#lovely anoob1s

[skyloftian-nutcase]

How about Secrets of the Shadows, and something with the Resistance? No pressure, but… will they ever find out?

Rusl had a headache.

It had been a week since everything had happened. Despite renewing Link's trust in them, despite everything settling, Rusl hardly slept well. He still saw the boy bleeding and crying in his dreams, he still woke and had to find him and make sure he was okay. Uli had asked Link to stay in their home by the fourth time it had happened, though she didn't specify why, both to spare Link the worry and spare Rusl's dignity.

But sleep deprivation was getting to him, and he was going insane.

Link smiled at him at breakfast, and Rusl felt the fear of the night ease away yet again. He was grateful to Uli for asking the teenager to stay - it seemed to help both of them a great deal.

He didn't dare talk about his feelings to Uli, though, despite knowing he should. He knew she was waiting for him to do so. But he didn't want to burden her when she'd seemingly carried both him and Link during the incident, having to help treat the boy and reassure her husband while also worrying incessantly. It just wasn't fair to her.

Of course, it wasn't like she didn't notice he was having issues, or she wouldn't have asked Link to stay. If Rusl kept this up, Link and Colin would notice too.

Something had to give.

Rusl knew that talking it out was the best option, and it usually helped him parse out how he was feeling. Seeing as Uli wasn’t an option, the person who would make the most sense would be Link - he was sure the boy still had unresolved feelings from matter, or at the very least it just lingered in his mind as it did in his guardian’s. But Rusl didn’t want to dump on the boy - he wanted to be the one Link could come to about the issue, not make the boy have to listen to him unload when Link had every right to feel infinitely worse.

Rusl wasn’t a foolish man. He knew that the healthy thing was to discuss the matter, and doing so with Link would encourage the boy to realize that too. But they had talked about it. Mostly. Sort of.

Well, Rusl had apologized, and reassured Link he still loved him. He wasn’t entirely sure what else to talk about. He wasn’t entirely sure how to say hey, I’m having nightmares every night that I’m hurting you, just wanted you to be aware while I check in on you constantly.

It had to get better, right? This couldn’t last. Rusl had a fair share of misadventures that stuck in his mind, that made him have little ticks that were subtle but present. Perhaps this would just add to the list.

Nightmares weren’t little ticks, though. Sleep deprivation wasn’t sustainable.

Perhaps he should just find someone else he could talk to. Someone he could trust. But if he were to do so, that would spread Link’s secret around, and the more people knew, the less likely it was to stay a secret.

Then again, there was a group of people who were very good at keeping secrets.

They didn’t all need to know. Rusl had an idea of who he could confide in. When he told Uli he needed to visit Castle Town, he was frank with his reasoning. She hugged him tightly, eyes worried but also relieved at the prospect of him seeking help.

"I'll take care of the house when I get back," Rusl promised. "Give you the break you deserve."

Uli smiled, pulling his headband off a moment to kiss his forehead. "Don't worry, our sweet boys will help me in the meantime."

"I know they will," Rusl replied with a chuckle. He grew a little concerned, about to ask a favor, when Uli smiled knowingly, placing his headband back on him and cupping his cheek.

"I'll look after him," she promised quietly. He'll be fine.

Rusl nodded, barely sparing a moment to say goodbye to his boys simply to avoid explaining anything. Link watched him curiously, and Colin was a little sad about the matter, but the promise that it would be a brief trip seemed to help both of them.

He departed the village just after breakfast. It would take roughly a day to reach Castle Town, and the time alone would be a welcome reprieve to clear his head.

It also gave him time to consider how in the world he would approach this.

He supposed there was little point in beating around the bush. They had all seen strange things on their journeys, and such a gift as Link's wasn't really all that hard to comprehend, even if it was surprising. Perhaps the greatest issue was the nature of the magic, given the enemy they had recently defeated, but it had saved Link's life while trapped in their world's dark parallel land, so Rusl saw little problem with it.

He just hoped Auru could help him sort out his feelings on the incident. Link's ability to turn into a wolf was hardly an issue to him.

The trip to Castle Town was peaceful and relaxing. Rusl somehow had managed to avoid having a nightmare about his boy that night as he laid out in the grass, staring up at the open sky. Hardly anything could haunt him out here, he supposed - traveling put him in a different mindset, one that was alert and on task, focusing on the issue at hand and refusing to let worries of the past burden him.

Of course, if the worries were about his current mission, that changed things. Somehow, though, Rusl only slept somewhat poorly, but no vivid images of his child bleeding in his arms haunted his rest.

Castle Town was bustling early the next morning, and Rusl slipped through multiple crowds to try and reach his destination. Telma greeted him warmly and informed him that Auru would indeed be coming by later in the day, allowing him some time to get breakfast and people watch.

It was always so interesting to him, seeing the world be so unaware of everything that went on. These same citizens had been going about their business while the castle had been in shackles.

And they called the Ordonians simpleminded. Honestly. Rusl chuckled a little at it, knowing better than to be too upset. People were simply people, after all.

By midday, he caught sight of his friend, smiling as their eyes met. They grasped each other's forearms in a warm greeting before heading inside the tavern.

"I hadn't expected to see you so soon after everything," Auru noted as they moved to the back, sliding the curtain closed behind them. "Especially with your daughter's birth. How is she? And Uli?"

"Uli's doing great," Rusl answered, heart softening at the thought of his family. "My daughter is a handful but we love her dearly. Colin's grown so much from his time in Kakariko; he's trying to step up more nowadays. Link..."

Rusl faltered a little, sitting and motioning for Auru to join him. "Link's the reason I came here."

"Having a hard time readjusting, eh?" Auru asked, raising an eyebrow. As the eldest member of the Resistance, he knew a great deal about trying to jump back and forth between the mindset of missions and the peace of home.

Rusl knew it as well, honestly. It was why he'd tried to give the boy time to himself initially. Such matters were not easy to parse out.

"Well, he's been working on it," he waved off. "But... there's something else. A gift he has, magic that protected him when the land of Twilight descended upon us. But I... wasn't aware of it until recently, and the nature in which I learned it..."

Auru waited patiently as Rusl tried to again find the right way to explain. He slowly started to speak on the matter, telling his friend how he'd noticed Link had gone missing for several days, how he'd prepared to search for him, how he'd found a wolf at the boy's house and attacked it, how that wolf had turned out to be the boy he'd taken in as his own. His friend managed to stay quiet for the entirety of the tale, though his facial expressions certainly conveyed his surprise and horror, his worry and understanding of Rusl's plight.

Eventually, Rusl buried his face in his hands. "I don't know how to deal with this, Auru. I can't stop worrying about him. If it isn't a nightmare about specifically what happened, it's some other horrible scenario."

His friend was silent for a long time, head resting atop his hands, which were clasped loosely in front of him as he rested his elbows on the table. "I can't really say I blame you for the nightmares, Rusl. That is... a lot to happen in a few days."

"I've dealt with a lot in the past. My sons were kidnapped."

"But you didn't hurt them," Auru pointed out.

The words weren't accusatory in the slightest, but they burned regardless. Rusl grimaced a little, face tightening.

"Therein is your issue," Auru said, eyes focusing intently on him. "Rusl... you haven't forgiven yourself for it."

"I almost killed him--"

"You had no way of knowing," Auru interrupted firmly. "I can hardly wrap my own head around such a magic. And he didn't tell you?"

"Of course he didn't, I attacked him when he tried to enter Ordon Village the first time he transformed," Rusl snapped, rising. "The child was terrified and I... I..."

"...Didn't know," Auru finished for him.

Uli's words echoed in his mind, giving the same sentiment. Rusl sighed heavily, tiredly.

He supposed he really hadn't forgiven himself.

It was hard to do so, given everything. But he did have to wrap his head around the fact that he truly had no way of knowing.

But what if he'd simply been more investigative and less reactive?

You were hurt the first time you saw him. Your children were missing. Danger was everywhere and you didn't understand what was happening. Your wife was screaming in terror.

But what about the second time?

There was a wolf in front of your boy's home after he'd been missing for days.

It made sense logically. Yet he couldn't make himself believe it.

Auru's gaze was sharp, discerning. "Rusl."

"He was scared of me," Rusl croaked out, voice shaking a little. "He thought I'd hate him."

"He's a boy," Auru said, also standing and walking over to him. "He knows so little of the world, and is slowly learning about it. This was his first venture out of Ordon, was it not?"

Rusl nodded slowly. And what a venture it was. He'd wanted to send the boy to present his gift to the royal family to broaden his world a little, and instead Link had saved the world.

"You cannot expect him to react logically, given everything," Auru noted quietly, gently. "His hiding it from you wasn't a lack of trust, it was immaturity."

"It was warranted," Rusl argued.

Auru's stern gaze bore into him. "Whether you choose to believe that or not, you still can't blame yourself for what happened. Your reaction was reasonable."

Being told it was reasonable to stab his son felt so insane it was laughable. But arguing against simple logic--that he was fighting a wolf, that he didn't know it was Link--was also laughable.

Rusl sighed heavily. He came here for help. There was no point in trying to countermand said help.

"What you're feeling now is reasonable too," Auru continued more gently. "Rusl, this isn't just a traumatic response to something terrible. This is guilt. If you can't let that go, you're going to cling to that terrible night forever."

The words sat heavily in Rusl's mind. Briefly, he thought perhaps he should let the nightmares remain as penance.

But... no. He couldn't let it eat him alive. It was worrying Uli. Link would notice. It would hurt everyone.

Slowly, Rusl sank into his chair again, exhausted. Auru's hand was warm on his back before his friend shuffled out of their alcove, offering to get some food and drink, giving the Ordonian some space.

He...

Link forgave you.

That didn't mean he deserved it.

Rusl groaned, squeezing his eyes closed.

Uli wouldn't want you to be tearing yourself apart like this.

...He loved Uli far too much to hurt her.

Rusl couldn't forgive himself immediately. He knew that. But he could at least resolve to try.

But...

But what? He couldn't keep fighting it.

Rusl remembered the night he saw the wolf, remembered his fear and worry about Link, remembered the piercing cry the wolf had made when his blade had sliced true. He felt his stomach roll a little, and he had no appetite when Auru returned with food. Nevertheless, he played through it again and again, remembering his rationale for attacking, how much he'd done to save the boy afterward...

He hated reliving it over and over. But talking it over with Auru again... helped.

His friend was understanding when Rusl chose not to eat, though. Instead, Auru eventually changed the conversation, guiding Rusl out of the dark corner of the tavern and into the daylight of the city. The men spent the rest of the day going to Lake Hylia and fishing in peace.

By the time they returned to Telma's to rest for the night, Auru offered Rusl a place to stay in the castle, which he politely declined. He didn't do well in such places of grandeur, honestly. He just wanted some place to rest his head. He was missing home already, honestly.

Before the two separated, though, Rusl cautioned, "Auru. Tell this to no one. Not even the others in the Resistance. Please. Link can tell them in his own time if he wishes to."

Auru smiled a little, nodding. "Of course. Far be it from me to divulge the secrets of others."

With that assurance, Auru departed, leaving Rusl to toss and turn in the bed provided to him. He felt... lighter. Maybe even a little better. But, well...

He'd see how this went.

He found himself dreaming of Link again. The young man was a little boy, eyes wide and innocent and trusting. Rusl held him close as he had when he was that young, rocking him back and forth. The boy grew heavier as he moved, and before he knew it he was staring at Hana in her cradle, thinking about how he'd get Link to Kakariko in this state while rocking him gently. The weight vanished, and Rusl looked down only to see blood on his hands, and--

"Pa?"

Rusl turned to see his boy watching him, sitting on the bed cross legged, head tilted, tunic bloody.

Rusl choked on the boy's name, reaching for him. When he touched him, Link leaned into his chest, letting Rusl hold him.

"I love you, Pa," he heard his boy mumble tiredly.

Rusl kissed his head, trembling, crying. "I love you too."

Rusl opened his eyes abruptly. That was... different.

He wanted to go home.

The Ordonian didn't bother waiting for daylight before he set out. He hoped to get to Ordon within the same day, preferably before nightfall. His heart was filled with eagerness and hope, with longing to see his family, with determination to make this better.

He wanted to make Uli smile. He wanted to hug Colin and watch him practice his fighting skills. He wanted to tell Link he loved him. He wanted to kiss Hana's soft little head.

When Rusl returned to Ordon Village, luckily with some light to spare, he found his family all outside near Link's house. Colin was practicing sword fighting with the dummies Link had, while his older brother held Hana and rocked slowly in place, watching the younger swing his wooden weapon. Uli was sitting at the bottom of the ladder leading to Link's home, knitting another blanket for the baby.

Uli noticed Rusl's approach first, eyes hopeful and happy to see him. She rose to greet him, and the two embraced and kissed as they caught their boys' attention.

"How did it go?" she asked softly.

"It... it went well," he answered sincerely.

Uli's slight tension released, and she smiled gently, radiating warmth.

Link approached as Uli backed away, allowing him to hand Hana off to her while Colin nearly tackled his dad in relief. Rusl laughed, messing with Colin's hair, distracting him by asking about how his training was going.

Eventually, it was just him and Link as Colin talked excitedly to his mother.

"Ma said you had gone to Castle Town for business," Link said. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes," Rusl answered, feeling like he could honestly say that for the first time since everything had happened. "Yes, it is, actually."

Link nodded, swallowing, shifting his weight from foot to foot a little hesitantly, making Rusl somewhat concerned. Before the older man could speak, though, his boy spoke again. "Ma and I've been talking. And I've been thinking. I... I want to leave Ordon. To travel. To... to help, and to sort things out."

Rusl's mind quieted as his heart froze for a moment.

Link continued, "I've been thinking a lot about what you said when... when you explained everything to Colin. How you told him my ability was... was a gift. How you... how you and Ma have helped me try to keep moving forward. And... if the goddesses blessed me with these abilities, with the responsibility of the Hero, I... I can't just stay here, you know?"

Rusl's fear faded a little, cold dread and sharp guilt being filled with warm, swelling pride. This wasn't quite the news he was expecting to hear after returning, but somehow it... wasn't terrible, either. It... it felt like a sign that Link was healing, was trying to get better, just as Rusl was. He smiled gently, so gently, and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "The goddesses chose their Hero well. But Link... know you'll always have a home here."

Link's smile was brighter than the sun, eyes tender and drinking up the praise, chest puffing out a little.

"I trust you're not leaving immediately, though," Rusl added with a chuckle that only half disguised a father's plea. "I did just get home. Don't tell me you were just waiting for your old man before you were going to dash off to save Hyrule again."

Link giggled, rubbing the back of his head. "No. I was going to wait until after the solstice. But I... I don't want to make a big fuss, you know?"

"I understand," Rusl acknowledged. He felt his throat grow tight a moment later, catching himself off guard. He'd only just started to settle his mind and heart after everything, and Link was already on the move again, as if he... as if he...

He wasn't running, right? No. No, the boy wasn't running away from them. He was running towards something, trying to seek out a purpose for his life now. He'd moved on from that horrifying night.

He'd moved on. Spirits above. His boy felt safe and comfortable enough to move on. And he was ready to leave home and have an adventure of his own making.

His little boy was all grown up.

It wasn't as if he hadn't already known that. When Link had moved out it had been a fairly poignant moment. But somehow he'd still always just been a child to Rusl. He'd honestly come to that realization before the final battle, had truly felt it sink in as the Master Sword gleamed in the boy's hand on the castle walls while the Resistance fought monsters.

But now... this wasn't a quest that Rusl could help him with. Link had to find himself now, to see what destiny awaited him with the danger gone.

Rusl's hand squeezed Link's shoulder, and he cleared his throat to say, "I'm so proud of you, Link. I love you so much."

Link's smile grew, both in its radiance and size, and he relaxed in his posture before stepping to his guardian and hugging him.

The dusky glow of twilight filled the air, and the family went home together with laughter in the air.