#love realizing things. thinking about stuff. introspection 🙃🙃

[akindplace]

Hi, I wanted to say that i really love your page and the content you post there, it's very comforting. I don't know where to start, but I recently I have been doing some sort of introspection of myself since I have been thinking about my future d I have realised that I seem to care a bit much about other people's feelings and expectations about me, as if I don't have a personality that represents me ?? Sometimes I worried it might cause me some problems. Like for example people see me as someone who is "serious", " a hard-working student", "quiet", "perfect", these traits are negative but it feels like I "trapped" in these labels ? And also I think it might be because I feel frustrated with school/college academically wise so there is that (I like studying but I feel I let grades define my worth, so it's not really healthy. It's something I have been dealing with a lot)

And I also feel frustrated and anxious in general because I actually don't know what to do, I just want to have a peaceful and quiet life, financial stability and being private about personal stuff, which are things that I can't seem to find. I just want to mind my business and keep my internal peace but it's almost impossible 🥲

Everyday feels a burden to me, living is exhausting sometimes, I keep worrying about serious stuff and I think it reflects on my behaviour/ social interactions 🙃

If it’s possible for you right now maybe talking this things through in therapy can help you figure yourself out. By what you’ve mentioned, you’re probably still in your early twenties and you probably still have a lot to learn about yourself, and that will happen as you grow older, but don’t put too much pressure to have it all known now, to have it all together. It’s okay to look for different jobs until you find one career you like, that provides you more stability. I’ve been talking to a few people about stuff like this and I feel like everyone thought they’d be in a different place in there late 20s/early 30s and it kind of feels like everyone is just winging it. I think when we were younger we thought adults had a lot more freedom and they were very mature and wise, and I realize they probably were just winging too.

Your goals are worth it, and it’s okay to want just want a peaceful life especially cause the world seems to be anything but right now… and it’s really hard not to crave stability when you know it’s been hard to achieve. Those things are worth trying and it’s okay if it takes time to figure out what to do. It gets a little better as you grow and you start caring less about people’s expectations because you learn what makes you happy and that most of the time people’s ideas on what should make you happy aren’t necessarily a fact. If no one lives with your choices but you, then you should get to choose (based on your experiences, and it’s okay to try out a ton of different things). You kinda start to realize that people pleasing usually means you sacrifice a lot of yourself and it gets easier to choose yourself.

A few years ago I felt like I had no personality and like I needed to please people or else something terrible would happen, but the only terrible thing happening was that I was miserable. People pleasing is still something I struggle with, but in a lot of ways I figured out who I was outside of the people I knew and their expectations, and I started to figure out where I wanted to go from there.

The tldr here is that you still have time to figure out and to go little by little until you find what makes you comfortable. Don’t pressure yourself too much to have life mapped out, and don’t let those pressures come from other people either, if it’s possible. They don’t get to tell you the best way to be an adult, because no one has it all figured out. I really hope things get better and that you find the stability you want.