#lovescake

[jammytriestowrite]

Unsent letter

I was scrolling through my drafts on my personal email and stumbled upon this unsent letter I meant to send 3 years ago. This was for a previous co-worker who I unintentionally fell in love with but of course, he didn't reciprocate those feelings. I completely forgot about him but It surprised me to think that I'd been hurt like this before, it made me realize if I actually learned something from this mistake and If I ever heal from this trauma for the past 3 years. Because this still happened to me now. I'm starting to evaluate all my life choices and how to stop this pattern of saving other people while they were breaking me. I started asking myself why does it keep happening to me and what I ever did wrong to deserve this pain.

July 2020

Marrion,

So I think that's it. Pero nagemail talaga ako kasi marami akong gustong sabihin. Pagbigyan mo na ko, bawi mo na to sa panggoghost mo hahaha na akala ko hindi mo gagawin kasi you know I've been there before. Yung mga last chat natin na hindi ka na nagpaparamdam, mabagal ka na magreply, and sa mga posts mo sa facebook, I knew then na iiwan mo na lang ako. Mga last 2 weeks ng June ata yun, nung napansin ko. Ang daya mo, ang unfair, ang user? Dun ko narealize na wala ka talagang plano sakin and somehow, ginamit mo lang ako to fill that void sa sarili mo when you were empty and lonely nung nagbreak kayo ni LA. Sinisisi ko rin naman yung sarili ko kasi nagpakatanga ako sayo, akala ko iba ka, and hindi talaga kita kinilala. Akala ko baka magkakaproper farewell naman ako sa taong to, pero hindi pala. Galing mo rin mang-iwan sa ere eh. Pero baka di ko rin kasi deserve yun, kasi sino ba naman ako? Hindi naman tayo.

On a positive note naman, grateful pa rin ako dahil nakilala kita. Naging masaya naman ako sa ilang months na pagkakakilala ko sayo, sa paguusap natin. I think what I like about you is you're easy to talk to, ang sawap mong ibully haha. You felt like home, parang when I'm with you, di ako nagpepretend to be someone i'm not para lang magustuhan mo. And these past few months, puro sakit na lang yung binibigay mo sakin, but still, I want you to know na sobrang thankful pa rin ako dun. You made me feel again, you gave me memories and I've never felt so alive before. Puro work lang ako dati, ngayon puro ikaw na yieeeee landee. Marami rin akong natutunan from this experience (oh alam ko iniisip mo sa experience na yan nako sayo ko lang natutunan yun ha haha), so next time I'll be wiser and I'll work on my issues and baggages muna before loving someone. So thank you, Lovescake. Yiee ngayon ko lang ulit nagamit yan, I'll miss calling you that though sometimes I think wala lang siya sayo, but it meant so much to me. Cute endearment sana but I can't use it na kasi it will always be you, and I can't have you.

Minsan iniisip ko, what if I give you enough attention that you want, what if mas naging sweet ako sayo, what if mayaman ako, what if malapit ako sayo, will you finally love me? Pero it's too late and even if I did, feel ko hindi pa rin enough kasi hindi naman talaga ako yung gusto mo. I hope the girl you're pursuing now (or girlfriend mo na siya ngayon), won't break your heart and sana wag mo rin siyang lokohin. I hope she makes you happy and you make her happy, yung tipong mapapa-sana all ako sa inyo haha. Galingan mo sa work ha. MagPPIC na yann. Wag mo i-disappoint si Sir Jun and Ma'am Janet like what I did now, sobrang malaki bilib nila sayo. Sobrang proud din ako sa big improvement mo sa work, parang hindi naghuhung yan minsan eh?? haha. Huy joke lang yun, if ever I offended you because sa ganung pangaasar ko, sorry. But know this, I'll always be proud of you. Magaling ka, don't forget that. When we meet again, sure ako Architect ka na. Advance Congratulations, lovescake!

PS: Sorry kung mahaba, marami pa talaga akong gustong sabihin kaso inisiip ko babasahin mo ba lahat? There's a 99% chance nga na hindi mo to rereplyan (pero okay lang gusto ko lang talaga malaman mo yung ibang feelings ko) and ang 1% chance is magrereply ka ng "noted on this maam". dahil sa mga instructions ko haha hayst.

PPS: I don't know if I already told you this but I loved you. Or maybe I still do. I still do. Kahit galit ako, I still do. I love you, and I'm sorry, thank you for everything.

Truly Yours (yours pa rin talaga hayst),

Lovescake Judy

[lucysfeelgoodalways-blog]

Aliyah wanted to make princess cakes today. She loves making cakes and loves princess. #princess #princesscakes #mummyanddaughter #lovescake #makingcakes #backingcakes https://www.instagram.com/p/BxnFV4bl-_N/?igshid=h1d9gnejkx76

[weezerrocks436-blog]

Anna Marie now a 1 year old.. time flys by to fast 💩💜🦋🍦🌸 #justbecause #ican #AnnaMarie #happy #birthdayparty #cake #oneyearsold #growing #babygirl #loveher #shestomuch #lovescake #lol #smashcake #happybirthdayAnna

[howardforster]

Anyone for an eclair...? My mother just loves a good cream cake. So on this windy miserable day I think I might just surprise her with her favourite cake, an eclair. Can’t imagine knowing my mum that they will be around for long. #mum #lovescake #cake #surprise #wetcoldday #eclair https://www.instagram.com/p/Bo1VebDBPdP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1m9r51pty0euz

[getagripgirl]

I think a @milkbarstore Bday cake should arrive in time for 1/12 this year, right? #fatkid #lovescake

[rogue12-blog]

Feliz Cumpleaños Kaiden!! My nephew turns 3 today. Love you my little peanut! I hope you have a fun day today. #bday #growinguptoofast #3yrsold #lovescake #happykid #adorable #toddler #fatherandson (at Frankenmuth, Michigan)

[denivev]

Todays #ootd ! My take on #princess look for #birthdayparty ! #Lovescake #liverpoolblogger

[unexpectedrandomswitness-blog]

Finally got my hands with dis craze of cuppies from #fluffbakery. Shall try ltr fter lunch for dessert. Stay tune for my verdict............ thank u baby @apitozsantoz for driving me there and @nurmarsyitaramlan for q-ing.... hehehehe!! #cuppies #lovescake #isitworthmyqueuetime #weshallseelater

[standrew61]

#lovescake (at the clark stronghold)

[ieatsbyjeweles]

OMG! I cannot believe @make_it_ranis bought me a whole cake! It's my favorite from West Egg: Caramel Cake! Who wants to help me eat it? I will have to work out forever now! Ha3 Thanks Boo! #FatKid #LovesCake #foodie #GastroTourist ;)

[janeyme]

Look our baby is so cute. #11months #lovescake #loveu #missu

[maumak-blog]

This is happening. #sift #cupcakes #nom #fatkid #lovescake (at Sift Patisserie)