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wafflefries13 · 9 months ago

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The Consequence of Late Night Calls

Summary: You've been friends with Katsuki for years, and you've always thought it's been just that - friends. But when you get a late-night call, it might just change things.

AN: Last repost! The original post got eaten by Tumblr. I'm still really proud of this one. I wrote it back when I was first starting to publish fanfic and I like how it turned out.

Warnings: College au, drinking, language

The call shocked you out of a deep but impromptu sleep. You jerked up from the noise, a page of lecture notes sticking to your check. It fluttered back to the desk covered in its own mess of loose leaf documents, used textbooks that cost more than a weekend trip to Disney World, and a laptop missing three of its letter keys.

You dragged your tongue against your teeth, trying to get rid of the cotton feel coating the inside of your mouth. Rubbing stars into your tired eyes, you wondered when exactly you had fallen asleep. Was it somewhere near memorizing the latin terminology for court rhetoric or around reading the case file and trial records you were going to be tested over on Monday? Deciding wondering was basically pointless, considering you had pretty much forgotten all of it anyway, you pawed blindly around for your phone.

“Hello?” You answered, eyes still closed, although it probably came out and more of a mumbled groan than anything else.

“(Y/NNNNNNNNN)!”

You pulled the phone away from your ear, wincing at the sudden loud noise. Blinking bleerally, you looked down at your phone. You had taken the caller ID picture a year ago, at a sorority Halloween party you barely remembered aside from the copious amounts of alcohol consumed followed by an ill-advised scavenger hunt that ended with a call to the police and the dean’s car somehow ending up in the agriculture department’s greenhouse crowded with Jack-O-lanterns. It was a profile shot of Bakugou Katsuki, his mouth opened in a mid-yell scowl, as was his standard expression, and eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. One hand extended to try and block the camera, the other clutching a brown bottle. He was wearing a fantasy barbarian king costume, chest bare to show off the taut muscles he worked so hard for all of high school to get. When he’d shown up in it, or, rather, when Kirishima had dragged him along in his own dragonborn costume, you couldn’t believe he still had it. You remembered sitting in your basement in 9th grade, pricking your fingers with a sewing needle as you and the rest of your newly formed D&D group, Bakugou and Kirishima included, spent way too much time and effort into creating your costumes.

Rubbing at the bridge of your nose in a vain attempt to chase away the headache you could already feel forming, you brought the phone back to your ear. You could hear the low thump of bass heavy music in the background.

“Hi, Suki,” You said, trying not to sound condescending, but it came out like that anyway.

“Hey!” He said sharply. The rest of his reply was slurred smooth. “I told you not to call me that.”

You smirked. “It’s cute.”

“It’s embarrassing! ‘M not cute.”

“No, you’re calling me at-” You pulled the phone away again to check the time. “Katsuki, it’s like two in the morning, what the hell?”

You heard someone shout something on the other side of the line that Katsuki mumbled a reply to. To you he said, “Was thinking about you.”

You felt yourself blush despite yourself. “You were thinking about me?”

There was a clunk and a bump. You could imagine him falling against a wall and sliding down to sit until the room stopped spinning. “Yeah. I don’t like it.”

You ignored the jab in your heart. “Well, thanks.”

“It keeps happening. I’ll just be, like, doing stuff, and then I just think, ‘What would (Y/N) think of that?’ ‘I wonder what (Y/N)’s doing right now.’ ‘(Y/N) would know what to do now. She’s so smart. And her hands look so soft. And her eyes are so pretty.’” He was quiet for a second. “It’s annoying. I can’t stop thinking about you. And it’s worse when you’re here.” There was a shuffling as you heard him try to stand up then give up again. “Why aren’t you here? I want you here.”

You were wide awake now. You clenched and unclenched your hand, trying to process the information your obviously drunk friend had just confessed. Your stomach churned in a mix of anticipation, anxiety, and straight up butterflies.

What the hell did all of that mean? Well, of course you knew what it meant, or you knew what it meant when spoken by a sober person of sound mind and body. But there was no way, you tried to rationalize, that The Bakugou Katsuki, the guy you’d known since freshman year of high school when he’d punched a guy who had flipped up your uniform skirt on the first day, the guy who had surprised just about everyone in home economics when he busted out a three tiered cake like it was no one’s business, the guy whos ego was big enough to have its own gravitational pull, was confessing his feelings to you in a drunk rant at two in the morning.

“Katsuki,” You said in a soft voice. “I-”

There was a retching sound from the other end of the line. Katsuki coughed, tried to say something, then threw up again. “Aw, fuck.”

That headache was back with avengence now. You sighed, looking for your keys. “Katsuki, where are you?”

“Uhh, on campus? At the Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. There’s a party. Why aren’t you here?”

“You know I hate all the Greek life bs. Stay where you are, okay? I’m coming to get you. You’re completely wasted.”

“‘M not. I can handle what I drink.” There was another pause before he wretched again.

“Did you just throw up again?”

“...No.”

“Cool. I’ll be there in ten.”

You didn’t wait for him to respond before hanging it. You didn’t think your heart could take it if he kept going on like he had been. Grabbing your keys and heading out of your crowded studio apartment, you hopped in your car to go save your drunk friend from making any other ill advised decisions that night.

You realized that you were probably over thinking the whole phone call as you drove through deserted streets. You couldn’t help it, it was a bad habit you had formed as a kid that now made you obsess over court documents and testimonies in class. But now, instead of helping, it was picking you apart. What did Katsuki’s tone imply when he was talking to you just now? Could you trust the tone of an inebriated person? What did he mean when he said he thought about you a lot? You’d known each other for years now, being involved in almost all the same activities. Wouldn’t it be natural to think about someone you spent so much time with? But you’d known Kirishima for just as long, not to mention the rest of the self-named “Baku-Squad.” You’d never gotten a late night drunk call from any of them. Heck, Katsuki had known Izuku way longer than he had known you, and you were pretty dang sure Katsuki had never called him going on and on about how he always thought about him.

Stopping at a red light, you pressed your forehead into the soft faux-leather of your steering wheel, willing your thoughts to calm down and just come to a rational conclusion already. Expect, you know, a rational conclusion that wasn’t that the guy you had carried a torch for for almost as long as you had known him might actually have feelings for you back.

You turned on to the street lined with sororities and fraternities across from the main campus. You had to slam on your breaks almost immediately to avoid running over a tipsy, giggling co-ed who was stumbling out into the road. She didn’t even look up at you.

You didn’t know exactly which house Katsuki was stranded at, considering you could see at least three different parties all going on at first glance. His “Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever” wasn’t very helpful, either, considering all the Greek letters adorning the houses blended together in your mind at some point. And you really didn’t want to tramp through a bunch of different houses tonight.

Thankfully, you were saved the trouble when you saw Kirishima’s 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle park half off the curb in front of one of the houses. You’d know that car anywhere. Kirishima had dragged your group to various scrap yards and auto-repair stores all summer after he got his license, the first of you all to do so, in an effort to fix up the worn down Chevelle that he’d bought for a hundred bucks and a turkey sandwich.

You parked on the other side of the street then jogged across to the house that was practically vibrating with heavy music and Greek life energy. Stepping over a semi-conscious frat boy laying in the doorway, you scanned around the house for any sign of Katsuki’s pomeranian-puff-ball hair.

You spotted Denki lounging on a couch, a lampshade on his head and a tangle of phone chargers clutched in his fist. His hand sparked every now and then as he used his quirk to recharge the collection of phones.

You lifted up the edge of the lampshade. “Hey there, Pikachu.”

“Heeeeeey~” He said, giving you a thumbs up. You could already tell he was too far gone, although you didn’t know if it was from drinking or the over use of his quirk.

“(Y/N)!” You heard a voice call behind you. A body fell heavily against your back. Sero wrapped his arms around you in a backwards hug. “Where you been? We missed you!”

“Studying. I’m boring, remember? I’m looking for Katsuki, you seen him around?”

Sero snickered. “Bakugou, huh? He’s been looking for you for a long time, right, Denki?”

“Heeeeeey~”

You swallowed hard. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Sero snickered again, flopping on the couch next to Denki. “Can’t tell. Part of the bro code. And he said he’d kill me.”

“That does sound like Katsuki.”

Sero covered his eyes with his arm, head leaning back. With a wide smile, he waved his hand in the vague direction to the back door. “I think he’s out by the pool or something.”

You waved bye. “Thanks, I’ll go check it out. You guys take care of yourselves, okay?”

“Look at ‘em go,” Sero said to Denki as you left. “You think they’ll have a spring wedding?”

“Heeeeeey~”

*~~~~*

You managed to weave your way through the crowd of bodies clogging the house to finally spill out into the back yard. You had no idea how people were able to stay this energized this late into the night with this many other people around. You remembered once being stuck at another party, early on in your college days. When it became super clear you didn’t want to be there, overwhelmed by the noise, the crush of bodies, and the suffocation of social enterprise, Katsuki had dragged Kirishima over to you, planting him in front of you as your ‘extrovert shield.’ He’d stayed with you behind the boisterous redhead for the rest of the night.

You wondered if Katsuki remembered doing that, if he remembered any of the small nice gestures he did for you over the years. And now, with his call, with what Sero said, with your over analyzing brain, you were dissecting every interaction you could remember. Was the time he opened a door for you a signal? Was the reason he would ask to study with you for chemistry, when he was way better in practically every subject than you, just so he could be close to you? Were the times he had given you his jacket when you were cold meant to be a more intimate moment?

God, you were going to go crazy.

Walking around the pool, you finally spotted the hot-headed blond. He was sitting slouched over on the end of one of the reclining pool chairs, forearms braced on his knees. You almost called out to him, stopping cold when you saw the girl behind him. She had draped herself over his back, chin rested in the crook of his neck, one had massaging his shoulder, the other conspicuously sneaking under the hem of his shirt to rub circles on his abs.

You clenched and unclenched your hands, worry gnawing at you as a headache at the back of your skull. Had something changed between the time he had called you and now? Had there been nothing there to change at all? Had you been misreading this situation the whole time?

Katsuki looked up, his permanently affixed scowl even deeper. The second his jewel-red eyes met yours, you felt your heart skip a beat. He jumped to his feet so fast the girl behind him fell back against the chair. He tried marching over to you, which was made only slightly less intimidating by the drunk sway to his step.

You didn’t remember him being so tall. You’d just seen him this afternoon. There was a flushed blush across his face, adding a surprising softness. Were his arms always that strong looking? Were his eyes that piercing? Was his jaw that strong?

“You came,” He said, voice rough as whiskey soaking into gravel.

You spread your hands. “Well, you said my name three times, so, here I am!” You laughed nervously, trying to ignore how his gaze pinned you down.

He took another step towards you, hand reading up. “(Y/N), I-”

His cheeks turned from pink to green. Lurching to the side, he vomited into the pool. You tried to help him back up, hunched over and trying to catch his breath. The crowd of people around you groaned in disgust before rolling in to sarcastic applause. Katsuki flipped them off.

“Alright, Suki,” You said, rubbing his back. “Let’s get you back home.”

He grumbled, leaning his full weight against you. You almost stumbled and fell with the sudden shift of balance. Katsuki slid his arm around your waist, hand firmly grasping your hip, as if he was the one trying to prevent you from a drunken stumble. His fingers felt like fire through your clothes.

You decided to go around the house instead of trying to push your way through it. Soon you were making your way across the street. It took some maneuvering to unlock and open the passenger door. You practically dropped Katsuki in where his head fell back with a groan. You grabbed his seat belt and stretched across him to fasten it. It wasn’t until he started petting your hair that your realized your position of half-way laying across his lap. You jerked back, some of your hair getting caught in his fingers. He made a disappointed sound at the loss of it.

You slid back into the driver's seat, trembling hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. You had to take a few steadying breaths before you were ready to start the car. Pulling out of the neighborhood, you glanced over at Katsuki. His eye brows were furrowed, eyes closed, mouth pulled in a small frown.

God, he looked adorable.

You hit the break harder than you meant to at the light. Adorable? Where the hell did that thought come from? He’d probably be furious if he knew you ever thought that.

But…

You risked another look at him. When he let his face relax like this, you could see the slight chub that still clung to his cheeks. Another thing he would hate to know that you thought was how much you loved the softness that it leant him. It was cute.

Almost without your realizing it, you lifted your hand. You were overcome with the sudden urge to poke his cheek. A car horn blared behind you when your finger was less than an inch from his face. You let out an undignified squeak, hands slamming back to the wheel. Katsuki grumbled and turned in the seat, head resting against the window. You could feel the blush burning up your face.

A few minutes later, you pulled back to the apartment complex. You both lived in the same building, Katsuki directly below your own unit. And now you were overthinking his reason for not living on campus.

When you opened the passenger door, Katsuki almost fell out. You jerked forward to catch him then dragged him out. He half woke up, as feeble on his legs as a newborn horse.

You lugged him through the lobby. He was muttering under his breath, but most of the words you could make out were curses. Not unusual for him. You pressed the button for the elevator repeatedly. It just blinked back at you. You sighed in frustration. They had been doing maintenance on your building all week, but now might have been the absolute worst time to do the elevator.

You shook Katsuki’s shoulder a little bit. His head jostled like a bobble-head. “Suki, I’m gonna need your help here for a minute.”

His head lolled forward, forehead coming down to press to yours. In a quiet voice, he whispered, “I’d do anything for you.”

You shoved him upright, face burning. “Then walk up the damn stairs yourself!”

Despite that, you still ended up half-carrying him up four flights of stairs. You were uncomfortably sweaty when you reached the door to Katsuki’s apartment. The two of you had traded copies of your apartment keys when you had moved in. “In case something happens to your dumb ass and I need to come save you,” He had said. He would frequently stop by, usually when you were hours deep into an all-nighter. He’d bring his laptop and work on whatever 12 page essay way due on your bed while you poured over case reports. You’d sit in silence, just together, sharing the same space, content with nothing more than knowing the other was nearby. Or he’d bring you real food to make sure you weren’t just eating ramen all the time. In turn, you’d pull him out for game night with the squad, make sure he’d actually call his mother once in a while, and lend an ear to his semi-nightly rants on whoever he decided to hate that night.

You fumbled with the keys, jamming the key in the lock then pushing it open with your shoulder that wasn’t currently occupied by a half-asleep, full-drunk boy who had at least 50 pounds and ten inches on you.

There was always an expectation with the rooms of single college boys. Greasy pizza boxes, empty bottles of booze displayed like expensive decor, at least one poster of a half-naked girl somewhere, probably a basket of clothes that should have been washed weeks ago. And while you knew plenty of guys who fit that description, Katsuki defied expectation. His apartment was always immaculate. His shoes were lined neatly by the door, a calendar above his desk color-coded with assignment due dates, bed made. Katsuki may give off the persona of a punk, but you knew he was a straight-laced nerd through and through.

With the last of your strength, you lugged him across the room, dropping him on his bed. With a groan, you stretched your arms up until you heard a satisfying pop in your back. Hands on your hips, you watched as Katsuki moaned, burying his face in his pillow and pulling his feet up from the floor. You sat on the end of the bed, tugging his feet to you to unlace his shoes. You let them fall haphazardly to the floor, too tired to care about his level of neatness.

You grabbed a bucket from his hall closet, putting it next to the head of his bed for when he inevitably woke up vomiting in the morning. Checking his bathroom, you put a couple of painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand with a post-it note saying “Drink Me.”

Brushing your hands off, you looked around and checked your work. Satisfied that he wouldn’t kill himself between now and when you would inevitably check on him in the morning, you decided it was finally time to head back upstairs and get some well deserved sleep.

But…

You turned back at the door. Katsuki was splayed like a starfish, gently snoring with his mouth wide open. You also noticed his blushing red fluffy cheeks.

You tapped the door knob a few times before sighing in surrender to temptation and turnin back. You knelt down next to the bed. For a moment, you just watched him sleep. He looked so peaceful now. You reached out. Your index finger sunk into his cheek like it was a marshmallow. You couldn’t believe you had never done this before. God, he really was adorable.

Your thoughts were abruptly cut off as Katsuki’s hand shot up and grabbed your wrist with an iron grip. With a shriek, you tried to scramble backwards. Katsuki lazily opened his eyes, not at all bothered by your struggles. With seemingly no effort on his part, he tugged you forward. Off balance, you fell into his chest. Katsuki wrapped his arms around you in a bear hug, slinging a leg over yours, trapping you on the bed.

“Katsuki!” You hissed. You squirmed in his hold, not getting any extra room. He just hummed, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You were pretty sure your face was hot enough to start a fire. “Katsuki, let me go!”

“No,” He mumbled. His voice rumbled against your skin sending shivers through your whole body.

“Katsuki!”

“You can’t leave. If you leave, you won’t come back.”

You stopped struggling. “What are you talking about?”

He squeezed you tighter. “I’m loud. I get angry real easy. I fight a lot. And you…” He trailed off, his breath catching and rattling in his chest. “You’re so much better than me. You’re nice and smart and talented and pretty and caring and… and…” You could feel the hot tears landing on your skin. He was starting to shake. His grip had loosened enough for you to get out, but instead you brought your arms up and pulled him in closer. “If I let you go, you’ll see how much better you are than me. And you’ll leave. You’ll leave me because you’re better and you deserve so much better. But I’m a selfish bastard and I just want you for myself because I love you so damn much.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach. You wiggled your hand up, threading your hand into his hair and tilting his head to look up at you.

“I love you too,” You said softly. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Katsuki crushed you to his chest, letting out another loud sob. You could feel hot tears pressing against your eyes. You had no idea Katsuki felt this way about anything; about you, about himself, about your relationship.

But one thing you knew for sure: You loved Bakugou Katsuki.

~~~

The first thing Katsuki noticed when he woke up was the head ache. His head felt like he had a railroad spike jammed through his temples. God, what did he do last night? There was the party at Kappa Alpha Betta Whatever house. It’d been fine for a while, hanging out with the guys, playing beer pong, winning some extra cash from freshman in poker (where did he put that money anyway?). And then…

And then someone had said your name. He’d heard it across the room, an amazing feat in and of itself, but his ears were trained for any news of you. He’d jerked up right when he heard it, missing his shot at the beer pong table. He gladly took his drink and went prowling through the house. Who had said your name? Were you here? Were you coming?

It might have been selfish, he knew how much you hated loud crowds, but damn it, he wanted you here. He remembered the last Greek life party you had been at. He’d lost you at some point between getting into an argument with that damn Deku and pulling Denki down from a keg stand. He’d finally found you huddled into some back corner, looking like a rabbit about to dart from a hungry fox (he wouldn’t mind being that fox, honestly, he could eat you right up.) You’d lost the color in your face, hands shaking as you clutched your red Solo cup almost hard enough for your nails to pierce the plastic.

He snatched Kirishima by his collar as he carved a path through the room. He planted the extroverted red-head in front of you, creating an extrovert shield between himself and the love of his life you. He’d spent the rest of the night talking to you. Nothing special, he couldn’t even really remember what about. But he did remember the relaxed slope of your shoulders, the spark in your eyes, the smile that played on your lips at whatever lame joke he had just made.

Back in the present (or last night, whatever), he was still stalking through the halls looking for whoever had mentioned you. He heard it again, the tail end of your name, coming from the living room.

“-(/N) never had it so good.” There he was, lounging along the bottom stairs with a smug look on his face as he regaled the small crowd he had attracted. Katsuki recognized him as one of those legacy kids, the one who showed up to the first day of orientation in a sleek black Bugatti and took up three parking spaces, talked in almost every one of his classes when he even bothered to show up, and was, without a doubt at every party on or off campus.

And now he was telling a story about you. What were you ever doing with an asshole like him?

“You would never guess it from how she dresses, you know,” The guy continued, lazily waving his half-empty beer bottle. “But she is stacked.”

Katsuki tensed up, his heart jumping into his throat. He pushed aside the crowd until he stood right in front of the bragger on the stairs. “What did you just say?” He asked through clenched teeth. “You're talking about (Y/N) (L/N), right?”

He lazily swept his gaze up, grinning wide when he saw Katsuki. “Yeah, (Y/N)? You know, she comes across as a frigid bitch, but let me tell you, she’s an incredible lay.” Katsuki’s vision went red. The crowd started to subtly shuffle away, feeling the cold change in atmosphere. “Not much besides that, honestly. Thank god her tits and ass are amazing, cause her face sure wasn’t doing it for me. Super boring, too, heard she’s failing her classes. Oh, well. Hey, I could use a side-piece when I’m running my own firm, you know?”

The asshole never saw it coming. In the span of a heart beat, Katsuki had grabbed his designer jacket and hoisted him off the stairs, pinning him to the wall so his feet kicked to try and reach the ground.

“You listen to me, asshole,” Katsuki hissed. “You never talk about (Y/N) again. You never look at her, you never talk to your shit-stain friends about her, you sure as fuck never tell another lie about her, or so help me, you’ll get to find out what color your liver is.”

Katsuki was half-way sure the jerk had pissed his pants. He dropped him in a heap, landing in the puddle of spilled beer on the floor. He brushed his hand off on his jeans, eager to get whatever germs the gossip had off him.

He was almost out of ear shot when he heard the rich kid spit and say, “Fine. She’s probably crawling with it if you’re dicking her down.”

The kid’s head made a dent in the wall as he richoched back from the impact of Katsuki’s punch. He would easily have a black eye and a broken nose, the chipped tooth would just be a bonus.

Katsuki’s head was fuzzy with rage, stalked through the house, bee-lining it to the nearest source of inebriation. How dare he? How fucking dare that absolute ass-wipe ever even think of saying such horrible things about you? He wasn’t even worth knowing your name, much less saying it. Not to mention the fact he must be blind to think you were anything less than stunning. Ever since he had known you, you had been nothing but kind and smart and caring and funny and…

“Baku-bro, you doing okay?”

Katsuki didn’t realize how tight he was holding his fists until he relaxed. His nails had made half-moon indents in his palms, his knuckles brushed red from the punch.

Kirishima had his mouth pulled down in that stupid puppy dog pout. “I’m fine,” Katsuki brushed him off. He grabbed a beer out of an iced cooler, twisting off the cap in a single motion and chugging half the bottle.

“Well, that’s good, cause I don’t think Tim Flood is making it out of here without a few stitches.”

“Good.” Katsuki finished the beer and chucked it into a recycle bin. He grabbed another and stalked out of the room. Everything felt too hot, too tight. His head was pounding. If you were here, you’d get a bag of ice and press it against his forehead. You’d probably call him an idiot for getting into another fight, that he needed to learn how to manage his temper better. He’d call you a dumbass but let you lead him away somewhere dark and quiet, away from all the other more insufferable dumbasses. You’d find some pain killers, get him some water, because that’s just the kind of caring person you were. Maybe you’d bring him upstairs, lead him to an unoccupied bedroom. The two of you would sit together on the bed, maybe just a little too close. You’d hand him the water, his hand would brush against yours. You’d look down, shy, blushing cutely. He’d lean forward, thread his hand through your incredibly soft hair, angle your face up to him. Your plush lips would part slightly and he’d lean forward and -

“Are you sure you’re good?” Kirishima asked, abruptly cutting off Katsuki’s impromptu fantasy. “Cause you don’t look so good.” Katsuki bit his tongue. “Is it because of what that guy said about (Y/N)?” Katsuki whipped around, glaring daggers. Kirishima smiled and put his hands up in mock surrender. “Hey, bro, it’s okay! No one believed him, anyway.”

Katsuki scoffed, taking a swig of the beer. “(Y/N)’s too good for him anyway.”

“I bet you think (Y/N)’s too good for everyone here, right?”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you need to hurry up and tell (Y/N) you like her!” Sero shouted, jumping in out of nowhere.

Katsuki dropped his bottle, Kirishima catching it just in time, and grabbed Sero by the front of his shirt and lifted him up. Sero just grinned his stupid, wide grin.

“Come on, Katsuki,” Denki said, slinging an arm around Katsuki’s shoulders. “We all know you’ve had a thing for (Y/N) since high school. Why don’t you just put us all out of our misery and tell her already?!”

Katsuki felt his face heat up. “I don’t- I haven’t - Fuck you!” Katsuki couldn’t remember why he was friends with these three idiots as they all burst out into laughter.

He snatched his bottle back and pushed through the crowd. He needed some air. He heard Sero yell after him, “You have to tell her eventually!”

And… That was mostly it. Katsuki’s memories of last night sort of started to trail off after that. He knew that he drank, he drank a lot. At some point he ended up by the pool. And maybe he’d called someone? Oh, hell, he hoped he hadn’t called someone.

His eyes snapped open at the soft groan. There you were, just inches away from his face, fast asleep and tucked in his arms. You were pressed close, breasts pushing against his chest, legs tangled with his, one hand clutching his shirt. Your lips were parted ever so slightly, breathing heavy and even.

And you were so fucking close.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. His arms tightened around you and he tensed. How the hell did this happen? Did you actually come to the party last night? When, and why? What had called you down there-?

Oh. Oh, the call! He had called you last night? Some time in his drunken haze he must have figured out to bypass the timed lock he had put on it specifically to avoid calling people with a too-honest tongue. But had you…? Nervously, he looked down. He sighed in relief. You were both still dressed. At least that was one mistake he knew he hadn’t made.

Alright, that was one problem. Now, on to the next one: How was he going to get out of here without waking you up? Craning his head around, he checked out the room. Wait, this was his room. He was in his apartment! A picture of last night started to form in his mind. He’d called you, blabbering God knows what, and then you’d been a good person (why were you such a good person?) and had come to get him, to make sure he was okay. And then what? He’d somehow seduced you into his bed? No, it was more likely you had stayed to make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit, maybe sat on the bed because it was the middle of the night and you were exhausted, and then… This.

Okay, okay, no, this was fine, he could fix this. He could slip out, let you keep sleeping. He’d make some breakfast in the kitchen and then you’d wake up, wander in rubbing the sleep from your eyes in that cute way you did when you pulled an all-nighter studying. He’d chastise you for lugging his drunk ass up here, for being out so late at night. You’d wave him off, compliment his cooking, tell him to take better care of himself, and then smile up at him with that blindingly beautiful smile and sparkling eyes.

“Morning.” Katsuki yelped at your greeting. He stared, wide-eyed, down at you, as you look back up at him lazily with those sparkling eyes. “It’s kinda hard to breathe here.” He realized then just how tight he was holding you. He jerked backward, his shout of surprise cut off as he fell off the bed. He rubbed his sore hip, looking up when he heard your giggle. You were leaning over the bed, smiling shyly when he caught you staring.

He gulped hard, feeling his face burning up. “Hi.”

You tucked a loose threat of hair behind your ear. “Hi.”

He should say something. He needed to say something. God, why wasn’t he saying something?

“I-“ Katsuki stopped with an incomplete thought in his mouth. He suddenly felt uncomfortably hot, his stomach clenching and throat going dry. Your face dropped as you lunged forward, dragging a bucket in front of him (where did that even come from?). He surged forward, clenching the sides of the bucket in a white knuckled grip, and threw up.

You slid off the bed and knelt next to him. You rubbed small circles in his back, whispering small comforts as he coughed up bile and alcohol and who knows what else. You reached over behind him and grabbed a glass of water from his nightstand.

“Here,” You said. “Rinse and spit. Don’t swallow or gargle, it’ll just mess with your gag reflex.” Rubbing the spike of pain growing in his forehead, he did what you said. When he caught his breath, he accepted the pain killers you had and dry swallowed them. You really had prepared for everything, huh?

Katsuki shoved the bucket away with his foot, leaning back against the bed. “Fuck…”

You hummed in response and scooted to sit next to him. “So,” You said.

“So,” He said back.

“I don’t suppose you remember much from last night?”

He clenched his jaw, mouth going dryer than it already was, if that was possible. He tried to laugh, but it sounded forced and strained, even to him. “Hey, we’re both still wearing pants, right?” You didn’t laugh back.

“So that’s a no then?” The seriousness with which you said that made him pause.

“I, uh, think I called you?”

“MmHmm. You didn’t sound too great, so I came to pull you out.”

“Huh. Thanks for that.”

“Yup.” You paused for a second. “Do you remember… anything else you said?”

Fuck.

“Uhh, I owe you breakfast?”

You looked away. “Is there anything you maybe told Sero that you wouldn’t want him to tell me?”

Double fuck.

“If this is about Halloween last year, Mina was the one who brought the Ouija board.” He smirked at you, waiting for you to laugh with him. Instead you didn’t even look up, staring a hole in the carpet with the intensity of your gaze.

You let out a sigh through your nose, pushing off your knees to stand. “I’m gonna head out,” You said, rubbing the back of your head and still not looking at him.

Katsuki jumped up, immediately regretting as his head began swimming. “(Y/N), wait-“ He cut himself off with another surge of nausea and lurched towards the bucket.

“Katsuki,” You said, sounding frustrated. “Look, I…” You sighed, running a hand through your hair and turning back to him. “We’ve known each other for a long time now, right? And for all the time I’ve known you, you’ve been stubborn and pig-headed and aggressive and just, you know, you. But still, in all that time, despite everything, I still…” You pressed your lips, looking for the right words. “I’m happy when I’m around you, Katsuki. I feel at ease, I feel protected, I feel like I can be better at anything. And I’ve thought about this a lot, so much that it makes my head spin and my heart hurt, but through all the trouble I still think it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day it means I still get to be with you and sometimes I just feel like that’s enough, but now I…” Your lip was trembling, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes. Katsuki wanted nothing more than to take a big step forward and wrap you in the biggest, tightest hug of your life. Finally, you sighed in defeat. “But if you can’t say it, if the One and Only Katsuki Bakugou can’t say it, then how the hell can I?”

Your voice broke on the last word. Katsuki was so stunned and suddenly pinned with guilt that he couldn’t move when you spun on your heels and rushed out of his apartment.

Oh, fuck.

~~~

“Idiot,” You murmured to yourself as you fled up the apartment stairs, furiously wiping at your eyes to get rid of the oncoming tears. “Idiot, idiot, idiot.” By the time you reached your apartment and slammed the door behind you, you weren’t sure if you were talking about Katsuki or yourself.

You felt sick. Anxiety gnawed at your mind like a starving coyote. Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki? Had you really just confessed your feelings to Katsuki like that? Would he ever speak to you again? Would things just become too awkward that you’d be edged out of your friend group? They had known Katsuki much longer than they had known you, after all. God, what if he was calling Kirishima right now and telling him about the disaster of a morning, after you had taken advantage of his blitz out state and slept in the same bed with him?

Well, no. Kirishima was probably still knocked out from his own night of heavy imbibing. Not to mention that even he, the most kind-hearted and patient person you knew, would have to draw a line at listening to Katsuki rant while dealing with a massive hangover.

And no, Katsuki wouldn’t do that to you. Despite his rough deminor, his abrasive personality, and his profane tongue, Katsuki was actually a sweetheart deep down. Maybe really deep down, but still. He wouldn’t be so intentionally cruel, even if you told him that you shared all of his baby pictures of him playing in his All Might onesie online.

So then why were you still huddled on a heap on the floor, back pressed against the front door, crying? Why was this pit of loneliness blooming in your chest?

You yelped at the sudden banging on the door. Who could be here so early in the morning? You had paid rent this month, right? You sniffed, rubbing your eyes and smoothing out your clothes. You hoped your cheeks weren’t the blotchy red they got whenever you were upset. You took a deep breath to steady your voice for whoever was outside.

Opening the door, you looked up at a wide-eyed Katsuki, panting hard with determination set on his face. You groaned internally.

“Katsuki,” You began,” About what I said, I’m sorr-”

Without waiting for you to finish, Katsuki surged forward. You tried to take a step backward, almost falling, but he caught you, a strong grip on your shoulders. Without waiting for you to get your bearings, Katsuki leaned in, smashing his lips against yours.

It wasn’t a graceful kiss, all clashing teeth and urgency rather than romance. His eyes were screwed closed. He stayed pressed against you, not moving, grip so tight on your upper arms you thought there might be a mark later.

Just as suddenly as he had come forward, he jerked back, but kept his hold on you. You both breathed heavily, eyes locked. Your mind whirled, a hundred voices shouting at the same time. For once, you decided to ignore them and let your body do what it wanted.

You reached up, wrapping your arms around Katsuki’s neck and pulled him back in. This kiss was controlled, soft and sweet. His hands dropped from your shoulders to wrap around your waist. He pressed in harder, adding desperation in the kiss, as if he thought you would vanish any second. When you both pulled away this time, he leaned his forehead against yours, noses bumping into each other, sharing the same breath.

His voice was rough. “Sorry,” He said. “I had to brush my teeth first.”

#bnha #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugou x reader #reader insert #fanfic #bakugo x reader #wafflefriesfic

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rainylana · 2 years ago

Text

“I’m not jealous.”

Eddie Munson x female reader

summary: jealousy over the new secretary at his job creates tension over dinner.

warnings: smut, language, jealous reader, threats of a spanking, dom eddie, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex.

Forks scrapped against the dinner plates, chewing sounds and food pushing around with the utensil. A candle that still smoked from being blown out. The tv, still on. The lights flickered from a dying lightbulb. Jaw’s were tense and fist were balled up. To say less, the energy was awkward.

“You gonna keep ignoring me?” Eddie put down his fork, looking at you with annoyance.

“Mhm.“ You hummed, kicking your feet under the table.

He’d been late coming home for the fourth time this week. Your relationship with him was at an all time low, tense and angry. Neither of you knew why, but you didn’t like it. You both were always so stressed and angry, snapping and irritable.

He claimed that he had been working extra hours, but you knew there was a new girl working at the shop as a secretary, so your jealousy spiked to an all time high. He’d had the nerve to talk about her, talk about how good she was and how sweet and knowledgeable she was about cars. You weren’t sure if he was doing it on purpose to make you jealous.

“You’re being ridiculous, y/n.” He leaned back with annoyance. “What’s the fuckin’ attitude for, huh?”

“Attitude?” You scoffed, putting down your fork. “I do not have an attitude. You’re the one who showed up late. I had dinner ready.”

He groaned loudly, running a hand through his hair. “Angel, I told you I took up more hours. That means I’m working more hours.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m dumb.” You argued, pushing your plate forward with an angry huff.

“You’re actin’ it.” He challenged.

“Well, you’re just a dick.” You huffed, pouting your lip. “You should at least come home on time when you know I’ve got dinner made.”

“Oh, my god,” He chuckled in amazement. “What about more hours do you not understand? Are you feeling okay? Did you get your period?” He looked at you inquisitively.

“Oh, typical man.” You scoffed, crossing your arms in a huff. “Blaming my period on everything?”

“Well, are you?” He retorted.

“No!” You snapped, banging your fist against the table. “No, I’m not on my fucking period, Eddie, jesus!”

He groaned and buried his face in his hands, pressing hard against his forehead to numb his head ache. “Whatever.” He was going to drop it, not wanting to argue.

Maybe you were insecure, just simply jealous of the idea of another woman hanging around Eddie. It struck you odd, considering it had never bothered you before. You never typically got jealous. Eddie was always very good at assuring you that you were the only girl he had eyes for.

“Is this about Scarlett?” You could feel his eyes on you, your own looking down at the floor. “Because if it is, you need to tell me instead of biting my head off.”

He took your silence as a yes, and your eyes misted over, despite your best efforts.

“Y/n,” He sighed. “You know that’s stupid. I am not in slightest way interested in her.” He pressed, brown eyes trying to find yours, cocking his head in your direction.

“But you like her.” Your voice cracked, fingers digging into your skin.

“Yeah,” He nodded. “She’s good at her job. She’s got the credentials, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna up and marry her, y/n. Why are you so jealous of her?” He tried to get you to open up, reaching across the table to get you to look at him.

“M’ not jealous.” You pouted, a tear falling down your face.

“Put that lip away.” He said firmly, “Look at me and talk like a big girl.” His dominating tone made your belly warm, sending a chill down your spine that made you look up.

“I’m not jealous.” You tried again, eyes swelling into hearts at his beauty, even if he was irritated at you.

“Could have fooled me.” He raised a brow, crossing his arms like yours had been. “You just having a bad day or what? Because I’m warning you now you’re heading for a spanking if you don’t relax.”

The very threat made you throb, your cheeks flare up with warmth that he didn’t miss. You sniffled, wiping your cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

He gave you a minute to calm down, tapping his fingers against the table, trying to find the words to make you feel better. “Y/n, you know there’s no reason to be jealous over her. Over anybody.” He said gently, holding out his hand for you to hold. He nodded to it, watching you reach out to take it.

“You and l know you’re the only girl I’ve got eyes for. I’m staying late because we need the money, because I’m trying to give you a good life. I could care less about her, y/n.” He squeezed your hand, speaking firmly, yet soft, trying to ease your stress. “I love you and only you, got it? You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Why would I waste my time with someone else when I’ve got it made right here.”

Your eyes were swollen with tears that fell down you face, and you gave a nod that made him untense. “I know,” You hiccuped. “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know, I just miss spending time with you.”

“It’s okay,” He smiled, rubbing your hand. “I just don’t want you worrying about this because there’s nothing to worry about.”

You smiled back and scooted closer to the table, sniffling. “Yeah.”

He reached out to wipe your cheek. “And I know you miss our time together. I miss it too, but we can still spend plenty of time together, honey. We’ll just have to adjust to this for the time being, okay? Nothing to get worked up about.”

You blushed, embarrassed at the tantrum you threw. “I’m sorry again.”

“Don’t be.” He soothed you. “I understand. Come here.” He took your hand and led you around the table, pulling you next to him so he could hug you lovingly. He was warm and embraced you gently, wrapping his arms around you in a tender hug.

“I’m sorry if I’ve been a jackass.” He spoke into your neck, torsos glued together.

“Me too.” You muffled into his chest. “I’ve acted like such a spoiled brat.”

He chuckled into your hair. “You have, if I do say so, darling.”

You whined, nestling into his chest. “Not gonna spank me are you?” You smirked.

“I should,” He looked down at you. “But I’m not gonna, since you’ve got a valid reason for being upset, but I am gonna fuck the fussy out of you.”

Your belly twisted and you looked up with doe eyes. “Please, do,”

He hungrily kissed you, knocking your head back as his lips lurched forward in a needy kiss. He pulled you into his lap, your legs going either side of his on the seat as he kissed down your neck. You hummed happily, looking up to the ceiling as he left sticky, wet spots down your skin, suckling and marking as he went. He pulled down your shirt as far as he could, kissing the exposure of your breasts.

“Fuck,” You whimpered, rocking your hips into his growing bulge.

“Watch it,” He bit your shoulder. “I’ll still punish you.”

You clamped your mouth shut and grinded on his bulge as he sucked on your neck, moaning and curling your fingers in the curls of his hair. As much as you loved a good spanking from your boyfriend, he really knew how to make it hurt.

He picked you up and walked you over to the couch, dropping you on your back as he towered over you, smiling happily with shiny teeth. You smiled back, giggling lightly as he reconnected the kiss. He rested between your legs, reaching down to cup your pussy with his palm. You hummed with satisfaction, shimming down your shorts and underwear in one go. You went to go for his belt until he stopped you.

“No,” He grabbed your hand, giving it a delicate kiss. “All about you tonight, baby. Want you to know how much you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.”

He cupped your cheek and continued sucking on your neck, letting you relax as he dragged a finger through your folds, sending a shock through your body. He moved all the way down to your chest before he flung out shirt off, taking each of your nipples in his mouth and spending time to worship each of them, all the while he continued to graze over your pussy.

Then he moved to your arms, licking them with his tongue to your elbow before switching to the other. You were shaking, bucking into his hand and whispering pleas. He got to your stomach, giving a soft kiss to your navel as he finally pushed a finger inside of your cunt.

You moaned loudly, grabbing his hair.

“Feel better?” He smirked, coming up to you as he finger fucked your pussy.

You nodded, voice too full and shaky to speak coherently. He pressed another messy kiss to your lips, attacking his tongue with yours: His thumb went to your clit, circling and pressing, digging and swiping. It made you pant, shake and tremble in his arms. You had to break apart the kiss to cry out, looking up to the ceiling in euphoria. “I’m gonna cum.” You sobbed, rocking your body into him.

“Yeah?” He smiled coyly, entering yet another finger inside of you, rings shining with your arousal. “Fuckin’ cum then you little brat.”

You cried out as you came, your body shaking with pleasure as you sobbed and bit your lip. Eddie rubbed the heel of his palm against your clit, helping you through your high as he leaned his forehead against yours.

“I need you.” You panted hotly. “Please, need you bad.”

He hurriedly unbelted himself before rutting his thick cock into your pulsing cunt, making you scream as you wrapped your arms around his body. “Fuck,” He groaned, grabbing the arm of the couch as he looked down at his cock sliding in and out of your pussy. His pubic hair grazed at your overstimulated clit, making your muscles jolt and spasm. He thrusted faster and faster, the loud sound of skin slapping mixed with his heavy pants and your choked gasps and whines.

He came within seconds into your cunt, collapsing atop of you with a heavy huff,

#lana’s shit post #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #stranger things season four #joseph quinn #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson smut

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roseyreveries · 2 months ago

Note

I don’t mean to bombard you with requests- but I have one more idea for Draco and girlfriend!reader

Reader is waiting for Draco to be done with his shower, but when he takes too long she mumbles “What is he doing in there? Taking his everything shower?” Then goes into the bathroom to find him finished with his shower, towel slung around his hips and he’s trying (and failing) to pluck a few stray hairs in his eyebrows. After some lighthearted teasing, reader does it for him.

Just some sweet moments as a couple that make me giggle 🤭

Does that sound like something you would want to write about? Totally fine if not x

Plucked and Flustered

Summary: in the request <3

CW: just fluff and teasing, slight sexual tension at the end

Directory <- click!

You sighed dramatically, sprawled out on Draco’s bed, staring at the clock. “Merlin’s beard,” you mumbled to yourself. “What is he doing in there? Taking his everything shower?”

The sound of the water had stopped ages ago, yet Draco still hadn’t emerged. Curiosity—and mild annoyance—got the better of you. Sliding off the bed, you padded toward the bathroom, knocking lightly on the door.

“Draco? Are you—”

“Don’t come in!” his voice called, a little too quickly, making you narrow your eyes suspiciously.

Oh, that was an invitation if you ever heard one. Ignoring his warning, you opened the door, stepping inside to find Draco standing in front of the mirror. A towel hung low around his hips, droplets of water glistening on his pale skin and damp platinum hair. His brows were furrowed in intense concentration as he held a pair of tweezers, awkwardly trying to pluck at his eyebrows.

You blinked, biting back a laugh. “Is this why you’ve been in here for half an hour? Grooming your eyebrows, Malfoy?”

Draco turned sharply, his cheeks tinging pink. “They were uneven,” he defended, scowling. “And this bloody thing isn’t cooperating.”

“Poor baby,” you teased, crossing your arms and leaning against the doorframe. “Big, bad Draco Malfoy, defeated by a pair of tweezers.”

“Do you mind?” he snapped, though his tone lacked any real heat. “Some of us care about appearances.”

You smirked, stepping closer. “Clearly. Here, let me do it before you accidentally shave off an eyebrow or something.”

Draco hesitated for a moment, then sighed in defeat, handing you the tweezers. “Fine. But if you make me look ridiculous, I’ll hex you.”

“Oh, I’m trembling,” you said with mock fear, rolling your eyes. You hopped up onto the counter, motioning for him to come closer. “Alright, stand here.”

Draco stepped forward, settling himself between your legs as you adjusted your position to get a better angle. You held his chin lightly, tilting his face toward the light. The proximity made your heart flutter, but you kept your composure—mostly because you could tell he was pretending this wasn’t flustering him, too.

“This might sting a little,” you warned, bringing the tweezers to his brow.

“I can handle a little—OW!” Draco flinched as you plucked the first hair, glaring up at you. “What are you, a sadist?”

“Don’t be such a baby,” you said, stifling a laugh. “Hold still, or I’ll miss.”

He grumbled under his breath, but obeyed, his hands resting lightly on your thighs as you worked. With each pluck, you teased him mercilessly, making exaggerated comments about his “delicate” pain tolerance and how much effort went into keeping his perfect face perfect.

“Done!” You announced, sitting back to admire your work. “You’re welcome, Your Highness.”

Draco leaned in to inspect his reflection, running a hand through his damp hair. “Not bad,” he admitted grudgingly. “I suppose I owe you a thank you.”

“You suppose?” you shot back, hopping off the counter. “I just saved your reputation, Malfoy. You’d better worship me.”

He smirked, turning to face you fully, his hands catching your waist as you tried to brush past him. “Worship you?” he drawled, his silver eyes gleaming with mischief. “Is that what you want, love? Because I can think of a few ways to show my gratitude…”

Your breath hitched slightly as he stepped closer, his fingers tightening their hold just enough to send a thrill through you. He leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of your ear as he murmured, “All you had to do was ask.”

You rolled your eyes, though the heat rising to your cheeks betrayed you. “Oh, please. You wouldn’t know gratitude if it hexed you in the face.”

Draco chuckled, his lips quirking into that infuriating smirk as he pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. “Careful, darling. If you keep teasing me, I might have to come up with a more… hands-on way to repay you.”

Your heart skipped at the way his voice dipped, and you pushed at his chest, trying to hide your flustered state. “Go dry your hair, you insufferable peacock.”

But instead of stepping back, Draco stayed close, his fingers tracing slow circles against your hip. “You’re not running away already, are you?” he teased, his smirk softening into something more genuine. “I thought you liked taking care of me.”

“I do,” you replied, your tone a little softer now. “But you’re impossible, Malfoy.”

“And you love me for it,” he shot back smoothly, finally releasing you with a wink.

You huffed, turning on your heel to leave, but his voice followed you out of the bathroom. “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll let you worship me later.”

“Keep dreaming, Malfoy!” you called back, though your grin betrayed your words.

Join my Taglist!

@ferntv @malfoy-mrsdracomalfoy @jazzywinter @harddonutalmondhound

#fanfiction #imagine #fanfic #imagines #draco malfoy #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy imagine #draco x reader #harry potter #hogwarts #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy x reader #draco lucius malfoy

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aaakikoo · 2 years ago

Text

Low effort scenarios with my favorite fictional man. Bakugou.

an -> low effort is what I do best lmao, I hope you enjoy this. I have alresdy done these with more effort put in them 😭 I’ll list some below.

here and here.

another an -> requests currently open, or if you want to send ideas, thirsts or suggestions feel free to do that too. Comments and rblogs r appreciated!

paring -> k.Bakugou x f!reader

warnings -> language, idk tell me if there is any other.

———

1. NOT SHARING HIS RAMEN WITH YOU

“Babe please just one bite” you said as the blond was slurping on his noodles. “Fuck off, get your own.”

“You made the last pack! I am not heading to the store for a packet of noodles!” You said in defense but he didn’t seem to care as he continued chewing.

“Babe please!” You held him by the shoulders as you whined further. “I said no.” He said taking another bite.

“Fine.” You huffed and sat your ass back down on the couch. after Bakugou had finished slurping and munching on his noodles he came and sat with you on the couch.

At first you didn’t pay him any mind until he made a mistake and placed his arm around your waist.

You quickly slapped his arm away. “I’m mad at you.” You said leaving the living room and heading to your shared bedroom.

On your way you heard him scoff but you didn’t care.

A few minutes later he came in to apologize but it wasn’t successful.

“Why do I have to apologize after eating something I ate, and paid for? Do I have to share everything with you.” He asked in annoyance.

“Well you could’ve gave me one singular bite!” You said in defense and he scoffed and left the room annoyed at your behavior.

About half an hour later he came in, this time you didn’t bother to look at him. He didn’t say anything either, he came in and picked you off of the bed.

“W-what? Hey, what are you doing??” You asked surprised, no answer. “Put me down!” Still no answer.

He walked downstairs and headed to the kitchen placing you on one of the island chairs.

“What are-“ you words were swallowed up as you saw what was in front of you.

“Stop being mad at me now okay?”

He had bought you more noodles, made them for you, cut you fresh vegetables to have with, seasoned it, and put chopsticks on the side for you to eat.

You didn’t replay, only offering him a little hidden smile as you began munching.

The man still sat across from you on the island. “Thank you. Best boyfriend ever.”

“Huge mood swing.”

2. BUYING FOR YOU

It was a Sunday afternoon and you were both chilling on the couch.

Tomorrow was your day off so you were in a good mood, scrolling on whatever expensive brands site, checking out their latest drops and most hottest items.

Also Bakugou told you he will be taking you out after his shift, by 7pm. So you were trying to see if you could make a steal for the date.

Currently, Bakugou’s eyes were glued on the tv and your eyes were glued on your phone.

The guy in the show Bakugou is watching had made a pretty funny joke and Bakugou looked down at you to see if you had catched that.

Instead he finds you eyeing a dark red pair of high pump heels. He saw you like it and add it to your list and he thought that was it.

He continued watching the series like nothing happened and you closed your phone and now focusing on the tv.

The next day you woke up to an empty bed like always when it is your day off, currently 9am and you headed down to make yourself breakfast.

After you had eaten you clean up a bit and chatted with your friends for a little. Until the doorbell rang and there was a mailman, delivering you a package and asking for your autograph.

You had told him that you didn’t purchase anything but he kept on insisting that this was the right address.

You took a look on the address and it was correct then you saw that it was bought with your boyfriends name. So you gave the mailman your autograph.

After you closed and locked your door you took the box into the living room. Wondering what your boyfriend could’ve possibly purchased. He always asks for your opinion before he purchases anything.

Curiosity got the best out of you and you opened the brown box, the box revealing another box inside. A more expensive looking one. Matt black box with golden letters from the expensive brand you were looking at earlier.

You opened the black box, now this time the box revealed a white stretchy bag, you opened the box and your jaw dropped at the sight.

The dark red pumps you were looking at yesterday. Before you could properly make up your thoughts your boyfriend messaged you.

[ wear em today ]

Is all he sent to you, you wondered how he knew that you had gotten them, then you remembered he gets a notification when a package is delivered.

Your heart was filled with warmth.

By 17:30 you started getting ready, quick shower, blowing your hair, picking your outfit. A long black silky dress and gold jewelry everywhere from your ears, wrists to your neck and fingers. Elegant makeup and your hair out up in a golden butterfly claw clip. Along with of course the new heels.

By 18:50 you received a text. Which meant to head outside. And so you did.

When you stepped outside you were met with your boyfriend dressed in black suit pants and a white dress shirt with a dark red tie to match his eyes and your new bought heels.

He greeted you with a hug and a kiss on your temple. “Thank you.” You said and pecked his lips.

“Nothing but the best for you.”

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starlitmelanin · 6 months ago

Text

ᡣ𐭩ྀི do better; t.alexander-arnold

pairing - trent x fem!reader

word count - 1.3k

warnings - none

summary - subbed off in the 70th minute, trent’s frustration boils over by the time he gets home. you comfort him, but also remind him of who he is and the responsibility that comes with it.

the door slams shut with a force that almost makes the walls tremble, the kind of force that tells you exactly how trent's feeling before you even see his face. you're in the living room, scrolling through your phone when you hear it, and the heavy thud of his bag hitting the floor follows seconds later.

you don't need to ask him what's wrong; you already know.

he's in the hallway, and the frustration is written all over his face. it's in the tight set of his jaw, the way his eyes are dark and stormy, and how his hands are clenched into fists at his sides like he's trying to keep a lid on whatever's bubbling up inside him.

"hey," you say softly, getting up from the couch and walking over to him.

your voice is gentle, careful, because you know how much he hates losing his cool, how much he prides himself on being in control, especially in front of you.

he doesn't answer, just exhales a harsh breath through his nose, his eyes flicking to the side as if he's trying to compose himself, trying to shake off the anger that's still simmering beneath the surface.

"trent, talk to me," you press, reaching out to touch his arm, hoping to ease some of the tension out of his rigid posture.

"they pulled me off," he says finally, his voice low and clipped, like he's trying to keep from shouting. "70th minute. can you believe that?"

you nod, even though you don't need to say anything. you've been with him long enough to know how much he hates being subbed off, how much he values being on the pitch, being in the thick of it with his team. and tonight, being pulled off early, in his eyes, felt like being stripped of that.

"i was fine," he continues, his voice rising just a little, his frustration leaking through despite his efforts to keep it under wraps. "there was no reason for me to come off. none."

you watch him, knowing that right now, he needs to vent, to let it all out. but you also know that once he's calmed down, he'll see things differently. right now, though, it's your job to be the balance, to be the voice of reason when his emotions are running high.

"i know," you say quietly, guiding him towards the couch, hoping that sitting down might help him relax a bit. "but you have to trust the coach's decision. maybe he saw something you didn't."

he shakes his head, the frown on his face deepening. "nah, it wasn't that. i know my body, i know when i'm done, and tonight, i wasn't done. he should've let me finish."

you sit down next to him, close enough that your knees are touching, and you can feel the lingering annoyance vibrating off of him. you let him stew in it for a moment, knowing that sometimes he just needs a bit of space before he's ready to really hear you.

"i get it, babe," you say after a while, your voice steady, even though you know what you're about to say might not be what he wants to hear. "but you can't let it get to you like this. you're the vice captain, trent. you have to keep it together, especially out there, in front of everyone."

he looks at you, his eyes narrowing slightly like he wants to argue, but there's something in your tone that makes him pause. you've always been able to get through to him, even when he's too caught up in his own head. it's one of the reasons why you work so well together, why he values your opinion so much.

"i know," he mutters, dropping his head back against the couch, his eyes closing as he exhales a long, slow breath. "i just hate it. i hate not being out there, not being able to do more."

you nod, understanding where he's coming from, but also knowing that sometimes, stepping back is just as important as stepping up. "i know you do. but you have to trust the process. trust that the coach knows what's best for the team, for you. and you can't let your emotions get the better of you, especially not on the field."

he's silent for a moment, his brows furrowed as he processes what you're saying. you can see the internal struggle on his face, the way he's wrestling with his frustration and the logic you're laying out in front of him. it's never easy, getting him to see things from a different perspective when he's in a mood like this, but you know he'll come around. he always does.

"yeah, you're right," he says finally, his voice softer now, the edge of anger starting to fade. "i just... i don't know. it just got to me tonight."

"that's okay," you say, reaching over to take his hand in yours, squeezing it gently. "you're allowed to feel how you feel. but just remember who you are, trent. you're a leader, and you need to act like one, even when things don't go your way."

he opens his eyes then, turning his head to look at you, and there's something in his gaze that makes your heart swell. it's gratitude, appreciation, maybe even a little bit of awe, like he can't believe how well you know him, how you always seem to know exactly what to say.

"what would i do without you, huh?" he says, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, the first sign of the frustration starting to truly melt away.

you smile back, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "you'd be fine. just a little more annoyed, maybe."

he chuckles at that, the sound low and warm, and you can feel some of the tension leaving his body as he relaxes into the couch, his hand still holding onto yours.

"i'm sorry," he says after a moment. "i didn't mean to come in here all pissed off like that. i just..."

"it's okay," you interrupt, squeezing his hand again. "i know it wasn't about me. and i know how much this means to you. but you've got to remember that it's not just about tonight. it's about the long game, about being fit for when you're really needed."

he nods, his expression thoughtful as he takes in your words. "yeah, you're right. i just need to get out of my own head sometimes."

"and that's why i'm here," you say, your tone light, but there's a seriousness in your eyes that he doesn't miss. "to remind you of that, to keep you grounded."

he smiles at that, a genuine smile that reaches his eyes, and he leans in to press a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment longer than usual. "you're amazing, you know that?"

"i try," you tease, nudging him playfully with your shoulder, and he laughs, the sound warming your chest.

the rest of the evening is quieter, the tension from earlier disappearing as you both settle into the comfort of each other's company. you talk about other things, lighter things, the issues of the game left behind.

it's these moments that you treasure the most, the quiet after the storm, when it's just the two of you, no distractions, no pressures. and as you curl up next to him, his arm draped around your shoulders, his thumb tracing absent-minded patterns on your arm, you know that this is where you're both meant to be.

together, dealing with the highs and lows, the wins and losses, the frustrations and joys that come with life, with love, with being there for each other, no matter what.

#⋆⁺₊✧ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧 #trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold x black reader #trent alexander arnold fanfic #trent alexander arnold x reader

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primeofprimes115 · 7 months ago

Text

A Cold "Treat" - Supergirl x Male Reader

Note: Smut 💕

Art by Krysdecker

For the last three months of Y/N's life, everything has been life changing for him in a lot of ways he couldn't describe at all, to say that he was the luckiest boy on Earth, was a true statement in many the many eyes of males his age to say at least.

All his life had been ups and downs, mostly downs but he always seemed to power through them, even the most overwhelming moments in his life, despite feeling rather vague about his life, all he wanted was an escape from the misery that was his day-to-day life, just something that could uplift him in the dark.

His mother was one of those people, especially after his dad mysteriously passed away, she raised him all on her own, working off on the money she had from a dodgy family, though some of the family were genuinely nice people deep down, the other half were something else entirely.

School was rough, through middle to high school, he had the normal-ish, school experience, just with the added down-sides to it, dealing with the wrong people mostly, he had friends, not much, but he definitely had friends.

College was like a breath of fresh air, it was like he could finally breath once again, no more having to deal with shitty people, no more having to deal with teachers who were mostly plain disrespectful or unfun, who would berate you for being two-minutes late or under the ten-minute mark. No more having to deal with wannabe cool people who think they're the toughest in the world.

College was something... New, despite the costs of having to go there in Metropolis, he was more than happy to have been to somewhere fresh and new, than having to deal with low-life people who thought everything mattered to them.

His life began to take a turmoil at this point, with some ups and downs along the way, his life got interesting but not as interesting as a year later in College.

One day, he was just walking down the street, not wanting to live in a Dorm like any other student would, but he was on his way to College when all of a sudden? He walked into a scene of danger, the city threatened by a super-villain, identity confirmed it to be Metallo, an infamous villain that belonged in Superman's rogue gallery, this was Metropolis after all.

And who was at the scene also? Superman's cousin, Supergirl, renowned for her strong will and outgoing personality and friendly nature, unless you piss her off, was fighting Metallo at the scene in Superman's absence. She was seen protecting citizens from a rampaging Metallo who wanted nothing more than revenge on Superman, vowing to kill Supergirl to spite the Man of Steel.

Supergirl was resilient in her efforts to stop the rampaging Metallo, but thanks to Kryptonite? The Girl of Steel would soon fall under the overwhelming effects, making her nauseous and weak, giving Metallo and edge to the fight.

"I'll give Superman your regards on my behalf" Metallo said to spite her, she tried fighting back a little longer but soon fell to her knees with the Kryptonite in his chest fully exposed to her as a beam shot out, hitting her across the road and into a civilian's parked car.

He remembered hiding, hiding and watching how the fight was going down, seeing Supergirl being knocked down like that was heart-wrenching to watch, after all the good she's done for Earth, despite what many people say about her to downvote her, he wasn't one of those people... He once praised Supergirl for her efforts, after all... She saved him a few times before which was over a year ago just before his day into College, and even before that.

"I-I won't...!" the girl struggled to keep her words up, the Kryptonite weakening her further as Metallo walked closer, the light in his chest growing greener, charging up.

"Time to die, girly!" John Corben sneered before he felt a rock bounce off of his head, making him grunt in annoyance.

"Leave her alone!" turning around, he heard the voice of a boy that threw a rock at him, noticing him standing across the street with a brave attitude.

"Big mistake, kid" Metallo groaned, before his attention fell to the boy instead.

"Oh shit" Y/N cursed out before Metallo went straight after him instead.

This was enough of a distraction for Supergirl to recover from being weakened by the Kryptonite, while Y/N was facing a near-death experience at this point in time, with Metallo out to kill a nineteen-year-old boy, just because he saved Supergirl last minute by attacking him.

The Girl of Steel pulled a plan out of her cousin's book and ripped a manhole out from the ground nearby and proceeded to track down Metallo chasing the kid, she thought how stupid it was of the boy to put himself in danger, let alone...

He sounded familiar to her, as if she had seen him before once or twice, she hadn't struck conversation with him before, but all she knew him as was this "handsome boy".

Soon, she found Metallo cornering the boy in a lone alleyway, soon flying on down to get his attention.

"Hey! Leave the charming guy alone!!" she shouted out at him, gaining his attention before the Girl of Steel melted the manhole cover onto Metallo's chest, just like her cousin once did a few years back.

All she had to do now was fly him up into space, hopefully to knock him out due to a lack of oxygen up out of orbit, now that the Kryptonite was contained, with Metallo cursing out the girl's efforts, trying to fight back, Supergirl was persistent and blasted off into the air, leaving Y/N alone in the alleyway, having to get over the fact that she just called him 'charming' right in front of him.

Soon enough... The boy was just making his way over back to College after having his life ended by a supervillain, but he was stopped by Supergirl calling him out and landing a few feet in front of him, after handing Metallo over to Stryker's Island, to be imprisoned once more.

"Hi" she shyly waved at him with her arms within her gold/yellow outlined red cape, with a cute little smile on her face after greeting the boy.

"Oh? H-Hi there" Y/N waved back at her, feeling rather tensed but surprised to see Supergirl standing in front of him, albeit her floating off the ground a little just to look taller. Her being 5'5 and he, 5'10. "Look, if this is about me putting my life in danger to save you, you... Don't need to say it, it was kinda dumb for me to do-".

"Who said you were dumb to do so?" she asked him softly, making him reconsider what he was saying as she landed on the ground softly, with dust scattering away from her red boots, approaching him. "You did what you thought was right, you're not in trouble or anything" she giggled softly... Oh that giggle, it would send a boy to the stars hearing that.

"Oh? W-Well... Haha" he tittered. "I-I uh... Well... *clears throat* You don't need to thank me, I was just... Y'know?" he shrugged, looking away from Supergirl's eyes for a moment to recollect his thoughts... He would surely not want to get lost in such gorgeous eyes like hers.

She was a superhero, he didn't deserve to get attention like this from one superhero, yeah she saved him a few times before, but that was different. They had no interaction before, which only made him more awkward.

However, Supergirl smiled brightly, letting out a small, soft giggle. "Well... I'm thanking you anyway~♥" she said before doing the unthinkable, floating off the ground and kissing his left cheek, making his face go redder by the second as he blushed hard. It was nothing more than a small and simple kiss.

It was soft and gentle, just like her more friendly nature, ticklish like her golden locks.

"You mind if I fly you to College?" she asked, despite him being lost in what had just happened.

"What?? How did you-?" he stopped himself, still blushing red across the cheeks as he laughed nervously. "Of course you probably know that" he chuckled to himself, keeping his eyes off of her to regather himself.

"Is that a yes?" she asked softly and genuinely. Y/N built his courage to look at her again and saw a gentle look in her face, a caring look in her eyes, a sweet sense of interest in her smile.

From that point on? He began to smile...

Three months... Three whole months had been the most interesting point in his life since then...

Another surprise had awaited him that following week of speaking to Supergirl for the first time face to face, he remembered it clearly... She went ahead to pick him up and fly him back home to his own living space and soon after, she asked him out on a date, 'something casual' she put it, but Y/N knew from that point on...

They were meant to be... He didn't know why, but the genuine look in her face, making sure he was alright every day, checking up on him when she could, she was caring, sweet and kind, completely different from what the internet points her out as. She was this willing to ask him out on a date and like any normal person? He accepted.

It was still all crazy to him... He was dating... No, now he was the boyfriend of Supergirl, or he'd soon learn to know her by another name or two.

Kara Zor-El, who is just Supergirl.

And Linda Lang... No wonder she looked familiar! She was the cute girl in College! No wonder why he caught her staring at him a few times. Who would've thought Linda Lang was Supergirl in disguise? Just to keep a close eye on him during College, blending in with the students.

Since dating Supergirl, or Linda for that matter, he's gotten to meet new people, heroes in other words who both appreciated and were kind enough to allow Y/N to hang out with them with or without their costumes, capes and so what, most notably a few Teen Titans that Kara got along with very well.

Those last three months were held special and dear to him, Supergirl most notably changed his life and perspective on life for that matter alone, she showed him a lot more than he could fathom to realize, the responsibility.

Despite his ups and downs during College and all his sleepless nights... Kara would support him regardless, help him feel more relaxed and happier. He was head over heels for Kara at this point, like she was with him. Around this time, Kara happily moved into Y/N's apartment, bringing more than just her, she brought her cat, Streaky into his life, who warmed up to him in no time.

Currently however, the two were holding hands, walking down the busy streets of Metropolis, Y/N having his Summer break for College for the next twelve-to-fourteen weeks, Kara was more than happy to have him be on break for that amount of time.

Kara was in her disguise as Linda Lang, wearing her glasses after she had flown him through the city for a little bit as Supergirl.

Usually every morning, Kara would be the first to wake, seeing her boyfriend cutely snoring away before she begins to get ready for the day ahead, every morning, she puts on her midriff suit and sets out to patrol as Supergirl. Going to every corner of America to scope out any danger and put an end to it.

It had been like that for her for a while now but she couldn't be more happier anyway, since Superman was mostly absent from Metropolis nowadays, she offered to take over by keeping Metropolis safe, while Superman was needed elsewhere from time to time, he reluctantly agreed and it had been like that for the past few months.

Once her patrols were finished? She'd return home, always in time to see her boyfriend waking up either by Streaky or by her own action of climbing on him, while she still wore her suit. It was sure a sight to see Supergirl straddle him which ended up in him kissing her every time, which was exactly what happened this morning.

She also decided to get him breakfast from the local bakery, his favorite bakery in that regard.

Y/N soon took notice of the street they were walking in on, the same street he once saved Kara within from Metallo three months back, soon chuckling at remembering that day.

Linda notably took notice of his little chuckle, pulling a look of interest into why he chuckled.

"What's got you chuckling??" she asked softly, Y/N looked at her and smiled.

"Oh well, just thought back to the day I saved you from Metallo, this was the same street you fought him in" Y/N pointed out his reason, surprising his girlfriend after she notices.

"Oh yeah, it is" she giggled soon after. "Not far ahead, I thanked you and kissed you on your cheek" she then reminded him before kissing him on the same cheek, pushing up her round, Harry Potter looking glasses after the gentle kiss.

"That was surely a moment that's still in the back of my mind" he smiled more at her, holding Linda's hand tighter, through the crowded street ahead. He used to always have anxiety walking through a street like this alone, social anxiety.

But Supergirl, Kara, Linda had brought down that level of social anxiety since they began dating, before being committed into a relationship.

"Who would've thought that we'd tie the knot not long after?" Linda said with a teasing smirk, noting out their first time doing it in bed last month, following them announcing their relationship to their friends, and to Y/N's mother, who supported him.

His mother doesn't know that his girlfriend is Supergirl yet, but he was going to tell her when the time is right, his mother was already worried enough as she already was three months ago after having a near-death experience from Metallo.

"Our first time having sex? Yeah... That's a night I'm always going to remember" he purred to her, making Linda bite her lip just thinking back on it.

She remembered screaming out his name in pure satisfaction, the feeling of being able to feel so good, of having her walls being broken down by just a mere human. The hickeys, the kissing, the note of consent on one another of taking each other's clothes off.

More notably, she was in her costume for their first time, and she ended up being naked not long after before she felt him inside her, she found it extremely hot hearing him ask to take off her skirt and shorts, along with her boots and crop top with the cape still attached to it.

It turned her on just thinking more about it. "I'm always going to remember that night~♥" she smirked, staring right at him as he looked at her with a smirk on his face.

"Y'know, if you wanna go at it again, all you have to do is ask" he softly cooed at her before softly laughing.

"Oh, I'm planning to" she winked, as the two continued walking down the busy street on their day out, without any crime for Supergirl to stop currently.

Not far ahead, Linda overheard something with her super hearing, some people ordering ice-cream just not far from where they were.

It was a pretty hot sunny day today, Y/N was only dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, wearing nothing but his sneakers with ankle socks, Linda on the other hand, had her hair tied back with a hair-bobble, while she wore her traditional zipped up hoodie and ripped jeans, hiding her superhero attire underneath as she wore her red boots, the gold-V-shaped part being covered by her jeans.

"Ohhh! There's a guy selling some ice-cream! We should get some" Linda said with a craving for a vanilla ice-cream. C'mon!" she began to drag him toward the ice-cream stand, smiling away.

Y/N began to chuckle at Linda's cuteness, being dragged along towards the ice-cream stand up-ahead of them. "Couldn't wait for my answer, could you?" he asked.

"I already knew what your answer was gonna be, hun" she winked back at him. "Besides, your body could use a cooldown, can't exactly use my... Y'know?" she done a imitation of her freeze breath power with her lips, knowing she couldn't do it within the public while in disguise.

"God, I love it when you read me like a book, it's so hot" he purred and smiled with a small tint of pink appearing across his cheeks, while Linda kept her smile at him, dragging him by the hand gently.

It weren't long until Linda had brought her boyfriend over to the ice-cream stand, waiting their turn to order, Y/N couldn't help but imagine Kara in her superhero attire, the midriff that showed her abs, her petite belly that showed her abs. Oh how it turned him on just thinking about it - with her hair billowing behind her just like her cape, as she'd lick her ice-cream, it was just a thought but it turned him on just thinking about it.

"Hun?" Linda's voice brought Y/N out of his little daydream.

"Uh... Yes?".

"What flavor do you want? I'm going vanilla, plain too" she asked, informing him on what she's picking also.

"I'll go for what you're having" he smiled, as their turn was next.

"Hi there!" Linda greeted the man within the ice-cream stand with a small wave, while holding her boyfriend's hand. "Two plain vanilla ice-creams please" Linda reached within her wallet and pulled out ten-dollars each. "Keep the change too, it'll be fine" she insisted the man who went to work.

Linda took notice on the way Y/N was now looking at her, she couldn't help but look into his eyes, madly in love with him while he was staring her down with some slow blinks, both smiling at each other.

She then softly giggled before leaning toward him. "I've got you covered" she whispered to him with a teasing wink.

Y/N wondered what she meant by that, little beknown to him... Linda knew what he was thinking, she could imagine him fantasizing her in costume, licking her ice-cream cone away, she really could read him like a book, she didn't possess mind-reading powers, even if she did? She wouldn't need them to know what he was thinking.

Soon, their ice-cream was being served to them, Linda thanked the man after politely taking it from him, she handed her boyfriend his ice-cream cone and the two walked off, with the girl holding him by the hand again as she was taking him somewhere where they couldn't be seen.

Y/N would soon find himself being flown up into the sky, with Kara holding her arm around his waist, she soared through the air, until she brought him to a rooftop with an amazing view. He felt his feet touch the ground soon after, recognizing they were on-top of a building where Kara usually stashed her Linda Lang disguise, safely out of reach and hidden from sight from anyone but her... And her boyfriend in other words.

"Here, hold this for a sec" she handed him her own ice-cream cone, as she began to take off her disguise, pulling off the hair-bobble that she tied her hair back with before removing her glasses.

Y/N could only stare at her as she began to take off her hoodie, revealing the S on her crop-top before her cape was freed behind her, picked up by the soft winds just like her golden hair.

Y/N was licking his ice-cream during this time and chuckled as soon as he saw the crop-top being freed. "Y'know? The ripped jeans with the midriff works really well" he brought to her attention.

"You think so?" she asked as she took them off next, freeing her blue skirt which billowed and showed her red shorts underneath the skirt.

"Yeah... It sure does" he nodded, licking his ice-cream more before handing Supergirl's cone back to her.

"Hmm, I'll consider it an idea" she smirked, before beginning to lick her ice-cream next. Looking at her boyfriend passionately as she did so, beginning to levitate also off the rooftop.

The next few minutes, with Kara licking her ice-cream cone while levitating, Y/N soon found himself staring right at his superhero girlfriend, getting lost in the moment of watching her lick her cone.

Her tongue twirled around the cold treat, licking it profusely, even turning the cone around to get the vanilla taste all around her tongue, before using the tip of her tongue to get a long lick.

He began to realize what Kara had said earlier while down on the ground, that she had him 'covered'? Was this what she meant?

Levitating up in the air, licking away at her ice-cream as she stared down at her ever-loving boyfriend, her cape and hair being picked up by the wind as she only looked down at him, licking at her ice-cream cone with a suggestive look.

Just to turn him on by making obvious moves with just her ice-cream, teasing him with her tongue over a frozen beverage? He was already getting turned on by it alone, even by her muscles alone which she demonstrated

Supergirl then bit her lip while taking a look at Y/N, licking her lips after getting some of the ice-cream on the top of her lips, before she noticed the boy's ice-cream was beginning to melt after he had done nothing but stare at her while she was eating her ice-cream in a suggestive manner to tease him.

Y/N imagined having his manhood sucked by her the way she was licking her ice-cream, her tongue twirling around the top, using her mouth to nibble the cold treat before she licked her lips. Imagining she'd do down to town on his shaft made him feel hot and horny.

"Oh, Y/N. Your ice-cream is melting" she brought to his attention while giggling away.

Y/N looked at his ice-cream and right away began licking it, laughing softly while doing so. "Sorry, you uh... Well, caught me off guard with... Well..." he couldn't even finish his sentence without blushing hard.

Kara gave him a teasing smirk and soft laugh, floating on down toward him to plant a kiss on his cheek, her lips were cold from the ice-cream itself, which seemed to cool him down a little bit more.

"There'll be more after this~♥" she whispered into his ear, continuing to eat her ice-cream as she made it noted that she knew what he was thinking, she didn't need him to tell her what he wanted, she could see it in his heart and eyes alone.

She continued to lick her ice-cream and Y/N did too, proceeding to turn him on and tease him much more with her ice-cream and tongue, she even went far as to give him a wink and bedroom eyes.

'God, she's turning me on even more' he could say to himself. He didn't think this is how his day would go, though lately he had been a little stressed out, there were many things that were his escape from reality, but Kara was one person that kept him stable, she was his main pillar in life since she made herself known into his life. 'So fucking hot' he thought to himself while staring at the Girl of Steel licking her cone.

It was all he could think of within the next minutes, eating their ice-cream away with each other before finishing.

Once Y/N had finished and so did Kara, she proceeded to fly him all the way back to their living space, with only one thought in mind...

Giving him a cold "treat" to remember, to give him a good time after teasing him for the last twenty-minutes. To think he was turned on? She was also turned on just thinking about sucking his cock and then riding it until he and her finish together, with their juices flowing with one another, just like last time.

Y/N was a little hot, it was a little hotter than it was yesterday, but he wasn't sure if it was because he was turned on or if it was just because of the weather.

(Smut begins)

"I know you've been thinking about it" Supergirl spoke in a lustrous tone, placing her boyfriend back onto his feet after flying on through the window of their shared home.

"About what?" he pretended to not know what she was talking about, making an obvious smirk that he knew exactly what she was on about.

"With a smirk like that? You can't play dumb" she teased, pulling him by the collar of his T-shirt. "Otherwise, I'd say your heartbeat says your lying" she lustfully giggled, pulling him into her lips, passionately kissing him next, their lips beginning to smack off each other slowly.

"Mmm" Y/N moaned into the Maiden of Might's lips in unison, her hands were on his chest as his hand sneakily groped her breasts just over her House of El glyph on her crop-top, making her let out a little cute noise.

"If you want to play that game?" Kara mumbled into his lips as one hand began to slip into his shorts and boxers, getting a gentle grip onto his shaved manhood as it increased in size upon her touch. "Be careful what you wish for~♥" she made a notable remark with a suggestive tone into his ear.

"I know what I'm wishing for~♥" he purred to her, feeling Kara's hand poke and and explore his cock within his boxers, biting his lip at her hand examining his length as his bump increased.

Supergirl let out a giggle through his lips as their kiss continued, before turning into a little make-out session for just a few more minutes, until Kara had enough and immediately dropped down to her knees, looking straight up at Y/N while biting her lip.

She then began to untie his shoes, so he could kick them off, untying one at a time carefully so she didn't accidentally ripped the shoelaces with her bare strength, his shoes were pretty a lot of money after all.

One by one, she untied the knots, letting him take off his shoes before looking straight up at him while biting her lip suggestively, giggling away as her hands drove up to his shorts.

"I turned you on a lot earlier, didn't I?" she cooed.

Y/N nodded in complete silence, in awe at the sight of Supergirl on both her knees, slowly taking off his shorts before they were dropped at the end of his feet, for him to kick away as she moved to his boxers next.

A very noticeable bump was seen, earlier she used X-ray vision to get a good look at it while they were having their ice-cream, she couldn't stop thinking about it since then.

A suggestive smile sprang across the girl's face as she was slowly pulling down his boxers, his shaft now exposed to Kara Zor-El who smirked at the treat ahead of her as she licked her lips.

She smiled right up at him before taking a lick up the shaft, making Y/N shimmer and squirm a little, with her tongue still cold from the ice-cream they had earlier.

"Ohmygod" he said in a fast manner as Supergirl took his cock into her mouth. "Your tongue is cold, holy shit that's so good" he breathed out as Kara giggled while beginning to suck him.

She bobbed her head forward slowly, twirling her tongue around his shaft while she bobbed forward and backwards.

Her eyes stared right up at him, seeing a look of satisfaction spread across his face as her cold tongue twirled and danced around his shaft, before a pop sound came from her mouth, taking his cock out of her mouth.

She began to give him a little hand-job, using a little bit of her super-speed to satisfy him a little more, which seemed to be doing more than satisfy him, it made him moan her name.

Kara had once used super-speed before during their first time, notably using her super-speed as a vibration to stimulate his cock which worked as a hand-job in a way and she used it a few times to even satisfy herself by playing with her pussy.

"Ohhhh Kara!" he moaned her name again, rocking his head back while Kara pleasured him with a smirk across her face.

"You gonna cum?" she asked him.

"If you c-c-continue u-using your... SSSSSuper ssspeed, then yyyeah" he stammered, giving Kara the pleasure to stop and take his cock back into her mouth, using her tongue on the tip of his cock, twirling and dancing around it.

Her tongue still cold, from an icy treat, she continued to satisfy him more with a tongue still frosty as the arctic in the North-Pole.

Y/N proceeded to take off his T-shirt, getting a little sweaty by the minute as Kara continued going to town on his cock, looking straight up at him with a smile that could brighten the heavens.

"You taste so good" she whirled and purred toward him, wanting to satisfy her boyfriend more by complimenting how good his cock tasted, it sounded nasty but he didn't let it bother him, she looked and seemed satisfied though.

His eyes then rocked back as Kara took it deep into her mouth next, gagging a little on his cock hitting the back of her throat, her saliva coating his cock all around as she took it deeper again. A giggle escaped her throat as she smiled brightly right up at him.

She once again took a long lick up his shaft, coated by her saliva and the coldness of her tongue, she continued to lick the top of his shaft, just like she did with her ice-cream cone earlier, giving him a satisfying feeling and view as she slowly drove one hand into her skirt and shorts and began to play with her pussy, inserting two fingers in her which she moaned a little in pleasure.

And she was doing this while still in costume, which only made it more better that Supergirl was sucking him off.

"Ohhhhh KaRRRRaaaa, fuck meeeee" Y/N moaned in ecstasy, being pleasured by his superhero girlfriend since it had been a month from their first time having sex. He wondered how Kara knew what she was doing.

If he had asked, she'd probably say that she was Supergirl, of course she knew what she was doing.

A little soft giggle escaped Kara's throat as she continued licking the tip of his juicy cock, some pre-cum now leaking as she took notice of it, wanting to not put it to waste, she licked up the pre-cum that was leaking.

She thought it wouldn't be as satisfying to even lick it up but it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be, before she made a pop noise again with his cock escaping her mouth, twitching a little as a little more pre-cum leaked out.

"You want me to fuck you?" she brought to his attention, she was already planning to fuck him regardless, but she took what he said earlier to heart.

"Y-Yeah, I was hoping you'd say that" Y/N purred, giving Kara bedroom eyes before she stood up and kissed him on the lips, starting a make-out session as she levitated off the ground a little.

Her tongue danced with his next, with him beginning to fight for tongue dominance, still tasting the vanilla ice-cream they both had earlier.

Supergirl moaned into Y/N's lips as she began to fly him over to their bedroom as Kara thought about keeping her costume on this time, she once overheard him fantasizing over her keeping her suit and cape on while they were going at it in bed, it turned her on thinking about it around that time, and now this was a perfect opportunity.

Once Supergirl reached the bedroom, she put Y/N down onto his feet, the only part that wasn't complete naked and pushed him gently onto the bed while she giggled and he chuckled.

"I know you've been fantasizing about me keeping this on while we fuck" she brought up to his attention, making him blush while he smirked.

"Because I just love staring at your abs, babe" he made it known to her. "And you're also so fucking hot when you wear that~♥" he eyed her up and down as Kara could only smile in satisfaction, it was all she wanted to hear him say.

His cock twitched for her to sit on it, him making it twitch himself as she licked her lips just already thinking of fucking him senseless, of her being fucked senseless for that matter by riding him for a change.

"I want to fucking ride you, you dirty boy~♡♡" she said with a lustful tone, making a suggestable remark much to his surprise by what she called him.

"Ohhhh, I love it when you talk dirty to me~♥" he purred as he sat up toward her, his hands driving up to her skirt and shorts, where his hand felt her red and gold outlined shorts. "May I?" he asked to remove them.

Kara gasped in surprise and smiled at him, nodding for him to go on ahead and remove her shorts.

With the green light given, he began to slowly take off Kara's red and gold shorts, while looking back at her a few times and giving her a suggestive smile. Kara bit her lip as she felt her shorts reaching down her legs.

Before long, her short shorts soon went down to her boots, giving her the opportunity to take them off before she could begin to fuck her boyfriend.

She took her boots off before lifting her feet over the shorts that were dropped down from her skirt by Y/N who watched her in ecstasy, Kara proceeding to show her boyfriend the shorts before throwing them to the side with her giggling softly.

Once again, she pushed him gently back down onto their bed, climbing on top of him next as she then hovered her pussy over his cock after getting a good grip on it.

Supergirl looked at Y/N for approval to have her guide his cock into her pussy, he gave the nod and instantly, a shade of pink spreaded across Kara's face.

"{Oh fuck!}" she said with pleasure in her native language, Kryptonese. "Oh! Ah! Yeah!" she moaned out loud, beginning to bounce on his cock up and down gently.

The afternoon sun shined on through the curtains, illuminating off of Kara's suit and perfect petite body.

"Ohhhh Karrra" Y/N groaned her name, feeling her walls clench around his cock as she bounced up and down, up and down, and wouldn't stop doing so.

Her bounces were slow and gentle, she was trying to be careful of her own strength on the other hand, not wanting to break her boyfriend in half since she was a full-blood Kryptonian, it was said she was stronger than Superman.

Faster? It's been proven before.

But stronger is still something she and her cousin still contemplate to this day, she can do anything her cousin can, but her willpower is pure and intent, she once used a Green Lantern ring as proof which requires a ton of Willpower.

"Mmmmm" Kara rocked her head back slightly, moaning in pleasure, it definitely felt much more better than it did the first time, the feeling of his cock inside of her walls, penetrating her as she continued to rode him like riding a bull.

She grinded and bounced more forcibly, her flesh smacking and making contact with his with an audible smack as the two moaned in unison.

Y/N opened his eyes to look into Kara's as she looked back down at him, her cheeks blushing pink with pleasure as her mouth was wide open, her moaning intensifying as the two began to laugh softly at one another.

"Ohhh fuck me, Supergirl~♡!" Y/N said with a dirty attitude, staring straight into Kara's eyes as she smiled, drunk on his cock before the two began to make out with her leaning down on him.

She bounced her ass up and down, up and down, grinding on his manhood and wasn't stopping anytime soon with his hands on her ass, groping her perfect ass cheeks, small audible claps happening as the two continued making out.

"Mmmm, yeah!" Kara moaned into Y/N's lips, the two fighting for tongue dominance soon after again as Y/N began to steady himself and began bouncing his waist up into her as her ass clapped down on him. "Ahh!" she moaned out, surprised by the effort from her boyfriend.

Supergirl pulled her lips away from him so her boyfriend could breathe, and so she could look at him in the eyes, a ecstatic smile creeping up her face while her mouth hanged open. "Hahaha" she laughed softly with her ass cheeks slapping off his thighs softly and gently.

Y/N bit his lip while he looked at Kara in the eyes, she looked so gorgeous and he couldn't stop staring into her baby blues, her cape and skirt bounced around as she continued bouncing and their flesh slapping off each other with the boy giving some effort to thrust up in her in unison of her bouncing.

"Jesus, Kara... You. Are. So... B-Beautiful" he said in between thrusts up into Kara's pussy, with Kara giggling in pleasure after his words left his mouth, her hands explored his chest and soon she used his chest to support herself.

This gave him the opportunity to once again, grope Kara's breasts, his eyes soon tracing out the S on her crop-top, meanwhile, Kara grabbed one end of her red and gold outlined cape and then the other end before wrapping it around her and onto Y/N's chest, lifting it up a little to wrap herself a little too as she smiled down at him.

It was then Y/N lifted Kara's crop top up a little, witnessing her perfect tits jiggle up and down along with her bouncing as he went to grope them, to satisfy her further with him massaging her breasts.

"I. Love you. So much" Kara blurted out, drunk on his cock still as she continued bouncing with a rough intent now, knowing he can take it just like last time.

"I love... You too. My sweetheart" Y/N managed to say out to her, feeling a rising tension in his cock with it twitching more inside of her with every bounce she did on it, her walls began to get even tighter as well... Which meant one thing.

She was coming close to finishing and so was he, but not yet...

Her moans soon turned softer each passing bounce she done, their flesh bouncing off each other more violently as her tongue hanged out of her mouth with her eyes rolling back for a minute, some saliva dripped down from her tongue and onto Y/N's chest as he stared at her passionately.

He never thought this would be his life going forward, being the boyfriend of Supergirl and getting to fuck her when the opportunity would come by, now being his second time having sex with her, and it seemed to be better than last time.

Being rode upon by the Girl of Steel was hot in his eyes, just watching her bounce on him while her hair, cape and skirt bounced and billowed with her as a pink blush sprung violently across her cheeks just set it up perfectly, to think this was what he once fantasized since the first time, he felt more than happy right now.

He felt free...

"{Oh fuck me, I'm all yours!} she said in her native language once again, he didn't know what she meant but it sounded good and pleasuring, let alone, it sounded hot to him.

"It's so fucking hot when you speak in Kryptonese" he knew it was her native language, he wasn't an expert at it but Kara promised to teach him one day.

"Remind me to teach you some after this!" she managed to say before letting out a big moan of pleasure. "Ohhhhh fuuuuck!!" her tongue once again hanged out her mouth with her eyes rolling back.

Y/N on the other hand rocked his head back in complete pleasure, his face clenching with satisfactory enjoyment with Kara's walls beginning to tense up even more than before, wrapping around his cock like a big bear hug but with a pleasuring feeling.

From once he thought Kara could break him in half? She was surprisingly good at controlling her strength during this, she always feared about having sex with a normal human could come with repercussions, but she was proven wrong with her first time with Y/N, though she still had to keep her strength in check, just in case.

"Oh-Oh fuck!" Kara dug her nails into the fabric of her red and gold outlined cape. "Y/N, I-I" she moaned and stammered as her juices began to squirt out after ten-more-minutes of non-stop bouncing and grinding on her boyfriend's manhood. "I'm cuuuummming!!!" she cried out loud, tears brimming near her eyes as her blush deepened, her toes clenching as she let her juices flow and spread like a water-fountain, some of her juices bursting out of her pussy while she kept bouncing up and down on his cock, and onto his pelvis.

"Oh, fuck I'm gonna cum too!" Y/N felt the pressure rising in his manhood, twitching inside her, she could even feel it in her twitching.

After a few more bounces and thrusts, he let his juices fly inside of her next, Kara gasped in shock as Y/N moaned out in little notions before a big groan escaped him, signaling that he finished in her.

His eyes opened soon after finishing, staring right up at his beautiful girlfriend before Kara leaned down on him and kissed him straight onto the lips once more, he breathed a little heavy but Kara didn't seem to be breathing heavily, Kryptonian Physiology and all her powers said it all.

She found it cute to hear him out of breath after just bouncing on his cock for the last twenty-to-twenty-five minutes. It was a cute sight to behold too with him out of breath from it all after thrusting up in her too.

Their make out session continued for another two-minutes before Supergirl pulled back for Y/N to breath again with his eyes opening slowly along with hers.

She looked so elegant, so perfect, yet she chose him... She chose him to fall in love with, he wasn't perfect, but Kara wasn't perfect also, she's said it herself before.

He was lucky... It was all he could say.

"How was that for a cold treat huh?" she called back and joked before giggling away, Y/N softly laughed at her as they stared into each other's eyes.

"I'm all yours, Supergirl... I'm all yours" he said to her with a sweet tone of sense, making her smile as she plopped down next to him, with his and her juices escaping her entrance. Her long cape spreaded out over the bed and underneath her, some of the fabric landing on Y/N's torso

"And I'm all yours too, don't ever forget that, hun~♡" she smiled, placing a hand on his cheek as she sat up a little, continuing to make out with him for the next few moments they spent together...

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Fin...

Word Count: 7366

139 notes · View notes

plmp0 · 1 year ago

Text

Do u remember me?

SUMMARY: U and Jungwon used to always stick by each other when you were young, but u had to part ways when his dad moved to another city for work and so u didn't meet or talked to each other since then, what will happen when u meet again in college? will u be as close?

Genre: Friendship? Romance,Smut.

Warning: explicit content, Jungwon is so down bad for the reader, reader is clueless as always, Jay is Jungwon's best friend, possessive Jungwon, Jealous Jungwon.

Smut warning: switch!jungwon, Teasing, oral( f), whiny Jungwon, pussy!drunk Jungwon, squirting... and more

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It was your first day at college, so nervous and excited to how is it gonna be, is it really the same way that it is described in stories and movies? will u be able to find a boyfriend here? That was actually all u've been worried about.. U see u were never the good student, not interested that much in ur classes, sleeping in most of them and because of that ur grades were always mid, not high but not too low thanks to the last day studying u do before ur exams, but hey at least u got admited to a nice college.

U looked at urself in the mirror asking if ur outfit was so much for class? but u were late and u don't have time to change, so u just picked ur hair in a ponytail while brushing over ur cute little purple dress, u took ur bag and exit to go after listening to ur mom's nagging about not having breakfast, u took the bus while listening to some of ur favourite music to relax a little and erase that thought of urs that keeps telling u that u won't be able to make new friends. U huffed after u felt the same bag hitting ur head again, everytime the bus stops u get hit and u really tried ur best to not make a big deal of it knowing that it's really this stranger's fault even though it'd have been better if they had their bag on their back, so annoyed this time u nuged them and ur eyes noted the tall guy in front of u, he looked at u whitout any expression on his face waiting for u to say whatever u want to and that just added to ur annoyance "excuse me but ur bag has been hitting me for the last 15 minutes can u please put in behind u" and as if he just noticed that he turned it on his back smiling to u apologising, but u ignored his words focusing on his cute dimples that melted ur heart and when u felt urself staring too much u turned ur head pretending to look at the window instead.

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U finally arrived to college, breathing deeply before entering, the big buildings intimidating u as well as the amount of students, u licked ur lips nervously as u approached the building when a girl smiled at u, u smiled back awkwardly and that was all it took for her to lock her arm with urs "are u also taking this class?" she asked the smile never leaving her lips u noded and this is all it took for her to be ur friend she always waited for u in the cafeteria when u didn't have the same class, always initiating going out and so as an introvert u were more than happy that u didn't need to make a lot of effort to make a friend. It has been two weeks, college has been boring af nothing as u expected appart from the small dates u have with ur friend Lana. Today Lana invited u to join her in her date with her boyfriend Jay and u refused immediately not wanting to thirdweel but when she told u that Jay is gonna bring his friend as well u thought about it and then agreed, u arrived to the little cafe u decided on noting ur friend in her cute yellow dress laughing while hitting her boyfriend Jay's shoulder u smiled at the act relating to the pain Jay is now feeling because oh lord ur shoulder is always numb after ur classes together, she noticed u and waved at u, u greeted both of them taking ur seat in front of theirs "ur friend is not here yet?" u asked Jay feeling awkward already. Jay sipped on his drink checking his phone "He went to get some donuts from the other shop cause he doesn't like this place's" Ahhh! u exclaimed playing with ur phone for the next minutes until u felt the chair next to u move, u turned ur head examining the way his black jeans hugged his tiny waist and his long legs perfectly, his dresshirt tucked on them and his fac- "ohhh it's you?" u asked remebering that he was the one u met on the bus, he smiled at u again with his dimples while taking the seat next to u "i didn't know she was ur friend Lana" Lana looked at u eying u susly "AH? u met before?" Jungwon explained to them the situation and u didn't miss the way Jay's eyebrow raised at his words, smirking slightly at his friend. The rest of the time passed fine u didn't say much unless Lana or Jay asked u about something like right now "So were u raised here y/n?" Jay asked, Jungwon put his phone in his pocket interested in ur reply "No we came here last year because of my mom, we used to live in X (idk u can imagine the city)" Jay exclaimed dramaticly "Ohhh? really? isn't that where u used to live Jungwon?" u forrowed ur eyebrows surprised aint no way he did, cause u'd know him then, X is a small city and u know almost everyone that lives there, Jungwon smiled awkwardly again "I mean it's been more than 7 years since i moved so..." ah! that's why! u thought, Jay leaned on the table "so that means that u might know each other cause u lived there since u r born right?"

jungwon noded his head concentrating on his phone again now. U were deep on ur thoughts that's right u would of still know him or at least his friend since he was born there, u noted to ask ur mom when ur back, Jay shook u out of ur thoughts excusing both of u to go buy some ice cream for Lana taking her with him and leaving u both there, u sighed bored u just wanted to go home at this rate not noticing the eyes that were boring into u he can't believe u don't remember him even after Jay's hint, he chew on his lower lip annoyed somehow cause he never forgot about u, always commenting on ur posts in insta and u always liking them, but looks like u didn't even know that it was him and it annoyed him even more but the thing is he glad he got to exchange a small conversation with u,

he never forgot about u, still has all of the small notes u left to each other when u were kids, he really thought he'd never see u again so when he rode the bus that day and saw u he froze there for a moment only waking up when a guy told him to move out of the way, he was looking at u the whole ride drinking ur facial expression and the cute huffs u let out whenever his bag touches u he really tried his best to stand there and not do anything but he wanted u to interact to him someway and that was all he could think of, u only scoffed at him and said some words but he stayed late all these weeks just thinking of this little interaction, pleased to hear ur high-pitched voice again, his major was different than urs but still he saw u almost everyday, either alone or with his friend's girlfriend Lana, when he told Jay that u were her friend Jay insisted to do something so he told Lana that Jungwon is gonna join their date and asked her to bring u as well, and that's what happened, sitting next to u was only a dream of his after he moved out, so this whole time he was enjoying himself, inhaling ur sweet shampoo smell that was everywhere he really tried to distract himself with his phone but he couldn't, and oh god he is so sad that u don't remeber him, so he decided to make sure u do in the upcoming days!

Jungwon insisted to pay for ur drink so u let him do it, looking at ur nails whenever he turned ur way pretending like u were not just checking him out , i mean he is handsome, tall, has cute dimples, and more than that he seems sweet, after all he was the one paying for ur drink now right? u got a text from Lana earlier telling u that she and Jay decided to just go home after having the ice cream and that u should enjoy ur time with Jungwon not forgetting the winking emoji, u laughed at that wondering what ur gonna do now after Jungwon payed but he beat u to it "would u like to go with me to that store, i was craving donuts but they told me to come again later" u noded not minding at all, u were walking side by side only noticing the height difference now, u blushed at that playing with ur hair to distract urself , jungwon moved u to his other side while having his hand on ur lower back, "u r too close to the street" he said removing his hand from u, leaving ur back itching for his touch again, u turned to look at him lips pouty while he removes some of his hair from his eyes only for it to poke him again, u smiled at his cuteness ur hand touching his arm to turn his attention to u now

"let me help u" u told him and he stopped his steps leaning on ur side to reach ur height and it might or might not just fluter u , u brushed away the hair that was annoying him and he just closed his eyes enjoying ur touch and leaning on ur hand when it touched his left cheek making u froze on ur spot, he opened his eyes again after u removed it away and stepping up leaving him behind u, what his going on with u really?

U excused urself when Jungwon reached ur steps, telling him that ur mom called and u need to go noting how he pouted but told u that it's fine, u took a cab to ur house ignoring him calling for u "what a day" u thought.

Jungwon entered his room after coming back and taking a shower, not enjoying how u treated him today,he sat on his chair resting his head on the back of it thinking and thinking and thinking.... this whole situation isn't going his way at all.

It's been three days since that date, Lana made sure to nag u about leaving quickly, as if u weren't feeling bad about that already! u saw Jungwon a couple of times after that actually but he ignored u everytime and u didn't think that much about it because u thought that he just didn't see u, but today he met his eyes with urs and saw u waving to him with a smile and he just walked past u? u were shocked, embarrassed even ur smile dropping immediately! wtf? u forrowed ur eyebrows chewing on ur lips "who does he think he is?" u scoffed annoyed as u said these words to Lana, "i mean u did the same thing to him last time so.." u shot her an angry look "what?" she said starting her nagging again making u regret telling her about that...

U didn't see Jungwon again after that day, that didn't stop u from thinking about him, u heard ur room's door open ur mom popping up "aren't u hungry? diner is ready" u hummed standing when u finally remeber asking her about jungwon!

U sat in ur dining table playing with ur food while thinking of a way to start the conversation " u know mom, one of Lana's friends used to live in our town" ur mom stopped eating "ahah? and who is it?" she asked drinking some water after her question, "his name is Jungwon, he was even born there" u said shrugging as if ur not interested while waiting for her answer curiously, she gave u a look not saying a thing "why?" u asked, "are u serious? or joking?" she said shaking her head, "no mom m serious" she choked on her food giving u one of her wtf look.......

U couldn't believe it! How could u forget about that? U see it's not that u forgot about him, it's just that u thought of him as the other friends u made, that once u parted ways nobody asked about u and u didn't either... It just never crossed u that u'd see him again or meet him, but u did.

U couldn't sleep that day regretting not asking ur mom earlier, now things are awkward between both of u and u don't like that.

Jay opened the door startling Jungwon who was so into his mobile game, "ya! don't u know how to knock?" Jay ignored his words lying on his bed "Forget about me, how are things between u and y/n? don't tell me she still didn't remeber u?" Jungwon scoffed turning his phone off "Exactly! idk what to do" he whinned. Jay stood from the bed hands on his hips "That's not good man! u know what i have a good idea, m sure it's gonna work" Jungwon rolled his eyes "No thanks, i saw how good ur last idea was i don't need to double check" ... "M serious man, just listen and then do whatever u want" Jay fought back, and Jungwon did listen and Oh god HE LOVED IT!

It was ur first art class, the teacher finally deciding to show off! you weren't interested but Lana made sure to convince u to join it saying that it's not as boring as the other classes and stuff, and here u are sitting eyes on the floor bored already! ur head turned immediatly when u heard Jungwon's voice apologising to the teacher for being late ur eyes widen, embarrassed from the last time and also shy? seeing him now after knowing that he is the same Jungwon u used to know feels so different, he took a seat next to u smiling at u while saying a small hi, u said hi back hands sweating , u wanted to say more but words didn't wanna get out, u gasped when u felt his breath on ur ears face turning red when he whispered "i didn't know u r taking this class"

he was so close so fucking close, he left ur side now removing the hair that's hiding ur pretty face from him , u fake coughed clearing ur throat and also creating more space between both of u but it looks like Jungwon didn't get that cause the moment u moved away from him he chased u now even closer than before, u were a mess already so nervous so shy mixed feelings taking over u, u could feel Jungwon's eyes on u and even when u wonder what's going on in his head u couldn't raise ur eyes towards him... When u say that was the hardest class u've ever attended u r not exagerating Jungwon made sure to leave u so flustered that u had to excuse urself before the class ended runing to the bathroom to wash ur face and finally breath properly, u know exactly what he is doing, pretending to brush over ur hands slowly by mistake , speaking right on ur ears whenever he wanna say something and smiling innocentely with his cute dimples like he's not doing a thing

yes u get it but u don't know why he is doing all of that, u checked urself in the mirror faning over ur wet face trying to get some sense into u, and just when u left the bathroom u r met with Jungwon AGAIN leaning on the wall looking at u now "is something wrong? why did u leave earlier? are u fine?" and u didn't miss the quick smirk he had when saying the last words, u raised ur left eyebrow is that really what he is trying to do? cause if he is then two can play this game! u don't know what he is trying to achieve but u'll know, u approached him pinching his cheeks lightly "m good dw" u smiled at his confused expression "cute" u thought, "eh? are u here to check on me?" he cleared his throat standing properly "yes i thought something bad happened", "nah i just ... u know the class was so boring i couldn't stay another minute" u said shrugging noting how his eyebrows frowned but he was quick to brush it away

"yeah i bet u r hungry now, how about we go and have something?" u agreed walking to the cafeteria and taking ur seat while he is ordering, wondering in the meantime what to do to make him as flustered as he made u and u saw him coming back with ur orders he layed them on the table taking a seat next to u, you thanked him taking ur drink and sipping on it while eying him with ur eyesides "Ur drink look tasty" u mumbled and he turned ur side offering his planing to remove his straw to replace it with urs but u beat him to it sipping from his straw eyes blinking at him softely while his are now on ur lips ears as red as ever u gave him his drink back "i always had that drink and i've never found it this tasty" u said while smiling leaving him looking at u mouth open, his eyes now are on his straw gulping before taking a sip from it eyes closed almost moaning at ur lipstick taste, u licked ur lips cheeks red after his move u breathed softly trying to calm urself u've never really did any sort of flirting before but u like his reaction so far, ur phone started ringing and u took it only to see ur mom calling u answered "hmm mom" ur mom took a moment to reply still talking with her co-worker "ah, y/n u won't believe what happened today!" u put ur drink on the table curious as to what she means "what happened?" u frowned at the strange female voice speaking right now

"y/n sweety!! omg ur voice is still as cute as ever" u stayed quiet not sure as to what to say not knowing who is talking but ur mom finally let u know "sweety that was Jungwon's mom, u don't believe it right? we just talked about him this morning only for me to meet her at the store next to mine" u widen ur eyes turning to look at Jungwon who is now looking at u curiously "ahh?? really?? what a coinsidence right?" u laughed awkwardly "i know right? she invited us for diner tonight and she said she is gonna tell Jungwon to come as well" u bit ur lip nervously u weren't expecting this to happen this fast "ahah? how nice of her"

"Yes sweety, so she was saying that since u attend the same college what about coming together tonight?" ur mom said from the other line "NOO" u almost shouted "ehem i mean i don't know when his class ends so yeah" Jungwon's focus is now more into u especially after the "his" u said

"Ohhh then let me give him a quick call and ask him" u heard his mom say and u brushed ur hand over ur face flustrated "no need m gonna ask Lana since she is his friend" u forced those words out of u and cut the line.

Jungwon couldn't hide his curiousity asking immediatly after u put the phone in ur pocket "what's going on? who were u talking about?" u looked at him sighing "about you" u just said quickly, Jungwon titled his head more confused now "me? what about me?" u took ur bag standing "ur mom invited us over diner and she told us to go together, i have class now let's meet after it ends yeah" and u just left leaving him with a question mark did u know that it was him? cause if u did he is not gonna let it slide the way u treated him like that, not even bothering to talk to him about it or even let him know that u remember him or that u r happy to see him, did he real mean nothing to u? cause would make sure tonight that u do!

Ur class ended saying a small goodbye to Lana while searching for jungwon, leaving her the moment u saw him going his way "sorry did u wait for a long time?" u said softly, he answered u cold "nah i just got out of mine, let's go" he moved out leaving u behind, did u do something bad? u were just embarassed and awkward u were never good with words... The whole ride Jungwon didn't say a word too quiet and zoning out, so u kept silent as well until the bus stopped and jungwon got up from his seat not bothering to even let u know that u arrived, u got off the bus a little bit annoyed at his action but u tried to calm urself following him to his house, he opened the door calling for his mom sweetly as she appeared he little bob shiny as ever, her cute smile not leaving her face the moment she spoted u "ayyyy, u grew up so much y/n!" she hugged u tightly "but still pretty as always" she kissed ur cheeks inviting u to the living room "i missed seeing u together"

she noted after u sat throwing signals into Jungwon whose eyes never left u annoyance all over his face, u smiled politely "okayy let me get the cookies while ur mom comes, give me a second" his mom said patting his shoulder to relax a little bit, "can i help?" u said trying to stand up but u returned to ur seat after she insisted that she is fine. Ur eyes met Jungwon's annoyed at the cold treatement and the glares he's been sending u, u tried to voice but ur phone interupted u seeing ur classmate's name on it "What's up Jake?" , u heard his sweet voice "M good wbu?" say, "m good as well"..... "I was working on our project and idk if i should continue it in this way or not so i wanted ur opinion m gonna send it to ur mail please check it out and let me know" he said voice tired, u smiled at his effort he is so hardworking u noted, u were just assigned to this project this morning and he started already? this could never be u!

"okayy jakey i'll dw .... yeah bye" u sighed opening ur mail and reading over and over what he wrote smiling at how perfect everything is making sure to praise him in ur text about it. This whole time Jungwon was boiling he was already annoyed and as if he needed more ur call made him much angrier 'what? Jakey?' he couldn't get the way u were smiling the whole call , the way u called him, how sweet u were talking to him, u didn't treated him this way at all, always ignoring him and talking with almost no interest, why? do u have something for that Jakey guy? Jungwon let his thoughts consume him his jealousy very evident legs moving quickly trying to calm himself but he just couldn't so he got from his seat telling u to follow him to his room leaving u confused but u followed nontheless, u were already planing to talk with him when u closed the door ur ears picked Jungwon's voice almost shouting at ur face "wtf is wrong with u?"

u looked at him confused not liking how he is speaking to u right now "what is wrong with U? u've quiet this whole time giving me the cold shoulder this whole afternoon and now ur yelling at me? what do u think u r doing" u fought back only for him to laugh in ur face "really? now it's my fault? m the one giving u the cold shoulder ha?" he approached u making sure that ur back is stuck to the door not leaving a single space between both of u "how can u say that when u didn't even bother to let me know that u remebered me? u really don't give a shit about me now ha? Ohhh i forgot" he brushed his face annoyed eyes pierceful " u already have ur little Jakey ofc u won't give a shit about me anymore" he really didn't give u the chance to say a word, u've never been in this situation before "what are u talking about Jungwon! i didn't know it was u until yesterday i was trying to say something but i just didn't know how to start the conversation!" he chuckled again "ohh really? how nice of u! u r still as sweet as ever" u rolled ur eyes not buying how he is acting "M serious, but why didn't u say a single word then ha? u knew from the start but decided to keep quiet so u don't have the right to talk!" u see this whole conversation is nothing to Jungwon all he wants to know is who is Jake, he sighed his right hand locking u between his body "who is Jake? is he ur boyfriend?" that all he said and u rolled ur eyes again "why are u asking about that? it's none of ur business"

Jungwon closed his eyes asking again "Who is Jake y/n?" u scoffed "he is my classmate why?" oh? he is ur classmate? so u r always together in college? always calling him Jakey with ur cute voice? he just can't stand the fact that u have nickname for that guy and not for him! he knows he doesn't have the right to be jealous but he is "Jungwon m talking to u!" he just realised that he has been quiet this whole time u were concerned after seeing how his facial expressions changed what is going on his head? is he really jealous of Jake? "i was saying that Jake and me are working on a project so that's how i know him" he calmed down a little bit after hearing ur words "ahh and u quickly made a nickname for him!" he said pouting slightly, u licked ur lips he is really jealous, "I didn't made that for him everyone calls him that!" he sighed again removing his arm from ur side and sitting on his bed hands massaging his head he is so sensitive when it comes to u he just realised that, u went to sit next to him

"are u okay?" he noded and u bit on ur lip "Jungwon, were u j-jealous?" he turned ur way eyes watering a little bit he never felt this way before and he hope to never feel it again, he just noded not knowing what to say. U coowed at him feeling bad for some reason and giving him a small hug while caressing his hair "u don't need to be jealous really!" u don't know why u r trying to explain urself but u can't bear to see him this way, u felt him relax in ur arms inhaling ur smell and feeling alive again, he broke the hug eyes looking at u with his cat eyes "i really like u y/n i've never forgot about u, i was always thinking about u, wondering how u've become, wondering if u think about me like i do, and it hurted me that u didn't recognise me the first time" u pouted at his words feeling bad "I-" u tried to speak but he just shushed u "let me continue" he removed his index finger from ur lips admiring how soft they feel " i don't blame u for that, but m ngl i didn't like how cold u were to me because i have so much feelings for u, i just like u and get why u might not feel the same way u don't have to feel bad about that i understand".

He stood from his bed when he felt ur hand stopping him " i like u as well Jungwon, m sorry i couldn't recognise u but i didn't forget about u how u think really!" u stood up as well facing him ur other hand caressing his soft cheeks "y/n" he whispered, u smiled at him standing on ur tip toes to give him a soft peck on his lips only for his hands to lock around ur waist leaning towards u and turning it into a kiss, lips softely moving around urs at first but more hungry and messy as u go, he stopped for a moment to let u breath panting slowely eyes almost closed, u looked at him as well surprised at the bulge that is pressed on ur hip 'is he hard after a small kiss? really?' what u didn't know is that he was always waiting for this moment, thinking at some point that it would never happen but it is happening right now "y/n" he whinned softly going back to ur lips this time with more hunger hips shamelessly grinding on ur body hands pressed hard on ur waist u moaned in the kiss everytime u feel him brushing over ur core, the kiss became more sloppy tongue darting over urs sucking on it while his left hand moved higher feeling ur right breast kneeding it softly making u leave his mouth to drop ur head back a little bit "y/n" he whinned again seeing ur face like that turned him on more u were so perfect really in every aspect

he pressed harder on ur waist his other hand circling ur nipple stopping every here and there to grope ur breast enjoying how ur eyebrows forrow everytime he does that, u were so turned on matching now his grinding to feel something and u almost cried at the soft moan he let out head dropping on ur shoulder "i can't please touch me" he whinned in ur ears, ur hand darted down to palm him over his pants and he moaned again u kept dowing the same thing enjoying his little cries "please stop teasing" u lowered his pants noticing the little patch of precum on his underwear, u breathed softly taking his dick out u throw him on his bed kneeling over him enjoying how red his cheeks are eyes looking at u hungrily waiting for ur next movement, u took his soft cock in ur hand stroking it slowely his moans feeling the room "omg i- u ahhh! ur hand feels so good please faster" u tighten ur grip around him his hips reacting immediatly moving upwards and meeting the bed again u coo at him looking so cute like this so needy for ur touch "do u like it when i do that ha?" u asked him gripping him tighter and he just let out a "fuck" hips shaking continuously hand so sticky from the amount of precum he let out, u fixed ur eyes on his face drinking his expressions he looks so beautiful,

u started picking up ur pace, hand moving so fast that he was losing it "omg!" he cried trying to meet ur pace as well "m- ahh m so close" he moaned again swears leaving his mouth softly eyes closed his cock started twiching his hand gripping the sheet hard his other one on his mouth trying to mufle his cry as he cum in ur hand hard u continue to stroke him leaning over his body lifting his shirt with ur other hand lips meeting his small nipple licking over them as he breathe fastly, u stopped ur movement on his crotch after he got rid of his high ur sticky hand moving toward his small abs getting rid of his cum there only to move ur lips down leaving kissed all over his body until u reached the sticky places taking all of his cum on ur lips as he stand on his elbows eying u "fuck y/n u look so sexy"

u smiled at him stardling his lap ur core meeting his crotch as his head dropped into the matress again u leaned on him kissing his lips letting him taste himself as he moaned into the kiss hands wandering all over ur body, he turned u hanging over u right now leaving wet kisses on ur neck "i like u so much y/n" his words came out muffled ur fingers found his hair pulling it slightly as u guided him at ur sensitive spot "fuck i love it when u do that" he moaned on ur neck licking and sucking on that spot over and over again his hand caressing ur thighs under ur skirt going higher and higher until they met ur core "so wet" he whinned sliding ur panties to the side fingers caressing ur soft folds roaming over ur hole u tucked his hair harder "stop the teasing" voice horse from keeping ur moans inside, Jungwon dropped in the floor face meeting ur core as he pulled u closer lifting ur skirt higher and removing ur panties groaning at how drenched they are he moved his face closer breathing directly in ur core "so pretty" he mumbled before devouring ur pussy sucking messily and fastly as if he didn't eat for a year leaving u struggling to hold ur moans thighs locking on his neck, his moans vibrating on ur core as his togue moved on ur entrance lapping all ur juices as his nose continues to brush over ur clit, u were so close so sensitive his pace never slowing down ur body shaking over him, his tongue continued to stimulate ur walls going deeper and deeper inside u until u couldn't hold it anymore

"omg jungwon m-" u rolled ur eyes feeling ur release hitting hard ur stomache tightened as he didn't stop his movement his hand moving to ur clit rubbing fastly pressing on u hard even when u tried to move away "too much" u cried his eyes eating u as u feel a very weird sensation taking over u, mind blank as ur head dropped on the pillow squirting all over his face as he got his tongue out hanging it there taking everything he could before going back to ur pussy again collecting all of ur juices humming at the taste "u taste so good" he moaned again "Jungwon stop please i can't take anymore" u whinned head dizzy, "i can't i can't stop y/n" he answered muffled he couldn't bring himself to stop, addicted to ur taste he feels like crying everytime he tries to get away from ur core.

Both of ur moms were downstairs catching up, "where are the kids?" ur mom asked "they are upstairs, i think their catching up as well" Jungwon's mom answered softly sipping from her coffee "Yeah but it's been a while since i came here could u check on them pls" ur mom said worried, "dw i did couple minutes ago and they were reading their old notebook" Jungwon's mom lied smiling, she doesn't know what u two are doing but she wants to give u sometime because she knows exactly how down bad her son is into u.

Idk what i wrote lmao. Please note that this my first time writting something so don't be hard at me :( Also isn't my first language and i was typing hella fast so if there is a lot of mistakes than that's why. Anyways hope u enjoy!

#kpop smut #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x reader #enhypen smut #enhypen jungwon #jungwon #jungwon x reader #jungwon smut #jungwon imagines #kpop #kpop fanfic

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desb3ar · 10 months ago

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You’re Not Helping

Summary: Being funny at the wrong time.

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara and Co. x Spidervariant!Reader

A/N: PLATONIC READER!! You’re pretty much the life of the party <3. This is gonna be stupidly goofy because im in that mood LMFAO. This is veeeeeery low effort because it was a simple idea

——————

There had always been a dangerous flaw that seems to be unchecked. A problematic talent that will always leave your fellow colleagues in harms way with the commotion you’d cause with the insufferable antics you presented on the table. The thing that always happens during any mission, especially when things are quiet and dull. It was your way of keeping the energy and spirits high. What am I trying to say?

You are funny as FUCK.

You always had your way of making quips, like any other spider-being could, but something about your comedy always left people with hurting abs from the constant barrage of funny jokes you’d gunned them down with. It was a relentless attack, friendly fire if you will, because it always ended up with someone laughing too loud and compromising their position. As self-sabotaging as that may be, you wouldn’t do what you did if you couldn’t handle what came next.

Often times, you’ve received heavy critiques from the society’s leader, Miguel O’Hara, for putting people in danger because of your lack of professionalism. Jessica Drew would back him up, sometimes. However, she had never been happier when you joined, your jokes being a highlight of her day. You remembered when Jess and you were supposed to be doing a stakeout, scoping out for an anomaly. You had the villain’s file on hand and started to make the most ab shredding roasts that had Jess shed a tear.

“Lookin’ like a whole bottle of what the fuck.” You’d say.

Jess cuts you a lot of slack because of your high skill in the spider-arts. She takes great pleasure in being paired with you on missions because she always knew it was gonna be a successful and absolutely hilarious one.

You loved working with Jess too, because you yourself are a fan of her sense of humor. You hoped you’d be able to work with her more and more because of the amazing chemistry you two had.

Another person you love to hang out with was Peter B. You and him had busted each other’s guts before when you ate lunch together. Spoke about silly stories that had your food run cold from how engaged you two were. Which was absolutely crazy since Peter chows down given the chance.

Today is different. You were on a mission with Miguel. Before you both went to the dimension where the anomaly was located, he made it abundantly clear he didn’t want the jokes and quips today.

“This is a serious matter and I don’t want you to twist it around to be some joke.” He lectured.

You gave him a thumbs up and complied. However, like the snake you are, fingers had been crossed.

The two of you were in the middle of searching for the anomaly, staking out to be sure that nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Miguel had told Lyla to scan the area, in which she did. She wouldn’t come back till it was done, which was odd for her. It never takes her long to do scans with how technically advanced she is.

So now, you and Miguel are practically playing hide and seek to dig up anything about where the anomaly could be. This dimension was a strange one, it was filled with tunnels… Very echoey… Not good. You two were spilt up to cover more ground, but no luck.

“Damn.” You whined, arms crossed as you kicked a rock. “Where the fffu-. Bro oughta be a D1 camouflager. Where’s Lyla?”

“Dunno’. It doesn’t take Lyla this long to make a scan.” He grumbled with slight annoyance. “Gotta run another test…”

The two of you continued to look endlessly for the villain, but as expected, yet again, no luck. This was frustrating Miguel, everything he planned didn’t fall into line like it was supposed to and he hated that.

It was then that the two of you decided to regroup. Reunited, you took five and leaned against the wall.

“I’m getting the suspicion that the signal is messing with Lyla’s functions… How though…” Miguel muttered to himself trying to figure the dilemma out.

Then, in the silence, you blew a raspberry. The noise bounced off the walls.

This earned you a peeved look from Miguel.

“What?” You asked innocently, holding back a grin.

Miguel somehow managed to roll his eyes despite his mask being up, and turned away from you.

Your comedic side began to surface… This mission is just too stale.

“… Hey.” You spoke up, grabbing his attention with him slightly turning his head to you. “… Knock, knock.”

“Don’t.”

“C’mon… Knock knock…” You pressed. Miguel sighed.

“…. Who’s there.”

“To.”

“… To who.“

“No,” You snickered, “to whom.”

Miguel had the most disappointed head shake known to man when you were trying not to laugh. You gain composure, only by the slightest.

“Okay that was wack- Uh- Oo Oo- What do you-”

“No no- No more.” He said in a hushed yet loud tone.

“What do you call a spider with 10 eyes?” You asked blatantly.

“What-” He said annoyed.

“A spi-i-i-i-i-i-der.”

Okay, that was good.

Miguel sighed heavily… He sounds like he’s smiling, but you didn’t wanna believe it. “Alright alright.”

“One more one more.” You said quickly as you thought up another one. “What… Do you call two Mexicans that play basketball?”

Oh BROTHER.

“… WhAt…” Miguel had to look away.

“Juan on Juan.”

Miguel had to take a deeeeep breath with that one.

“… Okay.” There was a hint of laughter. “You done?”

“How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!” You couldn’t help but laugh. Miguel snickered slightly…

“I… Stop stop we-“ He takes another deep breath, not wanting to laugh. “We need to focus and figure out-“

“Aye aye- I asked how much a roof cost… He said it was on the house-”

“(Y/N). Shut UP.” Miguel was trying to be serious but you were weakening his ability to keep composure, so he demanded with a slight laugh. “We can’t- We gotta mission and you’re-”

“Why was Mrs. Clause unsatisfied with Santa Clause? Because he only comes once a year.”

Miguel nearly lost it, he quietly shouted. “YOU’RE NOT HELPING.”

“ONE MORE… PROMISE….”

“Fine go go go.”

“How do you get a Mexican uncle’s attention?”

Miguel has a feeling he knows where this is going… “How?”

“Tapatio on the shoulder.”

Got him.

He nearly yelled before he covered his mouth. He gave you a playful punch on the arm and it caused the both of you to laugh together.

Hearing him laugh was something you’ve never thought you needed. He had the most goofy laugh you heard, he even snorted, which caused an echo in the tunnels.

“I can’t take you no where.” Miguel said as he was trying to calm down.

It was then Lyla FINALLY comes back with a scan. However, she was holding her oversized phone. She had recorded the whole exchange. You and Miguel looked at her with shocked faces.

“Saving that for memories.” Lyla said as she did just that.

“Lyla? Where have you been? What took you so long?” Miguel said with a clear smile on his face because he hasn’t winded down yet.

“It didn’t take me long to do the scan, I was just wanting to see if they could get you to crack.”

“… LYLA-“

“You got a cute snort too, like a lil piglet-“

“LY-“

“Also the guy is headed this way.” Lyla explained, pointing down the tunnel, causing the both of you to get yourselves together so you can take the anomaly down.

———————

an extension of the goofy head cannons? yes.

#miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel spiderman #miguel ohara #miguel #spiderman 2099 #miguel x you #miguel ohara x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel x reader

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writingsfromhome · 11 months ago

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Dos and Don’ts IV

A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3

Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

—————————————————

We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.

Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.

With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.

The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.

“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”

I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.

“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.

“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”

“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“

“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”

“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”

“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”

“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”

“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”

The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.

“Thanks,” I say through tears.

And the girls hold me to their promise.

After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.

We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.

Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.

As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.

The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.

We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.

“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.

Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”

I shake my head no.

“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.

I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.

We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.

The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.

“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.

“Hey!” I shout back.

“Que pasa?”

“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.

He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.

The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.

He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”

“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”

“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.

I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.

He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.

I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.

When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.

When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.

I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.

It ends in a split second.

“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.

“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.

“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.

Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.

“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.

“Y/n what are you doing out there?”

“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”

He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.

Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”

“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”

“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”

“Whatever I’m over this convo.”

I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.

“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”

“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”

“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”

“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” He insists.

“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”

“It’s for your own good!”

He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.

Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.

“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.

With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.

But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”

I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.

I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.

Hypocrite.

I drop my hand.

“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”

I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.

I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.

I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.

“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”

My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.

I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.

“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”

“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”

“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”

It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.

“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”

“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“

“It’s night.”

“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”

“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”

I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.

I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.

I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.

I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.

On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.

Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.

“Hi I need a room.” I say.

“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”

I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.

“Just a night. I need your best room please.”

“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”

“The best room will do. Preferably large.”

“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”

I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.

“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”

“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.

“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”

I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.

“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.

“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”

They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.

The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.

The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.

I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.

“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”

“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”

We stare at each other for a tense moment.

“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”

After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.

He chooses to ignore me.

“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“

His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.

I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.

“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.

I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.

“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”

He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.

“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”

“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”

“Do you always have to be so snarky?”

Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.

“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”

“It’s really quite unbecoming.”

“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”

“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.

“I never let anything go?” I repeat.

“Yeah! Ever!”

“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.

“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”

“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”

“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”

“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”

With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.

“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.

“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”

“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”

“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”

“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”

“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“

“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.

“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”

“What did I say?”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.

“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”

“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“

“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”

“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”

“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”

“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”

“Then quit!”

“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.

“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”

“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”

“Whatever y/n.”

“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”

“What? I told you I was looking out-“

“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”

I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.

“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”

Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.

“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”

“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”

“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”

His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.

“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!

When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.

But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.

He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.

My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.

Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.

“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.

In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.

Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.

"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.

"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.

He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.

He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.

I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”

“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”

His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.

“D’you really hate me?” He asks.

“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.

He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.

“Do you hate me?” He asks again.

“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.

“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.

The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.

Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.

“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.

“Okay?” He asks low.

I nod, grateful that he was taking over.

And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.

After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.

His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.

And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.

His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.

“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.

I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.

I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.

I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.

My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.

I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.

The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.

I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.

***

We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.

I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.

London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.

I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.

These thoughts kept me preoccupied.

It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.

It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.

I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.

When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.

Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.

I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.

“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.

“So,” I echo.

We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.

“We should sit?”

“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”

I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”

“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”

“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”

Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.

Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.

“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”

He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”

I nod. Not sure what to say to that.

“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.

“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”

“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”

“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”

I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.

I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.

On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.

Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.

I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.

I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.

“Mr. Styles?”

“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.

“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”

The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.

“What is that?”

“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.

His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.

“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.

I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”

His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.

“Is this a joke?”

“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”

“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.

“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”

By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.

“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”

“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.

He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.

I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,

“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”

He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.

He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.

When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”

Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.

“Uh y/n please come i-“

“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.

For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.

I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.

Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.

“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.

When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.

“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.

“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”

“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”

“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“

“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.

“We dealt with that article.”

Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.

“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”

“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”

Shit. “Um. Burnout?”

The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.

“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”

He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?

“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.

“Tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”

He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.

When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.

“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.

“Sure,” I reply.

“Is it because of that night?”

It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.

Wait, he wanted an answer.

“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.

He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.

***

Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”

Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”

“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”

This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.

“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”

Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”

“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.

“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.

“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”

I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”

We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.

I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.

We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.

He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.

And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.

Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.

At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.

The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.

“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”

Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.

Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.

“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.

“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”

We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.

We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.

I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.

***

Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.

Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.

The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.

I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.

We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.

I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.

On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.

I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.

“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”

“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”

Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”

He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.

Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.

“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.

“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.

I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.

My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.

I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.

I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.

I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.

The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.

••••••••••••••••••••

Present (2 years on):

My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.

Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.

Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.

“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.

“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”

I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”

“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.

“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”

“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.

“Of course I do.”

“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”

I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.

“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.

“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“

“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”

Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.

“What are you doing here? At The Violinist?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”

He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”

I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.

Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.

“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”

“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“

“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“

“You seemed to have.”

His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.

“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”

The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.

I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.

I’d rather van gogh my ear.

I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.

“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.

“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.

He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.

“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.

“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”

“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.

“Never ends well,” I eye the door.

“Just as stubborn as I remember.”

“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.

He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”

I shake my head. He should know that by now.

“Can I walk you out at least?”

I shrug, couldn’t hurt.

“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.

“What?”

“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”

“I thought we could be friendly exes.”

And when did he get so cheeky.

“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”

“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”

“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”

“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”

“Nooo. You’re being weird.”

"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."

I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.

Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.

“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.

“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.

“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”

“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.

“How do you like that?”

“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.

But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.

“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”

My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.

And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.

We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.

“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.

“I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”

He huffs an awkward laugh.

“Anyway this is me—

“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.

We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.

“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”

“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”

“A few weeks,” I reply.

He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?

“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.

His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?

“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.

“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”

“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“

“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”

Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.

“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”

This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.

“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.

“Right.” I choke out.

He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”

I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”

Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”

I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.

“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.

On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.

Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.

***

Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.

Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.

When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.

I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.

I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.

“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.

“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”

We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.

“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”

“No,” I laugh.

“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.

“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”

“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”

“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”

“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”

“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.

“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”

“Yes!”

“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.

“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”

“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.

“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”

“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“

“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.

“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.

“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“

“Y/N?”

Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.

She didn’t tell him.

“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.

“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”

It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.

It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.

What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.

These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.

“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.

Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.

“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”

She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.

“I am really sorry,” she whispers.

“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”

“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”

I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.

I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.

“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”

“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.

“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”

“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”

“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.

With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.

“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“

We stop and chuckle awkwardly.

“Sorry,” I shake my head.

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”

“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”

I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”

“Fair. How’s America?”

“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”

“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.

He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.

“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”

“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.

“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”

We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.

It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.

“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”

“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.

“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”

Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.

“Who?”

That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.

“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”

“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.

But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.

“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.

“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”

They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.

“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.

“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.

“No it’s ok!”

“I don’t know why she acted like that-“

“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“

“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”

It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.

Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.

I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.

So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.

“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”

Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”

“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”

“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”

“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”

Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.

I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.

Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.

I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.

I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.

I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.

My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.

I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.

He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??

I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.

Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?

Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.

I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.

Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.

I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.

***

I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.

“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.

“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.

We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.

“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”

Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.

“Josefina Duran,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”

“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”

We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”

Famous last words.

It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.

I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.

“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.

I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.

Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.

By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.

As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.

“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“

“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”

Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.

“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”

“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”

She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.

And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.

We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.

She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?

“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”

“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”

“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”

“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”

“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”

“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.

“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.

I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.

As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.

“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”

“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”

What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.

“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”

“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”

“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”

“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.

“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”

I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.

“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”

“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.

But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.

“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”

I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.

“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”

I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.

“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.

My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.

“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”

“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.

I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.

I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.

Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.

Now it was just a hand.

I clasp it and he squeezes.

“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.

I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.

Too much was happening at once.

My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.

I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?

His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night

I smile, despite myself.

Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.

H: For drinks?

Y: For drinks

H: Ofc.

***

The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.

For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.

I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.

I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.

“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.

“I did.”

I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.

He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.

His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.

The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.

I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.

My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.

But I am so tired.

I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.

“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.

I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.

"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.

I shake my head.

He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."

"I think I-“

“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”

I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.

He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.

“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.

“Then where?” He plays along.

“Anywhere but there.”

He kisses my nose. “There?”

“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”

He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”

But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.

With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.

“What?” I ask.

“We should take that drink first.”

I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.

“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.

He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”

“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”

“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.

“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”

“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why not?”

“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“

“Just let me talk then.”

“Why does everyone want to talk!”

“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“

“You already did-“

“Properly.”

I cross my arms and sigh.

“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”

“So this isn’t a great thing then.”

“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.

“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.

“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”

“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”

“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?

But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.

“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.

“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.

“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”

He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”

“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”

“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”

“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”

“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”

I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?

My heart flutters amongst other things.

I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.

“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“

“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”

“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”

I nod along to his story.

“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”

“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”

“You’re judging me.”

“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.

“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”

He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.

“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”

“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.

“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”

He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”

“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.

“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”

“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”

“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to be the villain in your story-“

“What?” What was he talking about?

“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”

I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.

“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”

“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.

“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“

“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“

“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”

I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.

Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.

My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”

“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.

“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“

“You don’t like my sensitivity.”

“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“

“Because of you.”

“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”

“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.

“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“

“It was really a lot of reasons.”

“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”

His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.

“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”

I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.

“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”

“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.

“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”

We smile.

“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”

His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.

I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.

“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”

“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”

“Same.”

His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.

His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.

We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”

Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.

But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.

“I want to do this.”

With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.

He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.

The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.

The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.

I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.

But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.

He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.

I nod.

He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.

It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.

He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.

He moves up to press his forehead against mine.

"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.

“What do you mean?”

“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“

“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.

"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”

“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”

He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.

I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.

I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.

It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.

"May I?" he looks up.

"Please," I whisper.

For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.

And it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.

“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.

“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.

Love. I brush the word away.

He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.

I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.

Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.

Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.

I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.

On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?

I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.

But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.

Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.

And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.

These people made me so angry.

How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.

I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.

Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.

How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.

Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.

I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.

Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.

I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.

Damn.

What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.

What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?

“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.

“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.

“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”

I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.

“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”

“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.

A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.

Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.

“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.

He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.

Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.

“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.

“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.

“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.

“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”

“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.

“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”

“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“

“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.

“But-“ he says behind my hand.

“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.

“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”

“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”

“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?

***

It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.

But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.

We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.

But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.

Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.

Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.

We still get under each other’s skin.

The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.

I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.

“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.

“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”

“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”

“Coincidence.”

“Liar.”

“I’m an honest man.”

“Truth please?”

“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”

“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”

“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”

“Really? How?”

“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”

He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.

“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”

“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”

“That’s a strong word.” He argues.

“You. Stalked. Me.”

“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.

“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.

“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.

“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”

“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”

“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”

His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.

“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”

It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”

When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.

We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.

“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”

He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”

I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”

“Whatever,” I say with a smile.

“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”

We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.

“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”

“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”

“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”

He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.

“What?”

“Really? You think it was the artcles?”

“Well what else happened that-“

Oh god. Was I that stupid?

Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.

A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”

“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”

I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?

“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.

“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”

His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.

“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”

His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”

“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“

“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“

“Well you were-“

“Yeah alright-“

“Why did you really pull me away though?”

“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”

“What?”

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”

My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.

“I was just your assistant though.”

“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”

“Yeah but-“

“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”

I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.

Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”

“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”

“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”

Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”

I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”

“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”

I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.

Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.

I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.

I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.

“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”

“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.

There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.

My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.

“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.

“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”

“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”

“I have a good feeling about it.”

“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”

I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.

“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”

“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”

“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”

I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.

“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“

“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”

He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.

“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”

“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.

He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.

***

I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.

I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.

I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.

So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.

I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.

I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.

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Epilogue

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