#loving the vibes and the shots thank you so much for giving us crumbs i love you 😩😩

[somedaytakethetime]

Don't forget to stay hydrated, everyone 😩😩

[jonah-aesthetic]

Jingle Bells I Daniel Seavey

Daniel X Reader 

Plot:  Your best friend since childhood takes you on a sleigh ride. one you’ve only mentioned once to him. With the entire Christmas vibe he brings to life it’s hard for you to keep your feelings at bay for him.

Word count: 2.9k

Author’s Note: unedited I feel like this piece flopped for me. I didn’t want it too long, but it also dragged on a little. Yet I didn’t think I put enough detail in this one. 

Rating: 16+ (I’m 20 so I’d like my readers to be some what around there.)

MoodBoard

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Your vision was blocked by a folded bandanna tied around your head with a secured knot or two. Hand tightly locked with Daniel’s, feeling his thumb rub a top yours for comfort. Snow crunched under your Dr. Martens with ease, slightly soft from the snow fall a few days prior. Slow steps as He guided you keeping your location a surprise.

 Your senses felt heightened with your eyes looking into the dark oblivion. The vague bitter smell of horse manure and the rather oddly pleasant hay scent Reached your nose. You wouldn’t have noticed it before, almost feeling like a damn blood hound. Yet it gave a hint on where he was taking you. 

Two hours previous he woke you up, you’re nothing close to a morning person. So you cussed his ass out of your apartment so you could enjoy the fantasy dreams about him. Ones you could never endure in reality, Daniel’s your best friend who you were insufferably in love with. 

Yet he came again, using the spare you forgot you gave him. But this time he came bearing an Eggnog Latte and gingerbread cookie. Slaying the ferocious dragon into silence, the way he always knew how.  The caffeine and baked good keeping you at bay as he told you he at the day planned for the both of you. Although it was a surprise, all he said was dress appropriate for the chilly winter weather and grab a blanket. 

Analyzing everything in your head for a quick second. You realized he was bringing you on that sleigh ride you mentioned once before. Thinking it’d be fun to do during the winter months, you didn’t think he’d actually book an entire day for it. Making it a big thing, you wish he didn’t. Cause it only made butterflies flutter, tempting you to wreck your friendship. 

“Watch your step..” Daniel’s voice is more projected against the snow over ground. Heart slamming upon your rib cage and you swear you can hear it.

“Actually just bend your knees, It’s a stairwell and I’d rather not risk you eating shit. Or breaking a nose in the winter.” At his words you probably figured they were slippery or he didn’t trust you not to slip, you were no doubt clumsy as Bambi, and the man knew it. 

Bending your knees a little, which you curious on why he asked you in the first place. Yet you trusted him with your life, there’s no going back on years of friendship now Seavey. his arms scooped you under your legs and against your back. Bringing you closer to his chest, the motion fast and unexpected as you let of a small whimper. Daniel groaned as he hopped getting a more sturdy hold on you. 

“God you’re heavy.” He breathes, the air from his lungs hitting your cheeks. 

“Then put me down Asshole.” You scold him, slapping his chest, feeling a deep chuckle rumble within. 

“I was joking, you’re not heavy, you’re fine. It was a bad joke anyways. Now hold on I might drop you.” 

“Daniel That’ll be the last thing you’ll do before you end up in hell.” You threaten playfully. You instantly wrapped your arms around his neck after feeling him climb up the stairs. It was a small rocking motion almost like you were on a ride especially with the blindfold on. 

“Was that a death threat?” 

“If you drop me, yes, yes it is.” 

Gasping you felt Daniel fake drop you, it was a slower motion that you thought it would be to actually drop you. Nonetheless it still scared you, clawing on tighter to him. Whitening your knuckles as angry wasps scattered in your stomach. 

“I hate you, I hate you, I have you Seavey.” You yelled still preparing for the fall the would never come. 

Again you could feel the glorious deep chuckle of his erupt from his chest. Vibrating against you, turning angry wasps into love-sick butterflies. “We’re hear anyways.” 

“Than you can put me down and take this damn blindfold off.” You speak trying to reach for it. Daniel’s hand caught your wrist like a reflex. “Not yet, just a few more minutes.”

Opening a door and being engulfed my warmed, you shivered from the drastic temperature change. Bells rang above warning the receptionist that customers have arrived. It was around an hour, or what felt like an hour to you later. Of going over everything for the surprise, from the time to the pricing. Which you weren’t to happy about, yet after all of it nobody confirmed your theory. You knew what it was, but you wanted it to be heard. Though nothing about it was said. 

Nada. Zilp. Zitch. Nothing. Not even a damn crumb. 

Going from warm to cold wasn't as drastic of a change. Daniel still held you bridal style, scared you eat shit. Which you most likely would have, if he let you climb down the steps. You felt very natural in his arms anyways, like to pieces of a puzzle. 

Daniel began to lower you softly letting you go before your feet were on the ground again. Silently thanking him for being on your two feet again. His presence coming behind you, raising his fingers to the knots and began to pick at them. 

“Are you ready?” 

Yes I’ve been waiting all damn day for this. Take it off Seavey.” Hearing him chuckle behind a smile spread across your face. Feeling the bandanna drop, hands flying to your mouth as you gasped. You knew it, yet you were still shocked by the sight of it. 

In front of you was bright red sleigh with gold detailing all around it. Had a massive resemblance to the famous Santa Klaus one. instead of nine reindeer, a beautiful black Clydesdale stood in their place.  On of the bands resting upon his butt had a line of huge bells. Ringing every time he moved, bringing the whole Christmas vibe alive. 

whirling around gazing at him a gentle smile rested on his lips. His blonde hair half tucked under a black beaning. Light stubble dancing along his jaw, making him look older. His icy blue eyes watching you, fighting the urge to tell him you wanted him. Maybe he knew it already, that’s why he took you here, and maybe he didn’t.

“You didn’t have to.” You said shaking your head, 

“I know, I wanted to, I had the money for it.” He shrugged stuffing his hands into his pockets. Why couldn’t Daniel be less attractive! it wasn’t fair. perfect silence emerged over both of you, genuine smiles with adoration for one another hidden behind your eyes. 

“If you Two love birds are ready, I love to show you what this gorgeous winter has to offer.” The Driver spoke, sitting upon the front seat that was two or three feet higher then the main seats in the center of the sleigh. 

With giddy giggles Daniel escorted you towards it, his hand resting on the smallest part of your back. Maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you, but you swear you could’ve felt his hand reach and squeeze your hip. 

Sitting down it was a tight and cozy fit, the bench and the back rest was cushioned with a black leather material. Smooth to the touch and soft as ever, with a clicker of the chauffeur’s tongue, the sleigh bolted to life, cause you and Daniel to fall back into each other. Soon enough the jingle bells rhythm came into ear shot. Making this whole experience feel like you woke up in a fucking Christmas. Unbelievable real.

“Are you okay?” Daniel’s laugh fans your cheeks as he helps you to sit up right. 

“Never better.” You say with an undying happiness you possessed inside. Not feeling the way the cold nipped at your nose making you look like and off brand Rudolph. 

“Here.” He speaks as you watch him unfold a black blanket, a little dumbfound, the thing was massive and surprised you hadn't noticed it before. Handing you one of the corners of the blanket, and instantly wrapped it around you as Daniel did the same. Pulling you two closer together, trying to engulf your body in it as much as you. 

“Thanks” you whisper under your breathe, watching it form into an icy cloud. Glancing at the gold letters embroidered into the corner of the blanket tight. it was a gift from Daniel’s mother giving to you on the day you both graduated. Remembering the words she said to you like it was yesterday. 

“You know I wasn't to ecstatic about new neighbors moving in. But as soon as I saw this sweet little girl playing with my boy. I was glad that your parents’ pick the that house. I Watched you two laughing and giggling in the yards, I just knew you two would be in separable. It’s a shame that boy of mind doesn't see the love that you have for him...”

It shocked you to know that she knew that you were in love with him. You covered your tracks pretty well back then. Controlling yourself around him was child’s play compared to now. She never interfered with the way you felt about him, You were grateful at the time. Now not so much, but it could’ve wrecked the friendship you had-

“Y/N look.” Daniel’s voice cut your thoughts short, His attention of the right. You follow his gaze, spotting nine caribou in scattered in the woods. Or rather nine reindeer, you guessed they weren’t replaced after all. You could feel the sleigh come to a gentle stop, the jingle bells’ song vanished into the air. 

“Oh shit! Reindeer.” No filter with pure shock, 

Curiously watching them from a far, you admired each and every one. Noticing a chunky bell lacing around their necks, like they were Santa's famous reindeer's’ out of the movies. 

“And watch this.” He speaks glancing up at the driver, as if on cue he places his fingers in mouth and releases a high pitch whistle. “Keep an eye out for him,” 

“Keep an out of who?-” 

A  reindeer further into the forest walks towards us, elegant and gentle. Stalking through the snow as if he held pride, significantly larger than all the other reindeer, he must of been the alpha, the leader. 

Amazed at the whole thing you couldn't think of words to say and if you manged something. It’d definitely come out as word vomit. Reaching closer and closer to the sleigh you could her the bell jingle against his chest. Black scribble appeared on the red ribbon clasped around his neck. Soon being able to read the name ‘Rudolph’  on both side on his throat. 

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Daniel asks looking back at you expecting you to say words you couldn’t fathom at the moment. You gulped and nodded your head vigorously. He was more then beautiful he was stunningly gorgeous and massive. You’ve never seen a wild animal in person not to mention this close to one. 

Daniel held a chuckle at your reaction to this entire encounter with Rudolph. Finding your dumbfound shock, adorably cute. In moments like these he dreaded the knowledge of being your best friend and not your boyfriend. Where he could just grab the back of your neck and smash his lips hungrily to yours. 

The adrenaline high was retreating in your veins, causing your mind to process again. The cage of anxiety breaking open as the glance of Daniel’s ocean eyes calmed you down.  

He’s fucking perfect. Look at those dopy eyes, various shades of blues swirled inside them. causing your heart to melt into the bottom of your stomach. All thoughts of common sense started to leave, glancing at his lips. looking pink and soft as ever, god they must taste like heaven, or at least the closest thing to it. 

Best friend. Best friend. Best friend. 

Looking forward you could’ve swore you breathed the same air as Rudolph. Still he was more beautiful up close. White creamy chest that reached to his legs, chocolate brown body. adorable nose that had the softest resemblance to a cow. Antlers sprouting from a top his head, developing towards the sky. A small white box was tethered to his left antler by a black ribbon. Throwing your best friend a suspicious glance, he nodded letting you reach for it.

Clasping the velvet box in your hand, feeling your heart pound repeatedly. Breath caught, anxious of what’s in the box. Feeling your gut tell you this was it and whatever this box contained was going to change everything. Distracting yourself you focused on Rudolph, seeing the way he looked at you. As if he knew what it was somehow. 

taking your glove off with your teeth you reached for him, pausing three inches before his nose. If you learned anything from Draco’s encounter with Buckbeck, was to be patient and let the animal come to you. Although at the end of the day it was just a fucking movie. 

Warmth exploded from your palm to your elbow, smiling you trailed your hand to rest under his chin. His fur softer than you were expecting it to be, yet you didn’t know what you were expecting. “Thank you Rudolph.” You whisper to him soon retracting your hand. Backing away he retreated to his herd, quite as if the encounter with him never happened.

Taking up your spot next to Daniel you glance up at him, “What is this?” You asked breathlessly. 

“Open it.” He says, voice a tremble and couldn’t help but think that he knows. Was this what a best friend break up was like? Staring at it you forced the top open, but you let it go. Snapping shut without a glimpse. You shake your head, gulping feeling the bile rise. “I can’t Daniel” 

His hand comes into view, twice the size of yours. Veins scattered along his knuckles, red from the cold. Taking the box from you grip you stared at your fingers, missing the feeling of his hands on yours. 

“I’m in love with you.” He blurts in out like it was nothing new to you. Your head whipped so fast you got dizzy. His eyes were genuine, you always knew he was lying. The way he would glance up and down then to side. Tongue poking out with a fiddling of handing, but he didn’t show any signs. He was a good actor though. 

“She told you.” You accuses like a defensive mechanism. You guessed Keri thought you moved on with your feelings for Daniel. There was no other reason you could think  of. 

“She did.’ He confirms, Nodding his head. Was this was this a joke to him? Cause it wasn’t fucking funny. You shook your head feeling the fire burning in your blood. 

‘I can’t do this.” You speak, removing yourself from the seat and jumping out of the sleigh. Starting to head back in the direction you think the farm was located. The cold weather bite at your body, but you hugged yourself too furious to care. 

“Y/N!” 

“Leave me alone Daniel.” You could here him chase after you, with the ay he was breathing. 

“Mom told me you wouldn’t believe me.” His voice getting louder. 

“Maybe you should’ve kept it to yourself Seavey, better yet you should’ve let me sleep in.” You were hurt, and you didn’t know how to comprehend any of this. 

“I love when you talk about things you’re passionate about. Like the colors on your paint palette, how you mixed blue and purple for the perfect shade of magenta.” 

That was two months ago and you remembered the excitement you felt. After hours of mixing you finally made the exact shade you wanted. Daniel was the first one you came to, as he was at your apartment. 

“Daniel stop.” using his name the way you were was like a sting each time. 

“Or the time you hit that sparrow, you pulled over as so soon as you felt the bird hit the grill. You dug him a grave with a used spoon in the truck of my car. Gave him a funeral and forced me to speak at it like it was lost friend. It was the day I finally realized I love you with every fiber of my being.” You could hear the strain in his voice. 

That happened two fucking years ago. 

“It’s not fair.” You speak stopping in your tracks, a good distance away from the sleigh. Feeling his presence behind you, you let him reach out for you. His hand turning you to face him yet you faced the ground feeling like you lost a damn war, defeated and drained. 

“I know it’s not and I’m so incredibly sorry.” He sounded like he was begging for you. 

“Okay.”  you didn't know exactly what it was for, but you felt like it was needed. 

His hand came to rest on your cheek wiping a tear you didn’t know slip. His touch delicate against your face, tilting your head up he caught your lips against his. His lips were soft as you fell into sync. Tasting like cinnamon and peppermint. Pulling him closer you lost yourself within him, the feel, the smell, and the touch of him. 

Kissing him was like finally finding the last piece of your puzzle, the way both of you fit perfectly together amazed you. He tasted like heaven and heaven tasted like home. 

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Felt like I could’ve added more, but its already long.

I hope you enjoyed this piece.

Also if ya made it to the end comment which Why Don’t We guy I should do next. 

[crack-whore-who-fuckedup-already]

Catchin’ The Vibe

Pairing: Loki x reader

Word Count: 2,543

Warnings: drug use (devils lettuce folks), wee bit of angst, fluff if you squint, awkwardness if that counts lol, older GenZ!reader

A/N: Ahhhh! This is my first time posting something I’ve written! I hope you all enjoy!

 Classes that day were less than pleasant. The reminder of 4 major exams coming up did nothing to soothe (Y/s) constant stress and anxiety and she couldn't help but rush out of her final class, ready to finally relax.

          The brisk walk home got her thinking and she quickly pulled out her phone and sent a text to her roommate, Cassie. The girl was well aware of Cassie's habits of bringing friends over unexpectedly. She'd learned to text ahead so that she could change her course of direction before it was too late and Cassie made her begrudgingly agree to stay with them. For as much as their external personalities clashed, she really did love Cassie but she also really didn't feel like trying her own patience today. Instead, she prepped for her backup plan.

When the inevitable response came from her roommate, she sighed and set a course for Avengers Tower. Even if a group of super heroes lived there, the tower was big enough to grant her space from them.

Walking in the front door, she flashed the card that her aunt Pepper gifted her upon her arrival to the big city to the security guard. If you need anything, Pepper had said, pressing the card into the girls palm, just come find me. She absolutely adored her aunt Pepper and although she didn't particularly need anything from her aunt in person, she was ever grateful for the unlimited access to the tower.

The girl was pleased to find that the residence atop the tower was seemingly empty. Out on a mission, she presumed. Thank God.

  She wasted no time plopping herself down on the couch and reached deep into her backpack, searching for the little ziplock bag. The perfect little cookie she had placed in there earlier that morning had crumbled to bits and she made a sound of disappointment. She opened it and poured a handful of crumbs, careful not to spill any on the couch. Only after carefully putting the rest away, she finally let herself fall back against the sofa and unwind.

When the girl found her eyes sore and red, and her mouth dry as the desert, she knew her high had hit. The previous anxious pounding in her heart and head was replaced with a subtle, pleasant throbbing throughout her body. Finally, she felt like she could take a deep breath. Reveling in the feeling, she closed her eyes and thought back on the day. 

Unbeknownst to her, Loki stood in the doorway of the living room, watching her intently. His fingers softly tapped on the hardcover of his book, debating whether or not he should go back to his room. He could sense that there was something different about her today. Something off. Now that Loki thought about it, the girl's energy always seemed a little ‘off’ compared to the other mortals on Midgard, but never this heavy before. It made him shift in discomfort.

Before he could turn and sneak away, her soft yet dry-red eyes peered over the couch and caught his own deep green ones. He was caught.

“Hello,” she said kindly. "You can join me, if you'd like." Loki's presence was one she always welcomed. She smiled softly and gestured to the sofa across from her. Loki hesitated for just a second but then slowly took a seat. She sat up to address him better and continued.  “I wasn't expecting anyone to be here. I thought everyone was out on a mission.” 

Only a couple feet from her now, the god could clearly see the red in her eyes and her exhaustion radiated off of her. His curiosity got the better of him and the question shot out of his mouth, quiet but clear. “Is something wrong?”

The girl froze suddenly. Her thoughts fluttered excuse from excuse. But she stopped, suddenly. She wondered with a bit of mischief -and defiance, probably-, what if she just told the truth. She realized quickly that Loki would probably be the last person to rat her out, quite honestly. Besides, something told her that Loki'd had his fair share of, well, exotic herbal substances, for lack of better term. Forgetting herself, she laughed a little at the thought.

Thinking he'd said something foolish, it took everything in Loki not to stride out of the room then and there. Irritation and perhaps embarrassment bloomed deep in his chest. Instead he let out a little huff which luckily got her attention. 

“Im sorry, but no. Why do you ask?” Her voice lilted up in a teasing manner. She had a small smirk on her face as she took a sip from the water bottle in her bag. 

Loki knew that look all too well. It was the same one he got on his face when he was up to no good. Suddenly intrigued, he narrowed his eyes at her and slipped on his shit-eating grin.

“Your eyes are red. And your presence feels more... tense than usual.”

She leaned forward and swallowed quickly. “What, you mean like my energy?”

Loki paused pensively then nodded.

She snickered and thought about that particularly interesting tid-bit of information. The scientific and spiritual knowledge on Asgard is far different and more advanced than anything on earth, she knew.

Minutes passed and the girl found her thoughts wondering, as well as her eyes. At some point, they landed on Loki reading his book and suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Surprising herself with this idea, she mulled it over in her head. He is literally the most stressed individual I have ever met...and aunt Pepper has to deal with Tony on a daily basis so that's saying something... there's no harm in asking.

"Loki, have you ever heard of weed?" she asked as innocently as she could muster. He looked at her, contemplating. Eventually, he shook his head no. Delight spread across her face before caution took its place and the girl thought of the best way to explain to Loki what exactly the Midgardian herb was.

 "On Earth, there's this plant called marijuana." A look of slight recognition passed over his face. "It's used as a destresser, antidepressant, muscle relaxer…” She paused pensively. “Some use it for spiritual purposes. It's got loads of uses. Not to mention it gets you nice and toasty." 

With the Avengers away, his normally stiff and stoic facade was softer, allowing the girl to just barely make out the contemplative faces he was making. She had also noticed his brief look of uncertainty at her use of the term 'toasty'.

"So this is Midgards form of the Gift," he concluded.

"If that's what you guys call drugs on Asgard then, yeah. Sure." She let out a little laugh and looked at him intently.

After a second of thinking, he finally looked at her again, mischief seeping into his words and face. "And why might you be telling me this, dearest?" 

Leaning back with a grin, she fished the baggie from her backpack once more. The loose crumbs looked less than impressive to the god but the girl didn't seem to care. She gave Loki a look to rival his own and for a second, it actually made him falter. 

The amount left in the bag was just the amount she felt comfortable giving him so she handed him the plastic baggie. When he didn't take it right away, she pulled back. 

"You don't have to if you don't want to." The gentleness in her voice caught him off guard and reassured him that it was his choice. He had no doubt after that, he wanted to do this. 

For as much as he didn't trust Midgard or their people, Loki was quite comfortable around her. The child of the group and yet she seemed to be the only tolerable one. Her normally quiet disposition drew him in and her ability to launch passionately into one of her stories only made him enjoy her company more. It reminded him of his mother.

Shoving those thoughts aside, he did his best to pour the cookie crumbs into his mouth then set the baggie on the coffee table. Leaning back, they both fell into comfortable silence and waited.

---------------------------

She was in the kitchen when out of the corner of her eye, she saw Loki slowly close his book. The girl looked up and across the space to the connected living room where he sat and saw him staring blankly at a spot in front of him. Finally, he let out a small groan and fell backwards. It had finally hit.

"Loki?" 

His hand twitched in her direction and she knew he wasn't doing well. Quickly filling a glass of water, she was at his side in a second. His head was all the way back, looking at the ceiling and his eyes were wide, pupils blown. His breathing was labored and his hands were shaking. 

"Hey, ok," she said, sitting gently next to him. She placed her hand on his arm but he flinched away. Paying it no mind, she spoke gently. "Don't fight it, Loki. Just relax and breathe." 

Loki tried his best to relax, truly. But there was this relentless twitching all throughout his body and his senses felt dulled by this incessant tingling. His mind was flitting through thoughts faster than he could grasp. Not having control over his mind and body was completely unexpected. The Gift was nothing like this. 

On Asgard, the Gift clears your mind and energy and makes you feel present and centered. It connects mind and body, bringing them together in harmony. This was the opposite. It was incapacitating his body and his thoughts swirled senselessly in his head.

"May I touch you?" 

He looked at her but the words were lost on him, he couldn't focus. He stared at her until she spoke again.

 "Loki? Is it alright if I touch you?" 

Before she could even finish the question a second time, he was already nodding his head yes. The girl smiled and softly placed her hand on his shoulder for reassurance. She rubbed her thumb gently back and forth and held up the glass of water. 

"Take a sip, it'll help," she urged. Loki mustered enough composure to sit up and take a few sips. When he was done, he rested back against the couch, shutting his eyes tightly.

Putting the glass down, the girl sighed as she looked at his rigid body. Poor thing was torturing himself with how tense he was. "Loki, if you don't relax, you're gonna cause more harm than good. Your muscles are going to snap."

He only shook his head.

Suppressing her own increasingly anxious thoughts, she continued. "Then what can I do to help? Please? I want to help you…" But Loki couldn't bring himself to say anything. Instead he shakily took her hand. Gentle but firm, it was the smallest of acts but she could already feel the difference it made. 

After a few moments, his scrunched up face was finally smoothing into one of ease and his breathing began to level out. The twitching was unavoidable and so was the probability of zoning out a couple times but that was all a part of the experience. After regaining control of his breath, Loki finally seemed to be letting himself unwind.

As his body started to melt into the couch, she gently readjusted herself next to him so that she was more comfortable. Not once did they let go of each other's hand. They sat in silence, enjoying the buzz but also each other's quiet presence.

---------------------

As the night got darker and the high mellowed out, Loki found himself actually enjoying his time. He could still feel the tingling in his body but had decided that he liked it. The girl had managed to pull him out of his trance when she pulled her hand away to put on some slow, quiet music that was pleasant to his currently sensitive ears.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, softly.

Still lounging back against the couch, Loki took a moment to think then nodded his head. A lazy smile spread across his face. "I feel...good." 

"Yeah?" she chuckled.

"Yeah."

They both let out a lazy chuckle and the girl fell back against the couch. "So…" She hesitated and wondered if she should say something so soon but continued anyway. "Are you okay? That was kind of... intense and I just want to make sure you're alright."

Loki took a second to gather his thoughts and cleared his throat. "My mind went places I try very hard to keep hidden. I wasn't prepared, is all."

When he didn't say anything more she decided it was best to leave it there. She watched him lose himself in his thoughts again and immediately scooted closer. Grabbing his hand wholly, she pressed herself into his side lightly as not to startle him and gave him a reassuring laugh. "I've gotcha. You're stuck with me now, buddy."

He just closed his eyes and exhaled heavily, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. But then he remembered why he was in this strange situation in the first place. When he had initially walked into the common room, the girl's abnormally heavy presence had made him want to flee. He wondered for a second if it could have been an effect of the Midgardian drug but if he focused hard enough, he could still sense that same tension deep in her muscles.

"And how about you?" 

She looked at him uncertainly. "What about me?"

"Are you ok?"

She shook her head in confusion as she couldn't understand what he was trying to get at. Loki thought about giving it up but he managed to convince himself otherwise. Pay her the same courtesy she did you, he willed himself.

"When I walked in I noticed a particular...mood settling over the room. It wasn't much like you and I wonder if something upset you," he spoke, afraid he might be over stepping.

Recollection spread across her face and she laughed begrudgingly. Now that she had time to relax and let the day sink in -not to mention the external help of her good friend Mary Jane-, she could separate herself from the anxiety and stress of everyday college life. Four exams were nothing, she concluded. She'd gotten through worse before. She could do this.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just some trivial human stuff. But I'm ok, I promise." 

They looked at each other, both their eyes red and droopy. She had a soft, genuine smile on her face and Loki felt himself relax all over again. As the music met their ears once more, they fell into pleasant silence.

----------------------

When the team got home early the next morning, they were surprised to find the two asleep on the couch. With Loki's head hanging back against the couch and the girl's face smothered into his shoulder, it definitely wasn't the most comfortable condition to sleep in. And yet, these two, in their stubborn chaos, managed to make it work. Deciding not to disturb them, the team just let them be and didn't dare mention a word to them when they woke.

[mcnamaste]

Task 001: Character Playlist.

Another case of Affluenza - a Dylan McNamara playlist

Snippets of Lyrics below:

Side A + Dylan’s vibe 

1. all in my head (flex) - Fifth Harmony feat. Fetty Wap

Flex, time to impress Come and climb in my bed Don't be shy, do your thing It's all in my head

fun fact - the original song that they sampled this chorus from actually goes like this: 

Girl flex, time to have sex Long time yuh have di rude bwoy yah a sweat Girl, flex time to have sex Look how long yuh have di rude bwoy a sweat

thanks for coming to my ted talk

2. ain’t my fault - zara larsson 

It ain't my fault you keep turnin' me on It ain't my fault you got, got me so gone It ain't my fault I'm not leavin' alone It ain't my fault you keep turnin' me on I can't talk right now I'm lookin' and I like what I'm seein' Got me feelin' kinda shocked right now Couldn't stop right now Even if I wanted, gotta get it, get it, get it, when it's hot right now Oh my god, what is this? Want you all in my business Baby, I insist Please don't blame me for whatever happens next

3. sugar - Maroon 5

I'm hurting baby, I'm broken down I need your loving, loving I need it now When I'm without you, I'm something weak You got me begging, begging I'm on my knees

4. stupid love - Lady Gaga

You're the one that I've been waiting for Gotta quit this cryin', nobody's gonna Heal me if I don't open the door Kinda hard to believe, gotta have faith in me

 5. desperado - Rihanna 

If you want, we can be runaways Running from any sight of love Yeah, yeah, there ain’t nothin' There ain't nothin' here for me There ain't nothin' here for me anymore But I don't wanna be alone

6. pray for me - The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar

I'm always ready for a war again Go down that road again It's all the same I'm always ready to take a life again You know I'll ride again It's all the same (Ooh, ooh, ooh) Tell me who's gon' save me from myself When this life is all I know Tell me who's gon' save me from this hell Without you, I'm all alone

Who gon' pray for me? Take my pain for me? Save my soul for me? 'Cause I'm alone, you see If I'm gon' die for you If I'm gon' kill for you Then I spilled this blood for you, hey

7. 24k magic - Bruno Mars Pop pop, it's show time (Show time) Show time (Show time) Guess who's back again? Oh they don't know? (Go on tell 'em) Oh they don't know? (Go on tell 'em) I bet they know soon as we walk in (Showin' up) Wearing Cuban links (ya) Designer minks (ya) Inglewood's finest shoes (Whoop, whoop) Don't look too hard Might hurt ya'self Known to give the color red the blues

Ooh shit, I'm a dangerous man with some money in my pocket (Keep up) So many pretty girls around me and they waking up the rocket (Keep up) Why you mad? Fix ya face Ain't my fault y'all be jocking (Keep up)

8. bed - J. Holiday 

Wanna put my fingers through your hair Wrap me up in your legs And love you till your eyes roll back I'm tryna put you to bed, bed, bed I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed Then I'mma rock ya body Turn you over Love is war, I'm your soldier Touchin' you like it's our first time I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed I'mma put you to bed, bed, bed

9. don’t judge me - Janelle Monáe

Even though you tell me you love me I'm afraid that you just love my disguise Taste my fears and light your candle to my raging fire Of broken desire

But don't judge me I know I got issues, but they drown when I kiss you Don't judge me Baptize me with ocean, recognize my devotion

10. the greatest - Sia 

I'm free to be the greatest, I'm alive I'm free to be the greatest here tonight, the greatest The greatest, the greatest alive

11. love in this club - Usher feat. Young Jeezy 

You say you're searching for somebody that'll take you out and do you right Well, come here, baby and let daddy show you what it feel like You know all you got to do is tell me what you sipping on And I promise that I'm gonna keep it coming all night long

12. u don't have to call - Usher

Aw, girl, your face is saying, "Why?" Tears in eyes Should've been more smart about it Should've cherished me, listening to friends Now it's the end And again, no story can end without it

Side B + Annalise Young (Infidelity & Divorce)

1. forgive me - Chloe x Halle

Baby, what you think this is? Why you wanna plead the fifth? You ain't gotta tell me what it is 'Cause I saw the messages You must got me fucked up You must got me fucked up I think I had enough

So forgive me, forgive me I been goin' too hard in your city So forgive me 'cause I'm not teary Best believe I'll move onto better things

2. makes me wonder - Maroon 5

Wake up, blood-shot eye Struggle to memorize The way it felt between your thighs Pleasure that made you cry It feels so good to be bad Not worth the aftermath, after that, after that Try to get you back

I still don't have a reason And you don't have the time And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you

3. maps - Maroon 5 

I miss the taste of a sweeter life I miss the conversation I'm searching for a song tonight I'm changing all of the stations I like to think that we had it all We drew a map to a better place But on that road I took a fall Oh, baby, why did you run away?

I was there for you In your darkest times I was there for you In your darkest night

But I wonder, where were you? When I was at my worst Down on my knees And you said you had my back So I wonder, where were you?

4. mend this love - Vaults

Take me from the edge Steal a step and lead me back from harm Hold it in your hand Crush it into crumbs like nothing's wrong

And tell me "right what you wanna know? Take what you wanna hide It's too late to mend this love" And tell me "go where you wanna go Break what you never had It's too late to mend this love"

5. wicked game - Chris Isaak 

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you It's strange what desire will make foolish people do I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (This world is only gonna break your heart)

6. love’s divine - Seal

Then the rainstorm came over me And I felt my spirit break I had lost all of my belief, you see And realized my mistake But time threw a prayer to me And all around me became stil

7. beautiful mistakes - Maroon 5 & Megan Thee Stallion

It's beautiful, it's bittersweet You're like a broken home to me I take a shot of memories And black out like an empty street I fill my days with the way you walk And fill my nights with broken dreams I make up lies inside my head Like one day you'll come back to me

8. i’m not the only one - Sam Smith feat. A$AP Rocky

You and me, we made a vow For better or for worse I can't believe you let me down But the proof's in the way it hurts For months on end I've had my doubts Denying every tear I wish this would be over now But I know that I still need you here

You say I'm crazy 'Cause you don't think I know what you've done But when you call me baby I know I'm not the only one

9. perfect illusion - Lady Gaga

I don't need eyes to see I felt you touchin' me High like amphetamine Maybe you're just a dream That's what it means to crush Now that I'm wakin' up I still feel the blow But at least now I know

It wasn't love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion) Mistaken for love, it wasn't love It was a perfect illusion (Perfect illusion)

10. don’t walk away - John Legend feat. Koffee

We can't go out like this It's just the two of us We should be making up We could be making love Didn't  used to talk like this Now you say you're giving up Took too much to build this house I don't wanna sit and watch it burn down I ain't leaving, I ain't leaving, I ain't leaving, I ain't giving you space I will not be replaced I don't wanna save face Don't leave me open, leave me open, leave me open, leave me open like that Whatever love we had We need to get it back

11. if I could have you back - Aly & AJ 

On the subject of you being gone forever I still can't believe it, I can't see it I should just stop counting days On the subject of the future Wouldn't it be nice to leave it open ended And pretend it could go either way

If I could have you back again I'd think about it once or twice, I guess If I could have you back I'd reconsider, maybe I'd say yes On the other hand, it would be better to have a life Without the constant indecision over If I could have you back If I could have you back

12. fairplay - Kiana Ledé

I think it's kind of funny You could say you love me Turn around and play me, yeah I think it's kind of funny You say things you don't mean Underestimate me, yeah

I have always done right by you Said you're never going to lie, liar Shit gon' come around full cycle I flip the script on you

Tell me why you mad Tell me why you're hurt Bet you didn't think that the tables would turn You gon' fuck around I'ma do the same How you like that karma? How you like that karma? Yeah, that's just fair play

Bonus: 

busted - The Isley Brothers feat. JS 

Busted, It's 2 o' damn clock in the morning, where you been? (Baby didn't you get my 2-way I was with my girlfriend) You are lyin', I called Kiesha and Tanya And they were both at home (But I didn't say them though) Well they're the only friends I know Girl you better (Wait before you get all upset here's the truth) Talk to me (I was with my girl when she got some bad news) And...? (Her man cheated, had her upset and confused) But baby what's that got to do With you coming in at 2? (I'm telling you, now she was so upset She asked me to stay with her) Well why didn't your ass just pick up the phone and call me? (I was gonna do that but it slipped my mind I'm sorry) (But I'm telling you the truth) Yeah, well I got something for you... Tell me what's her name? (Sharon) Where does she live? (Uuummm...) Her man's name? (Billy) She got kids? (I think one or two) She got kids? (Baby yes, no) That's one thing I got to know How the hell is she your friend If you don't know if she got kids?

[taste-in-music]

Reacting to Charli, baby!

If you were wondering why I hadn’t mentioned her in my last Music Monday post, this is why! I haven’t done one of these long album reaction posts in a long, long while, (not since Love + Fear, I believe,) and this is an album I’ve been hyped for, so I figured why not? I’ve heard a lot of the singles, but there are still many surprises to by had. Listen along to the album with me if you want, and without further ado, let’s ride.

Next Level Charli

I’m getting big “Vroom Vroom” vibes from this? 

I’ve got it. This song is like the inverse to “Vroom Vroom.” It’s got the same anthemic bombast to it from the vocal delivery and lyrics, but with a brighter sound. The synths are high and glistening rather than low and abrasive.

The lyrics are super sweet. Maybe a dedication to the fans?

All right Charli, I’m ready to go to the next level. 

Gone ft. Christine and the Queens

God this song still slams into the exosphere. The verses have so much taut tension to them with the bubbling synths and snappy drums, and then the chorus comes and hits you like a ton of bricks. 

Also can we talk about how relatable the lyrics are? This is one giant shoutout to everyone that’s an insecure and antisocial mess at any party or gathering. Thank you for making a song for our kind Charli.

Christine and the Queens’s voice has this amazing fluidity to it, it must be the French in her. (Also, when she sings in French during the bridge? DEAD.)

Still meh on the outro though.

Cross You Out ft. Sky Ferreira

We’ve got some more aggressive production on this song, which is cool. It contrasts nicely with the more lilting vocals. 

GIMME THOSE SKY FERREIRA CRUMBS. WHEN ARE WE GETTING��MASOCHISM???!?! 

If you listen to the bridge with good headphones you can hear these really low backing vocals from Sky that rattle the nape of your neck, they’re amazing.

I do wish it was a bit more experimental though, it does stay fairly constant through the entirety of the song and makes it a bit of a bland listen. Doesn’t mean I don’t like it, though.     

1999 ft. Troye Sivan

Bop. Next.

Okay, I should actually say something about this, shouldn’t I?

I think it’s pretty cool that a song about 90s throwbacks actually does all it can to sound like it was plucked right out of the 90s. The production is bouncy, sparkly, and seamless, filled with glitching synths, sharp drums, and cute little ad-libs that make it a ton of fun. (That little “hee-hee” that Troye does after mentioning Michael Jackson? Art.)

I’m not usually into stuff that cashes into cheap nostalgia with little commentary as to why that nostalgia is wanted, (the main difference between me liking a song like “Ribs” by Lorde vs. “2002″ by Anne-Marie for example,) but whatever. This is catchy as heck. I love it.

Click ft. Kim Petras and Tommy Cash

Ooh, looks like we’re getting spooky here. This sounds very Turn Off The Lights and Pop 2.

We got a “woo-ah!” Kim Petras is here! 

I’ve never heard of Tommy Cash or listened to any of his music. I don’t know if his sound is quite for me, but maybe I’ll look into his solo work later. 

This isn’t a favorite of mine so far, (it’s far more avant garde than the other songs,) but I don’t know. I see it having its time and place, specifically when I want to feel like a bad bitch. 

Warm ft. HAIM

Those keys! Those gentle synths! Hearing this production with headphones on is heavenly. 

I never thought that Charli XCX and HAIM could work on a track together. HAIM is a very acoustic-driven band that takes inspiration from the past, and Charli always leans into more futuristic, synthetic ideas, but HAIM slip into Charli’s sound pretty well here. 

Overall, it’s not a standout, but I don’t dislike it. My consensus isn’t especially hot or cold, it’s WARM. 

I’m so sorry.

Thoughts

Well that intro brought me to attention very quickly. Am I in a Windows startup? 

Those high notes are the best part of the song. Charli’s got range! Her vocals sound really full and rich here, especially on the verses.  

Ironically, I don’t have many thoughts on this song overall.  

I’m so sorry.

Blame It On Your Love ft. Lizzo

I already know that I love this song. Let’s get to bopping!

Small detail but the snare drums on this song are great. 

This song has a drop that doesn’t suck, and I can’t stress how rare and refreshing that is. It sounds like a shot of caffeine, buzzy and colorful and not long enough. 

Can we all agree that Lizzo is a blessing unto this Earth? Charisma rolls off her in waves. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad for a rap verse to end in a pop song. 

What an amazing song. 

White Mercedes

The vulnerability in the lyrics on this song matched the subtler production sounds great. 

Charli’s vocals sounds??? So good??? I don’t want this to come across the wrong way, but I never really listened to her music for her vocal prowess. Her strong suit always laid in delivering energy and an assertive presence, (like on “I Love It” or “Break The Rules.”) But this song shows just how downright lovely she can sound. 

This is stacking up to be one of my favorite non-singles on this album. What a wonderful surprise this turned out to be.  

Silver Cross

This is all right. I don’t have much to say on it. It’s got some interesting production elements and a solid vocal performance. It’s middle of the road.

In hindsight this maybe could’ve been cut. 

I Don’t Wanna Know

We’ve got a more moody, atmospheric sound for this song. The drums and synths have lots of echo to them, giving the mix a sense of space. It’s like Charli’s the singer in a smoky room from “Don’t Stop Believin.’”

While it’s nice that the album takes a break from the glittery pop hooks and bombastic party jams, I do think this is a tad dull. 

Official

I like those little punches of synth that make up the rhythm in the first verse.

OH MY GOD, the sparkling synths and tinkling keys on this track, they sound like flowers blooming and glimmering gemstones, that is GORGEOUS. 

The way that the production builds on this song by laying in the sounds one by one is really interesting. Some of the effect is lost by the way the backing track is frequently paused throughout the song, which is kind of annoying, but the idea is there, and it’s cool. I like it in theory. 

Shake It ft. Big Freedia, cupcakKe, and Pablo Vittar

I’ve heard a lot of good things about cupcakKe’s solo work and I know that she’s worked with Charli in the past, and I also know that Pablo Vittar and Charli made “Flash Pose” recently,” but  I haven’t heard any of the solo work from these guest features, so I have no clue what to expect.

Those water sounds and how they meld into glitchy techno noises and then breaths? The dual tracking that moves from ear to ear and the whispered vocals? Her mind? 

This is a wild ride with headphones on. 

Febrary 2017 ft. Clairo and Yaeji

I didn’t listen to this despite it being released as a single. I wanted to be a surprise for the album. 

Clairo’s low key voice works pretty well with the slithery vocal production that Charli often uses. I guess the glitchiness of Charli’s sound would compliment a bedroom pop artist. 

The way the production explodes! This sounds fantastic! Holy moly! It’s like diving into a cotton candy wonderland!

That switch up into Yaeji’s part is pretty jarring though. While I like the cooing, gentle vocals and minimal production, it upright clashes with the first half of the track. If it had been worked into the previous production rather than cutting away from it I think it might’ve worked better. 

This song comes across more as a mish-mash of ideas rather than a polished final product. I think maybe another draft could’ve improved it. Still, I do love the ideas it presents. 

2099 ft. Troye Sivan

That last song! My my my how 50 minutes have flown by.

That heartbeat at the start of the song! 

Okay this song is kind of all over the place. I don’t know if I have any definite thoughts on it. 

Still, if this is what music sounds like in 2099 I won’t necessarily be complaining. 

My Thoughts Summarized: This album feels like Charli half wanted to go avant-garde, half wanted to go mainstreen-friendly. This leads to a couple of confused moments, but also to some songs that meet those two options in the middle. While I feel like a few tracks could’ve been reworked or cut, I do like this project a lot. Charli really brought the bops and stepped it up with the vocals and lyrics. My favorite songs at the moment are probably “Gone,” “Blame It One Your Love,” and “White Mercedes.”

Can we talk about how gorgeous the visuals for this album have been, not only with the album art but with the music videos too? We had the badass prosthetics for “Blame It On Your Love,” the 90s throwback with “1999,” and Charli and Chris dancing on a car in the rain. I love it.

What did you think of Charli?  Agree or disagree? Comment or reblog with your thoughts, I’m excited to hear what you think.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball 113

Now that Emperor Pilaf’s crew is out of the way, King Piccolo can finally get down to business, which is conquering the world.  

Piano tries to brief Piccolo on the current geopolitical situation, but Piccolo just zaps his whole Powerpoint presentation.     I really like Piano as a character, and I’m not entirely sure why, other than that he sort of reminds me of some of Jabba the Hutt’s entourage in Return of the Jedi.    Functionally, he’s probably like Bib Fortuna, but he talks like C-3PO, and he sort of feels like a team mascot, like Salacious Crumb. 

Also, the dynamic between Piano and Piccolo is kind of interesting.    Piano speaks much more candidly to Piccolo than anyone else, indicating that he’s a close and trusted advisor.   Presumably, Piccolo created him just like Tambourine and Cymbal, which means that Piano is exactly what Piccolo wanted him to be.    And yet Piano doesn’t seem to quite fit Piccolo’s plans.   He tries to act like he’s counseling a real king, but Piccolo’s military and domestic policies essentially boil down to “Break Stuff”.   

I think this points to King Piccolo’s defining character trait.  He’s a horrible, merciless villain, sure, but I think what sets him apart from the others is that he’s a bitter outsider who wants to punish everyone on the inside.   That’s why he wants to topple the legitimate king and usurp his throne.   The Red Ribbon Army was content to establish their own power base someplace else, but Piccolo wants the recognition.   He wants people to know that he’s part of their society--the top part-- whether they like it or not.   

So with that ambition comes this attitude that he has to make himself look and feel like a real king.    That’s why he surrounds himself with advisors like Piano, that’s why he sits on a throne, and that’s why he wants to move into King Castle.   I don’t think any of these things actually helps him accomplish his goals, but when your goal is basically “Break Stuff”, I guess it doesn’t matter.   King Piccolo doesn’t isn’t really interested in the final outcome of his reign, just so long as he gets to have authority that he can abuse.

As the pair cruise into the city surrounding King Castle.... You know, I’m just gonna go back to calling it “King’s Castle”.   Funimation added the possessive, and I’m starting to see why.   It just sounds better that way.

Anyway, it’s the 20th anniversary of King Furry’s reign, so there’s a big celebration with fireworks and a parade and so on. 

A lot of this episode is designed to set up King Furry as a counterpoint to Piccolo.    He’s everything Piccolo isn’t: modest, peace-loving, a dedicated public servant.

The catch is that King Furry’s record sort of contradicts a lot of the lawlessness we’ve seen in Dragon Ball leading up to his introduction.   Characters like the Ox King, the Red Ribbon Army, and Mercenary Tao seem to be able to do whatever they please.  I’ve always interpreted this to man that KIng Furry may officially rule the entire world, but he has a hard time enforcing his policies in the periphery of his kingdom.  

To be sure, I don’t expect King Furry to be perfect.   It’s likely that the world was a lot worse off before he assumed power, and the peace and prosperity his subjects are celebrating is a relative thing.    I just find it odd that the Red Ribbon Army was a Big Problem just three years ago, and everyone in this episode is acting like that never happened.

Meanwhile, in the Land of Korin, Goku’s planning to seek help from Korin at the top of Korin Tower.   But he’s all beat up, so Bora suggests that he rest for a few days before making the climb.  But Goku can’t wait, so he says Yajirobe will take him up.    Yajirobe refuses, until Goku tells him that there’s Senzu at the top of the tower, and it’s “Wizard Food”.

This leads Yajirobe to imagine a cereal mascot making giant food items appear out of thin air.   See, this right here is what all those Harry Potter movies should have looked like.   How hot would that be?   Dumbledore fights Voldemort, and they just keep trying to crush each other under giant pizzas and hot dogs.

Bora offers to help the boys out by doing a Fastball Special.   Only it’s even cooler than a Fastball Special because he’s gonna throw two people straight up.

I can’t believe Dragon Ball topped Harry Potter AND the X-Men in this one episode.   Well, actually, I can totally believe it.   This show rules.   Yajirobe grabs Goku’s butt, and Bora grabs Yajirobe’s butt, and we’re off to the races.

Of course, the animators sneak in plenty of upskirt shots of Yajirobe.   Wotta buncha perverts.

Once they’re as high as they can get, Yajirobe starts climbin’, crying out ORAORAORA as he goes.   Wow, a JoJo reference too.   This episode has everything.

Back at King’s Castle... uh... City?   Kingscastletown?  Castle City?   I think I’m gonna start calling it that.

Why are all these soldiers wearing pink?   I mean, they look all right, but they have a real ice cream truck vibe to them.     This makes me wonder if ice cream trucks in this town are Hum-vees driven by army guys in pixelated cookie-dough camo.    That’d be pretty badass.

So Piccolo’s ready to start invadin’.   First thing he does is T-Pose for dominance, and then he drops right on down on King’s Castle.

This guy at the gate tells him he can’t go in, and he has a gun, so Piccolo gives up and leaves.   And that’s the end of the story!   Kind of anticlimactic, but it’s a pretty daring way to wrap up a saga like this.   I think the moral here is--

Just kidding, Piccolo stone cold murders all the guards and just wanders through the castle at will.   Also, Piano finds a bag of chips next to some guy’s corpse and just picks it up like a crow.   This show is amazing.

Meanwhile, Master Roshi and Chiaotzu are still dead.

I feel like Tien’s sort of wasting time here.  I guess the last couple of episodes have taken place in roughly real-time, so it’s been maybe about twenty minutes since Piccolo made his wish?   That’s kind of nuts when you think about it.   But it feels like TIen’s been standing around all week.

The rest of Dragon Team finally arrives, and thank goodness Yamcha’s changed out of his blue tank top and short-shorts.   That outfit looked terrible on him.   Launch, of course, is still wearing her cool outfit from the Tien Saga, because you don’t want to mess with perfection.

So, just to be clear, Master Roshi is dead....

And Chiatozu is dead. 

Yamcha tells Tien that they need to team up to beat Piccolo.  Okay, time out, fantasy booking time.   What if they really did team up, and somehow they found out about the fusion dance, and King Piccolo met his match in... Tiencha!?

Like, TIencha would just instantly master the Mafuba, because he has Tien’s firsthand knowledge of the technique, combined with Yamcha’s ability to improvise moves like the Kamehameha and Spirit Ball.    But he’d be like, no.   No, this King Piccolo dude needs to pay.    So he’d wear him down with some Dodohamehas, and then polish him off with the Wolf Fang Volleyball Fist.    Then he’d cross his arms and shout “The Power of Tiencha!”

Then Tiencha would be made the new king.   Yamcha and Tien would rule jointly, but they’d use the fusion dance before making any important decisions. 

But no, we can’t do anything super mega awesome like that.  Instead, Tien wants to go off by himself and master the Mafuba on his own.   Yamcha offers to learn it with him...

But Tien tells him it would be impossible for Yamcha, since he’s never seen the move performed.  Well neither did Mutaito when he invented it, and so far he’s the only one who ever executed it successfully.

So Tien flies off on his own, leaving Launch to get all a-flutter over his stoic heroism.  Look, I get what they’re going for here.   This is Tien’s redemption arc, and Yamcha would just be in the way.   But this is a really dumb play.   Basically, Tien’s setting himself up to make the same mistake Master Roshi made.   Even if Yamcha doesn’t stand a chance of learning the Mafuba, he could still help in other ways, and if nothing else, he could be there when Tien tries it, and then if things don’t work out, he’ll finally have firsthand knowledge of the technique, so he can learn it himself.

Back at the parade, King Furry receives flowers from little girls from different parts of the world.   One of them is Suno from the Red Ribbon Army Saga.   I think this is the first time her hometown is called “Jingle Village”, and I really wish they had used that name back when I needed it.

Unfortunately, Piccolo blows up a bunch of heavy artillery at the castle, and the explosions finally disrupt the celebration, spoiling Suno’s big moment.

In hindsight, it probably would have been better to call off the rest of the celebration, but this guy in white only got word that a lone intruder was a the castle, and he thought tanks would be enough to stop him, so he decided not to interrupt the ceremony.   It was the wrong call, but I can’t blame the guy, since none of them had any idea what they were dealing with.   Now that he does know, he suggests King Furry leave the area immediately.

Furry really doesn’t want to do that, although he’s wise enough to know that his security chief is right.   Piccolo came her to get Furry, so if he can escape the city, there’s at least a chance Piccolo will follow him instead of hurting anyone else.

Meanwhile this huge dude tries to buy them some time.   From the dialogue, I get the impression that he’s the guy on the security detail they call when conventional weapons don’t work.    So at least King Furry’s staff recognizes that there are fighters in the world strong enough to resist tanks and guns.    It sort of makes me wonder why anyone still bothers with tanks and guns, though.   

Piccolo offers the guy a job, but he’s not interested.   It says a lot about King Furry that these guys are willing to lay down their lives for him, even against a foe this powerful.   This whole part of the saga feels like an inversion of Goku’s assault on Red Ribbon Headquarters, only now it’s a villain no-selling a bunch of good guys with guns.   But unlike the Red Ribbon soldiers, these guys are motivated by honor and loyalty, rather than denial and fear.  

To be sure, a couple of other guards see Piccolo kill this dude and they run away, but at this point, I’d say it’s the smart call.   There’s nothing left to defend here but an empty castle, and they’re way out of their league.    All they’d accomplish by staying is to die.

Unfortunately, Piano spots King Furry making his escape.

And it doesn’t take long for Piccolo to catch him.

Elsewhere, a kid asks his mom if there’s anyone who can stop Piccolo.

Suno knows someone.   

Yeah, Goku’s gonna come back and tear Piccolo apart.   You just wait and see.  

He just needs a little time to get his shit together.   Hang in there, world.

[rahirah]

via Barb's Place OK, guys, normally I try not to publish things which are this rough, but fuck it, it has been YEARS and I feel like I owe the six of you who are still hoping to read the rest of POM someday something. So here is the crappy first draft of Ch. 14, scene 1. (If you feel like leaving critical comments, please do. It needs savaging.) As Tara collapsed into Willow's arms, the silver cross, still straining at the end of its chain towards the stone, collapsed with her. Only a necklace again, and not the needle of Angel's moral compass. Buffy snatched it and held it tight, till her palms ached where the metal dug into the flesh. She could almost imagine the cross burning her hand, as if she were the vampire. Angel wouldn't, couldn't be doing the things Spike had described if he still had a soul. He might be infuriatingly high-handed sometimes, but he wasn't some kind of undead Don Corleone. Okay, fine, he'd basically put out a hit on Spike last year, and there'd been that whole episode with Resurrected Darla – she was certain she didn't know all the details there, and was even more certain she didn't want to – and that thing with the submarine, though Spike wasn't the world's most reliable narrator where Angel was concerned, and that had been forever ago and Angel had been really depressed back then and it shouldn't count, should it? And anyway, he'd said he'd had an epiphany, hadn't he? Buffy forced herself to take a breath and relax. Or to take a breath, at least. Damn Angel anyway. There was a corner of her heart that would always be his, just as she suspected that a corner of Spike's heart would always belong to Drusilla, so why couldn't they both just stay in their respective corners, safely cocooned in nostalgia? It would make life so much simpler. Everyone else was still arguing. Giles, bless him, had intercepted Kennedy and the Finns, but Dawn pounced on Spike with the speed and ferocity of Miss Kitty hunting the wily laser pointer. "Come on, spill! What plan?" "Doesn't bloody matter what plan, because it's bugfuck insane, and we're not having it." He really wasn't at a hundred percent yet. Insane plans were the last thing that was likely to put Dawn off. Her sister folded her arms and raised an eyebrow. "You do realize that this is the twenty-first century, and I can just, like, phone Cordy and ask her what it is?" Spike's jaw worked, and he glanced up at the ceiling and then over at her, as if imploring the heavens and the Slayer in order of importance. Buffy sighed. "We kinda used her for First Evil bait last year, Spike. The protect-poor-innocent-Dawnie ship has sailed, lost radio contact, and disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle." "I miss the days when a bloke could cut a sodding phone line," Spike muttered. "All bloody right, here's the gist. Chase had the idea this Burkle chit can use Dawn to pop into another dimension, where we'll conveniently run into no slavering monsters whatsoever, traipse across the landscape without falling into any inconvenient pits of molten lava, and pop back into this world in the Hyperion's safe. Then she fancies we can drag this Gunn bloke back the in same manner as whence we came, no doubt scattering sodding rose petals in our wake. I told her — " "But I can do that!" Dawn exclaimed, whirling on Buffy. "You know I can. I got us to Pylea and back last summer! We could drive close to the Hyperion as we can, cross over into the other dimension, hike to the spot where the Hyperion would be, cross back into our world, rescue the prisoners, and cross back to the World of No Slavering Monsters to get back to the car, and then cross back into our world again." At Spike's dubious expression, her own grew obstinate. "Seriously, how is this worse than you sneaking in and out of Angel's hotel through the sewers, which are definitely full of slavering monsters?" You had to admit Spike was giving it the old college try. "And supposing we miss the safe? Pop out in the middle of the lobby? Or the middle of a wall?" "You said Mr. Tanner's with them, right?" Dawn replied, smug. "He's a geomancer, remember? He specializes in topographic magic. I'll bet he can come up with something to get us to the right spot. I'm not dumb. I know this is going to be dangerous, but you need me. It's not like I'm going on some solo mission here. I'll be with you and Buffy, and Faith might even get here by then. All I'm going to do is stand around and exude Key vibes while you guys make with the punchy-kicky." She looked Spike in the eye. "I did fine in Pylea, didn't I? If this was some random nest of vampires..." "But it's not." Buffy hated the brittleness in her voice. "If Angel's really... it took everything I had to beat him last time." More. "You have a lot more now than you had then," Dawn said, her voice softening. "You're only alone if you want to be, Buffy. Let me help. Please." She'd had help last time, too. How could she explain to Dawn that the memory which haunted her nightmares even now was the result of that help: the look of stunned betrayal on Angel's face as she plunged the sword into his heart? If Willow had called his soul back five minutes later, or half an hour sooner... Dawn had never known that particular flavor of heartbreak. She took her sister's hand. "Thanks, Dawnie. But – " "No buts. I get it," Dawn said with the certainty of someone who didn't. "You have all this romantic baggage, and Spike has all these weird-ass vampire daddy issues – " "Oi!" "Well, you do! But you guys have fought demons, and wizards, and gods. I'm not saying Angel isn't a badass, but repeat after me: He's only a vampire." Spike's lips twitched in a rueful smile. "Bit might have a point, love." Rats. She did. Buffy grimaced. "You're not supposed to be the insightful sister." "I've always been the insightful sister." Dawn let her go and bounced back with a grin. "So I'm coming with you, right?" "You're coming." Buffy straightened. "OK, people. Spike and I leave for L.A. tomorrow morning. Kennedy, Willow, Tara, Giles, you're all with us – we'll take two cars if we have to. Riley, do whatever you need to to get your people there, and let me know when you'll arrive. And make sure they know not to randomly stake anything with fangs. Spike's called in some favors from the local vamps, and while I'm not gonna cry bitter tears if some of them come home in a Dust Buster, I don't want to waste troops. We won't know how many of them will keep their word till they actually show up in L.A., so Xander, can you and Anya stay here and coordinate things with David, and let us know how many are coming and when they'll meet up with us?" Xander nodded; if he was disappointed not to be tagged for combat duty, he didn't show it. "Anya and I can pack up the weapons and supplies tonight, if you want to get some rest, Buff." Buffy shot him a grateful look. "That would be great. We'll talk to Cordy in the morning about someplace to stash any allied vamps. Riley?" Riley exchanged a look with Sam. "We've got some fast talking to do with Headquarters. I'll keep you updated." Team Finn rose in tandem and headed for the door. Giles, having assessed the population of Casa Summers and deemed it excessive, was phoning a hotel. Willow was fussing around with Tara, and – "What are we going to do with Grandpa when we get there, Slayer?" And Spike was looking at her like he expected her to have an answer for that. Maybe she did. "After we catch him? We can enroll him in Riley's chiphead program if we have to. At least until we find out what's going on." Spike frowned. "You think a chip in the head's gonna be enough? For Angel?" How was this even a question? "It was enough for you. And it's only temporary." "It was an excuse to hang about in your general vicinity. Not that I'd have admitted as much at the time." His tone was serious; Spike wasn't even trying to pick a fight, damn him, and she really wanted to punch something in the nose right now. "Angel, he won't put up with it, not for the pleasure of anyone's company." Buffy choked back a bitter sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "'A more permanent solution,' huh? Maybe everyone's right. It took me... so long, last time. To... do what I had to. And people died for it. I can't let that happen again. But I can't..." The words dried up in her throat, too painful to force out. "All of you want me to kill him, don't you?" She was shaking. "So easy for all of you to say, because he's not your friend or your lover. Well, you know what? Screw that! Drusilla's up there with him, and I haven't once questioned that you'll be able to handle her!" Spike's eyes flashed yellow for a second, but he didn't rise to the bait. Maybe his L.A. adventure had really knocked some restraint into him after all. "Yeah, well, maybe you should. I promised you Dru's ashes once, if ever you gave me a crumb. P'raps you've noticed that she's not actually a big pile of dust yet, for all I've gotten the whole sodding cake by now." His shoulders drooped. "Fuck it all, pet, I don't want you to kill him. I hate his sodding guts, but he's family. It's just... you keep talking as if you can fix him. What if there's nothing to fix? What if he really has just stopped trying?" "Then we convince him to start trying again. We didn't give up on Willow when the First had her, did we?" Spike stood silent for a moment, his bright head bowed. Then he sighed. "Fair do's," he said. Whatever that meant. "You know I'll back you, Slayer. I've got no doubts you'll do as you have to. Whatever that turns out to be. Just needed to have my say first." The unshakable confidence in his voice was... not cheering, exactly, but something. She laid her forehead against his shoulder, saying with touch what couldn't be said with words. After a moment his arm snaked around her shoulders, and she felt the uneven rise and fall of his chest gradually match the rhythm of her own breathing. She wondered if he even realized that he did that. "I've got to get some sleep. You coming up?" He glanced across the room. "Up in a mo.' Want a word with Tara. Bird's had a rough night of it," Join the club. "OK. See you in a bit." It occurred to her, as she climbed the stairs, that if the worst ever happened between the two of them, Spike would see that final stroke from her hands as an affirmation rather than a betrayal: a little gesture to show that she cared. Which was weird and sick and vampirey, and also... strangely comforting. No wonder Angel was convinced she'd come back from heaven wrong. TBD comments

[head-and-heart]

The 100 Highlights - “Damocles: Part 2″ (5x13)

Hey guysssssss. 

I’m back to cover my final highlight recap for Season 5. After this, I’ll be going more in-depth on analysis/criticism of the overall season so enjoy this lighthearted blundering while you can. :)

To read other posts in this series, you can click here. 

Tree is really out here (as always) doing his best work. The score during the opening sequence this episode was *kisses fingers*

I have to say that I did enjoy Bellamy protecting Madi in various ways throughout the finale. He promised Clarke that he would, and it feels like he’s living up to that promise. First by stepping in front of her to protect her from Octavia, and then later when he told her “we’ll be right beside you”, ensuring that he would have her back the entire time. And that he would be there to advise her whenever she needs his help.

“Now we win.” Lousy shot. Ha. Sorry, but that was hot.

“You’ll never know your daughter.” Good. Fucking. Riddance.

“We’ve been here before, Madi. We were the criminals. The 100.” I get weak for any reference to the original hundred what can i say i’m a starving woman

“You can execute them because they’re the enemy, or you can break the cycle. You can be better than them. You can be better than us.”

I do like the theme of Season 5 being about breaking the cycle. Let’s hope that the writers really do mean that when they say it.

I also enjoy the return of motivational speeches Bellamy. Madi may have been the figurehead throughout this episode, but it was really Bellamy leading the way. He may have changed, but he’s still the heart. He still inspires people, and I’m glad that he got to the be the one to have this moment where he changed the tide of the war. It felt like a nice wrap up of his journey over the course of “Book One”.

“We’ll wait as long as we can.” “Deja vu.” MONTY IS THE ONLY REAL ONE HERE. My first thought when Raven said that line was “oh ffs not this again”. 

I did enjoy the parallel of Monty saving Murphy’s life like Murphy did in 4x13. 

“First we save their lives. Then we let them prove they deserve it.” “The commanders told you that?” “No. Bellamy.” aksqinsks first lemme laugh at Clarke’s skepticism about the flame telling Madi to spare them because that bitch KNOWS that they would never be so noble lmao. Second lemme appreciate my crumbs.

I mean ... I guess we finally know how the radio calls were addressed???

Clarke’s hopeful little smile when Bellamy sat down next to her on the ship was really cute. She looks so guilty and nervous. Eliza raised millions for the Blarkes in this episode.

“THAT’S BRILLIANT!” Me, every single time Bellamy Blake speaks. Thank you for the enthusiasm, Clarkey G.

Bellamy and Clarke are so, so, so awkward in this scene between them but it kind of feels like ... the start of something? Like, they both have made huge mistakes and still found it in them to forgive each other despite it. And now they know how much the other cares for them. I have to hope that it means they’re going to move forward. For real, this time. How they’re supposed to.

“You’re not mad at me for leaving you in Polis?” “The commander told me not to be.” Anyway, Bellamy’s jokes still suck and Clarke still laughs at them so ... some things never change?

“I’ll meet you on the bridge.” That was a weighted fucking look, my dudes. I liked that Bellamy thought to include Clarke. It felt like an apology, in a way. 

Also, WAS THAT THE S5 BELLARKE THEME I HEARD IN THAT SCENE. Cause if so, it’s fucking beautiful.

THAT LOOK BETWEEN THE BLAKES. BOB AND MARIE HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY.

“Cheer up. I wasn’t invited either.” I LOVE A WOMAN

“Your mistake was liking it. Power. It’s the kiss of death. It’s okay. I liked it, too.” Ivana and Marie are both such compelling actresses and HEY LOOK THEY GOT CHEMISTRY. I honestly really enjoyed this short scene between the two of them. They were enemies and yet - no hard feelings. Because the war wasn’t personal to them. We didn’t get many scenes between Charmaine and Octavia this season (or obvious reasons) but I’m intrigued to see if we’ll get more in Season 6 because they work really naturally together. And they seem to understand something about each other (or, at least, Charmaine understands something about Octavia). 

Bellamy and Clarke leading the meeting on the ship ... it felt like old times. I really loved that everyone looked to them for guidance in that scene, despite everything that happened throughout the rest of the season. Gives me hope that we might (finally !) get that co-leading dynamic back in Season 6, especially since they were the two that will be informing the others of Monty and Harper’s discovery. 

Bellamy, in particular, gave me serious Chancellor vibes in that episode. He really stepped into his leadership boots this season, especially near the end there. 

Dear god, please get rid of that goddamn flame as a viable form of leadership. If anyone from Eligius starts following it next season I’m calling B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T. Let Bellamy and Clarke lead, dammit! 

Also ... Zeke looked to Bellamy for permission to speak. Not the Commander. So jot that down, honey’s.

“And Bob’s your uncle.” “I thought you hated that phrase.” “It’s growing on me.” STOP this was cute (and now i’m cryingggggg cause that was Monty and Raven’s last interaction ever)

Clarke taking the bindi off of Madi. 10/10 great scene, let’s burn it now.

Marie in that tank top ... ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm where’s the nearest bucket of holy water

“Kind of like closing the door in the floor.” “Kind of like that.” I liked this callback. Octavia is soft with Bellamy in this scene in a way we haven’t really seen all season. It’s ... oddly nice? Coming from someone who has never cared for Octavia.

“You’re my sister, and a part of me will always love you.” “Does the other part of you still wish I was dead?” “The other part wishes a part of you was. Yeah.”

OKAY. I really liked this scene for a couple of reasons. The first being that I think it clarifies the line from 5x12 where Bellamy tells O that he wishes she was dead A LOT. It basically confirms that Bellamy was referring to the part of Octavia that is blodreina, which doesn’t feel as out of character (whereas Bellamy wishing for his sister’s death did). 

I also really like that, even though Octavia tells Bellamy that she loves him and he tells her that he loves her, too, he doesn’t forgive her. Bellamy and Octavia feel like they are finally on the road to establishing healthy boundaries and burying their dysfunctional relationship in place of building something new. I’ve always wanted this to be textual on the show and I never anticipated that we might actually get it. What they did with the Blakes this season is probably one of my favourite things to come out of the season.

And, as always, Marie and Bob are stunning together. This is a large part of the reason that I’m actually okay with Octavia surviving this season, because they work so damn well together.

I feel like Tree doesn’t get enough credit for his work so I have to mention, again, how beautiful the score was during that scene. He elevates the show so much with his music. In the scene where Clarke and Bellamy woke up, alone, it had such an eery feel to it. I really liked it.

Ngl, my FAVOURITE moment in this entire episode was Bellamy and Clarke’s soft-ass fucking smiles when Bellamy’s pod opened. Like, Clarke’s face when she was watching Bellamy wake up? A BITCH IS IN LOVE. And Bellamy was so soft too ughhhhhhhh Platonic Excellence

“Hey.” “Hey.” HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

LISTEN. BELLAMY BLAKE DESERVES TO WAKE UP TO CLARKE LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE MORNING FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE OKAY? OKAY I’M GLAD WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE

...

I’m a Big Fan. They’re so fucking cute. That was so domestic. How do I move on?

“Why is it just us?” I literally stood up and yelled “BECAUSE IT’S FATE DUMBASS”

“That’s the way mom and dad wanted it.” I stan my new Bellarke warrior 

“Can I just say that - wow - I mean, I can’t tell you how good it is to finally meet you. Weird, but good. Great, actually.” WHY IS THIS LITERALLY ME WHEN I MET BOB AND ELIZA 

ALSO JORDAN IDOLIZING BELLAMY AND CLARKE? RELATABLE. THIS WOULD 100% BE ME IF I GOT TO MEET THEM

“Who are you?” WHY THE FUCK AM I LAUGHING. Bellamy is so intense and he’s got his deep voice and he’s wearing his intimidation face and him and Clarke are both looking at Jordan like “what the actual fuck is going on” and then there’s Shannon Kook with his adorable fucking smile and his adorable fucking voice and he’s literally a bundle of sunshine and these two people are just glaring at him. BELLAMY, CLARKE, SWEETIES, PLAY NICE THAT IS YOUR GODSON YOU ARE TALKING TO

“My name. Right. I didn’t tell you my name. Sorry. I haven’t met anyone before, so clearly I suck at it.” Reason #2 for Jordan being the most relatable character ever. I, too, am the most horridly awkward human in the world. Step aside, Clarkey G, I think I’ve found my TRUE self-insert on this show.

Monty and Harper are just the loveliest couple on this show. I never anticipated how much I would love them when they hooked up in Season 3. Wow. It was really nice to get all of those shots of them in peacetime, just loving each other, on the ship - especially after how little screentime they got throughout the rest of the season. Also, I swear that Shannon has a mixture between Monty and Harper’s smiles. What is this sorcery?

“Smart like his father.” “Kind like his mum.” CAN YOU HEAR ME CRYING ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE ON EARTH 

(Also ... sounds like my new damn favourite character.)

“Hey Bellamy ... hey Clarke.” WTF MY EYES ARE SWEATING

“Wait ... take care of our boy.” Listen, Jordan. Madi failed me. I’m counting on YOU to parent trap them. Okay? Okay.

But seriously, the fact that Monty and Harper trusted Bellamy and Clarke to take care of their kid, that they wanted it to be them ... is A Lot. I’m excited to see how that goes in Season 6. 

When Jordan opened the window and the new planet appeared and the music started swelling I got fucking shivers. Holy hell. It was so beautiful. TREE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME 

“Can you see it? Is it beautiful? It is in my dreams. I hope we do better there. I hope Jasper was wrong and we aren’t the problem. I hope your lives there will be as happy as mine has been. Be the good guys. May we meet again.”

GUYS THOSE WORDS FROM MONTY ARE FUCKING EVERYTHING

LIKE, THESE ARE THE EMOTIONAL BEATS THAT THE REST OF SEASON 5 HAS BEEN MISSING

This is honestly the first real time where I’ve had hope that they might actually break the cycle. That they might build something new. Its the end of an era, but it feels like the start of something new. I genuinely cannot predict what is going to happen on that planet. Which is a new feeling. And I like it.

And of fucking course it would be Monty and Jasper (and Harper) who are responsible for breaking that cycle. Of course. This is the best thing they could have done with Jasper’s memory, is sending Monty on this mission to do better for the rest of humanity. And this is the best send-off I ever could have asked for for any character. Monty and Harper have been with us since the beginning. It just feels right that they should get this ending, that they should be the ones who usher in the next generation of The 100. Like. Wow. I’m speechless.

Also, that Bellarke side hug was er nice. That’s the most domestic they have ever looked. Idc. Bellamy staring at the Earth alone on the Ark in 4x13 and 5x01 vs him staring at the new planet with Clarke at his side is the ONLY parallel I claim.

The final shot of them through the window with the planet reflected around them was STUNNING. Honest to god the most beautiful shot I think this show has ever done. 

“End Book One” on Bellamy and Clarke, together, staring at the new world and the new hope they will deliver to their people. Maybe that’s what the first five seasons were really about. Bringing them to this place, where they are staring at the future - side by side, as a unit, ready to face whatever comes next.

Fuck. 

I have to say that I enjoyed the second half of that episode way more than the first half. I feel like it had a lot of emotional beats that I really wanted to see throughout the season (that we just weren’t getting) and it also teed up a lot for the next season. I’m so intrigued by what they’re going to find down on that planet, and I’m excited for the writers to really break the cycle and build something new - hopefully something that involves more character moments. 

I still haven’t decided if I’m going to continue with this series in Season 6, but stay tuned! I hope you enjoyed reading all of my recaps throughout this season. It’s been a ride ahaha. See ya on the other side, folks. 

[hisromanisms-blog]

◤ don't you ever forget why you get up and you put one foot in front of the next ◢

roman ran a hand through his hair as he sat indian style on the floor of his room. his eyes watched as the reporter struggled to find a seat. seeing as roman had given his desk chair to the frat common room it was either the bed or the floor. “why don’t you come sit down across from me?” he reaches onto his bed and grabs a stray pillow and plops it down across from him, gesturing for the girl to take a seat. unsure, she sits, clearing her throat. “comfy, huh? oh oh!” roman reaches behind him and opens the mini fridge, “would you like a juice box? maybe a go-gourt?” she shakes her head as roman grabs a cookie from his desk and pops it in his mouth.

a small tape recorder was stationed in between them as the reporter flipped a page in her notebook. "ready when you are, muchacha.” roman says with a wide grin, cookie crumbs falling from his lips. she giggles slightly, but reasserts herself and begins.

“how about you introduce yourself name, age, grade, role you play in the greek system and what house you are in and why you decided on that house.”

“no problem. i’m roman niram, 20, sophomore and i’m a member of psi delta. and, ya know, i dunno why i chose psi. i mean the guys here are wickedly cool and our sister house [ kappa gamma kappa ] is filled with righteous ladies who got a lot goin’ for ‘em. i guess... i guess i dug the vibe about it all.”

the reporter nods, “are you a New York native? If not where are you from and what brought you to NYU? Do you like the city life?”

roman shakes his head, “i’m from australia, man, filled with awesome waves and righteous digs.” he beams, “you ever been? it’s all kinds of calming. there’s nothin’ like the flow of the ocean to make you feel alive, comrade. i almost didn’t wanna leave, but i’m all about dreams and fantasy. i gotta go where the wind takes me & it brought me here. i dig the city life. it’s a new world, a new body, i like it.”

"what’s your major and why did you pick it?”

“philosophy.” roman changes his position so that his feet are touching, he places his hands on top of them, “i’ve always liked to ask the questions that are far out and shizz, ya know? how do we know this earth is the only earth? what truly becomes of us when we die? is it based in religion or science? shizz that makes ya think that doesn’t have a definite answer. that’s my grind. that’s life too, friend. not everythin’ is black and white, yes or no. it’s yellow and orange and green and maybe and who knows?”

“so, if you had to choose another major?”

“psychology. how does the mind work? why does it work? that’s my niche, that’s my vibe.”

"so, you seem like a down-to-earth guy...”

“aw, thanks.”

“you probably don’t have any crazy stories you can share with us regarding your time in a fraternity? Were you hazed as a pledge?”

roman takes a moment, pulling his body forward to stretch out his arms and work his shoulders, “you hear all those hazin’ stories online and shizz where this frat did this and that sorority did that and you’re like ‘how can anyone stand that shizz? what the fuck are they gaining?’ a league of brothers for one. that’s what it’s about in the end. do all this shizz to get a family you chose. hazin’ wasn’t as intense as movies wanna make it. we got our asses handed to us with these paddles they made - hard as fuck to meditate when ya ass on fire. we had to do a bunch of shots in under a minute and whoever pukes or passes out loses. i lost around round 4. vonte, he transferred last year, was so wasted he thought he had bugs crawling on him so he started taking off his clothes and ended up butt naked outside the gamma house with a flower up his ass. that’s life, i guess.”

"that sounds like a lot to endure, surely your relationship with the higher ups in your house must be one of a kind? do you think they could be nicer? Meaner? What about your fellow members and the pledges?”

“i love all my boys. xavi, simon, axel, bruno -- this my family. our rep is for bein’ the sweetheart house and i like that flow we got. we all lay low and get shizz done. i mean our prez is fucking married! that’s some wholesome shizz, my friend. i think if we were meaner or stricter then that bond we’ve built crumbles. not everybody gotta yell or kick you in the dick to make you do something. you can go a long way by just bein’ kind to people. so i think we’re all just tryna make each other proud.”

"back to the topic of school, as a philosophy major you must take every class and soak in that material, right? What’s your favorite and least favorite class so far? Are you on any teams or in any clubs? If so how is that?”

roman laughs, stretching his body back, “philosophy or nah, school is laughable a lot of time. i dig learning new things, but i could do without exams and tests. i wanna grow not be conformed to a gpa. my favorite class is psychology though. i love all of the reasons the world is as is and why it’s also not why it is. i don’t think i have a least favorite. i picked these classes for a reason. everyday i learn something new -- who could hate that?” he shrugs with a smile, “i’m president of habitat for humanity and i love it. you’re helping people get their dream homes, what could be better than that?”

"so, what have you gained throughout this school year? Is there any event you wish you attended; maybe the first game of the year, or the first debate?”

roman takes a moment to stop stretching to think. “a sense of self. i wasn’t always happy this year. some wild shizz went down, but i think i came back from it better than before. i’m happy and sure of myself and that’s what matters, right? i wanted to see the first chess match. i think chess club goes unnoticed sometimes, so i wanted to support them and show ‘em they got a crowd of people rootin’ for ‘em.”

"If you were asked to put your current most important item into a time capsule what would it be and why? Do you think ten, twenty years from now that item will still hold an importance in your life?”

“aw man... i don’t think i have an important item. my phone, laptop, clothes, it’s all just stuff. it doesn’t have any real attachment. the thing most important to me though is my faith. i’m a buddhist, so i try to live my days right in the eyes of buddha. so, i guess that would be in my capsule. a small buddha statue. and yeah, i think it’ll definitely still hold importance. faith is everything, my faith is everything to me.”

"What are your thoughts on the other fraternity/sororities apart of Greek row? Is there one house you dislike, is there one you are envious of, is there maybe one you are scared of?”

“all of us, even if we wear different letters or colors, are apart of a system. under the eyes of every non-greek row student we’re the same. that gamma? that’s my sister. that eplison? that’s my brother. i have no ill will towards anyone. we’re all just lookin’ to belong and love.”

"that was really beautiful. flowing from that if you had to give three pieces of advice to an upcoming freshman in terms of rushing or being apart of a sorority/fraternity what would you tell them?”

“don’t go into it for the wrong reasons. bein’ on greek row is hard shizz, friend. it’s not all about the parties and the sex. you gotta work at it, do shizz you may not wanna do, pay things you may not wanna pay. you gotta really want it. second, keep your values close. life can really fuck you up, but if you stay humble and true then you’ll be fine. lastly, have fun. it’s always a righteous time on greek row.”

"Do you actually feel like you are apart of a brotherhood? Is that the most important thing of Greek Life? Why did you choose to go Greek?”

“hell yeah to both questions. my brother is on greek row. he’s theta. so, i know i said do it for the right reasons, but at first i started out wantin’ to be like him. then the longer i stayed around it’s like, ‘whoa these are my friends. we got our asses slapped and cried together, we’re bonded for life now.’”

"thank you so much, roman, would you like to end this with a quote you believe describes your time so far this year?”

“no, thank you and sure. uh..” roman snaps his fingers, “’do not pursue the past, do not lose yourself in the future.”

“thank you once again, roman.”

“no problem.”

[amatchgirl]

Homemade Ikea Meatballs!

Homemade Ikea Meatballs!

(chopping board scraping) – Ah, Jesus. (triumphant instrumental) (words popping) – Top of the morning to you folks. Nothing says good morning, I don't know where that went. More at 9 a.m. than making some meatballs. But not just any meatballs, oh no, look at this tweet, look at this tweet right here. (angelic chorus) Ikea, the internationally renowned Swedish furniture store, which we do actually shop in quite a bit. This table, this table right there is from Ikea. This chair that you remember, it's being sort of passed around the house at the moment, in our temporary living room, it's from Ikea. Innit kids? – Hello. – [Chloe] Hello. – All right? – Yep. – [Chloe] Yep. – That's an extension update, by the way. Phoebe's wardrobe. So yeah, we genuinely do have some Ikea products around the house. I was gonna do a brand deal with them about six months ago, but it just didn't feel, what they wanted, felt kind of right, but maybe one day in the future. They've got this weird character bloke chap on there. Can you see that? He's like a happy little man going, "Hello." But he is on all of their packaging and their instructions to make things, if you've ever built anything with Ikea, you will see that guy, and he will haunt your dreams. (ominous music) At first you'll be like, "I can't do it, I just need a hammer, that's all I've got." And then you do it, and then all of a sudden this guy becomes your best friend, and you end up with loads of boxes and these everywhere. Shall we make meatballs? So we're going to make the meatballs first. These are the ingredients we're going to go for, the beef and pork mince, very common in meatballs, but I'm gonna actually add that in last so I've got my hands non raw meat kind of vibe. Now, the only thing I don't like about the instructions is it hasn't given you a list of tools that you need, like a chisel and they've always got these weird wooden noggins inside. Got so many of them in my garage. (electronic fairground music) So it says an onion, finely chopped. What I tend to do is find the little bum, the corey bit, and then aim towards that. Now horizontal cut, and another horizontal cut, and I can get another cheeky one in just on the top, and then just straight down like that. See, you get it all nice and diced. Dice your onion. Oh, and get rid of the bum bit, no one wants the bum in their meatballs. (fast chopping) And also try not to cry. These are emotional onions today, wow. (fast chopping) Ah, I'm crying, I'm watching Titanic, oh my gosh. I am actually crying right now. That doesn't normally happen. That's a nice strong onion, nice. There is onion goggles, one of the first gadgets I ever reviewed for that. Mm-hmm. I also could have used my veggie chopper, but I haven't actually got a full one myself in the house yet, cause I sold them all. But I have got a garlic rocker, look, a Barry Lewis garlic rocker in the veggie kit, which is coming back soon on Amazon. Like that. Garlic, onions. Bread crumbs. I can't find many things in this house. I keep looking in the wrong cupboards. – [Rebecca] Other cupboard. – I get really emotional. – Gosh that onion is strong. – Are you crying as well? We're all crying. Breadcrumbs, right? This is a true story. Someone asked me on Twitter, the other day. I don't tend to like putting breadcrumbs in a burger but it does to sort of bond, bind and hold it. – [Rebecca] All done. – Nice. Someone said to me, is there any alternative? And apparently if you whiz up Rice Krispies breakfast cereal into really fine powder, because it's just something to kind of plug the gaps, (shakes can) that's an alternative. So, I don't know if she did that, and if she did I don't know if she ended up with a Rice Krispie burger, but you don't tend to taste these anyway. This is a bit worrying. The last time I used these scales, they are already nearly 200 grammes out. That's probably why we had a really floury cake the other day (laughs). So, a hundred, nope, it's not, I only reset it to a hundred. You donkey, that's alright. I'll set it to two hundred. Hundred grammes of breadcrumbs, apparently. I love how I've randomly got my hammer still on the table from the opening scenes (laughing). All right, so we might as well start adding some of this into somewhere otherwise the table is just going to get completely covered in random bits and bobs. Story of my life. Oh, crumbs. A egg, salt and pepper. No salt bay today, feels very 2018 doesn't it? Okay, so other than the meat, the only other thing we need is milk. I have never put milk or any other wet mixture into… I need tablespoons, they've done it in tablespoons not mls. So one, two, three, four, five. I have never, ever put milk or water, or any other extra fluid, other than an egg, into a meatball or burger mix. That's the thing, actually, if you wanted you could make one giant Ikea meatball or just burgers. It doesn't have to be meatballs, does it? Just put the meat in. Instant regret, the fact that I should've picked up a bigger bowl earlier on. Doesn't matter. Taking my ring off, if I can. Oh my gosh. (ring clattering) I'm so married it hurts, look. Okay, in we go. Now, I'm going to try and keep one hand clean. Ugh, I've got some meat on my table. So, we're bringing together, look, I'm squishing the yolk up. Bringing that together, the onion, the garlic. Oh, the smell in there is amazing. Oh my gosh. This is the set up I've got. I've got to bend down so low that it's going everywhere. Thank you to everyone that's mentioned the kitchen that we're temporarily using that I was, like, "Oh, I really didn't want to show you this." It looks a lot like the very first kitchen that I filmed in. It does! It looks identical in places. Anyhow that's looking quite good now. We're getting a fairly consistent mixture. We want to kind of hide those breadcrumbs in there. Oh my gosh! Yes, imagine just making that as one big meatball. Nice. Now, I really wish I had my wish.com meatball maker thing from a previous gadget we did, because now we just shape them into the meatball shapes. Yeah, it has kind of defeated the point of my hands-free making because I've got to use both to make extra-large table tennis ball shapes. I feel like I'm making some sort of meatball documentary. Hello, welcome to Making Meatballs Part 5. I'm gonna skip to this. Let's get them all done. (oven timer ringing) Oh, Jesus. I've gotta make some more now, they fell on the floor! (Laughing) Just for that shot, as well. (Sighing) Okay, I've got another batch. I'm only making nine. I've made them quite small and you can actually get loads out of that mix. This is how much I've got left. So we're gonna save that for tea tonight. We don't really wanna have… Did I just say "tea"? I dunno if I've ever said that. High Tea. It's very English. Tea, dinner, whatever. I call tea and dinner the same thing. Let's discuss that in the comments if you want? Fight it out amongst yourselves, I don't mind. So we're just gonna go for the nine. Now when you make a burger or meatball it is good to refrigerate it and the steps do say to refrigerate them for two hours. I ain't got time for that and you probably ain't got time for that. We'll cover it, yes, Wrapmaster 3000. (Angelic chorus) And I'm gonna stick these in the special fridge, the freezer, for about ten minutes. All right, I just Wrapmastered the rest and you can put it in the fridge, too, once you cover it. Or you can put it in the freezer for another day and you could make meatballs on Christmas Day. All right so we're using our hob. So the recipe states, ladies and gents, to fry these at first and then bake them in the oven. So we're gonna stay true to the recipe. I would not normally do that. I would normally get my pan, fry it and brown it as it tells you to and then create an oven by sticking a lid on and then keeping it moving around and around and around. But no, we'll stay true to Mr Swedish Stickman and make it work as they want it to. This goes really weird as well. When you ignite it you get a really hot flame and then you turn it down. I don't think that's good for safety is it, look. (ignition clicks) Ugh, that's the wrong one. That's the grill! (Laughing) What I mean is, look, it's a high flame first to get it going and it has to turn this way. So, look, we're gonna get a big flame. (Ignition clicking) See that? That's huge! Surely, like my other hobs in the past have all been you start with a low flame first. I dunno, crazy. I guess most people aren't normally filming when they cook Swedish meatballs. So a good little drop of oil, there. Oh yeah, we're gonna get this nice and warmed up. It's gonna be sizzly. So our temporary oven thing, it says 180C conventional fan. 180C is here, we'll just get it going. (beeps) It's gonna warm up. Lovely jubbly. Light is on. Also our smart metre today is indicating I've already spent 80p on electricity. (sizzling) All right. Slowly adding in the meatballs, rolling them down. Wey-hey! (laughing) We are just browning them, we are just going to keep them moving. So this is to get the outsides that almost golden colour. Cause that gives it that crunch, that lovely texture on it. Like charring things in general, like toast, I love mine darker because you just get that more char, that flavour. It's not burned always. Sometimes it is, that's your get-out card, all right? When you go to a barbecue and you get a burned sausage? They charred it, all right? Naw. All right. So our oven is pre-heated whilst that was cooking away. Lining it with a sil pad or baking parchment or whatever you've got. Ugh, stick it down. (funky music) Incidentally, if you like the idea of spatulas and tongs and stuff, that's my next kit after the Veggie Prep Kit. We're working on it right now. There'll be news on that soon. Now, you need to cover this. (foil crunching) And by doing that it's going to basically reinact the lid thing that I was talking about earlier in the pan. It's good. I miss doing that because I like rolling them around. But this is going in the oven for about half an hour. And that, although we've cooked the outside and charred it, by baking it it's gonna cook it through the middle. Nice. So do keep an eye out for those other kits that we're launching. And I did have a company last week got in touch about the Wrapmaster, saying "Hey Barry you use your Wrapmaster so much, "would you like us to help you develop your own Bazmaster?" And I'm like, Bazmaster! That's amazing. I had all these ideas. And I was like, I dunno, I kind of stay loyal to my Wrapmaster, you know? Got the frying pan here to one side. Still a teeny bit warm hence me putting the trivet down. I've cleaned it out fully because I want to stay true to this recipe but if I was gonna do it normally I'd leave a little bit of that juice from the meatballs cooking in it and the oils to go into this sauce. Oh, I really wish I did that now. You do that, do it, it'll be good. So step 5 is the sauce, we're kind of mingling around here and it's full of flavour. We have got some vegetable stock. I made this earlier. So good. And this is beef stock as well, so you've got vegetable stock and beef stock going in. It is the most confused sauce in the world. You've got some soy sauce. We've got some double cream, obviously it is a creamy sauce so that's it. Double cream is also known as heavy cream. And of course le Dijon mustard. Something that I don't use that often although it is nice with a toasted ham sandwich. Very nice indeed. Wow! (coughs) I'm really excited about that. The meatballs are smelling sensational right now. What we're gonna do, first up, to help thicken this sauce, this is some flour. I should melt the butter really but I like to live dangerously. (high pitched stuttering) And we're gonna go to crazy flame again. Ooh, look at that. Turn that right down, I want a bit more control. (mediaeval horns) A lot of people say to me, "Barry why do you like a flame so much?" Well, you see that? You know how you can sort of see what the flame is doing? I guess it's kind of like going back to caveman cooking with a flame, I just like that. I know there's induction hobs that are a bit safer and electrical ones and all that sort of stuff but I've never quite understood what is four, what is seven on an electric hob? Is that hot? Is that this? Is that that? It's just I've never really got on with them. I don't mind, but that's why I'll always try and have a gas hob if I can. There we go, enough hob chat for one day. (mediaeval horns) There we go, it's all mingled together now. So we're just cooking this off for about a minute and as we add the fluid this will all dissolve through. It might be good to switch to a whisk, but we'll add our fluids now. Okay, so in goes that vegetable stock. Wow. (furious sizzling) The beef stock. What does it say, what does it say? Uh, two teaspoons of soy sauce. So a good shake and a good shake. A teaspoon of the mustard, that's gonna give it some kick. And last but not least, ugh, hello cream! 150 mls of that going in. This is going to be amazing. We really just want to mix it over the heat to get all of those flowery, buttery lumps out and integrated with the sauce. And apparently that will be it done. We've got five seconds, that's going to auto shut off. The smell is stonking coming from there. They're gonna be so tender. (oven alarm beeping) And there's the beep. But look, if you leave this for too long, like I've just literally stepped away from a nice medium heat it does form a skin and it can burn the bottom of the pan. So do, I have been stirring it, it has thickened up so it's great, but like I say that's how quick if you take your eye off it how you can actually probably ruin the sauce and burn it. So make sure you keep it on a low heat, keep it stirring, I'm gonna take this off the heat and keep stirring a little bit more and that will be it done. Waaah. Ho ho ho! Yes! They're still hot, they're cooking in the pan. I'm gonna let them cool down and we'll serve it up. From my previous Swedish adventures here on the channel I know that Swedish people love potatoes alongside their dishes and in fact it does say to serve it with creamy mash. I made some mash potato last night but also there's something called Lingonberry sauce which you can get from Ikea. We don't have any of that but we do have cranberry. So I'm just going to serve it all up with that. Doesn't really look aesthetically pleasing does it, mashed potato, no matter what you do to it? All right, the meat balls. The sauce that I warmed up. Oh my gosh. Just let that drizzle. I'm gonna get a bit on the potato as well. Let that drizzle on there. Oh my goodness me! Look at that. Man that smells good. And I think… I don't want to offend the Swedish people too much but I hope I haven't. That's basically Swedish meatballs. I get a lot of requests for these recipes and Ikea has forced you guys to want me to do this more. Let's not just take my word for it, we have got the UK's number one under ten meatball taster, right? – Yeah. – And her coach. Let's see how authentic they are. You want to have a go? – I'm trying this meatball. – [Barry] Look at you getting right in there. – [Rebecca] Oh my goodness, Chloe. – Is that good? – Yeah. They taste like the real ones. – [Barry] They taste like the real ones? Well they should! – This is – I'm literally on my knees, finding the weird camera angles to find you guys. All good? – Very good. – I think this is our lunch now innit? – This is my second meat ball. – Is it? You enjoy it mate. (laughing) I'll leave it to the meat ball reviewer because I don't really know much Swedish things other than ABBA, Tomas Brolin and a few other Swedish footballers and Ikea really. But I love your food Swedish people, this is– – [Rebecca] Mmm. – Because I know meat balls is quite a popular dish over there and this sort of style sauce and potatoes and things but I would definitely try that out. – Mmm. – So good. If you see any other recipes like this that get released by companies you want to see me try or any sort of clones, I love doing this sort of thing. Give it a try, and I'll see you again. Bye. – Bye. – Bye. ♪ Check your level, player. ♪ ♪ No matter what your style. ♪ ♪ The kitchen's for me. ♪ ♪ Sideburns, moustache, goatee, maybe all three. ♪ (tinny rap music) – [Barry] Um, I missed it, but I dropped a meatball on the floor and these dogs are very happy all of a sudden. Did you share it? Great.

from WordPress http://sweetly.site/homemade-ikea-meatballs/

[thiswasasuperterribleidea]

The day he left... & the next 47 psychotic days after...

Things get funny here I swear. I’m not here to tell you all of the extraordinary highs or rock bottom lows of my relationship. It was both very perfect and very horrible. We never had that middle ground… But he was my go to. He was my weakness and as soon as I was with him, every problem melted away and I felt at home.

For some reason this is the analogy I chose for the day he left… Every time I say it I get a weird look. I should probably stop using it and find another analogy. And by probably I mean definitely… It’s a little much…I said it to the therapist I talked to and even her eyes screamed “WOW YOU’RE DRAMATIC AND KINDA CRAZY…” And I literally pay her to tell me that I’m NOT crazy…so that must mean it’s a bad one. But here it goes again…

Do you remember what people said the day of September 11th? Well I was in the 1st fucking grade so I actually don’t… BUT, from every documentary I’ve ever watched I know that everyone said it was a beautiful day. Like it was an unusually perfect day... Skies were blue with no clouds in sight, good vibes all around. That’s how this day was. He left my condo that morning, (the condo that I moved out into solely to ease some tension off of our relationship …YIKES) So, we were not physically together but were texting and laughing. Now I know people say “lol” and have a straight face.. but I know I had him laughing at our conversation. It was a Sunday and my spoiled Italian ass was attempting to make meatballs for the first time alone because my mom has cooked for me my whole life. I had no idea what the hell I was doing or where to begin but I knew I needed STALE Italian bread for the bread crumbs. If you’re Italian you understand why they have to be stale… I just learned and I’m very excited about it! They have to be stale bread crumbs so that the meatballs are crunchy not soggy! DUH… So I called him to rant because apparently in this new shit town I moved to, NO ONE CARES ABOUT ITALIAN BREAD! They only sell weird kinds. No Appicella’s Italian Bread for milessss. I called Darren trying to explain. He had no idea why I was running from grocery store to grocery store for bread. Couldn’t understand why I couldn’t buy a box of bread crumbs for my meatballs. It was funny. I said some other funny things when I was back home making my sauce…and I know he was laughing at me.

The reason this was such a big deal and why it relates to the pre 9/11 plane crash perfect day is because this was rare for us. We rarely ever had good texting conversation we always fought when we were apart. It was what I would consider a perfect day. We were talking normal, he was going to come over and watch a movie that night, probably have some really great sex. Then he said my name. That was all it took. A text came in that read “Francesca” and I felt the mood switch so quick. From the playful conversation that I was so happy with …to seeing my own name on my phone … it was honestly worse than seeing the most feared “We need to talk…” He follows up with a serious “are we ever going to get better?” … Are we ever going to get better?!?!?! I’m over here thinking we’re having a pre 9/11 perfect day.. thinking this is how we’re supposed to be and he’s asking me if we’re going to get better? This is better to me.. this is what I want EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!!!

So what do I do? Pretend to be a hardass obviously…  My instant reply “If you want to break up with me… just do it now.” Next thing I know, the phone rings… and BOOM he ends it. Juuuuust like that. Lmao. It’s actually kind of funny… Like who the fuck did I think I was? Did I think my vagina was THAT awesome or something? Did I actually think that he wouldn’t end it with that being my response? And that’s when my walls came crashing down and the analogy almost sort of comes together. (Maybe not…?) Well being a hardass clearly didn’t work… so I decided to move on to the next best option… DESPARATE AND PSYCHOTIC!!!

First he asked for space... In case I haven’t made it obvious enough yet. I don’t know what the word space means. Also, thank you to my saint of  a Nonny, (No sarcasm intended) ...I didn’t know what the word no meant either. This guy would straight out tell me he lost all feelings for me... and you know what I did??? I told him he was lying. Lmao. Legit said no, you do, you’re lying to make me go away. DOUBLE YIKES. He asked for space, and I didn’t want space. So do you think I gave him space? NoOoOoOo chance. I decided it would be better to blow up his phone with 50 texts and phone calls. You probably think I’m over exaggerating right? 50? No one has time or energy to call 50 times right? Wrong. I’m actually probably UNDER exaggerating. 50 is a low ball. Now this is a pretty much every day thing for a full month straight. But my psycho games were only just beginning...

The next two things I did are two things I will regret for the rest of my life whether Darren ever decides to forgive me for them or not. And... disclaimer ...I am sharing this part mostly because I want to pretend I am giving you all advice... but in reality I don’t think there is a single human being that needs to be advised to NOT do this because I feel like I am somehow the only bat shit crazy girl alive to ever think of this... So if you read this and let me put this crazy thought in your head and you don’t think it sounds like THAAAAT bad of an idea...  please slide into my DM’s and let me save you. First off. I went home one weekend. Just for the sole purpose of doing this by the way ... took my mother’s cell phone and sent Darren a sweet little text. And by sweet little text I mean...some restraining order worthy text where I impersonated my mother- someone who wanted nothing to do with Darren, and tried to convince him we had her blessing and to give me another shot and come over for Thanksgiving and Christmas because hey guess what everything can be perfect now!!!! ....yeah. That was my all time lowest point. Now I can say a lot of negative things about myself. Insecure, borderline crazy... the one thing I can’t say is that I’m a compulsive liar. Everything I said in those texts while impersonating my mother did come from her mouth. I am trying to make this blog light and funny...as a way to cope but this breakup was the absolute darkest time in my life aside from my Poppy passing away. I never felt anything like this. I showed up to work late every day for a month. When I was there I was barely working. I was negative and miserable all of the time. My parents didn’t know what to do with me. But they were there for me in every way they could be. See my parents were highschool sweethearts. My mom never had a broken heart. She had my dad. And she still has my dad. She never didn’t have him or someone. She never had  a broken heart. And that made it very hard for her to comfort me as my mother because she couldn’t relate. Whenever we would talk, she would say “Francesca, We’ll get through this... everyone goes through  a broken heart.” The thing was... NO MA YOU DIDNT!! AND I’M SUPER SALTY BECAUSE OF IT RIGHT NOW...One time she told me she did go through a broken heart because she had and I quote... “crushes” on people before my father... When I tell you I had to get up out of my chair on the back porch and walk myself inside to excuse myself from that stupidity... I just can’t even lol. She was trying, but she was clueless. But she did sit down with me a lot and not all our conversations were that useless. She did promise me that if God ever brought Darren back into my life that she would give me her support because seeing me go through this made her realize all she cares about is my happiness. So I wasn’t a total liar. Only sorta... But the problem was really what I was doing to Darren during this. I was literally hiding behind a cell phone screen trying to change his feelings off of something fake. Literally toying with his emotions. I can’t even imagine what would have happened if he fed into it. Our relationship would have been based on a lie... it makes me sick. I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t found out it was actually me texting... which brings me to the second thing I will always regret which was impersonating my roommate still trying to fuck with Darren’s feelings. Cause I mean 1 person just wasn’t enough.. go big or go home right? 

The good news here is... my roommate isn’t that great of a friend in general. But right here in this instance. She was a great one. The real MVP. She threw me under the bus fuckin haaard. She told Darren it wasn’t her, it wasn’t my mom it was no one but me. I am so greatful for that. Well, I am now anyway. Actually as soon as she told me she let Darren know it was me impersonating everyone I literally cried so hard I had to leave work lmao. I was so mad. I honestly felt like she was being the shit friend that she had been before. Like she had some loyalty to Darren or something and not me. It was such a feeling of betrayal. I thought about it for the rest of the day and realized how great it was that she did that for me. Now don’t get me wrong. Darren isn’t stupid or weak and truthfully I always knew that whether he thought he was speaking to my mom or my roommate Danielle... he wasn’t changing his mind on me. But if there was ever a second of weakness for him. Where he changed his mind because of those conversations. Our new relationship would have been doomed before it even started. So I have to give her credit where credit is due and thank her for not giving me the chance to potentially build a relationship off of a lie and being a true friend. I bought her a caramel apple from edible arrangements to thank her... But then I ate it all. I had to go get her another one the next day. 

It got to the point where Darren blocked me. I sent him countless love letters expressing my feelings, tried talking casually, and also tried impersonating anyone I could lol. I tried making my manager Dwight reach out to him and pull for me because they are friends too. I did some crazy shit there too.  At the end of work I would follow Dwight to his car and ask him if he could try and get Darren to give me another chance. One night I even hopped in the passenger seat and begged him until I forced myself an emotional breakdown. I sat there in his car crying and when I tell you this guy looked like he saw a ghost... oh my god the look on his face now was priceless. The way he fake tried to comfort me, patting my shoulder it’s making me laugh just thinking about it now. I was so messy. The next night when we walked out together he made sure I locked the branch door and he deadass sprinted to his car to get away from me lmao. While I know he was for sure telling Darren about my crazy self.. he was a pretty solid friend to me during this. A lot better than some of my “real” friends. We had a lot of laughs and he talked me through a lot. Long story long the bad news is we’ve probably gotten a little to close over the past two months but I guess that’s just what happens when someone is helping someone through something.

The real good news is Darren blocking me was my come up and exactly what I needed.