Oscar's phone vibrated in his pocket with a notification from the same girl who was on stage:

"Happy birthday, my love! I'm so sorry for ghosting you all day, but I hope it was worth it. If you understand any references in the song, it's normal bc it's based on our story. I hope this is the best gift you can receive, at least for now, in your life. I can't wait to get off stage and give you the biggest hug in the world <3"

And there was Y/N, making eye contact with him, having a minimal interaction with her boyfriend for the first time all day. The girl had her arm raised, waving enthusiastically and making heart gestures with both hands that ended sooner than expected as she went to the piano to play the first chords of the song.

Oscar found himself trying to hide some tears, which were forming in his eyes not only as Y/N’s voice adjusted to the melody but throughout the rest of the concert.

The only thing the boy could reply to that message was whether she had really written a song about him, receiving as a response during a break between songs a large number of heart shaped emojis.

When the show came to an end and the singer disappeared beneath the stage, the Piastri family quickly grabbed their belongings to leave the venue and go to where the boy's girlfriend was. The same security guard who had previously denied him access to see the singer to the Formula 1 driver was now standing next to them, telling them to follow him.

Obviously, they didn't hesitate to say yes and followed his steps to the young woman's dressing room, who allowed her boyfriend's family to enter, welcoming them with a radiant smile and hugs that had been delayed all day.

The only thing the young couple did as words were exchanged was to look at each other, shy to show their love in front of others, as it had always been with them.

"I think we should leave the lovebirds alone for a while," Nicole began as she headed towards the exit of the room. "Don't take too long, the reservation for dinner at Oscar's favorite restaurant is at ten fifteen, and you know we take quite a while to get there."

Both of them thanked her shyly, unsure of what to do or say beyond being unable to stop smiling.

When they were alone, facing each other, they didn't know what they should say to each other. Oscar Piastri didn't know if he should reproach his girlfriend for not speaking to him all day despite preparing a surprise for him. Y/N Y/L/N was aware that perhaps she should apologize for not having done things quite right and for keeping the brown-haired boy on edge by maintaining some sort of no-contact for the past 24 hours.

Finally, it was the McLaren driver who broke the not-so-uncomfortable silence:

"Y/N, that song..." He was at a loss for words. He didn't know what else to say other than that he had loved it.

The girl smiled shyly, grateful not only that he had liked the composition she had kept to herself for the past seven months, but also for seeming to have understood.

"I've been wanting to sing it to you for a long time, but I didn't know if you’d like it," the young woman admitted. "It has had a couple of important modifications since the first draft, and since the record label wasn't cooperating much when I wanted to release it initially, I thought it would be a good birthday gift for you," she explained. "Hey, and I'm sorry if this whole game of ignoring you all day has offended you. I feel really bad, and the last thing I want is..."

"Shut up, silly!" Oscar interrupted her, approaching her to wrap her in his arm and give her a tender kiss on the forehead. "At first, I thought you wanted to break up with me, but then seeing how my mom was acting, that gorilla you have as a bodyguard denying me access, and above all you ignoring me all day..."

"I'm good at keeping secrets, and I'm absolutely in love with you, Oscar Piastri," Y/N declared, mock-offended. "Do you really think I would ignore you all day?"

"Not a chance. I know there's a good intention behind everything you do," agreed the Australian, earning himself a hug and a kiss on the lips from his girlfriend. "Did you know that I'm also good at keeping secrets?"

"Oh, really? And are you absolutely in love with me like I am with you, Piastri?"

Oscar grinned mischievously, an idea starting to appear in his mind like a flash that was making more and more sense.

Obviously, the driver was a tad resentful, and the girl wasn't going to get away with it no matter how good the intention was behind Throttle Hearts and its surprise presentation.

Now, Oscar had to prepare a surprise for the girl's twenty-second birthday that would match, or even surpass, the one she had prepared for him.

"I don't know," he shrugged, laughing more and more emphatically and perhaps frustrating his girlfriend, "I guess now you'll have to wait for your birthday to find out."

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Friendly reminder of a thing we know about shame.

When you use shame to try and get someone to change how they do/interact with a thing, it will basically never actually get them to make that change. But it WILL make them really good at APPEARING as if they've made the change. Sometimes that's enough! But usually it's not. And if the aesthetics of the thing is not actually the issue, but rather being able to acheive your desired outcome [convincing to take/not take a specific action] you'll want to ask some questions about guilt and shame and how you need to interact with those feelings effectively to encourage that outcome sustainably.

I've always liked this worksheet for that:

I always find that I feel the shame get REALLY quickly activated by the questions the worksheet asks in a way that makes it much easier to separate from functional episodes of guilt or regret, and makes it a lot easier to set aside the feelings of shame without feeling like that means I have to take or not take any particular next steps to "deserve" that, you know?

The longer I work with questions like these when reflecting on/processing shame, the less ashamed I've felt generally, the more confident I've felt, and the more able I've been to have emotionally difficult conversations with people without feeling as terrified or as anxious about the possibility that something might genuinely need to change.

My favorites to use are 1 and 4 on that 3rd page:

1. How have you used guilt with others to try to get what you need?

This question has been really helpful for me in A) reminding me that everyone feels guilty sometimes, and that feeling guilty can sometimes be a learning and growing [or growing together] opportunity if it's actually safe to make mistakes in your life, and B) it reminds me to think about why I or someone else might call on the feeling of guilt on a functional level, how do we find that intentional use of feeling guilt helps us meet our needs? Are there other alternatives we haven't yet considered that might still work? Or is there a functional reason we are applying pressure via guilt? Can that reason be accommodated other ways to reduce reinforcing guilt with shame? It helps me understand why I'm feeling how I am, why I'm seeking one solution/resolution over another option, and trust that because I have taken time to consider all these angles, I have also "made the best decision I can with the information/context I have at the time", something I have integrated as a reassurance of the humanity of mistake-making in my adult life. I can regret, but shame will paralyze, so this lets me set down unchangeable past without feeling like I am failing others I love.

4. When is the last time you let someone down? How do you feel about it now?

Early on in my work on this, this helped me think a lot about how I built my narrative of "letting someone I love down" in my relationship with my parents. But parent-child relationships often rely on authorities/hierarchies that almost no other relationship allows for, and there is absolutely no reason for adult me to interact with peers, or even authority figures, as if "disappointing" them is akin to "being abandoned and unloved by the literal only person in the world who can ensure your needs get met" the way that initial narrative feels. Treating people in my life as if they could ever have the kind of power over me that my parents did is actually kinda fucked in a lot of ways, and I became so much less scared, so much more willing and able to be loved by others when I was able to let go of the idea that "disappointing some I love" was somehow world ending. People I love have disappointed me, and I still love and cherish them. It would be absurd to argue that I'm unique in that. And frankly, if my being willing to and actually putting in effort to make changes isn't enough repair for someone else, than it is what it is! That happens sometimes! It doesn't mean I'm irredeemably bad, it means that person and I are no longer compatible in the way we used to be, and that's okay. I can grieve the loss of change without verbally abusing myself as if I am uniquely capable of being such a good person that no one ever dislikes me for any reason or worse as if I am so uniquely bad that I shouldn't be allowed second chances.

I don't have a point here. I just know that shame is the silent killer we all live with, and lord knows I never got taught how to cope with it until well into my 20s, so surely someone else out there will find this conversation revelatory in a way that matters for them.

[meowmeowmeowmeow4x]

tumblr.com/emdeerm insert-that-spiderman-meme

based on this prompt and the amazing fanfic "Wait I'm a Cartoon Over Here?!"

Ahem Damian flopped onto his bed, exhausted after having had to clean the bat litter once more, as per Alfred's instruction. However, that exhaustion was punctuated by an underlying satisfaction. Despite everything, he and Richard had succeeded. They made contact with Team Phantom (part of him felt dizzy and giddy at the notion, but he'd impale anyone who'd suggest it) and managed to keep Father and the others from combusting at the notion of their existence. Phantom had sworn up and down to never expose their identities, knowing just how important they are. ("You were my hero since I was 7, I'd rather eat Dash's underwear again than betray your trust!") If only he knew...

Speaking of whom, Damian clamped his hands of his ears as the girlish squealing in this room entered a fever pitch. He was starting to regret allowing Kent to enter the Manor while team Phantom were visiting.

"DANNY DANNY DANNY DANNY DANNY I'M SUCH A HUGE FAN OF YOU CAN YOU PLEASE SIGN THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND-" Damian could've sworn that's the spiel Jonathan had opened with about twenty minutes ago. Fenton, for his part, was doing his best to withstand the onslaught of super-powered pre-teen fandom.

He'd never be caught dead doing something so... debased. So petty and pointless as to gawk at a fictional character. He, the blood son of the Bat and his future successor.

"Come on Damian, aren't you excited too?" His heart rate spiked. Blast. How quickly could he break into Father's kryptonite vault...

"You sure you wanna mess him with right now? He really looks like he could kill you, and I read the issue where he tried to murder Tim."

Damian prickled, even felt a hint of shame knowing that Fenton knew just as much about him as he did, how shameful. No not shameful at all, why would he care about someone who probably wasn't even real. Damian moved to sit up and shot Jonathan the deadliest glare he could muster, an expression copy-pasted right off his Father's Batglare.

Jonathan, for his part, cowered behind Fenton. "You'd do well to keep remain silent, Kent, before I remind you that your life is as fragile as a dying rat." He all but spat out. However, instead of cowering further, Jonathan's lips curled into a devious expression.

Fenton's head bounced between the two. "Maybe this personal arc hasn't been published yet..." He muttered.

"Hey Danny..." Jonathan began, hesitantly. This could not be happening. Damian grabbed the nearest katana and lunged. However, his efforts were made fruitless as he passed through the duo like they weren't there. Dammit! "I know this is kind of embarassing, but we put in a lot of work and you're like my number two inspiration after my dad and we don't know how long you'll be here so., but you gotta keep this a total secret, like a total secret, you can't tell anyone."

Jonathan reached into his backpack. Damian swung his sword again. Anything, anything to prevent the inevitable. If this were allowed to happen, his life would be forfeit. Curse his hero this hero for being so overpowered. Where was the lipstick laser when you needed it? Or the fenton thermos? or the anti-creep stick, or anything?!

However, just as Jonathan was about to retrieve the forbidden contraband, a fist flew out and blew him away. "Woah what is this?" Exclaimed one Danielle Phantom. It was at that moment that Damian knew, there was nothing more that could be done.

~~~~~

Danielle rifled through the pages of the comic book that Jon was about to pull out (which, btw, was amazing! Danny might be into Nightwing and Martian Manhunter, but she could not count the number of nights she'd dreamt of flying with the Super Sons. Basically she was never gonna wash that fist again anyway) and was shocked to find the contents. "Yo Danny, have you seen this??"

Her template/brother/cousin/dad (his status is in a weird gray area at the moment) leaned over, eyes widening too.

For within her hands was the latest issue of the celebrated fancomic, the Secret Adventures of Danny Phantom, which circulated around this universe's social media forums and the schoolyards of Metropolis and Gotham. Danielle flipped through pages upon pages of lovingly hand-drawn panels.

"I didn't know we were a comic, too! I've never looked that cool before." Danny said, nothing the cover art.

"I dont think this is official, i mean, whatever official canon means these days. Look, there's no logo from the channel our cartoon's on."

"I can't believe I have fans who know enough about me to make a fancomic." Danny groaned.

"Oh shut up, Danny. you don't see me getting any fanart." Dani teased, until she reached the beautiful two-page spread of her, Robin and Superboy swooping in to save Danny from the GiW. Special attention was placed by the artist on her hair, and the unnatural glow of her ghostly eyes. Overall it was a very flattering picture. the real Dani's jaw dropped.

Danny turned to the gaping Jon, and the limp Damian, both of whose faces were drained of colour, looking even more dead than himself on a cold day. Realisation dawned inside of him. "Wait, did you guys make this?"

His interoogation could not continue furhter before Dani squealed with excitement. She phased out of the bedroom door in an instant before anyone could react, yelling in excitement about this amazing fancomic that Damian and Jon had made, like it was fate... Her voice was followed by one Dick Grayon's comment on Damian's evolving artstyle, before more joined the chorus. As for Damian? He rolled for 60d6 psychic damage, took 300, and lost the wlil to live. Jon was not far behind.

[haechanhues]

in which a girl farewells every boy she’s ever loved (or at least had romantic feelings for) in order to prove that her feelings for one particular boy are very real and unwavering. 

a thank you

@matchahyuck @haisuken @dinonuguaegi @replayenthusiast @90s-belladonna @ahnneyong @liliansun

FIRST I have to thank everyone who read this series and who asked to be on the taglist and everyone in between - thank you.

This has been in the back of my head since about 2019 - before WayV was even added. I just remembered - the first scene I ever thought of was Ten's with the jacket and the kind of aloof behaviour between them. One of the Sicheng scenes was a part of another story but I thought suited this one a lot better. A lot of Doyoung's scenes were early doors. Jaehyun's scene as well. I can't remember the very first of it but I was so excited to put this out. I had planned in 2020 the whole plot of this and had chosen members but then switched a lot of them back because other members fit it more.

However, I'm not the happiest with how it turned out - perfectionism maybe? I don't know. Halfway through I just- kind of lost love for it? It came back eventually but not the way I started planning for it. I might rewrite it - possibly in another format. I don't know.

The actual story

Should we do a little 'Where Are They Now?' kind of segment aye?

Seunghan and Gowon briefly dated again but this time the relationship ended amiably. He is now involved with another woman.

Shotaro? Man he aced it. He's living the dream. New babe pool. Heaps of friends - actually living the life. Sometimes he does think about Y/N but only in passing.

Shohei whom we love and hope the best for. Has been on dates with boys, girls and people who identify as neither. Has a special place in his heart for his bed bug.

Jaehyun, the sweetheart too good for this world. Has found an absolute bestie in Doyoung.

Ten does not think of Y/N at all and she does not think about him. He's dated a lot of people in your absence and has yet to feel anything worthwhile.

Jisung is in a happy relationship. Truly. He has also made an effort to communicate with you. It's a little awkward but he's too kind to comment on it. Or to tell his partner that he loved you, once upon a time.

Lee Jeno is too popular and popular people have their secrets - he uses his private account to catch up with his fans and sometimes stalks you. Happy to find that you're dating someone that makes you happy. Is also kind of jealous but he's mostly happy for you.

Taeyong will one day regret that one instant when he's deep into an unhappy marriage. He might have also fucked his secretary. Never quite got over his high school phase so you can't even call it a phase really. He did like you though. Truly.

Sungchan has happily found a new makeout partner. In fact he's had several. One of them is actually on this list.....:)

Yuta is both fine and not. He's not sorry towards what he did to you in school. Because you're one of many. But he has plenty of time to, because right now, what he doesn't know, is that someone is finally collecting his bad karma and he will suffer.

Hendery has his best friends and sometimes he misses you. They all do. Sometimes he doesn't miss you at all. He's not ready to date yet and not quite ready to. But he's slowly moving on.

Doyoung is busy collecting besties and is quickly becoming the town whore of platonic relationships. Secretly regrets being so against them in high school.

Eunseok is currently in France. New regulars and new faces. He thinks of you often. Not romantically but not unromantically either. He wishes he stayed sometimes. Doesn't know your name ethough so that's that.

Na Jaemin is still with his girlfriend he had back then. He doesn't love her. Loves coffee. Still makes hot chocolate his way (He's the type that never learns)

Haechan is just enjoying life (for the sake of the author especially he's living his best life)

Chenle is now currently experiencing what it's like to be shy in front of someone. Hopefully he can pick up his balls and ask them out.....If only. Y/N is making his life hell. Promise.

Yangyang is cuffed up! He does not live with them though, he did have a habit of hooking up with roommates and he already knows this person is different.

Johnny is happy just being Johnny and with his newfound knowledge that / had a crush on his new friend Y/N he's living it up. Not too much when Y/N is around but when / is alone.

Sicheng sadly still loves you. He tries not to show it around Hendery or the others. He fails. Sometimes. It's enough for them all to hate you a little, but it never quite lasts.

Kun is unsurprisingly happily married. It's a marriage of convenience but....could also be leading to a marriage of love. Who knows? It's all new.

Xiaojun has crashed and burned. His career no more. But his family treated it as a hobby and loves to fucking spoil him. So he's richer and unbitchless. But he's not happy. Thank god.

Jungwoo is still happily collecting nicknames, in fact, every person he sleeps with is permitted to come up with one and write it in the guest book.

Renjun is dating again. But this time he's waiting to be absolutely sure of them before doing anything drastic.

Chuu is dating those without phalluses at the moment. Feeling she needs to explore wider than the narrow terrains of those with a third leg. In her own words - of course. She's not as close to Y/N anymore and doesn't really keep in contact with anyone but Gowon and occasionally Yves.

Gowon - Messages Y/N every now and then. Yves has completely broken contact with her. She is dating someone new. A long term boyfriend that is thinking of proposing.

Minnie - Mini bar is still being chaotic but now she's being chaotic worldwide. Hates people openly. Is entertained by their misfortunes. Sleeps with people sometimes but not all the time.

Yuqi - Is married. Has to set up another wedding for friends to attend this time. Hasn't told Minnie yet but feels kind of betrayed that the sneak hasn't found out for herself.

Minnie - She knows :) Of course she does.

Yves - The queen is happy. She has also decided the only person she's ever loved is Y/N and she's not quite ready to find love for herself.

Mark - A man stupid in love. But he's so happy and he's sappy and he's absolutely at home.

Y/N - The Serial Lover has found the one. She has friends. She has lost friends. She has friendships that aren't quite the same. But she's beautifully in love with a guy and it's been the longest she's ever been in love.

Again, thank you for joining me on this story and I hope you stay for some more adventures.

[khalidplsstfu]

To Be Loved Is To Be Changed

It's kinda hard to belive that quote is attributed to a random twitter user. It's even harder to believe that it's true. Every couple of months, something happens to me that alters the way my brain works, maybe forever and i never really talk about it. The situation in this post is one of those situations.

A large percent of my 2023 was spent missing an ex- girlfriend. Very cliche, but also very painful. I questioned everything about the relationship, but mostly the part i played in it's disintegration. The ways in which i failed to be the lover and friend my ex needed was very heavy on my mind. which was weird because i literally never think about ways i failed. but that time spent reflecting on the days I spent being as unperturbed and unaware of my girlfriends feelings as a mostly homeless young man can be left me with me with something resembling an answer.

The reality was that like most men in my life, i put the emotions of those i care about on the back burner in favor of the results I wanted to see. Probably in an effort to protect my emotional self which had almost been beaten to numbness by a tramuatic childhood and young adult life. It's a practice i learned to use on myself, and then spread to other people as some type of barometer of how worth my time they are. Is it kind? Does it make everyone feel seen or heard? No. Did it save me from cold ravolii cans and nights using a bathroom handwarmer to stay warm? Yes.

This hardened dedication to my goals and absolute withdrawl from my emotional self without a doubt saved my life. It saved me from being a vagrant loser, another man who depends on the blessings of others to sustain his own life. But closing that door to how i felt had disatorious effects on my relationship, as i wasn't just closing the door to how I felt, but to FEELINGS in general.

"But that was then" I told myself. "Surely, with all the books i read, all the podcast and lectures and interviews with feminist rants i've consumed, i'm more ready to feel and be felt than ever. More ready to hear and be heard" At the time I was working at a shoe store where my closest thing to a work friend was a middle aged white woman who hated her husband and complained about him every chance she got. Which I gave her many, because learning from a old dude's mistakes is a big part of being a young dude. Anyway, the advice from my work buddy was very concise.

"contact her and let her know how you feel. It's the only way you'll know if she feels the same. and you'll regret it if you don't"

advice that good cant be ignored, especially if you kinda wanna do the thing you're seeking advice about anyway. so i did it. i wrote my greatest love letter ever. i was vunerable. caring. apologetic. everything i thought i was supposed to be. And surprisingly it worked. So well we hung out that night.

But something was diffrent this time. something that makes me feel that dark feeling in the pit of my stomach even as i write. The feeling that I was being mislead. being made a fool of. Too many quickly hidden phone screens and vauge answers. But like every other man, I was a fool. I said " I do not see" I was ready to bare the horror of trusting another human being with my emotions. If trust was a part of love, i was all in. After all, a life without love isnt much of a life at all.

Somehow, in my infinite stupidity, i decided to use some of my disposable income to celebrate her birthday. This was a decision so stupid i routinely beat myself up about it inside the safety of my mind. A decision so stupid the khalid that orginally met the girl in question simply would've never done it.

"Why would i spend money on a girl i barely trust" 19 year old khalid would say. And honestly that kid knew more than i'd give him credit for. But with our focus re-established, i decided to spend her birthday this year showing her how much she meant to me. I planned a day and fully funded it with the last decent check that shoestore would give me. I got two dinners and two tickets to the worst aquariam dallas has to offer and 7 grams of weed for us to smoke. All in preparation for what was a absoloutely horrible day.

Like most horrible days, this one started off relatively normal. I got high and dressed and mentally prepared to pay the debt i owe someone who i've loved for years. she showed up and was as beautiful as she always is and I started us on our way.

In all honesty the day remanined pretty good until we left the aquariam. At which point we lost the car so we couldn't return for a quick smoke after we ate. Frustrating, but instead of lumping my frustration on her i just tried to focus up and find the car. There was a very noticeable frustrated silence while we looked for the car but eventually we did find it. we smoked. and headed to applebees.

applebees. my home away from home. the home of the 4 dollar pint on friday night. in all honesty the perfect place to have your lifelong perspective altered forever, its almost like a fighting game stage in the way there's just limitless oppurtunity to see things you've never seen before. And that warm day in august, that's exactly what I saw.

In order for the events that happened that day, at that applebee's table to make sense to you dear reader, i have to provide context. Not to suck my own dick or anything, but im not a dude who just started getting pussy a week ago. I've been blessed enough to have a face that allows me to expirence the female form in a somewhat consistent way. Saying that to say, i know what it's like to be around good women. And shifty ones. And as me and my ex were having a beautiful day at that applebees table, I saw the shifty woman trademark. the ol "silence the phone and pretend they didn't see"

Now in the moment, i was salty. I felt a whole relationship's worth of mistrust and self consciousness flow through me. she kept trying to talk to me, and i tried my best to respond, but i felt like a dweeb the whole time. After all who was I in that moment? Paying for a date for a girl hiding her phone from you? Planning a day around someone not named Khalid or Khalid Jr? Putting myself in a position to see myself in these ways? what was i ?

I was changed. My first love made me a changed man.

To make a long story short, I've never been on a worse date in my life. I have to be honest and say that I found myself fighting back tears at more than one point. "You've gone soft. This would've never happened to you in 2020. Couple months alone and you lose your spine?" and more and more all played in my head as i sat in silence. At a table at one of my favorite establishments, with what i thought was the person that understood me the most, i felt completely alone. and that was enough to make me cry without being on drugs.

I don't remember how the rest of the day went exactly. I remember making a beeline for my home. saying my goodbyes. overwhelming dread. wanting privacy I couldn't have because i live in an apartment with one too many people. I remember her texting me, accosting me for my behavior. And i remember one sentence more vividly than anything she's ever said to me.

"You know, i don't really owe you anything" she says.

I was blown away. we'd spent days in love. nights looking out for each other. shared our dreams. our fears. the intricacies of our family relationships. young summers spent stealing time with each other. I felt I owed her so much. She took the time to try and see me in a way nobody else cared to. I spent so much time rationalizing her feelings. trying to empathize. and for what? did we owe each other anything? i didn't recognize the author of the messages i was reading. That was the moment that I realized that it didn't just happen to me. My love had changed her as well. I had given her the experience nesscary to guard her emotions and she had taught me to let my guard down. I don't know who made who worse. I'm scared to know in all honesty.

The story ends with me thanking her for the oppurtunity to "get her out of my system" and going about my way. I think about her often. My first love. I wish I could go back to 2019 and tell myself to make sure to enjoy every moment of her i'd have before it turns into dust. Nowadays every girl is like the new verision of my ex i met last year. Now I wonder did love make them that way as well, and if any of us can ever be saved.

[blankticket]

how do you feel about your (not twin) double? the long you.

+ Anonymous asked: How do you feel about the other Vash?

"Oh, you mean Vash? He's cool!" Said with a loving grin and a bubbly tone; that hasn't changed. "Real cool. Gettin' to know him from day one, I've always felt reassured just t'see Vash around. What with the whole, um—" (His black-gloved hand mimes his predecessor's signature hairstyle, fingers waggling for the spikes) "—Schtick of bein' living breathing proof he's always stood back up, no matter what it's cost him.

"He's nice. Badass. Shows everyone up at the range (seriously, I don't think he knows how t'hold back with me), knows how to arrange a fine bouquet blindfolded, dedicated to everyone he loves—n'he loves a lot of people. He loves life, s'obvious to anyone who sticks around him for a minute. Can sympathize with that a lot—ain't that funny?

"Permanently others-first, that's an easy bet. Good listener. Solid caretaker. Compassionate. Not afraid to go after what he wants. There's lots about him that I look up to, you know? Plus, his coat made me feel so much cooler just from tryin' it on!" Cue overdone mischievous laughter that quickly peters out into the sheepish kind.

Quieter: "Maybe I mess around with the guy too much. We don't, um, actually get too many moments to talk, but I can't help but notice the way Vash always gets all grouchy when I'm ribbing him. I feel like… I sorta. Owe it, to him… To make him smile?"

Thinking it aloud prompts the younger copycat to tuck his knees against his chest, needing a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"It's the least I could do." This claim of effort, yet how many real smiles had he actually seen from Vash? "He's had to put up with a lot from me besides just the teasing. And Vash makes me think on how lucky I am, even if I tend to waste that. He's always trying t'save me, and I'm always trying t'save him, but we both…"

His power to heal proved useless in saving either of them in the Mists. And in Fibonacci he had seen it, just for a moment; the way his blood stained Vash. Then, when they both resurrected, Vash had told this younger copy that he had very much accepted his impending death. Not long after, he'd heard his predecessor's soul give out in Archimedes. Somehow Vash had still offered to take care of him, even after being murdered by him.

"I've never been dead-sure how he feels about me, but by now he's got every right to quit me, I think. Is it weird I sorta want him to?" He's really only brought Vash more pain to suffer, more burden to bear. "Sometimes I wonder if just lookin' at me makes him relive the bad, n'if he feels he can't do anything but watch as I make even worse mistakes. He's tired. I've seen it in his eyes.

"Well. I'd be disappointed in me, too." Vash smiles. It hasn't gone past this cheery let-down how even their extreme manifestation of Plant powers had sharply contrasted the other, visually—Vash with his protective angelic feathers, and this echo with some jet-black, twisted, incomplete monstrosity that hardly counted as a wing.

"Regret bein' so troublesome t'him. Saying things that I know cut him deep, even if he never told me. Hope he knows I never really meant it. Hurting him, I mean.

"…I just want him to live. "Glad this place gives him the chance for that."

[rengokugutspill]

It's a long time for an update again, but for good reason !

It isn't that I didn't have things to say, but recently adopted a new kitten. It was extremely hard at first because I pretty much got my period as soon as I got him so I immediately felt miserable & was concerned I had regretted my decision & bit off more than I could chew. I had tried reasoning with myself I was only upset because I had my period & he needed so much, it would get better when I didn't have my period & it would only get easier as he grew. & obviously that's been true.

In the beginning it's a lot of watching to make sure he doesn't get hurt or in trouble or lost somewhere in the house. He was given a room for home base, but of course screamed & shrieked at the top of his lungs when he was put away.

Now he is pretty good with behavior. His worst attributes only seem to be agitating his siblings, otherwise I would say he's been outstanding to train & a genius with understanding. He comes out two to three times a day to run around & honestly just kinda do whatever he wants until I see him getting ornery or tired & then he is fed & closed in his room to take a nap. Since he's good at understanding this routine, he does pretty much go to sleep now without protest, or at least he's playing quietly by himself.

He had been upstairs when he was smaller, but I started closing my door when I noticed him trying to use the stairs when I still felt he was too small. I kind of think he probably could now, but my issue is more not wanting to leave him unattended on any given floor. He really doesn't get into anything downstairs but because he's a little guy, he really wants to play with everyone & not everyone feels very happy about playing with him. Or ones who do like to play with him can get annoyed if he's being too relentless or just kinda being a dick in the way he's choosing to play.

Like, Lucifer loves him. Lucifer is definitely his best friend & Burger is for sure Lucifer's baby, but because Lucifer is so big, even when he is just playing & trying to be careful, I see him doing pins where it's like whoa don't do that. & then because they are such good friends, Burger gets over excited & won't stop jumping on Lucifer or biting him even if Lucifer is growling or whining. I started taking him away from Lucifer if he gets like that, but sometimes my patience is short or it's already getting close to his nap time or I have other shit to do so I just immediately put him in his room like it's time out. I'm not sure just yet, but it does seem like it may be teaching him to stop when Lucifer starts growling.

Lucifer is kind of like his dad cat, but in a slow come around I think Relm has become his mom cat. Which I was surprised because I felt like everyone came together for the other kittens, it was surprising to me that Venom had little interest in Burger. She's patient with him when he's jumping on her & biting her, but she doesn't make any effort to interact with him. Relm has been playing with him & much like Lucifer, you can see her gestures are made very soft & careful for the most part, but a few times she gets him in holds & pins & I have to stop her because she's covering his face but I don't think she even knows she's doing it.

The previous kittens were not happy. We thought because Tempura is so friendly & loves her family that she would quickly come around to Burger, but she seems to go back & forth. Sometimes she treats him like she thinks he's reasonable, but then other times she's coming in punching him in the head as hard as she can. Sashimi is also kind of a little bitch about the whole thing. He hits poor Burger very hard & then runs away so Burger can't fight back. But earlier today he wrapped himself up in a rug & jumped out at Burger & I don't really think that's terrorizing but instead a playful joke.

I didn't remember what Lil Cactus thought of the other kittens, so I wasn't sure how she would react to Burger but she's really funny & I think she finds him agreeable. Since I got her, she does that thing where she makes herself big & hops around like a mountain lion & I assume she's trying to be very scary so no one will want to bother her, but since she is not a mountain lion, she just looks really funny & cute. So she's done her big spider hops at poor Burger, but he's kind of adapting that attitude, making himself big when he approaches his siblings. She's also played with toys with him a few times which is really precious.

I think Viper also feels he's agreeable. She's seemed interested in him & watching him. She doesn't get offended when he approaches, but I also haven't seen him make any efforts to actually interact with her either.

Of course Mephala still hates everyone. Guts goes back & forth, occasionally playing with him, but most of the time seemingly ignoring or avoiding him. Saki was mad at first, but I've also caught Saki flirting with Burger & seemingly trying to play with Burger, but he does it in such a stealth way that it seems like Burger doesn't notice that Saki is actually trying to play with him.

I am lucky because he is a boy who loves to snuggle & be picked up & held.

Another reason I am really apprehensive about him coming upstairs is I have two spots that I'm worried about. There is the hole in the floor behind my three sixty mirror. I wedged a towel in it & the other kittens didn't fuck with it, so I think he might be bigger than the hole, but it still makes me nervous. The other thing I am worried about is obviously the central air unit is in my bedroom & during the remodel there was no way to close it off since if it would ever need to be worked on, it would need to be accessible. We put the tapestries over it & it should be sealed on all sides & floor & ceiling. But if someone really wanted to get back there, realizing it wasn't a solid wall, I'm sure they could pull it off. I felt like my adults didn't fuck with it, but Lucifer kept going under my mirror dresser & it would piss me off so I tried to close the gap with a pillow & large stuffed bear, but they still go back there ? & I would say other than Lucifer, Saki goes back there. When they're back there, I can see the tapestry shaking, but it makes it look like someone is climbing on it or got behind it. So far, I don't think anyone has actually gotten behind it, but because Burger is so small, I really don't want him going back there at all. Like, I would be happier if no one went back there ever. Especially because I already tried to seal off the gap & somehow they're still managing to get around a seal that really should not look inviting but instead more resembling a wall. & I can't figure out why they even go back there at all because it's just a thin corridor behind my desk. There's nowhere to go back there, you would just have to turn back around & leave ? I have no idea why they're obsessed with it ?? Especially with the entrance covered by pillows. If it's just a narrow corridor then what is even the point of crawling around the pillows to get back there ? It pisses me off !!

It reminds me of the time I clipped through the wall in the Sims Two for Nintendo DS, I ended up dropping into oblivion & couldn't get out. Like, that's the fate of cats who try to clip through walls. They end up mummified in the foundation. I want them to stop trying to clip through my bedroom wall.

He takes about two naps a day & then goes to bed when I go to bed give or take. I feel tired nearly every time it's his nap time, & sometimes there are still household chores I have to do. So if I am free, it kind of results in me laying down & really just taking a breather. I'm always like this time I'm going to take a nap. But then mostly I just lay here.

My next viable break I want to get more items listed to Depop. & I have been continuing in my crosslisting all the while & making sales & getting them out. I think I just made twenty sales on Ebay. Though admittedly most of them are cutting cost on a nothing item that's sat for years to accept a dollar auction. Which Ebay is such fucking bullshit because they have listing fees & sales fees, so when I was asking about listing costs they said a cheap item only costs two cents yet my sales fee is gouging me on the dollar auctions so I only end up making like thirty cents. Like damn, it would have been nice to know what your actual fees were going to be. But on one hand I kinda don't care because it is moving stock & even if people aren't reviewing me, it's still reflecting good for me to have sales going out quickly & with no complaints. Even without the reviews, it is still boosting my credibility as a seller.

I guess Vinted has been doing this hot new thing where they decided to employ a super faulty AI to try to make detections on new listings & it will just randomly flag things for no reason & because Vinted has no support, you're just threatened with having your account deleted in situations where you're fully able to prove the AI flagged you for no reason. Like, I got flagged for brand misattribution on a shirt & pair of high heels & the craziest thing about it is I listed both the brands in the listing but since neither were available in the brand drop downs, I just marked as “no label” since Vinted makes you apply a brand. Their AI copypaste message told me if I didn't know the brand then I had to mark the item as “no brand” & I was like how the fuck is that remotely different from “no label” ?? & if I already marked as “no label” then what the fuck is even the problem ?? Then this happened to me with a vintage night gown because they didn't like that I used the word “vintage” even though it is true vintage. I got flagged for a pair of mens Puma shorts & womens Lee jeans because they claimed I didn't post any pictures of the tags & for the Puma shorts I did but for the Lee jeans I deadass feel like who the fuck cares ?? Especially on an app that tries to force you to list hundred dollar Timberlands for two dollars. Like wtf am I even trying to authenticate this for if you're going to try to force me to sell it for nothing ??

I guess they been pissing a lot of people off lately. People are claiming they're being swarmed with scammers to the point where you don't even know what's real on there anymore. But idk because if you think you're really getting Timberlands for two dollars than obviously the listing isn't “real.” But people are saying they're buying shit on there all the time with no one shipping anything. Then I guess there were two controversies recently one right after the other. First they apparently introduced full page unskippable ads, which I personally haven't seen because I don't buy anything on there. I guess the ads are crashing the whole app. Then they tried to introduce this weird shipping method where they decided buyers got to choose the shipping method, but included a bunch of rare couriers that aren't even available everywhere, so people were mad if a buyer chose a courier the seller couldn't use because there wasn't one in the area, or people were choosing couriers that are known to deliberately damage items so they could reap Vinted insurance I guess ? They received so much backlash so fast that they immediately removed the buyer chooses courier option. But imo Vinted just sucks so bad anyway.

It sucks even more because for a minute I started to really like Vinted & I started to feel like I could trust them & like they were better than Ebay & then it was just one thing after another after another where I was like whoa wtf ??

My Sales are Depop, Mercari, Ebay, Poshmark, & then Vinted. That's the order of what platform I make/ have made the most sales on.

But I would say I'm doing pretty well lately. The past two weeks I think was like thirteen sales.

But since I really don't have time for anything lately, I'm feeling a bit bummed out because I been wanting to draw since before I got Burger, but I am just constantly busy & when I am not busy, I am so tired, I can't do anything but just lay for a few hours before I have to get up again.

Oh well.

It seems like this month is demons only event ? Though I didn't see a new mini character art announced, I'm kind of speculating if they're doing the demons only event then there won't be a hashira art/ theme. I'm interested because I believe last year there was no event for this month either. I wonder why ? So maybe going forward they will base September on demons only ? Maybe this is an interest check ? I wouldn't really be mad because as I said with Yushiro before, I am happy for other characters to be spotlighted. I feel so much joy & elation to see new Rengokus, it is nice to share that for others as well. I am a bit ambivalent because I would have liked the two forms of Hatengu, but I am strict about not spending money on anything other than Rengoku. If they were selling a Rengoku or Rengokus coinciding with this event, I would be more apt to try to get those Hatengus, but at the same time, there was a contrast between the Japanese & global announcements, it seems like global is only getting half of what the Japanese locations are getting ? So I feel like that's a weird choice.

& I forget if I said this, but I did finally win my placemat for the Rengoku omake, but I believe they said it wasn't going to ship until late October. I think I am supposed to get an order at the end of this month, because I ended up ordering the stickers for the beach shack event with the introducing the hashira acrylic stands. So I will be waiting for those to arrive, likely adding some of those to my current lots I'm selling. But I did finally sell my lots for Zenitsu & Rengoku lol so I will be starting a new Zenitsu lot.

I had somewhat of a drawn out grievance in regards to my last doll that I'd ordered from Aliexpress. For some reason it just got stuck in customs for like three weeks. Which sucks because it seems like plush & textiles get stuck in China logistics for two or three weeks themselves, so it was even more annoying to wait another three weeks once it got to USA.

I seen the news was saying tonight that USA wants to cut down on low quality goods coming in from China so procedures are changing to make customs checks more rigorous because I guess drug smuggling was being done through low cost goods, since apparently they weren't really checked before ?? Obviously they're trying to quash the exchange of illegal drugs, but I guess they also want to make dropshipping more obnoxious so people stop doing it. It's a little worrisome to me. Obviously I don't bulk order for the purpose of reselling, nor do I have any intention of smuggling drugs, but I get concerned about the effect this could have on my international orders from Aliexpress. I just recently bought a new bedspread & obviously had a long term intention of continuation in buying dolls. But the dolls are definitely a Chinese commodity because they aren't being manufactured here. We can't say “don't buy the dolls from China” if the dolls don't even get manufactured in the USA.

I also had a motion of ups & downs in regards to the dolls. The short haired Rengoku was apparently cancelled ? Which is so weird. Because since about April I think, I'd see the doll list on Aliexpress like once a month or every other month, but then shortly thereafter it would have all traces of it's existence removed. During one of the postings, I ended up buying it from a seller. I was asked at one point to extend the delivery date, which I've done before & usually it's fine, but basically right before the extended delivery date ran out they asked me to cancel the order saying they didn't have the doll because there weren't enough orders so the doll didn't get made ??

What confuses me the most about this is like I said, I'd seen the doll list repeatedly. I understand doing so is basically crowdfunding/ interest checking, but why did they keep removing it in the first place if it apparently wasn't getting enough funding ??

I was of course crestfallen & ready to kill myself. Especially after having the other doll get cancelled from two other sellers as well. But I decided to ask about the other dolls I'm currently looking for. They ended up giving me a super short answer, which kind of sounded like they were being a dick, but it's hard to tell because of the language barrier, I know it's easier to speak shortly to avoid miscommunication & I find speaking to people who don't have a firm grasp of English really don't understand what you're saying if your dialogue gets too complicated. But I definitely felt more distraught to just kinda get shut down.

Another seller had the doll listed on Ebay, which I had tried to see if I would get anything through them since it was still listed, but of course they cancelled as well saying there was no stock & it just kinda pissed me off because what is the point of having it listed if you don't have it ?? Like, clearly it's not a preorder on Ebay because they didn't give me an ETA, tell me it was a preorder or to wait, they cancelled the order like two days after the transaction ??

Though just the other day that seller I had originally ordered the doll from on Aliexpress messaged me saying they had the doll & were able to find one of the other dolls I was looking for. & it does appear they're buying them secondhand from someone else. They mentioned both dolls as originating from Japan & South Korea rather than China, which is interesting to me because like, where did you get the dolls ??

On a passing whim I started to wonder if there were maybe Facebook groups for the dolls. But really I've checked Pinterest, Tumblr, Twitter, Reddit, & Facebook for information about the dolls & in USA the groups seem to amount to about a hundred people, & again, outside of individuals who already had Weibo & Taobao accounts before the lockdown, it feels like my autism has me as the one with the most comprehensive knowledge in regards to the dolls.

I ended up joining a Facebook group, though it's not very active. I couldn't help but be like wow in all my life this is apparently the only community I had ever wanted to be part of. A group of adult women buying baby dolls of their anime husbands. I...

But I'm very interested because I happened to see a manufacturer asking for designs from the US audience. They offered making custom dolls & clothes for dropshipping or for single prints. I got really curious because there doesn't seem to be a flat rate price for the doll manufacture. Obviously I don't want to sell goods myself, but I understand larger quantities have a cheaper price, I'd presumed it was because the manufacturer might be taking a cut of the product for their own distribution. Rengoku dolls are so niche, I wouldn't want to make a doll for distribution, but since the dolls are still relatively new, I've complained before that I can't find the type of clothes I want & find their clothing options to be lacking. I started to wonder if I made designs for clothing, if the manufacturer liked the designs if it could be possible to be like here's my design & have them send me the product, but then turn around & do their own distribution of my design ? Like, if it could be taken as commission so I don't have to pay an arm & a leg for the printing of any given clothing design, to give them the rights to do whatever they wanted with the design & product going forward ?

Because like I said, I have no interest in making money off the distribution of dolls or clothing, I just want to be able to have the things that I want BUT I would actually be really happy if I was able to make doll clothes that other people liked & wanted. Another way of feeling like I was giving back to a community that I enjoyed being part of that brought me much excitement & happiness.

I am trying to get opinions really on whether or not people really think it's viable to pursue, but mostly I'm just getting ignored when I talk about it.

Like yeah I'm a designer, I design clothes for cute little guys !

But now I was able to see another potential up & coming short hair Rengoku doll that I think looks super cute, & I'm back to looking for the o mouth doll. I also saw one they're calling Mousejuro, which looks really cheap, but I do kinda be wanting him. As long as I'm not being overcharged for him. & then there's two thirty centimeter ones I think should be releasing that I'm interested in. But again, that damn tiger one is my grail. I preordered the bird one from Ebay despite the seller ignoring all my questions & another one was listed that I think is cat themed ? I did order the cat one but they only have the design posted & not an actual picture of a manufactured doll, so I'm not super sure how that one is going to look. Before I got blacklisted from looking at Weibo, I did see someone else was making a design for a tiger one, but we'll see.

At this point I need to get another doll shelf anyway & rearrange my whole room really, but I just don't have time with the baby now. I was hoping in the next few days, but yesterday I got stricken with that health concern again, again losing my fingers & tongue, taking me out of commission for an entire day.

I would say that I swear it's a product of a build up of issues; dehydration, not eating, allergy flare up, my period approaching so the hormones go out of whack, & previously I thought it was constipation, but I shit today around the same time so it might not have anything to do with constipation particularly but actually be more in association with digestion ??

But what happened was I pulled something in my back & shoulder almost a full week ago, give or take. I know what I did & when the pull happened, but not really why. I was looking at something on my phone & the action was so brief, but it had something to do with the way I was sitting on my bed, & I was not sitting in a remotely weird way on the surface, I truly had no reason to believe that sitting the way I was sitting was going to cause me a grave back injury. But in the brief moment I was looking at whatever on my phone, I basically felt the muscle in my back pull which ultimately damaged my left shoulder. The pain has been unbearable, making it really hard to sleep & forcing me to try to find ways to sleep that won't agitate my shoulder any further.

I'd asked my roommate to try to rub & massage it, gone over it with massage gun, been stretching every day, apply heating pad, hot salt bath, ibuprofen, apply muscle relaxing ointment. It finally started to feel better & like the pain was subsiding, but yesterday morning I woke up on my back to my neck immediately hurting. So I'm not sure if I twisted in my sleep & hurt my neck or if I pinched it in that exact moment & then immediately woke up ? But I think there was a pinched nerve. I immediately went over it lightly with the massage gun & then went downstairs to heat up heating pad. Basically as soon as I applied the heating pad was when I lost feeling to first my tongue & then my hands. This was accompanied by brain fog, that seriously felt like I blacked out watching something on TV. It felt like I fell asleep but I wasn't asleep. I couldn't hold my phone or type, I had trouble even just unlocking my phone.

After having the loss of sensation & numbness for maybe like fifteen or twenty minutes, it's like pulling a sheet off to reveal a headache. I got water to take ibuprofen for the pain in my neck, ended up taking a shit & eating, then the headache shifted to a nauseating migraine. So it's like, I am able to see multiple elements in common with this ailment. At this point I really don't think it is one thing but a product of everything happening all at once. I feel like I tend to get migraines around my period, but the difference might be during the onset of those migraines, maybe I don't have to shit & am fully hydrated & ate. So it's a weird thought. & honestly, I doubt doctors could figure it out. Even if what I said just now was the complete & total truth & ended up being the facts of the ailment, I doubt a doctor could figure that out or confirm it themselves.

My other matter is just feeling really genuinely upset that I guess my roommate had two stressful weeks at work. But because they're retarded, they're back to being addicted to Tiktok again. So every time I would see them they were just ignoring me to watch Tiktoks. So they refused to talk to me for two whole weeks. & they don't even realize it. So I had expressed being upset that they ignored me for two weeks & idk why but they just lit the absolute fuck into me over it.

It's frustrating because as someone who did have to go to DBT, as someone who is empathetic to others, I understand how to communicate in understanding & non aggressive & non confrontational ways, but they don't. They get overtired & start literally attacking me but they aren't even listening to either of us, but then hold me hostage so I can't leave or go anywhere. All the while it's more stressful to me if they are screaming now because I don't want them to wake up the baby because I don't want to listen to the baby scream when really I'm trying to go to bed.

It's frustrating because I can sit there ready & equipped to have an intelligent & beneficial conversation, I am ready to listen & consider how to make things better, but they have that thing where they make me a scapegoat for all their bad feelings & stress at work. They deadass make me out like some cartoon or comic book villain in my evil lair plotting how to make their life miserable & how to hurt them when deadass I'm taking care of a kitten & then just laying down when my kitten is sleeping. I don't have time for myself, wtf would I be doing in a movie villain secret lair plotting the downfall of the person who takes care of me ?? & this is my issue. I don't want to constantly be told how much I hate them & how everything I do is to harm them because I'm somehow out to get them when I'm not doing anything ?? They love to sit here & tell me how evil I am & how everything I do is so thoroughly calculated to make them as miserable as possible. Meanwhile the reality of the situation was the last time we had a real conversation about them feeling displaced I figured maybe it would be nice to hug them before work if I am around, so I been around every morning the past two weeks & they just ignore me & then turn around & say I'm a piece of shit for wanting to hug them ??

So I'm like damn I'm really out here trying to be considerate of you & trying to do things to be nice to you & you're literally shitting on everything I do & say, telling me that nothing I do is ever going to be good enough & they're like “Yeah !” & then try to say that the reason I'm mad at them is because I don't want to go across the street to buy myself pizza ?? Like, when did anyone even say that ??

They really thought they hit me with a checkmate by saying I'm not afraid to go outside because I will go to the post office for five dollars but I won't go across the street to get food & I'm like if I sold an item then I don't have a choice, I have to ship it but I don't have to eat. & they're like “oh, so now you're telling me you're anorexic ?” Like yeah, I've had clinical anorexia from severe starvation & childhood neglect since I was twelve, that's nearly twenty years now. It's got zero to do with body image but my brain does not flag eating as a necessary part of my existence ? Imagine living with someone for over ten years & knowing all this about them but still trying to say that as a “checkmate” ?

Like no dude, unlike you I'm not dependent on substances that make me an adult toddler incapable of reasoning or coherent thought, even in my brain fog & psychosis I'm still carrying an entire family & household.

I've rarely felt such vehement disgust.

Because I'm an immovable wall & they're so fucking desperate to hurt me, a person who is the product of consistent childhood abuse & neglect to reform me as someone who not only ignores my own emotions but is wildly incapable of physically showing a great emotional depth as it was flagged as inappropriate since childhood, you literally cannot get blood from a stone. They turned to their “ace in the hole,” to tell me they want me to get the fuck out of their house if I wasn't going to listen to them or talk to them. Mind you, this is a grown ass man of nearly thirty years old trying to kick me out of my house because I won't admit to my secret villain plot against him. Because I wont admit that I hate them when all the while I've been trying to consider how to make them feel more comforted & cared about, but as I said, nothing I did was good enough & they shit over all of it to my face. But then turned around & claimed the entire argument was about me refusing to get pizza when pizza was never part of the discussion at all ??

So I thought long & hard about what to say to them in that moment. Here I am, trying to meet you with intelligence & consideration, I am trying to meet you emotionally & understand where you're coming from, & this is what I am being met with on top of being held hostage & feeling extremely concerned about the baby being woken up.

I thought, I could get a job. I could pack everything & go to my mom's house & get a job to get an apartment. But I can't bring my cats. I thought in that moment would I just leave & restart my life again by myself all on my own ? I would have to abandon my entire family to a person who is incapable of caring for them, but with no job & no home, I wouldn't be able to care for them either. So I decided in that moment if it came to it, I would relinquish my entire family & just leave.

I said okay, I'll leave. It didn't feel good. I don't want to leave my house or my family, I don't want to live with my mom, I don't want to work, but if it means not getting terrorized for no fucking reason then yeah, I'll go I guess. I guess I wouldn't have a choice.

They thanked me & left, assuming I would go out & smoke a cigarette with them, but realistically I wanted to be as far away from them as possible, maybe never see them again.

& I think about what do they gain from any of this ? How can you say to someone that I think I could use a little bit more affection & attention & then when they try to give it to you, you tell them how worthless they are & tell them you want nothing to do with them & do nothing but antagonize & terrorize them for no reason ??

I thought about how bad I would like to rip my arm open or my leg, but I'd sat & waited to hear them leave so I could smoke & sure enough they fucking follow me to try to act like nothing happened & try to play it off like everything is okay. They're telling me they're not kicking me out & they don't want me to leave. Okay ? How do you think I feel ? & all of this was because I felt like I was being ignored because I was & I voiced that.

Now what ?

Now they keep sending me their stupid fucking memes & trying to buy me things. Why ?

I was willing to leave my entire family because I had Rengoku & I found a greater safety & solace in nothing than being near my roommate. Now it's just constantly receiving sexually harassing messages.

They are telling me they are in love with their coworker & asking me ways to woo their coworker. But idk. Do you really think any woman wants to interact with a racist, misogynist retard who is incapable of thought of cleaning up after themself ? She already has kids, I don't think she wants another one in a grown ass man who thinks rizz is sending women sexually harassing messages & screaming & crying because it's not gay history month, it's mens mental health awareness month !!

Sometimes I feel pity or sorrow. Sometimes I think surely all men can't be bad. But Rengoku is a man written by a women. I don't truly believe it's possible for a women to feel safe being near a person with a biological penis.

I am just full of such immense disgust. & what's the purpose ? To justify your lies to yourself when you insist I'm a hateful movie villain ? Meanwhile I'm actually a women who wants to be a reprieve to a strong, intelligent & thoughtful man (Rengoku) or women. It shows that I am capable of care & applying care is foremost to me. I don't get it.

I assume they like punishment & their desire for me is to play a character of an unattainable & nasty women. I assume they must be gaining more from my disgust & having me ignore them than any satisfaction they get from being around me or seeing me smile.

& getting drunk last night to tell me how fucking retarded I am for no reason whatsoever. But their coworkers & friends are so giddy & excitable to feed them all the alcohol in the world knowing full well they're just going to come home & aggress & terrorize me. But I also understand most men just cannot stand women & want all women to suffer because it's the funniest thing to them. To know a women is made uncomfortable in her own home, a women who doesn't do anything to anyone & is nothing but pleasant to others. It must be so funny to terrorize women.

[alwaysshallow]

single mom x price; PART 1; the beginnings

A/N: first piece with john; longer one, but here we are i guess?? it's supposed to be an oneshot/short piece, but i'm impatient<3

part 2 || part 3 || part 4

You want to kick something.

Preferably, someone. The employee that decided to put the cereal on the highest shelf in the grocery store might seem like a good idea. Or, maybe you should kick the entire company because they’re responsible for the placement? You don’t know how it works. Honestly, you don’t even want to know, all you want to do is kick. And scream. And silence your kid, tugging nervously at your dress that’s already a mess because you didn’t have time to iron it correctly.

A skill issue, someone would say. You’d say, the life of a single mother who doesn’t have a time for everything.

On days like these, you can’t help but look back at your mother’s words—about the necessity of having a man. Decent one, maybe not perfect, but decent. The kind of man that would go grocery shopping with or without you, who would play with his kid when you’re too tired to do that. Someone who would make you feel a bit safe in this whole mess that’s out there, someone who would listen to your rambles after your kid is asleep and you just want a bit of comfort.

Instead, you usually spend your evening over work or in front of TV, watching some romcoms with a glass of wine. Supposedly, they were supposed to help you, but in the end, they made you more sad.

A perfect husband would kick the company on his own for putting cereal this high, for his wife’s behalf. Decent one would just be there to grab that box for you.

You’d kill for anyone at a low point like this one, but you make no effort to go out of that protective shell. Scared of whatever could come at you and your kid, it’s wiser to just be alone. Safer, at least.

Irritation floods all over you; one more tug from your son and you swear to God that you’re gonna do something you’re gonna regret instantly. So, like it’s supposed to help, you curse under your breath, massaging your temples, as you think of a possible solution.

It’s balancing on losing your shit, but also thinking that it's hilarious that cereal is your enemy no.1 at this point. Your height isn’t really helping the case at any point, nor climbing the shelves because this damn thing is pushed to the back, so you’re not gonna get it nonetheless. You could pick up your son, so he’ll grab it, but he refuses to do it, even if he wants it. Desperately.

Maybe you’d actually ignore his plea, but he’s very loud about it, whining about how he hasn’t gotten anything in months. Doesn’t matter that you bought him something yesterday, he sees the time differently. The chocolate bunny, looking at you right from the cover of the box, probably thinks you’re pathetic. You think it too, but you’re anyway one step from serious war with him.

It’s hard to understand why your kid needs this. The cereal you just picked isn't really different in flavor; it just has a different package, less kid attracting. God forbid you’re gonna try to tell this to your son—he just wants that bunnies one and won’t stop complaining until you’re gonna get them. He bounces on your nerves, easily making this trip to shop a lesson for you, how to manage to keep calm, even if your kid is throwing a tantrum in a public space.

And you really want to end your shopping without causing a whole ass drama involving your kid and the owner of the grocery shop, like last time when—

“—need?”

Your head snaps in the direction of an unfamiliar voice. Great, you think. You finally got someone to watch the scene. A real human, not a chocolate bunny from the box.

You have to look up a little to face the man’s eyes—he’s significantly taller than you. Bigger, too, you quickly note. “Excuse me?”

“I asked which box do you need. Saw you got some problems here,“ he explains, a small smile on his lips. Kind. He probably didn’t see the earlier argument with your kid, or he decided not to judge you for that. Which, all in all, is good.

“Oh. I— the bunny one,” you choke out, embarrassed. It seems like the chocolate bunny defeated you completely, since a stranger has to help you. Hot stranger, you can’t help but think, when he reaches out for the box. His arms are even bigger right now, bent like that, making you wonder what he trains to look like a man straight out of a movie.

When he hands you cereal, you almost forget to say something, too busy looking into his eyes. Blue, warm like a sea in the middle of the summer, when the water is perfect to lose yourself in. “Thanks. Fought with it too long, I assume? Sorry for the trouble.”

“Not a problem,” he says, warmly. Everything about him seems warm—his gaze, casually switching between you and your son, now hiding behind you, cautious. You almost want to apologize for it, but you know you taught him well with this. He didn’t see this man before, he needs to know him before he’s gonna get comfortable. “Neighbors have to help each other, am I right?”

“Neighbor?” you ask; maybe too shocked, maybe too quickly because he’s raising an eyebrow, and you suddenly have panic crippling in you. Have you been rude? It’s not a great way to start a relationship with your neighbor. “I’m so rude. I’m sorry, I just—”

“—No need for sorry. Haven’t been around for long to remember me,” he chuckles, easing your nerves with his attitude. “John Price,” he says. His eyes crinkle in the corners, when his smile widens, welcoming, like he knows what you’re feeling deep down. “Your neighbor.”

When you’re introducing you and your son, a small family, something clicks in your mind and your eyes widen a little at a realization.

You know him. Of course you do, it's almost impossible not to, in a small neighborhood like yours, but in the first moment, you couldn’t just put him anywhere, too caught up with other stuff, present stuff.

Well, maybe you don’t exactly know-know him, but you’ve heard of him. Multiple times.

John is the newest member of the town, and at the same time, the most interesting one for everyone. Not like it’s something strange. Everyone is curious about new people, their stories, what exactly brought them here—a place mostly known for tourists, nothing else. There’s literally nothing interesting about your town off-season (winter, in this case) and he’s here in spring. Dead time.

The only knowledge you have about him is from town gossip. Climate is different around here; everyone knows everyone, their secrets, who’s friends with whom, it’s literally impossible to keep something to yourself. Everything spreads so fast, there’s no need for the internet or daily newspaper to know what is happening; either in the country, or just here, in town.

You just need to go to the grocery store.

It wasn’t surprising when a month ago, he was on everyone’s lips. Why he’s here, if he has a wife, maybe a kid. There were plenty of people interested in his status, sharpening their teeth on a potential bachelor to snatch from everyone. Fresh meat, as Samantha (one of the cashiers in the grocery store) said.

People didn’t know shit since he wasn’t really around, nor attended the community meeting, so he still is a main topic here, your town. Maybe that’s the part of the reason why you forgot about him—you want to stay out of the spotlight. You just want your life to be calm, unproblematic. It’s enough that you’re the main topic around mothers, as you’re a single one and they constantly are trying to get you with someone on a date.

Talking to them that you don’t need one to be happy is like talking to a wall. Nothing will come through, no matter how hard you try.

“Really nice to meet you, John.” You smile, glancing at your kid, waving right now to Price; man waves back and your kid seems satisfied with that, as he no longer hides behind you, but looks at him with more and more curiosity. “Thanks again for the help. Take care,” you say, as you take a few steps forward, ready to quit the conversation with him.

"You know about this… meeting? Apparently the whole neighborhood is supposed to be here." You hear him, loud and clear.

"Some basic stuff. You know, what is needed in our town, if there's trouble with something, what’s coming up. Nothing too fancy.” You shrug. You've attended too many of them to treat them more seriously; mostly, it’s a place to gossip about things. “Just don’t sit next to Reina and you’ll be good.”

He raises an eyebrow, presumably confused. It’s funny to watch, since he doesn’t know the neighborhood like you do. Doesn’t know the details of this town, and who to avoid, who is a good friend. It’s all calculations for you at this point; you’re definitely willing to share. “Reina?”

“Older lady,” you explain. “She always wears big hats, dresses like she’s about to attend a ball or something. She’s not gonna let you live.”

“Not gonna let me live?”

“You’re new. Simple as that, fresh meat out here to anyone. They’re hooked.” Words flow out of your mouth before you think about them; you know you’re fucked when John smirks with corner of his lips.

“Appreciate the honesty.” You glance up at him, seeing how he grins, widely. “Are you, though?”

“I am,” you mutter to yourself; automatically. You do not acknowledge the fact that he might hear this.

The moment he looks at you with a glint in his eyes, you know that he heard this one. A breathy laugh escapes your mouth, supposed to help your situation, draw his attention off your words. A false hope, though. “You’ll get used to this fame. Anyway. It was nice to meet you, John.”

“If you’re hooked maybe we’ll grab a coffee sometime, then?” he raises his voice, probably for you to hear him better from a distance.

You start walking faster. “Sometime!” you respond in the same tone—you know that sometime is gonna be hard to coordinate, but he does not need to know that.

On your way back home, it’s impossible to not look in the direction of John’s house. You give it a better glance when you’re outside, trying to get all of your groceries in one go, when your kid plays inside with his toys.

It’s hard to imagine a better house for him. Wooden, not typical for your neighborhood—more for cabins far, far in the forest—but somehow it fits here. There’s not a lot going on outside; right next to the door there’s a simple rocking chair, but that’s it.

Somehow, it fits him. Simplicity, efficiency; he doesn’t look like a guy that would own something that he wouldn’t use. You’re more curious what it’s like inside, since from a simple conversation with him, you have a feeling it would give you more information about his character; you bet it’s furnished cozy. Leathered couch in the living room, armchair, maybe a few rugs there and there, everything he needs.

Houses are always the epitome of an owner's personality.

What is even more interesting; why this one. It’s big enough for one family, but for one man? Enormous, he has to feel lonely here—if he is lonely, by any means. You wonder what he has in here, or what has gotten into him to buy this exact house, since there’s a lot of smaller ones in this town.

Not like you’re gonna ask him that, but you’d like to know. Out of a simple curiosity, why this one.

After the encounter in the grocery store, you see him around more than you did before; unconsciously, you kind of start looking for John Price, even if you see it as him being “everywhere”. Your eyes linger around his house more, you pay attention to your surroundings. Talks with your neighbors aren’t the same either, considering now you listen to them more, even if they gossip—maybe especially when they are, though. Their opinions, observations, allows you to see more before you’ll reach out.

Eventually. Because you’re still not really convinced if you should do it, though.

You learn from Janice that he’s the perfect neighbor type, always helpful if you need him—the other day, he helped an older lady with her doorstep, repairing it immediately. Spent half of his day on his knees, toolbox right next to him and didn’t even want anything in return too, which your friend emphasized several times in the conversation.

You pretend not to notice the urgent look in her eyes. She’s always trying to get you with someone, while you don’t need it.

Or, you are just straight up lying about it; you’re not sure yourself.

[carladuquette]

Midnights in October

This is not a ghost story. It's a story about friendship, and about regrets. // Lu-Carla friendship fic (aka my “what if Elite had supernatural elements” experiment)

"Thank god you're back!" It's the dominating thought in her head, but Lu still doesn't want to let Carla off the hook just yet. As she's struggling to get out from under the comforter, she bombards her friend with questions. "Why didn't you answer any of my texts? Or anyone else's? Didn't you see Yeray on TV? He is losing his mind! Seriously, where were you? What… How…"

The other girl has the audacity to sound impatient. "Will you let me explain? This isn't-"

"You know what, I don't really care." It's the truth. Answers can wait. Lu is so exhilarated she feels high. Rebeka was wrong and Val was right. Everything will be fine. "Shut up and come here." She finally makes it out of her tangled sheets and tries to hug Carla.

"No!" Her best friend jumps off the bed and looks around until her glance settles on Lu's hairbrush on the dresser. "Here, look at his."

"What the hell are you doing?" Lu's patience is waning pretty fucking quickly now, too. "Yes, I'm paying attention, alright? But honestly -"

The words die on her tongue when she sees Carla's hand go right through the brush, unable to pick it up. "What… what the fuck?"

"That's what I've been trying to say, if you would just listen…"

"This is a dream. It's not real." Lu's heart drops at the realization. "You're not actually here."

Carla sounds pissed. "Ok, that's pretty rude, I hope you know that."

It cannot be real, she knows that, but Dream Carla sounds remarkably like Real Carla. Lu squeezes her eyes shut and crawls back under the covers. All the talk tonight made this happen. Her subconscious is playing a cruel trick on her.

She pulls the comforter up to her chin. No way in hell is she still going to get that sweater now. Ignoring the voice that sounds like Carla's and keeps calling her name isn't easy, but eventually Lu manages and drifts back into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning Guzman pops his head in to tell her he's going to class, that he left her a spare key on the kitchen counter and that she should come downtown to meet him later. Lu makes what she hopes is a confirming noise. As soon as the bedroom door closes, she turns around and groans. Guzman couldn't have put that info on a note?

When Lu remembers her dream, she shakes her head. Definitely no wine for her tonight. She grabs her phone to check whether anyone has posted news about Carla to their group chat when she hears a voice right next to her sounding slightly impatient.

"Uh, good morning, bitch."

"Fuck!" Lu jumps and throws her phone across the bed. "Nope, this is not happening," she loudly tells herself. Maybe the more self-assured she sounds, the sooner this will be over. "I just have to wake up. Wake up!"

Her breathing picks up and she's covering her face with her hands as she's trying to snap out of whatever the hell this is, but the effort is derailed by Carla's voice.

"No, it's ok! I'm really here! I mean… I guess, kind of… You're not dreaming, is what I'm saying."

This has to be the wine from last night. If she just takes three more deep breaths, Lu is confident she can get over this hallucinating bullshit. But the hallucination is pretty damn persistent.

"Lu? Lu, can you please look at me?"

A wisp of ice-cold air ghosts over Lu's wrists as if to pull her hands away from her face and yeah, ok - Lu lets out a hysteric giggle - 'ghosts over,' that's actually a funny way to put it, unless… She takes one more deep breath, then opens her eyes and looks to her left.

Carla is still there, looking just like she did in Lu's dream from last night. Same cream-colored, off-the-shoulder sweater, hair in the same lose waves.

All Lu can do is stare. Carla raises her eyebrows and does a little wave with her hand. "Hi."

[thebadchoicemachine]

Jon and Martin ♥️ (and The Ceaseless Watcher)

[pineapplestanacc]

common cold.

masterlist

pairing: steve harrington x reader (they/them pronouns used!!!)

summary: steve takes care of reader when she gets sick, but has a small issue along the way.

warnings: common cold, coughing, fevers, accidental hand burning, eating, cursing, please tell me if i missed anything!!!

word count: 1k

not proofread!

Steve told them to put a jacket on. In fact, he even brought a jacket in case they changed their mind. However, they didn't change their mind, and the Hawkins cold got to (Y/N). They regret not listening to Steve beforehand because, maybe if they had, they wouldn’t be stuck in bed with a blanket one minute and without the next.

Being sick was just disgusting. Feeling like shit, looking shit, it was a nightmare. Not to mention the mountains of tissue in the surrounding area all because it was just too bothersome to get up. And the fever and chills were two of the worst parts. The constant on and off again, will-they-won't-they with a cozy blanket could rival that of a cheesy romantic movie. It was sickening in the worst way possible. 

However, Steve made things better. Obviously, he couldn’t cure every illness ever with the snap of his fingers, but he did make things more enjoyable and bearable. He didn’t care about getting sick (which he was very much advised to care and stay away for just a week, if that.) And, he was willing to do anything, even if (Y/N) insisted that it wasn't necessary. 

“Please, Steve,” their voice was coarse, presumably from all the coughing done in the past 2 days. “Just,” a terrible, mucus filled cough interrupted, “want to do something. Not even that sick anymore.” (Y/N) could barely even keep their eyes open. They weren’t even tired, but it was just too much effort to keep eyelids that felt like they weighed 100 pounds open.

Steve grabbed the thermometer off of the bedside table and gently placed it below their tongue, paying close attention to where the red liquid went up to. “Sure, you aren’t that sick with a fever of 102. I can put in a movie for you if you really want something to do.” They responded to the high fever with a groan. They just wanted to be better already. Steve was very cautious when anyone was sick, but, when it was (Y/N), everything was amplified by a factor of 10. He barely even wanted them getting up on their own, afraid they may fall and hurt themselves. It was sweet really, But, to them, it got annoying quickly since they couldn’t do anything. “Are you hungry? It’s getting late.”

“Kind of. But, I can get something myself.” (Y/N) tried to get up, but not only were they too tired, but Steve was already moving to the kitchen.

“Absolutely not. You can barely sit up; there’s no way I'm letting you go to the kitchen!” Steve was a terrible cook. He could probably explode a microwave without even trying if he used it more often, so, as soon as Steve couldn’t see them, they began attempting to get up just to help.

In the kitchen, Steve had already taken out a can of chicken noodle soup, beginning to heat it up on the stove. He knew he wasn’t at the professional chef level of cooking, but what could go wrong simply heating up soup. He couldn’t think of anything, at least. 

Soon enough, the soup was ready, and grabbed the pot to pour it into a bowl. The only issue was that Steve could not pour very well, and, while most of the soup did end up in the bowl, some of the scalding hot soup ended up on Steve’s hand. 

"Fuck!" (Y/N) heard from the kitchen. They were now just at the edge of the bed, struggling to even get there. However, the moment Steve yelled out what sounded painfully, they began making their way to the kitchen as fast as possible, which still was not very fast. They were still aching and sore everywhere, but at least they were able to get up to see if Steve was okay and move just a bit.

“Steve are you oh…What happened?” Sitting on a stepladder, Steve was bandaging his left hand with a kitchen towel.

“I made chicken noodle soup?” Steve smiled, looking away from his hand. “You need to get back in bed. I don't want you to get hurt.”

“I promise you, I won’t get hurt. It’s not like I can’t walk; it’s just achy.”

“Fine, at least take your soup with you. I’ll be there in a minute.”

And just a few minutes later, Steve was laying next to (Y/N), ice pack on one hand, and spoon in the other. Fast Times, which they had put on, was playing in the background. They knew Steve loved the movie, and it was by no means the worst movie of all time. 

After they had both finished their soup, bowls stacked on the bedside table, Steve cuddled closer to (Y/N).

“Steve, you’ll catch my germs. You can’t get sick too.” They brought their shoulder up in an attempt to block Steve.

“You act like us even being in the same bed isn’t giving me all your nasty cold germs.”

“Stop making good points. I don’t like when you do that.” They brought their shoulder down, and reached their hand out to hold Steve’s homemade-bandage wrapped hand. If they brought their hand up just a little further, they could feel how soft Steve’s skin was, which was almost unusually soft.

Steve snatched his bandaged hand away from (Y/N). “Don’t want you catching a cold and a burn, babe.”

“Steve, you can’t catch a burn from someone else’s already burnt hand.” They laughed through the sentence. “Even if you could, I think your hand is thoroughly protected enough.”

“Oh, in that case, hold away!” He extended his hand back out, which (Y/N) gladly held close to them as Fast Times played, rubbing their thumb along the fuzziness of the towel and the softness of Steve’s skin.

“And Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Please never make chicken noodle soup again.”

“I can promise not to burn my hand again, but no promises on the soup.”

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Makeup [S.B]

Sirius Black x plus size!reader

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a toxic relationship history and a bit of insecurity because of it.

A/N: I did a questionnaire a few days ago to see what kind of reader you would like me to do. This is the first one I do base on that questionnaire and I want to say the following:

The only reason the reader is specified as "plus size!reader" is that if there is someone who fits this description, feel comfortable.

You will never see something like "her FAT body" NO, NEVER

Much less that the One shot revolves around their weight (neither nationality, nor gender identity, nor sexuality nor all the things that they put in that questionnaire). I only write about NORMAL people in normal situations. All bodies are beautiful, we are all beautiful.

So, if you are a plus size person, welcome. If you are not, you can also read it without feeling left out in any way.

I really hope that you feel comfortable with everything I write and that you know that I seek to be as inclusive as possible. Without more to say, thanks for taking the time to read my stuff. Tell me your opinion, if you want!💕

You looked in the mirror one last time.

Sirius, the boy of your dreams, had asked you out on a date and you wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

You had met him because you both lived on the same floor of the condo block and it was inevitable to bump into him from time to time. It wasn't the best place to live, it was small and a little dirty, but it was the only thing you could afford and the fastest you could find after that happened.

You liked the way Sirius smelled because when he crossed the corridors, you could perceive a mixture of leather (you supposed it was due to all the clothes he used of this material) and an elegant cologne that drove you crazy.

At first, it scared you a little to see him with that piercing in his eyebrow and his multiple tattoos, but later you realized that he was really nobody to be afraid of, on the contrary, he turned out to be a very tender and sweet boy.

The first time you spoke to him it was because you were struggling to open your door while carrying boxes and bags that you had brought from the supermarket. The boy noticed you were having trouble and walked up to you to offer his help, so (still a bit wary) you said yes.

Once he held your purchases, you could open the lock, but when you turned around, you noticed that Sirius was secretly looking at the contents of your bags and when he realized that you had caught him, he blushed.

"Sorry I'm a little gossipy," he said shyly "I'm Sirius"

"I thought you were a gossip"

"No, my name is Sirius" he laughed and it was your turn to blush.

"Oh, sorry"

"Okay, anyone can get confused" he murmured with his charming smile, handing you what he was holding in his hands "I live in the 512" he informed you. Of course, you knew he lived in that apartment; you had seen him come into its thousands of times "In case you need anything. You know, some plumbing or things that have to do with tools and that shit of men" he murmured kindly. You frowned a little and then he quickly added "I mean, it's not that girls can't do that and it's okay if you know how to do those things, you seem like a smart and capable person. It's just that sometimes it's tedious and requires strength... and it's not that you don't have strength, I mean...” Sirius couldn't continue because he heard you giggle and then realized he was looking like an idiot “Just call me if you need anything and if you want to do it, yes?” he explained to you and you nodded with a smile.

"Thanks for offering your help Sirius" you replied, looking at him over your bags.

"You’re welcome, miss..."

"Y/N" you completed. He smiled and wrapped a dark curl around his finger that fell unruly from his ponytail.

"I'll see you later then, Y/N. It was nice to greet you" he said by way of farewell and you nodded to respond.

You haven't felt like this with any guy since you met your dear (sarcasm) ex-boyfriend. The insecurities that he had created in you kept you from thinking about having something else later and you honestly didn't feel ready to have your heart broken again.

But Sirius continued to be kind to you. Whenever he looked at you, he made an effort to have a topic of conversation, even if you were not so eloquent, and little by little, he was gaining your trust and your affection. As the weeks went by, you became good friends who chatted in the elevator or occasionally (when you weren't late for work) went downstairs just to share a little more time.

Until one day Sirius showed up at your door with his clothes stained with something that looked like paint, his hair tied up in a messy way and smelling of burned food. He was so beautiful in his own way and you were so afraid of falling in love with him because you knew beforehand that having something else would be impossible.

After all, no boy would ever love you. It was something that your ex-boyfriend had commissioned to get very well into your head.

"Go out?" you asked a little confused after he asked you. You didn't want to misunderstand things.

"Yes! We could go wherever you want. For ice cream, to dinner, to a park, to the cinema... I don't know, wherever you can think of”

"Why?" was the first thing that occurred to you to ask. Now it was Sirius' turn to look confused.

"Well, I thought it would be an opportunity to meet and... spend more time together" he explained and although you had understood the idea it seemed impossible to think that the boy had any kind of interest in you "But it's fine if you don't want to, I don't pretend be upset"

"I'd love to," you rushed to say, fearful that the opportunity would slip through your grasp. You saw him smile and after exchanging a few more words he left with a smile that you couldn't see, but that was pure joy.

Finally, the day of "go out" arrived and you were about to tell him that you could not go. You were nervous, more than nervous you were anxious about what could happen or what he could say about you.

You had searched your entire wardrobe for something decent to wear and after pulling and removing and taking out the clothes and trying them on, none of them convinced you. You looked in the mirror and didn't feel like it was enough of an outfit to date a man as handsome as him. In the first place, you did not even know why he had chosen to go out with you, because, although you considered yourself a nice person, you could not boast of being the most interesting.

Don't think about it, don't think about it, you kept repeating yourself as you continued to get ready and looked at the wall clock waiting for the time for Sirius to knock on your apartment.

Once you were with your outfit ready, you looked yourself up and down and although he did not completely convince you, you decided to tell yourself that you looked beautiful. Still a little nervous you looked at the makeup bag that was under some things on your dressing table. You hadn't put on makeup for years, because you were still scared to hear the comments in your head with that horrible voice.

You look like a whore.

You shook your head to ward off all the negativity and taking a breath you plucked up the courage to open the zippers and remove the beautiful makeup that you had abandoned. When you were finishing and without giving a chance to regret there was a knock on the door that took you by surprise. You went out and found Sirius wearing a striped t-shirt and ripped jeans that reminded you of that blond singer... Kurt was his name?

"Wow" you heard him say and he caught you staring at him adoringly. But you noticed that he looked at you the same "You are beautiful" he said with a smile. You frowned, again a little afraid that he was lying, but you tried again to push away those ideas of self-sabotage and smiled widely.

"I'm glad you like it. You look very handsome, you look like...”

"A rock star? I know” he said winking at you and managing to make you laugh “It's a joke, thanks for the compliment, sweetie” he replied, with his pretty smile of sealed lips. Just when you were smiling at him you watched him pay special attention to your makeup and put on a face that completely terrified you, taking all your confidence.

"Something wrong?"

"Your makeup" he pronounced. You felt your heart squeeze a little.

"You do not like? I can go take it off if you find it ugly or something like that…”

"Ugly?" he asked offended "No! It’s beautiful, but I feel like it lacks a touch. You know, the cherry on the cake that stands out in your eyes” he explained. You looked at him confused for the third time and he snapped his fingers as if the answer had suddenly come to his head "Eyeliner"

"Eyeliner?"

"Of course! Don't you like to use it? " he said kindly, turning his head to the side. You denied.

"I never learned how to do it" you lied. There was a bit of truth to it, but it also had a lot to do with the fact that he kept repeating that you looked vulgar with the eyeliner.

“I'm good at it! Come with me,” he murmured. He took your hand carefully and dragged you gently through the hall until they reached his apartment. You were a nervous wreck when he invited you to join him. "Sorry about the mess, I'm really the most distracted person on the planet and I forget to arrange things," he said with an embarrassed smile. You looked at some vinyl lying around, clothes, food packages, paintings, a guitar. There was a certain peace and beauty within all that mess, completely reflecting the boy who was desperately searching for his favorite eyeliner.

"Come," he asked once he left his room. You sat in a red leather chair he had and he leaned in your direction, very close to your face "Raise your head and look slightly down" he asked you and you listened. He took you by the chin with one hand and you saw him stick his tongue out just a little bit (as a sign of his concentration) while drawing on your eyelids. When he indicated that he had finished you saw him smile from ear to ear, which you imitated when he saw yourself in a mirror.

"Wow..." you whispered. Years ago, you loved putting on makeup and especially eyeliner, so seeing you again like that you were surprised. Besides, he was right, his hand was excellent at it.

"Now it's perfect, right?" he said excitedly. Perfect, that's how Sirius described what was in front of his eyes.

"Yeah... it looks much better" you admitted shyly. You couldn't believe that Sirius could make you feel so comfortable and calm, as well as help you maintain your confidence in yourself.

"I just hope I don't meet jealous guys for not having someone so pretty accompanying them," he said flirtatiously, making you laugh because of your nerves and making you blush "Shall we go?" he asked smiling and extending a hand to help you up.

You looked at him, still amazed to have found someone like that in your life, and took his hand with a smile.

Who would say that sometimes love stories begin like this?

TAG LIST: @aleksanderblack @voidamy @blackst0nes7077 @bruxa0007 @fictionalcharactersworld @falcvns @iwritesiriusly @navs-bhat @aleksanderwh0r3 @myalupinblack @bohologyc @ itzzzcookie @sexysirius

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[twjournals]

The Right Place

This is the third and final part of the trilogy. I can not thank you enough for the endless support. I did not expect to even turn this into a three-parter, but you asked and you shall receive. You guys are amazing!

So Wrong It's Right

What's Wrong is Right

Warning: dark!Peter Parker x reader, dub-con, all characters are of age, pregnancy, abuse, mild non-con touching, violence

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You're an old troubled friend of May's. Your life consists of being a workaholic, a party animal, and bringing home the shittest of guys for a one-hit-wonder. Just when you get your life in order, you're knocked right back into your old habits. Peter has watched you suffer long enough. He can make it all better.

Taglist: @discoverwhattheworldhastooffer

Your world was in shambles and any move you made to try and fix it only seemed to make what was left crumble. You did not speak with anyone since you had found out you were pregnant, not even May. You did not know what you could even say to her or how you could explain what was going on. You knew she would find out sooner or later, but you had planned on later. You could not even stomach the thought of telling her. It would not be easy and you knew you would probably lose her friendship in the process.

You avoided Peter as much as you could. He always messaged to check up on you, but you would never reply. You were disappointed in yourself. If you had just been the biggest person and moved on, if you had not have gotten drunk, you would not be in this situation right now.

Peter never gave up on you. He had hoped you would come around. That you would understand why your life was going in the direction it was. You needed to get away from the toxicity you surrounded with, especially Chris. You were meant for bigger and better things. You were meant to be more than a housewife. You were to be a mother, a lover, a soulmate. You deserved the world and he wanted so bad to give you it plus more.

You continued to shut him out though. You did not answer his phone calls or his text messages no matter how many times he tried. He sat outside on your fire escape many nights, listening to you crying yourself to sleep. It broke his heart to see you in this situation, but he wishes you would look on the bright side of things. Maybe it was not the greatest timing to have a baby, but it didn't mean your lives were ruined. Sometimes what we want is not always what we need. Sometimes change is required for what we need in our life and you weren't necessarily open to it.

He honestly had tried to give you your space. He stuck to the rooftop above you where you could not see him when you would finally leave the house for work. You always looked so beautiful to him, even if he knew you had been crying all night. If you would just answer his messages, he would not have to go this far.

Peter watched you many mornings on your way to work. He followed your bus all the way to the place he prayed you would never go. He kneeled on top of the building, watching as you stared sadly at the front doors of the clinic. He wished you would turn around. To save him from having to web you down before you got in the building. You were picking at your sweater. No matter the number of times you found yourself standing outside the clinic, you never could bring yourself to even reach for the door.

You were at war with yourself. Peter could tell you fought against the changes, but your heart could not bring you to stop them from happening despite how unhappy you were. It always ended with a sigh and with you proceeding to walk the rest of the way to work. Peter seemed to hold his breath until you walked away.

Work was always a drag now. You had nothing to look forward to anymore but everything in the world to worry about. You stared at your phone as it lay against the computer screen. You rubbed your face tiredly.

You knew it was time to let go of your past. You sighed deeply, taking your phone in your hands and clicking on Chris's old messages. You began typing.

Are you able to come by later?

You noticed he read your message right away. You sat your phone down, still staring at the screen when he responded back.

Of course. Just tell me when, and I’ll be there.

You told him you would message him once you got home. You were sure what time you would get off when it came to your job. You wrote a company and spent the hours necessary to do what you needed to do.

By the time your workday had finally ended, you were having mixed feelings about inviting him over. Being pregnant did not help your feelings from being all over the place. Your thumbs hovered over the keypad on your screen. You were hesitant. Even if he had said he respected whatever you decided, you knew he could not entirely mean that. You quickly typed out that you were home and hit send before you could give yourself time to think almost about it. Maybe you should have thought about it a little longer.

Peter was stuck at school for one of his night classes. He dreaded his night classes now more than ever considering your condition. He had already skipping enough classes due to worrying so much about you. He could not afford to flunk out of school now after all the time and effort he had dedicated already. As much as he wanted to keep an eye on you, he tried to give you room to breathe, to think, and process.

You pushed his bags in the living room by the door, straightening your sweater to keep it off of your stomach. You were not big to others, but to you, you worried if people can tell. You did not want to chance it and certainly not with Chris. You wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.

Your heart almost leaped from your chest at the knock on your door. You slid the chain from the lock and pulled the door open to see his face light up as soon as he saw you.

"Hey there, beautiful."

"Hi." You leaned against the door slightly as you moved out of the way for him to enter.

"I'm so glad you're giving this a second-" He stepped into the apartment, noticing bags of his belongings to the side of him and he grew quiet. "You're not giving me a second chance." He pointed out and you frowned slightly, still standing by the door.

"I think it is what's best for the both of us." Your voice was quiet and calm, but in your mind, it was the hardest thing possible for you to say.

"Is it?" His voice seemed bitter and you looked down at your feet, nodding slowly. Even without looking at him, you could still feel his eyes on you. He turned to face you fully and you hesitated to make eye contact with him.

"It is. I still want the best for you."

"Do you not believe I can change? I don't understand. What can I do to change your mind?" He pressed.

"Please don't think I haven't given this a lot of thought. It consumes my mind to no end. I just need to focus on myself right now."

"Imagine that." It was silent in the room and you glanced at him, only to find him shaking his head with a snicker. "It's not what's best for the both of us. Not for me. This is what's best for you. Can't imagine how I even thought you could be anything but selfish."

"Chris, I just want to keep this civil."

"Good for you." He pulls the door from your grasp and slamming it shut, startling you. "That's all you've ever been, hm? You're gonna have to lose that mindset if you plan on marrying me."

"I don't-"

"You will." He corrected, moving so close you could feel his breath across your face. "I put too much time into this for you to walk away from me."

You swallowed hard. The man who stared back at you was far from familiar. You tried to step around him but he only pushed you back into your place between him and the wall.

"Goddamn it, just get your stuff and go!" You raised your voice and he slapped his hand hard across your cheek. It was strong enough to make you see stars in your eyes. You yelped at the impact and held your cheek as it stung in pain.

"You watch your fucking tone." He stared down at you. He had never hit you before in the years you had been together. He never raised a hand to you, but then again, he never raised one for you either.

You could not imagine how much worse this would get. You left sick to your stomach when he grabbed your chin, tilting your head upright to look at him, stroking his fingers across your stinging cheek as his eyes flickered over your face in thought.

"Truth to be told, I think it's you who needs to change. I put up with so much from you. You had me in the beginning. Thought I was getting this wild, sex-crazed wife, oh, the fun we use to have. The drunken nights." He stiffed a laugh as he let his free hand grab the end of your sweater. "You really had me fooled, didn't you sweetheart?"

You were scared to move. Scared that one wrong move and he would hit you again, maybe worse. You closed your eyes, hoping Peter would answer your prayers. You regretted how much you ever took advantage of his kindness. How long you acted like you never noticed. You had always noticed. You felt his hand push underneath your shirt, and his gaze grazed over your stomach.

You noticed the way his hand froze against the small curve of your rounded stomach and he instantly lifted your shirt to see the problem. Your vision was blurred from your tears as he stared at your stomach with wide eyes. You could tell he was getting pissed.

"Really looks like you've been focusing on yourself." He lets your sweater fall back down over your stomach. His grip was still firm on your jaw, giving you no choice but to look at him. "You have some nerve to leave me. I could bet money it's Parker's. It is, isn't it?"

You could not bring yourself to admit it, but you did not have to.

He shoved your face from his hand, causing you to hit your head hard against the wall as he let you go. "You fucking make me sick."

You tried to keep your sobs quiet, listening to his footsteps moving away from you, listening to him jerking his bags up. "Better it's his problem and not mine." He muttered before slamming the door shut behind him.

You pulled your knees to your chest as you sat up against the wall with a sob. You didn't realize how much you needed Peter until now. You were sure he would have been successful if Peter had not have stopped. You hugged your knees as you tried to catch your breath in an attempt to calm yourself down.

After a moment, you took a deep breath as you pushed yourself to your feet. You let out a whimper quiet, feeling mild cramps in your lower stomach. You frowned as you turned the lock to the door, pressing your forehead against it as you held your stomach from the pain. It only seemed to worsen the longer you stood there. You weren't sure what was going on, but you had a feeling whatever it was, it was not good. You stood like that hoping the cramps would ease, but they never did.

It was close to the end of class when Peter's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out of his phone slightly to see who it was. He glanced up at the professor who had still proceeded with his lecture and Peter lowered his head to answer. He knew something had to be wrong if you were calling him after all this time of avoiding him.

"Y/n? Is everything okay?"

"I think something is wrong." You whimpered quietly and he raises an eyebrow slightly.

"What do you mean "wrong"? Is the baby okay?" He looked up at the teacher who was making eye contact with him now as he talked.

"I don't know." You answered honestly.

That was all it took to get Peter moving. He grabbed his books off of his desk and tossed them in his bag while he scrambled from the classroom.

"It hurts." You rubbed your lower stomach like you always did when you had cramps before. Cramps were normal, but with being pregnant, you could never be too sure what they really meant.

"I know, love. I'm so sorry. Hang tight. I'm on my way." He reassured you as he sprinted out of the building.

---

You lay back on the hospital bed, sighing as Peter ran his hand over your bump in gentle circles. For once, you let him. Your cramps had surprisingly lessened since Peter had shown up, but he did not want to take any chances. It was better to be safe than sorry. He was so worried about you and the baby.

Nurses had been in and out of the room, doing blood work, swabbing, anything necessary to get to the bottom of this. Peter was quiet as he sat on the side of the hospital bed, focused on the massage he was giving your stomach. This was the first time he had touched you since the night you found out you were pregnant.

You could not help back to smile slightly to yourself as his long gentle fingers worked over your skin. He must have sensed your stare because it was not long before his eyes glancing up to meet your stare.

He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Is this okay? I'm not making it worse, am I?"

You shook your head. "It's fine. I'm just watching."

He smiled at you while he continued his massage to your tummy. His eyes looked toward the door when a nurse came in, rolling some equipment over to the bedside.

"Miss. Y/l/n, your lab work should not be much longer. If you do not mind, I would like to do an ultrasound to check on the baby. Is that okay with you?"

You nodded and Peter took his hands back to let her work. She rolled over a chair, taking some gel and squirting some across your lower stomach. The nurse rolled the transducer over the gel and smearing it in as she applied some pleasure in search of a heartbeat. You watched her roam your stomach, biting your bottom lip. Your eyes widened slightly when the sound of the baby's beating heart filled the room. Once the nurse got a clear view, she turned the screen to show you and Peter what she was seeing.

You looked over at the monitor, your heart fluttered slightly at the first sight of your baby. That was your baby, even if it was only a little bean now. You could not stop the smile from forming on your lips. This little bean was life was growing inside of you. This brought a whole new light to your pregnancy. It was like a light had switched on. You did not know how to explain the overwhelming feeling. It felt more real after seeing him or her.

Peter was just as taken back as you. His grin never faded at the sight of your baby. It only made him 10x more eager to be a dad.

"Look at that. Already looks like me." Peter teased and you giggled, considering he or she was not much more than a heartbeat at the moment.

"I can definitely see it." You grinned as Peter rest his hand over yours, sliding his fingers between yours. He brought your hand to his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of it. You watched him kiss your hand and shivered slightly. You did not know what to think of everything at this point.

The nurse checked the baby's heartbeat before turning to the computer behind her and check your lab results with a quiet hum as she scrolled through your charts.

"Well, it seems like everything is just fine. Your baby is certainly healthy and has one of the strongest heartbeats I have ever heard." You looked over at Peter and he only grinned. You could thank Peter for that and all of his spidey senses.

"Your blood pressure was pretty high though and considering your history, your blood pressure has always been perfect. Have you been stressed out lately?" She looked back at you and you nodded slightly.

You were ashamed at how stressed you had let yourself get. "Well, I won't ask for details but if it is anything I can help you with, I would be happy to help. If not, I would stay to keep the stress to a minimum. Your baby does feel anything you feel, so some things can be too much and really take a toll on them." She explained. "Think of this as your baby reminding you to breathe."

You smiled, feeling Peter giving your hand a warm squeeze.

"If your blood pressure does continue to be high, we will see if we can do something to help." You nodded again as she made out some prints of your ultrasound and handing them to you. "If you don't have any questions, I'll let one of the other nurses know and they can keep your paperwork ready for you to go home." She took a paper towel and wiped your stomach clean before tossing it.

With that, she gathered up her equipment before rolling it out of the room with her. You pulled your sweater back down over your stomach.

"Hear that. Now do me a favor and leave all of the worrying up to me." He looked up at you as your eyes stayed glued to your ultrasound prints. His eyes flickered over your face, landing on the bruising mark on your cheek. He reached up, moving a piece of hair back of your face to get a better look. You flinched at the contact. Peter seemed taken back by your flinch.

"What happened? How'd you get that?" You kept your head down with a small frown.

"I invited Chris over to get his stuff. He thought I was taking him back. He didn't take it well." You explained and his eyes widened.

"He hit you?!" You reached Peter's hand as he started to jump up from the bed. "I'll kill him. I swear to you-"

"Peter, please. It's over with now." You assured him, tugging his hand to pull him back to the bed to sit down again. "He's not worth it."

Peter frowned, letting out a deep sigh before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. He did not want to stress you any more than you had already been. "I'm sorry he did that to you. I wish I could have been there."

"Honestly, I needed this. It made letting go of him a lot easier."

"Was that all he did?"

You grew quiet.

"Did he..."

"No, he didn't." You shook your head after he could finish his sentence. "He saw that I was pregnant and left."

Peter tried to keep his composure as his fist clenches out of your sight. He could not imagine how someone could lay a single finger on you with intentions to hurt you. He was quiet. He was trying to hold it together for your sake.

"He didn't say anything?"

You stayed quiet for a moment, rubbing your thumb across the print. "Just that he was glad it was your problem and not his." You shrugged your shoulders slightly. "Even though it's not a problem, I am glad it's you and not him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby with someone that selfish."

His clenched fist loosened at your words and his eyes softened. He could not believe his ears. Were you really saying this?

His cheeks blushed a deep shade of red. "You mean that?"

You smiled at him with a nod. "I do. You're so selfless and care so much about what you can do for others. Even though I've been selfish, you still stuck by my side. I honestly couldn't ask for a better father for my baby."

His smile widened as he looked at you, resting his hand on your small bump. "Our baby."

You rested your hand on top of his with a smile, nodding your head. "Our baby." You agreed.

---

It was not long after that the nurse gave you the okay to leave. Peter had stopped to get you something to eat before he took you home. He wanted to make sure you had been fed. All of the little things like this had slowly pulled you closer Peter. You were not used to how observant and patient he was. As much as you knew how wrong your whole situation was, you could not help but to give in to it. Despite your age, Peter had treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Even better than the one you had been with for years. Peter was the blessing you never knew you needed. He was the blessing in disguise.

He held onto your hand, walking up the steps to your apartment and using the keys to unlock the door for you. He didn't expect you to let him stay. All he wanted was to make sure you were okay before he left you alone.

"Thank you for everything." You looked up at him as you both stood in front of your door.

He smiled down at you. "You don't have to thank me."

"You know I owe you."

He rolled his eyes playfully. "You don't owe me anything. You're having our baby. I consider that payment enough." He teases, his hands resting on your waist. He could not help but touch you. In every possible, he would if he could. Your cheeks blushed at his response, looking down but Peter let his finger hook underneath your chin to tilt your head back up. Your lips were barely an inch apart when the moment was quickly ruined.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" A familiar voice pulled you from your moment, making your heart sink to the pit of your stomach when the realization hit. You did not even have to look over to know it was May. Her face was red in anger when your eyes met hers. "You ignore me for weeks and when I come to check on you, you're smacking lips with my nephew?! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Your lips parted to say something, but no words came out. You did not where to begin with explaining yourself to her. You knew this was all wrong, but it was all too late.

"I thought you were hurt, but obviously, you're perfectly fine." She was fuming.

You never wanted her to find out this way. You wished you had more time to think about it and figure out a better way, but this was it. This was the moment of truth and you were terrified to lose your best friend. You felt tears forming in your eyes and Peter frowned.

"Aunt May, stop."

"Stop?! I'm not going to stop! You're not going to use my nephew so you can get over your worthless ex-boyfriend."

"Aunt May!"

You fought to hold back your tears until you could not anymore. You felt the tears running down your face. As much of a low blow that was, you felt you deserved to hear it. "Peter, i-it's okay." You struggled to form your words. You were hurt, embarrassed, ashamed.

"No, it's not." He shook his head, pointing a finger at May as she stood only a few feet distance from the two of you by her car. "You've gone too far."

"I don't understand how you think this is okay, Y/n." She shook her head, ashamed at you.

"I didn't expect for it to be like this. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." You confessed.

"Just like you never meant for all those one-night stands to happen huh? I trusted you!" She yelled, making you flinch. You hung your head in defeat, glancing at Peter with sad eyes before going inside. You could not stomach the rest of the conversation without sobbing. You tried to calm yourself once you were inside.

"That's enough!" Peter yelled suddenly. "I am capable of making my own decisions. I don't need you to decide what is best for me, Aunt May. I'm not here against my will and neither is she."

"She's supposed to be my friend." She didn't know what to make of this.

"You're supposed to be my Aunt! You knew how hard I crushed over her. For years you knew."

"I thought it was just a crush."

He moved closer to her in the parking lot. It was never just a crush. He was head over heels for you. "I love her. I've always loved her. You're can either respect it or accept it, because it's either way, she's pregnant and nothing is going to change that." He stood by her car.

Her mouth fell open in shock. She did not know what to think. Never in a million years would have thought this would happen, but then again never would have you.

"Pregnant?" Her voice was quiet.

He nodded. "I'm gonna be a dad, Aunt May." He pulled his copy of the prints out of his wallet and showing them to her.

She was at a loss for words. He was right. There was nothing she could do about that. May stared at the prints for a moment, trying to process everything in the short time it had all happened.

"Peter... I don't understand..."

"She almost had a miscarriage today because she's been stressing herself out over Chris. You're not going to take this away from me." He looks down at her, taking the prints back from her." He looked down at her as she stared back with a small frown. "Go home, Aunt May before we both do something we'll regret. You can come back when you're ready to apologize for this." He held the car door open for her and she hesitated before slowly getting in the car.

She knew she was in the wrong for how she had handled things, but Peter did not give her the chance to even risk making things worse. Peter felt deep in his heart despite everything she would come around. She would realize how happy you made him and she would accept it, but for now, she needed to leave.

Peter walked back to your front door, knocking on the door with a sigh. After a few moments, you moved from your spot on the couch to answer the door. You opened it slightly to see Peter and you glanced behind him at May's car pulling out of the parking lot.

"How are you?" He frowned when he saw your red watery eyes.

"I feel awful."

He sighed when you finally let go of the door and he stepped inside of the apartment. He let the door close behind him. His arms wrapped around your body instantly, pulling you against mine as he hugged you, resting his head against yours and kissing the top of it. "I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to believe now, but she'll come around. Just give her some time."

"She was going to find out sooner or later. I expected that reaction. I just wasn't prepared for it right now." You pointed out as your head rested against his chest, letting him hold onto you.

You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat. You relaxed in his arms. Your eyes were burning from all the tears shed. Peter scooped your body up in his arms bridal style, carrying you down the hall to the bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, sliding into the bed with you as his arms naturally found their way around your waist. Your head fell to his chest as you got lost in your thoughts for a moment.

"I'm starting to think I can never make the right choices." You admitted, laughing slightly to yourself and Peter tilted your head up to look at him.

His lips pressed a kiss to your nose. "Sometimes, the wrong choices bring us to the right places." He assured you before leaning in to close the space between your lips and kissing your lips.

He was true to word. No matter how much you held yourself back, every wrong choice you had ever made in your life brought you to this moment with Peter. This opportunity with Peter to finally get your life right. It was your chance to allow yourself the happiness you knew you both deserved.

End Credits Scene

He was not sure how long he had been sitting with his wrists and ankles restrained to a chair in the middle of a dark room. Maybe hours. It even could have been days. He was not sure. His eyes blinked rapidly to adjust to the light that poured into the room when he finally heard a heavy door open.

"Oh good, you're awake." He was covered in sweat from fear and the heat of the closed-off room. He could make out bits of a red and blue suit. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, his eyes widened at the sight of Spiderman in front of him. He did not understand what was going on. Spiderman is supposed to save people.

His mouth was covered with solid webbing so he could not speak.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here." Peter moved closer to him as he spoke. He leaned down, ripping the webbing from Chris' mouth and making him cry out in pain from the grip it had on his skin. "You see Chris if there's one thing I hate, it's people who hurt the people I care about."

"W-What are you talking about? I haven't done anything."

"Don't play dumb." Peter gritted his teeth underneath his mask, backhanding Chris across the face before gripping his jaw. "You know exactly what you did, but that's okay because it won't happen again. You'll never touch Y/n again. I'll make sure of that."

Blood dripped from Chris's mouth from how hard Peter hit him. "I should fucking kill you for putting your hands on her." He smirked to himself when Chris starts squirming under his grip. "But I won't."

"I won't. I won't touch her again. I swear-"

"Oh, I know you won't." Peter let go of his jaw before backing up towards the door again.

"W-Where are you going? Aren't you going to let me go?" Chris started to panic as Peter pulled his mask off for Chris to see his face. He wanted this to be the last thing he saw if he died and the thing he would definitely remember if he lived.

"I didn't say I was going to let you go. I said I wasn't going to kill you." He smiled and Chris's mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Peter Parker standing before him. "I was thinking we could make a game out of this. I hear you like games. Let's see just how important you really are. I'm gonna leave you here and we're gonna see if your friends succeed with their search party if they even send one out. I can't imagine what they would care about scum like you for, but I guess we'll see. I give you about 48 hours before your body finishes you off itself. That should give you more than enough time to think about what I've said. That's if you do make it and I don't really have faith that's gonna happen, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I expect you to get the hell out of New York. I promise to you if ever see you again, I'll kill you."

Chris swallowed hard as Peter stood in the doorway once more, the sun outlining his figure at the door. He was scared of the possibility of not being found. He was furious that a guy like Peter was capable of putting him in a situation like this.

"They'll find me and when they do, you're a dead man, Peter Parker." He pulled at the restraints on his arms with all of his might but he did not stand a chance against the webbing. Peter made it look so easy.

Peter grinned at Chris's promise. He loved the challenge. The possibility that even if someone did find him, he would have the pleasure of killing him himself. It amused Peter that Chris could even have the nerve to threaten him in the position he was in.

"Well, let the game begin." He gave a wave as he started to pull the door closed. Chris yelled to the top of his lungs until the heavy metal door ceased his screams.

[nar-nia]

It's (not) a competition

brother!riki, reader

There seems to be a competition going on on who can be a bigger menace, Riki or your cat. The winner? You don't really want to find out.

There was a loud slam at your door. You jolted awake, sitting up in your bed, frantically looking around. You didn't really know what was happening, you had been dreaming about kittens and flower fields just seconds ago. You didn't even know what exactly woke you up, until you heard a second slam at another door. Interesting. Still half asleep you stood up, waddling to the hallway to see what was going on outside.

"Hello?" You tried to see through squinting eyes, still getting used to the brightness in your hallway after your midday nap.

Instead of an answer you saw a small shadow running towards you, followed by a bigger one. With a yelp you jumped backwards into your room, eyes now wide open, following the two figures. Of course.

"Riki! Back here, now!" Instead of an answer you just heard a laugh and the sound of someone crashing into your couch. "Riki!"

With an annoyed huff you made your way towards the living room, trying to find your brother. And to no one’s surprise you found him there - engaging in a race with your cat from couch to couch.

"Our parents are gone for an hour and you're already destroying our home!", you shouted, trying to drown his laughter and screaming.

Your brother froze in his step, your cat sliding through his feet, not being able to stop on time. You two stared at each other, keeping silent. You were waiting for an explanation, apology, something, while he didn't really know what to say.

"I'm sorry?"

"Very believable. Now get down from the couch."

Riki stared at you, trying to figure out if you were serious. But there was no doubt, your eyes clearly showing the frustration you felt after being so roughly woken up.

"Thank you!" You looked at the clock, letting out another sigh and went towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna make us dinner, do you think you can behave yourself until then?"

Riki nodded, although you both knew that you didn't believe him.

~

Your brother had always been some kind of menace. His love for pranks was known in the whole neighborhood, everyone you knew already being a victim to them. You couldn't remember how many times you woke up to a screaming Riki in front of your bed in the middle of the night. How many times he gave you something to drink pretending it would be something else - it was embarrassing how you would still accept drinks from him without hesitation. Once you woke up and found all of your clothes sewn together, and you had to admit that even though it was annoying, you had also been impressed. His pranks might be exhausting from time to time, but they were never lazy. He put a lot of effort into each and every one of them, and even though you hated it you had to admire him for it.

That quickly changed, however, when your parents brought home a little cat. Riki was no longer the family member that everyone forgave because they were young and - despite him not being a kid anymore - the baby of the family. Suddenly he got way more often scolded for his pranks, while the kitten got to chew on shoes or pee on carpets without consequences. And so his greatest plan came to life: become partners in crime with the cat.

~

You loved your cat, and you loved Riki, but it felt like the two had it out for you ever since that day. Like they were in a competition on who could annoy you more - just that there was no winner, only a loser: you.

Their races through the hallway were a daily occurrence, the laughter a warning for everyone not to stand in their ways and better hide in their rooms. You had made the mistake once to not move away - something you highly regretted afterwards. Your cat had been the first, slamming right into you. You got a couple kicks and scratches from her claws when she tried to get away from you, but that was something you could handle. It was not the first time you got scratches, anyways. But then came Riki. Significantly taller than your cat, he was not able to dodge in time. And neither were you. So he crashed into you, causing both of you to crash into the wall and fall on the ground. While you were still trying to make sense of what just happened, evaluating where exactly it hurt - everywhere - Riki was already scrambling to his feet again, continuing his run after your cat. You spent the next week wincing whenever you had to sit down, bruises all over your body. Riki however seemed to be completely unaffected, starting another race shortly after. This time you made sure to stay in your room, the door tightly closed.

~

Another thing that drove you close to insanity was the meowing competition the two had going on. Your cat loved to complain as soon as someone entered the kitchen, her loud noises evident of her pain about the food bowl - according to your cat empty, according to everyone else still full with maybe one or two bites missing. But your cat made sure that everyone in the whole neighborhood knew of this mistreatment, of the fact that you regularly forced her to starve, that you apparently didn't love her. She was loud. The obvious answer from both you and your parents were to either tip-toe into the kitchen, hoping that she wouldn't notice it, or to give her a small portion of treats to silence her. Rikis plan was… slightly different. Whenever he entered the kitchen and your cat was screaming at him, he simply screamed back. If he was actually convinced that it would work or if he just said it to justify his actions, who knew. If it was the first it definitely didn't work. It just resulted in both of them loudly meowing at each other, trying to drown each other out. You remembered more than one instance in which your neighbors asked if everything was okay at home, a worried look on their faces, caused by the screams that could be heard each day. It took you a while to convince them that the screams were not caused by someone in pain, but by your brother trying to outsmart your cat. But you couldn’t blame them – if someone had told you that a boy and a cat got into regular screaming matches you wouldn’t have believed them, either.

~

Another loud bang disturbed your thoughts. You looked up from the stove, debating whether you actually wanted to know what had been going on. A quiet “oops” from your brother finally convinced you and you made your way towards the living room, a headache slowly becoming noticeable. You were met with your cat, her eyes wide open, panting. Riki was nowhere to be seen. Not good. You continued your way towards the hallway, fingers crossed in the hope that the bang was an illusion, and nothing had actually been happening. But luck was not on your side, when you saw your coat rack lying on the ground, your coats and jackets assembled all over the floor – and Riki sitting in the middle of it, frantically trying to grab them up.

“Please tell me this is all a bad dream.”, you sighed. But when your brother turned around, a piece of the coat rack in his hand, you couldn’t deny it anymore. “What happened?”

Riki looked at the ground, guilt clear on his face. “You wouldn’t believe me if I said I was not doing a race again, right?”

In the kitchen you were met with the dinner you started, the table neatly decorated. “I made dessert, too.”, Riki mumbled, shyly looking up at you. “I’m sorry about the rack.”

“No.” You walked towards him, taking the piece and trying to figure out where it belongs. “Let me have a look, maybe I can fix this.” You did your best to build it back together, and to your relief you actually succeeded. After a while the coat rack looked like before, the jackets draped over it like it was supposed to be. But Riki was nowhere to be found. You opened your mouth, ready to let out a couple of threats, when you heard his voice coming from the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready!”

Your features softened, your hand ruffling through his hair. “It’s okay. But please try to be more careful in the future.”

and this is it for the enhypen + cats series! a huge thank you for everyone that read the stories, reblogged them or send an ask. i love you all <33 this was my first dive back into writing fanfictions after years, and you all motivated and supported me so much. let's meet again for the stories that will follow 🥰🥰

You sat down to eat, both knowing that he would most likely not be more careful. But it was okay. He was your brother, and he could be annoying, but you still loved him more than anything in the world.

permanent taglist: @maeum-your @blessed-sky @sunoona @sunbokie @staerrymariam @soobin-chois

do you want more stories involving enhypen and cats? click here !

[beneathstarryskies]

I sincerely loved that Madara SFW post (even though I wasn't the one who requested it) 🥰🥰 I'm really just... curious about either Itachi's or Indra's SFW habits 👀 would it be possible to have that alphabet post on either one (of your choice, of course!) Thank you so muuuuch!!!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Itachi is very affectionate in private, but not so much in public. In public he will always hold your hand, and soothe his thumb along your knuckles. That’s as far as it goes though, he’ll be a blushing mess if you kiss him in public. When you’re together at home, he will kiss you sweetly every chance he gets. He always wants to have his hands on you somehow. Itachi loves playing with your hair and nuzzling into it to (discreetly) sniff you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Itachi would be a very good best friend, but he’s definitely the best friend who won’t admit that’s what’s going on. He acts like it’s just a coincidence that he’s always the first person to offer support when you need help or that he wants to hang out a lot. He’ll get a bit embarrassed when someone points out the closeness between you.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

There’s nothing he loves more than holding you in his arms. He’s not even picky about the position. He will just pull you as close as he can in whatever position is comfy for you both, usually hooking his legs around your to keep you close.

He prefers to be the big spoon because he likes to feel protective of you. However, at times he wants to be held close. He’ll curl up against your chest, and might accidentally let out a purring sound if you start playing with his hair.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Itachi loves the idea of settling down, and certainly daydreams about it a lot. He’s just not super invested in the idea, because he doesn’t see why anyone would want to settle down with him with his past. That being said, he’d make an excellent husband. He cooks and cleans, and is very good at it. Most of the time he’ll take care of all the chores without you asking, and if you express feeling guilty he’ll give some vague reply like “it’s the least I could do.”

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Itachi is at his core a very kind man, but he’s also pragmatic. He’ll break things off as smoothly as possible, going above and beyond to spare your feelings. He doesn’t want you to despair too much over him.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Itachi has no issue at all with commitment. He is more than open to being with you for the rest of his life, but he would keep those feelings close to his chest. Itachi would want to play it safe, especially at first. He’d likely have those strong feelings for you very early on (because nobody simps like an Uchiha.)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Itachi is extremely gentle with you, especially physically. Sometimes when he reaches out to touch you, it’s as though he’s scared you’ll break or disappear like a mirage. He gets better with this as you become more comfortable with your relationship, but he’s always going to maintain a certain tenderness.

Emotionally, he’s similarly careful in how he handles you. Although at times when he tries to offer advice, he can come off as harsh. He’ll always make sure you know these aren’t his intentions. Usually he is right in his advice.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Itachi gives very warm, intimate hugs. One hand will rest on your lower back while the other is between your shoulders. His face will nuzzle against you. You can literally feel him just relax in your arms. He loves hugs, and wants them a lot.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He’s going to want to say it very quickly, but he’ll keep it to himself for a long time. Definitely Itachi would develop a deep love for you very quickly. He’s gonna wait for you to say it first, most likely.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Itachi isn’t a very jealous person. He wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t trust you implicitly. Sometimes if he feels insecure, it can present itself as jealousy. He’ll get to thinking about how you deserve someone with less emotional baggage, and then maybe see you with a friend and it just burns him up inside. As soon as you look at him and your eyes light up with love and adoration, he’ll forget all about it though.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Itachi is a very slow, precise, but very passionate kisser. Every kiss on your mouth is an attempt to channel all of his feelings for you through the gesture. He is very prone to kissing you anywhere his lips can reach. His favorite place to kiss you (besides your lips) is your forehead or temple. Just a sweet kiss to remind you that he’s there for you always. When holding his hand, he’ll often lift your hand to kiss your hand, sometimes even taking the time to kiss each of your fingertips.

Itachi likes being kissed anywhere. He’s just so grateful for your love, but is also a little bit needy. He wants to be peppered in kisses everywhere. His lips, his whole face, chest, hands, all of it. He just craves affection.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

A little awkward at first, but he warms up pretty quickly. He is very careful with children and treats them with a lot of gentleness. He doesn’t want to repeat the mistakes he made with Sasuke.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Itachi is always going to be awake first. If it’s not too early in the morning, he’ll usually curl himself into you for some lazy snuggles. He’ll wake you up by peppering soft kisses on your face.

If he wakes up very early (maybe because of a nightmare) he’ll usually sneak away. He’ll have coffee and breakfast ready for you when he wakes up. The two of you will talk over breakfast, sometimes he’ll tell you about what has him up so early. Usually, he prefers to listen to you talk about what your plans are for the day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Itachi adores quiet nights with you. He’s happy just to be around you even if you’re both doing your own things. He likes to lay on the sofa with his head in your lap while he reads, and your fingers twirl through his hair while you either read along with him or watch television.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It will take Itachi a while to reveal things about himself. He wants to know he can trust you completely before he begins opening up to you. That being said he will take his time revealing things to you. Preferring to open up a little at a time so as to not bog you down with too much at once.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s not very easily angered, especially not with you. Itachi is more likely to pull the whole “not mad, but disappointed.” If he is angry with you, he does tend to fall into the silent treatment. Not so much as a way to punish you, rather to avoid saying things he might regret.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Itachi remembers everything.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you kissed him. It was sort of out of the blue. When you pulled away your cheeks were so flushed and your eyes were blown so wide while you stammered out an apology. He just pulls you back in for another kiss, because he finally knew that you cared for him as much as he did you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He is very protective, and would die for you without question. However, he doesn’t want you protecting him. He would never allow you to put yourself in harm’s way for him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would put a lot of effort into planning out romantic dates to celebrate special occasions. He will be as extravagant as possible for every single date, anniversary, and birthday. But Itachi is also in it for everyday things as well. You truly are partners in life.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Itachi’s worst habit is drawing into himself when he feels overwhelmed or depressed. He’ll pull away from you and isolate himself. Sometimes even recoiling if you try to reach out. He requires a lot of patience and understanding with this.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not overly vain about anything except his hair. He takes very good care of it, and is very proud of how healthy it is.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. Itachi felt so hopeless before you came into his life. The thought of losing you is enough to drive him insane.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Itachi is a wonderful cook, and loves to prepare meals for you. He also sees it as a way of taking care of you, and he is very nurturing.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Itachi likes things being clean and tidy. He wouldn’t like the house being overly messy. He will happily help you keep things clean if you’re not good at it.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Itachi has terrible sleep habits. He often will go long periods without sleep to avoid his nightmares, and then when he does finally sleep he just crashes anywhere out of exhaustion. You’ve found him a lot on the couch or even sitting at the kitchen table with his head down.