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feysandfeels · 4 years ago

Note

Bless that T Swift/SJM crossover anon!! Can I add some other ones?!

The 1 - Chaol & Celaena after she’s Aelin again (or Chaol & Nesryn.....poor Chaol)

The Last Great American Dynasty - more like the Last Great Terrasen Dynasty lol

My Tears Ricochet - Aelin @ Arobyn

Mirrorball - Lysandra

Mad Woman = AELIN

The Lakes - Aelin talking about Rowan when she’s tired of it all

Not my (Chloe Ting sponsored) ass realizing just now that the original anon meant all the sjm pairings, but since I’m deep in the acotar trash atm I only made those.

ACOTAR I & II

Apologies jeje.

Manorian: generally speaking they have such reputation vibes. Immaculate record for immaculate couple.

... Ready for it? - “But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom” // “Younger than my exes but he act like such a man, so I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta” // “You should see the things we do, baby In the middle of the night, in my dreams I know I'm gonna be with you So I take my time Are you ready for it?”. Listen do I really need to explain this or do we all just see it?. This song has the electricity, the sexyness, the roughness, the daring aspect that makes manorian be the GOD tier couple that they are.

I’d Lie - Right, bare with me but I will lol at this forever because Manon is basically “And I could tell you his favorite color's green He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes And if you asked me if I love him, I'd lie”. It’s such a weird song to associate with them but it fits her so well hahahahaha because my girl lives in such denial that I just can’t hahahahahahaaha and like “I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine” this is MANON FOR DORIAN ALL THE TIME, and everyone is like but we see you wanting him so just do something about it!!!

Rowaelin

Willow - this screams Rowan looking at Aelin: “Wherever you stray I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans That's my man”. He straight up left Maeve and the blood pact thingy they had for the blond girl he met three months prior. Also “Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark Show me the places where the others gave you scars Now this is an open-shut case Guess I should've known from the look on your face Every bait and switch was a work of art”, this speaks of the vulnerability shared through HoF about their scars and of Rowan realizng that every step he took was so he would met her. Willow is Rowan’s song for Aelin.

The Lakes- LET HER GO TO TERRASEN WHERE ALL THE POETS WENT TO DIE, LET HER STAY SO THAT WISTERIA GROWS AROUND HER FEET BECAUSE SHE HASN’T MOVED IN YEARS.

Elorcan

Hoax - the balance of the deep betrayal and the love, the hurt and the I would choose you again all of the nuances of Lorcan’s betrayal and the shattered illusions that speak of them even in their absences, are in Hoax: “Stood on the cliffside Screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would dI believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do”.

Lysandeon

Paper rings- “The wine is cold Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street Cat and mouse for a month or two or three Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe”. This song matches their energy so well even if the lyrics don’t all offer exact parallels. They did however play cat and mouse for a month or two or three. “I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want” Lysandra being accustomed to the finer things in life but she would slum it for Aedion; she is here for thick and thin.

Nesraq:

Gorgeous - “Of your magnetic field being a little too strong And I got a boyfriend (Chaol), he's older than us He's in the club (palace) doing, I don't know what (Yrene....) You're so cool (Sartaq really is the coolest), it makes me hate you so much (I hate you so much)” // You make me so happy (dude Nesryn loves spending time with him and he feels valued), it turns back to sad (fuck what about Chaol.. we promised each other it give it ago), yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have (because he’s the prince and I’m not royal) You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad”.

Chaorene:

Dancing with our hands tied - even if the lyrics don’t create perfect parallels, I think the main theme of the song being two people that want to be together, but feel their relationship has a lot of baggage would fit them well. Yrene has to get over her hate for Adarlan (even though she has every every every right to hate Adarlan) and Chaol has to get over *himself*. “I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance Oh, through an avalanche? And say, say that we got it I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted”.

Sam x Celaena:

I know places - them trying to run away so they could find a safe place to be in love? indeed. Me crying right now because they never got to? you bet: “'Cause they got the cages, they got the boxes And guns They are the hunters, we are the foxes And we runBaby, I know places we won't be found and They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down Cause I, I, I, I know places we can hide, I, I (...)”.

Dorian x Celaena:

The Way I loved you - To Dorian from Aelin... with love, friendship love that is. Because she recognizes the potential in him, in them, she knows he would be good to her and she knows that she indeed fell for him hard enough to want him for herself, but it just doesn’t feel like *that* anymore.

Red - From Dorian’s perspective: “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”// “Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted Was right there in front of you Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words To your old favorite song Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword And realizing there's no right answer”. They were literally a crash and burn. But neither of them can actually bring themselves to regret it. It was fun while it lasted and in its way it brought them closer.

Chaol x Celaena:

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - self explanatory, this is them through QoS. My Celorian ass is here for this pettiness I will take no criticism.

Forever and Always - “Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure So here's to everything coming down to nothing Here's to silence, that cuts me to the core Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore” This was essentially Chaol’s thought process wondering why him an Celaena don’t work anymore and feeling like... a “we were supposed to be together 5ever what happened.... besides me not doing much to prevent her bff’s death and working for the dude that orchestrated the murder of her nation ?”

August - if I’m being honest this song fits them too not my fave song from folklore being for my least favorite couple in this story but if I gave Feylin some of my all time favorites I can give this one to them, but like “But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine Your back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it” Even though Chaol was ready to leave it all for her (he would literally cancel plans.. his life plans in case she’d call) she knew that this was an impossibility, their time was brief and it slipped away like a bottle of wine. She could never be his, because she was not entirely herself with him being Aelin meant opening up a lot of things and if Chaol had a hard time getting past a lot of Celaena’s traits then we can imagine the work, literally work he would have to do to accept Aelin... you know what, we don’t have to imagine it... it’s right there in QoS and ToD, anywho, he could never write his name on her back because she was never his, because he did not accept her for all that she was.

Aelin x Dorian x Chaol:

Long live - “I said, remember this moment, in the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the kings and the queens” // “Will you take a moment? Promise me this That you'll stand by me forever But if, God forbid, fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children some day When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life, with you” // I’m emotional right now and I need to cry it out.

I’m not 100% sure on the Chaoyrene one... but I think it’s good enough for me to post this hahaha

Anywho, I hope whoever asked for this enjoyed it 💛💛

#Feysandfeelsasks #Rowaelin #Manorian #Elorcan #Chaorene #Nesraq #Lysandion #Celorian #I don't know what Chaol and Celaena were #sorry

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theladyofdeath · 5 years ago

Text

Alone in the Ashes {25}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click > Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 6.4k

A/N: Ah, the final chapter. I’ll be posting an epilogue soon. (: I hope you all enjoy...the end...

“And I wondered if love was too weak a word for what he felt, what he’d done for me. For what I felt for him.” ― Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury

The hospital was quiet.

It had only been a couple of months since Rhysand was back there, lying in a bed, but he hadn’t been announced dead at the scene.

Isaac had.

They still loaded him into an ambulance, still tried to save him, but there was nothing more they could do.

Isaac’s head had hit the concrete.

He’d had a brain hemorrhage.

Azriel had been holding him when he died.

Feyre, Elain, and Nesta had gone back into the room where they were keeping him to say their goodbyes. Feyre hadn’t been close with him, Nesta hadn’t been close with him, but Elain had always kept hope. She would take it the hardest. But still, for the others, they lost their only living parent.

Rhysand knew how it felt.

So did Cassian.

And Azriel, too.

Rhysand sat next to Cassian in a waiting room chair. Cassian hadn’t said a word.

Azriel was sitting across from them, holding Mila, who was sound asleep.

He hadn’t said a word, either.

Eris was still conscious when they took him away, speeding toward the hospital. Azriel had stabbed him to defend himself, not to kill. Azriel may have hated Eris with every ounce of his body, but he was no killer.

Azriel was not Eris.

None of them spoke a single, damned word, until Beron Vanserra came into the waiting room. He didn’t bother to see Eris. Instead, he sat down with them, next to Azriel. Noting that Mila was asleep, he kept his voice quiet.

“I talked to all of the witnesses, along with my men,” he began. He looked exhausted, more tired than Rhysand had ever seen him, older than Rhysand had ever seen him. “Now, I need to hear from the three of you what happened.”

“If you already know, why must we?” Azriel whispered.

“Because it’s my job,” Beron said, rubbing his temples.

“A fight broke out,” Rhysand claimed. “It obviously got a little out of control.”

“Who stabbed Eris?” Beron asked.

“I did,” Azriel said, without any hesitation. “He was holding a knife to my throat, Beron. He wanted to kill me.”

Beron’s eyes weakened at the words. “And who struck down Isaac Archeron?”

“You already know the answer to that, it seems,” Azriel said.

Cassian hadn’t spoken.

“I need you to tell me, for the official reco-”

“Eris,” Rhysand said. “Your son, your fucking son,” he went on, voice shaking, “killed my wife’s father. And he didn’t even seem to feel bad about it.”

Beron nodded, slowly, eyes shining as he stood. Without a thanks, he went on his way.

“Where will they go?” Cassian asked, before Beron could get too far. His first words since they left the court. “Eris and Tamlin, where will they go? What happens now?”

“I talked to Tamlin’s father. Tamlin must leave town, immediately,” Beron said. “And Eris...when he is discharged, he will be taken to the station where he will await trial.”

Azriel pulled Mila closer to him.

Without another word, Beron was gone, and the three of them were left there, waiting. Cassian jumped from his chair with such force that he nearly knocked it over. He didn’t look at his friends as he stormed out of the hospital.

Not five minutes later, the Archeron sisters flooded into the waiting room. Azriel was instantly on his feet, taking Elain’s hand and leading her out, Mila’s cheek resting on his shoulder. Feyre plopped down next to Rhysand.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed, shaking his head, “Feyre-”

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered. “I knew he wasn’t gone. I knew he wouldn’t leave us alone, Rhys. Tamlin…” Her voice broke on his name. “I hate that I hate him so much.”

“It was Eris-”

“They’re the same fucking person!” Feyre yelled, but no one stopped to tell her to be quiet, no one gave her a look. “Tamlin, Eris, these assholes that think they can start shit….he was a part of it. Tamlin. He’s part of the reason my dad is dead, Rhys.”

Rhysand put his arm around her and leaned back in the chair.

“I tried to get to him,” Rhysand said. “I wasn’t fast enough.”

She looked up at him, eyes shining. “It wasn’t your fault, Rhys. We know that, it wasn’t any of your faults. It was Eris, and it was Tamlin’s, and no one else’s.”

He wiped her cheeks with his thumb.

There was nothing more he could say.

Nothing more that felt right, nothing that took away his guilt.

All he managed was, “Tamlin is leaving town. For good. Eris is being arrested the second he’s discharged, where he’ll be put on trial.”

Feyre sunk into his shoulder, the only sign that she’d heard, the only sign that she found any comfort in his words.

A few minutes passed before she asked, “What do you think it’s like? Whatever lies beyond this world?”

Isaac Archeron had been a mess in the years since his wife died. He paid his children very little attention, could barely take care of himself. He was long gone, a ghost. “I don’t know,” Rhysand answered, honestly. “But, I have no doubt he’s already found your mom, and I have no doubt that it was one hell of a reunion.”

Feyre looked up at him and smiled, weakly, another tear falling down her pale cheek. “Take me home, Rhys.”

Rhysand stood and took her hand.

She clung to his hand as if her life depended on it.

~~~~~

Azriel and Elain didn’t talk the entire drive home. It was quiet, partly because Mila was sleeping, but mostly because there was nothing to say.

Elain was the closest to her father out of her sisters, Azriel knew that.

He had fucking held Isaac while he died.

He had felt him take his final breath.

All the while, while he sat on the concrete, cradling Isaac’s head...all Azriel could think about was Elain, how her heart would break, how Azriel could do nothing.

How he had been there when it happened.

How his face was the last face that Isaac saw.

The minute Azriel pulled into the driveway, he was getting out of the car and pulling Mila out. He took her inside of the townhouse and laid her down on the couch before taking off her shoes and covering her up with a blanket. After kissing her forehead, he wandered into the kitchen.

There was a bottle of vodka in the fridge from the last time everyone was there for dinner and game night.

Azriel opened it and pressed the bottle to his mouth.

He downed as much as he could before setting it on the counter and swearing under his breath.

He was pissed.

He was overwhelmed.

Don’t wake Mila, was all he could think.

Eris wasn’t an issue anymore. He was no longer a threat. He had intended to murder Azriel and, accident or not, Isaac’s blood was on Eris’ hands. Nor was Tamlin a threat, either, to Feyre and Rhysand, and for that, Azriel should have been happy. At least, he should have been a little bit comforted. Grateful.

But he fucking stabbed a man.

He put a blade into Eris’ abdomen. He’d felt it go through his skin. He didn’t even think about it. He had acted without any hesitation.

He had to live.

He couldn’t die, couldn’t let Eris take Mila. So, he took Eris’ knife, and stabbed him.

Maybe it made him a bad man.

Maybe it made him a fucking good man.

He didn’t fucking know.

All he knew was that shit went down that night that shouldn’t have, and now everything was different.

The world was quiet, too quiet.

“Azriel.”

His name was soft coming out of Elain’s mouth. He spun around from where he was leaning against the counter, hovered over a bottle of vodka.

She was standing in the doorway, brows furrowed, eyes red and puffy.

He quickly looked away from her.

Elain took a step into the kitchen. “I need you to tell me what happened, Az.”

He shook his head. “They already told you-”

“I need you to tell me what happened,” she repeated.

How could he? How would he ever be the same to her after the words came out of his mouth?

He shook his head, slowly.

Elain walked toward him, one hand on her little bump. “Please,” she begged, and it was the one word, the crack in her voice, that made him confess.

“He was going to kill me,” Azriel choked out. “I tried, Elain, to fight him off, but he had a fucking knife. He held it to my throat, and I couldn’t move, not without it digging into my neck.” He reached up, felt the long, thin scab that had developed from the contact with the blade. “I didn’t know what to do. I expected him to take me, to cut me…..I expected him to kill me, whether because he hated me for having Mila or because he was just that fucking bitter about his life, I didn’t know….” he shook his head, angrily, frustrated. Elain took his hand into hers as she wept. “Your dad saved me, Elain. He tried to pull Eris off of me, and it didn’t work, but he gave me the few seconds I needed to take Eris….to take Eris down. If your dad didn’t come when he did...”

The words spilled out of him, and he hated himself for it.

It was the truth, though. If it had not been for Isaac Archeron, Azriel would not be standing there.

He knew he was crying, and Azriel didn’t care. He let himself cry, let himself mourn, let himself feel the sorrow and the pain, not only for what he had endured that night, but for Elain, for the woman he loved, for the mother of his child.

“He saved my life, El,” Azriel breathed.

Azriel wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that statement or if he hated himself for it. Part of him was so fucking grateful. Isaac had saved his life, and had saved Mila’s life in return. But part of him felt so fucking guilty. Elain no longer had a father, her and her sisters had lost both of their parents.

There was no winning side of the situation.

Either way, someone was lost, and someone would remain heartbroken.

“I’m so sorry,” he said at last, knowing he was crying, sobbing, no matter what he said, nothing would be made better. The alcohol certainly hadn’t helped, certainly hadn’t made him any more stable.

It had only made him more talkative.

More willing to confess.

More willing to spill his heart out, which only made Elain’s heart break more.

Elain took Azriel’s face into her hands and made him look down at her. She had been crying for hours. Her eyes were bloodshot, her lips swollen and her cheeks tearstained.

She remained silent. There wasn’t anything she could say. She couldn’t say she was grateful that her father saved him, for it would mean she was grateful for the sacrifice he had made, and it would only make her feel guilty. But, she couldn’t say she was not grateful for Isaac’s sacrifice, either, for it was because of that sacrifice that Azriel, the father of her child, was alive.

Elain pulled his face to hers and she kissed him, softly.

Everything he needed was in that kiss.

Every complicated word that must remain unspoken.

Comfort swept through him, even though that burden still remained.

Azriel was certain that the burden would remain for quite some time.

It may never go away, that guilt.

He was grateful to Isaac, but it was a debt he would never be able to repay.

But he would try.

He would be a good father to Isaac’s grandchild.

He would take care of Elain, Isaac’s pride and joy, and protect her with his life.

He would love Elain, unconditionally, would someday make her his wife.

Azriel loved Elain.

And he would continue to love Elain.

For that was why Isaac had intervened in the first place.

To protect the father of his grandchild.

The love of his daughter’s life.

~~~~~

Cassian stood on the balcony of his apartment.

Amren had decided to stay with Mor at Azriel’s apartment, and Cassian was grateful for it. He couldn’t deal with the questions, couldn’t deal with Amren knowing the truth.

It had all been his fault.

He was past the need for whiskey, his body was already numb from the shock of it all.

Nesta had gone home with him, but she was sitting on his couch while he had stormed outside. The anger, that anger, was in full force.

And this time, it was directed at himself.

It was him.

It was all him.

Everything that happened.

It was all him.

The sliding door opened half an hour later. Nesta’s voice was soft when she said, “You should come to bed.” Cassian shook his head. “Won’t be able to sleep.”

“Come on, Cass,” she breathed, exhaustion lacing her tone. “Come inside.”

“Why?” Cassian asked. “You shouldn’t even care.”

“Don’t start that shit with me,” she snapped. “It’s been a bad fucking day, so just come inside and come to bed.”

Cassian’s jaw locked.

Nesta sighed. “Fine. I’m going to bed.”

She turned to go back inside, but then Cassian choked out, “I’m sorry.”

She froze.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he said, again. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

He repeated the words, over and over again, into the silence.

So fucking sorry.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Nesta whispered, and when she reached for him, he jerked away.

“You don’t get it,” he said, eyes blurred. “I threw the first punch, Nesta, it’s all my fault. It’s all my fucking fault.”

My fucking fault.

If he hadn’t hit Tamlin, all hell wouldn’t have broken loose.

That anger.

That fucking anger.

It never left him alone.

Everyone thought he had killed his mom.

And he may as well have killed Isaac Archeron.

“Cassian,” Nesta breathed.

But he wouldn’t look at her.

Couldn’t look at her.

It was his fault that her father was dead.

She wouldn’t take that, though, wouldn’t accept it. She closed the distance between them, Cassian blocked in the corner of the balcony.

She gripped the front of his shirt, just over his chest, with her fingers and hissed, “It’s not your fault. Alright? It’s not your fault. And you better believe me, because I wouldn’t fucking lie to you. If it was your fault, I’d beat your ass, and I’d curse your name, but it’s not your fault, Cassian, it’s not your fault.”

He knew Nesta, knew she wouldn’t lie, knew she was telling the truth, but the thought lingered.

All your fault.

“Cassian,” she breathed, shaking her head, reading his thoughts. She reached up to dry his tears, although she was crying herself. But Cassian couldn’t move his hands, he was frozen in place, numb, unable to wipe her tears away.

Guilty.

He felt so fucking guilty.

“Come to bed,” she begged, and he had never heard her voice so desperate, so vulnerable. When he met her eyes, she looked scared.

And Nesta Archeron rarely showed fear.

“Come to bed,” she repeated, her hands running across his body with desperation.

Come to bed.

“It’s not your fault, Cassian,” she whispered, her voice shaking, fingers clinging to his shirt. “Okay? It’s not your fault. Come to bed. Come to bed with me, Cass, come to bed.”

He didn’t remember being led to his bedroom, didn’t remember lying down, didn’t remember Bryaxis coming into the room, up on the bed, and laying his chin on Cassian's chest.

And then Nesta crawled up on the other side of him and laid her cheek against his shoulder. Her tears soaked through the thin fabric of his shirt.

Neither of them said another word.

But nobody moved. Cassian, Nesta, and Bryaxis laid there all night, clinging to one another.

~~~~~

One Week Later…

The headstone hadn’t been ready the few days prior when the funeral had taken place, so when they got the call that it was ready to be placed at Isaac’s burial, the sisters had decided to see it placed, together.

Feyre and Rhysand pushed out their wedding. Rhysand had agreed that it was no longer the right time to host a big wedding, and waiting didn’t bother him in the slightest, even after they had hurried to get it ready for that Saturday in October. As much as Feyre wanted to be Rhysand’s wife, the past week had held too much to add a wedding countdown on top of it.

Instead of a wedding, Feyre stood between her sisters at the foot of the newly patted down dirt. There was now a headstone at the head of the site, one that read,

Isaac Alexander Archeron. Father, husband, friend.

Hero.

“It looks good,” Nesta said, quietly.

“Beautiful,” Elain agreed. “Hero.”

Feyre took Elain’s hand and squeezed it. “That he was.”

Nesta nodded, quietly.

They had laid Isaac beside Moira, in that little cemetery in Velaris. It was where he wanted to be. It had always been where he wanted to be, next to his wife, and now he was. Feyre believed Rhysand’s words to have been true. She believed her dad had found her mom, and they were now together, looking down over their girls in whatever life came after this one.

The leaves had begun to change color. Autumn had always been her favorite time of year. It had always been Isaac’s, too. It was why he was in the park that night, why he had been walking along the Sidra.

He was admiring the early Autumn landscape while he fed the ducks.

Feyre didn’t let herself think too much on the “what-if’s”. What if he had just stayed home? What if he hadn’t walked by the rivercourt? Would Azriel be dead? Would fate have intervened, would Isaac lost his life another way? There was no possible way of knowing, and obsessing over the “what-if’s” certainly never helped.

“Well,” Feyre began, clearing her throat. “Shall we?”

Nesta nodded and stepped forward, placing a bouquet of yellow roses on her mother’s grave, and a bouquet of lilies on her father’s. When she came back, Feyre stepped forward and set a framed picture of their family beside the lilies. And when that was done, Elain came forward with a sealed envelope.

“I wrote a poem,” she breathed, placing it next to the frame. “Perhaps you and mom can read it together.”

When Elain joined her sisters again, Feyre took their hands, they said their goodbyes, for now, and went back to the car.

Feyre expected Nesta to drive her back to her apartment, but she didn’t. Instead, Nesta drove to Elain’s townhouse, where the driveway was lined with cars.

Mor’s, Azriel’s, Amren’s, Cassian’s, and Rhysand’s.

“Having lunch?” Feyre asked.

“Something like that,” Nesta muttered, but when Feyre looked up from where she was sitting in the backseat, Nesta’s face revealed nothing.

She parked, and they all got out.

“Now, close your eyes,” Elain demanded.

Feyre stilled as she shut her car door. “Why?”

“Because we’re older than you, and we say so,” Nesta snapped, although her eyes were soft.

“We won’t let you trip over anything,” Elain promised, taking Feyre’s hand.

After a sigh, Nesta agreed. “Not on purpose, anyway.”

Hesitantly, Feyre closed her eyes. She was led up the driveway, and into the house, where Mor’s voice spat, “Everyone shut up,” the second the door opened.

Feyre chuckled. “Subtle.”

“We’re going up the stairs,” Elain warned.

Eyes still closed, her sisters dragged Feyre up the stairs and down the hall. When she opened her eyes, she was standing in Elain’s bedroom, and hanging on her floor length mirror was Feyre’s dress and her veil.

Feyre blinked as both of her sister’s sat on the edge of Elain’s bed.

“Yeah, I’m not following,” Feyre began, slowly.

Elain patted the spot next to her on the mattress. “Sit.”

Feyre did so, wearily.

“I called Rhys a couple days ago,” she began. Nesta sat on the other side of her, quietly. “I told him I understand that right now isn’t the time for a big wedding, and I completely agree...but, I also told him about my last conversation with dad.”

Elain took Feyre’s hand on her right, and Nesta’s on her left.

“I talked to him last Saturday afternoon, just before he left to go to the park,” Elain began, and the second her eyes lined with tears, Feyre began to cry. “We talked about Nesta. How he was so proud of her...how she was overcoming her addiction, something he or mom was never quite able to do.” Feyre glanced at Nesta, who was staring at her hands, the eyes that matched her own, her mother’s eyes, blurred. “Then we started talking about you, and Rhys. And how he wouldn’t miss your big day. He was planning on being there today, Feyre, to surprise you. He had called, asking me what color he should wear to match the groomsmen.” Elain chuckled. “He wanted to look nice to walk you down the aisle. He told me not to tell, that he knew you wouldn’t believe him, knew you had grown apart throughout the years...but, he always thought you would end up with Rhys, and he just couldn’t wait for the two of you to become man and wife.”

Feyre shook her head, slowly, but no words came out.

Elain’s smile was soft when she wiped away her little sister’s tears. “So, put on that dress, and let’s not make dad wait.”

“He did clear his schedule for today, just to surprise you,” Nesta followed, when Feyre’s body shook with a quiet sob. “He may be busy tomorrow. You know, he’s with mom now, and they have a decade of adventures and memories to catch up on.”

Feyre laughed, quietly, and looked up at her sisters. They watched her with such love and adoration. For the first time that week, Feyre felt a sense of peace fill her body.

“He just couldn’t wait,” Feyre repeated.

Elain shook her head, smiling fondly. “He couldn’t wait.”

~~~~~

“They’ve been up there for hours,” Rhysand breathed.

He understood, knew Feyre didn’t know it was coming, knew it would be a lot to take in. Fuck, it had been a lot for him to take in when he got the call from Elain days before. But, of course, Rhysand thought it was beautiful, and knew that Feyre would think so, too.

Isaac had planned to be at their wedding today.

And be there, he would be.

“I’ll go check on them,” Azriel said, padding out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

“You need to stop pacing,” Cassian said, watching Rhysand go back and forth, from one side of the kitchen table to the other. “It’s stressing me out.”

Rhysand shot him a look. “Fuck off.”

“Yeah,” Mila said, running into the kitchen and hopping up on Cassian’s lap. “Fuck off, Cassie.”

Cassian’s head tipped back and he howled. Even Rhysand couldn’t help but smile as the sound of laughter filled the kitchen.

When his laughter died down, Cassian took the little girl’s face into his hands. “You can’t say that. Naughty words.”

She rolled her eyes and hopped back onto the floor. Cassian helped her straighten out her flower girl dress as she said, “Rhysie naughty.”

“Yes, he is,” Cassian agreed, then took the flower crown headband off the table and pulled it down over Mila’s curls. “There. Beautiful.”

Mila threw her arms around Cassian’s neck before running back into the living room.

Mor chuckled as she entered the kitchen. “I swear she’s going to rip that dress before the ceremony even begins.”

Rhysand shrugs. “Adds character.”

“Alright,” Amren breathed, joining everyone else in the townhouse’s kitchen. “I think I’ve got my speech together.”

“It doesn’t have to be perfect,” Rhysand said, although his eyes were full of admiration. Amren was taking her duty very seriously.

“You only get married once,” Amren proclaimed, “so, yes, it does have to be perfect.”

She had gotten ordained, online, in twenty minutes. Rhysand wasn’t exactly sure how legit it was, but he figured it was legit enough.

Azriel came back down the stairs, straightening his tie. “Alright, she’s almost ready. Nesta said ten minutes.”

Rhysand stilled, and Mor grinned, planting a kiss on her cousin’s cheek.

“Alright,” Cassian said, winking. “I’ll get Mila.”

“Everybody in the backyard,” Mor announced, throwing open the sliding door.

Rhysand stayed where he was, though, his feet planted as Amren and Mor went outside, and Cassian went to hunt down the flower girl.

Azriel walked to his friend. “You never knew how to tie a fucking tie.”

Rhysand snorted as Azriel undid the knotted fabric around Rhysand’s neck.

“Doesn’t help that I’ve felt like I’ve had to piss, all day, nonstop” Rhysand murmured.

Azriel chuckled as he pulled the tie around Rhysand’s neck, and tied it correctly. “How else are you feeling?”

Rhysand stayed quiet for a moment as Azriel worked his necktie magic. He had a lot of emotions, so many that they were difficult to sort out.

It had been a long week, one of those weeks that felt much longer than a week. Rhysand had spent most of it by Feyre’s side, but when Feyre was with her sisters, Rhysand had been with Azriel and Cassian. They worked through a lot, and were still working through a lot when it came to their guilt. But the girls were right. It wasn’t their fault, even if a small part of them would always feel like it was.

But Tamlin had left, as Beron promised. He had told Rhysand that Tamlin was headed up north to be near his mom. And, true to his word, Eris had been taken into custody upon his release from the hospital and was to be trialed for attempted murder and Isaac’s death. No matter what happened, he would be charged with something, and would be locked away for a long while.

When Azriel was done, he clapped Rhysand on the shoulder and stepped back.

“I think Isaac would be happy we’re doing this,” Rhysand said, at last.

Azriel nodded, smiling softly. He knew full well Elain’s last conversation with her father. “I agree.”

Cassian came into the room then, Mila hanging on his back, barefoot. Her dress wasn’t torn, and her flower crown stayed put, but she had a ring of blue around her lips.

“What did you get into now?” Azriel asked, crossing his arms. “And where are your shoes?”

“Lollipop!” she said, grinning, holding onto Cassian. “And I dunno.”

Rhysand laughed as Azriel shook his head. “Alright,” he muttered. “Good enough.”

~~~~~

Elain went down the stairs while Nesta finished putting the pins in Feyre’s hair, just to make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be.

She peeked outside and saw Amren, standing beneath the archway with Rhysand beside her. Mor was spinning a bare-footed, blue-mouthed Mila around while Azriel and Cassian were talking about something among themselves, grinning like fools.

“They’re ready!” Elain called up the stairs.

“Five minutes!” Nesta called back. “The bride has to pee and put on her shoes!”

Elain laughed quietly to herself as she leaned back against the kitchen counter. She ran a hand over her stomach. The baby had been growing excessively lately. She’d had an appointment the day before, just a check up. The baby’s heartbeat was strong. They could have found out the gender, but Elain had said she didn’t want to know.

Which, she thought she hadn’t, but ever since they left the hospital, she realized one thing: she really, really wanted to know.

Five minutes.

She took out her phone and found Kallias’ contact. After one last glimpse outside and slight hesitation, she pressed the call button.

It rang twice before he answered. “Elain? Are you okay?”

“Fine,” she promised. “I - erm - well, I just….Kallias, I have to know the gender. I’m about to lose my mind, and you have to make it fast, because I need that sense of peace if I am going to get through this day without snapping at someone. You ever planned a wedding ceremony in two days while being pregnant?”

A pause. “I can’t say that I have, no.”

“Thought not,” Elain breathed. “Please tell me you remember the gender.”

“Of course, I do,” Kallias said, voice gentle. “But are you sure-”

“Tell me!” she snapped.

Kallias took no offense. He laughed, quietly. “Alright. Fine. But, seriously, are you sure, because i can’t take it back-”

“If you ask me that question one more time, Kal, I swear…” she trailed off, unable to think of an actual threat, while listening to the bathroom door open at the top of the stairs.

Kallias took a deep breath before he told her, and tears instantly sprung into Elain’s eyes. “Oh. Oh, thank you,” she breathed, laughing softly. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied. “Tell Feyre and Rhys I say congrats.”

“Of course,” Elain promised, and said goodbye, after thanking him five more times.

The sliding door was thrown open as Elain set her phone on the counter.

Azriel took one look at his pregnant girlfriend crying and stilled. “What happened? Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Is Feyre okay?”

“Everyone’s okay,” she breathed, shaking her head. “I just got off the phone with-”

She stopped, and Azriel lifted a brow as he shut the door. “With?”

“Nobody,” Elain whispered.

Azriel was walking toward her, slowly. Elain watched those slow movements, watched as he opened the junk drawer and pulled out a roll of scotch tape before facing Elain.

Elain slowly slid her phone behind her back on the counter.

Azriel shook his head. “I can easily get that, you know.”

“Debatable,” Elain said, lifting her chin.

Azriel laughed. “Who did you call?”

Elain groaned. “Kallias.”

Azriel met her by the counter, clearly amused. “Why?”

“Because the entire time I was doing Feyre’s make up, while Feyre and Nesta were talking about how Cassian is in bed, which...by the way….the man is a monster…” Azriel chuckled as Elain continued, “Az, all I could think about was baby names and then I started thinking about how we could have already known whether the baby is a boy or a girl….and I was going crazy. I had to know.”

“So you called Kal.”

“Yes.”

“And you asked?”

“Yes.”

“And he told you…”

“Yes,” Elain said, pulling Azriel closer to her by his belt.

“And?” he asked, quietly.

“You want to know?” she laughed, head falling to the side.

“Well, if you know, it’s only fair that I do, too,” he said, taking her face into his hands.

Elain’s smile was wide and bright as she said, “The baby is a boy.”

Azriel laughed, under his breath, as his hazel eyes shone. “Yeah?”

Elain nodded, and pressed her lips to his.

He sunk into that kiss, his arms wrapping around her waist. “A son.”

“A son,” Elain repeated. “Mila’s going to have a little brother.”

“Hmmm,” he muttered, kissing her, again, and again, and again.

She jerked back. “Wait, why do you have tape? Did something fall off the arch?”

“Huh? Oh, no,” he began, forgetting why he had apparently come inside in the first place. He took the tape off the counter. “Mila ripped her dress.”

Elain blinked. “And you...were going to...tape it?”

Azrie’s expression flattened. “Well, we’re kind of on a time limit here, El.”

“Oh my god,” she laughed, shaking her head. “You are such a man.”

Footsteps began at the top of the stairs and slowly came down. Azriel turned around the minute Feyre came into view, Nesta holding the train of her dress.

Elain watched Azriel as he stilled, his smile widened, his eyes still misty from the news of their son, and now of Feyre, dressed in white.

“Think Rhys will approve?” she asked, looking at Azriel.

Azriel cleared his throat. “That’s an understatement. You look beautiful. Really.”

Feyre’s eyes softened as she said, “Thank you.”

After taking the tape into his hand and kissing Elain on the forehead, Azriel was hurrying back outside.

Feyre looked at Elain, then at Nesta.

“Ready?” Elain asked.

Feyre nodded.

No more hesitation.

“Ready.”

~~~~~

The moment Rhysand saw Feyre, tears were rolling down his cheeks. It was as if they were the only two people in the world, and everyone else was intruding.

At least, Nesta felt like she was intruding.

Amren led the ceremony flawlessly. Nesta had no idea she was so poetic. After handing them the rings, Cassian joined Nesta by her side.

He was handsome, in his navy slacks and white shirt, with his navy tie. His hair was pulled back. He had even shaved.

Nesta loved the beard.

But there was something about him clean shaven that made Nesta’s breathing unsteady and her knees wobbly.

After Amren announced them husband and wife, and Rhysand kissed his bride, it was time for their little, unorganized family to party.

Mila was on a sugar high. She hadn’t stayed still for the entire ten minute ceremony, and was now running across the backyard doing - or, attempting to do - cartwheels. Mor and Amren were sitting in the grass, laughing as the four year old went wild.

Cassian was in the kitchen when Nesta walked through the back door.

“You were voted caterer?” she asked.

Cassian laughed as he pulled out a pile of meat from the fridge. “So it seems. But, I’m a very good cook.”

Nesta raised a brow.

“Well,” Cassian said, correcting himself, “I know how to work a grill.”

Nesta chuckled and met him at the counter top. “Do you have to start grilling now?”

Cassian traced her neckline with his fingers once she approached. “Depends. Why do you ask?”

“I thought we could go upstairs for a few minutes,” she whispered.

Cassian grinned. “I knew it. Can’t keep your hands off of me. This is why I never dress up for you.”

Nesta laughed and kissed him, fiercely. Speaking of hands, Cassian’s wandered down to her ass and started hiking the skirt of her dress up, slowly.

“Not here,” she said, pushing against his chest.

Cassian looked around. “We’re alone.”

“Until someone walks through that door,” Nesta muttered, just as his lips found hers, once more. His tongue slid between her lips, brushing alongside her own, and Nesta’s body fell into his. He growled, quietly, into her mouth.

The door opened up and a high-pitched “gross!” filled the air.

Nesta looked over her shoulder to find Mila walking toward the fridge, her little white dress covered in grass stains.

“Sorry, kid,” Cassian said, trying not to laugh. “What can I get you?”

“I want ice cream,” she beamed, pulling open the freezer. “Can I?”

“Sure.”

“Can you get me a bowl?”

Cassian blinked, then opened the drawer next to him. He pulled out a spoon and handed it to the toddler. “Here. Just eat it out of the carton.”

Mila’s eyes grew big as she took the spoon, a carton of chocolate ice cream, and ran back outside.

“Okay,” Nesta began. “Now, we really need to go, because Azriel’s going to be in here in less than a minute to kick your ass.”

Cassian muttered his agreement and lifted Nesta off the ground, cradling her against his chest as he began to leave the kitchen.

But he didn’t go upstairs.

They only made it as far as the guest bathroom, right next to the kitchen.

~~~~~

It had been a good day.

A great day.

Feyre admired the ring on her finger as they danced to the stereo beneath the Velaris starlight.

Mor was dancing with Cassian, and Azriel was swinging a sugar-fueled Mila around, as Nesta, Elain, and Amren sat on the back porch, watching.

“Do you think they saw it all?” Feyre asked. “Mom and dad.”

“Yeah,” Rhysand answered, without missing a beat. “I do.”

She looked up at him and smiled, pushing his dark hair back. “I do, too.”

Rhysand nodded, and pressed his forehead into hers. “Are you happy?”

“Yes,” Feyre breathed. “I get to call myself your wife, nothing could make me happier.”

He kissed her, softly, as they swayed back and forth.

“I know this isn’t how you imagined it -”

“It was perfect,” Feyre said, cutting Rhysand off. “So incredibly perfect.”

“Just wait for the honeymoon.”

Feyre groaned. “I still don’t know where we’re fucking going.”

Rhysand grinned. “You’ll find out first thing in the morning. The car’s already packed.”

Feyre cocked her head. “With swimsuits or ski gear?”

Rhysand’s eyes narrowed. “Nice try.”

Feyre laughed, shaking her head. “Fine. I’ll wait. But only because Cassian let it slip a little while ago that we’re going to Adriata.”

Rhysand stilled, let go of his future wife, and spun around to where Cassian had Mor gathered into his arms. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Cassian held his hands up in surrender as Mor laughed.

“That’s the second time he’s said that naughty word today,” Mila muttered to Azriel, who looked at Rhysand and shook his head.

“I swear. Between your filthy mouth and Cassian unable to keep his mouth to himself…” Azriel trailed off and looked between Cassian and Nesta.

Nesta’s grin said she wasn’t sorry, whatsoever.

Feyre pulled Rhysand back to her and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I’m excited.”

“Good,” Rhysand murmured, sighing as he held his wife close.

His wife.

Her husband.

Her best friend.

Her forever.

No, the little imtimate backyard ceremony hadn’t been like she’d imagined, not at all.

But, as they danced together, all of them, beneath the Velaris starlight, and the memory of her parents filled the air around them, Feyre decided that it had been perfect. Big weddings be damned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

@throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @starkovsnesta @redisriding @photofeesh

@mariamuses @tswaney17 @amaranthas-whore @awesomelena555

@danika-defendyr @rachaels14 @faequeenaelin @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn

@hashtolanashoba @poisonous00 @chemicha @samotita

@mynewdreamwasyou @humming-asong

@candid-confetti @awkward-avocado-s @sensitiveillyrian

@my-fan-side @queen-of-glass @stars-falling

@ifangirlninja @sleeping-and-books @burritowithfeels

@morebooks-pls @kindofawalkingpoem

@sannelovesreading @empressnesrynfaliq

@halstudies @sleeping-and-books @alwayss-reading

@amren-courtofdreams @b00kworm

@wifeofchrishemsworth @booksstorm

@goldr0ses @blackjacks-donuts

@humanexile @over300books

@booksbooksbooksworld @starrynightsbooks

@girl-who-reads-the-books @mockingjayusa

@mis-lil-red @mini-monster-amren

@shhhimreading03 @brittneym15

@emilyrose111294 @queen-of-glass

@negativenesta @keshavomit

@argentumstella @sebxstianbarnes

@itsme-malin

@flora-and-fae

@feyrethedarklady

@starryandbooks

@gingerglides @candid-confetti

@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit @iliketoasterstrudels

@6255igntm @moondancer-204

@littlehoneyybee @acourtofbookworms

@the-regal-warrior

@awkward-avocado-s @nightcourtcinnamonroll

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn @bamchickawowow

@julemmaes @itsme-malin

@regular-nessian-trash @made-of-stardust-and-wanderlust

@ugh-avila @awkward-avocado-s

@superspiritfestival @the-dark-swan @girlgotattitude448 @eversincebeirut

@midnightrose-reader @lord-douglas-the-third @thestarguidingyouhome

@empress-ofbloodshed @starkovsnesta @nickjgoodsell

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

#acotar #fanfic #tacmc aita

272 notes · View notes

battlestar-royco · 5 years ago

Text

updated faq

Round 2! I tried to shorten the answers so as not to be repetitive, and I also added new FAQs for your convenience. My past self who wrote my first FAQ annoys me, and this one is more thorough anyway, so here you go. I still can’t believe you all actually interact with me enough that I have to make one of these.

Questions up here, answers under the cut.

anti sjm basics

1. why are you an anti?

2. why are you specifically anti SJM?

3. do you like anything about SJM’s books?

4. terminology and practices

5. why do you hold SJM to a higher standard than other authors?/why do you focus on criticizing this one woman more harshly than you do men?

6. did you see what xyz stan did?

7. are you an anti for non-SJM stuff?

best of (in my humble opinion)

diversity and sensitivity

8. I have a question about writing and/or how to portray xyz identity...

9. can you please tag...?

10. is it okay if I like [x author]/[y series] even if I know they’re problematic?

11. what are your suggestions for aspiring authors who want to write diversely?

personal

12. is it okay if I message you?

13. why don’t you post about books/shows/movies you actually like?

14. favorites?

15. book suggestions?

16. are you a writer/what are you writing/do you plan on publishing?

17. is it okay if I follow you on other social media?

18. fandom research

19. when did you start your blog?

20. how did you decide your url?

anti SJM basics

1. why are you an anti?

I love thinking critically about the media I consume. Though I wouldn’t say I’m particularly “anti” any text or author, some people classify any criticism as “anti.” To respect people in the main tags, I post in anti tags so they don’t have to see critical posts. Otherwise, I love talking about positive, neutral, and negative aspects of books.

2. why are you specifically anti SJM?

The Anti SJM Manifesto

What made you turn into an anti? x x

Rowan/Rowaelin: x x x

The fandom: x x x x x x

3. do you like anything about SJM’s books?

Yes. I like a lot of SJM’s ideas, but I don’t like how they’re executed at all. I highly enjoyed TAB, TOG-HOF, and the witch storyline of QOS. My favorite TOG characters are Manon, Chaol, Nehemia, and Sorscha. Honorable mention for Lysandra, Kaltain, and Asterin. My favorite ACOTAR characters are Nesta, Lucien, and Tarquin. Additional links: x x x x

If you want my positive thoughts on certain SJM characters, look up: “anti sjm: [character name]” and you’ll find them.

4. terminology and practices:

Anti SJM Glossary. Seeing as many of us have had bad experiences with stans and in one case, authors, we censor names so our posts stay in our own tags.

What is soap dick? From August 2018 x x.

Manongate? when KOA came out, Charlie Bowater’s promotional art (x) depicted Manon as Asian. Here’s more on why that’s a problematic and lazy decision on SJM and Bloomsbury’s part: x x.

5. why do you hold SJM to a higher standard than other authors?/why do you focus on criticizing this one woman more harshly than you do men?

SJM alone out of all the biggest YA authors has yet to make craft improvements or display a social awareness similar to what I’ve seen from her colleagues. I give all authors an equal chance, but SJM’s writing and behavior has significantly decreased in quality compared to other fantasy authors despite her books being lauded as complex and feminist works. However, I’m not perfect, so do feel welcome to send me an ask if you think I’m being unfair.

The anti SJM community is focused on women because we all mainly read women. Critiquing women doesn’t mean we are unaware, dismissive of, or silent about the issues in men’s work. The “anti” movements for the likes of GRRM do exist, but under a different name than “anti”–there are thousands of critical meta blogs, book/TV critics and reviewers, Youtubers, etc out there who discuss his flaws in depth. I also have lengthy anti GRRM, anti GOT, and anti ASOIAF tags. Finally, I personally find critiquing and discussing women’s work a lot more interesting, productive, and empowering than doing the same for men, especially because my blog’s focus is on the YA author/transformative fan community at large.

About Leigh Bardugo: x x x x x x x

About GRRM (and GOT): x x x x x x x

About Tolkien: I've only read The Hobbit and a third of Fellowship of the Ring, and I’ve only watched FotR, so I don’t say much about him at all.

6. did you see what xyz stan did?

Probably not, especially if what they did was off Tumblr. I don’t look at stan accounts unless someone informs me that my posts or I have come up in conversation on their blog. Any specific stan urls in asks will be redacted both for their privacy and my own well-being. Stans have doxxed, harassed, and discriminated against antis, including myself, so I’d rather save us all the trouble.

7. are you an anti for non-SJM stuff?

I most often talk about SJM’s books, but I’ve also been very critical of GOT/ASOIAF. Following GRRM, several other YA authors have appeared in positive, neutral, and critical lights. On the more critical side we have Cassandra Clare and JK Rowling, and a very little bit about Victoria Aveyard, John Green, Maggie Stiefvater, Stephenie Meyer, and Veronica Roth. Otherwise, I’ve talked about Susan Dennard, Rick Riordan, Leigh Bardugo, and Marie Rutkoski. Check out my YA critical tag for more. I’m also down to discuss franchises like Star Wars, Fantastic Beasts, MCU, etc, as well as TV shows. Basically anything big in genre fiction media, there’s a good chance I’ve read/watched it and I have opinions!

best of

anti SJM

Are the Illyrians MOC?

Moral Ambiguity Series

Anti Nessian

Lucien or Rhysand?

Chaol or Rowan?

misc.

why are period dramas like... that

White Feminism

a beginner’s guide to fandom racism

diversity and sensitivity

8. I have a question about writing and/or how to portray xyz identity...

First and foremost, check my “writing advice” and “writing advice: poc” tags to see if the question has already been answered.

I am black cis girl with a dual degree in women’s/gender studies and creative writing. I will best be able to answer questions regarding black characters, women, racial oppression and identity as a whole, and most questions about queer characters. There’s a chance I can provide a basic answer to questions about demographics outside of these, but I’ll most likely advise you to ask another blogger or seek out sensitivity readers.

9. can you please tag...?

Yes. Just send an ask and I’ll tag anything. I’ve turned off all Tumblr notifications for this account so I probably won’t see tag requests in comments unless you comment within a day or so of the post.

10. is it okay if I like [x author]/[y series] even if I know they’re problematic?

Absolutely. I’m not the liking-things police and I can’t control whether you like something or not. There’s no such thing as an unproblematic author or unproblematic series, so you just have to like what you like at your own discretion and with a critical eye. As long as you’re aware of the issues and not denying or ignoring them, maybe even seeking out other people whose opinions add to the conversation, you’re good. It’s exhausting to be 100% critical but harmful to be 100% uncritical, so you have to seek out critics you like and figure out how to maintain a dialogue with the text and/or the author. The balance is different for everyone but once you find it, it gets easier to keep up!

11. what are your suggestions for aspiring authors who want to write diversely?

Concepts to be aware of and tropes to avoid: male gaze, the Bechdel test, the Mako Mori test, the sexy lamp test, fridging, Orientalism, xenoface (called “the Gamora Phenomenon” on my blog), black best friend, Spicy Latina, Dragon Lady, bury your gays, disability narratives, queerbaiting.

What not to do when creating a culture.

My advice about writing POC.

Check out these blogs if you like: x x x.

Follow as diversely as possible. Follow multiple blogs, especially writing- or fandom-themed blogs, run by POC (especially women and LGBTQ+), bloggers from religiously marginalized groups, bloggers with disabilities, older bloggers, younger bloggers, international bloggers, plus size bloggers, etc. Everyone has different perspectives and opinions, so it’s best to read from multiple sources.

Magnify marginalized voices in conversations about diversity, and LISTEN to what they are telling you.

Read diversely! Read genre fiction written by marginalized people. Maybe even read some gender, queer, race, or disability theory if you like. I’m personally a fan of Audre Lorde, Anne McClintock, and Sara Ahmed, but I like a lot more.

Seek out multiple sensitivity readers for the specific identity you are trying to represent (ie if you are trying to write a Muslim woman, ask a Muslim woman to sensitivity read for you. Experiences are not interchangeable so don’t treat them as such).

Don’t let the research stop here. This is just the beginning. There are plenty of awesome and accessible resources out there if you want to know more. I started learning about this stuff on sites like Tumblr, Goodreads, and Youtube. The Goodreads review sections, especially for YA books, are so entertaining and full of commentators coming at texts with feminist, queer, and POC lenses if you look in the right spots. There are also podcasts and Youtube videos about feminism, history of queerbaiting, and such. Happy reading/listening/writing!

personal

12. is it okay if I message you?

If we’ve been mutuals and/or we’ve interacted for a while (at least a few weeks or so), absolutely. When it comes to questions about writing or diversity advice in WIPs, I prefer asks (off or on anon is fine; if you’d like to be off anon but answered privately, you can indicate that in the ask). That way, other people with similar questions can join the discussion and I’m less likely to repeat myself. That said, I’m not opposed to messages; I just get shy around people I don’t know :). Regardless of ask or message, please try to ask the full question as clearly as possible so I can answer it to my best ability. Generally, you can expect an answer to your message or ask within a few days to a week of sending.

If you’re looking for a fight and/or if you start using condescending, rude, or discriminatory language, you will be ignored.

13. why don’t you post about books/shows/movies you actually like?

I do! :)

14. favorites?

books: Harry Potter; The Hunger Games; Six of Crows; Percy Jackson; The Winner’s Trilogy; Angelfall; The Secret History; Othello; Jane Eyre; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe/The Magician’s Nephew; A Storm of Swords.

movies: Alien, Blade Runner 2049, Harry Potter, Wonder Woman, Black Panther, Annihilation, Mad Max: Fury Road, The Terminator 2, The Breakfast Club, The Lion King, Moonlight dir. Barry Jenkins, Sleeping Beauty, Mulan, Tangled.

tv series: Sense8, Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008), Black Mirror, The X Files, The 100, Westworld (season 1 only), Watchmen, Homeland (seasons 1-4 only), Orphan Black, Breaking Bad, The Office, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, New Girl, Fleabag.

15. book suggestions?

Book recs!

Maxine, did you read/watch...?

16. are you a writer/what are you writing/do you plan on publishing?

I hope to publish, yes! I write mostly YA fantasy, but I also love sci fi, crime drama, and certain elements of horror so I have works in or influenced by all of those genres. I want to get my foot in the YA fantasy door first and foremost :). Check out “polysorscha writes things” if you want to know more specifics.

17. is it okay if I follow you on other social media?

As of now I keep my blog disconnected from my personal life, so I don’t share my other socials but feel free to follow me over on my main blog @ripley-stark if you like! It’s just pretty gifs and photos of my favorite movies and shows, social justice, meta reblogs here and there, and rambling in the tags. Don’t feel like you have to follow if you don’t want to; I say a lot more on here.

That being said, I have given my Goodreads to a handful of people who ask, so if you want to track what I’m reading, private message me and I’ll send you the link. In the case that I share the link with you, please respect my privacy and do not repost or share the link anywhere else unless you see me share it on my blog publicly.

18. fandom research:

In March to May 2019, I conducted a survey on my blog in an attempt to gather information about fandom through a social justice–specifically, intersectional feminist–lens. Here are the results and my analysis of the survey x. The purpose for this data collection was to write my final undergraduate research paper in one of my two majors, women’s and gender studies (the other is creative writing!), which focused on diversity and inclusion in genre fiction media and fandom. The final paper is about 11k words. I haven’t publicly published it, but message me if you’re interested in reading it! I also plan on doing more similar surveys to gather information about what audiences want to see in future media, so if anyone is interested, please send messages, asks, comments etc about what YOU want to see and/or ideas about how we can spread the info to creators. This is much bigger than just me and I can’t do it without your help. I love hearing from diverse voices and amplifying them as much as I can. Everyone’s perspective is meaningful!

19. when did you start your blog?

No earlier than the end of April or beginning of May 2018.

20. how did you decide your url?

I wish the Celaena/Dorian/Chaol love triangle resolved in a polyamorous relationship, and that Nehemia and Sorscha were thriving. Seeing as I am black, Sorscha is one of two characters in T0G who represents me. Thus, polyamorous + Sorscha. :)

#faq

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theladyofdeath · 5 years ago

Text

Alone in the Ashes {20}

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click > Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 3.0k

A/N: More fluff? “But, Tara, that’s so out of character for you.” “But, Tara, what ever happened with Tamlin?” “TARA WHY IS EVERYTHING GOING SO WELL” solid questions......

You are the first dream, the only dream I ever was unable to stop myself from dreaming. You are the first dream of my soul, and from that dream I hope will come all other dreams, a lifetime’s worth. - Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince

“Show me!” Feyre called, yelling behind the velvet curtain. Mor was trying on bridesmaid dress after bridesmaid dress, giving Feyre her own personal runway show.

Which she deserved. She was the bride-to-be, after all.

“Alright, okay,” Mor muttered from inside of the dressing room. “This one has a low back and a high neckline. And, I must say, my ass looks fantastic.”

Feyre laughed but that laughter faded once Mor came out, because she was right - she looked stunning. It hugged her body without being too risque and the deep, lavender color suited her perfectly.

“I love that,” Feyre said, eyes wide. “It’s perfect. Even the color. That’s our color. That’s your dress. You’re getting that.”

“Am I?” Mor asked.

“Yes, and if you don’t, I’m kicking you out of the bridal party.”

Mor snorted. “Fine. I accept. Now, I’m making you try on dresses.”

“My sisters should be here,” Feyre said, just as she had every other time Mor had suggested otherwise.

“You don’t have to get one today,” Mor said. “Please? Just try on a few then we can go get lunch.”

“Fine,” Feyre groaned, hopping up from the couch she was sitting on.

The owner of the boutique came over and helped Feyre into a room before Mor, now changed into her shorts and tank top, went crazy, bringing her a handful of dresses.

“Take your time,” Mor called, closing the curtain behind her. “I’ll be sitting right out here, let me know if you need help.”

Feyre sighed, taking in the line up of dresses before her. At first, she slipped on a ballgown, but the moment she stepped out of the dressing room and looked into the mirror, she wanted to yank it off her body and burn it. Too puffy, too frilly. She felt like she was going to prom - been there, done that. She went through two more that even Mor had cringed at before setting her eyes on a slim fit, beaded gown with an open back and a low, sweetheart neckline. It had thin straps and a long, beautiful lace train.

Feyre slipped it on.

She stepped out of her dressing room and looked into the mirror.

Mor gasped, eyes lined with tears.

“Feyre,” she breathed.

“I know,” Feyre said, shaking her head. “Damn you, Mor! I was supposed to wait for my sisters!”

They both broke into a fit of laughter as Feyre admired the dress in the mirror. It was perfect. It was flawless. There was nothing about it that Feyre didn’t like.

Rhysand wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of her.

She was barely able to keep her hands off of herself.

It was just over her budget; but, she didn’t really care. She wouldn’t be telling Rhysand, who she scolded just the night before about ordering too many flowers - but, she didn’t really care. She would only ever have one wedding dress.

“How long will it take for this dress to come in if I ordered it today?” Feyre asked.

The owner went to a little computer where she typed away for a minute before saying, “Six months.”

All the breath left Feyre’s body.

But Mor wasn’t taking that shit.

“There isn’t any way it can get in sooner?” Mor asked. “Can she buy the one she has on and have it fitted? She’s getting married in October and that dress needs to be on her body when the day comes.”

The owner looked back and forth between Mor and Feyre.

Her lips thinned. “I will see what I can do.”

She went back to work on her computer as Mor snapped an endless string of pictures on her phone of Feyre in her dress, which she promised to send to Elain.

Five minutes later, Elain had sent a reply: G E T I T N O W

Amren’s replying text was similar: If she doesn’t get that dress I will break in after hours and steal it for her.

If Elain approved, it was a must.

If Amren was talking about breaking the law, it wasn’t unusual, but it was still a must.

The owner was still trying to figure out a way to get it in sooner, now speaking to someone on the phone in hushed tones.

Feyre looked in the mirror, again. It was beautiful. Stunning. She could imagine it, paired with a simple pair of heels and a long, simple veil. She could picture Rhysand’s face as she walked toward him in the dress. He would watch her with wide, teary eyes, and a small smile, full of utter adoration.

It was the dress.

Half an hour had passed before the owner rejoined them. The elderly woman sighed, as if all of her energy had been sucked away. “I can get it here in two months-”

Feyre heard nothing else because Mor had jumped up, off the couch, and was running to Feyre with her arms wide open. Laughing, Feyre let Mor embrace her, all while picturing her wedding day.

What a perfect day it would be.

~~~~~

Cassian had gone for a jog along the Sidra, listening to his hype playlist through his earbuds. It was a perfect Sunday afternoon. The sun was bright, high in the sky, not a cloud to be seen. The flowing waters of the Sidra were sparkling beside him.

Even Bryaxis had a little pep in his step, when usually he was trailing behind Cassian and whining after a mile.

They stopped near a little park where Cassian plopped down in the grass, Bryaxis beside him. After taking a drink from his water bottle, he squirted some into Bryaxis’ mouth, too, when his phone went off.

Nesta’s name popped up on his screen.

All of these movies you’re making me watch from the 80s are weird as fuck.

Cassian smiled at his screen before typing back, Which one are you watching now?

It was no secret that Cassian loved movies, so when Nesta asked for recommendations, he had given her a longass list and a giant stack from his personal collection. She had been living with Elain for about two weeks now, and was loving her sister’s company. Cassian hadn’t seen her much, though. He helped her move in, as he promised he would, but he was aware she needed space for now, and he was okay giving her that.

Didn’t keep them from having little text conversations nearly every day, though.

The Lost Boys, she sent back, with a little vampire emoji.

What?? Cassian texted. It’s a classic!

Oh, please, she replied. It’s obvious why you’re such a fan.

Bryaxis had climbed onto his owner’s lap and Cassian was scratching his head, between his ears, when he sent, And why is that?

It took her a minute to reply in which Cassian used to stretch out his long, sweaty legs.

Then the reply came: Bc you’re basically Michael

Cassian cocked his head to the side, even though she wasn’t around to see it. Untrue.

He could imagine her rolling her eyes. Especially when he got her text back. Long hair, motorcycle, thinks he’s hot as shit? Yeah, you’re Michael.

Cassian looked down at Bryaxis. “Nesta’s being mean, Ax.”

Bryaxis’s tail went wild at the mention of her name.

Cassian’s only reply was, I am hot as shit.

Nesta replied with the eye-rolling emoji.

Then, she sent, I’m almost done with the stack you gave me, and as weird as they may be, I wouldn’t mind if you brought me some more?

Before Cassian could reply, Nesta followed the text with, Maybe tomorrow? If you’re not busy after work.

Cassian looked back down to Bryaxis as he grinned. He didn’t know why he was grinning, felt ridiculous at grinning to himself and his dog in the middle of a crowded park, but he couldn’t stop that stupid little grin.

Sure. I’ll be over around 6?

Six gave him enough time to run home, shower, and grab another stack of DVDs she would surely be calling weird as fuck in no time.

Cassian finished stretching, did thirty sit-ups, and was back on his feet, Bryaxis’s leash in hand when Nesta replied: Perfect.

~~~~~

Elain looked at her phone, where she had set a timer.

It had only been fifteen seconds.

The bathroom was small, but she paced back and forth relentlessly. She had chugged half a gallon of water, Nesta watching her curiously as she did so, before excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

They had been watching some vampire movie from the 80s. Not exactly Elain’s thing. She was glad for any excuse that politely removed her from the room.

Even if said excuse was anxiety ridden.

Another glance at her phone.

Thirty seconds.

Her pacing continued, her fingers drumming wildly against her thighs.

It wouldn’t be the worst thing, right? I mean...Azriel would be great, of course, but it certainly wasn’t ideal. They had only been dating a few months, only began sleeping with each other the month before.

If it was true, it must have happened that first night, or one of the nights soon after.

It was too soon.

Elain’s anxiety shot through the roof.

She looked at her phone.

Forty-five seconds.

Two minutes felt like a lifetime when everything was on the line.

She was only a week late, but even when she was barely eating, her period had always remained normal - perfectly spaced out, returning like clockwork the third week of every month.

Her eyes met her phone.

One minute down.

One minute to go.

“It’s okay,” she breathed, shaking out her hands, as if that would somehow make the situation better. “It’s alright. Breathe.”

By the Cauldron, what if it was positive?

Would it really be okay?

Azriel would freak out, without a doubt.

He already had Mila. She couldn’t add more onto his plate.

She looked at her phone.

One minute, twenty seconds.

But he was so good with Mila. He would be an amazing father. So gentle and kind, so loving and passionate.

But would he want to have kids with Elain?

She imagined he hadn’t even thought about such a thing yet. Elain hadn’t even thought about it, not until she went eight days over her start day without her period.

For the Mother’s sake, they hadn’t even used the word love with one another yet.

Phone.

One minute, forty-seconds.

Elain couldn’t breathe. She slumped down to the floor, on top of the gray, fluffy rug, and closed her eyes.

In, out.

Don’t panic.

Panic doesn’t help.

But she couldn’t help it. Her eyes began to water, the tears trickling down her pale cheeks.

She suddenly had a feeling that everything was about to change. She was a woman. She knew her body. Either it had gone into shock with all the lifestyle changes she had made in the recent weeks, or this was all real.

Her timer went off, and her eyes shot open.

She took her phone off the counter and silenced the timer.

Then, with a shaky hand, she pulled the test off the counter.

Pregnant.

She read it twice, ten times, twenty times, that single word the only word she could think of.

She was pregnant.

Pregnant.

With child.

With Azriel’s child.

A fist pounded on the door, scaring Elain shitless. She swore, quietly, scrambling up from the floor.

“Hey, it’s Az. Nesta said you came upstairs. I assume you’re in there, since….well, you’re not anywhere else up here. Hope you don’t mind me coming by early. I dropped Mila off with Mor and Feyre to look for a flower girl dress. I was told I’m not allowed to see it before the wedding day, so...”

Elain took a deep breath, hoping her voice remained steady when she said, “Hey! Oh, I’m just...fixing my contacts.”

A pause. “Okay. I’ll go downstairs and wait with Nesta. I’ll catch the end of The Lost Boys.”

“Great,” Elain said, and her voice broke.

Azriel didn’t move from the other side of the door. She could see the shadows from his feet. “You okay? You sound upset.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she promised him, although she obviously wasn’t. “Just a little emotional today.”

“Alright,” Azriel said, uncertainly. “Can I open the door?”

“I’m naked,” she blurted.

“While putting in contacts?” Azriel said, huffing a laugh. “Not that it’s anything I haven’t seen before.”

The doorknob turned, and Elain cursed herself for not locking the door.

She quickly hid the test stick behind her back as he came in.

He took one look at her red cheeks, her blurry eyes, and frowned. “Hey…”

She was frozen in place as he stepped toward her, as he took her face into his hands and wiped away her tears. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, and Azriel pulled her into his arms.

His body stilled.

He was taller than her by quite a bit, no doubt looking down as she planted her face into his chest.

Down at Elain’s hands, behind her back, gripping the test so hard that her knuckles were white.

Azriel reached around her and took it from her hands. He stepped back, looking down at it.

Pregnant.

He took a step back, studied it as if he wasn’t seeing it correctly.

His face was unreadable.

Elain’s hands flew over her mouth as she broke into a sob.

Azriel’s gaze jerked up, his eyes widened as she cried. “Hey, hey, no..”

He set the test down on the counter and pulled Elain into his arms. He held her tightly against him as she wept.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out, voice muffled against his shirt.

“About what?” he whispered. “You don’t have to apologize, El. Okay? Don’t apologize.”

She nodded, and when she looked up at him, his hazel eyes shone. “Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

He hesitated, his hands still rubbing her back. “I’m not….I’m in shock, I guess. But, I’m not….mad, Elain, I think you think I’m mad.”

She took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. “I’m in shock, too.”

“Okay,” he breathed. “Well, that’s good.”

Elain laughed, softly. “How is that good?”

“Pretty sure shock is normal in these situations,” he said, quietly.

All the tension left Elain’s shoulders. “I’m scared.”

“About what?” he asked, voice low.

“All of it,” she said. “Carrying a child, birthing a child, and everything that comes after that. And you...Azriel…” Her words trailed off, but Azriel didn’t say anything. He watched her and waited, patiently. “You would be an amazing dad, Az, but I don’t want to trap you.”

His brows furrowed as he brushed her newly fallen tears away. “Is that what you think? That I would stay with you because you’re pregnant? Or, that I would even want to leave you in the first place?”

Elain looked down. She shrugged. She wasn’t sure what she thought, wasn’t sure how to sort her thoughts.

Azriel lifted her chin back up with his fingers. “Do you want to have this baby?”

It was the same question that Elain had stayed up the night before asking herself, over and over again. If it’s positive, do you want to keep it? Elain laid her palms flat against his chest, feeling the hard muscle beneath. Although afraid, she felt completely confident when she answered, “Yes.”

Azriel smiled, tentatively, and nodded. “Then I’m going to be here, okay? You’re not trapping me, Elain. You couldn’t trap me if you tried. I know we’ve been together for a few months, and we’re still in that honeymoon stage, and I won’t pretend that I know what the future holds....But I do know that I love you.” He kissed her forehead. “And I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to do this, and it’s going to be okay, okay?”

Elain laid her palm against his cheek, brushing away the tear he had that fell. “You love me?”

She knew Azriel, knew he didn’t say things unless they were true. And, after talking with Mor, she knew Azriel had never said that word to another woman.

Azriel’s eyes softened. “I do. But, you don’t have to-”

“I love you, too,” she breathed, interrupting his modesty.

And it was true.

Yes, she had loved Graysen, but it was a false love. She loved the idea of Graysen, loved the life they had built, but it wasn’t true, Graysen had proven that in the end.

But with Azriel…

Azriel was truth, kindness, gentleness, passion, genuity, love. He was everything she needed for herself, all wrapped up into one, perfectly imperfect man.

And she loved that about him.

She loved him.

He smiled down at her, and it was one of those smiles that she had only seen a handful of times from him. His teeth showed, his eyes went bright, his plump lips curved upward. That smile...it was an image that Elain kept in her memory for her darkest of days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

@throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @starkovsnesta @redisriding @photofeesh

@mariamuses @tswaney17 @amaranthas-whore @awesomelena555

@danika-defendyr @rachaels14 @faequeenaelin @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn

@hashtolanashoba @poisonous00 @chemicha @samotita

@mynewdreamwasyou @humming-asong

@candid-confetti @awkward-avocado-s @sensitiveillyrian

@my-fan-side @queen-of-glass @stars-falling

@ifangirlninja @sleeping-and-books @burritowithfeels

@morebooks-pls @kindofawalkingpoem

@sannelovesreading @empressnesrynfaliq

@halstudies @sleeping-and-books @alwayss-reading

@amren-courtofdreams @b00kworm

@wifeofchrishemsworth @booksstorm

@goldr0ses @blackjacks-donuts

@humanexile @over300books

@booksbooksbooksworld @starrynightsbooks

@girl-who-reads-the-books

@mis-lil-red

@shhhimreading03

@emilyrose111294

@negativenesta

@argentumstella

@itsme-malin

@flora-and-fae

@feyrethedarklady

@starryandbooks

@gingerglides @candid-confetti

@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit @iliketoasterstrudels

@6255igntm @moondancer-204

@littlehoneyybee @acourtofbookworms

@the-regal-warrior

@awkward-avocado-s @nightcourtcinnamonroll

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn @bamchickawowow

@julemmaes @itsme-malin

@regular-nessian-trash @made-of-stardust-and-wanderlust

@ugh-avila @awkward-avocado-s

@superspiritfestival @the-dark-swan @girlgotattitude448 @eversincebeirut

@midnightrose-reader @lord-douglas-the-third @thestarguidingyouhome

@empress-ofbloodshed @starkovsnesta @nickjgoodsell

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #sjm #fanfic #fanfiction #modern au #feysand #elriel #nessian #tacmc AITA #the end is coming

265 notes · View notes

theladyofdeath · 5 years ago

Text

Alone in the Ashes {21}

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click > Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: Can you tell I love movies from the 80s? Also, reread warning above. This chapter says “cock” a handful of times...so....you know...warning.

ps i love how everyone’s on edge, even though things are going well....it’s almost like y’all don’t trust me or something.....

“As you wish.” - The Princess Bride

Azriel held Mila’s hand as they walked into the prison.

She didn’t get as nervous, not any more, wasn’t so scared of the looming building or the guards inside. It was becoming their norm - as much as Azriel hated that fact.

At least Amarantha had been pleasant when they visited.

The moment she walked into the visiting room, Mila was jumping up and down. “Mama!”

She smiled, surprising even Azriel with her gentleness. “My baby.”

She gave her daughter a quick hug and kiss before sitting on the opposite side of the table.

“Tell me what’s happened since the last time I’ve seen you,” Amarantha said, smiling brightly.

Mila thought about it for a minute. “I got a pretty dress for Rhysie and Feyre’s wedding!”

“Oh?” Amarantha asked, then looked to Azriel.

“They’re getting married,” Azriel clarified.

Amarantha rolled her eyes. “I picked up on that, thanks.”

“And I learned new songs at school,” Mila began, before diving into a deep, never-ending, extraordinarily detailed story.

Azriel spaced out. It had been a long week.

Elain was pregnant, and had woken up the last four days puking her guts up. He was staying with her at the townhouse, or she was at his apartment. They had lied to Mor, who asked her why she had been getting sick so much, saying that she was still getting used to her new diet.

It was a shitty lie.

But Mor had bought it, no more questions asked.

“Azriel, I’m talking to you.”

Azriel came back to the present, brows raised. “Sorry, what?”

“Next Monday, I won’t be here. I’ve been called to court Monday morning, to testify,” Amarantha said.

“Alright,” Azriel said, sighing, rubbing the back of his neck.

He glanced at the clock. He must have been in his own mind longer than he thought. It was nearly noon. Visiting hours were almost over.

Mila was in the middle of a sentence when Azriel cursed. “I can’t come the Monday after, Elain has a doctor’s appointment.”

Amarantha raised her brows. “Now you’re bringing her to the doctor? Surely your little girlfriend can take herself.”

Azriel hesitated. “No, she can’t, I have to go with her.”

Amarantha watched him for a moment, eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“None of your business,” Azriel snapped. “But I can’t bring Mila when you want me to. It’ll have to be the week after.”

“You expect me to go three weeks without seeing my daughter?” Amarantha scoffed.

“You signed up for that shit when you landed yourself in here,” Azriel said, voice low.

“Don’t piss me off,” Amarantha warned.

Mila sat, perfectly still, staring at the table.

“I promise to bring her the week after the appointment,” Azriel said, voice gentler, feeling guilty at Mila’s reaction. “I have to go with Elain to this appointment.”

Amarantha leaned on the table, eyes lit with curiosity. “Shit, she’s pregnant, isn’t she?”

Azriel didn’t answer.

Amarantha shook her head. “Looks like you’re not so different from me, after all. Knocking up some poor-”

“It’s not like that,” Azriel said, trying to keep his calm for the sake of Mila. “Keep your mouth shut on matters you know nothing about.”

“Don’t speak that way to me in front of my daughter,” she whispered, voice hard.

Mila climbed onto Azriel’s lap.

Her place of comfort.

“Speaking of, what will happen to Mila once this baby comes?” Amarantha asked.

Azriel stilled. “What do you mean?”

“Mila is not your child,” Amarantha went on. “Surely this baby will push her out of the picture.”

Azriel pulled Mila closer to his chest. “Don’t say that shit in front of her. It’s bullshit, and you know it.”

Amarantha shrugged. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

“Uncle Az,” Mila said, lip wobbling. She may not have known exactly what was being exchanged between her uncle and her mother, but she knew something wasn’t right, and she knew they were talking about her.

“It’s okay,” he promised. “Just a misunderstanding.”

Amarantha rolled her eyes as the guard by the door announced it was noon.

“Bring her to see me the week after next,” Amarantha said. “If not you, ask Rhysand. It’ll be good to see him again. We can….reminisce.”

She didn’t give him an opportunity to answer.

She stood, kissed Mila’s forehead, and was gone.

~~~~~

Elain pulled out an unopened bottle of champagne from her refrigerator along with glasses for all of the girls. They had been all over the map lately, unable to all come together at once, but now, on a Monday night, Mor, Amren, Feyre, Elain, and Nesta gathered together in Elain’s townhouse for dinner.

“Everyone grab a glass,” Elain announced. “We have a lot to celebrate. Feyre’s getting married and Nesta’s almost a full month clean!”

Nesta rolled her eyes, but Feyre nudged her in the ribs. “Yes, that is something to celebrate.”

“I agree,” Amren said, winking at Nesta as she grabbed a glass. “Um, Elain, you’re one glass short.”

Elain hesitated. “Oh, no, I’m not drinking.”

“Why?” Mor asked, popping open the bottle and filling everyone’s glass.

When Elain didn’t answer, Mor slowly set the bottle on top of the table.

“Elain,” Feyre began.

Even Nesta was looking at her, curiously.

Elain took a deep breath. “I’m….pregnant.”

No one spoke.

The room was completely silent.

“Is this a joke?” Feyre asked. “Because if this is a joke, it’s not funny.”

Elain shook her head, and her voice was quiet when she said, “It’s not a joke.”

All at once, they stood up from the table and were hovered around Elain, wrapping her in a massive group hug. Everyone began talking at once, and Elain’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red.

“You little liars,” Mor said, grabbing her glass and taking a sip. “I knew something was going on!”

Feyre grinned, kissing her sister on the cheek. “Not to bring up Azriel’s penis again, but, apparently, he’s got fast swimmers, too-”

“Please, no,” Elain begged.

Amren howled.

Even Nesta cracked a smile.

“It’s amazing,” Feyre said, smiling at her sister. “Really. Congrats.”

“Thanks,” Elain said, sighing. “Azriel’s been really great about it.”

“Of course he has,” Mor followed. “He’s madly in love with you.”

Elain rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t stop her smile. “Don’t tell, though, no one else-”

Elain’s front door was thrown open and Azriel entered, Mila sound asleep on his shoulder. Mor, Amren, and Feyre were instantly on their feet, running toward him, all talking at once - even though their voices were hushed, careful not to wake Mila.

He stilled, looking overwhelmed, but then he laughed. “I see the secrets out.”

“Sorry,” Elain muttered, as Azriel carried Mila up the stairs.

“What secret?” Rhysand asked, stepping through the front door, Cassian just behind him.

The moment Cassian entered, his eyes caught Nesta. She smiled, softly.

Elain hesitated. “Maybe we should wait until Azriel comes back down-”

“Elain’s pregnant!” Mor said.

Rhysand and Cassian froze in the entryway.

Azriel was coming back down the stairs a minute later, having laid Mila down.

Both Rhysand’s and Cassian’s eyes shot to him as he entered the living room.

Azriel blinked. “What?”

Rhysand and Cassian didn’t explain. Instead, they were running into the room, tackling Azriel to the floor.

“Savages,” Nesta muttered.

“They really are children,” Feyre agreed.

But Elain was laughing, watching as Cassian and Rhysand loved on Azriel.

“You’re going to be a dad,” Cassian said, holding Azriel down to the ground. “Fuck.”

Rhysand was smiling broadly as he rubbed his fist against Azriel’s head, leaving his hair in disarray.

Azriel was letting them do it. Elain thought he secretly liked the weird, man-ish show of affection.

The night went on like that, everyone celebrating and congratulating them, giving them hugs and affectionate kisses on the cheek.

Elain slumped into the kitchen, filling up a glass of water.

Azriel followed her in, a soft smile on his lips.

“Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi,” he said back.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “How are you feeling today?”

“Honestly?” She asked. He nodded. “Tired. Nauseous. Like I’m growing a child inside of me.”

Azriels eyes softened as he brushed her hair back. “What can I do to help?”

“Kick all these people out of my house then rub my feet,” she said, laughing.

“I can do that,” Azriel muttered, pressing his lips to hers.

Elain wrapped her arms around him, breathing him in. The last week had been better than she could ever imagine, since Azriel found out they would be having a baby.

Elain was caught in a dream.

“I’m serious,” she muttered, and Azriel grinned.

“How about you and I just go up to bed?” He asked. “They’ll leave when they’ve drunk all your liquor.”

Elain laughed, and nodded. “True.”

He took her hand and led her toward the stairs, telling the others to keep it down as they trailed up the staircase. Elain was exhausted, but she was too nice to tell everyone to go home. She was grateful to them, after all.

They had made her feel loved within the chaos.

~~~~~

“I can’t believe Az is gonna be a dad.”

Rhysand and Feyre were driving home. He had one hand on the wheel, and one hand in Feyre’s draped across her lap.

“He’ll be great,” Feyre said, eyes bright as she watched him drive. “Elain will, too. She’s always had motherly qualities. The most out of any of us.”

Rhysand looked at her, quickly, before moving his eyes back to the road. “You have motherly qualities.”

Feyre snorted. “Sure.”

“I’m serious,” he said, fingers tightening around her hand. “You take care of me.”

Feyre nodded. “You are practically a child.”

Rhysand chuckled. “Not the point I was trying to make, but I’ll go with it.”

Feyre grinned as she pressed her mouth against the back of his hand. “I do wanna have kids. Someday. Not too soon, though. When it happens, I’ll be glad, but I want it to just be you and me for a little while longer.”

“I like the sound of that,” Rhysand replied. “Maybe we can travel the world first. Oh, speaking of travelling, I booked our honeymoon shit today.”

Feyre lifted a brow. “Our honeymoon?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at the look of utter surprise on her face. “Yeah. Honeymoon.”

Feyre looked out the front window. “I...hadn’t even thought about the honeymoon. I’ve been so focused on the wedding.” She reached over to smack him in the chest. “You could’ve talked to me about it first!”

Rhysand laughed. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

She waited for him to continue.

He didn’t.

“That’s all I get?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Rhys.”

“Yes?”

Feyre rolled her eyes. “I can’t go months without knowing where we’re going!”

“You’re gonna have to.” Rhysand winked. Feyre scowled.

“Fuck you,” she muttered.

Rhysand took her hand in his, once more. “Please do.”

“Oh, no,” Feyre began, although she didn’t take her hand out of his. “Not until you tell me where we’re going on our honeymoon.”

Rhysand stilled. “That’s not fair.”

“Oh yes it is,” she said, satisfied with his reaction. “No sex until you spill.”

Rhysand opened his mouth to reply, but he was speechless.

As Feyre leaned back, smugly, into her seat, Rhysand took his hand away from hers.

Then he pulled into a parking lot at the last minute, making Feyre yelp as she held onto her door.

“What are you doing?” she yelled.

Rhysand put the car in park. “Take it back.”

“No,” she said, humored, arms crossed. “Tell me where we’re going.”

“No,” he shot back.

“Stubborn ass,” she said, shaking her head.

“Me?” he laughed. “You’re way more stubborn than I am.”

“Am not.”

“Then take it back.”

“No. No sex until you- Rhys!”

He was climbing over the center console. Feyre laughed as he straddled her waist.

“Get off me, you brute!” she said, hands on his chest. “You’re a giant!”

“Take it back,” he crooned, pressing his mouth to her neck.

“We’re not in high school anymore,” she giggled, “you’re going to get us into trouble.”

“Take it back,” he said, again, pulling the strap of her tank top down with his teeth.

“I’m not taking it back,” she said, running her hands up his back, beneath his shirt.

“You can’t keep your hands off of me,” he muttered, kissing down her chest, between her breasts.

Feyre pulled her tank top back up, and Rhysand frowned. “I’m serious.”

“You’re smiling, you’re not serious.”

Feyre shook her head. “Tell me where we’re going...Please.”

Rhysand raised a brow. “Feyre Archeron using manners? Oh, she must be desperate.”

“Fuck you,” she laughed, fingers looped into the belt loops of his jeans.

Rhysand groaned. “I’m trying to fuck you but you’re not making it very easy.”

“We’re in a parking lot.”

Rhysand looked out of all the windows before looking back down at Feyre. “An abandoned parking lot. Trust me, the cops in this city have a lot more to worry about than two grown ass adults doing a quickie in an abandoned parking lot.”

“Doing a quickie?” Feyre repeated. “My future husband is so romantic.”

Rhysand laughed, quietly, as he took her face into his hands and kissed her lips.

“Take it back,” he said, once again, against her mouth.

“No,” she said, palming the hardened bulge beneath his jeans.

He groaned. “Cruel, wicked woman.”

She nipped at his lip as she unzipped his jeans, and tugged them down, just a little bit. She reached into his briefs and wrapped her fingers around his cock as his head fell back, his eyes fell shut. His fingers gripped the passenger seat behind her to keep himself steady as she stroked him, gently, teasingly.

“Tell me where we’re going,” she whispered, voice laced with amusement.

Rhysand hesitated, then shook his head. “You can’t go without sex from me for that long. I’m winning this battle.”

Feyre barked a laugh. “Why do you think that?”

“We haven’t gone a day without it since we started,” he laughed, putting his hand over hers, begging her to stop with the teasing. “You’re just as bad as I am, Feyre, darling.”

Feyre pulled her hand away.

Not exactly what he’d had in mind.

But all she said was, “Damn it,” and pulled him down against her. She kissed him, passionately, slipping her tongue between his lips. Rhysand flipped her around, so she was sitting on his lap.

She sank down to the floorboards, onto her knees.

Her mouth wrapped around his cock as the radio played softly in the background.

Rhysand let his fingers tangle into her long, golden-brown hair as he watched her head bob, felt her tongue slide across his dick. He cursed, quietly, voice low and breath hitched.

He yanked up her head, by her hair, so that she met his eyes.

She was smirking.

“Fuck me,” he breathed, begged.

Feyre crawled on top of his lap, skirt hiked up as her knees settled on both sides of him. She moved the thin layer of her panties aside before pushing herself down upon him. He held onto her ass as she rolled her hips. His grasp grew tighter at the little sounds that fell from her lips. Her fingers clung to his shirt, just over his chest, as her head fell back, her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders.

Rhysand’s eyes stayed open, his breathing unsteady as he watched her, lost in her own little world. Her eyes were closed, tightly, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. Her eyebrows were furrowed as the sensation of making love took over her body.

Rhysand had never seen anything so beautiful.

She was ethereal, wild and free, lost in a moment that they could only be lost in together.

Nothing else mattered.

The world faded away.

Until a fist pounded on the passenger side window.

“Fuck,” Rhysand spat, as Feyre, his dick still inside of her, fell into Rhysand, planting her face in the crook of his neck.

Rhysand rolled the tinted window down, just a smidge, to meet the eyes of Beron Vanserra.

Surprise lit his brown eyes as he said, uncomfortably, “Was passing by when I saw your car. Just making sure it’s not two teenagers getting themselves into trouble...or, you know.”

Rhysand cleared his throat. “Got it.”

Beron nodded, slowly, then said. “Go home, Rhys.”

“Yep,” Rhysand said, quickly.

Beron said nothing more as he shook his head and walked back to his patrol car. As Rhysand rolled the window back up, Feyre broke into a fit of laughter.

“The cops have better things to do, do they?” she asked, leaning back.

“Apparently not,” Rhysand laughed, running his hand down his face. “I guess we should...”

His words broke off as Feyre ran her fingers through his hair. She didn’t move herself off of him.

“Beron can kiss my ass,” she muttered, eyes bright. “You started this, and I’m not done with you yet.”

Rhysand grinned as her lips found his.

~~~~~

Cassian set a stack of DVDs on top of Nesta’s dresser. He picked up The Princess Bride and turned to Nesta. “You have to start with this one.”

She rolled her eyes, crossing her legs beneath her on her bed. “Looks weird as-”

“Fuck, I know,” Cassian said, finishing her sentence.

She smiled. “Fine. Put it in.”

“Now?” he asked, brow raised. She nodded, and he opened the case and slid the disk into the DVD player beneath the little television.

“How are you getting home?” she asked.

He and Rhysand had ridden there with Azriel, who was sound asleep with Elain in her bed. Rhysand went home in Feyre’s car, Amren had left with Mor without a second thought, leaving Cassian to take public transportation. “Bus. Bus stop is only a block away.”

“Stay for a while,” she said, voice quiet. “Watch it with me.”

Cassian didn’t need convincing. He nodded, kicked off his shoes, and sat on the opposite side of her bed, leaning back against the headboard, one ankle tossed over the other. “Alright. Only to convince you how incredibly awesome this movie is.”

“I doubt that,” she murmured, then picked up the remote from her nightstand and pressed play. The minute it began, Nesta cursed. “This is another fucking movie from the 80s, isn’t it?”

Cassian just grinned. “Give it a chance, damn.”

Nesta sighed and settled back into her pillows. They watched the movie in silence, Cassian glancing at her every so often to check her reaction. She could bash on his movie suggestions all she wanted, but he could tell she was enjoying it from the light dancing in her eyes.

“This one’s better than the Lost Boys,” she whispered, about halfway through.

“The Lost Boys is a great movie,” Cassian muttered back.

She just rolled her eyes.

It was quiet for a moment before she said, “You can stay here tonight, if you want. I can drive you home in the morning. So that you don’t have to take the bus. It’s getting late.”

Cassian looked at her, but she was still watching the t.v.

“You can sleep on the couch,” she continued. “Or, in here, if you want.”

Cassian nodded, slowly. “Yeah, okay, thanks....the couch sounds nice.”

Nesta’s body tensed, and Cassian laughed, quietly. She reached across the bed and shoved him in the shoulder. She shook her head, lips tight to keep her smile from spreading. “Ass.”

Cassian took off his socks - sleeping in socks was the worst - and put them on the floor next to his keys, his wallet, and his phone. He flopped himself back on the bed, pulling the comforter over his body.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “I regret this already.”

“You should,” he said, making himself comfortable. “I sleep spread-eagle.”

“I know,” Nesta said, laughing breathily. “Control that. Try to keep the blanket hogging to a minimum, too.”

“No promises,” he said, an arm slung beneath his head.

Rolling her eyes, Nesta crawled under the blankets beside him. At first, she laid against her own pillows, keeping the distance between them.

But as the end credits began to roll, she closed that distance and laid her head against his chest. He put his arm around her, holding her close.

They both fell asleep, just like that, and when morning came, she hadn’t moved an inch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tag List (to be tagged, comment or send me an ask!)

@throne-of-ashes-and-beauty @starkovsnesta @redisriding @photofeesh

@mariamuses @tswaney17 @amaranthas-whore @awesomelena555

@danika-defendyr @rachaels14 @faequeenaelin @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn

@hashtolanashoba @poisonous00 @chemicha @samotita

@mynewdreamwasyou @humming-asong

@candid-confetti @awkward-avocado-s @sensitiveillyrian

@my-fan-side @queen-of-glass @stars-falling

@ifangirlninja @sleeping-and-books @burritowithfeels

@morebooks-pls @kindofawalkingpoem

@sannelovesreading @empressnesrynfaliq

@halstudies @sleeping-and-books @alwayss-reading

@amren-courtofdreams @b00kworm

@wifeofchrishemsworth @booksstorm

@goldr0ses @blackjacks-donuts

@humanexile @over300books

@booksbooksbooksworld @starrynightsbooks

@girl-who-reads-the-books @mockingjayusa

@mis-lil-red @mini-monster-amren

@shhhimreading03 @brittneym15

@emilyrose111294 @queen-of-glass

@negativenesta

@argentumstella

@itsme-malin

@flora-and-fae

@feyrethedarklady

@starryandbooks

@gingerglides @candid-confetti

@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit @iliketoasterstrudels

@6255igntm @moondancer-204

@littlehoneyybee @acourtofbookworms

@the-regal-warrior

@awkward-avocado-s @nightcourtcinnamonroll

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn @bamchickawowow

@julemmaes @itsme-malin

@regular-nessian-trash @made-of-stardust-and-wanderlust

@ugh-avila @awkward-avocado-s

@superspiritfestival @the-dark-swan @girlgotattitude448 @eversincebeirut

@midnightrose-reader @lord-douglas-the-third @thestarguidingyouhome

@empress-ofbloodshed @starkovsnesta @nickjgoodsell

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #sjm #fanfic #fanfiction #modern au #nessian #feysand #elriel #tacmc AITA

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