#loveinhawkins fic commentary

[loveinhawkins]

oooo, honestly any of Wayne's thoughts in nbtdad you want to share will be treasured like gold!

oh Wayne! ❤️

i really wanted to get across that both Eddie & Wayne are used to slotting their lives in around each other—that they are so close, but recent circumstances have meant that there’s been some distance between them, passing like ships in the night with Eddie at school & Wayne working nights at the plant.

it’s also my headcanon in general that Eddie was meant to stay up late on that Friday night Chrissy died & watch T.V or a movie or something with Wayne to celebrate the start of Spring Break, just to add to the tragedy of it all 💔

After their first meeting in the hospital, Wayne also finds it ‘one of the hardest things in the world, to walk away.’ but even though he doesn’t have the full story at that point, he’s very intuitive, especially when it comes to reading Eddie, knows that even though all he wants is to hold onto his nephew that, for now, he has to let him go.

Eddie pushes himself off the bed. Wayne watches him with interest, eyebrows raising when he grabs the acoustic guitar. “You need that for the hospital?” “Mhm.” He’s put on his jacket, ready to leave, when he catches Wayne still looking at him. “What?” “You always lose your words when you’re hiding something,” Wayne says mildly enough, but Eddie can still hear the worry underneath.

at first Wayne believes that Eddie’s simply bringing his guitar because Steve might sense music being played while he’s in a coma, without of course knowing that Eddie’s trying to save Steve’s life. It’s only when Eddie doesn’t really say anything that Wayne starts getting suspicious and concerned. there’s also a hint of backstory with Wayne saying, “You always lose your words when you’re hiding something,”—tbh i think my headcanon is that Eddie’s grown accustomed to just being upfront with Wayne whenever he’s failing at school, stuff like that & ‘losing his words’ refers to years ago; the implication being that Eddie kept how bad his home life was with his dad secret before moving to live with Wayne.

As for Steve, with Wayne eventually knowing the full story with The Upside Down, his main thought about him is just that he’s been through a clearly traumatic event. I don’t think Wayne really catches onto Eddie’s growing feelings for Steve & their closeness until Eddie’s staying at Steve’s house & Wayne over hears their conversation, particularly how Eddie teases Steve.

“You’ve got a call,” Steve says around a mouthful of cereal, when Eddie heads back downstairs after a shower. “Ooh, I’ve got a call,” he says smirking, “you sound like a secretary.” And that’s how he finds out that Steve had just left the phone dangling so that whoever’s on the other end can listen in on everything. Because when he picks it up with a, “Hello?”, he hears— “Turn my back for one minute, and you’ve got a secretary,” Wayne says, amused. “Ain’t you going up in the world?” “S’the company I’m keeping, Wayne.”

And Wayne & Steve may meet properly in the future ❤️

fic director’s commentary ask game

[loveinhawkins]

I’m a little obsessed with the fact Nancy didn’t tell Murray she was held at gunpoint but told him enough about Eddie and Steve that he was able to correctly suss out the Thing they’ve got going on.

references the current latest chapter of nothing but the dead and dying

no but i died laughing reading this, i always love hearing your thoughts ❤️

the summary of their phone calls together is pretty much a very stressed Nancy repeatedly asking for updates on Murray’s leaking/cover stories. & Murray is like, “I’m handling it. Please relax. Like. Are you okay?” & Nancy is just “oh I’m fine :)” because if she pushes everything down into a little box & doesn’t address it, then it is fine, honest.

then for some relatively light relief she’s like, “anyway, do you want to hear about Eddie and Steve?”

Murray, who’s been following any little mention of “Steve Harrington” like he’s his favourite minor recurring character in a soap opera, & can absolutely tell some new Character Development is coming: “oh, do tell.” 🍿

[loveinhawkins]

oh goodness, I just did a reread of nbtdad and thought of the director's cut thing for a couple scenes as I did so I'm so excited two seconds lemme go find them!!

in the meantime (and hopefully you don't mind multiple asks from the same person), [presses a star sticker to your hand] tell me something about any fic you want, please!

(oh so touched you were re-reading! i’ll be updating nbtdad as soon as i can, was actually working on the ending recently—don’t worry, we’re not quite there yet! not ready to say goodbye to it ❤️)

i don’t mind multiple asks at all, feel free to send as many as your heart desires! looking forward to answering the rest of yours ❤️

ooo… i’ll talk a little bit about this ficlet, pre-series 3 pre-steddie crossing paths on one of steve’s last days of high school, posted on ao3 as like something from the silver screen.

He jumps up onto the window sill to better enjoy the breeze, stretching his legs and idly looking outside. He just catches Eddie scoffing, the little aside he makes: “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Steve turns his head to him. “What?” Eddie rolls his eyes, but the corner of his mouth twitches like he’s fighting a smile. “Just… you,” he says. And it’s said with a kind of reluctant fondness, almost like they’re friends—which is bizarre, Steve thinks, since this is definitely the longest conversation they’ve ever had. But maybe the approaching summer break has Eddie all sentimental. “What about me, Munson?” Eddie gestures at him, as if to say uh, everything, but it somehow doesn’t come across as an insult. “Just… the way you do things sometimes. Like you’re in a goddamn movie.” Steve raises an eyebrow. “Dude, I’m just sitting. Anyone could do this.” “Nah, Harrington. It’s all in the execution, y’know?”

it makes me laugh thinking about this moment from Eddie’s POV, because his internal thoughts as Steve sits on the window sill are mostly …are you fucking kidding me followed by swiftly changing the pronouns of a police song, every little thing he does is magic.

i liked hinting at this kinda reluctant but huh maybe not really infatuation Eddie has going on. Like in this instance, Steve really does hop onto the sill gracefully, but he could also do anything and Eddie in his poetic, rose-tinted view would find it graceful. Like I’m imagining Steve accidentally dropping his lunch tray while recovering from the fight with Billy and Eddie just sighs in despair at himself, because how does Harrington even do that with style, Jesus Christ, Munson, this is a new low.

in that fic in general with the title and the mention of movies shots and whatnot, i wanted to show a sorta commentary on how obviously the show itself has got iconic shots, and also that Steve is feeling frustrated with himself because his life hasn’t panned out idealistically, no girlfriend (but now he’s quietly gaining more perspective on that), no dream college. the it’s a wonderful life references also compare Steve’s frustration to the main character George Bailey who wants to leave his small town & ‘see the world.’ it also foreshadows some more of Steve’s self-sacrificial tendencies cause George ends up staying in his hometown for the sake of the people who live there. While Steve doesn’t technically actively choose to stay in Hawkins, he does end up staying and protecting the kids. ❤️

fic director’s commentary ask game

[loveinhawkins]

‘Steve & Nancy fic (gay Steve character study & introspection)’ is joint 2nd on the WIPs poll for now, so here’s some thoughts ❤️

Steve being gay is an interpretation that’s very personal to me & close to my heart. it’s not mentioned unambiguously in nbtdad, but it’s certainly what i had & continue to have in mind (kinda curious if it came across to anyone in certain scenes—it was at the forefront of my thoughts when he’s recounting his past time at the Simon & Garfunkel concert ❤️) & i more recently hinted at it in the post s1 Steve character study 1983 is calling.

for this fic, i’m still thinking over exactly how to frame it, but i’ve got a quote from little women in mind that Steve resonates with & he ends up getting reminded of it as the book’s in Nancy’s 1983 bedroom in The Upside Down. Steve’s dealing with some guilt & internalised homophobia at the thought of ‘wasting Nancy’s time’ years ago. i also just love taking a look at Steve & Nancy’s friendship, the ideas that while in s2 they were trying & failing to support one another, they click as friends in the future. ❤️

rn i’m thinking there may be some kinda confrontation scene with Eddie when he’s pushing for Steve & Nancy to get back together in the woods, but Steve & Nancy’s relationship is the main focus. undecided on what the main time frame is for the fic so here’s the little women quote & a lil sentence or two ❤️

“Oh, Teddy, I’m sorry, so desperately sorry, I could kill myself if it would do any good! I wish you wouldn’t take it so hard, I can’t help it. You know it’s impossible for people to make themselves love other people if they don’t,” cried Jo inelegantly but remorsefully, as she softly patted his shoulder, remembering the time when he had comforted her so long ago. “They do sometimes,” said a muffled voice from the post. “I don’t believe it’s the right sort of love, and I’d rather not try it,” was the decided answer.

Looking at her now, Steve feels that weight again, pressure behind his ribs. Another crack beneath the surface—too many to count. I’m sorry. I should’ve been able to love you like that.

WIPs Poll

[loveinhawkins]

oh right! okay, here we go! so we get Eddie's pov of Steve's wake-up (obviously, it's in his pov entirely and he was right there), but of course we don't know how Steve experienced it--and there's a pretty big stretch of time between that and the next morning, when Eddie next sees him. I guess this one is kind of a two in one ask? because we also don't know how much Steve was acting better than he felt, or how much effort it was taking, especially that first morning after they ran who-knows-how-many tests on who-knows-what.

ooo! okay yeah Eddie’s POV means he misses quite a bit here.

So Steve deliberately sends Eddie away & while that’s partly motivated by him kinda compartmentalising & thinking ‘wow what a traumatic situation… for Eddie’ rather than processing all that he’s gone through (also just Steve being observant in general,seeing that Eddie’s reached his emotional limit & needs to see Wayne), there’s also, like, a proudness to Steve in that he doesn’t want anyone to see him at his lowest, which Eddie sort of picks up on when he sees him later:

Steve is sitting up as straight as he can, like he’s proving a point. It makes Eddie suspect that, as soon as he’d left, Steve had tried to speedrun recovery while no-one was looking.

plus even though at this point Steve is trying really hard to Not Think About It All, when he’s facing the doctors alone, he gets angry, both for himself and everyone he loves that’s been affected by The Upside Down. there’s a tiny display of Steve not backing down when he later says he told them not to disturb Eddie while he was sleeping: “I kinda demanded that they didn’t wake you up. Thought it was the least they could do.”

also with the speed of the first stage of Steve’s physical recovery, it doesn’t exactly help Steve stop repressing everything because he now has a reminder that ‘well, you’ve been checked out, it’s “ordinary injuries” now technically so you should be fine’. He does still try to advocate for himself—he insists on being treated for his speech & breathing first, because above all he wants to be able to talk to his friends, but well, he’s just a nineteen year old boy & he’s faced with people who’re relieved they don’t have to deal with frantic parents at his bedside, who just want the easy route of getting this over and done with & brush him aside. (Which Joyce & Hopper are later furious about.) Eddie again picks up on this slightly:

And Eddie knows that this version of events is no doubt highly sanitised—yet even with Steve’s nonchalant delivery, he gets the impression that whatever the doctors greeted him with had been less reassuring and more, you’re out the fucking twilight zone, kid, just be grateful and don’t ask too many questions.

& yeah in my head there’s doctors & whatnot who know of The Upside Down observing Hawkins (I’m imagining that not just Sam Owens survived s2, but from Eddie’s POV that knowledge is unknown), who only leap into action when it really can’t be ignored anymore with the “earthquake.”

as for how much effort Steve was putting in to appear fine—oh, a lot. The tests that are run are basically to check that there’s no traces of The Upside Down in him after the injuries Henry’s caused—They don’t want a Will Byers 1984 situation again—and the leftover pain in his chest etc is causing flashbacks to when he was dying & couldn’t breathe. He doesn’t sleep for the whole night after sending Eddie away, stays awake for the rest of the following day until Robin and Dustin leave.

fic director’s commentary ask game

[loveinhawkins]

‘nothing but the dead and dying’ (any future chapter) came 4th in my WIPs poll, here’s another preview post ❤️

i’ve done a few wip previews from upcoming chapters to hopefully make up for the hiatus it’s in ❤️

here

this one

& here

and here’s a lil half out of context wip draft from a future chapter, dialogue between Dustin & Steve (& don’t worry, Steve’ll be okay! ❤️)

“—like all this grandma crap, and did you know—” “Dude, tone.” “—there’s grandfather and grandmother clocks. How tall was it, Steve?” “Gee, I dunno,” Steve says, managing to sound bitingly sarcastic even with his cheek leaning against the toilet seat. “Why don’t you go back there with a measuring tape and find out?” “She won’t let just me back in, Steve, you’re the one that charmed her.” “Henderson, she was like eighty.”

oh & as a bonus, here’s a moment from a chapter that’s already out with a bit of commentary about Steve’s thoughts.

The room lightens with 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover. “This one always makes me think of Robin,” Steve says, smiling as the brass kicks in, miming like she does: a little wiggle of the fingers to simulate pressing down on a trumpet’s valves.

yeah the main Simon & Garfunkel song for Steve & Robin is the jazzy 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, but Steve also associates the brass in my little town with Robin, the part that comes in from 1:53 onwards, like she’s supporting him. yeah the song was already His Song before he knew her, but he did have a little cry at the association the next time he listened to the song post July 4th 1985. ❤️

[loveinhawkins]

Since you’re taking “directors cut” questions about nbtdad, I have to ask about Steve and Dustin’s reunion- it’s one of my favorite parts of the whole fic! The way Steve immediately asks Dustin about his leg, even though he was intentionally trying to conceal the injury, it’s so them and I love it so much!! I’d love to hear more of your thoughts!

oh i am so delighted to hear it’s one of your favourite parts, their relationship means so much to me ❤️

yeah Steve immediately noticing Dustin’s leg was an important detail for me to get in there, as was Dustin deliberately “forgetting” his crutches; before Steve asked about it, Dustin was hoping to hide it from him, reasoning that Steve had enough to contend with. Of course Steve’s basically trained himself to be vigilant & keep an eye on everyone, especially the kids, so he clocks Dustin’s leg as soon as he walks in.

“Dustin,” Steve says. One of his hands is braced against the mattress, like he’d be on his feet and running over if only he could. “Dustin, I’m so sorry.” Dustin shakes his head. “No,” he whispers. “No, fuck you, you don’t get to—to say that.” Steve’s face falls. “I… I get it, dude,” he says. “It’s—”

^both of them are also really struggling with guilt here. from Steve’s POV, he thinks Dustin is simply angry at him for how he initially lied to all the kids before leaving them at his house & he believes that anger to be entirely justified. Dustin meanwhile has been beating himself up that his last words ever to Steve were almost “I hate you.”

“I…” Dustin hiccups, gasps—cries without restraint, like a child. Because he is one. “I don’t hate you.” “Shh,” Steve says. “I know, I know.” He presses a kiss to the top of Dustin’s head, then hugs him tight; and Eddie watches as Steve’s face briefly crumples, before he visibly pulls himself together. “Everything’s okay. Hey, shh, shh. We’re okay, we’re okay.” 

‘cries without restraint, like a child. Because he is one’, i always find it really important to emphasise just how young they all are, including Steve & Eddie. & the moment where ‘Steve’s face briefly crumples, before he visibly pulls himself together’ is partly him being reminded of his vision from Vecna, where he held a dead Dustin in his arms—& that reminder prompts the nightmare he has later. & again it’s significant that Steve rn is only letting himself falter when he thinks no-one can see—& that Eddie still notices.

i liked finding a balance of Eddie being there for just a snapshot of this scene (ready to step in if it seems like Dustin’s not ready for this etc) & that he knows when to step back, give them time alone. obviously i couldn’t get into this from Eddie’s perspective, but I think Dustin & Steve just hold onto each other for a long time, needing a physical reminder that the other is safe.

And Steve perhaps shares a bit more with Dustin about what Vecna said to him in the RV, to try and help him understand just why the plan changed so abruptly, why he left the kids at his house to begin with—I had it my head that Vecna knows Steve would die for the kids & he makes the threat that if any of them go to The Upside Down/the Creel House, he’ll kill them instantly. I kinda have vague thoughts on info like that coming up in separate one shots or something like that maybe? But rn I’m tied into Eddie’s POV of events ❤️

fic director’s commentary ask game

[loveinhawkins]

In the most recent chapter of Nothing But the Dead and Dying when Steve says 'Lighten up' after talking about Carrie and the scene with he mother being the most frightening scene is he talking to himself or Eddie? I wasn't sure if he was reacting to Eddie reacting as he did or if he was chastising himself for unintentionally bringing the mood down.

hi, the second one; he’s talking to himself! in my head he’s kinda… maybe embarrassed is too strong a word, but definitely self-conscious that he’s taken what was an offhand reference to Carrie from Eddie & unintentionally implied a couple things about himself & his relationship with his parents. now the specifics are left unclear & up for interpretation, but i think Steve absolutely ends up revealing more when he is talking around things & not on the surface “about himself”, you know? like, he is genuinely caught up in talking about Carrie but then suddenly he sorta Isn’t & he doesn’t realise it until it’s out there. & then, oh mortification, “lighten up.”

[loveinhawkins]

ohhhkay I have to take the chance to ask. Steve's pov when he's first able to 'respond' to Eddie's song-bridge /open his eyes? that bit. when he's tracing on Eddie's hand haunts me

re: https://at.tumblr.com/loveinhawkins/oh-i-would-adore-a-steve-pov-from-nothing-but-the/5hycbm5ogw6z

first thoughts on Steve’s pov

oh buckle in!

so in my head, Steve is in this sort of nothingness black void before he truly wakes up. when he later tells Eddie that “wherever I was, it was just—not just dark, but there was… nothing, and I couldn’t feel or see or… and before—before you… I thought oh, this is it, this is all there’s…” that’s his way of saying that he thought that he had died (true) & that this was an afterlife (thankfully not true, but it came close to being so if Eddie didn’t discover his song!) though it was a limbo, of sorts.

& there’s still some of vecna’s influence lingering. Steve’s memory is affected, he keeps losing track of what’s actually happened to him, just knows that it was something awful, which is when Eddie hears his tearful “Oh God. I—I don’t know where I am,” over the walkie.

when Eddie plays the song, gradually Steve’s memory gets stronger & he has more of a sense of “where” he is, that all hope is not lost. & when Eddie plays his song plus there’s some sharing of happy memories going on, like Robin talking about scoops & Eddie’s past realisation when watching Steve and Dustin that “he must really love this kid” … that’s when the real magic happens. that’s when for a little while, steve’s no longer walking through “nothing”, he can “see” the memories unfolding in front of him. that also gives him the strength to think of more happy memories on his own—which is why he prioritises ones that use the senses, like when he describes feeling the itchiness of his Christmas sweater, the weight of Holly as he held her… all reminders that he has a body, a life that he needs to get back to.

whenever Steve’s finger twitches, i was imagining from his pov in the void that he keeps hitting an invisible wall; he knows that he needs to shatter it to escape. & he can feel the hold of it beginning to break when Eddie shares that last memory of him & Dustin. that’s why Eddie feels slow and deliberate taps of Steve’s finger on the back of his hand—steve is desperately hitting the wall, urging Eddie to keep going.

& then steve feels something splinter, almost. sees a crack. sees a glimpse of the hospital room, of Eddie holding his guitar & looking at him. he knows that this is his chance, the “window” Max described when she escaped vecna. he knows it’s now or never.

so he runs. Jumps. It’s maybe the hardest thing he’s ever done. He’s suddenly falling down, down, then he’s back in his body, completely exhausted. but it was all so worth it.

He can see Eddie & the world makes sense again.

with the last of his dwindling strength, he smiles & traces “hi” on the back of Eddie’s hand. He’s overwhelmed by the fact that he can really physically feel things again.

request some “dvd fic commentary”

[loveinhawkins]

Sorry I didn’t understand, how did Steve’s parents die? Did they get stuck in the upside down while coming back home?

hi, no need to say sorry! for this ficlet, i wanted to reflect Steve’s horror & denial so a lot of things aren’t said, but what i was imagining was: [discussion of death under the read more]

in my head the tragedy of this is that there is no hope, Steve’s parents aren’t just trapped in the upside down, there’s no way they can come back. they’re driving home & then as the gates merge, the road starts to split underneath their car—they crash, the car is ripped apart, disintegrating with them inside it. so like visually similar to jason’s death in the show.

[loveinhawkins]

oh I would adore a Steve-pov from nothing but the dead and dying! love it love it love it! talk to me about whichever scene is crying loudest? pretty please! <3

thank you for indulging me lol ❤️

so the thing is, i knew from the beginning that the fic needed to be from Eddie’s pov & not just because Steve is um “off-screen” for a bit shall we say 💔. but because i found that Eddie’s internal thoughts are at times unflinchingly, painfully honest, but Steve… he lies a lot to himself.

& to be honest, especially in the first chapter, he’s in so much pain that his thoughts are way too disjointed for an extended pov scene like i do with Eddie—so a lot of steve’s perspective i was imagining very visually, you know? like Eddie hears Steve’s reaction to seeing the clock, but he doesn’t see it, doesn’t see the very first moment that Steve notices the clock in the road. like there’s a horrible, horrible few moments of Steve facing that alone, just before he says, “Shit,” & he goes through all stages of grief before landing on acceptance in a matter of seconds.

as vecna’s curse worsens, i was also imagining this very shaky like first person camera pov, especially when Dustin confronts Steve in his bedroom, says, “I hate you.” Steve is trying so, so hard to keep it together while there’s all sorts of nightmarish visuals going on around him—like, this upside down red tint to everything, things warping as he searches for his tape, (like he can hear what Dustin is actually saying but he can also hear competing with that, vecna’s insidious spin on that, voicing all of Steve’s fears that he cannot keep Dustin, cannot keep any of them safe); the walls closing in… but whenever he looks at Eddie, all of that fades away, even for just a moment—especially in that scene of them alone in the rv, where Eddie takes steve’s hand to help pull him up to standing.

(that being said, while i don’t have Steve’s pov in the same format as Eddie’s, you can absolutely ask “what were steve’s thoughts when x” & i will most likely have some sort of rambly answer)

if you’ve read this far & would like more emotional turmoil as a reward, the songs i have in my head for Steve’s death scene are of course when it’s cold I’d like to die & Peter Gabriel’s heroes when we transition to travelling to the hospital etc (with the sound of everyone speaking & screaming removed to represent Eddie’s horror & temporarily “blacking out” the memory of everything)

request some “dvd fic commentary”

[loveinhawkins]

If you’re still taking DVD commentary asks: I love what you said in your other response, about how a Steve POV would be hard because he’s not as honest with himself as Eddie. I’m curious what Steve’s thoughts are re: what’s happening between him and Eddie? It’s clear from Eddie’s perspective he’s embracing his feelings for Steve. And Steve is not unaware of what’s going on (how many times can you tenderly caress your bro to soothe him to sleep before it’s no longer considered Bro Behavior) but what’s going on in his head?

oh i always love taking dvd commentary asks! & this one relates perfectly into part of a scene in the upcoming chapter so gives me an excuse to ramble out some thoughts while i get it ready ❤️

so yeah, from eddie’s pov i think he’s fully accepted the fact that he’s falling/has fallen in love with Steve—but he’s almost, like, side-stepped really acknowledging those feelings because he’s so caught up in the fact that Steve has survived, that he’s going to be okay. so to him it’s more that: oh yup. Shit, that’s a thing. Well it’s not gonna happen obviously & i’m more than happy to live with that, to have him as a friend, because thank god he’s alive. so he’s almost silently told himself that anything more is an impossibility. so yeah, he can care for Steve, he can adore him, he can even slip out a couple of “Sweetheart”s without fully meaning to & that has to be enough—as long as Steve is safe, in eddie’s eyes it will be enough.

imo Steve is still figuring himself out in certain ways—him & Eddie may or may not have a conversation that might make some things a bit clearer (i say vaguely lol sorry) but yeah, exactly, Steve isn’t unaware of his feelings. in my head it’s kinda implicit that in this version of events, steve’s conversation with Nancy about his dream did not happen, but that Eddie telling him that Nancy diving into the lake was an act of true love did. & with regards to a Steve pov being hard cause he’s not as honest with himself… in that same way i feel like Steve finds it much easier to analyse Eddie and realise Some Things rather than directly analysing himself, if that makes sense? like him fondly watching Eddie & declaring “Got you all figured out, Eddie Munson” & “If any of us was going to be a romantic, it’d be you” is much easier than trying to figure himself out; him being baffled by Eddie believing he had a crush on a girl in their English class (“What is it with you and—never mind”*) is easier to focus on than unpacking why he’s getting hung up on the misperception, you know?

*in my head Steve’s also referring to Eddie initially pushing him & Nancy together here—he’s like, dude, why do you keep trying to pair me off with some girl? why is this bugging me so much? …oh. Oh, okay. Yeah.

but while Steve’s still working through some things, i think he also keeps growing more and more aware of how he’s falling in love with Eddie; him saying “what if I want to keep looking at you?”, while he’s exhausted, is still half an attempt at flirting (good try, Steve!) & him saying “You just stayed… you were so… lovely.” is imo the closest either have got to admitting oh, I’m in love with you out loud.

so yeah, both of them have probably had inklings of feelings right back at the fic’s opening—Eddie’s initially overwhelmed by grief because god, I think I just figured out that I want to know you, want to love you and now I’ve lost you. And then Steve’s journey of awareness is really given a shove by almost dying because shit, life’s too short and I really want to figure this out. Like that he almost owes it to himself, to allow himself to be happy? In that sense & in this fic i also view Steve’s line in the show to Robin that “I still have hope” to be partly him looking over at Eddie and subconsciously realising that there’s Something There. but then he sees the clock & has to come to terms with the increasing possibility of that hope being lost.

request some “dvd fic commentary”

[loveinhawkins]

Hey! if you could do your little DVD commentary of this part:

“Go to sleep,” Steve whispers. “You’re tired.”

Eddie hums in agreement. His last look is of Steve reaching for the file again, re-reading the schedule. The lamplight softens his face even more, reminds Eddie of the Hollywood lighting in old romantic movies.

Steve’s movements are subtle but there: the little furrow of his brow as he thinks, his eyes slowly drifting across the page. The way his lips half-form whatever it is he’s writing.

The thought comes to Eddie slowly—not a lightning bolt, but more like the quiet patter of rainfall: that Steve is so beautiful, exactly like this. So alive.

Because when I tell you this filled my heart with joy (only to be crushed by the next paragraph) and I find it just so beautifully written, especially the whole rain metaphor

aaaaa i cannot tell you how happy i am that you enjoyed this part & the rain metaphor ❤️

the development of their relationship is a gradual thing here & i liked the idea of it being soft & quiet, like a gentle rainfall, compared to the chaos they’ve had to endure, that after everything, their falling in love isn’t anything to be frightened of. it’s not overwhelming & sudden, like a lightning bolt, not a flash of realisation, it comes on slow.

& i also thought of the rain representing how they become more and more a part of each other’s lives, like the first few droplets are just them knowing each other at school (which is sort of barely knowing each other at all, in some ways…) & then because the rain is quiet, you almost don’t notice when it’s all around you, like you can’t imagine a life without it anymore.

the Hollywood lighting thought is very eddie so-called ‘cynical eyes’ munson being a romantic again. that as he gets to know Steve more and more, he sees him as more and more beautiful. & that also shows in how he takes care to notice the little idiosyncrasies on Steve’s face, his train of thought. that also foreshadows the nightmare/flashback to come because eddie is so relieved to see movement in Steve’s expression; his mind has linked stillness & fixed eyes to his death.

& Steve’s opening line, i love showing moments where either of them notices that the other is tired, that they really ‘see’ each other. sleepy intimacy is so important ❤️

[loveinhawkins]

Sorry I just like bombed your blog lol but there's something different about the way you write. There's so much love in it the way they all just love each other so much without having to say it explicitly. I'm just 💞

Also I have a question about Self Sacrificial Steve 👀. Is there any plans/ideas of Eddie kind of telling Steve how bad it was when he left? Like Steve keeps doing this he doesn't matter and it would've been just fine if he was gone routine. And meanwhile it really almost killed the group. Like Eddie straight up didn't halfway remember what happened after and screamed so much he almost lost his voice. Nancy kinda just locked down. Robin screamed and had to hold Eddie back. Like I know he kinda showed it in one of the newest chapters but like 👀. I dont think Steve is really grasping yknow?

oh please never say sorry for that, i love seeing people enjoying my stuff, thank you ❤️ (also a side note to anyone who has sent me a message ily & i often hoard it in my inbox like a little treasure ❤️)

& yes the next part (all going well should be posted at some point tonight) will address more of what they need to process (if that sounds vague… uh it is. hehehe). & yeah i’m nodding along at your thoughts on Steve. rambling some more about his psyche under the read more.

imo Steve rationalising that him dying would’ve been the best outcome in a dire situation is partly a coping mechanism but also like… his fear over losing anyone outweighs his own self-preservation. while i think he understands in theory what everyone went through after he died, i think the full impact only starts to hit him when he sees Eddie struggling to recount how quick it was when he asks “how long did it take?”; when Eddie cries without realising & after Eddie’s nightmare. even after all that, i think Steve would still conclude that a reverse situation with Eddie or Robin or Nancy or any of the kids would be unthinkable. yeah, he’s still terrified throughout everything (him sobbing, “Eddie, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to die,” is that fear finally breaking through just before the end, he’s been trying to hold it back the whole time), but the greater fear & the one Vecna exploits is that he cannot keep everyone out of harm’s way, even by sacrificing himself. 💔

[loveinhawkins]

DOES STEVE????? THINK ED AND NANCY ARE A THING?????????

(context is the last line of this part of my fic. Steve says to Eddie “If any of us was going to be a romantic, it’d be you.”)

haha no! i want to reassure you that Steve 100% does NOT think that lmao

there’s a lot kind of going unsaid in that scene but i saw it more as Steve calling Eddie out on his hypocrisy a bit. like Eddie refers to himself as “these cynical eyes” when talking about an “unambiguous sign of true love”, and steve’s sorta fondly amused by that cause, like, would a true cynic be trying to make observations about love when the world could be ending?

& in that scene in my fic i think steve is also admiring Eddie’s descriptions of Hawkins & how he’s still finding hope in things. plus steve might not know what Mordor is, but imo he has time to mull over the quote & secretly thinks that maybe there is something inherently romantic about declaring ‘the shire is burning’, in how Eddie uses stories, how he sees the world. ❤️

[loveinhawkins]

now I'm wondering what the hell went through Murray's head when he found out a) some little shit held Nancy Wheeler at gunpoint and b) she DIDN'T TELL HIM. like, the bits that didn't make it out of his mouth, the bits that happened after he and Eddie hung up and he could think about it beyond "right, it is BEYOND time for a certain basketball player to Go Away Now". -@mira-jadeamethyst

i went to reply to this & then it said replies have been turned off (???) no idea why, this site is “one of labyrinthian complexity.”

but yeah what was lovely about writing Murray is that he really cares! in a way i see him as partly like a grown-up version of Eddie (except sorry, Eddie—Murray is way weirder in temperament & interests than you will ever be) & from his pov, he’s been ride or die with Joyce, has seen Joyce and Hopper reunite against all the odds, has incinerated demodogs & then… comes back down to earth at the realisation that the teens in Hawkins have gone through hell. & then after eddie’s phone call, knowing that people are now the greater danger rather than monsters. plus he has a soft spot for Nancy, knows the itch she has of wanting to investigate a story through to its conclusion. he definitely calls her as a not so subtle check-in after he’s finished with the Jason problem.

I’m a little obsessed with the fact Nancy didn’t tell Murray she was held at gunpoint but told him enough about Eddie and Steve that he was able to correctly suss out the Thing they’ve got going on.

references the current latest chapter of nothing but the dead and dying

no but i died laughing reading this, i always love hearing your thoughts ❤️

the summary of their phone calls together is pretty much a very stressed Nancy repeatedly asking for updates on Murray’s leaking/cover stories. & Murray is like, “I’m handling it. Please relax. Like. Are you okay?” & Nancy is just “oh I’m fine :)” because if she pushes everything down into a little box & doesn’t address it, then it is fine, honest.

then for some relatively light relief she’s like, “anyway, do you want to hear about Eddie and Steve?”

Murray, who’s been following any little mention of “Steve Harrington” like he’s his favourite minor recurring character in a soap opera, & can absolutely tell some new Character Development is coming: “oh, do tell.” 🍿