#luckily by the time madam lan died lxc was 14 and already pretty much spoken for re: marriage

[stiltonbasket]

in the flowers in the palace au, when did lwj realize that she was in love with wwx? It seems like she knows by the first part of the series, since lqr is trying to encourage lwj to marry and she's refusing, so did lwj fall in love when wwx was studying at the cr (if that happened in this verse)?

Lan Wangji's love realization happens when Wei Wuxian breaks into the Cloud Recesses to comfort her in "for myself, in my frenzied heart." This doesn't have much to do with Lan Wangji's refusal to marry; she was simply raised differently from most other girls in the FITP universe, because Lan Qiren and Qingheng-jun knew they could rely on Nie Mingjue to protect her after their deaths through NMJ's marriage to Lan Xichen.

During Lan Wangji's childhood, Nie Mingjue's father was a high-ranking general who controlled the most important military garrison in the empire, and LQR/QHJ were confident that Lan Wangji would be free to live the life she wanted (and stay safe from power plays within the Lan clan) as long as LXC had the Nie family behind her. Thus, LWJ was allowed to choose the subjects she studied after she came of age; and when she decided to pursue higher studies in music and weapons training instead of learning how to manage a household, QHJ didn't object.

By 21, Lan Wangji would have found it extremely difficult to fulfill any of the responsibilities of a gentry wife, so QHJ/LQR never considered marrying her off until Qin Su joined NMJ's harem as a concubine (signaling a loss of favor/power on Lan Xichen's part).