#love me a curious anon ;; 💖 Lets me ramble

[boxylocks]

Was it ever revealed why Arceus is so evil towards his own creations? Or is that still confidential information? Or is he... actually the good god?

If you want to learn more tidbits directly from their mouth I assure you will get a chance to speak to them on both Ask-North and Ask-Valiant-Victory. Though they will likely be more direct with their intentions on Valiant's blog.

Valiant will also be going into some of their behavior in a reply and ask, however, I should say Valiant might not be able to tell you everything he wants to tell you. Most things that come out of his mouth are extremely filtered.

If you want to know more truthful comments regarding everything Arceus thinks and has done to Valiant and others, Valor is your best bet. He's not going to sugarcoat it.

But, If you wanna hear it straight from my mouth full-on rambling style feel free to keep reading! I will gladly go into it more.

Regarding my most recent doodles, I should say they might be confusing to those who do not know what the deal with Valiant is but this is actually Arceus:

Their name is actually Temperance! As to why the hell was I addressing Valiant as Arceus: Valiant was partly made to relay messages so I'm sure you can maybe connect the dots >:3c

Onto the questions!

Question: Is Arceus actually a good god?

They're not a good god at all, everyone is their playtoy, something that can keep them entertained for a while and then toss them out when they become bored.

If you see them being addressed as a good or perfect god, always take it with a grain of salt. Arceus has and will do 'good' things but their intentions are usually self-centered and revolve around them getting some free entertainment.

Some characters you generally see praising Arceus and why:

North (Ask-North) - North was 'saved' by Arceus, so her view of the god is extremely biased and mislead.

Journey (Book-of-Legends) - Journey is a familiar this causes Journey to have a natural desire to admire their god. Journey also just has issues in general that cause them to view Arceus as the perfect being.

Valiant (Ask-Valiant-Victory) - Valiant is a familiar, he has a natural desire to admire his god, but unlike Journey, he is quite literally physically unable to say directly negative things about them. He also is still very much under the impression that Arceus is perfect and always right, its something Valiant genuinely needs to learn.

Question: Why Arceus is so evil towards their own creations?

Many reasons! But I will say, Arceus is typically only directly 'evil' to their followers and children. If you want to know all their creations here they are!

The only creation of theirs that Arceus is nice to is Valor, mainly because they very much want to get rid of Valiant. Again for their own personal gain.

But WHY? Are they so crude and mean to them? It's simple:

Much like their creations, Arceus doesn't have certain emotions: They cannot feel sympathy or empathy towards other living beings. Unlike Valiant it is not because they were deprived of having them, they just genuinely do not want them nor care for them. Any 'positive' emotions they do show are either stolen from someone else's personality using a type of 'mimic' move or an act to get you to trust and like them.

Arceus is very broken and corrupted... Literally: They have been killed over and over by the other gods thousands of times. Due to the constant 'resets' and 'overwrites' of them, they are uh... broken. Their brains are a little fried.

They really just don't care about their creations: They're just toys to them honestly. Something to keep them entertained.

Now, why is Arceus so mean to Valiant? Many reasons as well!

They hate Valiant and view him as a failed project, especially when Valiant learned to talk and started learning how to disobey them. Instant failure, Valiant's beyond 'broken' in their eyes.

They find Valiant very annoying, and creepy. Valiant talks, he's not supposed to do that it's very weird, plus he craves their attention and love, that's like mega 'EW' to them. Valiant is an object, not a living being to them.

Valiant doesn't listen, why do you think they shoved a collar on him :'D It's because he started learning to disobey, it's very annoying having something that doesn't want to listen to you.

Valiant uh... reminds them a little too much of themself and they hate it. It's like looking in a weird mirror.

And the main reason issss! THEY'RE BORED OF VALIANT. Asking Arceus to have something as long as they've had Valiant is asking WAYYYY too much of them.

I hope that answers your questions!! If not feel free to ask for clarification, I'm more then happy to explain things that may seem confusing! 💖

~ Thank you for the ask!!

[gyllenhaalstories]

So I HAVE to ask!!! What's your thoughts on presumed innocent?!?

HI!!! my thoughts are i love this show because it's so good and i hate this show because it's so good. it's so stressful, i don't even know how i'll survive the finale! but it's so good. my favourite part has to be the way the trailers told us so much yet so little and how most of the more important scenes came up in the first 2-3 episodes so we've had a lot more to discover with the rest of the episodes! so much is intertwined too and the editing is really good. how they transition and/or focus on different characters after important scenes and dialogues is so! wow! i mean, how was i going to hate this? we've seen jake's ass more in this one series than in the last decade. we have been BLESSED. i would have been satisfied with just jake standing there and looking hot with his glasses but the show is really good. the cast is so strong! the story too. i really love it! i don't think it's something i will gravitate towards after it ends, i don't see myself wanting to binge watch this heavy and stressful show on a random tuesday, but there are certain scenes i'll enjoy watching just for the fun of it. i do want to watch it again, but it's certainly not an easy watch. i will definitely miss having new jake content every week and having something to haunt my thoughts in between episodes!

i have so many thoughts about who could have done it, i'll put them under the read more. but i'm curious to hear your thoughts, anon!!! have you watched the show or did you wait to binge all of it before/after the finale? do you have theories??? let me know!!! 🥰💖

i don't know if you're asking about who i think is responsible for carolyn's murder, but i'll just keep on rambling about it. i've stated multiple times how i fall into every single trap they set up before me. i hope it's barbara. she would be the most logical choice although i have no idea how they will target her since she's been so meticulously kept out of people's minds. not a single person accuses the wife who was cheated on for months perhaps longer? who's husband would not hesitate to dump their family to start one with the woman he loves (who CLEARLY does not love him back)? like why? if it was the other way around, with the wife having an affair and killing the other person the husband would be the FIRST SUSPECT. i don't know. it's like the way the show is edited points at barbara yet no one in the room dares to even consider her as an option. it's giving fake feminism as in "women are all fragile and tiny and weak they can't commit bad things". is she going to call herself up to the witness stand like "the people call me hehe" and just go "i kill that woman because my husband fucked her and i want to ruin my husband's life too with this gruesome murder". if she did... absolute boss. i love barbara.

my second theory is tommy. something something he was in love with carolyn she hated him he knew rusty was having an affair with her AND rusty had the job he wanted (and that carolyn wanted as well, sorry for not believing you right away rusty but you were right about that xoxo). easy peasy lemon squeezy. he could have killed two birds with one stone (or well, one fire poker). it would not be as satisfying as barbara, but satisfying nonetheless. this man who is going mad trying to accuse rusty being the one who did it all along? nico would lose his shit eating grin. and they have initiated that possibility with eugenia explaining how the only complaint ever made by carolyn was towards him. the door is slightly more open for tommy than it is for barbara.

any other option, to me, sounds less exciting. rusty? pointless. 8 pointless episodes just for him to go "teehee i killed her bc i got angry snap snap <3 but if i had known she was pregnant with my baby i would have hit her with a proposal not a fire poker :(". carolyn's ex-husband? boring. it would be less boring if SOMEONE OTHER THAN RUSTY had started to dig around on carolyn like hello? her son's messed up and she's got no contact with him, the husband looks depressed as fuck. someone! should! have! pushed! this! i'm not just saying this because i disliked carolyn from the start and i made it very clear she was creeping me out, but also because it's so strange how no one is digging deeper about this (the same way no one is thinking of the possibility of barbara doing it). liam reynolds or brian ratzer? so boring. the kids??? hmm. creepy. michael is a strange one, looking up sketchy crime websites to keep up with his mother and THE bunny davis case in particular is... interesting... could the dad have killed her in a fit of rage (he is also capable of snapping! like rusty! carolyn had a type apparently) and the son visited the scene quickly after to finish the job and make her look like the bunny davis case he studied with such interest? hmm. disturbing. but. kyle and jaden are also interesting, kyle has his father's temper and he's a mama's boy. jaden cares so much for her father who's she's really close to. but i don't really think jaden would do this. the kids would be interesting but again, very disturbing.

SO MANY THEORIES AND POSSIBILITIES. i hope it's barbara i want it to be barbara. raymond can give her his title. barbara "the slay" sabich. it has a ring to it.

[ramonag-if]

hullo! um- this is my first time sending an ask so sorry if i just start rambling lmao. i really, really love your IF it’s amazing (also, irus has me straight up cackling at the worst times lol) <3

anyways, i love creative writing and stuff like that and i’ve only recently found IFs so i was curious about what it would be like to make one. i didn’t think it’d be that hard 🥲 it is a struggle. i’m still trying to figure out coding, then my laptop broke. so. yeah :)

anyways (i feel like i’m saying that too much…), i had two questions. sorry if you already answered them already -v-‘

how do you do the music? do you create it yourself or download it?

do you have any tips for coding? little nuggets for beginners or something?

thank you! i hope you have a nice day/night! :3c

Hi Anon 😊 There is no right way to send an ask, and the way you've asked is perfectly fine 🌼

Thank you so much for playing and I'm really happy to know that you're enjoying Irus 💖

Gosh, writing IF always seems easy at first then you start writing one and you think, crap, I was so wrong.

1. For music, I download it from Pixabay - the music is free and you can use it for commercial use as well - mix it, edit it etc and it's fine. What I've done is search through the different songs available and went for atmospheric music (rarely do they contain voices) and stuff that pertains to the story (a lot of the songs for Crown of Exile have Middle-Eastern or Indian themes).

2. As for little tips, I'm not nearly as experienced in coding as others - I only started in June last year to use Twine Sugarcube and I did dabble in Choicescript a few years before that 😅 But I'll try my best to help.

Choose the coding language that fits you best. There are a ton of different ways to code an IF game - I use Twine Sugarcube because it let me customise the way the game looks (and I've always wanted to learn how to use it).

Learn to code the basics. It's quite daunting to start off when you're new to coding (I didn't even know how to offer custom names to players or figure out why I kept getting errors when testing the game). If you're using Twine Sugarcube, i suggest this guide. It explains everything quite simply and it's what helped me a great deal when I started using Twine.

Do a test game - learning to code means actually using the code in a game. Start with small things - creating a link or stats and then testing them. It doesn't have to be fancy, but once you get the hang of basics, you quickly realise it's not nearly as hard as you think and you'll slowly build your confidence up to actually figuring out how to add music to your game 😅

Don't be afraid to ask for help. There's a ton of people online who are willing to help or have already put up guides. Also don't be afraid to do a search online for answers - the internet can save you hours of time because someone out there has already had the same question as you and it's been solved.

I hope this helps you and if you do have anything specific in mind you need help with, you can always ask 😊 I'll do my best to help.

[acourtofthought]

Hi. So, forewarning I might ramble a bit. I love your blog. It’s how you articulate your views and are able to keep calm and polite when some anons try to rile you up. I’ve been an SJM fan since 2017 I think and have just been a casual reader. Still am. ACOMAF has been my favorite SJM novel since and I’ve remained a Feysand girlie. I’ve literally never cared about any other character so deeply (I did relate to Nesta in significant ways in ACOSF and I’m so happy she found her inner circle too💖) until the infamous bonus chapter in ACOSF. I always thought Az may end up with Elain. Never was really interested in the ship anyway. When Mrs. Maas blessed us with that amazing bonus chapter, it’s like something sparked in my brain. Obviously, I like any other casual reader, immediately thought, these two will(not might, at least for me) end up together. I could not waitttt for the next ACOTAR novel. Throughout ACOSF, I grew to love Gwyn and I think that’s why i took so strongly to the possibility that she and Az might end up together. That she might experience a love that would set heart alight when he gets his act together, that is, because right now it’s a toxic and unhealthy mess. So imagine how perplexed I was when I stumbled on a tiktok that basically said that Az hardly spoke to Gwyn in ACOSF, the she was just a side character and that there was no way they’d be a thing. So I decided to do some digging just to find out what other readers were thinking. That sent me down the rabbit hole that is the ACOTAR fandom where I discovered that there was in fact a war within the fandom over who Az was going to end up with. I thought that it was pretty obvious🤣🤣🤣. And in many ways, it is. And it’s so sad because Elain and Gwyn are both taking all the bullets while everyone babies the male. Anyway, I ended up on Tumblr where I found my people, the Gwynriels. The blogs, the art it was great. Your blog actually made me an “Elucien”. I’m rooting for the now🥹. It was actually because of your blog that I began to see so many parts of Lucien and Elain’s characters that I never really saw before. Just like Cassian, I felt sorry for Lucien because I thought at first, that it would be Elain and Az. I don’t think that anymore. I think Lucien and Elain are the most aesthetically pleasing (even though I’m a Feysand and Gwynriel girlie) couple. She’s so beautifully feminine and loves flowers and thrives in sunshine and he’s the son of the Sun. Because of your blog, I’m soooo curious as to how their story will go. The tension. The angst etc. Anyway just wanted to let you know😁.

Thank you for your message and I always appreciate a good ramble! 😁 And I really appreciate hearing you say that you enjoy my thoughts on Elain and Lucien. I'm hoping I'm correctly reading what SJM has told us about them (as individuals and a possible ship) because I think they could have an incredible journey ahead of them. I realize not everyone ships Gwynriel. But it's extremely odd that despite what they personally feel in terms of what the interactions between Gwyn and Az mean, they want to continue pretending there's nothing there when at least half the fandom feels there is. I think the percentage that ships Brycriel is extremely small, maybe 5% (if that). I think there is also a small percentage of the fandom that ships Az with someone completely new. But the majority are split between E/riel and Gwynriel (though I think the a higher percentage of that does lean toward Gwynriel). So it's absolutely crazy for E/riels to claim there's no evidence for the Gwynriel ship as a possibility. Anyone pretending like that much of the fandom is simply imaging the interactions between Gwyn and Az as hinting at a future romance is a person very scared for the E/riel ship. And I think that's because they know that the introduction of a new LI for Az could spell the end of he and Elain. I think they feel E/riel is able to stand against the threat of Lucien since right now she "doesn't want a Mate" but they're less secure in E/riels ability to stand against Az having his own mate because we know he wants one. Which is why they they then need to resort to Gwyn slander. I get having a ship, I shipped E/riel at one point and was a little sad to realize that she seemed to be switching directions. But it's not enjoyable to read the books and purposely ignore the entire picture that SJM has given us just to pretend that we can influence the outcome of the series by doing so. I hate being in suspense which is one of the reasons it became so important for me to go back over the series with a bit of an obsessiveness to figure out the clues she's left for us. Even now I would rather her straight up tell me if Elucien is or isn't happening because the sooner I know, the sooner I can accept whatever will be. But it's because of that mentality that makes me feel confident that I'm not turning a blind eye to the characters journeys, regardless of whether it supports the outcome that I want. E/riels seem to do the opposite. They have this need to convince themselves that no matter what is in the books, no matter what has changed over the series, E/riel is still happening and that sort of mentality is going to be to their detriment. Pretending Gwynriel isn't just as romantically coded as past SJM endgame couples is only going to hurt them in the end because if it does happen, it's going to be a complete shock. It's one thing to say "I think she's deciding between E/riel and Gwynriel but I hope it's E/riel." But to say, "there is zero romantic coding for Gwynriel and I have no idea where people are getting that from" means they spent the last how many years acting like over 50% of the fandom was making shit up even though they had literal text from the book to support what they were saying. I really don't understand why that's a preferable approach, the "sticking your head in the sand like an ostrich" method, over really looking at what the author has told us so they can be better prepared for whatever is coming, even if it's not the end we were hoping for.

[rattkachuk]

Hey,

Here's the Leon anon again, thank you so much for your extensive answer and the posts after, there were some things I haven't seen yet.

I am a bit surprised though by the following discussion - I did send a very similar (of course it's similar in the wording, it was an ask for the same purpose by the same person, me) a couple of days ago to one (1) other person but never got an answer, which is totally fine, so I thought to send another because I was curious. So I know who that other anon is. I looked again and didn't find any public answer from them, if I somehow overlooked it sorry for that and the double asking.

It was and is a genuine request. No idea if you guys ever read fandom blind and then later digged into the fandom to then realize you don't really like the canon/public person of one of the characters you loved as the canon iterpretation, I have to say it sucks so I was looking for reasons to change that, and you did help and gave a lot to consider. One thing probably is that the official oiler sites don't post as good/much as the cats, therefore it seemed to me that the team isn't really close aside from L. and C.

It's funny my request came across as pissy/ungenuine, I know it was straight forward and I do see the irony after saying these things about Leon.

So thanks again for taking your time, it gave me new angles to think about. As I am primarly here for fanon Mattdrai I really have no need to put one of their public figures above the other (what would that purpose even be??) as I really just want to like both as it's way more fun to read them when you at least like the public versions a bit. And you helped a lot.

sorry to have doubted the genuineness behind the ask! i def was going off what was told to me, but didn't do any digging myself. but glad some of what was said might have helped out!! it's an odd spot to be in for sure, i can imagine.

and hey, it let me ramble on about leon a bit, so thanks for that cause i definitely love the guy 😂💖

[carmenlire]

aaa happy new year!! 💖 and i was thinking about jangchu for the new year too the brainrot is just too real sdkfj but i totally agree with your point. what i loved about se was that it was more of a rivalry than a typical bullying relationship that most shows do. jaeyoung was like 'im going to annoy you with my presence' rather than aim to humiliate sangwoo (except for the marker scene and even jaeyoung thought he went a bit too far). he was thrilled that sangwoo was going against him (1/2)

+ and became more curious on how sangwoo functions. if sangwoo was the type of person to apologize when jaeyoung confronted him, i think jaeyoung wouldve lost interest because like you said there isn't a challenge!! he would've let it go and went on with his life but sangwoo stood up to him and sparked jaeyoung's interest :') i think a huge part of their relationship is getting to learn more about each other.. and they learn a lot even when theyve grown old together it's so sweet 🥺 -se anon (2/2)

hello dear!! Happy New Year! I hope you had a lovely weekend and that the start of 2023 has been good to you!

and yes!! you get it!! It was a rivalry but what i love is that this is such a low stakes/angst show and i would argue even the rivalry is half-assed. i mean it's literally just 8 episodes of jaeyoung annoying sangwoo and sangwoo realizing he likes it and wants more of it lmao. their rivalry is rather short lived-- once they start the game and start getting to know each other, it very quickly just becomes these two guys who admire and respect each other (professionally for now, at first) and grows from there.

(I think this might've gotten a bit long for mobile so here's a read more lol)

i love the enemies to lovers here especially because it is so light! and you're so right pointing out that the one time jaeyoung does reach a bit beyond what he should, he acknowledges, or at least the viewer sees, that he knows that was a bit too much and from there on out it's very mild and we know confidently that jaeyoung is into sangwoo-- in a healthy way, not a manipulative jerk way.

and yes!! even jaeyoung says at first that he just wants an apology. and he probably would have gotten one from literally anyone else but sangwoo. so the fact that sangwoo is 100% convinced that he was in the right and is so obvious about sparked!!! jaeyoung's interest!! and from there it becomes "oh wow this dude is different.... tell me more" and we see that while jaeyoung's love language is lowkey just annoying the object of his affections, he's very smart (!!!) and so he engages sangwoo to 1) yeah see that spark in his eye and get a reaction and have sangwoo's attention but also 2) to learn what makes sangwoo tick.

Both Sangwoo and Jaeyoung are people who need a challenge and they find that in each other. they both have to learn to work around and with each other but it's a labor of love because they want to-- so yes, i totally KNOW that their entire lives are spent always learning about each other and even after years, that spark and curiosity is still there because 1) people are constantly evolving and 2) there's always something new to learn 3) their attraction to each other is a live thing that they both feed into.

it's seriously so sweet and i'm so happy that you saw my little new year's ramble about these two and agreed/added your own thoughts!! i really do love the show but half the fun of semantic error is just the sheer possibilities of these characters. i just find them endlessly fascinating and have a grand time thinking about them. because on the surface they fit their archetypes! but the actors? the content? just gives them so much meaning and complexity and i can't get enough!

[bunny-rambles]

YES!! LET US SHOWER RUE MORE AFFECTION AND KITHS HE SO DESERVE EJSKOAIA 😭😭👍 I love how the way you portayed them, bun!! it was so melancholy to the heart but sweet to the tongue that make it somehow bittersweet but pretty nostalgic for me 😫💖

Also, while I'm reading your latest fic, I was listening to the Reprise version of Part of Your World and Hksysksuso ITS SO PERFECT I WANNA HUG HIM SUSJSJ

That brings me back to my brainrot earlier when i was watching Little Mermaid with my baby cousin susksi like at first he wanted to take everything from albedo to himself, want to be him and do the things that his brother do, but when he met you, he now wanted to do it WITH you 😭👍 instead of being alone. He wanted to be in the sun with you, not in the frigid cold of dragonspine. He wanted to walk hand in hand with you. He wanted you to smile at HIM, not because he was pretending to be Albedo, but because he was Rue. Imagine him contemplating what should he do just to ensure you will stay beside him 😫

What would I give to live where you are? What would I pay to stay here beside you? What would I do to see you smiling at me? Where would we walk, where would we run, if we could stay all day in the sun? Just you and me, and I could be part of your world.

The last verse of the song hit differenly to me because I think here, Rue will at least come in terms that he would want to be a part of your world as himself, not as Albedo or anyone but he himself 😭🖐

I don't know when, I don't know how. But I know something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see, someday I'll be part of your world.

Anyway, forgive my preamble. I have no one to talk to with my brainrots bc im too shy n awkward 😅😅

- lurker anon

Aww lurker, thank you so much for the kind words !! I’m sorry this has taken so long to answer, I wanted to properly respond to all of it instead of doing it when I’m half asleep hehe

But the brainrot really made me smile,,, and yes omg it fits so well for my baby Ruby yesyesyes !!

I was trying to go for a similar idea of Ruby finally focussing on someone else other than Albedo and focusing on an emotion that wasn’t resentment or bitterness.

some ramblings utc

Ruby as Ariel, that’s such a cute idea- their personalities are very, very different but in a way there’s a lot of similarities. Rubedo is probably very curious about the world and ooh, do you think he collects things he comes across in Dragonspine? I can see him having a collection of interesting things he finds, like the random diaries hidden around in the snow, or maybe some crystals he found pretty enough to keep.

He’s also very outcasted from society, just like Ariel was but she chose that (I felt that- people are exhausting sometimes), with Ruby it’s kind of forced upon him- he’s invested in so many ideas going on in his head he’s not realising what he’s missing, or that the empty feeling in his chest isn’t caused by Albedo, but by how the only person in his life decided to throw him away. Lonely - he feels lonely. He’s been abandoned for so long he’s forgotten what it feels like to be around others. That is, until he meets you.

Ah he probably hates the new, fuzzy feeling in his chest at first. He tries to find something to be bitter or pessimistic about you when you’re kind to him, but it’s almost impossible. You’re so sweet to him, it completely throws him off. When had anyone been kind to a failure like him? He secretly hopes you never find out his true origins so he can just live out a perfect fantasy life with you. Around you, he forgets about Albedo, forgets the revenge he’s been planning - with enough time, on some days he completely forgets he was an experiment in the first place.

You make him feel alive, human even. Sure, he can still be stuck in his stubborn pessimistic ways (again, I felt that - maybe I’m projecting a little too much) but with you, there’s happiness for him. And even the smallest amount is enough for him.

On a more personal note - I love Ariel !! She has her flaws but she’s s pretty solid Disney princess (and we’re both curious red heads heh) but she’s extremely positive while I believe it’ll take a hell of a lot of healing for Rubedo to even think of something in a more brighter way. He’ll get there, don’t worry !! He’s got you, of course <3

[danpuff-ao3]

for the Snape ask 22, 25, 27 💖

Hi there anon! Thanks for the asks! (I do so love these ask games!) (And I especially love Severus!)

22.) Do you think Lily was a good friend to Severus?

I'm so glad you asked this one! I'm curious about a lot of people's answer to this, actually.

As for me...yes-ish.

I don't think Lily was a bad friend. I also don't think she was the epitome of friendship, either. And with Lily being such an idealized character in so many respects...it's as if she's seen as perfect. And if a flaw is spotted...it's this terrible sin. The marring of what was once perfection. A greater sin than had you been flawless from the start.

Lily was a person just like everyone else; but she had the misfortune of being idolized in so many people's eyes. James was smitten from the start; saw her as a prize to be won. To Severus, she was his first friend, his first real connection to magic outside of his mother. Both were drawn to her, and built her up in their heads; and their love blinded them, in ways.

She was charming, popular, pretty; of course Lily drew people to her. She was part of the Slug Club (quite the honor, right? LOL.) She also had a sense of right and wrong; a sense of justice and honor and bravery. She was part of the Order.

And worst of all (for her image), she sacrificed herself for her son. And that sacrifice protected him. Not bad, of course, but another strike against her humanity. Lily was a Lover, a Martyr, a Mother, a Saint.

Okay I've rambled about Lily, so let's wrap it back around to the point: for all that people saw her as being other, as being above, she was truly only human. She was just a girl.

Again: Lily was charming, popular, and pretty. And she befriended a boy who was the opposite of those things. Severus was poor and strange. Petunia didn't like him. (Further separation from her sister.) Their classmates didn't like him. (Outright despised him, in case of the Marauders.)

Lily was young. Young people can be ignorant, insecure, and selfish. She could have steered clear of that awful Snape boy. She could have judged him for being poor and strange, or been worried that people would judge her for associating with him. Not that it would be right, but it could be understood.

Surely she was judged for their friendship. Maybe Lily's "greatness" was enough to maintain her status in spite of this. That doesn't mean it would be easy to hear.

She stuck by him for a long time. Meeting up at Cokeworth. They clearly hung out at school some. In spite of Petunia's snobbery, in spite of her peers' opinions, in spite of their separation into Gryffindor and Slytherin. She put up with his questionable acquaintances for a while, too.

To me, Lily valued loyalty and friendship. People mattered to her. Doing what was right mattered to her. And she valued Severus. Her first magical friend. She could appreciate his intelligence and his curiosity; I think part of her even liked his intensity. I like to think she saw the good in him, too, buried under the bitterness and darkness. She respected his loyalty, his dedication, his hard work. They delighted in magic today, in learning and practicing.

But again...Lily was just a girl. I think she could be self-righteous a bit, and arrogant; maybe a part of her, one she didn't acknowledge, but deep down she saw herself as above and better. She had a stable family and home life, she had more money and resources, she had her looks and her charm. And maybe part of her liked being above him in that way. Especially if she saw him as being above her in others; more intelligent, more skilled, more powerful. And the farther they go, and the more he falls into the wrong crowd, the more that self-righteousness comes through. Her privilege bleeding out, however much she fought against it, and to be better than that.

I think she was self-absorbed, too, in ways; between her youth and her privilege, how could she not be? Caught up in her own woes, her own drama, her own brilliance. Delighting in Severus' attention. She respected his loyalty and love, yes, but she also enjoyed what it gave her personally. And perhaps his attention felt safer, more comfortable, than James Potter's.

Perhaps there was resentment, too, over blood status. Severus might be a half-blood, but Lily was Muggle-born. So, perhaps some level of envy that Severus had connection to a magical family. And half-blood was surely a step up from Muggle-born, in the eyes of blood purists. Maybe she resented all of her good qualities being tainted by her birth: "she's so pretty for a Muggle-born, so gifted for a Muggle-born, so smart for a Muggle-born!" Resentment that grew when Severus began falling in with the wrong people.

Lily was spirited. Bold, and honest. She may have been direct with Severus in ways that he needed to hear, but other times...maybe too brutally honest. They probably butted heads at times. And maybe she was prone to getting her way. Maybe she knew Severus wouldn't really argue with her over much, and maybe she took advantage of that without meaning to. Maybe she made mistakes. Said and did the wrong things.

But I think her heart was in the right place. I think she tried. I think she loved him, truly. That she was a genuine friend to him, however imperfect she may have been. I think when he called her "Mudblood" it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it broke her heart.

So...yes. I think she was a good friend, between her values (of friendship, loyalty, compassion, kindness) and her love for him (his mind, his heart, his soul.) I think she tried to do her best by him. And I think she failed sometimes, as all people do. Between Severus' baggage, and her own. She wasn't perfect. She wasn't the best friend who ever existed. She was just a human person, trying her best, living and learning as she went.

25.) Is there any other character you love as much as Snape? Do you think they'll get along?

Harry friggin' Potter. I adore that boy. What a precious ray of sunshine, what a delightful little mess.

Do they get along? Absolutely not. Not at first, anyway. Except...they're soulmates. Hate turns to love, or hate exists alongside love, and it's an explosive and scorching and powerful force to be reckoned with.

They're angry, and bitter. They're good, and brave, and strong. They're intense, and obsessive. They're curious. They have trauma. They have history. They have love. And dedication. They're stubborn. They'll butt heads and challenge each other. They'll hit each other where it hurts. But once they find their way together, they'll never give up on each other, no matter how hard life gets. No matter how difficult the other can be.

For more of my very passionate Snarry feels you can read Why I Ship Snarry and/or Snarry Synastry: the Astrology of Love.

27.) Do you think Snape was close to his mother?

Not really, no.

I have very strong, very specific headcanons about Eileen and her relationship with Severus.

In my mind, Eileen is a pureblood witch. She's from a pureblood family who had fallen on hard times. Eileen felt trapped and weighed down by expectation. Her family hoped to marry her off to improve their standing, on top of general pureblood beliefs and she suffocated on them. She couldn't make her family proud. She was shy and quiet. Her great love was Gobstones. And she harbored dreams of escaping and rebelling that she never actually expected would happen.

Until she met Tobias. Tobias was a Muggle and he swept her off her feet. I see Tobias a a musician with visions of grandeur that are never realized. All of his passion and his hopes draw Eileen to him. He's intense, charismatic, possessive. And Eileen is a bit strange, and not very pretty, but Tobias finds her to be mysterious and intriguing. They have a whirlwind romance. They marry. And everything goes to hell.

Eileen and Severus love each other, but they also resent each other.

Had Severus not been born...maybe Tobias would still love her. Maybe Tobias' dreams would have come true. But they had a family to take care of. Responsibilities. Tobias' dream died. And when Severus showed signs of magic, and Eileen had to break the news to him, Tobias' love died, too.

As for how Severus feels about Eileen...well, it's her fault he's trapped in Cokeworth. She chose to give him a Muggle for a father. He grew up poor. He grew up away from magic. He grew up with his magic being hated by his father. He grew up in violence; whether just witnessing it, or being a target himself.

Between seeds of resentment towards her son, and the horror of what her husband put her through, Eileen couldn't be a proper, good mum. She tried, but she often failed. She was depressed. Abused. She tried to make the best of her circumstances, but she never left. She still loved her husband. And she did love her son, in her own way. She was stubborn. She was determined to make it work. She also had nowhere else to go. She had been disowned by her family. All she had was Tobias, and Severus.

Also...I often see people who headcanon Eileen teaching Severus all she knew about potions, but I don't care for that myself. I don't really jive with the idea of interests being passed down the family line, and I like the idea of this subject being Severus', and Severus' alone.

Instead, I like to think part of the problem is...Severus is too dang smart for both of his parents. Not that Eileen and Tobias are dumb, but Severus is just...he has a voracious appetite for knowledge that puzzles them at times, and threatens them other times. How do you handle your child being so dang brilliant?? How do you handle a child that makes you feel like a total idiot? Not only does he thirst for knowledge, but he picks up information and skills very quickly.

Any strain caused by circumstances is further exacerbated by the fact that there is so little for the family to connect on.

So no, I don't think Severus was close to either of his parents, though I think he was closer to Eileen than Tobias. He went to her to ask questions about magic, and questions about her family. He went to her for protection from Tobias, until he learned she couldn't protect him. Eileen is who he went to to sign permission slips for Hogwarts. Maybe on a good day he would proudly tell her of his accomplishments.

And Eileen was terribly confused by her brilliant son, but also insanely proud.

And scared, I think. Because she sees a lot of Tobias' intensity in him. She sees his darkness and his bitterness. And she isn't surprised when he becomes a Death Eater, but she is disappointed.

All this to say: it's complicated. There is love there, deep down. There were good moments between them. But were they close? Not at all.

Snape asks

answered: 22, 25. 27

[gyllenhaalstories]

Hey :D I watched a few movies with Jake and I was wondering what are your fave movies and your least fave? Just curious!

hi anon!!! i hope you've enjoyed the movies you've watched so far!!! 💖 i've made it through almost his entire filmography, i think i'm missing 2 of them? yeah, that's about right. i'm avoiding nocturnal animals like the plague so maybe one day i will be brave enough to watch it and complete jake's whole filmography. it was pretty easy to select my 3 least favourites, but my top 3 had me questioning everything. i just love so many of his movies, it's not my fault! thank you so much for asking this question! i love rambling.

TOP 3 FAVOURITE MOVIES

Demolition (i remember watching this movie and i loved it so much that i watched it a second time right away. it holds such a special place in my heart and it always will!)

Brokeback Mountain and Love & Other Drugs (it feels criminal to put them at the same level but i just love them too much okay!!! they both make me cry a river)

Road House (yeah <3 jake has so many amazing movies but the rewatchability factor is very important to me and i've watched the movies mentioned above SO MANY TIMES and what's the other one that i also watched an alarming amount of times? road house. it's funny, it's pretty, it's not boring, it's not too long, it's got some depth, it's just so good. ambulance would also qualify, i love it so much too. if i was smart i would put wildlife because it gave me a similar gut punch as demolition did the first time i watched it, but i'm not smart so my vote goes for the gyllentitties)

TOP 3 LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIES

The Sisters Brothers (i love john morris & his multiple accents so much and there are elements of the movie i liked, but... it's so long... it's so boring... it's so yeehaw gold rush... it's one of the few movies of jake i have on DVD and i can assure you it won't be played very often <3)

Highway (call me boring and lame and everything you want, but i don't like alcohol and weed and stuff centered around those topics so it's kind of obvious that this movie wasn't for me. pilot's cute, i like him, but yeah. it took me forever to find this movie online in english and not spanish or russian? for some reason? so the intensive research was not all that worth it. if i ever watch it again, it's for pilot)

Life (i love david jordan and his yo-yo!!! i love him so much!!! i watched 2 alien movies in my life and they were essentially the same and i did not like them. why do they always let the aliens inside the spaceship??? aren't astronauts supposed to be smart? it's so stupid that they just think it will end well. it never ends well! so yeah i'd rather watch accidental love than life and that says A LOT.)

honourable mention for spirit untamed. i will never watch spirit untamed. i grew up watching spirit: stallion of the cimarron and my spirit would never!!! i can tell that jake's voice acting improved a lot between this movie and strange world and that's all that matters.

as a bonus, i'll give you the 3 movies that pleasantly surprised me! moonlight mile (i wasn't expecting much? i don't know, i thought it would be pretty meh but it was so good! i really liked it and it's definitely one of my rare comfort watches because jake hates me and doesn't do enough movies i can just watch easily), end of watch (it's so... intense. i almost threw up because of a certain scene, i thought i would have stopped watching before the end but i loved brian taylor so much) and stronger (one of jake's most underrated performances like woah this was so painful and so good and so yeah! i really liked it. you can tell that jake was passionate about telling this story and it deserves a lot more recognition). i'm done rambling now, thank you again for sending this! 💖