#lucas hearing how good Barbie was and just :( | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

saturnheart · 1 year ago

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But as you approached, arms occupied with bags full of decorations, you recognized that patch color jacket, and the baseball cap not doing nearly enough to disguise his features.

i’m so nervy omg…

The silence stretched between the two of you. You could see Carmen begin to fidget in your peripheral vision; good he deserved to be uncomfortable for a minute or two.

like bro what are you doing at my house..

“I don’t remember inviting you in,” it was harsh, but it was also the truth.

baby 😭

He felt like a teenager all over again, fussing over how he would present himself to you.

aw i feel like he was the type to get nervous when baby would text him she was going over or something like quickly fixing his hair or tidying up his room. they kinda give me lucas and haley vibes but like with crushes on each other lmao if that makes sense 😂 teen baby and carmy 🥲

He found you in the kitchen, eyes locked on the bottle of wine in your hands he brought with him, “You uh…talked about how much you loved it back in New York so I-I thought it might be nice to have it again.”

AWW NOOO 😭😔😔😔

“This is me accepting your olive branch, I just…wanna make things right between us..”

i need my barby back

“No you’re good I uh I didn’t get anything you’re allergic to.” His eyes darted across the ingredients double checking that he hadn’t bought any compromising ingredients.

🫠🫠🫠 oh this is gonna be hard

How could you admit to your best friend, the person who once knew you most, that almost a year ago you were staring at blank hospital walls as some doctor explained to both you and Natalie just how close to death you were?

🥲 oh man

“Carmen I…I’ve been sober for 7 months.”

omg i’m not ready for this conversation my poor baby 😔

“You fuckin’ with me right?” The apprehension in his voice was the result of not knowing if he could bear to hear the idea that something so heinous could plague you.

ahh 🫠😪

The breath in your throat hitched as his finger slowly traced the long scar, the touch sent shivers through you. Your eyes watched him as he watched you, finger deliberately taking in the pattern on your jaw, his hand unconsciously moved to cup your face in the way he liked, forefinger pressed into your hidden tattoo as his thumb began caressing the corner of your lips.

😔

“What the fuck happened to you, Baby?”

… i’m already not okay like this convo is gonna hurttttttttt

He didn’t say it but you knew he needed some time to internalize the small piece of truth you told him, to rationalize just how much you had gone through in your time apart.

it’s gonna be hard for him to hear like my heart hurts for them both

And I think, I thought if I just helped everyone get better I wouldn’t need to grieve, because I was surrounded by all the people I loved, and their wellbeing mattered most to me.

baby was too busy making sure everyone else was okay when she herself wasn’t like?? omg

“And for a moment it was like the world stopped screaming like all I needed was your presence to assure me that everything would be okay,”

when all she needed was him 💔🥲

Carmen was making this harder than it needed to be, how could you justify telling him one secret and not the other when he was being so understanding?

the other secret… 💔🤍

For all his social ineptitude Carmy knew there was something you weren’t telling him, something you weren’t being entirely honest about, and he wasn’t sure how it tied into your sobriety. But the way you were apologizing to him made him feel like he was partly responsible.

this is sooo sadddd veee omgggg!! 😭

“There’s something that I need to tell you…something that you deserve to know. B-but I don’t think I can do it tonight. And I know that’s not fair to you but I think for my own sake I need to be in a better space mentally.”

yeah that conversation is gonna hurt even worse i’m scared.

“Why do you…do you…fuck!” The vein on his neck protruded with his frustration. “How do you just sit there and make fucking jokes about this shit Baby! Why the fuck is any of this funny to you?”

i feel like you write carmy so well or idk like JAW knows how to portray these characters like lip/carmen i can see this in my mind lmao i never know how to explain this but like i can see him doing this scene and he’s a rlly good actor so like yeah i can see carmen reacting this way

my girl 💔💔

“I laid in that hospital bed, and I looked at those stupid fucking fluorescent lights and I thought; Mikey got it right the first time, why couldn’t I.”

I WANT TO HUG HER SO BAD !!

“Please?” The broken whisper floated between the two of you before your head softly nodded up and down to confirm that indeed he was almost forced to live without you.

i’ve ran out of words

. “Still be my best friend?”

my babies 🫶🏻🥲

“I nev-I… uh never leave home without it.” The admission made your skin tingle, Carmy’s finger subconsciously tracing the lone letter you carried everywhere with you. “It uh, reminds me of you…of us.”

the pendant 😭😭 AHHHH

The two of you had seemed to come to an understanding now, and that’s all he could ask for. You said you needed a friend and that’s what he’d be; your needs were his needs.

ok… bring on the baby shower i need my family back together 😭🥲🤍 lol

chapter eight | to see a friend, to see a ghost

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a secret you’ve been keeping from carmen finally comes to light.

wc: 8.9k

song inspo: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 (highly recommend to add to the heartbreak!)

If it was any later and the sky was any darker, you might have been startled by the figure waiting on your porch. But as you approached, arms occupied with bags full of decorations, you recognized that patch color jacket, and the baseball cap not doing nearly enough to disguise his features.

Stopping before your steps you just looked at the person for a minute, the man was obviously zoned out if he hadn’t already been alerted to your presence from the sound of your car arriving and now the slap of your boots against the pavement.

When you left that voicemail earlier, you hadn’t expected Carmy to take immediate action, it wasn’t like him. You also didn’t expect him to show up unannounced but maybe you should’ve waited before sending your address in that group text.

You made your way up the steps, the jingling keys in your hand finally drew the man’s attention, and the speed at which he flew off the chair situated on your porch was almost comical. Your eyes darted to his, taking in what you could see of his figure that wasn’t hidden behind his jacket or hat. He held two paper bags in one hand and the package you had been expecting in the other, sure the delivery driver just left it with him.

The silence stretched between the two of you. You could see Carmen begin to fidget in your peripheral vision; good he deserved to be uncomfortable for a minute or two.

Finally unlocking the door you pushed through, pausing to take your shoes off. The man behind you hesitated, not sure if he should move forward to follow behind you or not. He took a minute before stepping forward, your eyes meeting his as you stood between his only entrance.

“I don’t remember inviting you in,” it was harsh, but it was also the truth.

He stopped for a moment, cheeks flushing pink as he cleared his throat, “Can I uh, is it okay if I come in?”

It would have been easy to deny him access, leave him out here on your porch, or even allow him to squirm more. But you could hear Pete’s words playing in your mind as you thought of all the petty things you wanted to do at that moment.

You let out an exasperated sigh the constant back and forth between the two of you was finally catching up. You nodded before heading to your living room to drop the bags off on the couch, the open door an invitation for the man on your porch. The bags were safely deposited on your couch as you moved to head into your kitchen, stopping short as you spotted Carmy still standing in your foyer.

A chuckle escaped your lips at the awkward man. You made your way to him, stopping in front of him and taking the package from his hand and the two grocery bags. “You can leave your shoes and jacket out here.” You left him standing alone in the foyer, confident he would find his way to you eventually.

Carmen watched as you disappeared further into your house, the man quickly shedding his shoes and accessories, stopping at the mirror by the coat rack to tame his messy hat hair. He felt like a teenager all over again, fussing over how he would present himself to you. Carmy moved in the direction you had gone in, steps slowing as he tried to take in everything he could about your abode, from the decorations to the colors swatched on your walls. It all reminded him of things he missed out on with you, would you have gushed to him about the prospect of owning a home? Would you have asked his opinion on design choices?

The two of you had once gone to each other for everything, and because he was afraid of being completely vulnerable to his feelings for you, he felt like a stranger on the outside looking in.

Your index finger traced the label of the bottle in your hand, memories of that weekend flooding through you, but that’s just what they were; memories. It was the present day now and no matter the itch you felt to let the red wine warm your mouth, drink enough of it to dull your senses, you wouldn’t allow yourself to.

“What are we doing Carmen?” The bottle of red was gently placed on your island as you looked at the man standing in the space just between your kitchen and living room.

Seeing him in a space that had been wholly your own felt a little weird, you didn’t want to think about the times you imagined what it would’ve been like to share such a space with him as you watched him stand in your house like he was meant to be there; like he belonged.

“I got your voicemail,” you leaned your elbows on the counter propping your head up as you listened. “This is me accepting your olive branch, I just…wanna make things right between us..” The explanation pulled a sigh from your lips, fingers tracing patterns into the marble island beneath you. You left the voicemail with the assumption that it would take Carmen a bit to get back to you, he had never been adamant about fixing your relationship before.

“You also have something I need,” Carmen watched as you raised your eyebrows, eyes leaving the spot you were tracing.

“And what would that be?” The scar between your eyebrows felt tight as your face pulled into a frown, your brain wandering to figure out what you could possibly have that Carmen would need.

Carmen sent a small smile your way, “Let’s cook and we’ll talk about it after.” You watched as the man joined you on the opposite side of your island reaching to remove the rest of the food from their bags.

The genuine laugh that bubbled out of your chest filled Carmy with warmth, “Do you always walk into people's houses and try and negotiate?”

Carmy did his best to control the warm fluttery feeling in his chest, the weeks without you were hard and the fact that your laugh could ease his full body ache was enough for him to realize just how much he wanted you as a constant in his life. “I didn’t think I’d make it this far.”

A silence lapsed between the two of you as you helped unpack the rest of the food. This whole situation felt like a bad idea, you definitely weren’t over Carmen’s stunt or the previous incidents where he let you down. But you had been skating through this year on borrowed time, and the time apart helped to calm your anger, you felt like you were in a much more level headed place to finally figure out what the hell this thing was between the two of you. And Pete’s words at lunch helped to give you a new perspective on the whole situation.

“What the hell are we even making?” Baking was your preferred form of cooking, so as you looked at all the ingredients laid out it was a bit confusing to piece the meal together.

The sound of your voice warmed Carmen’s senses, the silky tone danced through his ears buzzing against his brain. “Chicken Marsala.”

You nodded, declining a glass of wine with dinner was one thing, but now looking at the new bottle of Marsala that would be in your meal, you’d have to decline the whole dinner.

“That sounds so fucking delicious but I…I actually can’t eat it.”

Carmen stopped his ministrations with the ingredients, “No you’re good I uh I didn’t get anything you’re allergic to.” His eyes darted across the ingredients double checking that he hadn’t bought any compromising ingredients.

“Thank you, Carm, your consideration is thoughtful.” The extra measure made your heart rate speed up.

It was crazy really how the same man standing in your kitchen swearing up and down he didn’t buy any foods you were allergic to, could also be the same man who came across as uncaring.

“I appreciate the effort I do but…” Your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. How could you admit to your best friend, the person who once knew you most, that almost a year ago you were staring at blank hospital walls as some doctor explained to both you and Natalie just how close to death you were? “Carmy I-”

The hand resting on your elbow helped to calm your breathing, it wasn’t like you weren’t ready to admit your overdose to Carmy, you were just worried about the aftermath. “Baby hey, you with me?” You felt the hand skate down your arm, Carmy’s thumb soothingly caressing your pulse point.

You turned to face Carmen searching his eyes, doing your best to memorize the way he looked at you, unsure if you’d ever be graced with this intimate gaze again. “Carmen I…I’ve been sober for 7 months.”

The silence in your kitchen was loud, You needed Carmy to say something to you, yell at you, call you a hypocrite for blowing up on him all those weeks ago when you had been the one lying to him this whole time. It would be easier if the blank wide-eyed look on his face morphed into one of disgust, hatred, hell any emotion would’ve been welcome. “You fuckin’ with me right?” The apprehension in his voice was the result of not knowing if he could bear to hear the idea that something so heinous could plague you.

The wobble of your bottom lip was enough, Carmen’s eyes skated across your face landing on the three prominent features that had been added to your appearance; the tiny scar on your upper lip, the one between your brows, and the jagged raised one stretching the length of your jaw.

“What the fuck happened to you, Baby?”

The shower you just finished was much needed, Carmy volunteering to pick up different ingredients while you relaxed before the two of you began this search for the truth. He didn’t say it but you knew he needed some time to internalize the small piece of truth you told him, to rationalize just how much you had gone through in your time apart.

You could hear Carmen shuffling around in your kitchen as you stepped out of the bathroom, steam following you out. Grabbing your moisturizer you moved to sit on the edge of your bed, mind racing to figure out what you were even doing putting yourself in this situation.

These past three weeks without Carmen felt needed, you were thankful for the time apart to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. But it always felt like there was a piece of you missing, it felt like that every time the two of you parted ways. The difference was instead of spending the time apart worrying over Carmy every minute you had finally put yourself first, and began living for yourself just like Tina had advised all those years ago.

And while a part of you wanted to continue this childish charade of ignoring Carmy, only showing up at the restaurant when Richie assured you he wouldn’t be there; you couldn’t. It took too much energy to live your life around Carmen’s especially since the two of you were so much more involved with each other than you had been in a while. Even without Pete’s words of advice, you could see the toll it was taking on the people around you. Natalie was too scared to even mention her brother for fear you’d have a meltdown. Richie’s anger for your situation souring his relationship with Carmen. And Carmen himself, he who had become a haggard sunken-in version of himself, the time apart affected him the worst his patience nowhere to be seen from the few times Richie had offhandedly mentioned him in your presence.

The two of you had been in each other's lives for longer than you could remember and you didn’t want to lose that friendship over your pride. During your time away from Carmen, you had come to the decision that you would be fine if all that was fated to be between you two was a friendship.

More recently you had decided that maybe it was for the best, maybe the two of you were never meant for anything more, anything good. Maybe it was naive to think you deserved anything good with all the hurt your selfish choices caused. Maybe it was best not to take any time and attention away from your recovery. This friendship was just a whole bunch of fucking ‘maybes’ recently.

But one could say that ‘friendship’ went out the window when the two of you crossed that blurred line a year ago.

You paused as your hand reached for the old crew neck you’d usually sleep in, as much as you loved the garment you couldn’t allow yourself to give Carmen any false hope about what would come from this. Walking into your closet you quickly grabbed your oversized ‘The Beef’ crew neck, slipping it over your head before stepping into your sleep shorts and a pair of fuzzy socks.

Exiting your bedroom you stopped by your record player, buying yourself time before you’d have to face Carmen and all the truth that would be exposed in this one conversation alone. You flicked through your vinyl selection before picking your favorite one, needing something comforting for everything that was bound to transpire.

You entered your kitchen seeing Carmy’s back at your stove sent an ache through you. The man cooking in your kitchen was a vision you had more than once, it was almost right, the only thing missing was the small figure you imagined standing in a chair next to Carmy watching from over his shoulder.

“Smells delicious Carm,” you sent a tired smile his way as he looked over his shoulder at you, eyes falling just above his own, no courage left in you to take in the look he was giving you. “What did you end up cooking?” Carmen’s eyes were stuck to you, your words falling on deaf ears, you fidgeted in your spot, the insecurity of being judged by the one person you didn’t think you could handle it from, weighed heavy on you.

Carmen cleared his throat as he watched you sink into yourself. He hadn’t meant to make you feel any type of way with his stare, he was just having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that things had been so bad for you and he had no idea because of his selfish inclinations. “It’s uh Chicken Alfredo, I thought it was safest.”

The air in the kitchen was tense, neither of you knowing how to be around the other at this moment, and you hadn’t even gotten down to the harsh truth of everything yet. “Can you…uh what do you mean you’re sober? I-I know what it means jus-I,” you watched as Carmy closed his eyes, a huff escaping him as he couldn’t articulate what he wanted to say. “Baby, help me understand. Please?”

You could hear the thickness in Carmy’s voice, the two of you watching each other with matching glazed stares. You stood frozen for a minute, your fight or flight instincts kicking in and it took everything in you not to leave the conversation as it was. A sigh escaped you before you nodded your head and hopped to sit on the island, fingers picking at the stray threads on your shorts.

Carmy turned the fire on the stove down before turning to lean against the counter next to your stove, the two of you now facing each other. The distance between you felt like it stretched on for miles, and maybe it did, the two of you didn’t know each other like you once used to. You and Carmy weren’t the same teenagers who shared everything, even the smiles you shared at this point in life held a different meaning.

You never knew where to start this story, was it better to ease the person in, or was it better to just rip the band-aid off all at once? “Now that I’m better I don’t think any reason was good enough for what I did to myself…what I did to the people I love. But uh, Mikey’s death was definitely a catalyst for everything.” You looked up to see Carmy watching you intensely, arms crossed over his chest, you can’t remember a time you’d ever seen him look so serious.

“I was alone, and maybe that’s just an excuse. We…we just buried Mikey, and I was scared to believe he was really gone, it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want it to be true.” You sucked in a deep breath trying to gather your thoughts. “I stayed in Chicago for a long time after that, your mom…gosh she was a mess and I understood why her grief was valid, but I…I just knew Nat couldn’t, didn’t deserve to fix things alone, so I just kept extending my stay.” The small sigh Carmen breathed was lost as you settled more and more into your explanation.

“An-And Richie was doing his fucking best to keep The Beef open but I could tell it was taking a toll on him. Tiff had filed for divorce just months ago and then he was dealing with Mikey’s passing. And I think, I thought if I just helped everyone get better I wouldn’t need to grieve, because I was surrounded by all the people I loved, and their wellbeing mattered most to me.” Carmen’s eyes stayed on your figure allowing your words to settle into him, it hurt knowing how much slack you had to pick up because he couldn’t bring himself to face the music.

Quiet sniffles came from where you sat atop the island. “Carm, you weren’t there…and I promise I’m not blaming you for the decisions I made, none of that is on you. But I just wanted my best friend, and I just needed to know you were okay. And when you weren’t at the funeral my mind went to the worst thoughts first. But then I…I just showed up in New York and you acted like your world wasn’t ending and then I just felt selfish because how was it that your brother just died and I was the one acting like I’d lost the person I looked up to most.” Carmy could feel his chest tighten, your words becoming less and less easy to swallow the more you spoke.

“And for a moment it was like the world stopped screaming like all I needed was your presence to assure me that everything would be okay,” a small sad smile rose to your lips as you thought about your time spent with Carmy in New York. “It-it was blissful and everything I wanted but I knew it was ending, we both knew it was ending you didn’t see a future with me.” You had to stop yourself, a sob sure to be ripped out if you didn’t give yourself a minute, “And I accepted your decision, it was for the best.”

You hugged your knees to your chest, barely beginning to scratch the surface of the worst of what you’d done. The new position provided you the comfort and protection you felt you needed. “I got back to Chicago, and I was only supposed to be here for a few more weeks but then…then I-I got sick and Rich-.” You clasped your hands over your mouth unsure if you could lay all your indiscretions on Carmy at once, unsure if you could mentally handle the toll the two confessions you desperately needed to make would take on you.

Rough palms enclosed your cheeks, moving your head so that you were face to face with Carmy. You could see the unshed tears in his doe-blue eyes, but other than that he didn’t seem to be affected. “Take your time, yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along with him so you knew it was okay. The left side of his lips ticked up in a half smile, you let him lean in and place a delicate kiss on your forehead before he moved out of your space. “I’m here okay, I’ll listen for as long as you let me.”

Carmen was making this harder than it needed to be, how could you justify telling him one secret and not the other when he was being so understanding? Carmy made to move back to his original position, your grip on his hand stopping him, a quiet sigh escaping his lips at how fragile you looked. “Lemme turn off the stove okay?” You reluctantly let go of his hand, scared that at the loss of contact, he would take his chance to flee from you.

You watched as he turned the stove off, moving the food he had been cooking to the back burners, you felt bad that he had cooked for the two of you and neither of you would be enjoying it. He moved around the kitchen fear spiking in you as you thought for sure he was going to leave, to wipe his hands of you. He returned to you with a glass of water that he delicately placed in your hands before replacing your legs to their original position and taking his spot between them. Carmy’s finger tapped the glass in your hands “Drink up.” A small nod was your only response as you did as told you before setting the glass down beside you.

Carmy returned his hand to your grasp nodding to let you know he was ready to continue if you were, you took one last deep breath mind made up on how you would handle the rest of this conversation. “He uh Richie, he found me in the walk-in. You know that moment when you know something is wrong but you don’t know how you know. It was kind of like that, like Richie and I both knew I had done something wrong and Carmy,” your voice quivered as your eyes met his, the tears falling at a faster pace as he looked at you so earnestly, hanging onto every word you said. “I’m so sorry.”

Carmen’s brows furrowed, eyes widening as you collapsed against him incoherent apologies addressed to him spewing from your lips. His head came to rest atop of yours as you shoved your face into his chest your words turned to messy babbling as you tried to choke out words through your sobs. For all his social ineptitude Carmy knew there was something you weren’t telling him, something you weren’t being entirely honest about, and he wasn’t sure how it tied into your sobriety. But the way you were apologizing to him made him feel like he was partly responsible.

Your cries were beginning to grow in volume and Carmy was at a loss for what to do. He’d seen you cry before, hell he’d caused most of it but he couldn’t recognize you at this moment. The sobs that escaped you were echoing through the quietude of your house, you had never been an audible crier, usually a few tears escaping your eyes were the most Carmen had gotten. But these cries wracked your entire body, Carmy could feel them rattling his rib cage each sob breaking his exterior down more and more.

He wrapped his arms around you letting your tears soak his shirt, his tears beginning to run down his cheeks. The grip he had on you tightened ever so slightly as you sobbed your throat raw. Carmen needed to know what could’ve caused this reaction, he needed to know what you could ever have to apologize to him for. He felt you moving to get out of his grip, but he held you there as his tears dripped into the crown of your head, quickly wiping his eyes before he pulled back from you allowing you a fresh breath of oxygen.

“Carmy?” Your voice was scratchy as you played with his fingers avoiding any form of eye contact, you raised his knuckles to your lips kissing the ‘ou’ on his middle and ring finger. “Could you hold me for a little bit?” You raised your head to Carmy’s doing your best to send him a reassuring smile, to let him know everything would be okay.

Carmen frowned, he knew that smile anywhere. Even when you were so obviously going through something he couldn’t quite yet understand you would put his feelings before your own. He let out an exasperated sigh your need to put others well being before your own a habit he swore to himself he’d break.

The hand you kissed raised to your face, a light grip on your chin as his thumb caressed the space beneath your lower lip. Carmy leaned forward placing a soft lingering kiss on the scar between your eyebrows, “Let’s take a break yeah?” Carmy watched your body deflate.

He took a step back as you hopped off of the island, the two of you moving to your L-shaped couch. Carmy laid down opening his arms to hold you like the two of you had done hundreds of times while growing up. He knew the gesture would pull a smile out of you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you easily snuggled into him. Your face reverting to its home in his chest, his chin once again resting against the top of your head.

The light atmosphere was short-lived as you relaxed into Carmy, all of your words finally beginning to sink into him. He was happy for the intermission the time would help him to understand what you had told him thus far, to figure out how he could ever make up for the way he constantly held the door open and let you walk out of his life. The way he essentially cut you out of his life because he was afraid to admit to himself that what he felt for you for all these years wasn’t just lust and longing, but love.

Carmy’s fingers had been gently rubbing your scalp for the past forty-five minutes, the position the two of you were in reminiscent of a scene from New York when you visited. Now it was being translated in your own home, Carmy was laying on the couch one arm settled behind his head to prop it up, looking down on you to make sure you were okay. You were settled between his legs, your upper body pressed into his stomach as your head rested on his sternum.

“Baby?” Carmy did his best to whisper, not wanting to disturb you in case you had fallen asleep.

“Hmm?” Your response was so quiet it was easy to miss, Carmy was unsure if you had let out a quiet hum or if you were making noises in your sleep.

He stopped his ministrations on your scalp, his lips ticking up at the soft whine you let out “You asleep?” The question was followed by his fingertips resuming their massage.

“No, your heartbeat is just soothing.” You snuggled your face deeper into Carmen’s stomach, the movement raising goosebumps on his exposed arms. “Carm?” Your quiet voice drew his attention the apprehension clear on his features as he prepared himself for the words soon to leave your mouth. “There’s something that I need to tell you…something that you deserve to know. B-but I don’t think I can do it tonight. And I know that’s not fair to you but I think for my own sake I need to be in a better space mentally.” You shuffled around again turning to lie facedown, one of your cheeks rested against Carmy’s stomach so you could comfortably look up at him.

The confusion in his eyes was evident, whatever it was you couldn’t tell him was making him beyond nervous. It was hard because you had never kept a secret from him unless you absolutely needed to, and when you did it was never for anything more serious than a gift you were getting for him. But he knew he couldn’t force whatever truth you had to tell out of you, a part of him felt a bit relaxed, not knowing how much bad news he could take in the span of one night.

Carmy’s hand reached out palming the side of your face, thumb grazing back and forth in the space just beneath your eye, “You can share it with me when you’re ready m’kay? I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” He pushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear, watching as your eyes closed, a slight grimace on your face as you leaned into his palm more.

“You’re going to hate me, Carmen.” The words left your mouth with so much conviction all Carmy could do was frown, the idea of ever hating you would have never crossed his mind. He wanted to reassure you but lost his chance as you abruptly sat up, the movement caused him to sit up as well, the two of you only inches apart now facing each other. You forced a smile as your side relaxed on the couch, head propped against it as your eyes wandered around Carmy’s features. “Let’s just get through tonight and then we’ll worry about everything else.” You were exhausted. Carmy could tell by the way your blinking slowed, he wanted you to stop, to get some sleep, to put your needs before whatever made you feel like you owed him any explanation.

“Bab-,”

“I was in the hospital for a bit because I…I was sick. But after they discharged me I had been gone from my own life for so long I was so close to not having anything to return to. So I came home and forced the past month into a literal box in my closet, pretended none of it happened.” You were running on fumes at this point, with no regard for whether Carmy was even still listening to you, just this force within you driving you to finish the story.

“There was uh one thing that I couldn’t force myself to get rid of-,”

“The voicemail.” Your eyes shot to Carmy's, his silence easily making you forget he was even still here, that you were recounting these memories for a reason. You nodded eyes unfocused as you looked past him, would there ever be a time you could remember that part of your life without flinching every time you thought about it?

“It started slow, I was just getting back into the swing of things remembering what it was like to be alone after being in Chicago surrounded by people who actually cared about me. I would go out with my co-workers after a shift, drink just enough that I could get myself home, but not enough for anyone to worry about me.” A sardonic laugh left your lips, you were sure nobody would care about you, and you hardly had any strong ties to the West Coast.

“It helped…until it didn’t until I was drinking so much it was almost like my body was immune to the effects. But who needs their liver am I right?” The pinch to your thigh jolted you. Carmy wasn’t welcoming your self-deprecating jokes.

You raised your hands in defense, a humorless chuckle leaving you. “If I’m being honest, I don’t even remember getting that first prescription…not even the ones after it.”

“Wait,” Carmy moved so his feet were firmly planted on the floor, legs spread as he rested his elbows on his thighs. “What the fuck does a prescription have to do with this? Baby?” Carmy wasn’t stupid, he didn’t need you to spell it out for him but the sliver of hope in him was dwindling as the minutes of silence continued to tick by.

You shrugged, moving to sit crisscross applesauce staring blankly at Carmy’s side profile, one of his legs bouncing up and down. “You know they really should make those warnings bigger. About not mixing drugs and alcohol, the font is so tiny how cou-,”

“Stop!” You didn’t even flinch at the loud volume of Carmy’s voice, eyes following his figure as he flew up from the couch. The man was now pacing in front of you, one hand settled on his hip as the other furiously swiped across his forehead. “Why do you…do you…fuck!” The vein on his neck protruded with his frustration. “How do you just sit there and make fucking jokes about this shit Baby! Why the fuck is any of this funny to you?”

The urge to defend yourself was surging through you, in a way you knew Carmy’s reaction was valid. But it wasn’t like there was a handbook on the proper way to deal with your trauma, and you wouldn’t allow him to tell you right from wrong.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Carmen! I did it okay! I drank and I took the fucking drugs and when that shit stopped working on its own I thought hmm why the fuck not mix them because what the fuck could possibly be worse than living. In some fucked up way did I think it would help me understand Mikey? Maybe. It’s not like I fucking planned this shit! I didn’t plan to become addicted okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen I had a system…I had a fucking system.” It was like everything was becoming clearer the moment those last words left your mouth, you may not have planned the beginning, but as you thought back to what could’ve been your last moments you were almost certain some still sane part of you knew what you were doing.

Soft laughter left your lips as the pieces were starting to fit together in your head, the sound only growing in volume as you realized just how fucked up you were. Your eyes were unfocused as your gaze flew to Carmy, the whisper of ‘Baby’ lost in your internal revelation.

“I threw myself through that glass door, not on purpose I can’t even remember why the fuck I wanted to get outside so bad. But I-I remember swallowing those two extra pills and thinking what the fucks gonna happen to me huh, I’ve lasted this long.” Carmen couldn’t recognize you, the tears had started again but he was certain you couldn’t even tell, you looked possessed, your eyes flashing all around the room a wicked smile painted your lips as you spoke to no one in particular.

“Barely made it past the threshold before my body gave out, I wish I could remember, even if only for a second. What it felt like to have your body want something more than your brain did. But you know what the fuck happened Carmen?” Your eyes finally shot to his, you looked like a skittish animal ready to fight Carmy to the death if he encroached on your territory.

A sardonic laugh left your lips, your tongue swiping across them, the saltiness of your tears a shock to you. “I woke up and there Natalie was, right beside me. And you know my first thought wasn’t what happened to me or-or what the hell is Nat even doing here? I didn’t even pay her any attention the whole first two hours, and you wanna know what I was thinking Carmen?”

“Don’t.” The plea escaped his lips in a whisper your heart clenched at how desolate he looked.

“I laid in that hospital bed, and I looked at those stupid fucking fluorescent lights and I thought; Mikey got it right the first time, why couldn’t I.”

Carmen felt numb, like his whole body had been submerged in an ice bath and no matter how hard he fought to get out, it was like his body and mind were on two different wavelengths. He’d seen that stare before, in the eyes of his brother, the same way Mikey looked at Lee at Christmas dinner all those years ago was the same way you were looking at him now in your living room.

He wasn’t sure if there was a proper reaction to the truth you had just dropped. Mikey was dead, that made things easier, but here you were alive and well from what he could tell and he would have his time to mend things with you if that’s what he wanted. But he wasn’t sure he could stand in such proximity as you at that moment, wasn’t sure if he could even look at you. You had been the second closest person to Mikey, presumably knew he was doing drugs, knew he was spiraling out of control, and followed right after him.

Was there anything Carmy could have done to alter your path? Maybe if he had stayed by your side that night after Christmas you wouldn’t be standing here now talking to him about how badly you wanted to end it all.

Carmy drew in a sharp breath a small sob following it as he tried to control his emotions, he began taking small steps in your direction not sure of what he was going to do, but needing you to know his silence wasn’t because he was disgusted or disappointed in you; but in himself. How easy it would’ve been to keep in contact with you after high school graduation, how easy it would’ve been to just let himself love you and take care of you, be there for you. And as much as he wanted to believe you knowing how he felt would’ve changed much, he knew it was naïve, addiction was an illness and even if Carmen had fought harder to keep you in his life there’s no promise that he wouldn’t have been the one to find you floating in the space between life and death.

He slowly reached out to you, hands carefully grasping your cheeks in his eyes, committing your face to memory, mind racing with all the times he took being able to see it daily for granted. “Ba-baby, tell me you don’t mean that,” he waited, eyes rapidly flicking back and forth from yours. His grip on your face was just loose enough for you to send him the saddest smile he’d ever had the chance to see, “Please?” The broken whisper floated between the two of you before your head softly nodded up and down to confirm that indeed he was almost forced to live without you.

And this time it wasn’t his choice.

Carmy sat on the floor in front of your couch, back resting against it, head tipped back to rest on the cushion face pointed toward the ceiling. All he could hear were the soft breaths escaping you and his thudding heart in his ears. It took a while before you had finally calmed down, Carmy held you in his arms on the floor as the two of you cried. Your sounds lashing against his heart over and over again. He was exhausted, more than he usually was, the night far from what he hoped it would be. He was so overwhelmed by all that you had been willing to reveal to him, that the instinct to do something with his hands as you slept took over, the man dutifully cleaned your kitchen and stored the uneaten food away for you to eat at a later date.

And now here he was, back at your side finally coming to terms with everything he learned. Carmy felt like a fool he had prided himself on his friendship with you, always made it a big deal that you were his friend first, his friend by choice. But it had been almost 10 years since he decided to shut you out of his life with no reason, no explanation why and it was selfish of him. Selfish that he had so blindly pushed you away without a thought to how it would make you feel. Selfish of him to always expect your acceptance and open arms when it was convenient for him to re-enter your life.

He let out a small sigh raising his head from its position on the couch, eyes latching onto the dated picture atop your mantle, your cheesy smile staring back at him as Richie and Mikey surrounded you. His eyes poured over the picture, taking in how happy the three of you looked, and how simple everything was when the two of you were teenagers. A quiet humorless laugh escaped his lips as he reminisced, he was lying to himself if he thought your time as teens was simple, but compared to the lives the two of you were leading it sure as hell did feel that way.

Carmy allowed himself a moment longer to enjoy the happiness the picture exuded. He gave it one last glance before he adjusted his position on the floor, turning slightly so his side was leaned into the couch, eyes landing on your face as you slept. It felt like his heart was constantly breaking whenever he looked at your face, it was evident you’d been crying, the puffiness of your eyes easily giving it away. He reached his hand out, hesitating for just a second before he pushed the hair out of your face palm resting on your cheek as he began to softly stroke in back and forth. Since the first time he saw you this year, this was the most peaceful you had looked, he was glad that sleep had been able to bring you that sense of tranquility, but he wanted that for you always, to feel at peace on any given day and as he watched you back moving up and down to signify the breaths your were taking, he promised himself he’d provide that for you; even if it was only as friends.

“What am I gonna do with you, Baby?” The hoarse words left him in a sigh, a small smile making its way to his lips as he watched your nose scrunch up at the sound of his voice, eyelids slightly twitching.

He watched as you turned to lay on your side, lips brushing across his pulse point a small kiss now decorated his veins. “Still be my best friend?” Carmy laughed at your small voice taking up the space between the two of you. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, thankful that Carmy had figured out how to dim the lights in your living room. “Do you remember that promise we made the summer before seventh grade?” Your voice was scratchy from all the sobbing and borderline screaming from earlier.

Carmen nodded his head, a small smile raised on his lips, hand moving from your cheek to cup the back of your neck. “Of course, I do,” the smile only lasted for so long as he was forced to remember a promise he broke with no regard. “That we’d be best friends no matter what, even though we didn’t want each other’s cooties.” Carmy was happy to hear the sound of your melodious laughter, he spent so much time listening to your broken cries he was afraid he’d never know anything else.

“I’m sorry Carmen, I…I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I think telling you about my overdose…it helped me come to terms with it myself.” Your eyes were lidded, all the crying made them feel heavy, if Carmy wasn’t here in front of you right now you were sure you would’ve been dead asleep.

A small content sigh escaped you as Carmy’s thumb ran back and forth across the side of your neck, “You have nothing to apologize for we-I know I haven’t been a great friend to you these past years. And for that I’m sorry. I wish…I wish I could explain to you why I pushed you away but Baby,” Carmy paused heart thudding in his chest, the words were there, maybe not in the way one would expect but it was you; you would know what he meant even if he was speaking in another language.

“I uh I can’t even explain it to myself. But..I would like for us to be friends again if you’ll have me?” Carmy sent a tight-lipped smile your way, he couldn’t do it. He felt selfish for even thinking now was the time to propose the initial idea in his mind. Maybe it was an excuse, maybe not, but he didn’t think it would be fair to put you in that position. You had just told him such a harrowing truth about yourself and if his first instinct after hearing such was to ask to be more than friends it would feel insincere. Carmy wasn’t even sure you would want a relationship with him, you were sober, and recovering and Carmy wouldn’t allow himself to mess that up for you with his presence having been such a soul-sucking and negative thing in your life these past few years.

“I think that’s just what I need right now…a friend.” It was silent for a moment between the two of you, Carmy had prepared himself for the worst on the drive over, and although he could feel a lump forming in his throat and the ache in his chest, he forced a small smile on his lips upon hearing your words. “You kept it on there?” His eyes found yours confusion marring both of your features, at his silence your hand reached out delicately tracing the pendant settled against his signature white shirt.

Of all the times you’d seen Carmy you knew he still wore his chain, it was a part of him. You had caught glimpses of the gold peeking out from his shirt, but you would have never thought he wore the pendant you’d impulsively bought before leaving New York. You remember regretting having left the newly added accessory on his chain when you left his apartment, sure it made you seem like some desperate lover who had never even actually been a lover, just some girl too naive to see all the signs she was being given.

Your eyes flicked between Carmy’s waiting for his response, his cheeks tinting pink the longer you looked at him for an answer. The hand that wasn’t settled against your skin reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “I nev-I… uh never leave home without it.” The admission made your skin tingle, Carmy’s finger subconsciously tracing the lone letter you carried everywhere with you. “It uh, reminds me of you…of us.”

“There were forget-me-nots in the bouquet Willie made me,” you sent Carmy a small smile, although temporary, the sight of that bouquet filled you with happiness the short time you did spend with it. “Also I know you didn’t have shit to do with the flowers Willie put in that bouquet.” Carmy let out a small laugh face warming at the memory of old man Willie’s meddling.

Your thumb on the pendant began tracing the engraved letter, “This was like my form of a forget me not, something that was permanent, would never wilt with time…I just wanted you to have something to remember me by.” Carmen watched your lips stretch into a small smile, he knew what your words meant, but after learning about all you’d gone through it felt like your final words had a double meaning like if things had gone as you wished them to, this would be the only piece he had left of you.

A part of you felt shy sharing the reasoning behind gifting Carmy the pendant, the two of you were barely friends as it was and the flowers had been so personal to you, that you weren’t sure you wanted to let Carmy into that piece of your world even though he played a huge part in it without even knowing.

“Is that what they signify? Remembrance?” Carmen’s thumb ran back and forth across the scar on your jaw, tapping it twice to pull your attention to his.

You gave the pendant one last longing look, dropping it before your eyes finally locked on his, “Something like that.” You shrugged having to swallow the urge to confide in Carmen one last time tonight.

The two of you stayed like that with Carmy’s hand holding onto the side of your face, thumb trying to imprint the jaggedness of your scar to its memory. Your eyes became heavier the longer Carmy delicately stroked your face. The man made no move to wake you as you slowly began drifting back into the world of dreams, the same look of peacefulness he saw earlier had easily returned, the ghost of your past so evidently marked into your skin in the shape of your scars. He felt like he was able to finally release the breath he’d been holding in, his eyes skated across your face; a face he always considered to be a work of art, one he could never perfectly capture on paper.

As he watched you sleep Carmen came to terms with exactly what was left between the two of you now. For all intents and purposes the two of you were friends again, or at least on friendly terms, and as much as he tried to convince himself he would be happy to keep you in his life in whatever capacity you allowed; he knew that was a lie. But the only person he could really lay blame on was himself, you had been ready and waiting for him before he even realized he loved you and now that he was finally ready to take that next step with you there was no longer space in your heart for him.

Carmen watched you for a moment longer, thumb lingering against your scar before he finally had enough restraint to pull himself away. There was a part of him that would’ve stayed planted in that spot all night just to watch over you, make sure the moment he turned his back you wouldn’t suddenly disappear never to be gazed upon by him again. He quietly stood up, careful not to make too much noise and wake you, hand grabbing the blanket lying atop the head of your couch before he gently draped it across you.

He lingered in front of you every fiber in his body, willing him to stay there by your side, to be there when you woke up. But moments like that were no longer his to take; they never had been. Carmy let out a sorrowful sigh before he bent down to your level placing a soft kiss full of love and longing to the indentation between your eyebrows. What could have been, what never was would always stick with him but he would set his wants and needs to the side, and he would appreciate having another moment with you still in his life.

The two of you had seemed to come to an understanding now, and that’s all he could ask for. You said you needed a friend and that’s what he’d be; your needs were his needs.

a/n: in honor of turning twenty-three i present thee with the gift of suffering 🤪, anyway not sure how i feel about this chapter but we shall see. also i know it seems like everything between baby and carmy may have been resolved rather quick, but i feel like everything is very not obviously resolved. happy readings! 🤍

also: huge shoutout to @mr-robot-x for her impeccable song recs when it comes to this fic and the losers i write about. asleep by the smith’s heavily inspired this chapter. (which you would all know if you took my song inspo seriously 😐) just kidding but seriously it genuinely helped me get through this chapter! 🤍

#the songs are so good #asleep by the smiths!!!#i also listened to lullaby by sia highly recommended #this chapter had me…#idk who’s reaction hurt worse carmy or richies #the RELEARNING YOUR PERSON TAG 🥲#carmen berzatto x reader #the bear fic

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cryptidcasanova · 2 years ago

Text

Move Me, Baby

Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: Cheer tryouts are right around the corner. A wrench in his plans makes Eddie see you in a new light. He just hopes others haven’t noticed too.

Words: 6.7k

Warnings: Jealous!Eddie, Eddie is a horn-dog, Smut, Recreational Drugs.

Eddie didn't like cheerleaders.

They were nice to look at, sure. Who didn't like to look at long legs and tight skirts? And their jumps and twirls were fine, but there was no substance.

The girls were cut-out cookies of their mother's dreams. They represented Barbies and white picket fences.

It was a far stretch from his reality.

So, no, Eddie didn't like cheerleaders.

At least, not until Chrissy convinced you to try out for the team.

The Tiger Cheer Squad.

It's not like he really expected you to make it. You were a senior, so why were you trying out now? You never showed any interest in it before.

When you mentioned the tryout dates at lunch one day, they didn't think anything of it.

Eddie was too busy focusing on the campaign. In hindsight, he should have been paying more attention.

And then, on one remarkably average Friday night, you stormed into the Hellfire Club classroom with a shit-eating grin.

You were wearing a Hawkins cheer uniform.

The green skirt swayed against the top of your thighs, detailed in orange and white frills. It was distracting.

You were sporting the school colors, and there was even an oversized cardigan draped over your shoulders.

"Look out, boys," You smirked. "There's a new sheriff in town."

They finally understood why you needed a Hellfire replacement for the night.

You could hear the wires in their head sizzling, and Gareth's mouth was wide open like a fish out of water. Jeff wasn't much better. You laughed at their antics.

But you never wore shorts around them, let alone something girly. A skirt was entirely out of the question. And yet, there you were, a different version of the girl they all knew.

Somehow, you transformed from one of the freaks into a forbidden fruit. You were stunning.

And Eddie. Oh, Eddie couldn't get the image of you in that skirt out of his head.

It was engraved in his mind, and then something unnatural happened. Eddie Munson was stunned into silence. It was good that he was sitting down because his knees were weak.

Fuck.

There were no sharp remarks or familiar terms of endearment from the ruthless DM. No taunting or making jabs about turning to the dark side.

His thoughts had turned to mush, and he didn't like it. Not one bit.

You heard giggling at the door and turned your head with a gasp. You forgot you left Chrissy there.

"I've got to go tell Robin! And Nancy! Bye guys," And then you were gone, just as quickly as you appeared.

Eddie was convinced you were a figment of his imagination.

"Was that –"

"Is she –"

Eddie leaned back in his chair, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks.

He was fucked.

He thought he had more time. Eddie built a wall around you and didn't even realize it.

You were friends. You had classes with him, sat with them for almost every lunch, and were even a member of Hellfire. A daunting thought plagued him.

Maybe there was a reason why he overlooked you as anything other than a friend of the freaks - the other option was far scarier.

And he'd never live it down if he admitted that he liked you. Not now. Not now that you were a cheerleader.

The reactions around the table were all the same. They'd never admit it, but they were all looking at you with new eyes.

And if they were looking, the whole goddamned school would be looking.

"Does this mean we have to go to basketball games now?" Gareth's asked at last. Lucas scoffed.

"You guys said you'd never go to my games."

As Eddie stood up, he brushed the freshman's shoulder. "Shut it, Sinclair."

But his threat lacked bite. Eddie needed to get a hold of himself.

"Careful, Eddie," Dustin teased, noticing their DM's uncanny silence. "You're drooling."

Eddie's icy glare was enough to silence the group. They all knew how he felt about you, even if he couldn't admit it.

But even as the night crawled on and he made it home, Eddie couldn't get a grip.

You were there, intruding on his thoughts. He was used to teasing you, to getting you flustered. But now the roles were reversed, and you didn't even know what you were doing to him.

Those soft, vulnerable thighs plagued his thoughts all night long.

He tossed in his bed.

What if, just what if he could do something about it?

What if you needed help after a brutal practice? What if you stepped wrong and pulled a muscle?

He could soothe that ache. He could rub out the taut muscles; he could help you relax. His hands were strong and capable, and he could massage up the curve of your knee and over your thighs.

He could pull them up, high, over his shoulders. That would give you a nice stretch.

He groaned into his pillow. It was embarrassing how quickly he had his pants pulled down.

And it didn't stop.

Days passed, and it was almost more tormenting to see you in your regular clothes, knowing what he had seen.

He was fixated, acting like a total creep. But you didn't notice or seem to treat him any differently.

Eddie started staying late on other weeknights, and you waved him down if you noticed his van after practices.

He knew it was selfish.

He'd focus on how you walked in those white cheer shoes and how you were out of breath and flushed after practice.

Sometimes he'd offer to drive you home. Other nights you helped him with history homework when he groaned about his grade.

But really, he was looking for an excuse to see you in your uniform. It was starting to get worse.

Eddie's other friends kept a wide berth until he cut out the chicken shit and talked to you about it, but it never happened. He was as annoying and charming as ever, but he never took the next step.

One night, you two went to Benny’s after practice to work on new character ideas for the campaign.

You were drawing character designs, and he was working on backstories, but Benny’s was so damn cold. Their furnace was busted, and they were waiting for parts to fix it.

You didn’t have your cardigan. Eddie watched on as you braved the cool air. But you couldn’t hide your goosebumps with your arms sprawled across the table. You were in the zone, drawing a distorted goblin king, when you felt a jacket being placed over your shoulders.

You jumped up. It took a moment, but you relaxed when you realized it was just Eddie. You didn’t even hear him get up.

“It’s just me, Princess.” He teased, smoothing his jean jacket down the top of your spine.

You were used to the nicknames, but you weren't used to the low timber in his voice or Eddie's eyes lingering. As he sat back down, there was the quip of a smirk on his lips.

He’d never given you his jacket before.

Usually, if anyone complained, usually about how cold the Hellfire room was, he’d snap at them to ‘toughen up, buttercup.’

It smelled like him, like wood smoke and stolen aftershave from his uncle. Not to mention, it was warm. You pulled your arms through the sleeves, pulling the jacket tight before looking back at him.

"Thanks, Eds," You grinned.

But his actions weren't entirely chivalrous.

You two were sitting in a booth. You were facing the wall, but Eddie had a view of everything. You weren't the only Hawkins High kids hanging out at Benny's.

He spotted a couple of band kids in the corner and basketball players across the restaurant. Eddie noticed that you were unaware of their stares lingering on your legs, but he saw everything.

Giving you his jacket was the least he could do.

It kept you warm, and it let the rest of the vultures know that he was staking his claim. And it looked good on you too.

“You know, sometimes I feel bad about trying out for the cheer squad,” You admitted in between sips of stale soda. “I missed this: Making characters, building up heroes.”

You regretted the time you missed with Hellfire.

“You mean it?” Eddie asked, looking up from his character sheet. “You seem to like it.”

“The girls are nice, but,” You paused, looking out the window. “It’s not the same.”

The girls were nice, at least, most of the time.

You weren’t clumsy, but they weren't kind whenever you stepped on their shoes, or your hands were in the wrong place. There wasn’t a lot of forgiveness. Chrissy was the exception, but she wasn’t a replacement for Hellfire.

She wasn’t a replacement for Eddie. You thought about it with a sheepish grin.

“Well, it sounds like you need a cheerleader.”

You looked up, and Eddie’s hands were folded in front of him.

“And while I am severely underqualified,” His voice was low, leaning in so that no one else could overhear, “I will do my best.”

The smile on your face was rare.

He had seen it once, maybe twice, when you rolled a natural twenty on game nights. It was like sunshine. You were like sunshine.

Eddie offered you his hand at the end of the night, pulling you up from the booth with a squeal. That would surely get the attention of everyone else in the diner. He grinned. His heart swelled with an affection he couldn't articulate.

He opened the car door for you when you got home, bowing like a court jester. Even when you offered his jacket back at the end of the night, he shook his head.

"I think it's a good look. Denim and polyester, I mean." Eddie teased, and you bumped his shoulder.

He didn't plan for you to get so close that his hand grazed the side of your leg. But you were soft, so soft. He had to stop himself from reaching out, from holding you right there. His rings were cold, and if you didn't have goosebumps before, he could feel them now.

But you didn't mention it as you stepped back.

"Goodnight, Eddie the Brave." You grinned, bowing at him valiantly. You kept the jacket, and he didn't walk back to his side of the car until you made it up to the doorstep.

"Goodnight, princess."

"So, are you gonna tell her?" Dustin dropped his library books down with a thud, making Eddie jump up from the lunch table.

"Jesus H Christ," Eddie scowled, putting a hand on his chest. "Henderson, what the hell are you going on about?"

Eddie wasn’t nearly as put together as usual. His curls were frizzy, and his eyes were tired. Dustin was convinced his shirt was inside out, but he didn’t say anything. Eddie looked like shit.

He lost track of time that morning.

His wet dream bled into his first-period class, but he couldn’t find it in him to get up. Not when his dreams were tormented by you. God, the things he saw, the sounds you made.

He had it bad. Even then, with his leg shaking under the lunchroom table, he had to distract himself from thinking of you.

“Eddie, snap out of it,” Dustin called out with the snap of his fingers. Big brown eyes stared up at him, but he was far away. “Oh, shit, man. You’ve got it bad.”

“I preferred it when you were revved about new Judas Priest records,” Gareth added, sitting down next to Eddie.

“Listen, you little weasels,” Eddie warned, “I don’t know what the hell you’re going on about.”

His denial made the rest of the table groan.

He was busy pointing his finger around the table, only to be interrupted by the intercom. They were calling all of the cheerleaders to the gym after lunch.

The first basketball game of the season was on tomorrow, and the pep rally was first thing in the morning.

“If you don’t tell her, she’ll move on. You’re squandering it,” Dustin emphasized. “Squandering it!”

“Squandering what?” You asked, walking up and sitting down on the other side of the table.

“He’s –” Gareth choked on his drink, making Dustin roll his eyes.

“Dusty here thinks that I,” Eddie put his hands on his chest innocently, “am acting like a fool.”

The dramatics made your eyebrows raise before looking around the table.

“What else is new?”

Your joke was so dry that it took a moment for the guys to catch on.

It was with an overextended laugh that Dustin let out a breath of relief. Eddie hit him on the shoulder to get him to quiet down.

Lunch was quiet, painfully quiet, and as you pushed your lunchroom spaghetti around the plate, you looked over at the group of cheerleaders. Chrissy caught your eye, offering a small wave. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“So,” You started gently, “I’m excited about the game.”

You watched as the guys poked their heads up from their plates. Eddie was looking intently at his lunchbox.

“No pressure, but do you guys, maybe, want to come?” Your voice was meek. You knew how they felt about the kinds of kids that went to the school games. But you thought it couldn’t hurt to ask. “And we could pick up a pizza after and go throw rocks at –“

“Of course we’ll be there.” Eddie finally looked up from his lunchbox.

He let loose a tight-lipped smile, but it didn’t make it up to those big brown eyes.

“It’s a big day. It’s a big day for you and Sinclair, right?” Eddie added.

“R-Right,” Lucas agreed, looking from Eddie to you with a nod.

You couldn’t help but give the group an incredulous grin. You knew they hated it. You knew it, and they were supporting you anyway.

“But there better be pizza, sweetheart,” Eddie added.

“Oh, of course. Naturally.” You said, shaking your head at the contingency.

Dustin thought he was going to be sick. It was painfully obvious that you two were ogling over each other. He shared a similar expression with Mike and Lucas.

It was gross.

They needed to find a solution, and fast.

After lunch, you changed and headed to pep rally practice, meaning that Eddie was left to fend for himself in Mrs. Click’s class.

The lesson was incredibly dull, and Eddie was twirling a pencil in his hand, letting his mind wander.

He knew you were about a hundred feet away in the gym, changing into your cheer uniform. He was so close, and yet, so far.

Maybe he could take the long way around if he asked to go to the bathroom. He could walk past the gym and catch a glance –

“Mr. Munson,” Mrs. Click chided, snapping him out of his daze. “Are you even listening?”

The old woman’s expression was grim, and the kids around his chair were snickering.

“Oh, absolutely,” He assured. “I was listening to your sweet, sweet recounts of the square root or the hypothesis of the triangle.”

“Hypotenuse.”

“Gesundheit.” He replied. “Can I go to the bathroom?”

With a reluctant nod, she gave Eddie the hall pass.

And he was off, creeping towards the gym with quiet steps. But what Eddie didn’t expect was that he wasn’t the only one with the same idea.

Jason Carver and one of his friends were leaning against the door, peeking into the gym window. Eddie thought of making a detour but stopped when he heard them say your name.

“She’s not bad,”

“She’s not Chrissy,” Jason corrected, tilting his head. “But you’re right,” He paused. “She’s flexible. Nice ass.”

The other basketball player agreed.

For a moment, Eddie couldn’t think straight.

They never looked twice at you, but now, they were hound dogs. Not that he was any better, but that didn’t help the jealousy riddling his veins.

“But she is still hanging out with that freak. Not the kind of girl to bring home to your parents,” Jason said.

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“That’s the perfect kind of girl,” His friend argued. “You don’t have to take her home to your parents.”

The basketball players laughed, and Eddie wanted to call out and tell them to fuck off.

“Besides,” The basketball player added, “I talked to her before she ran into the gym. She said she was gonna come to your party this weekend with Chrissy. And between you and me,” He whispered to Jason. “She was laying it on thick. I don’t think she’ll be at the freak table much longer.”

Eddie frowned, backing up until he was out of sight.

He wasn’t good at expressing his emotions, but his jealousy dissolved into fear. As hard as he tried to fight it, he had tunnel vision.

Maybe Henderson was right. Maybe you were done waiting for him.

You didn’t see Eddie after school.

You didn’t have practice and ended up walking home with the Sinclair kids.

Erica was excited to be a sub for Mike at Hellfire Club. You were the one who gave her an honorary Hellfire shirt the week before, and she had been stuck at your side when she made it to game nights.

Lucas was excited about the basketball game. You nodded in mutual excitement, stepping into the grass when the sidewalk was too narrow.

“Alex Johnson tried to talk to me today,” you told him, and Lucas made a face. It was one that clearly told you how he felt about his teammate.

“He’s a meathead.”

You laughed. “Oh, absolutely.” You agreed. “There’s not a lot going on upstairs.”

“I’d stay away from him,” Lucas added.

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem. But he cornered me, Chrissy, and a few other girls on the cheer squad. He wanted to make sure we will go to Jason Carver’s party this weekend.” You explained, rolling your eyes.

“He’s deluded,” Erica said. Her face was unimpressed.

“And desperate.” You added, making the younger girl grin. “Besides, Hellfire is that night. No way I’m missing that.”

“So you lied to the biggest meathead in Hawkins.” Lucas realized, shaking his head. You shrugged innocently.

“Oops.”

The pep rally was too early, but you were up before your alarm clock. Call it nerves. You were nervous but excited. It was a big day for you.

The parking lot was crowded, and even though you waited for the familiar van in the parking lot, eventually you had to go in and get ready.

You spotted Dustin and Mike sitting next to Max and Gareth. It was like the gang was all there – begrudgingly – but they were there. Well, all except for one person.

Eddie wasn’t there.

You kept turning around, hoping to catch him sneaking in. Even in-between your cheer sets, you stole glances at your friends. But he never showed.

You even waved at Lucas as he came out and stood with the basketball team.

After the grand victory speeches and the marching band playing, you watched as people filtered out of the gym.

You weren’t going to take it personally; Eddie was never a morning person.

You followed the girls back into the locker room. Chrissy was putting on Jason’s school jacket, and you watched as the other girls put their cardigans on top of their uniforms. You never wore your uniform outside of practice before. And you were going to make a splash of it.

The day crawled on until lunch rolled around, and the Hellfire Club table was still missing the most dignified member of their club. Their infamous DM wasn’t there.

Jeff, Gareth, and Tony were quiet. Even Mike and Dustin were confused. It was a big day. Where was Eddie?

It wasn’t until Dustin was nudged on the shoulder that he looked away from the table.

You were walking towards them, all dolled up in your cheer uniform.

Green scrunchie, white socks, flowing skirt. It looked perfect. If anything looked out of place, it was the stained denim jacket over your shoulders.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Mike asked before he could stop himself.

But everyone was thinking about it.

You were a cheerleader wearing Eddie the freak Munson’s jacket. Publicly. In front of the entire student population.

And you were pretty damn proud of it, too, aside from the small fact that you couldn’t find the one person you wanted to show it off to.

“I was gonna surprise him, but,” You faded off, looking at the rest of the table. “Oh, it doesn’t matter. Have you guys seen Eddie?”

Everyone shook their heads. You heard a couple of the basketball players scoff behind you as they walked over to their table.

“Eddie gave you his jacket?” Gareth asked, genuinely confused.

Gareth and Eddie went way back, and there’s no way in hell that Eddie would have done that. He loved that jacket.

“He let me borrow it.”

“So he talked to you then?” Dustin was confused but let out a sigh of relief. “Because it’s about damn time. I knew he had it in him-ouch!” He glared at Jeff, who definitely kicked him under the table.

You were quiet for a moment, looking between them.

By the looks on their faces, Dustin definitely overstepped. The guys looked mortified. But the thing about Henderson was that he was smarter than the rest of them put together.

And there was only one person you wanted to talk to.

“Dustin,” You turned towards the freshman that was reluctant to meet your stare. “I need your bike.”

You couldn’t have known that Eddie spent the night hotboxing in his van to try and numb all of the feelings coming at him.

He felt sorry for himself and angry at the vultures that made up the basketball team. He was mad at himself for being a coward and not owning up to his fucked up affection for you.

And then, on top of everything else, he was so horny. He couldn’t get you out of his head, and the only way he could bear it was to imagine that he had done everything right.

He should have asked you out before you decided to try out for the cheer team. He would have showered you in kisses. He would have bought you all the prettiest skirts, and then he could show you off in front of the basketball team.

He would have ripped them off of you. Eddie would make you feel so good; he was convinced of it. He would have ravished you, licking, biting, and loving on those thighs that tormented him. He would have treasured you and made you scream his name for all Hawkins to hear.

So when he heard a banging on the front door, Eddie jumped up.

He was disoriented.

Wayne wouldn’t have done that. He poked his head up to the window and cursed, seeing you on the front porch. He looked over to the clock.

Shit. It was the middle of the day. He groaned, throwing his head back.

He hurried to stand, throwing on a pair of jeans and tripping on his way to the door. His jean jacket was the only shirt close by, but he rolled it over his shoulders before reaching for the lock.

The sunlight was too bright when he opened the door, so he had to take a step back before looking at you.

He called your name gently.

“What are you doing here?”

Eddie tried to be calm, but his heart was still frantic.

“I could ask you the same,” You were equally out of breath.

Only then did he see Dustin’s bike thrown to the ground outside. He cursed under his breath. You rode a bike all the way from school to his house. It was almost five miles of riding. And in a skirt, nonetheless.

“You gonna let me in, Munson?” You pulled his attention back to you, and it took a moment for his brain to catch up.

He jumped into action, stepping aside. You were careful walking in, looking around with a frown.

“You okay?” You asked.

Eddie’s hair was messy, his bangs were out of place, and his eyes were bloodshot. He looked tired, troubled even.

He was breathing heavily, and as you looked down, you caught sight of the jean vest…and nothing else. His guitar pick necklace was in place, but your eyes went lower to the soft chest hair and his belly button, leading to a patch of hair that disappeared at the tops of his jeans.

“Is this a bad time?” You joked when he didn’t say anything.

But Eddie couldn’t believe you were there, in his house, in the middle of the day.

He was thrown off guard, tumbling to say the right thing. Fuck.

“Eddie, talk to me,” You urged. “What’s the matter?”

He mustered up a sobering breath before running a hand over his face.

“I’m preparing for the end,” He admitted. “You’re going to leave us for the jocks and the cheerleaders.” His words were low, his voice deep and steady.

He was biting back a new wave of unrequited emotions, feeling ridiculous for saying it out loud.

“You’re going to leave us. You’re gonna leave me.”

He took a step back towards the safety of his room.

“You’re going to leave because I’m no hero. I’ve been nothing but a coward.”

And in an instant, all of the pieces came together. Eddie was hiding. He wasn’t hiding from you but from himself.

You took a half step closer.

“Eddie-”

“You don’t want a coward, sweetheart.” He cut you off; those cynical eyes were looking at you in a warning. “You don’t want someone who can’t get the guts to ask you to dinner or take you on nice dates. You don’t want to be with a creep that can’t keep his mind out of the gutter for two seconds when you’re around.

“Especially not like this. You can’t just strut in here wearing that the way you do. Christ, what were you thinking?” He cursed lightly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Your ass must have been on display for the entire town riding over here.”

You paused, letting his words settle between you.

You looked at him again with fresh eyes. Eddie was flushed, his hair plastered to his forehead. His mouth was parted, and those dark eyes were blown wide with lust. Your own eyes must have widened in realization.

Oh, Eddie.

“Why are you wearing that?” He asked suddenly.

He was thrown off by seeing you at his house that he didn’t even register that you were wearing his jacket over your cheer uniform.

You looked down for a moment, resting a hand across your forehead with a sheepish grin.

“I thought,” You laughed anxiously, looking away from him. “Most girls wear their boyfriend’s lettermen jackets on game days…and I wore your jacket. All day.”

He listened, but you could tell the words weren’t fully registering. He took a couple of weak steps towards you.

“At school?” He asked, more confused than ever. “On purpose?”

You rolled your eyes.

“On purpose.”

“Don’t torment me, princess.” His voice wavered. “Why did you do that?”

You couldn’t take it anymore, dancing around him.

“Well, I thought we kind of were something.” You explained, stepping up to him. “I thought you’d like it.”

His stare was heavy, holding you to the spot.

You could see him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing before he licked his lips. Being so close to him never felt so charged.

Eddie didn’t say anything; he couldn’t. Not with this new information. It was too much to be under his wilting stare.

“Do you want your jacket back?”

“No.”

His reply was instant. His hands moved, bravely now, to your hips. But his eyes were locked on your own, dipping once down to your lips before back up.

“Eddie –”

“You gotta tell me to stop, sweetheart.” His eyes were half-lidded, watching you with a dark gaze. “I can’t take it, watching you walk around like that. Tell me to stop, or I’ll-”

You stopped him with a kiss. And it was long overdue.

Slow and poisonous, you pulled yourself into his hold as you let your eyes close.

It was tender, feeling the way his lips parted with yours. He was, wow. He was captivating.

Eddie tasted like toothpaste and lingering notes of weed, but you didn’t mind. He was eager but bewitched, watching your expression for a moment. But it wasn’t long until his eyes were closed, letting it consume him wholly.

You broke apart but went back for another, and then another until your hands were tangled in his hair. You weren’t about to let him go.

And Eddie’s hands tugged you closer until your hips were flush against his own. In a wild moment of courage, he grabbed your ass with both hands. Your breath hitched, and he smirked against your lips.

It was his turn to torment you.

His hands were kneading and groping, and he couldn’t get enough.

None of his daydreams were this good, and he needed to have more. He was greedy, his hands wandering lower. He was kneading and threading his fingers against the back of your thighs, grinding you into his body.

You were flush against his skin, his bare chest digging into your cheer uniform. All you could feel was the heat radiating off him. And when he moved away and back again, your focus changed.

His jeans were no match for the aching need between his legs. He was hot and bothered long before you showed up, and now his body was thrumming. He needed it, needed you.

Eddie’s attention was brutal, and when his lips moved from your lips down to the column of your throat, you made a noise you had never heard before. He cursed against your skin.

Slow and low and needy, you were moaning at his touch.

It was unapologetic. You were so easy to let him take control. His mouth was hot, his tongue and teeth drawing a pattern on your skin.

“Come on, Eddie,” You finally gathered the words to say. “It’s always been you.”

You were melting into him. And then he was moving, pulling you through the trailer back to his room.

The air was heavier in there, smelling like sweat and cologne and Eddie. It was heady, being so close to his sanctuary. You were an invader, urging your way in.

You tugged at his scalp and pulled him back into a searing kiss. Eddie hissed. It was all tongue and teeth, and you were pulled down on top of him in a rush.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed, bringing you down to straddle him.

Seeing you there with your skirt splayed out around you was filthy. Your thighs were flattened against his, and his eyes rolled back.

His hands were still at the back of your thighs, pulling you closer and closer. You felt all of him. Your eyes were wide as he ground your body against his until your pubic bones collided. Your panties were a laughable barrier, dragging across the denim as he kneaded your skin. But your eyes rolled back, following his lead.

And when you started to move on your own, in tandem with his grinding, he stopped.

“Fuck, princess.” Eddie’s groan was wicked. “I’ve been thinking about you all day. It’s too much, it too-“ But he stopped when you reached for his jean vest, pulling it down his arms and throwing it to the floor.

“You’re so goddamned pretty,” You praised, your fingers dancing along his collar and down his chest. “Just let me have this, Eds. Please.”

Even in the confines of his pants, you could feel just how eager he was. He was jumping up at each new discovery of your hands.

Your hands lingered on his face and neck but wandered lower. At last, you stopped, looking down at where your skirt covered the top of his jeans.

You called his name.

He didn’t even realize he was thrusting up against your body until you cradled his cheek in your hand.

“I need you so bad. It’s killing me. Please, sweetheart,” he begged. “I just want to make you feel good. Let me make you feel good.”

He was in delirium, and he had hardly touched you.

“I want to show you how crazy you make me.” He groaned as you palmed over the bulge in his pants. “Holy sh – I’ve got to show you. I’ve got to show you.

“Eddie, baby,” You urged him to look at you.

His eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open. You had never called him that before.

“I want it. I want you.”

But before you could say anything else, his hand moved, brushing dangerously between your legs. You were trembling in anticipation as his fingers swept over the weeping cut of your body. He groaned.

You were soaked through your panties, and his fingers tormented you until you couldn’t help but buck up into his hand.

“Oh, that’s it, sweetheart.”

The endearment rang through your chest, and you were a goner when his fingers finally slid under your panties. Your slick coated his fingers, his thumb pressing against your clit as he explored. His fingers swept through the cut of your body, eagerly testing the waters before slipping a finger inside you.

He looked at you with a boyish grin before kissing you again. It was easy to get swallowed up in Eddie.

He could have come at the idea alone of how wet he made you, of how responsive you were. But he needed more.

In a moment of brute strength, he pulled you up with him so that he could pull his pants down over his hips. When he sat back down, you were giving him your own lusty gaze. He could eat you up.

If you thought you could feel him before, you were wrong.

He was hard and waiting, so close to where you needed him to be but only saved by the cotton between your legs. The friction was heavier now, and you were practically dripping down against him. Eddie was a menace.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked, but you knew what he was really asking.

Are you sure you want me?

You’d never been more sure in your life.

“I want all of you, Eds,” You ruffled his hair with a grin. You could have sworn there were stars in his eyes.

But while you were enamored, you didn’t register that Eddie was lifting up your hips.

The movement was slight, pinning you close to him when you felt him bare against the cut of your body. He was heavy and hot, and in your tantric bliss, your panties had been pulled to the side. He was letting you sink down onto him, his eyes locked as you held on to his arms. He was all-encompassing.

The stretch of him taking refuge in your body burned all around you, and for the first time in his life, Eddie felt a kind of security he had never known. It knocked the air out of his lungs.

He needed to hold you. He needed to kiss you. But in another frightening surprise, you sank down onto his cock like you belonged there.

He didn’t deserve you.

“I need you to move,” He begged. “I’ve been dreaming of this for so long, princess, and now I need you to move.”

He wanted to show you all the things he wanted to do to you, all the nasty things he fantasized about, but you wouldn’t move. You were a queen, sitting on your throne, and we was going to combust if he looked at you for too long.

He held on to your hips, urging you to move, begging you to, but you pulled him in for another kiss. This was different; showing him all the waiting was worth it. You were trying to show him that he was worth it.

At last, you gave him the reprieve he was looking for.

You held onto him, pulling yourself up before sinking back down again. The sound was sinful. Your breathy moan was heavenly.

Eddie watched you take what you needed, dressed up in your cheer uniform and with his jacket still surrounding you. He thought he had died and made it to heaven.

But he wasn’t going to let you do it alone. His hand snaked around to the front of your body, sneaking underneath the frills of your skirt. His thumb took refuge there, brushing against your clit.

You were enamored, lost in the feeling of his hands and the thickness of his cock. It felt like a fever dream.

You don’t know when he started thrusting up, moving your hip with his free hand, but before you knew it, you felt a warm, familiar buzzing low in your stomach.

It was too soon.

You gasped when Eddie pulled you down on him, hard. You couldn’t adjust fast enough as he watched your reaction, doing it repeatedly until you were grabbing onto his shoulders. You needed a lifeline, a break. You needed –

“You’re fighting it, sweetheart.” Eddie groaned, giving you an open-mouthed kiss. “What are you waiting for?”

You looked at him, really looked at him, and the intensity of his gaze was overwhelming.

“I’ll catch you.” He promised. “Let go.”

And you believed him. You cursed into his mouth as you bounced on his length. Eddie’s chant was repeated in your head until you were crying out around him. You hit your peak. It didn’t crash like waves but was a steady, beaming feeling that left you warm inside.

There were butterflies in your stomach.

Eddie was looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky. It was so fucking pretty to watch you come undone around him. And as he watched you come down, he was finally able to crest, groaning as his hips chased his pleasure.

You were holding and kissing him, sucking him in with everything you had. He didn’t want it to end.

It was better than any high he had.

And when he was finally lucid enough to form a coherent thought, he tackled you down to the bed with a mighty roar. Your shriek of terror was replaced by your own laugh.

The two of you were beaming.

The mood had shifted. Your Eddie was back.

"I guess this makes you a freak, huh?" He joked, brushing his thumb over your cheek. His hand moved, reaching out to grab onto his jacket. "You were probably quite the spectacle today."

You scoffed, pulling your leg between his.

"Oh, absolutely," You exaggerated, thinking about the whispers in the halls and the snarky remarks from the jocks. "Which is why I could use a cheerleader tonight."

Eddie gave you a long, endearing look before giving you a wink.

"I think I can manage."

That night, it was no surprise that everyone came to the first basketball game of the season.

Hellfire Club was loud - booing for both basketball teams but cheering on the cheerleaders. They were high on Eddie’s high. Anytime you caught Eddie's stare, he would hoot and holler like a maniac - much to the coaches' frustration.

But Eddie the freak Munson loved to show off. And oh boy, he was ready to show you off.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female!reader #eddie munson imagine #stranger things fic #eddie x reader

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peraltiagos-paper-rings · 2 years ago

Text

Some thoughts/headcanons about the Stranger Things siblings

From the moment Joyce was pregnant with Will, Jonathan was super excited and would use every opportunity to tell everyone about his baby brother. Kids at school, teachers, neighbours, shop assistants, random people in the street - literally anyone and everyone he came across got to hear about how he was a big brother now

Nancy would overhear him talking about his awesome new baby brother at school and would stare at him like he'd grown two heads, because how can he think this baby is so cool? All her baby brother does is poop and cry and sleep and scream and fart and pee and make a mess everywhere.

As Will grew up, whenever he entered a new class, more often than not his new teachers knew him before he'd even introduced himself. They would often say, "Oh, you must be Will! I've heard so much about you from your brother!" (Mike is lowkey offended at the implication that Nancy never talks about him to her teachers).

Will's first word was "Jonathan." Just imagine Jonathan's little face lighting up when he first heard him say it :((

Baby Holly being born meant that the Party were still allowed to play DnD in the basement, but they had to play very quietly if she was sleeping, which annoyed Mike

Lucas adored Erica when she was a baby, but then she learned to walk and talk and became an absolute menace to him.

Lucas and Erica have the sort of sibling relationship where they will just casually toss insults at each other, but if anyone ELSE tried insulting their sibling?? INSTANT DEATH.

They also are the sort of siblings who bicker and annoy each other but when they get older they’re going to become like best friends (who still bicker and annoy each other occasionally)

When she was younger, the Party would sometimes play DND at the Sinclairs’ and Erica would pester Lucas to let her join in, which would usually result in Lucas groaning “ERICAAAA go AWAYYYY” and pushing her out of the room. By the end of s3 though, he starts playing DND with her to teach her how to play it, sometimes DMing for her when she holds sessions with her friends.

Erica really likes Max, looks up to her, thinks she's cool and badass and approves of her and Lucas together (no matter how much she'll insist that they are gross). Every time they broke up, she'd go to Max like "please take him back so he stops moping around the house like an idiot."

During the time that Max was in a coma, Erica stayed by Lucas's side, going with him to the hospital every day to visit Max, helping him bring books and movies and music, sometimes having to coax or nag him into leaving just so he'd eat something or get some sleep.

Erica and Max growing to have a sisterly relationship and just being sarcastic bffs and teasing Lucas together :’)

Steve and Jonathan have both been roped into playing with Holly in the times that they've dated Nancy. Nancy expected Jonathan to be good with little kids since he has a younger brother, so Steve surprised her the most with how patient and kind he was with Holly (not that she thought he'd be unkind, just that she wasn't expecting cool jock Steve Harrington to want to goof around playing Barbie princess tea parties with a little kid). Steve and Jonathan have also both babysat Holly, sometimes alone, sometimes with Nancy.

El loves playing with Holly because she never got to have a proper childhood, so she sort of gets to experience being a normal little kid through playing with Holly or just hanging out with her.

Dustin became friends with the other boys around the time Holly was born, and he thought it was so cool and exciting that Mike had a baby sister, while Mike didn't really see what was so exciting about it.

Max obviously had a shitty relationship with Billy, and often wished she had a sibling who wasn't such a complete douchebag. She found that sibling in Steve, who put himself in danger time and time again, even protecting her when he barely knew her. Steve, who would complain about having to drive "you little shits" around, but never with any real anger or malice in his voice. He would bicker with her and Dustin and Robin and the others, but never got violent or aggressive. He never made her feel scared, never got mad at her the way Billy would get mad. Steve soon became the older brother she'd always wanted.

Dustin obviously collects older brother figures like Steve and Eddie, probably because he doesn't have his dad around so he doesn't have an older male role model/support system in his life. I also like to imagine that he and Max develop a sibling relationship because it’s what they deserve :)

Holly is the only person allowed to call Mike “Mikey,” because she’s little and it’s cute when she says it. Maybe Nancy used to say it when she was little too, but stopped as she grew older. Anyone else who calls him “Mikey” is getting death-glared into oblivion.

#might add more later #feel free to add ur own hcs & ideas :)#stranger things #steve harrington #stancy #max mayfield #dustin henderson #jancy #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #byler #mileven #mike wheeler #will byers #el hopper #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair #lumax #holly wheeler

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solarsleepless · 3 years ago

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what r max's stims? :)

SHSHJSHJSJSJSHJSH

okAY yes i have many thoughts abt adhd max i am vibrating rn

okay so first of all theres the average well known "flappy hands"

but she really likes it when she has sweaters with longer sleeves because then she can just flap them around

leg bounce leg bounce leg bounce

cracking her knuckles. she does this SO often its unreal

she doesnt have many vocal stims but she goes "ba ba ba" or just humming and singing sometimes

also running her hand on the bottom of her skateboard, and/or rolling the wheels

just being on her skateboard and swaying is a huge stim

chewing her shirt lmao

im also gonna say that she also stims by pressing on buttons and other stuff in the arcade. its just Nice To Do

also stims by kicking off of the ground on her skateboard. very nice

well this is gonna turn into adhd max rant get ready

she had adhd combined (like yours truly) and finds it hard to concentrate in class

she totally hyperfixated on video games at some point

and comics probably

and skateboarding too

she is a VERY picky eater. like she could barely eat stuff in california, so when she moves to hawkins it only gets worse

sensory issues my abhorreeed

can't stand too-loud noises (b!lly of course knows this and turns up music in his car so that he can't even hear himself)

that being said she cant STAND the silence and always needs background noise (she and el bond over liking white noise from tv)

SHE LOVES TANGLERS SO MUCH

goes nonverbal sometimes because of the fear that if she says anything itll just make things worse. the party + steve is very concerned at first, then learn to live with it

WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE

she has so many weighted blankets. she couldnt actually use them much because it was too hot in cali but then in hawkins she used them all the time

SPINNY CHAIR SPINNY CHAIR

undiagnosed

loves fluffy jumpers. she never really used or felt them earlier because of the hotness of california but when she was cold and lucas lent her his fluffy jumper...

well let's just say he didn't get it back

rubbing her hand over lucas's knuckles :)

i know i've already said singing stim but just imagine her singing 'material girl' or 'old time rock and roll'

echolalia! only sometimes tho

like erica will go "hey max me and lukie are gonna make a cake wanna help?" "cake?" "cake" "cake!" "cake!" "cake"

also the sinclair family is so accepting. they're confused but they just accept max and thats okay

once the party started looking up what adhd was, max brought it up once and immediately they all went 'that's only for little boys'

(which is bullshit obvs)

remember that sleepover scene where max is dancing? yeah that but its a stim

the party + the teens have a running joke of max being moth because she stares at lights so much. visual stim

she scratches as a(n unhealthy) stim but it gets worse after billy's death

hates it when people shout, usually goes nonverbal if it's directed at her

jumps when she's happy!!

you know how she just wears basic and unlayered clothes? yeah she chooses them on purpose because tight stuff feels Bad

she hates labels with her entire being

she seems like the kind of gal to bite her nails

also adopted dustin's "grrr" as a stim

"hey max- grrr" "...what was that?" "...grrr" "could you teach me how to do that" ".. o k a y ?"

will and max (i hc will as autistic) both have lil stimming sessions! they just notice the other stimming and join in, just leaving them laughing at the end!

lucas is super understanding of her stims

he learnt to recognize when she's understimulated and gives her fidget toys!! and if he doesnt have any then he'll just straight up grab her hand and start rubbing his fingers against the knuckles

i'd like to say:

*SLAPS ROOF OF MAX MAYFIELD* THIS BITCH CAN HOLD SO MUCH RSD

she wasnt doing so good in the first place

thinking stuff like

"maybe if i wasnt born then my parents wouldn't have divorced"

and stuff like that

(billy intentionally makes it worse because of course he does)

but then it gets so. much. worse.

you know mike said "because you're annoying" in s2?

YOU CAN BET THAT TRIGGERED HER RSD SO HARD

and also when el just walked past her in s2? yeah well

that didn't go off well with her rsd either

lucas has to reassure her that she's not a mistake, she's not annoying, he doesn't secretly hate her, etc etc

he doesnt think he'll ever forgive mike for triggering her rsd so badly

this has so many hurt/comfort possibilities in fic holy fuck-

lucas immediately shuts down her deprecating comments

like IMMEDIATELY

he wont stand for that shit

he is glaring so badly at anyone who triggers max's rsd

unless it's someone they love (like erica) who doesn't actually know what they did wrong and want to make up for it

once erica activated her rsd by accident

just with a lil lighthearted comment

"ugh i hope you arent as annoying as lukey's little friends on the walkie talkie"

once erica finds out abt what she did she feels SO bad. babey

she does everything she can to make up for it

apologizes properly when they're both brushing the barbie's hair

she finds out max stims by brushing barbie's hair when max has to look after once

so when she can see max is understimulated she'll just toss a barbie and a hairbrush her way

also likes max's echolalia (can you hear that? its the sound of max's euphoria boosting)

erica learns to lower her voice around max

max can't watch anything without subtitles btw

she just cannot

she'll watch it and cause she's smart she'll figure out what's going on

but often has to turn to lucas and go "whats going on???"

she loves the feeling of snow thru her gloves

maybe its the cold but still. very Nice

uhh i have more but i cant be bothered also this is too long already

#max mayfield #adhd headcanons #stimming #stranger things headcanons #max mayfield headcanons #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair #sinclair family my beloveds #max is bi and has adhd change my mind :)#max mayfield my beloved #itstiger720 #lumax the beloveds

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thegirlwithchlorine · 10 months ago

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Soooooo, in my head, girl!luca was this hyper femenine little girl that plays with barbies and love princess that one day saw Valentino racing and went "i want to do that too" and Vale who is a sucker for his little sister just went "Sure, our mom is gonna kill me, but sure"

Sooooo, Lucia Marini starts racing, right? She have her cute little pink mini bike and grows up a little repressed by being in such a masculine environment, but she grows to be even more femenine, being the little sister of the oficial "careless" rider that Valentino is (we know he isn't that careless) she just went "fuck them, i'm a girly girl" (this after she tried to be more tomboyish in her preteens and failing... miserably)

Then the academy boys! They love her! Is like their little sister, and because they know she have problem with her 🎀 girlhood 🎀 due to be in a male environment they are cute with teen Lucia, she painted her nails? Bezz tell her that he loves the color! She brought a dress? Pecco tells her that it's fits her good, she likes a boy? Franky (and Vale and the whole academy) have to see him first, gossip? Cele hears her (they be gossip besties), she cuts her hair? Migno tells her that she looks gorgeous

(I imagine teen Lucia like this Taylor Swift pic, tall, blonde and pretty)

And then she grows up! To serve cunt! She arrives to the MotoGP paddock with outfits like these:

She is tall, she is pretty, she is femenine, she serves! She have to deal with the typical male incel fan that tells her "Is MotoGP, not a fashion show" and guess what? She does care, she is femenine and a girl, suck it

Of course other riders tried to flirt with her and she is so self confident (and a diva in a good way) that just went "you? With me? Haha... no", but Alex Marquez decided to have big balls and flirt with her (they kinda like eachother), and Valentino went MAD how dare the brother of Marc Marquez, his rival (and ex lover) to flirt with HIS sister? Man was ready to commit hate crimes and the academy boys were ready to help

IMAGINE HER IN THE RACING SUIT, BORN TO RACE, FORCED TO SERVE CUNT

(I'm sure she will put Uccio, Vale or Pecco (who have a massive crush on her, sorry i'm Luca/Pecco girly) to help her with pictures like this) (Uccio is annoyed, Vale is telling her to cover up and Pecco is blushing like crazy)

Like most hegemonic girls out there, she had had HORRIBLE boyfriends. Like horrible, but right now my girl is single and serving (and she is a bi queen)

So yeaaaah ✨️girl!luca✨️

So i got drunk yesterday and i was talking with one of my friends about girl!vale and my head just went:

✨️girl!luca✨️

And know i want to talk about her but idk

#motogp #valentino rossi #luca marini #girl!luca #i cant believe i needed a birria and an ibuprofen to get this out of my head #girl!luca is a princess #Luca is a prince #Luca is soooo self confident #girl!luca too #pecco/luca

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junicai · 4 years ago

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Relationship with WAYV

➣ KUN ☾ karia

if it wasn’t for dotae potentially coming to kill him, he would steal aria into wayv

he’s the cool dad?

they can’t spend a lot of time together because none of their schedules match up, but aria takes every third or so weekend out to come have dinner in the wayv dorms

she’s surprisingly close to the china line, and its a combination of ten dragging her to his dorm for an entire month and them just kinda adopting her when they realized she was a foreigner as well

yuta can fight them, she’s one of them now

he doesn’t like to baby her a lot, and she really appreciates the break from being the “maknae” so to speak

however does that stop him from giving her the forehead kithes? no

aria sad? forehead kith

aria mad? forehead kith

aria smad? forehead kith + kuddles (kun cuddles)

he has sent her a passive agressive text when he found out that she wasn’t eating enough again and had almost passed out

but he finished it with a heart so its ok

if she isn’t smiling at all times, someone will die

aria feels like she can trust him with a lot; that no matter what she tells him, he’ll never out her or make fun of her

kun actually took a two-week online course to learn how to make traditional japanese dishes when aria mentioned missing her parents

he originally was going to learn how to make irish dishes, but he changed his mind after seeing what they were

“im not giving my kids boiled cabbage and mashed potatoes what kind of post world war-”

wants to give her a chinese name but hasn’t yet because he hasn’t found the one that fits her right and he wants it to be perfect

aria teaches him japanese phrases in exchange for him teaching her a little bit of mandarin

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria saw kun’s back as she entered the practice room, the man standing with three other members in the centre of the floor before the choreographer came in to start their practice. coming up behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist, peeking her head around from where she was. “hi!” she smiled brightly.

“hi,” ten chuckled, showing her the camera that had just filmed all of that.

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped(TM)

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right...(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.

➣ WINWIN ☾ winria

a love hate relationship at its finest

they don’t actually hate each other it’s just really funny to pretend that they do (especially because yuta complains that 2 of his favourite people aren’t getting along)

winwin is so savage towards aria but it’s ok she claps back twice as hard

at first, before czennies had seen enough of their dynamic they thought that they actually did hate each other

but that’s not true they just don’t know how to express, affection, without brutally insulting the other with a loving tone

they are, surprisingly, the most stable pairing in 127 - they have a dynamic and rarely stray from that, which is a good comfort for the fans

despite what they might say to each other, they don’t mean any of it - and winwin has been seen several times raising his eyebrows with a questioning look at aria to make sure she wasn’t taking any of his playful jabs to heart

oh god the flexibility

the entirety of nct is terrified of them

the day sm gives them a circus act is the day that kun and taeyong have a heart attack

quietly supportive of each other - catch aria “playing” with a water bottle and not getting up to get it when it conveniently rolls across the floor and into winwin’s leg

he makes sure to save some new chinese sweets whenever the wayv members get packages from their familes, and sneak it into aria’s room before the managers can catch her breaking her diet

not really physically affectionate with each other, which played into czennies idea that they didn’t like each other but aria cleared it up in a vlive

“winwinnie and I, well. we don’t hug a lot because i know he doesn’t like it as much as i might, so i try to show him i care with other things :)”

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

winwin and aria going in to each other on knowing brothers, to the point where the mc’s had their eyes popping out of their head and waved about to stop the segment before aria could start attacking winwin’s cooking methods-

nothing is off limits when it comes to them

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit.

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ XIAOJUN ☾ arijun

honestly these two aren’t super close, just because their schedules never matched up until the NCT 2020 promotions

even when aria was dragged to the wayv dorms, xiaojun kept his distance from her because he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable

even so, when they were filming Make A Wish together, they seemed comfortable enough around each other

there was a mutual agreement to not try fill the silence with awkward small talk, so they sat in silence when left alone together

they’re both shy :( someone needs to get them to talk to each other :(

even so, aria was all supportive smiles and thumbs-up when she saw him getting nervous before their first public stage as the unit

he was a little intimidated of her at first, but also really curious about how she was holding her own against the other members

not only physically, but her vibes are tiny let the man be concerned ok

his first impression of aria was just: small quiet? she was sitting apart from the other boys in the practice room, and he almost wanted to go over and ask her if she was ok; before she was approached by donghyuck and her face broke into a bright smile

aria’s first impression of xiaojun was: eyebrows he was really handsome? at first, she thought he was in the wrong room, seeing as the SM modeling auditions were happening in the next room down

any arijun shippers are starved of content im so sorry guys

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

currently still up for debate between the fandom :(

➣ HENDERY ☾ aridery

ah these two

you might as well sign a waiver if you decide to do anything with them, because they can and will get you killed

kun can testify

ten’s the enabler but hendery is the do-er

super giggly around each other, for no reason at all

hendery could pick up and throw a basketball and suddenly aria’s on the floor in literal stitches

have a secret code

no seriously

they don’t text in words, they just send various reaction memes and a colourful variety of emojis to convey emotions and scenarios

it’s become quite a beautiful language actually

got some nice proverbs in there

they’re like, cousins but the ones you only see at family reunions but get so hype to see them

that energy

asides from the chaotic, murderous vibes they possess as a duo

hendery knows what it’s like to miss home, to miss your parents, etc etc

and so he tries to make aria feel as home as possible - especially with wayv, because they’re all foreigners who know how she feels

whenever he gets packages from his parents who have sent things over, he always makes sure to keep some of the small treats/sweets back for aria

1. because he knows she’ll appreciate the thought and she gives good hugs

2. because he knows she’s on a diet constantly and never allowed eat these things when she’s in the dorms with managers around

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

filming the Resonance “Wish” event, aria was put in a skimpy minimalistic mock-suit to differentiate from the others’ clothes. unfortunately, that left aria with a little too much shoulder and chest on display than she would like, and she was noticeably uncomfortable with her clothes, constantly pulling it up and even going so far as to just hold it with her hands.

hendery saw this, and knew he was finished filming his segment for the time being, so he pulled off his own jacket and tossed it over to aria, who caught it with a grateful smile. “thank you,” she mouthed to him, tugging the dark blue material over her shoulders.

➣ YANGYANG ☾ ariyang

aria. has 9 days of age on this boy and will never let him forget it

“respect your elders you brat” “9. DAYS.”

european pals

they feel so cultured when they get asked about europe, and then are kindly reminded by hendery that A. Germany started 2 world wars, and B. Ireland was just a British colony until 100 years ago.

they both hit him for that

aria teaching him curse words in irish and yangyang teaching her curse words in german? more likely than you’d think

they met before yangyang’s debut was announced, in a practice room that had let them accidentally overlap their practice times

instead of working it out between them, they actually just started to alternate their songs - and the other gave them some good, constructive criticism

most of the time

when they found out they were going to be in 90s Love together, they were so happy

it was going to be their first official schedule together

all the behind-the-scenes videos are just aria and yangyang being children and then ten coming over and cooing at them

they love ten, but they will trash talk the man behind his back

yangyang confessed to her that he sometimes feels nervous when speaking korean, like he’s going to make a big mistake

so she tries her best to teach and correct him where she can, and make him as comfortable as possible

if you look at any of the 90s Love promotions - aria is always beside yangyang

he bit her ear once

she doesn’t know why and he won’t tell her

but now when she makes fun of him, he threatens to do it again

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

aria skating onto the rink during filming, and yangyang following her because she promised to teach him how to skate backwards.

“ok just, think like you’re leading with your heels. press your knees in, and push outwards, with you-no no that’s forwards. go backwards yangyang.”

“no no no thats a WALL YANGYANG STOP-”

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hvlloweens-a · 3 years ago

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𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 …

meet the cast of 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 : 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚗 !

first of all, thank you ALL so much for applying ! i was not expecting this much interest ! when i closed my submit, i had 25 apps which is ... completely insane ?? all of the positive messages and feedback i received made me ridiculously happy and i’m so grateful for all of you who sent little check-ins or congratulated me on the app count . i wish i could have accepted everyone ( every single app was amazing .. none of you made this easy ) and i even accepted a few more than i originally intended. if you didn’t get accepted in this first batch, i’ll be hanging onto your app and you’ll be hearing from me if a spot opens up ! for those accepted, server links will be going out later -- i can’t wait to meet and write with all of you and your muses < 3

( vika bronova , cis woman, she/her ) congratulations to sidney evanko – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty three year old sagittarius that can be described as maverick and sybaritic . before the show, they worked as a cocktail waitress and lived in las vegas, nevada . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as ghosting someone after they’ve sufficiently stroked your ego , cerulean hues that can effortlessly unlock any social situation you want to ease into ( or out of … ), finding odd flecks of glitter on your skin, your clothing, your hair, scattered inside your luggage – all serving as a reminder of life back home that you were eager to leave behind . sidney said they auditioned for the show because she wants to be an actress in the future … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by jamie, she/they, 24, est.

( aaron liebregts , cis man , he / him ) congratulations to oliver brooks – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty - two year old sagittarius that can be described as confident and impulsive . before the show, they worked as a musician and lived in laval , quebec . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as posting intentional thirst traps on tik tok with the caption ‘ making fun of people that actually do this lol ‘ , relaxing in a recliner with a bottle of fireball in one hand and an unlit joint in the other while listing off fun facts about otters as if he is your grandfather telling you stories about the war , and confusing your sex handcuffs and the handcuffs you stole from the campus police . brooks said they auditioned for the show because his record label told him it would be good for publicity … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by anna , she/her , 26 , cst .

( genellle seldon , cis woman , she / her ) congratulations to jourdan womack– they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty four year old taurus that can be described as opinionated and brash . before the show, they worked as a freelance columnist for a women’s magazine and lived in medina , washington . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as leaving the glossy print of your lips at the rim of a bottle , the base of a neck , smeared across a pillowcase that isn’t your own as a form of temporary ownership , visible g - strings and wrap - around shield sunglasses inside following a french martini hazed evening , and your mother’s innate wandering eye paired with her poor perception of love — entirely transactional . jourdan said they auditioned for the show because the dating pool in her home town had been dwindled to scraps … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by candice , she / her , 22 , cst.

( galanikolic , cis woman , she/her ) congratulations to thandie jovic – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty -four year old pisces that can be described as vivacious and quixotic . before the show, they worked as a owner of a small clothing brand and lived in brooklyn, new york . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as organized chaos in the name of ‘what will be, will be’, memories encapsulated in polaroid form, haphazardly glued into a keepsake journal, and sharing stories with strangers in the club toilets . thandie said they auditioned for the show because her horoscope said she was ready for a new adventure … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by kat , she/her , 22, gmt .

( delilah belle , cis female, she/her ) congratulations to rhys moreau – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty three year old pisces that can be described as humble and naive . before the show, they worked as a nursing student and lived in carolina beach . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as getting a little too drunk off just two cosmopolitans, hand-me-down designer purses, pink lipstick on the edge of starbucks cups sort of vibe . rhys said they auditioned for the show because she grew up watching the show with her sister and it’s always been a dream of hers … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by skye, she/her, 21+, est.

( cindy kimberly, cis woman, she/her ) congratulations to aspen lestari -- they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty-three year old taurus that can be described as excitable and fanciful . before the show, they worked as a vlogger/artist and lived in seattle, washington. based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as five am drives to catch the sunset, fingers always supporting dried up paint, old video games. aspen said they auditioned for the show because it was a chance to get her out of her comfort zone and be less of her shy nature... we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by jules, she/her, 24, est.

( aron piper , cis male , he + him ) congratulations to armani banks – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty three year old virgo that can be described as lyrical and aloof . before the show, they worked as an aspiring singer/songwriter + producer and lived in manhattan , new york . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as always chasing the next best thing , scraps of song lyrics scattered across a lone mattress in an empty loft & enjoying the chase but being unsatisfied with the catch . armani said they auditioned for the show because it could possibly boost his career … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by f, she+her, 21, est.

( omar ayuso , non binary, he/they ) congratulations to damian price – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty-two year old capricorn that can be described as driven and catty . before the show, they worked as a beauty pageant coach and lived in atlantic city, nj . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as bruised knuckles covered with concealer, paris hilton’s ‘stars are blind’ blasting on repeat, and eyebrows that are so big because they’re full of secrets . damian said they auditioned for the show because he was born to be a star … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by abby, she/her, 25, est.

( pedro ortega , cis male, he/him) congratulations to lucas monteiro – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty six year old leo that can be described as trustworthy and quick-tempered . before the show, they worked as a professional football player and lived in atlanta , georgia . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as encouraging pep talks during timeouts , waves of emotions pushed back with alcohol , never truly being satisfied with your accomplishments . lucas said they auditioned for the show because he was kicked out of his team after engaging in a fight after a game and he wants people to see that's not who he is … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by barbie, she/her, 24, gmt-3.

( caio cabral , cis male, he/him ) congratulations to gustavo vidal – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty-three year old aquarius that can be described as vigorous and aloof . before the show, they worked as a professional skater and lived in california . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as grains of sand in worn out vans sneakers, freckles covered sun burnt wide shoulders & trying over and over again until you reach perfection, no matter how it hurts . gustavo said they auditioned for the show because he wants to be known as more than just an athlete who's probably past his glory days … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by ron, she/her, 25, gmt -3.

( alisha boe , cis woman, she/her ) congratulations to gemma westrum – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty four year old sagittarius that can be described as captivating and egocentric. before the show, they worked as an influencer and lived in calabasas, california . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as checking their reflection in every window & mirror you pass — no matter how late it makes you, rambling until someone finally tells you to shut up, having more “friends” than you can count, yet somehow you’re always still alone . gem said they auditioned for the show because she was bored … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by ali, she/her, 23, ctrl

( ryan destiny, cis woman, she/her ) congratulations to wilhelmina 'billie' ashford – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty three year old cancer that can be described as charismatic and heedless . before the show, they worked as a dancer/cheerleader and lived in los angeles, california . based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as glossy lips paired with a sharp grin, the lingering smell of fresh lavender, hushed conversations and prolonged eye contact, unpredictable bouts of mischief making. billie said they auditioned for the show to spite her parents and make a name for herself outside of their shadow … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by asha, she/her, 24, est.

( cameron valentina , cis woman, she/her ) congratulations to kaia cary – they’ve been cast on this season of the real world ! they’re currently a twenty two year old capricorn that can be described as detail oriented and aloof . before the show, they worked as a private figure skating instructor and lived in petoskey , michigan. based on their audition tape, i’d describe them as champagne and glitter stained pages of a moleskin overflowing with long-term aspirations slashed through in bright red , old figure skating dresses oozing from the sides of a poorly packed cardboard box , and a wilted floral arrangement drooling dried petals onto a vanity that hadn’t been touched since the incident . kaia said they auditioned for the show because she had been struggling to start a normal life following a career-ending injury … we’ll see how it works out for them when the show airs ! written by jess, she/her, 23, pst.

#* real world .#i literally have a stress headache . yall SNAPPED #i wish i could accept more but there's only (1) of me and i don't want to overwhelm myself #now i'm going out to go eat and then i'll come back with links < 3 #im literally shaking i need to go touch grass besties . brb

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hargrove-mayfields · 4 years ago

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A Stake of Holly in Her Heart Pt . 2

Pt. 1

At 6 in the morning, the time they had agreed upon years ago as their time to wake up on Christmas Day, it’s Susan who gently shakes Max awake, not Billy putting the blaring alarm clock up to his sisters ear.

But Max is already awake, her tears soaking the sheets on her brother's bed, wishing her mom would just forget to wake her up entirely and leave her there to weep.

The first “Merry Christmas” she hears is from Neil as he grabs beer out of the fridge, not Billy, who would’ve said it with as much sarcasm as possible as he shoved her out of the way so he could get to his presents first.

There’s no doubt in Max’s mind that Susan told him to say it, that he didn’t actually have any Christmas spirit in that Scroogey old heart of his to spread wishes of holiday cheer, which only makes the sentiment hurt more.

It’s her sitting on the floor by herself with a flashing camera in her face, tearing wrapping paper off of a bunch of pointless gifts with as little enthusiasm as possible.

She notices that, compared to previous years, there aren’t a whole lot less presents under the tree, and that only makes her feel worse about opening them without her Billy there to put sticky bows in her hair or toss wrapping paper balls at her.

By the time she opens half of her presents, including a makeup set she isn’t going to use, a cassette from a pop band she’s never even heard of, and a new pair of chucks she’s probably going to be made fun of for, Max feels her lip start to tremble, and her eyes blur over the multicolored lights on the tree.

The floodgates really open when, after lowering her camera, the dreaded question comes past her mother’s lips,

“What’s the matter Maxine, honey?”

That’s all it takes for her to be a bawling mess in the middle of a pile of wrapping paper and presents she doesn’t really want anyways.

Because there’s so much that is the matter in this particular moment that no answer any shorter than a 30 page thesis could even begin to describe what Max was feeling on that Christmas morning.

She wants to tell them that she doesn’t want these generic gifts from parents who know nothing about her, that she doesn’t want to be forced into the role of the perfect, cookie cutter family you’d see on a Christmas card, that all she wants is her brother back, but she's choked up, any attempt at speaking drowned out by a sob.

In this house, authority demands a response, an explanation is due for why their holiday is being ruined by such behavior, so Max has to choke back her sobs and whine out some pathetic excuse.

She comes up with something like ‘Dustin said he was getting a new Nintendo and I didn’t,’ but nobody really believes that.

They work it out of her eventually, earning a confession through threats of taking presents away like she was a toddler, and when that doesn’t work, a backhand to the face and a hand in her hair like she was any older than fourteen.

But telling them that she missed Billy a lot and that she felt guilty celebrating the holiday she knew was secretly his favorite without him around was apparently not the answer they wanted to hear, because Susan drops her camera on the carpet, and Neil leaves the room entirely.

She thinks of how the scene’d make the perfect Hargrove-Mayfield family photo.

The time between opening gifts and Christmas dinner at 3 o’clock was typically reserved for putting batteries in toys, plugging in new electronics to make sure they worked, and trying on new clothes and shoes, but Max’s meltdown under the tree had been enough to set the whole house on edge.

In the chair in the living room, where he always seemed to just sit around and scowl with a beer in his hand these days, Neil was that much grumpier, and Max stayed that much further away from him.

In the kitchen, Susan gets a little clumsier, the sound of her nervous hands clanging pots and pans together reverberating through the eerie quiet that’s come to settle over the house.

Max decides to go back to her room, to avoid all the noise and tension. She lays on her stomach across her double bed and grabs her walkie from where she left it under her pillow.

Tuning into the channel she knew would be occupied by her friends, she hears the boys and Eleven, who had come back with the Byers’ to Hawkins for the holidays, already on their own radios, talking a mile a minute about all of their presents.

That was supposedly a tradition of theirs, calling each other up to share the news of all they’d gotten, but she hadn’t been able to take part in it last year. She feels sick to her stomach thinking about last Christmas, the last one she would ever spend with her brother, so she keeps eavesdropping without telling her friends she’s there.

After so long, the boys all have their turns to gush about their new NES games and records, and in El’s case Barbie dolls and comic books, and the conversation slows down a little so Lucas can ask, “Has anyone heard from MadMax?”

All around there’s denial, and she hears Lucas sigh and say, “I’m getting kind of worried about her.”

A buzz of static from Mike's end, “She'll be fine, dude.”

“Way to be an asshole, Mike.” Dustin cuts in.

Defensively, Mike says, “What? I just meant that she’s like, super tough.”

Will tunes in then, the sound of his laugh cutting through the scratchy static, “Aren’t you not supposed to talk like that about other girls in front of your girlfriend.”

“What do you know about girlfriends?” Mike exclaims, clearly offended from the way his voice breaks.

And from there the conversation keeps on like that, just a couple of teenage boys loudly arguing over things that are not her problem, so she shuts the walkie off.

But, as she rolls over onto her back, what Mike said is really sticking with her.

Was she really supposed to be fine?

She couldn’t wrap her head around how everyone else was able to just keep on like normal while she was stuck mourning the greatest loss she had ever experienced on a day typically reserved for cheerfulness. It didn’t seem fair.

Staring up at her popcorn ceiling, she lets her thoughts drift back to times when Christmas wasn’t like this.

Her first Christmas without her dad, she remembers being upset the whole time, his singular gift he sent to her in the mail not really enough to make up for his absence. At the time she was too young to realize it, but Billy had put extra effort into cheering her up that day, letting her pick all of her presents out first, and giving her all the cookies that didn’t get burnt in the oven.

Now that Billy’s the missing piece, she has no one.

On Christmas Eve a few years back, Neil kicked Billy out of the house, and he had to spend the holiday at a friend’s place. He called Max that morning to tell her that she could open his presents if she wanted to, and to be careful around Neil. She understood that Billy was looking out for her when she saw her stepfather smack her mother for the first time under the mistletoe.

Last Christmas, her and Billy weren’t really on speaking terms, and just the thought of the way things were between them filled her heart with so much remorse. She thought she had all the time in the world to be angry with her brother, never in a million years would she have thought that Christmas of ‘84 would be his last.

In retrospect, knowing now that just months after the fact Billy would be gone, there was so, so much she wished she would have done differently.

Because he’d been trying to make up for it, had made his attempt at earning her forgiveness, and she’d rejected every last one. She thought he deserved it then, but she would give anything to be able to go back in time and accept his ride to the snowball, to drink the hot chocolate he made her instead of letting it sit until it got cold, to take new Christmas photos where she didn’t have a scowl on her face every time she was near Billy.

Before she can dig herself too far into her grave of despair, she’s interrupted by the dull tone of the ringing phone.

Without anybody even telling her to answer it, she knows it’s her Aunt Nicole, who always called her on Christmas like she was still a little girl because she wanted to hear what all Max got this year.

She sighs and wipes away any lingering tears from her face, dragging herself off the bed and trudging across the room as slowly and loudly as possible, just in case there was any question as to how exactly she felt about forced family bonding.

The phone she used to keep on her dresser had since been thrown out the window in a fit of Neil’s rage, so she has to go out to the kitchen to answer it.

Right now, listening to the shrieking and dehumanizingly pitiful voice of aunt Nicole was the very last thing she wanted to do, but Susan sends her a stern look from where she’s stood at the stove that tells her she has to.

“Hiya Maxie!” Every year she underestimated how loud her aunt was, and always had to pull the receiver back away from her ear. “How are ya?”

“I’m alright Aunt Nicky.” It had seemed like the right thing to say, nobody wanted to hear about her being all depressing anyways, but she regrets it the moment Nicole’s response comes.

“Oh, that’s great honey! You know, I would’ve expected you to be all mopey over Neil’s boy.” She chuckles at her own words, though through the static of long distance it sounds more like a cackle, and continues on, “Lord knows how emotional you get over such silly little things.”

Then, as though she hadn’t just doubly insulted her niece, she asks, “Anywho, did ya get anything good this year? Maxie?”

But Max doesn't even hear the question. She drops the receiver and walks away, entirely unable to stomach what Nicole said.

The phone is left dangling from its cord for her mother to pick up, as she blinks away the bitter sting of tears and marches straight through the living room.

But before she can escape back to her bedroom, Neil catches her wrist on the way through, his grip tight enough that she can feel her bones grinding together as he holds her there.

She hears Susan in the next room frantically trying to explain the situation to her sister, making up a more respectable excuse about boyfriend drama, which would’ve made Max pretty upset if the very angry step-father trapping her in the living room wasn't the greatest of her worries.

Once Susan is off the phone, Max gets herself a good old fashioned talking to, the same ‘respect and responsibility’ speech she’d heard a thousand times before, accented with a twist to the wrist if she doesn’t answer quickly enough or assuredly enough, or forgot the yes sir tagged onto the end.

After he’s confirmed it a good five times that Max fully understands the consequences of disrespecting her family, he squeezes harder and her wrist pops and her fingers go numb. Susan must decide that’s enough, because she asks for Neil’s help with something in the kitchen.

Without looking back once to see the scene she was leaving behind, Max seizes the opportunity to escape back to her bedroom, though she can feel Neil’s eyes burning a hole in her back as he watches her scurry away.

It’s with shaky hands that she locks the door behind herself, and she sits down with her back against it. She flexes her fingers to make sure they still work, and moves her wrist around so she’ll know if it’s broken, coming to the conclusion that, other than the dark red fingerprints blemishing her pale skin, she’ll be alright.

There’s a battery operated radio on her nightstand that she turns on to try to drown out the sound of the developing screaming match in the living room, since the topic of discussion is her, but the irony of every song telling of love and joy and peace on earth is too much, and she shuts it off.

She sheds a few tears for her childhood, for nostalgia of simpler Christmases as it fades away to the sound of her fighting parents, and for the ache pulsing in her wrist and other silly little things, but most of all, she cries for her brother.