#lying out my ass when people ask me when I’m gonna propose LMAO

[killhadrian]

if nobody else got me I know my wife got me 🥹

[emeren]

speed racer pt.2 - eren jaeger

pairing: eren jaeger x fem!reader

word count: 4.3 k 

content warnings: 18+, smut, car sex, possessiveness, choking, dangerous driving idk LMAO

notes: it’s my birthday today! my gift to you all is speed racer pt. 2!!!! pt. 1 is not necessary to enjoy this oneshot, but may help with some context. here is that! 

SUMMARY: eren takes the reader for a drive where he decides to clear some things up about their relationship in his own special way. 

“it’ll be quick; i promise,” eren’s voice brought you from your daydream, head shifting against the cold window to look at him in the driver’s seat. his hair was up, brows furrowed in guilt as he waited for your response. 

you let out a dramatic sigh, reaching to unbuckle your seatbelt. “fine, but i’m not going to wait in the car.” 

“once it’s over i’ll buy you some food,” he rationed, unbuckling his seatbelt the same. you eyed him suspiciously, waiting for the inevitable sexual innuendo to leave his lips. “n’then i’ll take you back to mine and fuck you, just like you want.”

your unspoken agreement with eren had become routine at this point. after your mutually discovered attraction a couple weeks prior, the two of you had spent many a night in his bed, unashamedly basking in your sexual tension. 

the concept of sex buddies hadn’t been one you’d previously dived into, and you would’ve been lying if you’d said you didn’t want to be exclusive. it only made matters worse that eren insisted on doing everything with you at this point, including dragging you to his board meetings for his sponsorship. he was a pain in the ass, but he was a pain in the ass that treated you like his girlfriend. 

you wanted to make it official, but were too scared of embarrassing yourself, so you resorted to enjoying things the way they were. frienemies with benefits, as eren would say. 

“c’mon, don’t be so vulgar,” you responded, slipping out of the car as eren snickered to himself quietly. you hated the fact that his comments made your face heat up. you were beginning to act like a schoolgirl around him, infatuated by your little crush. 

“you know you love it,” eren smirked over the top of the car as he joined you, locking the vehicle. it was dark outside, the stadium brightly illuminated against the navy sky. “what was it you said again? ‘i want this just as much as you do’?”

you scowled, giving his arm a hard shove. he would not let you forget the things you’d said in the heat of the moment. “oh, fuck off.” you snipped. 

eren laughed again, jokingly rubbing his arm as the two of you walked up to the stadium. it was around eight, the building being nearly vacant save for the members of eren’s sponsorship board inside. 

“what’s the meeting about?” you asked as he held the door open for you, a gush of air conditioning making you shudder. 

“if i’m being honest, i don’t know,” eren replied, his eyes settling past you. as you turned your head, you saw a group of exhausted looking men in worn grey suits talking quietly amongst themselves. they stopped whispering at the sound of the door opening; a short, balding man making his way over. 

“mr. jaeger, thank you for coming on such short notice,” his voice was thick as he spoke, obviously a smoker. eren reached out to shake his hand, the man’s beady eyes settling on your face as he did so. “i’m sorry, but we won’t be allowing any unauthorized people in this meeting.” 

startled, you looked to eren, whose face did all but curse at the short man. “do you mind waiting out here?” 

“oh, yeah, no biggie,” you smiled reassuringly. he shot you a look of gratitude, mouthing the words “i’m sorry” as he walked off with the group. it was funny to watch him go; surrounded by serious men in suits while he wore jeans, a sweatshirt, and a pair of sneakers. not to mention he was about a foot taller than the rest of them. 

a sigh escaped your lips as they disappeared around the corner. the building was ominous when you were alone; large and vacant, normally filled with people excitedly bustling to watch a race. without the energy, it was downright creepy. 

you decided to stand against the wall while you waited, anxiously toying with the hem of your skirt and counting the number of fluorescent bulbs that flickered in the ceiling. 

the distant rumble of talking suddenly hit your ears, head snapping in the direction of the sound. it was getting louder, obviously two people approaching. you readied yourself to launch into an explanation as to why you were sitting alone in the stadium, after hours, only to be pleasantly surprised at who rounded the corner. 

“yo, what’re you doing here?” connie cried out in excitement, a smile splitting across his face. he was with jean, the two of them spattered with engine oil and dirt. 

you grinned back, pushing yourself off the wall to meet them halfway. “eren had a sponsorship meeting and dragged me along. what about you guys?” 

jean smirked at your response, sharing a look with connie that went unnoticed by you. “well, connie accidentally told the boss that we don’t know jack-shit about car mechanics, so now we have to go to a stupid workshop five days a week.” 

“hey, it’s not my fault he was eavesdropping on our conversation with armin,” connie retorted, coming to stand beside you. you smiled at your friends, happy they were there. “we’ll wait with you, if you want?” he proposed. 

“that’d be great,” you sighed. “eren said they’re usually only like thirty minutes long, so we won’t be here all night.” 

“about that,” jean started, uncomfortably bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. you frowned, wondering where he was going with this. “are you and him, like, y’know...” 

you paused for a moment, deciding to play dumb. “huh?” 

“are you and jaeger-meister dating?” connie interjected, wiggling his brows. despite knowing that this is where the conversation was going, you couldn’t help the wave of embarrassment that washed over you. you shifted uncomfortably in place, looking between your friends. 

“i don’t know,” you answered honestly. “i can’t tell if he likes me or not. god, this is so high school.” you muttered. 

jean gave you an apologetic smile, opening his mouth to speak before connie decided to give his own advice. “huh? why wouldn’t he like you? you’re a hot piece of ass!” 

a laugh escaped your mouth at his idiocy, jean dishing him a scowl. “don’t listen to him. personally, i can’t see why you’d want to date that little shit.” 

“yeah, it’s pretty embarrassing,” you replied demurely. 

“well, if you like him that much, i say go for it,” connie shrugged. you eyed him warily, waiting for the ‘but’. the three of you stood in silence for a moment longer, considering what to say next. 

“do you want my help?” jean asked apprehensively. he looked put-off by something, but you couldn’t tell exactly what. connie gave him an incredulous look. 

“sure, i guess,” you responded. in some ways, you felt bad for jean. your friendship had been built off of a mutual distaste of eren, and now that you two were sleeping together, the playful mockery with jean had died down. he motioned his head back towards the wall, indicating that you and connie should follow. 

“alright, here’s my plan,” he whispered dramatically. connie nodded his head, the two of you leaning in as if it were some grand escapade. “eren is a dumbass. in fact, i think he still has the brain of an ape.” 

you rolled your eyes, suppressing a laugh as connie nodded once again in agreement. “get to the point, he’ll be out here any minute now.” 

“alright, alright!” jean held his hands up defensively. “i genuinely don’t think he’s capable of intelligent thought. that being said, i believe the right way to gage his feelings are to activate his instincts.” 

“dude, how long have you been planning this?” connie snorted. you couldn’t help but smile at just how funny the two of them were. 

 “never mind that,” jean shooed him back in annoyance. you raised your brow impatiently. “we need to make him jealous. if my assumptions are correct, it’ll piss him off and then you can tell him that he’s the only one you’re interested in.” 

you pulled back from the huddle, unsure about his grand plan. “i dunno, jean. this sounds kinda stupid, if i’m being honest.” 

“oh, c’mon,” jean begged, a devious smile on his features. “this’ll be our last chance to taunt him together.” 

connie grinned as you contemplated it. “i think this is a great plan!” 

you groaned, the small side of you that liked to make fun of eren starting to grow once again. “okay, fine. how’re we gonna do this?” 

“leave that to me,” jean smirked. as if on cue, you could hear the bustle of the sponsorship men coming down the hallway. your tall friend was quick to step behind you, wrapping his arms around your torso and placing his chin on your shoulder, effectively pulling you to his chest. “follow my lead.” he whispered into your ear. 

you couldn’t help the heat that rose to your cheeks at the action. jean was respectfully keeping a distance between your ass and his groin, but he was close enough that it wasn’t very obvious. 

connie started to babble about a new korean barbecue restaurant that he and sasha were planning on going to, you rocking in jean’s arms to make the sight believable. 

your heartbeat was drumming in your chest as eren rounded the corner, his professional smile plastered on his angular face. he was in the middle of talking with the balding man from earlier, eyes fixed on him. jean gave your waist a squeeze in reassurance. 

eren’s gaze peeled from the short man, teal eyes landing on you and jean all cozy. it was as if a flip was switched; the professional smile he’d been wearing slid off his features with ease, face hardening. 

you held his angry stare for a moment before turning to connie, laughing at whatever had been said, the feeling of jean’s breath against the shell of your ear as he let out a light chuckle. “it’s working.” 

you heaved out a deep breath, focusing on connie instead of eren. you could feel his eyes practically burning holes in your head, shifting your neck so that yours fell back on jean’s opposite shoulder. 

“alright, that should be it for tonight,” you heard one of the men say, glancing back over to them. you didn’t look for long though, quickly noticing that eren’s stare was intently focused on you and jean. 

the men shuffled past the three of you, leaving the building. “hey, jaeger. we ran into y/n as we were leaving.” jean hummed against your shoulder. 

you looked back at eren, who was standing in front of you with his eyebrows furrowed. jean must’ve been right, judging by eren’s face. 

“we’re leaving.” eren deadpanned, taking a step forward. he wasn’t looking at jean, rather staring directly at you. you could feel a slight amount of guilt creep up your spine, jean sighing exceptionally loud as he pulled away from you.

“do you guys wanna come to the korean barbecue place with us? it’s gonna be real good,” connie asked innocently. eren didn’t look away from you, his jaw clenching. 

“no. we’ve got other plans.” he said seriously, reaching forward to grab your hand and tug you the opposite way from the doors. 

“woah, eren, you’re going the wrong way,” you huffed in confusion, trying not to trip as he yanked you away from your friends. he continued forward, not looking back. 

“uh, bye i guess?” jean yelled. you looked over your shoulder to see the two of them giving you a thumbs up. you dished them an appreciative smile as you rounded the corner. 

“eren, where are we going?” 

eren stayed silent for a moment, not letting go of your wrist. “for a drive.” 

“huh? but your car is in the lot out front?” you mumbled, absolutely dumbfounded. the tall man didn’t respond, large hand still wrapped around your wrist. 

it wasn’t until you came to a familiar large door, eren giving it an unnecessarily hard shove. the lights flicked on, revealing ten shiny race cars, all perfectly lined up. 

eren let go of your wrist, making his way over to his own car. it was a sleek black with white checker decals, much like the rest of the vehicles in the garage. you’d seen it before, as it was quite literally one of eren’s most prized possessions. 

you stood in the doorway, eyeing him warily. “your race car? you never take it out on regular roads.”

eren’s jaw clenched as he unlocked the car, pieces of hair falling in his face. he looked upset, muscular arm propped on the roof and brows laced with annoyance. 

he walked around to the other side, opening the passenger door for you. it was strange, seeing him dressed in his regular clothes next to his race car. something about the nonchalance was attractive, teal eyes looking at you expectantly. “c’mon. be a good girl and get in the car.” 

at his choice of words you swallowed, inwardly cursing jean for his plan. you knew you were in for it, judging by the fact that eren only referred to you as good girl when he had his most sinful plans in mind. maybe you should’ve just talked to eren about making things official rather than making him jealous, you thought. too late now. 

“okay,” you sighed, resolutely deciding to accept whatever fate it was that jean had painted for you. you crossed your arms, slowly approaching eren. you stopped right as you were about to slip into the car, looking up at him through your lashes. he stared down at you, eyes serious. 

you slipped into the dark interior of the car without further discussion, the cold leather making you shiver as eren shut the door. you observed him through the windshield as he pressed a button to open the garage before getting in the car himself. 

the smell of his cologne filled the car, your teeth nervously nibbling at the skin on the inside of your lip as he turned the vehicle on. you’d never been inside the car before, only seeing it on the track and in the garage when you came to pester your friends before a race. 

it rode impossibly smooth, eren bringing his hand to the back of your seat as he backed out of the garage. you tried not to stare at the way his arm flexed, jawline enhanced as he strained his neck, but you couldn’t help yourself. he was just so hot. 

eren must’ve felt your eyes, glancing down at you momentarily with an expressionless look. you quickly shifted in your seat to stare out the window, heat burning in your cheeks. god, why was this suddenly so awkward?

it was silent as he drove out of the arena, the dark city glittering against the sky. it was beautiful at night, skyscrapers lit up all pretty. you quickly found yourself distracted by the view, leaning your head against the cool glass. you were so consumed that you didn’t notice eren merging onto the freeway. 

you were brought out of your trance at the feeling of his large hand resting on your upper thigh, grip tight and possessive. you glanced to him again, lifting your head from the window. 

he was staring straight forward, foot slowly increasing the gas. you felt your chest tighten, seeing how he was riding the tail of a minivan in front of you. 

“eren,” you warned, insinuating that he slow down. his index finger tapped tauntingly on your bare thigh, slowly rising up the skin. the fabric of your skirt rode up, eren weaving past the minivan with one hand on the wheel. 

“i have a question for you,” he said lowly, eyes not leaving the road. you gulped, a strange mix of arousal and anxiety pitting itself in your stomach as his hand reached the apex of your thigh. the side of his pinky brushed against your pelvis. “hm, no underwear?” 

you felt a pang of embarrassment. in your defense, you’d thought tonight was just going to be spent hooking up with the man, not going to the arena. “i, uh-”

“so, jean had his dick pressed against your ass and you didn’t have underwear on?” his voice was deep, jealously dripping from every word. your breath hitched as his middle and ring finger slid against your clit with ease, already soaking wet. 

eren’s shoe pressed down on the gas again, the car zipping in and out between other vehicles on the freeway. his fingers rubbed against your clit slowly, your legs subconsciously spreading to give him better access. it felt so good, the way he was circling the nerves with desirable pressure. 

“mmm, eren slow down, you’re going to crash the car,” you mumbled, watching as he sped up, whipping past the other vehicles. he was easily approaching 100 mph, your anxiety beginning to outweigh the pleasure. as if sensing this, eren sped up his fingers as well, a whimper leaving your mouth. 

“i know it’s bad for me to be so jealous,” eren said flatly, his middle finger deviating from the ring finger to slowly insert itself into your tight cunt. he pumped it slowly, still not looking at you. he was pushing 110 at this point, doing so with ease. “but something about jean touching you. being so close to you like that.” 

his ring finger joined the middle, the two sliding in and out of you, curling slightly. it was hard to stay focused on his reckless driving when he was fucking you with his fingers like that, your mind feeling fuzzy as a passing car laid on its horn. 

“eren,” you breathed out in worry, his fingers hitting your sweet spot in order to make you shut up. “you gotta slo-” 

an involuntary whimper left your lips as he curled his fingers particularly deep, the tingling sensation at your core beginning to build. you looked over to him, and boy what a mistake that was. 

his one arm was flexed, hand gripping the wheel so tightly his knuckles were turning white. he was entirely focused on the road, eyebrows furrowed intently as his other hand purposefully increased its speed. he was so so hot.

you stifled another moan as your eyes looked forward again, the sight of eren nearly clipping a subaru outback making you sit forward.

“you’re going to crash!” you gasped. 

“i’ll slow down if you answer my question,” eren growled, his thumb coming to rub your clit rapidly as his fingers continued to pump in and out of your cunt. you hissed at the newfound pleasure, your head coming back to rest against the seat. 

“yes, yes, okay,” you agreed, screwing your eyes shut to avoid looking at how fast he was driving. 

eren took a deep breath, giving you a sideways glance. he’d never done this before, but he’d also never felt this way about someone. the way you clenched so good around his fingers making his chest tighten. he made you feel this good, not jean. the thought brought a smirk to his face as you let out a strangled moan. 

“i’ll stop speeding if you agree to be my girlfriend,” eren’s words shocked you right out of your pleasure coma, eyes widening as you jolted upright in your seat. did he really just say that? did jean’s plan actually work?

his hand jerked the steering wheel to the side, your mind too preoccupied with his statement to even notice his fingers had stilled inside of you, anxious for your answer. he wasn’t looking at you, eyes still locked on the road. 

you held your breath as you noticed how fast your heart was beating. “i thought you’d never ask.” you responded, cheeks burning. 

eren’s lips curled upwards, pulling his fingers from inside of you. your eyes followed his long digits as he popped the middle two into his mouth, sucking your bitter sheen from his knuckles. he was your boyfriend. he wanted you to be his girlfriend. “good girl.” he mumbled. 

you glanced back at the freeway, surprised as eren jerked the steering wheel, making an abrupt exit. it appeared to deviate into the woods, your eyes flitting nervously to the man beside you. “um, where are you taking me?” 

“i’m just fulfilling my promise,” he answered, bringing his hand back to grip your thigh. his fingers were wet with his saliva, the sight bringing a strong throb to your core. oh yeah, i never finished. “’member? i said once we were done with my meeting i was going to fuck you.” 

you suppressed an excited smile at his vulgar words, pressing your thighs together for some form of relief. you were painfully aroused, the burning sensation almost too much to bear. 

“plus, it seems like you never learn,” eren’s words were suddenly serious as he pulled the car up a gravel road. there was a sharp drop off to the side, the city skyline sparkling in the distance. you cocked a brow at him. “you’re my girlfriend now, but i’m still pissed about that stunt you pulled with jean. gonna have to punish you, of course.” 

you swallowed as he shut the car off, the city sitting innocently in view. the spot between your legs was aching, desperate for some form of release. you couldn’t help the swell in your chest at the fact that eren was your boyfriend now, anxiously awaiting whatever he had in mind. 

eren leaned over you, maintaining a deep stare as he shifted your seat into a flat position. his fingers lightly danced across your skin as he unbuckled your belt, face hovering above the hem of your skirt. he glanced back up to you, teal eyes glinting in the darkness. 

“can’t wait to fuck my new girlfriend,” eren growled, wasting no time in climbing on top of you. he shifted your legs so that your knees were bent by your head, wet cunt on full display in front of him. he stared down at you, a hand on each knee. “shit, you’re so hot like this.” 

he slowly brought a finger to your center, the feeling of his cold digit gliding against you bringing slight relief to the deep ache. his eyes were focused below your waist, lazily flitting upwards as he brought his finger to your lips. “taste.” 

you happily accepted, wrapping your lips around his finger. your tongue swirled around his knuckle, the saccharin taste filling your mouth. he pulled it from your lips, a devilish grin on his features. 

“i can’t wait any longer,” he breathed, leaning forward to press his lips against yours. the kiss was deep and heated, however it felt different from all the others you’d shared in the past. it was meaningful and tender, slow and deliberate. his tongue swiped your lip, slipping into your mouth with a sigh. 

his hands undid his pants as you kissed, the sound of his belt being undone filling the small space. you could feel him positioning the tip of his cock at your entrance, sliding it against your slick. 

eren pulled back to look at you, breaths mingled for a moment before he pushed past your entrance, burying himself deep within you. the stretch was slightly uncomfortable and you were convinced you’d never get accustomed to the sheer size of his dick.

eren didn’t wait for you to adjust, flexing his hips back to give you another purposeful thrust. a whimper slipped past your lips at the feeling, his hand leaving your leg and lightly wrapping around your neck. 

“fuck,” he hissed, speeding up his pace. your walls clenched around him, climax fast approaching with every deep thrust of his cock within your cunt. “feels so good fucking you when you’re all mine.” 

his hand tightened around your throat, the combined pressure at both ends of your body only adding to the pleasure as he rammed into you. he grunted as his other hand pressed your legs forward, getting a better angle so that he could fill you to the hilt. 

a strangled cry ripped from your throat as he hit particularly deep, bringing his face down to roughly kiss your lips. he was breathing heavily, the car shaking as he bucked his hips into yours.

eren craned his neck down to look at where his length disappeared inside of you, a small smile toying at his features. the sight caused his cock to twitch, relishing in just how nicely he filled you up. you were his, and he was yours. 

just the thought of you being his girlfriend was enough; a loud groan leaving his chest as he pressed his hips against yours. you could feel him release himself inside of you, the thick sensation bringing on a much anticipated orgasm. your limbs grew cold, the pleasure reaching the tips of your fingers. 

eren placed a chaste kiss to your forehead, gazing down at you. “my girlfriend is so fucking hot.” he grinned. 

you rolled your eyes at his cheesy comment, swatting his chest playfully. he carefully removed himself from you, trying not to drip onto the car seat. 

“here, pretty. you’ll have to keep your legs up,” he instructed as he pulled his pants back up. you frowned, the thought of holding this position the whole way back somewhat daunting. 

“huh? but how am i supposed to keep this stuff from coming out?” you whined, still trying to regain your composure. eren’s face was flushed as he smirked at you. 

“that’ll be your punishment, m’kay?” he said smugly. you scoffed, holding your knees in each hand. 

“but that’ll be impossible!” 

“don’t worry,” he leaned forward to kiss your lips once again. “i’ll drive slow.” 

<3 <3 <3

[khaleesiofalicante]

OK I’M HERE! I READ IT! I’M LATE BUT IT DID IT! SERIOUSLY REGRETTING NOT READING IT EARLIER! FUCK SLEEP WHO NEEDS SLEEP!

I LOVE THE TWINS SO MUCH SHCDUJUHKFDUISVFDHYDEBCSJ

LEXI TELLING EVERYONE THAT SHE CAN TALK TO RAZIEL BESTIE YOU DOING GREAT!!!

“Lying is wrong!” Selena had told her sister.

“Yes, but cookies are delicious,” Lexi had pointed out, munching on them.

“Daddy!” Selena had said. “Tell her it’s wrong.”

“Lying is wrong!” Daddy had said, but she had barely heard a word since his mouth had been stuffed with cookies too.

LYING IS OKAY IF YOU GET COOKIES

She did not care much for jewellery, especially expensive ones. But Magnus had given this to her – and she didn’t want to take it off.

She combed her long hair and tied it into a high ponytail. If she was going shopping with Magnus, she had to look her best.

It was fine. There were worse ways to spend your tenth birthday. She got to spend it with Magnus. She was not going to complain about it.

AWWW SHE’S LITERALLY MAGNUS’ NO.1 FAN UHSDUCSDUYSDCFUYKSVCD

“Oh!” Selena had beamed. “Like Magnus! He always looks so magnificent!”

“Sure,” David had said, his ears pink in the cold. “That’s who I was thinking about.”

I don’t know much but I do know that his ears were not pink because of the cold and he was not thinking about Magnus.

Selena remembered wishing she caught the fever so Magnus could take care of her too.

Same- I MEAN WOULDN’T WE ALL??

ALSO, MAX STAYING WITH DAVID WHEN HE WAS SICK DWHYDYGUFEYUKGFYEUGFEWUYG

Oh, Jocelyn died.

Rip I guess?

OOOO THEY INVITED THE COHORT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF BECAUSE SHADOWHUNTERS ARE DYING OF MUNDANE ILLNESSES

I say we kill them.

Selena had never felt anger like that before. She had wanted to drown that awful man in the lake she floated around in her dreams.

BESTIE SAME

“Lettuce?”

“Yes?”

“No screaming when I show you the gift,” Daddy said. “We have visitors at the institute.”

“Is it a sword?” Lexi asked.

“No,” Daddy replied.

“Then I won’t scream,” her twin shrugged at him.

AHUEDCHGUHFEWUIFUIRUI SHE’S SUCH A HERONDALE I LOVE-

PUPPY OH MY GOD IT’S A PUPPY!!!!!!!!

“IT’S A PUPPY! IT’S A PUPPY! OH MY GOD, IT’S A PUPPY! DAVID GOT US A PUPPY!”

Her twin had jumped – no, leaped – off the counter and dashed towards their father, who was holding a small grey puppy in his arms.

“I AM SO SORRY I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT YOU, LITTLE FRIEND. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I WILL PROTECT YOU WITH MY TWENTY TOY SWORDS!”

“Lexi, stop screaming!” Mommy said. “You will wake everyone up.”

“EVERYONE WAKE UP AND COME MEET MY PUPPY!” Lexi screamed even louder.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH DHJBSDCHJBFSJSFEDSF

She drew the unlock rune on the door the way her daddy did on his office door and sneaked into the Consul’s office.

I’m not even surprised anymore-

AWW, SELENA GOING THERE TO LOOK AT THE MURAL OF IDRIS. YOU’LL GO THERE ONE DAY BESTIE I PROMISE

ANJALI IS HERE Y’ALL!!!!!!!

Anjali walked over to her father’s desk, sat down on the chair, and put her feet on the table.

The Inquisitor’s table.

Only she could get away with something like that.

THERE’S MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER Y’ALL

EVEN ALEC IS WARY OF HER UHJSDVCUHSVDUUHSVUHSUIVGRVSR

Selena loved Idris with all her heart. But she knew Idris was not a perfect place.

Any place that was mean to Magnus could never be perfect.

EXACTLY

“Well, it turned out well for me,” Anjali winked. “Now when he gives me shit for my ‘bad judgement’ I just throw his dating history in his face. Dated Zara Dearborn? Broke up with Cristina Rosales? Yikes. Could not be me.”

BESTIE YES! HOW CAN DIEGO JUDGE PEOPLE’S JUDGEMENT WHEN HIS DATING HISTORY LOOKS LIKE THAT???

“Just because he looks like a movie star, it doesn’t mean everything should be handed to him,” Anjali answered, rolling her eyes. “Entitled piece of shit.”

You know I kinda ship them-

“Dang, girl. No practice swords for you, huh. You just straight up went for the mortal sword. I like your style.”

“Uncle Kit!” Selena yelled and ran towards him.

KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT KIT HISDUIDEUYKFSFUS7IKKIYGVFSDLY7TKGVFEDYTGFECYGU

ASH OMG ASH IS HERE TOO!!!!

"some man called Anus" BYE-

PARABATAI KIT AND ASH OMG

The whole pre-meeting prep is kinda giving me pre-wedding vibes idk how to explain but the whole rush and organizing that day and making calls and stuff.

“Ash was very beautiful. After Magnus of course” “She liked Aunt Izzy best. After Magnus of course,” GIRL HAS HER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT

"How bad can the cohort be?" well you see-

“Is that the cohort?” Selena asked, her voice a whisper.

“No, that’s a bitch.”

Yup. that’s accurate

“Is he here?”

“Whom?” Daddy asked.

“Alec Lightwood,” the woman asked.

“You mean the Consul?” Daddy asked.

“I meant Alec.”

“The Consul?”

“Alec!”

“Who also happens to be the Consul?”

“Fine, yes, the Consul!” the woman sounded impatient. “Is he here yet?”

It’s Lightwood-Bane bitch

AWWW SELENA DESCRIBING ALEC AS REGAL THAT’S SO CUTE

And accurate-

IT’S THE SAME BLUE AGAIN

Selena noticed her father was looking very emotional. She couldn’t blame him.

“My liege,” Daddy bowed deeply.

“Cut it out,” the Consul smacked him. “What’s the status?”

Yup, that’s them. Also same Jace.Same.

“I always expected the offspring of these two to be like…”

“Like what?” Daddy demanded.

At that moment, Lexi ran past the hall, yelling and screaming as she carried a toy sword in one hand and Dorian Gray in another.

“MAKE WAY FOR ALEXANDRA THE GREAT AND HER LOYAL COMPANION DORIAN GRAY! CHRISTOPHER! BRING ME MY OTHER NINETEEN SWORDS! WE MUST SET FIRE TO THE EVIL EMPEROR AND SAVE THE PRINCESS!”

“Like that,” Magnus chuckled.

Will in the afterlife, wiping tears: A true Herondale.

“I hope so too, Magnus,” Selena said shyly.

The Consul frowned at that. “It’s Uncle Magnus to you.”

Selena ignored that. The Consul was not the boss of her.

Well, technically he was the boss of everyone. But still!

UHNJCSDUHUSDHSVUDVUD SELENA

Do not remind me. I would like to remain blissfully unaware that not all of them are mortal :D

The Consul grumbled and turned to Mommy. “You were right to name her Fairchild. She is going to be a pain in my ass.”

“Hey!” Daddy covered Selena's ears again. “It’s like you guys didn't get my monthly newsletter on language modification!”

“No one here reads your newsletter, Jace,” Aunt Izzy rolled her eyes.

"I do," the Consul put up his hand.

Of course, you do Alec. I can totally see the LBAF gang defying Alec left and right UHKGXUYCSUYGCSYCFSED

“Izzy, how many times!” the Consul grumbled. “No placing bets on the children. Besides, everyone knows it’s going to be Alexandra.”

“Hey!” her parents said at the same time.

“What are y’all doing here?” Lexi came running then, cause her superpower was to magically appear whenever someone was talking about her. “We have shit to do! Come on!”

“Not helping, Lettuce!” Daddy shook his head. “Clary, take the lead.”

Of course, it’s gonna be Lexi.

FHUJCSDUHSDUHJ SELENA NOT UNDERSTANDING THE INNUENDO MAGNUS MADE LMAO NOT IN FRONT OF THE KIDS

“My name is Alexander Lightwood-Bane. I’m the Consul of the Clave. You will talk to me with respect.”

Selena saw Zara flinch at that. It was satisfying to watch.

Zara, I will gladly feed you to sharks stfu

“You sound a little jealous,” Zara grinned. “If you want to come back, we can arrange that. You could leave that good for nothing husband of yours and-”

“Zara, I swear by the angel,” Aunt Izzy said through gritted teeth. “Insult my husband again and see what happens.”

ISABELLE YES! I NEED MORE SIZZY WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF THESE TWO

SHE DID NOT JUST INSULT MAX AND RAFE FUCK YOU BITCH

OH, NOW SHE INSULTED THE TWINS. I WILL DROWN YOU DO NOT TEST ME

“They called me a freak too,” her mother spoke. “Insult our children again and I will show you what freaks can do.”

YES CLARY

Max and David were really close. Like Daddy and Uncle Alec.

Maybe even closer. Like Uncle Alec and Magnus - cause one of them was a warlock! And they always gave each other dopey looks.

HJBASYUGJCESDYUTGVCSDUTVSDT6U7VSDC THIS! (I think they get together because of the snippet but if they don’t-)

The moment Magnus left, Max snatched the credit card and whistled. “Y’all, Christmas came early.”

“We can’t just buy anything, Max,” Rafe rolled his eyes. “Dad will be pissed when he finds out.”

“Maybe we should buy little things we can hide,” Max winked. “Little…but expensive things.”

“Oh, like diamond rings?” Lexi gleamed.

“What would you even do with diamond rings?” Selena demanded.

“Sell them in the black market in exchange for cash,” Lexi replied.

“By the angel, Lex,” Rafe chuckled. “I'm gonna keep both my eyes on you.”

LEXI YES OMG YES YES YES YES

“Your demands are unacceptable,” Rafe said, imitating his father. “How about ice-cream?”

“I accept your counter proposal,” Lexi nodded, imitating Daddy. “Let’s unleash hell in Baskin-Robbins.”

BASKIN ROBBINS BOUTA BE RAIDED BY 4 CHAOTIC CHILDREN LET’S GO

Holy fuck she has children. Who’s the poor father?

“These are my sisters Saraquel and Remiel and Michael,” the boy pointed at the girls, completely ignoring Rafe’s comment. “Our parents named us after the archangels.”

“And they called us angel freaks?” Lexi muttered incredulously.

“I know, Lexi. Fancy names indeed,” Max nodded. “But kinda hard to pronounce to be honest.”

A very genuine what the fuck

“My name is Alexandra James Herondale,” Lexi said, her voice steady. “And I am named after the greatest Consul and dopest archer of all time. He is a better man than any of your dumb archangels.”

YES LEXI YOU GO, GIRL

“Idris is lame,” Max snorted now. “You don’t even have internet.”

Lexi shuddered at that.

The reason I would never want to live in Idris

THE WAY SELENA WAS READY TO BEAT THE GUY UP WHEN HE INSULTED MAGNUS AND HOW MAX GOT ANGRY WHEN HE INSULTED DAVID

SELENA’S 10 BITCH FUCK YOU

“Holy shit!” one of the girls said. “That was kinda cool. Is that a twin thing?”

“It’s a common sense thing,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “Duck!”

People are idiots

But Selena tried not to think about the other girl. It didn’t matter whose daughter Michael was – it only mattered whose daughter Selena was.

And she was the daughter of Clary Fairchild and Jace Herondale.

She was not going to run.

GIRL YES

Y’ALL DON'T GET KILLED

AYY MAGNUS IS HERE THEY’RE ALL GONNA BE OK NOW

“It’s warlock magic,” the boy whispered – but not too quietly. “It’s demonic.”

Some of the ichor from the demons fell right on the boy’s head.

“Oops,” Magnus said. “Warlock magic is also a little clumsy.”

HVBCDSHJCSDYCDYJGCD THE BOY DESERVED IT!!!!!

“Manuel has an important meeting,” Zara rolled her eyes. “I’m stuck babysitting them.”

“It’s not babysitting when you do it!” Daddy said incredulously. “You’re their mother. It’s called parenting.”

GODDAMIT WOMAN DON'T HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM

“He called David a bastard,” Lexi said.

“He did what?” her mother demanded.

“And he called Max a freak,” Selena said.

“He did what?” the Consul demanded.

“And he flirted with Selena,” Rafe made a face.

“HE DID WHAT?” Daddy looked murderous.

NAH BECAUSE WE’RE ALL DOWNRIGHT READY TO KILL THIS BITCH

ALSO, SELENA WAS SO RIGHT TO BREAK THE BOY’S NOSE.

“Look at them! Cahooting in demonic languages,” Zara sniffed.

“It’s Spanish,” Aunt Izzy said incredulously. “Your husband speaks it too!”

Zara you dumb shit-

That part where Magnus was checking up on all of them and seeing if they’re ok and the kids looked like they had never seen anything like that-

They deserve better. GODDAMN IT JULIAN BLACKTHORN MANAGED TO BE A BETTER PARENT 12

Her father held Selena’s hand in his. “You better raise your son to respect women, Zara – Because I’m raising my daughters to break noses.”

YES YES YES YES

He knelt down next to her and put a strand of hair behind her ear. “Can I tell you a secret, cupcake?”

Selena nodded. She loved secrets.

“People call me a freak too,” Magnus winked.

“You?” Selena gasped.

“Yes,” he nodded. “If people call you a freak, it means you are doing something different. Something bold. Something small minds will never be able to think of. So, it’s not an insult. Don’t forget that.”

YES THIS

AWWW THE LITTLE GIRL GAVE SELENA HER NECKLACE.

“Some people don’t like women in power.”

“Why not?”

“Because women get shit done.”

Selena giggled at that. “You said a bad word.”

“It’s not bad. Say it with me, Selena,” her mother said gently. “Women get shit done.”

YES WE GET SHIT DONE

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be afraid?” Selena asked. “I should be strong?”

“I'm saying you should be anything you want to be,” her mother kissed her head. “You can be brave like Izzy. You can be fearless like Emma. You can be kind like Cristina. You can be cool like Dru. You can be sensible like Maia. You can be confident like Lily. You can be smart like Tessa. You can be fierce like Diana. You can be geeky like me.”

Her mother held her face closely. “You get to decide what kind of woman you want to be. I want you to remember that - because there is no wrong way to be a woman.”

THIS! WE NEED TO HEAR THIS MORE OFTEN!

“The next time someone points fingers at you because you are a woman, go ahead and break them.”

DO IT

This was her mother.

Clary Fairchild. One of the most powerful shadowhunters.

Selena sometimes forgot that. Sometimes you forget your mom is so much more than your mom.

There is a person underneath that – someone full of dreams and hopes and talents you could never imagine.

SHE’S LITERALLY SO POWERFUL AND AMAZING IF I SEE ONE MORE PERSON HATE ON HER I'M GONNA KILL THEM

THE IDRIS VISION EDYUGYFEUGYUKGFEWUYTGFEWUTFEW7FE

Rafe was going to be their leader. He would be Selena’s Consul. She knew it.

Gigi was going to be just like Aunt Izzy. An amazing inventor. A chaos to be reckoned with.

Lexi was going to be the best fighter in the whole world. She would fly above everyone and everything.

And David and Max…Well, they seemed very happy with each other. Selena supposed that was enough. Like Uncle Alec and Magnus. To find something you can be happy with no matter what. Because sometimes there was no greater purpose than love.

And Selena….She knew exactly what she was going to do.

She was going to lead all of them back to Idris.

Explain why I'm crying reading this. I love them all so much. They mean so much to me already. SELENA ONE DAY YOU’RE GONNA LEAD THEM ALL BACK TO IDRIS I KNOW YOU WILL

This chapter was beautiful. I'm gonna be in a corner crying in case someone needs me. See ya on Friday!! (well technically it’ll be Saturday for me since for me the updates come after midnight)

THIS GAVE ME LIFE. LIFE, YA HEAR ME?

Also my favorite comment (which I might print on something) - GODDAMIT WOMAN DON'T HAVE CHILDREN IF YOU CAN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM

Also this made me laugh out loud so hard >> - GODDAMN IT JULIAN BLACKTHORN MANAGED TO BE A BETTER PARENT 12

[hockeytrashgoblin]

Road Trip ~ Tyler Seguin

A/N: IDK IF YALL CAN TELL BUT I’M REALLY IN MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW BEING LONELY BUT WANTING SOMETHING CUTE. It’s whatever though. I’ll just keep writing cute shit and hopefully you guys will still read it lmao enjoy

It was a warm summer evening in Louisiana. Tyler and I had just started our road trip and I was very excited. We were going to be traveling across the country in a van, something I never thought I’d be able to convince Ty to do with me but to my surprise he was actually excited. We had put a mattress in the back and I had decorated with lots of pillows, blankets, and christmas lights. It looked typical but it was cute. We also had a lot of snacks hidden in different compartments around the van. 

Today we’d driven from Dallas to Baton Rouge which was about a 6 hour drive. We decided to stop there and spend the next day or so exploring. We didn’t have any real plan, we were just going until we had to come back. The Stars’ season was cut short so we had a lot of time to just escape the hockey stuff and just live our lives together out here on the road.

“Ty, do you think we’re going to see a gator?”

“Well if anyone will it’s you, baby. You’ve been looking out the window in every swamp we’ve past.”

“I really like them. I just want to see one where I can still be safe from it.”

“Then why not go to a zoo (Y/N)?”

“I want to see them in the wild.”

“You’re very picky.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry sweet girl.” he said smiling at me and kissing my hand. “Maybe we’ll luck out and you’ll see an alligator.”

“I hope so. Is there anything you want to see on this trip?”

“Just my girl happy.” he said with a cheesy grin.

“Okay you sappy fuck.” I said rolling my eyes at him. 

“I’ve seen so much of this country already. I just want to experience it with you, see how you react to stuff.”

“That’s so sweet baby.” I took his hand in mine and kissed it. We were quiet for a little while just watching the sunset while we drove into the rest stop. 

“Do you want some real food?”

“What do you mean real food?”

“There’s a restaurant in here. It’s a buffet, I know how much you like all you can eat.” he said with a cocky grin on his face.

“Tyler!” I exclaimed laughing and hitting his shoulder.

“What?! Where’s the lie babygirl?” he asked winking at me.

“You’re the woooorst.”

“Look at you blushing. I haven’t had you doing that using just embarrassing words in a long time.”

“That’s because you haven’t been that blunt about it in a long time.”

“Sounds like you’re taming me baby. Don’t know how I feel about that.”

“Ty, you’re Miley Cyrus.”

“Sorry what?”

“Can’t be tamed.” I said giggling as he threw his head back and groaned.

“That was awful.”

“It was funny.”

“If you say so babe.” he rolled his eyes making me laugh again. “Do you want food or no?”

“Not right now love. I’ve been eating a lot of snacks.”

“Okay then let’s just hangout for a bit? I’m not ready for bed yet.”

“I thought you were sleepy from driving?”

“I am but I’m not ready to be done with today.”

“And why is that?” I asked turning in my seat to face him. He grabbed my hand brought it up to his lips giving me small kisses.

“Because I have my beautiful girl all to myself and today has just been incredible. I love you.”

“Baby I love you too but has today really been that incredible? I mean we just drove. And the road trip is just starting, it’s not exciting yet.”

“Do you want to lay on the roof and look at the stars?”

“Always.” I said smiling brightly at him. We got out of our seats and went to the back. He opened the sliding roof and gave me a boost up out of the window before climbing out too. We laid there in the summer heat just looking at the galaxies above us on the clear night. I couldn’t help but look over at him and admire Tyler in the moonlight. He looked beautiful, like always, but it was different somehow. I’d never seen him so calm. While I was lost in thought he caught me starring making me blush while he smiled sweetly kissing my hand again.

“Can I tell you why today’s been incredible?” he asked looking deep into my eyes.

“Of course Tyler.”

“You’ve been here for me nonstop after the season ended. I was so down and out that I didn’t want anyone around. Through all the snarky comments and bitching you still stuck around and helped me. Then when I was really just closing in on myself and isolating myself from everyone including you, you brought me outside to show me this dumb van and pulled me out of it for an incredible adventure. Just like how everything with you has been an incredible adventure.” 

“Tyler..” 

“Everything I do with you is incredible. But the way that you always know just what to do or say to help me and bring me back to real life, back to this moment in time is amazing. I was so out of it. I didn’t care about anything but as soon as I started packing to go on this trip with you all I could think about was how excited I was to be spending so much time with you. You pulled me out of a pit.”

“You just seemed so upset. I couldn’t just leave you like that Ty. I love you, I’m not going to let you shut yourself in a pit or whatever. We’re a team, love.” 

“Sometimes it feels like you’re the head of this team.” he said with a smile. “Maybe even the coach.”

“Tyler come on you do a lot for me too. Don’t act like this is all one sided.”

“I know it’s not one sided, it just has been recently.”

“That’s okay I don’t mind.”

“See that’s why you’re amazing. How don’t you mind? I’ve been so distant and awful and your response was to plan a trip for me to get my mind off things.”

“Sometimes it can’t be a 50/50 partnership. Sometimes things happen and it’s more like 80/20 and that’s okay. Most of the time it’s pretty equal so I don’t care if after something super upsetting happens to you that you need a little more effort. You’re worth the extra effort Tyler.”

“If you don’t stop I’m actually going to cry.” he said laughing but his voice cracked.

“Aw baby don’t cry. I just love you so much.” I rolled so I was half leaning over him. He put his hands on my waist and smiled at me. I could see his eyes filling with water. “Oh my god you are gonna cry.”

“I’m sorry, just no one has ever loved me like you do.” he let a tear slip down his cheek and I gently wiped it away with a soft smile. He held my hand gently to his face. “And I’m positive that no one ever will again.”

“Oh Ty come on.” I said rolling my eyes blushing.

“No. I mean it. I know for 100% certain that no one is ever even going to get the chance.”

“How do you know?”

“I’m so gone for you (Y/N). I want to marry you.”

“You what?” I asked in shock. He laughed at my response.

“I want to marry you.”

“I thought you never wanted to get married? We’ve talked about it.”

“I never thought I’d feel like this about another person. I never understood what people meant when they said that they couldn’t live without someone and wanting to make them theirs forever. I understand now. I didn’t want to be tied down at all until I met you. But when I met you and we started getting closer..everything just shifted.”

“Tyler, you’re going to make me cry.. And this isn’t like some dumb joke right?”

“Never. I wouldn’t joke about this. I want to marry you so bad. I want to pledge my love for you in front of our family, friends, and God. Promise them I’m always going to love and care for you.”

“You sap.” I said laughing wiping away tears.

“Says the one who’s crying.” he grinned at me leaning up to give me a kiss.

“Don’t know what you were expecting. I cry at everything.”

“I know. It’s cute.”

“Pfft liar.” I kissed him again but it didn’t really work since we couldn’t stop smiling.

“So does this mean you want to marry me too?”

“Ty, it’s all I’ve wanted for a while.”

“A while huh?”

“Yeah. That’s the reason I brought it up before. I wanted to know where you stood though so I didn’t scare you away. I’ve always wanted to get married. I want to marry you though. Have for months.”

“I have a confession.”

“Yes?” I asked feeling very suspicious.

“I may or may not have bought an engagement ring already.”

“Tyler!” I exclaimed loudly.

“Shh babe people are sleeping.”

“Tyler!” I whisper yelled at him making him laugh.

“Hey I said may or may not. I could be lying.”

“But you aren’t.”

“No I’m not.” we were quiet for awhile just watching the stars and enjoying small kisses here and there.

“So was this a proposal then?”

“God no, come on (Y/N) give me some credit. I have a whole cute-ass plan for when we get home to propose. This is just a pre-proposal I guess.”

“You’re so funny. I can’t wait to be for real engaged to you instead of ‘pre-engaged.’” I made air quotes making him laugh and kiss me again.

“I can’t wait for you to have my last name. That’ll be my biggest accomplishment to date.”

“I think you’ve done other things that might be above marrying me.”

“Like what the NHL? Babe that’s my whole life but trust me you’re more than that. Getting someone like you to marry me is going to be a huge accomplishment for me. The only way to beat it would be to have a kid with you or something and even then it might be a tie.”

“I’m so glad we decided to do this. I don’t think I would’ve seen such a sappy Tyler if we had stayed home.”

“You wouldn’t have. I don’t even think I would’ve talked at all at home.”

“I love you baby.”

“I love you.” he said giving me another soft kiss before we dissolved back into silence. Once I was tired we went back into the van and got ready for bed. We curled up together sharing ‘I love yous’ and kisses until we fell asleep. Going to bed knowing that Tyler loved me that much really made it the best sleep I’d had in a long time and I dreamed all night of my future with him. It looked bright.

[blueraspberrymilkshake]

how about kyman with the prompt "do it, i dare you"?

Okay, I just want to apologize to @lochnessmonster for taking so long to post this prompt. Work has been a pain in the ass and I wanted to make this oneshot really good one. And it is! So I hope you enjoy this 2k+ ‘ficlet’! Heads up, this story has a lot of saliva references and Butters torture. I also made this one-sided K2, whoops, lmao.

~x~

“Do it, I dare you.”

Cartman said it so provokingly after Kyle let out a ’what?’ after hearing the brunette’s proposal. No, not that kind of proposal. 

Cartman dared Kyle to kiss Kenny. On the lips.

While the blond was sitting right next to him. In front of everyone in the room. 

“Okay. This is unexpected,” Stan retorted.

And he was right. In the past two hours, the teenagers were having a normal sleepover at Stan’s household (which had a severe lack of two parental figures since forever, resulting in underaged drinking on Stan’s part); and in the past thirty-five minutes Kyle wanted to play 'truth or dare’ and since then the other boys had done the most absurd tasks. 

Stan was given a wet willy by Craig’s middle finger.

Craig confessed he would still pee on the bed at the tender age of fifteen (Stan quickly left and came back from the bathroom and dropped a bucket of cleaning utensils waiting for him in the morning).

Cartman had to shove ice cubes inside his sleep pants and let it melt on his own sleeping bag.

Kenny had to impersonate a police officer while prank-calling Darryl Weathers (the boys later found out that the crazy man had recently went skinny-dipping at Stark’s Pond right after drunk driving and nearly ran over an unidentified child).

The other blond had it the worst. Butters had to find any undergarments Shelly left in her old room and wear them on his head. He could only find a worn out pair of brief panties. And to add fuel to the fire, he had to let his friends take pictures of him and share them with their friends… and his father.

Fast forward to the present, and all of the aforementioned highlights would’ve been better for Kyle. Hell, sticking a twig inside his dick sounded much less humiliating than kissing his friend. And that says a lot. 

Kyle blinked his eyes, still blindsided from Cartman’s request. “No, I’m sorry, did you just-”

“God, Kyle, do I have to repeat myself? I dare you to kiss Kenny!”

“I-I change my mind! Truth!”

“Nuh-uh,” said Cartman, wagging his finger. “You can’t change a truth or dare. Ain’t that right Craig?”

The dark-haired teen cleared his dry throat, trying to maintain his composure. “Y-you did came up with that rule yourself, Kyle.”

“See? Told ya." 

Kyle internally cursed at himself. Why did he insist on making every game so challenging? "I am not kissing him, Eric.”

“You have to. It’s a dare,” Cartman sneered.

“Why not dare Stan? Or Butters? Hell, even Craig seems more willing to do this!”

“Dude! No!”

“I have a boyfriend, asswipe.”

“And I still have my dignity, thank you very much,” Butters remarked ironically, adjusting the waistband of his newly given headwear. 

Two seconds later a small jingle left Craig’s phone, signaling the notifications he earned. As he checked his phone he snickered.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your picture got over a thousand likes on my Instagram, dude,” he even replied to one of the comments, “Why yes, those are menstrual stains.”

“A thousand?!” Butters shouted in agony, his face became sweating and his pupils wander around the room but nothing made him calm yet. “Oh God, is Charlotte going to see this?! I need to come up with a good dare, and quick!”

“Shut up, you guys!” the impatient Cartman interjected, with his head turning towards Craig and Butters.

“Alright, let’s get on with it, people,” he continued, snapping his fingers directly at his other two friends.

The older teen huffed, arms crossed as a form of protest. He wasn’t about to hear it.

“Kyle,” the taller boy leaned just a little closer, his tone low and browbeat, “your ass was going on and on and on about wanting to smooch a guy, and now’s your chance.”

Kyle’s eyes snapped back open, clearly outraged that Cartman would bring this up. He admitted to his friends he was questioning his sexuality; wondering if he liked boys as much as he liked girls. That was several months ago, and since then he would continue living his life with nary a definite conclusion. He should’ve known the taller boy would bring up personal information for his own gain.

“I didn’t know you’re bi-curious, too!” Butters beamed.

“Mhmm,” Cartman hummed. “And don’t act like you two haven’t done anything gay before. I haven’t forgotten the whole 'ookie mouth’ thing.”

“Ookie mouth?” Butters repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“We were eight!” exclaimed Kyle.

“And painfully inexperienced,” Kenny added with a hint of disappointment, earning him a glare from his former playmate.

“And now…” Cartman raised his two index fingers towards his chest and brought his digits together, “…you two can finally share each other’s saliva properly,” he punctuated his sentence by closing his hands together.

“Oh, dear God,” Kyle groaned, covering his face in embitterment. 

“You guys had to share saliva?” Butters gave off a mischievous look, his thumb and index finger on his chin. “Hmm.”

“Don’t even think about it, Butters,” remarked Stan.

“Why are you doing this to me? I don’t even like Kenny like that.”

“I saw the way you looked at him the other day. You were so focused on that sexy face of his, huh? You even smiled at him!”

“I was helping him study for our Final, you idiot.”

“It doesn’t matter. You could’ve said no. But something inside you said otherwise.”

“Eric, for the last time, I am not doing this. You better find something else for me to do.”

“Dude,” Kenny responded, his hand landing on Kyle’s shoulder. “let’s just get this over with.”

“You’re going along with this,” the frustrated teen assumed in a deadpan tone.

“Y'all know I never back down from a challenge,” said the smug boy, showing off a sincere grin.  “And compared to the other shit we’ve done tonight, Fatass is practically being nice to us. Besides, It’s not like he’s asking for a full-blown make out session.”

Kyle thought about this long and slow, and he snarled at Cartman. The brunette just raised an eyebrow, that shit-eating grin still plastered on his face. Kyle pursed his lips together, and finally gave up.

“Just a peck.”

Kenny nodded in agreement.

“Soooo?” Cartman was lying on his stomach, his feet in the air, and not caring for the remnant wet spot from his own dare. “Who’s gonna make the first move?”

Stan let out a forced cough and took another sip out of his can. 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Kyle suggested abruptly. 

Each faced their open palms towards each other before placing their fists on top. When they drew the first time, they both had scissors.

“Best two out of three.”

They drew again, they chose rock.

They drew again, they chose scissors.

They drew again, they chose paper.

“How are you guys doing that?” Stan questioned.

And they drew again and again and again, but continue to reveal the same illusive weapon.

“Jesus Christ!” Cartman yelled, reaching towards the work desk and quickly found what he needed.  “Here!” A dime in front of Kenny’s face, the light from the ceiling causing the coin to glow in front of Kenny’s face. “Just flip a coin.”

“I-I call tails,” Kyle blurted out, just as the blond snatched the shiny object.

Kenny flipped the coin and caught it when it fell on the back of his palm. It landed on tails.

Kyle really wished he had some of Stan’s beer. 

“Alright Kyle, time to kiss yo’ man!” Cartman taunted. He was practically bouncing from excitement, and it wasn’t just from the ice cubes.

The redhead said nothing and instead sat still, taking the time to stay calm before he could look at his chosen participant.

“Look Kyle, we don’t have to-” suddenly Kyle placed a finger on the other boy’s lips, signaling him to stop.

“Why are changing your mind now? I thought you said you’d never back down from a challenge.”

Kenny was taken aback from his friend’s sudden change of inclination. He opened his mouth trying to find the right words, but the other teen beat him to it. “Come here.”

Kenny’s cheeks became redder and hotter as Kyle’s cold hands took hold of them. 

’If Fatass wants a show, I’ll give him a show’, the redhead thought.

Kyle took a deep breath before pressing his lips onto Kenny’s. He assumed the blond’s lips would be dry and chapped from the cold weather but instead they were soft and moist, but not from his own spit. Cartman must’ve had a play in this, because Kenny was wearing cherry flavored chapstick; the only person who liked that flavor was Cartman himself. He felt Kenny loosen up and give in to the passive kiss. Keeping his eyes shut, he let his hands wander at Kenny’s back - one hand gently grabbing strands of unkempt hair while the other stopped at his neck - pulling the other boy further onto him. 

“Uh… guys?” said Stan, finally speaking up, but his voice quickly became white noise. Craig gestured at the other boy, placing a finger on his lips, as he was quietly recording what’s left of this unforgettable dare.

Kyle captured his lips again, and again, and again, portraying himself as some touch-starved virgin; he could’ve sworn he felt Kenny’s mouth curve into a smile.

“Guys, you can stop now. Guys!”

“Welp, it’s a good thing I brought these,” Craig used his free hand to reach into his back pocket and a short pack of condoms fell on the floor.

“Craig!”

Thankfully for Stan, Kyle broke the kiss before this oneshot exceeds its PG-13 rating. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a blankly inscrutable Kenny, his fingers lightly brushing his lips. Kyle’s eyes searched around the room, and everyone remained speechless. 

Stan ran a hand onto his raven-colored hair, clearly distressed of what he had just witnessed. “Holy shit, dude.”

Cartman blinked, as if he knew what he was going to say but couldn’t, and soon suppressed giggles evolve into raucous laughter. He was literally rolling on the floor as he does so, hardly attempting to regain his posture.

“Oh my - oh my God,” Cartman wiped his eyes as he tried to breathe. “You guys really did it!”

“Yeah!” Butters chimed in. “How embarrassing!” His snickering ceased as a buzz from his phone went off. He wasn’t too happy with his text.

“Oh jeez. My dad saw the pictures,” he bowed his head in shame. “He says I’ll be grounded when I get home.”

Kyle let out a long sigh. “I’m gonna rinse my mouth, now.”

And just like that, he promptly excused himself from the bedroom.

Everyone remained silent until Craig broke the ice. It was his turn after all. “Butters, truth or dare?”

~x~

After he was done using the bathroom, Kyle decided to get a bottle of soda to help wash down the aftertaste of Kenny’s mouth. When he took it from the refrigerator, Cartman was already stepping into the kitchen.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Kyle was pouring his drink into a plastic cup.

“My plan worked, didn’t it?” The brunette smirked.

Kyle pulled away from his own cup as the words processed through his head. “I knew it.”

“Don’t be like that, Kyle.” Cartman replied, hoping his own words would reassure the other boy. “No one will be able to recognize… this thing between us. Everyone will think you and Kenny have a thing.”

“Is that why you invited Craig and Butters? Just so they can have something to gossip?”

“Well, it’s hard for anyone believe anything Butters says out of his mouth,” the brunette sat next to the shorter guy, grabbing the bottle. “But with Craig, it’s nearly impossible to take no for an answer. I also wanted to see Butters make an ass out of himself tonight.”

Cartman removed the bottle cap; he was about to himself out before Kyle firmly grabbed his wrist.

“You’re not going to drink off the bottle, are you?”

“You took the last cup.”

“That doesn’t mean you can taint the soda with your backwash.”

The boy next to him scoffed. “Can I at least take a sip from your cup?”

Cartman was given the cup, and in return he gave Kyle a ludic stroke on his chin.

“Thanks, babe.”

Kyle rolled his eyes and smiled. He made sure he would get his cup back before Cartman could leave him with a single drop.

“I’m glad this whole thing is taken care of,” Cartman replied.

“There are better ways to keep our relationship a secret, dude,” said Kyle.

“Don’t worry,” Cartman nudged his arm. “This whole fiasco will die down in less than two months…maybe,” he stated his remark like it was supposed to make his boyfriend feel better. “…And now that Kenny’s got his wish he’ll stop vexing me.”

'His wish…’ it didn’t take Kyle to figure that one out on his own. “Kenny’s crushing on me, isn’t he?”

“What do you think?”

This all made perfect sense now.

“Cartman? Truth or dare?”

“Truth?”

“You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

Cartman didn’t say anything… yet. Kyle had already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear him say it. 

“Of the kiss? Of Kenny liking me? You thought that he was going to steal me away from you?" 

The brunette nodded his head but eventually answered the question, so faintly that Kyle could barely listen to it. He didn’t have to worry, though; because it was enough to earn him a tender kiss from his boyfriend. Unlike his last encounter, the redhead took his time on this particular person; the same person who had made him feel all types of ways but still managed to steal his heart. Kyle didn’t remove his hands when he parted ways, and instead they slid onto broad shoulders. He would never say it out loud, but kissing Kenny wasn’t as bad as he thought. However, the blond could never compete with the juxtaposition of silkier, shaved skin and softer, chestnut hair and chubbier cheeks and straightened, white teeth and the scent of coconut body wash, the list goes on and on. No one could ever take his place.

Their trance was broken when they heard a yell from upstairs.

"Jesus, Craig, there’s spit in my eye!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Butters!”

Kyle leered at Cartman when he started cackling, only to join in mere seconds later. 

“C'mon, you gaywad…” Kyle punched him playfully, “before they catch us.”

The best come back the other boy could come up with was, “Likewise, buttmunch.”

Cartman watched his boyfriend wander back towards the stairs before following suit.

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Discord of Prosecutors and Detectives

More Bullshit Defense AU fic, and a different Discord server from the other times. Set right after Turnabout Time Traveler.

--

[A Discord server named “Official Los Angeles Distrinct Prosecutors Office”. The typo has been present since the creation of the server and never fixed. It contains a number of channels, such as “general”, “important announcements”, “unimportant announcements”, “work vent”, “family vent”, “other vent”, “meme quarantine”, and “meme breach of containment”.]

September 24, 2028 4:33pm [general]

Forensics Fuck-O so that’s in short how Fran and I get to go to a fancy rich people wedding

the defendant is Freud’s corpse not to sound rude to prosecutors or anything since I work with you all and am friends with you all but I’m surprised they invited the prosecution like in general it’s not you Frau it’s just like generally why would you invite someone who tried to convict you for murder to your wedding

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Ah.  That may present a future problem. 

the defendant is Freud’s corpse well no that’s different we knew you like. before you prosecuted Trucy also that’s different because you weren’t even trying to convict her

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard That is a blatantly untrue statement, Ms. Cykes. I was doing my job to the whole of my abilities. 

the defendant is Freud’s corpse right yknow I guess you’re not lying if you consider the job of a prosecutor to be catching the guilty and not just convicting whatever defendant they place in front of you because you were not trying to convict Trucy  like in the slightest

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Well, Thalassa did tell me that the identity of the victim was not the original Mr. Reus, and further that the Gramarye-hating TV producer who committed contract fraud was the original Mr. Reus, and should that not be enough to make anyone suspicious? I could hardly discount critical testimony from my brother’s other mother. 

Forensics Fuck-O Isn’t it ‘brother from another mother’

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Yes and I said what I said, because my family tree is a mangrove swamp. 

Surrounded by Fools That is correct because I just realized that we may be related. 

the defendant is Freud’s corpse but like Trucy aside I mean like this situation where you’d never met the fancy rich people having a wedding before and you’re the one trying to get the bride convicted and she’s like hey come to my third attempt at a wedding reception maybe this one will work out

Forensics Fuck-O The defense was invited and that’s Miles and Mr Wright and Maya so they kinda encouraged the invite to us Which is fantastic because that catering was dope

FaraGAY I’m so jealous I wanna go to a wedding on a blimp hey @Surrounded by Fools if ur bro and Nick ever get married can they get a “we saved ur asses” discount from the Sprocketts to rent the blimp for their wedding or can you and Emmy get ur shits together and get married on a blimp who doesn’t want a blimp wedding

Forensics Fuck-O lmao you should’ve seen Mr Wright’s face when we went out on top of the blimp he looked like he was gonna hork and just dragged us all back down  I don’t think he wants a blimp wedding

FaraGAY hey what about that other part that I said are u ignoring that

Forensics Fuck-O Conspicuously ignoring that, in fact

the defendant is Freud’s corpse I wanna attend a wedding on a blimp or just like any wedding because I remember the food was good at my moms’ and I got to eat a lot of it because we got a lot of food but only invited like ten people

Birdman-dono Which unfortunately meant less people to hear my roast of my sister. 

the defendant is Freud’s corpse I don’t care what my mom says about your speechifying I’m totally letting you make a speech at my wedding it’ll be MY wedding so I get to choose to get roasted! anyway @everyone someone get married already!! Blimp time!!!!!

Guilty Love, on the kazoo Mhm, Apollo isn’t fond of heights so I don’t think that’s something we would do. 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Are y you marrying my brother?

Guilty Love, on the kazoo Huh? No

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Then why NOT? Either commit or stop stringing him along. 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo wait

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard I have been very restrained about not kicking your ass but this is my little brother we are talking about.  And one thing I know very well about Apollo is that he prefers stability and certainty because we spent enough of our childhoods not knowing what was coming in the next day or hour. 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo wait

the defendant is Freud’s corpse I think there’s a communication issue somewhere in here

Forensics Fuck-O Thanks for that, Sherlock

Birdman-dono lmao

Guilty Love, on the kazoo I am not currently planning a wedding to your brother but I would not be averse to the prospect

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Oh Well then why AREN’T you currently planning it? That’s a joke this time. 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo Danke I was not sure

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard It would not be a joke from my parents but I am not them.  I know you were frustrated that Apollo didn’t tell you what was happening back in May in time for you to come to Khura’in with us and help us sort out everything but that was probably better for you that you didn’t have to survive our parents cross-examining and interrogating you on when you plan to propose to Apollo. 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo Why am I the one who has to and not him 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk You think they DON’T hassle him about it?

Guilty Love, on the kazoo A h 

FaraGAY LMAOOOO 

DebestGAY guy entering the room that is on fire with pizza dot gif 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard ‘Where are the grandkids, Apollo? We’re WAITING!’ 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo They do uh realize that uh 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard ‘Just adopt a dozen, Apollo, what are you waiting for?’ 

Guilty Love, on the kazoo A DOZEN 

FaraGAY LMAO KLAV  RIP 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard I am well aware that had my aunt not been a human nightmare, and then the country needed rebuilding after her reign, that I would have at least ten younger siblings.

Forensics Fuck-O So they’re just like the Fran’s dad of the eastern hemisphere like here are the eight young adults who have lived out of the guest room at some point or another 

FaraGAY half of the current legal system half of this chat yknow  anyway we drifted away from the point of this convo WHICH WAS harassing someone into getting married so we can go party on a blimp 

DebestGAY Couldn’t we just rent a blimp and throw a non-wedding party? 

FaraGAY get ur logic out of here we want a blimp party  and to encourage our stupid friends to stop beating round the bush and just get married already 

Surrounded by Fools I’ll tell Maya that you’re planning to propose soon, then, and it can be your wedding.  

FaraGAY wait 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Kurain Village likely has some very specific wedding traditions for their mediums that could not be held on a blimp, no? 

FaraGAY  yeah think so thx for the out, my dude 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard That was not an ‘out’. That was an ‘obviously your solution is to have two ceremonies’. Hop to it.  

the defendant is Freud’s corpse HELL yeah!!! two parties!!! double food!!!!! 

FaraGAY  o fuck yeah Maya would like that okay maybe if none of u other LOSERS are then I will be the one to get married and have a BLIMP PARTY 

-

September 24, 2028 11:37pm [general] 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Ms. Cykes, there is something I meant to ask you about your name in this server.  And that ‘something’ is: what? 

the defendant is Freud’s corpse I’m gonna dig up Freud and put him on trial for crimes against 1. humanity 2. classic literature it’s not like Oedipus WANTED that to happen!! so anyway it’s like you know that one pope who dug up his predecessor and put him on trial and sentenced him 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard NO??

the defendant is Freud’s corpse yeah go look that up you were prob already looking that up before I said but yeah that’s what I wanna do with Freud 

Literally Royal, Metaphorically Bastard Thank you for making me hate myself for asking.  

the defendant is Freud’s corpse

✌️

- 

September 30 9:43pm [general]

Forensics Fuck-O fancy rich people wedding update: Larry caught the bouquet and you all know what that means so @FaraGAY if you wanna have the first flying wedding of our social group you’ll have to beat him to it 

FaraGAY can’t believe Ol Larold is gonna get married good for him he’d better invite me or I’ll break his knees 

Surrounded by Fools Larold 

FaraGAY ye Ol Larold Butt 

Forensics Fuck-O I’m gonna break your knees

[jcmorgenstern]

3x14 Review

Hey so for once this is actually super positive! I loved this episode and can’t wait to gush about it! So without further ado, I’m gonna get the stuff I quibbled with outta the way before diving into what I liked:

The Bad: — I think my biggest problem overall was that scene between Alec and Lorenzo. I understand Alec was being protective and he goes into Fierce Mommy Tiger mode around those he considers family and those he loves (I think it’s important to show that Magnus isn’t just his boyfriend, Magnus has become integrated into the thing Alec bases his life around). But I had hoped Alec would have figured out by now that a Nephilim threatening to depose a Downward leader over an apartment is…..unideal, at least. — I get that this may have been designed as a plot hook as an understandable yet stupid thing Alec does that comes back to bite him later (i.e., if there is a Downward civil war in New York, and Lorenzo decides to fuck Alec over). Alec’s strength and weaknesses are tied to his family, and I think it’s a very believable mistake for him to make. I don’t expect him to be perfect, I just hope the narrative treats his threat to Lorenzo as less of a “pure uwu cutesy bf” move and more of a mistake, even if Lorenzo is being cruel to Magnus. — Honestly y’all I expected something WAY worse. Losing the apartment was nothing compared to the drama I expected—I thought Lorenzo was gonna ask Magnus to spy on Alec or go back to Asmodeus or something awful. Thankfully that was inverted by a very obvious attempt to get Magnus to move in with Alec, because apparently he can’t buy a new house with all his money. — I also quibbled a little with how Clary was written, especially in that scene where Jace comforts her (or, really, when Jace makes what happened to her about him and how angry he is and how he’s going to kill Jonathan etc. It’s a pattern with him, esp where Jonathan is involved, and I have more to say about it). Clary has always been a very temperamental, look before you leap sort of person, and I’m not sure that if she figured out Jonathan had hurt Jace she would just smile and pretend along. Clary would FREAK. This is Jocelyn’s daughter, y’all. The knives would be out. She stabbed herself to stab him before and she’d do it again. She has ALL the tools at her disposal to rune him or run away. — To be clear, I’m not shaming Clary for what she chose to do or not confronting a violently entitled dude who kidnapped her once already, I just felt the arc was artificially extended to let Jace be the hero instead of letting Clary kick Jonathan’s ass off a pier and rune him. There’s no way that bitch can swim. It seemed kind of….not how Clary would react and kind of artificially done for Jace and Jonathan’s benefit. — Last thing, which isn’t even a quibble but I feel people will be confused if it’s not on here: the Maia and Jordan thing. I’ll go into it more but basically: if they’re doing what I think, I think it worked shockingly well, but if it’s played straight yeah it’ll be Unfortunate.

The Good: — I’m just gonna come out and say this episode was AMAZING. Since this is mostly a positive review I’d like to credit the writer specifically—Zoe Broad. Honestly just the overall coherence of this episode was greater than any of the ones in S3 for me, it flowed from one scene to the other and there was no point where I had the urge to check Facebook or whatever. The dialogue was pretty good overall and truly amazing at parts, and I felt she had a pretty good handle on the characters, despite this being her first episode, which was very impressive. — I actually ENJOYED the ship content??? Clace was absolutely adorable on the rink, with Jace’s sometimes annoying bravado being played wryly both on his part and by the script. “I was born ahead of the curve” delivered with a smile and then nearly falling on his ass was. Very good. And Clary’s little “you’re doing better than me….when I was six” was equally great and I just. Really liked it? They felt like real people on a real date and it felt real and dynamic and cute. — Same with Malec’s grave-robbing date. Usually their scenes start to get weighed down by drama or just general “talking to the audience to make them happy rather than each other,” but this was just cute AND advanced the plot, and connected them back to the main storyline. I hadn’t liked how they were quarantined away from the main story and I’m glad they’re back, even if the “losing Magnus’ loft” was a weird way to do it. — Maia and Alisha particularly were really the breakout stars of the episode. Alisha really really SOLD that dialogue and was honestly incredible. Her terror and anger and desperation felt so visceral and real that even though I knew it would be resolved in the episode, it was gripping and I genuinely needed to know what happened next. — I also did like how Zoe wrote Maia (that “frickin” was TOTALLY a stand in for fuck and I APPRECIATE it) and I felt she really captured how she feels about Jordan—she does care about him as a person, or rather for the person he was at some point, but still refuses to not to push down on her own anger and hurt for his or anyone else’s sake. I felt it was really complex and confusing and emotional for her and overall I think that scene was meant to give her a sense of closure. Just because she recognizes that Jordan does care about her and can be supportive of her, doesn’t mean she’ll necessarily jump back into his arms. — That’s kind of my reading—I’m not sure where they’re going, obviously, but my instinct was that the less chill stuff Maia says (implying they may be going a romantic arc) was more due to the fact she was PANICKING IN A LOCKED CLOSET WITH A DYING DUDE. Like she says “I’m confused” like yes she meant before but honestly right then she obviously was, and I don’t really see the show going for Jordan/Maia? Especially since Todd has hinted Maia has a “don’t need no man” arc. Like she drifts apart from Simon but gets back with someone she hated for years?? Not seeing it. — However if they do go there I’ll be really disappointed, mostly because of the missed opportunity for complexity but also because yeahhhhh maybe not the chillest thing with how many people interpret their relationship as abuse. (I could make a separate post about it but yeah). — Onto Magnus. God okay I don’t know how others felt but I felt Zoe really got to the crux of why Magnus misses his magic. That how he feels connected to the world through his magic was just…such a good insight and it really impacted me because it wasn’t just some generic “magic is what makes me who I am,” it was so much more deep and personal and I felt it meant a lot that Magnus finally put that into words for Alec. He’d clearly been struggling to impart to Alec how he felt, both in terms of “how do I even explain this loss” and a his own emotional reticence. God that grave robbing scene!!!! — Umm the Morningstar sword actually being a sword to summon demons?? Kind of weird?? Esp if they play it off as an actual Morgenstern relic?? Not sure what’s happening but it was cool?? — honestly dudes I’ve been FUCKED UP about the Luke storyline and SUPER STRESSED and now IT’S ALL HAPPENIGN someone SAVE HIM oh my GOD I’m actually so stressed I’ve been stressed for 9 months FREE HIM — Ok now to Jonathan bc lbr y’all know I can’t shut up about him. Ok first off, that scene with the seelie gal, oh my FUCKING GOD I was screaming what a LOSER GHSDKLFJhghghhghgg. And she insults his shitty dialogue?? Zoe ma’am may I PROPOSE??? This keeps getting wilder and wilder I can’t believe they’re GOING THERE. THEY’RE GOING THERE SO HARD. HE’S SUCH A WILD LOSER. Can you BELIEVE he found someone off shadow world fetlife to be like “I’m a Morgenstern and I love you bro you’re so hot and clever and lovable” I just can’t. I bet you ANYTHING she tops and is only in it for the shadow hunter ass. — SHAPESHIFTING. YALL. I BUST A NUT. Look, it fixes so many fucking plot holes. His eyes look SO COOL when he does demon magic. He’s so OP and Chaotic Stupid it’s not even a joke  I Lov my Mary Sue Son. — Honestly having Jonathan impersonate Jace is so brilliant (remember when he said, “I don’t want your pity, I want your life?”) Like it is so fucked up but I love it.  Not looking forward to the mind control but maybe he just whispered “I’m a bottom” into her ear and ran off in her ensuing shock and confusion. You can’t prove me wrong until next week so until then LA LA LA LA CAN’T HEAR YOU — Personally I liked Dom’s performance as Jonathan, but not to be that Bitch I felt Will was a lot more subtle about it. Dom gave him a straight up thousand mile stare whereas Will played him as something charismatic and good at lying with a little edge of Something Wrong, a strain behind a smile. Sure, Jonathan was probably nervous for his little kidnapping date, but I felt it was unrealistic that he was so suave and convincing (sans the part where Aline comes to visit him that was hilarious, Jonathan you’re an idiot) as Seb and then is like “I eat ants sometimes” as Jace. Like. He’s an obsessive bitch. He’d have practiced Jace in the mirror. Fuck you. Probably while saying “fuck you.” ANYWAYS. — Izzy doing science? It’s not much but I’ll fucking take it lmao. I’m excited to see where Heavenly Fire is going. Matt’s Latin is still abysmal but whatever it’s ok. — also that rose?? A kiss from a rose?? Honestly this ep was so clever and thematically connected and just FLOWED like an ACTUAL EP OF TV god I’m emotional!!!! Thank you Zoe Broad ma’am you are a hero!!! — Again I’m gonna point out both Jace and Jonathan have a designated Brooding Fireplace. — Not super hyped about Heidi coming back but hey this ep was Worth It.

Anyway tldr I really liked it and wanted to spew semi-coherent positivity for once! About more characters than just my stupid fave!!! Wow!!! Good writing is SEXY and I LOVE IT!!!

[canemmylove]

One Tree Hill Thread - Part 3

i’m hoping it’s a great season and i get my mouth shut because i hate time jumps and this is A FOUR YEAR ONE so i’m guessing it has to be worth it. i thought we would get some of their college lives but ok, I'll wait.

well at least Lucas looks like he’s finally grown up, he seemed to be the only one that wouldn’t age with the seasons before lmao.

why james looks more like Lucas than like Nathan and why am i not surprised.

James best season is 4 (so far) because he looks insanely beautiful THE WHOLE SEASON.

they tricked us big time when it comes to revealing what happened to Nathan, this season is growing on me.

i need to scream here: JAMIE IS THE CUTEST AND FUNNIEST KID IN THE WORLD.

who allowed my parents to have those haircuts? 

someone looks stunning tho... i wasn't sure about Payton's hair style but i was more like a shock, she looks beautiful.

i can’t believe those bastards would bully Haley on her first day, I'm pissed.

omg i really want Nathan to be ok again but mainly i want him to get a haircut but idk if that was James (actor) haircut or if it was actually Nathan so idk if it will happen.

i’m not gonna be chill with Spenser’s sister (lmao i knew her from pll first) flirting with Nathan.

Haley driving a range rover is SUCH big dick energy.

Nathan was a pain in the ass for 2 EPS & THAT WAS IT. after Haley told him to grow a pair, he said fuck it & did it. now he’s asking about her day as she’d told him before to worry about people around & not himself only. NATHAN IS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AT ITS BEST.

HE TOOK HER SUNGLASSES SO SHE COULD EAT COMFORTABLE, IS THERE A BETTER MAN IN THE ENTIRE PLANET!?! (link to the post/video)

Lucas lies to all of his girlfriends. he told Lindsay that his love for her is forever and we all know that’s bullshit.

I just realised that Sofia Bush & Chad Murray were married btw 2005-06 & that’s btw ss 3, now i’m watching ss 5 and haven’t realised any lost of chemistry or awkwardness btw them. i’m gonna say whether they loved each other or not (if not it’s easier, right?) GREAT acting skills

2020 me is wondering wtf was that comment in the ( )

finally! the cutie is back with THE hairstyle <3

that's the team i want

how about MINDING YOUR OWN FREAKING BUSINESS LUKE? your relationship was over long ago, no matter whose fault it was. it's not like you know the guy nor do it for Payton's best interest but because of your jealousy

if nanny keeps flirting with nathan and supporting lindsay against payton i’m gonna be really mad.

Lindsay being jealous and the nanny flirting with nathan is gonna make me loose it.

i’m worried about the whole nanny storyline because it’s gonna show many things that have to do with trust, respect, real feelings, some little chauvinism and it’s like a whole deal omg.

QUENTIN SNAPPED when he punched the dickhead that touched haley’s butt & i’m gonna say that even tho hales said that he wasn’t worth it and i didn’t want nathan to get in a fight again and the fact that violence doesn’t fix anything... QUENTIN SNAPPED AND IMMA SAY YES BOY FINALLY.

LUCAS YOU HYPOCRITE BASTARD, YOU ARE LYING TO YOURSELF, LINDSAY AND PAYTON FOR NO REASONABLE REASON!

something i love that is hilarious is that even tho it’s been 4 years since they’ve finished high school, they have the same troubled relationships and struggles that they had in high school with the only difference that they have jobs now but that’s it.

why is Brooke/Sophia aphonic in some episodes? like it’s pretty noticeable in episode 7 and 8.

COULD THEY STOP BLAMING PAYTON FOR NOT WANTING TO MARRY LUKE BACK THEN? they’d fallen apart & she was super busy & he asked out of the blue. now is P a bitch bc she wants to get back together now when he’s dating Lindsay? mmno? he can say no & we all know he still loves P too.

Payton needs to step aside now because he has already asked Lindsay. now we (and they) all know he loves Payton and he’s lying to himself. it’s perfect if he’s mad at P because she rejected his proposal, like he wanted something that she didn’t but i won’t take all of them blaming Payton for not being ready to get married back then when she was super busy and super disconnected with Luke. she didn’t even say no, she said that she wanted to wait and her job was all over the place. SO COULD THEY STOP FUCKING BLAMING HER?

let Mouth be happy with someone he’s in love with for 2 episodes at least challenge.

what Carrie looks like VS what i think when they mention Carrie, tho the first one is the only real evil.

i need Nathan to show the person he is and tell Carrie to get the fuck out. he hasn’t said anything about her kissing him yet so i hope it doesn’t go further.

WELL I LITERALLY CHOKE WHEN HALEY SAID THAT SHE WANTED A DIVORCE. I CAN’T WATCH THIS, NO WAY. 1) i choke because i was shocked but also 2) it was the most random and inappropriate moment to ask him for a divorce! poor kid just made it alive and she was thinking about that!?

and what was that “stay away from us!” when she just realised that Jamie was barely alive? Nathan jumped into the pool and grabbed him!

and NONE OF THIS justifies Nathan’s lamest attitude with Carrie. he should’ve stopped her since the fucking first moment and that’s inexcusable at all. IT’S ALL HIS FAULT.

BUT NALEY CAN’T GET A DIVORCE NOR ANYTHING NEAR A SEPARATION BECAUSE THEY’RE THE PERFECT AND ONLY COUPLE.

tw // cancelled since day 0 but bitch what the fucking fuck actually.

well now how am i supposed to keep hating Lindsay when she takes care of Nathan and is doing something to make Nathan and Haley talk? that’s not fair i can’t like her!

poor kid Jamie has to chose whether to trust in Dan or Carrie the nanny, the kid be like.

he was so right here, uncle Skills spilling the tea

I MEAN WHAT??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME PSYCHO?

this kid Jamie is so smart it's scary

[sitaaronkepaar]

Daily Rikara Ramblings

Oh helloz bts wala precap! Damn, today’s epi gon be lit! 😻😻😻😻

Lmao, plane me bhi ghatiya shers ne Shivaay ka peecha nahi choda. 😂😂😂

Annika’s like wtf. 😂😂😂😂

Wow, this is too much. And I thought I’d seen everything when Shaadiwala show celebrated haldi on a plane. Rofl. Imma ffwd, this too stooooopid for me. ⏩⏩⏩⏩⏩

Hi Dillu!! 💝💝

Wah, Abhi se running errands. Good boy, Dillu! 😘

Kis cheez ki payment matlab? 😐

Hain, yeh kaunsa rule hai? Jab pehle ka maal nahi bika toh aur kyu order kiya? Woh bhi ek raat me? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

Awww, hubby fighting for Gauri rights tho. 😍😍😍

Lol, I knew it. Yeh apna bhanda khud hi phod dega. A la, kya rishta hai tumhara is ladki se and he’ll say pati in anger? Anyway, that’s my headcanon. Maybe that creepy dude’s interest might egg him on too.

Back to the epi, Damn calm down omki. Wow. 😁😁

Lol, both of them showing tadi. Tu jaanta nahi main kaun hu 😂😂😂😂

This air hostess is so rude. Yeh kaunsi ghatiya airlines hai. 😑

Ugh, Gauri looks so prettayyy!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍 Thank god her lime green suit is back! Mere Dil ki saari muraadein poori ho gayi. 😭😭😭😭

Man, Dillu be so extra. Lmao 😂😂😂😂😂

Omg isne pakka apne paise diye hai. This is so gonna come back to bite him in the ass. Gauri’s gonna question him about this. I just know it. Poor Dillu. 😧😧😧😧

Paise bach bhi gaye? LMAFOOO. Omkara Dilpreet pls. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Kunal’s acting is cracking me up though. Rofl. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Uff Dillu bhi kitni philosophy jhadta hai. 🙄😂

“zindagi bhar har ladayi humne akele hi ladi hai”

Aww, she brought up the fighting alone thing again. My bby’s lived a tough life. 😖😖😖 And Omkara didn’t make it any easier for her either. 😢 😢😢😢

Haha, maine pyar kiya toh dekhni hi padi hogi. Ghatiya lip sync jo karna tha. 🙄 How is gauri not traumatised at the mere mention of the name?Poora klpd ho gya tha bichari ka 😢😢

Such a lame save Omkie Dillu. 🙄

“Bahut haste hai aap”

ROFLLLLL 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

“MAARENGI?”

Omkara LMFAOOOOOOO. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I bet he’s gonna think rakhi bhandne wali hai. 😂😂

He did. LOL. His panicked reaction cracks me up every single time. I watched the prev one like 5 times. Lmaoooo. 😂😂😂😂

Aww man, it’s so good to see Gauri back to her happy chirpy self again. Sad face don’t suit mah bby. 😘 😘 😘

Omkara regretting every single time he rejected Gauri. Yes, regret it till the day you die. 😏😏😏😏😏

I love this friendship track tbh. Giving me Chulkara teas.

They’re.each.other’s.bffs.now. let me just cry in a corner. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“Ek waqt tha jab main tumhe apni patni man ne se inkar kar raha tha, par koi na ab main sabak seekh gaya hun, ab acha pati nahi toh kya accha hua, accha dost ban ne ki koshish toh karunga hi, aur banunga bhi. Aur shayad agar mera naseeb accha hua, aur is rab ne saath diya toh dubara accha pati bhi banunga”

I’m literally flailing and crying, like idek what to say anymore. 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Ek toh his pov, which is rare af.

Upar se him regretting his actions.

Upar se him cherishing her friendship.

UPAR SE ACCEPTING THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THE PROMISE TO BE A GOOD PATI. EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY MY EYES OFF!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Him touching his heart while saying this just did things to me. I just……….sigh, why be so sweet dillu. 😢😢😢

And him holding his ears in apology every time she leaves the room just makes my stupid heard melt. Why, Omkara, why? I wanted to hate you for eternity. No fair. 😢😢

Haha, yes bitch. Omkie be right. Aisa kam queenie k siva aur koi ni kar sakta tha. 😍😍

Awww, look @ Gauri’s genuine smile. 😍 Just like Chulbul brought smiles and happiness to Omkara during his darkest of times, Dilpreet is doing the same for Gauri. For the first time since forever, I’m loving how Rikara’s story is shaping up. 💖

Creepy dude looks legit smitten lmao. Can ya blame him tho? Queenie looks like a million bucks 👸👸👸👸

Is he blind though? Itna bada mangalsutra nahi dikh raha? 😐😐😐

Omg dude stop staring at Gauri, it’s so creepy. 😫😫

Kuch bhi kar sakte hai? Guy, chill. Ladke wale ho, bhagwan nahi. But some people do have this ghatiya mentality in India. Ugh.😡😡😡😡

Omg Omkara Dilpreet stop saying, “sardar naal pangaji, not changaji”. You’re not an actual sardar ok. 😒😒😒😒😒

This tashan scene is so long and drawn out, I’m already getting bored. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Anyway, now I’m 💯% sure iska bhanda creepy dude ki wajah se hi phootega.

I know ib me logic lagana is plain silly but WHY THE FUCK IS BHAVYA JUST STANDING THERE? Like, I’ve had to hold my pee for several hours cause of turbulence before. You’re not fucking allowed to just stand on a flight. Wtf is this fuckery. Ughhh, my head hurts 🤕🤕🤕

And why does this baby want some action? Dafuq she thinks this is? Why didn’t you just bring your earphones bitch? It’s the 21st century, bring your own entertainment. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Ugh, no more torture, I’m ffwding. ⏩⏩⏩⏩

Oh my god they’re dancing to oonchi hai building. W.T.F is this mental retardation? Head, meet desk 🤕.

Oh god wtf just happened. this is fuckin stupid. Lol. 😂😂😂

Awww DilRi are suh qyut!! 😍😍😍😍

Shadi ki Tarik Bina pandit se consult kiye? 😕

Oh they already have. Ok.👍 👍👍

Ugh, kya bakwas hai. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Mukesh ji ka face ekdum rone wala ho gaya hai. Apne bhai ko bhi dekh lo ek min o creepo. 😂

Creepy guy is legit creeping me out.😖😖😖😖😖

Omkara ka toh accha khasa padha chad raha hai. 🌡️🌡️🌡️🌡️🌡️🌡️

Ewww www ewwwww. He’s so so creepy. EWWWWWW.  😖😖😖😖😖

He’s legit making my skin crawl ugh. 😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖😖

Omkara Dilpreet’s legit staring daggers at this dude. 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ I can literally see the murder in his eyes. Aankhiyon se goli maarna band karo Omkie. 😳😳😳😳😳

My eyes still can’t believe they’re looking at a normal shaadi function in Ib lmao. 😂😂😂😂

Ugh, why can’t this dude keep his hands to himself?! Check yo self, before you wreck yo'self, bitch. 😡😡

Omkara Dilpreet looks like he’s planning the creeps murder without getting caught. 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

Who’s this guy, Joey?Joey used to open bras by just staring and he’s opening dori’s with the power of his creepy stare. 😂😂😂

Omkara Dilpreet looks like his head is about to explode. 💣💣💥💥💥💥💥💥

Awww, yissss, the famous Dori scene. 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

The way Gauri's looking at him makes me feel like she’s already recognized him. No? Idk. 😂😂😂

But UGH, MUJE APNI THARAK KIS KIS TAREEKON SE SATISFY KARNI PADTI HAI. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Will they ever get close to each other knowing who the other is? Like ever? These are the questions that haunt a Rikara fangirl. 😥😥😥😥😥😥😥

Ok, No need to be so extra Omkara Dilpreet, you can just tell her that her dori’s open. So dramatic. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Btw remember when he actually asked for permission before tying her dori? And ab full haq jama raha hai. 😏😏😏😏😏😏

Hahahhahhaha, Omkara Dilpreet bhi maidaan-e-jang me utar hi gaya. 😂😂😂😂😂

Look at this guy, he’s doing everything he hated for Gauri. Lying, making sweets and now fucking dancing for her. I’m not saying Gauri should, but I’d totes give him another chance. It helps he looks like an actual angel ofc. Sigh, them beautiful eyes. 😍😍😍😍😍😍

Like I bet if it weren’t for patnidharam, Gauri would’ve already fallen for Dilpreet, he’s such a nice, wholesome guy! 💜💜💜💜💜

LOL look at this extra, desi dance-off. I’m dead. 😂😂😂

Chalo ho gaya, the sentiment, every single desi person feels after a big function is over lol. 😂😂😂😂

The creep’s back. Dear god, he’s so creepy, even I feel uncomfortable looking at his advances. Baat toh kya, I don’t even want him to stand near her Gauri, heck, I don’t even want him to breathe the same air as her. 10ft ki doori pe reh bhai. I bet Omkara shares this sentiment too. MAKE HIM OMKIE. MAKE.HIM. 😡😡😡😡

Fuck. Nooooooo. Don’t leave the room Omkara. 😧😧😧😧

Is he doing what I think he’s doing? He’s trying to propose? 😲😲😲😲

Lol, Gauri trying to deflect him. Good try sis. 👏👏

He did. OMG BITCH ARE YOU BLIND? Mangalsutra nahi dikh raha hai? 😡😡😡😡😡

At least he’s upfront about it.

Naam ki shaadi? He knows it’s invalid? 🤔🤔🤔

OMG!!!! ARE MY RIKARA REMARRIAGE DREAMS GON COME TRUE??? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

NOOOOOO, DON’T GIVE ME THIS HOPE!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It wasn’t a bad proposal until he started threatening Richa's marriage. Fuck outta here with your blackmail boi! 😡😡😡😡

Man, Gauri is PISSED. Omkara se pehle kahin yeh hi uska murder na kar de. 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

OH THE PRECAP IS LIT. IT IS LIT!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍

[papyruslesbian-moved]

do u have any papyton headcanons?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA technically yes and no. I’m not really good at coming up with headcanons on the fly, but if you give me parameters or ask specific questions (like in this ask meme), I usually have some good thoughts lol.

That said, I’m actually currently writing a fic about Papyrus and Mettaton falling in love, and I have lots of ideas for it, so I guess you could call some of those ideas headcanons. Here’s a few of them:

probably pretty obvious, but I think these two would take some time to actually truly fall in love, you know? Papyrus loves Mettaton already, but as a celebrity, not as someone you cherish and hold onto forever. And canonically Mettaton doesn’t even know Papyrus exists (at most you might say he’s vaguely aware, considering the Pacifist ending). If and when they do meet post-canon, Mettaton probably wouldn’t view Papyrus as much more than an obsessed fan at first. It would take a long time of them casually hanging out with the gang and by themselves for them to really get to know and understand each other, and consequently fall for each other.

I (and many others) headcanon Mettaton as having some of his own self esteem issues–my particular version is that he does generally have a big ego and can often be selfish, but when he realizes he’s being selfish and arrogant and is hurting the people he loves, he genuinely feels like he’s a terrible person. That’s why I think Mettaton would find Papyrus a truly admirable person in many ways–Papyrus is a genuinely selfless, caring person, willing to set aside his own goals and even his life for those he cares about. This is essentially what Mettaton falls for in Papyrus, and he tries to emulate him and be a better person.

On the flip side, Papyrus would also find Mettaton to be an admirable person, but not because he’s a big woohoo celebrity. At some point Papyrus has to realize that Mettaton is a fallible person just like everyone else. He would see Mettaton struggling to overcome the bad things about himself and know that he’s trying to be a good person. And Papyrus also recognizes that Mettaton, despite his issues, has a lot of love for his friends, family, and fans. He’d learn to love Mettaton for who he is, not who he appears to be.

Generally I think they’d help each other a lot. Papyrus helps Mettaton be more selfless and Mettaton helps Papyrus think more of himself.

I feel like these two could have some long ass conversations with each other when they’re closer. Friends, feelings, work–they’ve got a lot to talk about.

ok, enough serious talk. let’s do some fluff!!

these two would be cuddle bugs to the extreme. spooning every night in bed, lying in each other’s laps on the couch, kissing (and nuzzling in Papyrus’s case), holding hands or leaning on each other in public. they love affection and they love each other and god damn if they aren’t gonna show it at every possible moment.

Mettaton sometimes reads stories to Papyrus before they go to sleep. sometimes Papyrus reads Mettaton a story. sometimes they come up with a story together. whatever they do, story telling has become one of their favorite pastimes.

Papyrus loves stuffed animals and Mettaton loves those teeny fluffy throw pillows. their bed(s) are covered in the things. and they’re always constantly getting more of them because they can’t stop gifting them to each other.

neither of them really like sappy romantic movies. they don’t mind being sappy to each other, but watching it makes them feel kind of weird sometimes. if they watch anything romantic, it’s usually a comedy. they honestly prefer action movies with lots of explosions, or mysteries with lots of twists and surprises. occasionally they might watch a horror movie if it doesn’t have too many jumpscares or too much gore.

I’ve played different scenarios in my head and at the end of the day I’m still not sure who would propose to the other. usually in my mind it’s Papyrus, but idk if that’s really accurate. I like to headcanon that Mettaton has commitment issues, and thus might want to propose but won’t end up doing it because oh god am I really ready to give my whole life to this skeleton (yes Mettaton, you are). Papyrus would probably know about Mettaton’s problems with commitment and would be reluctant to put him in a situation where he would struggle a lot with them. I think generally speaking, in this situation, Papyrus would be far more likely to pop the question.

ok this one isn’t really Papyton so much as Sans. why does everyone think Sans would go all Bad Time on Mettaton for dating Papyrus. Have you seen Sans. that boy just wants his bro to be happy!! he recognizes that his bro is an autonomous adult who can choose his own dates!! he would only go Bad Time if Mettaton forever and irrevocably broke Papyrus’s heart into a million tiny pieces, which would never happen, so?? Let Sans Be Happy For His Brother And His Bf

ok this got long so I’m gonna leave this here! hope it was at least a little pleasing to read lmao

[whydoyouthinkileft]

aos spoilers

having my breakfast - at 12:30 and so excited about this ep because of reasons so let's go

-btw watching the previously I just remembered Kasius and the other alien lady having their talks (Because he wants to leave that planet) and trying to top each other while also trying to sound like they don't hate each other's guts?  It was hilarious to me, it was like watching ANY conversation between people in my town ever (incidentally, my town if you live in it long enough does give you the feeling you are trapped underground waiting for giant roaches to suck the life out of you)

-oh hello lil cute boy -how old is he? is it me being weirdly old if I say that?

-oh even the white slave-owner guy has a soft spot for him?

-NO HE DROPPED THE FRUIT

-I feel like I'm too invested in him eating already

-senator Gaius whatever is also someone I could see living in my town

-thaaaaat's the scene from the promo. also can you imagine if ALL the people there are lying their asses off to look more evil?

-he looks soooo fantastic to me, I love cowboy in space clothes

-OOHHHHHHHH -the look on his face and lack of breath -I died fifty days over it -Kasius should have just been in something like Desperate Housewives -also I'm starting to find funny how he reads what Sinara says just from her expression and she never has to talk -Jemma looking at space and being deaf OH MY GOD FITZ. IS HE GONNA TALK. IS HE GONNA GO ALL I LOVE YOU I WANNA MARRY YOU HAVE MY BIOCHEMENGINEER BABIES and she's gonna walk away? -oh my god. He realized the universe can't stop them, they are stronger than curses. Now that she's deaf. He needs to repeat it. And then let her make fun of him for the curse thing for other 74 years -I FUCKING KNEW IT. I KNEW HE'D PROPOSE -nooooooooooooo the deaf thing -'oh are they' Fitz would love to kill him, wouldn't he -OH MY GOD HE'S TOUCHING HER FACE IN FRONT OF FITZ -Of course Kasius would appreciate that sentiment from Fitz. If all he's going to use from the Doctor is talking about bullshit and pain like a villain would, give those speeches, while he doesn't believe in a word he says and the actual bad guy there is like 'uuhhh this is my new friend' I'm here for it. This is basically high school and becoming popular. -Also still here if Jemma wants to break a pitcher on Kasius's face though -I am worried though because Jemma wasn't 100% chill when she saw Fitz's face -oh my god the look on Fitz's face after Kasius walked away -Tess just quoted me with 'soft spot' for the kid. I'm Tess now. -Flint 'if I turn I won't have to beg around' yeah well he's NOT WRONG, mind you -is Jemma going to mother this one too and then Daisy will train him? -AAAHHHH FITZ AND JEMMA -the hatred on Kasius' face whenever he speaks to all people who are supposed to be on his same level or higher makes me laugh, I'm so sorry -they are just so... mundane about 'uhhh your daddy gave your big brother the big job and you are stuck in here lmao' -evil eyes of hatred- -I'm glad Daisy is befriending the mind-reader, he's adorable -also he didn't expect her to go all 'I'm sorry' and he's even more adorable -no seriously they seriously could be living in my town -Fitz. Fitz don't fuck this up, my boy. -the almost smile when he describes it tho, that kinda sells it as him being a bitch so... good -what is that snail thing, also I TOO FIND MOIST CREATURES (and stuff that changes from hard to soft depending on the bite, and really most meat) DISTASTEFUL BUT NOBODY LAUGHS WITH ME WHEN I SAY IT AND REFUSE TOT IT, THEY CALL ME SPOILED. ALSO I RAN OUT OF THE ROOM IF THERE ARE SNAILS BECAUSE NO. Next fucking time we have a dinner with other people I'm going to talk with that attitude and slam the food on the plate and wait for someone to laugh. I'll instruct my little brother to laugh and make other people feel like they have to laugh -sidenote: the jackass who brought it up attempting to laugh along not sure of what's happening is amazing. I don't know which one of those guys is really the loser in the real tvshow that is going on in there. Kasius, cast away and trying to climb up the ladder and become a Big Shot, the snails guy who is soooo loud and soooo friendly and everybody knows he's just desperate to keep being in the inner circle, or what -HAHAHA the Kree discussing why the kid disappeared like. Even before they looked around like 'did we crush the kid' 'how did he disappear, what did we do wrong? look under your shoes' and now 'maybe his power is to disappear' 'nah' I can see these Kree driving a car and talking why they stopped -lmao 'you mean this guy?' 'no he's just cool' -Mack looks proud of himself- you are cool, Mack. You are big enough you don't need superpowers -at this point Kasius and others are just courting Fitz -MAY, IT'S MAY. MAY WILL FIGHT HIM. GET THE HELL OUT. also he KNOWS Jemma and Daisy were laying and how the ell idd he find out her name is Melinda May -Melinda and Fitz looking at each other like that, oh my god. And she hasn't seen what happened of Jemma yet after she let her go -is... Fitz... bromancing Kasius to trick him? what is this episode?? this is also perfect because Fitz's superpower since s2 has been to befriend EVERY person he met and get a circle around him super fast, first Hunter and Mack and then Hunter and Coulson, then he grabbed Bobbi too, befriended Radcliffe super fast, like, of course he can use his 'father's memories (with Jemma watching like a hawk - with impared sight) to get to Kasius. Fitz in this episode is me in high school, I'm not even kidding anymore. You gotta fit in to survive, so fit in in a way that will make people fight to sit next to you without even lying -is telepath boy going to tell May how to behave because he SHOULD -lmao May hitting him without thinking and succeeeding, bet he didn't see that coming -if it wasn't for her leg he'd in a world of trouble -LMAO KASIUS' FACE when Fitz went 'this fight bores me' -he just insulted May's age and just... her face. -the horror at Flint not knowing what tacos are -we finally know Elena's terrigen story lol -oohhhh my god white guy needs to die -he's about to kill him because he lied, oh my god, OH MY GOD, BEN. NO. NOOOO. DON'T DO THIS. -FITZ, don't try to control Kasius too hard, he'll know -one more death in Daisy and Jemma's conscience oh my god are you kidding me poor sweet Ben -oh the white guy had a second when asking about the prophecy and he might buy it later -aw Jemma and Daisy, with Jemma being able to hear -'there was nothing you could do' 'I have to kill him' 'you'll have to get in line'  just... Jemma, of all the people, always reassuring others that it's not their fault, but also REALLY, let Jemma kill at least one person who humiliated and hurt her instead of having her fail and get someone else to do it? -I KNEW IT. I KNEW JEMMA LIKED THE CARDIGANS, PREFERRED THEM. I'M THINKING OF S2. THEY WERE SO SOFT LOOKING -I love that their having girls talk in the middle of this too because oh god they are 29-30, and yes, they have been through hell, and in situations like this people don't necessarily act like super efficient zombies, they find humor, they find reasons to chat with friends, they still smile, and I always found unrealistic when in tvshows, including aos, they were only shown super serious ALL the time. -Daisy the shippers is back. Which I don't know why people don't like or find weird because honestly, I ship my friends with their loved ones when they are so in love -Jemma has a knife. Jemma KEEPS STEALING KNIVES AND WILL STAB PEOPLE, YES -Elena being tortured twice now -uh oh controlling rocks. BREAK HIS HEAD. CRACK HIS HEAD OPEN. YES FLINT -also the loooook between Jemma and Fitz was so lovely, they almost got to talk -Kasius is peacocking so much over his brother -oh they have a plan B, alright -oh wow Kasius' brother is such a sweetie, 'there is no honor to be found in this human cesspool'. that's kinda my attitude when they force me to go out for holidays. -oh yeah, Kasius 'pleeease Sinara fight for me' and then trying to talk her into not being mad at him lol. Also yes for Sinara dying. Fuck you.  You kept killing people with your stupid-ass balls. Your turn now. -jesus for a second I thought they had hung Tess for her neck -IS SHE? DEAD?? NO??????!!! -Daisy's look is so cool tho -KILL SINARA. KILL HER, KILL -aw shit they have a barrier -break her neck, break HER NECK -NO KILL HER. KILL HER FOR REAL. -JEMMA FUCKING SLIT KASIUS' THROAT I'M SO ALIVE FOR THIS, ALSO FOR DAISY FLYING UP LIKE THAT OH MY GOD -OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK -THEY HAD A REUNION KISS FOR FUCKING ONCE -JEMMA PROPOSED TOO AND HE ZFHAADSKJHFKDF -THEN THEY PICKED UP DAISY I'M SO -AND FITZ TALKING ABOUT HOW HE PROPOSED EARLIER THO I'M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK -honestly I said that I didn't want them to propose and get married until they were a little healthier but that can be solved writing fanon, when it comes to canon, if... Fitz managed to somehow work through his doctor issues and just needed one last push from Hunter (maybe that's also what happened in those six months) and to not be holding back on his love for Jemma anymore because he's completely there and not worrying about the cosmo... then I guess it's fine? honestly, I'm a sucker for this sort of thing so I'll just accept it in the show and then write 59494864 things in which they process things slower after the proposal, they'd have been together anyway -I CAN'T HELP IT OKAY I'M JUST EXCITED -ENOCH LIES THE WAY JEMMA LIED IN S1 OKAY, I LOVE HIM 'hello friend' 'who are you' 'I am a Kree as I've always been, brother' -I love everything about them dividing tasks and Jemma finally getting revenge on Kasius and Fitz finishing Sinara after Daisy did her fighting and also Daisy is there to listen to the proposal, I'm laughing oh my god

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 3 “WHITE GURL CAN TWERK” - Zakriah

Why do I feel like I just got saved from the most humiliating/awkward tribal council situation by a swap happening? Honestly I'm just worried about who I end up with but I know my days were numbered on temoana

I really don't want this tribe swap to happen, like I really like my tribe, oh well nothing I can do about it.

OKAY THIS IS AWKWARD i told karen mitchell was gunning for her but i wanna work with mitchell and karen osehfkjhkjfae and now tHEYRE BOTH ON MY TRIBE HELP MEEEEEEEE

So i already know whats gonna happen on that new tribe - Linus is gonna get in good with my Brown Arrow and the other vet is gonna get voted out, and after that I can totally see one of them whipping out an idol. I'm just worried Aro is gonna side with Linus over me now that they're on the same tribe, but I'm hoping not. TBH these tribes are gonna be quite a mess I can already tell.

so i'm all like :) :) :) just boppin about :) :) :) wonder who the rookies voted out haha :) :) :) hope it's not the icon L.A. lol haha :) :) )

then everyone's freakin out i'm like :) :) :) what's up dogs :) :) :) and they're like we switchin tribes :) :) :..................................???

AND I FUCKIN FREAKED THE FUCK OUT BC TRIBE SWAPS RARELY IF EVER ARE GOOD FOR MITCHELL KALABANG

IN MUCHACHU PIZZERIA I WAS THE ONLY FAN ON A TRIBE WITH 8 FAVORITES. IN MALAYSIA FANS AND FAVORITES WERE TIED AND WE ALMOST DREW ROCKS.

But I always found a way to survive, and I'll do so here, as for the first time in my Tumblr Survivor career, not only has the first tribe swap actually moved me to a different tribe, but it's done so while giving me a numbers advantage. The two people I most wanted to be here with (Dana, because we're tight, and Zak, because I know I've got him on lock and the other vets don't so he could've been fodder on any other tribe) are here and the one I was most wary of (Karen, because things were maybe awkward between us???) is here. We all seem on board with keeping the vets together. I like it. We're gonna be just fine so long as we stick together.

Allie and Willow... idk yall so goodbye. I'm gonna keep my ass' options open but this could be good and simple. I'm still wary of Karen but for now, there's no reason to get rid of her... so we'll do it later instead :)

i'm optimistic haha lol

Fuck my life...

Me and Willow are discussing my name and she got confused and asked if I had two middle names because I had said "zak" happens twice in my name and so I just go "Oh no it's zakriah wahid razzak" and if I had a nickel for every time ive heard that

It did come to mind, and I did kind of think that there's a small shot that Chrissa told her tribe about me, and honestly she probably went off about how much of a douche I am or how good of a player I was blah blah blah. I'm going to try to slide it into conversation with Lexi, Ryan or Matt, but so far, this isn't too bad of a swap. I'm with Jacob, which is great because I know he'd never vote me out, and also I know he's good at swaying people, and will hopefully be able to help get someone to swing onto our side, but I see it going 3-3 at the first vote, assuming our tribe even goes to tribal council, but I know Ryan is a consistent loser, and has been around for awhile, and that Lexi has won a season before, so I can use both of those facts to my advantage, and see where it takes me.

For now, I'm gonna socialize, wait to see how the immunity challenge goes, and take it from there. And now.... let's see if I can somehow scoop up an idol

(Slightly later)

So immediately getting to this new beach, I know I needed to jump, and I needed to do it FAST. I know Lexi is the winner of the bunch, so I proposed her a deal:

[4/5/17, 11:27:33 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Being alongside a past winner is certainly something that could benefit everyone [4/5/17, 11:27:37 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Or at least benefit me haha [4/5/17, 11:28:22 PM] lex: Haha most don't think that way so how can I benefit you ;) [4/5/17, 11:30:30 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Uhhhh [4/5/17, 11:30:32 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Well for starters [4/5/17, 11:30:38 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Working alongside a winner can teach you a lot [4/5/17, 11:30:44 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I wouldn’t mind working alongside a winner ;) [4/5/17, 11:32:09 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I know that’s kinda jumping out of the gate, but I do think that in a swap like this, when it’s 3-3, having one REALLY strong connection with someone from the other tribe can really benefit both of the people involved, especially a relationship that people can’t see us walking into the woods and talking all the time, since we’re just kinda in each others DMs lmao [4/5/17, 11:34:04 PM] lex: Yeah I don't think anyone would suggest us as a duo lmao

Hook, Line and Sinker. I'm not entirely too sure how this will end up working out, but my new "Most Important Connection" has to be Lexi. Working alongside a past winner, and someone who has made merge twice is something that can be really valuable for my game, and I think that if she ends up sticking to her end of the deal, we'll both make it out of this tribe swap alive.

I'm completely tribe swap fucked which is what I was scared of most. Newbies are down 4-2 and there's nothing I can really do about it. The vets seem really close too, and I'm high key scared of them, so if we loose immunity then I'm fucked. So I'm gonna be overdramatic and cry, good night.

https://youtu.be/Hcp6Dthetcs

Whew! So much has happened since last round. Jacob, Johnny and I formed an alliance. We talked about adding other people, and eventually added Lily. Which I'm glad about, because I didn't want to end up with two conflicting alliances and Lily seems very trustworthy. Lily told me she has an idol, and Johnny and I are the only ones who know about it. It's crazy that she found it so early, but I'm glad I know where it is and that it's with someone I feel like I can trust. Star went unanimously at tribal - which I expected - and afterwards we found out we're switching tribes. We were all really sad, because I think we did feel a bit like a family even though we didn't know each other. Everyone was so nice and I don't think we would've wanted to vote out anyone else on our tribe. So we said our goodbyes, and we all decided to stick together as newbies on our new tribes to make sure that a veteran doesn't win. And although I'm feeling good about it, I'm nervous for the tribes that have two newbies vs four veterans, because they're either gonna go really early or they're gonna flip to stay safe.

I'm feeling good about my tribe though. We're four newbies, two veterans, and the newbies immediately got together and made an alliance chat. It's me, Lily, L.A., and Aro. I'm glad I've got Lily here, because you can never be 100% sure someone won't flip but I feel good about her, and I don't know the other two very well.

I talked to the two vets, Monty and Linus, who told me somewhat similar things about being on the Vet tribe? Linus said if Chrissa hadn't volunteered herself, he could've gone home. And Monty said that before she did, there were like, 5 different targets, and everyone was yelling at each other and it was messy. So it's nice to know that they're not as united as the newbies.

But now to the fun stuff...... Right when we got our new tribes, I go to search for the idol. And I found it, first try! This is my first ever idol and I'm so excited. And the fact that both Lily and I have one is crazy and so good on our part. Overall, I'm feeling good. But I miss the newbie tribe. We were all so pure and cute and not yet jaded to this game lmao.

So here we are all switched up and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little happy. I was in a pretty good spot with everyone on Temoana and was not about to lose that by like blindsiding Karen or something. Now I have Ryan and Lex who I'm very good and pretty good with respectively. I hope to Survivor Gods I can get this idol because that would be so ideal. I really don't want a 3-3 tie but I really wouldn't flip on the vets either, so I'm working my magic trying to sway Jacob who Lex might just be good with anyway and Johnny, the frat boy, which even though I don't like I think I can work to my advantage. I can tell if I just bro out with him we can vibe well together I can be bros with frat boys and be hunties with the more internetty people, I'm a social chameleon and I will do whatever it takes to put myself in the best position I can. So we'll see how this game goes. Hopefully they'll be smart and go with me because I plan on going far in this game with whoever benefits me the most.

WHEW! So, we swapped. It's me and Linus from the vets and Lily, Daisy, LA, and Aromal from the rookies, and at first this looks bad with me and Linus being down 4-2, but I really like this swap. I'm friends with Lily outside the game, and we have already talked about working together. On the old vets tribe, I was targeting Linus because I couldn't get a read on him, and you know what? Why stop now? I'd rather play with people I can predict and trust. Lily also mentioned that the rookies she liked the most are Daisy, who's on our tribe, LA, who's also on our tribe, and Johnny, who isn't. Which rookie is left out of that? Aromal. (Aromal also stans ugly Survivor players, so he can go?) So, Lily has gone to bed right now, but in the morning I am going to ask her if me, her, Daisy, and LA wanted to work together. I've already talked to Daisy for a good bit, and I just messages LA, so we'll see. Then from there, I can either play it off with Linus as "OMG WE FLIPPED THE NUMBERS!" or vote with all the newbies and play it off as "I needed to survive". TBH I don't know where that went, I stopped halfway through this confessional and restarted, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ok so we had a tribe swap. Part of me felt it coming? But not like enough to think it would actually happen. I don't hate my tribe. I think we are strong challenge wise. I got put here with Lexi and Matt from the vets tribe and I feel okay about that? I did a lot of talking with Matt and a bunch before the swap with Lexi but I don't think they talked a lot. And we are split 3-3. So our goal is to get one of the newbies to flip to us and we already discussed going to rocks for each other. Then last night Lexi tells us the idol clue and we all go looking. Guess who fucking found it. This old idiot! Guess who isn't telling a soul about it. This old idiot! I feel bad because it was Lexi's clue and Matt's figuring out the clue that led me to it...but sucks to suck byeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well this swap ended up looking preeeeetty badly on the surface. A bit deeper down I may not be 100% fucked, but its uncertain. As it stands Im pretty confident I can play a better social game than Monty, so it's time to kiss some ass. I was at the bottom multiple times in Myanmar, but if there was one thing I could do it was get people from the other side to join forces with me. I swear to god I'm going to make these fuckers LOVE me! I know Aro from the wikia community, we played in Sumbawa together, and we've already talked and said we want to work together. On top of that, I've been talking to L.A a lot and we get along like a house on fire. When I asked her about working together though she did say she really got the same sense that we should work together, but is hesitant. To be fair from what she's told me this is her very first org so I can't blame her too much for wanting to play safe. Lily and that other girl I forget the name of are boring as fuck though, especially Lily, that other girl at least responds and is kind enough or whatever, its just clear she doesn't want to get too involved with the vets. I've never understood why you would play a social game though and just neglect that aspect completely. I dunno man. Anyways, L.A is apparently super tight with Lily, which means I have to kiss the ass of the person I've found it hardest to talk to since playing with fucking Ting Ting and Leah. I call my current plan the "Throw people under the bus for shit they didn't do strategy". Right now Im trying to sell that the freaking minority alliance on the Vets of Monty, Karen and Lexi were running the show over there, and that Karen being the ringleader tried to target me round one until Chrissa quit. Of course, I realize the dramatic irony for those watching that those three were on the outs and Karen was almost first boot haha. Next round, if I get get Monty out, Im going to start a rumour that Daisy and a Vet are irl friends, and try to stir the pot that way >:) . I just have to last a few rounds until a swap comes again and I can start a new. Wish me luck my dudes.

(please put this in bold on the tumblr post) Why The Hell Is It So Hard To Properly Edit Relationships In A Manner That Will Get The Right People Voted Out At The Right Times In This Damn Reward Challenge: a best-selling novel by Lily Owen

The swap came and I got on the Temoana tribe. I mean, it could have been worse. Imagine being in the 4-2 minority tribe, but I could also have been in the 4-2 majority one. Right now we're split 3-3 but it could all change.

The new tribe is cool and I like the vets who joined. Lex is really nice and is probably the vet I'd love to keep around here. And then of course I have my alliance with Jacob and Johnny from the original Makira.

The new reward challenge is up and I feel as if I'm one of the only two people actively trying alongside Ryan. I mean it's just a reward, but you could at least put some effort into it. I hate playing on a losing tribe, and it would suck in this situation because I might be in danger of being voted. I don't think anybody knows who might get votes if we lose the immunity challenge.

That reward challenge was really hard. Like last night when I was messing around with the simulator I was trying to make Eddie the first boot but then he ended up winning it all gjkhdlkfjhs

No but on a more serious note I worked with the simulator for like 2 hours and I think I ended up getting roughly like 50ish points its probably less though. But I'm really hoping we win this reward challenge because it'll give us a 10% advantage in the next immunity challenge.

(Slightly later)

SOIDFUASODIF I got a lot less than 50 points, I very much miscalculated it so please ignore everything I've ever said  

Well apparently Im a challenge beast so far this game, surviving the entire endurance and now getting almost as much as the next two highest scores combined in the brantesteele thing. I don't attribute that to me being good though, all these other people were god awful. Like, how the hell did Willow get 35?? Did she just run a completely random brantsteele once and be like "Meh good enough"?? I feel like it takes a person who is intentionally trying to make their team lose to do that bad, idk man. L.A pulled through on the challenge too though, same with Aro and even Lily kinda.

On that note I finally got in a decent conversation with Lily. Granted, she isn't much one to give me anything to talk about. When I ask a question she doesn't really ask anything back and that makes it hard for a conversation to flow, but she at least had some personality tonight so that was cool to not feel like I  was talking to somebody who was totally bored and seemed like they didn't even want to be here. I want to start an alliance with Aro, Lily and of course L.A. The 4 of us are the ones who want to and deserve to be here from what I can tell. If I had my way, Daisy would go first any day of the week, however, my best move is still to throw Monty under the bus, which sucks because he is probably more invested than Daisy, but hey, I gotta look out for number 1 first. Im winning this game, and if that means Monty gets sacrificed along the way so be it! That or Im going to be next boot and all these ranting about how awesome I am will be for not because Ill lose horribly and have been outplayed by almost everyone. Theres a good chance of that too :P .

SO we had a swap, that was terrible. I was lucky enough to get on the tribe where Rookies have the numbers so naturally we're working together. HOWEVER, the rookies I'm with are the ones I've bonded with the least, and nothing about that has changed since the swap. Maybe that's my fault, for not reaching out more but I also don't want to come across as annoying. Honestly, I would rather work with Linus, a VET. (gasp of horror) He is someone I actually talk to, it doesn't feel overly forced so he is someone I'd like to keep around. I realize this was probably his goal, be likable, flip a couple rookies and he's safe. Because in situations like this, its common for the original tribe to stick together when they have the numbers and he's smart enough to realize this. My problem now is do I wanna risk working with him? Or do the safe thing and just stay with my 'alliance' and get the two vets out if it comes to it, or try and make a move to work with people I like? Its tough because I don't wanna be the first rookie to flip, not after all our 'we'll stick together guys' that was happening in the tribe as we waited on swap results. 

If I work with Linus, he is potentially someone I could continue to work with into the merge, he SAYS he didn't have set alliances yet, do I trust him on that? Hell no. (But its doubtful I'll trust anyone in this game,  even Jacob.)  I'm just trying to decide if its worth the risk or not, he's good in competitions and I like that in someone I work it, even though later on it could become a huge problem as of right now its a good thing. He is also a very smart and social player and I feel like I could learn a thing or two from him. I don't know, I need to figure out how I wanna play this game, what will be best for me in the long run. 

No one in my tribe is being helpful for this challenge and its frustrating. Everyone is answering very limitedly, not answering any of my questions, barely doing any brainstorming with me... like how many times do I have to say that we should plan some of the shots we want before anyone starts giving suggestions? I'm trying really hard not to come off as bossy, but this is so frustrated. At this point I have no idea what the finished product will look like, or if everyone will even film something given Lily doesn't want to show her face on camera, L.A. is busy and Monty has barely said anything. That's half our tribe with big question marks on them. I'm so incredibly frustrated, I feel like we're gonna lose.

Daisy is pissing me off. I get that it's only the first fucking verse and chorus we need to learn, but it will look way better if we give people certain parts because then we can choreograph what we are fucking doing. Smh.

An extension of my last confessional. This wouldn't be so irritating if I felt like I had any power over here. Daisy is able to act like a total isolationist and doesn't have to worry at all about doing shit because of how the numbers of this fucking swap turned out. Meanwhile, Im here playing my ass off just to try and survive one more round.

In other news a pseudo alliance has started with Lily, L.A and myself I think. I don't get the best gut feeling that they intend to be fully loyal to it, I think both probably still intend to keep the fans strong, but I just have to have them think Im the better choice of veteran to keep for now. Grrr, I hope this works :( .

Honestly, going into this immunity challenge, I’m nervous as shit. I know that I’ve got Jacob, and hopefully still Luca. Matt tried to propose a four person alliance with me and the vets, and it’s something I might consider doing, depending how long it takes for our tribe to lose immunity, in order to keep Jacob and I safe, but I do know the rookies would be very mad with my decision to flip on the vets, so it’s a tough decision to weigh. I do have a very bad feeling that we’re going to end up hitting a 3-3, and it might come down to luck after that, but for now, I’m just trying to keep optimistic, but I’ve actually never been this scared in a game before, so only time will tell where everyone is going to end up.

I do have a lot of confidence in our music video, but I'm really not ready to see who gets the disadvantage, and also who ends up winning this immunity, so I'm nervous as shit. I hope the other teams don't have an editor like we do :S

allie seems like the most reserved girl on the planet and ive literally almost never spoken to her but she literally fucking POPPED AWF in her submission for the video like WHITE GURL CAN TWERK where has THIS ALLIE BEEN

I'm the worst because I keep forgetting to write confessionals oops. Anyway a lot has happened I guess, so there's a lot to talk about. First off Allie told me that there's a rumor/clue or whatever that the idol is hidden somewhere in the sunken ship. This is great news especially since we're down 4-2, but we both already looked this round and didn't find it, so we really need to win this next immunity challenge. Anyway I talked to Karen and she said that she's on the bottom of her tribe and that she might be willing to flip to me and Allie which is great news! I'm not 100% sure if we can trust her though, but she did give us the information that the vets had about where the idol isn't, so I'm really hoping me and Allie can trust her since she might be the only thing we have that'll keep us safe.

Anyway on a funny note, while I was trying to film my thing for the music video earlier today my neighbors were having some sort of picnic for their baby and dog, and so I completely embarrassed myself by lip singing to Potential Breakup Song oops.  

(Slightly later)

I'm so stressed that we're gonna loose this challenge because then there's a high likelihood that it'll be me or Allie going home and I don't want that. Our video is probably gonna turn out really good but Idk I'm just worried.  

ahhhhh i feel so bad, because our video lowkey sucks, and its lowkey my fault. i dont fault daisy at all, she did the best with what she had and could work with, but that wasnt a whole lot :///// anyways, i think we're gonna lose .-.

well, this was a fun game .-. can't wait to go home tomorrow

Its pretty frustrating that my alliance doesn't wanna split the vote. Why not take the safe route? Is a revote so inconvenient that you'd rather lose someone from your own alliance ?

Well I've been in sunny Mejico for the past few days so lemme fill everyone in with what I've been up to. It seems like I've actually convinced people I don't suck at challenges which is good, I spearheaded the Moana plan so I think I've tested my ability to take charge. I've pulled in fratty fratboy by saying bro and dude in all my convos and it seems like he'd really be down to work with me unless he is extremely crafty and is playing me, which is only really possible with an idol because I'm not flipping to the rookie side while he said he would definitely vote a rookie. Now we won but unfortunately it's 4-2 rookies on Ulawa so hopefully some magic saves a veteran but if not I'll probably work on aligning myself with more of these rookies just in case they have numbers.

Well, Aromal's got his work cut out for him tonight. He knows Linus is good at challenges so he may just keep him and vote out Monty, who was gunning for me earlier, or he could vote him out bc he knows he's good at making it to f3, or he could flip and take out a rookie and work with me at merge :) the last one is wishful thinking, but we aren't husbands for nothing

Hi it's me you're favorite rookie Jacob. So going into this new tribe I was fairly nervous. It could be worse, but at least the numbers are even 3-3! On one hand you have Lexi telling me she hates vets vs rookies and thinks its boring and on the other hand u have Matt telling Johnny how close he is too Lexi and Ryan and how much he trusts them. I would be feeling more comfortable if I was with more reliable rookies. Johnny is alright but Luca drives me nuts The other day he was talking all up in the main chat about how blackout wasted he was which screamed LOOK AT ME UNNECCESARY NEGATIVE ATTENTION! Works for me because If I have to, he will go to keep Johnny and I safe! I am just chilling we won the immunity and I am proud of us. The video wasn't the BEST but it was good enough to win which was nice! Ulawa lost which is the tribe of 4-2 rooks to vets and I am hoping that the rooks take out a vet because I know Monty doesn't like me because of past drama and Idk Linus. I know Lily has an idol so it should be good as long as the other rooks stick to the plan we made to stay together moving forward. I want to form an alliance with maybe Ryan Lexi Johnny and myself to have a majority 2 vets 2 rooks will be nice, so hopefully we can keep ourselves safe. The best bet is to keep winning immunities and keep beasting through until another tribe swap or merge

This tribal went from 0 to 60 in 3.5. So, it looked like it was down to the rookies deciding between me and Linus to go, and each of us having a 50/50 shot of staying. But see, I don't like passively sitting by hoping I come out on the better end of a 50% chance. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I first tried talking to Lily and Daisy to get an answer out of them on weather or not it would be me or Linus going, but they both talked in the tribe chat and ignored me, so that sent off red flags. If they had both just like, you know, messaged me back, I don't think this would be happening right now. I'd be voting out Linus and keeping my damn mouth shut and just letting come what may. Because I trusted Lily specifically and Daisy to a lesser extent, so if they said that Linus was the vote, alright, that's done, let's focus on winning the next challenge. But they didn't so here I am wondering what the fuck is going on.

So I started talking to Aromal. Nobody has really been talking to us and so he brought up the idea of voting out Linus now, and then teaming up to take out one of the three rookies. The problem with that is that there would be three of them and two of us, so I was like, "lol, Linus is probably desperate right now, too. Let's just fast forward that one week where we know we can get at least a tie vote." And it took some convincing, and some throwing Lily under the bus, but I think it worked. I just told him Lily has been wanting him gone, and we was almost sold. Wake up this morning, and he's totally on board. So then Linus seems on board, and we only need one more person to flip to get our way, or everyone to stay strong to just go to rocks. And tbh, I would much rather force a rock draw and get rocked out than let 4 rookies decide to send me home. First, rocks is a 1/4 chance, and second, getting rocks drawn means I did something to try and save myself, and it was the right move, I just pulled the wrong rock.

So, Lily. She's gonna get her own paragraph. I used to not understand why she was always an early boot/target, but I understand it now. She makes people sketched out. One moment, when we were just swapped, she was talking about how many connections she had on the tribe, and how she could mastermind this and mastermind that. And then we were talking, and I trusted her, so if she'd given me the ok, you're good, the numbers aren't going to you, then I would've been fine with it. There we go have a good day, let's not come back to tribal. But she didn't. And I knew she saw my message and left me on read because I saw her talking in the tribe chat after I sent my message, and I know she saw me in there too, because I was also talking. And then Aro is sketched out by her for good reason because she's been throwing his name around, and then who knows what LA and Daisy think of her. Lily says she close with those two, but Aro says they get kinda annoyed with her sometimes, so who knows. She's a great player physically, and probably strategically, and her social game isn't bad, it's just off. She could be a huge threat if she just changed her social game and her presence in chats a little bit. It sucks, too, because I was really excited to play with her, but I can't play with someone who talks sketchy.

So kiddos, heres the  scoop. Everyone was going to be voting Monty, but then Lily went and told Monty the vote was on Aro, and now Aro is freaking out and wants to target Lily with Monty and I. I'm undecided what to do at this point, Im technically in an alliance with Lily, so Im trying to weigh the options rn. Im going off of the  assumption that we attend one more tribal before a swap atm. Pros to keeping Monty. One, it means Im in the top 3 on the tribe with Aro and him. Two, He's indebted to me for a while at least. Three, Rocks are fun as hell :^) . four, if he goes I could be next, it would be between Aro and I. On the flip side, the disadvantages One, I ruin my chances of working with fans. two I could get rocked out. Three, if Aro gets rocked out I could very well be the next to go. four, Lily is better at comps than Monty I think.

Grr, I don't know what to do...

WE'RE GOING TO ROCKS MY STOMACH IS IN KNOTS I MIGHT LITERALLY PUKE FROM ANXIETY DURING TRIBAL TBH