#madara does the cooking and the cleaning. you think izuna does anything to help around the house??

[sanska]

Your family loooves you, Uchiha (Sasuke) Izuna!

My (Late!! I’m very sorry) fic for @oh-no-its-bird’s ninburger secret santa fic swap for @vivasciouslay , I hope you like it :]

Surely kidnapping and replacing the Uchiha clan heir with your identical friend (who hasn’t felt familial affection in 10 years because his family is Dead) is a flawless plan to save the world, right? What can go wrong

[donotpercieveme123]

I haven't really seen anyone do this, so here's the founders and their love languages! A little late for valentines day but fuck that I headcannon them all as aro in some way anyway.

IZUNA

First how he tends to express his love for others. Biggest ones are acts of service and quality time/ giving them his undivided attention, and valuing their intellect and interests. Also physical touch! He unabashedly really enjoys casual affection like that.

His entire life has been in service of others, as clan heir it's his duty to sacrifice himself for those who depend on him. This strongly forms how he shows his love for others, and he thinks actions speak louder than words anyway. It can be something as small as helping Madara wash his hair, or cooking dinner and cleaning up after him if he's had a rough week, or looking after people if they're sick. Or bringing Tobirama food to his lab if he's been holled up for too long, then force him to sleep. Besties lol.

The second isn't so much how he shows he cares, but how you know for a fact that he deeply loves and respects you. His time and undivided attention are not something he gives away for just anyone. So if he not only listens but actively engages with what someone has to say, and especially with their interests then you know. For example, he'll spend a lot of his free time with Tobirama, either at his lab or his house, talking about anything from politics to the molecular intricacies of jutsu (which he doesn't know much about but goes out of his way to learn about), and the properties of poisons and medicinal herbs (which he knows a lot more about since Naori is a poisons specialist and they've been friends since they were in diapers lol).

He's aware that not everyone is comfortable with or cares for physical touch so he only does it with few very close people (mostly people he's known all his life). Madara used to cuddle with him when they slept as kids, and he kind of misses it, but they're still very casually affectionate. And he's not necessarily the type for hugs (and never hand holding lol) unless he's drunk, but he'll let people he loves into his personal space, he'll enjoy just sitting close to them or leaning on them. He's closest with Naori in this sense (wlw mlm besties all the way). It shows he's comfortable above anything else and that's one of the biggest indicators of love to him.

In terms of how he feels loved most, quality time and people valuing what he has to say and taking interest in his interests is probably the biggest one. Closest way to his heart really is if someone appreciates his insight and trusts that he's competent and knows what he's on about lol. And if they take the time to engage with the things that make him happy... you're already his favourite person! Madara definitely values his insight, but he's completely clueless and has no interest in the arts or fashion or the intricacies of social conventions or how to manipulate people. His interests he shares primarily with Hikaku and Naori, and when Tobirama took active interest in what he had to say about it (and actually went away and learnt about it himself), he fell in love a little lol. Like bestie you have my heart, you're never getting rid of me now. They both info dump on each other all the time. It's how they show their love lol, especially since you can't really do that with most people.

Acts of service he either really appreciates, or really hates (depending on who it comes from and what it is). He needs to feel like he can do it all, thinks others should rely on him not the other way around, so it can come across as slightly insulting. He only really accepts it from those close to him, or if he's personally helped them and they present it as returning the favour. But only once they've communicated in some way that they don't think he's less for accepting help. After that he secretly really appreciates little acts of service (especially if he knows that's how the other person shows that they care, he loves being appreciated whatever form that comes in). Especially if it makes his life a little easier, and definitely if it's things he hates doing lol. If someone offers to do it for him he just kind of melts a little, and instantly grows a little more fond of them.

He only likes casual physical affection from people he already cares about and is comfortable with (but he does enjoy the pretence of it with strangers when he's drunk at parties or whatever). If someone who doesn't seem like the type for physical touch (cough Tobirama) accepts him into their space and not only allows him to be affectionate, but reciprocated in their own way, that means the world to him. You're definitely not getting rid of him at this point lmao.

[purple-possibilities]

Hi :3 ✩ for Madara/Kakashi or maybe Sakumo/Orochimaru if You like that one :) Have a nice day! You're awesome!

Aww thank you!!! You’re too sweet!

I am contractually obliged to do this for MadaKaka lol. I don’t actually really ship Orochimaru with anyone, and Sakumo I didn’t ship with anyone until @sloaners started posting all that Kaguya/Sakumo stuff that I never knew I needed lol. But anyways, on to the answers!

This is going under a cut because it’s long af like jesus christ.

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Madara, 100% the man barely has an inside voice as it is.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Madara did, only once.  Kakashi thought he was serious and it was a whole Thing™.  He has since stopped saying things like “why am I with you?” and “what did i do to deserve falling in love with someone as terrible as you?” because he realised Kakashi took that waaaayyy too seriously.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Kakashi.  Not because of their disagreement, but because he honestly thinks Madara is better off without him.  Madara has had to chase the bastard down more than once to convince him that there’s no one else Madara could ever want.

Who trashes the house?

Madara, definitely.  He’s a table flipper when really angry.  Kakashi will let his ninken chew Madara’s sandals if Madara is being an asshole (because he’s passive aggressive like that).  Madara’s belongings might go missing, or end up in strange places as well.

Do either of them get physical?

I mean, they’re ninja, so yeah, totally.  But not in a domestic abuse sort of way.  Just, they start arguing and then it turns into sparring, which later turns into sparring, if you know what I mean….

How often do they argue/disagree?

about petty things?  All the time.  More because Kakashi likes to make Madara angry, and because Madara is kind of tsundere, so it’s just so easy for almost anything to get him mad.  But when it comes to serious matters, they’re both surprisingly good at talking that kind of stuff out.  Mostly because they both look at their problems from a strategic POV, and can separate their emotions from what’s going on.

Who is the first to apologise?

Depends on who’s in the wrong, and if feelings were hurt.  Typically, that means Madara, since Kakashi doesn’t really get angry.  Kakashi’s way of dealing with an argument is to disappear, so that means it’s typically up to Madara to hunt Kakashi down and bring him back home.  Even when Kakashi is mad, instead of banishing Madara to the couch, he’d probably go sleep in a tree somewhere (or hang out with Hashi/Tobi or Tenzou, depending on the era he’s at).

Sex:

Who is on top?

depends. Kakashi is less likely to care either way, but they’re both good with either position.  It depends more on who initiates, and the mood they’re in.

Who is on the bottom?

…this is essentially the same question.  Also depends.  

Who has the strangest desires?

like, kinks?  Idk they’re ninja they both get up to strange things, but nothing I’d consider too weird (tho like, I don’t really know how to measure what other people would find weird…)

Any kinks?

oh yeah.  Orgasm denial followed by over stimulation.  Maybe a bit of exhibitionism.  Kakashi likes to watch (and Madara realises he does too, when there’s a Kakashi!bunshin in play…).  Kakashi has a praise kink (tho he’d never admit to it) but luckily Madara’s dirty talk mostly consists of praise so it works.  Kakashi probably also likes to be degraded, but Madara does not want to degrade him, so that doesn’t happen.  Madara has a clothing kink too, and it’s all Kakashi’s fault.

Who’s dominant in bed?

depends!!! They’re more a ‘bring sparring to the bedroom’ couple; Kakashi likes to tease, and Madara feels like he needs to get the upper hand.  But once they trust each other more, they might be willing to indulge the other and submit a bit.

Is head ever in the equation?

oh yeah

If so, who is better at performing it?

that’s hard to say (no pun intended lol).  They have very different techniques.  Madara takes it as a matter of pride to see how fast and how hard he can make Kakashi come (and how loud he can make Kakashi scream).  Kakashi is a tease and will stay down there until Madara can’t take it anymore.

Ever had sex in public?

…define public lol.  In public spaces, sure.  Outside?  Definitely.  In view of someone else?  Nope, never, not allowed.

Who moans the most?

depends on what’s going down!  Madara is typically louder tho.

Who leaves the most marks?

Madara 100% no question.  He likes to know that under all the clothing Kakashi wears, he’s covered in love bites.  Tho Kakashi leaves his fair share (those high collar shirts are not just fashionable lol).

Who screams the loudest?

9/10 Madara (it takes a special something to make Kakashi loud).

Who is the more experienced of the two?

I like to hc Kakashi as a virgin before he gets into a relationship, so Madara, but only just barely (and that’s because I seem him as the kind of guy who would have been to a pleasure house or two…)

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

both.  definitely both.  both is good.

Rough or soft?

both again!  More often rough, at least at first.  Can be soft and lazy and loving tho, depending on how things are initiated.

How long do they usually last?

DEPENDS!  Both are busy, so lots of quickies.  But if they have the time to spare they can go for a looooong time.

Is protection used?

no, but that’s because they’re exclusive and clean and neither can get pregnant but if even one of those does not apply to you, use a condom goddamn it!!!! #safesex

Does it ever get boring?

nope.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?

mmmm, probably on the Hokage monument lol.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?

if this is taking place back when Madara is clan head, then yeah he needs to have kids.  If it’s in Kakashi’s time Madara might be pressured by the Elders to make more Crazy Eye Babies, but he prob won’t want to.  Kakashi is prob pressured into having kids by the council as well.  Tbh it’s a ninja village they’re all probs pressured into having kids but Madara and Kakashi especially.  Kakashi doesn’t really want kids, they’re a lot of trouble.  But if he somehow ended up with kids I think he’d enjoy being the biggest Troll Dad ever, of all time.

If so, how many children do your muses want/have?

I can see Madara wanting to have like four or five, just because he had so many siblings and he would want his kids to have that experience.  Kakashi wants only one, but then that one grows up a bit and he wants another, and then the second gets a little older and he wants another…

Who is the favorite parent?

Neither.  Madara is strict and Kakashi is soooo embarrassing omg he’s the worst.  Kakashi has his ninken help out with babysitting.  The kids prefer the ninken.

Who is the authoritative parent?

Madara is more likely to talk about the rules and give long winded lectures, but Kakashi will not let his kids get away with anything (tho he sees it more as training.  If you can trick me then you can get away with it sort of deal).

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?

Kakashi, definitely.  If the kids have a day off, Madara makes them train lol.  There are no breaks when your father is Uchiha Madara.

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?

Kakashi for sure, but only if they’ve had one healthy meal already.  No all day junk.  Madara thinks sweets make you weak, but he also can’t cook, so when he’s in charge of dinner it’s like, sliced veggies, sandwiches, or takeout (with sliced veggies lol).  Maybe cold leftovers, unless one of the kids is better at using the stove than Madara lol.

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?

both are pretty busy, but they both put aside time to train with the kids, and to do fun things

Who goes to parent teacher interviews?

Madara needs to go and always ends up frightening the teachers.  Kakashi will pretend he isn’t listening just to make the teacher mad.  Teachers hate them.

Who changes the diapers?

both, tho Kakashi will try to get out of it by saying his nose is too sensitive.

Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?

Kakashi.  He’s already up from nightmares, it’s soothing to see the baby.

Who spends the most time with the children?

depends.  If this is a Founders!AU then probably Kakashi since he’s less busy.  If this is in Kakashi’s time when he’s Hokage, then Madara since he’s less busy.  Tho I can see them both taking their kids to work.

Who packs their lunch boxes?

both.  They are very healthy lunches either way.  Kakashi will have to cook, but Madara is pretty good at making/arranging pretty bentos.  He’s good with a knife.  He makes the cutest food (but never mention it unless you’re his child he will show you just what he can do with a kunai).

Who gives their children ‘the talk’?

Kakashi hands the kids Icha Icha when they’re like, fourteen, and calls it a day.  Madara confiscates the books and gives the world’s most uncomfortable and confusing explanation of the birds and the bees.  Gods help everyone in the family if they have daughters.  Someone save the children!

Who cleans up after the kids?

Madara is the dad that will stand next to a mess and start yelling through the house until the person responsible comes by and cleans it up.  If none of the kids take responsibility, then they all have to clean it up.  Kakashi will tidy up almost unthinkingly, but the kids will get in trouble for it later.  Unless they’re really young and like, can’t, in which case both clean up messes when they see them.  They’re both neat freaks.

Who worries the most?

Madara expresses his worry the most, but Kakashi gets anxiety as soon as he can’t see his kids.  Sometimes he gets anxious if he can’t easily reach out to grab them immediately.  He hides it really well tho, and can come off as cold.

Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?

Izuna. Or Naruto, if in Kakashi’s time.  Neither Madara or Kakashi really swear, but if I had to choose one, probably Madara after burning dinner lol.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

both, tho neither will admit it.  Lots of standing really close to each other haha

Who is the little spoon?

Neither.  They don’t spoon.  Usually they’ll sleep face to face, tangled up in each other’s limbs, or pressed back to back if they don’t feel safe where they’re sleeping.  Spooning only happens if they were having sex in that position, but it doesn’t last.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

Kakashi.  Such a tease.  Will usually initiate just to see Madara go red.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  

Neither.  They both have great self control.  If there’s touching going on, it’s very purposeful lol.

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Neither is good at just sitting and cuddling.  Unless you count leaning back to back as cuddles, in which case they’re good at that… after a while.  They can both fall asleep while holding each other too.

Who gives the most kisses?

they’re not casual kissers.  Kakashi might peck Madara on the cheek if he’s being a tease and wants to see Madara go red.  Madara is more likely to start a make-out sess tho.  Madara also likes to kiss during sex.  Something about Kakashi’s lips always being covered… Madara is a perv who has a clothing kink

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Kakashi likes to bother Madara until he gets angry.  Madara says he hates it but he loves the attention (since Kakashi is so stingy with it).  They both have problems, obviously.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

bed.  Almost all cuddles happen in bed or post sex (which could be anywhere but like, bed is where most of the cuddles happen).

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other?

Kakashi for sure.  Madara will try to retaliate but he gets more flustered by touching Kakashi than Kakashi gets by being touched haha.

How often do they get time to themselves?

both are pretty busy, but they often work together or in the same room.

Sleeping:

Who snores?

neither, they’re both elite ninja and if they ever did snore, it’s been trained out of them

If both do, who snores the loudest?

Do they share a bed or sleep separately?

they share a bed, no doubt lol

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?

they’re touching, either front to front or back to back

Who talks in their sleep?

Neither

What do they wear to bed?

nothing no that’s a lie they’re paranoid and always prepared for anything, so Kakashi is wearing his jounin pants and the tight undershirt plus mask.  Madara is more likely to sleep in a yukata.  Both have weapons on them at all times.

Are either of your muses insomniacs?

mmmm, Kakashi wakes up a lot from nightmares.  Both have been trained to sleep even in terrible conditions tho so they can force their bodies to sleep.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?

no way in hell these paranoid bastards are going to use sleeping pills

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?

both

Who wakes up with bed hair?

BOTH!!!! So much bedhead in this relationship.

Who wakes up first?

Kakashi will wake up from nightmares but will fall back asleep.  Madara usually wakes up earlier in the morning tho.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?

Madara would but he can barely cook.  Maybe he’ll bring some sliced fruit/yogurt/cereal/something that doesn’t require heat lol.  Kakashi is better at making breakfast but would never do something so obviously affectionate like bring Madara breakfast in bed (it’s so much more fun to do other things in bed…)

What is their favourite sleeping position?

front to front or back to back

Who hogs the sheets?

Kakashi will just to be a brat.  Madara will retaliate by stealing them back.  If they both end up tangled in the sheets and each other, well, I guess they’ll just have to sleep like that.

Do they set an alarm each night?

no need they wake up when they need to

Can a television be found in their bedroom?

nope.  If it’s the past then they don’t exist, and even in the future neither really watch tv.

Who has nightmares?

Kakashi more often but Madara does too.

Who has ridiculous dreams?

Madara will occasionally have a weird dream, but it’s rare for him to remember his dreams at all.  If Kakashi is not having a nightmare then his dreams are hilarious.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?

Kakashi will, just to be an asshole, but he actually takes up just enough space for his body to fit.  Kakashi will take up more space in the beginning of the relationship to force Madara to cuddle him or fall off the bed lol.

Who makes the bed?

both, usually whoever leaves the bed last.  

What time is bed time?

whenever they can be dragged away from work

Any routines/rituals before bed?

Kakashi reads.  Madara actually brushes his hair.  I know, I didn’t believe it either.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?

Madara is always grumpier than Kakashi, but not any more grumpy in the morning than he is at any other time, does that count?

Work:

Who is the busiest?

depends! Past!Madara and Hokage!Kakashi

Who rakes in the highest income?

see above.

Are any of your muses unemployed?

Future!Madara might be

Who takes the most sick days?

Neither, tho Kakashi plays hookie a lot.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work?

Kakashi of course

Who sucks up to their boss?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What are their jobs?

ninja, obvi

Who stresses the most?

Madara tho he won’t admit to it.  He just gets increasingly irritable.

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?

yep.

Are your muses financially stable?

they’re rich, bitch!

Home:

Who does the washing?

they do their own washing

Who takes out the trash?

whoever sees it’s full

Who does the ironing?

idk if their clothing is ever ironed but if necessary they do their own

Who does the cooking?

Madara could burn air, so that means it’s up to Kakashi, or takeout

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?

Madara has exploded the kitchen multiple times

Who is messier?

they’re both neat freaks

Who leaves the toilet roll empty?

neither

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?

neither

Who forgets to flush the toilet?

neither

Who is the prankster around the house?

100% Kakashi, Madara doesn’t know how to prank, he’s just mean.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?

neither tho if anything is “lost” it’s because Kakashi took it when Madara wasn’t looking

Who mows the lawn?

whoever is less busy

Who answers the telephone?

Madara, so long as he’s not working (and there are phones to be answered lol).  Kakashi will avoid all human contact if possible.  If you want to get a message to Kakashi, send an animal.

Who does the vacuuming?

both

Who does the groceries?

Kakashi, mostly because he cooks so he knows what they need.  Madara will buy things if he wants Kakashi to make him something in particular.

Who takes the longest to shower?

Madara, is this even a question??? Have you seen that hair?  Probably takes half an hour just to condition that b.  He can shower really fast if he needs to tho.  Ninja magic and all that.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom?

Madara, if he’s trying to tame his hair.  Or impress Kakashi.  Otherwise they’re both pretty fast.  

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem?

they’re rich, bitch.

How many cars do they own?

none because there ain’t no ninja cars

Do they own their home or do they rent?

In the past, Madara owns the clan house.  In the future, Kakashi ends up in the Hokage mansion which technically the village owns.  They eventually buy a house together when his tenure is over.

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside?

they live in the village hidden in the leaves so… wherever that is.

Do they live in the city or in the country?

see above lol

Do they enjoy their surroundings?

both love the village, tho in the future, being there is bittersweet for Madara

What’s their song?

I don’t think I can choose one for them since they exist in a world where none of the music i listen to exists lol

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

if it’s for a mission or something, they both pine and pout and are typically grumpier/moodier/broodier. If it’s just by choice they’re both fine with alone time (they both need it tbh let’s be real) 

Where did they first meet?

on the battlefield (regardless of the time lol)

How did they first meet?

on opposite sides of a war (regardless of the time lol)

Who spends the most money when out shopping?

Kakashi is pretty frugal.  Madara likes nice things but won’t splurge (unless he’s showing off in which case he can go a little ham with his money).

Who’s more likely to flash their assets?

Madara is not afraid to show some skin.  Kakashi is covered head to toe but he knows that taking off even just one (1) glove is enough to get Madara sweating.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over?

Kakashi is a little shit.

Any mental issues?

ohhhhh yeah.   Entire lifetimes full.

Who’s terrified of bugs?

neither (tho Kakashi has probably gotten fleas a few times lbr)

Who kills the spiders around the house?

both

Their favourite place?

Kakashi has his hidey-holes.  Madara likes to be where Kakashi is.

Who pays the bills?

both

Do they have any fears for their future?

they fear the other’s death

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?

Madara will try.  If the food is edible, it’s takeout.

Who uses up all of the hot water?

Madara showers longer, but Kakashi will drain the hot water just to get on Madara’s nerves if Kakashi is upset with him.

Who’s the tallest?

Kakashi is 181 cm (so 5′11.25″) and Madara is like 179 cm (5′10.5′’) so Kakashi.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?

Kakashi.  Esp if Madara is taking a while.

Who wanders around in their underwear?

Madara for sure.  You can bet he’s trying to show off, or grab Kakashi’s attention (it’s working, but Kakashi has an amazing poker face/is great at hiding behind Icha Icha.)

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?

neither sings

What do they tease each other about?

Kakashi will tease Madara about anything.  Madara is terrible at teasing (it comes across as threatening lol).  If Madara ever finds out how embarrassed Kakashi gets while reading Icha Icha out loud tho… RIP Kakashi.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?

neither, they both dress very professionally (and blandly tbh)

Do they have mutual friends?

HASHIRAMAAAAA lol.  That’s it tho that’s Madara’s only friend aside from his brother (and Izuna kinda sorta hates Kakashi for being an “eye thief,” tho they get closer later.  Still not really friends tho).

Who crushed first?

Madara for sure, though it took him a while to realise it.  Kakashi took forever.  Like literally ages.  Poor Madara…

Any alcohol or substance related problems?

nope!

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?

Kakashi, esp if he was out with Gai.  Madara if he was out with Hashirama.  Tho if it’s the two of them out together they’re probably both drunk.

Who swears the most?

neither really swears, but Madara will if he’s really frustrated.

Goddamn, that took waaaayyyyy longer than I thought it would lol!  This felt like a marathon.  It was fun tho!

Send me ✩ and a ship

[raendown]

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Chapter: 5/18 Word count: 1956 Summary: When Tobirama is exiled from the Senju clan without warning, without even the chance to plead his case, it feels like his life is over. What does he have to live for now without his older brother to believe in him? Captured by the Uchiha in his moment of weakness, Tobirama slowly learns to live again with the last people on earth he would have ever expected to care for - or to fall in love with.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI in the blog header!

Chapter 5

The seals on his wrists were hasty and clumsy, no sophistication in the symbols. They were drawn in the fashion of someone copying an image without truly knowing the meaning behind it. Someone in the Uchiha had clearly gotten their hands on some kind of chakra suppressant seal to use as an example but it was obvious that none here were masters of the art. Any self-respecting seal master would have cried themselves to sleep at just the thought of having their work bastardized as much as the mock cuffs that had been forced upon him the moment he woke up after his last visit from the two brothers.

Not to say that they didn’t work. Sophisticated or not the seals accomplished what they were meant to. He could feel his chakra seething just under the surface, boiling and rolling and crashing against the barrier they made like water breaks against a cliff, but they were sufficient to keep him from releasing anything and thus he remained powerless. Maybe if he hadn’t spent the last month motionless and flopping about on the floor letting his muscles atrophy then he might have been physically strong enough to think about another route for escape. Hindsight had always been a bitch.

All things considered, though, his situation wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. He had expected his jailors to drive him hard with impossible tasks but Madara hadn’t lied when he talked about hauling laundry around. It earned him all sorts of different looks, from curious to barely concealed distaste, but he supposed he could understand that. He too would have stopped to stare upon seeing his ancestral enemy waltzing through the compound to go wash clothes in the little stream running through the western quadrant. Knowing he would have done the same did not stop him from making each trip with a stiff back and a constant frown of discomfort, hating the feeling of so many hostile eyes on his back. It seemed a miracle that no one had yet tried to attack him while he was vulnerable. Whether they refrained because Madara had warned them to leave him unharmed or whether they all simply enjoyed seeing him lowered to this state had yet to be determined.

Tobirama hurried back to the Head family home as quickly today as he had every morning for the past couple of weeks. Working for Madara wasn’t so bad as long as he was able to keep his pride in check. And doing that was easy enough when he reminded himself that he was literally nothing now, no clan name to back him, no authority to wield. Honest work was about the only option he had left, though if he had found honest work anywhere else he would certainly have expected to be paid for it, but even if he would hesitate to admit it he was grateful in a strange way for a break from the horrors of the battlefield. So far the work he had been given was mostly house chores and it was a novel thing not to wash blood from his skin at the end of every day.

Letting himself passed the front gate of Madara’s home, Tobirama first made his way around to the backyard to hang the clean clothing up to dry. When the line was full and his basket empty he went in through the back door, eyed the dishes in the sink, and then dismissed them in favor of wandering down the hall towards Madara’s office. Easy his duties might be but some of them were still abhorrent. That particular chore could wait until the end of the day when he could get rid of them all at once.

Madara’s office was cushier than his own workspace had been in the Senju compound, one corner of the room piled high with pillows in case the man was too tired to crawl down the hallway to his bedroom at night, the other wall lined with squat bookshelves and ancient weaponry hung like decorations above. Tobirama made his way straight towards the pillows to flop down and stare morosely at the man kneeling at his desk, right under the window where he could make full use of whatever daylight came filtering through the protective mesh screens.

“Done?” Madara asked, not lifting his gaze from whatever he was reading.

“Clearly,” Tobirama drawled in return. Then he sank further down in to the pillows and closed his eyes to sulk pointedly.

“Hmm, that was quick.”

“Didn’t feel quick. Why do your clothes always require extra scrubbing?”

Madara chuckled. “I make sure they’re extra dirty just to frustrate you.”

Even if he knew that wasn’t true, it still sounded enough like something he would do that Tobirama gave a low noise of disgust. Actually he had noticed it was really Izuna’s clothing that always took longer to clean and from the dirt stains in certain places he suspected a harsh training regimen as the culprit. He hadn’t yet found the courage to ask whether his rival had always trained this often or if it was a newly developed habit; he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. Was he supposed to feel guilty about how much damage the man could do in battle without himself there as a shield, an equal force to cancel out the deaths either of them were capable of causing in a single encounter?

As if sensing his thoughts spiraling downwards again, Madara grunted from across the room and Tobirama opened his eyes just in time to catch the scroll that had been tossed at his head.

“You’re supposed to be a genius, right? Here’s your next chore.”

When he opened it to find columns of messily scrawled numbers he lifted one eyebrow with conflicted reactions warring inside him.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to let the prisoner do your accounting?” he asked. Madara waved his question off with one hand, still engrossed in his own work.

“There’s no names on there to tell you who our suppliers are, no locations to give away. It’s just numbers. You’re a scientist, shouldn’t you be good at numbers?” The man shrugged carelessly. “Reckon the columns and you can take a break. Just make sure you’re back here to cook dinner.”

“Seriously?”

“Like I said: they’re just numbers. What harm could you do knowing how much we spent on food the past few months?”

Tobirama held his breath, unrolling the scroll to take a second look. There was a lot of damage he could cause with these numbers, actually. Many people would pay handsomely for even small information like this; he could think of a dozen different weaknesses he could assume from just food budgets alone. He would have liked to say he could buy his way back in to the Senju’s good graces by providing them with inside information but he wasn’t that stupid. They weren’t that easily bought, as much as he wished suddenly that they were. Since the scroll in his hands was as good a distraction as any against such musings he buried himself in the task given to him without complaint.

It was oddly nice to be given something to do that used his brain again after so long. Working out simple arithmetic wasn’t exactly a challenge but the routine calculations were time consuming and it was better mental exercise than wondering what he could add to his detergent that would make the laundry a little softer once it dried.

When the damnable seals had first been applied to his wrists and he realized Madara was serious about putting him to work he had thought perhaps they intended to take advantage of his mind. He’d been infamous from a young age for his genius and his knack for creating new jutsu, new weapons, and for the sealing skills he had cultivated with the aid of books sent to him by their Uzumaki allies. As much as he appreciated not being forced to bring those skills to bear in a war that would inevitably find its way to the people he once loved, household chores did get boring after a while. Being asked to help with the accounting was almost like Madara was granting him a treat for good behavior.

He avoided mentioning that in case the fool grew contrary and took it away.

Although it only took him twenty or so minutes to work through the entirety of the small portion he’d been given, Tobirama neglected to mention he was finished for another couple of minutes, taking an opportunity to quietly study the other man in the room. Madara was more of a mystery to him every day. The most Tobirama had ever known of him before was a screaming battle persona and the exaggerated memories Hashirama liked to wax poetic about every so often. He had expected his time under the man’s thumb to leave him bone-weary at the end of every day from bring run in to the ground with work; he had expected to be humiliated and degraded, to have his temper tried at every turn.

Reality was much harder to wrap his head around. Madara was calm in the moments between the never ending string of disasters that made up his life. For making such an impressive figure in battle he was incredibly goofy in everyday life. He woke with his hair sticking out at funny angles and walked in to walls before consuming his morning coffee. He sat down on pins the clan children left on his cushion and hung his body out the window to shout at them without a care for how it left his rump on comical display. He tripped on rocks and absently stabbed people with chopsticks while making gestures and even stood on his own hair sometimes when he tried to get up from his desk.

But in the moments around those, when he was still and there was no one to disturb him, he was as calm and poised as any clan head should be. Under the screaming and the wild mane there was a good head with a smart brain. Beneath that lay a bleeding heart that gave in to a good set of pleading puppy eyes faster than Tobirama had ever seen.

Had he been captured by any other clan at odds with the Senju, Tobirama knew very well that most would not have taken the time to hear his story let alone believed him enough to look in to it themselves. And even less would have seen any point in keeping him alive once they realized that he could be of no use as a bargaining chip. Maybe Madara really did just want a slave to keep his house clean and his yard tidy but he was a kinder master than Tobirama would have found in anyone else. If he had been given the option to choose his own path he would have chosen death in an instant. But if he had to choose his own captivity, as much as he hated to admit it, he would choose Madara a hundred times over.

At least, based on his experience so far.

Warm and comfortable in the mountain of pillows he had sunk his body in to, Tobirama never noticed he was falling asleep in the midday sun until his eyes slid closed and he was already gone. The scroll of accounts slipped from his fingers to roll gently across the floor and bump in to Madara’s knee but Tobirama was not awake to see the soft look in those dark eyes as his greatest enemy sat and watched him sleep away the afternoon.

[vivasciouslay]

AHAGEHWNABQJQHAVA I ABSOLUTELY LOVED ITTT AND I CAN'T WAIT TO READ MOREE!!!!!

I love Sasuke's reaction BWAHAHAHAHAHAAJ

Your family loooves you, Uchiha (Sasuke) Izuna!

My (Late!! I’m very sorry) fic for @oh-no-its-bird’s ninburger secret santa fic swap for @vivasciouslay , I hope you like it :]

Surely kidnapping and replacing the Uchiha clan heir with your identical friend (who hasn’t felt familial affection in 10 years because his family is Dead) is a flawless plan to save the world, right? What can go wrong