#made it impossible for Watanuki to choose to not like

[izartn]

The thing with DouWata in Holic is that it would be bittersweet either way because of two reasons, even discounting Watnuki choosing to stay forever on the shop bc he's waiting for Yuuko in a kind of sunk cost fallacy way by the end of it.

1. Watanuki origins as O!Syaoran of Tsubasa substitute/not-exactly-a-clone in their world, which also means sharing the price for getting C!SyoSaku feathers out of that void he ends up with O!Syaoran at the end of Tsubasa, and paying for his anomaly continued existence. Syaoran has to keep jumping between worlds for an indefinite mount of time, and Watanuki also has to stay in one place for the same time.

Now, by Rei(I think it was Rei? Could been Rou who knows) we discover that the price was too heavy bc Watanuki was baby wish shopkeeper (and also a masochist who believes he doesn't deserve to have happiness or have a right to exist deep down), and that at some point he grows powerful enough that his existence is no longer so precarious he needs the shop interdimensional stability.

This means at the end of Holic he would have had to enter the shop as essentially a prisoner anyway; Yuuko did the most to bring his power up and to give him connections with the living world so he would keep going on, but she did set Watanuki as her successor bc it was necessary for his continued existence.

And this brings us to...

2. Watanuki grew powerful enough to physically the shop without repercussion (his dream-wandering doesn't count bc his body is anclated on reality I guess) about 100 years after entering it. By then our Doumeki has been dead for at least a decade or two minimum, if we think he lived a long life.

By being the wish-shopkeeper he has enough power he can slow down his aging to the point he's frozen in time a la Eriol of Cardcaptor. And that's when he just took the role at the end of Holic.

And given Eriol is half of Clow's soul and powers and still ridiculously powerful and Yuuko was said to be almost as good, good enough to keep up with whole Clow Reed and Watanuki is her heir and of the line of Clow himself, and his parents did something to make him look more like Clow and not like SyoSaku which may had implied effects on his metaphysical existence bc Tsubasa and Holic go on ridiculous paradox territory...

Watanuki is the kind of powerful magician who, in just being heir to Yuuko's shop, without needing to tie himself to it to the point he cannot go out like in canon, (which meant he needed to develop his power a huge amount just to be able to exist as a paradox bc Fei Wang Reed) would have outlived Doumeki by a large large large amount of years anyways. Think of Fai "has lived already many times your lifespan" Flourite re: Kurogane.

The point of Fai keeping the vampire blood and prey bond with Kurogane, even after he gets his eye back from C!Syaoran and his magic suppresses his bloodlust (bc vampirism isn't the only thing keeping his old ass going anymore lol) is that Kurogane now gets to live the long long lifespan of Fai's life with him, bc otherwise he would have died in a fraction of the amount of time of Fai's existence.

Doumeki and Watanuki don't have that kind of plot handed pass to long-lived married bliss. Which sound pretty 'wtf' bc KuroFai lives were terrible (specially Fai's) in a way DouWata backstories don't go near bc they're more grounded on modern Japan, ghost, witches and wish-shops included. But they get to be together for the next centuries or so they have left.

At best, DouWata could have kind of the Wish deal of Kohaku finding again Kudou after he keeps reincarnation, which the end of Rou plays with anyways, only we know Haruka and Shizuka weren't the same soul, and so Sayaka is just the next link of weird generation xeroxes of the Doumeki family...

Disgressing.

Going back to the start of this post. Holic would have had a bittersweet kinda ending regardless of if Watanuki keep on wishing to see Yuuko again and so keeping himself trapped on the shop (and that's just tragic not bittersweet bc even Watanuki must know by then, 100 years after everything, that's kinda impossible) bc:

1. Tsubasa's plot being intertwined with Holic demanded Watanuki to pay a price for a wish, and that made him sacrifice his ability to move out the shop and into the world.

2. He was powerful from the start but the way he needed to learnt how to use his powers so spirit's wouldn't follow him and reality itself wouldn't erase him, which meant, learning how to be Yuuko's successor made him measure his lifespan on centuries anyways.

I think he maybe could have capitalized on his fated (hitsuzen) connection with Doumeki, and the way they exchanged eyes and blood, etc, so if Doumeki made a wish to link his lifespan to Watanuki in a less tragic version of Holic where Wata learnt some healthy selfishness and wasn't keen on waiting forever for Yuuko trapped on the shop (that is, where he wasn't exactly Watanuki lol) it could been possible for these two to have a happy-ish ending.

The price would have been something awful or heavy, maybe both of them are trapped on the shop until Doumeki mortal family is dead bc he's severing his mortal links to follow weird powerful Watanuki to the sobrenatural so he's giving up any chance on a mortal life?? and he also takes on a bit of wata's existence price by result of the link?? So they may get out earlier than 100 years but not by much I think...

Watanuki in canon would never see the above as possible, bc he doesn't see it as worthy, himself as worthy, and also its pretty fucked up anyways bc Doumeki would be giving up almost everything. But Holic has always been about obsession, and the way Doumeki dedicates his life and family line to Watanuki amounts to the same in the end I think. I have a feeling Doumeki would make that bargain gladly if he could stay with Watanuki for the rest of their (now long long) lives.

It would also tie back to the "sharing burdens" (and thus wishes' prices) theme DouWata have going on until Watanuki pulls his, "I'm now alone and the shopkeeper and I must pay alone, and goodbye to any hope of a normal life, bc the only motherly-ish protector-type person I've loved who loved me back has left me all alone, and my existence was a failure of the universe bc space-time shaneaningans."

But yeah DouWata had no chance from the start on an uncomplicated happy ending, and it irks me when people point to Watanuki as the only architect of his misfortune. Like. NO. They would been fucked some way or another in the end. The two asholes don't make it better on themselves, and bear some responsibility for how they end up tragically star-crossed without making a fucking move, but they were doomed from the start.

You could say it was..

Hitsuzen.

[existentialismee]

leafslash​:

“ I want to stay with you… ”  A whisper, aching and tender; to say it aloud, no matter how quiet, hurts, because with it bears the reality of having that taken from them. The how or why behind such a wish means little – he wants Kimihiro’s hand entwined in his own, his form at his side, above all else. He’d give anything if he could have only that, always.  “ Sometimes… it scares me a little, when I think about anything else. ” And the look in his eyes, how strongly conviction grips his words, tells Ashton that Kimihiro understands. It’s a fear shared between them, an unknown that shadows them both, yet he finds an odd sense of comfort in knowing he isn’t alone to face it.  ‘ It doesn’t matter where we are, ’  Kimihiro tells him, with all the truth in the world.  ‘ Even if I’m somehow pulled away from you, I’ll find you again. ’ It seems impossible, knowing what he knows now, how very vast and infinite the universe is. Though he knows he too would do the same; he’d search the ends of time for him, even if it were hopeless or beyond his ability, if it meant he could see him just one more time. His hand strays from Kimihiro’s. It reaches forward instead to touch, to feel the high point of his cheek as something tangible with the tips of his fingers. “ Me, too. Whatever brought us here, I know that I’m grateful to it – because it brought me to you, Kimihiro. ” The conflict of this battles him daily. He has a homeworld he belongs to, and he has loved ones who await his return. Ashton yearns to see them too, no different than the way he so chooses to remain at Kimihiro’s side. Eventually, he knows he’ll have to return, they both will. But the body pressed tightly against him, and the promises they make against the uncertainty of tomorrows to come, allows only calm to veil over him. They’ll be okay, they’ll meet again; he believes that, because Kimihiro believes in it just the same. “ I love you… ”   More than I’ve loved before. More than I knew I could. As he murmurs to him, so earnestly, the closeness between them suddenly seems that much greater. The hands Kimihiro has delicately drawing him in, his face, close enough that they nearly touch… The drumbeat of Ashton’s heart quickens. His gazes searches – no, it studies him carefully – flitters from his eyes, to smiling lips and blush. The question Kimihiro asks of him is a thought already in his mind, and it is one he answers not with words…

… But actions instead. It isn’t immediate. Rather it is deliberate. Tentative. Both hands, calloused but warm, encircle him by the jaw, and down Ashton slowly leans ‘til eyelids fall fully shut. A cant of his head sideways allows their noses to fit like a puzzle, and it’s then their lips gingerly meet in what starts as a ghost of a touch. In his ears, his heartbeat thunders in a rhythm that is fast and steady. This kiss is his first and only, but some part of it already feels completely natural to him, as though his lips were made to fit against Kimihiro’s own. 

“.. yes. It scares me, too.” when he speaks, his voice shifts to a whisper; almost unable to let the words leave his mouth. It’s a fear that he’s had for so long, but one he never allowed himself to voice-- if he did, if he allowed his thoughts to leave him, what would happen if they came true? If he had to watch Ashton slip from his fingers and disappear back to the world he was taken from, leaving Watanuki here.. what would he do?

Even the thought of returning to his own world without Ashton was something that frightened Watanuki-- the thought of readjusting to a life without the person he loved by his side, the thought of.. being alone again.

He feels something tighten in his throat, as an unsteady sigh leaves his lips; but Watanuki keeps his gentle composure for just a little longer.

“If I had never come to this world.. I never would have had the chance to experience any of the wonderful things that you’ve shown me. I never would have felt so much happiness, even in a place that wasn’t my home. Though I know we both have things we’ve left behind; people we want to go back to..” he stops for a moment, as his voice wavers somewhat. “.. promises we both cannot break. Despite that.. I still feel that I am home, whenever we’re together.”

“I will always be grateful that I met you. I will always, always be grateful for the love you’ve given me.. and I won’t ever let it go, no matter what is thrown our way.”

Ashton’s hand moves to the side of his face, and Watanuki leans into his touch; the warmth of those fingers bringing a comfort to the shopkeeper. He never wanted that hand to leave him, never wanted those eyes to stray away from his own, and never wanted to let go of these moments that they shared together. This one had become so different, however; it felt so raw, so vulnerable as the two shared their uncertainties of the time they had left together.. and though fearful for the future, those thoughts only seemed to bring them that much closer.

He isn’t quite sure what to expect at first, as the question he utters so softly leaves him-- but it isn’t long that he has to wait for Ashton’s response. Another hand joins the one the brunette has placed against Watanuki’s face; caressing him in his warm touch as he leans in, ever so slowly. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, Watanuki feels his own eyes close; tilting himself up just a little further.. until their lips meet one another. Pressing into a kiss so soft, so tender, that he feels himself almost melt into it completely; his hand falling away from Ashton’s face, only to raise up again as he gingerly wraps both his arms around the other’s frame.

As his heartbeat only quickens, gripping his fingers into the back of Ashton’s clothes, the kiss remains still; feeling an overwhelming warmth spread across his face, his entire body, into the depths of his chest.  And though happiness fills his heart, there is still a tremble underneath Watanuki’s response; warmth threatening to escape the corners of his fallen eyelids.

This.. was where he was meant to be. This is what it felt like, to truly be loved by someone, and no other wordly force could ever pull him away from this.