#love making these every year I should've started doing it on tumblr tho

[olasketches]

I may no longer use twt but the tradition must go on... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE YUUJI!! ❤️ and @sirionstrider happy bday to you too ig... <3

[eyes-like-a-pisces]

Rules: Answer 10 questions, tag 10 people and make another 10 questions.🧜‍♀️

Questions from my astrological twin: @maiden-song 💕

1. if you could choose to glimpse the afterlife, would you?

Yes, I would. I think a lot about It.

2. under what circumstances do you think you past life was lived?

I could have had many past lifes. I think I was a native american, cause I've always felt bonded to their tradicion and same with China, cause when I hear the sound of Erhu - traditional chinese instrument, something wakes up in me. I've also always wanted to see Sweden & Finland, so maybe I was doing something there... I mean, I could do anything. I see myself in biblical times, as well as middle ages. I could be a renaissance artist, as well as dying of hunger during victorian era, or something, and that's probably why I'm still careful with money, haha. For my latest one, I think I could have been a hippie in the 60/70s and had some drug use experience, cause when I was a child I used have dreams about taking drugs, even if I didn't know anything about It. I also had some experience with psychics (and "psychics"), my mom had a past life regression and she told me she saw me few times... I don't take anything for granded, but reincarnation is one of my favourite theories.

3. what three skills would you instantly master if you had the choice?

Playing every instrument, speaking every language, singing beautifully

4. would your rather no passion or no pain?

No pain. Everything is needed in life, but you know, enough is enough.

5. if you had a chance to leave this world and go to another one, would you take it?

Depends of the world and who I would meet there. Even if this world can be cruel and disappointing at times, I still have some love for him and humanity.

6. if you could smell like anything in the world, what would it be?

Like the first day of spring, when you go outside and the air smells different. Or a storm.

7. do you feel like common interests or philosophical comparability are not important?

They are very important. I can't imagine a relationship without similar interests, views. You either get bored or fight constantly. I think that the whole point of searching a partner is trying to find things you got in common. The more similar you are, the more understood you feel and more you are attracted to them. That's my experience at least. That's a very basic example, but as you may noticed, I'm very much into music and I was dating a guy, who wasn't into music that much at all. I thought It doesn't matter at first, but then I started feeling like I'm missing my favourite way to connect with other person. Once I met a guy who loved music as much as I do, I'm sorry to admit It, but my partner became unattractive to me.

Similar interests and views are needed at the beginning, to bond with somebody, and later, to simply enjoy spending time together (thanks Captain Obvious). I mean... chemistry and good will are not enough for a relationship to last. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you have to be identical and agree on everything - some differences can be inspiring, balance your relationship and teach you something new. It's also ok and even needed, to have some separate hobbies, things that you like to do on your own. There are also other important things, like, if you equally care about each other and if you are on the same page in general, but I can't imagine not agreeing in the key points and things that are the most important to you. And the only person who can decide what is the most important is the person who is in that relationship, no matter if It's about interests, philosophy or religion. But beside a romantic relationship, I think It's good to be surrounded by different people and listen what they got to say.

8. if there was one mystery you alone could learn the answer too, what would it be?

The mystery of life in general. Why we are here, is there any destiny, how we are connected, how this universe works, what happens after death...

9. in your opinion, is there anything more important than love?

No :) (I'm not talking about putting your relationship before other things. I'm talking about love as a big force and meaning of this universe)

10. describe a new planet you would live on, if you could.

I want things to be diverse, monumental... Maybe another moon, why not. As a concept of the world, I wish there would be peace :) everybody has their safe place to live, will to live, passion, purpose, someone to love and who loves them back. Amen.

Questions from @mybloodiedvalentine 💕👯

1. What is an unpopular opinion you hold you about which you feel strongly and with which you seem to notice a lot of people disagree?

Nothing specific comes to my mind at the moment (that I haven't mentioned before). I sure have some, but what's unpopular opinion in general and what's unpopular opinion on tumblr, are two different things. Maybe, that the "tumblr positivity" is not really helpful. Like: "in case you need to hear this: you are smart, you are loved... ". How do you know that? Those are just empty words. But It's better to spread positivity than negativity, of course.

2. What is the nicest thing a stranger has ever told you that you can recall?

Oh, I had a few situations like that... This is so lovely, when a stranger wants to just be genuinely nice, not just catcalling you...For example, when I was with my 3 girlfriends at the club and 2 ladies in their 40s where like: "excuse me, we just wanted to say that we can't stop starring at you all, cause you are the priettiest girls in the club." And we were like: aww, omg, you are beautiful too, come dance with us. And we were all dancing in our witches circle ignoring all sweaty men around us, haha. Or when my mom went to the the same hair saloon as me and asked hair dresser if she remembers me and she said that she does and that I'm nice and intelectual. I'm her faithful client now ;_; (Sorry for sucking my own dick, but It was nice to remind myself about these situations).

3. Has a piece of art or music ever made you cry? If so, do you remember a specific moment? 

Crying to music is my passion. The latest intense moment was few days ago. I was loading a dishwasher at night and I played some music and then "lover you should've come over" by Jeff Buckley came on and sudden wave of lonelliness hit me so hard, that I just had to put down the plate, hide my face in my hands and weep ✌

4. What’s your favourite piece of clothing?

Idk, maybe my Penny Lane coat :)

5. What’s a random childhood memory that fills you with a deep sense of comforting nostalgia? 

Sledding with kids during a very cold winter in my home town, until It got dark and snow looked like sprinkled with glitter and having my freezed feet warmed up with a hair dryer, when I came back home, haha.

6. What is/was your favourite thing about your mom? If not your mom, your dad? Or best friend?

My favourite thing about my mom is that she's tolerant and open minded. I didn't have to lie to her or pretend I'm someone I'm not because of that. My favourite thing about my dad is that he actually cared about being a parent, even tho my parents divorced. I respect that he has unwavering morals and huge knowledge about a world - biology, astronomy, music, art...- subject doesn't matter- but he is very modest about It.

7. What’s something you learned on your own of which you’re proud?

Playing guitar

8. When was a moment in your life you remember laughing the hardest?

I was playing cards since I was a kid. After few years, when I was about 13 y. o. I got the first poker, a royal flush. When I saw my cards, I'm not sure why, I just coudn't believe my luck, I started laughing so hard I almost died.

9. What do you like to do when you’re having a hard time mentally that invariably calms you down?

Really depends of the kind of situation and if It's triggered by something or just a longer period of time feeling in a certain way. The is no a magic trick, but some things might be helpful. When It's concrete situation, at first, when the feelings are really intense, then I just can't calm down. Every try to do so, has a reverse effect. Like, I CAN'T THE FUCK CALM DOWN and It makes me even more angry. Brain needs about 20 min to chill, if It's not triggered, so It's better to be left alone and just go mad a little until brain will have enough haha. Have a good cry, listen to some music, have a lonely walk, write my feelings down etc.

I like to listen to Teal Swan on youtube. She's a spiritual teacher. I know, It might not sound encouragingly, but she actually seems very down to earth. She has a video about like, every emotion and every problem ever. She's very good in naming feelings, rationalizing them and It makes you feel more understood. And It calms me down as result. ASMR doesn't work for me, but I remember that at some point I liked to listen to sounds of the nature, like rain, waves etc + guided meditation to fall asleep.

Music always helps in general - listening, playing guitar, singing. I also like to take an oil and do a face massage. I'm really sorry if I sound like an instagram influencer 🤢, but when you feel bad for a longer time, you frown and there is a tention in your jaw, it can be really relieving. I follow instructional videos on yt.

When I have a longer period of going into downward spiral, then every way to distract my brain is good - TV shows, internet content that is not related to my life situation (although, sometimes It's good to distance yourself from social media), for example, I like criminal podcasts, cause they are occupying enough to distract a miserable brain, meeting somebody, going to a place I've never been before. + any kind of shedule, reason to leave the house, any goal, anything positive to look forward to and having even the simplest things done, is a blessing (even if sometimes It's the last thing I wanna do). I also tend to be much sadder in the evening, so I just go to sleep. When nothing works, then It's time for the professional help.

10. Do you have a favourite holiday memory?

Discovering Cocteau Twins.

Best regards if u actually read all that chatter, but those questions were so interesting, that I couldn't limit myself to one sentence answer (in most cases).

My questions are:

1. Who or what was the most influential for your music taste?

2. If you could time travel, where and when would you like to go first?

3. If you could be someone from an opposite gender for a day, how would you like to look like and what would you do?

4. Do you have a style icon/inspiration? Or a favourite designer? Desribe your dream clothing style

5. What's the song by a band/artist from your country that you could recommend? (From your hometown or state eventually)

6. What is the most rebellious thing you've ever done?

7. Has ever something in your life happened, that you coudn't explain with logic?

8. What 5 objects someone could use to summon you?

9. What is your favourite name from your culture's language? And outside your culture's language?

10. What's a song you normally wouldn't admit you like or different from music that you usually listen, but still enjoy?

I tag: @winterdryad @bowiepop @nightmare @confusion-in-the-sea-of-sorrow @l0w-budget @numberoneblind @mirandasinclairs @mysticbride @leperwitch @comeacrossthedesertnoshoeson @hexafu @mielmelancolie @arcane-delight

[goldbscurity]

So my last post here was on 12th Feb 2018.

Today is 14th Feb 2021, it's been 3 years.

Let me leave another digital footprint about where I've been, what's been happening, my life updates, and how many dark days I've successfully past to be here hahahaha

1. I'm 24. Well technically about to be 25 this year but hey, still 10 more months let me not think about becoming a quarter of decade first, ok?!

2. I've fucking graduated! Hahahaha yeah I have a BS now, B.Sc for sure. Bachelor of Science. On 2019. Finally huh? Twas some roller coaster of uni life. I kinda missing it now tho🙄

3. Currently working, on my second job!

Gotta say I'm lucky, blessed, whatever but clearly lucky enough to found a job right after I started looking for one, which is 2 months after the graduation ceremony. It wasn't a glamorous job at all, but I loved it. And I love my job now as well. I can say it's my life, my whole life😂😂 as maybe I can predict ever since I'm a child that I'll grow up into a workaholic kind of person lol #capricorn at its best quality ✨✨ And hey, I'm doing pretty great! Career ladder wise, salary ladder wise, I'm doing okay. Of course my current salary is far from my ideal salary if count based on my education background, my vision board and my stuck up personality, but anyway all good all great, considering I'm now living in the middle of a pandemic.

4. Yeah right, I should've mentioned this on the first update. It's pandemic year!!!! Corona now ru(i)ns the world, est.2020. Crazy, crazy year. People working from home, people got laid off, people got sick and dead, the world turns upside down. But let's be grateful that we all still alive and thriving and still have tomorrow to looking forward.

5. I'm still friends with my best friend, and I still like them as much as I like my dog or well I like them more and more every day ngl I love em and I feel lucky grateful to find em🥺🥺

6. I see the reason I started this tumblr initially was for me, a cold hearted, heartless, emotionless, denial-lover, avoidant person to LEARN to pour out my emotions for the sake of the mental health and to recover from...uhm, brokenheart hahah🙄 I see the last time I post here I said I've moved on but let me tell you that I still sometimes missed him and there was this never ending curiousity of what could've happened and what went wrong.

Now, 3 years later, let me tell you that I am now has been Ex-Free for a whole good year!!!!!!!! ✨✨✨✨ I think it's all started in the middle of 2019 and it continues til now.

I even met someone last year that I instantly feel connected (well, idk the other end I'm not responsible for their feelings) let's we all hope that this will end well, shall we? Because I really like him

See, it's a LOT OF WORK AND OBSTACLES I'VE OVERCAME to finally being an individual who recognises its own feelings and being okay with it. Proud of me💐

7. It's not all rainbows and sunshine, there were lots of bad days, especially those near my period days.

Called it PMDD, I now become very close with that bitch. Definitely has a strong effect on me, makes me 100x bitchier than usual. Not only that, but some times also kick me right at the gut and throw me into the deepest hole very near with borderline depression. But that's another story to tell. The last few months has been good tho, the symptoms is no longer worse maybe except this month lmao.

I started to think whenever I overworked myself, put myself in the middle of a very packed schedule with a messy sleeping pattern and unhealthy food, the symptoms will only getting worse. So I guess my homework is to balance it all out. No big deal..

8. Last but not least, I lost a couple of friends/aunties/grandpa this last 3 years.

Started in 2019, on April, suddenly a friend of mine from the secondary school died from lung cancer (may he rest in peace, we all really sorry for being such a jerk). Pretty shocking, kind of throw me off.

And then another friend suddenly got sick and he died on August, literally 2 weeks after we visited him in the hospital. Bone cancer. This one friend was closer to me, his house even just a couple metres away from mine. Last fun we had was when we were on a small reunion and he picked me up, and on the way home he told me and my other friend that his legs occasionally felt numb and weak. We joked that it was the age factor hahahah we had no idea that it was actually cancer. It was on May, if I'm not mistaken. We knew he had cancer by June/July. Consider him as a good friend, good human. Yeah anyway, his death literally surprised me and I was really really sad. Well, fella, I hope you both found a safe place in heaven and continuously play your music for God just like you did on your time on earth. We love you both, we will never forget you.

Lastly, my grandpa died on September 2020. Also two or three weeks after I visit him? Couldn't remember. Haven't paid a visit to his grave since it's pandemic season, I can only watch virtually the moment he was on the casket and buried. Hope you'll always watching us and guide us, grandpa!

Oh wait I hate to end my story with a sad shit, so...yeah just.......maybe........wish me luck with this...new person... I've found.... attractive..........cs I really...like him........hahahahhahahahahahahahahaha I'm soooo cheesy buh bye