#lucas’ trauma pt 1.91

[miafic]

one ~ two ~ three ~ four

Lucas had been overprotective of Zakk all week, to the point where he was kind of acting like a mother hen. And, for some reason, Zakk let it happen. He’d only protest once - “I feel fine” - before giving in and letting Lucas bring him a glass of water or rub his feet or even take a day off to stay home with him. That’s how afraid Lucas was; he managed to tear himself away from work. And it wasn’t really even that hard. 

They spent most of the day lying side by side in bed. They watched TV and talked and had sex a couple of times, slow and gentle and loving. They showered together, and Lucas took his time massaging shampoo into Zakk’s hair and then helping Zakk rinse it out. Then Lucas held him, both of them standing with half of their body beneath the spray, until the water went from hot to lukewarm. 

It had been a long, emotional, terrifying week for both of them. “Are you in any pain?” Lucas would ask. Or maybe, “Are your joints okay?” They’d cut pizza, beef, and popcorn out of their diets and instead started eating lots of asparagus and fish and small fruits like raspberries and blueberries - whatever Lucas had found online during his google searches for food that was good for your kidneys. 

The night before the follow-up was scheduled, Lucas had barely been able to sleep. He was wrapped around Zakk, holding him, watching the numbers on the digital clock creep forward. 

Zakk turned over in the middle of the night and burrowed into Lucas’ chest. Lucas squeezed him tighter and kissed his head at least ten times before finally falling asleep around 3:30. The alarm went off at 5:15. 

“Are you sure you want me to go to work?” Lucas whispered. 

Zakk nodded. “I’ll be fine,” came his slow, tired reply. 

Lucas kissed him, got up, and got dressed. He spent several minutes brushing his hair out and getting his bun just right, and when he went back out to say goodbye, Zakk was, as usual, asleep. Lucas pressed their foreheads together for a long moment while he said a silent prayer. Then he kissed Zakk’s relaxed lips and slipped out of the room. 

---

The morning wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but truth be told, it felt a little like hell. 

Lucas went into the house, greeted the aide, and went to wake the boys up. “Good morning! Rise and shine!” he called, forcing as much of a smile as he could. He was met with one sleepy, “Lucaaaaaas!” but otherwise just grumbles and complaints. 

Breakfast was simple - cereal and milk - and then the kids cleaned up and spent the rest of their time in the game room. Two of them got into it over foosball, which meant that Lucas had to intervene before the arguing and yelling turned into something worse, but once the issue was settled, it was settled. 

Brendon and Ryan showed up a few minutes early, and Lucas passed the kids off to them as soon as they walked in the door. He had half a mind to collapse onto the couch for a nap, but he knew that despite having already completed the meal schedules through the next three months in an effort to stave off his anxiety, he had work to do. Chore charts needed to be made, emails needed to be sent, and he still needed to find a service project for the kids to do the following week. 

Despite his long to-do list, he accidentally nodded off at his desk and jolted awake twenty minutes later, a feeling of guilt washing over him. Still, he grabbed for his phone to make sure that Zakk hadn’t texted. He hadn’t. Lucas opened their message and sent, Thinking of you, and a sunshine emoji. There was no response, but it wasn’t even 8:30 AM. Zakk was probably still sleeping. 

Lucas threw himself back into planning. Controlling what he could. Mapping out something stable. When his phone dinged forty minutes later, he about jumped out of his skin. 

“Zakk,” he breathed as he saw the name on the display. He hurried to unlock the phone and read the message - I love you baby. One more hour and then either way we’ll know something.

Yeah, Lucas wrote back immediately. I love you too. Hopefully they’ll call soon. 

Zakk didn’t say anything back. Lucas resumed his work.

---

“Zakk’s hoooome!” one of the boys declared as Zakk pulled into the driveway. 

“Zakk! Zakk! Zakk!” another kid started chanting, but luckily, it didn’t catch on. 

Lucas herded the kids into the dining room so that they could start their lunch, but he hung back, watching as Zakk came in through the kitchen. Not wanting to seem too eager or to make Zakk anxious, he wandered out of the kitchen and toward the entry of the house. 

Zakk, of course, went to greet the kids first thing. Lucas couldn’t really tell what his mood was, but he did hear him ask, “Do you guys know where Lucas is?”

“I’m out here,” Lucas replied, voice raised a little so Zakk would hear him from the distance. 

Zakk came around the corner, and Lucas gave him a stressed smile. 

“Hey,” Lucas said. “Do you wanna go in the office?” 

“No, but I wondered if you could do something for me.” Zakk’s face was serious as he looked up at Lucas.

“Anything.” 

“Could you stop by the pharmacy on your way home? They prescribed me some antibiotics.” 

Lucas’ mouth fell open and quickly transformed into a wide smile. “Yes!” he half-shouted. “Yes, I would-” He cut himself off and grabbed Zakk in a tight hug. “I would love to do that for you. I would love to pick up antibiotics for you.” He squeezed his eyes shut and laughed in relief. “Oh my god. Oh my god.”

Zakk laughed fondly, embracing Lucas just as tightly. “I’m sorry for not calling; I just wanted to see your face,” Zakk confessed.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you were here for me to hug.” 

Zakk chuckled. “Me, too.” 

“What’s going on?” the chanting kid asked. He was standing in the archway with his roommate at his side, watching Lucas and Zakk hug. 

They both straightened up, but they didn’t rush. (They knew that would only make them look suspicious.) 

“We got some good news,” Lucas smiled. He nudged Zakk with his elbow and said, “Let’s go in the office for a second.” To the boys, he said, “You’re always complaining that you’re hungry. Go eat.” 

Lucas and Zakk walked together into the office, and Lucas shut the door behind them. “So you’re okay?” he asked almost pleadingly, taking Zakk’s hands. “You’re really okay?” 

“Yeah. They said it was a UTI that didn’t have any symptoms other than - remember how I was so tired a couple weeks ago?”

Lucas nodded.

“That’s apparently a symptom of what I had. It’s called a ‘silent UTI.’ And because it wasn’t treated, bacteria went up into my kidneys and was causing problems. If I hadn’t been to the doctor, and if I kept not showing symptoms, it could have eventually killed me.” 

Lucas shook his head, shocked. “Wow.” 

“I know.” Zakk fell into his chest, and Lucas hugged him tightly. 

“I love you so much,” Lucas whispered to him. “I love you, I love you.” 

“I love you.” 

They shared a kiss and then another long embrace. 

“I’m gonna be okay,” Zakk said happily.

“Yeah,” Lucas breathed. He gave Zakk a squeeze.

“When’s the last time you went to the doctor?” Zakk asked, and Lucas snorted before he could stop himself.

“What?” Zakk asked, pulling back.

“Uh, nothing, just... it’s been a while.” 

“How long is a while? You never talk about it.” 

Lucas looked away and shrugged.

Zakk made a soft noise of disapproval. “Well, we need to get you an appointment somewhere. I don’t want what happened to me happening to you. Or if something’s already happening, we need to know sooner rather than later.”  

“No, that’s okay.” 

Zakk blinked. “What?” 

“I’m not going to the doctor. I’m fine.” 

“You actually have a lot of stuff going on I’d like to ask about, so...”

Lucas shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“Lucas,” Zakk said, confusion and hurt written across his face. “I just told you I could have died. And you won’t go to the doctor? Just one appointment?” 

“Nope.” 

The hurt was replaced with anger. “Why?”

“Because I don’t like going.” 

“Well, too bad. You’re going.” 

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are. I will make you an appointment and drag you there myself.”

“No, you won’t, because I’m really not going,” Lucas said with a laugh. The computer made a dinging sound that signaled that he’d just gotten an email, so he turned away from the conversation. “You should go eat. There’s a wrap for you on the counter.” 

Zakk was quiet for several seconds. Then he said, “Come eat with me.” 

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

“To eat?”

“No, but I’ll sit with you.” 

Zakk sighed. “You need to eat. You need to take better care of yourself. You need to go to the doctor. It’s not a debate, Lucas; you’re going.”

“It’s not a debate, and I’m not going.” Before Zakk could protest again, he said, “I love you, and I am so glad that you’re okay, and I’m really happy that they caught the problem before it got bad. But I’m not going to the doctor. Let’s just celebrate you today, okay?” 

“We’re talking about this later,” Zakk warned.

Lucas gave him a halfhearted grin. As soon as the door was closed, though, he let the smile drop. Lucas wasn’t going to the doctor, no matter what Zakk said. No fucking way.