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[pettyicequeencee-blog]

IS IT HARDER FOR PHYSICALLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE TO DATE?

I always find myself surprised at others for being surprised at me for being single (when I am). More often than none, people do assume my relationship status since I'm not a fan of PDA and posting my every move with "bae". However, when I am actually single I always hear "wow, you're too pretty to be single" or something of the sort and it makes me wonder why do people assume that beauty automatically qualifies your for a husband and advantages of the mile high club? I actually find it quite hard to date being “pretty”. It wasn't until my friend randomly brought it up on group chat that people that are less attractive are actually wining in the dating game. How ironic, I thought. I was just having those similar thoughts recently. I often see what we deem as "odd couples" because one person really is not that attractive. You wonder how they could have possibly hooked up with the other. 

In a world where looks are more important than character, people are often judged and stereotyped unfairly on both the 'attractive' and 'unattractive' spectrum. Now this is not to throw shade at anyone. We all have "ugly" moments in life and I don't find myself being too caught up on the appearance of people. I love a nice looking, well groomed man, but you can be fine and still have an ugly heart. When I think about my own dating experiences I often wondered why I attracted some of the men that I did and why a lot of my situationships never worked out. I have reason to believe that my good looks were the demise of some of my relationships with men. 

PEOPLE ARE LESS HONEST ABOUT THEIR INTENTIONS WITH YOU

Let's face it, when a man finally gets the beautiful woman of his dreams it's no way he'll be as honest and upfront with her about his intentions and the baggage in his life. Why? Because she has options, or at least he assumes she does. His goal is to woo her, whether it's real or not, and make her feel as if he is the man for her because he wants to keep her around. If she isn't impressed with him he might lose her. He will do and say just about anything to keep the situation stringing along. Why ruin a good thing that you never thought you'd be able to experience right? He wouldn't just down right tell her "I don't want a relationship, I want to fuck you" because this opportunity is too good to pass up for him. Issa trophy.

People are more likely to be honest about their intentions with someone less attractive because they don't feel the need to impress them as much. I'm not saying that those that are less attractive don't deserve to be impressed, but people are more likely to impress someone that looks more appealing to them. If you see the a man with a scraggly beard, no hair cut, and a worn out outfit, you're more likely to be upfront with them and blunt about your expectations and what you want from them if they approach you. You have already sized them up and assumed what they have to offer you. You see that same man the next day with a fresh hair cut, a groomed goatee, and wearing a business suit, you're more apt to try to engage in certain dialogue with him. You're intrigued with remaining mysterious and hidden so that you don't appear too eager to get to know him. I can admit, I've done it before as well. REJECTION

I get it, initiating a conversation with a gorgeous woman or a fine man can be quite intimidating. No one ever wants to make the first move because they fear rejection. The peek but don't speak rule applies 3 times more for those that are really physically attractive. People are scared to approach you. I've found myself at an outing, making eye contact with a guy, but he tries to play it too cool or pretend to brush me off. Or how about the guy that likes all of your photos on instagram but refuses to say hi, so instead you say hi and then the conversation starts to flow. He reveal later that he didn't think you'd be into him based solely on your looks. Rejection is one hell of a drug and can ruin someone's self esteem. I've been in situations where I felt as though a guy would purposely go out of his way to get my attention, date me, and then fuck it up and reject me out of the blue. Those that are afraid of you being "too good to be true" often find ways to reject you first because they fear that you might beat them to it. 

YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT

I've heard this phrase one too many times before from people who I've only met once in life and whose names I won't remember, and even from some family and peers. The reason why they assume that "I think I'm all that" is because I look the part, whatever the fuck that means. I actually find it annoying that people would rather judge me and place me in a box of conceitedness rather than get to know me. You know how many times I've heard other women tell me "wow, you actually are cool. I thought you were stuck up" or how many times a guy is genuinely surprised that I'm chill and down to Earth. Growing up I was always at odds with girls my age (some of them family and "friends") because they would attack me or give me side eye because I looked "pretty". I would purposely try to advert the attention off of myself and water down my compliments just to make others feel secure and I hated it. I hated feeling as if I had to ugly myself down on the inside and out just to make friends and satisfy one's hatred of me. A good friend of mine once told me "Girl just take your compliment". Simple. I've had men actually place me into categories or tell me that "I'm one of those types of women", meaning bougie or stuck up, just because of my attire and how I carry myself.

It used to bother me much more when I was younger because I was always being compared to other girls because of silly shit like my hair being fine and curly or like my shape, which are things that are out of my control. At a young age my mom would preach to me "hair does not make a person and neither do looks" and I never understood why she impounded that phrase into my head until I got older. It's because the world is constantly judging you based on looks and comparing you to others. Not to sound cliche, but shit, pretty people have feelings too. I can't speak for everyone, but personally I don't spend all day working on how I can make myself look better. Some days my nails and hair go undone because I'm tired or just flat out broke. Point is, I don't think I'm all that. I know it. Ha! TOO SEXY

Nothing pisses me off more than a guy calling me sexy. I am not a fucking sex symbol. Do I look like Beyonce or Rhianna to you? NO. When a guy constantly calls me sexy, it makes me cringe. I can't stand it. It's the first sign that he really doesn't want to get to know me and see me for who I am because to him I just represent sex. Men can't wait to stick it in something "sexy". Sometimes they can't even make it past your face and the silhouette of your body because they are so stuck on having sexual relations with you. How about a hey beautiful or complimenting me for my intelligence for once. I am not always "sexy". I can easily go from Beyonce to Dennis Rodman in a day. Chill. I am more than just a body to be bagged. Same goes for women. It is not okay to just use men as sex slaves, some of them might actually want something serious with you. Get to know them for more than their Planet Fitness gym body.

LET'S TALK

Beauty and the brains are not that hard to come by. The whole stereotype that you can't be both pretty and smart is complete bullshit. Often times men are taken aback when I open my mouth to talk about politics, social justice, and shit like the universe and I don't know why. Like what the hell did you think we were going to talk about all night, Basketball Wives and 2K17? I think not.  It is often assumed that attractive people can't possibly have anything of substance that is worth talking about. I did not earn a degree in being pretty. Petty maybe...

COMPETITION

I feel as though people are more apt to date people that are less attractive because they don't like competing with other men or women. The thought of someone flirting with your woman/man or standing in the way of a potential relationship really scares people. People would rather not face challenges of feeling insecure, jealous, and cheated on by someone they deem too fine or out of their league. No one likes to compete for one's love and affection. I can only speak from my personal experiences but it is a headache to constantly be under surveillance and deal with a jealous man because he thinks everyone wants you. Even if everyone does in fact want me, I'm with you. Stop it. There is a difference between entertaining someone and someone wanting you to entertain them. In fact, I find flirting healthy (not too much obviously). I would want someone to flirt with me or my man because it let's me know that we still have the juice. As long as I respect you, others should not be an issue. I've literally been at a party with my boyfriend at the time and a girl walked up to him, with me standing behind him, and gave him all sorts of "I will fuck you" eye, and I smiled. At the end of the day he was going home with me and that let me know that I'm working with something. Shoot, I felt lucky.

At the end of the day, an attractive person isn't everyone's cup of tea. A person can find me unattractive for their own reasons. Either way, another's attraction towards me shouldn't divert you away from a relationship getting to know me, BUT some of ya’ll could humble yourselves... I’m just saying!