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lushscreamqueen · 10 months ago

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The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth Shakespearian English version. Part two of two - by Lushscreamqueen

Narrator: Thither art those who is't declare yond life is an illusion, and yond reality is but a figment of the imagination. If 't be true this is so, then Brad and Janet art quite safe, . However, the sudden departure of their host. And his creation. Into the seclusion of his sombre bridal suite did has't did leave those folk humour both apprehensive and uneasy, a humour which did groweth as the other guests departed, and they wast shown to their separate cubiculos.

~~~

Janet: who is't is't? Who is't's thither?

Frank (Brad): 't's only me,

Janet. Janet: Oh, Brad ladybird, cometh in. Oh! Brad Oh. Ay, mine ladybird. But what if 't be true.

Frank (Brad): 'T's valorous now, Janet, everything's going to beest valorous now.

Janet: Oh, I desire so, mine ladybird. Oh. Ah. Ahh OHHH! Oh 't's thou!

Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't 't nice.

Janet: Oh, thou beast, thou cockatrices. Oh what hast thou done with Brad?

Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Wherefore, doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Janet: thou fopped me.I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: ay, ay I wot, but 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? I bethink thou very much did find 't quite pleasurable.

Janet: Oh, cease.I cullionly holp. Brad Brad. Oh Brad!

Frank: Shhh. Brad's belike asleep by anon. Doth thou wanteth him to see thou like. This!

Janet: Like this. Like how! Oh, 't's thy fault. Thou're to censure. I wast saving myself.

Frank: Well, I'm sure thou're not did spend yet.

Janet: Gage thou did win't betoken Brad?

Frank: Cross mine heart and desire to kicketh the bucket.

~~~

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad ladybird, 't's nay valorous hither. 't'll destroy us.

Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll beest aroint from hither in the morn.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad thou're so stout and protective.

Brad: thou! Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't 't nice.

Brad: wherefore thou! What hast thou done with Janet?

Frank: Nothing. Wherefore? Doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Brad: Thou fopped me, I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: Oh ay ay, I wot. But 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? Not yea half lacking valor, I bethink thou very much quite did enjoy 't.

Frank: Oh. So soft.

Brad: Cease 't. Cease 't. Oh Janet. JANET!

Frank: Shhh! Janet's belike asleep by anon, doth thou wanteth that lady to see thou. Like this!

Brad: Like this, like how? 't's thy fault, thou're to censure, I did do bethink 't wast the real thing!

Frank: Oh cometh on, Brad, admit 't, thou did like 't, didn't thou? Thither's nay crime in giving yourself ov'r to pleasure,

Brad. Oh Brad, thou've did waste so much time already. Janet needn't wot, I did win't betoken.

Brad: Well, gage thou did win't betoken.

Frank: On mine mother's graoouuuuuu.

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky hath broken his chains and did vanish. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Magenta hath just released. The dogs.

Frank: Mmmmm? Coming!

~~~

Janet: What's happening hither? Whence's Brad? Whence's anybody?

Oh, Brad. Brad, mine ladybird, how couldst I hast done this to thou? Oh, if 't be true only we hadn't did maketh this journey. If 't be true only the car hadn't broken down. Oh, if 't be true only we wast amongst cater-cousins. Or sane persons, Oh Brad, what hast they done with him. ….

��..Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How couldst thou?

Rocky: Errrrrr

Janet: Oh, but thou're did hurt. Did do they doth this to thou? Hither, I'll dress thy wounds. Baby thither.

~~~

Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind. Vehement or excited mental state. 't is eke a powerful and irrational master. And from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly did view on their television monitor thither did seem dram doubt yond Janet wast, marry, . Its slave.

Magenta and Columbia: betoken us about 't, Janet.

(SONG) TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

Janet: I wast humour done in,

couldn't winneth

I'd only ever did kiss 'ere.

Columbia: Thou cullionly the lady's.

Magenta: Uh Ha .

Janet: I did do bethink

thither's nay did lie-to getting

Into heavy petting

'T only leads to ado

And seat wetting.

Anon all I wanteth to wot

is how to wend.

I've did taste blood

and I wanteth moo.

Magenta and Columbia: Moo, moo, moo

Janet: I'll did put up nay resistance

I wanteth to stayeth the distance

I've did get an itch to scratch

I needeth assistance.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Then if 't be true aught grows,

while thou pose,

I'll oil thou up

and rubbeth thou down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet: And yond's just one

bawbling fraction

of the main attraction.

Thou needeth a gentle handeth

and I needeth action.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta: I wanteth to beest filthy.

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me,

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night

Brad: Creature of the night?

Frank: Creature of the night.

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Creature of the night.

Columbia: Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night!

Janet: Creature of the night.

~~~

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!

Frank: How did do 't befall? I did understand thou wast to beest watching!

Riff Raff: I wast only aroint for a minute. Master.

Frank: Well, see if 't be true thou can findeth him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master. We hast a visitor.

Brad: Ho, Scotty!. Leech Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: Thou wot this earthling. Person?

Brad: I most forsooth doth! He happeneth to beest an corky cater-cousin of mine.

Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. Thou did do cometh hither with a purpose.

Brad: I did tell thou, mine carriage did do break down. I wast telling the sooth.

Frank: I wot what thou did tell me. But this Leech Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

Brad: He wast a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank: And anon he worketh for thy government, doesn't he,

Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of yond which thou clepe UFO's! Isn't yond right, Brad?

Brad: He might beest.I don't wot.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, Master.

Frank: He'll belike beest. In the Zen cubiculo. Shalt we inquire of him in person?

Brad: Most wondrous Scott!

Scott: Frank N Furter, we meeteth at last.

Brad: Leech Scott!

Scott: Brad! What art thou doing hither?

Frank: Don't playeth games Leech Scott. Thou wot perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing hither. 't wast part of thy plan, wast 't not? Yond he and his female shouldst check the layout for thou. Well, unfortunately for thou, all the plans art to beest did do change. I am adaptable, Leech Scott; I wot Brad is.

Scott: I can assure thou yond Brad's presence hither cometh as a complete hoyday to me. I did do cometh hither to findeth Eddie.

Brad: Eddie! I've seen him! Frank: Eddie! What doth thou wot of Eddie, Leech Scott?

Scott: I befall to wot a most wondrous deal about a lot of things. Thou see Eddie happeneth to beest mine nephew.

Brad: Leech Scott.

Janet: Ah!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Frank: Hark.I did maketh thou. And I can breaketh thou just as easily.

Magenta: Master, dinner is did prepare!

Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to beest optional.

~~~

Narrator: Food hath at each moment did play a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned sir, and anon, this meal. However informal 't might appeareth, thou can beest sure yond thither wast to beest very dram. Bon ami.

Frank: A toast. To absent cater-cousins.

All: To absent cater-cousins.

Frank: And Rocky. Joyous Birthday to thou, joyous Birthday to thou! Joyous Birthday lief Rocky…….. Shalt we?

Scott: We did do cometh hither to breaketh with Eddie.

Columbia: Eddie!

Frank: Yond's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

Columbia: Fetch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!.

Scott: I did knoweth he wast in with a lacking valor crowd, but 't wast worse than I did imagine. Aliens!

Rocky: Fie!

Brad & Janet: Leech Scott!

Frank: Wend on, Leech Scott. Or shouldst I declare Leech. Von Scott?

Brad: Just what jump art thou implying?

Scott: 't's valorous now!

Brad: But Leech Scott!

Scott: Yond's valorous now, Brad!

(Song) EDDIE

From the day he wast born

He wast ado.

He wast the thorn

In his mother's side.

The lady did tryeth in vain.

Narrator: But he nev'r did cause that lady nothing but shame.

Scott: He did leave home the day the lady did do kicketh the bucket.

From the day the lady wast gone

All he did want wast Rock 'n' Roll porn

And a mechanical horse.

Shooting up junk.

Narrator: He wast a base down vile dram punk!

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly did love him.

I did do sayeth, ho, hark to me;

stayeth sane inside insanity!

But he locked the door

and did throw aroint the key.

Scott: But he wilt hast been drawn

Into something,

Making him warn

Me in a note yond reads.

All: What's 't declare? What's 't declare?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of mine hed.

Oh, hie, or I may beest dead.

They mustn't carryeth out their evil deeds.

All: At which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: Maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Frank: Rocky! How couldst thou?

(SONG) WISE UP

FRANK: I'll betoken thou once;

I did win't betoken thou twice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thy apple pie don't gust too nice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

I've did did lie the seed;

'T shouldst beest all thou needeth.

Thou're as sensual as a pencil,

did wind up like an E or first string.

At which hour we did maketh 't, didja heareth a bell ring?

Ya gotta block?

Well, taketh mine counsel.

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

The transducer wilt seduce ya.

Janet: Mine feet! I can't moveth mine feet!

Scott: Mine wheels! Mine God, I can't moveth mine wheels!

Brad: 't's as if 't be true we're glued to the spot!

Frank: thou art! So quake with fear, thou tiny daws!

Janet: We're did trap!

Frank: 't's something thou'll receiveth did use to.

A mental mind alas can beest nice.

Scott: Thou did win't findeth Earth people quite the easy mark thou imagine. This sonic transducer.'t is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato- physio-molecular transport device?

Brad: Thou cullionly.

Scott: Ay, Brad, 't's something we ourselves hast been working on for quite some time. But 't seemeth our cater-cousin hither hath did find a means of perfecting 't. A device which is capable of breaking down solid matter and then projecting 't through space and, who is't knoweth, haply yea time. Itself!

Janet: Thou cullionly he's going to sendeth us to another planet?

Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet!

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thou better wise up, buildeth thy thighs up,

thou better wise up

Narrator: And then the lady did cry out.

Janet: Ceeeeeeeease!

Frank: Don't receiveth hot and flustered!

Did lie-to a did bite of mustard.

Brad: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Scott: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou'd better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Janet: Thou're a hot dog …..

Columbia: Mine God! I can't standeth any moo of this! First thou spurn me for Eddie, and then thou throweth him off like an corky overcoat for Rocky! Thou cheweth people up and then thou spit those folk out again.I did love thou. Doth thou heareth me? I did love thou! And what did do 't receiveth me? Yeah, I'll betoken thou: a big nothing. Thou're like a sponge. Thou taketh, taketh, taketh, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've did has't enow. Thou're gonna chooseth between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his mazzard.

Frank: 'T's not easy having a valorous time. Yea smiling maketh mine visage ache. And mine children turn on me. Rocky's behaving just the way yond Eddie did do. Doth thou bethink I did maketh a misprision, splitting his brain between the two of those folk?

Magenta: Ahhhh! I groweth veary of this ordinary! At which hour shalt we returneth to Transylvania, i understandeth thee not?

Frank: Magenta, I am marry grateful to both thou and thy brother Riff Raff. Thou hast both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shalt not wend unrewarded. Thou wilt discover yond at which hour the humour doth take me, I can beest quite generous.

Magenta: I asketh for nothing. Nothing.

Frank: And thou shalt taketh 't. In abundance! Cometh, we art eft for the floor bewray!

~~~

Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, 't did seem, did has't did do decide yond Brad and Janet shouldst keepeth yond appointment with their cater-cousin, Leech Everett Scott. But 't wast to beest in a situation which none of those folk would hast possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet did has't both did taste forbidden fruit. This in itself wast proof yond their host wast a sir of dram morals. And some persuasion. What further indignities wast they to beest subjected to? And what of the floor bewray yond is spoken of? In an exsufflicate house? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan did has't been did shape by Frank's crazed imagination? What marry? From what did has't gone 'ere, 't wast clear yond this wast to beest nay picnic.

(SONG) DID RISE TINT MINE ORDINARY

Columbia: 't wast most wondrous at which hour 't

all did do beginneth.

I wast a regular Frankie fan.

But 't wast ov'r at which hour he did has't the plan

To start a-working on a muscle sir.

Anon the only thing yond gives me desire

Is mine love of a certain dope.

Did rise tints mine ordinary,

keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Rocky: I'm just seven hours corky,

And truly quite quaint to behold.

And somebody shouldst beest did tell

mine libido hasn't been did control.

Anon the only thing I've cometh to trust

Is an orgasmic drive of lust.

Did rise tints mine ordinary

and keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Brad: 't's beyond me;

holp me Mommy!

I'll beest valorous; thou'll see.

Taketh this dream aroint.

What's this? Did shalt we see,

I feeleth sexy!

What's cometh ov'r me?

Wo! Hither 't cometh again.

Janet: I feeleth released;

lacking valor times decease.

Mine confidence hath did increase;

reality is hither.

The game hath been disbanded.

Mine mind hath been did expand.

'T's a gas yond Frankie's did land!

His lust is so sincere.

(SONG) FANFARE/DON'T DREAM 'T

Frank: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Fay Wray?

Yond delicate, satin-draped frame?

As 't did cling to that lady thigh

How I did start to caterwauling

'cause I did want to beest did dress

just the same.

Giveth yourself ov'r to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic conceit, beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure still.

Can't thou just see 't? Oh, oh, oh. Oh!

Don't dream 't, beest 't.

All: Don't dream 't, beest 't.

Scott: Ach! We've did get to receiveth out of this trap

'ere this decadence saps our wills.

I've did get to beest stout, and tryeth to hang on,

or else mine mind may well snap,

and mine life wilt beest did live. For the thrills!

Brad: 't's beyond me; holp me Mommy!

Janet: God bless Lili St. Cyr..

(SONG) WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Mine! I'm a wild and an untamed thing.

I'm a bee with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone, gone, gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, 't's all ov'r.

Thy mission is a failure;

thy lifestyle's too extreme.

I'm thy new commander;

thou anon art mine prisoner.

We returneth to Transylvania.

Prepare the transit beam.

Frank: Wait! I can dilate!

(SONG) I'M GOING HOME

Frank: On the day I did wend aroint

All: Goodbye.

Frank: Wast all I did has't to declare.

All: Anon I.

Frank: I wanteth to cometh again, and stayeth.

All: Oh, mine, mine.

Frank: Smileth, and yond wilt cullionly I may.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies,

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

All: I'm going home.

Frank: Everywhere 't's been the same.

All: Humour.

Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain.

All: Wheeling.

Frank: Free to tryeth and findeth a game.

All: Dealing.

Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for teen.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home.

Magenta: How sentimental.

Riff Raff: And eke presumptuous of thou. Thou see, at which hour I did do sayeth WE wast to returneth to Transylvania, I did refer only to Magenta and myself. I'm my most humble apology, however, if 't be true thou did find mine words misleading, but thou see, thou art to remain hither, in spirit, did conclude, be 't.

Scott: Most wondrous heavens! Yond's a laser!

Riff Raff: Ay, Leech. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti- matter.

Brad: Thou cullionly. Thou're going to killeth him? What's his crime?

Scott: Thou did see what did do becometh of Eddie. Society wilt beest did protect.

Riff Raff: Jump, Leech. Scott. And anon, Frank N Furter, thy time hath cometh. Declare goodbye to all of this, and valorous morrow to thee, sir. To oblivion!

Brad: Valorous God!

Janet: Oh! Thou did kill those folk!

Magenta: But I did do bethink thou did like those folk. They did like thou.

Riff Raff: They didn't like me! He nev'r did like ME!

Scott: thou did do right.

Riff Raff: A decision did has't to beest did maketh.

Scott: thou're O.K. By me.

Riff Raff: Leech Scott, I'm my most humble apology about thy nephew.

Scott: Eddie? Ay, well, haply 't wast all for the most wondrous, heh, heh, heh.

Riff: Thou shouldst leaveth anon, Leech Scott, while 't is still possible. We art about to beam the entire house to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania…. Wend…. Anon! Our gentle mission is did complete, mine most quite quaint sister, and lief we shalt returneth to the moon-drenched stronds of our beloved planet.

Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night. To sing and dance once moo to thy dark refrain. To taketh yond - grise, to the right. Both: HAH!

Riff Raff: But 't's the pelvic did thrust.

Transylvanians: Yond drives thou insane!

Magenta: And our ordinary. Wilt doth the Time Warp. Again!

(SONG) SUPER HEROES

Brad: I've done a lot;

God knoweth I've did tryeth

To findeth the sooth.

I've yea did lie.

But all I wot is down inside I'm ..

All: Bleeding.

Janet: And super heroes

cometh to the feast

To gust the flesh

not yet deceased.

And all I wot

is still the beast is…

All: Feeding. Ahh, ahh.

Narrator: And crawling

on the planet's visage

Some insects,

did do call the human race.

Did lose in time,

and did lose in space,

And meaning.

All: Meaning.

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FAVOUR - REPRISE

Usherette: Science Fiction Double favour.

Frank hath did do build and did lose his creature.

Darkness hath did conquer Brad and Janet.

The meiny gone to A distant planet.

Wo, oh, oh, oh.

At the late night, double favour,

Picture bewray.

I wanteth to wend, oh, oh, oh.

To the late night, double favour,

Pic….ture …………bewray.

Written by Richard O’Brien and

Translated into Shakespearean English by Lushscreamqueen

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lushscreamqueen · 10 months ago

Text

The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth Shakespearian English version. - by Lushscreamqueen

The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth

Shakespearian English version. - 2018

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION DOUBLETH FAVOUR

Usherette: Michael Rennie wast ill

The Day the Earth did stand Still

But he did tell us whence we standeth.

And Flash Gordon wast thither

In silver underwear,

Claude Rains wast the eyeless sir.

Then something did wend wrong

For Fay Wray and King Kong;

They did get did do catch in a celluloid jam.

Then at a deadly pace 't did do cometh From Outer Space. And this is how the message did runneth:

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

Usherette: I did knoweth Leo G. Carrol wast ov'r a barrel at which hour Tarantula did take to the hills.

And I very much did get hot

at which hour I did see Jeanette Scott

mortal arbitrament a triffid yond spits poison and kills.

Dana Andrews did do sayeth Prunes

did giveth him the runes

And passing those folk did use lots of arts.

But at which hour Worlds Collide,

did do sayeth George Powell to his bride,

"I'm gonna giveth thou some lacking valor thrills, Like a.

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

Leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

I wisheh to wend Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

By RKO, Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

In the back row,

Oh Oh Oh To the late night, doubleth favour,

Picture showeth….

~~~

Dentonian: H're those gents cometh! Photographeth'r: alloweth's receiveth a picture. Closeth togeth'r anon. The folks and then the grandparents. Aye, all the closeth family. Ahhh, holdeth yond. quite quaint. And. smileth! congratulations!

Ralph: I guesseth we finally didst t, I understand you not.

Brad: I bethink not th're's any doubteth about yond. Thee and Betty has't been almost inseparable since thee hath met in Leech Scott's refresh'r courses.

Ralph: Well to bid thee the sooth, Brad, yond's the only reasoneth i hath shown up in the first lodging.

Betty: O. K. thee guys, this is't.

Ralph: Well Betty's going to throweth the bouquet.

Janet: I did get t! I did get t!

Ralph: Ho big fella, looks liketh t couldst beest thy turneth next, eh?

Brad: Who is't knoweth.

Ralph: Well, so longeth, seeth thee Brad. Guesseth we bett'r receiveth going anon Betty. Cometh on, hopeth in. Seeth ya, Brad!

Janet: Oh Brad, wasn't t wond'rful? didn't Betty behold radiantly quite quaint? I can't believeth t. An hour ago the lady wast just plain fusty Betty Munroe and anon. anon the lady's Mrs. Ralph Hapschatt.

Brad: Aye Janet, Ralph's a lucky Sir.

Janet: Aye.

Dentonian Wench: I at each moment caterwauling at weddings.

Brad: Uh, ev'ryone knoweth yond Betty is a wond'rful dram cook.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Wherefore Ralph himself, that gent'll beest in line f'r a promotion in a year 'r two.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Ho Janet.

Janet: Aye brad?

Brad: I've did get something to sayeth.

Janet: Uh i understand you not.

Brad: I very much loveth the. skilful way. Thee did beat the oth'r girls, to the bride's bouquet.

Janet: Oh Brad.

(SONG) ALAS’T JANET..

Brad: The riv'r wast deep but I did swim t. (Janet)

The future is ours so alloweth's planeth t. (Janet)

So prithee, bid not me to can t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's dammit, Janet i loveth thee.

The road wast longeth but i ranneth t. (Janet)

Th're's a fireth in mine own heart and thee fan t. (Janet)

If 't be true th're's one daw f'r thee then I am t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's

Alas’t Janet I loveth thee.

H're's a ringeth to proveth yond I'm nay jok'r.

Th're's three ways yond loveth can groweth.

Yond's valorous, lacking valor, 'r mediocre.

Oh, J-a-n-e-t I loveth thee so.

Janet: Oh, t's nic'r than Betty Munroe hadst. (oh Brad)

Anon we're engag'd and I'm so fain (oh Brad)

Yond thee hath met mother and thee knoweth father. (oh Brad)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's Brad,

I'm nimble-footed, f'r thee too.

Oh Brad.

Brad: Oh. Alas 't !

Janet: I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Oh, Janet.

Janet: F'r thee.

Brad: I loveth thee too

Brad & Janet: Thither's one thing did leave to doth - ah - oo.

Brad: And yond's wend see the sir

who is't did do beginneth 't. (Janet)

At which hour we did meet in his science exam - 't (Janet)

did maketh me giveth thou the eye and then panic. (Janet)

Anon I've one thing to declare and yond's,

Alas ‘t Janet,

I love thou.

Alas ‘t Janet.

Janet: Oh Brad, I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Alas’t, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love thou.

~~~

Narrator: I would like, ah, if 't be true I may, . To taketh thou on a strange journey. 't did seem a fairly ordinary night at which hour Brad Majors and his fiancee Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, didst leave Denton yond late November evening, to visit a Leech, Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and anon cater-cousin to both of those folk. 't's true thither wast dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they wast embarking.

'T's true, eke, yond the spare Wheel they wast carrying wast badly in needeth of some repair, but, uh, they being ingraft kids and, on a night night out.

Well, they wast not going to did let a storm spoil the events of their evening, wast they?

On a night out. 't wast a night out they wast going to recall. For a very long time.

~~~

Janet: Gosh, yond's the third carriage yond's did pass us. They sure doth taketh their liveth in their hands, what with the weather and all.

Brad: Ay, life's quaint vile to yond type.

Janet: Oh.. What's the matter, Brad ladybird?

Brad: Hmmm. We wilt hast taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Janet: Oh, but whence did do yond carriage cometh from?

Brad: Hmmm. Well I guess we'll just hast to turn back.

Janet: Oh! What wast yond bang?

Brad: We wilt hast a breaketh. ALAS ‘T ! I did knoweth I shouldst hast gotten yond spare wheel did fix. Well, thou just stayeth hither keepeth warm and I'll wend for holp.

Janet: But whence wilt thou wend in the middle of nowhere?

Brad: Didn't we passeth a castle back down the road a few miles? Haply they hast a Messenger I couldst did lie-to.

Janet: I'm going with thou.

Brad: Oh, nay, ladybird, thither's nay sense in both of us getting did wet.

Janet: I'm coming with thou! Besides ladybird, the owner of yond messenger might beest a quite quaint mistress, and thou might nev'r cometh back again.

Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

(SONG) OV’R AT THE FRANKENSTEIN LODGING

Janet: In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright, thither's a guiding star. Nay matter what or who is't thou art.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

Riff Raff: The darkness wilt wend down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, did let the travelling lamp and light cometh streaming Into mine life. Into mine life.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace. Thither's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: In the darkness of everybody's life.

Brad: I can see the flag fly I can see the rain Just the same, thither hath did get to beest Something better hither for thou and me.

~~~

Narrator: And so, 't did seem yond fortune did has't did smile on Brad and Janet and yond they did has't did find the assistance yond their plight required.. Or did has't they?

Janet: Brad, did shalt we wend back, I'm bitter cold and I'm gasted.

Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might hast a messenger .

Riff Raff: Valorous morrow to thee, sir.

Brad: Good morrow! Mine name is Brad Majors, and this is mine fiancee, Janet Weiss. I wonder if 't be true thou couldst holp us. Thou see, our carriage did do break down a few miles up the road. Doth thou hast a messenger we might did lie-to?

Riff Raff: Thou're did wet.

Janet: Ay - 't's raining.

Brad: Ay.

Riff Raff: Ay. I bethink haply thou better both cometh inside

Janet: Thou're too kind… Oh Brad, I'm gasted. What kind of a lodging is this?

Brad: Oh, 't's belike some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Janet: Oh.

Riff Raff: This way.

Janet: Art thou having a party?

Riff Raff: thou've arrived on a rather special night. 't's one of the master's affairs.

Janet: Oh, lucky him.

Magenta: Thou're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha.

(SONG) THE TIME WARP

Riff Raff: 't's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness doth take its toll. But hark closely.

Magenta: Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff: I've did get to keepeth control. I recall doing the time-warp Drinking those moments at which hour The blackness would did hit me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would beest calling.

Transylvanians: did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 't's just a jump to the did leave.

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Magenta: 't's so dreamy,

Oh figure free me.

So thou can't see me,

Nay, not at all.

In another dimension,

with voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff: With a did bite of a mind flip

Magenta: Thou're into the time slip.

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever beest the same.

Magenta: Thou're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff: Like thou're under sedation.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Columbia: Well I wast walking down the street

just a-having a bethink

at which hour this snake of a guy

did giveth me an evil wink.

He did shake me up, he did take me by hoyday

He did has't a pickup cart,

and the flibbertigibbet's eyes.

He did stare at me and I did feel a changeth.

Time did mean nothing, nev'r would again.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Janet: Brad, declare something.

Brad: Declare, doth any of thou guys wot how to Madison?

Janet: Brad, prithee, did shalt we receiveth out of hither.

Brad: For God's sake keepeth a grip on yourself Janet.

Janet: But 't. 't seemeth so unhealthy hither.

Brad: 'T's just a party, Janet.

Janet: Well - I wanteth to wend.

Brad: Well we can't wend anywhere until I receiveth to a messenger.

Janet: Well then asketh the butler or someone.

Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't wanteth to interfere with their celebration.

Janet: This isn't the Junior Cubiculo of Commerce, Brad.

Brad: They're belike foreigners with ways different than our own. They may doth some moo. Folk dancing.

Janet: Behold, I'm bitter cold, I'm did wet, and I'm just plain gasted!

Brad: I'm hither - thither's nothing to worry about.

(SONG) SWEET TRANSVESTITE

Frank: How doth thou doth,

I See thou've did meet mine Faithful handyman.

He's just a dram did do bring down

Because at which hour thou knapped

He did do bethink thou wast the candyman.

Don't receiveth did string out by the way I behold.

Don't judge a booketh by its covereth.

I'm not much of a sir by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did let me bewray thou 'round

Haply playeth thou a sound.

Thou behold like thou're both quaint groovy.

Or if 't be true thou wanteth something visual

Yond's not too abysmal,

We couldst taketh in an corky Steve Reeves tale.

Brad: I'm fain we did do catch thou at home,

couldst we did lie-to thy messenger?

We're both in a did bite of a hie.

Janet: Right.

Brad: We'll just declare whence we art,

Then wend back to the cart.

We don't wanteth to beest any worry.

Frank: Well thou did get did do catch with a champain,

well, how 'bout yond?

Well, babies, don't thou panic.

By the light of the night

't'll all seemeth valorous now.

I'll receiveth thou a satanic mechanical.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Wherefore don't thou stayeth for the night?

Riff Raff: Night.

Frank: Or haply a bite?

Columbia: Bite.

Frank: I couldst bewray thou mine minion obsession. I've been making a sir With blond hair and a tan

And he's valorous for relieving mine.

Tension I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did hit 't, did hit 't!

I'm just a sweet transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

Frank: From Transsexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank: So - cometh up to the lab,

And see what's on the slab.

I see thou shiver with antici --- pation.

But haply the rain

Is very much to censure.

So I'll remove the cause.

But not the symptom.

Janet: Oh! Brad!

Brad: 't's valorous now Janet. We'll playeth 'long for anon and dismount the aces at which hour the time is right.

Columbia: Oh, but soft, but soft! 't's too nice a job to drive.

Brad: good morrow, mine name is Brad Majors, and this is mine fiancee, Janet Weiss; ah. Thou art?

Columbia: thou're very lucky to beest did invite up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would giveth their right armeth for the privilege.

Brad: People like thou haply.

Columbia: Ha! I've seen 't.

Riff Raff: cometh 'long - the master doesn't like to beest did keep waiting.

Magenta: Shift 't!

Janet: Is he, um, Frank I cullionly - is he thy husband?

Riff Raff: The master is not yet did marry, nor doth I bethink he ever wilt beest. We art simply his meiny.

Janet: Oh.

Frank: Magenta, Columbia - wend assist Riff Raff. I wilt entertain. Uh i understandeth thee not i understandeth thee not.

Brad: Brad Majors. This is mine fiancee, Janet "Vice".

Janet: Weiss.

Brad: Weiss? Um.

Frank: Enchante. Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes thou both hast. But hither. Did put these on. They'll maketh thou feeleth less. Vulnerable. 't's not oft we taketh visitors hither, did let high-lone tender those folk. Hospitality.

Brad: Hospitality? All we did want to doth wast to did lie-to thy messenger, God alas ‘t, a reasonable request which thou've chosen to ignore!

Janet: Brad, don't beest ungrateful.

Brad: Ungrateful!

Frank: How forceful thou art, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So. Dominant. Thou wilt beest awfully fustian of him, Janet.

Janet: Well, ay I am.

Frank: doth thou hast any tattoos,

Brad? Brad: forsooth not! Frank: Oh well. How about thou?

Janet: nay.

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await thy. Word.

Frank: Tonight, mine unconventional conventionists. Thou art about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research. And elysium is to beest mine! 't wast strange the way 't betid. Suddenly thou receiveth a breaketh. Whole pieces seemeth to fit into lodging, not a sign of being. What a daw! The answer wast thither all the time, 't did take a bawbling accident to maketh 't befall. AN ACCIDENT.

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank: And yond's how I did discover the secret, yond elusive ingredient, yond SPARK yond is the breath of life. Ay, I hast yond knowledge. I hold the secret. To life. Itself! Thou see, thou art fortunate for tonight is the night yond mine quite quaint creature is destined to beest BORN! Hoopla!.

Frank: Throweth ope the switches on the sonic oscillator. And grise the reactor power did input THREE moo POINTS!

Janet: Oh, Brad!

Brad: 'T's valorous now, Janet!

Frank: Oh! Rocky!

(SONG) BODKIN OF DAMOCLES

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles is hanging ov'r mine mazzard,

And I've did get the humour someone's gonna beest cutting the thread.

Frank: Thou blinking clotpole!

Rocky: Oh, woe is me, mine life is a misery.

Oh, can't thou see, yond

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

I did wake up this morn

with a start at which hour

I did fall out of catch but a wink chamber.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And did leave from mine dreaming wast a humour of unnameable dread.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: mine high is base,

I'm did dress up with nay lodging to wend.

And all I wot is

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

Frank: Oh, Rocky!

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles

is hanging ov'r mine mazzard.

Frank: Well, very much!

All: Yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And I've did get the humour

someone's going to beest cutting the thread.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh, woe is me,

mine life is a mystery

And, can't thou see,

yond I'm at the start of a quaint big downer

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la.

Frank: Well very much. Yond's nay way to behave on thy first day out.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: But since thou're such an exceptional beauty, I am did prepare to forgive thou.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff: He's a credit to thy genius, master.

Frank: ay.

Magenta: A triumph of thy wilt.

Frank: Ay.

Columbia: He's O.K.

Frank: O.K? O.K? I bethink we can doth better than yond. Humph! Well, Brad and Janet, what doth thou bethink of him?

Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Frank: I didn't maketh him FOR thou! He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part I)

Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

wilt receiveth sand in his visage

at which hour did kick to the did grind;

And lief in the gym with a did determine chin,

The did sweat from his pores as he worketh for his cause

wilt maketh him glisten. And gleam.

And with massage, and just a dram did bite of steam,

He'll beest pink and quite crisp

He'll beest a stout sir.

Oh honey.

Frank & Transylvanians: But the wrong sir.

Frank: He'll englut nutritious high protein.

And swallow raw eggs.

Tryeth to buildeth up his shoulders,

his chest, arms, and, forks.

Such an effort if 't be true

he only did knoweth of mine plan.

In just seven days.

Frank & Transylvanians: I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: He'll doth press-ups, and chin-ups,

doth the snatch, crisp and jackanapes.

He thinkest dynamic tension wilt beest hard worketh.

Such strenuous living I just don't understandeth,

at which hour in just seven days, oh baby, .

I can maketh thou a sir.

Columbia: Eddie!

(SONG) HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MINE SOUL)

Eddie: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Saturday night,

at which hour thou did dress up sharp

and thou did feel valorous now?

'T don't seemeth the same since cosmic light

did do cometh into mine life,

I did do bethink I wast divine.

I did use to wend for a ride with a wench who is't'd wend,

And hark to the music on the mintrels showeth;

AN instrument wast blowin' in a rock 'n roll bewray.

Thou did climb in the back seat,

thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Mine mazzard did use to swim

from the civet I smelled.

Mine hands kind of fumbled

with that lady white plastic belt.

I'd gust that lady baby pink lipstick

and yond's at which hour I'd melt

And the lady'd whisper in mine ear

tonight the lady very much wast mine.

Receiveth back in front,

did put some hair oil on

Buddy Holly wast singing

his very last song.

With thy arms 'round thy wench

thou'd tryeth to sing 'long.

'T did feel quaint valorous.

Woo! Thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Frank: One from the vaults. …. Oh baby. Don't beest did upset. 't wast a mercy killing. He did has't a certain naive charm, but nay muscle. Oh!

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part II)

Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.

A hot groin and a tricep.

Maketh me, oooh, shake,

maketh me wanteth to taketh

Charles Atlas by the

Ha-ha-handeth.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: I don't wanteth nay dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet: I'm a muscle fan.

Frank: In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir

Dig 't if 't be true thou can

In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir.

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah.

~~~

Janet: who is't is't? Who is't's thither?

Frank (Brad): 't's only me,

Janet. Janet: Oh, Brad ladybird, cometh in. Oh! Brad Oh. Ay, mine ladybird. But what if 't be true.

Frank (Brad): 'T's valorous now, Janet, everything's going to beest valorous now.

Janet: Oh, I desire so, mine ladybird. Oh. Ah. Ahh OHHH! Oh 't's thou!

Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't 't nice.

Janet: Oh, thou beast, thou cockatrices. Oh what hast thou done with Brad?

Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Wherefore, doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Janet: thou fopped me.I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: ay, ay I wot, but 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? I bethink thou very much did find 't quite pleasurable.

Janet: Oh, cease.I cullionly holp. Brad Brad. Oh Brad!

Frank: Shhh. Brad's belike asleep by anon. Doth thou wanteth him to see thou like. This!

Janet: Like this. Like how! Oh, 't's thy fault. Thou're to censure. I wast saving myself.

Frank: Well, I'm sure thou're not did spend yet.

Janet: Gage thou did win't betoken Brad?

Frank: Cross mine heart and desire to kicketh the bucket.

~~~

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad ladybird, 't's nay valorous hither. 't'll destroy us.

Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll beest aroint from hither in the morn.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad thou're so stout and protective.

Brad: thou! Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't 't nice.

Brad: wherefore thou! What hast thou done with Janet?

Frank: Nothing. Wherefore? Doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Brad: Thou fopped me, I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: Oh ay ay, I wot. But 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? Not yea half lacking valor, I bethink thou very much quite did enjoy 't.

Frank: Oh. So soft.

Brad: Cease 't. Cease 't. Oh Janet. JANET!

Frank: Shhh! Janet's belike asleep by anon, doth thou wanteth that lady to see thou. Like this!

Brad: Like this, like how? 't's thy fault, thou're to censure, I did do bethink 't wast the real thing!

Frank: Oh cometh on, Brad, admit 't, thou did like 't, didn't thou? Thither's nay crime in giving yourself ov'r to pleasure,

Brad. Oh Brad, thou've did waste so much time already. Janet needn't wot, I did win't betoken.

Brad: Well, gage thou did win't betoken.

Frank: On mine mother's graoouuuuuu.

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky hath broken his chains and did vanish. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Magenta hath just released. The dogs.

Frank: Mmmmm? Coming!

~~~

Janet: What's happening hither? Whence's Brad? Whence's anybody?

…..Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How couldst thou?

Rocky: Errrrrr

Janet: Oh, but thou're did hurt. Did do they doth this to thou? Hither, I'll dress thy wounds. Baby thither.

~~~

Magenta and Columbia: betoken us about 't, Janet.

(SONG) TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

Janet: I wast humour done in,

couldn't winneth

I'd only ever did kiss 'ere.

Columbia: Thou cullionly the lady's.

Magenta: Uh Ha .

Janet: I did do bethink

thither's nay did lie-to getting

Into heavy petting

'T only leads to ado

And seat wetting.

Anon all I wanteth to wot

is how to wend.

I've did taste blood

and I wanteth moo.

Magenta and Columbia: Moo, moo, moo

Janet: I'll did put up nay resistance

I wanteth to stayeth the distance

I've did get an itch to scratch

I needeth assistance.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Then if 't be true aught grows,

while thou pose,

I'll oil thou up

and rubbeth thou down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet: And yond's just one

bawbling fraction

of the main attraction.

Thou needeth a gentle handeth

and I needeth action.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta: I wanteth to beest filthy.

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me,

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night

Brad: Creature of the night?

Frank: Creature of the night.

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Creature of the night.

Columbia: Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night!

Janet: Creature of the night.

~~~

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!

Frank: How did do 't befall? I did understand thou wast to beest watching!

Riff Raff: I wast only aroint for a minute. Master.

Frank: Well, see if 't be true thou can findeth him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master. We hast a visitor.

Brad: Ho, Scotty!. Leech Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: Thou wot this earthling. Person?

Brad: I most forsooth doth! He happeneth to beest an corky cater-cousin of mine.

Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. Thou did do cometh hither with a purpose.

Brad: I did tell thou, mine carriage did do break down. I wast telling the sooth.

Frank: I wot what thou did tell me. But this Leech Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

Brad: He wast a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank: And anon he worketh for thy government, doesn't he,

Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of yond which thou clepe UFO's! Isn't yond right, Brad?

Brad: He might beest.I don't wot.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, Master.

Frank: He'll belike beest. In the Zen cubiculo. Shalt we inquire of him in person?

Brad: Most wondrous Scott!

Scott: Frank N Furter, we meeteth at last.

Brad: Leech Scott!

Scott: Brad! What art thou doing hither?

Scott: I can assure thou yond Brad's presence hither cometh as a complete hoyday to me. I did do cometh hither to findeth Eddie.

Brad: Eddie! I've seen him! Frank: Eddie! What doth thou wot of Eddie, Leech Scott?

Scott: I befall to wot a most wondrous deal about a lot of things. Thou see Eddie happeneth to beest mine nephew.

Brad: Leech Scott.

Janet: Ah!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Frank: Hark.I did maketh thou. And I can breaketh thou just as easily.

Magenta: Master, dinner is did prepare!

Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to beest optional.

~~~

Frank: A toast. To absent cater-cousins.

All: To absent cater-cousins.

Frank: And Rocky. Joyous Birthday to thou, joyous Birthday to thou! Joyous Birthday lief Rocky…….. Shalt we?

Scott: We did do cometh hither to breaketh with Eddie.

Columbia: Eddie!

Frank: Yond's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

Columbia: Fetch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!.

Scott: I did knoweth he wast in with a lacking valor crowd, but 't wast worse than I did imagine. Aliens!

Rocky: Fie!

Brad & Janet: Leech Scott!

Frank: Wend on, Leech Scott. Or shouldst I declare Leech. Von Scott?

Brad: Just what jump art thou implying?

Scott: 't's valorous now!

Brad: But Leech Scott!

Scott: Yond's valorous now, Brad!

(Song) EDDIE

From the day he wast born

He wast ado.

He wast the thorn

In his mother's side.

The lady did tryeth in vain.

Narrator: But he nev'r did cause that lady nothing but shame.

Scott: He did leave home the day the lady did do kicketh the bucket.

From the day the lady wast gone

All he did want wast Rock 'n' Roll porn

And a mechanical horse.

Shooting up junk.

Narrator: He wast a base down vile dram punk!

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly did love him.

I did do sayeth, ho, hark to me;

stayeth sane inside insanity!

But he locked the door

and did throw aroint the key.

Scott: But he wilt hast been drawn

Into something,

Making him warn

Me in a note yond reads.

All: What's 't declare? What's 't declare?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of mine hed.

Oh, hie, or I may beest dead.

They mustn't carryeth out their evil deeds.

All: At which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: Maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Frank: Rocky! How couldst thou?

(SONG) WISE UP

FRANK: I'll betoken thou once;

I did win't betoken thou twice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thy apple pie don't gust too nice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

I've did did lie the seed;

'T shouldst beest all thou needeth.

Thou're as sensual as a pencil,

did wind up like an E or first string.

At which hour we did maketh 't, didja heareth a bell ring?

Ya gotta block?

Well, taketh mine counsel.

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

The transducer wilt seduce ya.

Janet: Mine feet! I can't moveth mine feet!

Scott: Mine wheels! Mine God, I can't moveth mine wheels!

Brad: 't's as if 't be true we're glued to the spot!

Frank: thou art! So quake with fear, thou tiny daws!

Janet: We're did trap!

Frank: 't's something thou'll receiveth did use to.

A mental mind alas can beest nice.

Scott: Thou did win't findeth Earth people quite the easy mark thou imagine. This sonic transducer.'t is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato- physio-molecular transport device?

Brad: Thou cullionly.

Janet: Thou cullionly he's going to sendeth us to another planet?

Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet!

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thou better wise up, buildeth thy thighs up,

thou better wise up

Narrator: And then the lady did cry out.

Janet: Ceeeeeeeease!

Frank: Don't receiveth hot and flustered!

Did lie-to a did bite of mustard.

Brad: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Scott: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou'd better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Janet: Thou're a hot dog …..

Magenta: Ahhhh! I groweth veary of this ordinary! At which hour shalt we returneth to Transylvania, i understandeth thee not?

Magenta: I asketh for nothing. Nothing.

Frank: And thou shalt taketh 't. In abundance! Cometh, we art eft for the floor bewray!

~~~

(SONG) DID RISE TINT MINE ORDINARY

Columbia: 't wast most wondrous at which hour 't

all did do beginneth.

I wast a regular Frankie fan.

But 't wast ov'r at which hour he did has't the plan

To start a-working on a muscle sir.

Anon the only thing yond gives me desire

Is mine love of a certain dope.

Did rise tints mine ordinary,

keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Rocky: I'm just seven hours corky,

And truly quite quaint to behold.

And somebody shouldst beest did tell

mine libido hasn't been did control.

Anon the only thing I've cometh to trust

Is an orgasmic drive of lust.

Did rise tints mine ordinary

and keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Brad: 't's beyond me;

holp me Mommy!

I'll beest valorous; thou'll see.

Taketh this dream aroint.

What's this? Did shalt we see,

I feeleth sexy!

What's cometh ov'r me?

Wo! Hither 't cometh again.

Janet: I feeleth released;

lacking valor times decease.

Mine confidence hath did increase;

reality is hither.

The game hath been disbanded.

Mine mind hath been did expand.

'T's a gas yond Frankie's did land!

His lust is so sincere.

(SONG) FANFARE/DON'T DREAM 'T

Frank: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Fay Wray?

Yond delicate, satin-draped frame?

As 't did cling to that lady thigh

How I did start to caterwauling

'cause I did want to beest did dress

just the same.

Giveth yourself ov'r to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic conceit, beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure still.

Can't thou just see 't? Oh, oh, oh. Oh!

Don't dream 't, beest 't.

All: Don't dream 't, beest 't.

Scott: Ach! We've did get to receiveth out of this trap

'ere this decadence saps our wills.

I've did get to beest stout, and tryeth to hang on,

or else mine mind may well snap,

and mine life wilt beest did live. For the thrills!

Brad: 't's beyond me; holp me Mommy!

Janet: God bless Lili St. Cyr..

(SONG) WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Mine! I'm a wild and an untamed thing.

I'm a bee with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone, gone, gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, 't's all ov'r.

Thy mission is a failure;

thy lifestyle's too extreme.

I'm thy new commander;

thou anon art mine prisoner.

We returneth to Transylvania.

Prepare the transit beam.

Frank: Wait! I can dilate!

(SONG) I'M GOING HOME

Frank: On the day I did wend aroint

All: Goodbye.

Frank: Wast all I did has't to declare.

All: Anon I.

Frank: I wanteth to cometh again, and stayeth.

All: Oh, mine, mine.

Frank: Smileth, and yond wilt cullionly I may.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies,

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

All: I'm going home.

Frank: Everywhere 't's been the same.

All: Humour.

Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain.

All: Wheeling.

Frank: Free to tryeth and findeth a game.

All: Dealing.

Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for teen.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home.

Magenta: How sentimental.

Scott: Most wondrous heavens! Yond's a laser!

Riff Raff: Ay, Leech. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti- matter.

Brad: Thou cullionly. Thou're going to killeth him? What's his crime?

Scott: Thou did see what did do becometh of Eddie. Society wilt beest did protect.

Riff Raff: Jump, Leech. Scott. And anon, Frank N Furter, thy time hath cometh. Declare goodbye to all of this, and valorous morrow to thee, sir. To oblivion!

Brad: Valorous God!

Janet: Oh! Thou did kill those folk!

Magenta: But I did do bethink thou did like those folk. They did like thou.

Riff Raff: They didn't like me! He nev'r did like ME!

Scott: thou did do right.

Riff Raff: A decision did has't to beest did maketh.

Scott: thou're O.K. By me.

Riff Raff: Leech Scott, I'm my most humble apology about thy nephew.

Scott: Eddie? Ay, well, haply 't wast all for the most wondrous, heh, heh, heh.

Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night. To sing and dance once moo to thy dark refrain. To taketh yond - grise, to the right. Both: HAH!

Riff Raff: But 't's the pelvic did thrust.

Transylvanians: Yond drives thou insane!

Magenta: And our ordinary. Wilt doth the Time Warp. Again!

(SONG) SUPER HEROES

Brad: I've done a lot;

God knoweth I've did tryeth

To findeth the sooth.

I've yea did lie.

But all I wot is down inside I'm ..

All: Bleeding.

Janet: And super heroes

cometh to the feast

To gust the flesh

not yet deceased.

And all I wot

is still the beast is…

All: Feeding. Ahh, ahh.

Narrator: And crawling

on the planet's visage

Some insects,

did do call the human race.

Did lose in time,

and did lose in space,

And meaning.

All: Meaning.

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FAVOUR - REPRISE

Usherette: Science Fiction Double favour.

Frank hath did do build and did lose his creature.

Darkness hath did conquer Brad and Janet.

The meiny gone to A distant planet.

Wo, oh, oh, oh.

At the late night, double favour,

Picture bewray.

I wanteth to wend, oh, oh, oh.

To the late night, double favour,

Pic….ture …………bewray.

Written by Richard O’Brien and

Translated into Shakespearean English by Lushscreamqueen

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lushscreamqueen · 1 year ago

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Lushscreamqueen Presents: turned 10 today!

#tumblr birthday #tumblr milestone

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lushscreamqueen · 1 year ago

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I am the very model of a Model of a Modernish Pansexual

I am the very model of a Model of a Modernish Pansexual I've spent my life with Disco Queens and Fairies large and minuscule. I know all types of Dr Who, I quote Monty Python casually, From early in their funny days and specials from the BBC

I'm very well acquainted with all matters of the Drama kind The things I know of Drags and Kings is guaranteed to blow your mind, There's nothing like a belly laugh to make you have a Fabby Day So play with me and have some fun I'm here to make you feel ok.

I understand some bondage stuff and Zombie Marching down the street, I know of all kinds of Tarot tricks my balls of crystal cant be beat In short, in matters future past yes I can find if you insist, I am the very model of a gal who's paranoid and rather pissed

I know Rocky Horror history, and all of it's celebrities I’ve photographs on Facebook Posing with them if you want to see. When I’m behind a microphone I’m really quite professional See me in a corset, I’m really am sensational

Quiz nights are a breeze for me, can’t question my intelligence In short I am wonder I’m the very best in every sense It’s true to say that I'm repeat myself this quote again reflects is all I am the very model of a Model of a Modernish Pansexual

Ooohh, I can write a funny skit and get it played on TV shows I can laugh and sing and dance and act with skills , nah I kid you so When I go out to parties, be don't be surprised, What I'm brilliant at, And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",

When I have learnt what progress has been made in glitter lippery I slap it on so bloody much now as I see how shiny I can be You’ll never find a better Lush yes My ego is still shivering I blame myself I should be working but I'm busy writing this old thing!

Though I write this now, I know I should be doing other shit I wonder now that Channel 10 hasn’t hired me as a great new hit. But meanwhile I’ll sing praises to my wondering And pray that Gilbert and /or Sullivan won’t sue me for this little thing. by LUSHSCREAMQUEEN

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lushscreamqueen · 1 year ago

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I am the very model of a modern gender realist

I am the very model of a modern gender realist A radical in battle with the sexist and misogynist Revolution, not reform, will make our cause victorious And anyone who disagrees, is simply quite traitor-ious Through Marxist class analysis my view is sharp and critical The penis is a weapon, the vagina is political That women are oppressed, a starting premise undeniable My evidence statistical is never falsifiable

Foucault tells me biology is socially constructible Our gender roles insidious and wholly ineluctable And yet from iv'ry tower this strait jacket is transcendible And so I can declaim how our coercion may be endable Eradicate all words and thoughts and photos pornographical Create a womyn's English that is not so orthographical Because I'm philosophic'ly linguistic'ly determinist I am the very model of a modern gender realist!

The marketplace and government are crudely patriarchical The scientific method masculine and hierarchical And though I find these institutions obsolete and risible I protest my exclusion by a ceiling that's invisible Harassed and subjugated by environment hostility In ev'ry crevice seeing gender bias and inequity An unrelenting anti-every-male-privilege polemicist I am the very model of a modern gender realist!

Stridently I preach of minor power and victimology This goddam culture integral to every man's psychology To sleep with the oppressor is to uphold the tyrannical Enlightened womyn stick to sex that's strictly lesbianical Raising children, housework, and home-schooling are deplorable Women who enjoy them called brainwashed and ignorable So willy, boobies, whatcha got, he's got smashing set of tits I am the very model of a modern gender realist ! By LUSHSCREAMQUEEN

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lushscreamqueen · 2 years ago

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Disco Ode to the Taxi Club by Lushscreamqueen aged a lot lately

*To the tune of Twilight Zone by Manhattan Transfer*

When I hear disco melody

This strange illusion takes over me

Off Taylor Square a great times in mind

Perhaps a tonight or some future time oh, oh

Out of nowhere comes a group

Of Disco Diva’s that keeps spinning 'round & 'round

Pyramidal locomotion

From some mystic unknown zone

Hearin' the TAXI

Hearin' the TAXI CLUB tone

Unpretentious Bloke from Penrith

Saw the Glam and wanted to try

People came with skepticism

Picking, testing his decision, no, wo, oh, oh

Suddenly they heard this sound

The disco beat that keeps spinning 'round & 'round

A signpost up ahead is calling

Eeek a Tranny leave it alone...

Hearin' the TAXI

Cross Gendered Loving sweeps me away, feelin' the rhythm

Hearin' the TAXI

Crossies, Seahorses and Bi’s, Lesbo’s and Gay’s, ba da, loo da, ba da loo da

Hearin' the TAXI

The Grosvener is my Home.

Submitted for your approval. One Mr. Miller, who's about

To take a trip into oddness and obsolescene, through a

Zone whose boundaries are that of Gender imagination.

Accompanying him on this journey is the mesmerizing

Sound of the TAXI CLUB’S Show.

On a cold & rainy night

One Mister Miller had a rare sight

Saw people up there boppin' a rhythm

Then he stripped and stopped to listen whoa oh oh

Work the beat, oh, oh

Suddenly he heard himself

Becoming Mrs Miller He keeps spinning 'round & 'round

Now SHE’s into Glamour, She loves to frock up at home

And Her Sister just joined up in Boyzone.

Hearin' the TAXI

(Ooooooh, TAXI)

Hearin' the TAXI

(Hearin' the TAXI)

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lushscreamqueen · 3 years ago

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B MOVIE SCHLOCK (Sung to Crocodile Rock)

I remember when I was young Saw a movie that was great fun Zombie gangs and ancient stones Had an science nutter with a lab of his own When I tried to Google what it was Found that ev'ryone said it was B-grade schlock I thought that was bad, I replied that it rocked They responded "Look numbnuts, we like us some B-grade schlock" Seems that B-grade schlock films are entertaining When you have some time to fill I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will Oh Lordy Mama this film is shite The actors must've done some lines To be in this schlock film, I must be right (La la la la la la) (La la la la la) (La la la la la) When the years go by, people learn their craft Movies like this aren't as good as in the past They just stand out from the blockbuster flicks Not so bad they're good, more like so bad they're shit But they'll never kill the thrills I got Watching all of the B-movie schlock I don't know what that word means, no I saw it on the web "That film's schlock, fo' sho'!" Well, B-movie schlock films (is that redundant?) Are great when there's time to fill Oh when it comes to just wastin' time, nothin' tops 'em, nothin' will Oh Lordy Mama this film is shite Did any actor learn his lines? I could watch these schlock films through the night (La la la la la la) (La la la la la) (La la la la la) It was better when I was young Shitty movies were so much fun Pointing out all of the flaws Breaking physics, gravity and all of those laws I admit that it was a big shock When I found that critics wrote it off as schlock Though the people on the web all said it rocked In a way that can only be done by B-grade schlock Yeah, B-movie schlock films (that sounds redundant) Are sweet when there's time to fill Oh it's so satisfying to see a film suck so hard it's brill* Oh Lordy Mama this film is shite You can see the strings - that's all right I could watch these schlock films until I die (La la la la la la) (La la la la la) (La la la la la) (Repeat and fade)

#schlockyhorrorpictureshow #Horror #parody song #lushscreamqueen

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lushscreamqueen · 3 years ago

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Gingerclown a review by Lushscreamqueen

Hello good evening and welcome to what in my humble opinion the worst movie since Lumière brothers played their first film in December 1895. I would have said celluloid but this film was straight to DVD without even the courtesy of a cinema release or at the very least a live streaming event. I have searched but even Netflix won’t touch this stonker of a film. Shot in 2013 this is a first for me, a Hungarian horror film. They call it a comedy but I suspect they mean the monsters are laughable in the um ahh way not the ha ha way. I have seen better acting at Nida auditions. This film was written and directed by Balázs Hatvani who has 6 films to his credit and for the life of me I don’t now why. Starring Erin Hayes in her first film and Ashley Lloyd (Mostly with Balázs but one notable Downton Abbey uncredited) as high school students intruding in an old amusement park inhabited by monsters on a dare, Oh he gets conned into it with a promise of a kiss from Jenny and what virgin won’t break and enter a creepy abandoned amusement park for a good snog. Now you would think with Tim Curry as Ginger Clown even if a bad film is redeemable, but guess again. The monsters are Doctor Who worthy. Ed Wood himself would cringe at the cheesy over done yellow eyeballed rubber puppets dripping with KY. The rubber heads precariously balanced on what I suspect are Hungarian extras in Snuggies. I suspect Lance Henriksen, (Alien 3, Millennium, Tron TMNT) Michael Winslow, (and not one special sound effect??… seriously no one hires him for his acting!!) Brad Dourif (The voice of Chucky) and Sean Young (Rachael from Blade runner, oh how the gorgeous have fallen) providing the voices of the creatures that terrorize them. Gingerclown is set in 1983, a group of high school students led by Biff run into their nerdy classmate Sam (Ashley Lloyd), whom they instantly begin to bull as you do. In order to prove him to Biff and also win the affection of Biffs’ good natured girlfriend, Jenny (Erin Hayes) he agrees to sneak into an old abandoned amusement park to prove his courage, Jenny fights with Biff and flows him. The park was abandoned in the 60’s after kids died… ohhh spooky. Our hero and Heroine are wander through the overgrown darkness, when suddenly the lights come on, the music plays and Ta da…everything is trying to eat their brains.

Needless to say, the film has nothing particularly intelligent to say-- even for a teen slasher film and there are surprising few deaths for a slasher film. I wanted to scream “Kill them all but no such luck. Gingerclown even had Eddie tied up at one point, just to tell a joke. I have no idea how he escape his horrid inevitable doom. Frankly, I'd be ashamed to write anything this wretched and can't see how any writer would take credit for this sort of bilge.

The monsters are appalling, the acting is so overdone and the biggest stars in horror and Sci fi cannot save themselves let alone this film. This is one hour and 23 minutes I will never get back. I prayed for the end of the film or death and raced to see which came first. I kept thinking this cannot get any worse…. And then it does. AND to add insult to injury, no-one in the entire film even looks like a clown! In fairness there was a pretty close Jabba the Hut looking guy with a Gramophone.

Nigel Honeybone would have loved this film. He may even have pissed himself laughing. Lucky I guess he has no bladder, On that note, as the sun slowly rises over the park and my breakfast slowly rises in my throat.... Toodles

#Gingerclown #movie review #lushscreamqueen

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lushscreamqueen · 3 years ago

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LADY FRANKENSTEIN 1971 on The Schlocky Horror Picture Show

OPENING: Why hello there, Welcome to the Schlocky Horror Picture show. Nice to see you again. You look great. Have you lost weight? But seriously folks. When only the monster you make can satisfy your strange desires you know the movie is going to be worthy of TVS. So when Dr. Frankenstein is killed by the monster he created, it's only natural His Daughter continues his crazy experiments. Well THAT sounds reasonable enough. So sit back kick of your shroud and enjoy with me now, Lady Frankenstein.

BREAK: I have a message for you from the great beyond. And then after the ad break more of our this movie, LADY FRANKENSTEIN.

MIDDLE: Lady Frankenstein, or to show you how incontinenal I am, La Figlia di Frankenstein opens in a graveyard by night. Just like me really. With grave robber Lynch played by Herbert Fux , and yes, that is his real name, transporting corpses to the big spooky castle on a hill. Hellloooo Castle Hill (waving) Anyway it's seems more than a little ironic that Fux left acting shortly after this movie to pursue his political ambitions as the local Representative of the Green Party of Austria. I guess it was the extreme recycling that inspired him. He came back to acting when he realised no-one voted for him. Baron Frankenstein is ably played by Hollywood screen great Joseph Cotton. I guess he needed the cash because it is a far cry from his AFI roles in Citizen Kane, The Third man, Fantasy Island and sadly return to Fantasy Island. Rosalba Beri began her film career at the age of 15 with a role in the film " I Pinguini ci guardano" The Penguins Watch Us in which the animals at the zoo watched the humans around them and cultivated some very interesting thoughts. Sounds like just another day the TVS studios to me. She changed her name several times in her career and by this time was called Sarah Bay . As Tanya Frankenstein she is not bad. But she's not great either, she does throw herself into the tacky role with such relish that she comes off pretty damned thrilling. Yay nudity. Baron Frankensteins's daughter Tanya is herself a super-intelligent scientific sort who dislikes being left out of the loop of her father's horrific experiments. Of course, as the movie was created by men, any supposition that it might serve as a truly Feminist tract or even a fair representation of how women think and act is rather suspect, if not foolhardy.

Paul Muller as Dr Charles Marshall is prettier than most "Igor's" tend to be. And even though the character is a Doctor in his own right he, is still that guy that fishes a brain out of a jar. It, it is a step up from his previous film Vampiros Lesbos, but not much. In fact most of Mr Mullers movie involve naked women and dead people and there are 232 of them. But then isn't that the reason we are all here on a Friday night and not SBS? Add the usual's suspect like Mickey Hargitay, aka Mr. Jayne Mansfield, aka The Crimson Executioner as the obligatory police officer to flesh out the cast and a few minor Italians and you have a reasonalble good movie. Ok I lied, but thankfully screen writer Edward Di Lorenzo did find his muse and move onto his truly talented writing with Space 1999 and then…he do have to blame him for some of Miami Vice.

The film is often compared with the Frankenstein cycle made by the Hammer Studios (1957-72), and may also have been an influence on Paul Morrissey's controversial Flesh for Frankenstein (1973) It was rescued at the last minute by a cash infusion from the notoriously tight-fisted Roger Corman, "Lady Frankenstein" is a low budget affair filmed in Italy by American Mel Welles. Screen veteran Joseph Cotton, slumming near the end of his career, gets top billing though he's killed off 35 minutes in. It's all sort of downhill from there really. The dubbing was apparently done in the States by Corman's people and this leads to the quirky anomaly of a film set in an early 19th Century England where the townspeople talk and sound like the cast of a post-Civil War western. All in all, It's bad, good, fast slow and has some sexy Italian ladies. And with that let's return to that 1971Classic Argentinian film "LADY FRANKENSTEIN"

CLOSING: So it's really Sarah Bay film at the height of her beauty, who really steals your heart, spleen, liver, and all the fun bouncy bits. Her Tanya is a calculating, self-centered bitch that's willing to drive a man to murder so she can enjoy a good-looking bonk. Who wouldn't? The scene in which she wickedly seduces the child-like Thomas was, for me, the high point of the film. Teasingly undressing in front of me…him…I mean him…Phew! Her lap dancing while a tortured Charles watches from behind a curtain. And then to have Charles then sneak up and suffocate Thomas with a pillow. It's just like that scene from with Scott and Charlene from "Neighbours". The bit that got cut out before it was broadcast. Tanya's reaction as poor dumbo Thomas dies, sensuously biting her hand to stifle her own …..(Silent stare at screen) ….. Evil never looked so sexy….and…ahem...cough cough on that image. So until next week from the Nigel Honeybone and the SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. "Toodles!"

By Lushscreamqueen Nov 12, 2008

#by Lushscreamqueen Nov 12 #2008

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lushscreamqueen · 3 years ago

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CARNIVAL OF SOULS on the Schlocky Horror Picture Show

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Hello, good evening, and welcome to the Schlocky Horror Picture Show. I'm your host, Nigel Honeybone. If you look up Sleeper or Cult in any good movie dictionary, you'll find tonight's presentation. Yes, we have for your bemusement a 1962 chiller that many film fans often mention as one of their own personal discoveries, and an inspiration to generations of low-budget film-makers, Carnival...Of...Souls! Oooo woooo hoooo... BREAK: From the blackest pits of Hell, insatiable evil creeps forth to claim your minds and souls! Then after the ads we'll be right back with The Schlocky Horror Picture Show and Carnival...Of...Souls! MIDDLE: Welcome back to the Schlocky Horror Picture Show, and me, Nigel Honeybone. Carnival Of Souls was made for only $30,000 in Lawrence, Kansas and around Salt Lake City by the enigmatic Herk Harvey. This creepy cult horror stars Candace Hillgoss, an actress imported from New York, so she already feels alienated. She plays Mary Henry, the lone survivor of the car crash we saw in the prologue. You notice no one seems to question why it takes her a few hours to be found on the riverbank? So, Mary goes to Salt Lake City where she has accepted a job as church organist. Where ever she goes, she sees a death-like figure who seems to be pursuing her. She also finds herself being strangely drawn to a deserted dark carnival. The director and lead ghoul Herk Harvey never made another film, making it even more of a cult item. Carnival Of Souls has a lot of clever creepy scenes, like when Mary can't hear anything, silent and invisible to the people around her, getting on a bus only to find it full of ghouls, witnessing the Dance Of The Dead at the pavilion and of course, the finale. But rather than being a straight horror film, it delivers a message similar to the one in Invasion Of The Body Snatchers about how we are turning into pod people. Mary is such a passive, uninvolved and completely soul-less character. She has no religious convictions, no interest in men, no desire for friendship, she never really feels alive. Director Herk Harvey and screenwriter John Clifford don't really seem to blame her for withdrawing from society. Her male neighbour is a lecherous pig, her landlady is a nosey bitch, and her priest employer casts her from the church for playing gloomy music. Even her own doctor makes accusing remarks. Obvious inspirations beside Invasion Of The Body Snatchers include The Twilight Zone episodes Death Ship and The Hitchhiker, but remember Carnival Of Souls pre-dates George Romero's Night Of The Living Dead, the pilot episode of the great Australian anthology series The Evil Touch, and it almost definitely scared the pants off of director M. Night Shamalana-ding-dong as a child. And it's with that image in mind we now return you to the atmospheric horror that is...Carnival...Of...Souls! CLOSING: Well, what do you know, she's been dead all along! Maybe the moral of this story is Live While You're Alive, or Soft Words Butter No Parsnips, or something like that. Anyway, please join me next week when I burst your blood vessels with another terror-filled excursion to the dark side of the Public Domain on...The Schlocky Horror Picture Show. Toodles!

by Lushscreamqueen

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lushscreamqueen · 3 years ago

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BLOODY PIT OF HORROR -1965 on The Schlocky Horror Picture Show

OPENING: Bonjourno . He was a homicidal maniac who LIVED TO KILL!, They were a bunch of actors who just happened to wander into the castle hoping to take some lovely photographs of girls draped in blood and guts, for a book cover and I… am Nigel Honeybone and this…is the SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. So before the evil spirit of a former resident known as 'The Crimson Executioner' is released on Channel 31 by accident to possess the owner of the afore mentioned castle and takes it upon himself to punish his unwelcome guests for their physical and spiritual imperfections. I will say sit back grab an Absinth and enjoy the "Bloody Pit of Horror.

"BREAK: So then, what unspeakable evils have been unleashed? What soul wrenching things will we see to warp out mind so we wake screaming in the night? And the ad breaks more of THE SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. We'll be right back

MIDDLE: You know you're in for a special treat when a movie starts with a quote by the Marquis De Sade. "My vengeance needs blood!" (Insert maniacal laugh here).Bloody Pit of Horror begins with a flashback of a red-hooded criminal being led to his death. Helpful narration explains that the aptly named Crimson Executioner "…took life not from any sense of justice, but from hatred and self gratification." As the prisoner is being strapped into one of his own iron maiden looking like it was constructed for a primary school play. He decree's loudly "I'll return and be avenged!" Then his body and soul were locked up inside this coffin shaped painted plywood prop, complete with a really cool wax seal. What I love about these wax seals is that they last for hundreds of years, but instantly fall apart as soon as some photographer brushes against it. Mickey Hargitay who plays Travis Anderson aka the Crimson Executioner was Mr Universe 1955 and starred in Hercules Vs. The Hydra, and a couple of other schlock flicks, but the most impressive item on his resume is that he was once the husband of Jayne Mansfield and is father to Mariska Hargitay of Law and Order fame. I guess she didn't get ANY of the looks from those two. Mickey even appeared in an episode with her as her Grandfather. Now that's funny.!! He puts all that vital life experience to use in Bloody Pit of Horror as the guy that runs around shirtless in red tights, torturing and killing the folks who just wanted to use his castle to do some cheesecake photo shoots for some type of horror anthology they were working on. Happens to me all the time. As you watch this, you may be struck with a sense of de ja vu. The film is remarkably similar to The Playgirls and the Vampire. In that film you had a gaggle of babes with a broken down bus staying at a mysterious castle, only to get killed off by some crabby count that owns the castle. For for the anal retentive among us, and that means you, yes it was Walter Brandi who played the count in The Playgirls and the Vampire also plays Rick in this film and as you may have guessed by his name, this time Rick will be the hero. So if you've already seen The Playgirls and the Vampire, bully for you. Is there really any reason to see this one? Well, heck no but we are playing it anyway! Mr. Mansfield acts about as well as you would expect from a guy that starred in Lady Frankenstein and Revenge Of The Gladiators, but his role doesn't call for anything approaching subtly. If you're going to prance around like an overripe PHANTOM making faces at people, and command a posse of muscle-bound henchmen in form fitting striped shirts, it's okay if you camp it up a bit. It's probably compulsory.*sigh* It's hard to be a quietly tortured monster that hides in the shadows and strikes a pose when no one is looking. Especially when Crimson Executioners had such awesome bodies! Fast forward to the mid sixties when fortunately for us, a group of beautiful models and horny photographers out on a photo shoot wander straight into his self-righteous clutches. After being told that the dungeons are strictly off-limits, surprise, surprise, the girls and their handlers go down to the basement to set up the photo shoot. This involves a montage of scenes of the girls getting into their costumes which consist of fairly skimpy attire, but nothing you wouldn't see on a Western Suburbs school girl today. And while some of the guys are running around down in the bowels of the castle, they bump into the seal that has held the Crimson Executioner in his tomb, it drops off and the next thing you know there's an accident at the "pit and the pendulum" attraction. I you or I found ourselves in this situation, I'm quite certain we'd take that as our cue to drop whatever it was we were doing, call an ambulance and then get the hell out of the castle. So, good thing we aren't characters in an Italian horror movie. The plot is all downhill from there so enjoy with me, the rest of "THE BLOODY PIT OF HORROR"

CLOSING: How long did it take Edith to figure out that former movie star Travis Anderson, is dude that she used to date! What are the odds? You couldn't help but like Travis with his self-obsession and preening, all the while complaining about the half naked nubile chicks laying around his basement posing for their cheesecake horror photos. Unlike a lot of movie maniacs, he doesn't kill women because he's never been good enough for them, but because they aren't as great as he is! He also kills men for the same reason And how in the dickens did Mickey Hargitay end up in a castle with all these really nifty torture devices?

by Lushscreamqueen for the Schlocky Horror Picture Show October 28 2008.

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lushscreamqueen · 2 years ago

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The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth

Shakespearian English version by Lushscreamqueen

The Rocky Horror Picture Showeth

Shakespearian English version. - 2018

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION DOUBLETH FAVOUR

Usherette: Michael Rennie wast ill

The Day the Earth did stand Still

But he did tell us whence we standeth.

And Flash Gordon wast thither

In silver underwear,

Claude Rains wast the eyeless sir.

Then something did wend wrong

For Fay Wray and King Kong;

They did get did do catch in a celluloid jam.

Then at a deadly pace 't did do cometh From Outer Space. And this is how the message did runneth:

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

Usherette: I did knoweth Leo G. Carrol wast ov'r a barrel at which hour Tarantula did take to the hills.

And I very much did get hot

at which hour I did see Jeanette Scott

mortal arbitrament a triffid yond spits poison and kills.

Dana Andrews did do sayeth Prunes

did giveth him the runes

And passing those folk did use lots of arts.

But at which hour Worlds Collide,

did do sayeth George Powell to his bride,

"I'm gonna giveth thou some lacking valor thrills, Like a.

Chorus: Science fiction, doubleth favour

Leech X wilt buildeth a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, doubleth favour, picture showeth.

I wisheh to wend Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

By RKO, Oh Oh Oh

To the late night doubleth favour picture showeth

In the back row,

Oh Oh Oh To the late night, doubleth favour,

Picture showeth….

~~~

Ralph: I guesseth we finally didst t, I understand you not.

Brad: I bethink not th're's any doubteth about yond. Thee and Betty has't been almost inseparable since thee hath met in Leech Scott's refresh'r courses.

Ralph: Well to bid thee the sooth, Brad, yond's the only reasoneth i hath shown up in the first lodging.

Betty: O. K. thee guys, this is't.

Ralph: Well Betty's going to throweth the bouquet.

Janet: I did get t! I did get t!

Ralph: Ho big fella, looks liketh t couldst beest thy turneth next, eh?

Brad: Who is't knoweth.

Ralph: Well, so longeth, seeth thee Brad. Guesseth we bett'r receiveth going anon Betty. Cometh on, hopeth in. Seeth ya, Brad!

Brad: Aye Janet, Ralph's a lucky Sir.

Janet: Aye.

Dentonian Wench: I at each moment caterwauling at weddings.

Brad: Uh, ev'ryone knoweth yond Betty is a wond'rful dram cook.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Wherefore Ralph himself, that gent'll beest in line f'r a promotion in a year 'r two.

Janet: Aye.

Brad: Ho Janet.

Janet: Aye brad?

Brad: I've did get something to sayeth.

Janet: Uh i understand you not.

Brad: I very much loveth the. skilful way. Thee did beat the oth'r girls, to the bride's bouquet.

Janet: Oh Brad.

(SONG) ALAS’T JANET..

Brad: The riv'r wast deep but I did swim t. (Janet)

The future is ours so alloweth's planeth t. (Janet)

So prithee, bid not me to can t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's dammit, Janet i loveth thee.

The road wast longeth but i ranneth t. (Janet)

Th're's a fireth in mine own heart and thee fan t. (Janet)

If 't be true th're's one daw f'r thee then I am t. (Janet)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's

Alas’t Janet I loveth thee.

H're's a ringeth to proveth yond I'm nay jok'r.

Th're's three ways yond loveth can groweth.

Yond's valorous, lacking valor, 'r mediocre.

Oh, J-a-n-e-t I loveth thee so.

Janet: Oh, t's nic'r than Betty Munroe hadst. (oh Brad)

Anon we're engag'd and I'm so fain (oh Brad)

Yond thee hath met mother and thee knoweth father. (oh Brad)

I've one thing to sayeth and yond's Brad,

I'm nimble-footed, f'r thee too.

Oh Brad.

Brad: Oh. Alas 't !

Janet: I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Oh, Janet.

Janet: F'r thee.

Brad: I loveth thee too

Brad & Janet: Thither's one thing did leave to doth - ah - oo.

Brad: And yond's wend see the sir

who is't did do beginneth 't. (Janet)

At which hour we did meet in his science exam - 't (Janet)

did maketh me giveth thou the eye and then panic. (Janet)

Anon I've one thing to declare and yond's,

Alas ‘t Janet,

I love thou.

Alas ‘t Janet.

Janet: Oh Brad, I'm nimble-footed.

Brad: Alas’t, Janet.

Brad & Janet: I love thou.

~~~

'T's true, eke, yond the spare Wheel they wast carrying wast badly in needeth of some repair, but, uh, they being ingraft kids and, on a night night out.

Well, they wast not going to did let a storm spoil the events of their evening, wast they?

On a night out. 't wast a night out they wast going to recall. For a very long time.

~~~

Janet: Gosh, yond's the third carriage yond's did pass us. They sure doth taketh their liveth in their hands, what with the weather and all.

Brad: Ay, life's quaint vile to yond type.

Janet: Oh.. What's the matter, Brad ladybird?

Brad: Hmmm. We wilt hast taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

Janet: Oh, but whence did do yond carriage cometh from?

Brad: Hmmm. Well I guess we'll just hast to turn back.

Janet: Oh! What wast yond bang?

Brad: We wilt hast a breaketh. ALAS ‘T ! I did knoweth I shouldst hast gotten yond spare wheel did fix. Well, thou just stayeth hither keepeth warm and I'll wend for holp.

Janet: But whence wilt thou wend in the middle of nowhere?

Brad: Didn't we passeth a castle back down the road a few miles? Haply they hast a Messenger I couldst did lie-to.

Janet: I'm going with thou.

Brad: Oh, nay, ladybird, thither's nay sense in both of us getting did wet.

Janet: I'm coming with thou! Besides ladybird, the owner of yond messenger might beest a quite quaint mistress, and thou might nev'r cometh back again.

Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

(SONG) OV’R AT THE FRANKENSTEIN LODGING

Janet: In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright, thither's a guiding star. Nay matter what or who is't thou art.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life.

Riff Raff: The darkness wilt wend down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, did let the travelling lamp and light cometh streaming Into mine life. Into mine life.

Brad & Janet: Thither's a light.

Chorus: Ov'r at the Frankenstein lodging.

Brad & Janet: thither's a light.

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace. Thither's a light, a light

Brad & Janet: In the darkness of everybody's life.

Brad: I can see the flag fly I can see the rain Just the same, thither hath did get to beest Something better hither for thou and me.

~~~

Narrator: And so, 't did seem yond fortune did has't did smile on Brad and Janet and yond they did has't did find the assistance yond their plight required.. Or did has't they?

Janet: Brad, did shalt we wend back, I'm bitter cold and I'm gasted.

Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might hast a messenger .

Riff Raff: Valorous morrow to thee, sir.

Riff Raff: Thou're did wet.

Janet: Ay - 't's raining.

Brad: Ay.

Riff Raff: Ay. I bethink haply thou better both cometh inside

Janet: Thou're too kind… Oh Brad, I'm gasted. What kind of a lodging is this?

Brad: Oh, 't's belike some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

Janet: Oh.

Riff Raff: This way.

Janet: Art thou having a party?

Riff Raff: thou've arrived on a rather special night. 't's one of the master's affairs.

Janet: Oh, lucky him.

Magenta: Thou're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! Ha ha ha.

(SONG) THE TIME WARP

Riff Raff: 't's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness doth take its toll. But hark closely.

Magenta: Not for very much longer.

Riff Raff: I've did get to keepeth control. I recall doing the time-warp Drinking those moments at which hour The blackness would did hit me

Riff & Magenta: And a void would beest calling.

Transylvanians: did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 't's just a jump to the did leave.

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Magenta: 't's so dreamy,

Oh figure free me.

So thou can't see me,

Nay, not at all.

In another dimension,

with voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.

Riff Raff: With a did bite of a mind flip

Magenta: Thou're into the time slip.

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever beest the same.

Magenta: Thou're spaced out on sensation.

Riff Raff: Like thou're under sedation.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again. Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Columbia: Well I wast walking down the street

just a-having a bethink

at which hour this snake of a guy

did giveth me an evil wink.

He did shake me up, he did take me by hoyday

He did has't a pickup cart,

and the flibbertigibbet's eyes.

He did stare at me and I did feel a changeth.

Time did mean nothing, nev'r would again.

All: Did shalt we doth the time-warp again

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Narrator: 'T's just a jump to the did leave!

All: And then a grise to the right.

Narrator: With thy hands on thy hips.

All: Thou endue thy hams in tight.

But 't's the pelvic did thrust

yond very much drives thou insane.

Did shalt we doth the time-warp again.

Janet: Brad, declare something.

Brad: Declare, doth any of thou guys wot how to Madison?

Janet: Brad, prithee, did shalt we receiveth out of hither.

Brad: For God's sake keepeth a grip on yourself Janet.

Janet: But 't. 't seemeth so unhealthy hither.

Brad: 'T's just a party, Janet.

Janet: Well - I wanteth to wend.

Brad: Well we can't wend anywhere until I receiveth to a messenger.

Janet: Well then asketh the butler or someone.

Brad: Just a moment, Janet - we don't wanteth to interfere with their celebration.

Janet: This isn't the Junior Cubiculo of Commerce, Brad.

Brad: They're belike foreigners with ways different than our own. They may doth some moo. Folk dancing.

Janet: Behold, I'm bitter cold, I'm did wet, and I'm just plain gasted!

Brad: I'm hither - thither's nothing to worry about.

(SONG) SWEET TRANSVESTITE

Frank: How doth thou doth,

I See thou've did meet mine Faithful handyman.

He's just a dram did do bring down

Because at which hour thou knapped

He did do bethink thou wast the candyman.

Don't receiveth did string out by the way I behold.

Don't judge a booketh by its covereth.

I'm not much of a sir by the light of day

But by night I'm one hell of a lover.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did let me bewray thou 'round

Haply playeth thou a sound.

Thou behold like thou're both quaint groovy.

Or if 't be true thou wanteth something visual

Yond's not too abysmal,

We couldst taketh in an corky Steve Reeves tale.

Brad: I'm fain we did do catch thou at home,

couldst we did lie-to thy messenger?

We're both in a did bite of a hie.

Janet: Right.

Brad: We'll just declare whence we art,

Then wend back to the cart.

We don't wanteth to beest any worry.

Frank: Well thou did get did do catch with a champain,

well, how 'bout yond?

Well, babies, don't thou panic.��

By the light of the night

't'll all seemeth valorous now.

I'll receiveth thou a satanic mechanical.

I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Wherefore don't thou stayeth for the night?

Riff Raff: Night.

Frank: Or haply a bite?

Columbia: Bite.

Frank: I couldst bewray thou mine minion obsession. I've been making a sir With blond hair and a tan

And he's valorous for relieving mine.

Tension I'm just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

Did hit 't, did hit 't!

I'm just a sweet transvestite

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

Frank: From Transsexual,

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

Frank: So - cometh up to the lab,

And see what's on the slab.

I see thou shiver with antici --- pation.

But haply the rain

Is very much to censure.

So I'll remove the cause.

But not the symptom.

Janet: Oh! Brad!

Brad: 't's valorous now Janet. We'll playeth 'long for anon and dismount the aces at which hour the time is right.

Columbia: Oh, but soft, but soft! 't's too nice a job to drive.

Brad: good morrow, mine name is Brad Majors, and this is mine fiancee, Janet Weiss; ah. Thou art?

Columbia: thou're very lucky to beest did invite up to Frank's laboratory. Some people would giveth their right armeth for the privilege.

Brad: People like thou haply.

Columbia: Ha! I've seen 't.

Riff Raff: cometh 'long - the master doesn't like to beest did keep waiting.

Magenta: Shift 't!

Janet: Is he, um, Frank I cullionly - is he thy husband?

Riff Raff: The master is not yet did marry, nor doth I bethink he ever wilt beest. We art simply his meiny.

Janet: Oh.

Frank: Magenta, Columbia - wend assist Riff Raff. I wilt entertain. Uh i understandeth thee not i understandeth thee not.

Brad: Brad Majors. This is mine fiancee, Janet "Vice".

Janet: Weiss.

Brad: Weiss? Um.

Brad: Hospitality? All we did want to doth wast to did lie-to thy messenger, God alas ‘t, a reasonable request which thou've chosen to ignore!

Janet: Brad, don't beest ungrateful.

Brad: Ungrateful!

Frank: How forceful thou art, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So. Dominant. Thou wilt beest awfully fustian of him, Janet.

Janet: Well, ay I am.

Frank: doth thou hast any tattoos,

Brad? Brad: forsooth not! Frank: Oh well. How about thou?

Janet: nay.

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await thy. Word.

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

Frank: Throweth ope the switches on the sonic oscillator. And grise the reactor power did input THREE moo POINTS!

Janet: Oh, Brad!

Brad: 'T's valorous now, Janet!

Frank: Oh! Rocky!

(SONG) BODKIN OF DAMOCLES

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles is hanging ov'r mine mazzard,

And I've did get the humour someone's gonna beest cutting the thread.

Frank: Thou blinking clotpole!

Rocky: Oh, woe is me, mine life is a misery.

Oh, can't thou see, yond

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

I did wake up this morn

with a start at which hour

I did fall out of catch but a wink chamber.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And did leave from mine dreaming wast a humour of unnameable dread.

All: yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: mine high is base,

I'm did dress up with nay lodging to wend.

And all I wot is

I'm at the start of a quaint big downer.

Frank: Oh, Rocky!

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh ho nay nay

Rocky: The bodkin of Damocles

is hanging ov'r mine mazzard.

Frank: Well, very much!

All: Yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: And I've did get the humour

someone's going to beest cutting the thread.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh, woe is me,

mine life is a mystery

And, can't thou see,

yond I'm at the start of a quaint big downer

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime.

Rocky: Oh nay nay nay.

All: Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la-la yond ain't nay crime,

Sha-la-la.

Frank: Well very much. Yond's nay way to behave on thy first day out.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: But since thou're such an exceptional beauty, I am did prepare to forgive thou.

Rocky: Fie fie

Frank: Oh, I just love success.

Riff Raff: He's a credit to thy genius, master.

Frank: ay.

Magenta: A triumph of thy wilt.

Frank: Ay.

Columbia: He's O.K.

Frank: O.K? O.K? I bethink we can doth better than yond. Humph! Well, Brad and Janet, what doth thou bethink of him?

Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles.

Frank: I didn't maketh him FOR thou! He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part I)

Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

wilt receiveth sand in his visage

at which hour did kick to the did grind;

And lief in the gym with a did determine chin,

The did sweat from his pores as he worketh for his cause

wilt maketh him glisten. And gleam.

And with massage, and just a dram did bite of steam,

He'll beest pink and quite crisp

He'll beest a stout sir.

Oh honey.

Frank & Transylvanians: But the wrong sir.

Frank: He'll englut nutritious high protein.

And swallow raw eggs.

Tryeth to buildeth up his shoulders,

his chest, arms, and, forks.

Such an effort if 't be true

he only did knoweth of mine plan.

In just seven days.

Frank & Transylvanians: I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: He'll doth press-ups, and chin-ups,

doth the snatch, crisp and jackanapes.

He thinkest dynamic tension wilt beest hard worketh.

Such strenuous living I just don't understandeth,

at which hour in just seven days, oh baby, .

I can maketh thou a sir.

Columbia: Eddie!

(SONG) HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MINE SOUL)

Eddie: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Saturday night,

at which hour thou did dress up sharp

and thou did feel valorous now?

'T don't seemeth the same since cosmic light

did do cometh into mine life,

I did do bethink I wast divine.

I did use to wend for a ride with a wench who is't'd wend,

And hark to the music on the mintrels showeth;

AN instrument wast blowin' in a rock 'n roll bewray.

Thou did climb in the back seat,

thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Mine mazzard did use to swim

from the civet I smelled.

Mine hands kind of fumbled

with that lady white plastic belt.

I'd gust that lady baby pink lipstick

and yond's at which hour I'd melt

And the lady'd whisper in mine ear

tonight the lady very much wast mine.

Receiveth back in front,

did put some hair oil on

Buddy Holly wast singing

his very last song.

With thy arms 'round thy wench

thou'd tryeth to sing 'long.

'T did feel quaint valorous.

Woo! Thou very much did has't a valorous time.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Hot patootie, bless mine soul,

I very much love yond rock 'n roll.

Frank: One from the vaults. …. Oh baby. Don't beest did upset. 't wast a mercy killing. He did has't a certain naive charm, but nay muscle. Oh!

(SONG) I CAN MAKETH THOU A SIR (part II)

Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.

A hot groin and a tricep.

Maketh me, oooh, shake,

maketh me wanteth to taketh

Charles Atlas by the

Ha-ha-handeth.

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can maketh thou a sir.

Frank: I don't wanteth nay dissention, just dynamic tension.

Janet: I'm a muscle fan.

Frank: In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir

Dig 't if 't be true thou can

In just seven days,

I can maketh thou a sir.

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah.

~~~

Janet: who is't is't? Who is't's thither?

Frank (Brad): 't's only me,

Janet. Janet: Oh, Brad ladybird, cometh in. Oh! Brad Oh. Ay, mine ladybird. But what if 't be true.

Frank (Brad): 'T's valorous now, Janet, everything's going to beest valorous now.

Janet: Oh, I desire so, mine ladybird. Oh. Ah. Ahh OHHH! Oh 't's thou!

Frank: I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't 't nice.

Janet: Oh, thou beast, thou cockatrices. Oh what hast thou done with Brad?

Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Wherefore, doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Janet: thou fopped me.I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: ay, ay I wot, but 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? I bethink thou very much did find 't quite pleasurable.

Janet: Oh, cease.I cullionly holp. Brad Brad. Oh Brad!

Frank: Shhh. Brad's belike asleep by anon. Doth thou wanteth him to see thou like. This!

Janet: Like this. Like how! Oh, 't's thy fault. Thou're to censure. I wast saving myself.

Frank: Well, I'm sure thou're not did spend yet.

Janet: Gage thou did win't betoken Brad?

Frank: Cross mine heart and desire to kicketh the bucket.

~~~

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad ladybird, 't's nay valorous hither. 't'll destroy us.

Brad: Don't worry Janet, we'll beest aroint from hither in the morn.

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad thou're so stout and protective.

Brad: thou! Frank: I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't 't nice.

Brad: wherefore thou! What hast thou done with Janet?

Frank: Nothing. Wherefore? Doth thou bethink I shouldst?

Brad: Thou fopped me, I wouldn't hast.I've nev'r nev'r. Nev'r.

Frank: Oh ay ay, I wot. But 't isn't all lacking valor, is't? Not yea half lacking valor, I bethink thou very much quite did enjoy 't.

Frank: Oh. So soft.

Brad: Cease 't. Cease 't. Oh Janet. JANET!

Frank: Shhh! Janet's belike asleep by anon, doth thou wanteth that lady to see thou. Like this!

Brad: Like this, like how? 't's thy fault, thou're to censure, I did do bethink 't wast the real thing!

Frank: Oh cometh on, Brad, admit 't, thou did like 't, didn't thou? Thither's nay crime in giving yourself ov'r to pleasure,

Brad. Oh Brad, thou've did waste so much time already. Janet needn't wot, I did win't betoken.

Brad: Well, gage thou did win't betoken.

Frank: On mine mother's graoouuuuuu.

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky hath broken his chains and did vanish. The new playmate is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Magenta hath just released. The dogs.

Frank: Mmmmm? Coming!

~~~

Janet: What's happening hither? Whence's Brad? Whence's anybody?

…..Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How couldst thou?

Rocky: Errrrrr

Janet: Oh, but thou're did hurt. Did do they doth this to thou? Hither, I'll dress thy wounds. Baby thither.

~~~

Magenta and Columbia: betoken us about 't, Janet.

(SONG) TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

Janet: I wast humour done in,

couldn't winneth

I'd only ever did kiss 'ere.

Columbia: Thou cullionly the lady's.

Magenta: Uh Ha .

Janet: I did do bethink

thither's nay did lie-to getting

Into heavy petting

'T only leads to ado

And seat wetting.

Anon all I wanteth to wot

is how to wend.

I've did taste blood

and I wanteth moo.

Magenta and Columbia: Moo, moo, moo

Janet: I'll did put up nay resistance

I wanteth to stayeth the distance

I've did get an itch to scratch

I needeth assistance.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Then if 't be true aught grows,

while thou pose,

I'll oil thou up

and rubbeth thou down.

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

Janet: And yond's just one

bawbling fraction

of the main attraction.

Thou needeth a gentle handeth

and I needeth action.

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me

Magenta: I wanteth to beest filthy.

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me,

I wanteth to beest filthy

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night

Brad: Creature of the night?

Frank: Creature of the night.

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Creature of the night.

Columbia: Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night!

Janet: Creature of the night.

~~~

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!

Frank: How did do 't befall? I did understand thou wast to beest watching!

Riff Raff: I wast only aroint for a minute. Master.

Frank: Well, see if 't be true thou can findeth him on the monitor.

Riff Raff: Master, master. We hast a visitor.

Brad: Ho, Scotty!. Leech Everett Scott.

Riff Raff: Thou wot this earthling. Person?

Brad: I most forsooth doth! He happeneth to beest an corky cater-cousin of mine.

Frank: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. Thou did do cometh hither with a purpose.

Brad: I did tell thou, mine carriage did do break down. I wast telling the sooth.

Frank: I wot what thou did tell me. But this Leech Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

Brad: He wast a science teacher at Denton High School.

Frank: And anon he worketh for thy government, doesn't he,

Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of yond which thou clepe UFO's! Isn't yond right, Brad?

Brad: He might beest.I don't wot.

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, Master.

Frank: He'll belike beest. In the Zen cubiculo. Shalt we inquire of him in person?

Brad: Most wondrous Scott!

Scott: Frank N Furter, we meeteth at last.

Brad: Leech Scott!

Scott: Brad! What art thou doing hither?

Scott: I can assure thou yond Brad's presence hither cometh as a complete hoyday to me. I did do cometh hither to findeth Eddie.

Brad: Eddie! I've seen him! Frank: Eddie! What doth thou wot of Eddie, Leech Scott?

Scott: I befall to wot a most wondrous deal about a lot of things. Thou see Eddie happeneth to beest mine nephew.

Brad: Leech Scott.

Janet: Ah!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Scott: Janet!

Janet: Leech Scott!

Brad: Janet!

Janet: Brad!

Frank: Rocky!

Frank: Hark.I did maketh thou. And I can breaketh thou just as easily.

Magenta: Master, dinner is did prepare!

Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to beest optional.

~~~

Frank: A toast. To absent cater-cousins.

All: To absent cater-cousins.

Frank: And Rocky. Joyous Birthday to thou, joyous Birthday to thou! Joyous Birthday lief Rocky…….. Shalt we?

Scott: We did do cometh hither to breaketh with Eddie.

Columbia: Eddie!

Frank: Yond's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

Columbia: Fetch meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!.

Scott: I did knoweth he wast in with a lacking valor crowd, but 't wast worse than I did imagine. Aliens!

Rocky: Fie!

Brad & Janet: Leech Scott!

Frank: Wend on, Leech Scott. Or shouldst I declare Leech. Von Scott?

Brad: Just what jump art thou implying?

Scott: 't's valorous now!

Brad: But Leech Scott!

Scott: Yond's valorous now, Brad!

(Song) EDDIE

From the day he wast born

He wast ado.

He wast the thorn

In his mother's side.

The lady did tryeth in vain.

Narrator: But he nev'r did cause that lady nothing but shame.

Scott: He did leave home the day the lady did do kicketh the bucket.

From the day the lady wast gone

All he did want wast Rock 'n' Roll porn

And a mechanical horse.

Shooting up junk.

Narrator: He wast a base down vile dram punk!

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly did love him.

I did do sayeth, ho, hark to me;

stayeth sane inside insanity!

But he locked the door

and did throw aroint the key.

Scott: But he wilt hast been drawn

Into something,

Making him warn

Me in a note yond reads.

All: What's 't declare? What's 't declare?

Eddie's voice: I'm out of mine hed.

Oh, hie, or I may beest dead.

They mustn't carryeth out their evil deeds.

All: At which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

All: at which hour Eddie did do sayeth

he didn't like his Teddy

thou did knoweth he wast

a nay-valorous peat.

But at which hour he threatened thy life

with a switch-blade bodkin

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: Maketh thou caterwauling.

Scott: Und I did do.

Frank: Rocky! How couldst thou?

(SONG) WISE UP

FRANK: I'll betoken thou once;

I did win't betoken thou twice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thy apple pie don't gust too nice.

Thou'd better wise up, Janet Weiss.

I've did did lie the seed;

'T shouldst beest all thou needeth.

Thou're as sensual as a pencil,

did wind up like an E or first string.

At which hour we did maketh 't, didja heareth a bell ring?

Ya gotta block?

Well, taketh mine counsel.

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

The transducer wilt seduce ya.

Janet: Mine feet! I can't moveth mine feet!

Scott: Mine wheels! Mine God, I can't moveth mine wheels!

Brad: 't's as if 't be true we're glued to the spot!

Frank: thou art! So quake with fear, thou tiny daws!

Janet: We're did trap!

Frank: 't's something thou'll receiveth did use to.

A mental mind alas can beest nice.

Scott: Thou did win't findeth Earth people quite the easy mark thou imagine. This sonic transducer.'t is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato- physio-molecular transport device?

Brad: Thou cullionly.

Janet: Thou cullionly he's going to sendeth us to another planet?

Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet!

Thou better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Thou better wise up, buildeth thy thighs up,

thou better wise up

Narrator: And then the lady did cry out.

Janet: Ceeeeeeeease!

Frank: Don't receiveth hot and flustered!

Did lie-to a did bite of mustard.

Brad: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Scott: Thou're a hot dog,

but thou'd better not tryeth to did hurt

that lady, Frank Furter.

Janet: Thou're a hot dog …..

Magenta: Ahhhh! I groweth veary of this ordinary! At which hour shalt we returneth to Transylvania, i understandeth thee not?

Magenta: I asketh for nothing. Nothing.

Frank: And thou shalt taketh 't. In abundance! Cometh, we art eft for the floor bewray!

~~~

(SONG) DID RISE TINT MINE ORDINARY

Columbia: 't wast most wondrous at which hour 't

all did do beginneth.

I wast a regular Frankie fan.

But 't wast ov'r at which hour he did has't the plan

To start a-working on a muscle sir.

Anon the only thing yond gives me desire

Is mine love of a certain dope.

Did rise tints mine ordinary,

keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Rocky: I'm just seven hours corky,

And truly quite quaint to behold.

And somebody shouldst beest did tell

mine libido hasn't been did control.

Anon the only thing I've cometh to trust

Is an orgasmic drive of lust.

Did rise tints mine ordinary

and keeps me safe from mine ado and teen.

Brad: 't's beyond me;

holp me Mommy!

I'll beest valorous; thou'll see.

Taketh this dream aroint.

What's this? Did shalt we see,

I feeleth sexy!

What's cometh ov'r me?

Wo! Hither 't cometh again.

Janet: I feeleth released;

lacking valor times decease.

Mine confidence hath did increase;

reality is hither.

The game hath been disbanded.

Mine mind hath been did expand.

'T's a gas yond Frankie's did land!

His lust is so sincere.

(SONG) FANFARE/DON'T DREAM 'T

Frank: There's few or none will entertain

it betid to Fay Wray?

Yond delicate, satin-draped frame?

As 't did cling to that lady thigh

How I did start to caterwauling

'cause I did want to beest did dress

just the same.

Giveth yourself ov'r to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic conceit, beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure still.

Can't thou just see 't? Oh, oh, oh. Oh!

Don't dream 't, beest 't.

All: Don't dream 't, beest 't.

Scott: Ach! We've did get to receiveth out of this trap

'ere this decadence saps our wills.

I've did get to beest stout, and tryeth to hang on,

or else mine mind may well snap,

and mine life wilt beest did live. For the thrills!

Brad: 't's beyond me; holp me Mommy!

Janet: God bless Lili St. Cyr..

(SONG) WILD AND UNTAMED THING

Frank: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine,

mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Mine! I'm a wild and an untamed thing.

I'm a bee with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

We're a wild and an untamed thing.

We're bees with a deadly sting.

Thou receiveth a did hit and thy mind goeth ping.

Thy heart'll thump and thy blood wilt sing.

So did let the party and the sounds rock on.

We're gonna shake 't 'till the life hath gone, gone, gone.

Did rise tint mine ordinary,

keepeth me safe from mine ado and teen.

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, 't's all ov'r.

Thy mission is a failure;

thy lifestyle's too extreme.

I'm thy new commander;

thou anon art mine prisoner.

We returneth to Transylvania.

Prepare the transit beam.

Frank: Wait! I can dilate!

(SONG) I'M GOING HOME

Frank: On the day I did wend aroint

All: Goodbye.

Frank: Wast all I did has't to declare.

All: Anon I.

Frank: I wanteth to cometh again, and stayeth.

All: Oh, mine, mine.

Frank: Smileth, and yond wilt cullionly I may.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies,

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

All: I'm going home.

Frank: Everywhere 't's been the same.

All: Humour.

Frank: Like I'm outside in the rain.

All: Wheeling.

Frank: Free to tryeth and findeth a game.

All: Dealing.

Frank: Cards for sorrow, cards for teen.

'Cause I've seen, oh, blue skies

Through the gouts of sorrow in mine eyes

And I realize, I'm going home.

Frank & All: I'm going home.

Magenta: How sentimental.

Scott: Most wondrous heavens! Yond's a laser!

Riff Raff: Ay, Leech. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti- matter.

Brad: Thou cullionly. Thou're going to killeth him? What's his crime?

Scott: Thou did see what did do becometh of Eddie. Society wilt beest did protect.

Riff Raff: Jump, Leech. Scott. And anon, Frank N Furter, thy time hath cometh. Declare goodbye to all of this, and valorous morrow to thee, sir. To oblivion!

Brad: Valorous God!

Janet: Oh! Thou did kill those folk!

Magenta: But I did do bethink thou did like those folk. They did like thou.

Riff Raff: They didn't like me! He nev'r did like ME!

Scott: thou did do right.

Riff Raff: A decision did has't to beest did maketh.

Scott: thou're O.K. By me.

Riff Raff: Leech Scott, I'm my most humble apology about thy nephew.

Scott: Eddie? Ay, well, haply 't wast all for the most wondrous, heh, heh, heh.

Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night. To sing and dance once moo to thy dark refrain. To taketh yond - grise, to the right. Both: HAH!

Riff Raff: But 't's the pelvic did thrust.

Transylvanians: Yond drives thou insane!

Magenta: And our ordinary. Wilt doth the Time Warp. Again!

(SONG) SUPER HEROES

Brad: I've done a lot;

God knoweth I've did tryeth

To findeth the sooth.

I've yea did lie.

But all I wot is down inside I'm ..

All: Bleeding.

Janet: And super heroes

cometh to the feast

To gust the flesh

not yet deceased.

And all I wot

is still the beast is…

All: Feeding. Ahh, ahh.

Narrator: And crawling

on the planet's visage

Some insects,

did do call the human race.

Did lose in time,

and did lose in space,

And meaning.

All: Meaning.

(SONG) SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FAVOUR - REPRISE

Usherette: Science Fiction Double favour.

Frank hath did do build and did lose his creature.

Darkness hath did conquer Brad and Janet.

The meiny gone to A distant planet.

Wo, oh, oh, oh.

At the late night, double favour,

Picture bewray.

I wanteth to wend, oh, oh, oh.

To the late night, double favour,

Pic….ture …………bewray.

Written by Richard O’Brien and

Translated into Shakespearean English by Lushscreamqueen

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