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edamameimei · 1 month ago

Text

where we say goodbye

"but i'm letting go, i'm giving up the ghost. but don't get me wrong, i'll always love you, that's why i wrote you this very last song."

pairing: idol!huh yunjin x dream academy!reader synopsis: yunjin broke up with you and left you and everything behind in new york. years later, you meet each other again and the ghost that haunts you both becomes harder to ignore. tags: mostly angst with a bit of fluff here and there. CW: lots of swearing, kissing. an: just want to put out there that this is not a REAL portrayal of the people mentioned in this fic. all events are fictional and are for entertainment purposes only. wc: 6972

⏯ now playing: oceans and engines - niki

“I bet you can’t make that jump.”

You looked up at Jen, confused. You weren’t sure what she was referring to. You were sitting on the rooftop of your school, waiting for the sun to set. It was your thing. If one or the other didn’t have an activity after school, you would meet on the roof to watch the sunset together. You always thought it was silly but Jen thought it was a great bonding activity.

You were also in love with Jennifer Huh and would have done anything for her, but that was a whole different story.

You walked toward the girl and placed your hands on her shoulders. You peered over the ledge with curious eyes. The jump she referred to was the roof of your gymnasium. There was a gap between the main building and the gym, and below was an alleyway where students would hang out and skip class. In theory, the gap wasn’t extraordinarily huge. It was small enough that you considered taking on the challenge.

“What would I get if I did it?” You teased, squeezing her shoulders playfully. You knew she didn’t mean it. You knew that Jen would never make a bet like this if it meant you could get hurt. You were too precious to the older girl. Jen looked up at you and rolled her eyes in response, she leaned against you, smiling as she felt you wrap your arms around her shoulders.

“I’ll kiss you.” It was a joke. Honestly, it was. You both always joked around like this. It was playful, flirty banter between two friends. Jen heard you hum in response. She widened her eyes once she felt your arms removed from her shoulders. Suddenly, your presence was gone. Jen spun around quickly to see you jogging to the other side of the building. You turned around and smiled– that stupid smile. You pointed at her, winking. You shouted, “Say less,” and prepared yourself, taking a deep breath.

Jen crossed her arms, not believing you would do it. Her brows furrowed as you started running toward the other side, picking up speed. The Korean girl waited for you to slow down, but you kept the same pace. Jen widened her eyes and watched you get closer. She gasped, “Y/n L/n!” Before you could even step foot on the ledge, the older girl grabbed your arm, pulling you into her arms tightly, as if scared you’d try to jump from the ledge again.

“You fucking idiot.” She whispered into your chest, clutching at your shirt. “You fucking scared me.” You chuckled and held her back, just as tightly. You ran your fingers through her hair, whispering an apology. You stood together for a while, the sun finally setting in the distance. You decided to break the silence first. “I guess I really wanted that kiss.” Jen snorted in response, pulling away slightly to look up at you. She swatted at your shoulder and scoffed, “I was joking.”

“Well, I’m not,” You challenged. Jen looked for any signs of joking on your face, but there was nothing. She glanced at your lips and looked back up at you. There was a small smile playing on your lips. You pressed your forehead against hers, your lips were centimeters apart. You whispered, “Don’t keep me waiting, Jennifer Huh.”

You were 15 when you kissed her for the first time. It was a spring day and the flowers bloomed beautifully.

There were a lot of differences between Los Angeles and New York City.

But the one difference that mattered to you most was that it had no trace of your ex.

You often told your friends from high school that you wanted a change in scenery. It wasn’t a lie, necessarily. After living in New York your whole life, the yearning to live somewhere warmer became stronger as the years passed. But what ultimately solidified your decision was that there were no remnants of your ex on the West Coast.

(Everywhere you went in New York, it reminded you of the Korean girl. Days where you had to take the subway were worse. You often thought about her hand in yours, her head on your shoulder. You kept a pair of wired headphones just so you two could share. These daydreams plagued you to the point where you would miss your stop and get off on hers instead).

In Los Angeles, you like to think you’re a completely different person. It took you a while to figure out who that person was, but now it’s someone without Jennifer Huh. However, you found it much more difficult once the girl debuted. Your friends, who were avid K-Pop fans, loved Le Sserafim. One of them even shared they were a “Yunjin Bias” (whatever that means, you try not to let it bother you when you glance at their phone case and see a picture of your ex staring at you, tauntingly). But you decide to keep it a secret. One, it was rather embarrassing for you to share that your ex is now a well-known celebrity while you were still a broke, college student. And two, you prefer not to discuss your old relationship. It was a wound that hadn’t closed and that was even more ridiculous to admit.

It had been at least a year, maybe two. You weren’t sure, you stopped counting.

You’re at lunch with your friends when they present the flyer they saw on TikTok the day before. It was an audition call for a project created by a music company in Korea and another company in Los Angeles. Hybe x Geffen Records. The Korean company sounded familiar and you wonder if it was one that Jen mentioned when she first started pursuing her career as an idol. You look at your friends who all give you knowing looks, silently telling you to go for it.

(You imagine Jen squeezing your hand, leaning close to you to whisper, “Only if you’re sure.”)

That night, you take a shot at the audition. It’s not like you were expecting much to begin with.

You stood in front of Jen’s house, box in hand. Your hands were slightly shaking. You stood there, waiting, knowing what was to come when the door opens. You’ve stood at this front door many times before. This time, unfortunately, maybe the last.

The door suddenly swung open to reveal the Korean girl. You began to feel nervous, seeing Jen right in front of you. You hadn’t seen her in weeks. After the breakup, you hadn’t exchanged many words until recently. She sent you a text earlier in the week, asking for the stuff she has left at your house throughout the years. These items included band T-shirts, hoodies, jewelry, books, sketchbooks, and other random items.

Things you never thought you’d part from.

You handed her the box, trying to keep your composure. Jen took it slowly, not daring to look up at your face. She knew if she did, she would take everything back. She would stay in New York and leave behind everything she has ever worked for. You looked at her, secretly wishing she would. You had so much to say. So much to tell Jen. You wanted to tell her about the cute dog you saw on the walk here. You wanted to tell her how you got accepted to another university. You had so much to say, but you knew it wouldn’t matter anymore.

You were broken up. And that’s all there was to it.

Jen took a deep breath, knowing if she stayed longer in front of you, she would want to know how your day went. She would begin to ask minuscule questions just so you would stay longer. She knew herself too well. Jen finally looked up at you, smiling softly. She broke the silence between you two, knowing it was the least she could do.

“I… Wish you the best.” It was only five words. But it hit you a lot harder than you expected it to.

(The night you broke up, you begged her for at least a chance to try. They did long distance before so who is to say they couldn’t again? But Jen told you this time was different. This time, she couldn’t risk it).

You looked at Jen with a softness in your eyes you kept reserved for her and her only. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. You opened them to see Jen, for what may be the last time. You memorized the way her hair fell below her shoulders, the little mole below her eye, and the one on her chin. You took a mental picture of the way Jen looked at you. She doesn’t say it, but you knew.

She loved you. But now she had to let you go.

You took a shaky breath and smiled. You couldn’t stand here all day even if you wanted to. You could have stayed here forever. You could have sat outside Jen’s door, waiting for her to come home for years if it meant she would one day. She would still have her Jen smile and soft brown eyes. But instead, you stuffed your hands in your pockets. You took one more glance at the girl and nodded.

“You too.”

Huh Yunjin would have never thought this would be her life now.

She would have never thought the risk of moving to Korea would be like this. She only saw these things happening in her dreams. The millions of fans, the people genuinely listening to her original songs, the success… It was everything and so much more than she anticipated. She would be lying if there wasn’t a cost. She gave up everything for this amount of love and support from all over the world. She worked so hard. So hard to the point where the exhaustion would become too much. She remembers how often she went to seek comfort from her older members. All the tears she shed to get to this point. But it was all worth it.

She likes to think it was.

She arrived at the Hybe building with her members, feeling anxious for their meeting. She hated being called to the conference room, especially if it was to meet with their Head Executive. She never knew what to expect. She always walked into the room with a sense of dread that the news would be disbandment. She always expects it to be a nonsensical rumor created by Knetizens. She always prepares herself for the bad news.

They sit in the big, intimidating conference room along with their managers. In front of them are the Executives of Source Music. Yunjin always felt so small compared to them. She knew they had the power to do anything, to control her entire life. But Yunjin hates thinking that way. After all, they were the ones who selected her to debut. She watches as their Head Executive smiles at them and Yunjin can’t help but sigh in relief. It’s good news, that’s the most she knows right now.

He begins to speak. His voice is positive and uplifting. He praises the group for their achievements. He tells them that their most recent comeback was better than their last. He continues his praises, telling them to continue their hard work. To keep ‘fighting.’ Yunjin rolls her eyes internally at his monologue, wanting him to get to the point. Finally, he announces they will be guest coaches for the survival show they have been working on for the last year and a half. It was a collaboration project between Hybe and Geffen Records. Yunjin knew about this project but she hadn’t realized its launch date was coming so soon. It has been kept under wraps for some time and since training was being held in Los Angeles, Yunjin and the rest of her members heard virtually no updates since auditions were announced. He talks about the final 20 contestants chosen for the competition. He explains that Dream Academy was finally becoming a reality.

Yunjin lights up at this news, excited to finally know something about the ‘Global Girl Group’ project. They begin passing out folders, containing a photo of the contestant and their biography. The folders contain their audition scores and current ranks as of the completion of their training.

Yunjin studies each and every profile, her heart warm at the thought of all of them sharing one thing in common: wanting to be a star. She loves the diversity of this concept, her eyes twinkling every time she sees a contestant from another country such as Switzerland or Venezuela. She takes her time with each folder, making room in her head to remember who they were. She passes along another folder to Chaewon and is handed one right after. She glances down at the photo, her smile faltering. It was a photo of you in the gray Dream Academy uniform. Your hair is held up with a little black bow and you smile widely at the camera, the dimple in your cheek present. The Korean girl shakily opens the folder, being presented with the information she already knew.

(Y/n L/n

Hometown: New York City, USA

Age: 21)

She stares at it, her breath caught in her throat. She never thought she would ever see you again.

(She thinks about the time you two sat on the floor of the dance studio in New York. She listened to you as you talked about how you didn’t feel good enough. She held your hand as she listened to you talk about how you were scared of never being able to be bigger than this. She remembers holding you in her arms while you cried. She remembers kissing you, trying to soothe your worries. She remembers your shy smile. Your cheeks were flushed and your eyes glistened under the big light. Yunjin remembers resting her forehead against yours, your noses brushing against each other. You held her hand. You tell her, “I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”)

Yunjin feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks at Chaewon, trying to remain nonchalant. The older girl giggles and nudges Yunjin playfully. “Are you already in love with one of them? Hurry up and pass it over!” Yunjin slides the folder to her leader slowly, her heart beating rapidly. She is then handed another contestant’s profile but Yunjin can’t help but feel stuck. She’s in a place she hasn’t been in years.

(That same night, you walked Yunjin home. You kissed Yunjin goodnight, and before you left, you told Yunjin, “I love you.”)

(Yunjin said, “I love you too.”)

You don’t think you would have survived training and development without Sophia by your side the entire time.

The Filipina became a source of comfort for you when you first arrived at the dorms. You had no idea what to expect. You remember stories Jen would tell you about her experiences as a trainee in the idol industry and what she had to go through when she did Produce 48. After hearing all the stress she went through, all the horror stories, you never thought you’d willingly put yourself through the same thing. Jen would have called you crazy. Then again, Jen also told you she gave up on her dream of being a K-Pop idol. And look how that ended up. You have to admit, the bitterness still eats you alive some days.

You lay on the couch in one of the lounges, eyes closed, with headphones over your ears. During your 30-minute break, you let your body take the rest it has been begging for. The last few weeks have been so exhausting. There were moments when you felt you must have fooled yourself into thinking this was what you wanted. Was being a pop star worth it? You only ever saw yourself as a dancer. To be a singer as well? That was Jen. She was always the performer and you were just there. And admittedly, that’s how you liked it. As you rest, your mind drifts off and you feel a hand on your shoulder.

(For a moment, you imagine it’s Jen. She’d lean down and kiss your forehead gently. She would weave her hands through your hair and tell you about her day. As she talks, you would take her hand, absentmindedly playing with her fingers. Lazily do the ‘secret’ handshake you two made up in middle school).

But as you open your eyes, you see Sophia instead. She smiles down at you, a crinkle in her eyes. She’s probably happy to see you’re taking a real break. She gestures for you to make room on the couch to which you happily oblige. You sit up, scooting over and she takes the spot next to you. She lays against the armrest, placing her legs on your lap. You lean against the couch and glance at her, smiling tiredly. “I think we’re gonna need a sweet treat after this,” Sophia says with a yawn. You nod in response, your hands on her legs. “I’m down. Should we ask Megan or Marquise if they wanna come?” She shakes her head, a twinkle in her eyes as she looks at you. “I was kind of hoping it would be just us?” You tilt your head at her question. Usually, Sophia would be more than happy to allow one of the other girls to join your outing. It was strange to hear her decline that prospect.

However, your heart leaps at the thought of spending time with the Filipina alone. For a second, you forget about your ex. The way Sophia’s soft skin feels under your fingertips, how she pulls back her bottom lip with her teeth, looking at you for an answer. Of course, you’re okay with it being just you and her.

It’s a nice change of pace for you.

“Y/n…” You’re 16. It was a December in New York.

“Y/n… Wake up.” Jen was visiting from Korea.

“Y/n L/n!” And it was also your one-year anniversary.

You shifted in your sleep, groaning at the sound of Jen’s voice. You heard her chuckle, her hand on your cheek. You slowly opened your eyes and saw Jen smiling down at you, excitement in her eyes. She leaned down, kissing you gently. Your eyes fluttered close, reaching out to place your hand on the back of her neck, pulling her closer. After a few minutes, she pulled away, giggling softly. “We should go to the park today! Or go to that new bookstore downtown…?” She spoke animatedly and it caused you to chuckle, pulling her back down with you onto the bed. You wrapped your arms around your girlfriend, kissing the top of her head. “We can do whatever you want, baby.” Jen pouted in response, laying her head on your chest. “What do you wanna do? It’s OUR day, you know?” She raised her hand and you know what she wanted.

You smiled widely, doing your ‘secret’ handshake. You both giggled as you did so, the handshake muscle memory. You were convinced you could do it with your eyes closed, maybe in your sleep.

After it was done, Jen laced your fingers together, pulling your hands to her chest. She looked up at you with a twinkle in her eyes. You sighed dramatically, leaning your head back against the pillow. “How about… Bookstore then the park?” You felt Jen nod against your chest. “I like the way you think, baby.” She snuggled closer to you, a content sigh leaving her lips. It wasn’t often when your girlfriend visited, but you were glad she made the time to do so, especially for your anniversary. You knew she was training hard and the fact she loved you this much– to get on a plane and see you, made you feel so lucky. You held her tighter and whispered, “I love you.” She kissed your cheek, whispering back, “I love you too, Y/n. Always.”

Yunjin feels her heart drop when she and the other members run into the practice room to surprise the Dream Academy contestants. She knew who would be standing there amongst the other girls. But she doesn’t expect you to be the first person she sees. She feels frozen in place, her eyes connecting with yours. Everyone is excitedly greeting each other but you only see each other.

It’s not a figment of each other’s imagination. This was real life.

(Yunjin remembers walking into the dance studio back in New York. She sees you, breathing heavily with your hands on your hips. You look at her and smile warmly. It was a smile meant just for her and she knew that).

Yunjin watches as one of the other contestants– Sophia grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly back into their lineup. The Korean girl forgets where she is for a moment. She shakes her head and puts a smile on her face. She knew the cameras were rolling and there was a character that needed to be played. She walks toward her members, taking a deep breath. She takes a moment to look at the Dream Academy contestants. “I know all of your names!” Yunjin finds herself saying. The girls in front of her squeal excitedly at her admission (she notices how you look at the ground). After initial greetings, Yunjin lists everyone’s names. She goes slowly, not wanting to slip up. She is grateful you were last in the lineup because once her eyes land on you again, her breath hitches.

(Memories of you and her lying on her bedroom floor resurface in her mind. You two often looked up at her ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars and talked about anything and everything. She thinks about your favorite color. She thinks about the playlist you made her full of your favorite songs. She thinks about the letters you used to write her).

“And you’re…. Y/n.”

You become hyperaware of the cameras on you. You bite your lip, nodding your head.

(Jen lays with you, her head on your chest. She plays with your fingers and whispers, “I don’t wanna leave you again.” You chuckle, pausing the movie playing on your TV. You look down at her, your free hand tracing her jaw gently. “I know… But we’ll be okay.” Jen sighs, content with your answer. She whispers again, her eyes fluttering close, “We’ll be okay.”)

Since you were young, dancing was always your passion.

It was the one thing you felt good at. You enjoyed the praise given to you by coaches, dance teachers, and your peers. But as you got older, you became more self-conscious. You were always filled with anxiety, unsure of yourself. You never felt good enough for anything.

That was until Jennifer Huh entered your life.

You were 13 when she began attending the same dance studio as you and at first, you were somewhat jealous of the older girl. She excelled at every lesson and adapted well to the stress that came with being a dancer. You were convinced Jen was your competitor. However, as you packed your bag after a hard day of practice, you heard sniffling behind you. You turned and saw Jen, hunched over her bag, shoulders shaking. Your eyes softened when you saw the girl. You walked to her, reaching out to touch her shoulder. She jumped slightly, not realizing there was someone else in the room still. You retract your hand, looking away sheepishly. “Sorry. I just. Are you okay?”

Jen wiped her eyes before turning around, doing her best to plaster on a smile. But the quiver of her lips revealed her true feelings. She leaned against the wall, looking down at her shoes. “Today sucked,” she said through a quiet laugh. She wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks and looked at you. There was a hint of admiration in her eyes. “You did really well though… I’m kind of jealous.” It was your turn to laugh. You shook your head, giving her a gentle smile. “Are you kidding? I’m jealous of you.” She tilted her head, a curious look in her eyes. She extended her hand out to you, her eyes, hopeful. “I think we should be friends.”

You grabbed her hand, shaking it firmly. “I think we should.” You stood there together in silence. Hands still connected, your gaze unbroken. Jen laughed, covering her mouth with her free hand. You laughed as well, feeling lighter as the tension in the room dissipated. Jen squeezed your hand, her tone playful as she spoke, “Let’s make a handshake,” she pulled away from you, raising her hands in front of her as if to brainstorm. You laughed again, throwing your head back. Jen noted the dimple on your cheek, the way your nose scrunched up. You looked at her, raising your hands as well, and nodded. Your cheeks were hurting so much because you couldn’t stop smiling. “Okay. Sure. Let’s do it.”

That night, your mother scolded you for getting home so late. But you wanted the handshake to be perfect. You wanted more time with the older girl.

Having Jen– Or Yunjin around makes Mission 2 nearly impossible for you.

After that surprise meeting with Yunjin and the rest of the Le Sserafim girls, you couldn’t help but feel an aching in your heart. It was something that you tried so hard to push away but the ghost of your relationship with the girl haunts you at random times.

(Her hand intertwined with yours as you walk down Manhattan. You remember how she always loved Brooklyn during the holidays. In the summertime, you two would sneak away to Queens for a weekend. Those photos sit at the bottom of your dresser in your apartment).

Yunjin would often come around to check on how you were all doing. It irritated you. So much so, that every time the Korean girl walked into the room, you’d excuse yourself, making a beeline toward the bathroom. You knew you weren’t being fair. But you couldn’t afford to keep fucking up. Even Sophia notices your lack of focus during practice. She addresses it with you a week before the performance and the conversation brings you to tears. As Sophia held you in her arms, you kept your eyes shut, sobbing loudly.

(You imagine Jen’s arms around you. She whispers into your hair and tells you that she’s sorry. For a moment, you forgive her. If it somehow lessens the pain, you would forgive her over and over again).

Yunjin decides to pay all the Dream Academy contestants another visit before they begin recording their performances for Mission 2.

She sees you lying on the floor while your groupmates sit against the wall, waiting to be called. She smiles softly and wonders if you are asleep.

(She thinks about how easy it was for you to sleep anywhere. Even on the cold floor of the dance studio).

Her smile falls when she watches Sophia scoot closer to you, picking your head up so you can rest your head in her lap. She sees Sophia’s hand run through your hair, gently so she won’t ruin the hairstylist’s work. Yunjin takes a deep breath, putting on a faux smile as she walks up to you and your group. They all light up at her presence, immediately standing up to greet her. Sophia stays where she is, not wanting to disturb your slumber. The idol looks down at your sleeping form and wishes to be in Sophia’s position. She looks back up, giving the girls a thumbs up. “How are you guys feeling about today?” They all respond with excitement in their voices, a tint of nervousness to their tone.

You open your eyes to the sound of her voice. You look up, your eyes adjusting to the bright light. You sit up from Sophia’s lap, rubbing your eyes. Sophia stands up, extending her hand out to you. You grab it and allow her to help you up. You keep your hand in hers as you look at Jen– Yunjin. The Korean girl looks at you, her eyes pleading with you to stay just this once. But you can’t help the bitterness festering inside. How dare she ask you to stay? You look away, biting your lip as you hear Sophia begin talking with Yunjin about their performance.

At some point, the conversation shifts. You don’t realize until Yunjin asks you something, her question making the bitterness grow tenfold. “Y/n… You’re from New York, right?” You don’t look at her, your brows furrowing at her attempt at being friendly.

(And Yunjin knows it’s stupid because, how can she pretend not to know any of these things already? How can she pretend she doesn’t know the person right in front of her? As if she didn’t know you like the back of her hand at one point in her life).

“Yep.” You try to say it casually, but it comes out much harsher than you intended. Sophia squeezes your hand and looks at you with a questioning glance. Yunjin notices the tone in your voice but she continues, wanting to show you that she is at least trying. “Me too,” she responds and you simply shrug, murmuring, “I know,” under your breath. There is an awkward tension in the room and you can’t bring yourself to care that everyone else can feel it. It pisses you off that Yunjin is attempting conversation with you. And expects you to play along? It was too much for you to handle, especially right before a performance that could make or break your debut.

“What was your favorite thing about New York?” The question catches you by surprise. You look at her, your eyes wide. You let go of Sophia’s hand and take a deep breath. There were a million things you loved about New York. But they were all ruined. And the way you look at Yunjin tells her that.

You excuse yourself, telling everyone there was a part of the choreography you needed to focus on before being called to go next.

“How about Boston?” You looked at Jen briefly before glancing at the pamphlet in her hands. You wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to you. “Why Boston?” You found yourself asking. It was close to home, but Jen never mentioned the city to you. You knew she desired to move somewhere farther away and Massachusetts was only a train ride away. You heard her sigh, placing the pamphlet on the coffee table. She pulled herself away from you and you noticed the annoyed look on her face. You frowned because deep down, you knew why she was settling for Boston.

It was because she felt lost. She was crushed.

After Produce 48, Jen tried her best to continue her training. However, the Korean girl grew tired of the constant evaluations and repeated rejections. She often called you in the middle of the night, crying about how lonely she felt on her journey. After another year of trying, Jen decided to move back to the States and pretend nothing ever happened. When she came back, you were ecstatic to see your girlfriend again. You were finally together at last and this time, for good. But you knew it had taken a toll on Jen. She used to be so bubbly, so carefree. Her loud voice could be heard from across the room, her laugh recognizable amongst a crowd of people. But now, she was more quiet, preferring to keep to herself. There were days when she wouldn’t speak to anyone, not even you.

And admittedly, it had taken a toll on your relationship as well.

You watched Jen walk to her school bag which sat next to the front door. She picked it up, keeping her eyes on the floor. You knew she was hurting inside and you wished you could do something about it. You get up from the couch and walk to her, reaching out to her. But she shook her head, stepping away from you as she put her bag over her shoulders. “Boston has a good business program, let’s just do that.” You opened your mouth to say something but she didn’t give you a chance to do so before walking out the door.

Once you’ve changed out of your performance outfit, you exit the room, your nerves all over the place. You ignore everyone’s eyes on you as you feel the anxiety building in your body. You pull your hoodie over your head, pulling the strings tightly. You look down and try to calm yourself down with every step you take.

Damn, Jennifer Huh for making you feel this way again.

You open the exit door, hurriedly walking outside. You can feel the rain seeping through your hoodie but you don’t care. You just needed to leave. You needed to get away from Jen. You continue speed walking with no destination in mind. Suddenly, a hand grabs your arm, pulling you back. You snatch your arm from the person’s grasp and turn around, eyes wide.

You see Jen looking at you, her eyes glistening with tears.

“I’m not letting you walk away from this!” Her voice breaks a bit, but she isn’t backing down. You’re going to hear her, even if it takes hours. You only scoff and turn back around, walking again. Jen follows you, determined. “You can’t keep fucking ignoring this!” Jen yells at you, the tears finally streaming down her face. She watches as you stop in your tracks and turn around, pointing a finger at her.

“What do you want me to do, Jen!” You yell back, looking Jen in the eyes. You continue, your tone harsh. “Did you expect me to play along? Pretend you didn’t break my fucking heart? Is that what the cameras wanted?” Your voice drips with sarcasm and you expect Jen to back down but she doesn’t, your words only fuel her fire.

“At least acknowledge my existence, Y/n. Everyone thinks you fucking hate me!” She points at herself, shaking her head frantically. “And I know that’s not true.” Jen’s voice breaks and she looks at you, her eyes pleading. She doesn’t care how wet her clothes are becoming because of the rain, she needs to say this. You step closer to her, your eyes hardening. “How would you know that?” She bites her lip, not knowing what to say. She looks away and you scoff, groaning in frustration. “Why does it matter?!” You yell and Jen pushes you in response. You stumble back a bit, your eyes wide at the action.

“It fucking matters because I spent years thinking you do! And now that you’re here I’m starting to think I was right!” You sigh, throwing your hands up in frustration. You place them on your head, looking around. You try to keep your composure but you can feel your bottom lip begin to quiver.

(You’re back to that day. Jen tells you she can no longer be in a relationship with you. She begs you to understand, to let her go. But you never understood. And you never let her go).

You place your arms back at your sides, looking at Jen. Tears fall freely from your eyes. “Well, I didn’t even think you cared, Jen! You have! Millions of fucking people who know your goddamn name!” You step even closer to the girl, your brow furrowed with irritation. You shout, “Millions! And you give a fuck about what I think?! There are people who collect pictures of your face for God’s sake! Why are we having this fucking conversation?!” Jen swats at your shoulder, her anger becoming blinding, “Because your opinion is the only one that fucking matters to me!” Jen screams back, admitting the truth she has kept inside. You feel your heart racing, glaring at Jen. You scream, venom in your tone, “It didn’t fucking matter when you broke up with me!”

“Of course it mattered, are you fucking serious?!” Jen pushes you again, angry at you for even considering for a second that she didn’t think about you when she made the decision, so angry at you for suggesting that it was for any malicious reasoning. Thunder begins to roar in the distance, a reflection of the current conversation between you and the older girl. You laugh bitterly, shaking your head. You look at the girl and point your finger at her once again.

“You basically told me I was holding you back from following your dreams, Jen!” You get closer to her face, whispering angrily, “You told me that it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and you couldn’t let anything get in the way of it. So, no, it didn’t fucking matter then. It doesn’t fucking matter now.” You step away from her, your eyes narrowed and you breathe heavily. You were tired of the conversation. You take one last glance at Jen before turning away, walking away with the last bit of dignity you had left.

“I went to Boston after I debuted!”

You freeze. You almost didn’t hear Jen’s words. You turn back around, confused, “What did you say?” She looks down at the ground, her lip trembling as she speaks again, “I went to Boston after I debuted because I thought you’d be there.” She closes her eyes tightly.

(She remembers how desperate she was. The ghost of your relationship lingered in everything she did. It was there when she arrived in Korea for the second time. It told her to rest every time she felt too exhausted to move. She felt it hold her hand as she spoke to Featnots for the first time. And once her activities were over, the ghost watched her book the first flight to Boston).

“Why… Why did you go to Boston?” There’s a silence. The rain begins to lighten up, slowly calming down after the storm. For a long time, Jen didn’t know why she went to Boston. She didn’t understand why she went to old high school friends who went to college in Boston to ask where you were now. But as she stands in front of you, after no contact whatsoever, she begins to realize the reason. She looks up at you and smiles sadly.

“I missed you.” You close your eyes, taking a shaky breath. You process the words Jen just said. You process the fact that Jen came looking for you. Even after achieving her dreams, she still missed you. You walk towards Jen, immediately pulling her into a tight hug. She hugs you back, her voice breaking as she speaks again, “Everyone told me you went to Los Angeles instead.” You nod and hear her laugh weakly. She whispers, “I took that as a sign. Maybe we were exactly where we needed to be.”

You nod again, holding her even tighter.

(You imagine you were 15 again. You pretend it was another day with her after school and the only thing that worried you was missing the subway).

“I think you’re right.”

Jen hugged you at the airport before she left for Korea for the first time.

It was a bittersweet moment, but you knew it was everything she ever wanted. It was all she could talk about. You loved Jen so much and were willing to brave the distance if it meant she would be happy. When she told you about Pledis and the survival show she would be appearing on, it made you nervous for the older girl. You knew Jen would do anything for her dreams, but you didn’t realize it was to this extent. A survival show? That sounded insane. But you believed in her, you always did. And you vowed to be there every step of the way.

Before leaving, she kissed you like a promise. You did your handshake as if in slow motion, giggling softly when she purposefully messed up so you two could have more time. She took one more glance at you, her eyes twinkling. “We’ll be okay, right?” You nodded, linking your pinky with hers before speaking softly, “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

It was your last day in Korea. You (surprisingly) survived Mission 2 and now it was time to move forward in the competition. Before leaving, you accept Yunjin’s invitation for coffee before going to the airport. You sit across from her in the booth and feel a warmth spread throughout your body when she smiles at you. Even after all this time, despite growing older, she was still Jennifer Huh from New York. The mole on her chin was removed and her hair was much lighter, but it didn’t erase who she was to you.

She was your first love. And you were her’s.

Yunjin looks at you with sincerity in her eyes as says, “I hope you debut.” It was a simple statement. Four words but it still meant everything to you. You can’t help but chuckle, realizing you’re now in her shoes. You hold your hand up, smiling playfully. “Do you remember?” She scoffs at your question, raising her hand, knowing exactly what you were talking about. “I know it better than my own choreography.”

The handshake was perfect, as if time never passed. You hold onto her hand and the ghost that lingered uncomfortably slowly went away. It left quietly, leaving the door cracked just in case. As you let go of her hand, you imagine yourself closing the door. You smile softly at Yunjin and she returns it.

“Goodbye, Yunjin.”

(She stands at the doorway of her childhood home in New York. She waves goodbye before shutting the door).

“Goodbye, Y/n.”

a/n: angst is back i am so sorry LOL lmk what you guys think! consider this my debut in le sserafim fic writing. inbox is always open for thoughts and everything else :)

requests are open

#le sserafim #lsfm #le sserafim x reader #huh yunjin #kim chaewon #nakamura kazuha #miyawaki sakura #hong eunchae #le sserafim imagines #huh yunjin x reader #huh yunjin imagines

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